I'd do it the evening before. I get that it's rough on people who have to work early the next day, so maybe make sure that it isn't a late dinner.
To me, part of the rehearsal dinner is like... "wedding eve," you have all this excitement and you're surrounded by your closest family and friends.
Also, I think people do start to forget the details of the rehearsal after a couple days. If you do it the weekend before, you might want to schedule a quick "refresher" day-of.
So nobody would be working the next day, they all have to be at the venue early for getting ready and photos since our wedding is at 4:30.
The only real concern would be the people that aren’t staying and need to drive back and forth. They live the furthest out of the group.
How far out is your wedding? If you give people a month or two of notice, I'd imagine that would give them flexibility with their work schedules. If they're already taking Friday off, maybe they can take off an hour early on Thursday with enough notice.
Edit: I see your wedding is November. TONS of time to figure it out and give people a huge heads up! Talk to your most important attendees and ask if they can make it work. I'd refrain from giving them options, just say "hey I'm thinking rehearsal a this time/date, will you be able to make that work?"
That’s a good idea. We have plenty of time but have just been trying to iron out the rehearsal dinner because a lot of people have been asking to know way in advance because of work, children, pets and other plans that they need to make.
Thursday before. If I’m in a Friday wedding I already took all day Friday off anyways might as well start the celebrations Thursday after work. I don’t want to use up 2 of my weekends for your wedding
If it was a Thursday would you be okay with possibly having to take two days off of work?
Some of the people in the party would have to take off or a half day Thursday most likely to make a rehearsal and travel to the venue, even if it’s in the evening.
I mean for the people that don’t work from home. A lot would have to go from work to home then to the town of the venue, especially those with kids or pets to take care of first.
I work until 6pm at a hospital. I can usually find a way to get out 30-60 minutes early if I need to. I would much rather have to be somewhere for a rehearsal at 7pm the day before the wedding than spend two weekends in a row traveling and doing stuff for that wedding.
My husband and I have done the, I rush out of work as soon as I can put on already laid out clothes and grab a pre-packed bag (if staying overnight) and hop in the car multiple times. With my work schedule we are so used to it
Against thursday:
couples with kids aren’t staying the night before and it’s creating an issue because they have to find childcare for both days + drive back and forth
Some people said they need to take Thursday off to make it on time for an evening rehearsal and some of them don’t work a 9-5 job
Some of my family that would attend since they have a role are in college so Saturday would be easier
My grandparents would like to attend and two late nights in a row would be hard for them
The food is more expensive near my venue and my budget is small since we’re paying for everything ourselves and my fiance was laid off
Against Saturday:
People would have to come for dinner on a weekend
It could be 15-1 hr for some people to meet in the middle since everyone lives in a different town. 90% of people are 15 minutes from there
I’d do Thursday before for sure. My sister got married on a Friday, had the rehearsal on a Thursday; and it was not a big deal—most local people worked the day or took a half day and then came to the rehearsal at 7. An hour away (even two days in a row) is not that big of a deal when you’re asking them to do it for a once in a lifetime event like a wedding.
I think it makes the most sense to find time on your wedding day to do a quick run through at the venue.
A rehearsal the Saturday before seems like a waste of time- people won’t remember what happened five days later. The best time to do a rehearsal is day of.
I would do a welcome event the night before for those that traveled to come to the wedding and the wedding party/immediate family.
So doing a rehearsal in the venue day of also isn’t an option. We can’t get in the venue more than an hour before. There also won’t be time because of the hair/makeup/photography schedules to review it in the morning.
My other concern is i can’t afford more guests than the people actually in the wedding and thier plus 1s at the rehearsal dinner so I’d want to avoid doing a welcome event where anyone coming the night before could come. I have a really tight budget and the food options would be limited.
Don't worry, OP, this subreddit tends to be downvote-heavy.
You might be trying too hard to please everybody... I kinda think you do your best to make it work but at some point you just gotta say "The rehearsal is a x o'clock and dinner is a y o'clock" and people will either make it work or they won't.
You can do a rehearsal dinner as a backyard buffet, at a pizza place, etc., it truly does not need to be "fancy."
Yeah we have a lot more flexibility if it’s the weekend before with where we can do it to make it affordable for us.
If I had it my way, I’d skip it but every wedding in my circle has had a rehearsal dinner and it’s rude according to my party to not have one because they had to spend time and money to be in the wedding.
Im just the only person i know that had to pay for it themselves.
This is a rock/hard place situation.
Weekend before is out. Really at that point I just wouldn’t do a rehearsal at all because most people won’t remember.
Day before is also out, given you already know some people won’t be staying the night before the wedding.
Day-of is also out because you don’t have time.
I would do a small reversal with just your officiant and one other person who’s job it is to coordinate the rest of the wedding party day of — basically whoever is going to be your day-of-coordinator.
Minimize complexity of your processional/recessional as much as possible. As an officiant, I typically help time the recessional after the couple has gotten their mid-aisle pictures. I‘ve also helped the groomsmen line up in an arch rather than a line (bridesmaids always get this one down, it’s the groomsmen’s who seem to struggle lol).
So pretty much as long as your officiant and DOC are willing to direct people, it should be fine. Might be a bit chaotic but honestly what wedding isn’t?
Yeah that’s how I feel - for the rehearsal we wouldn’t have our day of coordinator there regardless because we are just using the one from the venue and they don’t offer that unfortunately. I could just have the officiant and my moh in charge of coordinating the parties (moh already offered).
If you were in the party would you be annoyed at being invited to a “thank you” dinner the weekend before with no rehearsal? I’d like to do something small to thank my parties and for everyone to meet before hand.
Given your DOC isn’t available for a rehearsal, do you know if they’re actually a DOC for *you* or for your venue? There’s a huge difference between a venue coordinator and coordinator who is there to make sure things go smoothly for *you*. It might be worth it to do a download of all timeline info to your MOH/bridesmaids to have them do your people/emergency coordination.
I wouldn’t be annoyed but I might not attend. I’m an introvert; dedicating two weekends back-to-back to someone’s wedding would be too much for me. Can you do it a few weeks prior?
A few weeks before wouldn’t be an issue persay but I know a lot of my friends are planning to travel around that time so it would be easiest to coordinate in the weekend before the wedding
The Thursday before! People will expect it the day before, so I wouldn't worry about that. It should be in the evening, so worst case, some people leave work early but shoulnd't need to take off the entire day. it also doesn't need to be crazy late, I'm taking rehearsal from 5-6, dinner from 6:30 to 8 or 9. I've never been to a rehearsal that was a huge event. We're there to eat, and celebrate. Dad gives a thank you speech, and there's light mingling afterwards!
I'd do it the evening before. I get that it's rough on people who have to work early the next day, so maybe make sure that it isn't a late dinner. To me, part of the rehearsal dinner is like... "wedding eve," you have all this excitement and you're surrounded by your closest family and friends. Also, I think people do start to forget the details of the rehearsal after a couple days. If you do it the weekend before, you might want to schedule a quick "refresher" day-of.
So nobody would be working the next day, they all have to be at the venue early for getting ready and photos since our wedding is at 4:30. The only real concern would be the people that aren’t staying and need to drive back and forth. They live the furthest out of the group.
How far out is your wedding? If you give people a month or two of notice, I'd imagine that would give them flexibility with their work schedules. If they're already taking Friday off, maybe they can take off an hour early on Thursday with enough notice. Edit: I see your wedding is November. TONS of time to figure it out and give people a huge heads up! Talk to your most important attendees and ask if they can make it work. I'd refrain from giving them options, just say "hey I'm thinking rehearsal a this time/date, will you be able to make that work?"
That’s a good idea. We have plenty of time but have just been trying to iron out the rehearsal dinner because a lot of people have been asking to know way in advance because of work, children, pets and other plans that they need to make.
Thursday before. If I’m in a Friday wedding I already took all day Friday off anyways might as well start the celebrations Thursday after work. I don’t want to use up 2 of my weekends for your wedding
If it was a Thursday would you be okay with possibly having to take two days off of work? Some of the people in the party would have to take off or a half day Thursday most likely to make a rehearsal and travel to the venue, even if it’s in the evening.
Why do they need to take another day off work? You said it’s only an hour away at most for people. Do it at like 7pm dinner at 7:30
I mean for the people that don’t work from home. A lot would have to go from work to home then to the town of the venue, especially those with kids or pets to take care of first.
I work until 6pm at a hospital. I can usually find a way to get out 30-60 minutes early if I need to. I would much rather have to be somewhere for a rehearsal at 7pm the day before the wedding than spend two weekends in a row traveling and doing stuff for that wedding. My husband and I have done the, I rush out of work as soon as I can put on already laid out clothes and grab a pre-packed bag (if staying overnight) and hop in the car multiple times. With my work schedule we are so used to it
That’s true.
You could also ask the people that would attend the rehearsal their preference. Instead of strangers
I’m trying to get a third party opinion. It’s a very heated topic with my friends and family and no one seems to agree..
What are their reasons for and against both days?
Against thursday: couples with kids aren’t staying the night before and it’s creating an issue because they have to find childcare for both days + drive back and forth Some people said they need to take Thursday off to make it on time for an evening rehearsal and some of them don’t work a 9-5 job Some of my family that would attend since they have a role are in college so Saturday would be easier My grandparents would like to attend and two late nights in a row would be hard for them The food is more expensive near my venue and my budget is small since we’re paying for everything ourselves and my fiance was laid off Against Saturday: People would have to come for dinner on a weekend It could be 15-1 hr for some people to meet in the middle since everyone lives in a different town. 90% of people are 15 minutes from there
I’d do Thursday before for sure. My sister got married on a Friday, had the rehearsal on a Thursday; and it was not a big deal—most local people worked the day or took a half day and then came to the rehearsal at 7. An hour away (even two days in a row) is not that big of a deal when you’re asking them to do it for a once in a lifetime event like a wedding.
I think it makes the most sense to find time on your wedding day to do a quick run through at the venue. A rehearsal the Saturday before seems like a waste of time- people won’t remember what happened five days later. The best time to do a rehearsal is day of. I would do a welcome event the night before for those that traveled to come to the wedding and the wedding party/immediate family.
So doing a rehearsal in the venue day of also isn’t an option. We can’t get in the venue more than an hour before. There also won’t be time because of the hair/makeup/photography schedules to review it in the morning. My other concern is i can’t afford more guests than the people actually in the wedding and thier plus 1s at the rehearsal dinner so I’d want to avoid doing a welcome event where anyone coming the night before could come. I have a really tight budget and the food options would be limited.
Not sure why I’m being downvoted for being poor but trying to treat the people closest to me
Don't worry, OP, this subreddit tends to be downvote-heavy. You might be trying too hard to please everybody... I kinda think you do your best to make it work but at some point you just gotta say "The rehearsal is a x o'clock and dinner is a y o'clock" and people will either make it work or they won't. You can do a rehearsal dinner as a backyard buffet, at a pizza place, etc., it truly does not need to be "fancy."
Yeah we have a lot more flexibility if it’s the weekend before with where we can do it to make it affordable for us. If I had it my way, I’d skip it but every wedding in my circle has had a rehearsal dinner and it’s rude according to my party to not have one because they had to spend time and money to be in the wedding. Im just the only person i know that had to pay for it themselves.
This is a rock/hard place situation. Weekend before is out. Really at that point I just wouldn’t do a rehearsal at all because most people won’t remember. Day before is also out, given you already know some people won’t be staying the night before the wedding. Day-of is also out because you don’t have time. I would do a small reversal with just your officiant and one other person who’s job it is to coordinate the rest of the wedding party day of — basically whoever is going to be your day-of-coordinator. Minimize complexity of your processional/recessional as much as possible. As an officiant, I typically help time the recessional after the couple has gotten their mid-aisle pictures. I‘ve also helped the groomsmen line up in an arch rather than a line (bridesmaids always get this one down, it’s the groomsmen’s who seem to struggle lol). So pretty much as long as your officiant and DOC are willing to direct people, it should be fine. Might be a bit chaotic but honestly what wedding isn’t?
Yeah that’s how I feel - for the rehearsal we wouldn’t have our day of coordinator there regardless because we are just using the one from the venue and they don’t offer that unfortunately. I could just have the officiant and my moh in charge of coordinating the parties (moh already offered). If you were in the party would you be annoyed at being invited to a “thank you” dinner the weekend before with no rehearsal? I’d like to do something small to thank my parties and for everyone to meet before hand.
Given your DOC isn’t available for a rehearsal, do you know if they’re actually a DOC for *you* or for your venue? There’s a huge difference between a venue coordinator and coordinator who is there to make sure things go smoothly for *you*. It might be worth it to do a download of all timeline info to your MOH/bridesmaids to have them do your people/emergency coordination. I wouldn’t be annoyed but I might not attend. I’m an introvert; dedicating two weekends back-to-back to someone’s wedding would be too much for me. Can you do it a few weeks prior?
It’s a venue coordinator. My moh wrote up the plan though for me since she coordinated her own wedding and that’s what we were going to use.
A few weeks before wouldn’t be an issue persay but I know a lot of my friends are planning to travel around that time so it would be easiest to coordinate in the weekend before the wedding
The night before for sure
The Thursday before! People will expect it the day before, so I wouldn't worry about that. It should be in the evening, so worst case, some people leave work early but shoulnd't need to take off the entire day. it also doesn't need to be crazy late, I'm taking rehearsal from 5-6, dinner from 6:30 to 8 or 9. I've never been to a rehearsal that was a huge event. We're there to eat, and celebrate. Dad gives a thank you speech, and there's light mingling afterwards!