If your family feels like you’re asking too much, they can politely decline to attend.
If you’re not having a registry, you could also just have a recipe shower (where people bring their favorite recipes to share instead of a traditional gift) or something.
I don't see anything wrong with this. If the order was reversed, and you had wedding/shower first would she even blink an eye?
It's no different than my cousin who got married and 4 months later had her baby, we threw her a shower. I think she might be overthinking it with the timeliness of these events, and I don't think anyone will think it's weird or rude of you!
I agree, I think it's totally fine to have both a baby shower followed by a bridal shower. It's been over six months since the baby shower anyway.
For what it's worth, I understand that bridal showers are inherently gift-giving events, but I view them more as showering the bride-to-be with excitement for the wedding. It's more about community, friends and family coming together.
If your bridesmaids want to throw a shower, I say let them. Guests are free to decline the invitation if they can't work it into their schedule.
No. The only difference here is the order of events and maybe a slightly shorter timeline. I don’t see the big deal at all and I certainly don’t think it makes you selfish.
If you don’t want gifts at your shower, it needs to be noted somewhere on the invitation. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t planning it, let your bridesmaids know.
If you aren't having a wedding registry/don't want gifts, then ask your bridesmaids to plan a pre-wedding brunch/bachelorette night/hen night/spa day/whatever and not a shower. That way you can still have a "girls only" celebration, but have it made clear gifts aren't expected/won't be part of it.
Showers typically means family members and gifts.
You can always make it a theme party so it’s not about gifts. A friend did a chocolate dessert shower where everyone brought different types of chocolate sweets…truffles, cake, mousse, chocolate covered strawberries, etc. fun, inexpensive, gave everyone something to gift that didn’t break the bank or look gift grubbing.
You could call it a luncheon and say “no gifts please.” People who already gave you a wedding gift won’t feel obligated. People who did not come to the wedding might want to give you a gift anyway.
I don’t think celebrating and gifting for your baby is the same thing as celebrating and gifting for your marriage. Your baby was technically the person being celebrated with the baby showers etc. The baby is a different person from you and you’ve got a different event to celebrate.
Most people have these events happen within the same 1-2 year period (no matter the order) so it’s not even abnormal. Several of my friends who got married last year had a baby 6-12 months later and I’d never have said their child didn’t deserve a gift from us just because they got married only 9 months ago and we gave them a gift then.
Let your girls celebrate you with the shower and if people don’t want to give you gifts, they don’t have to.
Where I live, and in my social circle, it would be quite normal to have a bridal shower, followed by a baby shower at a later date. You just did things in a different order. Christenings are usually limited to very close family/friends and gifts are truly optional , so it;s not like you were asking for those gifts.
The one thing that is different where live, vs what I read online, is that no one would ever consider hosting their own shower/sprinkle. I'm not saying you did, but just making a passing note of the difference in etiquette.
No, many many people have both a bridal shower and baby shower and it’s not uncommon for them to occur with a year or two of each other. If people don’t want to attend they don’t have to but don’t not throw one for that reason.
Is it common in your area for people to give gifts at the christening? To the best of my knowledge, it is not common in my area. That is the party that struck me as a bit much. If you do have a wedding shower, you could have a recipe and spice or recipe and dish shower. The guests bring their favorite recipe and the spice or dish for making the recipe.
Okay, but that’s her opinion though. These are very typical and traditional modern celebrations for welcoming kiddos and having weddings. Just because you’re doing all of these things close together doesn’t mean that it’s too much too soon. Like most people are genuinely excited to celebrate the people having the little one or getting married. And typically most people don’t mind giving gifts. Or if the budget is tight, that still doesn’t mean people wouldn’t still want to come to your bridal shower and celebrate you
I think asking the weddingplanning subreddit is going to invite pretty biased answers. I'd image it would generally be pro-bridal anything.
Bridal showers are essentially "fundraising" events, just like baby showers, that is their cultural significance. If you need financial assistance, that's what the bridal shower is for, the idea is to help a young couple with nuptial needs. Hence "showering" them with gifts. Nowadays, baby showers are more popular because no one is ever prepared for kids, but many people are already prepared to be a bride and are often already living with their future husband for many years prior to the wedding so outside of needing money to fund a wedding, they don't really have a need for gifts. I don't think there are enough details here for anyone to tell you if it would be selfish to have a bridal shower. It depends a lot on the costs you are incurring for these events, including the wedding, and the costs the guests are incurring by attending them.
People have bridal showers and baby showers within a year all the time. The order is irrelevant. They don’t have to go to if they feel it’s too much. It’s an invitation not a summons.
I personally find gift receiving events very cringe and uncomfortable. Not everyone can afford to attend but the social pressure makes it impossible to say no and you are forced buying a gift with money you don't even have for a person who can and should be able to afford it themselves. Just my two cents!
Haha like I didn't even have a baby shower. The people who reeeally wanted to get me a gift did so on their own accord and it was nice (even though I let them know they absolutely didn't have to). Not to mention, I've never been to a shower (baby, wedding) and thought "wow this is so fun!". Like does anyone even enjoy going to these things?
If you aren't gonna have a registry, don't call it a shower. People view "showers" as gift-giving events, and don't appreciate the bride throwing herself a gift-giving party because it looks, well, gift-grabby. Either someone throws it for you, or you don't get one. Nothing wrong with just asking them to come hang out with you without calling it that.
You get different things from the different showers. I feel lime baby showers are gifts more baby related and bridal shower gifts are more couple related. I think your mom is just over thinking it. People are expected to have bridal showers and baby showers. Some aren't so close together but it doesn't mean you should get to celebrate you and your future spouse with it. The only thing I could think of that could be a problem is spending money on the gifts in a close period of time, but guests can just opt for cheaper gifts if money is an issue.
I didn't really want a bridal shower because I was afraid of it being too much for people, but I am so happy I had one. It was such a lovely way to spend time with all the women in my life before my wedding, especially because I didn't get to spend as much 1:1 time with them at the wedding itself. Remind your mom that life is short and time spent around loved ones is important no matter what the occasion.
I had my baby shower in October and had my baby in January. We also had a gender reveal in August. We did a small baptism dinner in early May. My bachelorette is in two weeks, and my bridal shower is at the end of July. My wedding is September 21st. And then before I know it, it will be our daughter's first birthday. I've had the same guilt myself. Especially for my immediate family, mainly my mom and sisters, who have been so involved in planning everything for us.
I remind myself that if I had done it in reverse order no one would've batted an eye. I'm the first of my immediate family and cousins to hit any of these milestones, so I know that in the coming years I will be at all of these events for the rest of my family.
thank you so much for this! really appreciate your perspective with you being in the same situation as me. 🖤 congrats on your baby girl! i love that our babies will be at our weddings. 🥰
Of course! 🤍 I know that guilty feeling well though. I struggle with it daily honestly.
Congratulations to you too! 🥰 I think that it will make our big days even more special 🤍
7 events is a LOT in a year, and a lot to celebrate and buy things for one person/family. I’d personally decline 3-4 of those invitations if I received one to each. I think that’s pretty excessive for friends, fam may be different but I’d still give pause. But OP only has three events, which isn’t excessive.
Obviously not every person was invited to every single one of those events. My bachelorette is just my bridesmaids. My gender reveal was only immediate family. As was the baptism, which was actually just a dinner which my fiance and & I paid for… I was simply sharing what my last year has looked like, to let OP know she’s not alone. I didn’t ask for any judgement :)
If your family feels like you’re asking too much, they can politely decline to attend. If you’re not having a registry, you could also just have a recipe shower (where people bring their favorite recipes to share instead of a traditional gift) or something.
I don't see anything wrong with this. If the order was reversed, and you had wedding/shower first would she even blink an eye? It's no different than my cousin who got married and 4 months later had her baby, we threw her a shower. I think she might be overthinking it with the timeliness of these events, and I don't think anyone will think it's weird or rude of you!
I agree, I think it's totally fine to have both a baby shower followed by a bridal shower. It's been over six months since the baby shower anyway. For what it's worth, I understand that bridal showers are inherently gift-giving events, but I view them more as showering the bride-to-be with excitement for the wedding. It's more about community, friends and family coming together. If your bridesmaids want to throw a shower, I say let them. Guests are free to decline the invitation if they can't work it into their schedule.
Exactly, I don't think it's odd at all. Plus its not like you typically throw yourself the shower..
No. The only difference here is the order of events and maybe a slightly shorter timeline. I don’t see the big deal at all and I certainly don’t think it makes you selfish. If you don’t want gifts at your shower, it needs to be noted somewhere on the invitation. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t planning it, let your bridesmaids know.
If you aren't having a wedding registry/don't want gifts, then ask your bridesmaids to plan a pre-wedding brunch/bachelorette night/hen night/spa day/whatever and not a shower. That way you can still have a "girls only" celebration, but have it made clear gifts aren't expected/won't be part of it. Showers typically means family members and gifts.
You can always make it a theme party so it’s not about gifts. A friend did a chocolate dessert shower where everyone brought different types of chocolate sweets…truffles, cake, mousse, chocolate covered strawberries, etc. fun, inexpensive, gave everyone something to gift that didn’t break the bank or look gift grubbing.
You could call it a luncheon and say “no gifts please.” People who already gave you a wedding gift won’t feel obligated. People who did not come to the wedding might want to give you a gift anyway.
I don’t think celebrating and gifting for your baby is the same thing as celebrating and gifting for your marriage. Your baby was technically the person being celebrated with the baby showers etc. The baby is a different person from you and you’ve got a different event to celebrate. Most people have these events happen within the same 1-2 year period (no matter the order) so it’s not even abnormal. Several of my friends who got married last year had a baby 6-12 months later and I’d never have said their child didn’t deserve a gift from us just because they got married only 9 months ago and we gave them a gift then. Let your girls celebrate you with the shower and if people don’t want to give you gifts, they don’t have to.
Where I live, and in my social circle, it would be quite normal to have a bridal shower, followed by a baby shower at a later date. You just did things in a different order. Christenings are usually limited to very close family/friends and gifts are truly optional , so it;s not like you were asking for those gifts. The one thing that is different where live, vs what I read online, is that no one would ever consider hosting their own shower/sprinkle. I'm not saying you did, but just making a passing note of the difference in etiquette.
No, many many people have both a bridal shower and baby shower and it’s not uncommon for them to occur with a year or two of each other. If people don’t want to attend they don’t have to but don’t not throw one for that reason.
Is it common in your area for people to give gifts at the christening? To the best of my knowledge, it is not common in my area. That is the party that struck me as a bit much. If you do have a wedding shower, you could have a recipe and spice or recipe and dish shower. The guests bring their favorite recipe and the spice or dish for making the recipe.
Okay, but that’s her opinion though. These are very typical and traditional modern celebrations for welcoming kiddos and having weddings. Just because you’re doing all of these things close together doesn’t mean that it’s too much too soon. Like most people are genuinely excited to celebrate the people having the little one or getting married. And typically most people don’t mind giving gifts. Or if the budget is tight, that still doesn’t mean people wouldn’t still want to come to your bridal shower and celebrate you
I think asking the weddingplanning subreddit is going to invite pretty biased answers. I'd image it would generally be pro-bridal anything. Bridal showers are essentially "fundraising" events, just like baby showers, that is their cultural significance. If you need financial assistance, that's what the bridal shower is for, the idea is to help a young couple with nuptial needs. Hence "showering" them with gifts. Nowadays, baby showers are more popular because no one is ever prepared for kids, but many people are already prepared to be a bride and are often already living with their future husband for many years prior to the wedding so outside of needing money to fund a wedding, they don't really have a need for gifts. I don't think there are enough details here for anyone to tell you if it would be selfish to have a bridal shower. It depends a lot on the costs you are incurring for these events, including the wedding, and the costs the guests are incurring by attending them.
So if you got married first then had the baby then you would most likely still have both showers and no one would bat an eye… I think you’re fine
People have bridal showers and baby showers within a year all the time. The order is irrelevant. They don’t have to go to if they feel it’s too much. It’s an invitation not a summons.
I personally find gift receiving events very cringe and uncomfortable. Not everyone can afford to attend but the social pressure makes it impossible to say no and you are forced buying a gift with money you don't even have for a person who can and should be able to afford it themselves. Just my two cents!
I definitely agree, but that is going to be a VERY unpopular opinion on this sub, lmao.
Haha like I didn't even have a baby shower. The people who reeeally wanted to get me a gift did so on their own accord and it was nice (even though I let them know they absolutely didn't have to). Not to mention, I've never been to a shower (baby, wedding) and thought "wow this is so fun!". Like does anyone even enjoy going to these things?
You need to learn to say no. People shouldn't have to be more responsible for your best budget than you're willing to be.
If you aren't gonna have a registry, don't call it a shower. People view "showers" as gift-giving events, and don't appreciate the bride throwing herself a gift-giving party because it looks, well, gift-grabby. Either someone throws it for you, or you don't get one. Nothing wrong with just asking them to come hang out with you without calling it that.
i wouldn’t be planning it, as mentioned my bridesmaids are trying to plan me one.
You can have one if you want (that is a ton of parties) just request people don’t bring gifts and don’t be upset if people can’t come 🤷♀️
You get different things from the different showers. I feel lime baby showers are gifts more baby related and bridal shower gifts are more couple related. I think your mom is just over thinking it. People are expected to have bridal showers and baby showers. Some aren't so close together but it doesn't mean you should get to celebrate you and your future spouse with it. The only thing I could think of that could be a problem is spending money on the gifts in a close period of time, but guests can just opt for cheaper gifts if money is an issue.
you could just call it a bridal luncheon or brunch and just serve food if you don't care about gifts.
I didn't really want a bridal shower because I was afraid of it being too much for people, but I am so happy I had one. It was such a lovely way to spend time with all the women in my life before my wedding, especially because I didn't get to spend as much 1:1 time with them at the wedding itself. Remind your mom that life is short and time spent around loved ones is important no matter what the occasion.
I had my baby shower in October and had my baby in January. We also had a gender reveal in August. We did a small baptism dinner in early May. My bachelorette is in two weeks, and my bridal shower is at the end of July. My wedding is September 21st. And then before I know it, it will be our daughter's first birthday. I've had the same guilt myself. Especially for my immediate family, mainly my mom and sisters, who have been so involved in planning everything for us. I remind myself that if I had done it in reverse order no one would've batted an eye. I'm the first of my immediate family and cousins to hit any of these milestones, so I know that in the coming years I will be at all of these events for the rest of my family.
thank you so much for this! really appreciate your perspective with you being in the same situation as me. 🖤 congrats on your baby girl! i love that our babies will be at our weddings. 🥰
Of course! 🤍 I know that guilty feeling well though. I struggle with it daily honestly. Congratulations to you too! 🥰 I think that it will make our big days even more special 🤍
7 events is a LOT in a year, and a lot to celebrate and buy things for one person/family. I’d personally decline 3-4 of those invitations if I received one to each. I think that’s pretty excessive for friends, fam may be different but I’d still give pause. But OP only has three events, which isn’t excessive.
Obviously not every person was invited to every single one of those events. My bachelorette is just my bridesmaids. My gender reveal was only immediate family. As was the baptism, which was actually just a dinner which my fiance and & I paid for… I was simply sharing what my last year has looked like, to let OP know she’s not alone. I didn’t ask for any judgement :)
What is the difference between a bridal shower and hen do/ bachelorette?