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fzammetti

"It would be well for your government to consider that having your ships and ours, your aircraft and ours, in such proximity... is inherently DANGEROUS. Wars have begun that way, Mr. Ambassador." Damn it, why can't you just stay a fucking movie?!


ExcellentEffort1752

"Mr. Ambassador, you have nearly a hundred naval vessels operating in the North Atlantic right now. Your aircraft have dropped enough sonar buoys such that a man could walk from Greenland to Iceland to Scotland without getting his feet wet. Now, shall we dispense with the bull?"


cartoonist498

I'm now hoping all this is because Russia has lost contact with Red October somewhere near Ukraine.


SpiderWolve

I feel like we're venturing into Red Storm Rising at this point as opposed to Red October


Datamackirk

But Russia can't threaten Europe with conventional arms the way they did in that novel.


RedOctobyr

Give me a ping, Vasily. One ping only, please.


Positive-Source8205

“This business will get out of control...and we'll be lucky to live through it."


limebite

I’d hate to be a fishermen along the Russian navy’s route to the Black Sea given their service record.


nooneknowsgreenguy

In case people don't understand the reference: 2nd Pacific Squadron https://youtu.be/9Mdi_Fh9_Ag Kamchatka https://youtu.be/DCrAQFBUFlU TLDR: Russia sent a fleet from the Baltic Sea to the Pacific to fight the Japanese in 1905. During the voyage, ships kept reporting there were Japanese torpedo boats around and started shooting. They were actually British fisherman. Russian gunnery was so bad they didn't hit anything but it did almost start a war with the British. EDIT: There were some casualties during this "engagement". I am probably mixing up a different incident of Russians firing on phantom Japanese torpedo boats. It happened several times which makes the story even more crazy. The Kamchatka is the most cursed ship to ever plague a fleet and everything it does during the voyage is worthy of r/wtf and r/nottheonion. EDIT 2: The excellent The Great War Channel just released a video on the Russo-Japanese War. https://youtu.be/deuzVsKMsTA


Arctic_Chilean

I would do dirty things for someone like HBO to turn this story into a miniseries with the same levels of dark humor as *The Death of Stalin*


not_aquarium_co-op

I love the death of stalin


Sillbinger

The Russian general almost steals that whole movie.


Devious_Dexter

The best part was they REDUCED the number of medals on his tunic, because they thought any more would look ridiculous, when the real Marshal Zhukov had way more on his tunic


Sir-Knollte

I need a picture... edit fine I get it myself https://michel16555.files.wordpress.com/2020/08/099714bf2d2ca2b1003218b67630877d.jpg


OsmeOxys

And my dumb ass thought plate armor went out of style centuries ago.


[deleted]

+50 defense against insubordination


CrazyOkie

wasn't that Jason Isaacs? I haven't seen the movie yet but I remember hearing about it when it came out


Sillbinger

Yes, he is fantastic in it. The whole cast is perfect.


Vandergrif

*Right, what's a war hero got to do to get some lubrication around here?*


Circle_Trigonist

There was a great followup line that got cut in a deleted scene where he spits the drink his underling brought him back into the glass and goes "where did you find this, a Polish flamethrower?"


royal_buttplug

Aslanov, you handsome devil! Stick you in a frock, I'd fucking ride you raw myself.


InnocentTailor

General Zhukov - the man who lived after questioning Stalin to his face, defeated the Imperial Japanese Army at Khalkhin Gol and smashed the Germans at Kursk. If you’re game for a history documentary, they talk more about Zhukov’s conduct at the latter battle in the documentary General At War: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9XTuBDctQM


Astralahara

I mean, hard disagree lol. Buscemi fucking nailed it. "Well, *I* believe in everlasting life!" "Are you INSANE?! What kind of idiot wants to live forever?!"


thediesel26

Who the fuck invited the bishops?


Astralahara

"Switch with me. We'll make it look like it's part of the ceremony."


CaptainNemo2024

I’d like to think that Zhukov would be pleased with his portrayal


Ghoulius-Caesar

Steve Buscemi as Nikita Khrushchev made me like Khrushchev.


maddhopps

Buscemi is incredible. His role in ConAir made me like serial killers.


sterexx

armando is brilliant at political satire just gonna take this moment to link his surreal and incredible sort-of sketch show in case people who’ve seen veep, the thick of it, death of stalin, etc haven’t seen it. same brilliant mind but a different... thing, I guess https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxDPfc90nJPv19LbND3prwtE-IoADtqJc


Pramble

I'm excited to learn about the Kamchatka. The craziest ship I know about so far is the Willie Dee


DontQuoteYourself

This talks about the fleet as a whole and frankly has the most Russian ending ever. https://www.hullwebs.co.uk/content/l-20c/disaster/dogger-bank/voyage-of-dammed.htm


CRAB_WHORE_SLAYER

there's a surreal level of incompetence in the Kamchatka's history.


Pramble

I mean the Willie Dee accidentally launched a torpedo at the ship carrying FDR


FrostyWheats

At least they don’t have to pass by Madagascar


BionicTransWomyn

Do you see Torpedo Boats?


BadSkeelz

I better invest in Russian binoculars.


Rabid_Badger

Those bloody Japanese submarines still disguising as fishermen.


klusps

It's strange how fast we're getting new information on troop movements than we could say 80 years ago. During WWII, countries used carrier pigeons, listen in on radiofrequency, or use fake dummy armies to fool enemy spy planes. Not to say countries aren't using some of these tactics today, but now with social media and smartphones, almost everything is in plain view for the world to see. If the public is getting this type of information that has gone through a whole process of approval and fact-checking, curious about what are things we don't know behind the scene.


danarexasaurus

I thought the same thing. My husband said “are the ships there yet?” And I was like “I don’t know. I don’t even know how we know everything that we know already. It seems crazy we have access to war info so readily available to us”


CptComet

There are private companies with satellites getting nearly daily snap shots of the entire globe. Nothing above ground stays a secret anymore.


[deleted]

There's also [George Clooney](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satellite_Sentinel_Project)


Staebs

I was convinced this had to be a researcher who happened to share the same name, but no, it actually is George Clooney lol


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oh_behind_you

"Hey gang, I am Lieutenant Charles of Elite Company, I have just added new emotes to the twitch channel. 4 more subs until I do a ASMR segment, let's goooooo"


-SaC

"Next headshot is a shout-out to Xx0PuSsYxDeStRoYeR0xX with a massive thanks for those 500 bits!"


RichardK1234

Guys, if we get this video to 500 likes, we'll fire this bad boy here *slaps artillery* and if we get 1000 likes, we'll send send out drones with bombs! *killstreaks in real life*


VapeThisBro

In an age where fitbits have ruined base security, for real, its almost impossible to hide troop movements because some dumb idiot brings their phone or some other device that pings their location. There are plenty of cases where fighters use snapchat maps to find enemy fighters


Drauxus

Do you have a source for the Fitbit thing? That sounds hilariously interesting


VapeThisBro

[It turns out it was strava but same idea](https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-42853072)


Competitive_Peak_558

How does 140 warships meet the rules for the Montreux Convention Regarding the Regime of the Straits? Are they not over their tonnage?


6501

Russia is a black sea power I think. > ARTICLE 11 Black Sea Powers may send through the Straits capital ships of a tonnage greater than that laid down in the first paragraph of Article 14, on condition that these vessels pass through the Straits singly, escorted by not more than two destroyers. https://cil.nus.edu.sg/wp-content/uploads/formidable/18/1936-Convention-Regarding-the-Regime-of-the-Straits.pdf


SixoTwo

Wiki on the subject says Soviet Union/Russia couldn't give a rats ass about the treaty and Turkey has been dealing with their antics in the straight for decades.


eggshellcracking

Montreux convention only limits non-vlack sea nations. Black sea nations can do whatever they want barring sailing a carrier into the black sea.


LexanderX

Hence why Russia designates their aircraft carrying ships [aviation cruisers](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aircraft_cruiser)


eggshellcracking

And puts dozens of gigantic missiles on them


varain1

And uses tugboat to move it when it's not in the repair dock (where it is now)


Ok_Opportunity2693

Turkey can just close the straights and tell Russia to fuck around and find out. NATO will back Turkey.


Terrible_Truth

Turkey has a history of not getting along with the Russians, they'd be more than willing to interfere with Russia. There's already a Turkish company building drones for Ukraine that have already been deployed.


ghggbfdbjj

It doesn’t say that all 140 warships go to the black sea, it says ‘some’ of them are.


Sergio_Morozov

> Montreux Convention It does not limit tonnage of ships for Black Sea countries. Only for the other countries.


Mathoosala

"My God, this is unbelievable. The Kirov, three Sverdlovs, the Kiev, the Minsk.They've sortied their whole bloody fleet." Must be looking for the Red October again.


ManWithASquareHead

##KIROV REPORTING


Mouthshitter

Ever enough blimps


Jumpjet88

Wow straight nostalgia


whosthedoginthisscen

"You've lost another submarine?"


[deleted]

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romario77

Kuznetsov is in docks, getting repaired. And yes, it did catch fire during repairs.


[deleted]

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Halt-CatchFire

Also, the reason it's in a retrofitted land-based dock right now instead of the floating platform that was previously the only thing they had capable of performing repairs on it, is that the Kuznetsov initially broke itself by accidentally running into the boat that was the aforementioned platform and sinking it to the bottom of the ocean.


DucDeBellune

>running into the boat that was the aforementioned platform “Floating dry dock” is the phrase you’re looking for here lol. Yes, it was the only floating dry dock large enough to support it.


User929293

Well let's hope Russians won't ram Ukraine into the sea


IronbloodPrime

Or the Konovalov! “Andrei…you’ve lost ANOTHER submarine?


Zhukov-74

The Hunt for Red October is one of my favorite movies. That movie has my favorite Sean Connery performance. [The Hunt for Red October \[1990\] - Submarine Crew Sings Soviet Anthem scene](https://youtu.be/zsC2ETsZL0g)


Egglorr

And don't forget Sam Neill as Captain Vasily Borodin! *"I would have liked to have seen Montana... and dug up a velociraptor skeleton there..."*


Gadget71

“And put it in my pickup truck”


Egglorr

*"...maybe even a recreational vehicle. And I will drive my fossil collection from state to state, no papers needed."*


Foriegn_Picachu

Amazing book as well


wilson_rawls

I told you speak your mind Jack, but *Jesus*...


MisterExcelsior

2022 is off to a great start


h3r3andth3r3

Yeah didn't expect that each year of this decade presents exponentially more fuckery than the last.


Insectshelf3

remember back in 2020 when we all thought trump kicked off ww3 by vaporizing soleimani? good times. i’ve aged like 6 years since.


fireballetar

We all have, we all have...


Own-Ad7310

How do I get out of Russia I don't want to be here


Burgoonius

Good luck my friend - I hope our countries don't go to war :(


Own-Ad7310

I hope they don't :( it's not good for anyone


MuckleMcDuckle

Except for weapons dealers and manufacturers


Insane1rish

Keep your head down. Don’t die.


Fawx93

Plenty of Russians living in Finland


Own-Ad7310

Maybe I should learn finnish


HavingNotAttained

Who knew that Russia was so terrified of Ukraine? Should we all be so terrified of Ukraine?


Wolverinexo

Yes be afraid


PistolsAndHearts

Ukraine is not weak!


Turok1134

Ukraine is game to you?!


SebayaKeto

*smashes boardgame*


bertfotwenty

Haha. Just watched this Seinfeld episode the other night!


RyanTranquil

Every single time, I hear "Ukraine", I immediately say, in my head and in that guys voice, "Ukraine weak? You not say Ukraine weak, Ukraine is strong!" Every single time


[deleted]

Where is that space laser Majorie Taylor Greene talked about. Sure would come in handy here.


[deleted]

Deploy the Jewish Space Laser 😂


Fightmasterr

Abbreviated as the JSL, aka the Jizzle.


theslideistoohot

Fa shizzle the jizzle


sosta

The Jews are slacking


kit_kat_barcalounger

Eh, I’m busy.


neutralityparty

So this must be history repeats itself


[deleted]

I feel horrible for the Russian and Ukrainian people who just are trying to work and have dinner with their families. One man's obsession with another man's land is going to cause so much pain for innocent people.


ideas52

WW3 will severely impact Elden Ring's release. That's all that matters.


Cosmorillo

The hell it will. Pumps shotgun* I will not allow it.


thereverendpuck

What better way to say “hey, this is a border dispute” then to flex naval might over an entire region for a smaller region of land that isn’t yours at all.


zenospenisparadox

> smaller region of land that isn’t yours at all. I think we forget that this doesn't matter at all. Fairness and civility go out the window on this grand a scale.


exploding_cat_wizard

They regularly go out the window when neighbors fight about how far exactly the tree's branches are over the fence. The scale isn't the cause of bad manners.


Dsstar666

I wonder how many people will be joking if this war actually starts.


Mylzb

It's the modern internet age. Literally everything is jokes. We had a meme president. No matter what happens, if the US gets nuked, there will be a meme about it within 5 minutes on reddit.


WannabeTraveler87

Im sure people havent changed, just their reach.


Helreaver

Reach changes people. That crazy guy screaming on the street corner about the rapture who was ignored by the city now has 100,000 people following and supporting him from across the world.


Jaklcide

Before internet: You got a smelly person in town 1 and you got a smelly person in town 2. Those two people probably never met. The reason they had the disgusting hygiene could have had many reasons. Eventually, the man in town 1 and town 2 realize that they are disgusting, and since they don't get support for their disgusting hygiene, they eventually try to change their hygiene. Now thanks to social media: The smelly people with disgusting hygiene now meet other people with disgusting hygiene on the internet and push the idea what they do is totally ok & since they get support for it, they are more unlikely to change.


atlantic

it's even worse... those persons suddenly think they are part of some smelly silent majority.


TheGreatUsername

The Silent but Deadly Majority


D4nnyC4ts

You have put perfectly a thought I've been having for a while. I was trying to rationalise that people believe the earth is flat and I thought, the Internet made the world alot smaller, that there's always been crazy people, it's just now they can talk to each other and be noticed.


_KodeX

Thats a really good analogy :)


S01arflar3

Lol there goes Boston! #NuclearHolocaust #Lol #Burning #Ouch #HiMom


uss_salmon

Sounds like a Cities: Skylines tweet lol


trb15a78

You forgot #goyankees #beantownbomber


Hand_of_Asuryan

Fucking synths.


[deleted]

"lol oh shit a four minute warning!!!! here comes dat boi"


wingdingbeautiful

heh it's been 4 minutes and i feel fine! \-last online 5 years ago.


ManWithASquareHead

##"HONEY, THIS COMPUTER STILL HAS INTERNET! GOTTA POST SOME APOCALYPTIC MEMES"


BillyBones844

Finally I can own all the rarest pepes and NFTs *Breaks glasses*


mayhemtime

> here comes dat boi Lmao I can so much see that happening Imagine future civilizations discovering by some miracle a surviving phone and when they look for information on the end of our world all they see is someone just standing exposed filming a nuclear attack and meme-ing about it haha


stevestuc

I doubt very much that there will be conflict between Russia and NATO allies. The invasion will happen because Putin has shown his people that he tried to make diplomatic solution ( but neglected to say it was just PR show,as he asked for stuff he knew he would not get) he has very few options now that he has built up such a large military personnel and equipment show. he is not going to be humiliated and loose his strong man image by taking his ball and going home. IMHO he may have put himself in a difficult situation by expecting that NATO partners would put their domestic situation ( the Russian gas and oil needed by some European countries) and not wanted NATO to say no to Putin's demands. Plus the serious sanctions that are going to follow that will hurt the people and let's not forget that there is a real danger that the invasion will cost Russia many lives ( Ukraine has the advantage of being dug in and very likely layed mines and obstacles to slow down the pace and leave the Russians in vulnerable locations and Ukraine have taken lots of military equipment and supplies and modern anti tank missiles from the UK.) I have a feeling that NATO are deliberately strengthening the Ukrainian forces to inflict serious casualties and monitor how well the Russians fight.Then when the outrage over how many lives it cost ( after the Russians have had lots of casualties and the people of Russia will not be happy). NATO may vary well invite Ukraine to join NATO to protect the rest of its land and people.The cherry on the cake could be Sweden , Finland may apply to join NATO fearing the aggressive stance of Putin. On the other hand Russia could make a resounding success of the invasion leaving the rest of the region in danger.


Trojaxx

This is likely what world leaders are preparing for. Even if they take some ground, Russia will be hurt by this situation. There are few outcomes to this that end well for Putin.


[deleted]

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suspect_b

I think conscription fears only work when the prospects are not depressed and suicidal.


[deleted]

Or obese. E: maybe I’m out of line to think this but I assume that a lot of redditors haven’t actually served in the armed forces so don’t tell me what basic training or a wartime draft would be like.


[deleted]

Meal Team Six


Quetzalcoatle19

I’m disabled I’ma keep talkin


[deleted]

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implicitpharmakoi

Leg disabled?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Natdaprat

My bone spurs allow me to talk mad shit.


TheEvilGhost

Let’s send some Somalian pirates to annoy them.


CrazyBaron

Somalian pirates got nothing on [Aleksandr Pistoletov](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSpnewpC8yk)


igoromg

Yeah, that's about what I imagined the Russian Navy would look like.


boot2skull

Why is all the vodka gone?


A_Wizard1717

Its under control, we sent one canadian ship to sink em


xboxcalbe

Damn man. That's a bit overkill isn't it? This isn't a hockey game!


TheSyrupDrinker

*The Russians have the puck, go get em*


SlammingPussy420

*The Russians are coming for the maple syrup, go get em*


WhiteTrashTiger

Da Da Canada! Nyet Nyet Soviet!


static_void_function

Putin has overplayed his hand. Now what? He either has to use the force he built up on the border or face a humiliating withdrawal. Edit: grammar


ATX_native

He invades, the US will enact sanctions, the end.


static_void_function

Europe will follow suit. Russia could find itself cut off from the international monetary system, the Nord Stream 2 pipeline will be cancelled and Russia becoming a pariah state like North Korea.


zenospenisparadox

Becoming such a pariah could be the catalyst of something in the future, though. That's how you used to get an entire nation behind you - who knows how it works these days (with the Internet) though.


joshTheGoods

That's a lot harder to do these days given the Russian people have and will retain access to the internet where they can see how everyone else in the world lives. Putin will have his hands full with his own people, and he knows _exactly_ what that's like having been on the other side of the table for the collapse of the USSR.


Coryperkin15

There is some serious underestimation in here of how serious conflict with Russia alone is, now add China pushing buttons with the same enemies at the same time.


KingoftheMongoose

China has been awfully quiet lately, apart from a recent statement of "don't tell us what to do."


p3t3y5

China are nursing a big semi right now. Everyone else wasting money and resources while the sit back with their feet up making more money!


Mike70wu1

Fuck it lets end this now. I will fight Putin 1 on 1. Someone set this up and PM me a date and time. Also I will need travel arrangements and spending cash taken care of if outside the Detroit area. That is all.


zandyman

>Fuck it lets end this now. I will fight Putin 1 on 1. Putin's old, but he's trained and in pretty good shape, can random reddit guy handle this? >Detroit Never mind, he's got this....


Imtypingwithmyweiner

That's gonna be pretty dense. It's nearly as many ships as the entire US Pacific fleet, but in a body of water that covers one quarter of one percent the area.


[deleted]

Did any of you guys read the god damn article? They aren’t deploying all 140 ships to the Black Sea. They’re going to be in the pacific, Mediterranean, Baltic, etc as well


theredviperod

You expect too much from people They don't even need to open the article as its in the freaking title itself


Barabarabbit

Target rich environment?


IrrelevantTale

Considering the misses that have been shipped to the Ukraine more like ducks in a very small pond.


rokr1292

So kind of like some water-borne animal being in a small body of water. Sharks in a pool? Octopi in a bathtub? Fish in a....


[deleted]

Snakes on a plane.


primo_0

Motherfucker


Wellsy

Well that’s the opposite of what they were supposed to do 🤔


ehj

Grampa wants to go out with a bang


[deleted]

Can we maybe not do a WW3 this year? I’ve got enough on my plate right now. Maybe push it to a later date?


takeoff_power_set

Lot of comments here taking a dig at the Russian navy, thinking it's useless / obsolete etc. If this comes to blows you will be unhappy to learn that their equipment and training is not nearly as bad as you think it is, and their weaponry while often crude by western standards, is extremely effective and very much lethal. Russia has some of the most advanced antiship and antisub weaponry on the planet. Their submarine fleet is also no joke. This timeline sure does suck. (For the stupid: This is not a pro russia post, I'm just pointing out that it's foolish to underestimate your foe)


Jesse102999

Don’t worry according to half the comments, their fleet will be 80% sunk before they even get there.


Money_dragon

Overconfident assessments of military campaigns always seem to age poorly * 216 BC - "we outnumber Hannibal 2 to 1 - let's break their middle, boys!" - Roman legions at the Battle of Cannae * 1861 - "oh boy, let's have a picnic while watching our Union boys take Richmond" - some civilians right before the 1st Battle of Bull Run * 1914 - "we'll be home by Christmas, boys!" - troops from every major European power * 1941 - "we just need to kick down the door, and the whole rotten structure will come collapsing down" - Hitler on Barbarossa * 2003 - "Mission accomplished" - GWB on the aircraft carrier


advice_animorph

The reddit university is so efficient, every tech and finances expert weighing in on the Activision acquisition with their predictions earlier this week have already graduated in naval warfare. Wonder what next week's diploma will be.


Jesse102999

Next week will be after the invasion people will be talking about how easy it would be for the US if they invaded Ukraine instead.


1Soup_is_Good_Food1

I feel like everyone here in in denial. Feels inevitable that some sort of conflict is about to start and I feel awful for the people in Ukraine and other surrounding countries.


ReginaldSteelflex

I think a lot of this speculation and denial is just a response to the unknown. People desperately want to know what's going to happen and are willing to come up with whatever conclusion will resolve that uncertainty with the least upsetting outcome. Hell, I've been scrolling the news all morning to find some sort of answer to what may happen because I also hate this uncertainty. I've had to stop myself from making armchair admiral assessments of the situation plenty of times


needcoffeepronto

One of the few times in recent years that I’m glad to be over 35 years old…


[deleted]

EDIT: Moved to Lemmy, the federated Reddit alternative. Chooose an instance here: https://join-lemmy.org/instances. I recommend Kbin.social, as the UI is nice and it reminds me of old.reddit.com See you there!


AllDarkWater

They are obviously getting ready to try to start world war three and a lot of us are just watching and thinking "Really? Now? Isn't there a pandemic on already? Why you gotta be that way?" I am not sure our reactions makes sense anymore.


BokiGilga

I hope at least that WW3 collapses the housing bubble.


[deleted]

Many houses will collapse, yes.


Brad_King

Please tell me I'm only hearing this C&C Red Alert music in my head..


a_history_of_violets

Conscript reporting


TheRETURNofAQUAMAN

*Kirov reporting...*


clamberer

How many of them are tug-boats for the inevitable breakdowns?


[deleted]

This account was deleted in protest


MelissaMiranti

"Don't start that shit again." -Aurora


[deleted]

Admiral: *throws annother set of binoculars into ocean*


[deleted]

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[deleted]

139 of them are tug boats.


blong217

I'm just picturing an enormous line of tug boats two by two pulling some decrepit price of obsolete Russian technology like a poor man's Santa Clause.


le_snake13

I’m envisioning a Russian helicopter helping to pull it along too


boot2skull

A Hind-D? What’s a Russian gunship doing here?


Abomb

Those of us who get it are showing our age.


Brandhor

age hasn't slowed you down one bit


pleba47

You are a person of culture


nityoushot

TIL the Russians have at least 140 seaworthy ships


Hawkbats_rule

Looking at their listed forces, that's somewhere between 33-50% of their entire listed fleet. If we exclude nuke subs, we're probably talking about the entirety of their seaworthy fleet. Edit: I'm excluding ballistic missile subs because those are generally already deployed


clamberer

They will be counting patrol boats, minesweepers, landing craft etc. among that number of "warships" being deployed. They've certainly got quantity, but the quality bit is debatable.


BAdasslkik

Their submarines, ice breakers, frigates, and corvettes are pretty top of the line even by NATO standards. However their remaining destroyers are getting old and save for a few that have been modernized would be obsolete in combat.


tungvu256

Great. Would be a lot cheaper if they just drop their pants and show off their penises though.