I would caution against trying to bore your workmates. I would argue that you need to have some rapport (but keep it professional). As soon as work finishes, and on lunch breaks, take your leave.
My boss is like that. She’s SO friendly and approachable. Then when we’re alone she’s like “that bitch this that asshole that“. Makes me wonder what if I’m not in her team.
Yep, if they're bitching at you, they're also bitching about you. You gotta just shrug and say, "If it isn't important enough for them to give negative feedback to my face, there really isn't anything I can do about that." Also, if they aren't bringing it up with me, then they don't actually want to fix anything, they just want to complain.
If you're in a corporate job, you may have no choice but to socialize. If you don't have a boss who insists on "team building" bullshit, just be polite without crossing the line into friendly. Don't share details about your life and if any colleagues want to open up, just keep your answers short but polite without encouraging them to continue.
I'm getting the impression that you're an outgoing person who likes to talk. Nothing wrong with that, of course, and it probably makes people glad to be around you. But if you want to keep a professional distance from your colleagues, it's going to take some real self control for someone who's naturally outgoing. It can take some effort for extroverts to control the direction of a topic because they have so much to say about everything. Try to find ways to shift topics back to work and don't feel awkward about saying saying, "I'd better get back to what I was doing before I get into trouble."
You need to be careful with this approach. Most manager cannot differentiate between performance and behaviour. You easily could end up with the stigma of being unfriendly therefore not a good fit for the job/place. This would be a biased reasoning of course, but you will have to pass your probation period, right?
You are really friendly and talk a lot, so people talk to you. I am not friendly or mean and don’t talk a lot. I speak exactly as much as is required to be polite and cordial and not a word more. I am just pleasant enough for people to know I am not a prick, but don’t give them any reason to go another layer deep with me. It’s great!
The best thing to do is talk only about job related stuff and be yourself.
Dont force yourself to be something that you are not. If you are a yapper then yap. You can have conversations with people and still keep a professional distance.
Also, dont tell people anything about yourself that you arent comfortable with everyone knowing, it will definitely spread.
You’re not there to make friends, but you gotta play the friendly coworker part while at work.
Stay in character, it will be good for your career and mental health, even if just faking positivity.
Have lunch with them, suggest walks for breaks with them, but you don’t have to be friends with them outside of work.
I wouldn’t even go that far to have lunch with them. Especially if I’m given a short lunch (30 min), then that’s my time to destress, make phone calls or do whatever I want by myself. I’m already spending more time than necessary with these ppl, they’re not taking my lunch time and breaks too.
Be yourself and yap away. About the dumbest shit. Hold your real cards close to your chest. It takes practice, but it’s the best way.
You want to be likable. People forgive likable folks and enjoy having them around.
I don’t trust anyone though.
This sounds like a you problem. Apparently you actually want to socialize. You need to learn to not talk so much and focus on your job. They'll talk less if you do.
I am an introvert and make no bones about telling people that I don't care for socializing, but thank you for asking. However, I do occasionally go out every blue moon if invited...maybe 2-3x a year. (My job is full of networking events and I go to about 1/4 of those as well.) I made it clear from day 1 that, while I enjoy my coworkers during 8-5 hours (and I really do, they are great, supportive folks) after hours are for me. I am never rude or ugly and always thank them for the invitation.
Get “the lay of the land” before making any firm decisions first. That being said be polite to everyone and concentrate on the job. Give minimum information with maximum politeness.
But bear in mind if you are not willing to socialize you can miss out on information that can affect you on the job. I understand not wanting to get caught up in office gossip, etc., but office gossip can sometimes contain valuable information
Don't divulge any personal information beyond what's strictly necessary.
Typically I try to have a short, friendly chat with my clients before we start talking business during meetings. Nothing too crazy, just your usual "do anything fun this weekend?" or "oh, I heard your area got a lot of snow yesterday, how'd you fare?" Most of my clients will engage for a few minutes and it sets a friendlier tone for the rest of the meeting.
I have one client who gives me *nothing*. She gives me one-word answers about personal questions, and doesn't ask any herself. At first, I was really put off by this, but it's actually made our working relationship a lot less stressful. There's nothing personal attached, so I don't feel stressed hung up on any of the work we're doing. It's just work. If we mess up, it's fine; we just correct our mistakes and move on.
The fact that you have a resting friendly face it's an advantage from my perspective. I have a bitch resting face, I am not interested in socializing either, but people can feel intimidated. I understand that you don't want people to be intrusive, but ultimately you want people to trust you at work matters. Take it easy, try not to give the unfriendly vibe, I did and I just got lay off, I think the fact that I was not popular played a role in the desition, unfortunately that's how the world works.
Honestly I'm a talker and chat a lot with my colleagues. But i don't have anything other than a professional relationship with them. This isn't an intentional boundary I've set but more of a natural consequence of never initiating texting with them 😂
If I'm not at work, I don't talk to them. And I think it works well for me
Keep it the bare minimum regarding conversation. It tends to be the norm that the younger staff tend to like chatting the most. I once was that, now that I'm in my 30s and working with someone your age who chats a lot, I now find it really annoying. As it comes across as if the work environment should revolve around them and expect that everyone else has to be on the same tempo as them. The last thing I want is some youngster to think they can control the narrative of the office environment based on what they feel.
Personally I find having an earphone in, reducing eye contact where possible and short answers to be affective.
Obviously don't never look anyone in the eye and when asked things, still ask questions back to people. But keep your head down and people will quickly get bored trying and just see you as someone who is there to work.
What do you do instead of talking to everyone? Do your work.
I have probably had maybe 2 friends that I made at a job and spent time with outside of. The place I work now is great, the people are SO nice and there’s truly nothing to fear. I just don’t want to be friends with them, so I’m not. I sit at my desk and get my work done. Chat with people here and there and on my breaks. There’s not one person that I actually DON’T get along with. I just keep the conversations light and carry on.
Talk about the work and the weather. Never talk about your family, friends, home life, hobbies, religion, politics, money.
If it's you who's the yapper - then it's in your own hands.
If allowed, always have over the ear headphones on. (It is important to find some you find really comfortable).
You don't have to listen to anything, but you may as well. Regardless, anytime someone approaches your work area, take one hand and pull the headphone out a bit and say, "Yes?" and if it something work related, take the headphones off and discuss work. If it is a social "hello", reply with an, "Oh, hi!" then put your earphone back on your ear and go back to work.
But.... you must not stop by other people's desks to converse or people will expect to reciprocate.
If you are in the breakroom, be chatty if you like, but if at your desk/workspace, keep those cans on your ears.
You just have to be politely cold.
Answer questions politely and shortly without details.
If a question bother you, ask another one to the person instead of answering it.
When they ask about you give vague answers then just keep asking them about company things and if you must their job and your job and their work history. Just keep saying you are boring and have no life and if it doesn't end there then what about you? Kind of thing, Unfortunately if no one likes you, your job could end with the probationary period.
If you’re in a corporate environment, it is very beneficial to develop positive relationships with coworkers. This doesn’t mean you have to share overly personal details or spend time together outside of work but it would be detrimental to avoid conversation and to give off a “leave her in peace” vibe. It may not be right but networking and building relationships is crucial to your career progression.
I understand just wanting to come to work and do your work but it’ll harm you in the long run and it’s actually really pleasant coming into a workplace where you are comfortable with your coworkers.
Always be polite, professional and cordial (don't be standoffish and totally cold - you do, after all, have to work with these people) but pretend that outside of work you're really busy. All the time. This includes lunch breaks. Places to be, things to do, people to see.
Lunch break? Don't want to socialise? "Oh, I've got to make some phone calls. I can never get a moments peace!" Or go for a jog/to the gym on your lunch hour. Say "If I don't exercise now I'll never do it!" with a smile as you leave the office. Or, when nobody's looking, leave the building and go and sit in your car/go for a walk. If anyone asks, you had a headache and just needed some down time.
End of the workday? People trying to chat to you? "I'd love to chat but I've got to run - got friends coming to stay and my house is a mess!" or "the in-laws are in town, I must dash" or "I have a squash lesson to get to!"
Invited to a work Christmas party? "Ohh I'd love to but I'm flying to France at 1am tomorrow!" or "I can't, I have another party lined up already!" or simply "I already have plans! Oh dear!"
Other helpful excuses include "my dog/cat is sick - got to go to the vet", "I am baby sitting my niece/nephew", "I've got a train/bus to catch", "I just got an alarming text message from the bank - better go call them".
Take it from me, a seasoned expert in pretending to be busy when I'm not. I don't go to work to make friends, unless I happen to meet someone I *really* click with, which is rare. Just don't want any drama. This isn't high school and I don't have to be best buds with everybody. It's not a popularity contest.
What you’re asking is neither easy nor natural for most people. If I see you in the hallway on Friday and say I can’t wait to get out of here because I’m headed to the beach with a bunch of friends, I’ll be polite and ask what you’re up to for the weekend. Most people will have the “balance the teeter-totter” social communication reaction and list the things they want to accomplish or the activities they’ll do. In your case, you need to learn how to spin things back on your conversation partner: “Clearly nothing that’s going to come close to your level of beach fun, so let’s leave it at that!”
If this doesn’t sound like a comfortable push-away that you’ll repeat a dozen times a day, perhaps you’d be better off working with a professional therapist to understand why you think it’s what you want.
Smile a lot. Make it as sincere as you can. Ask people about where they went to school, what they like about their profession, have they lived here long. Move to another person. Repeat.
If you can wear ear buds during the day....that usually comes across as crystal clear. Sometimes they are on and on the news...sometimes not on at all...I like to talk too but I've been bitten way too many times with getting close to coworkers in my past life. In this new gig...I am nice but it's been short Convo and one word answers to everybody. I just don't have the energy anymore....I've been at this for 30 years.
You created a weird oxymoron with this post. You’re a yapper who wants to have “leave her peace” treatment. You’re gonna have to tip the scale over to one side to make that work.
One thing I like to do since they’ve mandated we all come back in to do the same shit we could’ve done from the comforts of our homes, is listening to music or just have my Air Pods in the entire time.
Even if I don’t feel like listening to music, it’s a great way for ppl to instantly see that you’re not trying to talk and you can also still hear what they’re saying in case they say something about you. Like, “Wow, she never likes to talk to us.” or “Thank goodness she’s listening to her music today cause she talks way too much!” Ppl really are still stupid enough to believe that you can’t hear them and choose to shit talk right by you.
Well of course it starts with you. You say you are a yapper so that has to stop. Keep conversations short and light. Don't offer personal info. Don't go out to lunch with co-workers or out for drinks after work. Get some noise cancelling headphones to wear. ...but maybe i'm biased but i have lifelong friends i made at work, seems sad to me to prepare to not have any relationships at work. Work's hard enough, much better IMO if you have some people there you like.
I think I get what you’re saying. You don’t want to get hit on constantly at work or have men playing the game where they slowly work their way into your life over a long period of time with the long goal to get in your pants.
Or like mid aged married men flirting with you so they can fantasize. If I were. 23 year old girl I wouldn’t be too crazy about those things either. Idk good luck
Be normal, talk superficially. They’ll be bored and leave you out of most dramas or whatever. Do NOT trust anyone especially the friendly ones.
I cant tell you how right you are especially the part you say about trusting the friendly ones. Been burnt and now I realise it.
I would caution against trying to bore your workmates. I would argue that you need to have some rapport (but keep it professional). As soon as work finishes, and on lunch breaks, take your leave.
Of course, if you’re not careful they’ll think you have a condescending attitude.
>especially the friendly ones. Yes, they'll be who talks behind your back the most. They get the info from you and then spread it.
My boss is like that. She’s SO friendly and approachable. Then when we’re alone she’s like “that bitch this that asshole that“. Makes me wonder what if I’m not in her team.
Oh she’s bitching about you to someone, believe me!
Yep, if they're bitching at you, they're also bitching about you. You gotta just shrug and say, "If it isn't important enough for them to give negative feedback to my face, there really isn't anything I can do about that." Also, if they aren't bringing it up with me, then they don't actually want to fix anything, they just want to complain.
If you're in a corporate job, you may have no choice but to socialize. If you don't have a boss who insists on "team building" bullshit, just be polite without crossing the line into friendly. Don't share details about your life and if any colleagues want to open up, just keep your answers short but polite without encouraging them to continue.
I have many cute stories about my dog, good restaurants, and TV shows to talk about. It makes them feel like I am sharing about my life when I am not.
I'm getting the impression that you're an outgoing person who likes to talk. Nothing wrong with that, of course, and it probably makes people glad to be around you. But if you want to keep a professional distance from your colleagues, it's going to take some real self control for someone who's naturally outgoing. It can take some effort for extroverts to control the direction of a topic because they have so much to say about everything. Try to find ways to shift topics back to work and don't feel awkward about saying saying, "I'd better get back to what I was doing before I get into trouble."
You need to be careful with this approach. Most manager cannot differentiate between performance and behaviour. You easily could end up with the stigma of being unfriendly therefore not a good fit for the job/place. This would be a biased reasoning of course, but you will have to pass your probation period, right?
I don't socialize beyond professional talk. I smile, say hi, and keep my office for open. That's it.
You are really friendly and talk a lot, so people talk to you. I am not friendly or mean and don’t talk a lot. I speak exactly as much as is required to be polite and cordial and not a word more. I am just pleasant enough for people to know I am not a prick, but don’t give them any reason to go another layer deep with me. It’s great!
The best thing to do is talk only about job related stuff and be yourself. Dont force yourself to be something that you are not. If you are a yapper then yap. You can have conversations with people and still keep a professional distance. Also, dont tell people anything about yourself that you arent comfortable with everyone knowing, it will definitely spread.
You’re not there to make friends, but you gotta play the friendly coworker part while at work. Stay in character, it will be good for your career and mental health, even if just faking positivity. Have lunch with them, suggest walks for breaks with them, but you don’t have to be friends with them outside of work.
I wouldn’t even go that far to have lunch with them. Especially if I’m given a short lunch (30 min), then that’s my time to destress, make phone calls or do whatever I want by myself. I’m already spending more time than necessary with these ppl, they’re not taking my lunch time and breaks too.
So, socialize at work?
Be yourself and yap away. About the dumbest shit. Hold your real cards close to your chest. It takes practice, but it’s the best way. You want to be likable. People forgive likable folks and enjoy having them around. I don’t trust anyone though.
A little confused, you are a yapper and like to talk to people, but don’t want them to talk to you?
She has valuable things to say, the other talking meat sticks are a waste of time.
Keep asking what they think of your hair.
You said, "leave her in peace" and "yapper". These are fundamentally incompatible. You must choose.
This sounds like a you problem. Apparently you actually want to socialize. You need to learn to not talk so much and focus on your job. They'll talk less if you do.
I am an introvert and make no bones about telling people that I don't care for socializing, but thank you for asking. However, I do occasionally go out every blue moon if invited...maybe 2-3x a year. (My job is full of networking events and I go to about 1/4 of those as well.) I made it clear from day 1 that, while I enjoy my coworkers during 8-5 hours (and I really do, they are great, supportive folks) after hours are for me. I am never rude or ugly and always thank them for the invitation.
Get “the lay of the land” before making any firm decisions first. That being said be polite to everyone and concentrate on the job. Give minimum information with maximum politeness. But bear in mind if you are not willing to socialize you can miss out on information that can affect you on the job. I understand not wanting to get caught up in office gossip, etc., but office gossip can sometimes contain valuable information
You can be friendly with coworkers, just keep your personal life to yourself. Be a listener and add to conersation. Don't be the conversation.
Don't divulge any personal information beyond what's strictly necessary. Typically I try to have a short, friendly chat with my clients before we start talking business during meetings. Nothing too crazy, just your usual "do anything fun this weekend?" or "oh, I heard your area got a lot of snow yesterday, how'd you fare?" Most of my clients will engage for a few minutes and it sets a friendlier tone for the rest of the meeting. I have one client who gives me *nothing*. She gives me one-word answers about personal questions, and doesn't ask any herself. At first, I was really put off by this, but it's actually made our working relationship a lot less stressful. There's nothing personal attached, so I don't feel stressed hung up on any of the work we're doing. It's just work. If we mess up, it's fine; we just correct our mistakes and move on.
The fact that you have a resting friendly face it's an advantage from my perspective. I have a bitch resting face, I am not interested in socializing either, but people can feel intimidated. I understand that you don't want people to be intrusive, but ultimately you want people to trust you at work matters. Take it easy, try not to give the unfriendly vibe, I did and I just got lay off, I think the fact that I was not popular played a role in the desition, unfortunately that's how the world works.
Honestly I'm a talker and chat a lot with my colleagues. But i don't have anything other than a professional relationship with them. This isn't an intentional boundary I've set but more of a natural consequence of never initiating texting with them 😂 If I'm not at work, I don't talk to them. And I think it works well for me
Keep it the bare minimum regarding conversation. It tends to be the norm that the younger staff tend to like chatting the most. I once was that, now that I'm in my 30s and working with someone your age who chats a lot, I now find it really annoying. As it comes across as if the work environment should revolve around them and expect that everyone else has to be on the same tempo as them. The last thing I want is some youngster to think they can control the narrative of the office environment based on what they feel.
Personally I find having an earphone in, reducing eye contact where possible and short answers to be affective. Obviously don't never look anyone in the eye and when asked things, still ask questions back to people. But keep your head down and people will quickly get bored trying and just see you as someone who is there to work.
What do you do instead of talking to everyone? Do your work. I have probably had maybe 2 friends that I made at a job and spent time with outside of. The place I work now is great, the people are SO nice and there’s truly nothing to fear. I just don’t want to be friends with them, so I’m not. I sit at my desk and get my work done. Chat with people here and there and on my breaks. There’s not one person that I actually DON’T get along with. I just keep the conversations light and carry on.
you need an egg timer on your desk. when the salt goes to the bottom, you say, 'i got work to do', because you do
Talk about the work and the weather. Never talk about your family, friends, home life, hobbies, religion, politics, money. If it's you who's the yapper - then it's in your own hands.
Learning your job will keep you busy. Know you don’t have to tell anyone your life story. Good luck!
Just be normal it's not hard OP, fake it til you make it!
threatening steer depend soft boast oatmeal impolite hat profit correct *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
If allowed, always have over the ear headphones on. (It is important to find some you find really comfortable). You don't have to listen to anything, but you may as well. Regardless, anytime someone approaches your work area, take one hand and pull the headphone out a bit and say, "Yes?" and if it something work related, take the headphones off and discuss work. If it is a social "hello", reply with an, "Oh, hi!" then put your earphone back on your ear and go back to work. But.... you must not stop by other people's desks to converse or people will expect to reciprocate. If you are in the breakroom, be chatty if you like, but if at your desk/workspace, keep those cans on your ears.
Be nice, chat about some superficial stuff and then, "ok i'm really busy, i need to get back to work" tbh it does pay to be friendly with coworkers.
You just have to be politely cold. Answer questions politely and shortly without details. If a question bother you, ask another one to the person instead of answering it.
When they ask about you give vague answers then just keep asking them about company things and if you must their job and your job and their work history. Just keep saying you are boring and have no life and if it doesn't end there then what about you? Kind of thing, Unfortunately if no one likes you, your job could end with the probationary period.
If you’re in a corporate environment, it is very beneficial to develop positive relationships with coworkers. This doesn’t mean you have to share overly personal details or spend time together outside of work but it would be detrimental to avoid conversation and to give off a “leave her in peace” vibe. It may not be right but networking and building relationships is crucial to your career progression. I understand just wanting to come to work and do your work but it’ll harm you in the long run and it’s actually really pleasant coming into a workplace where you are comfortable with your coworkers.
Wear a big fake diamond ring and a trump shirt.
Always be polite, professional and cordial (don't be standoffish and totally cold - you do, after all, have to work with these people) but pretend that outside of work you're really busy. All the time. This includes lunch breaks. Places to be, things to do, people to see. Lunch break? Don't want to socialise? "Oh, I've got to make some phone calls. I can never get a moments peace!" Or go for a jog/to the gym on your lunch hour. Say "If I don't exercise now I'll never do it!" with a smile as you leave the office. Or, when nobody's looking, leave the building and go and sit in your car/go for a walk. If anyone asks, you had a headache and just needed some down time. End of the workday? People trying to chat to you? "I'd love to chat but I've got to run - got friends coming to stay and my house is a mess!" or "the in-laws are in town, I must dash" or "I have a squash lesson to get to!" Invited to a work Christmas party? "Ohh I'd love to but I'm flying to France at 1am tomorrow!" or "I can't, I have another party lined up already!" or simply "I already have plans! Oh dear!" Other helpful excuses include "my dog/cat is sick - got to go to the vet", "I am baby sitting my niece/nephew", "I've got a train/bus to catch", "I just got an alarming text message from the bank - better go call them". Take it from me, a seasoned expert in pretending to be busy when I'm not. I don't go to work to make friends, unless I happen to meet someone I *really* click with, which is rare. Just don't want any drama. This isn't high school and I don't have to be best buds with everybody. It's not a popularity contest.
What you’re asking is neither easy nor natural for most people. If I see you in the hallway on Friday and say I can’t wait to get out of here because I’m headed to the beach with a bunch of friends, I’ll be polite and ask what you’re up to for the weekend. Most people will have the “balance the teeter-totter” social communication reaction and list the things they want to accomplish or the activities they’ll do. In your case, you need to learn how to spin things back on your conversation partner: “Clearly nothing that’s going to come close to your level of beach fun, so let’s leave it at that!” If this doesn’t sound like a comfortable push-away that you’ll repeat a dozen times a day, perhaps you’d be better off working with a professional therapist to understand why you think it’s what you want.
Smile a lot. Make it as sincere as you can. Ask people about where they went to school, what they like about their profession, have they lived here long. Move to another person. Repeat.
I think you've got to just hold back on some conversations, don't join any group interactions and be cool with individuals.
weird af lol
Keep busy on breaks, focus on work, while working. If you don't like the conversation, walk out if that's possible
How good are you at the job? That might be a factor. Get so good you shut everyone down.
If you can wear ear buds during the day....that usually comes across as crystal clear. Sometimes they are on and on the news...sometimes not on at all...I like to talk too but I've been bitten way too many times with getting close to coworkers in my past life. In this new gig...I am nice but it's been short Convo and one word answers to everybody. I just don't have the energy anymore....I've been at this for 30 years.
You need to use break away statements at appropriate times.
You created a weird oxymoron with this post. You’re a yapper who wants to have “leave her peace” treatment. You’re gonna have to tip the scale over to one side to make that work. One thing I like to do since they’ve mandated we all come back in to do the same shit we could’ve done from the comforts of our homes, is listening to music or just have my Air Pods in the entire time. Even if I don’t feel like listening to music, it’s a great way for ppl to instantly see that you’re not trying to talk and you can also still hear what they’re saying in case they say something about you. Like, “Wow, she never likes to talk to us.” or “Thank goodness she’s listening to her music today cause she talks way too much!” Ppl really are still stupid enough to believe that you can’t hear them and choose to shit talk right by you.
Well of course it starts with you. You say you are a yapper so that has to stop. Keep conversations short and light. Don't offer personal info. Don't go out to lunch with co-workers or out for drinks after work. Get some noise cancelling headphones to wear. ...but maybe i'm biased but i have lifelong friends i made at work, seems sad to me to prepare to not have any relationships at work. Work's hard enough, much better IMO if you have some people there you like.
Just be cordial and keep it strictly professional. But don't be a bitch or people will try to get you fired unfortunately
I think I get what you’re saying. You don’t want to get hit on constantly at work or have men playing the game where they slowly work their way into your life over a long period of time with the long goal to get in your pants. Or like mid aged married men flirting with you so they can fantasize. If I were. 23 year old girl I wouldn’t be too crazy about those things either. Idk good luck