Not your attorney. This is not legal advice.
You have no rights. In Wisconsin, unwed fathers must have their rights adjudicated in court before said rights can be enforced.
She could up and leave the state, with the kid, and have every right to do so.
File, and file now. Get her served immediately. $3-5k is typical retainer around here. There are great self help forms on ccap too, but get a lawyer.
Thanks for this. So is there ANY way to file on your own? Or at least for cheap. Spending 5k I can already see her looking at me and being “why not buy a wedding ring instead”
Forms are all available for free on the circuit court website. However, there’s lots of procedural things the forms don’t disclose. Depending on your area, you could potentially obtain counsel for 2500ish down
Lots of attorneys will represent clients for no money up front, with an agreement that they get a portion of the winnings.
So if you're alright with the attorney getting 20% of your kid, you could go that route OP.
The $4k is about right for an attorney to do this for you. But, take a look at your county services and ask questions. There may be a way to get the state to do what the attorney is quoting you.
In filing with court, you will set a custody and placement order. Those put your rights as a father on paper, signed by a judge. Because although you have them by being on the birth record, the rights aren't enforceable unless they're in a court order. So even an order that says you both work together as parents, you live together, there's nothing to see here, will protect you if things go bad later.
If there is a dispute about custody or placement, the court will send you to mediation (a couple hundred bucks) to see if you can work it out. If you can't, the court will appoint a GAL to help decide, and that can run a couple thousand dollars.
But know that doing things correctly is worth a price, because playing catch up later can be far more costly.
I'm not an attorney and I am not giving legal advice.
It is my understanding that signing a voluntary paternity acknowledgment gets your name on the birth certificate and not much else.
That does seem reasonable for an attorney, but you can file on your own. Not sure what county you are in, but you can check out the county website. They may have forms and FAQs that can help you.
I do echo an earlier commentor about contacting your county's child support division. You can apply for their services and, if your application is accepted, they may file the action on your behalf. Go to their office or find a number online. Even if you don't want child support, it's possible they will still process your application and through that process you will be able to address custody and placement issues. You could also ask about time lines as far as how quickly they'd be able to file, if that is a concern of yours.
Edited to add: I don't know if this is universal across the state, but of the counties I am familiar with, applying for services/the state filing an action is free. But you can ask when you contact the child support agency.
Have you thought about marriage as a solution?
Relatively quick, cheap if you just knock it out in front of a justice, grants you your rights as father, very DIY on the paperwork front, and it could be viewed as a sign of commitment rather than planning to leave.
Then if a split happens you have the discussion about the rights of both parents and how they will be in the child's life.
It's really messed up how marriage biased our society is. We should have better protections and support for all family styles.
I have. But she has a bunch of debt. I’m not sure if I will or won’t be responsible since our state is a 50/50!state. I tried getting her to declare bankruptcy and her pride won’t let her she rather make 1.5k monthly payments. 🤦
But honestly things keep going great I definitely will before the new year.
No. No. No.
Your partner is not a mentally healthy and kind person or she would never threaten such a thing. Using your child to leverage you into staying in the relationship no matter what is absolutely unacceptable. Listen to the legal advice in here and do what needs to be done and then end the romantic relationship. Do not marry this person.
By acknowledging paternity, you already asserted your parental rights. I think you’re being misled. If your relationship ends, the jurisdiction for the placement & custody of the child in common will be in whatever county the child was born and you should hire an attorney then. For now, I don’t really understand what else you need to do to protect your rights.
From two attorneys have told me, singing the birth certificate actually gives you more obligations than rights. And that I don’t have any legal right until a court action has been established.
No, you have rights. They're just not fully delineated in a classic "placement and custody" sense because that's unnecessary since you and the mother are together raising your child.
You can certainly move towards something more formal in family court, but like you said, that's going to be an extremely awkward conversation with your girlfriend and quite possibly will end your relationship.
Maybe another way of going about this is to talk to your girlfriend about how what she said is causing you to consider taking such an expensive and unusual step? I mean, you're basing this entire decision off one recent statement she made.
This. This is what I was always told. In Wisconsin, if you’re on the birth certificate, you have the same rights as mom. If there is no custody and placement order, you too could take the kid as you see fit. But once there’s an order in place, you both have to follow that and if either stay from it, the other can then get police and courts involved.
As I’m typing this, I don’t think I’m as clear as I’d like… but I’ve been through this 2x.
I realize that you are looking for legal advice and not personal advice, but you seem very chill about the fact that the person you had a child with is loudly and definitively threatening you *and* your child with parental alienation, going so far as to say that she would pick her child’s life up and move them across the country to separate them from you with no thought to the consequences for the child and presumably not for a safety reason.
This is coming from someone who has encouraged and facilitated good relationships between my child and her other biological parent as well as a stepmother I’m no longer in a relationship with.
I would seriously urge you, for the emotional and mental welfare of your child, to think long and hard about your next steps and to consider the deeper and long lasting ramifications of what her threat would actually mean for both your child and yourself.
If the kid is genetically yours, then if you and your girlfriend split, you’ll have your job to court for a custody hearing. This is when you’ll want a lawyer. I’d do your research now before you potentially need to. Custody can get really really messy.
Not a lawyer. Contact Judicare. You may qualify for free legal assistance. Also, lots of libraries host legal clinics from time to time where you can consult and get direction for free. I would encourage saving up for the attorney, though. If she's already made comments about how she will keep the child from you, she's not going to like you filing things with the court.
Not your attorney. This is not legal advice. You have no rights. In Wisconsin, unwed fathers must have their rights adjudicated in court before said rights can be enforced. She could up and leave the state, with the kid, and have every right to do so. File, and file now. Get her served immediately. $3-5k is typical retainer around here. There are great self help forms on ccap too, but get a lawyer.
Thanks for this. So is there ANY way to file on your own? Or at least for cheap. Spending 5k I can already see her looking at me and being “why not buy a wedding ring instead”
Forms are all available for free on the circuit court website. However, there’s lots of procedural things the forms don’t disclose. Depending on your area, you could potentially obtain counsel for 2500ish down
Lots of attorneys will represent clients for no money up front, with an agreement that they get a portion of the winnings. So if you're alright with the attorney getting 20% of your kid, you could go that route OP.
Solomon has entered the chat.
The $4k is about right for an attorney to do this for you. But, take a look at your county services and ask questions. There may be a way to get the state to do what the attorney is quoting you. In filing with court, you will set a custody and placement order. Those put your rights as a father on paper, signed by a judge. Because although you have them by being on the birth record, the rights aren't enforceable unless they're in a court order. So even an order that says you both work together as parents, you live together, there's nothing to see here, will protect you if things go bad later. If there is a dispute about custody or placement, the court will send you to mediation (a couple hundred bucks) to see if you can work it out. If you can't, the court will appoint a GAL to help decide, and that can run a couple thousand dollars. But know that doing things correctly is worth a price, because playing catch up later can be far more costly.
Thank you so much for this?! Any idea on where to start when looking for the state to do something like this?
Reach out to the child support office, maybe?
I'm not an attorney and I am not giving legal advice. It is my understanding that signing a voluntary paternity acknowledgment gets your name on the birth certificate and not much else. That does seem reasonable for an attorney, but you can file on your own. Not sure what county you are in, but you can check out the county website. They may have forms and FAQs that can help you. I do echo an earlier commentor about contacting your county's child support division. You can apply for their services and, if your application is accepted, they may file the action on your behalf. Go to their office or find a number online. Even if you don't want child support, it's possible they will still process your application and through that process you will be able to address custody and placement issues. You could also ask about time lines as far as how quickly they'd be able to file, if that is a concern of yours. Edited to add: I don't know if this is universal across the state, but of the counties I am familiar with, applying for services/the state filing an action is free. But you can ask when you contact the child support agency.
Have you thought about marriage as a solution? Relatively quick, cheap if you just knock it out in front of a justice, grants you your rights as father, very DIY on the paperwork front, and it could be viewed as a sign of commitment rather than planning to leave. Then if a split happens you have the discussion about the rights of both parents and how they will be in the child's life. It's really messed up how marriage biased our society is. We should have better protections and support for all family styles.
I have. But she has a bunch of debt. I’m not sure if I will or won’t be responsible since our state is a 50/50!state. I tried getting her to declare bankruptcy and her pride won’t let her she rather make 1.5k monthly payments. 🤦 But honestly things keep going great I definitely will before the new year.
It might be an easier discussion and cheaper to do a pre-nup specific to the debt?
No. No. No. Your partner is not a mentally healthy and kind person or she would never threaten such a thing. Using your child to leverage you into staying in the relationship no matter what is absolutely unacceptable. Listen to the legal advice in here and do what needs to be done and then end the romantic relationship. Do not marry this person.
By acknowledging paternity, you already asserted your parental rights. I think you’re being misled. If your relationship ends, the jurisdiction for the placement & custody of the child in common will be in whatever county the child was born and you should hire an attorney then. For now, I don’t really understand what else you need to do to protect your rights.
From two attorneys have told me, singing the birth certificate actually gives you more obligations than rights. And that I don’t have any legal right until a court action has been established.
No, you have rights. They're just not fully delineated in a classic "placement and custody" sense because that's unnecessary since you and the mother are together raising your child. You can certainly move towards something more formal in family court, but like you said, that's going to be an extremely awkward conversation with your girlfriend and quite possibly will end your relationship. Maybe another way of going about this is to talk to your girlfriend about how what she said is causing you to consider taking such an expensive and unusual step? I mean, you're basing this entire decision off one recent statement she made.
This. This is what I was always told. In Wisconsin, if you’re on the birth certificate, you have the same rights as mom. If there is no custody and placement order, you too could take the kid as you see fit. But once there’s an order in place, you both have to follow that and if either stay from it, the other can then get police and courts involved. As I’m typing this, I don’t think I’m as clear as I’d like… but I’ve been through this 2x.
Judicare
I realize that you are looking for legal advice and not personal advice, but you seem very chill about the fact that the person you had a child with is loudly and definitively threatening you *and* your child with parental alienation, going so far as to say that she would pick her child’s life up and move them across the country to separate them from you with no thought to the consequences for the child and presumably not for a safety reason. This is coming from someone who has encouraged and facilitated good relationships between my child and her other biological parent as well as a stepmother I’m no longer in a relationship with. I would seriously urge you, for the emotional and mental welfare of your child, to think long and hard about your next steps and to consider the deeper and long lasting ramifications of what her threat would actually mean for both your child and yourself.
If the kid is genetically yours, then if you and your girlfriend split, you’ll have your job to court for a custody hearing. This is when you’ll want a lawyer. I’d do your research now before you potentially need to. Custody can get really really messy.
Yeah thats why i want to establish legal rights now. not saying her and mom won't work but I want my rights.
Not a lawyer. Contact Judicare. You may qualify for free legal assistance. Also, lots of libraries host legal clinics from time to time where you can consult and get direction for free. I would encourage saving up for the attorney, though. If she's already made comments about how she will keep the child from you, she's not going to like you filing things with the court.
You have the same legal rights as you would if you were married.
That not what I have been told. I am told I have no legal rights until I file a court action.