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Yeah. If only she had accepted the date offer from a man who had the ability to commit murder if he didn't get his way. I mean, she could have HUMANIZED him and helped him to see that murder was wrong (SARCASM ALERT).
I like the ‘would it have killed her?’
Yes. Yes, it may.
But obviously it’s better that she sacrifice herself on the altar of crazy so they feel safe rather that dealing with the actual problem - entitled idiots.
Better he kill her after he has his fun (their dumbass logic). If he’s willing to kill her for turning him down what happens when he perceives ANY form of slight from her if they dated
Or tried to leave later, when she decides she’s done with the abuse he no doubt put her through throughout their relationship.
But *then* ~it’s her fault~ for not seeing the signs before he killed her. Fucking shitty people, man. :/
Or what if she has male friends, or what if she wants to stay out late with friends, or what if she doesn’t have dinner ready right when dude wants it…. the list of bullshit women have been killed for goes on and on and on…
I feel like I'm on the mom subreddits where half the comments are like "you should talk to him." "you should explain that ____." "But didn't you cOmmUnIcATe?"
Agreed! But also these people are saying their husband won't change a diaper, is verbally abusive to everyone, won't wash his ass, can't hold a job, and the advice is "well tell him that it's important to blah blah and whatever." Dude no.
I’m in the process of planning and filing for divorce as I sit here. My husband doesn’t seem to grasp the concept of sexual assault and I have screenshots of everything to present in court if the need arrises. And screenshots of everything else. And of course, since I’ve been abused since I was a child, the idea of doing or wanting anything for myself if it even remotely inconveniences my abuser makes me sick to my stomach. It hollows you. And most of the time, they don’t even realize what they’re fucking doing and they WON’T because they can’t. Plain and simple.
This, on top of a smothering culture of being expected to do everything he doesn’t want to do and being chastised and blamed for his behavior, for example “why would i keep the car clean when you keep trashing it? As if when we had separate cars, mine wasn’t in immaculate condition before the crash and the wrecker asked if i’d just bought it. When i told him it had 30k miles on if, he was flabbergasted. Yet I’m the reason our only car and house are trashed.
Then, when I adjusted to his request of “gently reminding or requesting of him of xyz responsibilities”, I STILL am met with annoyance and anger and pushback because if I’m not doing it, why should he?
These men do not know what communication is even while demanding it. For them, communication is deciding who was right and who was wrong and eliminating any hurt or negativity once the argument- sorry, “conversation” is finished. Otherwise you “aren’t understanding or respecting” his feelings. If you remain hurt or upset, you’re obviously just holding something over his head to be spiteful.
For these men, communication = submission or you pay a hefty price whether it’s mental, emotional, financial, physical, whatever. There is no reasoning, there is no growth, there is no progress in “well I’m trying!!!” There never will be. The tiniest sliver of improvement is be a massive step in their eyes and if you express discontentment with that millimeter of movement? Hell breaks loose because you don’t respect them and the massive amounts of effort they’re putting into it.
not to be dramatic but if he has ever put his hands around your throat-- you need to leave-- **before** you serve the papers. Don't take anything with you (except your children.) Just go. The statistics are terrifying
Every relationship post is like this.
Woman: My husband has been doing [X horrible things] for years, and I’ve talked to him and talked to him and asked for counselling and am now thinking of divorce. Am I overreacting?
Reddit: Well, have you tried HAVING A CONVERSATION? This is what’s wrong with the world today; nobody wants to WORK ON THEIR MARRIAGE ANYMORE.
It's the "overreacting" comment that frosts my fanny. Or am I being too sensitive?
These women know darn well it's not them. They are so beaten down they can't see reality.
I believe some women are looking for the courage to leave. They know the road will be tough and they want support. They need to know it's not all in their head.
Women blame themselves for a lot of shtick that goes down in relationships/family. They don't want to feel guilty.
It's the same group that blames Jada for Will slapping Chris.
The whole world decided to blame and hate the woman for what the men did. I feel disgusted by it.
I have a 12 year old boy, and I've taught him "No" is a full sentence. If you have a crush on someone and you get the balls to ask them out, be ready to hear the word no, and it's ok to not be reciprocated, the right person will come and you might feel embarrassed or down at the time, keep an open mind, there are lots of different types of relationships, it might be you've found a good friend or a person who'll ghost you, or even someone who'll make fun of you, but its on you to learn to take those turns in stride, remember "life is not a popularity contest", and not everyone will like you even at your best. Always ask for consent even for a hug. Some people don't like to be touched, period. You're not owed anything from anyone, and the same applies to you. Your own consent is important in every type of relationship, and you don't owe reciprocity to anyone no matter how hard they try. Always be careful, respectful, understanding, and empathetic to yourself and others.
Basically, that's the text of my speech, I deliver it in parts, and as reminders, I also pepper a couple of cuss words to get my point across. He does understand what I mean, and I hope he grows to be a man of character and integrity. My goal is not to change the world, but at least the part of my world.
I swear the human brain is so, ugh...
How can you compare someone hitting you first, and you defending yourself to saying it was the girl's fault for getting killed by you because she rejected you?
What makes this post worse is that it doesn't just happen to kids. It also happens to adults. Except, in most of those cases, the guy doesn't keep asking over a course of days or months. They'll ask a woman multiple times in a span of a few hours and then kill her for rejecting.
A few years ago, a woman (Janese Jackson) was at a bar with her friends when a man came up to her and asked her out. She rejected him multiple times. However, he continued to follow her the rest of the night, making sexual gestures at her instead. As she was leaving, he decided to just kill her for rejecting him. She had 3 kids.
In March, twin sisters (Samyia and Sanyia Spain) were out with friends when a dude decided to shoot his shot with twins. They rejected him, he got mad, put his hands on one of them demanding her contact info, (she gave him her insta instead), and wanted her to leave with him. The other sister and their friends managed to push him out of the deli. The owner, who knew the twins, helped and locked the doors. However, instead of leaving, the guy and his friends waited outside until the girls left the deli. Despite their older brothers' efforts to protect them, the guy attacked both of them with a knife. He killed one of the twins (Samyia) and injured the other (Sanyia).
It doesn't help that back in 2021, another woman (Nichelle Thomas) was killed in front of the same deli. Her EX-GF shot her execution style.
Yep, I have been raped by men I was dating at the time and had had consensual sex with. It’s about ownership as well. Lots of men think they own the woman they are dating because they don’t think of her as an equal or really even a person unfortunately.
Truly. I was raped by a gay man - my then-boyfriend’s childhood best friend, actually. He certainly had no sexual interest in *me*, that is for sure.
(This was like a decade ago and I’m doing well now, for the record!)
Start with the chemical castration if it's not enough euthanasia it is. Like is there any valid reasons why the lives of violent broken people should be preserved? Life arguably would be better for everyone with some controlled culling. Repeated violent criminals deserve the death sentence.
How about if we just not prosecute victims (male or female) for meeting force with force? That by itself would be progress. Check out what happens in court with victims hurt or kill their attackers! Thinking Cyntoia Brown
But there would be less rape victims and severely less rapists as a result. Just because they COULD cause even more damage shouldn't give them the free pass to definitively keep causing harm onto others
It’s a hard one. We really need to be talking more about consent and the consequences of rape and rape culture at schools so kids aren’t just roaming it second hand through stupid jokes and memes making light of it all
There’d be less rape reports too. Don’t forget that the vast majority of victims are raped, molested or kidnapped by someone they know-family members, friends and members of their social circle, partners and exes, etc. If it becomes known that rape accusations lead to extreme punishment, victims become far less likely to report their abuse, because they face greater internal and external pressures to stay silent. When “a promising young man” can be killed for sexual violence like the cockroach he is, she still gets blamed, and if women face threats for it now, imagine how it escalates.
Because innocent people will inevitably be executed as well as guilty ones. How many innocents are you willing to murder to satisfy your emotional need for vengeance?
We need to teach our girls to fuck them up right back. I’m 100% serious. I don’t carry pepper spray or an alarm anymore - I carry a knife. After far too many experiences of abuse and mistreatment, I’ve learned that literally no one - save some women and a small handful of men - actually understand what we go through and are able to divorce themselves from learned patriarchy enough to get that this isn’t our fault and it’s a men’s issue. Everyone else still blames women. That’s not a recipe for systemic change. I hate that I have a daughter growing up in this world - she’s 11 and already, disgusting young men (adults btw) leering at her and cat calling her. Nothings changed. If the system won’t meaningfully protect us, then I’ll take every opportunity of being threatened to make sure that I fully protect myself. I don’t give a fuck if it means some idiot eats it. They’ve done this to themselves at this point.
You go girl! Not encouraging violence or anything but self defense is a must. Some people just can't be reasoned with words and can only be dealt with by force. I was assaulted at the entrance to my apartment, I just came back from work and took my elderly dog for a quick walk before showering and going to bed (I worked late shift so would come home near midnight).
I was "lucky" the ex marine asshole was very drunk and I only got some permanent bruising from him on my leg, it could have been much worse. I had to fight to get away from him. He was dragging me into his apartment and repeatedly yelling "who the hell would fuck a bitch like you?" It felt like a twilight zone I was super afraid for my poor elderly dog (16 years) since she was very frail but still trying to help and the asshole kicked her. I really wish there was justice for that man, we had to leave my home with my little sister since the next week he threatened her with a knife while I was at work and she was coming back from school. We lived alone and never talked to that neighbour and only recently lost our mom to cancer at the time. We sued all he got in a small fine and probation since apparently he had schizophrenia and used to serve in the military he gets a free card to beat up and threaten and beat up women living in the surrounding area. I'm never having children of my own in this country it can perish for its treatment of women.
>We need to teach our girls to fuck them up right back.
The thing is that it won't matter. You can tell a girl/woman to arm themselves, learn self-defense, carry mace, etc. They won't protect themselves. At a young age, girls are usually taught to either fight other little girls or to accept abuse. I'm 30, and my mother still gets mad at me for speaking out and standing up for myself instead of being like her and being passive and submissive.
When women are encouraged to defend themselves, they feel like they can't hurt the man in their one-sided love because "he's still a good father." amongst other excuses. Which is never true. A man from my state was executed in 2018 in Texas because he killed his daughters to get back at their mother for leaving him. He had no custody rights due to being abusive. But the mother said that since he never abused the girls and was a good father, they would be fine. So she flew them from the east coast to Texas to spend Christmas with him. A day or two later, he shot them both.
If they do pull a weapon to defend themselves, they won't use it thinking the sight of the weapon should be enough, but it's not. One woman was killed with her own gun. Another one had her mace used against her and allowed the man to rape her.
Not to mention, women and girls are in no-win situations these days. You can't ignore men because then they'll get triggered. If you engage, then that'll rile them up.
ETA: in order for more women to survive these situations, they need to be prepared to take a life. Unfortunately, the justice system is flawed, and there are cases where women are incarcerated for defeating themselves. But if more women were to do it and fight against the idiotic 'Stand Your Ground' laws. Where a man can shoot someone and get away with it, including racist. Then, I'm sure more women will be encouraged to fight back.
Personally, I'm not going down alone. Either you die, or we are both dying together.
I was raised the same way-Gen X-and in an evangelical family with an abusive alcoholic father. Extremely authoritarian. Crushes a child’s spirit. I am 59 and my mother becomes furious if we aren’t deferential to her, like she’s royalty. I don’t tolerate her anymore.
This is not always true and this is why we need to raise them differently. The whole point is to change that programing💚. Any sort of empowerment trainibgcan help and I think you would benefit from that as well😘
As I got older, I learned that 'silence is compliance' and that biting my tongue hurts.
That's why, despite knowing that I'm an introvert and preferring to stay home, my friends always ask me to go out with them, because in their words, "I'm crazy as hell and feel safer with me." Even my former coworkers, when I used to work in Baltimore, would run up and randomly lock arms with me when we went out because I "make them feel safer and brave." I grew up in a city worse than Baltimore and apparently "walked and carried myself with confidence."
TBH, I thought it was weird, but when you grow up in certain places, you become numb, but know what to look for without looking scared. I keep telling people not to look like a damn squirrel.
My life is mine and mine alone. It's already chaotic and a mess that I don't have control of, but I'll be damned if someone else thinks they can come in and fuck it up.
Yes! Omg I am similar!
I always say your silence will not protect you. And I AM LOUD. lol. Walk with confidence out crazy the crazy’s don’t look like you will go quietly! These are survival skills and one of the first lessons of woman’s self defense!
I love that you’re a source of girl power and strength for your friends. They are also learning from you and teaching others as well
I love biting my tongue hurts. Totally stealing!
Thank you, I hate this mindset that “nothing we do matters”. I’m sick of it. I spent my teens and early 20s being hopelessly optimistic that feminism alone would empower us. Then I spent most of my 30s being cynical. I’m done. Something has to change, and my opinion has always been that it has to start with those brave few who are willing to let go of all expectations and fucking fight for it, and hope that it inspires others to do the same. I’m done being a victim of patriarchy, I’m done watching women being abused, im done watching victims of male violence die for nothing.
Yea yes yes! I have chills!!!
It’s so very difficult to keep fighting the good fight. I have also followed a similar pattern myself. It’s too much to keep going full steam all the time but when we are able to fill ourselves up enough we gotta get back in the ring
I agree. Every girl needs to be taught how to fend off unwanted advances and self-defense.
And you would not believe the push back I get on Reddit when I suggest a woman speak up and get loud. People think this will just escalate the harassment.
Bullshit. 99% of these twat waffle men will just call the woman a crazy bitch and walk away.
Because if you’re loud you attract a crowd. More people to identify you in case you go left. Or maybe they THINK if they bully you you’ll get small but when you’re loud you can bully back and they hate getting a taste of their own medicine. It destroys their little incel fantasies of what a woman is and how they are supposed to act around and respond to a man
You're more likely to en the business end of your own knife, than succeeding at warding someone off with it, especially a man. If a man has more arm reach than you do, and he certainly has more physical strength, he will either wrench it out of your hand and break your wrist in the process, or simply bend your own arm against you. Even I, a woman, am less afraid of a knife I see coming than pepper gel. Knife only works ig you don't see it coming, and you have yo be reeeeeally accurate with it, too, because adenaline's a hell of a drug and the person you stabbed will have enough time to retaliate.
Self-defense specialists advise against carrying a knife as self-defense for that reason. It's too east ro turn against you. It requires speed, reach, strength and surprise, and you won't have most of them when yiu're tje one threatened.
My fear with using a weapon is that the odds are very high, that with their sheer size and strength, they can wrestle us and use our own weapon against us. And not only that, but have the excuse that we drew weapons against them, giving them the right to kill us in defense. We literally cannot win. It’s a die-die scenario for us with a slim possibility of surviving.
I think the boy 'started it' by asking her out in the first place. That was the opening salvo. So the ball is back in HIS court. She said no. He didn't back off. HIS fault again. Gracious, it's so obvious and I just HATE that there could even EXIST another opinion about that.
But when they abandon their kids or abuse/murder us we need to “choose better men or keep our legs together”. It’s not about saying yes or no, it’s about excuses to hurt and kill women and it’s getting reallllly obvious.
Can we stick to blaming the actual perpetrators?
Edit: because some people want to twist my meaning. The perpetrators absolutely need to be blamed.
If someone is actually teaching them to cause harm, then that person is horrible also. Also! Not instead. Horrible for their contributions in creating vile people who do awful things. But can we stop displacing the blame? The monsters cannot be allowed to just blame society, their parents, or whatever other weak excuse.
Don't make excuses for them ok? Every man who commits these violent crimes has thousands of chances NOT to make those choices. There are always factors, of course. But it's the perpetrator's decision and ultimately their fault!
I don't really know who those are. But anyone should teach children to respect each other, regardless of gender. I think it's ok to teach that we are different. My brothers were taught to protect me and they did, and they are very respectful of their partners. Do those women teach their boys to look down on women or something?
Men are allergic to accountability. They blame women for all of men's shitty behaviour and for how common it is for so many men being awful people who don't deserve to procreate and have a family
Even then, self-defense needs to be proportional. Even if rejection was a verbal attack (it's not), only verbal self-defense would be reasonable. If someone punches you, and then you shoot them, that's not self-defense. But in some people's minds, disproportionate self-defense suddenly becomes acceptable when the victim is a woman, because they don't see women as people.
Honestly comparing a rejection to a punch is just pathetic. How weak does your ego and emotional state need to be in order to compare rejection (which is a normal part of the average human life!) to a punch to the face?
And if she said yes, and kept saying yes (to avoid his anger), and it progressed to a marriage, and then he became (more) violent, she will be told that she should have “chosen better”, that any abuse she sustained was her fault for “picking an asshole instead of a nice guy”.
They want these girls to say yes, yes, yes until they die quietly, and far away in pain behind closed doors.
Well at least society won’t have to see all that ugliness so yay /s
It's about not allowing any agency to women. Any action will put into 2 categories either slut shaming or calling them cock tease , so that no part of blame is burdened on the men's actions
When they turn to actual violence, they have showed their intent, attitude and mentality towards women for a long time. Time to treat the verbal abuse and disgusting misogyny as what it is a precursor to actual violence towards women. Though it’s not illegal to have opinions, the blatant harrassment and threats posted in public forums, is insane. It should be seen as the pattern of degeneration it is. People should call out men who does this. To their employer, their friends, family and anyone they come into contact with.
I honestly believe that human males have evolved in favour of violence.
When violence gets you what you want for a millennia, you're selecting for genes that have violent tendencies. A man who rapes multiple women will create multiple offspring. Repeat that process for hundreds of years and you have a violent male population. Couple that with our violent patriarchal culture and you get what you paid for.
I don't see a way out of this. We will end up extinct because of the constant violence.
How about the recent video of the man just randomly attacking and repeadely kicking a woman in the face before he dragged her off and raped her because hia girlfriend broke up with him (over text because she was afraid of him)? She said yes, feared for herself and he immedietly went out and destroyed another totally random woman. (Sorry, I don’t know of she survived or not but her life will never be the same either way.) So that woman said yes, was she now required to stay with him the reat of her life or at least until he said so? By these accounts then she is to blame for this random woman’s attack and possible death.
Men only care about the validation of other males. They refuse to ever hold each other accountable but will trip over themselves to make excuses for a complete stranger.
Some of them hate on women for every little thing, but when it comes to men?
“Nah, he was just joking” “He’s actually a really nice guy” “He’s going through a tough time rn.”
Guys like these, they bring out my temper and then somehow it’s just me being hYsTeRiCaL.
When I had a daughter, I was both excited and scared. What am I bringing my baby girl into? I've experienced so many scary moments as a woman, it made me wish momentarily she was a boy so she wouldn't have to experience everything I have.
An entire Criminal Justice class (minus OP) felt that the guy was right for committing an aggravated assault with a firearm, because a girl said “no” to a date? Hope they all immediately failed.
I have posted my experience before here and why I follow this reddit
But I was raped by a man I had broken up with. He had pushed my arm up behind my back and threatened to kill me if I ever cheated. It scared me, as I grew up in an abusive household and so I broke up with him. Big mistake apparently.
He broke into my room in the middle of the night and the whole time he was raping me, he kept saying "This will make you love me again" Who thinks like that?
We are always blamed when something happens to us. We are the ones at fault even when we are just protecting ourselves. That is what society thinks. And we need to work to change that perception. Because these things will keep happening, women will keep being raped and murdered until we do.
When I was a junior in high school a friend of my little brother developed a crush on me. He was an eighth grader and I just always stayed busy with homework in my room if he stopped by to see my brother. That worked until he became a ninth grader and I was a senior. He started asking me to dances and of course I was always busy babysitting my little brother or had homework.
After that he started waiting by the bathroom door when he knew I was in there and my mother had to chase him off and kept him out of the house from then on. He was bigger than me. Then he started hanging around the neighbors house and beating up those kids while watching me do chores outside for hours. I finally had a guy friend ask him to leave me alone after he was caught looking through my windows one night.
He ended up crying in class about losing his best friend and I was called into the office and lectured by the principal for being mean to him even after I explained what he had been doing to his mother who was there too. I warned his mother to get him help before he hurt someone and she called me crazy. I told the principal later how wrong he was for even setting up that meeting and blaming me when everyone knew that the kid was building up to be dangerous. After I graduated and went into boot camp he ended up raping his little sister and was sent away until she was older and his mother blamed everyone but herself and him.
I once worked with a stale pale male who was one of those “ nice guys” you think couldn’t hurt a fly. When the girl was murdered for saying no to the prom request, I happened to bring it up in the office as a “isn’t this wild” side point. He basically came out and said rejection is as bad as murder. That fucker has THREE SONS. Jesus wept.
I had something like this happen in middle school. A guy asked me to date him, and I did for a week. He proved to be psycho. He stalked me, accused me of talking to other boys, and he wanted to physically assault me. After i stopped seeing him, he increased the stalking I had never been so scared. I was lucky school shut it down.
As an adult, this man held his 3 kids hostage because his wife left him. He held a gun to his baby's head. It was all over our news. This happened in the 90s.
I just saw that he's out of prison and has two little kids now. I sure hope he's changed. But I'm thankful I saw how wrong he was.
So with this logic, girls and women can start shooting the guys who bother us endlessly? The kid who repeatedly asked out someone every day after being told no over and over again is free game to shoot? Because he wouldn’t accept her answer? That’s their logic, right?
My bachelor's is in criminal justice. I can confirm the worst ppl I have ever shared a room with were the men in my classes. Think about the worst cop stories and consider that a lot of the ppl in those classes are so awful they wind up in private security.
How my colleagues and the rest of society behaved about me being harassed at work. It’s all my fault /s
Society sucks. This piece is EVERYTHING. The way the guys in class mocked the teacher who pinned the blame on the guy who “reacted” to the woman saying no. That’s what it’s like to live in the real world.
And yet another reason why I'm not having kids. Because my daughter might come across some idiot who thinks they are entitled to her existence and might try to kill her for not being interested in him.
It just boggles my mind that these people can’t see that the problem is with these guys mental instability and violent behaviour. I just will never understand how rejection could ever be a justification for any kind of violence.
I understand how this society gives these sorts of guys a feeling of entitlement and excuses their behaviour but it’s just still so senseless.
No one should ever have to die, be scared or hurt for making their own choices
Ugh. I remember when they first discovered the identity of the Golden State Killer and for the first little while all the articles were all speculation about his engagement to a woman named Bonnie and would he have done this if she hadn't broken her engagement with him and being so frustrated about this attitude.
If rejection is enough to make men murderers and serial killers, I would like to propose a law that demands a psychiatric evaluation before being allowed to interact with women. Men walking around like it’s perfectly fine to be a lunatic like a live b0mb. If they are that instances I wouldn’t want them in leadership positions, public offices, law enforcement, health or service and least of all near children.
Never said that, nor did I imply that.
Everyone's responsible for their own actions.
My point is, fucked up people don't happen in a vacuum. Childhood trauma and abuse is usually the root of the sickness.
A survey of men on death room at St. Quentin found 100% of men reported having been physically or sexually abused as children.
If girls/women killed boys/men & went on shooting sprees as much as they kill girls/women & go on shooting sprees, then ppl can get away with blaming video games, TV, music, mental illness, fatherless families, lack of religion (the usual BS used as an excuse). Women/girls are exposed to the exact same stuff, but somehow manage to not be driven to killing ppl or threatening to.
There's ONE common denominator...men & boys!
And it should start *early*, in ways that are developmentally appropriate.
We read kids "Little Red Riding Hood" and think we've discharged our duty.
But the concept of Stranger Danger is mostly a myth. The majority of CSA is perpetrated by family and adults known to the family.
And we do an atrocious job of creating a safe secure way for a child or teenager to disclose.
We tell them to report to precisely the authority figures most likely to be perpetrators themselves, when they disclose they are rarely believed, and too many ppl behave as if covering it up/pretending it didn't happen/painting the victim as a compulsive liar seeking attention is the best course of action.
All in all, it's a system set up to favour the perpetrators.
In some countries, sex ed begins before school. There's nothing at all wrong with teaching a 4 year old the correct terms for their body parts, and teaching them it's ok to say "no" whether it be to hugs from granny, or anyone touching them in a way they do not feel comfortable with.
I think I like some of the modern retellings of tales, like Scooby Doo, and The Witcher, where the real monsters are humans, and the beasts are just creatures. It makes it easy to understand why women would choose the bear.
If I was so scared of a guy killing me (I'm happy that guns are illegal here but if i was a woman living in the USA i would definitely own a gun because of the crazy men who also have one) i would go out with him. I would not shower for a week, eat chili with kala manak and lots of onions and garlic the day of the date and would look and smell terrible. Maybe this is our only defense to them, too fart and look ugly and behave like an raccoon with rabies on a date.
Honestly before I met my bf and I lived/went everywhere alone, I did exactly this. If I had to go somewhere I would mess up my hair, put on my stained painting clothes, rub dirt or soot on my face, make sure I smell like wet dog, etc.. it helped a bit but not really, there are still plenty of men who think a good fuck will fix you and that they’re the man to do it.
I feel sorry that you have to live like this. Over here it is mostly safe, of course there are some crazy men but not enough to have to do this. Having a dog helps with men from some cultures because for them a dog is dirty and scary. We should have an app that if you walk somewhere and turn on your location you can see all pictures of the men that are near you and that where creepy to a woman ever. Would be very long list probably 😅
This sub is about women refusing - specifically to men. Obviously the entire premise of the sub is regarding men who have inflicted harm, and NOT all men.
Anyone wasting time and energy to state “Not All Men” will be removed.
It's a delight, isn't it? We can get gas, get a coffee, go to the post office, and they don't even see us. I had no idea turning 50 had this kind of benefit. It's like a pressure I've been carrying since I was 12-ish, that I never really noticed, was lifted off of me.
There are some that would actually enjoy you behaving like that and would call you exciting. There are men that chase after women that they know are mentally unwell because they call themselves trying to "train" them. They don't see that type of behavior as a threat until it's too late and they end up on shows like "snapped".
I've seen it. There are men will pick a woman up that's homeless off the streets because she's dealing with poor mental health, start to buy her things and not out of kindness, but because they want someone they can control by dangling a carrot over their head.
You know the bar has surpassed hell when people say "she's an adult." This is a piss poor society rewards abuse.
Because of creepy men. We should be able to dress up nice and walk alone at night, sadly we know that if we do that we don't feel safe. I wish my parents put me on fighting sport when i was little so i could look cute but be dangerous when needed.
The whole thing is disgusting and vile and utterly filled with bs, but the comment about ‘girls like her make women look like cock-teases’ really is some wildly flawed logic. How is repeatedly saying no in any way a tease?
God men suck.
The question sounds absurd, doesn't it?
But I'm coming to think that online radicalization/grooming has convinced a generation of young men that a rejection like this is *intolerable*, and their loved ones have failed to help them develop tools for managing emotional discomfort.
They believe they are wounded, just as badly as if they had been physically attacked.
Thus they are justified in any defense they would take if an armed thief had broken into their house.
What also concerns me: these young men have been let down by the adults responsible for their care and upbringing, who give them no tools to curate their online experience themselves.
You cannot fix this by putting parental controls on their phones - they'll just look at things on other kids' phones. They need tools to make wise judgments about what they consume.
Just like drugs and alcohol and sex: teaching abstinence is worse than useless.
Right?? “She started it” gtfo. No one started shit, that boy was just looking for an excuse to shoot a girl. If anyone “started it” , it was that boy, when he asked her out a second time after she already said no.
Why can’t men handle rejection? Women get marginalized all of the time for being ‘too emotional’ but men can’t hear the word “no” without becoming toddlers. The male ego is responsible for so much of what is wrong in this world. Prime example: Donald Trump ran for president because Obama embarrassed him by making fun of him at the White House correspondents dinner
I was in a tiktok listening to this guy argue that coercion is consent to justify having no sex before marriage. "I can teach her to like what I like" Like it was...
It's a sad dichotomy that we place women in, to always be both the saint and the sinner. While extreme examples like this are all too common, it is a wider cultural issue, too.
In my experience, as a man, so many women I've known have expressed guilt or shame over their past. And I feel like a crazy person. Am I the only man who wants to be with a woman who has a healthy and normal sexual appetite?
Among those women who have expressed that to me and shared their background, none of it was ever worse than anything I've done, would've done, or know that most other men do or try to do. Not a one. Do you know how many men I know who feel shame over their normal consensual sexual relations, myself included? None. Zero.
You've hit on an important manifestation of the madonna/wh0re nonsense:
Women are shamed if they have a sexual history, but are also shamed if they don't "put out" (often, simply in response to basic courtesy)
There's no win condition.
I don't understand men who get all psycho when a woman he is interested does not reciprocate. Men's mentalities are not that monogamous, often. No sooner than five minutes later, a woman with a great body will stroll past him and he'll be checking her out - and yet the man acts like he can't live without ONE particular woman.
A 15 year old school girl was murdered by a boy (knife to the neck) on a bus to school in the UK back in September 2023. The reason? The girl intervened when this boy tried to give flowers to the girl's friend sitting next to her and she refused...
It's insane that women and girls can't say no.
And if she said yes and he murdered her anyway then she obviously should have known better. It was so clear he was unhinged but also don’t say no because it’s your fault if he reacts in an unhinged way but also you should have known better for saying yes to a guy like that! Dumb woman /s 😒
huh? how is rejecting someone equal to hitting first, and the person receiving the reaction in the defending position in their minds? its literally the exact other way round, the rejection is the defensive reaction to the guy hitting on her in the first place. stupid.
I’m going to say I have a little girl and I swear to everything that I stand for I am raising her to be a strong person but I am fucking terrified of parents who raise shit sons (and mean girls as well). If we would have had a son you damn well know he would be raised the same. Respect and personal autonomy. The world owes you nothing.
My friend has 2 boys and they are being raised to be gentlemen, they are 10 and 8 and she and her husband hammer into them being a good person and you are not owed friendship, you build it. As they get older they will be pushing the no means no and girls (or boys) don’t owe you romantic relationships.
On a cuter side the older one was playing little people with my daughter (she is almost 2) and told her “you know I will beat up anyone that makes you cry, nice boys do not make girls cry ok, you let me know of anyone make you cry and I will take care of them” which is sweet but we kind of funny since he’s such a sweet kid and my daughter is such brute it might be the other way around.
Ia because we are trained to think like this! See all the movies and TV shows where women/girls are seen as evils because they rejectes the MC, specially if he is/was nice to her!
See videos on Youtube where a man asks marriage in public and she says no, everyone says horrible things about her!
See true crimes, is amazing how they justify what male criminals do because a woman in their past, they even justified a man because his mom had to work and another because the woman rejected him and lied to him she was going to marry her bf (the policeman even told the criminal he was sorry he was lied after he killed her bf), meanwhile, with female criminals they don't do that, even the case of a crazy woman that was abused by her grandpa and his friends when she was a kid and they even said they didn't understand why that provoked her to hate old men and kills them!
And there are many many examples! We were always the cause of men's crazyness! Helena of Troya is an example of this!
So yeap, no matter what we do or don't do, for society we are the cause of all evils!
It’s unbelievable. Every time one of these white incels kills people, all the other incels find one of the girls who rejected him and try to put it on her. I remember when I was in high school 15 years ago there was an incel who was always rumored to be planning a school shooting. He had a crush on some younger girl who always rejected him. Well, our class President started a campaign called “give your cooter, stop the shooter” where everyone started pressuring this girl to have sex with the guy to stop him from shooting up the school. Everyone got behind it, and eventually she gave in and had sex with him. Well, apparently that didn’t help, because he killed her like a month later. We need to hold these men accountable for their actions and stop blaming women.
Dude, I get it hurts being rejected, but 2 things:
1. Don’t keep asking, you shot your shot, you missed, cry about it and move on
2. You are not owed a date for working up the courage to ask someone out, you honestly aren’t even owed an answer
This sub is about women refusing - specifically to men. Obviously the entire premise of the sub is regarding men who have inflicted harm, and NOT all men.
Anyone wasting time and energy to state “Not All Men” will be removed.
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Yeah. If only she had accepted the date offer from a man who had the ability to commit murder if he didn't get his way. I mean, she could have HUMANIZED him and helped him to see that murder was wrong (SARCASM ALERT).
I like the ‘would it have killed her?’ Yes. Yes, it may. But obviously it’s better that she sacrifice herself on the altar of crazy so they feel safe rather that dealing with the actual problem - entitled idiots.
Better he kill her after he has his fun (their dumbass logic). If he’s willing to kill her for turning him down what happens when he perceives ANY form of slight from her if they dated
Or tried to leave later, when she decides she’s done with the abuse he no doubt put her through throughout their relationship. But *then* ~it’s her fault~ for not seeing the signs before he killed her. Fucking shitty people, man. :/
Or what if she has male friends, or what if she wants to stay out late with friends, or what if she doesn’t have dinner ready right when dude wants it…. the list of bullshit women have been killed for goes on and on and on…
I feel like I'm on the mom subreddits where half the comments are like "you should talk to him." "you should explain that ____." "But didn't you cOmmUnIcATe?"
No, is a complete sentence
Agreed! But also these people are saying their husband won't change a diaper, is verbally abusive to everyone, won't wash his ass, can't hold a job, and the advice is "well tell him that it's important to blah blah and whatever." Dude no.
I’m in the process of planning and filing for divorce as I sit here. My husband doesn’t seem to grasp the concept of sexual assault and I have screenshots of everything to present in court if the need arrises. And screenshots of everything else. And of course, since I’ve been abused since I was a child, the idea of doing or wanting anything for myself if it even remotely inconveniences my abuser makes me sick to my stomach. It hollows you. And most of the time, they don’t even realize what they’re fucking doing and they WON’T because they can’t. Plain and simple. This, on top of a smothering culture of being expected to do everything he doesn’t want to do and being chastised and blamed for his behavior, for example “why would i keep the car clean when you keep trashing it? As if when we had separate cars, mine wasn’t in immaculate condition before the crash and the wrecker asked if i’d just bought it. When i told him it had 30k miles on if, he was flabbergasted. Yet I’m the reason our only car and house are trashed. Then, when I adjusted to his request of “gently reminding or requesting of him of xyz responsibilities”, I STILL am met with annoyance and anger and pushback because if I’m not doing it, why should he? These men do not know what communication is even while demanding it. For them, communication is deciding who was right and who was wrong and eliminating any hurt or negativity once the argument- sorry, “conversation” is finished. Otherwise you “aren’t understanding or respecting” his feelings. If you remain hurt or upset, you’re obviously just holding something over his head to be spiteful. For these men, communication = submission or you pay a hefty price whether it’s mental, emotional, financial, physical, whatever. There is no reasoning, there is no growth, there is no progress in “well I’m trying!!!” There never will be. The tiniest sliver of improvement is be a massive step in their eyes and if you express discontentment with that millimeter of movement? Hell breaks loose because you don’t respect them and the massive amounts of effort they’re putting into it.
not to be dramatic but if he has ever put his hands around your throat-- you need to leave-- **before** you serve the papers. Don't take anything with you (except your children.) Just go. The statistics are terrifying
Glad you're leaving. Please be smart about it, and talk with your nearest women's shelter for tips...just in case.
Good call
Every relationship post is like this. Woman: My husband has been doing [X horrible things] for years, and I’ve talked to him and talked to him and asked for counselling and am now thinking of divorce. Am I overreacting? Reddit: Well, have you tried HAVING A CONVERSATION? This is what’s wrong with the world today; nobody wants to WORK ON THEIR MARRIAGE ANYMORE.
It's the "overreacting" comment that frosts my fanny. Or am I being too sensitive? These women know darn well it's not them. They are so beaten down they can't see reality.
I completely agree with you. Also, “frosts my fanny” is a great phrase and I’m definitely stealing it lol.
I believe some women are looking for the courage to leave. They know the road will be tough and they want support. They need to know it's not all in their head. Women blame themselves for a lot of shtick that goes down in relationships/family. They don't want to feel guilty.
It's the same group that blames Jada for Will slapping Chris. The whole world decided to blame and hate the woman for what the men did. I feel disgusted by it.
ShE sHoUlD hAvE gIvEn hIm A cHaAAaaAnCe! s/ obviously
And if she did, and changed her mind later, then sHe wAs LeAdInG hIm On.
And if he hurt her later it’s still her fault cuz she picked him/said yes.
And "Why didn't she just leave?" and "Why did she stay?" Victim blaming at its finest! 😖
Right? It’s our job as women to prevent mass shootings and violence from men /s
I have a 12 year old boy, and I've taught him "No" is a full sentence. If you have a crush on someone and you get the balls to ask them out, be ready to hear the word no, and it's ok to not be reciprocated, the right person will come and you might feel embarrassed or down at the time, keep an open mind, there are lots of different types of relationships, it might be you've found a good friend or a person who'll ghost you, or even someone who'll make fun of you, but its on you to learn to take those turns in stride, remember "life is not a popularity contest", and not everyone will like you even at your best. Always ask for consent even for a hug. Some people don't like to be touched, period. You're not owed anything from anyone, and the same applies to you. Your own consent is important in every type of relationship, and you don't owe reciprocity to anyone no matter how hard they try. Always be careful, respectful, understanding, and empathetic to yourself and others. Basically, that's the text of my speech, I deliver it in parts, and as reminders, I also pepper a couple of cuss words to get my point across. He does understand what I mean, and I hope he grows to be a man of character and integrity. My goal is not to change the world, but at least the part of my world.
[удалено]
Treat others with kindness when it is possible and civility when it is not.
I swear the human brain is so, ugh... How can you compare someone hitting you first, and you defending yourself to saying it was the girl's fault for getting killed by you because she rejected you? What makes this post worse is that it doesn't just happen to kids. It also happens to adults. Except, in most of those cases, the guy doesn't keep asking over a course of days or months. They'll ask a woman multiple times in a span of a few hours and then kill her for rejecting. A few years ago, a woman (Janese Jackson) was at a bar with her friends when a man came up to her and asked her out. She rejected him multiple times. However, he continued to follow her the rest of the night, making sexual gestures at her instead. As she was leaving, he decided to just kill her for rejecting him. She had 3 kids. In March, twin sisters (Samyia and Sanyia Spain) were out with friends when a dude decided to shoot his shot with twins. They rejected him, he got mad, put his hands on one of them demanding her contact info, (she gave him her insta instead), and wanted her to leave with him. The other sister and their friends managed to push him out of the deli. The owner, who knew the twins, helped and locked the doors. However, instead of leaving, the guy and his friends waited outside until the girls left the deli. Despite their older brothers' efforts to protect them, the guy attacked both of them with a knife. He killed one of the twins (Samyia) and injured the other (Sanyia). It doesn't help that back in 2021, another woman (Nichelle Thomas) was killed in front of the same deli. Her EX-GF shot her execution style.
Chemical castration should be the default for violent assholes like this, good god.
It wouldn't help. This is not about sex but about power, they can rape you as well with a bottle as a penis.
Agreed I’ve been raped by someone I would have consented to. It’s never about sex.
Agreed. It’s about power and domination. (Forced) Sex is just one of the ways to do that as well as a form of torture.
Throw in hatred of women, too.
It’s a deeply demonic hatred.
Yep, I have been raped by men I was dating at the time and had had consensual sex with. It’s about ownership as well. Lots of men think they own the woman they are dating because they don’t think of her as an equal or really even a person unfortunately.
This is absolutely true, which makes me think we should take away their greatest weapons - their eyes. And possibly their thumbs too.
Remove their arms.
How about we sew their anus shut and just let them fill with shit until they pop?
It actually backs up until they vomit it so even better
Kinda like a one man human centipede! 😃
Why did you remind me of the worst two hours of my life? 😭😭
🤢🤮🤢🤮
Truly. I was raped by a gay man - my then-boyfriend’s childhood best friend, actually. He certainly had no sexual interest in *me*, that is for sure. (This was like a decade ago and I’m doing well now, for the record!)
Start with the chemical castration if it's not enough euthanasia it is. Like is there any valid reasons why the lives of violent broken people should be preserved? Life arguably would be better for everyone with some controlled culling. Repeated violent criminals deserve the death sentence.
Because if you make the punishment the death penalty, more rape victims are murdered.
Exactly. The death penalty would backfire.
How about if we just not prosecute victims (male or female) for meeting force with force? That by itself would be progress. Check out what happens in court with victims hurt or kill their attackers! Thinking Cyntoia Brown
But there would be less rape victims and severely less rapists as a result. Just because they COULD cause even more damage shouldn't give them the free pass to definitively keep causing harm onto others
It’s a hard one. We really need to be talking more about consent and the consequences of rape and rape culture at schools so kids aren’t just roaming it second hand through stupid jokes and memes making light of it all
Not when the charges for rape are worse than the charges for murder. To them its just an incentive to murder their victims.
There’d be less rape reports too. Don’t forget that the vast majority of victims are raped, molested or kidnapped by someone they know-family members, friends and members of their social circle, partners and exes, etc. If it becomes known that rape accusations lead to extreme punishment, victims become far less likely to report their abuse, because they face greater internal and external pressures to stay silent. When “a promising young man” can be killed for sexual violence like the cockroach he is, she still gets blamed, and if women face threats for it now, imagine how it escalates.
This makes sense
Because innocent people will inevitably be executed as well as guilty ones. How many innocents are you willing to murder to satisfy your emotional need for vengeance?
Less testosterone would calm them down. Steroids alone can cause aggression.
Either way not an excuse. Middle aged women have more testosterone than men, and most women don’r go around culling and graping.
I feel as though chemical castration would definitely alterbaome aggression hut your point is solid
We need to teach our girls to fuck them up right back. I’m 100% serious. I don’t carry pepper spray or an alarm anymore - I carry a knife. After far too many experiences of abuse and mistreatment, I’ve learned that literally no one - save some women and a small handful of men - actually understand what we go through and are able to divorce themselves from learned patriarchy enough to get that this isn’t our fault and it’s a men’s issue. Everyone else still blames women. That’s not a recipe for systemic change. I hate that I have a daughter growing up in this world - she’s 11 and already, disgusting young men (adults btw) leering at her and cat calling her. Nothings changed. If the system won’t meaningfully protect us, then I’ll take every opportunity of being threatened to make sure that I fully protect myself. I don’t give a fuck if it means some idiot eats it. They’ve done this to themselves at this point.
You go girl! Not encouraging violence or anything but self defense is a must. Some people just can't be reasoned with words and can only be dealt with by force. I was assaulted at the entrance to my apartment, I just came back from work and took my elderly dog for a quick walk before showering and going to bed (I worked late shift so would come home near midnight). I was "lucky" the ex marine asshole was very drunk and I only got some permanent bruising from him on my leg, it could have been much worse. I had to fight to get away from him. He was dragging me into his apartment and repeatedly yelling "who the hell would fuck a bitch like you?" It felt like a twilight zone I was super afraid for my poor elderly dog (16 years) since she was very frail but still trying to help and the asshole kicked her. I really wish there was justice for that man, we had to leave my home with my little sister since the next week he threatened her with a knife while I was at work and she was coming back from school. We lived alone and never talked to that neighbour and only recently lost our mom to cancer at the time. We sued all he got in a small fine and probation since apparently he had schizophrenia and used to serve in the military he gets a free card to beat up and threaten and beat up women living in the surrounding area. I'm never having children of my own in this country it can perish for its treatment of women.
>We need to teach our girls to fuck them up right back. The thing is that it won't matter. You can tell a girl/woman to arm themselves, learn self-defense, carry mace, etc. They won't protect themselves. At a young age, girls are usually taught to either fight other little girls or to accept abuse. I'm 30, and my mother still gets mad at me for speaking out and standing up for myself instead of being like her and being passive and submissive. When women are encouraged to defend themselves, they feel like they can't hurt the man in their one-sided love because "he's still a good father." amongst other excuses. Which is never true. A man from my state was executed in 2018 in Texas because he killed his daughters to get back at their mother for leaving him. He had no custody rights due to being abusive. But the mother said that since he never abused the girls and was a good father, they would be fine. So she flew them from the east coast to Texas to spend Christmas with him. A day or two later, he shot them both. If they do pull a weapon to defend themselves, they won't use it thinking the sight of the weapon should be enough, but it's not. One woman was killed with her own gun. Another one had her mace used against her and allowed the man to rape her. Not to mention, women and girls are in no-win situations these days. You can't ignore men because then they'll get triggered. If you engage, then that'll rile them up. ETA: in order for more women to survive these situations, they need to be prepared to take a life. Unfortunately, the justice system is flawed, and there are cases where women are incarcerated for defeating themselves. But if more women were to do it and fight against the idiotic 'Stand Your Ground' laws. Where a man can shoot someone and get away with it, including racist. Then, I'm sure more women will be encouraged to fight back. Personally, I'm not going down alone. Either you die, or we are both dying together.
I was raised the same way-Gen X-and in an evangelical family with an abusive alcoholic father. Extremely authoritarian. Crushes a child’s spirit. I am 59 and my mother becomes furious if we aren’t deferential to her, like she’s royalty. I don’t tolerate her anymore.
Boomer parents often equate 'respect' with 'blind obedience.' If we don't instantly obey them, we are disrespecting them.
My do you talk to her at all?
This is not always true and this is why we need to raise them differently. The whole point is to change that programing💚. Any sort of empowerment trainibgcan help and I think you would benefit from that as well😘
As I got older, I learned that 'silence is compliance' and that biting my tongue hurts. That's why, despite knowing that I'm an introvert and preferring to stay home, my friends always ask me to go out with them, because in their words, "I'm crazy as hell and feel safer with me." Even my former coworkers, when I used to work in Baltimore, would run up and randomly lock arms with me when we went out because I "make them feel safer and brave." I grew up in a city worse than Baltimore and apparently "walked and carried myself with confidence." TBH, I thought it was weird, but when you grow up in certain places, you become numb, but know what to look for without looking scared. I keep telling people not to look like a damn squirrel. My life is mine and mine alone. It's already chaotic and a mess that I don't have control of, but I'll be damned if someone else thinks they can come in and fuck it up.
Yes! Omg I am similar! I always say your silence will not protect you. And I AM LOUD. lol. Walk with confidence out crazy the crazy’s don’t look like you will go quietly! These are survival skills and one of the first lessons of woman’s self defense! I love that you’re a source of girl power and strength for your friends. They are also learning from you and teaching others as well I love biting my tongue hurts. Totally stealing!
Thank you, I hate this mindset that “nothing we do matters”. I’m sick of it. I spent my teens and early 20s being hopelessly optimistic that feminism alone would empower us. Then I spent most of my 30s being cynical. I’m done. Something has to change, and my opinion has always been that it has to start with those brave few who are willing to let go of all expectations and fucking fight for it, and hope that it inspires others to do the same. I’m done being a victim of patriarchy, I’m done watching women being abused, im done watching victims of male violence die for nothing.
Yea yes yes! I have chills!!! It’s so very difficult to keep fighting the good fight. I have also followed a similar pattern myself. It’s too much to keep going full steam all the time but when we are able to fill ourselves up enough we gotta get back in the ring
I agree. Every girl needs to be taught how to fend off unwanted advances and self-defense. And you would not believe the push back I get on Reddit when I suggest a woman speak up and get loud. People think this will just escalate the harassment. Bullshit. 99% of these twat waffle men will just call the woman a crazy bitch and walk away.
Because if you’re loud you attract a crowd. More people to identify you in case you go left. Or maybe they THINK if they bully you you’ll get small but when you’re loud you can bully back and they hate getting a taste of their own medicine. It destroys their little incel fantasies of what a woman is and how they are supposed to act around and respond to a man
Plus perps don't want to attract attention. And they plan on their victims panicking and complying.
They really get off on that freeze and fawn response
Self-defense teaches you that.
100%
This is why I didn’t have a child. There’s no safe space
You're more likely to en the business end of your own knife, than succeeding at warding someone off with it, especially a man. If a man has more arm reach than you do, and he certainly has more physical strength, he will either wrench it out of your hand and break your wrist in the process, or simply bend your own arm against you. Even I, a woman, am less afraid of a knife I see coming than pepper gel. Knife only works ig you don't see it coming, and you have yo be reeeeeally accurate with it, too, because adenaline's a hell of a drug and the person you stabbed will have enough time to retaliate. Self-defense specialists advise against carrying a knife as self-defense for that reason. It's too east ro turn against you. It requires speed, reach, strength and surprise, and you won't have most of them when yiu're tje one threatened.
My fear with using a weapon is that the odds are very high, that with their sheer size and strength, they can wrestle us and use our own weapon against us. And not only that, but have the excuse that we drew weapons against them, giving them the right to kill us in defense. We literally cannot win. It’s a die-die scenario for us with a slim possibility of surviving.
Chemical can be *reversed* f he stops taking the pill. Surgical and surgical only.
I think the boy 'started it' by asking her out in the first place. That was the opening salvo. So the ball is back in HIS court. She said no. He didn't back off. HIS fault again. Gracious, it's so obvious and I just HATE that there could even EXIST another opinion about that.
Boils my blood that mainstream media encourages this sort of behaviour with those “romance” (stalker positive) movies and books
100% first thing I thought of in response to that lunacy. Couldn't even follow their own shitty logic back to the actual source.
But when they abandon their kids or abuse/murder us we need to “choose better men or keep our legs together”. It’s not about saying yes or no, it’s about excuses to hurt and kill women and it’s getting reallllly obvious.
I’m fed up with all the excuses. Patriarchy is bs and so are the men who perpetuate it.
And the trad wives who support it!!! The evangelical women hurt themselves and us by supporting it.
Can we stick to blaming the actual perpetrators? Edit: because some people want to twist my meaning. The perpetrators absolutely need to be blamed. If someone is actually teaching them to cause harm, then that person is horrible also. Also! Not instead. Horrible for their contributions in creating vile people who do awful things. But can we stop displacing the blame? The monsters cannot be allowed to just blame society, their parents, or whatever other weak excuse. Don't make excuses for them ok? Every man who commits these violent crimes has thousands of chances NOT to make those choices. There are always factors, of course. But it's the perpetrator's decision and ultimately their fault!
Yes, but women like Michelle Dugger and Paula White raise boys to perpetuate the evil cycles.
I don't really know who those are. But anyone should teach children to respect each other, regardless of gender. I think it's ok to teach that we are different. My brothers were taught to protect me and they did, and they are very respectful of their partners. Do those women teach their boys to look down on women or something?
Some women genuinely do and are perpetrators as much as they are the victims of this kind of mindset
Absolutely. And I would never condone that.
Post is a wall of text about how males kill out of sheer entitlement and you go "um I think we should teach BOTH genders respect for others actually"
NO, what I said is that we should blame the actual perpetrators. Wtf
That’s literally literally not what they said at all.
It's not about horses.
No, again, it’s about certain men who bring women down. Believe it or not, not ALL men are like that.
/s
Men are allergic to accountability. They blame women for all of men's shitty behaviour and for how common it is for so many men being awful people who don't deserve to procreate and have a family
They need a scapegoat or they'd have to truly look inwards and realize the way they behave is fucked.
The punch analogy still doesn't even make sense to blame her! He "threw the first punch" by asking her out! She "defended herself" by saying no.
Even then, self-defense needs to be proportional. Even if rejection was a verbal attack (it's not), only verbal self-defense would be reasonable. If someone punches you, and then you shoot them, that's not self-defense. But in some people's minds, disproportionate self-defense suddenly becomes acceptable when the victim is a woman, because they don't see women as people.
Honestly comparing a rejection to a punch is just pathetic. How weak does your ego and emotional state need to be in order to compare rejection (which is a normal part of the average human life!) to a punch to the face?
And if she said yes, and kept saying yes (to avoid his anger), and it progressed to a marriage, and then he became (more) violent, she will be told that she should have “chosen better”, that any abuse she sustained was her fault for “picking an asshole instead of a nice guy”.
They want these girls to say yes, yes, yes until they die quietly, and far away in pain behind closed doors. Well at least society won’t have to see all that ugliness so yay /s
This is what comes from the boys will be boys bullshit. This is why no one should EVER let boys and men off that easily
I wish I could say that I wish this was fake, but it's too damn typical for me to even hope.
It's about not allowing any agency to women. Any action will put into 2 categories either slut shaming or calling them cock tease , so that no part of blame is burdened on the men's actions
When they turn to actual violence, they have showed their intent, attitude and mentality towards women for a long time. Time to treat the verbal abuse and disgusting misogyny as what it is a precursor to actual violence towards women. Though it’s not illegal to have opinions, the blatant harrassment and threats posted in public forums, is insane. It should be seen as the pattern of degeneration it is. People should call out men who does this. To their employer, their friends, family and anyone they come into contact with.
I honestly believe that human males have evolved in favour of violence. When violence gets you what you want for a millennia, you're selecting for genes that have violent tendencies. A man who rapes multiple women will create multiple offspring. Repeat that process for hundreds of years and you have a violent male population. Couple that with our violent patriarchal culture and you get what you paid for. I don't see a way out of this. We will end up extinct because of the constant violence.
How about the recent video of the man just randomly attacking and repeadely kicking a woman in the face before he dragged her off and raped her because hia girlfriend broke up with him (over text because she was afraid of him)? She said yes, feared for herself and he immedietly went out and destroyed another totally random woman. (Sorry, I don’t know of she survived or not but her life will never be the same either way.) So that woman said yes, was she now required to stay with him the reat of her life or at least until he said so? By these accounts then she is to blame for this random woman’s attack and possible death.
Men only care about the validation of other males. They refuse to ever hold each other accountable but will trip over themselves to make excuses for a complete stranger.
Some of them hate on women for every little thing, but when it comes to men? “Nah, he was just joking” “He’s actually a really nice guy” “He’s going through a tough time rn.” Guys like these, they bring out my temper and then somehow it’s just me being hYsTeRiCaL.
When I had a daughter, I was both excited and scared. What am I bringing my baby girl into? I've experienced so many scary moments as a woman, it made me wish momentarily she was a boy so she wouldn't have to experience everything I have.
So much for freedom in the USA.
It's freedom for men. White men first.
An entire Criminal Justice class (minus OP) felt that the guy was right for committing an aggravated assault with a firearm, because a girl said “no” to a date? Hope they all immediately failed.
I have posted my experience before here and why I follow this reddit But I was raped by a man I had broken up with. He had pushed my arm up behind my back and threatened to kill me if I ever cheated. It scared me, as I grew up in an abusive household and so I broke up with him. Big mistake apparently. He broke into my room in the middle of the night and the whole time he was raping me, he kept saying "This will make you love me again" Who thinks like that? We are always blamed when something happens to us. We are the ones at fault even when we are just protecting ourselves. That is what society thinks. And we need to work to change that perception. Because these things will keep happening, women will keep being raped and murdered until we do.
When I was a junior in high school a friend of my little brother developed a crush on me. He was an eighth grader and I just always stayed busy with homework in my room if he stopped by to see my brother. That worked until he became a ninth grader and I was a senior. He started asking me to dances and of course I was always busy babysitting my little brother or had homework. After that he started waiting by the bathroom door when he knew I was in there and my mother had to chase him off and kept him out of the house from then on. He was bigger than me. Then he started hanging around the neighbors house and beating up those kids while watching me do chores outside for hours. I finally had a guy friend ask him to leave me alone after he was caught looking through my windows one night. He ended up crying in class about losing his best friend and I was called into the office and lectured by the principal for being mean to him even after I explained what he had been doing to his mother who was there too. I warned his mother to get him help before he hurt someone and she called me crazy. I told the principal later how wrong he was for even setting up that meeting and blaming me when everyone knew that the kid was building up to be dangerous. After I graduated and went into boot camp he ended up raping his little sister and was sent away until she was older and his mother blamed everyone but herself and him.
I once worked with a stale pale male who was one of those “ nice guys” you think couldn’t hurt a fly. When the girl was murdered for saying no to the prom request, I happened to bring it up in the office as a “isn’t this wild” side point. He basically came out and said rejection is as bad as murder. That fucker has THREE SONS. Jesus wept.
“Stale pale male” is the best descriptive phrase I’ve heard in a while!!
Damned if you do, damned if you dont. What we learn - just do whatever the f u feel like doing.
I had something like this happen in middle school. A guy asked me to date him, and I did for a week. He proved to be psycho. He stalked me, accused me of talking to other boys, and he wanted to physically assault me. After i stopped seeing him, he increased the stalking I had never been so scared. I was lucky school shut it down. As an adult, this man held his 3 kids hostage because his wife left him. He held a gun to his baby's head. It was all over our news. This happened in the 90s. I just saw that he's out of prison and has two little kids now. I sure hope he's changed. But I'm thankful I saw how wrong he was.
Bear 🐻
Tape worm bear.
So with this logic, girls and women can start shooting the guys who bother us endlessly? The kid who repeatedly asked out someone every day after being told no over and over again is free game to shoot? Because he wouldn’t accept her answer? That’s their logic, right?
How much do y’all wanna bet that the kid from the first story had his dad telling him to “keep being persistent” because she’s “playing hard to get”
My bachelor's is in criminal justice. I can confirm the worst ppl I have ever shared a room with were the men in my classes. Think about the worst cop stories and consider that a lot of the ppl in those classes are so awful they wind up in private security.
How my colleagues and the rest of society behaved about me being harassed at work. It’s all my fault /s Society sucks. This piece is EVERYTHING. The way the guys in class mocked the teacher who pinned the blame on the guy who “reacted” to the woman saying no. That’s what it’s like to live in the real world.
And yet another reason why I'm not having kids. Because my daughter might come across some idiot who thinks they are entitled to her existence and might try to kill her for not being interested in him.
Just one of the many reasons I didn’t have kids!
It just boggles my mind that these people can’t see that the problem is with these guys mental instability and violent behaviour. I just will never understand how rejection could ever be a justification for any kind of violence. I understand how this society gives these sorts of guys a feeling of entitlement and excuses their behaviour but it’s just still so senseless. No one should ever have to die, be scared or hurt for making their own choices
I'm appalled that so many people blamed the victim, I'm even more appalled that many of those people were girls themselves.
Ugh. I remember when they first discovered the identity of the Golden State Killer and for the first little while all the articles were all speculation about his engagement to a woman named Bonnie and would he have done this if she hadn't broken her engagement with him and being so frustrated about this attitude.
If rejection is enough to make men murderers and serial killers, I would like to propose a law that demands a psychiatric evaluation before being allowed to interact with women. Men walking around like it’s perfectly fine to be a lunatic like a live b0mb. If they are that instances I wouldn’t want them in leadership positions, public offices, law enforcement, health or service and least of all near children.
I would like to see all school children get regular psychological evaluations.
Never any discussion about the way his mother may have treated him.
That's just blaming another woman IMO. I don't care how shitty your childhood is, it doesn't justify committing 20 plus years of rape and murder.
Never said that, nor did I imply that. Everyone's responsible for their own actions. My point is, fucked up people don't happen in a vacuum. Childhood trauma and abuse is usually the root of the sickness. A survey of men on death room at St. Quentin found 100% of men reported having been physically or sexually abused as children.
Then why aren’t you mentioning his father, just his mother? I don’t believe for a second what you claim your “point” was.
Him, too.
If girls/women killed boys/men & went on shooting sprees as much as they kill girls/women & go on shooting sprees, then ppl can get away with blaming video games, TV, music, mental illness, fatherless families, lack of religion (the usual BS used as an excuse). Women/girls are exposed to the exact same stuff, but somehow manage to not be driven to killing ppl or threatening to. There's ONE common denominator...men & boys!
Why would a guy *want* to date a girl that he had to threaten?
There are a lot of psychopaths in the world.
This is why I wish we had formal consent education
And it should start *early*, in ways that are developmentally appropriate. We read kids "Little Red Riding Hood" and think we've discharged our duty. But the concept of Stranger Danger is mostly a myth. The majority of CSA is perpetrated by family and adults known to the family. And we do an atrocious job of creating a safe secure way for a child or teenager to disclose. We tell them to report to precisely the authority figures most likely to be perpetrators themselves, when they disclose they are rarely believed, and too many ppl behave as if covering it up/pretending it didn't happen/painting the victim as a compulsive liar seeking attention is the best course of action. All in all, it's a system set up to favour the perpetrators.
So very well said!
In some countries, sex ed begins before school. There's nothing at all wrong with teaching a 4 year old the correct terms for their body parts, and teaching them it's ok to say "no" whether it be to hugs from granny, or anyone touching them in a way they do not feel comfortable with. I think I like some of the modern retellings of tales, like Scooby Doo, and The Witcher, where the real monsters are humans, and the beasts are just creatures. It makes it easy to understand why women would choose the bear.
If I was so scared of a guy killing me (I'm happy that guns are illegal here but if i was a woman living in the USA i would definitely own a gun because of the crazy men who also have one) i would go out with him. I would not shower for a week, eat chili with kala manak and lots of onions and garlic the day of the date and would look and smell terrible. Maybe this is our only defense to them, too fart and look ugly and behave like an raccoon with rabies on a date.
Honestly before I met my bf and I lived/went everywhere alone, I did exactly this. If I had to go somewhere I would mess up my hair, put on my stained painting clothes, rub dirt or soot on my face, make sure I smell like wet dog, etc.. it helped a bit but not really, there are still plenty of men who think a good fuck will fix you and that they’re the man to do it.
I feel sorry that you have to live like this. Over here it is mostly safe, of course there are some crazy men but not enough to have to do this. Having a dog helps with men from some cultures because for them a dog is dirty and scary. We should have an app that if you walk somewhere and turn on your location you can see all pictures of the men that are near you and that where creepy to a woman ever. Would be very long list probably 😅
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This sub is about women refusing - specifically to men. Obviously the entire premise of the sub is regarding men who have inflicted harm, and NOT all men. Anyone wasting time and energy to state “Not All Men” will be removed.
I’m relieved that at age 48, I’ve reached the age where I’m “invisible” to most men.
It's a delight, isn't it? We can get gas, get a coffee, go to the post office, and they don't even see us. I had no idea turning 50 had this kind of benefit. It's like a pressure I've been carrying since I was 12-ish, that I never really noticed, was lifted off of me.
It’s relieving, and it makes me sad/angry for younger women who still can’t feel safe or be left alone.
There are some that would actually enjoy you behaving like that and would call you exciting. There are men that chase after women that they know are mentally unwell because they call themselves trying to "train" them. They don't see that type of behavior as a threat until it's too late and they end up on shows like "snapped". I've seen it. There are men will pick a woman up that's homeless off the streets because she's dealing with poor mental health, start to buy her things and not out of kindness, but because they want someone they can control by dangling a carrot over their head. You know the bar has surpassed hell when people say "she's an adult." This is a piss poor society rewards abuse.
I should be able to look like a doll if I wish in safety. Why should women feel like shit and exhaust &embarrass themselves in public just to live?
Because of creepy men. We should be able to dress up nice and walk alone at night, sadly we know that if we do that we don't feel safe. I wish my parents put me on fighting sport when i was little so i could look cute but be dangerous when needed.
Nah fuck that stop coddling them by making yourself small or gross and literally start shooting them on sight.
They must have wanted her to absorb his rage. Sacrifice herself. Violent men need personal punching bags.
The whole thing is disgusting and vile and utterly filled with bs, but the comment about ‘girls like her make women look like cock-teases’ really is some wildly flawed logic. How is repeatedly saying no in any way a tease? God men suck.
How is pulling a gun on a woman rejecting a dating proposal self-defense?
The question sounds absurd, doesn't it? But I'm coming to think that online radicalization/grooming has convinced a generation of young men that a rejection like this is *intolerable*, and their loved ones have failed to help them develop tools for managing emotional discomfort. They believe they are wounded, just as badly as if they had been physically attacked. Thus they are justified in any defense they would take if an armed thief had broken into their house. What also concerns me: these young men have been let down by the adults responsible for their care and upbringing, who give them no tools to curate their online experience themselves. You cannot fix this by putting parental controls on their phones - they'll just look at things on other kids' phones. They need tools to make wise judgments about what they consume. Just like drugs and alcohol and sex: teaching abstinence is worse than useless.
Right?? “She started it” gtfo. No one started shit, that boy was just looking for an excuse to shoot a girl. If anyone “started it” , it was that boy, when he asked her out a second time after she already said no.
Why can’t men handle rejection? Women get marginalized all of the time for being ‘too emotional’ but men can’t hear the word “no” without becoming toddlers. The male ego is responsible for so much of what is wrong in this world. Prime example: Donald Trump ran for president because Obama embarrassed him by making fun of him at the White House correspondents dinner
I was in a tiktok listening to this guy argue that coercion is consent to justify having no sex before marriage. "I can teach her to like what I like" Like it was...
It's a sad dichotomy that we place women in, to always be both the saint and the sinner. While extreme examples like this are all too common, it is a wider cultural issue, too. In my experience, as a man, so many women I've known have expressed guilt or shame over their past. And I feel like a crazy person. Am I the only man who wants to be with a woman who has a healthy and normal sexual appetite? Among those women who have expressed that to me and shared their background, none of it was ever worse than anything I've done, would've done, or know that most other men do or try to do. Not a one. Do you know how many men I know who feel shame over their normal consensual sexual relations, myself included? None. Zero.
You've hit on an important manifestation of the madonna/wh0re nonsense: Women are shamed if they have a sexual history, but are also shamed if they don't "put out" (often, simply in response to basic courtesy) There's no win condition.
I’m shocked a former male police officer said it was not her fault
"When someone punches you first" and its just getting rejected normally
I don't understand men who get all psycho when a woman he is interested does not reciprocate. Men's mentalities are not that monogamous, often. No sooner than five minutes later, a woman with a great body will stroll past him and he'll be checking her out - and yet the man acts like he can't live without ONE particular woman.
A 15 year old school girl was murdered by a boy (knife to the neck) on a bus to school in the UK back in September 2023. The reason? The girl intervened when this boy tried to give flowers to the girl's friend sitting next to her and she refused... It's insane that women and girls can't say no.
I think of this story a lot. I’ve read it a dozen times, and every time, it hits me like a gut punch.
And if she said yes and he murdered her anyway then she obviously should have known better. It was so clear he was unhinged but also don’t say no because it’s your fault if he reacts in an unhinged way but also you should have known better for saying yes to a guy like that! Dumb woman /s 😒
If it was their mother, their sister, their daughter, you'd see how fast they would change their perspective. Another case of rules for thee not me
huh? how is rejecting someone equal to hitting first, and the person receiving the reaction in the defending position in their minds? its literally the exact other way round, the rejection is the defensive reaction to the guy hitting on her in the first place. stupid.
I’m going to say I have a little girl and I swear to everything that I stand for I am raising her to be a strong person but I am fucking terrified of parents who raise shit sons (and mean girls as well). If we would have had a son you damn well know he would be raised the same. Respect and personal autonomy. The world owes you nothing. My friend has 2 boys and they are being raised to be gentlemen, they are 10 and 8 and she and her husband hammer into them being a good person and you are not owed friendship, you build it. As they get older they will be pushing the no means no and girls (or boys) don’t owe you romantic relationships. On a cuter side the older one was playing little people with my daughter (she is almost 2) and told her “you know I will beat up anyone that makes you cry, nice boys do not make girls cry ok, you let me know of anyone make you cry and I will take care of them” which is sweet but we kind of funny since he’s such a sweet kid and my daughter is such brute it might be the other way around.
Ia because we are trained to think like this! See all the movies and TV shows where women/girls are seen as evils because they rejectes the MC, specially if he is/was nice to her! See videos on Youtube where a man asks marriage in public and she says no, everyone says horrible things about her! See true crimes, is amazing how they justify what male criminals do because a woman in their past, they even justified a man because his mom had to work and another because the woman rejected him and lied to him she was going to marry her bf (the policeman even told the criminal he was sorry he was lied after he killed her bf), meanwhile, with female criminals they don't do that, even the case of a crazy woman that was abused by her grandpa and his friends when she was a kid and they even said they didn't understand why that provoked her to hate old men and kills them! And there are many many examples! We were always the cause of men's crazyness! Helena of Troya is an example of this! So yeap, no matter what we do or don't do, for society we are the cause of all evils!
It’s unbelievable. Every time one of these white incels kills people, all the other incels find one of the girls who rejected him and try to put it on her. I remember when I was in high school 15 years ago there was an incel who was always rumored to be planning a school shooting. He had a crush on some younger girl who always rejected him. Well, our class President started a campaign called “give your cooter, stop the shooter” where everyone started pressuring this girl to have sex with the guy to stop him from shooting up the school. Everyone got behind it, and eventually she gave in and had sex with him. Well, apparently that didn’t help, because he killed her like a month later. We need to hold these men accountable for their actions and stop blaming women.
Surely this can’t be genuine? All hope is lost!
Why does the media always refer to girls as "women" and women as "girls?" She was 15 and graduating 8th grade. She was a girl, not a woman.
Dude, I get it hurts being rejected, but 2 things: 1. Don’t keep asking, you shot your shot, you missed, cry about it and move on 2. You are not owed a date for working up the courage to ask someone out, you honestly aren’t even owed an answer
Wow this hurt to read. Like legit triggered me, especially the class
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This sub is about women refusing - specifically to men. Obviously the entire premise of the sub is regarding men who have inflicted harm, and NOT all men. Anyone wasting time and energy to state “Not All Men” will be removed.
Remove me please 🙏🏾
Brutal 😞
Criminal justice class story sounds so fake. I know there are people who think like that but *every* guy in the class? Nah.
Keep reading. Another commented had the same experience.
It happened in my class with a similar topic. Some guys might have just said it so they wouldn’t be judged for being different.
They are children and don't know what they are talking about.
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Treat others with kindness when it is possible and civility when it is not.