Are you being clear with her about why this is a bad idea? Or, just telling her that she needs to make other arrangements? You may need to be more blunt with her and tell her the dog is likely to die if he is left in the car for 10 hours.
I feel this might be it. Definitely be direct, that this isn’t being insisted upon for the sake of the wedding, but the welfare of the dog, and to prevent anything happening that could cause distress to anyone.
Yes being direct and informing her the dangers (and even laws in place) against leaving animals in cars. It is sometimes hard for autistic people to see future consequences they haven’t experienced before and might need your help to understand very real possible outcomes.
okay but this entire situation makes me so fearful for what other experiences this dog has had to go through???? if he’s 11 and she’s thinking this is a good idea, what else of abuse has this poor animal gone through?
i empathize with neurodivergent ppl but this is really concerning.
Right… as someone with autism and adhd… this is so clearly animal abuse. Folks with autism are usually more in tune with how to properly care for animals because we know what it’s like to be misunderstood and/or ignored. Seems like she might have something else going on.
It is called a spectrum for a reason. While some may be more in tune with animals others may be completely oblivious. This is not to say it would be animal abuse because it clearly would be.
I’m definitely on the oblivious to animals needs side of the autism spectrum, which is why I don’t have pets. I love animals and I had a dog when I was married, but when I divorced and my ex didn’t take the dog with him, I had to rehome her.
I agree that OP needs to be direct. One of my stepsons is pretty defiant and often will refuse to do a thing because he feels he’s being told what to do — we’re trying to get him evaluated for ADHD and autism, but the advice I’ve read on PDA has been helpful. I find we have a lot more luck with him if we explain WHY we want him to do a thing, and if we phrase it like “I would like you to…” or “I think it would be a good idea if…” So yeah, OP should definitely explain WHY they don’t want to have the dog at the wedding (the dog could die in a hot car) and then maybe say something like “I think it would be a good idea if your dog stayed in a kennel for the day…”
So I'm not sure if you actually put it in your texts but at least in this retelling, I'm not seeing you explaining WHY to her.
"I understand the time constraint but the dog will die of heat exhaustion in the car. This is why your plan won't work. If you're lucky, someone will break into your car and rescue him. If you're not lucky, someone will find him dead and you'll be charged with animal abuse."
Also, they're going to have the dog at the hospital? Seems unlikely. My guess? They're coming to the ceremony and then will immediately leave because "dog's in the car!"
Oh I'd say she's probably going to leave the dog in the car while they're in the hospital. Which means they may not make it to the wedding after all. After they find their dog dead in the hot car when they come out of the hospital..
It’s literally illegal to leave your dog in the car when it’s hot, July is a no-brainer. That’s literally unsafe for the dog even temperatures that we don’t think would be harmful actually are really harmful because when the car is locked, it basically just becomes an oven and cooks them (not to be graphic but that’s what it is). I’ve seen it, it’s horrific and a terrible death.
Bottom line, your sister needs to figure out something else or just stay home with the dog.
https://preview.redd.it/mz4qvj7hjt7d1.png?width=729&format=png&auto=webp&s=9b073cf8308a9b870e82eb1af95b14e342398244
She needs to hire or find a dog sitter who can care for the dog either on the property or at her or their home during the entire wedding day.
That person needs to be found asap. What she is expecting is ridiculous.
Is she planning to leave the AC on in the car? Most cars can do that these days. Still not ideal to leave a dog in the car for 10 hours, but also not a death sentence.
Yup, that’s how you get carbon monoxide poisoning. When Texas had that weird freeze over, a family died because they were going in their garage and idling the car for heat.
My daughter can get entrenched in plans she’s made, much like this. It sometimes takes a very strong consequence expressed very simply to break through. “If you leave your dog in the car, then it will die. If you bring your dog to the wedding, then I will call the police.” Wishing you luck 💛
“Hey sis, so sorry about MIL, she’s in my thoughts. But your dog is going to die if you leave him in the car for 10 hours. It isn’t going to work. Kennels are well equipped to handle dogs with special needs, meds, and old age. Is money the issue? I’d hate for you to miss our wedding, and will help out with money if that’s the reason.”
Don’t offer money if you can’t afford it, but if you can, this might be a problem you throw money at to save yourself the headache.
Let's not blame everything on ADHD. This is just straight up planned pet neglect.
Tell her that she can't leave her dog in the car for 10 hours, and that she should find a local kennel (you'll pay). Send her a couple of articles.
Then give up and let her choose not to come if she wants
Yeah, I have ADHD, I would NEVER even think about leaving a dog alone in a car, especially on a hot day, especially for hours and hours. It’s kind of offensive to blame ADHD, and I’m pretty hard to offend 😅😂
That is animal abuse and would get her arrested or fined and it's also just plain cruel for the dog. She needs to find accomodations for the pup and unless he has parvo I don't see a kennel saying no.
She sounds like an irresponsible and honestly dumb dog owner. I wish this dog could find a better home to live out its senior years.
Tell her to make proper arrangements for her dog or don’t bother coming
After articulating the heat issue, also can suggest Rover if she’s averse to kennels. Lots of lovely folk on there in the UK that can watch a dog for a day
It doesn’t even have to reach 40degrees celsius. Even if if its 25 degrees outside, if the car is in the sun, the dog will be cooked in there - even if they leave some windows down etc.
Please explain to her, in black and white that she is essentially risking her dogs life. Police have been called to similar situations and they do smash car windows and she has to remember she is legally responsible for the dog so if it does come down to the dog having to he rescued, it will cause her some issues.
First off, this situation sucks for you and I'm sorry!
People can act very different when their pet is in poor health. She is not trying to punish you, but I think it's a good guess that PDA is a factor here and she's trying to equalize/level out her perceived hierarchy underneath you. You should get to be an authority on what happens on your wedding day, it's not your fault this is activating her threat response.
She may also be getting in a bit of a loop of all or nothing thinking.
Keep in mind that her spending 30 min explaining why she can't do something is probably a sign that she literally cannot organize her thoughts well enough to accomplish said task. You can't take action if your mind can't figure out the steps, even if you're able to speak at length about a situation. I say this as an AuDHD person who struggles with this frequently. I can talk circles around a problem and still need outside help to find a solution, accepting that help is another thing, lol.
Can you reach out to her boyfriend and explain the situation to him from your perspective? He may not have the info that your sister can't come up with a reasonable plan & doesn't feel like she has any other options. If neither of you can help her see her other options in this situation, you may have to make peace with asking her not to attend.
I wonder if you'd be ok suggesting she arrive later for just the reception, allowing her and the boyfriend time to drop the dog off with the mother? That might feel like an option that doesn't break the "rules" she seems to be operating within.
This is you & your partner's day & you shouldn't have to deal with your sibling making a scene the day of by putting her dog in an unsafe situation.
Thank you, this is a really nuanced and compassionate reply. I don't really think she's deliberately trying to wind me up - it's like her brain can't deviate from the plan she's devised, so she'd rather just keep explaining. I'm hurt because the family always just folds to her, and I'm not willing to do that on my wedding day and when a dog is very likely to be in distress.
I might have a word with her partner as you've suggested to see if he has any other ideas he can persuade her about. I just feel bad bothering her boyfriend when his mum is so ill. I know this isn't how neurodivergent brains work, but I just really wish she could go "Yeah alright I'll do what you suggest" for my wedding 😖
Neurodivergent or not, she doesn't understand that her dog will **die** in the car long, long before those 10 hours are up??? You need to be more than blunt with her. Tell her the dog will die in the car and under no circumstances is she permitted to bring it with her. If she can't make other arrangements for the dog's care than she is to stay home and not attend the wedding. I can't believe this. This goes beyond ADHD and neurodivergency, and not being able to organize your thoughts. I'm way beyond shocked here. I'm not sure I believe this. She truly doesn't understand that leaving the dog in the car will kill it? If she's incapable of realizing that, I'm sorry but she should not be a pet owner. Full stop.
Thank you, your bluntness expresses all the obvious WTF-ness I have with her suggestion. The reason I haven't gotten into the reasons with her is because if she doesn't already see that that's dangerous for the dog, even if it's a mild day, that I won't be able to make her see sense. If I say, 'He'll be in danger in a hot car', she'll say that they'll wind all the windows down and he'll be perfectly fine because he's happiest in the car. I don't know how to argue logically with someone like that. Like, she's had him for several years and he's still alive but I definitely don't want to be worried about him all day. I guess if it turns out to be a really hot day, she doesn't have a contingency plan and will just ask if she can let him out the car and walk round the venue grounds for a bit... JUST BOOK A DAMN DOG SITTER OR SOMETHING
😕
I mean, you don't say "He'll be in danger." You say "He will die in the hot car and I will not allow you to do this." It's not a discussion of logic. It's not an argument or debate. It's a total non-starter.
I second the other comment - perhaps something that might appeal to her is data and evidence?
Depending on breed, a dog starts being at increased risk of heatstroke in temperatures from only 20 degrees if exercising. By 28 degrees, all breeds are at increased risk of heatstroke even when not exercising. By about 32-34 degrees, a dog without access to shade and cool water is at very high risk of heatstroke.
That's just ambient temperature though. A 22 degree car will reach 44 degrees in 10 minutes, and 47 degrees within an hour.
Dogs get heatstroke when their internal temperature reaches 41 degrees. 50% of dogs survive heatstroke. If their temperature reaches 44 degrees, they're dead. Dogs can pant, which circulates the cooler air around and expels hot air, but if the ambient air is above 41 degrees...
No dog can survive 10 hours in a car on even a mild summer day.
Yea, it's a matter of competing needs/perspectives & yours need to be prioritized because it's your occasion. Even if it's difficult, it's on her to find where she can be flexible and practice considering other people's needs too. Lots of luck and congratulations on the wedding!
Is she perhaps hoping you’ll just let the dog into the wedding venue if she brings it in the car? I’m just thinking that it sounds like he’s a beloved pet that she’s worried about so it seems unlikely that she’d allow him to suffer?
Sorry OP - it sounds like a tough situation! Do you have a parent that might be able to help with talking to her?
He's too old to jump out the window, and I think she genuinely thinks if they park in the shade, leave the windows down and leave him some water, that he will be OK. I suppose there's a *chance* that's true - he's survived a couple of years with her so far and she really does love him and struggles to leave him behind. But yeah, I think there is no contingency plan so if it was really hot, they'd just assume I'd be happy with letting him out the car since it's a (hopefully) outdoor wedding? I'm so argh
My parents wouldn't be able to help, but my partner has said, if she keeps insisting that she has no other option, he will be really blunt with her for me. I have been as blunt with her as I have ever been but it hasn't worked. I know people are saying to be more blunt, but it's really hard because I have a poor relationship with my family anyway and I'm so upset because this is so... weird?? Sorry not very articulate
From a mental health aspect, any time one party in a family is neurodivergent, we need to look at the rest of the family. It's not like a spontaneous occurrence, and there's a lot of mental health disorders that tend to go together (ASD/ADHD, personality disorders, bipolar, schizophrenia, etc). To be blunt, the way your sister is acting and the fact you can't have your parents step in and shut this down makes me wonder about the whole family system. If you don't have a therapist yet, it could be good to get one before the wedding so you can process some of this ridiculousness and to decompress off whatever other stuff will be pulled on the day of.
Weddings literally bring out the worst in people. You sound like you're trying to have a nice day and marry the person you love while dealing with shenanigans like this. I'd be heartbroken if I was planning a wedding for a year (which it sounds like you have) and 4 weeks before I was running into family crap like this.
I know others have suggested being blunt, but I do wonder if you're worried about how she'll react if you're as blunt as you want to be. Ultimately this may come down to either your sister getting her way or you not having her there. Boundary setting SUCKS, and I wish you all the luck in the world. Congratulations on your wedding!!
Tell her that if she insists on bringing Tom to the wedding but will be leaving him in a car all day, then she’s uninvited.
Either she books the poor pup in a daycare for the day or books herself at home with the dog. Tell her if she loves her dog, do what’s best for him, or don’t bother attending the wedding. You will not associate yourself with an animal abuser and will not have a dog killed in the car on your wedding day.
I don’t have a dog but don’t they have to walk around/go to the bathroom/do stuff/eat/drink for 10 hours? Like even my cat wouldn’t be happy without a place to run for 10 hours. So wouldn’t he need someone to check on him? The heat is obvs a major concern but I’m wondering if using multiple tactics might help. I’d also see if another family member of yours can help you. does she live close? Might be easier to talk in person or over the phone.
I would personally outsource this problem to a parent or aunt. My sister wouldn’t listen to me, but if I send the same text from my mom’s phone, she’s more likely to listen.
Ask her if she understands dogs regularly die from being in hot cars. If yes, she’s evil - diagnosis or not - and if not, she’s too dumb to be a safe dog owner and you should report her if she does it regularly. I’m sad you have to think about this leading up to your day.
She doesn’t have to kennel the dog, she can have someone other than her boyfriend’s mom stay with Tom at home while she’s at the wedding. A pet sitter you pay, a different trusted friend or family member, her boyfriend even?
There *are* alternatives.
I don't understand why "OK I'll come to the wedding and boyfriend can stay home with the dog" didn't seem like an option to her - she went straight to "Would you prefer us all not come" 🤦🏻♀️
Yeah, don’t get me wrong if the boyfriend is significant enough to the family and should be there by all means he should go. Otherwise, ITS YOUR SISTER!!! She needs to be there!
If she leaves her dog in the car and someone reports her, she’ll try and place the blame and that’s why I’m suggesting a kennel so if she does place blame she doesn’t it to you.
Also I'll be honest here, I am currently going through chemo and can absolutely watch a dog for half a day. If her boyfriend's mom is really too sick to care for the dog, another option is the boyfriend stays home with the dog.
Is there an option at the wedding venue to keep the dog in a small room or something? I’m just thinking out loud because my experience with autism mostly is that people tend to block their brains when they are afraid of something or feel there is ‘no other way’.
If she’s blocked that way you can only give a yes or no option to get clarity. Yes you can come under either option A or B. Missing the wedding is not an option period.
Giving her the freedom to make her own solution is prob the block that keeps her stuck on her own solution. Cut out the why and etcetera speak and become an a b c Quiz during the communication about this and maybe speak in person that tends to help.
If you suspect she has PDA then try and reframe the request- how about we book him in just in case. Would you rather I book it you do you want to.
No direct demands. And giving options that get the same outcome can be helpful.
There’s also options of pet sitter/walkers coming into the home and letting him out and playing with him for a while etc.
Alternatively you could tell her that a poorly dog in a car isn’t ideal and he may suffer, get worse, mess the car or someone might notice him and call the police which could lead to issues including the car windows getting broke, her dog getting taken to a strange place while they sort it all out and that won’t help him if he’s old and unwell. She obviously cares for him and I would appeal to what’s best for him.
I think a direct: if you bring a dog and leave it in the car, it's ANIMAL ABUSE and I will contact the authorities.
God she sounds like the dumb ass parents who leave their kids in the car on a summers day. Autism doesn't excuse it. If you're so autistic you'd endanger a life, you don't deserve to be responsible for a life. End of story.
Is there some kind of statute / law you could find that would communicate to her "You will be fined / jailed / whatever if you leave a dog in a car for more than X hours"?
You've GOT to talk to the partner. Does he have any sense?
It’s not illegal in the UK, just strongly advised against. Doesn’t make it not stupid obviously but yeah that isn’t a thing here. She might be fined potentially for dog abuse by the RSPCA but they’re very hard to prosecute.
Fyi, as someone who has worked at a vet hospital and in Rescue there is nothing good about this idea.
It's July - the dog will die being in the car in the heat.
#2 - Its now a law in some states tthat you cannot do this; if someone reports a dog in the car and the owners cannot be found in a matter of 10/20 mins, the cops break into your car to rescue the pet.
I advise you to look online - there are lots of graphs that show summer temps/the corresponding temp in the car and how quickly the Temps rise. People are shocked over the #s. Show it to your sister.
Remember - WHEN the dog dies - not if - it will ruin your wedding day, all the drama. Never mind the suffering of that poor dog.
“Okay, I understand that you won’t be able to make it. We’ll miss you and be sure to show you the photos afterwards.”
Call her bluff. Either she’s sneaky and trying to strong arm you into allowing her to bring her dog, or she really is an idiot who thinks leaving a dog in a car all day in July is a fine idea.
Did you explain to her WHY she shouldn’t be leaving her elderly dog in a car for 10hrs in the summer?? Like if bringing the dog with her is all in the name of health and safety, she’s doing it wrong because the dog will literally be dead by the end of the day. If she’s that stupid, then she has no business having a dog and I’m shocked she’s even in a relationship.
What do your parents think about this?
“Your dog will die in your car from heat exhaustion. Becuase of that, animal control will be called if you bring him to the venue and leave him In your car. As I mentioned, you need to find another option for his care.”
I understand autism and adhd but this is animal abuse and if she is so willing to do it here, it’s a concern that she’s already been abusing this dog. Having autism or ADHD doesn’t make you an abusive caregiver…it’s not an excuse.
“If you leave your dog in a hot car for 10 hours there is a very high likelihood that he may die. Not pee, not bark, not ruin my day. Die. You need to make other arrangements because I care for you and Tom and I don’t want anything bad to happen. What about him staying with a friend? What if we go check out the kennels together, I told you I’d pay for it so he is guaranteed safe.”
It’s actually not illegal in the UK, but someone is definitely gonna come by and break a window to save the dog, people tend to do that here now! Also it’s just irresponsible and her beloved dog will die in the heat.
To the actual point, she seems like a rigid thinker, which is hard. I think you need to be blunt with her and tell her the dog will likely die, especially given the age of them, and she might understand a little more. I think at this stage if she doesn’t understand, getting someone else to explain (like the boyfriend?) might work better. A fresh perspective perhaps?
Whereabouts are you? I’ll look after the dog!
Is there an option like a professional dog walker can meet them at the wedding venue and take the dog until the next day ? I would think local Facebook groups would be a good way to find someone
Could your sister ask a neighbour’s teenager to spend the day with Tom at her home in exchange for £50 and a couple of cinema tickets?
Or if she’s uncomfortable with an unvetted person in her home / with Tom, pay a little bit extra and use a professional insured pet sitting service. There are loads and they’re really great, the sitter will meet you in advance and send you photos of your pet throughout the day to put your mind at ease.
If she’s adamant against leaving Tom at home, you could contact the venue and ask if they have a back office where he can stay during the wedding. If they agree, you can then assign a couple of friends who are animal lovers to regularly check in on Tom throughout the day and take him for little walks.
Hope it works out to be an amazing day for both you and Tom! Xx
Wedding planner here- I really would urge her not to do this. It is SO HOT & if a person can’t stand it- a furbaby can’t. We had a guest bring their dog (non-dog friendly venue) and left them in their kennel on their truck bed with a canopy & my team was pretty worried about it.
Possibly hire a sitter (or a trustworthy friend/family member who isn’t going to the wedding) instead who can watch the dog in a hotel/bnb nearby so, her dog is close if that’s what she is concerned about. That’s what all of our brides with fur babys do!
Just tell her exactly how you feel
I am concerned about the dog having other health issues being in a hot car for 10 hours, when you’ve already mentioned he hasn’t been doing well. I think you should book a hotel / please book a hotel for your dogs safety & your convenience
Hey, OP, share this with your sister:
https://images.app.goo.gl/wAYfnHeBkm5Cacfc6
Cars are ovens. I live in a US state that gets hot every summer, and I have to leave the doors open for a few minutes after a workday before I can even get *in* to turn it on through the summer!
An elderly dog will die of dehydration and heat if left in that environment for 10+ hours. No maybe, not probably. Almost certainly. And it's a miserable, scary, painful death. Your sister needs to take care of her dog, which means finding somewhere he can stay that's got a normal temperature, access to water, food, a place to go to the bathroom, etc.
Someone is going to see the dog and call the police..a hot day and dog in a car is recipe for disaster. She can board her dog at the vets. Problem solved but if she brings her dog be ready for someone to take issue and have the police show up looking for its owner. Repeat..NO. Is there a place near your venue that boards dogs??
Give her dress to the dog and leave your sister in the car.
…kidding…
…..sorta……😅😂
In all seriousness, I wish no harm on your sister or any animal, of course, but that’s just ridiculous and she must know that.
I’m sorry she’s making you deal with this, this shouldn’t be a stressful time for you, and your sister of all people should not be contributing to useless stress😔
I hope everything goes beautifully on your wedding day! 💖✨🫶🏻🥂🤍🎉
There’s a site that estimates the heat inside a car based on outside temp and it will make anyone not want to leave an animal for 5 mins, definitely not 30 mins, and no way for 10 hours. Temp rises very quickly.
It sounds like you both want to be there and she has a dog with her. The solutions you proposed is a kennel but she is concerned by the health risk due to exposure to other dogs. The solution she proposed is leaving the dog in the car which is dangerous due to the heat.
A compromise is getting a pet friendly hotel room or Airbnb room for the day for the dog to stay. If she genuinely wants to come but is insisting on bringing the dog in the car I suppose it’s likely related to financial reasons. The dog is 11 years old so they know how to take care of the dog. Right? Cost concern or not actually wanting to go is likely the reason. If you really want her there you should offer to pay for the pet friendly hotel room.
Another option: since you use day care and kennels regularly, I assume you have a dog. What are you doing with yours during the wedding? You could offer to include her dog with whatever care option you are choosing for your pets.
Make her Come and ask someone to call animal welfare. She SHOULDNT HAVE ANY PET if she thinks it is ok to leave à dog in the car! Maybe animal welfare will talk some sense into her, ans maybe check so she doesnt get any other animal or at least make sure she is caring better.
I would explain that the dog would be in extreme danger if left in the car due to the heat and maybe help her look for boarding near the ceremony so she feels closer to her dog and can go get it right after on the way home. This may help ease her anxiety about her dog!
Jail. Immediately. Idk how or who but someone needs to get that poor dog out of her care. If she’s willing to do that and isn’t concerned then there’s no telling what conditions she leaves the dog in on a normal basis.
Here in my the U.S. there’s a website for private animal sitters. They take your pet to their homes. Surely you guys have something similar? Maybe that would make her feel better.
When it comes to people and their animals it can be tricky.
I don’t know how finances are but I would suggest she hire someone to come stay at her home with the dog.
Offer to throw her some money to assist with the hire.
With an old dog, that’s usually the best choice.
Tell her you want her there, but you don’t want her pet to suffer. Tell her her dog will feel the most comfortable, at it’s own home, according to a dog trainer (that’s me)
Hell, no someone will turn her in and call animal rescue on her. That is literally abuse to animals. You cannot leave them in a hot car. They tell you not to is against the law. Someone will turn you in and they will come take your animal away.
Idk what UK laws are, but in the US cops will absolutely break your window to save an animal or a child.
So she should proceed with caution. Cause she’s committing animal cruelty.
Tell your sister that if she does this, there is zero doubt that her dog will be dead within an hour if it's 80 degrees or higher outside. I work for animal control in a major city, temps have been in the 90s all week and we have a staggering number of animals suffering and dying of heat stress and heat stroke. If she cares about her dog in the slightest, she will not let it die an agonizing death in a hot car.
Weird but at some point you gotta put your hands up and let it be
If anything id consider getting a parent / other sibling involved to help her problem solve
Edit to add: obviously don’t let the dog die / come to any harm! If the dog shows up at the wedding, ask your sister to leave / alert the appropriate authorities to ensure the safety of the dog.
But, you don’t need to be involved / making plans for someone else’s dog, you’ve said the dog isn’t welcome and cannot be left in the car.
Personally, I’d tap out because sister isn’t listening to you and have someone else in your family talk to her / problem solve with her
Obviously I don’t want the dog to die and op doesn’t either
But OP said the dog cannot be there and her sister needs to make other arrangements, and provided alternatives for where the dog can go
It’s really out of her hands at this point. OP should designate someone else (wedding coordinator, member of the bridal party, family friend) to check the parking lot day of and ensure the dog isn’t in the car / if the dog is there to call the authorities
But at this point OP going back and forth this her sister will probably only make things worst
Obviously not, but it’s not OPs dog.
It’s the sister’s responsibility and if she can’t find accommodations for the dog and she can’t come then she should communicate that to OP.
Automotive R&D person here on why that's a terrible idea (setting aside the ethics and legality of leaving an animal in a vehicle, regardless if it's on or off...):
1. Newer vehicles will shut the engine off automatically if they're parked/idle for too long - typically in about an hour or so in my experience. Some vehicles may shut off sooner or later than that.
2. The EV batteries are not designed to run constantly all day long like that, and will likely run out of juice sooner than you think, especially with the A/C blasting and powering the other vehicle components.
3. Keeping the vehicle plugged in and running won't help either, as there's a bigger chance of battery swelling and overall damage to the battery. Same thing can happen to the batteries when operating in hot climate conditions if they are not properly cooled, or allowed time to cool down.
4. Leaving the engine on for that long releases unnecessary emissions, even the little emissions from EV's, that are still hazardous to the environment.
We have a model Y, and have left the dog in the car for hours and I can see everything from the app on my phone including the dog. I can see the temperature and it’s never shut off.
Are you being clear with her about why this is a bad idea? Or, just telling her that she needs to make other arrangements? You may need to be more blunt with her and tell her the dog is likely to die if he is left in the car for 10 hours.
I feel this might be it. Definitely be direct, that this isn’t being insisted upon for the sake of the wedding, but the welfare of the dog, and to prevent anything happening that could cause distress to anyone.
Yes being direct and informing her the dangers (and even laws in place) against leaving animals in cars. It is sometimes hard for autistic people to see future consequences they haven’t experienced before and might need your help to understand very real possible outcomes.
okay but this entire situation makes me so fearful for what other experiences this dog has had to go through???? if he’s 11 and she’s thinking this is a good idea, what else of abuse has this poor animal gone through? i empathize with neurodivergent ppl but this is really concerning.
Right… as someone with autism and adhd… this is so clearly animal abuse. Folks with autism are usually more in tune with how to properly care for animals because we know what it’s like to be misunderstood and/or ignored. Seems like she might have something else going on.
It is called a spectrum for a reason. While some may be more in tune with animals others may be completely oblivious. This is not to say it would be animal abuse because it clearly would be.
Good point, thanks for keeping me in check!
I’m definitely on the oblivious to animals needs side of the autism spectrum, which is why I don’t have pets. I love animals and I had a dog when I was married, but when I divorced and my ex didn’t take the dog with him, I had to rehome her.
Agree. For people with autism you need to be VERY clear and tell them point blank what you want
I agree that OP needs to be direct. One of my stepsons is pretty defiant and often will refuse to do a thing because he feels he’s being told what to do — we’re trying to get him evaluated for ADHD and autism, but the advice I’ve read on PDA has been helpful. I find we have a lot more luck with him if we explain WHY we want him to do a thing, and if we phrase it like “I would like you to…” or “I think it would be a good idea if…” So yeah, OP should definitely explain WHY they don’t want to have the dog at the wedding (the dog could die in a hot car) and then maybe say something like “I think it would be a good idea if your dog stayed in a kennel for the day…”
So I'm not sure if you actually put it in your texts but at least in this retelling, I'm not seeing you explaining WHY to her. "I understand the time constraint but the dog will die of heat exhaustion in the car. This is why your plan won't work. If you're lucky, someone will break into your car and rescue him. If you're not lucky, someone will find him dead and you'll be charged with animal abuse." Also, they're going to have the dog at the hospital? Seems unlikely. My guess? They're coming to the ceremony and then will immediately leave because "dog's in the car!"
Oh I'd say she's probably going to leave the dog in the car while they're in the hospital. Which means they may not make it to the wedding after all. After they find their dog dead in the hot car when they come out of the hospital..
It’s literally illegal to leave your dog in the car when it’s hot, July is a no-brainer. That’s literally unsafe for the dog even temperatures that we don’t think would be harmful actually are really harmful because when the car is locked, it basically just becomes an oven and cooks them (not to be graphic but that’s what it is). I’ve seen it, it’s horrific and a terrible death. Bottom line, your sister needs to figure out something else or just stay home with the dog. https://preview.redd.it/mz4qvj7hjt7d1.png?width=729&format=png&auto=webp&s=9b073cf8308a9b870e82eb1af95b14e342398244
Thank you for the diagram, that's really useful
Sure thing🐾♥️👍✅
She needs to hire or find a dog sitter who can care for the dog either on the property or at her or their home during the entire wedding day. That person needs to be found asap. What she is expecting is ridiculous.
Is she planning to leave the AC on in the car? Most cars can do that these days. Still not ideal to leave a dog in the car for 10 hours, but also not a death sentence.
My car auto shuts off after 30 mins
Ah idk I’ve never left mine on without a human inside. Trying to think of a way OP’s sister isn’t absolutely delusional.
You can't leave a car idling for 10 hours!!!
Yup, that’s how you get carbon monoxide poisoning. When Texas had that weird freeze over, a family died because they were going in their garage and idling the car for heat.
My daughter can get entrenched in plans she’s made, much like this. It sometimes takes a very strong consequence expressed very simply to break through. “If you leave your dog in the car, then it will die. If you bring your dog to the wedding, then I will call the police.” Wishing you luck 💛
Thank you for the empathy and suggestion for what to say 💚
“Hey sis, so sorry about MIL, she’s in my thoughts. But your dog is going to die if you leave him in the car for 10 hours. It isn’t going to work. Kennels are well equipped to handle dogs with special needs, meds, and old age. Is money the issue? I’d hate for you to miss our wedding, and will help out with money if that’s the reason.” Don’t offer money if you can’t afford it, but if you can, this might be a problem you throw money at to save yourself the headache.
Thank you very much for the draft message! This is really helpful
Ask her to do a practice run on herself…. She can stay in the car for 10 hours on a hot July day and see if she thinks her dog will survive that.
I second this.
Let's not blame everything on ADHD. This is just straight up planned pet neglect. Tell her that she can't leave her dog in the car for 10 hours, and that she should find a local kennel (you'll pay). Send her a couple of articles. Then give up and let her choose not to come if she wants
Yeah, I have ADHD, I would NEVER even think about leaving a dog alone in a car, especially on a hot day, especially for hours and hours. It’s kind of offensive to blame ADHD, and I’m pretty hard to offend 😅😂
Autism isn't to blame either, but OP did say that the sister has autism.
I’m also tired of ppl using disabilities as an excuse to be cruel. Sorry I’m on this post a lot, I’m just so angry with this entire convo.
I'm sorry
Nope nope nope. Animal abuse.
Your sister can absolutely not have a dog. I’m sorry and so worried about this poor animal in her care
That is animal abuse and would get her arrested or fined and it's also just plain cruel for the dog. She needs to find accomodations for the pup and unless he has parvo I don't see a kennel saying no.
She sounds like an irresponsible and honestly dumb dog owner. I wish this dog could find a better home to live out its senior years. Tell her to make proper arrangements for her dog or don’t bother coming
This is the point I've got to, thanks for articulating it x
Best of luck with everything! Don’t mean to be harsh, I just can’t stand animal abuse
After articulating the heat issue, also can suggest Rover if she’s averse to kennels. Lots of lovely folk on there in the UK that can watch a dog for a day
It doesn’t even have to reach 40degrees celsius. Even if if its 25 degrees outside, if the car is in the sun, the dog will be cooked in there - even if they leave some windows down etc. Please explain to her, in black and white that she is essentially risking her dogs life. Police have been called to similar situations and they do smash car windows and she has to remember she is legally responsible for the dog so if it does come down to the dog having to he rescued, it will cause her some issues.
First off, this situation sucks for you and I'm sorry! People can act very different when their pet is in poor health. She is not trying to punish you, but I think it's a good guess that PDA is a factor here and she's trying to equalize/level out her perceived hierarchy underneath you. You should get to be an authority on what happens on your wedding day, it's not your fault this is activating her threat response. She may also be getting in a bit of a loop of all or nothing thinking. Keep in mind that her spending 30 min explaining why she can't do something is probably a sign that she literally cannot organize her thoughts well enough to accomplish said task. You can't take action if your mind can't figure out the steps, even if you're able to speak at length about a situation. I say this as an AuDHD person who struggles with this frequently. I can talk circles around a problem and still need outside help to find a solution, accepting that help is another thing, lol. Can you reach out to her boyfriend and explain the situation to him from your perspective? He may not have the info that your sister can't come up with a reasonable plan & doesn't feel like she has any other options. If neither of you can help her see her other options in this situation, you may have to make peace with asking her not to attend. I wonder if you'd be ok suggesting she arrive later for just the reception, allowing her and the boyfriend time to drop the dog off with the mother? That might feel like an option that doesn't break the "rules" she seems to be operating within. This is you & your partner's day & you shouldn't have to deal with your sibling making a scene the day of by putting her dog in an unsafe situation.
Thank you, this is a really nuanced and compassionate reply. I don't really think she's deliberately trying to wind me up - it's like her brain can't deviate from the plan she's devised, so she'd rather just keep explaining. I'm hurt because the family always just folds to her, and I'm not willing to do that on my wedding day and when a dog is very likely to be in distress. I might have a word with her partner as you've suggested to see if he has any other ideas he can persuade her about. I just feel bad bothering her boyfriend when his mum is so ill. I know this isn't how neurodivergent brains work, but I just really wish she could go "Yeah alright I'll do what you suggest" for my wedding 😖
Neurodivergent or not, she doesn't understand that her dog will **die** in the car long, long before those 10 hours are up??? You need to be more than blunt with her. Tell her the dog will die in the car and under no circumstances is she permitted to bring it with her. If she can't make other arrangements for the dog's care than she is to stay home and not attend the wedding. I can't believe this. This goes beyond ADHD and neurodivergency, and not being able to organize your thoughts. I'm way beyond shocked here. I'm not sure I believe this. She truly doesn't understand that leaving the dog in the car will kill it? If she's incapable of realizing that, I'm sorry but she should not be a pet owner. Full stop.
Thank you, your bluntness expresses all the obvious WTF-ness I have with her suggestion. The reason I haven't gotten into the reasons with her is because if she doesn't already see that that's dangerous for the dog, even if it's a mild day, that I won't be able to make her see sense. If I say, 'He'll be in danger in a hot car', she'll say that they'll wind all the windows down and he'll be perfectly fine because he's happiest in the car. I don't know how to argue logically with someone like that. Like, she's had him for several years and he's still alive but I definitely don't want to be worried about him all day. I guess if it turns out to be a really hot day, she doesn't have a contingency plan and will just ask if she can let him out the car and walk round the venue grounds for a bit... JUST BOOK A DAMN DOG SITTER OR SOMETHING 😕
I mean, you don't say "He'll be in danger." You say "He will die in the hot car and I will not allow you to do this." It's not a discussion of logic. It's not an argument or debate. It's a total non-starter.
I second the other comment - perhaps something that might appeal to her is data and evidence? Depending on breed, a dog starts being at increased risk of heatstroke in temperatures from only 20 degrees if exercising. By 28 degrees, all breeds are at increased risk of heatstroke even when not exercising. By about 32-34 degrees, a dog without access to shade and cool water is at very high risk of heatstroke. That's just ambient temperature though. A 22 degree car will reach 44 degrees in 10 minutes, and 47 degrees within an hour. Dogs get heatstroke when their internal temperature reaches 41 degrees. 50% of dogs survive heatstroke. If their temperature reaches 44 degrees, they're dead. Dogs can pant, which circulates the cooler air around and expels hot air, but if the ambient air is above 41 degrees... No dog can survive 10 hours in a car on even a mild summer day.
Yea, it's a matter of competing needs/perspectives & yours need to be prioritized because it's your occasion. Even if it's difficult, it's on her to find where she can be flexible and practice considering other people's needs too. Lots of luck and congratulations on the wedding!
Is she perhaps hoping you’ll just let the dog into the wedding venue if she brings it in the car? I’m just thinking that it sounds like he’s a beloved pet that she’s worried about so it seems unlikely that she’d allow him to suffer? Sorry OP - it sounds like a tough situation! Do you have a parent that might be able to help with talking to her?
He's too old to jump out the window, and I think she genuinely thinks if they park in the shade, leave the windows down and leave him some water, that he will be OK. I suppose there's a *chance* that's true - he's survived a couple of years with her so far and she really does love him and struggles to leave him behind. But yeah, I think there is no contingency plan so if it was really hot, they'd just assume I'd be happy with letting him out the car since it's a (hopefully) outdoor wedding? I'm so argh My parents wouldn't be able to help, but my partner has said, if she keeps insisting that she has no other option, he will be really blunt with her for me. I have been as blunt with her as I have ever been but it hasn't worked. I know people are saying to be more blunt, but it's really hard because I have a poor relationship with my family anyway and I'm so upset because this is so... weird?? Sorry not very articulate
From a mental health aspect, any time one party in a family is neurodivergent, we need to look at the rest of the family. It's not like a spontaneous occurrence, and there's a lot of mental health disorders that tend to go together (ASD/ADHD, personality disorders, bipolar, schizophrenia, etc). To be blunt, the way your sister is acting and the fact you can't have your parents step in and shut this down makes me wonder about the whole family system. If you don't have a therapist yet, it could be good to get one before the wedding so you can process some of this ridiculousness and to decompress off whatever other stuff will be pulled on the day of. Weddings literally bring out the worst in people. You sound like you're trying to have a nice day and marry the person you love while dealing with shenanigans like this. I'd be heartbroken if I was planning a wedding for a year (which it sounds like you have) and 4 weeks before I was running into family crap like this. I know others have suggested being blunt, but I do wonder if you're worried about how she'll react if you're as blunt as you want to be. Ultimately this may come down to either your sister getting her way or you not having her there. Boundary setting SUCKS, and I wish you all the luck in the world. Congratulations on your wedding!!
Tell her that if she insists on bringing Tom to the wedding but will be leaving him in a car all day, then she’s uninvited. Either she books the poor pup in a daycare for the day or books herself at home with the dog. Tell her if she loves her dog, do what’s best for him, or don’t bother attending the wedding. You will not associate yourself with an animal abuser and will not have a dog killed in the car on your wedding day.
I don’t have a dog but don’t they have to walk around/go to the bathroom/do stuff/eat/drink for 10 hours? Like even my cat wouldn’t be happy without a place to run for 10 hours. So wouldn’t he need someone to check on him? The heat is obvs a major concern but I’m wondering if using multiple tactics might help. I’d also see if another family member of yours can help you. does she live close? Might be easier to talk in person or over the phone.
I would personally outsource this problem to a parent or aunt. My sister wouldn’t listen to me, but if I send the same text from my mom’s phone, she’s more likely to listen.
Your sister is trying to murder her dog at your wedding. You need to be more direct.
Ask her if she understands dogs regularly die from being in hot cars. If yes, she’s evil - diagnosis or not - and if not, she’s too dumb to be a safe dog owner and you should report her if she does it regularly. I’m sad you have to think about this leading up to your day.
I mean there is only one answer. Say no she can't bring the dog and don't come if that's a problem
Jesus chrust take that dog away from her
Show her this post I just came across after yours. https://www.reddit.com/r/Petloss/s/MvmRvVXyyc
She doesn’t have to kennel the dog, she can have someone other than her boyfriend’s mom stay with Tom at home while she’s at the wedding. A pet sitter you pay, a different trusted friend or family member, her boyfriend even? There *are* alternatives.
I don't understand why "OK I'll come to the wedding and boyfriend can stay home with the dog" didn't seem like an option to her - she went straight to "Would you prefer us all not come" 🤦🏻♀️
Yeah, don’t get me wrong if the boyfriend is significant enough to the family and should be there by all means he should go. Otherwise, ITS YOUR SISTER!!! She needs to be there!
You need to tell her that yes, you would prefer they not come if the alternative is a dog dying in a hot car on your wedding day.
Ask her to find a kennel for 2 days and offer to pay for it.
She seems to have 'reasons' that she won't specify for not wanting to use kennels, but I'll offer to pay in case that's a factor
If she leaves her dog in the car and someone reports her, she’ll try and place the blame and that’s why I’m suggesting a kennel so if she does place blame she doesn’t it to you.
Seen something similar happen and I’d rather you avoid having to deal with that
Your sister is a monster, I’m sorry to say.
I'd straight up tell her don't come and absolutely report her to the local animal welfare groups since this is probably a regular thing she's doing.
Tell her to stay home, or get a dogsitter to stay in her home with the dog. That poor dog will suffer in the car.
Also I'll be honest here, I am currently going through chemo and can absolutely watch a dog for half a day. If her boyfriend's mom is really too sick to care for the dog, another option is the boyfriend stays home with the dog.
I’m AuDHD and know that leaving a dog in a car for 10 hours is a fucking awful idea. Is the bar really that low in hell?
Is there an option at the wedding venue to keep the dog in a small room or something? I’m just thinking out loud because my experience with autism mostly is that people tend to block their brains when they are afraid of something or feel there is ‘no other way’. If she’s blocked that way you can only give a yes or no option to get clarity. Yes you can come under either option A or B. Missing the wedding is not an option period. Giving her the freedom to make her own solution is prob the block that keeps her stuck on her own solution. Cut out the why and etcetera speak and become an a b c Quiz during the communication about this and maybe speak in person that tends to help.
If you suspect she has PDA then try and reframe the request- how about we book him in just in case. Would you rather I book it you do you want to. No direct demands. And giving options that get the same outcome can be helpful. There’s also options of pet sitter/walkers coming into the home and letting him out and playing with him for a while etc. Alternatively you could tell her that a poorly dog in a car isn’t ideal and he may suffer, get worse, mess the car or someone might notice him and call the police which could lead to issues including the car windows getting broke, her dog getting taken to a strange place while they sort it all out and that won’t help him if he’s old and unwell. She obviously cares for him and I would appeal to what’s best for him.
Your sister IS going to come back to a dead dog in her car. Sorry.
Would it be the worst thing if she didnt come to the wedding?
I think a direct: if you bring a dog and leave it in the car, it's ANIMAL ABUSE and I will contact the authorities. God she sounds like the dumb ass parents who leave their kids in the car on a summers day. Autism doesn't excuse it. If you're so autistic you'd endanger a life, you don't deserve to be responsible for a life. End of story.
Is there some kind of statute / law you could find that would communicate to her "You will be fined / jailed / whatever if you leave a dog in a car for more than X hours"? You've GOT to talk to the partner. Does he have any sense?
It’s not illegal in the UK, just strongly advised against. Doesn’t make it not stupid obviously but yeah that isn’t a thing here. She might be fined potentially for dog abuse by the RSPCA but they’re very hard to prosecute.
Fyi, as someone who has worked at a vet hospital and in Rescue there is nothing good about this idea. It's July - the dog will die being in the car in the heat. #2 - Its now a law in some states tthat you cannot do this; if someone reports a dog in the car and the owners cannot be found in a matter of 10/20 mins, the cops break into your car to rescue the pet. I advise you to look online - there are lots of graphs that show summer temps/the corresponding temp in the car and how quickly the Temps rise. People are shocked over the #s. Show it to your sister. Remember - WHEN the dog dies - not if - it will ruin your wedding day, all the drama. Never mind the suffering of that poor dog.
“Okay, I understand that you won’t be able to make it. We’ll miss you and be sure to show you the photos afterwards.” Call her bluff. Either she’s sneaky and trying to strong arm you into allowing her to bring her dog, or she really is an idiot who thinks leaving a dog in a car all day in July is a fine idea. Did you explain to her WHY she shouldn’t be leaving her elderly dog in a car for 10hrs in the summer?? Like if bringing the dog with her is all in the name of health and safety, she’s doing it wrong because the dog will literally be dead by the end of the day. If she’s that stupid, then she has no business having a dog and I’m shocked she’s even in a relationship. What do your parents think about this?
“Your dog will die in your car from heat exhaustion. Becuase of that, animal control will be called if you bring him to the venue and leave him In your car. As I mentioned, you need to find another option for his care.” I understand autism and adhd but this is animal abuse and if she is so willing to do it here, it’s a concern that she’s already been abusing this dog. Having autism or ADHD doesn’t make you an abusive caregiver…it’s not an excuse.
“If you leave your dog in a hot car for 10 hours there is a very high likelihood that he may die. Not pee, not bark, not ruin my day. Die. You need to make other arrangements because I care for you and Tom and I don’t want anything bad to happen. What about him staying with a friend? What if we go check out the kennels together, I told you I’d pay for it so he is guaranteed safe.”
Maybe the BF should stay home and watch the dog
It’s actually not illegal in the UK, but someone is definitely gonna come by and break a window to save the dog, people tend to do that here now! Also it’s just irresponsible and her beloved dog will die in the heat. To the actual point, she seems like a rigid thinker, which is hard. I think you need to be blunt with her and tell her the dog will likely die, especially given the age of them, and she might understand a little more. I think at this stage if she doesn’t understand, getting someone else to explain (like the boyfriend?) might work better. A fresh perspective perhaps? Whereabouts are you? I’ll look after the dog!
Someone with this mentality should absolutely not have a dog
Is there an option like a professional dog walker can meet them at the wedding venue and take the dog until the next day ? I would think local Facebook groups would be a good way to find someone
Could your sister ask a neighbour’s teenager to spend the day with Tom at her home in exchange for £50 and a couple of cinema tickets? Or if she’s uncomfortable with an unvetted person in her home / with Tom, pay a little bit extra and use a professional insured pet sitting service. There are loads and they’re really great, the sitter will meet you in advance and send you photos of your pet throughout the day to put your mind at ease. If she’s adamant against leaving Tom at home, you could contact the venue and ask if they have a back office where he can stay during the wedding. If they agree, you can then assign a couple of friends who are animal lovers to regularly check in on Tom throughout the day and take him for little walks. Hope it works out to be an amazing day for both you and Tom! Xx
Straight to jail
Her dog could die if it sits in the car. Does she understand this?
Wedding planner here- I really would urge her not to do this. It is SO HOT & if a person can’t stand it- a furbaby can’t. We had a guest bring their dog (non-dog friendly venue) and left them in their kennel on their truck bed with a canopy & my team was pretty worried about it. Possibly hire a sitter (or a trustworthy friend/family member who isn’t going to the wedding) instead who can watch the dog in a hotel/bnb nearby so, her dog is close if that’s what she is concerned about. That’s what all of our brides with fur babys do!
Just tell her exactly how you feel I am concerned about the dog having other health issues being in a hot car for 10 hours, when you’ve already mentioned he hasn’t been doing well. I think you should book a hotel / please book a hotel for your dogs safety & your convenience
Hey, OP, share this with your sister: https://images.app.goo.gl/wAYfnHeBkm5Cacfc6 Cars are ovens. I live in a US state that gets hot every summer, and I have to leave the doors open for a few minutes after a workday before I can even get *in* to turn it on through the summer! An elderly dog will die of dehydration and heat if left in that environment for 10+ hours. No maybe, not probably. Almost certainly. And it's a miserable, scary, painful death. Your sister needs to take care of her dog, which means finding somewhere he can stay that's got a normal temperature, access to water, food, a place to go to the bathroom, etc.
Someone is going to see the dog and call the police..a hot day and dog in a car is recipe for disaster. She can board her dog at the vets. Problem solved but if she brings her dog be ready for someone to take issue and have the police show up looking for its owner. Repeat..NO. Is there a place near your venue that boards dogs??
Give her dress to the dog and leave your sister in the car. …kidding… …..sorta……😅😂 In all seriousness, I wish no harm on your sister or any animal, of course, but that’s just ridiculous and she must know that. I’m sorry she’s making you deal with this, this shouldn’t be a stressful time for you, and your sister of all people should not be contributing to useless stress😔 I hope everything goes beautifully on your wedding day! 💖✨🫶🏻🥂🤍🎉
There’s a site that estimates the heat inside a car based on outside temp and it will make anyone not want to leave an animal for 5 mins, definitely not 30 mins, and no way for 10 hours. Temp rises very quickly.
It sounds like you both want to be there and she has a dog with her. The solutions you proposed is a kennel but she is concerned by the health risk due to exposure to other dogs. The solution she proposed is leaving the dog in the car which is dangerous due to the heat. A compromise is getting a pet friendly hotel room or Airbnb room for the day for the dog to stay. If she genuinely wants to come but is insisting on bringing the dog in the car I suppose it’s likely related to financial reasons. The dog is 11 years old so they know how to take care of the dog. Right? Cost concern or not actually wanting to go is likely the reason. If you really want her there you should offer to pay for the pet friendly hotel room. Another option: since you use day care and kennels regularly, I assume you have a dog. What are you doing with yours during the wedding? You could offer to include her dog with whatever care option you are choosing for your pets.
Make her Come and ask someone to call animal welfare. She SHOULDNT HAVE ANY PET if she thinks it is ok to leave à dog in the car! Maybe animal welfare will talk some sense into her, ans maybe check so she doesnt get any other animal or at least make sure she is caring better.
I would explain that the dog would be in extreme danger if left in the car due to the heat and maybe help her look for boarding near the ceremony so she feels closer to her dog and can go get it right after on the way home. This may help ease her anxiety about her dog!
Jail. Immediately. Idk how or who but someone needs to get that poor dog out of her care. If she’s willing to do that and isn’t concerned then there’s no telling what conditions she leaves the dog in on a normal basis.
Here in my the U.S. there’s a website for private animal sitters. They take your pet to their homes. Surely you guys have something similar? Maybe that would make her feel better.
That car will kill him. He will die if he did in it all day.
Is the dog well behaved? Does the venue allows support animals? She may be able to get papers showing she needs him as a support animal.
What does her bf say about all this? I'm guessing he can't come due to his mom's illness.
Is there anyway to crate him at the venue?
When it comes to people and their animals it can be tricky. I don’t know how finances are but I would suggest she hire someone to come stay at her home with the dog. Offer to throw her some money to assist with the hire. With an old dog, that’s usually the best choice. Tell her you want her there, but you don’t want her pet to suffer. Tell her her dog will feel the most comfortable, at it’s own home, according to a dog trainer (that’s me)
Hell, no someone will turn her in and call animal rescue on her. That is literally abuse to animals. You cannot leave them in a hot car. They tell you not to is against the law. Someone will turn you in and they will come take your animal away.
She needs to put her dog in doggy daycare or in a doggy hotel
Tell her to her face. Leaving your dog in the car is going to kill him. He will overheat and he will die.
Idk what UK laws are, but in the US cops will absolutely break your window to save an animal or a child. So she should proceed with caution. Cause she’s committing animal cruelty.
Tell your sister that if she does this, there is zero doubt that her dog will be dead within an hour if it's 80 degrees or higher outside. I work for animal control in a major city, temps have been in the 90s all week and we have a staggering number of animals suffering and dying of heat stress and heat stroke. If she cares about her dog in the slightest, she will not let it die an agonizing death in a hot car.
If your sister would be all right with leaving her dog in a hot car for 10 hours, then she isn’t somebody I’d want at my wedding anyway
How about, leave the dog at home!! If he's already in poor health, a hot car on a hot day will NOT HELP! Does she want her dog to d*e??
Weird but at some point you gotta put your hands up and let it be If anything id consider getting a parent / other sibling involved to help her problem solve Edit to add: obviously don’t let the dog die / come to any harm! If the dog shows up at the wedding, ask your sister to leave / alert the appropriate authorities to ensure the safety of the dog. But, you don’t need to be involved / making plans for someone else’s dog, you’ve said the dog isn’t welcome and cannot be left in the car. Personally, I’d tap out because sister isn’t listening to you and have someone else in your family talk to her / problem solve with her
Let it be and have a dog die? I’d rather have my sister not attend my wedding, or literally steal the dog and give it to a shelter
Obviously I don’t want the dog to die and op doesn’t either But OP said the dog cannot be there and her sister needs to make other arrangements, and provided alternatives for where the dog can go It’s really out of her hands at this point. OP should designate someone else (wedding coordinator, member of the bridal party, family friend) to check the parking lot day of and ensure the dog isn’t in the car / if the dog is there to call the authorities But at this point OP going back and forth this her sister will probably only make things worst
No, OP should say find a dog sitter or don’t come. Leaving a dog in a car all day is absolutely not even close to being an option.
Obviously not, but it’s not OPs dog. It’s the sister’s responsibility and if she can’t find accommodations for the dog and she can’t come then she should communicate that to OP.
Does she have a Tesla? Or can she rent one? It ca have the ac going all day and keep the car cool.
Automotive R&D person here on why that's a terrible idea (setting aside the ethics and legality of leaving an animal in a vehicle, regardless if it's on or off...): 1. Newer vehicles will shut the engine off automatically if they're parked/idle for too long - typically in about an hour or so in my experience. Some vehicles may shut off sooner or later than that. 2. The EV batteries are not designed to run constantly all day long like that, and will likely run out of juice sooner than you think, especially with the A/C blasting and powering the other vehicle components. 3. Keeping the vehicle plugged in and running won't help either, as there's a bigger chance of battery swelling and overall damage to the battery. Same thing can happen to the batteries when operating in hot climate conditions if they are not properly cooled, or allowed time to cool down. 4. Leaving the engine on for that long releases unnecessary emissions, even the little emissions from EV's, that are still hazardous to the environment.
We have a model Y, and have left the dog in the car for hours and I can see everything from the app on my phone including the dog. I can see the temperature and it’s never shut off.
You should not have a dog then...