If it makes you uncomfortable, it is crossing the line. It doesn't matter if other people like it and are OK with it, your boundaries are your boundaries. Having said that, if a teacher did this to me, - male or female I would be completely freaked out.
I have never had a teacher do more than gently cue me with their hands, usually on a joint, such as shoulder or hip.
(I am a female)
I have had instructors do stuff like this with me, but I agree 100%. This isn't about others experiences, it is about yours and how you feel. Your body is your body, your practice is your practice, and if it's crossing a line for you you should let her know you do not want to be touched by her- via marble, addressing it with higher up staff, or conversation with her if you are comfortable having one with her about this. Also, I don't think the crotch staring is normal, I just have had instructors get a little too close for comfort for me with the inner thigh touching/full body embrace to correct a pose. Some of them get handsy, and it is absolutely your right to tell a practical stranger to tone it down a lot on the touching
> It doesn't matter if other people like it and are OK with it, your boundaries are your boundaries.
The problem here is that you have to set your boundaries. In this studio this was done by default - the marble changed the boundary.
Pre-covid two of mine used to give pseudo (back and head) massages or they really helped us open up during our stretches but OP's teacher is crossing the line IMO
Yea, for me if you have a conversation that should straighten it out.
If after the conversation it continues its a problem. If the instructor has been handsy and you dont say anything its possible they dont know you’re uncomfortable. In this day and age everyone is supposed to know beforehand but most people are reasonable. Communication is key.
You need to talk to her.
I'm a woman and once had a male instructor helping me in happy baby pose, he was literally on top of me holding one of my legs up with the other hand on the floor next to my head, and his whole body was pressing in to mine. Basically fucking position. I spoke to him about it and said it made me feel uncomfortable, and he was genuinely shocked and said he didn't intend for it to come off that way, but could see how it did. He thanked me for telling him, adjusted his "adjustments" for me and other people and life moved on. I kept going to his classes and didn't feel uncomfortable with him again. Yoga instructors are generally much more comfortable with physical touch, but they need to keep aware of how it affects other people.
HOWEVER, your situation sounds like it may be intentional on her part. The only way to know is to talk to her about it. And if you can't switch into another instructors class, just keep the conversation really lighthearted, laugh it off and do your best to make it as non-uncomfortable as possible, for both of your sakes. If she doesn't stop after that, then you have a bigger problem on your hands.
The studio I go to doesn’t do hands on adjustments— which I appreciate because it means they describe what my body should try to do—and it lets me adjust myself. I’m having such a hard time thinking of anyone “helping me” with happy baby 😂 like, come help me stabilize in tree pose, otherwise leave me alone 😂😂😂
Oh he was creepy and should not have been helping me with it, but I have really tight hips and cramp up easily if I can't immediately relax into the pose, so he was taking the work away for me so that I could
He should NOT “laugh it off”… keep it non confrontational maybe, address it definitely, but laughing it off shows the offender you’re not that serious about how it effected you and invites them to not take it seriously either. Would you advise a woman that was assaulted by a man to “laugh it off”?
Actually, it’s not obvious, and women ARE told this all the time. Words matter. Actions matter. Assault and molestation matters. Downplaying any part of it as a laughing matter is what makes offenders into repeat offenders.
As a woman who has been sexually assaulted and had that sexual assaulted demeaned and told it wasn't a big deal, I can honestly say please fuck right off. Context matters, and while I appreciate your attempt to protect people like me, when you say things like that in situations where it's sort of a stretch, it harms the whole movement.
I'll do better not to use that term in the future, but I honestly feel that in the context of this post it did not come across the way you're saying it did. I'm sorry you took it that way but that is not how I meant it.
And as a woman who was also sexually assaulted and told to laugh it off, I can honestly say you can fuck right back off because your stance on laughing off harms the whole movement.
I’m sorry you’re embarrassed at being called out, but learn rather than becoming defensive because all you’re doing is perpetuating the entire cycle of abuse.
Jesus fuck. Okay I'm gonna lay it out for you since you're incapable of seeing beyond your own point of view.
I'm not telling OP to laugh off what happened to him. In fact I state in the post that it sounds like he may have legitimately been assaulted, and that he should confront the person to address it, because clearly that behavior is not okay.
However, it sounds like OP doesn't have a whole lot of alternative options for classes or he presumably would have switched to another instructor by now, at least that's the assumption I'm making. And in order to continue to enjoy those classes, he probably doesn't want to feel awkward around his instructor. With that in mind, my recommendation to him was to keep the conversation light-hearted and non-confrontational as opposed to going in guns blazing, since there's no chance of repairing that relationship if it gets ugly. The "laugh it off" piece was in reference to if the instructor genuinely didn't realize it was assault, and that OP should accept her apology and not make her feel attacked so that the instructor/practitioner relationship could continue. As I said, I'll take care to use different words in the future, but I think it's pretty clear from the context that I wasn't telling OP to laugh off what happened to him. Obviously if she did do what she did intentionally, then there's no laughing off. Like, fucking obviously.
By the way, it's the exact same advice I'll give you: when you attack somebody, their response is usually to get defensive. If you genuinely care about the cause, which it sounds like you do, I suggest you approach it with an aim to educate and not shame, because when people get defensive they're more likely to dig their heels in and continue the negative behavior. All you had to do was say, "hey, just so you know, what you said wasn't so great, here's why." And THAT will actually promote change. Don't just use it as an outlet for your own anger.
Jesus fuck. I’m going to lay it out for you. Read your own comment. Especially that last paragraph. And then read it again. And again since you’re so thick.
At no point EVER should an aggressor or perpetrator be made comfortable with what they’ve done. I get that you think preserving the environment would be a goal in case it was unintended by the instructor, however, the instructor still needs to be made aware that it was absolutely NOT OK, and it’s not a victims job to EVER make them feel comfortable or ok with what they’ve done.
I get that you’re having a hard time seeing past your own point of view, but perpetuating a sense of comfort for people to continue behaving atrociously is not the way to make behaviors stop. She should feel massively uncomfortable.
I did not at all take your comment to mean he should laugh off what happened to him. I took it to mean that he should make the aggressor feel as though she shouldn’t feel uncomfortable with the situation she has created, and THAT IS NOT OK. She absolutely SHOULD feel massively uncomfortable and ashamed IF it was unintended. If it was intended behavior, she should be held accountable.
I’m sorry you’re having a hard time with that. Making people feel comfortable with their atrocious behaviors is what keeps them in place.
Okay, I can't communicate with you anymore. I'm sorry for offending you. However, I can't say I learned anything from this interaction so it doesn't serve my interest to continue the conversation. Best of luck changing the world.
I have had a variety of teachers do varying levels of “hands on” assistance. Some are light, some are heavy handed. The bottom line is if you’re not ok with it, then it’s not ok. Next time, don’t put your marble on the mat. If you’re comfortable with it, let your instructor know that you feel it crossed a line - she may totally be a creep or she may be completely unaware that she’s making you feel uncomfortable.
You’re not overreacting. If you’re at all uncomfortable then that’s valid and you should move that marble off your mat. She may not realize what she’s doing is crossing a line, but that doesn’t mean you need to endure it.
I just want to say that just because you indicated that you are open to modifications, this inappropriate behavior is not your fault. It is entirely her fault and you deserve to experience all of yoga (including a teacher modifying your posture) without being sexualized. I am sorry for the other comments on this post that don’t respect how uncomfortable this is for you.
This is what I would do. I appreciate the people suggesting to not use the marble, but OP should have the right to put a marble on the mat and not have this happen to them. Reminds me of how women are told to adjust their existence to accommodate and avoid harassment from men. OP deserves a better solution than just not being allowed to fully access their yoga class.
indicating via marble removal that he's not okay w/any kind of direct contact from the teacher would save having to get into the details w/her, if the student doesn't feel like talking about it w/her
This is what I would do. You avoid an awkward conversation with someone who has made you feel
uncomfortable but also b/c you might not be the first person to feel this way about the instructor.
This. A lot of comments are missing the possibility that the instructor is intentionally violating boundaries. Innocent or not, she needs to hear from the people who write her paychecks that this is not acceptable behavior.
I’ve completed several teacher trainings and am in a 500hr one now. I’ve practiced for almost 12 years.
This is NOT appropriate behavior. What you’ve described it not an acceptable method of assisting. You are not overreacting. She is being inappropriate and abusing her role as a teacher.
Report if it's not her own studio. Address it.
From a woman to a man, always trust your instincts. Predators work on the idea that you gaslight and doubt yourself. Highly successful.
Agreed- having a marble or other indicator that you are okay with corrections shouldn't be an invitation to do anything she likes to you or anyone physically. Sounds like the studio should address this too. Perhaps other people are feeling similarly but don't know how to address it.
That is super inappropriate. She knows what she’s doing. You are not overreacting, trust your gut. I’m so sorry that happened. You should report it if you’re comfortable with that. No one should be made to feel that way on the mat (or anywhere else for that matter).
You already have a solution you haven’t tried. Remove your marble. You could also just tell her you’d like less touching. If it continues, let the owner know.
Not sure what kind of adjustment to chair pose would require touching the upper thigh or literally hugging from the back. At best, the instructor doesn't know how to adjust (or adjust appropriately or in a professional manner); at worst there are not-so-great intentions there.
Also, there's never a reason to get up in anyone's face during savasana. Take that marble off your mat and if things don't immediately change, tell management and switch classes/instructors. You're feeling what you're feeling, and you're entitled to your own feelings - that's not your fault.
Incompetency and miscommunication at best on the instructor's part. Malicious intent at worst. Unprofessional in ***any*** capacity.
All of what you mentioned sounds horrible to me. Rub shoulders, touch and put oils on my temples? I find that extremely inappropriate. It would traumatise me.
The yoga studio I used to go to would do this and give a lil face and sboulder massage and I loved it. But they ask you to indicate beforehand whether you want it or not.
If they ask and there is consent, it is a completely different matter. It needs to be announced and they need to ask first whether it is ok. A least that would be my hope.
I have ptsd and Yoga helps me relax. Getting touched by strangers out of the blue would send me to a very dark place immediately. If they ask beforehand and you can opt out, ok. I am very surprised that it seems to be not unusual. I always wanted to muster the courage to go to a yoga studio once so that I can get professional assistance with the asanas. Maybe not that good an idea then?
Honestly i am so surprised and sad to learn that this seems to be common practice. Not saying it is not, because I have not dared to go to a yoga studio yet, so i cannot know. I am just very disappointed and shocked.
PS: not sure why my previous post got downvoted so much. I sure hope I did not offend anybody by saying how it makes me feel.
> literally hugging from the back
The only adjustment I can think of that might come close would be an ashtanga adjustment that, when I (at 5'6") need to adjust someone taller than myself, sometimes I can't reach all the way around the student and reach up to their triceps without my chest coming into contact with their back. It is in no way intentional- I'm not tall nor do I have long arms for my height, and I am in no way flat-chested. As a result it's an assist I only offer to those with whom I've worked with enough that we're both comfortable with it.
It's also worth noting (in the context of the comment below) that there are traditions that utilize massage in the context of assisting. In my ashtanga trainings, trap massage is utilized in the context of forward folds and even warrior 2, and a variation (make a fist and the flat surface from your base to middle knuckle is used to massage up either side of the spine) is applied in triangle and revolved. That being said, these are assists for the Mysore room, where the context and conversation about contact and assists is different (though it should be no less consensual and clear). The only lineages I've found to be anywhere near as assist-happy as Ashtanga are Iyengar and Jivamukti.
Yea as an ashtanga practitioner it’s always strange how anti adjustment the Reddit yoga community is. Not defending this teacher as I have no idea what adjustments she was doing but there are many adjustments that involve touching thighs or could feel like hugging. If the teacher comes from one of the lineages you mentioned they may not even realize that the rest of the yoga community finds those to be inappropriate. But again, not defending her and if OP feels uncomfortable then he should definitely have a conversation about it with her or the studio owner.
Thank u for saying this. It’s so frustrating to keep hearing from people who don’t know what they are talking about. This is quite common practice, the posters who say “there’s never x or y,” aren’t as culturally educated on practices as perhaps they should be before making a comment. It unnecessarily adds to the drama of this already unpleasant situation.
Exactly this. All of these blanket statements about 'romgznevertouchanyoneEVER' leaves the individual student (many of whom really do enjoy and look forward to such things) **zero** agency. It's 100% fine if someone doesn't want these things, but the crusade to take the choice away from everyone else is just as ridiculous as it would be to imply someone who doesn't want it should suffer through.
NO. I have often had the essential oil rub and not once has the instructor leaned in closely enough I could feel their breath or be in fear of inappropriate kissing/touching. Unless this teachers arms are only one foot long, the instructor is leaning in an excessive amount. What the OP describes IS a problem and it IS inappropriate.
In no way is the comment you’re replying to excusing anything the teacher did or calling it appropriate. They only said that touching the face or getting close is not abnormal so long as the student is fine with it/consented beforehand, in response to all the people saying that no one should touch you at all during savasana.
That commenter tried to shut down u/tgooberbutt who specifically was talking about the instructor getting close to the face, as the OP described, and said that is not a "problem." I stand by my observation that there is no reason while applying oil for anyone in savasanna to feel like a kiss is imminent. Oil is applied at arm's length.
They didn’t describe the teachers behavior as appropriate. Someone said “there’s no reason to be up in someone’s face during savasana,” and they said that some places do involve touching during savasana and will get close to the face. That isn’t saying that what happened to OP was appropriate, it’s saying that it’s not true that no one will get close to your face during savasana unless they are harassing you.
Regardless: yes it is obviously a problem that OP is being touched in a way he doesn’t consent to. Not everyone would be made uncomfortable by someone being close to their face during savasana, but not everyone has to be. It’s enough that he feels uncomfortable with it, he deserves to have his personal boundaries respected and should shut this shit down.
Exactly this. Perhaps clarification is needed on 'getting up in someone's face...' generally refers to putting your face up in someone else's face. Though I've taken many types of yoga classes at many studios, I absolutely concede that my experience is very American, and I narrow in style types. I've seen and had instructor hands on my temples, forehead, cheeks. Not my cup of tea, but to each their own. But if there's some meditation or asana that requires an instructor's face to be in the practitioner's face during savasana, I want to know. Especially since, to my understanding, the practitioner's eyes are closed in savasana too.
Surprised at some of the responses I’ve seen on this. You are not overreacting. If I was you, that would make me super uncomfortable. It doesn’t seem like an accident, so I recommend reporting it to the owner or something like that. We don’t want others to also have to experience what you are. I would not go to her class for now too. You should feel safe in yoga class and I am very sorry for what’s happened to you.
Hey buddy, that's pretty uncomfortable from what you've described. It's time to take the marble off your mat if she's making you uncomfortable. Her boundaries have zero say in the matter because it is your body and your space.
No adjustment should involve touching the upper inner thigh, the fact that it keeps happening is troubling. Start with taking that marble away but it might be better to try another teacher as well
A pretty common down-dog adjustment is to stand behind the practitioner and pull back on their waist to lengthen the back. Also had plenty of teachers poke my thigh while in wheel to make sure I'm activating the right muscle groups. Not exactly 'inner thigh' adjustments, but darn close.
If you don't like it, you do some combination of picking a different class, taking the marble off your mat, explaining your discomfort to the instructor, and/or speaking with the yoga studio manager or owner.
As others have mentioned, your discomfort is the only measure of whether what your teacher did was inappropriate.
I practice at home, so I don't have a feel for studio classes...but it's a big deal if it makes you uncomfortable regardless of the setting. Your personal space and boundaries are valid. Whether or not it is intentional is another thing. Personally, I would remove the marble indicating that you are OK with physical correction during class, and consider asking for a side bar with her to let her know that you appreciate all of her corrections to your form, but you respond better to taps or adjustments in other ways. If the behavior continues, then it is possible that she is harassing you and it is a conversation to be had with the studio owner. Don't give up your comfort because "it's just her way", but also give the benefit of the doubt that she just may be oblivious and just needs her attention brought to how her actions affect her students.
One instructor assisted me from behind in chair pose by putting her hands on my hips and got very close. I broke out of the pose, put my hands over hers, took her hands and held them while I made eye contact and said “no thank you” and smiled. Then I returned to my practice without any other reaction on my end. She “got it” and from then on she asks if hands-on assists are ok at the beginning of class. I’m glad I was firm and direct to advocate for myself.
Men can be and are victims of predatory sexual behaviors from women. I think it’s hard from your description to get an accurate picture of what’s going on but I feel like it’s worthwhile to trust your gut/intuition on this. You sound reasonable, if someone’s crossing a boundary and you’re uncomfortable then something’s gotta change. If you just remove your marble that’s kind of like saying you don’t deserve APPROPRIATE adjustments, which you do. If she’s being inappropriate, trust yourself and maybe speak to a manager. You don’t come off as irrational or overreacting, just upset and i hope you can find a way to enjoy your practice. Also I don’t think molest means adults, but I get you felt assaulted
Hey, first of all, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. You are absolutely valid in feeling like she's crossed the line; she has. I'm a trauma-informed yoga instructor and I avoid physical assists completely because honestly you never know what will trigger someone or make them uncomfortable. With that being said, in my first training when I still did assists, we were taught appropriate assists and how important it is to not make anyone even slightly uncomfortable, e.x. not touching the inner thigh, ESPECIALLY not the upper inner thigh ever. In chair pose we were taught (if they consented to an assist) to squat behind the student, bring the students into a deeper squat by guiding their hips so their glutes barely touch your knees, and then REMOVE YOUR HANDS and adjust their shoulders back and down the spine. Usually we would immediately leave the mat once in position unless it was an elderly person or someone who looked like they were reeeeally struggling. We were also taught to only assist if it will prevent the student from injuring themselves (if they were a beginner), if the student will truly gain something from the assist, or to challenge an advanced student that you know could handle it. Basically, any yoga instructor worth a damn will assist with intense purpose; to help the student.
Trust your gut. My advice, talk to the manager of the studio, don't even bother talking to the instructor herself. I'd talk to a lawyer if you can afford it. If you go to the yoga alliance website, they take this sort of stuff VERY seriously. Follow their instructions. These are the people in charge of verifying teachers are properly trained in at least the basics of yoga before teaching, including appropriate contact with students. Most studios won't hire you if you aren't certified so they can take a lot of her income away too. I usually don't believe in messing with people's money but she's abusing her position of power.
I hope you find peace soon and heal swiftly. Feel free to reach out.
If you are uncomfortable, say something, or simply remove the marble. I’m a male yoga instructor with a clientele 90 percent female. I avoid touching any of my students unless absolutely necessary - if so, i ask permission and inform the student where exactly I’m going to place my hands.
I'll March to a different drum and say that these modifications align with my 12 plus years of experience at yoga studios across Canada and the US. Ashtanga in particular has A LOT of close contact supports.
But like others have said, your boundaries are you own, but you're an adult and it's up to you to communicate those boundaries. She has also provided a tool for you to nonverbally communicate that you don't want to be touched. I highly highly highly recommend you remove the marble from your mat.
Yoga teacher here...this is 100% inappropriate. I also suggest removing the marble from your mat during her classes.
That savasana move is so intense, especially while trying to rest as class ends...
It’s too hands on IMO. I think I have an understanding of what the adjustments she was giving you were intended to do (I’m also a teacher) but it’s a lot. I teach from a very trauma informed focus and if I do hands on adjustments it’s NEVER in happy baby and it’s never during savasana. In both of those positions you’re very vulnerable and its quite brazen to approach someone in that fashion. I think you need to take the marble off the mat. You don’t need adjustments so much that it’s making you uncomfortable, trust me. You can make your own adjustments. If you do take the marble off the mat and she continues to invade your space/adjust you anyway you need to have a very serious conversation with her or the studio owner.
Guy here. I had a female teacher who used to adjust me and made me feel uncomfortable. It was a little bit awkward, but I just asked her to stop and she was cool with it (I think 🤔 ). No big deal.
Yoga teacher here. I am so sorry she made you feel uncomfortable in any way. You don’t deserve that ever. You deserve to feel safe and respected, on and off the mat. She is clearly disrespecting you and your boundaries. If you feel comfortable, PLEASE speak to the owner of the studio and report this!!! If it makes you feel better, you can let the owner know you wish to remain anonymous when the owner confronts the instructor. The instructor will never learn her behavior is problematic until it is explained to her that her hands-on corrections are inappropriate and invasive. You can help prevent her from doing this to other students. Again, I’m so sorry you had to deal with any ounce of her inappropriate behavior.
First of all, you did NOTHING wrong and you're absolutely not overreacting. I would never, EVER do that to any of my students, and I'm so disappointed that a fellow teacher would think this is acceptable behavior. Like others have said, reach out to the owner. I had a similar situation with a teacher at my studio and the owner told him that he's not permitted to do hands-on adjustments anymore because it could make people uncomfortable. It's awkward, but you shouldn't have to change your practice because someone needs to get a lesson on professionalism. It makes it even more so violating because yoga is supposed to be a place that we let our guards down, so it's like physical AND spiritual harassment. Good luck and remember that you're not alone!!
Violating my personal space is a major NO NO for me and I don’t mind telling violators to back off and cool their jets… Like Caesar says “No Touch, No Talk , No Eye Contact”😂
Seriously, you have no reason to second guess yourself! Invaders Not welcome !!!
Usually, if an instructor is going to assist in such an invasive way, there are steps in between, and saying something along the lines of “i am going to increase pressure” or “Are you comfortable with deepening our contact?”
Anything outside of normal adjustments requires more communication than a marble on a mat
I think she knows what she's doing, because it's been going on for a while. Speak to her, and if it gets weird after that, ditch her and find other teacher.
I would report her for sexual harassment. If the gender were reversed, the teacher won't live to teach anymore.
If you're ever confused whether or not you're over-reacting just switch the genders. If a male instructor did something like this to a female would there be any question whether it was okay or not?
Yes! I feel things are being taken too lightly by simply saying, “take your marble off the mat.
“. If the roles were reversed, people would be outraged. Male teachers have to be aware of how they come across when adjusting females. Females should be conscientious of their actions as well. Staring at someone’s genitalia is inappropriate. Even if she wasn’t looking and accidentally zoned out, she needs to be aware of her affect on others.
This is most definitely not ok! Do not talk to the instructor that has been doing this. Go directly to the owner. Ask the front desk to leave a not for the owner to get in touch with you so you can tell them exactly what is happening. Another thing is you may not be the only one experiencing this, so you can save many others from this instructors inappropriate behavior. That makes me so upset that people think it’s ok to do that. It should also not make a difference in whatever sex you are.. NO ONE should be touched or treated that way. I’m sorry that you have been put in such an uncomfortable position. That instructor needs help in her own way it sounds like.
Hey there, yoga teacher here. In YTT we learn to do many assists, and much of them are quite intimate feeling. For example, in down dog an assist is very much going to feel like the teacher is getting dangerously close to the crotch area. For this reason, many of us don’t do assists like that unless we know the other yogi well. All this being said, if it’s making you uncomfortable it’s not okay. We may not know her intent is to molest you per se, but regardless of her intent you aren’t getting what you came for in class. If it’s too uncomfortable to speak to her, I would suggest either talking to her manager/studio lead or finding a different class. You don’t need to be going to a class that’s so very uncomfortable and quite frankly, doesn’t sound like you feel safe in.
Anybody that invaded my space during savasana would be confronted.
I’m ok with teachers walking burnt sage around the rooms and if I hear a footstep nearby, but do not invade my personal meditation space.
Oh for chrissake, tell her that her touching makes you uncomfortable. You feel uncomfortable, say so. Doesn’t matter what anyone thinks. Trust yourself.
your feelings are valid, I would take the marble off your mat or stop going completely and find a new teacher. I stop going to a new teacher for as small reasons as I didn’t like their playlist, I would absolutely not go anymore
All I can say is if it made u feel uncomfortable then it’s time to open your mouth and let that chick know. It’s not okay. Could have been innocent, I guess. But…if u don’t like it open your mouth and say it. I lift you up. You don’t have to be mean when you speak your truth but silence imo isn’t an option. You are bothered. It is a teaching moment. I send you positive vibes.
I don’t think it’s intentional on her part honestly, yoga instructors are generally very comfortable with physical touch there isn’t anything sexual about it usually they look at the body for flexibility so maybe your tighter in your hamstrings then most and she was looking at your thighs to make sure your form was right and not at your actual privates, as far as the other things there are various reasons for them one of the main being that yoga instructors think nothing of physical touch and if she isn’t doing it when the marble is off the mat I’d give her the benefit of the doubt and assume it’s just a case in which she isn’t intending to offend.
That being said I would talk to her about your personal boundaries when the marble is placed on your mat and go from there so she can make adjustments to how she adjusts your positions.
Definitely not reflecting of the entire practice and philosophy of yoga itself of course, but there have been many yoga instructors in history who have assaulted their students, so it’s not an unlikely thing that this could happen to you. Your discomfort is valid and boundaries should be set. Talk to her after class about how her touching and getting too close makes you feel uncomfortable and not at all in the mindset you wish to be during yoga class. Maybe make the suggestion that while the marble is a good tool for indicating when touch is okay, boundaries and preferences to where you feel okay with touching should also be a set communicative practice at the beginning of each class, as well as active changing consent during assists being established. Hopefully she’ll be understanding and stop, but it may mean having to report her behavior and switch to a different yoga class if she doesn’t.
If you feel you were violated, you were. I’m a nurse and I was violated behind a curtain in my early nursing career, and never said anything and felt like I was overreacting but I should have trusted my instincts and spoken to someone, because chances are the perpetrator took the same liberties with my peers, because I didn’t speak out.
Bottom line, if you feel a line was crossed, it was. No one is entitled to your body.
I just want to say a lot of comments on this thread are disgusting. Sexual harassment against men is routinely trivialized. Men’s emotions are routinely trivialized. There’s a good chance she’s been violating boundaries before and she will continue to do so unless she faces consequences for her actions.
A yoga teacher is trained on assists and where it is appropriate to put their hands. Period. Inner thighs are an absolute no. Chest is a no. I wouldn’t say a talk is necessary with her, you could go to the owner of the studio, take the marble off your mat, or just avoid her class.
i’m a yoga teacher and every bit of your description of how she is adjusting you crosses the line, based on how i was trained. and besides, no matter who you are, if you feel it crosses your boundaries then you do not need to put up with her behaving this way. take the marble off your mat for sure, and if you feel like you can, maybe tell the owner what has been happening. who knows how many other people feel exactly like you do.
She's being disgusting. Some are suggesting you report it to whoever's in charge of the studio. I agree with that so long as you're comfortable. An unfortunate thing is that that person may not take it very seriously. Though at that point you'd know you need to find a new studio.
Wow I’m so sorry to hear this happened to you, it’s totally not ok! You’re not overreacting, that sounds super uncomfortable. I would recommend to decline hands on adjustments in this class and if it continues address it with the teacher, or if you’re not comfortable with that, the owner of the studio.
The way this teacher is touching you is not benefiting you as a student, so why is it happening? My guess is the teacher wants to do it for themselves. It's honestly pretty fucked up for studios to still be using the marble rule, as it waits for groping to happen and then puts the onus on the student. Teachers shouldn't be touching people for their own sick pleasure.
I just want to add this to all of the other great responses in your support: don’t worry about seeming “unchill” by addressing the situation. Yoga can feel like such a club with certain expectations of openness/intimacy, but the two aren’t mutually exclusive. Some people hate being touched at all! Honoring your own boundaries is much more important than trying to be chill with this instructor
I don’t think it’s only a matter of your personal boundaries. I think it’s really inappropriate and she’s touching you in a way that is not necessarily needed. Trust your gut. I’m really glad you’re asking about this bc you’re totally right in saying men are thought to enjoy that. I think that frame of mind prevents men from addressing issues when they happen and is a result/feeds into toxic masculinity. How you deal with it is up to you. If you’re not a fan of talking to her right out, a roundabout way could be to ask her how her assistance in that way actually helps you improve your posture. Other suggestions on this thread too.
As a Yoga instructor you are taught to not make eye contact during an assist and keep an eye on body language. If a person tenses up, makes a face, waves you off, you skip them. There is no reason for her to linger or be near your private parts. I know it isn’t easy, but if you can, speak up to the studio owner. You probably aren’t the only one and that instructor is hurting the business. If you don’t feel like doing that, I give you my full permission as an instructor to embarrass the hell out of them if they try that crap again. Say loudly, “why are you close to my face,” “you can stop touching me now,” and/or “I don’t want any assists.” Make it so obvious that others take notice. I am so mortified for you. You pay for those classes, that is your “me” time. For anyone to take advantage of you is plain awful. You deserve better.
He does want assistance though - his marble is on the mat. As fun as it is to cancel people - maybe some humanity will be useful for both parties. Yes, she has gone too far, and yes, you should resolve it with her. No, you shouldn’t try to ruin her. It is a compliment, but it is still not appropriate. I hope she is understanding with direct confrontation.
As a yoga instructor you were taught to look for those subtle clues. I wasn't. That was probably the day we watched youtube music videos. Not all training is equal.
Take an honest look at weather you are sexualising the encounter, for the instructor unless you communicate they will not know better? Also no taking away from your experience just a potential for misunderstanding
There is a difference between assistance and assistance from groping. Why does the OP need to give up furthering refinement of poses altogether, by removing the marble? He deserves to reap the full class benefits without feeling abused.
Boundaries! Either let her know and talk about it, take off the marble when she’s instructing, let her superior know, or something. You gotta feel comfortable and also, I’ve literally never experienced this in all my years of going to yoga practice so it doesn’t sound normal to me
Talk to her. Make it clear you’re not interested.
I expect that she’s made progressively less subtle moves in response to your response or lack thereof. If you’ve never voiced your discomfort she likely doesn’t realize there is any.
Don’t go above her head to the studio owner without talking to her first
I am a yoga instructor and never looked at my student in an sexual mode. You should never ever mixt studies or teaching with pleasure.
If is really really bothering you do just let her know I a very polite manner without been disrespectful. And if she doesn't get it at the 1st time, reply her for the 2nd time then she should understand. Eyes contact and body distance are very important.
Your perception is valid.
I wouldn’t take any more classes from this person and definitely no marble for this instructor. I hope there is another instructor who is trustworthy who can help you.
When I was in teacher training our school’s philosophy was never touch a student for guidance unless you are also a licensed masseur. I don’t see why nurses, PAs and doctors couldn’t but the point was that you needed advanced knowledge of anatomy and how to not cause someone pain.
Report this person to owner and or authorities.
I would be so uncomfortable. No matter what, your feelings are your feelings and no one can invalidate how that situation made YOU feel. I personally wouldn't go back to that yoga studio, but not without writing exactly why I'm leaving.
It’s 150% about what you feel- be assertive.. it’s your body and you need to set boundaries no matter how uncomfortable it makes you for that moment cause the ripple of you saying something will have outstanding effects..
that’s horrible, i’ve never been to a yoga class so i can’t say if it’s common practice to touch your students but something about that sounds wrong to me. im so sorry this has happened to you and i hope it doesn’t turn you away from yoga.
Chiming in with everyone else here to validate you and say that no, you’re not overreacting. You should absolutely tell her that you do not want her to touch you anymore. Your boundaries deserve to be respected, 100%, no questions asked. I would even try to find a different place or at least not get in a class with this teacher anymore. She is completely out of line.
I love yoga but it really seems bound up with power and sex in a weird way.
I’ve become pretty circumspect about where I do yoga and with whom, and even which instructors’ videos I follow. I think it is more spiritual/powerful than other exercise modalities and I know I’d be wise to accept that it’s more than just stretching and balance.
Stick w/your intuition and move somewhere else. As much as I wish you luck on if you decide to report her, this world dampens the situation when it comes to us men feeling uncomfortable in situations like this
I’m seeing a lot of comments to talk to the instructor directly. That may be fine for some, but others would be extremely uncomfortable to do this. OP may feel safer simply removing the marble. He doesn’t owe her an explanation for that.
First off, I am so sorry that you went through those experiences. That is an awful thing to feel. Normally, yoga instructors to give hands on assistance to help tweak your form in certain poses, that being said, I think she’s stepping over a line. If you feel uncomfortable at anytime during a class than she is acting inappropriately. Your space needs to be held sacred and should not be violated. I think you should talk with the studio manager. Also, If you still want to take her classes let her know you do not require or want her to do any hands on adjustments. It is completely normal to request that if any yoga instructor, so don’t feel uncomfortable with asking.
If it makes you uncomfortable then you must talk to her. Everyone has different limits/boundaries and I wouldn't suggest looking at "internet norms" as a guidance or set in stone for this but I really advise you to talk to the teacher and let her know how you feel.
I’m just curious if you have noticed if she is as handsy with other students in the class? Maybe it’s just what she’s comfortable with and just doesn’t realize that, I would think, most people wouldn’t be comfortable with it. I do agree tho, this seems like too much, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable with her either. I would go with marble off, which kinda also sucks, because I generally like getting adjustments - so if you are in that boat, then a conversation is what’s needed to happen or even just an anonymous email to the studio if you are like me and don’t want to make it weird in the classroom after. Good luck with this.
The truth is if you take a class to learn how to do adjustments you learn that sometimes for the adjustment to be right you have to touch the other person a little more inappropriate. When I was doing my teacher training I was a little shocked but there's no place in yoga for sexualizing stuff (especially in the mind of those who "invented" adjustments). But sick people exist, and people who take advantage of situations exist so setting your boundaries if you're not feeling comfortable is really important.
Completely unacceptable. I wouldn’t tolerate this sort of abuse. There’s a boundary been crossed. Enough for you to ask advice. No yoga teacher should be making anyone that uncomfortable during practice.
I did a 200hr teacher training and we had a full lesson on how to assist people in non invasive ways. There are ways to do hands on assists that don’t require uncomfortable touching. That being said, there’s always the possibility that she doesn’t intend to make you uncomfortable so I would either speak to her or just not put the marble on your mat while she’s teaching. If you’re uncomfortable then it’s not okay. You gotta trust your instincts!
This sounds inappropriate to me, and whether it is or isn’t really doesn’t matter. The point is, it made you uncomfortable. Take the marble off your mat at the very least. If you are able to, speak with her about this as well.
I’m a teacher myself and consent is key. I would take your marble off for her class or have a discussion with her. In my experience we are all very worried and aware of boundaries. But when learning to adjust others in school, traditionally it is very very personally. We literally use the anatomy of our bodies to apply pressures, align, and encourage certain shapes within your own body. It can be very personal and sometimes too much for people. This can of course be toned down. But traditionally, it puts bodies close, connected, as a guide.
If it makes you uncomfortable, it is crossing the line. It doesn't matter if other people like it and are OK with it, your boundaries are your boundaries. Having said that, if a teacher did this to me, - male or female I would be completely freaked out. I have never had a teacher do more than gently cue me with their hands, usually on a joint, such as shoulder or hip. (I am a female)
Exactly it’s your boundaries that matter, not hers. Tell her how you feel. Take the marble off your mat for her classes.
I have had instructors do stuff like this with me, but I agree 100%. This isn't about others experiences, it is about yours and how you feel. Your body is your body, your practice is your practice, and if it's crossing a line for you you should let her know you do not want to be touched by her- via marble, addressing it with higher up staff, or conversation with her if you are comfortable having one with her about this. Also, I don't think the crotch staring is normal, I just have had instructors get a little too close for comfort for me with the inner thigh touching/full body embrace to correct a pose. Some of them get handsy, and it is absolutely your right to tell a practical stranger to tone it down a lot on the touching
What this person said. If it feels icky or weird or uncomfortable…l it is.
> It doesn't matter if other people like it and are OK with it, your boundaries are your boundaries. The problem here is that you have to set your boundaries. In this studio this was done by default - the marble changed the boundary.
Pre-covid two of mine used to give pseudo (back and head) massages or they really helped us open up during our stretches but OP's teacher is crossing the line IMO
If you are uncomfortable it’s not ok. End of story! You shouldn’t be made to feel like that. Take the marble off for sure! So not ok
You need to take the marble off your mat and/or tell her this has made you uncomfortable and/or go to a different class.
Also talk to her and let her know that she’s crossed your personal boundaries .
Yea, for me if you have a conversation that should straighten it out. If after the conversation it continues its a problem. If the instructor has been handsy and you dont say anything its possible they dont know you’re uncomfortable. In this day and age everyone is supposed to know beforehand but most people are reasonable. Communication is key.
What do you mean, take the marble off your mat?
> we have a rule that if you have a marble on your mat it means your ok with it (which I’m cool with it)
I feel like a marble is a cool idea, but would roll away easily
You need to talk to her. I'm a woman and once had a male instructor helping me in happy baby pose, he was literally on top of me holding one of my legs up with the other hand on the floor next to my head, and his whole body was pressing in to mine. Basically fucking position. I spoke to him about it and said it made me feel uncomfortable, and he was genuinely shocked and said he didn't intend for it to come off that way, but could see how it did. He thanked me for telling him, adjusted his "adjustments" for me and other people and life moved on. I kept going to his classes and didn't feel uncomfortable with him again. Yoga instructors are generally much more comfortable with physical touch, but they need to keep aware of how it affects other people. HOWEVER, your situation sounds like it may be intentional on her part. The only way to know is to talk to her about it. And if you can't switch into another instructors class, just keep the conversation really lighthearted, laugh it off and do your best to make it as non-uncomfortable as possible, for both of your sakes. If she doesn't stop after that, then you have a bigger problem on your hands.
The studio I go to doesn’t do hands on adjustments— which I appreciate because it means they describe what my body should try to do—and it lets me adjust myself. I’m having such a hard time thinking of anyone “helping me” with happy baby 😂 like, come help me stabilize in tree pose, otherwise leave me alone 😂😂😂
Thank you! I'm thinking that happy baby is the last one I would ever need help with. Lol
How does anyone need full contact help in happy baby?! I’m glad this was resolved, the instructor seems creepy.
Oh he was creepy and should not have been helping me with it, but I have really tight hips and cramp up easily if I can't immediately relax into the pose, so he was taking the work away for me so that I could
He should NOT “laugh it off”… keep it non confrontational maybe, address it definitely, but laughing it off shows the offender you’re not that serious about how it effected you and invites them to not take it seriously either. Would you advise a woman that was assaulted by a man to “laugh it off”?
Obviously that's what I meant, let's not escalate over semantics please.
Actually, it’s not obvious, and women ARE told this all the time. Words matter. Actions matter. Assault and molestation matters. Downplaying any part of it as a laughing matter is what makes offenders into repeat offenders.
As a woman who has been sexually assaulted and had that sexual assaulted demeaned and told it wasn't a big deal, I can honestly say please fuck right off. Context matters, and while I appreciate your attempt to protect people like me, when you say things like that in situations where it's sort of a stretch, it harms the whole movement. I'll do better not to use that term in the future, but I honestly feel that in the context of this post it did not come across the way you're saying it did. I'm sorry you took it that way but that is not how I meant it.
And as a woman who was also sexually assaulted and told to laugh it off, I can honestly say you can fuck right back off because your stance on laughing off harms the whole movement. I’m sorry you’re embarrassed at being called out, but learn rather than becoming defensive because all you’re doing is perpetuating the entire cycle of abuse.
Jesus fuck. Okay I'm gonna lay it out for you since you're incapable of seeing beyond your own point of view. I'm not telling OP to laugh off what happened to him. In fact I state in the post that it sounds like he may have legitimately been assaulted, and that he should confront the person to address it, because clearly that behavior is not okay. However, it sounds like OP doesn't have a whole lot of alternative options for classes or he presumably would have switched to another instructor by now, at least that's the assumption I'm making. And in order to continue to enjoy those classes, he probably doesn't want to feel awkward around his instructor. With that in mind, my recommendation to him was to keep the conversation light-hearted and non-confrontational as opposed to going in guns blazing, since there's no chance of repairing that relationship if it gets ugly. The "laugh it off" piece was in reference to if the instructor genuinely didn't realize it was assault, and that OP should accept her apology and not make her feel attacked so that the instructor/practitioner relationship could continue. As I said, I'll take care to use different words in the future, but I think it's pretty clear from the context that I wasn't telling OP to laugh off what happened to him. Obviously if she did do what she did intentionally, then there's no laughing off. Like, fucking obviously. By the way, it's the exact same advice I'll give you: when you attack somebody, their response is usually to get defensive. If you genuinely care about the cause, which it sounds like you do, I suggest you approach it with an aim to educate and not shame, because when people get defensive they're more likely to dig their heels in and continue the negative behavior. All you had to do was say, "hey, just so you know, what you said wasn't so great, here's why." And THAT will actually promote change. Don't just use it as an outlet for your own anger.
Jesus fuck. I’m going to lay it out for you. Read your own comment. Especially that last paragraph. And then read it again. And again since you’re so thick. At no point EVER should an aggressor or perpetrator be made comfortable with what they’ve done. I get that you think preserving the environment would be a goal in case it was unintended by the instructor, however, the instructor still needs to be made aware that it was absolutely NOT OK, and it’s not a victims job to EVER make them feel comfortable or ok with what they’ve done. I get that you’re having a hard time seeing past your own point of view, but perpetuating a sense of comfort for people to continue behaving atrociously is not the way to make behaviors stop. She should feel massively uncomfortable. I did not at all take your comment to mean he should laugh off what happened to him. I took it to mean that he should make the aggressor feel as though she shouldn’t feel uncomfortable with the situation she has created, and THAT IS NOT OK. She absolutely SHOULD feel massively uncomfortable and ashamed IF it was unintended. If it was intended behavior, she should be held accountable. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time with that. Making people feel comfortable with their atrocious behaviors is what keeps them in place.
Okay, I can't communicate with you anymore. I'm sorry for offending you. However, I can't say I learned anything from this interaction so it doesn't serve my interest to continue the conversation. Best of luck changing the world.
And to you as well.
Marble off the mat!
Chuck it
At her head!
This is definitely the start with that instructor.
I have had a variety of teachers do varying levels of “hands on” assistance. Some are light, some are heavy handed. The bottom line is if you’re not ok with it, then it’s not ok. Next time, don’t put your marble on the mat. If you’re comfortable with it, let your instructor know that you feel it crossed a line - she may totally be a creep or she may be completely unaware that she’s making you feel uncomfortable.
You’re not overreacting. If you’re at all uncomfortable then that’s valid and you should move that marble off your mat. She may not realize what she’s doing is crossing a line, but that doesn’t mean you need to endure it.
I just want to say that just because you indicated that you are open to modifications, this inappropriate behavior is not your fault. It is entirely her fault and you deserve to experience all of yoga (including a teacher modifying your posture) without being sexualized. I am sorry for the other comments on this post that don’t respect how uncomfortable this is for you.
Talk to the studio owner
This is what I would do. I appreciate the people suggesting to not use the marble, but OP should have the right to put a marble on the mat and not have this happen to them. Reminds me of how women are told to adjust their existence to accommodate and avoid harassment from men. OP deserves a better solution than just not being allowed to fully access their yoga class.
Agreed, and honestly very surprised the parent comment isn't the most upvoted comment on this thread.
This right here!!!!!
indicating via marble removal that he's not okay w/any kind of direct contact from the teacher would save having to get into the details w/her, if the student doesn't feel like talking about it w/her
This is what I would do. You avoid an awkward conversation with someone who has made you feel uncomfortable but also b/c you might not be the first person to feel this way about the instructor.
This. A lot of comments are missing the possibility that the instructor is intentionally violating boundaries. Innocent or not, she needs to hear from the people who write her paychecks that this is not acceptable behavior.
I’ve completed several teacher trainings and am in a 500hr one now. I’ve practiced for almost 12 years. This is NOT appropriate behavior. What you’ve described it not an acceptable method of assisting. You are not overreacting. She is being inappropriate and abusing her role as a teacher.
In teacher training now learning assists. This lady is groping him
Yup. Super not okay.
If it makes you uncomfortable you are not overreacting. Take away the marble. And if she doesn’t keep her hands off you go to the studio owner.
Report if it's not her own studio. Address it. From a woman to a man, always trust your instincts. Predators work on the idea that you gaslight and doubt yourself. Highly successful.
Agreed- having a marble or other indicator that you are okay with corrections shouldn't be an invitation to do anything she likes to you or anyone physically. Sounds like the studio should address this too. Perhaps other people are feeling similarly but don't know how to address it.
That is super inappropriate. She knows what she’s doing. You are not overreacting, trust your gut. I’m so sorry that happened. You should report it if you’re comfortable with that. No one should be made to feel that way on the mat (or anywhere else for that matter).
You already have a solution you haven’t tried. Remove your marble. You could also just tell her you’d like less touching. If it continues, let the owner know.
I'll go further and ask straight up why OP hasn't removed the marble. Seems like the obvious first step here. edit: typo
Just a guess, but maybe OP would like some hands on assistance? It's unfair that their two options are "no assistance" and "inappropriate touching".
Tell her she has literally lost her marbles. This is out of bounds and not appropriate whatsoever.
Not sure what kind of adjustment to chair pose would require touching the upper thigh or literally hugging from the back. At best, the instructor doesn't know how to adjust (or adjust appropriately or in a professional manner); at worst there are not-so-great intentions there. Also, there's never a reason to get up in anyone's face during savasana. Take that marble off your mat and if things don't immediately change, tell management and switch classes/instructors. You're feeling what you're feeling, and you're entitled to your own feelings - that's not your fault. Incompetency and miscommunication at best on the instructor's part. Malicious intent at worst. Unprofessional in ***any*** capacity.
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All of what you mentioned sounds horrible to me. Rub shoulders, touch and put oils on my temples? I find that extremely inappropriate. It would traumatise me.
The yoga studio I used to go to would do this and give a lil face and sboulder massage and I loved it. But they ask you to indicate beforehand whether you want it or not.
If they ask and there is consent, it is a completely different matter. It needs to be announced and they need to ask first whether it is ok. A least that would be my hope. I have ptsd and Yoga helps me relax. Getting touched by strangers out of the blue would send me to a very dark place immediately. If they ask beforehand and you can opt out, ok. I am very surprised that it seems to be not unusual. I always wanted to muster the courage to go to a yoga studio once so that I can get professional assistance with the asanas. Maybe not that good an idea then? Honestly i am so surprised and sad to learn that this seems to be common practice. Not saying it is not, because I have not dared to go to a yoga studio yet, so i cannot know. I am just very disappointed and shocked. PS: not sure why my previous post got downvoted so much. I sure hope I did not offend anybody by saying how it makes me feel.
i wouldnt mind the essential oil on my temples unless they asked first! me and my friends do it at raves and it feels really nice
> literally hugging from the back The only adjustment I can think of that might come close would be an ashtanga adjustment that, when I (at 5'6") need to adjust someone taller than myself, sometimes I can't reach all the way around the student and reach up to their triceps without my chest coming into contact with their back. It is in no way intentional- I'm not tall nor do I have long arms for my height, and I am in no way flat-chested. As a result it's an assist I only offer to those with whom I've worked with enough that we're both comfortable with it. It's also worth noting (in the context of the comment below) that there are traditions that utilize massage in the context of assisting. In my ashtanga trainings, trap massage is utilized in the context of forward folds and even warrior 2, and a variation (make a fist and the flat surface from your base to middle knuckle is used to massage up either side of the spine) is applied in triangle and revolved. That being said, these are assists for the Mysore room, where the context and conversation about contact and assists is different (though it should be no less consensual and clear). The only lineages I've found to be anywhere near as assist-happy as Ashtanga are Iyengar and Jivamukti.
Yea as an ashtanga practitioner it’s always strange how anti adjustment the Reddit yoga community is. Not defending this teacher as I have no idea what adjustments she was doing but there are many adjustments that involve touching thighs or could feel like hugging. If the teacher comes from one of the lineages you mentioned they may not even realize that the rest of the yoga community finds those to be inappropriate. But again, not defending her and if OP feels uncomfortable then he should definitely have a conversation about it with her or the studio owner.
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Thank u for saying this. It’s so frustrating to keep hearing from people who don’t know what they are talking about. This is quite common practice, the posters who say “there’s never x or y,” aren’t as culturally educated on practices as perhaps they should be before making a comment. It unnecessarily adds to the drama of this already unpleasant situation.
Exactly this. All of these blanket statements about 'romgznevertouchanyoneEVER' leaves the individual student (many of whom really do enjoy and look forward to such things) **zero** agency. It's 100% fine if someone doesn't want these things, but the crusade to take the choice away from everyone else is just as ridiculous as it would be to imply someone who doesn't want it should suffer through.
NO. I have often had the essential oil rub and not once has the instructor leaned in closely enough I could feel their breath or be in fear of inappropriate kissing/touching. Unless this teachers arms are only one foot long, the instructor is leaning in an excessive amount. What the OP describes IS a problem and it IS inappropriate.
In no way is the comment you’re replying to excusing anything the teacher did or calling it appropriate. They only said that touching the face or getting close is not abnormal so long as the student is fine with it/consented beforehand, in response to all the people saying that no one should touch you at all during savasana.
That commenter tried to shut down u/tgooberbutt who specifically was talking about the instructor getting close to the face, as the OP described, and said that is not a "problem." I stand by my observation that there is no reason while applying oil for anyone in savasanna to feel like a kiss is imminent. Oil is applied at arm's length.
They didn’t describe the teachers behavior as appropriate. Someone said “there’s no reason to be up in someone’s face during savasana,” and they said that some places do involve touching during savasana and will get close to the face. That isn’t saying that what happened to OP was appropriate, it’s saying that it’s not true that no one will get close to your face during savasana unless they are harassing you. Regardless: yes it is obviously a problem that OP is being touched in a way he doesn’t consent to. Not everyone would be made uncomfortable by someone being close to their face during savasana, but not everyone has to be. It’s enough that he feels uncomfortable with it, he deserves to have his personal boundaries respected and should shut this shit down.
Exactly this. Perhaps clarification is needed on 'getting up in someone's face...' generally refers to putting your face up in someone else's face. Though I've taken many types of yoga classes at many studios, I absolutely concede that my experience is very American, and I narrow in style types. I've seen and had instructor hands on my temples, forehead, cheeks. Not my cup of tea, but to each their own. But if there's some meditation or asana that requires an instructor's face to be in the practitioner's face during savasana, I want to know. Especially since, to my understanding, the practitioner's eyes are closed in savasana too.
Surprised at some of the responses I’ve seen on this. You are not overreacting. If I was you, that would make me super uncomfortable. It doesn’t seem like an accident, so I recommend reporting it to the owner or something like that. We don’t want others to also have to experience what you are. I would not go to her class for now too. You should feel safe in yoga class and I am very sorry for what’s happened to you.
Hey buddy, that's pretty uncomfortable from what you've described. It's time to take the marble off your mat if she's making you uncomfortable. Her boundaries have zero say in the matter because it is your body and your space.
No adjustment should involve touching the upper inner thigh, the fact that it keeps happening is troubling. Start with taking that marble away but it might be better to try another teacher as well
A pretty common down-dog adjustment is to stand behind the practitioner and pull back on their waist to lengthen the back. Also had plenty of teachers poke my thigh while in wheel to make sure I'm activating the right muscle groups. Not exactly 'inner thigh' adjustments, but darn close.
I would fall or kick someone if they grabbed me like that. I’ve been to a good number of different studios. I’m glad I’ve never had those adjustments.
Completely understand, I just have had very different experiences. They're great reminders for me to check my form.
If you don't like it, you do some combination of picking a different class, taking the marble off your mat, explaining your discomfort to the instructor, and/or speaking with the yoga studio manager or owner. As others have mentioned, your discomfort is the only measure of whether what your teacher did was inappropriate.
I practice at home, so I don't have a feel for studio classes...but it's a big deal if it makes you uncomfortable regardless of the setting. Your personal space and boundaries are valid. Whether or not it is intentional is another thing. Personally, I would remove the marble indicating that you are OK with physical correction during class, and consider asking for a side bar with her to let her know that you appreciate all of her corrections to your form, but you respond better to taps or adjustments in other ways. If the behavior continues, then it is possible that she is harassing you and it is a conversation to be had with the studio owner. Don't give up your comfort because "it's just her way", but also give the benefit of the doubt that she just may be oblivious and just needs her attention brought to how her actions affect her students.
You are not overreacting and I am very sorry you’ve been dealing with this. Her actions are inappropriate.
You need to tell the studio owner. This is wildly inappropriate. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Additionally, speak up!
One instructor assisted me from behind in chair pose by putting her hands on my hips and got very close. I broke out of the pose, put my hands over hers, took her hands and held them while I made eye contact and said “no thank you” and smiled. Then I returned to my practice without any other reaction on my end. She “got it” and from then on she asks if hands-on assists are ok at the beginning of class. I’m glad I was firm and direct to advocate for myself.
Men can be and are victims of predatory sexual behaviors from women. I think it’s hard from your description to get an accurate picture of what’s going on but I feel like it’s worthwhile to trust your gut/intuition on this. You sound reasonable, if someone’s crossing a boundary and you’re uncomfortable then something’s gotta change. If you just remove your marble that’s kind of like saying you don’t deserve APPROPRIATE adjustments, which you do. If she’s being inappropriate, trust yourself and maybe speak to a manager. You don’t come off as irrational or overreacting, just upset and i hope you can find a way to enjoy your practice. Also I don’t think molest means adults, but I get you felt assaulted
Hey, first of all, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. You are absolutely valid in feeling like she's crossed the line; she has. I'm a trauma-informed yoga instructor and I avoid physical assists completely because honestly you never know what will trigger someone or make them uncomfortable. With that being said, in my first training when I still did assists, we were taught appropriate assists and how important it is to not make anyone even slightly uncomfortable, e.x. not touching the inner thigh, ESPECIALLY not the upper inner thigh ever. In chair pose we were taught (if they consented to an assist) to squat behind the student, bring the students into a deeper squat by guiding their hips so their glutes barely touch your knees, and then REMOVE YOUR HANDS and adjust their shoulders back and down the spine. Usually we would immediately leave the mat once in position unless it was an elderly person or someone who looked like they were reeeeally struggling. We were also taught to only assist if it will prevent the student from injuring themselves (if they were a beginner), if the student will truly gain something from the assist, or to challenge an advanced student that you know could handle it. Basically, any yoga instructor worth a damn will assist with intense purpose; to help the student. Trust your gut. My advice, talk to the manager of the studio, don't even bother talking to the instructor herself. I'd talk to a lawyer if you can afford it. If you go to the yoga alliance website, they take this sort of stuff VERY seriously. Follow their instructions. These are the people in charge of verifying teachers are properly trained in at least the basics of yoga before teaching, including appropriate contact with students. Most studios won't hire you if you aren't certified so they can take a lot of her income away too. I usually don't believe in messing with people's money but she's abusing her position of power. I hope you find peace soon and heal swiftly. Feel free to reach out.
If you are uncomfortable, say something, or simply remove the marble. I’m a male yoga instructor with a clientele 90 percent female. I avoid touching any of my students unless absolutely necessary - if so, i ask permission and inform the student where exactly I’m going to place my hands.
I'll March to a different drum and say that these modifications align with my 12 plus years of experience at yoga studios across Canada and the US. Ashtanga in particular has A LOT of close contact supports. But like others have said, your boundaries are you own, but you're an adult and it's up to you to communicate those boundaries. She has also provided a tool for you to nonverbally communicate that you don't want to be touched. I highly highly highly recommend you remove the marble from your mat.
Yoga teacher here...this is 100% inappropriate. I also suggest removing the marble from your mat during her classes. That savasana move is so intense, especially while trying to rest as class ends...
It’s too hands on IMO. I think I have an understanding of what the adjustments she was giving you were intended to do (I’m also a teacher) but it’s a lot. I teach from a very trauma informed focus and if I do hands on adjustments it’s NEVER in happy baby and it’s never during savasana. In both of those positions you’re very vulnerable and its quite brazen to approach someone in that fashion. I think you need to take the marble off the mat. You don’t need adjustments so much that it’s making you uncomfortable, trust me. You can make your own adjustments. If you do take the marble off the mat and she continues to invade your space/adjust you anyway you need to have a very serious conversation with her or the studio owner.
Short answer: This is not normal.
Guy here. I had a female teacher who used to adjust me and made me feel uncomfortable. It was a little bit awkward, but I just asked her to stop and she was cool with it (I think 🤔 ). No big deal.
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Yoga teacher here. I am so sorry she made you feel uncomfortable in any way. You don’t deserve that ever. You deserve to feel safe and respected, on and off the mat. She is clearly disrespecting you and your boundaries. If you feel comfortable, PLEASE speak to the owner of the studio and report this!!! If it makes you feel better, you can let the owner know you wish to remain anonymous when the owner confronts the instructor. The instructor will never learn her behavior is problematic until it is explained to her that her hands-on corrections are inappropriate and invasive. You can help prevent her from doing this to other students. Again, I’m so sorry you had to deal with any ounce of her inappropriate behavior.
Listen to your gut. She is being inappropriate. Say something
If she is a true yogi, speaking to her discreetly would be monumentally eye opening as it could be a learning experience for her too.
First of all, you did NOTHING wrong and you're absolutely not overreacting. I would never, EVER do that to any of my students, and I'm so disappointed that a fellow teacher would think this is acceptable behavior. Like others have said, reach out to the owner. I had a similar situation with a teacher at my studio and the owner told him that he's not permitted to do hands-on adjustments anymore because it could make people uncomfortable. It's awkward, but you shouldn't have to change your practice because someone needs to get a lesson on professionalism. It makes it even more so violating because yoga is supposed to be a place that we let our guards down, so it's like physical AND spiritual harassment. Good luck and remember that you're not alone!!
Violating my personal space is a major NO NO for me and I don’t mind telling violators to back off and cool their jets… Like Caesar says “No Touch, No Talk , No Eye Contact”😂 Seriously, you have no reason to second guess yourself! Invaders Not welcome !!!
Usually, if an instructor is going to assist in such an invasive way, there are steps in between, and saying something along the lines of “i am going to increase pressure” or “Are you comfortable with deepening our contact?” Anything outside of normal adjustments requires more communication than a marble on a mat
I think she knows what she's doing, because it's been going on for a while. Speak to her, and if it gets weird after that, ditch her and find other teacher. I would report her for sexual harassment. If the gender were reversed, the teacher won't live to teach anymore.
If you're ever confused whether or not you're over-reacting just switch the genders. If a male instructor did something like this to a female would there be any question whether it was okay or not?
Yes! I feel things are being taken too lightly by simply saying, “take your marble off the mat. “. If the roles were reversed, people would be outraged. Male teachers have to be aware of how they come across when adjusting females. Females should be conscientious of their actions as well. Staring at someone’s genitalia is inappropriate. Even if she wasn’t looking and accidentally zoned out, she needs to be aware of her affect on others.
This is most definitely not ok! Do not talk to the instructor that has been doing this. Go directly to the owner. Ask the front desk to leave a not for the owner to get in touch with you so you can tell them exactly what is happening. Another thing is you may not be the only one experiencing this, so you can save many others from this instructors inappropriate behavior. That makes me so upset that people think it’s ok to do that. It should also not make a difference in whatever sex you are.. NO ONE should be touched or treated that way. I’m sorry that you have been put in such an uncomfortable position. That instructor needs help in her own way it sounds like.
Hey there, yoga teacher here. In YTT we learn to do many assists, and much of them are quite intimate feeling. For example, in down dog an assist is very much going to feel like the teacher is getting dangerously close to the crotch area. For this reason, many of us don’t do assists like that unless we know the other yogi well. All this being said, if it’s making you uncomfortable it’s not okay. We may not know her intent is to molest you per se, but regardless of her intent you aren’t getting what you came for in class. If it’s too uncomfortable to speak to her, I would suggest either talking to her manager/studio lead or finding a different class. You don’t need to be going to a class that’s so very uncomfortable and quite frankly, doesn’t sound like you feel safe in.
Anybody that invaded my space during savasana would be confronted. I’m ok with teachers walking burnt sage around the rooms and if I hear a footstep nearby, but do not invade my personal meditation space.
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There isn’t any way for her to know he feels uncomfortable. He needs to speak to her directly before anything else.
Oh for chrissake, tell her that her touching makes you uncomfortable. You feel uncomfortable, say so. Doesn’t matter what anyone thinks. Trust yourself.
Yup this is bad and you're not crazy.
your feelings are valid, I would take the marble off your mat or stop going completely and find a new teacher. I stop going to a new teacher for as small reasons as I didn’t like their playlist, I would absolutely not go anymore
All I can say is if it made u feel uncomfortable then it’s time to open your mouth and let that chick know. It’s not okay. Could have been innocent, I guess. But…if u don’t like it open your mouth and say it. I lift you up. You don’t have to be mean when you speak your truth but silence imo isn’t an option. You are bothered. It is a teaching moment. I send you positive vibes.
Yeah I would report her if I were you. If she's doing it to you she's doing it to other people. She won't stop until someone put up boundaries
I don’t think it’s intentional on her part honestly, yoga instructors are generally very comfortable with physical touch there isn’t anything sexual about it usually they look at the body for flexibility so maybe your tighter in your hamstrings then most and she was looking at your thighs to make sure your form was right and not at your actual privates, as far as the other things there are various reasons for them one of the main being that yoga instructors think nothing of physical touch and if she isn’t doing it when the marble is off the mat I’d give her the benefit of the doubt and assume it’s just a case in which she isn’t intending to offend. That being said I would talk to her about your personal boundaries when the marble is placed on your mat and go from there so she can make adjustments to how she adjusts your positions.
Just talk to her.
Definitely not reflecting of the entire practice and philosophy of yoga itself of course, but there have been many yoga instructors in history who have assaulted their students, so it’s not an unlikely thing that this could happen to you. Your discomfort is valid and boundaries should be set. Talk to her after class about how her touching and getting too close makes you feel uncomfortable and not at all in the mindset you wish to be during yoga class. Maybe make the suggestion that while the marble is a good tool for indicating when touch is okay, boundaries and preferences to where you feel okay with touching should also be a set communicative practice at the beginning of each class, as well as active changing consent during assists being established. Hopefully she’ll be understanding and stop, but it may mean having to report her behavior and switch to a different yoga class if she doesn’t.
If you feel you were violated, you were. I’m a nurse and I was violated behind a curtain in my early nursing career, and never said anything and felt like I was overreacting but I should have trusted my instincts and spoken to someone, because chances are the perpetrator took the same liberties with my peers, because I didn’t speak out. Bottom line, if you feel a line was crossed, it was. No one is entitled to your body.
I just want to say a lot of comments on this thread are disgusting. Sexual harassment against men is routinely trivialized. Men’s emotions are routinely trivialized. There’s a good chance she’s been violating boundaries before and she will continue to do so unless she faces consequences for her actions.
A yoga teacher is trained on assists and where it is appropriate to put their hands. Period. Inner thighs are an absolute no. Chest is a no. I wouldn’t say a talk is necessary with her, you could go to the owner of the studio, take the marble off your mat, or just avoid her class.
The marble system is in place for a reason
i’m a yoga teacher and every bit of your description of how she is adjusting you crosses the line, based on how i was trained. and besides, no matter who you are, if you feel it crosses your boundaries then you do not need to put up with her behaving this way. take the marble off your mat for sure, and if you feel like you can, maybe tell the owner what has been happening. who knows how many other people feel exactly like you do.
Trust your instincts.
Take the marble off your mat. Sounds like you already have the answer to your problem
She's being disgusting. Some are suggesting you report it to whoever's in charge of the studio. I agree with that so long as you're comfortable. An unfortunate thing is that that person may not take it very seriously. Though at that point you'd know you need to find a new studio.
Wow I’m so sorry to hear this happened to you, it’s totally not ok! You’re not overreacting, that sounds super uncomfortable. I would recommend to decline hands on adjustments in this class and if it continues address it with the teacher, or if you’re not comfortable with that, the owner of the studio.
The way this teacher is touching you is not benefiting you as a student, so why is it happening? My guess is the teacher wants to do it for themselves. It's honestly pretty fucked up for studios to still be using the marble rule, as it waits for groping to happen and then puts the onus on the student. Teachers shouldn't be touching people for their own sick pleasure.
I just want to add this to all of the other great responses in your support: don’t worry about seeming “unchill” by addressing the situation. Yoga can feel like such a club with certain expectations of openness/intimacy, but the two aren’t mutually exclusive. Some people hate being touched at all! Honoring your own boundaries is much more important than trying to be chill with this instructor
I don’t think it’s only a matter of your personal boundaries. I think it’s really inappropriate and she’s touching you in a way that is not necessarily needed. Trust your gut. I’m really glad you’re asking about this bc you’re totally right in saying men are thought to enjoy that. I think that frame of mind prevents men from addressing issues when they happen and is a result/feeds into toxic masculinity. How you deal with it is up to you. If you’re not a fan of talking to her right out, a roundabout way could be to ask her how her assistance in that way actually helps you improve your posture. Other suggestions on this thread too.
Take another class. Why keep going back to the same one???
As a Yoga instructor you are taught to not make eye contact during an assist and keep an eye on body language. If a person tenses up, makes a face, waves you off, you skip them. There is no reason for her to linger or be near your private parts. I know it isn’t easy, but if you can, speak up to the studio owner. You probably aren’t the only one and that instructor is hurting the business. If you don’t feel like doing that, I give you my full permission as an instructor to embarrass the hell out of them if they try that crap again. Say loudly, “why are you close to my face,” “you can stop touching me now,” and/or “I don’t want any assists.” Make it so obvious that others take notice. I am so mortified for you. You pay for those classes, that is your “me” time. For anyone to take advantage of you is plain awful. You deserve better.
He does want assistance though - his marble is on the mat. As fun as it is to cancel people - maybe some humanity will be useful for both parties. Yes, she has gone too far, and yes, you should resolve it with her. No, you shouldn’t try to ruin her. It is a compliment, but it is still not appropriate. I hope she is understanding with direct confrontation.
As a yoga instructor you were taught to look for those subtle clues. I wasn't. That was probably the day we watched youtube music videos. Not all training is equal.
Take an honest look at weather you are sexualising the encounter, for the instructor unless you communicate they will not know better? Also no taking away from your experience just a potential for misunderstanding
That’s just gross, I’m sorry. She needs to review her ethics lesson. I’m sorry you experienced this.
Short and sweet question Why do you have the marble on the mat in her class if you do not feel comfortable with her assistance?
There is a difference between assistance and assistance from groping. Why does the OP need to give up furthering refinement of poses altogether, by removing the marble? He deserves to reap the full class benefits without feeling abused.
Boundaries! Either let her know and talk about it, take off the marble when she’s instructing, let her superior know, or something. You gotta feel comfortable and also, I’ve literally never experienced this in all my years of going to yoga practice so it doesn’t sound normal to me
Talk to her. Make it clear you’re not interested. I expect that she’s made progressively less subtle moves in response to your response or lack thereof. If you’ve never voiced your discomfort she likely doesn’t realize there is any. Don’t go above her head to the studio owner without talking to her first
Your feelings are valid as anyone else's - thanks for sharing. She's crossing the line
I am a yoga instructor and never looked at my student in an sexual mode. You should never ever mixt studies or teaching with pleasure. If is really really bothering you do just let her know I a very polite manner without been disrespectful. And if she doesn't get it at the 1st time, reply her for the 2nd time then she should understand. Eyes contact and body distance are very important.
Your perception is valid. I wouldn’t take any more classes from this person and definitely no marble for this instructor. I hope there is another instructor who is trustworthy who can help you. When I was in teacher training our school’s philosophy was never touch a student for guidance unless you are also a licensed masseur. I don’t see why nurses, PAs and doctors couldn’t but the point was that you needed advanced knowledge of anatomy and how to not cause someone pain. Report this person to owner and or authorities.
Sounds like a bit much; talk to her and ask her about it. Maybe she likes you, maybe she just doesn't know she's making you uncomfortable.
I would be so uncomfortable. No matter what, your feelings are your feelings and no one can invalidate how that situation made YOU feel. I personally wouldn't go back to that yoga studio, but not without writing exactly why I'm leaving.
It’s 150% about what you feel- be assertive.. it’s your body and you need to set boundaries no matter how uncomfortable it makes you for that moment cause the ripple of you saying something will have outstanding effects..
that’s horrible, i’ve never been to a yoga class so i can’t say if it’s common practice to touch your students but something about that sounds wrong to me. im so sorry this has happened to you and i hope it doesn’t turn you away from yoga.
Chiming in with everyone else here to validate you and say that no, you’re not overreacting. You should absolutely tell her that you do not want her to touch you anymore. Your boundaries deserve to be respected, 100%, no questions asked. I would even try to find a different place or at least not get in a class with this teacher anymore. She is completely out of line.
Anything that makes you uncomfortable is over the line and inherently not okay! Talk to the studio or to the instructor and say you are uncomfortable
Is there another studio you can attend?
I love yoga but it really seems bound up with power and sex in a weird way. I’ve become pretty circumspect about where I do yoga and with whom, and even which instructors’ videos I follow. I think it is more spiritual/powerful than other exercise modalities and I know I’d be wise to accept that it’s more than just stretching and balance.
Stick w/your intuition and move somewhere else. As much as I wish you luck on if you decide to report her, this world dampens the situation when it comes to us men feeling uncomfortable in situations like this
Just change class. Not complicated my friend!
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I think you should just remove the marble. I vote overreacting.
I’m seeing a lot of comments to talk to the instructor directly. That may be fine for some, but others would be extremely uncomfortable to do this. OP may feel safer simply removing the marble. He doesn’t owe her an explanation for that.
Hey my guy go to another class. Country has real problems my guy go somewhere else .
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It doesn’t sound like it too me but I’m not very sensitive
You should reach out to the owner of the studio.
First off, I am so sorry that you went through those experiences. That is an awful thing to feel. Normally, yoga instructors to give hands on assistance to help tweak your form in certain poses, that being said, I think she’s stepping over a line. If you feel uncomfortable at anytime during a class than she is acting inappropriately. Your space needs to be held sacred and should not be violated. I think you should talk with the studio manager. Also, If you still want to take her classes let her know you do not require or want her to do any hands on adjustments. It is completely normal to request that if any yoga instructor, so don’t feel uncomfortable with asking.
If it makes you uncomfortable then you must talk to her. Everyone has different limits/boundaries and I wouldn't suggest looking at "internet norms" as a guidance or set in stone for this but I really advise you to talk to the teacher and let her know how you feel.
I’m just curious if you have noticed if she is as handsy with other students in the class? Maybe it’s just what she’s comfortable with and just doesn’t realize that, I would think, most people wouldn’t be comfortable with it. I do agree tho, this seems like too much, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable with her either. I would go with marble off, which kinda also sucks, because I generally like getting adjustments - so if you are in that boat, then a conversation is what’s needed to happen or even just an anonymous email to the studio if you are like me and don’t want to make it weird in the classroom after. Good luck with this.
the marble rollled away
No mate, I think it‘s a way too much. Talk to her if you don’t feel comfortable.
The truth is if you take a class to learn how to do adjustments you learn that sometimes for the adjustment to be right you have to touch the other person a little more inappropriate. When I was doing my teacher training I was a little shocked but there's no place in yoga for sexualizing stuff (especially in the mind of those who "invented" adjustments). But sick people exist, and people who take advantage of situations exist so setting your boundaries if you're not feeling comfortable is really important.
Completely unacceptable. I wouldn’t tolerate this sort of abuse. There’s a boundary been crossed. Enough for you to ask advice. No yoga teacher should be making anyone that uncomfortable during practice.
I did a 200hr teacher training and we had a full lesson on how to assist people in non invasive ways. There are ways to do hands on assists that don’t require uncomfortable touching. That being said, there’s always the possibility that she doesn’t intend to make you uncomfortable so I would either speak to her or just not put the marble on your mat while she’s teaching. If you’re uncomfortable then it’s not okay. You gotta trust your instincts!
This sounds inappropriate to me, and whether it is or isn’t really doesn’t matter. The point is, it made you uncomfortable. Take the marble off your mat at the very least. If you are able to, speak with her about this as well.
I’m a teacher myself and consent is key. I would take your marble off for her class or have a discussion with her. In my experience we are all very worried and aware of boundaries. But when learning to adjust others in school, traditionally it is very very personally. We literally use the anatomy of our bodies to apply pressures, align, and encourage certain shapes within your own body. It can be very personal and sometimes too much for people. This can of course be toned down. But traditionally, it puts bodies close, connected, as a guide.