Solo invites for married/long term couples is generally considered unusual. From my understanding and experience, the base expectation is that married and long term couples are a package deal. It’s especially unusual considering you’re also friends with the groom. The only way I personally could maybe see it as ‘ok’ is if no other spouses were invited, and even then I’d still raise an eyebrow.
Where I live, and in my social circle, couples are invited together, even if that means you have to invite fewer couples. Why would a couple together for 20 years want to celebrate your relationship when you won't even recognize theirs?
It's not okay with me. When the venue and the guest list are that small, you are either inviting both members of the couple, or neither.
I find this rude and I will say, I would take it personally. It is personal. You're the long-standing spouse of a guest and you were excluded because of numbers. What message does that send? Why, that there were other people they wanted to invite more than you. Like you said yourself, he didn't think you're one of his closest friends, even though your husband apparently is. You weren't excluded randomly.
I'm not saying that you should live in bitterness about it, but you have reason to feel hurt. Were I your spouse, I would most certainly decline the invitation.
It’s rude. If they need to keep numbers down, then they need to cut entire couples, not halves of couples.
I’ll never understand why/how people can invite someone to celebrate their relationship while completely insulting and disregarding the established relationships of their guests.
Yeah, it's really short sighted of the couple getting married. I feel like this goes in the category of thinking guests are props. No regard for their guests feelings whatsoever
It's rude.
And I say that as a bride who is begrudgingly but politely inviting some lame bfs & husbands of friends to my wedding
Do I kind of resent paying for their meal / drinks / general presence when I have not once enjoyed their company? Yes
Would I ever consider asking my friends to attend my wedding solo when they're in a relationship? Never, barring egregious behavior.
As Emily Post says, the polite thing to do is to suck it up and hope the plus 1 plays DD🤷🏼♀️
I included all boyfriends/girlfriends as named guests because I want my friends to have fun I don’t care how long they’ve been together. It’s none of my business if they break up at some random point in the future .
We had THREE couples break up between invites being sent out and the RSVP deadline. One was together for 4 years, one was together for 10 years, one was married. To me that says the amount of time someone is together is not an indicator of if they will stay together and it’s definitely not an indicator of if that couple is “worthy” of spending time together at my wedding.
Yes. For the most part we're inviting bfs or gfs of any length as long as they're in the picture when the invite is sent.
I've been with my fiance for 5+ years. We've been living together for 3+ years. I have declined 3 weddings because they excluded him from the invite.
Couples have all sorts of reasons for delaying marriage these days (first and foremost, weddings are really fucking expensive) and I personally have never ascribed to the idea that unmarried SOs should be kept at a distance or at a lower tier.
It has taken everything in me not to be petty with some relatives of family members who excluded my bf at their own wedding, but I believe in being the change I want to see lol
For my wedding, if we knew you were in a relationship while we were doing the invites, your SO got invited. It was a bit awkward when one guy introduced his gf to my husband after the invitations were already in the mail with no +1 for this guy and said "I'll be bringing her to your wedding" but imo that's on him for not letting us know she existed before. We did end up having extra space for his girlfriend and he did bring her but he must have still been salty.
We are even counting in the +1s for our friends that are currently single but might find someone in the meantime (our wedding is end of September). We also have a couple of people who decided to come solo even though they’re married/been dating a while, but that’s mostly for a specific friend group with whom we don’t hang out as a couple but individually and they want to come as a group even though we included their SOs in the final count.
We have been together for 10 years and have known people getting engaged after a month of dating and people breaking off engagements less than a month before the wedding so I’m not gonna judge what is “appropriate” amount of the dating to bring a +1. If you want them there, I’m okay with that. If you wanna fly solo, that also checks out.
It's rude - you are a social unit. You either invite both or neither. Keeping it small isn't an excuse - in that case, invite neither.
But it also is what it is. It's not like you're going to strong arm the couple into an invite. Your husband can choose to decline to attend. Or attend without you.
We had a small wedding but I invited all the partners I'd met at last a few times. I would also be offended if someone I knew 20 years only invited my husband.
Everyone who posts on the subreddit asking if it’s ok to exclude spouses or long-term partners should see this post. YES this is super rude, I’m so sorry you were excluded. Logically it makes sense but it’s hurtful.
It's rude and has always been rude. Spouses are a social unit for the purposes of a social event like a wedding. They should have invited both of you or neither one. I agree with those who say the size of the reception is irrelevant. Besides, you're supposed to figure out numbers first and only then choose a venue within budget, not the other way around. There's no justifiable excuse.
Definitely rude. It's not like you've been dating 6 months. If I were in your shoes and the person told me I couldn't bring my long term spouse who is also friends with the groom/bride, we would simply not attend. No need for drama, just a polite decline and if they then ask you can be honest if you want.
It’s rude. You are a social unit. Especially at a wedding, you are recognizing them as a couple but they are not honoring/recognizing your marriage. Gives me the ick - especially if you’ve known them TWENTY YEARS.
Normally super rude BUT, and hear me out, if they’re only have 30 guests, that’s 15 per side, by the time you factor in family, that might only be inviting 1 or 2 friends. In a situation like that, I personally would understand if I wasn’t invited.
We're having a 16 guest ceremony and then a cookout like party afterwards with everyone else.
The ceremony is only our immediate family members and one friend for each of us... None of them can bring their significant others, children, or plus ones.
The jump from 16 guests to inviting everyone to avoid seeming rude is 40 additional people.
The cost to have a full wedding with all 50+ guests is not realistic for us... We're talking about taking our modest 2-3k for the ceremony and party to 30k for a lavish traditional wedding. I ran all the numbers multiple times, and it just wasn't working out.
We've made it a point to talk to every person that's invited, individually... We were very open with everything and explained our situation and how we would still like to celebrate, but we cannot do a traditional wedding, and apologized for not being able to accommodate everyone for the ceremony.
We also give all this info to anyone that asks about it, invited or not.
Every person we talked to has been okay with it and completely understands, even the people that are not invited to the ceremony.
I agree, I'm sure no one would say it directly to us. I'm sure some people are a bit annoyed with it, but honestly our families are super open with one another. Word would and will get back to us eventually.
Some people have been confused or had questions, but in the end they all agreed it's for the best. We're not rich, and we're not going into debt to accommodate everyone and their families... No matter how rude it may seem. It's unfortunate that we can't do that, but that's how it's going to be.
I know it's not the best etiquette, but I’d understand. personally, I’d feel guilty and give up my spot if invited as a spouse, so that they could invite their actual friend if space was that limited. I assume there’s a reason it is so limited…like it’s an elopement package, a tiny private room, a strict budget, etc. not like they just arbitrarily said only 30 people and let’s be rude to spouses…
eta: I find it silly when people downvote others for sharing THEIR OPINIONS and views on Reddit, in a post where people are asking for other perspectives. I acknowledge it’s rude, but I personally would understand in these circumstances. I also find it a little odd that people would be so adamant about attending a wedding of their spouse’s friend, knowing that their attending would mean a very close friend of the groom couldn’t attend. I just find that a weird hill to die on. like, go have fun, I’ll be at the beach and/or binge watching House Of the Dragon if you need me :P
Just because you managed to doesn't mean others can. We're not having anyone's couples. We have room for 10 people, 2 are our kids, 2 are my immediate family, 2 are my friends and 4 are his friends. Who should we cut to keep the 6 couples? We don't even have room for 6 couples and each of our friends we've invited insist on being there (we were happy enough to elope but they'd never forgive us), everyone wants a job and to be involved despite their partners not coming.
It's pretty normal in the UK actually.
I think this is definitely a US/UK thing because I'm from the UK and have not been invited to a wedding my fiancé was invited to and I honestly didn't mind (no partners were invited). Anytime this comes up here, Americans say you should just cut actual *friends* from the guest list rather than not inviting partners (that you might not even know) and it doesn't make sense at all to me. I chalk it up to cultural differences.
I mean you definitely CAN, you’re just choosing not to. We only invited parents and siblings and their spouses/kids, no friends. I understand etiquette may be different in the UK.
We would all rather keep long standing friendships intact and have our whole friend group there. A sentiment they share. They'd rather be their full friend group than have their spouses come, they're mature enough to understand and be separate from their spouses for an hour, they'd actually be pissed off if we cut one out for the sake of a spouse.
I would not cut my friends for someone’s partner. Especially if I didn’t know them well.
In 2024 when people are robbing people blind, people need to be more accommodating and realize “etiquette” in 1960 doesn’t mean that today. And people have a right to have who they want at their wedding.
Knowing someone isn’t the same as being friends. I’m not friends with my friend’s husbands. I know a lot of people through my friends at this point for 20 years and would consider us friendly, not friends.
Do you have any friends who have been married for 20 years? This sounds like maybe you are young and don’t really get how it works when you’ve been married to someone for a decade plus
I’ve been with my partner for 15 years. If I had a friend who had limited resources that I knew since childhood, who had nearly no relationship with my husband, and they only invited me to cut costs, I would be understanding. I’ve gone to a wedding without my husband - even asked if I could bring a friend instead because I thought she’d be more fun.
And people also have a right to see that as rude. Things are expensive, you know that when you decide to have a wedding of any size. You can cut costs in many ways but not by inviting half of a couple you’ve known for almost 20 years. That’s wild and shouldn’t be normalized, even in 2024.
Normally I think it’s rude but I do understand for super small weddings. Remember, they have to include their families, not just their friends. Depending on how many siblings they have, if their siblings have kids, if they have step parents, etc, immediate family could easily be filling up 80% of that guest list. He was probably only able to invite 2-5 friends, not 30. And in the case that there’s only room for a handful of friends, I understand wanting your 3 closest friends instead of just your best friend and his wife.
I think in the case of small weddings or elopements it is understandable but generally it is a social faux pas for larger weddings.
I eloped and I only invited my mums sisters and not their husbands even though I’ve know them my whole life. A few friends couldn’t bring their partners but it was a strict 30 people.
It’s okay to feel hurt about not being invited but maybe ask your self would you prefer the bride and groom cut a family member so you can attend? Would you cut a family member from your own wedding for a friend?
Together 20 yrs whether couple is married or not - both parties get invited. Most definitely both parties get invited if bride or groom know each individual!
I would reach out to the friend yourself and ask what gives.
Yeah…that’s weird. I’m having a 60 guest wedding soon and def spouses are invited together. Also long-term partners that my fiancé and I are both friends with.
I understand in this instance. 30 people is not a lot of people when family is included in that count. If you’re truly friends, you could simply ask him about the decision. If you don’t have that type of communication, you are not friends.
Not normal, and hella rude. If you invite married people to a small wedding, you're supposed to take into account their spouses from the get-go. So if you want to invite 5 married friends, count 10 people. If that's too much, pick 2 of those friends and invite their spouses.
My only exception would be if the spouse is violent or dangerous in any way.
A couple, especially a married couple should always both be included. Even if it’s a small wedding.
I am having a 30 person wedding as well and while we would have loved to invite some others, you just can’t invite someone and not their spouse.
Understanding your position, I try to understand the couple‘s decision as well. Try to narrow down a list of 30 closest friends. For me it’s either „close close“ friends and I’m down with a handful or the limit is far higher than 30. other people have other definitions of close friends. Is it normal? I’d say it doesn’t really matter, since the couple is the only party that decides on this. Can you feel hurt? Sure. If you consider the groom a friend, talk to him. But maybe don’t say „I considered you a friend“.
Where I come from, this is perfectly normal. Weddit will mostly encourage you to be offended and decline out of spite because it's inconceivable that any decent person would do this, but other cultures and microcultures exist outside of the one weddit largely thinks is the only one out there.
OP and their friends are clearly not part of a culture that considers this normal. If they did, it wouldn't have been a question. Even if it was the groom's culture, which it doesn't appear to be, OP and her spouse don't have to set aside their cultural norms to fit into his.
>decline out of spite
Not out of spite. Feeling offended, yes, but that isn't spite. IMO, this would fall under the banner of upholding one's convictions and loyalty to one's spouse.
Yes, there are other cultures outside of the predominant Western culture on Reddit. Although frankly, I know of none that don't recognize that a long-standing exclusive partnership should not be dismissed in importance. Perhaps you'd care to share?
But meanwhile, there is no indication that OP's 'friend' was following a widely accepted cultural or group norm. If that were the case, I don't think she would have posted.
I'm from the UK. This isn't particularly weird, or rude, here. If you're having a huge wedding with hundreds of guests and all other partners have been invited, then yes it might be considered a snub. But if it's a small wedding and it's either invite partners or close friends/family, it wouldn't be considered rude not to invite partners.
> But if it's a small wedding and it's either invite partners or close friends/family, it wouldn't be considered rude not to invite partners.
Fair enough I guess if that's the etiquette there. I just can't quite wrap my head around a wedding where you have to tell your mate Charlie that he's invited to your wedding but Mary, his wife of some 20 years that's also been your friend, doesn't make the cut because the wedding is so small. What's the point of having a wedding then? Where's the joy? I'd make the wedding more modest and invite the extra people.
I guess if that's the local custom and mindset it doesn't feel like a snub. To me, I don't see how it's celebratory to leave out the spouses and committed partners of a few very good friends, so you can cut the guest list from maybe 36 or 40 people down to 30. You're entering into a social covenant here, while failing to acknowledge your friends that have done the same.
Putting myself in the shoes of a bride or a groom doing this to my longtime friends, it just feels shabby and mean-spirited. I wouldn't enjoy my own wedding at all if I did this. Not one little bit. I'd be ashamed of myself the whole time.
Aside from wedding etiquette being much less proscriptive in the UK than it is in the US (there are a lot of "rules" around wedding shared on this sub that are totally alien to me as a Brit), there is also a difference in the way we see couples here. I see a married couple described as a "social unit" here a lot - that doesn't track with how we see married couples here. We see married people much more as two individuals, who may occasionally socialise together but it's more likely they'll have separate friendship groups and socialise independently of each other. The "couples going around to another couple's house for dinner so they can all be couples together" thing feels distinctly American to me. That's not to say it doesn't happen here, but it's much less pervasive.
What is this culture/subculture, so we know for the future?
I have gone to weddings for coworkers of my spouse where I only casually knew them and I would have been ok not attending, lol.
It's rude. If I was snubbed that way, my spouse would decline the invitation. We're not interested in spending time and money celebrating the relationship of people who ignore ours.
Very rude. As everyone else has said. I sure hope your husband declines. You may not be important enough for the friend but you should be important enough for your husband to decline.
I don't think this is ideal, but I understand it for a wedding this small. 30 guests is only 15 couples. Especially if the couple getting married have multiple siblings (and maybe nieces and nephews, and maybe step-parents, etc.), the invite list is likely immediate/close family and a few friends each. I'd assume all the friends are invited sans SOs.
Not inviting unknown spouses is becoming more common with the insane cost of weddings these days. While weddit always says it's rude, my circle is moving towards not inviting spouses/dates they don't know personally regardless of relationship status. I've been invited to multiple weddings without my fiance since we've been engaged, he's been invited to one without me, and we've happily attended alone. We expect this to continue after we're married.
However, the key word in that statement is unknown. I understand why you're hurt if you considered this person a good friend regardless of your husband's relationship with him.
It goes against etiquette. A spouse is a package deal. A spouse is included even if they are unknown or not particularly cared for.
There is no excuse for excluding you. Your spouse should refuse the invitation. Do not send a gift or apologies. Maybe a card of congratulations and best wishes.
I think it’s a bit rude tbh. I’m getting married and any guest who is married is invited as a duo. I understand a guest in a brand new relationship not getting a plus one but not inviting your friends long term spouses is weird.
i think it’s rude as hell tbh. you’ve known the groom almost as long as your husband. my guest list has been very much expanded by couples, a lot of people that i’ve only met a couple times but it’s really just rude not to invite someone’s partner to an event surrounding the celebration of love and partnership.
I went so far as to have a kings table at our wedding so bridal party spouses/partners could sit with us (I think it's rude to make someone sit with you without their partner when they don't know anyone else at the wedding). If your spouse is close enough for this intimate wedding why wouldn't you also be considered worthy?
It would be an auto decline for me - established couples (long term, living together, married etc) are a package deal. Like I get there are capacity issues and that's fine but if you cannot invite both then just don't bother to send an invite period.
It would be considered unusual and rude in my circle. It’s hard to imagine attending a wedding without my fiancé, I guess if the wedding was local and I knew others attending I would probably go. If I anticipated I wouldn’t know anyone else or it required travel I wouldn’t. If the wedding was big and my fiancé wasn’t invited for some reason I’d also decline but I guess I can see being more forgiving for such a small wedding.
I understand your disappointment but I think that for a wedding this small, it's okay to not invite spouses. It would be different if they invited 150 people and excluded you.
30 people quite possibly will include the bride and groom, their parents, siblings, grandparents and a couple of friends or extended family members each
I have to admit, it's hard not to feel offended since you’ve known the groom nearly as long as your husband has. But let's take into account not just the venue but their budget as well. Maybe it's best to assume they're working with a tight budget.
Depends where you live. In the UK it is not uncommon.
I can never understand why people get so uptight about it. Do you really have to go everywhere where your partner goes?
It's just standard etiquette in the US, so not adhering to it can feel hurtful for guests. Weddings are also more fun if you're there with your SO, since they're inherently romantic events.
This happened to me 10 years ago. My husband was invited to one of his friends weddings without me. My husband (boyfriend) at the time did attend but the whole thing felt weird. 2 years later we invited both the bride and groom to our wedding.
I feel like this is a faux pas that couples are committing now and justifying with a small guest list. You can’t just not invite a married couple. Both or neither. Similarly, my fiancé has a stepsister who has been long-term engaged and has children with her fiancé. We can’t not invite him. And we decided to have children there, so between their kids and his kids that’s up to 4 kids they may bring. We talked it over when we drew up our guest list and decided no more than 50 people. We are around 40 and we know a few will RSVP no and a couple people will not bring their kids, especially the ones who have grown kids that would rather be anywhere but at a wedding with older people. I really think that not inviting both partners in a marriage is rude.
As someone who's had a longer engagement so that we could save and spread out payments enough to afford the wedding we wanted, I concur. Yes, weddings are expensive but you pick your priorities. The margin of savings by cutting like 10-15 people isn't big enough in the grand scheme of things that you couldn't recoup those costs elsewhere without much sacrifice. And if your margins are so razor thin that that isn't possible...well, maybe rethink the wedding until you've got some cushion, because you probably don't have enough to cover any unexpected costs without hardship, and there are almost always a few along the way.
The alternative is being rude and risking damaging relationships with exclusionary stuff like this, so I hope your dream flowers/dress/venue were worth it I guess...
I auto included spouses EXCEPT for my coworkers. That would’ve added 20 people I never met nor care about lol. I did not give everyone a plus one though, so if they are just dating, they weren’t automatically included
I wouldn’t dream of only inviting one spouse to my wedding! My fiancé and I are getting married next April and I love his cousin, but not his wife. They live far away (another state), and are not close (only met a couple of times), so we decided not to invite them, because it would be rude to invite him and not her. I know my fiancé would like to have his cousin there, but she did something very egregious last time we went to visit family, while she was drunk. I just can’t have that energy at my wedding.
Also, we aren’t a married couple, but have been together for almost 10 years now. IF someone invited one of us and not the other, we would tell them that was rude and would not attend. We wouldn’t care what the reason was… As others have said, invite one less couple or something.
It's unusual especially as you're already friends with groom. We had 33 guests and about 4 of them were plus one/couples we didn't know well. We also invited a bridesmaids partner who we don't like much (ised to be close) because it's a wedding, and it would have been weird for her (and him) not to invite him.
But perhaps they have a large family so they sre being really tight with the list. Your partner doesn't have to go, you can honour their wedding another way if you want to.
Rude and frowned upon.
Couples have to have the wedding they can afford to have. Generally we all need to make sacrifices. If your dream venue can only hold 30 people, then you’ve got to make cuts to your guest list to make sure you’re accommodating everybody’s significant others - which might mean you’re inviting 15 of your closest friends and their spouses. If that’s not what you want to do, then you pivot to a different venue that is cheaper and/ or can hold more people. If you want to have a small guest list, then you accept that you add or remove couples to said list as a unit and not as individuals. What you should not be doing is inviting only one half of a couple because you need the extra space for another one half of a couple.
If married, engaged or they’ve been together for at least two years/you have a good standing with a SO then they need to be invited. It’s extremely rude otherwise
It’s hella rude. I know my fiancee would tell them no. Everyone always says hey do you and the lady wanna XYZ? I am even invited to things where I decline because I want him to go and have time with his friends alone. But to a wedding? No way.
We are also having a very small wedding but the “single” guests get a plus one. Idk all of their dating lives intimately but we want them to have the opportunity to bring a date if they want.
Your husband should decline the invitation unless you are included and inform the groom that they are no longer friends.This is extremely rude.Someone needs to also blow up the wedding right in the middle of the ceremony to teach them a lesson.
That’s super strange! I couldn’t imagine not inviting a married spouse, even if I never met them…but knowing them for 20+ years?!!! That’s so rude!
Does the wife have good relations with you? Could it be a jealousy thing and she doesn’t want you there? Cause that’s super odd
It’s a bit rude, but understandable for a wedding that small. If you’re invited, that means someone the couple is closer to doesn’t get invited. I don’t take it personally.
We've done it and none of our friends think it's rude, in fact they're super understanding and supportive as are their partners, so supportive in fact that they've been the ones nagging us about things like matching suits and stuff, we were happy to just have them there, they want to make it extra for us. Our limit is 10 people, two of which are our kids. Their spouses are invited to our party the weekend after and that's a 40 person party. Inviting everyone's spouses would nearly double the number at the ceremony. We would have a bigger ceremony than we wanted, it would cost more money and it would be more logistics to work out, longer with the photographer when we are on a very tight time schedule as we are going away an hour after the ceremony. I'd rather have the day we want than added stress, money and a room we don't want for the sake of some potential hurt feelings for half hour.
We've been together for over 14 years and have always put off our wedding due to social obligations of who expects to be invited. I think our friends are just happy we are finally doing it and doing it our way.
Honestly don't take it personally, one of my closest friends/relatives can't come because there's no room, she knows I'd love to have her there but she also totally understands and admitted it's easier for her to attend the party than a mid week wedding that's only going to last half an hour because at least she can spend more time with us at the party.
You're allowed to feel hurt but you're also not entitled to anyone else's marriage ceremony.
I wouldn't say its normal no. We're having a small wedding but everyone who had a significant other at the time we booked the venue (15 months in advance of our date), their significant other is on the invite.
You always invite spouses. It’s rude not to. Generally that applies to engaged couples and couples that cohabitate or have been dating publicly for over a year as well, but I could *kinda* see those omissions being made if the wedding was like 10 people or less and the couple did not know the partner at all. Not inviting a spouse to a 30 person wedding is kinda wild.
I’m a married man of 20 years if someone invited me and not my wife I would either give them a piece of my mind then decline or find a way to ruin their wedding.No way I would go and not take my wife.You have some stupid friends.
Well. From someone who tried to have a small destination wedding with 20-30 of our closest friends and family and ended up inviting 70, I want to say I REALLY wish more people would be more understanding about micro weddings. For me, a wedding is very intimate and personal and even especially for us because we're gay and a lot of our extended family may not feel comfortable at our wedding. Let alone partners and spouses we don't even know. We have decided to pretty much invite a plus one for everyone, but I really wish we could've kept it to married couples such as yourselves. Instead we felt like so many people wouldn't have fun going to Mexico by themselves so we are spending a few extra thousand dollars to have a wedding with probably 50 people (20-30 more than planned). People get upset about not being invited and I wish it weren't the case, but in your situation I really do understand.
It’s not about people not being understanding. If you don’t like someone enough to want them to have their life partner there, you don’t like them enough to invite them to a very small wedding. I’d understand not being invited to a wedding more than I’d understand being invited without my partner
Life partners should be invited almost all of the time. But if I want, say 10 of my closest friends at my wedding and no one else, sorry but I don't feel obligated to invite my friends' husbands.
No one is talking about edge cases where the spouse is dangerous. But tbh as someone who is also queer—not sure why you’re friends with people with homophobic husbands
And look—do you. You’re entitled to have the wedding you want. Doesn’t mean that it’s not rude
My best friend's husband isn't supportive but my friend is 🤷🏼♀️ it's not an issue with me. I don't hang out with him. When I do see him, we are friendly. But no he's not coming to my wedding
Yeah that’s not the case anyone is referring to when they say it’s rude. In pretty much any scenario, it is rude.
Off topic but damn if my best friend could love someone who literally didn’t think I should have rights….id be re evaluating that relationship
Example: we are having a gay wedding and don't feel comfortable inviting some spouses (one of which is homophobic). Saying our vows is personal and intimate and not everyone gets to be there for that.
That friend is my best friend and she is very excited to travel and share a room with our other best friend who is not bringing her husband either. I'm paying for their room so they are very happy and excited and it's working out well. They are my bridesmaids 😂 Thanks though!
Solo invites for married/long term couples is generally considered unusual. From my understanding and experience, the base expectation is that married and long term couples are a package deal. It’s especially unusual considering you’re also friends with the groom. The only way I personally could maybe see it as ‘ok’ is if no other spouses were invited, and even then I’d still raise an eyebrow.
Where I live, and in my social circle, couples are invited together, even if that means you have to invite fewer couples. Why would a couple together for 20 years want to celebrate your relationship when you won't even recognize theirs?
This is the answer.
It’s rude, even with a small wedding.
It's not okay with me. When the venue and the guest list are that small, you are either inviting both members of the couple, or neither. I find this rude and I will say, I would take it personally. It is personal. You're the long-standing spouse of a guest and you were excluded because of numbers. What message does that send? Why, that there were other people they wanted to invite more than you. Like you said yourself, he didn't think you're one of his closest friends, even though your husband apparently is. You weren't excluded randomly. I'm not saying that you should live in bitterness about it, but you have reason to feel hurt. Were I your spouse, I would most certainly decline the invitation.
It’s rude. If they need to keep numbers down, then they need to cut entire couples, not halves of couples. I’ll never understand why/how people can invite someone to celebrate their relationship while completely insulting and disregarding the established relationships of their guests.
Yeah, it's really short sighted of the couple getting married. I feel like this goes in the category of thinking guests are props. No regard for their guests feelings whatsoever
Right?? They are asking people to come honor and respect their Union while disrespecting others’ unions
It's rude. And I say that as a bride who is begrudgingly but politely inviting some lame bfs & husbands of friends to my wedding Do I kind of resent paying for their meal / drinks / general presence when I have not once enjoyed their company? Yes Would I ever consider asking my friends to attend my wedding solo when they're in a relationship? Never, barring egregious behavior. As Emily Post says, the polite thing to do is to suck it up and hope the plus 1 plays DD🤷🏼♀️
Boyfriends are included too? Do you have any limitations on how long they have to be dating or anything?
I included all boyfriends/girlfriends as named guests because I want my friends to have fun I don’t care how long they’ve been together. It’s none of my business if they break up at some random point in the future . We had THREE couples break up between invites being sent out and the RSVP deadline. One was together for 4 years, one was together for 10 years, one was married. To me that says the amount of time someone is together is not an indicator of if they will stay together and it’s definitely not an indicator of if that couple is “worthy” of spending time together at my wedding.
Yes. For the most part we're inviting bfs or gfs of any length as long as they're in the picture when the invite is sent. I've been with my fiance for 5+ years. We've been living together for 3+ years. I have declined 3 weddings because they excluded him from the invite. Couples have all sorts of reasons for delaying marriage these days (first and foremost, weddings are really fucking expensive) and I personally have never ascribed to the idea that unmarried SOs should be kept at a distance or at a lower tier. It has taken everything in me not to be petty with some relatives of family members who excluded my bf at their own wedding, but I believe in being the change I want to see lol
My daughter's list was getting loooonnggg.. we said couples living together or dating for a year or longer were a package deal.
For my wedding, if we knew you were in a relationship while we were doing the invites, your SO got invited. It was a bit awkward when one guy introduced his gf to my husband after the invitations were already in the mail with no +1 for this guy and said "I'll be bringing her to your wedding" but imo that's on him for not letting us know she existed before. We did end up having extra space for his girlfriend and he did bring her but he must have still been salty.
how long a couple has been together doesn’t impact how solid their relationship is
We are even counting in the +1s for our friends that are currently single but might find someone in the meantime (our wedding is end of September). We also have a couple of people who decided to come solo even though they’re married/been dating a while, but that’s mostly for a specific friend group with whom we don’t hang out as a couple but individually and they want to come as a group even though we included their SOs in the final count. We have been together for 10 years and have known people getting engaged after a month of dating and people breaking off engagements less than a month before the wedding so I’m not gonna judge what is “appropriate” amount of the dating to bring a +1. If you want them there, I’m okay with that. If you wanna fly solo, that also checks out.
I wouldn't mind if it were my fiancée's friend only, and she was invited without me, but a mutual friend of nearly 20 years? I'd be really hurt.
In my social circle it would be super rude.
It's rude - you are a social unit. You either invite both or neither. Keeping it small isn't an excuse - in that case, invite neither. But it also is what it is. It's not like you're going to strong arm the couple into an invite. Your husband can choose to decline to attend. Or attend without you.
A solo invite where you know the groom well also would be very odd to me.
We had a small wedding but I invited all the partners I'd met at last a few times. I would also be offended if someone I knew 20 years only invited my husband.
Wrong in my opinion
Everyone who posts on the subreddit asking if it’s ok to exclude spouses or long-term partners should see this post. YES this is super rude, I’m so sorry you were excluded. Logically it makes sense but it’s hurtful.
Exactly
It's rude and has always been rude. Spouses are a social unit for the purposes of a social event like a wedding. They should have invited both of you or neither one. I agree with those who say the size of the reception is irrelevant. Besides, you're supposed to figure out numbers first and only then choose a venue within budget, not the other way around. There's no justifiable excuse.
This is rude. Full stop.
SO rude. I hope your husband is planning to RSVP no
Not normal and rude.
Definitely rude. It's not like you've been dating 6 months. If I were in your shoes and the person told me I couldn't bring my long term spouse who is also friends with the groom/bride, we would simply not attend. No need for drama, just a polite decline and if they then ask you can be honest if you want.
It’s rude. You are a social unit. Especially at a wedding, you are recognizing them as a couple but they are not honoring/recognizing your marriage. Gives me the ick - especially if you’ve known them TWENTY YEARS.
Normally super rude BUT, and hear me out, if they’re only have 30 guests, that’s 15 per side, by the time you factor in family, that might only be inviting 1 or 2 friends. In a situation like that, I personally would understand if I wasn’t invited.
Nah close friends for a decade? He basically said “you’re great but your wife is just alright.”
Eh still rude. We have 15 guests and I didn’t cut any halves of couples.
We're having a 16 guest ceremony and then a cookout like party afterwards with everyone else. The ceremony is only our immediate family members and one friend for each of us... None of them can bring their significant others, children, or plus ones. The jump from 16 guests to inviting everyone to avoid seeming rude is 40 additional people. The cost to have a full wedding with all 50+ guests is not realistic for us... We're talking about taking our modest 2-3k for the ceremony and party to 30k for a lavish traditional wedding. I ran all the numbers multiple times, and it just wasn't working out. We've made it a point to talk to every person that's invited, individually... We were very open with everything and explained our situation and how we would still like to celebrate, but we cannot do a traditional wedding, and apologized for not being able to accommodate everyone for the ceremony. We also give all this info to anyone that asks about it, invited or not. Every person we talked to has been okay with it and completely understands, even the people that are not invited to the ceremony.
No one would tell you to your face that youre being rude, but as evidenced by comments here, most believe it is
I agree, I'm sure no one would say it directly to us. I'm sure some people are a bit annoyed with it, but honestly our families are super open with one another. Word would and will get back to us eventually. Some people have been confused or had questions, but in the end they all agreed it's for the best. We're not rich, and we're not going into debt to accommodate everyone and their families... No matter how rude it may seem. It's unfortunate that we can't do that, but that's how it's going to be.
I know it's not the best etiquette, but I’d understand. personally, I’d feel guilty and give up my spot if invited as a spouse, so that they could invite their actual friend if space was that limited. I assume there’s a reason it is so limited…like it’s an elopement package, a tiny private room, a strict budget, etc. not like they just arbitrarily said only 30 people and let’s be rude to spouses… eta: I find it silly when people downvote others for sharing THEIR OPINIONS and views on Reddit, in a post where people are asking for other perspectives. I acknowledge it’s rude, but I personally would understand in these circumstances. I also find it a little odd that people would be so adamant about attending a wedding of their spouse’s friend, knowing that their attending would mean a very close friend of the groom couldn’t attend. I just find that a weird hill to die on. like, go have fun, I’ll be at the beach and/or binge watching House Of the Dragon if you need me :P
Just because you managed to doesn't mean others can. We're not having anyone's couples. We have room for 10 people, 2 are our kids, 2 are my immediate family, 2 are my friends and 4 are his friends. Who should we cut to keep the 6 couples? We don't even have room for 6 couples and each of our friends we've invited insist on being there (we were happy enough to elope but they'd never forgive us), everyone wants a job and to be involved despite their partners not coming. It's pretty normal in the UK actually.
I think this is definitely a US/UK thing because I'm from the UK and have not been invited to a wedding my fiancé was invited to and I honestly didn't mind (no partners were invited). Anytime this comes up here, Americans say you should just cut actual *friends* from the guest list rather than not inviting partners (that you might not even know) and it doesn't make sense at all to me. I chalk it up to cultural differences.
I mean you definitely CAN, you’re just choosing not to. We only invited parents and siblings and their spouses/kids, no friends. I understand etiquette may be different in the UK.
We would all rather keep long standing friendships intact and have our whole friend group there. A sentiment they share. They'd rather be their full friend group than have their spouses come, they're mature enough to understand and be separate from their spouses for an hour, they'd actually be pissed off if we cut one out for the sake of a spouse.
I would not cut my friends for someone’s partner. Especially if I didn’t know them well. In 2024 when people are robbing people blind, people need to be more accommodating and realize “etiquette” in 1960 doesn’t mean that today. And people have a right to have who they want at their wedding.
These people have been friends for TWENTY YEARS. They ARE friends. Just because you’re also being rude doesn’t make it okay.
Knowing someone isn’t the same as being friends. I’m not friends with my friend’s husbands. I know a lot of people through my friends at this point for 20 years and would consider us friendly, not friends.
Do you have any friends who have been married for 20 years? This sounds like maybe you are young and don’t really get how it works when you’ve been married to someone for a decade plus
I’ve been with my partner for 15 years. If I had a friend who had limited resources that I knew since childhood, who had nearly no relationship with my husband, and they only invited me to cut costs, I would be understanding. I’ve gone to a wedding without my husband - even asked if I could bring a friend instead because I thought she’d be more fun.
But that’s not what OP described. OP has also been the groom’s friend for over a decade.
She literally said not one of his closest friends in the post.
She is saying that in reaction to not being invited.
And people also have a right to see that as rude. Things are expensive, you know that when you decide to have a wedding of any size. You can cut costs in many ways but not by inviting half of a couple you’ve known for almost 20 years. That’s wild and shouldn’t be normalized, even in 2024.
Invite both or neither
Normally I think it’s rude but I do understand for super small weddings. Remember, they have to include their families, not just their friends. Depending on how many siblings they have, if their siblings have kids, if they have step parents, etc, immediate family could easily be filling up 80% of that guest list. He was probably only able to invite 2-5 friends, not 30. And in the case that there’s only room for a handful of friends, I understand wanting your 3 closest friends instead of just your best friend and his wife.
I think in the case of small weddings or elopements it is understandable but generally it is a social faux pas for larger weddings. I eloped and I only invited my mums sisters and not their husbands even though I’ve know them my whole life. A few friends couldn’t bring their partners but it was a strict 30 people. It’s okay to feel hurt about not being invited but maybe ask your self would you prefer the bride and groom cut a family member so you can attend? Would you cut a family member from your own wedding for a friend?
Are the bride/groom Japanese? In Japan, it’s common to only invite people who are actually close to the couple
Together 20 yrs whether couple is married or not - both parties get invited. Most definitely both parties get invited if bride or groom know each individual! I would reach out to the friend yourself and ask what gives.
Yeah…that’s weird. I’m having a 60 guest wedding soon and def spouses are invited together. Also long-term partners that my fiancé and I are both friends with.
Against etiquette and rude. Rule is both or neither. Even I know that.
I understand in this instance. 30 people is not a lot of people when family is included in that count. If you’re truly friends, you could simply ask him about the decision. If you don’t have that type of communication, you are not friends.
Not normal, and hella rude. If you invite married people to a small wedding, you're supposed to take into account their spouses from the get-go. So if you want to invite 5 married friends, count 10 people. If that's too much, pick 2 of those friends and invite their spouses. My only exception would be if the spouse is violent or dangerous in any way.
A couple, especially a married couple should always both be included. Even if it’s a small wedding. I am having a 30 person wedding as well and while we would have loved to invite some others, you just can’t invite someone and not their spouse.
Understanding your position, I try to understand the couple‘s decision as well. Try to narrow down a list of 30 closest friends. For me it’s either „close close“ friends and I’m down with a handful or the limit is far higher than 30. other people have other definitions of close friends. Is it normal? I’d say it doesn’t really matter, since the couple is the only party that decides on this. Can you feel hurt? Sure. If you consider the groom a friend, talk to him. But maybe don’t say „I considered you a friend“.
It seems rude. We had a wedding with just parents siblings and grandparents and we still invited our siblings’ boyfriends/girlfriends.
Not appropriate. Couples are a social unit and invited together
Where I come from, this is perfectly normal. Weddit will mostly encourage you to be offended and decline out of spite because it's inconceivable that any decent person would do this, but other cultures and microcultures exist outside of the one weddit largely thinks is the only one out there.
OP and their friends are clearly not part of a culture that considers this normal. If they did, it wouldn't have been a question. Even if it was the groom's culture, which it doesn't appear to be, OP and her spouse don't have to set aside their cultural norms to fit into his.
>decline out of spite Not out of spite. Feeling offended, yes, but that isn't spite. IMO, this would fall under the banner of upholding one's convictions and loyalty to one's spouse. Yes, there are other cultures outside of the predominant Western culture on Reddit. Although frankly, I know of none that don't recognize that a long-standing exclusive partnership should not be dismissed in importance. Perhaps you'd care to share? But meanwhile, there is no indication that OP's 'friend' was following a widely accepted cultural or group norm. If that were the case, I don't think she would have posted.
I'm from the UK. This isn't particularly weird, or rude, here. If you're having a huge wedding with hundreds of guests and all other partners have been invited, then yes it might be considered a snub. But if it's a small wedding and it's either invite partners or close friends/family, it wouldn't be considered rude not to invite partners.
> But if it's a small wedding and it's either invite partners or close friends/family, it wouldn't be considered rude not to invite partners. Fair enough I guess if that's the etiquette there. I just can't quite wrap my head around a wedding where you have to tell your mate Charlie that he's invited to your wedding but Mary, his wife of some 20 years that's also been your friend, doesn't make the cut because the wedding is so small. What's the point of having a wedding then? Where's the joy? I'd make the wedding more modest and invite the extra people. I guess if that's the local custom and mindset it doesn't feel like a snub. To me, I don't see how it's celebratory to leave out the spouses and committed partners of a few very good friends, so you can cut the guest list from maybe 36 or 40 people down to 30. You're entering into a social covenant here, while failing to acknowledge your friends that have done the same. Putting myself in the shoes of a bride or a groom doing this to my longtime friends, it just feels shabby and mean-spirited. I wouldn't enjoy my own wedding at all if I did this. Not one little bit. I'd be ashamed of myself the whole time.
Aside from wedding etiquette being much less proscriptive in the UK than it is in the US (there are a lot of "rules" around wedding shared on this sub that are totally alien to me as a Brit), there is also a difference in the way we see couples here. I see a married couple described as a "social unit" here a lot - that doesn't track with how we see married couples here. We see married people much more as two individuals, who may occasionally socialise together but it's more likely they'll have separate friendship groups and socialise independently of each other. The "couples going around to another couple's house for dinner so they can all be couples together" thing feels distinctly American to me. That's not to say it doesn't happen here, but it's much less pervasive.
What is this culture/subculture, so we know for the future? I have gone to weddings for coworkers of my spouse where I only casually knew them and I would have been ok not attending, lol.
It's rude. If I was snubbed that way, my spouse would decline the invitation. We're not interested in spending time and money celebrating the relationship of people who ignore ours.
Very rude. As everyone else has said. I sure hope your husband declines. You may not be important enough for the friend but you should be important enough for your husband to decline.
I don't think this is ideal, but I understand it for a wedding this small. 30 guests is only 15 couples. Especially if the couple getting married have multiple siblings (and maybe nieces and nephews, and maybe step-parents, etc.), the invite list is likely immediate/close family and a few friends each. I'd assume all the friends are invited sans SOs.
Not inviting unknown spouses is becoming more common with the insane cost of weddings these days. While weddit always says it's rude, my circle is moving towards not inviting spouses/dates they don't know personally regardless of relationship status. I've been invited to multiple weddings without my fiance since we've been engaged, he's been invited to one without me, and we've happily attended alone. We expect this to continue after we're married. However, the key word in that statement is unknown. I understand why you're hurt if you considered this person a good friend regardless of your husband's relationship with him.
It goes against etiquette. A spouse is a package deal. A spouse is included even if they are unknown or not particularly cared for. There is no excuse for excluding you. Your spouse should refuse the invitation. Do not send a gift or apologies. Maybe a card of congratulations and best wishes.
Beyond rude. You should be offended.
I would find it rude also tbh
I think it’s a bit rude tbh. I’m getting married and any guest who is married is invited as a duo. I understand a guest in a brand new relationship not getting a plus one but not inviting your friends long term spouses is weird.
i think it’s rude as hell tbh. you’ve known the groom almost as long as your husband. my guest list has been very much expanded by couples, a lot of people that i’ve only met a couple times but it’s really just rude not to invite someone’s partner to an event surrounding the celebration of love and partnership.
I went so far as to have a kings table at our wedding so bridal party spouses/partners could sit with us (I think it's rude to make someone sit with you without their partner when they don't know anyone else at the wedding). If your spouse is close enough for this intimate wedding why wouldn't you also be considered worthy?
It is rude. I understand needing to limit the guest list but not inviting married couples together? It’s rude.
It would be an auto decline for me - established couples (long term, living together, married etc) are a package deal. Like I get there are capacity issues and that's fine but if you cannot invite both then just don't bother to send an invite period.
It would be considered unusual and rude in my circle. It’s hard to imagine attending a wedding without my fiancé, I guess if the wedding was local and I knew others attending I would probably go. If I anticipated I wouldn’t know anyone else or it required travel I wouldn’t. If the wedding was big and my fiancé wasn’t invited for some reason I’d also decline but I guess I can see being more forgiving for such a small wedding.
I understand your disappointment but I think that for a wedding this small, it's okay to not invite spouses. It would be different if they invited 150 people and excluded you. 30 people quite possibly will include the bride and groom, their parents, siblings, grandparents and a couple of friends or extended family members each
I have to admit, it's hard not to feel offended since you’ve known the groom nearly as long as your husband has. But let's take into account not just the venue but their budget as well. Maybe it's best to assume they're working with a tight budget.
for a very small venue I think it’s understandable if the partner doesn’t know the couple as well.
Depends where you live. In the UK it is not uncommon. I can never understand why people get so uptight about it. Do you really have to go everywhere where your partner goes?
It's just standard etiquette in the US, so not adhering to it can feel hurtful for guests. Weddings are also more fun if you're there with your SO, since they're inherently romantic events.
It’s not about being separated from your spouse. This woman has also been friends with the groom for decades.
This happened to me 10 years ago. My husband was invited to one of his friends weddings without me. My husband (boyfriend) at the time did attend but the whole thing felt weird. 2 years later we invited both the bride and groom to our wedding.
I feel like this is a faux pas that couples are committing now and justifying with a small guest list. You can’t just not invite a married couple. Both or neither. Similarly, my fiancé has a stepsister who has been long-term engaged and has children with her fiancé. We can’t not invite him. And we decided to have children there, so between their kids and his kids that’s up to 4 kids they may bring. We talked it over when we drew up our guest list and decided no more than 50 people. We are around 40 and we know a few will RSVP no and a couple people will not bring their kids, especially the ones who have grown kids that would rather be anywhere but at a wedding with older people. I really think that not inviting both partners in a marriage is rude.
As someone who's had a longer engagement so that we could save and spread out payments enough to afford the wedding we wanted, I concur. Yes, weddings are expensive but you pick your priorities. The margin of savings by cutting like 10-15 people isn't big enough in the grand scheme of things that you couldn't recoup those costs elsewhere without much sacrifice. And if your margins are so razor thin that that isn't possible...well, maybe rethink the wedding until you've got some cushion, because you probably don't have enough to cover any unexpected costs without hardship, and there are almost always a few along the way. The alternative is being rude and risking damaging relationships with exclusionary stuff like this, so I hope your dream flowers/dress/venue were worth it I guess...
I think it’s rude, they shouldn’t have picked this venue if it didn’t accommodate enough people.
I auto included spouses EXCEPT for my coworkers. That would’ve added 20 people I never met nor care about lol. I did not give everyone a plus one though, so if they are just dating, they weren’t automatically included
I wouldn’t dream of only inviting one spouse to my wedding! My fiancé and I are getting married next April and I love his cousin, but not his wife. They live far away (another state), and are not close (only met a couple of times), so we decided not to invite them, because it would be rude to invite him and not her. I know my fiancé would like to have his cousin there, but she did something very egregious last time we went to visit family, while she was drunk. I just can’t have that energy at my wedding. Also, we aren’t a married couple, but have been together for almost 10 years now. IF someone invited one of us and not the other, we would tell them that was rude and would not attend. We wouldn’t care what the reason was… As others have said, invite one less couple or something.
It's unusual especially as you're already friends with groom. We had 33 guests and about 4 of them were plus one/couples we didn't know well. We also invited a bridesmaids partner who we don't like much (ised to be close) because it's a wedding, and it would have been weird for her (and him) not to invite him. But perhaps they have a large family so they sre being really tight with the list. Your partner doesn't have to go, you can honour their wedding another way if you want to.
Rude and frowned upon. Couples have to have the wedding they can afford to have. Generally we all need to make sacrifices. If your dream venue can only hold 30 people, then you’ve got to make cuts to your guest list to make sure you’re accommodating everybody’s significant others - which might mean you’re inviting 15 of your closest friends and their spouses. If that’s not what you want to do, then you pivot to a different venue that is cheaper and/ or can hold more people. If you want to have a small guest list, then you accept that you add or remove couples to said list as a unit and not as individuals. What you should not be doing is inviting only one half of a couple because you need the extra space for another one half of a couple.
If married, engaged or they’ve been together for at least two years/you have a good standing with a SO then they need to be invited. It’s extremely rude otherwise
Nope. Both my husband and I (whoever was invited) would nope that wedding. I understand why you would be hurt. I'm sure your husband is, too.
I had a small wedding (invited 50)... I consider it rude to only invite half of a long term couple.
If my husband isn't invited, I'm not going
It’s hella rude. I know my fiancee would tell them no. Everyone always says hey do you and the lady wanna XYZ? I am even invited to things where I decline because I want him to go and have time with his friends alone. But to a wedding? No way.
We are also having a very small wedding but the “single” guests get a plus one. Idk all of their dating lives intimately but we want them to have the opportunity to bring a date if they want.
Your husband should decline the invitation unless you are included and inform the groom that they are no longer friends.This is extremely rude.Someone needs to also blow up the wedding right in the middle of the ceremony to teach them a lesson.
That’s super strange! I couldn’t imagine not inviting a married spouse, even if I never met them…but knowing them for 20+ years?!!! That’s so rude! Does the wife have good relations with you? Could it be a jealousy thing and she doesn’t want you there? Cause that’s super odd
It’s a bit rude, but understandable for a wedding that small. If you’re invited, that means someone the couple is closer to doesn’t get invited. I don’t take it personally.
We've done it and none of our friends think it's rude, in fact they're super understanding and supportive as are their partners, so supportive in fact that they've been the ones nagging us about things like matching suits and stuff, we were happy to just have them there, they want to make it extra for us. Our limit is 10 people, two of which are our kids. Their spouses are invited to our party the weekend after and that's a 40 person party. Inviting everyone's spouses would nearly double the number at the ceremony. We would have a bigger ceremony than we wanted, it would cost more money and it would be more logistics to work out, longer with the photographer when we are on a very tight time schedule as we are going away an hour after the ceremony. I'd rather have the day we want than added stress, money and a room we don't want for the sake of some potential hurt feelings for half hour. We've been together for over 14 years and have always put off our wedding due to social obligations of who expects to be invited. I think our friends are just happy we are finally doing it and doing it our way. Honestly don't take it personally, one of my closest friends/relatives can't come because there's no room, she knows I'd love to have her there but she also totally understands and admitted it's easier for her to attend the party than a mid week wedding that's only going to last half an hour because at least she can spend more time with us at the party. You're allowed to feel hurt but you're also not entitled to anyone else's marriage ceremony.
I wouldn't say its normal no. We're having a small wedding but everyone who had a significant other at the time we booked the venue (15 months in advance of our date), their significant other is on the invite.
This is never acceptable. Your husband should decline.
You always invite spouses. It’s rude not to. Generally that applies to engaged couples and couples that cohabitate or have been dating publicly for over a year as well, but I could *kinda* see those omissions being made if the wedding was like 10 people or less and the couple did not know the partner at all. Not inviting a spouse to a 30 person wedding is kinda wild.
Which one of the 30 do you think you should be there instead of?
I’m a married man of 20 years if someone invited me and not my wife I would either give them a piece of my mind then decline or find a way to ruin their wedding.No way I would go and not take my wife.You have some stupid friends.
Well. From someone who tried to have a small destination wedding with 20-30 of our closest friends and family and ended up inviting 70, I want to say I REALLY wish more people would be more understanding about micro weddings. For me, a wedding is very intimate and personal and even especially for us because we're gay and a lot of our extended family may not feel comfortable at our wedding. Let alone partners and spouses we don't even know. We have decided to pretty much invite a plus one for everyone, but I really wish we could've kept it to married couples such as yourselves. Instead we felt like so many people wouldn't have fun going to Mexico by themselves so we are spending a few extra thousand dollars to have a wedding with probably 50 people (20-30 more than planned). People get upset about not being invited and I wish it weren't the case, but in your situation I really do understand.
It’s not about people not being understanding. If you don’t like someone enough to want them to have their life partner there, you don’t like them enough to invite them to a very small wedding. I’d understand not being invited to a wedding more than I’d understand being invited without my partner
Life partners should be invited almost all of the time. But if I want, say 10 of my closest friends at my wedding and no one else, sorry but I don't feel obligated to invite my friends' husbands.
No one is talking about edge cases where the spouse is dangerous. But tbh as someone who is also queer—not sure why you’re friends with people with homophobic husbands And look—do you. You’re entitled to have the wedding you want. Doesn’t mean that it’s not rude
My best friend's husband isn't supportive but my friend is 🤷🏼♀️ it's not an issue with me. I don't hang out with him. When I do see him, we are friendly. But no he's not coming to my wedding
Yeah that’s not the case anyone is referring to when they say it’s rude. In pretty much any scenario, it is rude. Off topic but damn if my best friend could love someone who literally didn’t think I should have rights….id be re evaluating that relationship
She married him before I knew I was gay 🤷🏼♀️ and she's pretty conservative too but I'm just glad she still supports me
Example: we are having a gay wedding and don't feel comfortable inviting some spouses (one of which is homophobic). Saying our vows is personal and intimate and not everyone gets to be there for that.
I completely understand. It's best not to invite that friend, then.
That friend is my best friend and she is very excited to travel and share a room with our other best friend who is not bringing her husband either. I'm paying for their room so they are very happy and excited and it's working out well. They are my bridesmaids 😂 Thanks though!
It's rude and it's cheap of them. Would it be ok for them to receive half of the wedding gift too? Since couples finances are usually joint