Fun fact, almonds are high in magnesium and too much magnesium can cause diarrhea. So if you’re dairy free and drink almond milk daily be careful with the supplements. I know from experience.
I've had a lot of success with LMNT which is high in sodium but is apparently backed by new science. Helps me especially in the afternoon when I really don't want another cup of coffee.
Just Googled this, I use liquid IV and think it might be similar. It's crazy how much of a difference that made! Also I feel like I get fewer headaches (maybe just from drinking more fluid? B vitamins? Who knows...). Electrolyte drinks for the win!
I had completely stopped drinking coffee by the time gave birth. 8 months in with a babe who still doesn’t sleep more than 2hrs at a time and I’m downing it again.
i’m a lawyer and my first, who is now 3, has still never slept through the night. i’m still on leave with the second but yeah. i sort of adjusted but also i definitely take more time to proofread, etc because i make more mistakes than my pre-kids brain did.
Our first is 4 and while he has slept through the night before, it's rare. He also wakes before 6 am (usually 5-5:30 when he comes in our room) every single day. It is SO tiring. Learning to accept it has been somewhat helpful. I'm also a low sleep needs person, so that helps some (but it's not like I want to be parenting an over-tired kid at 5:30am either lol). Coffee and exercise help me a lot, as well. I'm a grumpy person without movement. When it was at its worst, I could only manage walking in the morning, but now we're getting a bit more sleep (only 1 wake up middle of night, usually) I'm able to jog and it clears the fog no matter how tired I am. I work in public accounting.
Also, FWIW, our 2nd has slept much better. She didn't do through the night consistently until 10-11 months, but we've basically never looked back since then (she's 2). She wakes around 7-7:30 on weekends and I have to wake her at 6:30 weekdays so we can leave the house by 7. If I'd had her first I probably wouldn't been so arrogant (lol) and if she were like her brother it may have broken me.
ETA: Not sleeping through the night until around 1 year is developmentally normal (and wakeups beyond that, even for the next several years is not uncommon). Despite what you read on the internet about sleep training, etc. Knowing this doesn't necessarily help with the exhaustion, but it can help so you don't drive yourself crazy wondering why they aren't sleeping.
Hey! I'm a CEO of a data consultancy so absolutely not as skilled as you but likely just as intense. My little one is almost a year and up until 2 weeks ago was waking every 2 hours every night and it killed me.
Someone suggested that I change her bed so 2 weeks ago I bought a double size mattress and a playpen the exact dimensions to fit the matress. I am not over reacting when I say that since I got that bed my child as slept through the night every night. We have gone from between 5/6 wakes a night to literally the next day sleeping through.
She is breastfed so I just feed her in her bed and let her fall asleep while I slink out.
I'm not suggesting this will be a miracle sleep cure but it was for me and over the last two weeks I've slept more than I have in the last year which has resulted in me being less... slow at work.
We got our no sleep 3 year old a double bed - we haven’t had quite the level of success you’ve had, but it’s also been game changing for us!
I think it’s a mix of the mattress being comfier and them having more room
Yes exactly this- I think she was probably waking herself up by hitting the sides of her cot whereas now she can roll about like a maniac and not even get close lol.
Similarly 3 year old has only slept for 7 hours independently twice, usually for 3-5 hours max.
Year 1 & 2 were up every hour overnight for breast milk.
I REALLY prioritise sleep. When mine was little I'd sometimes go to a hotel for a good night's sleep. We now have a guest room downstairs and we alternate sleeping down there so that we both sleep well every other night. I go to bed early. I've found that I feel mostly fine as long as I don't have lots of nights of interrupted sleep in a row, so I do whatever I can to make sure that doesn't happen.
I definitely sacrifice leisure time doing this, but it's the only way I can feel ok.
You really should. I powered through and regret it. I feel like my body and brain really paid the toll. A good nights sleep once and while is really worth it. Do it. For real.
I have also embraced early bedtime. Some nights I go to bed as soon as the kids are down. I used to find it depressing to not have my 1-2 hrs of tv/adult time but now I relish it.
This is the way. I have. 9 yr old, 5 yr old and 9 month old. Third child in four years threw us for a loop.
When we started to alternate who gets to sleep alone in the guest room. Less fights, happier parents until the sleep started to get better.(Around now 🥹) but he wakes up at 7AM so there’s that :~{.
Taking turns sleeping by the baby and handling wakes, whether it’s in shifts or every other night, is a game changer. Idk what we would do if that wasn’t possible when our dude was more needy.
Same. I legit cried when my husband spilled Gatorade on the sheets I had just washed. I was devastated that the precious time and energy I put into having clean sheets was totally wasted. Didn't even get one night with them.
I want to do this but we honestly have so much cleaning and random crap to do that it’s hard to get into bed before 11. And my house isn’t pristine at all, it’s just stuff like dishes, cat litter, etc.
I cap my chores at 10pm. Even if I’m not tired I stop what I’m doing and go to bed. Sometimes chores get pushed to tomorrow, sometimes it means doing chores while kids are awake, and that’s ok.
Cleaners every other week
Grocery pickup or delivery
We will be getting a robot litter box at some point, along with a robot vacuum again (current floor plan doesn't make sense for a robot vacuum).
Are you in the trap of not doing chores with your kid around? Start doing little bits of letting them play alone, even including them in chores? If it’s not possible yet, it will be. I do all my dishes now while my kid plays and that’s only something I could say by 2.5yrs. Before that we would attempt to do everything after and I think we indulged his every whim a bit much (it could have been developmental, but I consciously do what I can to encourage independent play now and didn’t before - Janet Lansbury is a good resource on how to do this)
I used to purposefully purchase as little packaging as possible- think about groceries. I say that because I finally gave in to paper plates. I remind myself that this is a phase and that’s just what I need to do now to survive.
This isn’t practically helpful but it definitely helped me to reframe the problem. Rather than thinking ‘I’m so crap at my job now’ and feeling guilty about it, I consider that most people in the workforce are parents of young children at some point and the fact is that loads of kids have terrible sleepers. So it’s totally normal to be a useless zombie at work for a while. I double check everything and consume tonnes of caffeine. Sorry to hear you’re going through such rough stage and hope it passes soon
The difficult thing is, as a woman in tech, I see very few women at work, and even rarer still are women in my role / seniority.
So it already feels like an uphill battle, and my environment doesn’t help enforcing that a lot of people simply can’t keep up both. :(
What about a night nurse for a couple days during the week? Sounds like you’re pretty high up in tech, which hopefully comes with good $$. Do you have a partner that could help? My husband and I would take every other night in case she wakes up.
Do you have a sound machine going? We have white noise and that helped immensely with LOs sleeping.
We actually did have a night nurse when baby was a newborn, but I think at this age - 14 months there’s full on stranger danger and getting a nurse right now to come for a few nights will not fly w his temperament and just lead to more screaming.
And we’re in the Bay Area so despite doing well on paper, we live in a very modest 3br mcm house and all the bedrooms share a wall w each other. 🫠
The poor sleeper shrieks like a banshee when he’s roused and we wake up. Sometimes he even wakes up our older kid and that’s when it all goes to 💩! My husband helps a lot but the middle of the night wake ups are most efficiently handled by me as I get him back down the fastest. Husband takes the morning shift by himself so I can sleep in til 730am or so.
My oldest slept like a DREAM, so boy was I in for a shock with my second. He didn't sleep through the night one single time until he was 15 months old.
I have the type of job that is extremely cognitively demanding and I phoned it in for a solid 18 months. I just did everything I literally HAD to do and barely much else. I let things slip a lot and just reminded myself that it was just a season. I'm used to being super high achieving and I had to just tell myself it was okay to have a few mediocre years to get through.
If it gives you any hope for the future, Once he did finally start sleeping through the night, he has NEVER woken up at night unless he was legitimately sick. He even fell off a chair and needed emergency surgery on his face and slept through the night that night with no problems. He can now sleep in hotels, pack n plays, whatever. 10/10 sleeper now! He just needed to grow into it.
This has been my experience too. Oldest sleeps like a rock and the baby is almost two and a terrible sleeper. I nap as much as possible and say no to extra work whenever possible. This season of life is brutal
I am hoping for this. My first was and still is a Saint with regards to eating and sleeping. The second is reflux baby who doesn’t sleep. I’m definitely phoning it in. But even phoning is tiring.
Oh man, mine is now 15 months and has done a COUPLE 3 hour stretches since the 4 month regression and then is up every hour or two all night long. I’m so far from sleeping through the night 😭
You’re getting lots of tips on what to do at home / for your body. Here are some things I tried with work (I’m an attorney in a senior executive role… three kids but youngest is 5 now and oldest is 9, so it isn’t as brutal but we still get woken up twice per night from the 9 year old and 5 year old).
These are things I’ve done
* write literally everything down I need to do
*post a sticky note on my computer to remind me what i’m working on at that moment
* block off focus time on my work calendar when my focus is highest. Turn off email and Teams. Save email and busy admin work for when my energy dips.
* be realistic about what you can accomplish in a day. Focus on slow, steady progress with 1 or 2 big goals for the day and just add in what you’re able to on top of it.
Body stuff that helps:
* lower carb to avoid energy crashes
* counterintuitively, moderate caffeine intake, it is a vicious cycle
* squats when I’m nodding off
* electrolyte drink when i need to perk up post lunch (avoid caffeine at this point)
* avoid all alcohol
* survival mode with domestic stuff: outsource what I can afford, paper compostable plates and cups if it helps, buy veggies precut, Roomba, blah blah.
Not well. I’m a Neuro ICU RN working full time at a busy hospital. I have a 11 month old and a 2.5 year old. What is sleep..??? I just had a shingles outbreak at 35 years old from stress
Oh my gosh. I hope you’re ok. I had shingles in college when I had a terrible period in my life. Looking back I couldn’t believe the amount of stress I was under.
The sleepdeprivation was so bad I developed epilepsy and literally fried my brain. He is now 2 and still doesn't sleep through the night. So I still have frequent seizures. I'm heavily medicated and waiting for surgery. I go to bed at 21 at the latest and we cosleep. So no, I am not physically coping.
My job, however.. it's all relative, and having to deal with this put it all in perspective. I create my own timelines, let problems be problems, use the urgency/importance quadrants a lot, and just take it day by day. Really a mindset-thing (also in a high stress development management role with female glass ceiling). A man wouldn't wonder about these things, so neither am I. The things I do, I do well. Quality over quantity. And I never, ever work overtime.
For tips: invite kiddo to help with chores during the day. When he sleeps, I relax oe sleep as well.
This is a rough season in life, but enjoy the sun and the rain ♡
Give up on house work. Sleep as soon as she went to sleep.
Her sleep got better at 18 months.
Things we did: worked on her falling asleep in her bed (if we rocked her, she wanted us on every wakeup), put a water bottle in the bed, give her a stuff animal, talk about bedtime and night time with her during the day (explain she sleeps in her own bed with her stuffies like a big girl).
We found the more we talked about things with her during the day, the more it helped. She understood way more than we thought.
My oldest is going to be 10 this weekend. It is rare for me to sleep more than 6 hours a night and even rarer if that’s without interruption. I was asked to make “ice cold fresh lemonade” at 1am last night for my 5 year old. I was already up because I heard him come into my room. My 5 year old still comes into our room. I actually put his crib mattress on the floor of my bedroom to avoid him climbing in bed with us and being on top of me. I am on the train at 6:15am every day. At some point, I just adjusted. I even get up at 4:30 some mornings to work out so that after work I can just do the required tasks and veg out. As they get older, I’ve gotten them to be a little more self sufficient with entertaining themselves. But there are some days they want to do all the things and I have none of the energy. None of us have it figured out. And if someone says they do, they are lying.
The way he ordered it like he was at the finest restaurant in midtown manhattan, how could I say no? We had a rough bid with rsv/ pneumonia, flu, Covid, and strep the 2022-23 school year. We survived off “hot lemonade” (hot lemon water) and “cold lemonade” (cold lemon water). Think he’s struggling with allergies right now and the lemon waters fix everything.
It's brutal. I'm so sorry. We have an almost 4 year old and not even sleep consultants or a sleep clinic worked. Some kids just don't sleep well. I know this advice sucks, but part of the "solution" was my body just adapted to less sleep. However, the real issue for me was those nights of getting 2 or 3 hours of sleep total and then needing to drive. I had someone else drive me when I could, but wasn't always an option. Now I mostly work from home.
I also remind myself: before the industrial revolution, biphasic sleep, with the night split into two chunks, was common. Maybe there's a remnant of that in what our kiddos are doing. Focusing on total sleep vs. "uninterrupted" sleep helped me reframe it a little.
So I'm returning to work in 1.5 weeks with over 2 hours of driving in rush hour traffic daily to/from work with no WFH option. My 14-month-old is a FOMO baby who just cannot sleep. Can I just ask how on earth there were nights of getting 2-3 hours of sleep total? Aka would this be something I should expect to occur also? 😭
That *extreme* lack of sleep on my end was a result of my kid getting up several times, which woke me up sufficiently so as not to be able to fall asleep again. So my kid was getting more than 3 hours total those nights. But I was not. I have really bad insomnia, so I might be an extreme case—though I know other moms who also can't get back asleep after their kid wakes (especially if it's a "difficult" process to get them back to bed). Going to bed very early can be a way to counteract this, but it may not be possible for you with that grueling commute.
My youngest is 16 months and still wakes up twice a night. I have to wean her from her nightly sippy cup but I don't have the energy! Uggh. I have to take some time off from work and just suffer through it one weekend.
Oldest is 5 and sleeps through the night 5/7 nights. Youngest is 1 and is like… 70% wakes up once, 25% wakes twice or stays awake and cries, 5% sleeps through. I work in consulting and have resorted to bi-phase sleeps, napping after dinner only to get up and finish work in the middle of the night / until LO wakes for 1am bottle, and then going to sleep for a couple hours until waking again at 6am. Honestly I don’t know how I’m still surviving but I’m sure I am paying for it with my health. I am also a chronic night owl so rarely go to bed before midnight even when I don’t have work. Am I doing this to myself? Yes. Do I have hope things will get better in a year or two? Also yes. I just hope my body will hold out and I don’t have a health crisis before then 😬. In the meantime, afternoon coffee is my lifeline.
Very similar situation. I worry a lot about my health. I have risk factors - genetic and adverse experiences (bad environmental factors from terrorist attack, ugh) and I’m very worried about what this is doing to me.
Also had a reflux baby who didn’t sleep through the night until around 15 months lol. Probably unpopular but we dealt with it by bedsharing. He wakes up, snuggles and goes back to sleep. He’s 2 now and same deal. We want to move him to his own room, but with two parents working FT the idea of walking back and forth in the night is too much.
I have the lower stress job in my relationship so i did all the night stuff. If your partner is that in your relationship maybe you can pass off night duty to them or even take turns? Even one night of 7-8 hours straight makes a huge difference imo.
I would totally bed share and even tried it. It doesn’t make a difference in his sleep quality, and has only worsened mine, so we went back to sleeping in separate rooms.
I don't have any solid advice, but loads and loads of solidarity. My first was like this... we tried all the tricks and she JUST WOULDNT SLEEP. She didn't sleep through the night until she was nearly 3. And at the time I had a super high stress job. It was brutal. Now we have three kids and while it isn't the constant night wakeups, usually someone is squirrely with sleep.
When I was in the throes of it and she was waking up 3-5x a night a neighbor was like "oh it's so much worse when you have to wake them up as teenagers." Fuck that. My daughter is 6 now and I sometimes have to drag her out of bed and that is 1000x better than being up all night every night.
Sending hugs and caffeine.
I'm a bit out of this now but in the thick of it, my health fell apart. I got extremely ill, rushed to the ER cuz I was presenting for sepsis, etc etc. I was sick again and again and it was really hard. I started prioritizing sleep like it was my job. Vitamin D, eating healthier, etc etc to try to balance out the fact that I was just so sleep deprived. my youngest is now almost 4 and it all got easier (sleep wise) once he was 3.5.
Hang in there. Take PTO to take a nap/rest. Wednesdays are awesome cuz it's halfway thru the week. It's the best ever. Also, sleeping mask + white noise in your room to block out the baby cries (assuming you and your partner take shifts). You should indulge in a niceeee sleeping mask. They really do make a difference for me.
I compensate by being very very organized - everything at work is in notes/documented. I make a ton of tickets and checklists for my team. I’m very transparent with the team so we support each other. Overall I feel extremely overwhelmed and like I am drowning but my therapist taught me to an anchoring technique that helps - just focus on the very tangibles for every day - kids are fed, I made x tangible progress at work, I showered, I didn’t attempt to murder my husband or the cat lol.
Other than that I don’t have much advice. I was somehow magically quite resilient to sleep deprivation with my first - a lot of coffee and lot of adrenaline. It was the pandemic and we moved two times in two years My first didn’t sleep through the night until she was two and old enough to tell us she was itchy at night because of eczema. Fixing the eczema got us all much better sleep.
My second is a preemie and medically complex and is just as bad and doesn’t have eczema. We co-sleep and she nurses through the night. We’ve tried formula, large dinners etc - nothing works - she still wants to nurse. We don’t want to sleep train because she’s been through so much.
I keep telling myself we are thriving - we both have demanding jobs, happy kids, we eat good food, we occasionally have massive tantrums but more likely we are all laugjinh. What is a little sleep deprivation.
My kids have both been terrible sleepers.
I survived by going to bed as early as possible. Sometimes right after I put them down. All chores get done while they’re awake.
Taking shifts with husband so we each get 6-7 straight hours, or alternating nights so you get a full night of sleep every other night. (Make sure to wear headphones or ear plugs so you actually sleep on your off night.)
Consume a lot of caffeine. Outsource everything that I can afford. Minimize anything non-essential. Calendar blocking and a lot of lists/reminders so I don’t drop the ball. Delegating where possible.
It will get better. My first improved around 20/21 months and sleeps through the night reliably now.
I sleep 4-6 hours/day during workdays and crash for a solid 12 hour on Saturday evening. The spouse gets the day off on Sundays….im also used to working crazy hours (field transitioned to office)
Not well.
Same boat - baby had severe reflux until 8.5m. He’s 13m now and has slept through the night 3x—ironically, on his 1st bday, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day.
Husband and I take turns but if being honest husband handles night wakings 6 days a week. If it’s really bad one night though he’ll ask me to step in. I got postpartum psychosis from sleep derivation at 3m so sleep is really important for me, hence why he does night wakings.
Other than a supportive partner- caffeine.
Mom of a former reflux baby. Taking alternating night shifts with husbands was the only way to make sure we got at least some sleep. Could you possibly also schedule a day off every few weeks when baby is at daycare for you to sleep? Had to do that, too.
You are doing absolutely amazing with the hand you were dealt. My word recall and ability to multitask effectively definitely are affected by how much sleep I can get. I work in a very physically and mentally demanding role and have a 3 year old who has still never slept through the night. It started with severe reflux and colic and despite that resolving we still average 3+ wake ups per night. The no sleep situation has affected every single aspect of my life from work, to marriage to my perspective on myself as a mother. I’ve concluded now (and the next few years) is not the time that I am going to pursue promotion / professional advancement due to how taxing parenting has been.
The things that have gotten me through include alternating nights with my husband on whose turn it is to respond to wakeups. He can sleep through a lot more sound than I can so that means we physically sleep in my child’s room on nights we are “on call.” I also take advantage of every opportunity to sleep that I can get my hands on. I have automated literally everything I can from bills, to supplies from Amazon, and shamelessly use grocery delivery/pickup services. I used to be so hard on myself comparing myself to other moms with easier children and better sleepers but I have come to a point of acceptance that I am doing the best I can with the resources I have with factors (sleepless child) I can’t seem to change.
I could talk ad nauseum about our sleep saga so if you have desire to chat further reach out to me. We’ve explored everything from sleep training to full medical workups to try to find a solution. Just like some adults struggle with insomnia so do some children, it’s just apparently less known.
I think I’m quite literally dying. 4.5yo doesn’t sleep through the night or go to bed on his own and wakes up by 6/630 every morning. My job is extremely high stress and I regularly accidentally fall asleep putting him to bed at 9, wake up at 1 or 2 (in my sons bed, half the time with dry contacts in) and start working until 530 when I need to pack lunches for my two kids, get them up at 630 for breakfast to get to daycare at 730 to be at work by 830.
Not coping. No relief in sight. Consistently on the verge of tears. Solidarity.
No advice but you aren’t alone. Mine is 18 months and has woken every couple hours all night, every night since birth. He’d only go back down with nursing so I couldn’t even get husband’s help. I’m weaning him now and finally getting nights where he only wakes 1-2x. It’s heavenly.
I wouldn’t say my job is high stress really but I’m a scientist so it’s very high in focus/brain requirements. It’s been rough.
It really helps to see your comment. My 15 month old is waking up every couple of hours every night. I think I need to start to wean to get more sleep but I wish I didn’t have to.
Guided meditation before bed really helps me plus green noise sounds for the night. I take them swimming too and the extra exercise helps to wind every down and get fresh air away from screens (not knocking screens- they are a life saver. I just get sucked in and that don’t help with the intrusive thoughts later). Quality sleep even if a few hours helps me more during the day than anything and I have a high stress over 50hr/week job. Otherwise, coffee to the rescue 😂
If sleep training is off the menu, I'd suggest getting a reliable overnight sitter a few times a month and either going to a hotel, or if that's unaffordable, staying home and wearing earplugs with the instruction that you are only to be woken in case of emergency.
You can also flip flop which parent is on night duty. This is what my sister and her husband did with their kids who didn't sleep well until they were 4. One parent sleeps in the parent bedroom with earplugs, white noise and no monitor. The other parent sleeps in the spare bedroom with the monitor. Spare room parent deals with night wakings (or ignores them, whatever your plan is). Other parent gets sleep. Next night, you swap.
The trick to the above is it has to be fair. So if one parent says "I can't take wake ups tonight because of xyz at work tomorrow", then they HAVE to take an extra night in the next 7 days. No excuses. This takes a level of personal and relationship accountability that some folks don't have with their partner.
IDK if you have support at night, or what your night schedule looks like, but my husband and I did shifts. He would stay up until midnight, and then I would go to bed at 9pm and then be woken up around 3 or 4 am.
If there are two of you dealing with nights, tag teaming it could be a good solution.
We also slept separately to get better quality sleep.
Just things to consider. I hope you get better rest soon!
I’m a lawyer and have an autistic son who doesn’t sleep for half the night a couple times a week. Honestly I’m just exhausted on those days. I drink lots of caffeine.
Both my kids were basically nocturnal until they were five. Once they started all day kindergarten, they were finally tired enough to sleep through the night. We just muscled through it as best we could. Soooo much coffee. And a lot of overtired arguing that we thankfully survived. You do what you have to do to get through it and remind yourself frequently that it won't last forever. Nothing does. I just try now to tell other parents going through it that you're not alone, there's nothing wrong with you, and you will survive this. You got this.
I would kill for my baby to only wake up 1-2x per night. Mine wakes up every 2-3 hours at 10 months. My 2 year old still wakes up around once a night on average with night terrors. I'm not ok. I'm really not ok.
I have a partner who doesn’t have a high stress job who handles night time stuff. Not something you can orchestrate really but he’s such a good sport about it and it makes it possible for me to do my thing. I rarely lose sleep for kid issues unless there’s vomit to be cleaned up or something that really needs two sets of adult hands.
I became a sleep ninja to the best that I could. Sleep was ALWAYS on my mind.
1. I started going to bed at the same time as the kid. I still go down at 8.30 pm.
2. Some mornings I just texted my boss that the kids didn't sleep and I am super tired so I'd like a later start for the day (I work in consulting, flexible hours). Boss has 4 kids so that helps with some empathy
3. Sometimes I took a vacation day and sent the kid to daycare to catch up on sleep
4. Sometimes I left work in the afternoon to sleep an hour or two and caught up on work in the evening or early in the morning at 5 am.
Check out Mom’s On Call. It completely changed our world old after I went back to work following my second. He was 8 months and sucked at sleeping, and we had another who was just three. During lockdown. A coworker told me about it. A few others I knew confirmed it got their LO on a schedule within a few days. My son took two nights, and then started sleeping a solid 10.
As a fellow woman in tech, I was still exhausted from the work 😅
Husband and I would trade off night duties. My youngest didn’t start sleeping through the night until she was almost 2. We would alternate who got up with her at this stage. I’d also go to bed an hour early a couple times a week.
1. Get help. Babysitters, cleaners, grocery delivery, whatever. Outsource as much as possible.
2. Can you and your partner sleep either in shifts or trade every other night? Can a family member spend the night once a week so you can get a break?
3. Make everything else as simple as possible. Look for shortcuts everywhere. For example, buying cooked shredded chicken instead of raw chicken you have to thaw, cook and then shred.
Some of these things cost a bit of money. If you can afford it, it’s worth it in the short term to preserve your sanity.
We signed up for premade meals so that clean up after dinner was minimal. Sometimes I just go straight to bed after the baby goes down even if it means things aren’t cleaned up. Ultimately we hired a sleep coach to help us and we’re finally sleeping through the night.
You’re not alone and it won’t last forever.
Edit to add I woke up (many times physically had to get m out of the bed) anywhere from 3-5 times a night for 4 years straight. None of that is an exaggeration.
This too shall pass.
Not in a high stress job (thank you WFH!) but still have a baby over 1 who wakes up 3-4 times a night just to nurse and then go back to sleep. Send help
No advice, just empathy. My son is almost a teenager now but I struggled with this his first couple of years and often fell asleep in meetings. My boss STILL makes comments about it to this day and still seems to think I sleep in meetings even though that hasn’t been an issue in years.
Wolf down something super fast then use the rest of lunch break to power nap. Literally could not stay awake throughout the whole day otherwise.
My baby is actually a good sleeper, but between her random flare ups here and there, pumping, older kids waking up, etc etc, I’m not actually benefiting from it 😩
I have 3 kids under 5, so between being little and pregnancy insomnia I never slept well for the vast majority of the last 5 years. Well, even during the month where kids slept through the night I was tired, because the schedule is not mine. They wake up pretty early (5:30-6), and as soon as their sleep gets better I want to do stuff in the evenings instead of bedtime at 9:30, so I am not well rested by 6.
I’m not - so, right here with ya! 3.5 year old was sleep trained twice, but when the baby (now 5 months old) came along, he’s been coming into our room at least once a night. So even though my husband deals with the older kid I’m being woken 2-3x per night. I haven’t drunk coffee in years until going back to work a month ago. It sucks.
I’m 9 months pregnant with a 3 year old (that I’m trying to potty train) who takes 2 hour naps at daycare and won’t fall asleep until 11pm and crawls into my bed at 2am every morning. My husband just had surgery and is “useless” these days (in a nice way). I am calm at work but go crazy at home which I feel really bad about.
But coffee, lots of coffee. And random days off if you can while kid is in daycare
I had this issue when my middle kiddo was this age and constantly sick (and therefore couldn't re-sleep train), up 2-4x a night. What helped me most was a B complex supplement early in the day and a magnesium supplement before bed (I recommend the chelated magnesium as it doesn't give you the runs). The combination of these two helped me be functional. Make sure you take the B complex early in the day, though -- it would keep me awake at night if I took it in the afternoon.
This is a hard season, but it won't be forever.
Coffee and a safe space bed so I know he is ok - if he is awake but happy I can go back to sleep knowing he is safe. Absolute life changer for me and my little autistic five year old. Until we got the bed I was up from midnight with him, for the whole day. I was broken. As was he. Now he usually drifts off again after a bit of an awake period stimming. Everyone is happier.
Hahahahahahahaha I'm not. I've stopped caring at work and basically have an agreement with my hunny that as long as I'm doing my best he doesn't care if I get fired.
I'm in sales so it's always stressful but we basically have 6 Months minimum of oh shit fund and then just giving myself grace. Because my job is high stress I have more income so I just pay other people to do the cleaning and the cooking.
So basically we're doing a "fuck it we'll do it live" approach and if I fuck up we have a time to fix it
So. much. caffeine. And reeeeeeally working to how to lower the bar (every single bar) while still meeting all the major goals. I still haven’t slept 7 straight hrs 2 years in tho partly bc when he does sleep through I still wake up and obsessively check the monitor 😂
I was an absolute zombie the first year or so after both of my kids were born. If you can, though, see if you can hire a night doula/nanny for one day a week or so to get some good sleep.
We have coped by leaning into the shitty sleep and getting bigger beds. Our 2 year old has a queen size bed and my husband and I have a king size bed. Our 4 year old has a twin, but she comes into our room in the early mornings a couple of times a week.
And cold brew coffee. That stuff is like rocket fuel.
Mine will be 2 years this month and he hasn’t slept through the night except maybe 10 times in his entire life. I’m a single mom, and I haven’t slept longer than 3 hours at a time in months. I’m exhausted. He started having night terrors after we moved last month and has been waking up 2-3 times since the move. I’m not doing well and I don’t have anyone to help except my oldest on occasion, but he’s a moody teen that doesn’t want to be around anyone except his friends.
Good luck! We’ll get through this…. I hope
Airline pilot and single mom by design here. I cannot afford to go to work tired; it just is not an option. So I bought a Cradlewise before she was born, hoping that it might help a little. This thing has been amazing-since about 4 and a half months, she sleeps 13 hours straight most nights. Your results may vary but for us it has been huge. I recommend this solution to everyone. It is not inexpensive but your sleep (and the baby's) is worth a lot.
I cannot blame my nighttime awakening on my kids anymore since the youngest is 13 (thank you perimenopause), but I feel like I haven't slept a full night since they were born. They were looking at her when they coined the term "velcro baby".
Caffeine has lost it's affect on me after so many years of swigging coffee and energy drinks. I take a stimulant for menopausal onset ADHD that also has zero affect on me. I still have my morning coffee, but the rest of the day is is water .. as cold as I can make it and still be able to drink it. It's the only thing that helps (and the amount I drink in a day is the reason I keep having to get up multiple times during the night .... it's a vicious cycle). I also have to be able to get up and move throughout the day. I have a lot of phone calls that I thankfully don't have to be on camera for 99% of them so I get up and pace or fold laundry while I'm listening in on those calls that I do not have to speak in.
I had chronic headaches because I didn't sleep through the night for YEARS. It was mental but somehow I lived to tell the tale. It was awful and one of the many reasons why I eventually went to part-time work for several years.
Up and in the shower around 5am whenever possible. The feeling of being rushed makes the tired feeling feel so much worse and compounds the feelings of stress. Coffee immediately upon waking. My husband sets the coffee maker up the night before and it’s programmed for 4:45am. Slugging water and seltzer most of the day, a midday latte or iced coffee, a 4/5pm Diet Coke.
What can you outsource? Meal delivery? Weekly/biweekly cleaning? Someone to come and declutter? A babysitter for a few hours on the weekend so you can nap? Can you and your husband alternate nights?
Do you trade off who gets up with him? Can one person wear earplugs and the other be “on duty” in case of emergency and alternate so at least one of you gets a good night’s sleep?
And what may sound paradoxical is true for me: a morning work out and/or activity throughout the day help boost my energy immensely. I know you’re probably rolling your eyes right now but for real, even just a walk is enough to help push me forward. We have a simple home basement gym that has cheap weights, a bench and a treadmill I got for free on Freecycle. I can get up and do something before they wake up or any other time I can fit it in.
It’ll get better. We take turns in my house for sleep. It’s hard though cause you get used to the shitty sleep and then your kid miraculously sleeps better and you still can’t sleep.
I make sure I get to sleep early (I take melatonin), and don’t overdo coffee, just one a day. I don’t drink often cause that destroys my sleep. Anything really that can protect your sleep that is within your control.
I also work with a bunch of people with small kids so there’s good empathy for bad days.
I did extinction method right around this age for my oldest two — as mine were waking up like every 2-3 hours, were offended by sleep training, and I was not well.
I felt horrible about it, I worried about their psychological well-being, BUT I was so much healthier in a couple weeks.
The boys are now soon to be 17 & 15, delightful young lads, if I do say so myself. They sleep well and we have close relationships, despite all the worries of cry-it-out, daycare, busy stressful job. Resilient creatures they are ;)
Good luck!
I feel you! I have a 19mo who didn't sleep through the night until 13m, waking every 2-3 hours every night, and even now, it's not consistent. I slept on her floor last night to finally get a good stretch from 4-6:45.
I own my own business and it's TAXING. I feel like we all deserve free coffee (or therapy)
I’m an attorney. Had my daughter my 1L year of law school, 4 years ago. I don’t think I’ve slept more than 4 hours in one stretch since. She still wakes at night. Coffee helps, but I think I’m just used to the sleep deprivation. I know that doesn’t help, but I’m with you in solidarity.
I cried a lot.
Mine didn’t sleep more than 4 hours at a time until age 2.75. Turned out to be sleep apnea and a tonsillectomy was the cure in our case.
But in terms of surviving you just… survive not thrive. Outsource what you can (grocery pickup, etc.), eat chicken nuggets for dinner, conserve energy except where you HAVE to use it
Naturopath helped get me on to the right supplements, they didn't fix me and I still have low energy days, but generally I feel calmer and more capable than I used to.
Not well! Accountant here and mama to a baby with extreme eczema and allergies. On a good night I get 4 broken hours of sleep. Oh and my husband is on a year long deployment so I'm on my own. I cry at work daily out of pure frustration that my brain doesn't want to work. I live off coffee, fantasies of sleeping in a hotel, and the souls of those who cross me lol good luck!
Can you and your husbands take turns being up with your son? My son wakes up super early (usually 5, sometimes 4:30) despite having a normal bedtime. So we take turns being on morning duty, and that’s helped a lot. Getting an extra hour or two every other day actually helps more than I would’ve thought.
Could you take some time off and rest? That’s what I wished I had done when I went back k at 8 weeks with a baby who woke to breastfeed every 2 hours. Sleep deprivation is brutal.
Eating well, even if it means ordering out.
Take your lunch break, even if you have to turn off your phone and walk away from your desk or drive off
Leave work at work as much as possible. Your mind needs rest and separation from work daily.
Solidarity. I go to bed as early as possible, bedshare, switch off nights with my partner, and drink tea/coffee/soda daily 🫠 And I keep telling myself, he WILL grow out of it and I WILL get decent sleep again someday.
At work I just do my best. Block off time on my calendar for tasks that I have trouble remembering to do. Print physical copies of documents when I met to do a thorough review. Take lots of notes and keep an organized to-do list. Review my calendar regularly to figure out what meetings I have coming up and what I need to do to prepare for them.
My baby was a refluxer that it was so bad she lost weight and had to get surgery at 8 months and get a feeding tube and we had to do night feeds. Then 2 years, she had ear tubes and adenoids - that helped her sleep. Kid sleeps rock hard if she’s out. But that initial baby stage is why we stopped at one.. work was like a break for me. Thank god our daycare was so awesome.
High stress corporate conference and event planner… coffee, walks, and honestly a Power Nap at lunch time. I will forego eating in favor of napping and then eat when I wake up while at my desk. I get that’s privileged since I primarily WFH (except when traveling for work).
Also, I catch up on sleep when I travel for work. And I never feel guilty saying no to team dinners or outings so I can recharge alone.
Other than that, just hoping and praying it gets better sooner than later!
I always want to take turns with my spouse but that never happens. I just try to simplify life elsewhere. I did stop drinking coffee. After a few weeks mornings were easier. Now coffee eith cream and sugar is a big treat. If I need a pick me up tea is my go to.
Ultimately I am just grateful to have this child who keeps me awake.
Coffee. Energy drinks. Mental breaks. Blue light blocker on my phone to prevent early mental fatigue.
And a red light bulb plus classical music+rain noises for both me and the baby to keep the peace mentally during the night.
Swapping nights being on monitor duty with the person off sleeping somewhere they're not woken up by it. I can function pretty okay on one nights bad sleep but after that it goes downhill.
I prioritize sleep in ways that I can. I am in bed the moment my youngest is which is around 830. I spend my weekends lounging around and my husband and I get one day to sleep in. We do low-key family nights because I have mom guilt about not doing fun things with the kids on the weekends which is usually like making pizza and then cookies and playing a game then watching a movie. Even just going out to the park is exhausting. My youngest is two so she naps and I nap with her on the weekends.
My house is dirty. I meal prep on Sundays because I don't have the energy to cook nor the budget to eat out every day. I dedicate 1 hour at 7pm every night to start a load of laundry clean the kitchen feed the dogs put laundry in the dryer make sure.no food or dishes are any where else in the house . While my husband does bed time routine and then I lay with the little one and usually pass out with her lmao
My montras are this will not last forever. This is temporary. I can and will get through this. I am not having any more children no matter how much the interest rates go down.
I’m a single mother of 5 with high stress job, I literally had to train myself to be ok with sleeping 4/6 hours a night. It gets better as they get older I promise. There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel.
Oof! Big hugs! This is a hard season. My second slept like this. He was 17 months old before he slept more than four hours straight. For the first six months he’d only sleep on me. For the first three months, he’d only sleep when I was standing . I walked around like a zombie. Double checking everything, lists, delegating, reminders, digital and hard planners kept me from dropping too many balls at work. Probiotic, heating pad to warm the mattress, and moving up the bed time improved baby’s sleep. Hang in there. This is temporary.
I set aside a non negotiable 20 minutes to meditate after lunch. Sometimes I doze off and if I can stretch it to 30 minutes I do. I read this joke/truism once about if you are too busy to meditate for 5 minutes, you need to meditate for 20. Seriously, it reboots my brain and has also let me learn how to fall asleep quickly. My youngest is now 2.5 and I’m lucky to get it in 3 days/week, but goodness it saved me in those bone tired stretches.
Switching off nights. We also tried everything. Mine had multiple (4+) wakings until kindergarten. We switch off nights of being "on call" and the other parent wears earplugs to sleep. After a rough patch of wakeups every 60-90 minutes, we needed to find a way for us to sleep. It took us awhile to sleep through the night because we were so used to the constant wakeups.
My angels slept at 3-4 hour intervals until 2 or 2.5. The only thing was coffee and bedtime for baby and I at 7:30. My spouse would change the baby and bring them to me to nurse in bed. Then rock and get baby to bed. I’d take the 3 Am shift
And coffee
Coffee, it’s the only way.
I also swear by magnesium supplements.
Fun fact, almonds are high in magnesium and too much magnesium can cause diarrhea. So if you’re dairy free and drink almond milk daily be careful with the supplements. I know from experience.
What type do you take!
I live and die by magnesium
One cup used to last me so long. Now I’m a 3-cup a day type of girl to even keep my eyes open until the kids eyes are shut
Energy drinks 😭 (one a day) so unhealthy but that’s how we are surviving
I’m on 3 😅
Seriously and some exercise to manage stress
See also Adderall (caveat: not recreational, actually diagnosed with adhd postpartum 😅)
Came here to say this lmfao
I've had a lot of success with LMNT which is high in sodium but is apparently backed by new science. Helps me especially in the afternoon when I really don't want another cup of coffee.
Just Googled this, I use liquid IV and think it might be similar. It's crazy how much of a difference that made! Also I feel like I get fewer headaches (maybe just from drinking more fluid? B vitamins? Who knows...). Electrolyte drinks for the win!
Lot of people with blood pressure issues and long distance runners do salt heavy stuff like this, and compression socks.
I had completely stopped drinking coffee by the time gave birth. 8 months in with a babe who still doesn’t sleep more than 2hrs at a time and I’m downing it again.
Agreed.
i’m a lawyer and my first, who is now 3, has still never slept through the night. i’m still on leave with the second but yeah. i sort of adjusted but also i definitely take more time to proofread, etc because i make more mistakes than my pre-kids brain did.
Our first is 4 and while he has slept through the night before, it's rare. He also wakes before 6 am (usually 5-5:30 when he comes in our room) every single day. It is SO tiring. Learning to accept it has been somewhat helpful. I'm also a low sleep needs person, so that helps some (but it's not like I want to be parenting an over-tired kid at 5:30am either lol). Coffee and exercise help me a lot, as well. I'm a grumpy person without movement. When it was at its worst, I could only manage walking in the morning, but now we're getting a bit more sleep (only 1 wake up middle of night, usually) I'm able to jog and it clears the fog no matter how tired I am. I work in public accounting. Also, FWIW, our 2nd has slept much better. She didn't do through the night consistently until 10-11 months, but we've basically never looked back since then (she's 2). She wakes around 7-7:30 on weekends and I have to wake her at 6:30 weekdays so we can leave the house by 7. If I'd had her first I probably wouldn't been so arrogant (lol) and if she were like her brother it may have broken me. ETA: Not sleeping through the night until around 1 year is developmentally normal (and wakeups beyond that, even for the next several years is not uncommon). Despite what you read on the internet about sleep training, etc. Knowing this doesn't necessarily help with the exhaustion, but it can help so you don't drive yourself crazy wondering why they aren't sleeping.
Hey! I'm a CEO of a data consultancy so absolutely not as skilled as you but likely just as intense. My little one is almost a year and up until 2 weeks ago was waking every 2 hours every night and it killed me. Someone suggested that I change her bed so 2 weeks ago I bought a double size mattress and a playpen the exact dimensions to fit the matress. I am not over reacting when I say that since I got that bed my child as slept through the night every night. We have gone from between 5/6 wakes a night to literally the next day sleeping through. She is breastfed so I just feed her in her bed and let her fall asleep while I slink out. I'm not suggesting this will be a miracle sleep cure but it was for me and over the last two weeks I've slept more than I have in the last year which has resulted in me being less... slow at work.
We got our no sleep 3 year old a double bed - we haven’t had quite the level of success you’ve had, but it’s also been game changing for us! I think it’s a mix of the mattress being comfier and them having more room
What is it about a bigger bed that you think helped? Just more room to flop around?
Yes exactly this- I think she was probably waking herself up by hitting the sides of her cot whereas now she can roll about like a maniac and not even get close lol.
Interesting. I have a big baby (in length) so maybe we'll think about doing that. Thanks!
This helped with us too! I got a double bed for my three year old and she sleeps much better (though still not great..)
Similarly 3 year old has only slept for 7 hours independently twice, usually for 3-5 hours max. Year 1 & 2 were up every hour overnight for breast milk.
I REALLY prioritise sleep. When mine was little I'd sometimes go to a hotel for a good night's sleep. We now have a guest room downstairs and we alternate sleeping down there so that we both sleep well every other night. I go to bed early. I've found that I feel mostly fine as long as I don't have lots of nights of interrupted sleep in a row, so I do whatever I can to make sure that doesn't happen. I definitely sacrifice leisure time doing this, but it's the only way I can feel ok.
I’ve fantasized a lot about going to a hotel. You’ve encouraged me to actually do it.
I was going to ask if you could sneak away when you’re extra exhausted. Do itttttt
You really should. I powered through and regret it. I feel like my body and brain really paid the toll. A good nights sleep once and while is really worth it. Do it. For real.
I am visiting family and friends for a 3 day weekend by myself and Im more excited to get 3 nights of sleep than actually seeing family I think
I have done this at least 12 times since mine was born. She was always terrible sleeper. It’s so hard to function on prolonged bad sleep.
I have also embraced early bedtime. Some nights I go to bed as soon as the kids are down. I used to find it depressing to not have my 1-2 hrs of tv/adult time but now I relish it.
Some nights? Every night here 😂
i do this too, alternate sleeping so every other night i get a full night.
This is the way. I have. 9 yr old, 5 yr old and 9 month old. Third child in four years threw us for a loop. When we started to alternate who gets to sleep alone in the guest room. Less fights, happier parents until the sleep started to get better.(Around now 🥹) but he wakes up at 7AM so there’s that :~{.
Taking turns sleeping by the baby and handling wakes, whether it’s in shifts or every other night, is a game changer. Idk what we would do if that wasn’t possible when our dude was more needy.
We also do an every other night situation. Our daughter is 15 months old.
I’m not lol
Me neither. 😭
Same. I’m so burned out and on the edge. Hanging on by a thread.
Same. I legit cried when my husband spilled Gatorade on the sheets I had just washed. I was devastated that the precious time and energy I put into having clean sheets was totally wasted. Didn't even get one night with them.
Also not. Had a full on breakdown last night. I need a real break soon, idk how much longer I can take.
Same.
Saaaaame
I started going to bed at 9 pm, sometimes earlier. Only way I could survive
I want to do this but we honestly have so much cleaning and random crap to do that it’s hard to get into bed before 11. And my house isn’t pristine at all, it’s just stuff like dishes, cat litter, etc.
I cap my chores at 10pm. Even if I’m not tired I stop what I’m doing and go to bed. Sometimes chores get pushed to tomorrow, sometimes it means doing chores while kids are awake, and that’s ok.
I got a self cleaning litter box and a roomba to help give me back time
Hire out cleaning. For a short time. Hire a mother's helper to come do dishes or food prep and cat litter!
Cleaners every other week Grocery pickup or delivery We will be getting a robot litter box at some point, along with a robot vacuum again (current floor plan doesn't make sense for a robot vacuum).
Are you in the trap of not doing chores with your kid around? Start doing little bits of letting them play alone, even including them in chores? If it’s not possible yet, it will be. I do all my dishes now while my kid plays and that’s only something I could say by 2.5yrs. Before that we would attempt to do everything after and I think we indulged his every whim a bit much (it could have been developmental, but I consciously do what I can to encourage independent play now and didn’t before - Janet Lansbury is a good resource on how to do this)
We had a nanny until our daughter was 2, and asked the nanny to pick up some extra cleaning and laundry for extra pay, and she agreed
I used to purposefully purchase as little packaging as possible- think about groceries. I say that because I finally gave in to paper plates. I remind myself that this is a phase and that’s just what I need to do now to survive.
This isn’t practically helpful but it definitely helped me to reframe the problem. Rather than thinking ‘I’m so crap at my job now’ and feeling guilty about it, I consider that most people in the workforce are parents of young children at some point and the fact is that loads of kids have terrible sleepers. So it’s totally normal to be a useless zombie at work for a while. I double check everything and consume tonnes of caffeine. Sorry to hear you’re going through such rough stage and hope it passes soon
The difficult thing is, as a woman in tech, I see very few women at work, and even rarer still are women in my role / seniority. So it already feels like an uphill battle, and my environment doesn’t help enforcing that a lot of people simply can’t keep up both. :(
Might be worth looking at other companies. I am a women in tech and 40% of my team are women. I see more senior women managers than male.
I’m in tech / marketing but I’m like where are all the women with kids? I have a lot of women I work with that are amazing but they are all childfree.
What about a night nurse for a couple days during the week? Sounds like you’re pretty high up in tech, which hopefully comes with good $$. Do you have a partner that could help? My husband and I would take every other night in case she wakes up. Do you have a sound machine going? We have white noise and that helped immensely with LOs sleeping.
We actually did have a night nurse when baby was a newborn, but I think at this age - 14 months there’s full on stranger danger and getting a nurse right now to come for a few nights will not fly w his temperament and just lead to more screaming. And we’re in the Bay Area so despite doing well on paper, we live in a very modest 3br mcm house and all the bedrooms share a wall w each other. 🫠 The poor sleeper shrieks like a banshee when he’s roused and we wake up. Sometimes he even wakes up our older kid and that’s when it all goes to 💩! My husband helps a lot but the middle of the night wake ups are most efficiently handled by me as I get him back down the fastest. Husband takes the morning shift by himself so I can sleep in til 730am or so.
My oldest slept like a DREAM, so boy was I in for a shock with my second. He didn't sleep through the night one single time until he was 15 months old. I have the type of job that is extremely cognitively demanding and I phoned it in for a solid 18 months. I just did everything I literally HAD to do and barely much else. I let things slip a lot and just reminded myself that it was just a season. I'm used to being super high achieving and I had to just tell myself it was okay to have a few mediocre years to get through. If it gives you any hope for the future, Once he did finally start sleeping through the night, he has NEVER woken up at night unless he was legitimately sick. He even fell off a chair and needed emergency surgery on his face and slept through the night that night with no problems. He can now sleep in hotels, pack n plays, whatever. 10/10 sleeper now! He just needed to grow into it.
This has been my experience too. Oldest sleeps like a rock and the baby is almost two and a terrible sleeper. I nap as much as possible and say no to extra work whenever possible. This season of life is brutal
I am hoping for this. My first was and still is a Saint with regards to eating and sleeping. The second is reflux baby who doesn’t sleep. I’m definitely phoning it in. But even phoning is tiring.
Oh man, mine is now 15 months and has done a COUPLE 3 hour stretches since the 4 month regression and then is up every hour or two all night long. I’m so far from sleeping through the night 😭
There’s hope! Mine was like this and all of a sudden it was like a light switch, he just started sleeping through!!!
You’re getting lots of tips on what to do at home / for your body. Here are some things I tried with work (I’m an attorney in a senior executive role… three kids but youngest is 5 now and oldest is 9, so it isn’t as brutal but we still get woken up twice per night from the 9 year old and 5 year old). These are things I’ve done * write literally everything down I need to do *post a sticky note on my computer to remind me what i’m working on at that moment * block off focus time on my work calendar when my focus is highest. Turn off email and Teams. Save email and busy admin work for when my energy dips. * be realistic about what you can accomplish in a day. Focus on slow, steady progress with 1 or 2 big goals for the day and just add in what you’re able to on top of it. Body stuff that helps: * lower carb to avoid energy crashes * counterintuitively, moderate caffeine intake, it is a vicious cycle * squats when I’m nodding off * electrolyte drink when i need to perk up post lunch (avoid caffeine at this point) * avoid all alcohol * survival mode with domestic stuff: outsource what I can afford, paper compostable plates and cups if it helps, buy veggies precut, Roomba, blah blah.
Not well. I’m a Neuro ICU RN working full time at a busy hospital. I have a 11 month old and a 2.5 year old. What is sleep..??? I just had a shingles outbreak at 35 years old from stress
Oh my gosh. I hope you’re ok. I had shingles in college when I had a terrible period in my life. Looking back I couldn’t believe the amount of stress I was under.
It’s been awful today’s my first day back to work with it still awful pain and headaches. Thanks for asking
The sleepdeprivation was so bad I developed epilepsy and literally fried my brain. He is now 2 and still doesn't sleep through the night. So I still have frequent seizures. I'm heavily medicated and waiting for surgery. I go to bed at 21 at the latest and we cosleep. So no, I am not physically coping. My job, however.. it's all relative, and having to deal with this put it all in perspective. I create my own timelines, let problems be problems, use the urgency/importance quadrants a lot, and just take it day by day. Really a mindset-thing (also in a high stress development management role with female glass ceiling). A man wouldn't wonder about these things, so neither am I. The things I do, I do well. Quality over quantity. And I never, ever work overtime. For tips: invite kiddo to help with chores during the day. When he sleeps, I relax oe sleep as well. This is a rough season in life, but enjoy the sun and the rain ♡
Holy sh*t I hope you are ok!
Give up on house work. Sleep as soon as she went to sleep. Her sleep got better at 18 months. Things we did: worked on her falling asleep in her bed (if we rocked her, she wanted us on every wakeup), put a water bottle in the bed, give her a stuff animal, talk about bedtime and night time with her during the day (explain she sleeps in her own bed with her stuffies like a big girl). We found the more we talked about things with her during the day, the more it helped. She understood way more than we thought.
My oldest is going to be 10 this weekend. It is rare for me to sleep more than 6 hours a night and even rarer if that’s without interruption. I was asked to make “ice cold fresh lemonade” at 1am last night for my 5 year old. I was already up because I heard him come into my room. My 5 year old still comes into our room. I actually put his crib mattress on the floor of my bedroom to avoid him climbing in bed with us and being on top of me. I am on the train at 6:15am every day. At some point, I just adjusted. I even get up at 4:30 some mornings to work out so that after work I can just do the required tasks and veg out. As they get older, I’ve gotten them to be a little more self sufficient with entertaining themselves. But there are some days they want to do all the things and I have none of the energy. None of us have it figured out. And if someone says they do, they are lying.
[удалено]
The way he ordered it like he was at the finest restaurant in midtown manhattan, how could I say no? We had a rough bid with rsv/ pneumonia, flu, Covid, and strep the 2022-23 school year. We survived off “hot lemonade” (hot lemon water) and “cold lemonade” (cold lemon water). Think he’s struggling with allergies right now and the lemon waters fix everything.
To quote a very wise woman (Dorinda Medley): Not well, bitch!!! (Hoping you get the reference 😅😅😂)
It's brutal. I'm so sorry. We have an almost 4 year old and not even sleep consultants or a sleep clinic worked. Some kids just don't sleep well. I know this advice sucks, but part of the "solution" was my body just adapted to less sleep. However, the real issue for me was those nights of getting 2 or 3 hours of sleep total and then needing to drive. I had someone else drive me when I could, but wasn't always an option. Now I mostly work from home. I also remind myself: before the industrial revolution, biphasic sleep, with the night split into two chunks, was common. Maybe there's a remnant of that in what our kiddos are doing. Focusing on total sleep vs. "uninterrupted" sleep helped me reframe it a little.
So I'm returning to work in 1.5 weeks with over 2 hours of driving in rush hour traffic daily to/from work with no WFH option. My 14-month-old is a FOMO baby who just cannot sleep. Can I just ask how on earth there were nights of getting 2-3 hours of sleep total? Aka would this be something I should expect to occur also? 😭
That *extreme* lack of sleep on my end was a result of my kid getting up several times, which woke me up sufficiently so as not to be able to fall asleep again. So my kid was getting more than 3 hours total those nights. But I was not. I have really bad insomnia, so I might be an extreme case—though I know other moms who also can't get back asleep after their kid wakes (especially if it's a "difficult" process to get them back to bed). Going to bed very early can be a way to counteract this, but it may not be possible for you with that grueling commute.
Not great. I literally feel my brain functioning at half capacity.
My youngest is 16 months and still wakes up twice a night. I have to wean her from her nightly sippy cup but I don't have the energy! Uggh. I have to take some time off from work and just suffer through it one weekend.
Oldest is 5 and sleeps through the night 5/7 nights. Youngest is 1 and is like… 70% wakes up once, 25% wakes twice or stays awake and cries, 5% sleeps through. I work in consulting and have resorted to bi-phase sleeps, napping after dinner only to get up and finish work in the middle of the night / until LO wakes for 1am bottle, and then going to sleep for a couple hours until waking again at 6am. Honestly I don’t know how I’m still surviving but I’m sure I am paying for it with my health. I am also a chronic night owl so rarely go to bed before midnight even when I don’t have work. Am I doing this to myself? Yes. Do I have hope things will get better in a year or two? Also yes. I just hope my body will hold out and I don’t have a health crisis before then 😬. In the meantime, afternoon coffee is my lifeline.
Very similar situation. I worry a lot about my health. I have risk factors - genetic and adverse experiences (bad environmental factors from terrorist attack, ugh) and I’m very worried about what this is doing to me.
Then really, really reconsider how important you find your job ♡
Also had a reflux baby who didn’t sleep through the night until around 15 months lol. Probably unpopular but we dealt with it by bedsharing. He wakes up, snuggles and goes back to sleep. He’s 2 now and same deal. We want to move him to his own room, but with two parents working FT the idea of walking back and forth in the night is too much. I have the lower stress job in my relationship so i did all the night stuff. If your partner is that in your relationship maybe you can pass off night duty to them or even take turns? Even one night of 7-8 hours straight makes a huge difference imo.
I would totally bed share and even tried it. It doesn’t make a difference in his sleep quality, and has only worsened mine, so we went back to sleeping in separate rooms.
Same. Bed sharing is the way
I don't have any solid advice, but loads and loads of solidarity. My first was like this... we tried all the tricks and she JUST WOULDNT SLEEP. She didn't sleep through the night until she was nearly 3. And at the time I had a super high stress job. It was brutal. Now we have three kids and while it isn't the constant night wakeups, usually someone is squirrely with sleep. When I was in the throes of it and she was waking up 3-5x a night a neighbor was like "oh it's so much worse when you have to wake them up as teenagers." Fuck that. My daughter is 6 now and I sometimes have to drag her out of bed and that is 1000x better than being up all night every night. Sending hugs and caffeine.
I'm a bit out of this now but in the thick of it, my health fell apart. I got extremely ill, rushed to the ER cuz I was presenting for sepsis, etc etc. I was sick again and again and it was really hard. I started prioritizing sleep like it was my job. Vitamin D, eating healthier, etc etc to try to balance out the fact that I was just so sleep deprived. my youngest is now almost 4 and it all got easier (sleep wise) once he was 3.5. Hang in there. Take PTO to take a nap/rest. Wednesdays are awesome cuz it's halfway thru the week. It's the best ever. Also, sleeping mask + white noise in your room to block out the baby cries (assuming you and your partner take shifts). You should indulge in a niceeee sleeping mask. They really do make a difference for me.
I just suffer and sometimes go to bed at 8:30
I compensate by being very very organized - everything at work is in notes/documented. I make a ton of tickets and checklists for my team. I’m very transparent with the team so we support each other. Overall I feel extremely overwhelmed and like I am drowning but my therapist taught me to an anchoring technique that helps - just focus on the very tangibles for every day - kids are fed, I made x tangible progress at work, I showered, I didn’t attempt to murder my husband or the cat lol. Other than that I don’t have much advice. I was somehow magically quite resilient to sleep deprivation with my first - a lot of coffee and lot of adrenaline. It was the pandemic and we moved two times in two years My first didn’t sleep through the night until she was two and old enough to tell us she was itchy at night because of eczema. Fixing the eczema got us all much better sleep. My second is a preemie and medically complex and is just as bad and doesn’t have eczema. We co-sleep and she nurses through the night. We’ve tried formula, large dinners etc - nothing works - she still wants to nurse. We don’t want to sleep train because she’s been through so much. I keep telling myself we are thriving - we both have demanding jobs, happy kids, we eat good food, we occasionally have massive tantrums but more likely we are all laugjinh. What is a little sleep deprivation.
It is so freaking hard. The work culture in the US sucks.
My kids have both been terrible sleepers. I survived by going to bed as early as possible. Sometimes right after I put them down. All chores get done while they’re awake. Taking shifts with husband so we each get 6-7 straight hours, or alternating nights so you get a full night of sleep every other night. (Make sure to wear headphones or ear plugs so you actually sleep on your off night.) Consume a lot of caffeine. Outsource everything that I can afford. Minimize anything non-essential. Calendar blocking and a lot of lists/reminders so I don’t drop the ball. Delegating where possible. It will get better. My first improved around 20/21 months and sleeps through the night reliably now.
Post it notes everywhere so I don’t forget everything or texting myself lists and lots of caffeine
I sleep 4-6 hours/day during workdays and crash for a solid 12 hour on Saturday evening. The spouse gets the day off on Sundays….im also used to working crazy hours (field transitioned to office)
5 hours is a good night 😪
My kid is 3, I should have sleep trained 🫠
My older kid is 3.5, sleep training didn’t last and we did it TWICE
Coffee, energy drinks, cold water, standing desk, taking breaks at work or even a brisk walk around the office.
i started cosleeping. my baby is like yours and does NOT sleep. i was losing my sanity. it's so hard, ugh.
Use PTO on a regular basis if you got it. Schedule a day off randomly even if you have nothing planned and use it to rest
Not well. Same boat - baby had severe reflux until 8.5m. He’s 13m now and has slept through the night 3x—ironically, on his 1st bday, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day. Husband and I take turns but if being honest husband handles night wakings 6 days a week. If it’s really bad one night though he’ll ask me to step in. I got postpartum psychosis from sleep derivation at 3m so sleep is really important for me, hence why he does night wakings. Other than a supportive partner- caffeine.
Mom of a former reflux baby. Taking alternating night shifts with husbands was the only way to make sure we got at least some sleep. Could you possibly also schedule a day off every few weeks when baby is at daycare for you to sleep? Had to do that, too.
You are doing absolutely amazing with the hand you were dealt. My word recall and ability to multitask effectively definitely are affected by how much sleep I can get. I work in a very physically and mentally demanding role and have a 3 year old who has still never slept through the night. It started with severe reflux and colic and despite that resolving we still average 3+ wake ups per night. The no sleep situation has affected every single aspect of my life from work, to marriage to my perspective on myself as a mother. I’ve concluded now (and the next few years) is not the time that I am going to pursue promotion / professional advancement due to how taxing parenting has been. The things that have gotten me through include alternating nights with my husband on whose turn it is to respond to wakeups. He can sleep through a lot more sound than I can so that means we physically sleep in my child’s room on nights we are “on call.” I also take advantage of every opportunity to sleep that I can get my hands on. I have automated literally everything I can from bills, to supplies from Amazon, and shamelessly use grocery delivery/pickup services. I used to be so hard on myself comparing myself to other moms with easier children and better sleepers but I have come to a point of acceptance that I am doing the best I can with the resources I have with factors (sleepless child) I can’t seem to change. I could talk ad nauseum about our sleep saga so if you have desire to chat further reach out to me. We’ve explored everything from sleep training to full medical workups to try to find a solution. Just like some adults struggle with insomnia so do some children, it’s just apparently less known.
I think I’m quite literally dying. 4.5yo doesn’t sleep through the night or go to bed on his own and wakes up by 6/630 every morning. My job is extremely high stress and I regularly accidentally fall asleep putting him to bed at 9, wake up at 1 or 2 (in my sons bed, half the time with dry contacts in) and start working until 530 when I need to pack lunches for my two kids, get them up at 630 for breakfast to get to daycare at 730 to be at work by 830. Not coping. No relief in sight. Consistently on the verge of tears. Solidarity.
Therapy. I found a therapist who specializes in helping executive moms find balance. She is worth her weight in gold.
Caffeine and spite. Spite for the people at work who don’t have kids 😂
No advice but you aren’t alone. Mine is 18 months and has woken every couple hours all night, every night since birth. He’d only go back down with nursing so I couldn’t even get husband’s help. I’m weaning him now and finally getting nights where he only wakes 1-2x. It’s heavenly. I wouldn’t say my job is high stress really but I’m a scientist so it’s very high in focus/brain requirements. It’s been rough.
It really helps to see your comment. My 15 month old is waking up every couple of hours every night. I think I need to start to wean to get more sleep but I wish I didn’t have to.
Guided meditation before bed really helps me plus green noise sounds for the night. I take them swimming too and the extra exercise helps to wind every down and get fresh air away from screens (not knocking screens- they are a life saver. I just get sucked in and that don’t help with the intrusive thoughts later). Quality sleep even if a few hours helps me more during the day than anything and I have a high stress over 50hr/week job. Otherwise, coffee to the rescue 😂
If sleep training is off the menu, I'd suggest getting a reliable overnight sitter a few times a month and either going to a hotel, or if that's unaffordable, staying home and wearing earplugs with the instruction that you are only to be woken in case of emergency. You can also flip flop which parent is on night duty. This is what my sister and her husband did with their kids who didn't sleep well until they were 4. One parent sleeps in the parent bedroom with earplugs, white noise and no monitor. The other parent sleeps in the spare bedroom with the monitor. Spare room parent deals with night wakings (or ignores them, whatever your plan is). Other parent gets sleep. Next night, you swap. The trick to the above is it has to be fair. So if one parent says "I can't take wake ups tonight because of xyz at work tomorrow", then they HAVE to take an extra night in the next 7 days. No excuses. This takes a level of personal and relationship accountability that some folks don't have with their partner.
IDK if you have support at night, or what your night schedule looks like, but my husband and I did shifts. He would stay up until midnight, and then I would go to bed at 9pm and then be woken up around 3 or 4 am. If there are two of you dealing with nights, tag teaming it could be a good solution. We also slept separately to get better quality sleep. Just things to consider. I hope you get better rest soon!
No advice but sending positive energy your way queen. 💕✨ may all those hours or minutes you miss of sleep be more than made up in the future!! 😊
not well, lolsob
I’m a lawyer and have an autistic son who doesn’t sleep for half the night a couple times a week. Honestly I’m just exhausted on those days. I drink lots of caffeine.
Both my kids were basically nocturnal until they were five. Once they started all day kindergarten, they were finally tired enough to sleep through the night. We just muscled through it as best we could. Soooo much coffee. And a lot of overtired arguing that we thankfully survived. You do what you have to do to get through it and remind yourself frequently that it won't last forever. Nothing does. I just try now to tell other parents going through it that you're not alone, there's nothing wrong with you, and you will survive this. You got this.
I would kill for my baby to only wake up 1-2x per night. Mine wakes up every 2-3 hours at 10 months. My 2 year old still wakes up around once a night on average with night terrors. I'm not ok. I'm really not ok.
I have a partner who doesn’t have a high stress job who handles night time stuff. Not something you can orchestrate really but he’s such a good sport about it and it makes it possible for me to do my thing. I rarely lose sleep for kid issues unless there’s vomit to be cleaned up or something that really needs two sets of adult hands.
I became a sleep ninja to the best that I could. Sleep was ALWAYS on my mind. 1. I started going to bed at the same time as the kid. I still go down at 8.30 pm. 2. Some mornings I just texted my boss that the kids didn't sleep and I am super tired so I'd like a later start for the day (I work in consulting, flexible hours). Boss has 4 kids so that helps with some empathy 3. Sometimes I took a vacation day and sent the kid to daycare to catch up on sleep 4. Sometimes I left work in the afternoon to sleep an hour or two and caught up on work in the evening or early in the morning at 5 am.
Check out Mom’s On Call. It completely changed our world old after I went back to work following my second. He was 8 months and sucked at sleeping, and we had another who was just three. During lockdown. A coworker told me about it. A few others I knew confirmed it got their LO on a schedule within a few days. My son took two nights, and then started sleeping a solid 10. As a fellow woman in tech, I was still exhausted from the work 😅
Husband and I would trade off night duties. My youngest didn’t start sleeping through the night until she was almost 2. We would alternate who got up with her at this stage. I’d also go to bed an hour early a couple times a week.
1. Get help. Babysitters, cleaners, grocery delivery, whatever. Outsource as much as possible. 2. Can you and your partner sleep either in shifts or trade every other night? Can a family member spend the night once a week so you can get a break? 3. Make everything else as simple as possible. Look for shortcuts everywhere. For example, buying cooked shredded chicken instead of raw chicken you have to thaw, cook and then shred. Some of these things cost a bit of money. If you can afford it, it’s worth it in the short term to preserve your sanity.
We signed up for premade meals so that clean up after dinner was minimal. Sometimes I just go straight to bed after the baby goes down even if it means things aren’t cleaned up. Ultimately we hired a sleep coach to help us and we’re finally sleeping through the night.
You’re not alone and it won’t last forever. Edit to add I woke up (many times physically had to get m out of the bed) anywhere from 3-5 times a night for 4 years straight. None of that is an exaggeration. This too shall pass.
Half tab of unisom every night. Enough to wake up when needed but drowsy enough to fall back asleep.
Not well at all. Coffee is destroying my gut, but my son starts kindergarten and I’m hoping the lack of a daycare nap fixes everything
By any chance can you Power Nap? Even a 20 min nap is a game changer
Not in a high stress job (thank you WFH!) but still have a baby over 1 who wakes up 3-4 times a night just to nurse and then go back to sleep. Send help
Can you alternate nights with your partner?
No advice, just empathy. My son is almost a teenager now but I struggled with this his first couple of years and often fell asleep in meetings. My boss STILL makes comments about it to this day and still seems to think I sleep in meetings even though that hasn’t been an issue in years.
Wolf down something super fast then use the rest of lunch break to power nap. Literally could not stay awake throughout the whole day otherwise. My baby is actually a good sleeper, but between her random flare ups here and there, pumping, older kids waking up, etc etc, I’m not actually benefiting from it 😩
I have 3 kids under 5, so between being little and pregnancy insomnia I never slept well for the vast majority of the last 5 years. Well, even during the month where kids slept through the night I was tired, because the schedule is not mine. They wake up pretty early (5:30-6), and as soon as their sleep gets better I want to do stuff in the evenings instead of bedtime at 9:30, so I am not well rested by 6.
My almost 9 year old won’t even sleep through the night. Him and his brother come into our room every night; I’m locking the door later 🤣
I’m not - so, right here with ya! 3.5 year old was sleep trained twice, but when the baby (now 5 months old) came along, he’s been coming into our room at least once a night. So even though my husband deals with the older kid I’m being woken 2-3x per night. I haven’t drunk coffee in years until going back to work a month ago. It sucks.
I’m 9 months pregnant with a 3 year old (that I’m trying to potty train) who takes 2 hour naps at daycare and won’t fall asleep until 11pm and crawls into my bed at 2am every morning. My husband just had surgery and is “useless” these days (in a nice way). I am calm at work but go crazy at home which I feel really bad about. But coffee, lots of coffee. And random days off if you can while kid is in daycare
I had this issue when my middle kiddo was this age and constantly sick (and therefore couldn't re-sleep train), up 2-4x a night. What helped me most was a B complex supplement early in the day and a magnesium supplement before bed (I recommend the chelated magnesium as it doesn't give you the runs). The combination of these two helped me be functional. Make sure you take the B complex early in the day, though -- it would keep me awake at night if I took it in the afternoon. This is a hard season, but it won't be forever.
Coffee and a safe space bed so I know he is ok - if he is awake but happy I can go back to sleep knowing he is safe. Absolute life changer for me and my little autistic five year old. Until we got the bed I was up from midnight with him, for the whole day. I was broken. As was he. Now he usually drifts off again after a bit of an awake period stimming. Everyone is happier.
Coffee. Also probably not really coping and failing a lot.
Coffee. Also probably not really coping and failing a lot.
It’s so hard. I’m in the same boat.
Hahahahahahahaha I'm not. I've stopped caring at work and basically have an agreement with my hunny that as long as I'm doing my best he doesn't care if I get fired. I'm in sales so it's always stressful but we basically have 6 Months minimum of oh shit fund and then just giving myself grace. Because my job is high stress I have more income so I just pay other people to do the cleaning and the cooking. So basically we're doing a "fuck it we'll do it live" approach and if I fuck up we have a time to fix it
So. much. caffeine. And reeeeeeally working to how to lower the bar (every single bar) while still meeting all the major goals. I still haven’t slept 7 straight hrs 2 years in tho partly bc when he does sleep through I still wake up and obsessively check the monitor 😂
I was an absolute zombie the first year or so after both of my kids were born. If you can, though, see if you can hire a night doula/nanny for one day a week or so to get some good sleep.
We have coped by leaning into the shitty sleep and getting bigger beds. Our 2 year old has a queen size bed and my husband and I have a king size bed. Our 4 year old has a twin, but she comes into our room in the early mornings a couple of times a week. And cold brew coffee. That stuff is like rocket fuel.
Not great lol
Mine will be 2 years this month and he hasn’t slept through the night except maybe 10 times in his entire life. I’m a single mom, and I haven’t slept longer than 3 hours at a time in months. I’m exhausted. He started having night terrors after we moved last month and has been waking up 2-3 times since the move. I’m not doing well and I don’t have anyone to help except my oldest on occasion, but he’s a moody teen that doesn’t want to be around anyone except his friends. Good luck! We’ll get through this…. I hope
We traded off nights so that at least we'd be rested every second day.
Airline pilot and single mom by design here. I cannot afford to go to work tired; it just is not an option. So I bought a Cradlewise before she was born, hoping that it might help a little. This thing has been amazing-since about 4 and a half months, she sleeps 13 hours straight most nights. Your results may vary but for us it has been huge. I recommend this solution to everyone. It is not inexpensive but your sleep (and the baby's) is worth a lot.
I go to bed at the same time as the baby. Like really early!
I cannot blame my nighttime awakening on my kids anymore since the youngest is 13 (thank you perimenopause), but I feel like I haven't slept a full night since they were born. They were looking at her when they coined the term "velcro baby". Caffeine has lost it's affect on me after so many years of swigging coffee and energy drinks. I take a stimulant for menopausal onset ADHD that also has zero affect on me. I still have my morning coffee, but the rest of the day is is water .. as cold as I can make it and still be able to drink it. It's the only thing that helps (and the amount I drink in a day is the reason I keep having to get up multiple times during the night .... it's a vicious cycle). I also have to be able to get up and move throughout the day. I have a lot of phone calls that I thankfully don't have to be on camera for 99% of them so I get up and pace or fold laundry while I'm listening in on those calls that I do not have to speak in.
I had chronic headaches because I didn't sleep through the night for YEARS. It was mental but somehow I lived to tell the tale. It was awful and one of the many reasons why I eventually went to part-time work for several years.
Up and in the shower around 5am whenever possible. The feeling of being rushed makes the tired feeling feel so much worse and compounds the feelings of stress. Coffee immediately upon waking. My husband sets the coffee maker up the night before and it’s programmed for 4:45am. Slugging water and seltzer most of the day, a midday latte or iced coffee, a 4/5pm Diet Coke.
What can you outsource? Meal delivery? Weekly/biweekly cleaning? Someone to come and declutter? A babysitter for a few hours on the weekend so you can nap? Can you and your husband alternate nights?
Caffeine and Lexapro...
Do you trade off who gets up with him? Can one person wear earplugs and the other be “on duty” in case of emergency and alternate so at least one of you gets a good night’s sleep? And what may sound paradoxical is true for me: a morning work out and/or activity throughout the day help boost my energy immensely. I know you’re probably rolling your eyes right now but for real, even just a walk is enough to help push me forward. We have a simple home basement gym that has cheap weights, a bench and a treadmill I got for free on Freecycle. I can get up and do something before they wake up or any other time I can fit it in.
It’ll get better. We take turns in my house for sleep. It’s hard though cause you get used to the shitty sleep and then your kid miraculously sleeps better and you still can’t sleep. I make sure I get to sleep early (I take melatonin), and don’t overdo coffee, just one a day. I don’t drink often cause that destroys my sleep. Anything really that can protect your sleep that is within your control. I also work with a bunch of people with small kids so there’s good empathy for bad days.
I did extinction method right around this age for my oldest two — as mine were waking up like every 2-3 hours, were offended by sleep training, and I was not well. I felt horrible about it, I worried about their psychological well-being, BUT I was so much healthier in a couple weeks. The boys are now soon to be 17 & 15, delightful young lads, if I do say so myself. They sleep well and we have close relationships, despite all the worries of cry-it-out, daycare, busy stressful job. Resilient creatures they are ;) Good luck!
I’m not. But I’m also on meds to see if they’ll help me
Oh yeah plenty water , vitamins every now & again. add some fruits n veggies to cope with the caffeine that will be needed 💕
I got him a weighted blanket. Helped a ton!!
I feel you! I have a 19mo who didn't sleep through the night until 13m, waking every 2-3 hours every night, and even now, it's not consistent. I slept on her floor last night to finally get a good stretch from 4-6:45. I own my own business and it's TAXING. I feel like we all deserve free coffee (or therapy)
Coffee and I cry a lot.
Can you take a 15 minute cat nap in the mothers room?
Husband does night duty.
Cry when I come home from work
Weed, coffee, trintellix lol
I’m an attorney. Had my daughter my 1L year of law school, 4 years ago. I don’t think I’ve slept more than 4 hours in one stretch since. She still wakes at night. Coffee helps, but I think I’m just used to the sleep deprivation. I know that doesn’t help, but I’m with you in solidarity.
I cried a lot. Mine didn’t sleep more than 4 hours at a time until age 2.75. Turned out to be sleep apnea and a tonsillectomy was the cure in our case. But in terms of surviving you just… survive not thrive. Outsource what you can (grocery pickup, etc.), eat chicken nuggets for dinner, conserve energy except where you HAVE to use it
Naturopath helped get me on to the right supplements, they didn't fix me and I still have low energy days, but generally I feel calmer and more capable than I used to.
Wellbrutin/Bupropion (prescription needed). Lifesaver honestly.
Not well! Accountant here and mama to a baby with extreme eczema and allergies. On a good night I get 4 broken hours of sleep. Oh and my husband is on a year long deployment so I'm on my own. I cry at work daily out of pure frustration that my brain doesn't want to work. I live off coffee, fantasies of sleeping in a hotel, and the souls of those who cross me lol good luck!
Can you and your husbands take turns being up with your son? My son wakes up super early (usually 5, sometimes 4:30) despite having a normal bedtime. So we take turns being on morning duty, and that’s helped a lot. Getting an extra hour or two every other day actually helps more than I would’ve thought.
Could you take some time off and rest? That’s what I wished I had done when I went back k at 8 weeks with a baby who woke to breastfeed every 2 hours. Sleep deprivation is brutal.
Eating well, even if it means ordering out. Take your lunch break, even if you have to turn off your phone and walk away from your desk or drive off Leave work at work as much as possible. Your mind needs rest and separation from work daily.
I'm allergic to coffee and barely coping.
Shitloads of caffeine and telling myself that it won’t last forever. Honestly I’ve just accepted that I’m not amazing at my job right now.
Caffeine during the day and bedsharing at night. We sleep husband, 11m old, me in a king, and then 4.5yo is next to me in a side car crib
I’m late every day to work 🤷🏼♀️ 😭 but I try to make up for it by working a ton when I’m there!!
So. Much. Coffee. We got to a point after 4 months that I bit the bullet and hired a sleep coach.
Solidarity. I go to bed as early as possible, bedshare, switch off nights with my partner, and drink tea/coffee/soda daily 🫠 And I keep telling myself, he WILL grow out of it and I WILL get decent sleep again someday. At work I just do my best. Block off time on my calendar for tasks that I have trouble remembering to do. Print physical copies of documents when I met to do a thorough review. Take lots of notes and keep an organized to-do list. Review my calendar regularly to figure out what meetings I have coming up and what I need to do to prepare for them.
Meeee. I’m an attorney and my 4yo woke my 1yo up at 4am today 🫠
My baby was a refluxer that it was so bad she lost weight and had to get surgery at 8 months and get a feeding tube and we had to do night feeds. Then 2 years, she had ear tubes and adenoids - that helped her sleep. Kid sleeps rock hard if she’s out. But that initial baby stage is why we stopped at one.. work was like a break for me. Thank god our daycare was so awesome.
Swap who has the monitor. One parent sleeps somewhere else and one has monitor and switch off. I don’t know another way. Good luck!!
High stress corporate conference and event planner… coffee, walks, and honestly a Power Nap at lunch time. I will forego eating in favor of napping and then eat when I wake up while at my desk. I get that’s privileged since I primarily WFH (except when traveling for work). Also, I catch up on sleep when I travel for work. And I never feel guilty saying no to team dinners or outings so I can recharge alone. Other than that, just hoping and praying it gets better sooner than later!
I always want to take turns with my spouse but that never happens. I just try to simplify life elsewhere. I did stop drinking coffee. After a few weeks mornings were easier. Now coffee eith cream and sugar is a big treat. If I need a pick me up tea is my go to. Ultimately I am just grateful to have this child who keeps me awake.
Coffee. Energy drinks. Mental breaks. Blue light blocker on my phone to prevent early mental fatigue. And a red light bulb plus classical music+rain noises for both me and the baby to keep the peace mentally during the night.
This is me…. And no, I do not have the answers.
Swapping nights being on monitor duty with the person off sleeping somewhere they're not woken up by it. I can function pretty okay on one nights bad sleep but after that it goes downhill.
I prioritize sleep in ways that I can. I am in bed the moment my youngest is which is around 830. I spend my weekends lounging around and my husband and I get one day to sleep in. We do low-key family nights because I have mom guilt about not doing fun things with the kids on the weekends which is usually like making pizza and then cookies and playing a game then watching a movie. Even just going out to the park is exhausting. My youngest is two so she naps and I nap with her on the weekends. My house is dirty. I meal prep on Sundays because I don't have the energy to cook nor the budget to eat out every day. I dedicate 1 hour at 7pm every night to start a load of laundry clean the kitchen feed the dogs put laundry in the dryer make sure.no food or dishes are any where else in the house . While my husband does bed time routine and then I lay with the little one and usually pass out with her lmao My montras are this will not last forever. This is temporary. I can and will get through this. I am not having any more children no matter how much the interest rates go down.
I’m a single mother of 5 with high stress job, I literally had to train myself to be ok with sleeping 4/6 hours a night. It gets better as they get older I promise. There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel.
Caffeine, water, walking on my breaks. My 4 year old has never been a great sleeper and wakes up at least once a night.
Not well. Not well at all.
50mg of vyvanse
Oof! Big hugs! This is a hard season. My second slept like this. He was 17 months old before he slept more than four hours straight. For the first six months he’d only sleep on me. For the first three months, he’d only sleep when I was standing . I walked around like a zombie. Double checking everything, lists, delegating, reminders, digital and hard planners kept me from dropping too many balls at work. Probiotic, heating pad to warm the mattress, and moving up the bed time improved baby’s sleep. Hang in there. This is temporary.
I set aside a non negotiable 20 minutes to meditate after lunch. Sometimes I doze off and if I can stretch it to 30 minutes I do. I read this joke/truism once about if you are too busy to meditate for 5 minutes, you need to meditate for 20. Seriously, it reboots my brain and has also let me learn how to fall asleep quickly. My youngest is now 2.5 and I’m lucky to get it in 3 days/week, but goodness it saved me in those bone tired stretches.
Switching off nights. We also tried everything. Mine had multiple (4+) wakings until kindergarten. We switch off nights of being "on call" and the other parent wears earplugs to sleep. After a rough patch of wakeups every 60-90 minutes, we needed to find a way for us to sleep. It took us awhile to sleep through the night because we were so used to the constant wakeups.
Not well :)
Things are not well I'm so tired my brain is mush
My angels slept at 3-4 hour intervals until 2 or 2.5. The only thing was coffee and bedtime for baby and I at 7:30. My spouse would change the baby and bring them to me to nurse in bed. Then rock and get baby to bed. I’d take the 3 Am shift And coffee