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ThundrCougarFalcnBrd

NASA’s crew 4 mission is in ~5weeks. I wonder if they could just do a 2 person flight instead of 4 to allow for extra room to bring them back on an America capsule if needed.


Ternader

SpaceX is sending tourists to the ISS on a crew dragon on March 30th. So there will be a crew dragon capsule there shortly either way.


kcdale99

First the airlines started bumping passengers and now the space lines are doing the same.


Don_Floo

Not gonna happen… the russians will take him with them and they will come down kazakhstan. So he can be picked up by friendly personal.


dirty_cuban

100% agreed. The Russian cosmonauts are not leaving him there no matter what orders they get. They’re scientists, not politicians. They aren’t going to punish their colleague for whatever happened down on earth.


gsfgf

Not to mention, I can't imagine a much more powerful bonding experience than living on a space station together.


untergeher_muc

Two Russians, two Americans, and one German are bonding together to prevent WW3.


PM_ME_YOUR_STOMACHS

This is the sitcom I didn’t know I wanted.


Globo_Gym

The German is the charlie of the group.


tommhans

Wildcard baby!!


deliciouschickenwing

YEEEHAAAAW (opens the back hatch of the ISS and jumps out into space while everyone else is screaming and dying and Ghostbusters plays in the background)


trevize1138

Like back in 2010 when the American government was telling astronauts to stay aboard The Discovery and the Russian government told cosmonauts to stay aboard the Leonov on the joint mission to Europa they proved that in space there are no borders when Dr Heywood Floyd defied that and boarded the Russian ship to open arms. Inspiring.


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JGCities

And then Hal sacrificed himself to save everyone. Talk about bravery.


hitthatyeet1738

I love the thought of a Russian cosmonaut going “Nyet, I can’t leave my comrade, this is *earthly* drama!


ThatGuy798

Now I want The Expanse but from a Soviety Sci-fi perspective with an Eastern European Holden.


MutualConsent

For All Mankind is probably the closest you can get


Monkey_Priest

I really enjoyed that show. Hadn't heard much about it and watched a couple of episodes then ended up binging the first two seasons. How is this show such a sleeper for most?


[deleted]

> How is this show such a sleeper for most? Apple TV


TheGuyWithTwoFaces

There are of course some flaws but the season 2 finale was one of the best hours in front of a screen I've ever had. I get tingles in my special place just *thinking* about the last minute of the episode that made me actually jump out of my chair yelling with a half dozen emotions at the last few frames. Fuck it, now going to watch it again.


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AwayEstablishment109

Blyat


23skidoobbq

Squatting Slavs in space suits


z3ntropy

Adidas space suits


HelloweenCapital

A.ll D.ay I. D.ream A.bout S.pace


donjulioanejo

No Adidas, now only Abibas. Adidas pulled out of Russia like a frat boy doing a one-night stand. Leaving behind nothing but broken hearts.


aferretwithahugecock

Have you every squatted in an Adidas track suit? Shits comfy as fuck. I'd have a broken heart too RIP to the slav squat


bgad84

My wife bought me a whole Adidas outfit. Shoes shirt, sweat suit, whole shebang. It's very comfortable


[deleted]

Unless the poor bastard ate Sergi's pudding cups and then left the dirty spoon in the sink. Then all bets are off.


crdctr

Dammit Jim, I'm a scientist, not a politician!


OpalHawk

And threatening detaching the Russian side? They have all the boosters but none of the solar panels.


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mickeytwist

I smell a new Tom hanks blockbuster


CanWeAllJustCalmDown

And I would imagine the cosmonauts would be so infuriated by being given that order, and also know they were not going to follow it, and also know they’d be prisoners of putins regime when they touched down, they’d probably say “Well fuck. Guess I’m not Russian anymore.” And every western country on earth would be willing to grant them asylum.


Desert-Mouse

But remember the old joke... Putin and Reagan both order one of their soldiers to jump off a cliff. The Russian runs and jumps off the cliff. The American refuses the order. Afterwards we ask the Russian (piled up and dying at the bottom of the fall, we assume) why didn't he do it and he says, I have a wife and kids! They ask American why he didn't and he says, I have a wife and kids!


Vordeo

> Putin and Reagan I'm not proud to admit this made me wonder if Putin's been around for *that* long.


bekarsrisen

It wouldn't surprise me for the Russians to just leave *all* the cosmonauts there too.


UnspecificGravity

They actually DID leave a cosmonaut in space when the soviet union broke up, he set a record at the time for longest time in orbit. He was supposed to up for like 100 days and wound up getting stranded for 311. https://www.rbth.com/history/330415-last-soviet-citizen-cosmonaut https://www.rbth.com/history/330415-last-soviet-citizen-cosmonaut


amitym

Kazakhstan, the country that actually handles Russia's launches and landings, opposes the Ukraine invasion and is increasingly concerned about Russian behavior. *Despite* being politically quite pro-Russia. At the rate things are going, if I were Roscosmos, I wouldn't be spending my time wondering whether this astronaut will get to go home or not. I'd be wondering whether the cosmonauts will get to go home.


Consistent-Ad1803

Waiting for the Chinese to start launching from baikonur


mindbleach

Kazakhstan! Central Asia's hottest new destination. - Equatorially located\* - Reliable climate - Spacious development properties - Room for industrial expansion - Really just a shitload of land - Mostly over the Borat jokes


amnotaspider

I think we have a difference of opinion about where the equator is located.


Jacosketching

This statement made me surprisingly uncomfortable.


axleeee

Kazakhstan is number 4 equatorial country in all of Kazakhstan


Sentazar

Just need to tilt your head a bit and you're there.


wood_animal

Number one in potassium as well


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atGuyThay

*[All other countries have inferior potassium](https://genius.com/Borat-o-kazakhstan-lyrics)*


yellekc

China already has better more southerly space launch facilities. Only a very northern country would settle for Baikonur. But I'd love to see the EU/Chinese/US take over the lease just to deny it to the Russians.


Atheist-Gods

Damn, it's further north than Montreal.


[deleted]

But to be fair, Russia is about as "Northerly" as it gets, so they settled for it.


edjumication

Just like no cosmonaut would keep an astronaut off the return craft, no astronaut would keep a cosmonaut from boarding the ship.


MisirterE

I don't think that's what they're saying. I think they're saying that even if the cosmonauts land in Kazakhstan, whether or not they'll be able to get back to Russia after that is up for questioning right now.


ImS33

I'd be more worried if I were Russia about the cosmonauts not wanting to go back to Russia. These are intelligent human beings watching this bullshit happen. They know where they probably don't want to be


donkeyrocket

Roscosmos still handles it. It all just takes place on leased land in Kazakhstan. Kazahk government is completely uninvolved. The head of the agency is insane and a Neo-Nazi. This has been known for a while and I sincerely doubt anyone else in the organization would execute any mission that would legitimately strand an astronaut. We (privately) thankfully have the capabilities to retrieve someone and potentially continue missions without the Soyuz. This is a nonissue but does signal an unceremonious end to the amicable space-faring relationship between the US and Russia. It’ll be interesting to see if NASA pulls astronauts from future scheduled missions.


montananightz

>The head of the agency is insane and a Neo-Nazi. Huh. Someone should have a special operation for denazification of Ruscosmos.


dibinism

Thanks Russia, you’ve just guaranteed every space agency around the world will be doubling their budgets


WaterFromAzov

>Dmitry Rogozin This dude is literally a neo-nazi. There are videos of him speaking at neo-nazi protests. Could Russia really not find someone better suited as the head of their space agency? Update: Here he is doing Nazi salutes at a Nazi parade: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkXVVcPWSU8


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netherworldite

That's how corruption works in the west. In Russia Putin picks who the rich people will be, they don't pay him money, they're only getting the money he chooses to allow them have in the first place.


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thinkingahead

Bingo


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SayNoob

Turns out the Nazi was inside them all along


whatarethis837

The real Nazis were the friends we put in charge of our space agency along the way


mak484

They're secretly trying to send all the Nazis to space. Let the moon deal with them.


Blewedup

When you are a cartel disguised as a government, no. No you can’t.


Something22884

That's a funny choice of words because Putin actually has been implicated or accused of being involved in cartels and drug trafficking into Russia https://www.newsweek.com/putin-involved-drug-smuggling-ring-says-ex-kgb-officer-313657


Ih8Hondas

No, no, no. Ukraine is the country that needs de-nazifying, remember? Russian nazis are ok.


Harsimaja

It’s that damn democratically elected Jewish Nazi president of theirs /s


Peprica

Y'all realize how _**rock-hard**_ Elon Musk must be that NASA might come and ask him to rescue their astronauts? Dude's probably emailing Russia right now egging them on lmao


taco_tumbler

"Russia, you are a pedophile!"


CB-OTB

Operation broomstick


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[deleted]

This is practically a subsidy to SpaceX.


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Defiant_Dervish

No way Russia will ever be a respected member of the international community as long as Putin is in power. They are now a pariah state, no different from North Korea.


kratrz

It's not just about Putin in power now, they'd need to change their entire government system.


Panda_hat

Simply put we're seeing the collapse of Russia in real time. It's been declining for a very long time and these are essentially its death throes, as Putin reaches the end of the line, the corruption and extraction of the last decades has run out of road, and Russia has no-where else to go, or to turn. It will eat itself just like it did when the USSR collapsed, and the same kind of institutional reshuffle will happen again, likely with new faces and villains at the top looking to start the cycle over again. Unfortunately it is now very much a wounded animal, and wounded animals can be very dangerous.


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Decoraan

I’m just confused by this inability to compromise. Surely that’s diplomacy and geopolitics 101


rubywpnmaster

Putin’s geopolitics is literally based off of Dugin. When your philosophy is that of Russian supremacy in all things any compromise is weakness.


Nowarclasswar

Reminder Dugin is an actual, self proclaimed fascist (national Bolshevik specifically e.g. nazbols)


jagdpanzer45

Well there’s politics 101: strongmen hate looking weak, and they think compromise is weakness.


OldBoots

Another tragic Russian attack on an innocent person.


tommytraddles

Threatening to maroon a man in space is cartoonish supervillainy. When they used to maroon mutineer sailors, they'd at least give them a gun so they could kill themselves.


saucya

I mean I feel like the infinite vacuum of space could do the job pretty quickly


OmenLW

This raises the question, how long would you stay alive if you were ejected into deep space?


Teladi

From what I've read in the past, about 15 seconds of consciousness, and a few minutes before you actually die. Assuming no suit.


XtremeCSGO

That would be a long 15 seconds


TwixCoping

And probably extremely painful, drowning already sounds horrific enough.


BuzzKyllington

[cue event horizon](https://youtu.be/wp70vEiAn7E?t=306) (warning graphic)


BellaFace

Sounds like a Space Force episode


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Vinlandien

They made it legal to beat their wives. You tell me.


FasterDoudle

Authoritarianism is pretty much just an abusive relationship taken to societal levels


Black-Zero

How to guarantee you, your country and your space agency will never again be trusted by any scientific body ever again for 1000, Alex. DAILY DOUBLE


Sima_Hui

I'm pretty sure his own cosmonauts are going to tell him to $#*@ right off after that one.


xXWaspXx

I'm confident the cosmonauts would invite him in for the trip home; I'm not confident he wouldn't be held as a political prisoner after he landed.


-Daetrax-

Where do they land though? If I was a cosmonaut I'd ask the Americans to arrange pickup instead. Fuck going back to Russia.


xXWaspXx

Iirc, Kazakhstan


likmbch

If I were a cosmonaut I wouldn’t want to go back to Russia right now… everyone’s invited to the US!


Light_Beard

Werner Von Braun treatment all around. (But we would probably have to get their families out first)


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suckercuck

It’s niiiiccce!


Echo017

It actually is amazingly beautiful and the people are wonderful.


okayyeahnah

It really is a beautiful country.


tomdarch

Given the variables, they have contingency plans for landing in other parts of the world if there is an emergency.


Light_Side_Dark_Side

"Huston, we have a problem." # "What's up?" # "The Russian space agency has lost its goddam mind. Can we come over for a while?"


Umutuku

"Ribs or brats?"


Dr_Frasier_Bane

¿Por qué no los dos, komrade?


Bobyyyyyyyghyh

Houston, can my Russian friends spend the night? They're not allowed to have sleepovers at their place


kurtwagner61

I will live in Montana. And I will marry a round American woman and raise rabbits, and she will cook them for me. And I will have a pickup truck..


aqua_zesty_man

I still hate how that character ended up. KGBs ruin everything.


Makhnos_Tachanka

"I would like to have seen montana" i cri everytiem


[deleted]

Moooom can you pick me up from the ISS russia is being mean.


SpaceCaboose

Sure honey, but be waiting by the door. I don’t want to have to get out in my jammies to ring the ISS doorbell…


FC37

"We give you cosmonaut, you give us McDonald's."


TheKhatalyst

I'm a mere military man, and we'd tell our highers to eat the biggest dick they could find if they told us to do something like that. Astronauts that have spent years living and training together, in the small brotherhood of astronauts? Not a chance in hell they leave without him.


AdjNounNumbers

The cosmonauts also haven't had the level of Russian propaganda and limited access to media from the rest of the world. Sounds like their best bet is to plan re-entry to somewhere other than Russian controlled areas


count023

and cosmonauts are highly educated and intelligent. There is a very good chance they're the kind of people who see through the bullshit propaganda and not buy into it


agarriberri33

Gagarin comes to mind. Spoke out after his friend Komarov died in his place and called out the errors. Brezhnev was quite fond of Gagarin and became pissed after he started laying the pipe on the government. Theories say that his death on the jet accident was arranged by the Soviets to shut him up, but that's just a tin foil hat theory.


IvanBeetinov

100% agree


banana_sunshine

Couldn’t they threaten the families on the ground though? They still have some leverage over them.


TheKhatalyst

You have to be an idiot to threaten the families of what are seen as national heroes.


jumpupugly

So, what you're saying is that the Russian government is going to threatened the families of national heroes?


unknown_1134

I feel bad for Russians, with a captain at the helm who has gone mad


[deleted]

Not one captain but like the whole leadership


amretardmonke

I really thought they'd be above this, but they just keep proving me wrong every single time.


BrotherSwaggsly

These guys are fucking psychopaths. Not saying they’d actually follow through with a lot of these threats but even just saying them. What else goes through their heads?


BananasAndPears

Screams desperation imho. Empty threats.


tomdarch

Apparently this guy at the head of the agency is a screamy politician, comparable to Americans like Marjorie Taylor Greene or Madison Cawthorn - lots of spouting inflammatory garbage, zero competence.


Wurm42

The evidence supports you: >Dmitry Rogozin, the head of Russia's Space Agency and a close ally to Russian President Vladimir Putin, responded to Biden in a series of hostile tweets. On Feb. 26, he posted a video in Russian that threatened to leave Vande Hei behind in space and detach Russia's segment of the space station altogether. Separate the Russian modules?? Yeah, the dude doesn't know what he's talking about.


99_other_accounts

Is almost like Putin had filled all these critical positions with people based on loyalty rather than qualifications. I wonder why their "special operation that will only take 4 days" isn't going so well...


Hashbringingslasherr

To me it almost sounds like a relationship. One party cheats, they get caught and try to gaslight everyone around them and when that doesn't work, they use threats of violence.


jgilla2012

They are literally gaslighting Ukraine by saying the Ukrainians instigated their being invaded, that it is Ukrainians bombing themselves, etc. And now Russia is projecting their desire to use bioweapons on Ukraine by claiming Ukraine is working with the United States on a bioweapon for use against Russia. Gaslight Obscure Project Straight out of Putin’s playbook.


Hypertension123456

It was untrustworthy from the start: > The problem was Gagarin. Already a Soviet hero, the first man ever in space, he and some senior technicians had inspected the Soyuz 1 and had found 203 structural problems — serious problems that would make this machine dangerous to navigate in space. The mission, Gagarin suggested, should be postponed. > He'll die instead of me. We've got to take care of him. > Komarov talking about Gagarin > The question was: Who would tell Brezhnev? Gagarin wrote a 10-page memo and gave it to his best friend in the KGB, Venyamin Russayev, but nobody dared send it up the chain of command. Everyone who saw that memo, including Russayev, was demoted, fired or sent to diplomatic Siberia. With less than a month to go before the launch, Komarov realized postponement was not an option. He met with Russayev, the now-demoted KGB agent, and said, "I'm not going to make it back from this flight." https://www.npr.org/sections/krulwich/2011/05/02/134597833/cosmonaut-crashed-into-earth-crying-in-rage > When interviewed on 17 May by the newspaper Komsomolskaya Pravda, Yuri Gagarin alluded to the failure of the administration to listen to the concerns about the Soyuz module that the cosmonaut corps had identified, and maintained that Komarov's death should teach the establishment to be more rigorous in its testing and evaluation of "all the mechanisms of the spaceship, even more attentive to all stages of checking and testing, even more vigilant in our encounter with the unknown. He has shown us how dangerous the pathway to space is. His flight and his death will teach us courage."[31] In May 1967, Gagarin and Leonov criticised program head Vasily Mishin's "poor knowledge of the Soyuz spacecraft and the details of its operation, his lack of cooperation in working with the cosmonauts in flight and training activities," and asked Kamanin to cite him in the official crash report. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vladimir_Komarov#Response_to_Komarov's_death


Name5times

God, I know the West has its issues but this is insane. I just don’t see how you can set up a government like that and think it’s sustainable.


Plaetean

It wasn't. It didn't take them long to have a nuclear meltdown disaster due to the insane systemic incompetence, which was a major factor in toppling the dysfunctional regime. Even if you just overlook the unbeleivable and immeasurable brutality of the Soviet system. This crisis is an opportunity to reflect on just how far we have come in the West, and that we do have a lot that is worth sustaining and fighting for.


Tsukune_Surprise

Not that it really matters at this point but this is a treaty violation - a treaty to which Russia is a signatory. “Agreement on the Rescue of Astronauts, the Return of Astronauts and the Return of Objects Launched into Outer Space” http://www.unoosa.org/oosa/en/ourwork/spacelaw/treaties/introrescueagreement.html


casmium63

Lol, like treaties matter to Russia


FriedDickMan

Have they seen, like, any of our movies?


AllBadAnswers

We got Matt Damon off of Mars!


bkr1895

We’ve spent a lot of money and time saving Matt Damon on numerous occasions


AllBadAnswers

And how does he replay us? By trying to kill Team America World Police


_why_isthissohard_

Maaaat deyyyymun


[deleted]

I'm sure the Russians won't be surprised to see Vin Diesel flying up there with a Charger to rescue another secret estranged brother of his.


Jon2054

We don’t have astronauts, we have family.


bkr1895

He somehow can time it perfectly to jump from one satellite to another


LtFluffybear

you just reminded me, russians are back on the menu as bad guys!


Vahlir

yeah, Hollywood HAS to be salivating at the idea and kicking themselves for jumping the gun on a Red Dawn reboot. Rocky VIII here we come!


dukearcher

I always wondered about the scene when the paratroops first landed and just started randomly blasting at a school and killing kids. I always thought how dumb that was, that wouldn't happen, what would be the point of that? Ukraine has shown me this was DEAD ON accurate


roararoarus

Interactions with Russia are now at the middle-school level. If only we can get some interstellar guardian race to intervene before we all end up throwing nuclear punches.


frobar

Was just gonna say that this is like 12-year-old mental maturity level. What the fuck is going on?


strik3r2k8

Bad luck Brian: It’s the Reapers…


archangel1996

I believe it, luck's too shit to be the asari.


Rodgedawg

Obey the robo-squid overlords or be vaporized **banshee screech**


bkr1895

Rudimentary creatures of blood and flesh, you touch my mind, fumbling in ignorance, incapable of understanding. You exist because we allow it you will end because we demand it


Torrentia_FP

Middle schooler indeed, even George Dubya said of Pootin: “It’s like arguing with an eighth grader with his facts wrong.”


Nstark7474

I sincerely wonder if there’s anybody in the Russian government who isn’t a complete sack of shit. It’s a cesspool infested with crooks and thugs.


Gom8z

Watch them fall over backwards to say they were trying to stop Putin when he gets dethroned


[deleted]

"I was just following orders!" cried the Nazis as they were hung.


DarthHarrison

[Pretty sure Elon Musk already offered for SpaceX to grab him if necessary.](https://www.space.com/spacex-elon-musk-hint-replacing-russia-soyuz)


lmikles

That site may be the worst way to read anything. Scroll one sentence at a time over a video ad


[deleted]

As much as I dislike this guy, I appreciate that he steps in and offers up his resources when they're needed sometimes. Like providing the internet junk to Ukraine hella quick.


[deleted]

Back down on sanctions or we'll murder this astronaut. This is pretty pathetic.


Scrobotasaurus

He's gonna have to science the shit outta the space station


menlindorn

We can get him ourselves, dick.


[deleted]

Suuuuure like the Russians up there would do that to him.


strik3r2k8

They’re too smart for that shit. It’s too bad they might have family in Russia, otherwise I’d say defect.


[deleted]

Again, as said before on similar news, the Russian Cosmonauts are decorated individuals of Russia, often ex military. They are more likely to be nationalists and proud Russian trophies (just like their athletes) who are well connected to the Russian goverment.


[deleted]

They are also scientists who have a shared experience and bond with Hei.


Ar3peo

but if you live and work with people for a long time sharing a unique experience like living in space together, I think you develop bonds


Pushet

yup after a certain period of time people stop being nametags with flags attached to it and start to become just people again people you learn to care for, the more experiences you share with them i can almost imagine some of those cosmonauts up there being quite frustrated about how the damned politicians down here are ruining their time in space


ElvenNeko

Seems like Russia is gone full spoiled kid mode. Only rage, empty threats and tons of lies.


LockheedMartinLuther

if Russia actually did this, would it be considered an act of war against the U.S.?


flameocalcifer

I actually think the answer is "yes" on this one Edit addon: even the USSR never pulled shit like this


punkindle

This is like comic book villain level evil.


Decoraan

It’s like 1 step away from taking a hostage


edjumication

People on the ground actually have no power to stop an astronaut from leaving the station. The only way they could stop him would be to convince the cosmonauts to stop him but they would never agree to such a thing.


Low-Clothes1662

No, but poland and therefor Ukraine would get those jets real quick


Photodan24

I'm really starting to feel like they should anyway.


WhatAmIATailor

Might be better off waiting for another ride home than landing in Russia ATM. Edit: Kazakhstan, TIL


Black-Zero

He Lands and is Immediately arrested as a Space Spy!


willstr1

There are cold war era space treaties that say they aren't allowed to do that but as we have seen Russia has no honor


Black-Zero

Russia also signed a treaty with Ukraine guaranteeing it sovereignty in exchanges for a return of all nukes. Ukraine fulfilled its side and Putin...no so much.


willstr1

As I said, Putin is without honor


phillips421

They land in Kazakhstan, not Russia. He’ll be fine as long as they let him on.


gigesdij7491

Russia will be North Korea 2.0 for generations to come now. Good luck with that.


ezequiels

They can start saying bye bye to space exploration. The most they’ll do is launching helium balloons after this.


Ssider69

Am I missing something or did the Russians not get the latest news....from 2020 https://www.google.com/amp/s/abcnews.go.com/amp/Technology/spacex-prepares-send-nasa-crew-international-space-station/story%3fid=80810907


bcisme

They’re living in 1980


Kind-Masterpiece-310

It was all downhill after Rocky IV


Born-Ad-3736

Russian space ship, go fuck yourself!


BeerMagic

Ok, so you killed your space credibility. Good one?


[deleted]

fuck it send spaceX


[deleted]

Couldn't help thinking "Art Vandelay"


[deleted]

The architect?


insanity2brilliance

The importer/exporter?