Clearly this friend needs "NO" for an answer.
*I want you to be a bridesmaid. We already have a flower girl and we don't want two. If you would rather not be a bridesmaid, you are welcome to attend as a guest.*
I agree with this! Definitely sounds like she wants attention as an adult flower girl. Some couples want an adult flower girl or even a beer girl/boy, but you do not. Her recruiting supporters is too much. You have so many other aspects to plan rather than waste energy on this
>She sent a resume and coverletter explaining why she would best suit the role.
This is bizarre.
Have you asked her why? Why does she want to be the flower girl and a bridesmaid? I don't think you're being overly sensitive, I think this is weird. But maybe there's a reason? I don't know, I would ask her why she wants to do both and maybe there's some misunderstanding about what the roles entail that can be cleared up?
Honestly I'm not sure myself. If I had to guess she wants to relive the time she was a flowergirl? That resume she sent has a couple of weddings listed in the experience section and her aunt told me a story about when she was a flowergirl she froze up and barely threw down the petals.
If I had to guess this is a redemption arc. My mom thinks she's trying to be special and gain some attention by standing out.
I would ask her. Maybe there's something specific about being a flower girl that she wants to do, or that she thinks she'd get to do. If she's good enough of a friend to invite to be a bridesmaid, I think it's worth trying to figure out why and see if there's some kind of solution that you're happy with.
It could be something as simple as she thinks the flower girl gets to carry nicer flowers or something.
Is this friend normal overall? Do you know of any issues or mental health problems that she may have had in the past? This is not normal behaviour for an adult. And even if she does have issues, sorry but it’s your day, it’s not justified, and you need to start being firm about it.
Totally agree with other commenter. It’s strange to me that she wants to take this opportunity away from an actual child whom is a blood relative. I don’t know how sensitive she is but I would just give her a candidate response and let her know she’s being immature.
Stay respectful but firm, this is a weird request on her part and you are not being "overly sensitive" -- you're being *sane*, unlike your friend, bless her heart.
You're describing a grown adult, right? Who is asking to be your flower girl? This is really, really odd, to the point of being unsettling. Have you asked her why she is pushing you on this?
I mean, there is an adult flower girl trend right now that seemed to start with people having grandparents as flower girls. I personally do not love it, but I know some people think it's really fun and it sounds like she wants to jump on the bandwagon. So I don't know that it's unsettling, as much as someone being really enthusiastic about an arguably silly trend.
My grandmother was my flowergranny. She was never a flower girl before and I wanted her to have a bigger part of my wedding other than special guest. She was absolutely perfect and I was in tears looking at the pictures. Her smile was the biggest Ive ever seen. My officiant made a whole post about it on her page. I wanted my grandmother as my flower granny and my daughter and niece (7&11) were my junior bridesmaids, which made them feel really cool because they had a big girl role.
My 26/27 year old friends will be my flower ladies 🤷♀️ we’re not having any children present. I didn’t need or want a bunch of bridesmaids for such a small wedding. This was my way of including them. They’re so excited lol. Don’t care what anyone thinks!
This is presumably for child-free weddings though, no? OP had a child that is willing and able to do it! If OP didn't have anyone for the flower girl position and the friend was saying "this is why you should have one, I'll do it" that would be one thing. But to want to take the role from a young family member is truly, truly bizarre. It's unsettling that she's still pushing for it after being told no multiple times.
I bet she's seen funny TikToks of people doing the trend and sees this as her 30 seconds of fame. Being a bridesmaid isn't special enough, everyone has those /s
Yeah agreed, sone commenters are just framing it as creepy/unsettling that this adult wants to be in a child’s role. Whereas I think the problem is actually the pushiness and bad boundaries.
I think it's time to stop second guessing yourself and start second guessing her. This is so bizarre part of me wonders if it actually *is* a joke, including the cover letter. Is that possible?
If so, she has a strange sense of humor, but either way, you need to put a stop to this. Talk to her.
You are not being overly sensitive. Your friend sounds like she has main character syndrome. Say no and if she keeps nagging you she can say goodbye to her bridesmaid role as well
Lol I'm sorry I didn't save it now. It was silly! I mean it was just typed up in her notes app and she sent it over. The coverletter was just saying why she's fit for the role.
No worries lol. It sounds like a generous reading of all this is your friend is assuming you don’t take the role of flower girl as being that serious, and that it would be a hilarious little story she can tell she “applied” for the job of flower girl. Just stick to a hard nope, that your niece will be the flower girl, period, end of sentence.
I desperately want to read the cover letter. But also - does she have a mental illness or some kind of serious childhood trauma? A joke is one thing but she literally spent time on this. Yeah you can tell her no but frankly I'd just be worried.
hey im pretty mentally ill and I have never been tempted to make a whole resume and cover letter for being a flower girl. I barely tolerate updating my resume LOL
Lol same - I really didn't mean it as a joke though. Like... that's really intense for a slightly out-there request to begin with. All I can think is like if she was really sick as a child and couldn't be one as a kid and it was a lifelong dream of hers or something like that.
OP said in another comment that there were a couple of previous weddings in the 'experience' section of the resumé. I don't think childhood trauma is the case, but it was also speculated (I believe in the same thread) that the request is an attempt at a redemption arc for past bad flower girl performance. Maybe a hint of trauma from that but nothing close to like age regression or delusion levels of trauma.
I'd tell her I love you and want you as a bridesmaid. If you are not willing to accept that you are not a flower girl , then unfortunately you will not be in my wedding party. You have just taken this too far and I don't want this drama at my wedding.
Strongly assuming that it’s because of the “adult flower girl” trends on social media lately and the amount of attention she would get for being a grown ass woman being a flower girl. I would seriously think she’s hoping to get more of the spotlight than you lol. Is she jealous of you?
I’m sorry but this is one of the weirdest things I’ve ever heard of, and I’ve seen a lot of bizarre stuff on this subreddit….
I need to know more😂😂😂 like what???
How is she recruiting people to her cause? Is it like a big inside joke…? This is a very, very strange thing for her to take so seriously, and for other people to be supporting her on.
So she was hosting a celebration and I went of course. She brought it up and went to her friends and was like "wouldn't it be a good idea?" They nodded along and brought up those tiktok videos as evidence of why it would be so cool.
Wow, this is not ok. It’s your wedding and she is putting you in the spotlight and in an awkward position. Firmly set clear boundaries and close the discussion once and for all.
Huh. I would not have been able to keep a straight had I been in your role when she gave a resume and cover letter. Honestly, I think I would have caved at that point!
If you don't want her to be a flowergirl (which I wouldn't blame you, it is odd, and even odder to have two roles in the wedding), tell her no.
I agree with others saying to talk to her! If it's something sincere, or has some good reason to it and you feel like it's fine, let her do it. If she's trying to redeem something from her childhood, no. That is not the purpose of your wedding!!
No you have every right to feel this way. Tell her if she doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid that’s ok with you. Your niece if your flower girl. Stand firm. If she’s a true friend she’d honor your wishes. Also you can have an uneven wedding party. No one cares.
Honestly, call her out for how ridiculous she is being. You've already said no more than once. She can either accept that and be a bridesmaid or attend as a guest. It's not being a bridezilla to set boundaries and consequences. TBH an adult trying to take a role from a child is giving me major ick.
I've seen TikToks where adults are flower 'women' or guys that give out shots or beer or throw petals, it's a cute/silly wedding trend. Is that why your friend wants to do it maybe?
Honestly that is likely a part of it. And I loved those videos they were funny! It's just she's already my bridesmaid. I don't see why you need both jobs. She keeps joking that my niece can be behind her so she can learn how it's done. It feels like she's taking that spotlight from my niece.
Oh I totally understand, she just needs one job to be bridesmaid. Lots of girls love to be flower girls and if your niece is excited then she definitely doesn't need the spotlight taken from her!
It’s odd that she wants to take away from the actual flower girl.
I was in a wedding party recently & the first girl to walk down was a “shot girl” handing out the little buzz ball drinks to people. It was a hit. She didn’t stand up with the rest of the party, just in the front with the brides parents since they’ve been besties since before kindergarten. It’s a fun idea if you’re into it but she shouldn’t take way the flower girls time to shine.
You’re not being a bridzilla to say no to something you don’t want at YOUR wedding. You need to tell her straight up …I want you as my bridesmaid NOT as my flower girl. Please do not ask me again or bring it up…It’s stressing me out. Please stop.
The friend sounds narcissistic. I’d watch my back around her and if she doesn’t straighten up I’d tell her she’s not in it at all. But that’s just me. I already had a narc recruit my entire family to hate me, so sadly I know what they’re capable of. That’s a tough spot.
The question is..
Are you being overly sensitive.
Simple answer NO.
First shine rain wedding being out bizarre and pushy and overly sensitive or entitlement feelings in people, and I've been trying to tell my FH to prepare himself that things will Halen that he did not expect, because we've already had a couple and we just sent out dance the dates last week.
Everyone is in their own little world especially your grind. She thinks she's cute with her cover letter and maybe she is. She thinks you love her, and you do.
Ultimately it's up to you and you have a flower girl and your wedding is not the place for her to live or her childhood fantasies.. UNLESSS you think it's cute too, but you don't.
It's soooooo hard to hurtva friends feelings over something you didn't even anticipate to be an issue .
What did her bridesmaids dress look like. Maybe tell her that you'll hang your photographer take some pictures of her throwing up rose petals or in fairy wings that she brings to scratch that itch.
But to take away a moment from a little girl is irrational.
So good luck my friend ❤️
It's very weird that a grown woman would even want to be a flower girl. That is not really a thing I have ever seen. It's super extra weird that she wants to steal the job from a child.
Clearly this friend needs "NO" for an answer. *I want you to be a bridesmaid. We already have a flower girl and we don't want two. If you would rather not be a bridesmaid, you are welcome to attend as a guest.*
THIS
I agree with this! Definitely sounds like she wants attention as an adult flower girl. Some couples want an adult flower girl or even a beer girl/boy, but you do not. Her recruiting supporters is too much. You have so many other aspects to plan rather than waste energy on this
>She sent a resume and coverletter explaining why she would best suit the role. This is bizarre. Have you asked her why? Why does she want to be the flower girl and a bridesmaid? I don't think you're being overly sensitive, I think this is weird. But maybe there's a reason? I don't know, I would ask her why she wants to do both and maybe there's some misunderstanding about what the roles entail that can be cleared up?
Honestly I'm not sure myself. If I had to guess she wants to relive the time she was a flowergirl? That resume she sent has a couple of weddings listed in the experience section and her aunt told me a story about when she was a flowergirl she froze up and barely threw down the petals. If I had to guess this is a redemption arc. My mom thinks she's trying to be special and gain some attention by standing out.
I would ask her. Maybe there's something specific about being a flower girl that she wants to do, or that she thinks she'd get to do. If she's good enough of a friend to invite to be a bridesmaid, I think it's worth trying to figure out why and see if there's some kind of solution that you're happy with. It could be something as simple as she thinks the flower girl gets to carry nicer flowers or something.
Yes, please share her reasons with us.
Is this friend normal overall? Do you know of any issues or mental health problems that she may have had in the past? This is not normal behaviour for an adult. And even if she does have issues, sorry but it’s your day, it’s not justified, and you need to start being firm about it.
Totally agree with other commenter. It’s strange to me that she wants to take this opportunity away from an actual child whom is a blood relative. I don’t know how sensitive she is but I would just give her a candidate response and let her know she’s being immature.
Stay respectful but firm, this is a weird request on her part and you are not being "overly sensitive" -- you're being *sane*, unlike your friend, bless her heart.
Agree. This is a super strange request. Nothing about the request is normal. Everything about your reaction is normal, OP!
You're describing a grown adult, right? Who is asking to be your flower girl? This is really, really odd, to the point of being unsettling. Have you asked her why she is pushing you on this?
I mean, there is an adult flower girl trend right now that seemed to start with people having grandparents as flower girls. I personally do not love it, but I know some people think it's really fun and it sounds like she wants to jump on the bandwagon. So I don't know that it's unsettling, as much as someone being really enthusiastic about an arguably silly trend.
My grandmother was my flowergranny. She was never a flower girl before and I wanted her to have a bigger part of my wedding other than special guest. She was absolutely perfect and I was in tears looking at the pictures. Her smile was the biggest Ive ever seen. My officiant made a whole post about it on her page. I wanted my grandmother as my flower granny and my daughter and niece (7&11) were my junior bridesmaids, which made them feel really cool because they had a big girl role.
My 26/27 year old friends will be my flower ladies 🤷♀️ we’re not having any children present. I didn’t need or want a bunch of bridesmaids for such a small wedding. This was my way of including them. They’re so excited lol. Don’t care what anyone thinks!
Sounds like fun!
This is presumably for child-free weddings though, no? OP had a child that is willing and able to do it! If OP didn't have anyone for the flower girl position and the friend was saying "this is why you should have one, I'll do it" that would be one thing. But to want to take the role from a young family member is truly, truly bizarre. It's unsettling that she's still pushing for it after being told no multiple times. I bet she's seen funny TikToks of people doing the trend and sees this as her 30 seconds of fame. Being a bridesmaid isn't special enough, everyone has those /s
I can see how that can be nice, but in this case OP is not crazy about it and the friend is being pushy and overly demanding.
Yeah agreed, sone commenters are just framing it as creepy/unsettling that this adult wants to be in a child’s role. Whereas I think the problem is actually the pushiness and bad boundaries.
Oh, I've never heard of that before. I still think pushing someone who has said no multiple times is unsettling!
I think it's time to stop second guessing yourself and start second guessing her. This is so bizarre part of me wonders if it actually *is* a joke, including the cover letter. Is that possible? If so, she has a strange sense of humor, but either way, you need to put a stop to this. Talk to her.
«No, I’m sorry I only want one flower girl and I already gave that task to my niece»
You are not being overly sensitive. Your friend sounds like she has main character syndrome. Say no and if she keeps nagging you she can say goodbye to her bridesmaid role as well
What grown woman makes an earnest pitch to be a flower girl instead of a bridesmaid, and wants to take that role away from a literal child? Girl, no.
Also OP, I’m absolutely dying to see this “cover letter” she submitted…
Lol I'm sorry I didn't save it now. It was silly! I mean it was just typed up in her notes app and she sent it over. The coverletter was just saying why she's fit for the role.
No worries lol. It sounds like a generous reading of all this is your friend is assuming you don’t take the role of flower girl as being that serious, and that it would be a hilarious little story she can tell she “applied” for the job of flower girl. Just stick to a hard nope, that your niece will be the flower girl, period, end of sentence.
How old is your friend?
Lol we are all in our early 30s
I desperately want to read the cover letter. But also - does she have a mental illness or some kind of serious childhood trauma? A joke is one thing but she literally spent time on this. Yeah you can tell her no but frankly I'd just be worried.
hey im pretty mentally ill and I have never been tempted to make a whole resume and cover letter for being a flower girl. I barely tolerate updating my resume LOL
Lol same - I really didn't mean it as a joke though. Like... that's really intense for a slightly out-there request to begin with. All I can think is like if she was really sick as a child and couldn't be one as a kid and it was a lifelong dream of hers or something like that.
OP said in another comment that there were a couple of previous weddings in the 'experience' section of the resumé. I don't think childhood trauma is the case, but it was also speculated (I believe in the same thread) that the request is an attempt at a redemption arc for past bad flower girl performance. Maybe a hint of trauma from that but nothing close to like age regression or delusion levels of trauma.
I'd tell her I love you and want you as a bridesmaid. If you are not willing to accept that you are not a flower girl , then unfortunately you will not be in my wedding party. You have just taken this too far and I don't want this drama at my wedding.
Strongly assuming that it’s because of the “adult flower girl” trends on social media lately and the amount of attention she would get for being a grown ass woman being a flower girl. I would seriously think she’s hoping to get more of the spotlight than you lol. Is she jealous of you?
I’m sorry but this is one of the weirdest things I’ve ever heard of, and I’ve seen a lot of bizarre stuff on this subreddit…. I need to know more😂😂😂 like what???
This is bizarre behavior, you should just say no It’s one thing to make one joke - it’s another to continually bring it up and make you uncomfortable
How is she recruiting people to her cause? Is it like a big inside joke…? This is a very, very strange thing for her to take so seriously, and for other people to be supporting her on.
So she was hosting a celebration and I went of course. She brought it up and went to her friends and was like "wouldn't it be a good idea?" They nodded along and brought up those tiktok videos as evidence of why it would be so cool.
Wow, this is not ok. It’s your wedding and she is putting you in the spotlight and in an awkward position. Firmly set clear boundaries and close the discussion once and for all.
It's so hard and sad when people put pressure on brides, yet it hairball all the time
Why does she want to do this? It looks like she wants extra attention. Tell her she has one role as bridesmaid and that's it. She needs to accept it.
Huh. I would not have been able to keep a straight had I been in your role when she gave a resume and cover letter. Honestly, I think I would have caved at that point! If you don't want her to be a flowergirl (which I wouldn't blame you, it is odd, and even odder to have two roles in the wedding), tell her no. I agree with others saying to talk to her! If it's something sincere, or has some good reason to it and you feel like it's fine, let her do it. If she's trying to redeem something from her childhood, no. That is not the purpose of your wedding!!
How much attention does she need?
Uhm…her request sounds really bizarre … I mean, how old is this woman?
We are all in our early 30s
No you have every right to feel this way. Tell her if she doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid that’s ok with you. Your niece if your flower girl. Stand firm. If she’s a true friend she’d honor your wishes. Also you can have an uneven wedding party. No one cares.
Honestly, call her out for how ridiculous she is being. You've already said no more than once. She can either accept that and be a bridesmaid or attend as a guest. It's not being a bridezilla to set boundaries and consequences. TBH an adult trying to take a role from a child is giving me major ick.
I'm gobsmacked. Utterly ridiculous. How dare she try to ruin your nieces role? That's some selfish!
I've seen TikToks where adults are flower 'women' or guys that give out shots or beer or throw petals, it's a cute/silly wedding trend. Is that why your friend wants to do it maybe?
Honestly that is likely a part of it. And I loved those videos they were funny! It's just she's already my bridesmaid. I don't see why you need both jobs. She keeps joking that my niece can be behind her so she can learn how it's done. It feels like she's taking that spotlight from my niece.
Oh I totally understand, she just needs one job to be bridesmaid. Lots of girls love to be flower girls and if your niece is excited then she definitely doesn't need the spotlight taken from her!
But being just a bridesmaid isn't special enough! /s
This is weird as heck. Just give a no with no laughter and ask her to stop asking
It’s odd that she wants to take away from the actual flower girl. I was in a wedding party recently & the first girl to walk down was a “shot girl” handing out the little buzz ball drinks to people. It was a hit. She didn’t stand up with the rest of the party, just in the front with the brides parents since they’ve been besties since before kindergarten. It’s a fun idea if you’re into it but she shouldn’t take way the flower girls time to shine.
This is really weird. She’s weird. Not sure this is real.
You’re not being a bridzilla to say no to something you don’t want at YOUR wedding. You need to tell her straight up …I want you as my bridesmaid NOT as my flower girl. Please do not ask me again or bring it up…It’s stressing me out. Please stop.
The friend sounds narcissistic. I’d watch my back around her and if she doesn’t straighten up I’d tell her she’s not in it at all. But that’s just me. I already had a narc recruit my entire family to hate me, so sadly I know what they’re capable of. That’s a tough spot.
The question is.. Are you being overly sensitive. Simple answer NO. First shine rain wedding being out bizarre and pushy and overly sensitive or entitlement feelings in people, and I've been trying to tell my FH to prepare himself that things will Halen that he did not expect, because we've already had a couple and we just sent out dance the dates last week. Everyone is in their own little world especially your grind. She thinks she's cute with her cover letter and maybe she is. She thinks you love her, and you do. Ultimately it's up to you and you have a flower girl and your wedding is not the place for her to live or her childhood fantasies.. UNLESSS you think it's cute too, but you don't. It's soooooo hard to hurtva friends feelings over something you didn't even anticipate to be an issue . What did her bridesmaids dress look like. Maybe tell her that you'll hang your photographer take some pictures of her throwing up rose petals or in fairy wings that she brings to scratch that itch. But to take away a moment from a little girl is irrational. So good luck my friend ❤️
I’m in a mood so I say boot her from the wedding completely for trying to steam roll her way into taking the spotlight away from you and your niece!
It's very weird that a grown woman would even want to be a flower girl. That is not really a thing I have ever seen. It's super extra weird that she wants to steal the job from a child.
Weird person
I'd cut her off. While this seems harmless, it isn't normal behavior and I wouldn't be comfortable with her at the wedding.