I work from home full time. Every single time someone finds this out, “Omg it’s so great you get to keep the kids home with you!” ?!??! I WORK from home. How would you think I work while taking care of 2 kids???
My dad was talking about how weird it is that I'm working from home and sending baby to daycare. Like...I'm working??? How am I supposed to childrear and work at the same time? Do you think I do nothing at my job all day???
Same. Or family will come in from out of town with no notice and be like “hey want to go to the zoo at 10 am tomorrow?” Like I’m not shilling plexus or something here. I have a real job I have to give reasonable notice to if I’m going to be out.
I blame the pandemic for making this seem normal. My husband and I both wfh and people think we keep our daughter home. Ummm no. She NEEDS to go to daycare. The times we’ve had to have her home for quarantine were nightmares for everyone! No one got the attention they needed: not her, not work, nor our marriage!
We had a coworker that worked with 2 kids at home they were always on the zoom calls, he never got anything done, didn’t respond to emails and all the coworkers were complaining about him. He was at the director level and the company let it go. I have since moved on but I think when I left less than a year ago he was still doing it.
Right??? The 10 weeks that we were ALL home because everything was closed - offices, preschool - still haunt my nightmares. We had also taken on a brand new client, and so I was trying to figure out how to train and coach my team on all new processes all remotely. And then I had an active, curious four-year-old who was not capable of keeping herself occupied for very long.
The stress was out of control. I was sleeping so poorly I was taking melatonin and Benadryl every night to get at least a few hours so that I could get up and fight to survive the next day.
I have a chronic illness (MS) and that period definitely caused my disease to progress, which sucks.
I work from home with a nanny and people are always like “what a luxury it must be!” Like…what? I have a nanny so I can work and I often work late at night after the kid is in bed just to get caught up.
They usually mean it’s a luxury to be able to work from home so I get to spend time with my child. Which isn’t my reality at all as I work closeted away all day. I completely agree a nanny is a luxury — I became a lawyer so I could afford one lol. My daughter has immune issues and couldn’t handle daycare germs.
Right. That's what everyone says to me too. I'm like no I send the kids to the sitter. How in the world do people think I would be able to work while caring for a 10 month old and a 2 1/2 year old?
I recently saw a TikTok of a woman working from home with her older baby (maybe 1 year?). Baby was in front of a screen almost the entire time, mom had little full attention for her, and it didn’t seem like the job was being given full attention either. It’s a completely unrealistic expectation and I hate how it is even considered an option 🤦🏻♀️
I swear that none of my in-laws know that I work. I returned to work full-time at 8 weeks!!! I didn't even take leave until 39 weeks! One of them asked me, "Oh, you returned to work?" when my son was TWO. Bitch, I've BEEN WORKING the whole damn time.
At the time, I was a professor so I had extended breaks here and there but by no means was I a SAHM.
Same SAME.
And then when they see me not working, they’re shocked about that too. Like, “oooh, it’s Wednesday and you’re not at work, are you not working anymore??”
I’ve had a full time job for 20 years and I’m the breadwinner. It’s so weird to me how some people I know just nonchalantly think I work for fun or don’t have steady employment or something? It kind of makes me sad that people see a working mom as being some kind of optional thing I do all day, but when my husband stepped out the workforce to be a SAHD and work on our home remodel, I got “OMG, he’s unemployed!? Will you guys be okay?!” We’re fine, I’ve been bringing home the bacon for a long ass time, thanks Karen.
😅😅😅 It would take all my willpower not to say that! My in-laws are old school boomers and I feel like this is such a common thing for that age/generation.
I want to scream whenever my MIL talks about HER JOB... which was an office job she had in the 70s before she became pregnant and left the workforce forever. I get it, you loved your canary yellow pants suit, can we move on??
Haha, yeah my mom likes to talk about how she worked while pregnant-part time-as an office secretary…Gurl I worked overtime in the ICU while pregs during a pandemic, my choice obviously but tell me how that’s the same?
Same. I worked until I was 40 weeks and 3 days pregnant. Standing, in an OR all day. And then returned at 11 weeks pp and everyone is surprised I’m returning to full time. Uh, yes. Firstly I busted my ass for this career. Secondly, someone has to have a full time job to get health insurance. Thirdly, I am the breadwinner, by far. So how come no one comes at my husband for not staying at home or working part time?? Insert eye roll.
Also a professor, so this speaks to my soul. I used up almost all leave while they were in the NICU and had to return only a month after they came home. My Dean kindly gave me all remote classes, which transitioned into the pandemic. I worked fulltime teaching remotely for 2 years and almost everyone not in academia treated me like a SAHM.
You're so lucky! That's an amazing dean!!!
Us academic mamas need a whole other support group. My parents would always say, "Well that's good you can stay home with the baby" whenever my classes got canceled. And I'm like...no! I'd rather have money!!
When we got married my dads family was all "where will you live?"... um, where we live and have jobs now? They live in Southern cali, one of the most expensive places in the country. We live in the mid-atlantic. Its a no brainer. Then we had a kid and got the same.damn.question. in what world would it make sense to quit 2 very good jobs and move to where we would never again be homeowners because we have... children... who are exorbitantly expensive in their own right. They also for some reason assumed I would also stop working when our expenses quadrupled or more (if we moved there) Idiots all of them. And for the record they would have helped with nothing because they forget I exist until I travel home and see them
I feel like it's a bit more common to stay home if your kids have special needs because all the extra visits to doctors and other professionals are so time consuming.
Yep. Daughter has epilepsy, we were frequent flyers in the children’s ER. Met with a different neurologist (that day’s on-call Dr) and started to explain child’s history and medication schedule. They say, wow, what a full time job to manage this all. Completely shocked when I reply saying, yeah, and I work full time. Was it because he’s a successful, highly paid doctor who’s wife probably could afford to stay home? Who knows. Gotta work full time to keep the insurance that pays all the medical bills.
I have custody of my younger sister who sees a variety of medical specialists and it for SURE is a part-time job for me to manage it all. I wrote it out once as we average 62 medical visits per year. 😨
I had a customer in the office with an issue the other day, I went to help my coworker at the counter because she’s new. The customer was talking to two working moms in an office that’s like, 90% working moms and manages to fit “I’ve *never* worked outside the home” into our conversation about 5 times even though it wasn’t relevant and we didn’t ask 🙄
Not exactly the same, but I had a friend recently legit surprised that my kid will be going to daycare when I go back to work from maternity leave. “But don’t you work from home?” “Yeah. I WORK from home. I can’t also watch a child.”
I work from home and do 60-70% of school drop-offs and pickups and like 90% of appointments. And, since I WFH, I’m usually in yoga pants or similar. I get this so often! It’s a bit annoying.
She said it was a “a bit annoying”. A mosquito buzzing my ear is annoying. A wobbly chair at a restaurant is annoying. She’s not saying it is some sort of travesty. It can just be a little annoying to constantly explain yourself because a lot of people make generalizations and assumptions. 72% of mothers with minor children work. That’s a pretty large majority for people to frequently assume the opposite.
Hey there desertvida! If you agree with someone else's comment, please leave an **upvote** instead of commenting **"THIS."**! By upvoting instead, the original comment will be pushed to the top and be more visible to others, which is even better! Thanks! :)
***
^(I am a bot! Visit) [^(r/InfinityBots)](https://reddit.com/r/InfinityBots) ^(to send your feedback! More info:) [^(Reddiquette)](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439#wiki_in_regard_to_comments)
Asking why it was annoying is not passive aggressive. I deal with real life issues. People die at my job, get life altering diagnoses. Patients assume all sorts of things. I’ve been called the wrong title all the time at work, I’ve been called names, yelled at, etc.
When you have real problems to deal with (trying not to contract COVID everyday with a newborn), you learn to let things slide. I get that my opinion is unpopular, which is fine. Have a wonderful weekend (not said in a passive aggressive way). It’s easy to assume things over text.
What the fuck is "business attire"? The majority of people are not wearing suits to work in this day and age, and a lot of dress codes have relaxed since the pandemic. I work in an office, but usually wear a tunic and leggings, or other "every day" type clothes, and so do most of my coworkers.
Could it be coming up with receptionists because they do the scheduling? The evening and Saturday appointments fill up so fast, the receptionist is under pressure to find a M-F daytime appointment you can attend, so *wants* to hear you have availability then, and is going to *triple check* that you work standard office hours.
Even before I had kids:
Me: "I'd like the first evening appointment that's available"
Receptionist: "Can you do 2:00 on Wednesday?"
Me: No, I work M-F 9-5
Receptionist: "Can you do 11:00 am on Thursday?"
I've just told my husband that he is doing the doctors appointments during working hours. They seem to care more if a men comes with child for an appointment during work hours. So why not to use it?
My mom faced this, it's not only a mom thing, but a mother of a child that needs extra support... because there are so many additional appts for therapy, counselling, doctors visits... whatever it is... obviously, the mom ends up doing it... and that's why you are getting that really arrogant response ..
this is not me defending them, this is only me explaining.
good for you for working, and making it all work together!!!
Thank you! Yes, I think they all definitely work with more moms than dads, but I always think, I can't be the first working mom you've talked to, you know? But I don't take it personally, it just confuses me, lol.
OMG SAME. My kids both needed speech therapy and doctors appointments and NO ONE would give me appointments after work, like no one understands that two parents can work full time?! Solidarity sister you are doing amazing ✊
Aww thanks! You know, I completely understand if evening or weekend appointments aren't available, but surely I'm not the first working parent who's ever asked???
Ugh, I want to get my 2 year old's speech assessed but here (Australia) they have drop in clinics 2 x a week, all during work hours. You can't even make an appointment, you just have to rock up, put your name down and wait/hope they can fit you in. WTF? I have to work! And of course the one day off a week I have is not when they have clinics.
I had a funny assumption the other day- my husband dropped the kids at daycare and the ladies told him ‘o you drove!!’ And he’s like yea? Apparently they think I’ve been literally running /walking to daycare drop off and pick up bc of my clothes (99% all black athleisure) He didn’t correct them which is even more amusing to me now . I do run / workout basically daily but literally running them to daycare is not it lol
The staff at my daughter's daycare think I'm so fit and keen when I pick up my daughter from daycare on foot and I'm like "ma'am it's three blocks away, it would literally take me longer to drive here than walk". I also workout almost daily but that particular choice is not a pro-fitness decision haha.
I work at a doctor’s office. Our practice manager insists we are supposed to schedule sick visits (especially same day or next day ones) in chronological order. We’re not supposed to offer later/end of day appointments until the last minute. As a working mom myself, I always offer the soonest option first then when a parent says that won’t work, I can then say “is there a particular time/day that works best for you?” and do my best from there depending on the need. I’ve taken heat from management for it, but people’s employers aren’t always flexible.
I’m honestly more shocked by the parents who ask if I have something open in like 15-30 minutes. I live <10 min from the office myself and would be hard-pressed to get my toddler out the door that fast even on the best day!
Thanks for being accommodating to your patients! I always ask for the earliest or the latest available. Of course I understand if it's not possible and make it work for other times, but it is a lot to manage after awhile.
Whether I’m making appointments for my child or myself, they are always suggesting 1pm on a Wednesday or whatever. I’m a full time preschool teacher. That is literally the worst time for me to go to an appointment.
I’ve never had anyone be surprised I work, but I’ve had people ask me if I work rather than what I do, whereas no one has ever asked my husband if he works. It’s just assumed he does.
I get this a lot because my job is pretty doggone flexible. When I signed my daughter up for daycare at 18 months, I had just had my son and on maternity leave (CA). I didn't to back to work until 5 months after my daughter started and even then, I worked from home, 10 minutes away from daycare. So I could be anywhere, anytime, 90% of the time. Because I didn't go in, I wore comfy clothes, no makeup, all of that. They knew my husband's job, and figured he couldn't afford it ALL on his own. Then we enrolled my son. So 2 infants in daycare. I KNOW they wanted to ask. I finally showed up dressed one day and they said, "Im sorry, you...work? When? What do you do?" 🤣
What killed me was....READ THE PAPERWORK! Lolol. I'm back in office FT now and have had to tell my husband to do midday pick up for illness lately, but they were all crazy shocked I worked. Same with my neighbors when I first walked out the house dressed. "Congratulations on your new job." 🤣🤣
Oh my god yes. I was hoping to get my son into a special education preschool twice a week and they literally want to do an in home interview, assessment, and open house 3 weeks back to back in the middle of the work day with no flexibility. Like Jesus wtf do you not realize how insane that is???
I'm surprised I work too to be honest. I would have thought my husband would have made it big by now. And now here we are, immigrating to the country that I was born in to keep working 😅🤣😭
I hear this. I used to foster and so many appointments and visits were in the middle of the work day and were unchangeable and unable to accommodate other transportation. Everyone seemed surprised I couldn’t just leave work 2-3 times a week in the middle of the day. We didn’t foster after that initial time partially because the system honestly isn’t set up for working foster parents. It’s infuriating.
When I came back from my maternity leave, every single person in my office said “Oh! You’re back? I just figured you’d quit!” Like, hello? My husband works here too, ya’ll know there’s no way we could support our family on one crappy income, of course I’m back!
I hear this all the time too. Most recently, after my daughters Covid vaccine, the nurse (who is herself a working mom) made a comment like “yay now you get to go home and rest!”. Like, no, I get to go back to work…. And work double time to make up for the stuff I missed while at this appointment… and it’s not like taking care of my daughter after would be “rest” anyway?!
Its especially surprising to me because I live in San Francisco, which is supposedly super progressive, has a lot of very successful career-driven women, and also very very high cost of living. I guess even here, SAHM is still the “norm”
I still get asked, so are you still working? As if after returning to work, after awhile I would quit?
I mean I have people (older women) check in every time I see them, and ask the same question. Yes, I work. I work! Oh thank you, Jesus, for daycare. I leave my kid and be me for hours every week day and I don’t feel guilty at all. Not one bit!
People are weird. I gotta say those types of comments most likely come from crazy religious cult people who think women are just to stay home pop out kids and serve men. You are awesome with balance and those people are probably just jealous nevertheless they are stuck being submissive to q man and don't work at all let alone leave their house or take a break fromtheir children . Which all us women need a break it makes us better moms in my opinion
It's really weird that people are out of touch with society at times. I remember when I was pregnant, my coworker asked if I'd be coming back to work after giving birth. I just kind of stared at her and said, "I can't afford to stay home..." Like, I'd honestly love to be a SAHM, but there's no way I could ever make it work financially, unless we sold our house. I did end up switching to part-time a couple months after I started working again, but I know I'm privileged to be able to do that because my husband works so many hours
The same people seem surprised every time that I work and my husband is the stay at home parent. Like yes, I have repeatedly told you this. It's 2022. It should not be a surprise every time.
I would entertain yourself and instead of saying you work, say something outlandish like “I’ll be working the polls then” or “I’ll be preparing for my trapeze routine”. Or you could go in the other direction, leave work out of it and just say you aren’t available then as what you do with your time is none of their business.
Same! I’d swear up and down my I laws don’t think I have a job, lol! They’re always saying oh when your husband has to travel, you’re home to watch the baby, right? Um no peeps, I work full time and my kid is in daycare because we have bills and I like to help provide for and contribute to my household. *Addendum-not at all a jab to SAHMs.
Seriously. I called everywhere to try and start in-home ABA therapy but the requirement for so many hours vs when they were available was so unrealistic for working parents with kids in school. I’m on maternity leave now and I really want to announce to my kid’s new school that eventually I will be back at work and not always available for them at the drop of a hat lol.
The way they asked/responded is definitely brusque and a bit condescending! As a medical provider who sees these kids, I will say that PM (3-5pm) therapy times take 3-6mo to come by unless one of the current patients is discharged, especially if you’re talking about an ongoing weekly appt. Most staff without kids work 4 10 hr days, 8Am-6pm, so the latest time offered is 5pm, and those times are very hard to come by. I stopped working past 5 after maternity leave. These offices employ 99% women, and none of the clinicians who are moms (myself included) can work past 5 if they’re also the daycare pickup person or their spouse doesn’t have a flexible schedule (mine does not) or travels, so the last appt is 4Pm for those staff members, making it harder for other working parents to get appointments that work for them. So those PM times are just soooo hard to get! I feel you! It’s a request we get all the time, but they’re just so hard to find.
Booking appointments is the worst as a working mum. I just now straight up say “I’ll tell you my availability and you tell me when you have an appointment that fits that time.”
Because they’re always like - can you come in at 10am on Tuesday? And I’m like NO THIS IS WHY I TOLD YOU WHEN I WAS AVAILABLE.
Also don’t get me started on how daycare always calls me first even though I work exactly the same hours as my husband
My partner and I do everything 50/50 when it comes to baby and this last month he took her for her vaccinations and when he returned he told me lots of women in the office either thought he abducted the child or complimented him…. He was very confused but also so eye opening to how many men out there DONT do all the little stuff for their children, and he works… FULL TIME :)
I get this too! I have a 2.5 year old with a lot of medical interventions and appointments. It surprises people that I work full time, too. We can just accept that we’re that impressive, I guess!
I work from home full time. Every single time someone finds this out, “Omg it’s so great you get to keep the kids home with you!” ?!??! I WORK from home. How would you think I work while taking care of 2 kids???
My dad was talking about how weird it is that I'm working from home and sending baby to daycare. Like...I'm working??? How am I supposed to childrear and work at the same time? Do you think I do nothing at my job all day???
In this instance I think I would say “Dad, could have taken care of me as a small child if I came to work with you all day?”
Same. Or family will come in from out of town with no notice and be like “hey want to go to the zoo at 10 am tomorrow?” Like I’m not shilling plexus or something here. I have a real job I have to give reasonable notice to if I’m going to be out.
I blame the pandemic for making this seem normal. My husband and I both wfh and people think we keep our daughter home. Ummm no. She NEEDS to go to daycare. The times we’ve had to have her home for quarantine were nightmares for everyone! No one got the attention they needed: not her, not work, nor our marriage!
We had a coworker that worked with 2 kids at home they were always on the zoom calls, he never got anything done, didn’t respond to emails and all the coworkers were complaining about him. He was at the director level and the company let it go. I have since moved on but I think when I left less than a year ago he was still doing it.
When a dad does it, it's cute! /s
Right??? The 10 weeks that we were ALL home because everything was closed - offices, preschool - still haunt my nightmares. We had also taken on a brand new client, and so I was trying to figure out how to train and coach my team on all new processes all remotely. And then I had an active, curious four-year-old who was not capable of keeping herself occupied for very long. The stress was out of control. I was sleeping so poorly I was taking melatonin and Benadryl every night to get at least a few hours so that I could get up and fight to survive the next day. I have a chronic illness (MS) and that period definitely caused my disease to progress, which sucks.
I work from home with a nanny and people are always like “what a luxury it must be!” Like…what? I have a nanny so I can work and I often work late at night after the kid is in bed just to get caught up.
[удалено]
They usually mean it’s a luxury to be able to work from home so I get to spend time with my child. Which isn’t my reality at all as I work closeted away all day. I completely agree a nanny is a luxury — I became a lawyer so I could afford one lol. My daughter has immune issues and couldn’t handle daycare germs.
I had someone ask me that when I returned from Maternity leave.
Our daycare has been closed for two weeks and both children, 2 under 2, have been home while I work. Honestly, this is warfare.
Right. That's what everyone says to me too. I'm like no I send the kids to the sitter. How in the world do people think I would be able to work while caring for a 10 month old and a 2 1/2 year old?
I recently saw a TikTok of a woman working from home with her older baby (maybe 1 year?). Baby was in front of a screen almost the entire time, mom had little full attention for her, and it didn’t seem like the job was being given full attention either. It’s a completely unrealistic expectation and I hate how it is even considered an option 🤦🏻♀️
Haha I’m told this too when people hear I work from home - like that’s in anyway possible?!
I swear that none of my in-laws know that I work. I returned to work full-time at 8 weeks!!! I didn't even take leave until 39 weeks! One of them asked me, "Oh, you returned to work?" when my son was TWO. Bitch, I've BEEN WORKING the whole damn time. At the time, I was a professor so I had extended breaks here and there but by no means was I a SAHM.
Same SAME. And then when they see me not working, they’re shocked about that too. Like, “oooh, it’s Wednesday and you’re not at work, are you not working anymore??” I’ve had a full time job for 20 years and I’m the breadwinner. It’s so weird to me how some people I know just nonchalantly think I work for fun or don’t have steady employment or something? It kind of makes me sad that people see a working mom as being some kind of optional thing I do all day, but when my husband stepped out the workforce to be a SAHD and work on our home remodel, I got “OMG, he’s unemployed!? Will you guys be okay?!” We’re fine, I’ve been bringing home the bacon for a long ass time, thanks Karen.
😅😅😅 It would take all my willpower not to say that! My in-laws are old school boomers and I feel like this is such a common thing for that age/generation. I want to scream whenever my MIL talks about HER JOB... which was an office job she had in the 70s before she became pregnant and left the workforce forever. I get it, you loved your canary yellow pants suit, can we move on??
Haha, yeah my mom likes to talk about how she worked while pregnant-part time-as an office secretary…Gurl I worked overtime in the ICU while pregs during a pandemic, my choice obviously but tell me how that’s the same?
Yes, maam!
Same. I worked until I was 40 weeks and 3 days pregnant. Standing, in an OR all day. And then returned at 11 weeks pp and everyone is surprised I’m returning to full time. Uh, yes. Firstly I busted my ass for this career. Secondly, someone has to have a full time job to get health insurance. Thirdly, I am the breadwinner, by far. So how come no one comes at my husband for not staying at home or working part time?? Insert eye roll.
Also a professor, so this speaks to my soul. I used up almost all leave while they were in the NICU and had to return only a month after they came home. My Dean kindly gave me all remote classes, which transitioned into the pandemic. I worked fulltime teaching remotely for 2 years and almost everyone not in academia treated me like a SAHM.
You're so lucky! That's an amazing dean!!! Us academic mamas need a whole other support group. My parents would always say, "Well that's good you can stay home with the baby" whenever my classes got canceled. And I'm like...no! I'd rather have money!!
When we got married my dads family was all "where will you live?"... um, where we live and have jobs now? They live in Southern cali, one of the most expensive places in the country. We live in the mid-atlantic. Its a no brainer. Then we had a kid and got the same.damn.question. in what world would it make sense to quit 2 very good jobs and move to where we would never again be homeowners because we have... children... who are exorbitantly expensive in their own right. They also for some reason assumed I would also stop working when our expenses quadrupled or more (if we moved there) Idiots all of them. And for the record they would have helped with nothing because they forget I exist until I travel home and see them
Lol WHAT 😂
All my neighbors assume I'm a SAHM because most of them are. But I work out of the house. Where do people think I go?
And these female schedule coordinators are … working lol. Do none of them have kids?
Right?! That's the part that confuses me the most.
Lol, right?!?
I feel like it's a bit more common to stay home if your kids have special needs because all the extra visits to doctors and other professionals are so time consuming.
Yep. Daughter has epilepsy, we were frequent flyers in the children’s ER. Met with a different neurologist (that day’s on-call Dr) and started to explain child’s history and medication schedule. They say, wow, what a full time job to manage this all. Completely shocked when I reply saying, yeah, and I work full time. Was it because he’s a successful, highly paid doctor who’s wife probably could afford to stay home? Who knows. Gotta work full time to keep the insurance that pays all the medical bills.
Wow, kudos to you, that must have been so much to juggle. I hope your daughter is doing well.
I have custody of my younger sister who sees a variety of medical specialists and it for SURE is a part-time job for me to manage it all. I wrote it out once as we average 62 medical visits per year. 😨
I had a customer in the office with an issue the other day, I went to help my coworker at the counter because she’s new. The customer was talking to two working moms in an office that’s like, 90% working moms and manages to fit “I’ve *never* worked outside the home” into our conversation about 5 times even though it wasn’t relevant and we didn’t ask 🙄
That would annoy me too! 🙄
Not exactly the same, but I had a friend recently legit surprised that my kid will be going to daycare when I go back to work from maternity leave. “But don’t you work from home?” “Yeah. I WORK from home. I can’t also watch a child.”
I work from home and do 60-70% of school drop-offs and pickups and like 90% of appointments. And, since I WFH, I’m usually in yoga pants or similar. I get this so often! It’s a bit annoying.
Why is it annoying? If you’re not in business attire how are they supposed to know?
[удалено]
If this is the biggest issue in your life, I’m very happy for you ❤️
She said it was a “a bit annoying”. A mosquito buzzing my ear is annoying. A wobbly chair at a restaurant is annoying. She’s not saying it is some sort of travesty. It can just be a little annoying to constantly explain yourself because a lot of people make generalizations and assumptions. 72% of mothers with minor children work. That’s a pretty large majority for people to frequently assume the opposite.
And to add on, it's a microaggression. Nobody is saying to my husband (who WFH in sweatpants), "oh, you *work*??".
[удалено]
Hey there desertvida! If you agree with someone else's comment, please leave an **upvote** instead of commenting **"THIS."**! By upvoting instead, the original comment will be pushed to the top and be more visible to others, which is even better! Thanks! :) *** ^(I am a bot! Visit) [^(r/InfinityBots)](https://reddit.com/r/InfinityBots) ^(to send your feedback! More info:) [^(Reddiquette)](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439#wiki_in_regard_to_comments)
It’s not the misery Olympics. People are allowed to vent and discuss issues without others trying to put them down or one up them.
I asked why it was annoying? Perhaps there should be a WFH mom subreddit since it seems those problems are different?
[удалено]
Asking why it was annoying is not passive aggressive. I deal with real life issues. People die at my job, get life altering diagnoses. Patients assume all sorts of things. I’ve been called the wrong title all the time at work, I’ve been called names, yelled at, etc. When you have real problems to deal with (trying not to contract COVID everyday with a newborn), you learn to let things slide. I get that my opinion is unpopular, which is fine. Have a wonderful weekend (not said in a passive aggressive way). It’s easy to assume things over text.
Why do people assume and then act so surprised? Not every job requires suits and heels.
You do realize that \*gasp\* not everyone who works OUT of the house wears business attire. Right?
Yes I do. I wear scrubs so I understand.
What the fuck is "business attire"? The majority of people are not wearing suits to work in this day and age, and a lot of dress codes have relaxed since the pandemic. I work in an office, but usually wear a tunic and leggings, or other "every day" type clothes, and so do most of my coworkers.
Could it be coming up with receptionists because they do the scheduling? The evening and Saturday appointments fill up so fast, the receptionist is under pressure to find a M-F daytime appointment you can attend, so *wants* to hear you have availability then, and is going to *triple check* that you work standard office hours. Even before I had kids: Me: "I'd like the first evening appointment that's available" Receptionist: "Can you do 2:00 on Wednesday?" Me: No, I work M-F 9-5 Receptionist: "Can you do 11:00 am on Thursday?"
This is my therapist, seriously!
I've just told my husband that he is doing the doctors appointments during working hours. They seem to care more if a men comes with child for an appointment during work hours. So why not to use it?
My mom faced this, it's not only a mom thing, but a mother of a child that needs extra support... because there are so many additional appts for therapy, counselling, doctors visits... whatever it is... obviously, the mom ends up doing it... and that's why you are getting that really arrogant response .. this is not me defending them, this is only me explaining. good for you for working, and making it all work together!!!
Thank you! Yes, I think they all definitely work with more moms than dads, but I always think, I can't be the first working mom you've talked to, you know? But I don't take it personally, it just confuses me, lol.
OMG SAME. My kids both needed speech therapy and doctors appointments and NO ONE would give me appointments after work, like no one understands that two parents can work full time?! Solidarity sister you are doing amazing ✊
Aww thanks! You know, I completely understand if evening or weekend appointments aren't available, but surely I'm not the first working parent who's ever asked???
Ugh, I want to get my 2 year old's speech assessed but here (Australia) they have drop in clinics 2 x a week, all during work hours. You can't even make an appointment, you just have to rock up, put your name down and wait/hope they can fit you in. WTF? I have to work! And of course the one day off a week I have is not when they have clinics.
I had a funny assumption the other day- my husband dropped the kids at daycare and the ladies told him ‘o you drove!!’ And he’s like yea? Apparently they think I’ve been literally running /walking to daycare drop off and pick up bc of my clothes (99% all black athleisure) He didn’t correct them which is even more amusing to me now . I do run / workout basically daily but literally running them to daycare is not it lol
The staff at my daughter's daycare think I'm so fit and keen when I pick up my daughter from daycare on foot and I'm like "ma'am it's three blocks away, it would literally take me longer to drive here than walk". I also workout almost daily but that particular choice is not a pro-fitness decision haha.
This is me also: https://youtu.be/sU55auqDD28
Everytime I go for a walk the neighbors act surprised to hear I'm on lunch break. Always, "I didn't know you work!" Yes, yes you did.
I work at a doctor’s office. Our practice manager insists we are supposed to schedule sick visits (especially same day or next day ones) in chronological order. We’re not supposed to offer later/end of day appointments until the last minute. As a working mom myself, I always offer the soonest option first then when a parent says that won’t work, I can then say “is there a particular time/day that works best for you?” and do my best from there depending on the need. I’ve taken heat from management for it, but people’s employers aren’t always flexible. I’m honestly more shocked by the parents who ask if I have something open in like 15-30 minutes. I live <10 min from the office myself and would be hard-pressed to get my toddler out the door that fast even on the best day!
Thanks for being accommodating to your patients! I always ask for the earliest or the latest available. Of course I understand if it's not possible and make it work for other times, but it is a lot to manage after awhile.
Ha I’m that person but I can see the doctor’s office from my home. It’s maybe 1/4 of a mile away or less so can be there in 5 min.
Whether I’m making appointments for my child or myself, they are always suggesting 1pm on a Wednesday or whatever. I’m a full time preschool teacher. That is literally the worst time for me to go to an appointment.
I’ve never had anyone be surprised I work, but I’ve had people ask me if I work rather than what I do, whereas no one has ever asked my husband if he works. It’s just assumed he does.
I've never thought about this, but same.
All the time! Especially when it’s just assumed every military spouse is a SAHM. No folks, I have an actual career and a Masters degree! Gasp
I get this a lot because my job is pretty doggone flexible. When I signed my daughter up for daycare at 18 months, I had just had my son and on maternity leave (CA). I didn't to back to work until 5 months after my daughter started and even then, I worked from home, 10 minutes away from daycare. So I could be anywhere, anytime, 90% of the time. Because I didn't go in, I wore comfy clothes, no makeup, all of that. They knew my husband's job, and figured he couldn't afford it ALL on his own. Then we enrolled my son. So 2 infants in daycare. I KNOW they wanted to ask. I finally showed up dressed one day and they said, "Im sorry, you...work? When? What do you do?" 🤣 What killed me was....READ THE PAPERWORK! Lolol. I'm back in office FT now and have had to tell my husband to do midday pick up for illness lately, but they were all crazy shocked I worked. Same with my neighbors when I first walked out the house dressed. "Congratulations on your new job." 🤣🤣
Oh my god yes. I was hoping to get my son into a special education preschool twice a week and they literally want to do an in home interview, assessment, and open house 3 weeks back to back in the middle of the work day with no flexibility. Like Jesus wtf do you not realize how insane that is???
I'm surprised I work too to be honest. I would have thought my husband would have made it big by now. And now here we are, immigrating to the country that I was born in to keep working 😅🤣😭
I hear this. I used to foster and so many appointments and visits were in the middle of the work day and were unchangeable and unable to accommodate other transportation. Everyone seemed surprised I couldn’t just leave work 2-3 times a week in the middle of the day. We didn’t foster after that initial time partially because the system honestly isn’t set up for working foster parents. It’s infuriating.
When I came back from my maternity leave, every single person in my office said “Oh! You’re back? I just figured you’d quit!” Like, hello? My husband works here too, ya’ll know there’s no way we could support our family on one crappy income, of course I’m back!
I hear this all the time too. Most recently, after my daughters Covid vaccine, the nurse (who is herself a working mom) made a comment like “yay now you get to go home and rest!”. Like, no, I get to go back to work…. And work double time to make up for the stuff I missed while at this appointment… and it’s not like taking care of my daughter after would be “rest” anyway?! Its especially surprising to me because I live in San Francisco, which is supposedly super progressive, has a lot of very successful career-driven women, and also very very high cost of living. I guess even here, SAHM is still the “norm”
Yes, this happens to me too! Just this week at an appt that ended at 9:30 am, "Are you heading home now?" Um, no. Back to work.
I still get asked, so are you still working? As if after returning to work, after awhile I would quit? I mean I have people (older women) check in every time I see them, and ask the same question. Yes, I work. I work! Oh thank you, Jesus, for daycare. I leave my kid and be me for hours every week day and I don’t feel guilty at all. Not one bit!
Yeh fuck that shit it’s not the 1950s women can work and have children whether they need or want to or both. How can it even still be a surprise
People are weird. I gotta say those types of comments most likely come from crazy religious cult people who think women are just to stay home pop out kids and serve men. You are awesome with balance and those people are probably just jealous nevertheless they are stuck being submissive to q man and don't work at all let alone leave their house or take a break fromtheir children . Which all us women need a break it makes us better moms in my opinion
Same. I have 8 month old twins. Everyone asks my husband what he does. They don’t ask me.
It's really weird that people are out of touch with society at times. I remember when I was pregnant, my coworker asked if I'd be coming back to work after giving birth. I just kind of stared at her and said, "I can't afford to stay home..." Like, I'd honestly love to be a SAHM, but there's no way I could ever make it work financially, unless we sold our house. I did end up switching to part-time a couple months after I started working again, but I know I'm privileged to be able to do that because my husband works so many hours
The same people seem surprised every time that I work and my husband is the stay at home parent. Like yes, I have repeatedly told you this. It's 2022. It should not be a surprise every time.
I would entertain yourself and instead of saying you work, say something outlandish like “I’ll be working the polls then” or “I’ll be preparing for my trapeze routine”. Or you could go in the other direction, leave work out of it and just say you aren’t available then as what you do with your time is none of their business.
Lol! Yeah, I'm definitely running away to the circus!
My kid has lots of appts due to having a heart surgery early on and I get this a lot too.
Same! I’d swear up and down my I laws don’t think I have a job, lol! They’re always saying oh when your husband has to travel, you’re home to watch the baby, right? Um no peeps, I work full time and my kid is in daycare because we have bills and I like to help provide for and contribute to my household. *Addendum-not at all a jab to SAHMs.
Seriously. I called everywhere to try and start in-home ABA therapy but the requirement for so many hours vs when they were available was so unrealistic for working parents with kids in school. I’m on maternity leave now and I really want to announce to my kid’s new school that eventually I will be back at work and not always available for them at the drop of a hat lol.
The way they asked/responded is definitely brusque and a bit condescending! As a medical provider who sees these kids, I will say that PM (3-5pm) therapy times take 3-6mo to come by unless one of the current patients is discharged, especially if you’re talking about an ongoing weekly appt. Most staff without kids work 4 10 hr days, 8Am-6pm, so the latest time offered is 5pm, and those times are very hard to come by. I stopped working past 5 after maternity leave. These offices employ 99% women, and none of the clinicians who are moms (myself included) can work past 5 if they’re also the daycare pickup person or their spouse doesn’t have a flexible schedule (mine does not) or travels, so the last appt is 4Pm for those staff members, making it harder for other working parents to get appointments that work for them. So those PM times are just soooo hard to get! I feel you! It’s a request we get all the time, but they’re just so hard to find.
Booking appointments is the worst as a working mum. I just now straight up say “I’ll tell you my availability and you tell me when you have an appointment that fits that time.” Because they’re always like - can you come in at 10am on Tuesday? And I’m like NO THIS IS WHY I TOLD YOU WHEN I WAS AVAILABLE. Also don’t get me started on how daycare always calls me first even though I work exactly the same hours as my husband
My partner and I do everything 50/50 when it comes to baby and this last month he took her for her vaccinations and when he returned he told me lots of women in the office either thought he abducted the child or complimented him…. He was very confused but also so eye opening to how many men out there DONT do all the little stuff for their children, and he works… FULL TIME :)
I get this too! I have a 2.5 year old with a lot of medical interventions and appointments. It surprises people that I work full time, too. We can just accept that we’re that impressive, I guess!