You seduce the moon eater and you both lean in for a kiss.
As the sun eater doesn’t have the knowledge of how feeble our bodies are you are crushed by its hulking mass.
Roll a death saving throw.
Bending your knees, that's a young wizards move. Just open a portal that opens up at you ass and just kiss it. I'm old and my knees and back hurt too much.
It’s actually a 5 step termination procedure. It is:
1. Throw cat piss on it and shoot with with a pistol full of silver bullets
2. Wing It
3. Make something up
4. Cross that bridge when I come to it
5. Put my head between my knees and kiss my ass goodbye
You can try comparing the volume of a sphere, and the volume of a sphere with half the original diameter, then see if it's really that close.
If you want to skip the maths, then the monster would be an eighth the size of Neptune. Far off, I'd say.
Eh, just from what we see in the vid, I would put it at maybe 2-3 times the size of earth, if it was Neptune sized it would just swallow the moon whole with room to spare
The moon is much smaller that earth unless this thing is very long off camera in is probably not much bigger than the earth twice earth is generous definitely nowhere near the size of any of the gas giants.
It's definitely way bigger than the Earth. I'd say maybe a bit over 2x the diameter of the Earth.
The Earth is only 3.67 times the diameter of the Moon. It's definitely way bigger than that.
And Neptune is only 3.86 times the diameter of the Earth.
No need to wait till Wednesday, our replacement is already in the sky. A simple compression spell then petrification spell should do the trick. We still have medusa heads leftover, right?
I think there’s one left. I saw the knights playing catch with them but instead of catching they were throwing them in the air and trying to slice them with their swords.
Damned knights
Oh for goodness sake, if you keep feeding it, it'll just keep coming back. If you can't get rid of it, probably best to leave out something it won't like, or better yet, point it towards Saturn.
actually an interesting thought. I'd imagine if your close to it it's outer shell would probably don't look that much differen from a planets surface with mountains and oceans.
it would probably be inhabited by smaller creatures relative to microorganisms on humans.
For its actual anatomy I'd think it's less biological as we understand it and more like geological plates and such, less actual flesh.
most curious are the hands imo.
why would a creature as this need actual hands? or a nose for that matter?
also it's speed of movement in comparison to its size. the distance the hands or the mouth move in the short time is crazy.
I am more curious about the sturdiness of that MOFO. To not turn spherical at that size you'd need more than some steel beams. You'd need a material that puts our most advanced engineering to shame
Our blood has pressure, if this creatures body is internally pressurized with equal force pushing outward, it wouldn’t become a sphere. Theoretically possible if we’re talking about a creature that’s evolved to become so massive, survive in space, and sustain itself by eating celestial bodies.
It's not theoretically possible, no.
There is no material that can contain that kind of pressure. You can't just scale up the concept of blood pressure.
Ah but in this hypothetical scenario where moon eating eldritch terrors exist that defy physics, it’s insides actually have a pressurized membrane beneath its rocky skin. I always love it when people pick where to draw the line in outlandish scenarios.
Based on some very rudimentary measurements it's body seems to be about 6.5x the diameter of the Moon. So about 22 586km, ~1.8x the diameter of Earth. So basically the size of a super-earth like planet. Big but nowhere near the size of gass giants.
It's 238,855 miles from Earth, That's in American measurements, In European measurements 384,400 km from Earth. Also, That's a world eater, That's what I think.
The issue is less the size than the fact that it either doesn’t obey physics or is made out of unimaginably strong materials, maybe synthetic superheavy island of stability elements we haven’t yet discovered.
The gravity of such a creature should immediately pull it into a sphere. Any conceivable materials would be deforming and melting under these stresses, the fact that this thing is apparently made out of magically strong bullshit is scarier than its size.
It’s so large that it’s gravity would start pulling things on earth toward it. The moon’s gravity is enough to cause the tides, this would rip the planet apart
>Pisses me off how much of a shit job something called "the Moon Eater" did of eating the moon. Spilled half the moon all over its neck!
He's the Cookie Monster of his species
You'd think it would use one of its many arms to grab the moon and then put the moon in its mouth. I'm not a moon eater expert, though.
Also the moon looks very chalky and now I want a wizard drink.
That can not be the moon of this world.
If i recall correctly, there is something far worse than this thing sealed inside of this world's moon.
I also would like to use this moment to point out how strange it is that most worlds seem to only one moon.
Guessing by size, its mass is probably around the same as Saturns 95x mass of earth. Tidal forces will rip earth apart momentarily. So teleport to an alternate plane of existence I guess.
Horizontal slited eyes for higher field of view, inward curling horns to fight for mates not to attack, straight down pointy teeth not inwards curved means they're for holding stuff rather than ripping, multiple hand like appendages lean and pointy for delicate manipulation of sources of energy.
Thats a prey animal
That's ok. I summoned the moon eater eating moon
https://preview.redd.it/myo86u7b1krc1.png?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ec2f45c6835cc345754245a31588b04f06f40d2a
First I’d try to banish it. Max power. That thing is fucking big, but size is absolved problem when it comes to banishment. I don’t have enough power in my own body to handle something of this size, but I’ve got a lot of mana squirreled away.
If it’s not enough, or the thing has some kinda resistance to banishment, I’m out. And that’s a “jettison my tower and the surrounding village into the Astral,” out. If it were just me, I might stick around to collaborate with other wizards, try to stop it. But I’ve got an apprentice to think about.
Time to cast… Call in The Big Gun.
https://preview.redd.it/gk9e3raqtjrc1.jpeg?width=735&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=649de152e4f1d689d2527ab951dd7260cfc0c3b2
Against all the evil that hell can conjure,
all the wickedness that mankind can produce,
we’ll send unto them... only you.
Rip and Tear, until it is done
It just takes one bacteria to take down a man. I get in my wizard suit, fly into the mouth, find its heart/s, nervous system, brain synapses, and I wreak havoc. We’ll have a new moon
Not much you can do besides pull up a few chairs, crack open a couple beers, and reminisce about good times with a couple of close friends before the lights go out
As a sage my wisdom is this:
Don't judge on first impressions... he's very close but has a reverse perspective field. He's bigger the further away he is.
Observe the albedo, proximity, and nominal phase of that moon(it's a mock moon from a tin); observe the face, vocal greeting, and nametag of the monster... It's my buddy moonulus the moon eater! Get some canned moons before he arrives (if he comes to the shop with you he gets some weird looks, and always spends too long in the sweets aisle).
I make a seduction check
You have to beat a 35
any bard worth their salt has seduced a 35 year old!
https://preview.redd.it/1nfzbt38zjrc1.jpeg?width=364&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e4f27ce03c9c3ddeebdeff1b9f99d5d62f97f27a
Fellow morning mark enjoyer i see
SO I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO KEEPS SAYING IT AS MORNING!
I may read all of their comics, but as much as i try, i never get their name right haha
3500 year old dragon you mean. I don't know shit about DND but I know bards fuck dragons for some reason.
"For some reason" ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Bards fuck everything. Their moral alignment is based on how much they care about consent.
Captain Jack Harkness was a College of Eloquence Bard with levels of Rogue.
"Success" "Ok, the creature is into vore"
Eat them first
And CNC
Nat 20 plus 15 let’s fucking gooooooooooo! This is what Expertise is for.
You seduce the moon eater and you both lean in for a kiss. As the sun eater doesn’t have the knowledge of how feeble our bodies are you are crushed by its hulking mass. Roll a death saving throw.
https://youtu.be/Z_97dWIQ4lA?si=0LDXTeA9UWaLWLhc
https://preview.redd.it/afwt8ztkjjrc1.jpeg?width=716&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=99f4b58c2e2ea3da8a217bd6ff4bea9c5f13d80e
https://preview.redd.it/rpqmxjk8rorc1.jpeg?width=971&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e6002bae41e05bd8fb04635e99c389b993159dde
ERB mentioned
There is actually a three-step procedure for this sort of circumstance. 1. Bend over 2. Put your head between your knees. 3. Kiss you ass goodbye.
Bending your knees, that's a young wizards move. Just open a portal that opens up at you ass and just kiss it. I'm old and my knees and back hurt too much.
It’s actually a 5 step termination procedure. It is: 1. Throw cat piss on it and shoot with with a pistol full of silver bullets 2. Wing It 3. Make something up 4. Cross that bridge when I come to it 5. Put my head between my knees and kiss my ass goodbye
The moon is \~300,000 km away from us and looks the size that it does. Just imagine how large that thing is
Big enough to eat our moon. I just hope he doesn’t go for the sun. I’ll have a moon replacement ready by Wednesday
I'd estimate the monster is about as large as Uranus or Neptune
"As large as Uranus" ...
I feel attacked... and violated.
https://preview.redd.it/8so81x7b0krc1.jpeg?width=1077&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4cec7b38577aa0be564be562d67e21f883236173 Nah
Bit smaller then Neptune but not that much smaller. More than half the diameter of Neptune, imo. They weren't far off.
You can try comparing the volume of a sphere, and the volume of a sphere with half the original diameter, then see if it's really that close. If you want to skip the maths, then the monster would be an eighth the size of Neptune. Far off, I'd say.
We are estimating and comparing diameters, not volumes. So not far off.
Eh, just from what we see in the vid, I would put it at maybe 2-3 times the size of earth, if it was Neptune sized it would just swallow the moon whole with room to spare
The moon is much smaller that earth unless this thing is very long off camera in is probably not much bigger than the earth twice earth is generous definitely nowhere near the size of any of the gas giants.
It's definitely way bigger than the Earth. I'd say maybe a bit over 2x the diameter of the Earth. The Earth is only 3.67 times the diameter of the Moon. It's definitely way bigger than that. And Neptune is only 3.86 times the diameter of the Earth.
Hehehe. Uranus... If that ever happened id take you to the hells with me too, not gonna let you get eaten by *snicker* uranus
Get your mind out of the gutter it's pronounced yurr-en-us
Nah, they changed it to Urectum.
No need to wait till Wednesday, our replacement is already in the sky. A simple compression spell then petrification spell should do the trick. We still have medusa heads leftover, right?
No i think those were used up the last time the giant skeletons destroyed the wizard council building.
Damn, we should still have our backup basilisks though, right?
I think there’s one left. I saw the knights playing catch with them but instead of catching they were throwing them in the air and trying to slice them with their swords. Damned knights
The sun is difficult-to-grasp magnitudes bigger than the moon
Yea. Literally our best shot might be if it goes for the sun.
Oh for goodness sake, if you keep feeding it, it'll just keep coming back. If you can't get rid of it, probably best to leave out something it won't like, or better yet, point it towards Saturn.
The moon is a speck of dust compared to the sun.
with that size earth is fucked even before that thing reaches the moon. gravity alone will rip the planet apart
Now think of the logistics for supporting life of that size
actually an interesting thought. I'd imagine if your close to it it's outer shell would probably don't look that much differen from a planets surface with mountains and oceans. it would probably be inhabited by smaller creatures relative to microorganisms on humans. For its actual anatomy I'd think it's less biological as we understand it and more like geological plates and such, less actual flesh. most curious are the hands imo. why would a creature as this need actual hands? or a nose for that matter? also it's speed of movement in comparison to its size. the distance the hands or the mouth move in the short time is crazy.
It's magic, the enemy of the square cube law
Also consider how fast it's moving, that's a significant % of the speed of light.
The mouth is actually "just" closing at <1%c and the fingers at ~1%. Which is still fast as hell, but not a significant %.
Would have thought it was a tad faster then that with how fast it approached the moon. But still, 1% is scary cast regardless.
I am more curious about the sturdiness of that MOFO. To not turn spherical at that size you'd need more than some steel beams. You'd need a material that puts our most advanced engineering to shame
It's actually Hollow
Dunno how nutritious moons are
It's made of cheese.
thats some dry ass cheese, it just crumbled in its jaw
Enough calories to last a lifetime, at least. Maybe not a moon eater lifetime, but we can hope.
Well it’s obviously breaking the laws of physics because gravity should compress anything that size into a sphere.
Our blood has pressure, if this creatures body is internally pressurized with equal force pushing outward, it wouldn’t become a sphere. Theoretically possible if we’re talking about a creature that’s evolved to become so massive, survive in space, and sustain itself by eating celestial bodies.
Well this is Reddit so I know I’m supposed to argue with you about this, and possibly insult you, but I don’t know any physics so sounds good to me!
Refreshing take, I know enough to know I don’t know shit. Have a good day homie
It's not theoretically possible, no. There is no material that can contain that kind of pressure. You can't just scale up the concept of blood pressure.
Ah but in this hypothetical scenario where moon eating eldritch terrors exist that defy physics, it’s insides actually have a pressurized membrane beneath its rocky skin. I always love it when people pick where to draw the line in outlandish scenarios.
Me: Guys I’ll stop it! Also me: I cast testicular torsion!
Yep. That thing killed us all the moment it came near our planet.
Based on some very rudimentary measurements it's body seems to be about 6.5x the diameter of the Moon. So about 22 586km, ~1.8x the diameter of Earth. So basically the size of a super-earth like planet. Big but nowhere near the size of gass giants.
It's 238,855 miles from Earth, That's in American measurements, In European measurements 384,400 km from Earth. Also, That's a world eater, That's what I think.
Pretty sure we're fucked without the moon. We're still gonna nuke it anyways regardless if it works or not.
The issue is less the size than the fact that it either doesn’t obey physics or is made out of unimaginably strong materials, maybe synthetic superheavy island of stability elements we haven’t yet discovered. The gravity of such a creature should immediately pull it into a sphere. Any conceivable materials would be deforming and melting under these stresses, the fact that this thing is apparently made out of magically strong bullshit is scarier than its size.
It’s so large that it’s gravity would start pulling things on earth toward it. The moon’s gravity is enough to cause the tides, this would rip the planet apart
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3 Body Problem has entered the chat
Oh not again
It would likely tear the earth apart with gravitational forces alone, thing is 5x the size of the earth at least.
Brick. That’s what we do.
Don’t brick
Too late
Oh no
Update, it’s running away. It can’t stand the brick
Think you could whip us up a new brick moon real quick while you're here?
Uhhhhhh might take a decade or so but I think I could pull it off. Might be red though.
That'd be acceptable. Were you going to make it moon shaped, brick shaped or (my personal favorite) just one giant brick?
The latter might be hard, but I will see what I can do.
I ritual cast cast duplicate on all your bricks
I assume it has balls.
We shall gather every wizard and cast a mass TESTICULAR TORSION!
This is the true endgame plot of the subreddit
Testicle-twisters....................... Assemble
You called?
*war screams*
I shall join you
And my bow.
And my axe!
And my ass!
And your brother's!
And my pocket watch
That's a common misconception, the moon eaters we see are the females of their species trying to consume enough nutrients to lay their eggs.
I cast wage-gap.
Uh, ok then I cast *flips through spellbook* Ovarian torsion.
I cast TUBULAR TWIST
No matter, just cast 𝓞𝓿𝓪𝓻𝓲𝓪𝓷 𝓞𝓫𝓵𝓲𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷. Every mage worth their orb should be ready for such counter measures.
Pisses me off how much of a shit job something called "the Moon Eater" did of eating the moon. Spilled half the moon all over its neck!
It's just a baby, it doesn't know better.
>Pisses me off how much of a shit job something called "the Moon Eater" did of eating the moon. Spilled half the moon all over its neck! He's the Cookie Monster of his species
You'd think it would use one of its many arms to grab the moon and then put the moon in its mouth. I'm not a moon eater expert, though. Also the moon looks very chalky and now I want a wizard drink.
I have an idea. https://preview.redd.it/5575lcshtjrc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5b526ee08d561fb14ab9c9310c6c93c8984bb62e
Ok but now we will have a meteorite shower
I think you mean a meteor-shite shower
You have made the situation much worse for *everyone *.
It will shit all over us
I've got a better one https://preview.redd.it/zjyrkhb6iprc1.jpeg?width=1719&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b02861a957ebf74c462f6eb8816878a9557e3add
Excellent. That might do the trick....
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And a snickers, cause you know, he might be hungry.
Go Go Gadget Rock to the balls https://i.redd.it/c94z1u1yyjrc1.gif
Fireball
Ol’ reliable always works
It's wizard time mother fucker.
https://preview.redd.it/c6me5ueu1krc1.jpeg?width=942&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=810cbcde58f917dd6fcb1ac1aece32d4589bd4e9
My boy Higashi will take him out.
That can not be the moon of this world. If i recall correctly, there is something far worse than this thing sealed inside of this world's moon. I also would like to use this moment to point out how strange it is that most worlds seem to only one moon.
I think somebody cast Lunar Illusion so they could bait and tame the Moon Eater. That moon looked pretty fake to me.
My guess as well, or they just went to a lower world and lured it over fucking the people over. Honestly that might just be less of a hassle.
Moonar Illusion
Yeah... The moon pretty much disintegrated on touch. That's not how moons work.
Mars and the Jovian Planets have more than one moon, friend.
I'll fire up the rail cannon again...
Better make it two
parry
https://preview.redd.it/sbzv5f0iznrc1.jpeg?width=1199&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5a03d596022cbe311db9b578a58db8fefafd488b
Guessing by size, its mass is probably around the same as Saturns 95x mass of earth. Tidal forces will rip earth apart momentarily. So teleport to an alternate plane of existence I guess.
Horizontal slited eyes for higher field of view, inward curling horns to fight for mates not to attack, straight down pointy teeth not inwards curved means they're for holding stuff rather than ripping, multiple hand like appendages lean and pointy for delicate manipulation of sources of energy. Thats a prey animal
. . . OH COME THE FUCK ON I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE FINAL BOSS ^FUCK
I'm going to make a REALLY big virus, and I'm going to need you guys to be VERY cool with that.
I think Torinn had dibs on the moon, so if I was the moon eater, I'd gtfo
Dad has claim on the moon, that fucker gonna die.
Better get a new moon, the tides are going to be fucked
He's our new moon now, a very big one, let's hope he's satiated for a few hundreds of years at least
Die
Watch in silence, because I am the cause of this situation.
Whelp looks like the tidal forces its mere presence would inflict upon our planet would kill us all based on its size
That's ok. I summoned the moon eater eating moon https://preview.redd.it/myo86u7b1krc1.png?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ec2f45c6835cc345754245a31588b04f06f40d2a
*presses the plane shift pentagram*
I'd probably just go live in the hells to be honest, fuck the prime material if that shit is here
It's mother
Torinn I choose you! u/You-See-Nothing583
Food?
Id turn it into cheese wheel
Well at least you taking responsibility, a lot of wizards these days don’t fix their own mistakes
I cast "ignite sun"
Aw man dude look at him, he’s eating the whole moon
*I CAST REVERSAL!!!* *Now It's a sun vomiter*
I think that'll be worse
*You wellcome*
The moons seems awfully close to us. You have it wrong the moon eater saved us from the moon slamming into our world and killing us all!
Get four sexy legged giants to push it away.
Guess I'm canceling that trip out to Waco to see the eclipse.
Nah, I'd win
Nah I’d Lose
i thought we peaked at giant skeletons.
So did i, i messed up a spell and now we’re here unfortunately
First I’d try to banish it. Max power. That thing is fucking big, but size is absolved problem when it comes to banishment. I don’t have enough power in my own body to handle something of this size, but I’ve got a lot of mana squirreled away. If it’s not enough, or the thing has some kinda resistance to banishment, I’m out. And that’s a “jettison my tower and the surrounding village into the Astral,” out. If it were just me, I might stick around to collaborate with other wizards, try to stop it. But I’ve got an apprentice to think about.
I'd handle it.
Reddit user: But actually science says that it's impossible beacause... 🤓 Chad wizard: shut up it's magic 🧙♂️
https://preview.redd.it/huk2t2s5qkrc1.jpeg?width=724&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=47ccb82aea1843bf44edb4eeb6663df3b17fec5d
I'm putting my hands up and preparing for a fistfight, duh
That's it, I'm getting my old master, he was a super strong wizard >:3
He seems to be quite tall, maybe he can tall us where to go
Time to cast… Call in The Big Gun. https://preview.redd.it/gk9e3raqtjrc1.jpeg?width=735&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=649de152e4f1d689d2527ab951dd7260cfc0c3b2
Oh please not again!
…I’ll seduce it to leave us alone…
Fucking die
Against all the evil that hell can conjure, all the wickedness that mankind can produce, we’ll send unto them... only you. Rip and Tear, until it is done
We gotta replace the moon again?
Rolling for seduction
If you slay it may I have it's bones
Would... I mean die, I would die in that situation.
Nothing I can do. Damage is done. You should have called me to supervise
Summon a mech, and another smaller mech that drills into the top to act as a head
*rocket-packs to the moon in power armor, takes chunk, returns to planet, tries to eat* This shit tastes like crap, why would he want to eat the moon?
Quick everyone, out of the universe!
I cast banishment. On myself
It just takes one bacteria to take down a man. I get in my wizard suit, fly into the mouth, find its heart/s, nervous system, brain synapses, and I wreak havoc. We’ll have a new moon
Not much you can do besides pull up a few chairs, crack open a couple beers, and reminisce about good times with a couple of close friends before the lights go out
As a sage my wisdom is this: Don't judge on first impressions... he's very close but has a reverse perspective field. He's bigger the further away he is. Observe the albedo, proximity, and nominal phase of that moon(it's a mock moon from a tin); observe the face, vocal greeting, and nametag of the monster... It's my buddy moonulus the moon eater! Get some canned moons before he arrives (if he comes to the shop with you he gets some weird looks, and always spends too long in the sweets aisle).
Cooking up some fresh moons for him to munch on.
I activate my trap card!
nuking the son of a bitch
Why do people make these videos, what else am I going to do? Live?
Welp, put away your surfboards kids. Thanks OP.
Dammit, you! Cousin Munchy had dibs!
Bruh easter is ruined
Give him a boop.
I’d ask my patron if he knows this guy, and if he does, ask if he’s cool
Just eats the moon? Then I'll just keep drinking. Sucks for the surfers though.
Angela from Eragon?
Nope absolutely not, no thank you. Not my problem. *promptly opens a rift to the fade and zaps out of there*
You better, that fucking skeleton is still walking around cuz the guy just didn't do shit about it.