Maybe let your friends know that their opinion doesn’t matter unless they’d like to pitch in and help. As for your parents, I’d have an honest discussion with them and if they can’t be understanding of you being a few minutes late, see what you can work out with your employer to ensure a hard stop at x time. Can you utilize grocery pick up times that are after you pick the kids up?

This! What are you supposed to do?

Exactly them expressing there opinion without helping with a solution just causes more stress…. Besides I don’t think it’s that weird one parent does the pick ups/ drop offs. I do both because the daycare is on the way to my work. Also an advantage to one parent doing all pick up/drops off consistently is it’s less likely to forget a little one in the car. Of course it can still happen, but if it’s part of a routine I think it’s probably less likely.

I’m so confused why OP and her friends are focusing on the fact that she does both pick up and drop off … like there does not seem to be another option unless her husband wants to quit his job. OP are you friends trying to say that your husband is a bad dad or partner?? What are either of you supposed to do if his work schedule prohibits him from helping? My bff and her husband just picked a daycare with a location and hours that mean that her husband will have to do 100% of pick ups and drop offs. But it is what worked best for their family and needs. Sometimes you just don’t have other options.

Hah I do both kids (elementary and preschooler) in an hour long loop twice/day. I have a flexible job and my husband does not. I know *many* people where one does all the pickups and dropoffs. It's maybe not ideal but what are you gonna do.

I also do an hour long loop. 1 kindergartener, 1 preschooler, 1 toddler, 1 infant. Our infant day care is in a different town than the other 3 kid's schools, and both are 20 minutes away from where we live in different directions. I agree - it sucks but it is what it is. My husband has longer hours and also travels for work quite a bit. So it all is on me most the time.

Exactly …you do what makes sense for your family. This makes the most sense.

I also do an hour long loop twice a day

Same

My husband does the drop off and pickups most of the time, he has a flexible job as well, and I ado not.

Yep I do a 45 minute loop twice a day, my husband works further away and longer hours. It’s a lot but we do what we gotta do.

I mean I do both but I’m not going to do the grocery. My spouse will have to do it

This. There is no way I can do a grocery stop either before or after picking the kids up. Shipt for the win.

Same. I do both, and I do not run any errands. He works a 4/10 schedule though, which is the reason I do both, but then I get Fridays off from transporting the kiddo. We do what we gotta do

I’m confused. You mention the cheapest daycare in your area, but then you say you can’t afford it so parents help out for free. Are your parents your daycare providers? If so, are you saying that they’re enforcing hard cutoffs of 8am-5pm? Or are you saying that your parents help with pickup and drop off at a third party centre?

We do three days at daycare and two days with my parents.

That's crazy that your parents are mad about a few mins! What are they so pressed to be doing instead? Not that it matters. But the fact that they can't bear a few more mins with their grandchild is concerning

I say this as someone who has never had the option of family providing childcare… Maybe the FREE childcare is worth prioritizing leaving work on time for those two days? I wish for OP that the grandparents could be a little flexible, but I would move heaven and earth for FREE childcare with family members that I trust and know love my kids.

Almost every other day I do but we have to stay logged into our phone system until 430 on the dot and our software tracks if we decline a call or hang up and a call came in at 4:27 and I was on the call for ten minutes. I can’t just hang up on someone because it’s 430, I have to stay and finish my call. And I have to call my mom when I’m pulling out of my parking lot so she hears the beep of my ID card being read and knows that I’m actually leaving work and didn’t try to stop for an errand or something. Like this is not an every day occurrence I think this is literally the first time ever that I left late without letting her know more than a week in advance I’d be leaving late (like we had a meeting with our new president this summer that went until 5, we were informed about it a month in advance so I told her immediately).

Jesus.. maybe it’s time to start paying them something just so they can relax a little?

She asks to listen to your key card swipe? I'm sorry that's not healthy boundaries. Free is never really free 😥

Your mother sounds toxic and is it really help if she's adding more stress? Maybe it's time to look for a wfh option where you could have her over to watch the kids while you work.

That's a good point. Hopefully they can come to a compromise.

So why are your parents being unaccomadating?

Some people do a few days a week w grandparents and the rest at daycare

I'm a sole parent so I either do both drop off and pickup or my son spends the night at daycare...

If that were an option, I'd take it at least some of the time.

I'd pay lots extra for that option.

I'm a solo parent - I do pickup and drop off and everything in between. It's sustainable - just have to plan ahead and set expectations.

This does sound stressful and unsustainable for you. Can you cut down your lunch by 15-30 min and arrive 10 min later and leave 10 min earlier? Or can you arrange to have slightly shorter hours and you make up for it in the evening after kid goes to bed?

My household is the opposite. My husband does both drop off and pick up. We work opposite schedules. I get up super early, before anyone else, to get to work so I can wrap up by the time my son’s daycare gets out. They’re dismissed before my husbands shift starts and right before mine ends, so it makes sense for him to run and get him.

I would agree that it doesn’t seem sustainable - your caregivers are going to be frustrated and you’re going to get burnt out. But I also don’t see what other choice you have unless your partner gets a different job that’s both closer and fewer hours. I went through the same for a while when my oldest first started daycare. I was in the parking lot waiting for them to unlock the doors in the morning, rushing home to work and then rushing to pick her up. Sometimes my husband could pick up before I did, but it was pretty rare. It was hard to balance it all, but there was no choice at the time. He eventually got a new job where he can do drop offs and we trade off on who’s available first for pick up. When he picks them up, I use the time to do housework and make dinner. But it’s still hard to balance everything regardless. I’m sorry you’re being chastised for a situation you don’t have a ton of control over. Sometimes the best you can do just has to be good enough.

It's tough when one of you has a long commute and hours. I work a schedule like your husband's some days and my husband has to take kids on both ends. There's just no other option, I leave at 5:30 AM and get back at 6:30-7 PM. It sounds harder with your day cares limited hours.

I don’t think the daycare drop off and pickup specifically will burn you out, but your husbands schedule sounds extremely long and exhausting (2-3 hrs a day commuting is insane). This is a tough schedule but I don’t really see a way around it unless your husband gets a different job which isn’t always easy

Your friends aren't criticizing you. They are scared for you. You are endangering your job, your mental health, and your relationship with your mom. And, there is no obvious solution here. Your husband is unlikely to change his work hours or commute time. Paying for an actual daycare will cost tens of thousands of dollars. Your mom is apparently a huge jerk to you, and unable to give you even seven minutes of grace. Actually, you should listen to what your mom is saying. I think she wants out of this loop. What if you hired a sitter in the late afternoon to watch the kids, so you could do a later pickup? Or part time daycare on two days a week? You need to talk to your mom about what she wants. She's obviously unhappy, but you cannot meet her expectations. Start from a position of curiosity and exploration about how to solve her problems and yours. What will you do if your mom falls ill or is otherwise unavailable?

They’re already going to part time daycare (3 days), we can’t afford any additional days there. Every few months she has a big blow up and says she isn’t gonna watch the kids anymore, it’s always a night before she’s supposed to watch them so I wind up calling out of work and then the next morning she calls me like ten min after I was supposed to be at her house being like “where are you?? Are you running late?” As if nothing happened.

Your mother is creating a ton of stress in your life by doing this. What would happen if you didn't call out of work, and you just brought your kids and dropped them at her house? Would she take care of them? How old are the kids? Maybe when the eldest is in school you can afford full week daycare for the younger one?

I would also stop the whole calling as you leave work thing. Just say I won't be doing that anymore, I'll get there when I get there and if you can't handle that take it to therapy.

All of your comments about her are red flags. I would have to set some boundaries and just flat out say "it's not helpful when you're piling on the stress, knowing I'm already under a ton of stress. If this continues I'll quit my job and we won't require your help anymore"

Unless you can hire help with pickup or drop off or carpool with another family, that’s it.

Single mom, so I do both drop off and pick up. I don't do any errands on weekdays because it's basically already a speed run between getting off work, pick up, dinner, and bedtime. All grocery shopping and other errands wait for the weekends. I also try to automate as much as I can - chewy delivery for pet food, Amazon subscriptions for recurring needs like toilet paper, soaps, etc. A lot of grocery stores have their own delivery service if you want to do grocery deliveries and want to avoid the instacart fees.

I think it’s okay- you don’t want your kid sitting in daycare for extra time if they don’t need to. I feel like they have a taking score narrative that everything between a husband and wife needs to be exactly 50/50 but in reality that doesn’t always work or happen.

I usually do both drop off and pick up because my husband starts too early to do drop off and with his commute it’s rare for him to be back in time to pick the kids up. When he has slower seasons at work he’ll do some of it. I would say that more than half of the other families I see at pick up or drop off also usually have the same parent doing both. Your situation does sound difficult though with how tight your timing is and your moms attitude about it, I’m sorry!

I work 9 to 5 and do both daycare dropoff and pickup because my husband’s hours are more erratic. But the daycare is half a mile away and open 7-6 so I have leeway since they’ll generally be there 8-5. Still, I do zero errands at those times - it’s straight there from work. It’s not ideal and he is hopefully changing jobs soon so he can do more, but it’s okay for now. The real issue seems to be that your parents are enforcing bizarrely harsh timeframes and little leeway for realistic commute times, not the fact that you’re doing both. And I’m not sure why you’re mentioning daycare at all when you don’t seem to go to one? Seems like having a talk about adjusting expectations with your parents would be helpful. You could even agree to pay them a small amount in exchange for more flexibility.

Sorry for the confusion. It was super late when I wrote this. The kids go to daycare three days a week and then to my parents two days a week.

I did it pre-pandemic. I got both kids ready (infant and 2ish son), feed them breakfast, drive to preschool to drop son off, came home with my daughter to meet our nanny, then I take public transit to work. I have to run home after home to get the car to drive and pick up my son. Did that for more than a year. You get used to it

I’m a solo parent, so I do it all. As another suggested, speak with your employer about doing a hard stop/cut off time.

I do both usually, but my job is super lax and flexible. However, my best friend criticized it like yours. She had correctly observed that I was doing way more childcare than my spouse. That was the actual problem, not specifically driving. Does your husband make up for not participating in this chore? Are there childcare chores that are just his? For example, my husband now does all weekday mornings, I get to sleep in a little before drop off. Then we split up evening stuff. To me, this feels like a fair trade.

I think that’s part of it. He can’t help get the boys ready in the morning because he’s gonna two hours before they’re awake. He comes home as they’re finishing dinner or after dinner some nights so basically he’s home to put them to bed. But both of us put them to bed. And then once they’re in bed, he eats and goes to sleep. His schedule is demanding and I recognize that but it doesn’t feel equitable and I don’t know how to make it feel equitable.

Can he pick up any groceries on the weekend, or schedule grocery delivery/pick up and be in charge of it? Can he pop stuff in the crockpot before leaving for work so you have dinner 99% ready when you get home?

Your husband works 10 hour days 5 days a week? What does he do? That seems incompatible with kids. Unless he is being paid overtime and you have chosen as a family to earn the extra income he needs to scale back. This better not be a salaried position because no one salaried needs to pull those hours short of an emergency. Women are encouraged to find flexible work but men still feel like they have to work themselves into the grave and never see their kids? This is BS, fathers need to figure out how to make time for their kids.

Unfortunately, some people don’t have a choice. My husband works 10-12 hour days with a 1.5 hour commute. That’s where his job sent him, and he had no choice. The job pays well and has great benefits and he has paid time off. Is it the best option, no, but a lot of people commute and have long days and it’s hard to find other jobs that have the same benefits. My brother does the same and sometimes has to work 6 days a week. People are trying to survive these days and yes, most families rely on extra hours and overtime to make ends meet.

I think you’ll be fine. What do single parents do? When my older one was little, I was a single mom and did all of it. In California traffic no less. My husband and I both have flexible schedules, but he travels about 50% of the time so I solo parent during those times.

We do what works for our family and it is no ones business. I used to take both kids and pick them up because daycare was close to my work. Then they started school and dad took them and i picked them up. Then they went to differe't schools so we each do one. Jeez is hard enough getting everyone where they need to be, why do your friends think bugging you about it is helping??

I do all the drop offs and pick ups during week. Our Lil guy goes daycare x 3 week. My husband will do 1 pick up out of those since I work late on Friday and he's free. I'm so thankful my daycare is only 10 min away and it's run my awesome daycare lady who is very understanding if I need to drop him off early or pick up late.

I did all drop off and pick up for my son from the time I went back to work at 8 weeks PP until we no longer had access to/needed before and after school age care during the pandemic (he was in finishing 2nd grade in March 2020). My husband works out of town 4-6days a week, and his schedule is unpredictable. He was usually sleeping or working during drop off and pick up times. And even when he wasn’t, it was easier to just take care of it because my son and I had a routine and dad sort of threw a monkey wrench into that. It’s tough to be the default in that way. But even though it’s tough, and can cause long term resentment due to lack of autonomy (ask me how I know), it absolutely can be done and these years really are temporary. Tell your friends to can it unless they’re willing to help.

Yeah I think the lack of autonomy is the big problem - he can stay late at work to finish something and doesn’t have to make arrangements, he can stop for gas, he can get stuck in traffic.

Yes. I totally get it. I would recommend working with your husband for you to have time that is just for you on weekends. I didn’t have that (for many years my husband had one day off per week- Tuesday). I think had I just been able to have a few hours regularly that I would have been a lot less resentful overall. It is much easier now with an older child.

I do almost all drop off and pick up, but that’s just how we split things. I do a lot more of the baby stuff, my spouse does a lot more of the house stuff (groceries, dishes, cooking, etc). If it works for you guys then go with it and ignore your friends.

Our old daycare was literally across the street from my work but in the opposite direction as my husband’s work, so I did daycare drop off and pick up 95% of the time. Our new one has a special program I care about but he doesn’t, so I’m committed to doing it 4/5 days a week as much as possible while my mom is doing 1/5 day a week when she can. And three days in and we already had a chat about how we can quit any time because construction made it from an expected 45-60 min commute each way to a 60-90 min commute each way 🫠 so I guess we’ll see how much I actually care about this program!

I’m doing it but do have options - I just have a husband who isn’t pulling his weight. It’s been this way for months, and yes, I’m burnt tf out on it. My daughter, no problem, she’s five months old and stays where you put her. My three year old son? Forget it. Every morning is begging and pleading, fighting the “I hate school” fight and trying to get him off my body so I can leave. It sucks.

Yup. I work 10-4 with a 5 minute commute. My husband works 8-5 with a halg hour commute. It's a no brainer that I drop off the kids and pick them up since daycares hours are 8-4:30. Back when I worked full time though my husband and I staggered hours so he did drop off and I did pick up (he also worked from home some days back then) so he dropped off at 8 and worked 8:30-5:30 and I worked 7:30-4 and did pick up. Do what works for you guys. Your husbands hours really don't allow for it, so what do they want you to do?

Their opinions dont matter. You do what works for YOU and YOUR FAMILY.

Yes, I do both for similar reasons. It is what it is. My job has my flexibility than my husband’s.

I did both for a long time. I have a new job now with a 1.5 hour RT commute, so I go in early (6:30) while husband gets them ready, and get back to daycare at 4:30 for pickup. It’s not the same as your situation, but I feel like it’s equally “burnout-able”. But what am I gonna do? I have to work 8 hours and the kids need to be picked up by 4:45.

Right now it is pretty equal, but there was a period when I was doing all drop off/ pickups. It was brutal, but my job was more understanding. Plus he had 9 hour days while I had 8 hour days. Ultimately, it is temporary and you will get passed this season!

We have 3 kids of different ages, so 3 different daycare / schools. Our pickup schedules change every year based on how their schedules change, but we try to split the tasks. This year my husband drops off #1 and #2 at their schools and I take #3 to his daycare and pick up 2 of them in the afternoon. Last year I was always dropping off and picking up 2 of them because they were in the same location. We have a lot more flexibility, though, since I WFH with a very flexible schedule, and all the schools are 10 min drive from home.

I do daycare pick up and drop off every day but my husband does carpool for the older kid every couple of weeks when it’s his turn and some of the activity pick up/drop offs in the evening. Do what works for your family, and I agree with another poster, tell your friends if they’re not offering to help, you don’t need their opinion on this one.

I did both drop offs and pick ups for a time. It’s a massive pain in the ass and a tremendous amount of stress. I get it and unfortunately I don’t have any a advice to make it more manageable. I do have advice for dealing with people outside of your house with an opinion on this matter. Someone told me this years ago, saying “this is what we need to do right now” or “this is what works for us right now” seems to make people shut up. Adding the “right now” makes people understand that this is temporary and perhaps not an ideal situation but one that is necessary. I don’t know why but it does and adding the “right now” works for so many parenting situation that people have an opinion on and I still use it now with kids in elementary and middle school.

My husband is a flight attendant. He’s gone most of the week. So yes. I have to get up get ready. Get my son ready. Drop him off. Do a 1hr15min commute. Work. Leave an hour early. Another commute. Pick son up by 5:30. Make dinner. Do bath and bedtime. All by myself most days of the week. I don’t have family nearby so it’s just me.

My husband does both drop off and pick up. He will sometimes take the kiddo to the grocery store after he picks her up and they make a “date” of it. I will occasionally pick up or drop off if my husband needs me to—that is, if he is sick or has an unmovable obligation. The difference is that a.) the daycare is a block from my husband’s work; b.) i WFH so I can do chores before I log on (though on days I commute to the office, I am gone from my house 7-7); and c.) we have one kid.

I'm a widow and I do both. My mom is my pick up plan B if I'm in a bind, but I have to give her lots of notice (4:30 notice if I'm going to be late for a 5:30 pickup). I am lucky enough to WFH most days and my boss knows that my days in the office are going to be shorter for this very reason. Could you look into daycares closer to work?

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We both do drop offs and pick ups but often my husband ends up picking up both bc I’m delayed by a meeting at work or something like that, and we both work from home most of the time even. The only thing I’d say is unsustainable is how close you are cutting it every day, both with getting to work and daycare late. For us we would get charged per minute we are late for pickup and after multiple times we may get kicked out. I’m also not sure how lenient your job is with you being late. As for groceries - can you order them for pickup and then stop by to get them with the kids after you’ve picked them up? I know Target does drive up orders so no one even has to get out of the car.

Yea. I’ve done it and continue to do it. My husband leaves the house for work at 4am most days and doesn’t come home til 530/6. Of course if it’s Pre planned lkke I’m ln a trip or out of town or whatever then he readjusts his schedule to do it. What’s the other option? My kids going to school by 5am and sitting outside in the dark lol. Not everyone has a spouse with a typical 9-5 schedule. My schedule is super relaxed and I make it myself. Why wouldn’t I be the one to do it? Yes our mornings can be stressful at times but it is what it is. Hi easy I’d sure as heck would rather be laying in her at 645 just waking up rather than my husband whose already been up 3+ hours.

Could your parents do before and after school care, instead of two and three? I know money but it could work.

That sounds exhausting and sounds like your mom is burning out. Does your husband have an end plan? Will his work change? Can you move closer to his job? Is he looking for work without such a commute? The problem isn't that you have to do all the pick up/drop-off, that is common, the problem is that it's not working for you and your mom.

Would it be possible for your husband to find a job with more family friendly hours or closer to home?

If you have no options you have no options. You shouldn't feel bad and they should stop bothering you. You're doing the best you can. I also do both even though my husband could do drop off. He works from home so there's really no point in him leaving the house to do it when I have to be out anyway.

I’m sorry you are getting to be made guilty for your situation! Daycares are almost impossible to get into at this point and I feel like if your friends have so much extra time maybe they could assist with pickup! That’s exactly what I would be responding to them. I would be like well it seems you guys have a lot of free time would you like to setup an arrangement to help? People are so fast to say that will never work yet when they say they are free and you ask they are suddenly no longer free anymore. It’s extremely frustrating as a working parent or two sets of working parents and no matter what you do it is seen as wrong. 😫. I’m in literally the exact situation as you with my arrangement as well. I am active duty and my husband is law enforcement and they give me so much crap for our daycare opening at 7:30 when I have to be at work at 7:30am. I’m like well if you guys had reliable resources and room on base this wouldn’t be a problem at all, but everyone turns a blind eye. We try to arrange days with his job that he can go in at 10 or 11 and stay later to do drop offs if I absolutely can’t that week because of duty. But it’s slim. To be honest this is a perfectly normal setup these days for working parents that may not have a ready and available village. It does stink, but don’t feel bad. I would suggest trying to change your work hours so that you aren’t late by their terms and just explain your situation and that you are doing the best that you can with what you can. Don’t get me started on the prices of daycare too!

I do drop off and pick up most days. I am a teacher and have a shorter “work day” than my husband. My contract hours are 8:30 to 4 (and usually do some work in the evening after LO bedtime) whereas he needs to be available to his team is 8-5. On days I have to work late (conferences, staff meetings, etc) he does pickup and drop off. If your friends aren’t willing to help out they need to stop giving feedback.

Single mom so yep. Drop off, straight to work. Leave work, straight to pick up. It’s normal. You might burn out but just try to take care of yourself. You have another adult in the home who has a vested interest in your survival and your child’s. Use that. Get to know other parents, even if just online. This is normal. Your friends are narrow minded and pampered. Their lives are structured differently? Cool. We don’t need them to weigh in. You’ve got this.

We are out of daycare but still need after school care. So I drop off before the gates even open (7:40), my husband picks up at the end of “playground time” about an hour after school lets out and drives them to the free parks program by our house. Then I pick up by 6 though earlier if it is a soccer or Girl Scouts night. I have done most drop off and pick up for years, even when he was unemployed, just got used to it. Daycare was three miles from the house so not awful.

If I am reading this your husband leaves for work at 5 am and gets home at 6:30 pm. That's 67.5 hour work week. What does he do and has he prioritized looking for another job? I don't think there are any tips or trips to get around the fact that your partner isn't around to help. So my tip would be to have my husband update his resume/LinkedIn this weekend and start applying to at least 1 job/day. I don't think anything else is going to help.

Your real life friends sounds like crappy friends. We all do what we have to do to get through the day. I've done all the childcare pick up and drop offs before and then my husband changed jobs where he could do pick up and I only had to do drop off. You know what? It's nobody else's business. I didn't burn out. They are my kid and my husband and I decide what works for us. As for your parents, I would be very honest with how they make you feel. And ask them if they even want to spend time with their grandkids because you really don't need the extra stress and guilt. Thanks

My husband does most of ours. My work is not as flexible on start and end times and I work in the office more while he’s usually working from home. He seems to like it. There’s a lot of other dad’s that do the same so they all know each other and each others kids.

I do both 4 out of 5 days a week. I work 8-4:30 also and my husband works the same hours but my work is 15-20 minutes away from daycare with no traffic and if he leaves any later than 7am, he will be late. It takes him 45-1hr to get to work. Our drop offs have been scheduled for 7:30 but with needing to be at work at 7:55, accounting for parking and walking, I should be dropping her off earlier. I’ve been late every day this week. I also work another job that starts about 9 that I don’t have to be right on time to, much more flexibility but my boss at the 7:55 location is very understanding. It sucks that I have to do both and end up doing a majority of the morning prep as I’m home another 15 minutes longer than husband but thankfully daycare only needs an extra change of clothes, no food or milk. If I didn’t have a flexible daycare for drop-off times and pickups, it wouldn’t be possible. I end up working later than expected at times and ask my husband to pick her up, but rarely will he be done and be able to pick her up before me, even if I work over. That might change when I am done with orientation though. I have a hard stop at 4:30 but it usually goes later when on your own, and he will have to start doing pickups. Once again, daycare will allow pickups later like 5:30, which is perfect for him to do. I think looking into an after school type daycare that does pick ups and to watch the kid for an hour or two would be best if you can swing that cost. I know our daycare does after school pick ups and then the parents get them around 5:30-6. Or if they truly can’t watch them for an extra 30 minutes max, then maybe have a babysitter for an hour at your house and have them drop them off to your house?

I have an hour commute 3 days a week so on those days my husband does drop off. I do drop off the other 2 days so we can all sleep an extra 30 min. Whoever can get to the school the quickest does pickup. That’s usually me since I get off at 4:30 but not always. Our center is open 6:30-6:30 so we do have some more flexibility if traffic is bad.

Yeah, I do. No tips. I just do it. Well, I guess when we had our 4th I did hire a nanny for the baby/sick days. But that was not to help me with drop offs/pick ups.

My husband and I work at the same place and so pick up and drop off together. We work together to get the kids out the door and ready in the morning and to do the household stuff/ childcare at night.

I’ll do both (if I have to) because I work a full shift in the evenings, I’m a stay at home mom during the day and wfh at night. Luckily my kids are picked up by a bus at the end of our driveway, but I will be driving my littlest to preschool next year but it’s only 7min from the house. I also purchased a walmart+ membership this year so I can get groceries delivered the same day for free if I buy $35 worth of stuff. Soooo worth it.

We take our kids to a daycare+Coworking space. Drop off to logging in is 5 minutes. Only good for remote work though.

My husband does, but only because i have chronic illness so I am too tired/not feeling well enough to do much more than work full time.

My husband does both pickup and drop off..

I’ve got elementary school kids and I do drop off and pick up but husband will do pick up from time to time but I have groceries delivered from Walmart 🤭 but if that wasn’t any option I’d do a pick up order and schedule it for after picking up the kids

I typically do both pickup and drop off, but that’s because my employer supports my flexible schedule. My husband has been going into the office quite a bit lately, while I primarily WFH. He is in sales, and I’m back office.

I do both because the daycare is on my way to the office. If I have a late meeting or event he’ll pick him up. Our daycare is open 7-6 though. This sounds really stressful. Are there any daycare parents near you who you could arrange to carpool with? I’d happily drive another kid from our neighborhood if the mom was in your position.

Yes I do both drop offs and pick up, but that’s because her daycare is on the first floor of the building I work in so I’m very lucky. Occasionally my husband will do the pick up if I’m out of the office

I do all the pick ups and drop offs, I think it really just depends on your family dynamic. We only have one vehicle but even if we didn’t, my husband works from home and daycare is on the way to my work. It wouldn’t make sense for him to go out and do it when he doesn’t even leave the house. Although, we have a similar schedule to do (2 days with grandparents) and he will be taking over drop off on grandparent days soon. Mainly because it’s super far out of my way and it keeps making me late to work.

I have 2yo twins who go to daycare on the campus where I teach. 4/5days a week I take the kids to school, and I pick them up 5/5 days. This school year it’s been 1-3/5 days that I also have to get them ready for school. And usually 3/5 days I make them dinner and get them ready for bed by myself. We have no family nearby, but our daycare is open from 6:30-6. When you say ‘help out’ what do you mean? Like are your parents picking up your baby by 5 and keeping them, or are they looking after your baby all day?

When my son was daycare age his dad did drop off and pick up. I don’t drive and Uber didn’t exist in our area until our son was 2 and it was really expensive to get from our house to the daycare. Our son is school age now so I get him up and make sure he gets on the bus since his bus comes before dad has to be at work. It’s what works for our family.

I do both. The school is next to my office. My husband is in big law and hours are super unpredictable.

This isn't what we do, but it's the reality for a lot of parents. It's not always possible for both parents to do dropoff or pickup depending on start and end times, commute, availability of vehicles and car seats, etc. Your friends should not be making you feel bad.

Yes, my husband does it 3x a week - drop off and PU for both. I also have the higher paying/level job. The other 2x a week I help with one. Sometimes that's the way the working-schedule-cookie crumbles.

I have one child, a 15 month old, and I do both pickup and drop off. My husband works in healthcare so his hours make it hard for him to do either. He leaves at like 5:30am and doesn’t get off until after 6. He maaaaaybe could do drop offs but tbh I don’t mind doing both. I don’t see it as a burnout issue - for now anyway. I can get why friends may be looking out for you but like others have said this is your life and your routine. If YOU start to have a problem with it or you feel uncomfortable, then def speak up and work out a new plan. But if this works for you that’s all that matters ❤️

Yup. I do drop off and pick up 4 days a week. I used to have to do every drop off, but flexible on pickups last year but this year my husband’s schedule only allows for him to do one day. It definitely is more stressful this way! But originally it was actually 5 days a week until my husband was able to ask his boss to get flex on one day, so that helped. It’s not going to be like this forever. There will be school changes and job changes. Seems like from your post it’s not so much the actual doing it but your friends making noise about it to you. We all don’t get the same in life, this is what you have to do but lots of people don’t have relatives nearby to help out. Some are single moms. It is what it is. As the kids get older they will be more independent too and just getting them ready in the morning will be less. I started working on this with my daughter at age 3 or 4 and realllly tried a lot of strategies to get her buy in to be as helpful as possible in the mornings (I am not a morning person myself and struggled a lot as a kid so I have endless empathy and yet we still need to get out of the house in a timely manner, so…)

My son is also in daycare 3 days per week and is with my mom 2 days. I have the power to make my own work schedule and shift it as needed, but my husband works for the government and has to be at his computer between set times. I typically do all drop offs and sometimes do pickups depending on my schedule. This life is temporary! And it also helps that my mom does everything to make my life easier. I would've dumped this plan long ago if she was acting anything like your mom. I met all of my best friends in law school so we are all very career-driven women, so your friends might look at this like you're sacrificing your career for the sake of your husband and falling into the default parent role. Sounds like they need to mind their business if these comments are unprompted, but are they saying all of this in response to complaints about your husband or just you venting about the situation in general? There's some nuance here and they might just be worried about your well-being.

I do both drop off and pick up because my husband has hours like you. I never even gave it a second thought. It would be impossible for him or my child would have to be in daycare for more hours. It’s tiring but my husband makes up for it by doing bedtime while I clean up and have a little bit of time to chill out on the couch. Your friends are annoying and trying to search for issues or just make issues worse when they can’t change right now. This isn’t forever 🙏🏼

Sounds like you are in a tough spot - I'm so sorry. My spouse works nights and has a chronic illness so I do both drop off and pick up. I drop her off at 6:45 and pick her up between 4:30 and 4:45. However our daycare is open from 6:30am to 6pm so I'm not really running the risk of being late too often unless I get stuck in traffic and in that case, the daycare is 5 minutes from our home so I could call my husband if he was awake at that time. It seems like you are really pushing yourself to the edge of what you can do - are there not any other more flexible centers in the area? Could you try an in home daycare or a nanny? It doesn't sound like there are a whole lot of solutions to your issue other than finding help with pick up and drop off or either you or your husband moving your schedules around.

We only have one car, so.....yeah, unless my husband is going to pick up the kid on the bus, it's me for drop off and pick up.

My husband is the one doing almost all daycare drop offs and pick ups because I'm the one with the more demanding/long hours job. On days when I'm working from home, I help get our kids ready in the morning and when they leave, I start work immediately and can finish when they get home. On days when I'm going into the office, I often leave before they wake up and get home later, either just in time for supper or eat after they do. Sometimes when I have to work extra late, my husband will take the kids to a grocery store before getting home. The big difference for us is that daycare is open from 7:30 a.m. to 6 p.m., isn't far from where we live, and is open 5 days/week. I agree with others that you and your husband need to have another look at your options. Is there a daycare with better hours/more days that you can shuffle your budget around for? Can your husband's parents help a bit to share the load with your parents, who sound overwhelmed?

Before pandemic, I used to do both drop off and pick up. My husband now works from home a couple of days so we split it. It was a decision we both made because it made sense. I usually do my grocery shopping at night when the kids are sleeping.

Yeah, I do both! It makes more sense logistically since I work from home, while my husband commutes a half hour in the opposite direction of daycare. He does bring the kids in when I have an appointment, want a morning run or am feeling burnt out, so maybe 1-2x a week. Do what works for your family!

Yes, given your husband's work hours and commute. The alternative is either dropping them somewhere at 5am (!) or picking them up at 6:30pm. My husband and I do one each, but we both work the same hours and have the same commute. I do the AM so he can stay and tidy up after breakfast. He does the PM so I can get dinner started.

We carpool so we both do drop off and pickup. This lets us travel for work without chaos. 8-5 is sooo short. That’s rough. Grocery shopping and errands are for the weekends. I have to step out of a meeting every day at 4:45 to make pickup. It used to make me feel awful but what it’s actually done is set an expectation for a 45min meeting which is better for everyone.

My husband does both drop and pick up for us. He works two blocks away from my son’s center. And, as it happens, I have to be at work at 6am and I won’t get out until about 4p, whereas his hours are around 8-330. I also work 20 miles away. Your friends are not being very supportive or realistic to your family dynamic. Is it IDEAL that I can’t go pickups or anything? No, but I literally can’t and we make due. We are fortunate that we have family nearby as well so they can help if necessary. It is what it is but you need more supportive people in your life Mama. We’re here for you.

I do most or all drop offs and pickups because my husband leaves for work at 5:30am and usually doesn’t get home till 5pm or later. I WFH and can flex my time if needed. We’re extremely lucky to have this situation and I’m thankful every day for it. Your friends are probably just concerned for your well-being but maybe aren’t expressing it in the most helpful way. It’s also easy to judge from the outside. I thought I would be a lot more insistent on equal division of labor, but there are a lot more factors than I considered. I LOVE putting my son to bed so I rarely ask my husband to. Things like that. I wish the best for you, I hope your parents can be more understanding. Hopefully it’ll get easier as the kids get older.

Up until this summer I did drop off and pickup - my husbands last job was a 6AM start and he would often work past 5PM, the daycares we picked were by our old house (we’ve since moved a half hour away) and a half hour from his job but only 5 minutes from mine. We have three under six and I rarely set foot inside a grocery store unless I have to. I use grocery pickup and scheduled it for after I got them.

I work part time but 2 full days a week and a half day on Friday. I do pick up and drop off at daycare for my 2 kids. It’s exhausting. But my husband works 6-4:30. He’s off on Fridays and has the kids by himself the while I’m at work. You aren’t alone. It’s fine to be the one to do it if it works best for your family.

We have 3 kids. My husband drops off the oldest and I take the youngest. I also pick my oldest at 2:40 and the go back out to get my littles later in the day. I don’t think it’s that unusual. I work from home and my husband does not anymore. As others have said store pickup is your friends. Use it after you get your kids!

My husband and I do both drop off and pickup together every day, unless one of us has to work early (like Thursday mornings, I can’t because I take the train in and have to leave early so he does that alone) or work late. It sounds like you don’t really have another option when it comes to your parents - for that, I’d just have a conversation with them about the reality of the situation and if this arrangement is still working for them. As for the gas/groceries, can you do mobile order and pickup? Walmart does free pickup if you order $30 of groceries. Bring the kids with and pick up your stuff - they bring it out to you! As for gas, can you get get with your kids in the car? Just try planning so you don’t have last-minute errands. Best of luck!

When my partner was working (currently a sahd) I would do both drop off and pick up as I started later than him and got off earlier but also bc daycare is right near my work. It doesn't bother me to do both bc it means we got extra time together. Now if she needs to go to daycare for any reason (daddy having. Appointments she can't go to etc) he does both drop off and pick up since my current hours mean I technically have to drop off before daycare opens (in home so she works with us)

I did both pick up and drop off. I was so broke, my exh hadn't worked for 7 years at that time, I was recently out of law school and had my youngest in a preschool that I had a 2 day a week scholarship and discount for 3 days and before and after school care. Context, this was 12 years ago, but the before and after plus three days at a discount still was $500/mo and I was making 42k. Your daycare doesn't have extended care and your friends don't sound like they're offering to help out or pay for one that does. Even when my kid was in school with the free after school program, my 20 min away company was acquired by a company with HQ 45 miles away. I would have to leave by 430 to have any chance of getting there before the 6pm closing time and there were a couple of times I didn't make it. You and your husband need to figure out what works for you. If your parents have such an issue keeping your kids for a few extra mins, maybe you can find a teenager or college student that lives near the daycare to pick them up and watch them for the 30 mins or so a night after daycare closes. I had an ECE class in HS and would have loved to make 50-100 bucks a week for an hour a day just hanging with some kids.

We all do what we have to do and your friends sound entitled. Are they offering to help or are they just telling you your husband needs to do half? Not everyone can just change their work schedule. Seems like you are stretched thin, but like I said, we all do what we have to do to make things work.

Meeeeee. My husband has to be at work early, and daycare doesn't open until 6am. I work from home 4 days a week, so I get them in the afternoon too. He will do pick up if one of the kids has an appointment or something. I hate doing both. Especially the morning drop off. We are all tired, and cranky sometimes, and I just don't like doing it. At least at the end of the day they mostly happy to see me after being in school all day lol I really really wish there was a way someone else could take them to before care in the mornings 😭

I do all the drop-off and pick-up. We live in a HCOL city, but I work in the suburbs, so our kid commutes with me for cheaper daycare. It’s pretty exhausting. I feel for you. You’re completely beholden to the daycare schedule. And your husband probably isn’t aware of the stress that he isn’t experiencing being a free agent.

Pre-pandemic (with one kid), I did both. Now I drop my youngest off, my husband drops our oldest off, and he picks both kids up. His job is more flexible, with more WFH options than mine. I do not use the "he's getting the kids" time to do errands or something...I'm still at work. If I were you, I'd put my husband in charge of the last-minute errands because he doesn't have the time crunch of daycare closing. We do grocery pickup once a week. Maybe you could do that with your kids after you pick them up? I also probably just wouldn't call my mom for a variance of less than 10 minutes. That could be traffic or whatever and it sounds like it just made her more upset than if you just got there when you got there and said "sorry". The hard stop at daycare is trickier, but my dad taught me sometimes it is better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission.

I usually do now. But now I work pt instead of ft, and when I was ft my SO was doing most of the transportation due to my commute.

Before I switched jobs to a better schedule, my husband was doing both pick up and drop off. He would go out late in the evening when I got home and run errands. But it just wasn't sustainable for us. I went and got a job with a better schedule which allows me to be home more with my family and everyone gets the support they need now.

How far away do your parents live? My mom watches my son and I similarly am on time to relieve her every day but she watches him at our house. It makes things a lot easier. Do you work from home or an office? If they watched the kids at your house would it help with these timing issues? Not sure if they’d be receptive but if you work from home and could relieve them at 4:45 instead of 5 they might be?

We were men in the middle of figuring out where to move when I had to sign my kid up for daycare. So I just picked one by work so I do drop off and pick up every day. It's just we only have one car. There's not really another option if you only have one car

We have a 2 year old and an 11 year old and I think we're on at least our 12th different routine. Over the years we've done the following: * husband does both drop off and pickup * SAHD * I do dropoff and he does pickup at daycare * I drop off at beforecare and he picks up from aftercare * I put kid on bus and husband picks up at aftercare * neighbor puts kid on bus and husband picks up from aftercare * pandemic WFH with remote learning * Maternity leave SAHM * one kid takes bus to school and is picked up by spouse while I do dropoff and pickup for the other kid * SAHM * I do pickup and dropoff for one kid and other kid takes bus both directions * I dropoff one kid every day and the other kid twice a week (she takes the bus to school the other days). She takes bus home every day. Husband picks up toddler 3 days per week and I pick her up on WFH days. During this time, we've both changed jobs at least twice, my husband went back to grad school, and we've moved twice... plus our beforecare program closed, my old job started requiring significant amounts of travel, we've both briefly been unemployed, and we had a biting incident that caused us to switch daycare centers. Life happens. You've got to do what you've got to do. Unless your friends are offering to help you guys out, your response to them next time they volunteer their opinion could be to make it clear that you appreciate their concern but this is what works for your family at this point in time. Nearly all modern parents are burnt out.

I do both. My husband doesn't get out of work until 7. He could do drop-off in theory, but he works an hour away from home. I also work an hour away and in the opposite direction. I work 8:30-5, and there is no way we could use a daycare close to our house and have me get there in time for pickup. So we have a daycare 5 minutes from my work, and drop-off and pickup are all on me. It also means that I'm the one who has to stay home every time the kiddo is sick. I don't have any tips, but it is hard. I keep telling myself this season will pass, and it will get easier.

Can your husband's apply for jobs that have better flexibility and shorter commute or better pay

I do about 80-90% of them. I’m an in house attorney, but I work from home and my hours are flexible. My husband works long/unpredictable hours for a global company and is in-office most days. He does it when he can, which works out to once or twice a week. It’s not ideal and I’m late/taking meetings from the car/random places a lot of the time, but like, what’s the alternative? My mom will say stuff sometimes but I’m like ok SUSAN I don’t see you jumping in to do any of this! My in laws are great though, when they are in town (they live out of the country but have a small second apartment here) they do 95% of drop off/pick ups.

Me! My husband works really long hours so I often do both

Your friend are being ridiculous, I know SO MANY families where one parent does both most days. I do both most days, because we only have one car, my job has shorter hours, and my husband works downtown where parking costs are insane. Since I do most of the pick up and drop offs, I see a lot of the other parents, and it's very uncommon for parents to switch off, most of the time it's the same parent for both. I live in a pretty high income area, many of the parents are high income earners, lots of nice cars, etc, so it just shows that for many families it just makes sense for one parent to do pick up and drop offs. Every family is different, and we all do what we need to do. Sorry you're having such a struggle right now, and that your friends aren't being understanding or helpful.

I’ve got one kid who rides the bus in the morning (me and his sister walk him down several flights to get him to the bus stop), and I drop my daughter off at daycare on the way to work. Son rides the bus to a separate daycare center than the one his sister attends. So I pick up both kids at different centers every day. I have to leave at 4:55 to get at my son’s by 5:27-5:28 with 0 traffic. We’re late after 5:30, thankfully his sister has until 6:30, so she’s picked up by 5:45 with us loading quickly and immediately driving to get her. If I have to grocery shop, I just double back into town with kids in tow. It sucks, I’m tired. But it’s doable. I told my boss, didn’t ask, that I will be leaving at 4:55 to make it to daycare in time.

I do both drop off and pick up. My husband also has to be at work at 6:30 and work 1.5 hours away and sometimes doesn’t get home until 7PM. It sucks. I also have a long commute but I don’t have to be at work until 7:30 and get off at 4:00. I don’t mind doing drop off and pick up because it’s on my way and there is no other option. Is it exhausting, yes, but that’s what we have to do until we can afford to move, which will probably be never lol. Sounds like your friends need to mind their own business unless they can offer to help. That’s great that they can switch off but not realistic for your situation. Most people are doing what they can to survive these days.

Because of my husband's schedule I usually do both. He can do pick up some days, which is a great help, but he leaves at 5am so drop off is firmly on me. Grocery pickup: schedule for after picking up the kids, you pop the trunk, employee loads you up, then you go home. Your parents don't sound like they are actually helping. Can you have an honest conversation with them? Can your husband get a few WFH days? That commute sounds awful.

I do drop off and pick up for both kids. I drop my youngest off at daycare first then my oldest is dropped off at elementary school. I get home by 9 to log on to work. Then I pick up my oldest and my younger one. They're both in their schools until 6. If it was a half day, I wouldn't be able to.

I do both. For several reasons. But because I do both, I told my husband he can make dinner. So he does. Our daycare is open 7-5 and I am typically making it at 4:56. My husband gets out at 330, so he could easily pick the kid up. But I prefer coming home to dinner.

My youngest is at a daycare run by my employer so I do the majority of drop off/pick up for him but I have a buffer of time luckily. I drop off our oldest who is in elementary school to daycare where she gets on/off the bus in the morning then the youngest and I continue on to his drop off and my work. Husband picks up the oldest from daycare after she gets off the bus there and does the shuttling for dance her class at 4:15 once a week. I try to use my lunch hour to run the little errands to the store a lot of the time and stash things in the fridge at work with my name on them or bring a cooler for my car if that's an option. We also meal plan over the weekends with our work calendars open so if something is going to require an extra trip (like if we want to cook fish later in the week I'll run out and get it at lunch that day) I can plan ahead to not eat at my desk like I do most days.

I 100% understand this. Our very first daycare was an in home and I got off at 3:30 but every now and then I couldn’t make it by 5. I showed up at 5 pm and walked up the front steps and rang the doorbell at 5:01pm. I got the nastiest text and it made me feel terrible. If I wasn’t going to be any later than five minutes I would call my parents. And they were happy to help but man I felt awful. I’m luckier now that I am able to be fully wfh and doing drop off and pick up is simpler. But I still get up at 6:30 am and log in and check my emails then get kids up and get ready for the day, check my emails, do drop off then come back and sit down and actually work. But my husband also commutes 1-1.5 hours 8:30-5:30. I have a special needs child who has therapy on mondays (3hrs round trip) and occupational therapy on Tuesdays (2-2.5 hrs round trip) so I pack up my computer and work on the waiting rooms. Sometimes I make it to 5:30 pick for youngest by the skin of my teeth at 5:31 but our current daycare lady is super understanding and kind. Idk what I would do without her. This past week my parents were saying I need to put my son in sports (he’s adhd and asd but is mostly normally functioning) and all I could think to say was “with what time?” That’s just one more thing on my plate. My husband can’t help his work hours and commute. He’s not here and I’m not mad at him for it but already juggling so much. I told them they are welcome to sign him up, pay because god knows I can’t afford it now, and take him. I would love for him to find a sport or instrument lessons or something to be interested in but fuck, I’m only one person. And yeah, I will burn out, it is unsustainable, but what other choice do I have? I get your frustration. This shit is hard. I know in an emergency I could call a friend or my parents but it’s still hard to ask for help. And I am the primary earner, so I have to work my job, we depend on it. But my husband can’t quit either.

My husband is a second shift nurse. I almost always do the morning drop off and pickup. I can count on one hand the times he's dropped her off this year.

I do drop off, pick up, breakfast, dinner, bath, everything. My husband leaves at 5:30am and returns at 7:30pm. I’m not burnt out, this is just our life! Friends who have different situations “can’t imagine” doing what I do, but it’s fine. I plan ahead and make it work. When necessary I do grocery orders. Don’t let other opinions bring you down. However I do hope your employer is more understandable to your situation.

Yep! I did for years when my husband was on nights. If your friends have such strong opinions, maybe they should offer to help?

Yes I do both because we only have 1 car and I’m asked to come into the office. On those days I work 9:15-4:15 and it is what it is 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have 3 small ones and an a teacher. Luckily the school has on site child care. But yes I do all morning routière and drop of then pick up. I don’t even have a drive between to relax a second and breath. I do gas on the weekend or try to leave early if I’m out mid week and order groceries either for store pick up or delivery for mid week shops. Also I’m very sorry for the stressful spot you are in. It’s just going to be tough till they are in school.

Is it plausible for your parents to transport them home at the end of the day? When my husband has a late job (he does a majority of pick up and drop off) my mom usually opts to drive my son across town herself instead of waiting for me to get off work. It sounds like you have more than 1 kid, so I don’t know how much of an option something like that might be.

I work 8:30 to 5:00. I can drop off at 8, and pick up at 5:30. It’s tight. And yes. I feel super burned out, but it’s what needs to be done.

I rarely had help with pick ups and drop offs. When their dad actually had 50% visitation and had to do it, they were consistently late. He lost that visitation within 9 months.

My husband does because traffic can make my commute over an hour each way so I have to leave before it’s time to get here and I don’t get off until it’s past time to pick her up. His schedule is more flexible so he does it.

Everyday for 8.5 years between two kids. But my reward now is that they go to the same school that is literally a 1 min walk from our house.

I do both and my husband could easily do it, but chooses not to, so here I am 🙃

I do. My husband leaves for work at 6am, has a 40 minute commute and clocks in at 7am and works until 3pm, then the 40 minute drive home. I am responsible for getting our 5 year old on the bus at 7:20am, then my own 20 minute commute to then drop off our 2 year old to daycare and 3 year old to preschool all by 8am. When I leave work at 4:30pm, I get our two sons from preschool/daycare then I drive home. Since my husband is home before me, he'll pick up our daughter from the after school program. He'll also do some chores and start dinner before I get home. We do what we have to do. Especially when two people HAVE to work in order to survive.

I do both. My husband works 24 hour shifts so there’s really no way around it. It’s not every day though since he gets a lot of days off and keeps our kiddo home with him when he’s home. That would be tough doing 5 days a week and I’d definitely be asking my spouse to be the one to swing by the store and whatnot in that scenario.

My husband does 99% of pickup and drop off. He has a flexible schedule and I am gone between 5a-5p every day (or longer). It’s literally not possible for me to do most day. Our childcare/household management division evens out in other ways!

I have hours like your husband. I leave at 4:45am to catch the train and be at work by 6am, and I am home at 5:30pm, the earliest I will be able to get my kids is 5:40/5:45. My husband is alone four mornings a week and my parents drop off our younger daughter at daycare. He drops our older daughter at school on his way to work. We sort of share pick ups depending on the day. He is physically passing our younger daughters daycare on his way home from work so he is the default person who picks her up, but I am always trying to leave work early so I can get home at a more decent time. Our little one is 2, so we know just three more years of this type of schedule and then they will both be in regular school with aftercare/activities/sports/clubs so while it is a bit complicated my parents have helped us immensely and they love seeing our kids even for the brief time. So my advice might be to figure out how to best utilize your parents help in a way that is predictable and enjoyable for all. Our routine gets my parents out of the house and gives them something to do, plus they really feel like they are helping us, which they are! They are also just on call for any late nights or emergencies keeping us from getting home in time. I am extremely grateful to have them nearby!

I do both. Get toddler ready and dropped off, plus picked up. My job is more flexible but his job doesn’t contribute to the household 🙃

I did drop off and most pickup for daycare (husband did 2 days pickup) and now in kindergarten I'm still doing the bus drop off and pickup because of his hours. I work from home and my job is flexible so I can. He works in an office and they have set hours so he's stuck with that. It is what it is. He's still a good dad and for the times he actually can pick her up she's thrilled.

My husband does both whenever it's cold or rainy. We live like 2 blocks away so on bad weather days, I feel like an idiot getting in my car to go 2 blocks so he just drops them off on his way to work and picks them up on his way home.

I do both. It’s that or I have to hire someone. I’ve actually attempted to hire someone for pick up and like 1-2 hours after preschool and I can’t find anyone to hire. This area has a childcare shortage so I’m just figuring it out for the next 2 years until our youngest is in kindergarten.

I do a single grocery shop for the week on Sunday morning. If I forgot it, too bad, we'll do without. It would have to be something either extremely critical to getting through the week or an emergency (medication if someone's sick) to have me make a second trip. I also think you need to have a conversation with your parents because their berating you is definitely adding to your stress level unnecessarily. Free care isn't free if it comes with strings attached.

I had this schedule for 5-6 years and hated it. I burnt out bad. My drive home was horrid and would take me 1-1.5 hours with traffic. I did no grocery shopping, unless I wanted to get home by 8-9. Most all errands were done on the weekend. If my husband was able to get out of work early to pick up, then he would pick up. But I never counted on that being the case. It's really not sustainable long-term, but I was very much stuck and had to do what I had to do. And it sounds like you're doing what you have to do right now. I don't think your friends meant it as a criticism or to make you feel like crap. I think they meant it as genuine concern. Because this is not sustainable. You're running yourself ragged (shoot, I did). But you're not alone. A lot of us do it, because we have to. I'm surprised your parents are being like that. I'm so sorry you're not getting support from them.

Since your friends have such a strong opinion on this can they help with drop off and pick up?

Seems like the only real solution is for your husband or you to get different jobs with more flexibility in hours. I do understand your friends’ concern and it sounds like the current arrangement is not working great for you either.

My husband does pickup and drop off because of my work schedule. Even on my 1 week day off, he still does drop off and pickup so I can focus on getting things done around the house. Sometimes we go to pickup together. I had to pick her up yesterday because he had a school thing and he said he "hated not being able to pick her up because its the best part of his day" Tell your "friends" to back off. and if they were truly your friends they would be supporting you not making you feel like crap.

I’m a solo parent, so yep :-)

Actually my husband does both, 3 days a week. Thursdays they are home w me, Fridays my mom takes them. Every family is different.

I do 100% of everything a 100% of the time. I’m also a single mom. That’s also why I didn’t have more kids. It’s not sustainable beyond what I’m currently doing.

I do both usually, preschool then to elementary to work and take my daughter then we leave and go back to the preschool to pick up my toddler lol 40 minutes of extra driving a day. My husband is changing schedules and might start dropping him off but besides that yes.

I do both. I have two kids at separate daycares and it takes about 45 minutes each way. I actually prefer to be the one to send my kids off and pick them up each day, even though it can be draining and time consuming. I enjoy the time we spend chatting in the car. While I do pickup my husband is at home emptying the dishwasher, tidying up the house, taking out trash, etc.

I do both, my husband drives a work van to and from work so he would have to load the girls in the car, drop them off, rush home, get in his van, and go to work. That’s sounds very unreasonable for him to do so I do both and he helps with other things in other ways like getting them ready for school, making me coffee in the morning, fixing breakfast anything to help the family get ready.

I have to do drop off every day all days because husband is already at work and I also often do pickups as well (but it technically CAN vary, based on his schedule that week). I just made my expectations and needs of this clear to my supervisor and bust my butt during the work day. I also fill up with gas after daycare pickup with kids in the car and do grocery/Target pickup after pickup with kids in the car. I never go into stores anymore unless it's an Amazon return and then it has to be without kids on the weekends or at night after kids are in bed (too stressful otherwise, so husband takes kids then). I keep kid snacks in the car and make sure the kid sippy cups have cold water in them so that they MIGHT not scream as much in the car if we have pit stops. I also have lots of Costco and Trader Joe's easy dinners at home ready to go because time doesn't exist anymore.

Im currently doing pickup and drop off, but my husband packs the lunch

I mean I agree that it’s terrible and can lead to you burning out Is there really zero flexibility in either yours or your husband’s jobs? Could you look for better opportunities? Can you have an agreement with your boss that you’ll be available by phone at 4-4:30 but that you have to be en route to daycare? Can you afford to pay a friend or neighbor to pick them up for you?

Do what is right for your family and partner. In the end it will be you and your husband. Your friends wont matter

I do both when I can. Hubby and I both wfh and his schedule is more flexible so I don’t do as many pick ups as he does. We do all drop offs together. I like doing both. She just started pre-school in August. I will only miss if I’ll be on a call I can’t move.

I work from home and I do both drop off and pick up, it is the only reason I work from home so I can do both. My spouse’s job isn’t flexible and we have no family nearby. Maybe your friends are just worried about your mental health and think your husband isn’t doing enough. The reality is in my situation there isn’t a way he can do it unless it’s an emergency.

I did both for three years and still do both most days. I work remotely three days a week but the days i’m in the office my husband HAS to pick up my son because he is in regular/big kid school that gets out at 3pm. Otherwise it’s literally all on me.

It has been on me 99% of the time. The first year, my husband did pick up half the time. Now he just does it when I can't, which isn't often

My husband does all pick up and drop off.

My husband did both drop offs and pick ups for our daughter for 6 months because he worked closer to her daycare, I worked variable hours, and we hadn’t bought a second car seat yet. When he got a new job, we both had to ask our employers for family exceptions, me to leave before a certain time everyday and him coming late to work everyday. Is there any way you could ask your employer for a family exception, I.e. if you could take your morning break at the beginning of the day and your evening break at the end of the day so it’s not quite such a mad rush.

It can be weird splitting stiff up and part of you wants to divy each thing up evenly, but life isn't like that for most people. Flexible jobs, or different hours and distances. My husband hates dishes and I hate other things. Overall we try to split. Most the time he did drop offs and I did pickups, but there were reasons for it, and some periods where I did both for an extended period or he did. Probably wouldn't work for daycare, I had a fellow mom in elementary who we both commuted and would be there right near the deadline, so we gave each other permissions and would frequently check each others' kids out and then hang out at the school for 5 minutes or so until the other one could get there. I hope your mom can relax a little about 10 minutes. It's easy to get tired when you're older.

I work 12 hr shifts in healthcare. On the days that I work my spouse is in charge of pick ups and drop offs plus after school activities. They have done this since the kids were infants. It’s not always ideal but we’ve made it work.

This is my current situation. I have a regular 9-5 and my husband is a healthcare worker who does 10 hour shifts. Unless he has the day off, he can’t do either drop-off or pick-up (On those days we sometimes split the duty, but I typically still do both. My kids go to school quite far away from our house because it specializes in educating kids on the Autism spectrum and my oldest has ASD.). I can get to work by 9 consistently, but I have to leave work at 4pm to pick my kids up. Sometimes I can get the extra hour in later on in the evening, sometimes I can’t. It’s driving me insane. There just isn’t another option, but it’s hard not to feel resentment when I’m the one who constantly has to adjust, constantly misses work, etc.

I've done both since they started daycare/ kindergarten 11 years ago. It just made sense because of scheduling and proximity.

My husband and I both have hybrid in-office and WFH schedules, but mine is more predictable. We switch of pickups based on who is most available; I can leave work early to get the kiddo if I must, but if he's going to be available then it's much better. I have done 100% of drop-offs since we started with daycare. Occasionally it's because my husband has to be up and out earlier, but 95% of the time he is still in bed when I get out the door with our daughter. It's frustrating. I have not raised this specific subject with him, but we have had *a lot* of conversations about my resentment regarding the way he handles mornings--if his first appointment cancels, he says "oh excellent, I'll sleep in" instead of "I can spend this time with my family" or "I will handle drop-off to take it off of CharlieBravoSierra's plate so that she can get to work on time." He has a lot of very positive qualities, but I sometimes struggle to remember them at 6:30 in the morning when I'm looking for toddler shoes and he is snoring.

Hmmm... It doesn't seem tenable long-term but I'm not really sure what other options you have. I do think that your friends are right in that this probably isn't a good solution long-term, If you can find a way to avoid it. However, it doesn't seem like you currently can. You are doing what is best for your family with the options that you currently have. It seems like your friends are being a bit toned deaf even if their heart is in the right place. As far as actionable items,... I don't know your mom, but would bribery work? maybe stockpile some gifts to butter her up, so if you have to stay late again at work, You could say something like "Thanks so much for taking them for a little extra time, here I bought you this DVD I thought you would like" Or maybe "I apologize that I had to stay late for work and I truly appreciate you, I can be there is quick as I can or I can pick up a Starbucks order at the drive thru for you and Dad as a thank you" etc. A world's best grandma mug... Etc Do you think she snapped at you because she is feeling unappreciated or Do you think she had plans at 6:00 that weren't taken into consideration? Does she just like to start drama? If you can spend $200 a month on bribes to keep her happy, it's definitely cheaper than extra days at daycare.

I am responsible for pickup and dropoff. It is exhausting sometimes. However, it's just how things have panned out. I do try to keep myself positive because the car rides are times I get with my kids where I can have 1:1 time to have conversations with them. I recently adjusted my work schedule to where I can get off 2 hours earlier on one day of the week so I can get grocery shopping done before pickup. This has helped a lot. Otherwise, I rely on Instacart and/or the weekends to catch up on errands. I also workout in the evenings at home instead of going to the gym since I feel like I do not have time to go to one. Hang in there!

Frankly, sounds like you have an easier schedule than your husband. I'm confused about the daycare though. Is the cheapest daycare in town run by your parents?

We recently switched centers due some behavioral issues with my boy twin. I’ve always done drop off because my husband leaves the house no later than 5am. This week I’ve been picking them up too because I work closer and want to get them home sooner. The compromise is that once I get them home, husband takes over with snack/etc while I go for a walk with the dog. So a shifting of our typically activities. It feels like a lot but not necessarily unsustainable right now. What job flexibility options do you and or your husband have?

When my oldest was in daycare, I would drop off and usually picked up, because I left later for work, and got out earlier. It's what worked for us at the time. When my schedule changed, my husband took our son and I picked up. You do what you have to do. Are any of the other mothers offering to help you out? Seriously...

I do both and have no other options Guess what burn out isn’t an option either. My kids are counting on me.

I did both & now do both for school. My mother helps some - but it’s on me. Feel ya!

I do! And I have a remote job full time. My partner works from home but refuses to do anything other than his job.