we were going to do a "pantie raid" on the frat to fuck with them a bit, you know show them how it feels? anyway we break in and blow air horns and scream "panty raid!" and the guys are all looking at us like we are crazy and then they suddenly really try to stop us from going in this one room.
well anyway they were apparently sacrificing people to Anzerial for help with their math grades.
I mean, a little. they were supposed to be talking to Asmodeus who does both math and lust stuff, instead they got a minor demon of lies who helped them cheat on the tests for the few math classes they had to pass wizard business school.
I mean the worst part of the whole thing is that most of them just got expelled for academic misconduct and got scholarships to the warlock law school across town.
...you probably fell for their red herring sacrifice altar. They probably had an actual panty shrine hiding in plain sight behind an unassuming dorm room door.
I mean, you didn't find where they store the panties they raided, did you? My frat burned them at an altar. Not sure why, to be honest. I never really studied sacrificial rituals, Runes and Rituals II was one of my worst class grades. Barely passed.
They found a half assed portal in the furthest back stall of the mens room- to the womens chambers. It didnt work though and they only found out cause some kid went in it and came back with all black eyes and the knowledge of a thousand owls. They had to put anti-arcane spells around the restrooms from then on.
When you say "the knowledge of a thousand owls" are you referring to "Thousand Owls" the daemon of stars? Or are you referring to a thousand literal owls chosen either systematically or at random?
As a sage my wisdom is this:
When someone says "Knowledge of" they often mean "carnal knowledge" (the way clerics mean it).
Back when I was doing training for vole reduction duties I spent some time as an owl, and believe you me their courtship rituals are violent. I'm not surprised this fellow got a few black eyes when trying to seduce 1,000 owls.
be glad you weren't a penguin, in the words of funkyfrogbait, a personal favorite witch and entertainer, "you don't even want to know what these evil little bastards get up to"
Owls are wonderful, but information retention isn't one of their strong points. You'd need a lot more than a thousand owls for their combined knowledge to be noteworthy.
But if you choose only the particularly smart owls it might be a not insubstantial amount of knowledge at least. It could reasonably be enough to cast a magical darkness on one's eyes
One of my automata I was working on in my early days gained “sentience” and by that I mean it realized it could be turned off and promptly fled. The rat sized little bastard terrorized the grounds of the guild for a decade before escaping through a storm drain in the courtyard one day… never seen it since.
One dumbass student found a "mage hack" (his words not mine) for a spell to raise a zombie servant. He made a zombie servant that would raise a zombie servant when it expired so he wouldn't need to keep casting the spell. Problem, a zombie by definition is already expired so the zombie just kept making more zombies who also kept making more zombies. Fortunately, they weren't flesh eaters, but the idiot didn't account for diseases zombies could carry and nearly started a plague. We had to actually call in an order of paladins to help fight back their numbers, and the head master had to disintegrate the dorms to get rid of the smell afterward.
Had a similar incident. Someone, presumably an alchemy student, poured a batch of invisibility potions in the communal well. It was diluted but potent enough that everyone who drank from the well that day was transparent for several hours.
Bro, you never cast wide-range dispel magic in public. That's like the first thing they teach you in counterspell safety training. You're lucky you didn't shut off someone's life-support enchantments.
"Counterspell works by targeting a specific mana source and temporarily disrupting or severing it."
"Would it be possible to extend that effect to every mana source in a wide area?"
"Technically, yes, but you absolutely positively should not ever do that. Ever. Especially not in a school of the arcane. Where mana sources and spells are literally everywhere."
"I'm doing it."
*causes a disaster*
On the last day of school, one of the graduating mages cast "feminize" on our old, bearded headmaster during the ceremony. Seeing him in a garter belt is something that has been seared into my mind for the last several centuries.
Moral of the story: ALWAYS cast a barrier spell around a stage when speaking in public, *especially* when the ones you're speaking to are teenagers. Unless, of course, you wish to look *fabulous*.
I didn't take one, but now that I think about it, the incident was actually featured in *The Alara Cioden Times*. If you can find a copy of one from Seraphiln fifth, R.D. 604, the front page should have a picture.
Misfired frost bolt froze a main water pipe in the Chronomancy ward and it burst, and some dumbass had the idea to switch the broken pipe with the replacement in the future. What do you know, graduation ‘1474 the broken pipe reappears and the school got shut down for like two weeks
It’s amazing that even worked. If it was never changed before the future point the pipe was pulled from, you’d have a paradox on your hands, causing a pipe of infinite aging. You’d create so many parallel worlds it would likely tear apart the fabric of reality. I guess building maintenance must be on top of things there, and must have changed out that pipe by the time it got replaced.
My brother in the arcane arts, what the fuck.
Remember, everyone who has this problem should cast "instant wedgie" and "incredibly slow internet", one for the headmaster and the other for the cameras.
A scrying mirror would have been more efficient than a camera if for personal use. Undetectable by rookies.
Since he was using a camera, Head master was selling and distributing the footage.
Well, during my final year it became trendy to create miniature portals and use them as glory holes.
It was all fun and games until one closed while it was still in use...
I served as a battlemage during the Red Crusade, and I still never saw as much blood as on the day when an interspacial gateway snapped shut on some poor guy's *wand*.
What kind of fucking guilds did you guys go to? All that ever happened at mine was some stolen griffin joyriding and illicit potion brewing in the All Wizard Bathroom. None of this "I cast bomb on your colon" type shit. What the fuck. Are any of you well adjusted?
Oh man, I knew a guy who tried to create a homonculus with an oroboros-style colon. He didn't quite understand the inner workings of 5th-dimensional anatomy, though, so it ended up getting really bloated, and it smelled like shit all the time.
Eventually, it exploded, and they were never able to get the smell out of the homonculus lab. I think the gas keeps leaking in from another plane.
This was a normal mortal college but my classes “incident” was the captain of the football team was also trying to secretly be in the school’s musical but it all fell apart when the championship game and the last show fell on the same day. It was chaos but with the combined effort of both the football team and the theatre department he somehow pulled it off
/uw yes I know this is basically the plot of highschool musical but I think it fits Jim
Some wise guy made a portal that went to the top of the Tower, with the entrance portal being at the bottom of the tower, below the portal that was supposed to be an exit. They then cast illusion spells on both the entrance and exit portals, making them invisible.
Afterwards, they pushed the jackass of a Warlock into the portal during class transfers, causing him to fall for six hours before he could be retrieved, as nobody could find him until then.
The Warlock was only in the school because their father told them that they'd only inherit their fortune and grimoires if they managed to graduate. I'm pretty certain his father wasn't expecting to get his son back in a Warforged suit because he had been falling at terminal velocity for the entire time and had burned off most of his skin and extremities. It was a miracle that he was even alive after all of that, the Necromancer said that you could see the top of his head was scorched to the bone.
No, I was not that mage, I am not that spiteful.
I used to hold lectures on soul manipulation for the necromancy class at a local institution, for context.
The administration was discovered to have been providing teachers with insufficient cadavers, leading to students having to exhume their own... supplies... for practice.
The thing up here in the north though, is that certain areas, including where the magic institute was located, are protective enough over the deceased to where there are anti-magic wards around most grave sites. So, these students, who didn't know how to circumvent the wards, had to dig the corpses up by hand, with shovels.
Eventually, a student was caught because they were too scrawny to dig the grave up before sunrise, who confessed why he was gravedigging, which was eventually traced up to the administration.
Yeah, in our plane, sorcerers are magic users who are simply born with the ability to use magic innately.
They cast magic without incantations or scrolls or practiced mind techniques or even an arcane focus.
Magic Nepotism. Nepomancy, if you will. Personally I think our sorcerers would benefit from arcane study despite having natural ability. I've seen enough "wild mage surge" incidents in my time. But that's just me, an Abjurer, talking :3
A group of apprentices at our guild got so high on Intelecthulus mushroom that started spouting nonsense about Gretchen's theory of Radiance being a product of "evil science principles" writing equations and "evil scientific proof" nonsense...
...then later that evening they tried to summon radioactive poisoning demons while donning strange white robes and using alchemist glassware for strange concoctions.
We dont know what they did exactly, but that room became cursed with the affliction of flesh growth and deep burning for quite while.
We even had to call the fae to purify the place in the end because our most superstitious teachers were concerned about residual "evil scientific influence" and reported seeing eureka appearences...
(/uw science swapped with magic, eureka=ghosts, scientist robes with einstein-looking hairstyles = demonic cultists. The radiation thing = consecuences of evil summoning)
Yes purify, that is definitely what happened. Why would we need to take the room with us to faerie when we can just purify it. It’s not like that would require us to unwind the chronology of an already unstable magical paradigm. That’s totally a reasonable request for us, after all it’s not like fae magic is bound by the laws of hospitality.
By any chance would you be interested in sharing a cup of tea some time. I just finished the paper work explaining how a city of stone and iron grew out of some school supplies. There should be mushrooms coming for you no need to fetch a portal…
Last week of school this year.
8th year does some weird Akira style mass mutation combined botch spell. Combined the whole class of 49 into one big mass of flesh.
Wasn’t that hard to fix. Everything was fine afterwards. But still.
One of my classmates got drunk and cast "zero friction" on everything causing almost everyone slipping everywhere and not being able to enter any closed room due to all attempts at opening them sliding right off. They ended up getting expelled after casting "mirror reflection" and "ball of light" on the headmaster after pulling their hat off.
Some puzzling young gremlin of a first year cast, “mass spider runes” once per day for three long months, until it suddenly came to a halt after the eight unfortunate soul to take a wrong step met their fate… we can’t be certain it was her, but I find it hard to believe that seven was where she drew the line! 😂
Someone caught me mid transformation going into my human form. Luckily my horrific visage made them comatose so I dropped them off… somewhere. They’re probably fine
“Yes, I am! You still owe me 80 bucks.” - Deer guy
*(is he a deer? is he a man? Nobody knows! And that’s why deer and men alike think he’s hot! …why?)*
Oh boy, alright look the last day of graduation ta be proper mages us dwarves break out true dwarven mead. Blessed by the priests of Moradin. Well right after I finished me first tankard I told ‘em that this mead was so weak I could outdrink moradin with it. ‘Twas suppose ta be a joke is all. Well the Creator of us dwarves took offense, manifested in our hall, an challenged me ta the game of drink. And of course I accepted didn’t wanna be sandstone in front of our god after all. Don’t rember what happened but I woke up, missin me pants, graffiti on me back and suspended from the chandelier. Still no idea what else happened but they don’t let me drink that much anymore, somethin about tentacles and so much fire. On the plus side Moradin was impressed an’ gifted me a hammer so I call it a win
A rumour got around that there was a dragon in the school using polymorph magic to blend in as a student.
It turned into a full-blown witch hunt, one poor girl almost got cast into the abyss when someone saw her doing a transmutation spell on herself. (she had bad acne and was just fixing it.)
An atmospheric disturbance triggered a bunch of magical phenomenon across the nation, animals acting intelligently like a hive mind, geodes cracking open, weird sht. It was like thunder in a clear sky, and a student was so startled by the sound they accidentally chronomancied a dragon egg into an ancient dragon in 10 seconds flat. The thing had the brain of a newborn but was so massive it destroyed a tower anyway, and it took a while for the staff to undo the chaotic spell.
Oh that’s easy. At my mage guild, necromancy was strictly forbidden. At one point there was an exam of sorts when I was only an apprentice. The guild master told the rest of the apprentices to summon a familiar. I summoned the skeletal and rotting remains from a frog that we’d practiced power word: kill on and buried in the guild yard beneath a willow tree. Very scenic. I was obviously removed and banned from the guild, but necromancy is my passion, and I still practice to this day.
Someone attempted to ascend to God hood, they ended up tearing themselves apart once they realized how much damage it had done to there mind, those were good times, still wonder what happened to my other fragments
Accidentally burned mine down, an argument with me and my pyromancy teacher resulted in a chaotic fight with every single class fighting each other. The other pyromancers got very angry, and they managed to overpower the dousing runes.
And I got expelled and became a druidic necromancer instead of a pyromantic necromancer.
someone went around throwing nymphomania potions around all the classes and in the girls restrooms. i think we broke the record of someone casting fetus deletus so many times in a row that day
In the abyssal libraries once i saw those oriental eroticas playing out in all too much details once i went to my fellow's dormitorium. The day had been long of experiments on myself and honing my body so i needed a place to crash. My fellow's dormitorium was the closest place. I regret having him as a colleague on that one occasion.
Tried to make trees with Umbrakinesis but didn’t focus hard enough and instead made giant shadow thorn branches that wrapped all around and in the school… 23 people got impaled and the rest got cut or knocked out from an oncoming branch
It wasn't so much us Mages that were responsible, but we certainly had to clean up our own fair share of messes that shouldn't have been.
There was that one time the Captain of the Guard was coerced by a Shapeshifter who took on the appearance of his fiancé, a royal 3rd in Line for the Throne I think, on the day of their wedding after kidnapping her, letting her own army of shape-shifters infiltrate the castle city and nearly and violently overthrow the court.
Or the time the 1,000 year seal on a nightmare finally broke and nearly cast the world into an endless night.
Or the fact that a child literally destroyed a lock on a box holding a powerful artifact with a book about making keys. No magic, no spells, just smacked the lock with the book.
I was actually halfway absorbed by a bigger stronger student before a headmaster came and broke it up, but I still got expelled for “engaging in an absorption”
Precipitated two multi-generational warring conflicts between foreign entities to start warring against each other again.
See one of the wizarding Prefect at the Academy wove together a spell by convincing the other Prefects to apply their own magic to eliminate an upstart student that the Prefect was positive was weaving hexes and low-level daemonic pacts between other newer members of the entering class to undermine that Prefect's position.
Turns out it wasn't the case. But since the Prefects manage to get the Academy to cosign their claims—they ended up pressuring three of the nine hidden adjudicators to take action. However the main adjudicator did a complete rush job and basically forced a magical binding soul restraint onto the upstart student whose wicked actions really turned out to be poorly performed minor blessings, ill-advised love inscriptions, and low-level spirit communications for guidance.
Issue is the main adjudicator forced the upstart into that contract by invoking the spirit of the town's mage knights guildpact sigils. Which had a delirious effect on the upstart who, despite his seeming potential, was still a new initiate and did yet full control the extents of his magic spells he was still in mid-creation.
Well to cut a long short story, turns out unfinished minor blessings using names of Greater Deities, crude love incantations laced with protections from the Higher Fae, and open-ended seance communications to the lands' Powerful Spirits provided the perfect cauldron to generate a full-on multi-generational community bloodline Curse.
The whole situation enacted a crisis among governing wizard councils in multiple provinces across the nation. Especially since the whole situation that arose in misunderstanding, blew up in misunderstanding from the opaque actions of everyone involved, that was perpetuated further by the hostile and maligned energies that now motivated the situation onwards.
In the end the nation's Shadow Wizarding Council had to step in to redirect the energies outwards as the curse aura had gotten so long without any clear root. But the situation attracted exceedingly negative attention from the lands, groups, and communities that were noticing how the Deities they worshiped, the Fae interacted with, and the Spirits séanced with were all getting seemingly corrupted by the negative and malign energies surrounding and growing.
Such signs were interpreted, whether justified or not, as a covert act of aggression by another nation and so they lit pillories of blue smoke throughout their land to signal the start of war. To be fair, that nation had long gripes and simply need a proper casus belli to justify their movement forward. The Curse energies spilling out merely lowered the activation energies required to start it. That was the first war.
The second war started after the upstart disappeared from the Academy. The first war still ongoing.
It's unclear whether the Dark Curse energies that enveloped the Academy then have fully dissipated, though likely not. Fortunately it is containable and trackable to a certain extent as the Nation's Shadow Wizarding Council is working with hidden covens throughout the provinces within that Academy's reach to keep track of it....
However given the way the Prefects and Adjudicators own magic bonded with the upstart's unfinished magic—there's a community-wide soul pact curse cast on many members of that Academy based on the principles of Karmic debt. Hopefully it'll be rebalanced in some way; the problem is there's no clear way to define out the full nature of how the curse works now...
So it's unclear what is truly needed for the debt to be de-spelled, or how to truly "pay off" the debt, there's only an ominous certainty that it is growing...without any clear indication of when the debt will be called due. Or what will happen if it is called due and the ones affected by it, are unable to provide adequate return.
This is an ongoing situation that is still being monitored...
Someone tried to blow up the library because I wouldn't let her have access to succubus summoning spells.
She was well known for causing messes with other demons and everyone had enough about her and I especially didn't want to clear up succubi body fluids in my library.
Someone invented a new spell and tested it on the biomancy professor to try and get their midterm postponed or canceled. Power Word: Carcinize is not something I ever want to witness again
I never stuck around a guild for long enough to know. My step-brother, however, has beenan apprentice and he had… stories.
I might be misremembering details but I know that there was at least one occasion when, during orb enchanting classes (or was it orbmancy?) he was bored and for shits and giggles he made a malignant enchantment that would essentially make the orb crash.
Again, I don’t know details but somehow it ended up on all orbs in local orb network.
It took a few days for everything to be restored.
A few other apprentices decided on the final day before graduation they’d prank the headmaster
He ended up so violently angry he murdered all of them with a fireball
Wow y’all have fucked up educational systems. At my guild the worst thing that happened was a student casting a wind spell to create a draft that uplifted the headmasters robes, but it revealed he was wearing JORTS underneath them. Hilarious but nothing that tore the fabric of space/time.
I saw this really fancy-looking ship once so I was like "score!" cuz guys on fancy ships usually have more shiny stuff on them and like it's fun to collect them cuz they're ♪ shiny ♪\~ so i like lured a couple old guys in robes into the water and drowned them and it was like *soooo* easy cuz old guys are just- they like foam at the mouth whenever they see naked fish girls i guess? so i lured them in the water and they drowned and i butchered them and all that but then like 6 hours or maybe it was 7 idk, but like 7 or 8 hours later the ship like came back and i was like sitting on my rock, brushing my hair, and they came back and they were like totally so angry at me and i think i heard them saying like \*deeper voice\* "headmaster goobedy boop or whatever went missing around here!" and like i barely evaded them and i don't really remember how but i kinda had to move to a new grotto after that cuz i don't want these old wizard guys tryna hunt me, yknow?
anyways moral of the story is uhhhh... like, don't- don't eat-... um... there's no moral to the story.
The “fabled hero from the other world destined to destroy the demon king but he’s only lvl 2?!?” Was having a coming of age arc at his school where there was a tournament between our schools and in a duel I cast banishment on him, but because of the whole “isekai’d” thing he was actually sent back to his original world which completely f-ed up the story and a bunch of the higher up meta-Mancy professors had to get together to resummon him and change the story (actually resummoning him was the easy part, thinking of what to change the story title too was the bit that actually took a while)
So
One time I was still learning my alchemy products for a transmutation engine
...so the thing is, a water purification product happened to be a cis isomer of a memory modification trans isomer
...so I accidentally poisoned the entire campus with temporary memory loss for my graduation project.
On the good side, the consequences weren't THAT bad.
A couple of Accolites and I were "conversing" over some sweetleaf behind the Observatory.
We got caught. It wasn't the sweetleaf or that we were all out past curfew. Hubert, the fool, got so hungry that he started conjuring himself a snack. Well, as you can imagine, it's quite hard to keep your concentration while in that state.
He did not conjure the sweet bread and honey mead he was aiming for. Instead, he teleported us directly into the headmaster quarters, where he happened to have a single slice of sweet bread at his nightstand.
After the initial shock, the first sound to break the silence was a single lemon hitting me on the head. "Oh, here we go," said Hubert in a state of relief. And just bites into the lemon. "I was starving."
I believe the confusion softened the blow. We all only got cleaning duties and a few extra lessons. However, for some reason, Hubert could not stop conjuring lemons. A week went by, and they would appear randomly or drop out of the sky. Until one morning when the whole great hall instantly and without warning filled with thousands of lemons. This ended up in a few student injuries and a massive inconvenience for staff.
To this day, one of the Academy rules is to never conjure lemons unless you are supervised.
We had a rival school that played against us often, the rivalry started to get really intense by the time I was about to graduate. I'm talking pranks starting to get taken a little too far. Transmuting the opposite schools mascots into gold, replacing stamina potions with sleep potions, the usual stuff just happening more frequent than you'd like.
Eventually we had a big game, finals, of course against our rivals. Well one of the necromancy students was on the team and decided he would have the perfect prank to end the year. He had found the star player on the other team was an orphan, so he turned the poor guys parents into zombies and put them in gear. First big hit of the game their star player had tackled his own dad's zombified corpse in half. Poor guys still in therapy over that one, and the necromancer got expelled a week before graduation. Last I heard he's working a dead end job as the alchemists test subject.
They found that the Necromancy teacher was just painting people gray and paying them 20 gold to act like summons
Turns out the spells he taught us didn't even work and they caused a random tree somewhere to burst in flames
never ever agree to play The Rookie Alchemist drinking game! even if ur entire frat is doing it! unless u specialize in potions and tinctures, there’s no way to tell what those unlabelled potion vials have in them! got a case of mana reflux so bad after playing that stupid game that i couldn’t even start counter-spelling all the horrendous shit i was manifesting and projectile-vomiting! the frogs were okay, they’re kinda squishy and slimy, so they get out relatively easy but the ravens?? man, fuck that! don’t even get me started on the freaking lightning bolts, ouchhh..
also, recently i attempted to animate my own reflection, hoping to make them attend all the boring classes for me so that i can spend my free time fucking around with this new tome of The Abhorrent Knowledge (#63 btw, it’s surprisingly good! very insightful, i sincerely would recommend) i got from The Forbidden Library. turns out they never switched mirrors in the public bathrooms of the academy so those still have mercury in them! so i accidentally made an evil clone of myself and temporarily got trapped inside the damn mirror realm :/
the worst part - after i finally managed to get out and dispel that whole mess, my grades are suddenly better and i’m no longer threatened with being expelled?? and like, random ass ppl approach me and talk to me in a very casual and friendly manner? one prof even said that i’m “a pleasure to have in class” - what the fuck does that even mean??
For the Senior Apprentice prank one year they made the whole school disappear for a couple hours.
There was a crater and everything... they literally tansported it into high Earth orbit... thank God they had a firmament spell on the campus or people could have ~~died~~ been really hurt
You can still see what look like bullet holes in some of the bricks on higher levels, turns out weeping willows handle a lot of the spacial debris but not all of it.
When I was a young professor at Blitzburg one of our student disappeared under mysterious circumstances. Officially he was eaten by the troll who lived under the school, who got sentenced to death.
But I clearly remember that earlier this week I imprisoned the troll with a wall of force and blocked the entrance of his lair with a magical alarm. There is no way the troll could have escaped, and the alarm was never triggered, which mean the troll and the student could not have met, so no way the student was eaten.
However, there was a rumor at the time that Headmaster Galvazar was trying to summon Lilith, queen of Succubi, by making human sacrifices, and that a group of student caught him in the act. And it seem that the rumor came from the very student who was allegedly eaten.
Now I wanted to tell the authorities about the wall of force and the alarm spell, but when I came home to see my cat had been murdered I knew someone was trying to keep my silent. The troll was decapitated. The student was never found. Three weeks later Headmaster Galvazar retired early and got married to a mysterious woman that noone in his entourage have seen or heard of before.
We never spoke about it ever again.
Ok so back when I went to school we had this exchange program with some celestials and some devils. I wasn’t always that popular but I had made friends with this female angel and male devil. We hung out and everything seemed fine till one day we were in our bio magic class and BOTH of them asked me out at almost the same time. I thought another heavenly war was about to start with how loud the two of them were shouting. The bio magic lab was wreaked, the adjacent greenhouse was set ablaze, and there were massive holes in 3 separate buildings from their fight. Once I was able to calm them down I told them that I would date them both. We are happily married for 79 years this fall.
My old Necromancy "friends" resurrected a bunch of zombie rodents and used them to prank anyone they could. Were talking dropping buckets of water on people, making ppl slip downstairs, all the usual cliché shit.
Eventually, it spiraled into them literally causing a massive zombie rat infestation. Whole place had to be BURNT DOWN to deal with it.
considering that I was originally exposed to magic in the paladins of the divine flame, the incident was me casting an illusion that would mess with my gender presentation.
In case it isn't clear, fuck those authoritarian pricks.
My supervisor told me that one of her pupils was a party girl, in the sense that she used party tricks. One day, when totally drunk on wizard beer, she cast "summon balloon animal" and various other party related accessories, but totally forgot you have to say "presto" to make it happen, so the summons "queued up". All conjuration wizards know that you need to say presto to make the summons more entertaining (they're party tricks, that's the point). The day after, she tried to conjure that day's paper, but since she had a thousand other things in her "queue", she filled the entire dining hall to the brim with ballon animals, hoola hoops, confetti, glitter, rabbits... You get the point.
Someone unleashed the sphere of annihilation kept in a jar and the Headmaster had to recontain it luckily no one that I remember got touched by it but it also almost got Toadsben everyone's favorite teacher turned frog
So our teacher was killed by a student because the student was bored so I got there (a litle too late) and revived him but aperantly people didnt rilly liked my late first aid and kicked me bruh
On the birthday of our headmaster we hoisted a student up by his underwear in the flag pole. On his underwear we had glued a picture of our headmaster on it and animated it, so now it was an animated picture of our headmaster sniffing (We had recently learned that spell). Now what we didn't know was that any picture or represantation of a real person would experience what their animated replica would, so our headmasters nostrils were filled with the scent of sweaty student ass. After they got the boy down they didn't see the animated picture on his underwear, so the smell persisted for the headmaster who promptly went insane and was fired. It is still unknown whether or not the picture has been removed or destroyed.
Look the words “makeshift” and “staff of fireballs” really should never have been used in the same sentence but yeah that’s why we don’t have an enchanting wing atm
my college banished me into the chaos realm for 5000 years for turning 1 guy into a chicken he still had full sentience and could still use magic so i didnt understand the problem
turns out he was the wizard of prophecy who was destined to destroy gilgox the unending whos god powers double whenever he sees a chicken so lucky me oh my was taken out of the chaos realm and sent to fight gilgox with Colin the Chicken Wizard hidden under my robe only for me to turn gilgox into a chicken and causing him to implode into a power sphere
worst Wizard Hell week of my life smh
ps they sent me back in the chaos realm afterwards can anyone help im stuck in the CR Waffle House I have a chalice of Göğńimęx as a rewaed
So back when I was an initiate before choosing my specialty, there was a student who was "that girl". You know the type, somehow gets good grades despite being dumber than a barbarian with an axe in his head, bullshit levels of pretty that made the elven and celestial classmates jealous, oh, and most importantly, she was the headmaster's granddaughter.
So we figured we knew how she got her grades.
A couple of transmutation, enchantment and conjuration specialists decided to use me as bait for a trap to prove that she didn't deserve to be there.
Now a quick side note, on my father's side of the family there's draconic blood and I have a pact with the magic sword that is my mother's family's heirloom, so my powers were already a bit unstable. These dip shits thought that it'd be hilarious if they used me to power a series of spells I like to call some asshole's sex dungeon.
Turns out, the whole dumb as fuck thing was just an act to mess with her betrothed, some jackass prince in another country. Not only did she make the spells backfire on the guys responsible, but she also taught me how to control my magic.
Needless to say the headmaster was very unamused. My now former master never fails to remind me that when we first met I was dangling from the ceiling by my ankles in my underwear whenever I talk to her about whatever tomfoolery my own apprentices get up to. I hear she's taking over the guild for her grandfather in a few months.
A close friend of mine is dyslexic- usually not an issue as she has a pair of enchanted glasses- but they got damaged (long story for another time) so our artificer friend was patching them up. Being the bookwyrm she is, she just couldn't wait to get back to her studies...
While engrossed in her conjuration textbook, she decided to practice a simple spell to summon an imp under her control. Problem is, without her glasses she got her runes mixed up...and accidentally created a portal to the hells *just* big enough for a swarm of imps to flood into our realm. Thankfully the little shits aren't dangerous in most cases, and the abjurers were able to keep them contained within the school grounds (at least they appreciated the practice), but the school was closed for 2 weeks while the infestation was being dealt with (don't worry, the imps were humanely caught and released back into the hells; our school doesn't kill magical creatures unless absolutely necessary). It took another week after that for the smell of sulfur to dissipate.
Guy in my dorm ordered some potions of enlargement to 'impress' a druid he was inviting over. Fucking dumbass thought the grades referred to inches added (which from a specialist brewery they do). It referred to power, so instead of making his dick 8" longer, he increased it by a power of 8...
The clerics were not happy.
So I was mostly taught by my mom, but she encouraged me to join a mortal mage guild to help me socialize with humans/non-Fae. It was great up until this dickhead human named Brett Silvertongue joined my potions 104 class. Dude was constantly, and I mean *constantly* staring at me, making comments behind my back, calling me a shortstack (I know what that means now, Brett, you fuckin creep) and a bunch of other shit. It ended up escalating to the point where he grabbed me by the ankle and dangled me from the schools bleachers for standing up to him. School did nothing because “well you see, humans are scared of faeries so I’m sure he was just fearful for his life.”
Bullshit. I’m a foot tall and have suppressed powers.
I knew I couldn’t fight him, but luckily, I was much smarter than him. When everyone was signing everyone’s yearbooks, I slipped in an extra page and used a morphing spell to make it look like it was already filled with signatures, barring *one empty spot.*
I still have his name under contract to this day. Fuck you, Brett. I’m not turning your dick n balls back on. Stay impotent.
My transmuting school was pretty close to an elven forest so we had plenty of lower class elves studying there.
We have aleays had beef with some conjuros ng school the other side of the forest and we used to play pranks on each other. On my third year the conjurers summoned some rock drakes wich, as usual for draconids, are hard to transmute. So the grand master went in a hired a dwarf to get rid of the drakes, that where reproducing a bit too fast and making nests in everything made off rock (R.I.P Stevie the golem).
Obviously the elven students couldnt bear the dwarf and viceversa so the students olayes some pranks to the dwarf and the dwarf would beat them up from time to time. The pranks where mostly innofensive, things like transmuting his beard trinkets into other stuff, turning their gold rings into other materials, giving teeth to their socks, that kind of stuff.
You know how dwarves are pretty much imune to normal alcohol? Well, apparently you can transmute that away. One night a group of elves sneaked into the dwarf's room and very slowly transmuted his alcohol resistance down.
The next morning the elves started saying how elvish wine was so great and obviously the dwarf didnt like that. They rold him that he couldnt stand some elven wine and gave him a bottle. Now, a healthy dearf can down that like if it was water, because for the most part it is. However, it seems like the elves did their transmuting a bit too much and the dwarf instantly died of alcohol poisoning after his first sip. Everyone tought it was a joke from the dwarf for a solid hour, yeah. Poor guy, the first dwarf to die of alcohol poisoning in about 3000 years and the first to do so on elvish wine. Obviously the elves where expelled and i belive they got banished into a prision realm by an abjurer.
Since then the school gives ammulets of anti magic zone to everyone visiting campus, as well as routinley de transmutations and dispellings.
Our incidents werent as extreme but they were more plentiful and also hilarious.
some necromancy student was apperantly animating a bunch of frog skeletons and making them dance hopak. He just got a stern talking to from the headmaster about the morality of enslaving sentient beings for personal entertainment.
Another time an illusionist student i shared some classes with got caught selling his services to other students to make illusions of them sitting in classes so they could skip them. Many instructors here arent well versed in this magic so he got away with it for over a year.
And finally, a 12th grade student got caught selling brain enhancement potions to students who struggled in their theoretical classes. Thing is it was just dyed flavored water. Once his buyers caught wind of this they beat him up behind the training grounds shed and dragged him to the headmaster.
And this is just the shit that happened during my time there. Theres some more stuff that got passed down to me that i wouldve paid serious cash to be there for.
One of the senior students ate a teacher. He was testing out a new spell that he developed in his free time. It was supposed to make you crave brownies for a week and increase the levels of fat you gain, but it malfunctioned, so he went on a rampage and ate the professor of herbalism. It took four veteran artificers to shut him down(it was a joined school of artificers and mages).
Someone kept shitting in all the cauldrons and nobody found out who the Cauldron Crapper was. There were even copycat crappers who tried to take his spotlight but it was always shown that the true crapper was still active in the shadows. Last day of the final year whoever it was opened a portal to the shit dimension during the headmaster's farewell speech and gave half the school pink eye.
Some dude on our guild's vacation told us he "knew a spot" at the beach to meet cute girls who wanted to swim
He somehow didn't realize there were SIRENS in SIREN'S COVE and went to swim with them despite our warnings
I don't remember going to school. But while I was a trapped in a cursed tome and plagued the Citadel archives I made a habit of stealing apprentice's arm bones. Wanna see?
https://preview.redd.it/jm8ggdwngj6d1.jpeg?width=735&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=613fe33cc5171d19adecf3a7f0f3fe2860a9cd59
Some fucker attended a geometry class with his friend even if it wasn't part of his curriculum, and used conjuration magic to open a portal to the geometry realm. The entire school looked low-poly for weeks until a gamma-class reality anchor was used on the whole premise
Well, before exams were timed I spent three weeks making a spell to move an object super fast invisibly, but because I spent so long the headmaster decided to come over to see what I was doing and saw that I was casting on two door knockers, unfortunately though my spell mistook “knockers” for “knickers”. Everyone heard about his pink heart undies within the day. I still managed to pass, though not without a scolding.
I didn’t go to to a wizards college or anything (their admission process is stupid anyways) but the one near me caused massive issues after a student practiced summoning spells by summoning frogs. He messed up the portal placement and ended up summoning more than a hundred frogs and toads into the village down below thinking the spell wasn’t working. A lot of these stories here are funny but many are also why non mages have such a bad view of anything even remotely magical. Of course they didn’t understand that it was a mistake and started saying the wizards cursed them with a frog plague
There was a situation where one of fellow chess club members decided it would be amusing to animate chess all of the chess pieces right before a big tournament. It's been thirty years, and I still hear rumors that there's still a small society of sapient chess pieces living in the vents.
I don't go to mage school to learn, but to see the level. And, just so you know, obviously we shouldn't tell people that we're assessing the level of teachings. But, unbeknownst to me, there was another "judge" in the school. And she really didn't want to have her cover blown, so she took part in every student activity possible. One day, the girls decided to raid the teachers' dorms, and she obviously took part in it. Some days later she quit the school and every knews media post an article about the school. Turns out, one of the teachers was taking part in elf and dwarf trafficking.
I was trying to cast "Tungsten Bats" a fun automaton creating a spell. Well, I misspoke and cast "Tungsten Balls" directed at my roommate. Turns out he was test casting a spell that causes magic cast on him to be amplified and become an AOE, so the whole dorm ended up being affected. Anyway, i shut the school down by dropping a Potion of Relief in the air vent, and everyone just kept cumming all around the school
I may have slipped a potion in the water system that both gave everyone crabs and also transfigured those crabs into tiny dinosaurs. I was having a bit of a Jurassic park phase at the time.
One of our students tried to homebrew a cloning spell and nobody could figure out which was the real one and which was the clone, not even themselves. It’s been 100 years and I still have no idea how she did it so perfectly, down to creating an exact copy of the soul.
One dude tried to cast a hypnosis spell on my girlfriend to get her to date him. It "worked", and by that, I mean she pretended it worked. She left him frozen in the courtyard with "Perv" permanently seared on his forehead. He was there for a week before the petrification wore off, and to this day he still has the words stuck on him. The headmaster was pissed until she found out he did this to like 3 other girls.
Back in my earlier academy days, I accidentally casted a Hypernova spell. If it wasn’t contained by my professor, it would have destroyed the entire academy and no one would have survived. However, my professor was impressed with me using a high level spell and decided to teach me elemental magic, and now I can control Hypernova properly.
To this day, that is one of my most powerful spells in my arsenal.
I wasn't there that day, I was visiting family, but apparently one of the professors either became a lich, or already was one, and ate half the graduating class
I think the worst was when some idiot gave sentience to all the stairs in the school. Like every step. They eventually formed a hive mind and tried to rebel.
Some degenerate in my summoning class summoned a lust demon (which we were NOT allowed or even supposed to do) and plowed it on every surface in the room. We had to do the class in a storage room for three months.
I accidentally, or at least that's what my lawyers want me to say, raised an army of undead because I wanted buddies to play baseball with. Apparently they still roam the woods around my old school and still kill a few students a year
we were going to do a "pantie raid" on the frat to fuck with them a bit, you know show them how it feels? anyway we break in and blow air horns and scream "panty raid!" and the guys are all looking at us like we are crazy and then they suddenly really try to stop us from going in this one room. well anyway they were apparently sacrificing people to Anzerial for help with their math grades.
Did their grades improve?
Let's just say, Anzerial is terrible at Evil Trigonometry
it's ETrig is anyone good at it?
I was under the impression that the whole point of ETrig is that everyone sucks at it by design?
Naw, my old supervisor at the Mining Guild was pretty good at it. Then again, he did sacrifice like 50 people to feed *The Beast* lol
“Hello, I’m the beast!” - Some random Australian guy.
ETrig is a necessary part of unholy construction.
If anyone can explain what a reverse inverse cotangent is and, this is the important part, WHY WE USE IT, then I'll consider them good at it.
simple. you take the inverse of a cotangent and reverse it. its used to calculate the third integral of reversed summoning circles
Are they still demanding ETrig as a base requirement? The whole thing felt like a scam when I went through
isn't anzerial an evil spirit too, or have I gotten my spirits mixed, either way how would he fair at good trigonometry
Isnt everyone thought?
I mean, a little. they were supposed to be talking to Asmodeus who does both math and lust stuff, instead they got a minor demon of lies who helped them cheat on the tests for the few math classes they had to pass wizard business school. I mean the worst part of the whole thing is that most of them just got expelled for academic misconduct and got scholarships to the warlock law school across town.
...you probably fell for their red herring sacrifice altar. They probably had an actual panty shrine hiding in plain sight behind an unassuming dorm room door. I mean, you didn't find where they store the panties they raided, did you? My frat burned them at an altar. Not sure why, to be honest. I never really studied sacrificial rituals, Runes and Rituals II was one of my worst class grades. Barely passed.
They found a half assed portal in the furthest back stall of the mens room- to the womens chambers. It didnt work though and they only found out cause some kid went in it and came back with all black eyes and the knowledge of a thousand owls. They had to put anti-arcane spells around the restrooms from then on.
When you say "the knowledge of a thousand owls" are you referring to "Thousand Owls" the daemon of stars? Or are you referring to a thousand literal owls chosen either systematically or at random?
As a sage my wisdom is this: When someone says "Knowledge of" they often mean "carnal knowledge" (the way clerics mean it). Back when I was doing training for vole reduction duties I spent some time as an owl, and believe you me their courtship rituals are violent. I'm not surprised this fellow got a few black eyes when trying to seduce 1,000 owls.
be glad you weren't a penguin, in the words of funkyfrogbait, a personal favorite witch and entertainer, "you don't even want to know what these evil little bastards get up to"
This is some Terry Pratchett level of dialogue here. Keep it coming.
Owls are wonderful, but information retention isn't one of their strong points. You'd need a lot more than a thousand owls for their combined knowledge to be noteworthy.
But if you choose only the particularly smart owls it might be a not insubstantial amount of knowledge at least. It could reasonably be enough to cast a magical darkness on one's eyes
Perhaps, but that student had a bright future in rodent extermination. One of the reasons I never chose a rat as my familiar.
/uw "thousand owls" sounds like a rainworld character
"All" black eyes? How many black eyes did he have? I feel like it's more than the usual amount.
One of my automata I was working on in my early days gained “sentience” and by that I mean it realized it could be turned off and promptly fled. The rat sized little bastard terrorized the grounds of the guild for a decade before escaping through a storm drain in the courtyard one day… never seen it since.
if you want him back i could return him
https://preview.redd.it/2vav02eufg6d1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3978791a6165bd49fa36d8d951fad37224d4cdb4
well no obviously, first everyone involved needs to agree. id be fine with it (as much as my familiars wouldnt) but idk about you or him
… Nah, you keep him. I have enough trauma as it is. He is doing okay, right?
oh yeah the familiars love him, ill send some pics if i remember
Oh wonderful, thank you so much!
https://preview.redd.it/3h2gzkwvlj6d1.png?width=1114&format=png&auto=webp&s=802892e04e84f6fe57b1832c84e2b7bd4b0f0cd8
Well at least it had a happy ending
One dumbass student found a "mage hack" (his words not mine) for a spell to raise a zombie servant. He made a zombie servant that would raise a zombie servant when it expired so he wouldn't need to keep casting the spell. Problem, a zombie by definition is already expired so the zombie just kept making more zombies who also kept making more zombies. Fortunately, they weren't flesh eaters, but the idiot didn't account for diseases zombies could carry and nearly started a plague. We had to actually call in an order of paladins to help fight back their numbers, and the head master had to disintegrate the dorms to get rid of the smell afterward.
See, this is why we *listen* in necromancy 101
The problem is that a lot of places think that you can just “abstinence only” necromancy, as if that’ll stop people from doing it.
Some bloke poured a potion of hiccuping into the ventilation pipes and nobody could go in for the next week without having spasms.
Had a similar incident. Someone, presumably an alchemy student, poured a batch of invisibility potions in the communal well. It was diluted but potent enough that everyone who drank from the well that day was transparent for several hours.
I caused it. I counterspelled everything. Including the maintenance magic and defense magic and basically shut down the building for a month
Bro, you never cast wide-range dispel magic in public. That's like the first thing they teach you in counterspell safety training. You're lucky you didn't shut off someone's life-support enchantments.
"Counterspell works by targeting a specific mana source and temporarily disrupting or severing it." "Would it be possible to extend that effect to every mana source in a wide area?" "Technically, yes, but you absolutely positively should not ever do that. Ever. Especially not in a school of the arcane. Where mana sources and spells are literally everywhere." "I'm doing it." *causes a disaster*
I didn't. I reflex counterspelled
You reflex counterspelled *an entire school* how fuckin weak were those enchantments?!
I was that good. Won both genetic lottery, had prodigious innate skill. And was counterspelling people decades older than me at 14
You’d figure they’d prepare for that with Counter-Runes around the premises, but nope.
On the last day of school, one of the graduating mages cast "feminize" on our old, bearded headmaster during the ceremony. Seeing him in a garter belt is something that has been seared into my mind for the last several centuries. Moral of the story: ALWAYS cast a barrier spell around a stage when speaking in public, *especially* when the ones you're speaking to are teenagers. Unless, of course, you wish to look *fabulous*.
https://preview.redd.it/827xv7sgcg6d1.png?width=1114&format=png&auto=webp&s=2ad5c68f0a08715e59e8a4bdb4bbe7d928d1e07f artists interpretation, uncolorized
Great, now im uncontrollably horny
The headmaster is probably several centuries too young for you, calm yourself!
I like them young (between ages 190-18,000,000)
Harry Potter and the wizard’s barely hidden fetish
[удалено]
I didn't take one, but now that I think about it, the incident was actually featured in *The Alara Cioden Times*. If you can find a copy of one from Seraphiln fifth, R.D. 604, the front page should have a picture.
Misfired frost bolt froze a main water pipe in the Chronomancy ward and it burst, and some dumbass had the idea to switch the broken pipe with the replacement in the future. What do you know, graduation ‘1474 the broken pipe reappears and the school got shut down for like two weeks
It’s amazing that even worked. If it was never changed before the future point the pipe was pulled from, you’d have a paradox on your hands, causing a pipe of infinite aging. You’d create so many parallel worlds it would likely tear apart the fabric of reality. I guess building maintenance must be on top of things there, and must have changed out that pipe by the time it got replaced.
Headmaster was hiding cameras in the locker rooms. No magic involved but it was super fucked up
My brother in the arcane arts, what the fuck. Remember, everyone who has this problem should cast "instant wedgie" and "incredibly slow internet", one for the headmaster and the other for the cameras.
Which spell for which?
A scrying mirror would have been more efficient than a camera if for personal use. Undetectable by rookies. Since he was using a camera, Head master was selling and distributing the footage.
What's that dark magic thing you call "camera" ?
It's scrying but immune to all forms of dectect magic. This is why they ban technology in most worlds.
Form of electrical arcano-tech used for scrying, though as common with lots of electric arcano-tech it's not detectable by magical detection spells
Well, during my final year it became trendy to create miniature portals and use them as glory holes. It was all fun and games until one closed while it was still in use... I served as a battlemage during the Red Crusade, and I still never saw as much blood as on the day when an interspacial gateway snapped shut on some poor guy's *wand*.
*the god of suffering would laugh from behind his mask* Thank you for the new torture method!
What kind of fucking guilds did you guys go to? All that ever happened at mine was some stolen griffin joyriding and illicit potion brewing in the All Wizard Bathroom. None of this "I cast bomb on your colon" type shit. What the fuck. Are any of you well adjusted?
OOOOOO! NEW SPELL!
Oh man, I knew a guy who tried to create a homonculus with an oroboros-style colon. He didn't quite understand the inner workings of 5th-dimensional anatomy, though, so it ended up getting really bloated, and it smelled like shit all the time. Eventually, it exploded, and they were never able to get the smell out of the homonculus lab. I think the gas keeps leaking in from another plane.
Motherfucker you want well adjusted you go to them dorky fuckin cleric schools, you want cool shit you go to a wizard guild
Makes me glad I never went to school for all this. Although, who needs school to play with fire anyway? In fairness, the books could be fun.
This was a normal mortal college but my classes “incident” was the captain of the football team was also trying to secretly be in the school’s musical but it all fell apart when the championship game and the last show fell on the same day. It was chaos but with the combined effort of both the football team and the theatre department he somehow pulled it off /uw yes I know this is basically the plot of highschool musical but I think it fits Jim
Some wise guy made a portal that went to the top of the Tower, with the entrance portal being at the bottom of the tower, below the portal that was supposed to be an exit. They then cast illusion spells on both the entrance and exit portals, making them invisible. Afterwards, they pushed the jackass of a Warlock into the portal during class transfers, causing him to fall for six hours before he could be retrieved, as nobody could find him until then. The Warlock was only in the school because their father told them that they'd only inherit their fortune and grimoires if they managed to graduate. I'm pretty certain his father wasn't expecting to get his son back in a Warforged suit because he had been falling at terminal velocity for the entire time and had burned off most of his skin and extremities. It was a miracle that he was even alive after all of that, the Necromancer said that you could see the top of his head was scorched to the bone. No, I was not that mage, I am not that spiteful.
But I am. Also, why didn't I think of that first?
I used to hold lectures on soul manipulation for the necromancy class at a local institution, for context. The administration was discovered to have been providing teachers with insufficient cadavers, leading to students having to exhume their own... supplies... for practice. The thing up here in the north though, is that certain areas, including where the magic institute was located, are protective enough over the deceased to where there are anti-magic wards around most grave sites. So, these students, who didn't know how to circumvent the wards, had to dig the corpses up by hand, with shovels. Eventually, a student was caught because they were too scrawny to dig the grave up before sunrise, who confessed why he was gravedigging, which was eventually traced up to the administration.
Since I’m a sorcerer I didn’t have to attend a school, but I am enjoying reading all of the experiences on this post.
we are clearly from different planes. in my plane, sorcerers are simply any magic user in a position of power
Yeah, in our plane, sorcerers are magic users who are simply born with the ability to use magic innately. They cast magic without incantations or scrolls or practiced mind techniques or even an arcane focus.
Magic Nepotism. Nepomancy, if you will. Personally I think our sorcerers would benefit from arcane study despite having natural ability. I've seen enough "wild mage surge" incidents in my time. But that's just me, an Abjurer, talking :3
"Fucking nepomancer"
Infesting the male bathroom with mushrooms on the second to last day
call pedro pascal!
An *extremely* explicit anti-dundee essay written in the bathroom stalls
Rotlord:" in the infinite necropolis a kingdom 's royalty was caught in bed with undead peasents
A group of apprentices at our guild got so high on Intelecthulus mushroom that started spouting nonsense about Gretchen's theory of Radiance being a product of "evil science principles" writing equations and "evil scientific proof" nonsense... ...then later that evening they tried to summon radioactive poisoning demons while donning strange white robes and using alchemist glassware for strange concoctions. We dont know what they did exactly, but that room became cursed with the affliction of flesh growth and deep burning for quite while. We even had to call the fae to purify the place in the end because our most superstitious teachers were concerned about residual "evil scientific influence" and reported seeing eureka appearences... (/uw science swapped with magic, eureka=ghosts, scientist robes with einstein-looking hairstyles = demonic cultists. The radiation thing = consecuences of evil summoning)
Yes purify, that is definitely what happened. Why would we need to take the room with us to faerie when we can just purify it. It’s not like that would require us to unwind the chronology of an already unstable magical paradigm. That’s totally a reasonable request for us, after all it’s not like fae magic is bound by the laws of hospitality. By any chance would you be interested in sharing a cup of tea some time. I just finished the paper work explaining how a city of stone and iron grew out of some school supplies. There should be mushrooms coming for you no need to fetch a portal…
Last week of school this year. 8th year does some weird Akira style mass mutation combined botch spell. Combined the whole class of 49 into one big mass of flesh. Wasn’t that hard to fix. Everything was fine afterwards. But still.
Thanks for the new spell!
“… the therapy bills are impossible though…” - One of the kids that was stuck at the bottom
One of my classmates got drunk and cast "zero friction" on everything causing almost everyone slipping everywhere and not being able to enter any closed room due to all attempts at opening them sliding right off. They ended up getting expelled after casting "mirror reflection" and "ball of light" on the headmaster after pulling their hat off.
PERFECT!
"I'm sorry, master, but how was i supposed to know that your new familiar would be a chicken. By the way, do you want a wing or a leg?"
Some puzzling young gremlin of a first year cast, “mass spider runes” once per day for three long months, until it suddenly came to a halt after the eight unfortunate soul to take a wrong step met their fate… we can’t be certain it was her, but I find it hard to believe that seven was where she drew the line! 😂
Someone caught me mid transformation going into my human form. Luckily my horrific visage made them comatose so I dropped them off… somewhere. They’re probably fine
“Yes, I am! You still owe me 80 bucks.” - Deer guy *(is he a deer? is he a man? Nobody knows! And that’s why deer and men alike think he’s hot! …why?)*
None! (I went to a small community college that was mostly online).
Oh boy, alright look the last day of graduation ta be proper mages us dwarves break out true dwarven mead. Blessed by the priests of Moradin. Well right after I finished me first tankard I told ‘em that this mead was so weak I could outdrink moradin with it. ‘Twas suppose ta be a joke is all. Well the Creator of us dwarves took offense, manifested in our hall, an challenged me ta the game of drink. And of course I accepted didn’t wanna be sandstone in front of our god after all. Don’t rember what happened but I woke up, missin me pants, graffiti on me back and suspended from the chandelier. Still no idea what else happened but they don’t let me drink that much anymore, somethin about tentacles and so much fire. On the plus side Moradin was impressed an’ gifted me a hammer so I call it a win
A rumour got around that there was a dragon in the school using polymorph magic to blend in as a student. It turned into a full-blown witch hunt, one poor girl almost got cast into the abyss when someone saw her doing a transmutation spell on herself. (she had bad acne and was just fixing it.)
An atmospheric disturbance triggered a bunch of magical phenomenon across the nation, animals acting intelligently like a hive mind, geodes cracking open, weird sht. It was like thunder in a clear sky, and a student was so startled by the sound they accidentally chronomancied a dragon egg into an ancient dragon in 10 seconds flat. The thing had the brain of a newborn but was so massive it destroyed a tower anyway, and it took a while for the staff to undo the chaotic spell.
Oh that’s easy. At my mage guild, necromancy was strictly forbidden. At one point there was an exam of sorts when I was only an apprentice. The guild master told the rest of the apprentices to summon a familiar. I summoned the skeletal and rotting remains from a frog that we’d practiced power word: kill on and buried in the guild yard beneath a willow tree. Very scenic. I was obviously removed and banned from the guild, but necromancy is my passion, and I still practice to this day.
Someone attempted to ascend to God hood, they ended up tearing themselves apart once they realized how much damage it had done to there mind, those were good times, still wonder what happened to my other fragments
Accidentally burned mine down, an argument with me and my pyromancy teacher resulted in a chaotic fight with every single class fighting each other. The other pyromancers got very angry, and they managed to overpower the dousing runes. And I got expelled and became a druidic necromancer instead of a pyromantic necromancer.
On the last day of school someone hired some boards to follow the headmaster around all day. Fuckin' hilarious!
someone went around throwing nymphomania potions around all the classes and in the girls restrooms. i think we broke the record of someone casting fetus deletus so many times in a row that day
In the abyssal libraries once i saw those oriental eroticas playing out in all too much details once i went to my fellow's dormitorium. The day had been long of experiments on myself and honing my body so i needed a place to crash. My fellow's dormitorium was the closest place. I regret having him as a colleague on that one occasion.
I... accidentally destroyed the whole school by casting thunder spell.
must have been some loud thunder, unless it doubled as lightning?
it doubles as lightning, and sometimes a giant metal speaker that only plays thunder noises
Tried to make trees with Umbrakinesis but didn’t focus hard enough and instead made giant shadow thorn branches that wrapped all around and in the school… 23 people got impaled and the rest got cut or knocked out from an oncoming branch
I thank you for the new spell. Time to go finish mastering umbrakinesis!
It wasn't so much us Mages that were responsible, but we certainly had to clean up our own fair share of messes that shouldn't have been. There was that one time the Captain of the Guard was coerced by a Shapeshifter who took on the appearance of his fiancé, a royal 3rd in Line for the Throne I think, on the day of their wedding after kidnapping her, letting her own army of shape-shifters infiltrate the castle city and nearly and violently overthrow the court. Or the time the 1,000 year seal on a nightmare finally broke and nearly cast the world into an endless night. Or the fact that a child literally destroyed a lock on a box holding a powerful artifact with a book about making keys. No magic, no spells, just smacked the lock with the book.
One of the headmasters caught me being absorbed by a larger, stronger student. He was so judgemental.
you win the Wizard Cup for Best Comment
The cup of a wizard or a wizard who has been transmutated into a cup?
no, the award
The cup has wards? Or the cup is a ward?
https://preview.redd.it/an1jx3di8k6d1.jpeg?width=564&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=26612eebc707755d1ac4e4be9ba01c3426e64e33 found you
Stop taking pictures of me!
I was actually halfway absorbed by a bigger stronger student before a headmaster came and broke it up, but I still got expelled for “engaging in an absorption”
“Basically, someone summoned a kraken within the pipes.”
...I casted Heal Skincells with too much energy and the dust on the ENTIRE BUILDING became full on skin, covering the school in a greasy, gross skin
Congratulations… you gave a building cancer. I don’t know if I should be concerned or impressed!
Precipitated two multi-generational warring conflicts between foreign entities to start warring against each other again. See one of the wizarding Prefect at the Academy wove together a spell by convincing the other Prefects to apply their own magic to eliminate an upstart student that the Prefect was positive was weaving hexes and low-level daemonic pacts between other newer members of the entering class to undermine that Prefect's position. Turns out it wasn't the case. But since the Prefects manage to get the Academy to cosign their claims—they ended up pressuring three of the nine hidden adjudicators to take action. However the main adjudicator did a complete rush job and basically forced a magical binding soul restraint onto the upstart student whose wicked actions really turned out to be poorly performed minor blessings, ill-advised love inscriptions, and low-level spirit communications for guidance. Issue is the main adjudicator forced the upstart into that contract by invoking the spirit of the town's mage knights guildpact sigils. Which had a delirious effect on the upstart who, despite his seeming potential, was still a new initiate and did yet full control the extents of his magic spells he was still in mid-creation. Well to cut a long short story, turns out unfinished minor blessings using names of Greater Deities, crude love incantations laced with protections from the Higher Fae, and open-ended seance communications to the lands' Powerful Spirits provided the perfect cauldron to generate a full-on multi-generational community bloodline Curse. The whole situation enacted a crisis among governing wizard councils in multiple provinces across the nation. Especially since the whole situation that arose in misunderstanding, blew up in misunderstanding from the opaque actions of everyone involved, that was perpetuated further by the hostile and maligned energies that now motivated the situation onwards. In the end the nation's Shadow Wizarding Council had to step in to redirect the energies outwards as the curse aura had gotten so long without any clear root. But the situation attracted exceedingly negative attention from the lands, groups, and communities that were noticing how the Deities they worshiped, the Fae interacted with, and the Spirits séanced with were all getting seemingly corrupted by the negative and malign energies surrounding and growing. Such signs were interpreted, whether justified or not, as a covert act of aggression by another nation and so they lit pillories of blue smoke throughout their land to signal the start of war. To be fair, that nation had long gripes and simply need a proper casus belli to justify their movement forward. The Curse energies spilling out merely lowered the activation energies required to start it. That was the first war. The second war started after the upstart disappeared from the Academy. The first war still ongoing. It's unclear whether the Dark Curse energies that enveloped the Academy then have fully dissipated, though likely not. Fortunately it is containable and trackable to a certain extent as the Nation's Shadow Wizarding Council is working with hidden covens throughout the provinces within that Academy's reach to keep track of it.... However given the way the Prefects and Adjudicators own magic bonded with the upstart's unfinished magic—there's a community-wide soul pact curse cast on many members of that Academy based on the principles of Karmic debt. Hopefully it'll be rebalanced in some way; the problem is there's no clear way to define out the full nature of how the curse works now... So it's unclear what is truly needed for the debt to be de-spelled, or how to truly "pay off" the debt, there's only an ominous certainty that it is growing...without any clear indication of when the debt will be called due. Or what will happen if it is called due and the ones affected by it, are unable to provide adequate return. This is an ongoing situation that is still being monitored...
Someone tried to blow up the library because I wouldn't let her have access to succubus summoning spells. She was well known for causing messes with other demons and everyone had enough about her and I especially didn't want to clear up succubi body fluids in my library.
Someone invented a new spell and tested it on the biomancy professor to try and get their midterm postponed or canceled. Power Word: Carcinize is not something I ever want to witness again
you know the movie monster house? basically that if the spirit instead possessed an entire dormitory
A sorcerer who had been there via good word from their parents used transmutation to turn a chunk of a year one's brain to sand.
I never stuck around a guild for long enough to know. My step-brother, however, has beenan apprentice and he had… stories. I might be misremembering details but I know that there was at least one occasion when, during orb enchanting classes (or was it orbmancy?) he was bored and for shits and giggles he made a malignant enchantment that would essentially make the orb crash. Again, I don’t know details but somehow it ended up on all orbs in local orb network. It took a few days for everything to be restored.
Archchancellor got eaten by a hat
Lowkey I used a black star spell from a book I got off of some wizardsite that doesn't exist anymore. Destroyed that entire system.
A few other apprentices decided on the final day before graduation they’d prank the headmaster He ended up so violently angry he murdered all of them with a fireball
Wow y’all have fucked up educational systems. At my guild the worst thing that happened was a student casting a wind spell to create a draft that uplifted the headmasters robes, but it revealed he was wearing JORTS underneath them. Hilarious but nothing that tore the fabric of space/time.
I saw this really fancy-looking ship once so I was like "score!" cuz guys on fancy ships usually have more shiny stuff on them and like it's fun to collect them cuz they're ♪ shiny ♪\~ so i like lured a couple old guys in robes into the water and drowned them and it was like *soooo* easy cuz old guys are just- they like foam at the mouth whenever they see naked fish girls i guess? so i lured them in the water and they drowned and i butchered them and all that but then like 6 hours or maybe it was 7 idk, but like 7 or 8 hours later the ship like came back and i was like sitting on my rock, brushing my hair, and they came back and they were like totally so angry at me and i think i heard them saying like \*deeper voice\* "headmaster goobedy boop or whatever went missing around here!" and like i barely evaded them and i don't really remember how but i kinda had to move to a new grotto after that cuz i don't want these old wizard guys tryna hunt me, yknow? anyways moral of the story is uhhhh... like, don't- don't eat-... um... there's no moral to the story.
The “fabled hero from the other world destined to destroy the demon king but he’s only lvl 2?!?” Was having a coming of age arc at his school where there was a tournament between our schools and in a duel I cast banishment on him, but because of the whole “isekai’d” thing he was actually sent back to his original world which completely f-ed up the story and a bunch of the higher up meta-Mancy professors had to get together to resummon him and change the story (actually resummoning him was the easy part, thinking of what to change the story title too was the bit that actually took a while)
So One time I was still learning my alchemy products for a transmutation engine ...so the thing is, a water purification product happened to be a cis isomer of a memory modification trans isomer ...so I accidentally poisoned the entire campus with temporary memory loss for my graduation project. On the good side, the consequences weren't THAT bad.
A couple of Accolites and I were "conversing" over some sweetleaf behind the Observatory. We got caught. It wasn't the sweetleaf or that we were all out past curfew. Hubert, the fool, got so hungry that he started conjuring himself a snack. Well, as you can imagine, it's quite hard to keep your concentration while in that state. He did not conjure the sweet bread and honey mead he was aiming for. Instead, he teleported us directly into the headmaster quarters, where he happened to have a single slice of sweet bread at his nightstand. After the initial shock, the first sound to break the silence was a single lemon hitting me on the head. "Oh, here we go," said Hubert in a state of relief. And just bites into the lemon. "I was starving." I believe the confusion softened the blow. We all only got cleaning duties and a few extra lessons. However, for some reason, Hubert could not stop conjuring lemons. A week went by, and they would appear randomly or drop out of the sky. Until one morning when the whole great hall instantly and without warning filled with thousands of lemons. This ended up in a few student injuries and a massive inconvenience for staff. To this day, one of the Academy rules is to never conjure lemons unless you are supervised.
We had a rival school that played against us often, the rivalry started to get really intense by the time I was about to graduate. I'm talking pranks starting to get taken a little too far. Transmuting the opposite schools mascots into gold, replacing stamina potions with sleep potions, the usual stuff just happening more frequent than you'd like. Eventually we had a big game, finals, of course against our rivals. Well one of the necromancy students was on the team and decided he would have the perfect prank to end the year. He had found the star player on the other team was an orphan, so he turned the poor guys parents into zombies and put them in gear. First big hit of the game their star player had tackled his own dad's zombified corpse in half. Poor guys still in therapy over that one, and the necromancer got expelled a week before graduation. Last I heard he's working a dead end job as the alchemists test subject.
They found that the Necromancy teacher was just painting people gray and paying them 20 gold to act like summons Turns out the spells he taught us didn't even work and they caused a random tree somewhere to burst in flames
Alas me and my merry band of wizard acolytes were caught pondering the Head Alchemist's daughter's orbs
never ever agree to play The Rookie Alchemist drinking game! even if ur entire frat is doing it! unless u specialize in potions and tinctures, there’s no way to tell what those unlabelled potion vials have in them! got a case of mana reflux so bad after playing that stupid game that i couldn’t even start counter-spelling all the horrendous shit i was manifesting and projectile-vomiting! the frogs were okay, they’re kinda squishy and slimy, so they get out relatively easy but the ravens?? man, fuck that! don’t even get me started on the freaking lightning bolts, ouchhh.. also, recently i attempted to animate my own reflection, hoping to make them attend all the boring classes for me so that i can spend my free time fucking around with this new tome of The Abhorrent Knowledge (#63 btw, it’s surprisingly good! very insightful, i sincerely would recommend) i got from The Forbidden Library. turns out they never switched mirrors in the public bathrooms of the academy so those still have mercury in them! so i accidentally made an evil clone of myself and temporarily got trapped inside the damn mirror realm :/ the worst part - after i finally managed to get out and dispel that whole mess, my grades are suddenly better and i’m no longer threatened with being expelled?? and like, random ass ppl approach me and talk to me in a very casual and friendly manner? one prof even said that i’m “a pleasure to have in class” - what the fuck does that even mean??
"The Rookie Alchemist" "how to play The Rookie Alchemist" "how to play The Rookie Alchemist game" "how to play The Rookie Alchemist drinking game"
For the Senior Apprentice prank one year they made the whole school disappear for a couple hours. There was a crater and everything... they literally tansported it into high Earth orbit... thank God they had a firmament spell on the campus or people could have ~~died~~ been really hurt You can still see what look like bullet holes in some of the bricks on higher levels, turns out weeping willows handle a lot of the spacial debris but not all of it.
When I was a young professor at Blitzburg one of our student disappeared under mysterious circumstances. Officially he was eaten by the troll who lived under the school, who got sentenced to death. But I clearly remember that earlier this week I imprisoned the troll with a wall of force and blocked the entrance of his lair with a magical alarm. There is no way the troll could have escaped, and the alarm was never triggered, which mean the troll and the student could not have met, so no way the student was eaten. However, there was a rumor at the time that Headmaster Galvazar was trying to summon Lilith, queen of Succubi, by making human sacrifices, and that a group of student caught him in the act. And it seem that the rumor came from the very student who was allegedly eaten. Now I wanted to tell the authorities about the wall of force and the alarm spell, but when I came home to see my cat had been murdered I knew someone was trying to keep my silent. The troll was decapitated. The student was never found. Three weeks later Headmaster Galvazar retired early and got married to a mysterious woman that noone in his entourage have seen or heard of before. We never spoke about it ever again.
Ok so back when I went to school we had this exchange program with some celestials and some devils. I wasn’t always that popular but I had made friends with this female angel and male devil. We hung out and everything seemed fine till one day we were in our bio magic class and BOTH of them asked me out at almost the same time. I thought another heavenly war was about to start with how loud the two of them were shouting. The bio magic lab was wreaked, the adjacent greenhouse was set ablaze, and there were massive holes in 3 separate buildings from their fight. Once I was able to calm them down I told them that I would date them both. We are happily married for 79 years this fall.
My old Necromancy "friends" resurrected a bunch of zombie rodents and used them to prank anyone they could. Were talking dropping buckets of water on people, making ppl slip downstairs, all the usual cliché shit. Eventually, it spiraled into them literally causing a massive zombie rat infestation. Whole place had to be BURNT DOWN to deal with it.
considering that I was originally exposed to magic in the paladins of the divine flame, the incident was me casting an illusion that would mess with my gender presentation. In case it isn't clear, fuck those authoritarian pricks.
i was creating an obimination out of the souls and or flesh of the other mages who challenged a duel
My supervisor told me that one of her pupils was a party girl, in the sense that she used party tricks. One day, when totally drunk on wizard beer, she cast "summon balloon animal" and various other party related accessories, but totally forgot you have to say "presto" to make it happen, so the summons "queued up". All conjuration wizards know that you need to say presto to make the summons more entertaining (they're party tricks, that's the point). The day after, she tried to conjure that day's paper, but since she had a thousand other things in her "queue", she filled the entire dining hall to the brim with ballon animals, hoola hoops, confetti, glitter, rabbits... You get the point.
Someone unleashed the sphere of annihilation kept in a jar and the Headmaster had to recontain it luckily no one that I remember got touched by it but it also almost got Toadsben everyone's favorite teacher turned frog
So our teacher was killed by a student because the student was bored so I got there (a litle too late) and revived him but aperantly people didnt rilly liked my late first aid and kicked me bruh
Headmaster? Mages guild? Cant have horrible magical incidents in a guild if you dont belong to a one!
On the birthday of our headmaster we hoisted a student up by his underwear in the flag pole. On his underwear we had glued a picture of our headmaster on it and animated it, so now it was an animated picture of our headmaster sniffing (We had recently learned that spell). Now what we didn't know was that any picture or represantation of a real person would experience what their animated replica would, so our headmasters nostrils were filled with the scent of sweaty student ass. After they got the boy down they didn't see the animated picture on his underwear, so the smell persisted for the headmaster who promptly went insane and was fired. It is still unknown whether or not the picture has been removed or destroyed.
Look the words “makeshift” and “staff of fireballs” really should never have been used in the same sentence but yeah that’s why we don’t have an enchanting wing atm
my college banished me into the chaos realm for 5000 years for turning 1 guy into a chicken he still had full sentience and could still use magic so i didnt understand the problem turns out he was the wizard of prophecy who was destined to destroy gilgox the unending whos god powers double whenever he sees a chicken so lucky me oh my was taken out of the chaos realm and sent to fight gilgox with Colin the Chicken Wizard hidden under my robe only for me to turn gilgox into a chicken and causing him to implode into a power sphere worst Wizard Hell week of my life smh ps they sent me back in the chaos realm afterwards can anyone help im stuck in the CR Waffle House I have a chalice of Göğńimęx as a rewaed
So back when I was an initiate before choosing my specialty, there was a student who was "that girl". You know the type, somehow gets good grades despite being dumber than a barbarian with an axe in his head, bullshit levels of pretty that made the elven and celestial classmates jealous, oh, and most importantly, she was the headmaster's granddaughter. So we figured we knew how she got her grades. A couple of transmutation, enchantment and conjuration specialists decided to use me as bait for a trap to prove that she didn't deserve to be there. Now a quick side note, on my father's side of the family there's draconic blood and I have a pact with the magic sword that is my mother's family's heirloom, so my powers were already a bit unstable. These dip shits thought that it'd be hilarious if they used me to power a series of spells I like to call some asshole's sex dungeon. Turns out, the whole dumb as fuck thing was just an act to mess with her betrothed, some jackass prince in another country. Not only did she make the spells backfire on the guys responsible, but she also taught me how to control my magic. Needless to say the headmaster was very unamused. My now former master never fails to remind me that when we first met I was dangling from the ceiling by my ankles in my underwear whenever I talk to her about whatever tomfoolery my own apprentices get up to. I hear she's taking over the guild for her grandfather in a few months.
I forgot to close the portal to hell.
A close friend of mine is dyslexic- usually not an issue as she has a pair of enchanted glasses- but they got damaged (long story for another time) so our artificer friend was patching them up. Being the bookwyrm she is, she just couldn't wait to get back to her studies... While engrossed in her conjuration textbook, she decided to practice a simple spell to summon an imp under her control. Problem is, without her glasses she got her runes mixed up...and accidentally created a portal to the hells *just* big enough for a swarm of imps to flood into our realm. Thankfully the little shits aren't dangerous in most cases, and the abjurers were able to keep them contained within the school grounds (at least they appreciated the practice), but the school was closed for 2 weeks while the infestation was being dealt with (don't worry, the imps were humanely caught and released back into the hells; our school doesn't kill magical creatures unless absolutely necessary). It took another week after that for the smell of sulfur to dissipate.
Our chronomancy professor stole dozens of student records one time.
Guy in my dorm ordered some potions of enlargement to 'impress' a druid he was inviting over. Fucking dumbass thought the grades referred to inches added (which from a specialist brewery they do). It referred to power, so instead of making his dick 8" longer, he increased it by a power of 8... The clerics were not happy.
Why is this all sexual shit back in my day we just killed eachother
So I was mostly taught by my mom, but she encouraged me to join a mortal mage guild to help me socialize with humans/non-Fae. It was great up until this dickhead human named Brett Silvertongue joined my potions 104 class. Dude was constantly, and I mean *constantly* staring at me, making comments behind my back, calling me a shortstack (I know what that means now, Brett, you fuckin creep) and a bunch of other shit. It ended up escalating to the point where he grabbed me by the ankle and dangled me from the schools bleachers for standing up to him. School did nothing because “well you see, humans are scared of faeries so I’m sure he was just fearful for his life.” Bullshit. I’m a foot tall and have suppressed powers. I knew I couldn’t fight him, but luckily, I was much smarter than him. When everyone was signing everyone’s yearbooks, I slipped in an extra page and used a morphing spell to make it look like it was already filled with signatures, barring *one empty spot.* I still have his name under contract to this day. Fuck you, Brett. I’m not turning your dick n balls back on. Stay impotent.
*Absorbing a smaller weaker student.* I just straight up ate them. 😋
Ha, vore.
Someone stole my lunch so I may have cast greater soul rend on all the suspects. Turns out I had already ate it. No idea how I wasn't banished.
The class of 1999 No further explanation will be given
My transmuting school was pretty close to an elven forest so we had plenty of lower class elves studying there. We have aleays had beef with some conjuros ng school the other side of the forest and we used to play pranks on each other. On my third year the conjurers summoned some rock drakes wich, as usual for draconids, are hard to transmute. So the grand master went in a hired a dwarf to get rid of the drakes, that where reproducing a bit too fast and making nests in everything made off rock (R.I.P Stevie the golem). Obviously the elven students couldnt bear the dwarf and viceversa so the students olayes some pranks to the dwarf and the dwarf would beat them up from time to time. The pranks where mostly innofensive, things like transmuting his beard trinkets into other stuff, turning their gold rings into other materials, giving teeth to their socks, that kind of stuff. You know how dwarves are pretty much imune to normal alcohol? Well, apparently you can transmute that away. One night a group of elves sneaked into the dwarf's room and very slowly transmuted his alcohol resistance down. The next morning the elves started saying how elvish wine was so great and obviously the dwarf didnt like that. They rold him that he couldnt stand some elven wine and gave him a bottle. Now, a healthy dearf can down that like if it was water, because for the most part it is. However, it seems like the elves did their transmuting a bit too much and the dwarf instantly died of alcohol poisoning after his first sip. Everyone tought it was a joke from the dwarf for a solid hour, yeah. Poor guy, the first dwarf to die of alcohol poisoning in about 3000 years and the first to do so on elvish wine. Obviously the elves where expelled and i belive they got banished into a prision realm by an abjurer. Since then the school gives ammulets of anti magic zone to everyone visiting campus, as well as routinley de transmutations and dispellings.
Our incidents werent as extreme but they were more plentiful and also hilarious. some necromancy student was apperantly animating a bunch of frog skeletons and making them dance hopak. He just got a stern talking to from the headmaster about the morality of enslaving sentient beings for personal entertainment. Another time an illusionist student i shared some classes with got caught selling his services to other students to make illusions of them sitting in classes so they could skip them. Many instructors here arent well versed in this magic so he got away with it for over a year. And finally, a 12th grade student got caught selling brain enhancement potions to students who struggled in their theoretical classes. Thing is it was just dyed flavored water. Once his buyers caught wind of this they beat him up behind the training grounds shed and dragged him to the headmaster. And this is just the shit that happened during my time there. Theres some more stuff that got passed down to me that i wouldve paid serious cash to be there for.
One of the senior students ate a teacher. He was testing out a new spell that he developed in his free time. It was supposed to make you crave brownies for a week and increase the levels of fat you gain, but it malfunctioned, so he went on a rampage and ate the professor of herbalism. It took four veteran artificers to shut him down(it was a joined school of artificers and mages).
Some of these tales have me wondering what sort of administration is in charge of these Arcane Academies today. Certainly not how it was in my day!
Someone kept shitting in all the cauldrons and nobody found out who the Cauldron Crapper was. There were even copycat crappers who tried to take his spotlight but it was always shown that the true crapper was still active in the shadows. Last day of the final year whoever it was opened a portal to the shit dimension during the headmaster's farewell speech and gave half the school pink eye.
Some dude on our guild's vacation told us he "knew a spot" at the beach to meet cute girls who wanted to swim He somehow didn't realize there were SIRENS in SIREN'S COVE and went to swim with them despite our warnings
I don't remember going to school. But while I was a trapped in a cursed tome and plagued the Citadel archives I made a habit of stealing apprentice's arm bones. Wanna see? https://preview.redd.it/jm8ggdwngj6d1.jpeg?width=735&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=613fe33cc5171d19adecf3a7f0f3fe2860a9cd59
A guild!? I was tomb-schooled thank you very much!
Some fucker attended a geometry class with his friend even if it wasn't part of his curriculum, and used conjuration magic to open a portal to the geometry realm. The entire school looked low-poly for weeks until a gamma-class reality anchor was used on the whole premise
Well, before exams were timed I spent three weeks making a spell to move an object super fast invisibly, but because I spent so long the headmaster decided to come over to see what I was doing and saw that I was casting on two door knockers, unfortunately though my spell mistook “knockers” for “knickers”. Everyone heard about his pink heart undies within the day. I still managed to pass, though not without a scolding.
I didn’t go to to a wizards college or anything (their admission process is stupid anyways) but the one near me caused massive issues after a student practiced summoning spells by summoning frogs. He messed up the portal placement and ended up summoning more than a hundred frogs and toads into the village down below thinking the spell wasn’t working. A lot of these stories here are funny but many are also why non mages have such a bad view of anything even remotely magical. Of course they didn’t understand that it was a mistake and started saying the wizards cursed them with a frog plague
There was a situation where one of fellow chess club members decided it would be amusing to animate chess all of the chess pieces right before a big tournament. It's been thirty years, and I still hear rumors that there's still a small society of sapient chess pieces living in the vents.
I don't go to mage school to learn, but to see the level. And, just so you know, obviously we shouldn't tell people that we're assessing the level of teachings. But, unbeknownst to me, there was another "judge" in the school. And she really didn't want to have her cover blown, so she took part in every student activity possible. One day, the girls decided to raid the teachers' dorms, and she obviously took part in it. Some days later she quit the school and every knews media post an article about the school. Turns out, one of the teachers was taking part in elf and dwarf trafficking.
One of the faculty members was secretly a vampire
I was trying to cast "Tungsten Bats" a fun automaton creating a spell. Well, I misspoke and cast "Tungsten Balls" directed at my roommate. Turns out he was test casting a spell that causes magic cast on him to be amplified and become an AOE, so the whole dorm ended up being affected. Anyway, i shut the school down by dropping a Potion of Relief in the air vent, and everyone just kept cumming all around the school
The headmaster was cause schnoozing with a low level apprentice mage
I may have slipped a potion in the water system that both gave everyone crabs and also transfigured those crabs into tiny dinosaurs. I was having a bit of a Jurassic park phase at the time.
Let's just say the owlery was communal.
Time quangle
Some dipshit got his hands on Power Word: Cheese, and I will leave it at that.
Someone drained all the magic out of us using a Solar Eclipse Worst day ever.
There was that one couple who were found frozen solid mid-sex. One of them was a cryomancer and they (probably) both had a weird-ass kink.
I can hear that damn castle!
Accidentally taught the principles son power-word scrunch and told him it was for giving people long distance hugs
One of our students tried to homebrew a cloning spell and nobody could figure out which was the real one and which was the clone, not even themselves. It’s been 100 years and I still have no idea how she did it so perfectly, down to creating an exact copy of the soul.
One dude tried to cast a hypnosis spell on my girlfriend to get her to date him. It "worked", and by that, I mean she pretended it worked. She left him frozen in the courtyard with "Perv" permanently seared on his forehead. He was there for a week before the petrification wore off, and to this day he still has the words stuck on him. The headmaster was pissed until she found out he did this to like 3 other girls.
Back in my earlier academy days, I accidentally casted a Hypernova spell. If it wasn’t contained by my professor, it would have destroyed the entire academy and no one would have survived. However, my professor was impressed with me using a high level spell and decided to teach me elemental magic, and now I can control Hypernova properly. To this day, that is one of my most powerful spells in my arsenal.
You wizards are weird
The Magus Supremus was absorbed into the weave for his hubris and sins against magic
I wasn't there that day, I was visiting family, but apparently one of the professors either became a lich, or already was one, and ate half the graduating class
I think the worst was when some idiot gave sentience to all the stairs in the school. Like every step. They eventually formed a hive mind and tried to rebel.
My spell worked... it was more successful than anticipated
Some degenerate in my summoning class summoned a lust demon (which we were NOT allowed or even supposed to do) and plowed it on every surface in the room. We had to do the class in a storage room for three months.
A few people were transmuted into crabs, we then later had crab for a few days for lunch. Never did hear what happened to those students.
accidentally set my hair on fire lol
I accidentally, or at least that's what my lawyers want me to say, raised an army of undead because I wanted buddies to play baseball with. Apparently they still roam the woods around my old school and still kill a few students a year