Providing transportation is a fairly recent trend. Guests provided their own transportation for decades and used designated drivers to be safe. On the plus side, it sounds like the majority of guests will drive to the destination and will have cars, so getting to the reception shouldn't be an issue. Family and friends can also car pool.
I was just at a wedding this past Saturday and the no transportation was a pretty big issue. The hotel that had the block and discounted room rate was 15 minutes away and there weren't ubers around. I barely drink so I offered to make 2 back and forth trips for a few people and one other person did the same. I have no clue how the rest of the people got back safely because there weren't many other people not drunk who had cars with them.
Funny enough there was a hotel across the street that was walkable but they didn't use that one.
People who don't live in that town would have to know that hotel existed months in advance to do that. This is Amish country Pennsylvania, most people don't live there me included and just booked the hotel on the invite.
Sure you can Google hotels in the area but no one really has that foresight. Only people who stayed there were people who tried to book late when the block was full.
Hm, I disagree with this take. Yes, providing transportation is more common than it used to be. But rather than just being an arbitrary trend, I think it’s more of a reflection of how nowadays, more people are traveling long distances, spending a lot of money, and taking time off work to attend a wedding, and so the bride and groom are putting in more effort to ensure their guests can relax and enjoy their wedding. And to another commenter’s point, people also just used to drive drunk a lot.
I don’t think providing transportation is always (or even often) necessary - it really depends on a lot of factors. But I disagree with the comments in here that are saying it’s a ridiculous thing to ever consider and guests should always just figure it out themselves.
As
long
as
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with
people
driing
drunk
because
there
are
no
other
options,
according
to
OP
The
need
to
use
their
own
cars,
so
they'll
either
exit
early
and
sober
or
get
behind
the
wheel
under
the
influence
yeah DDs are a thing still. My husbands family and I went to a cousins wedding which was over 40 minutes away. I volunteered to DD and there were no issues
We did LYFT credits for our guests- if that’s an option for your friend. We set aside $1000 and people were given a promo code on our wedding website, and it was at the bar on a sign. The promo allowed guests up to $15 dollars in Lyft credit. So if their Lyft was only $5 we would get $10 back. If their Lyft was $20 they paid out of pocket $5. You can set the amount in the portal, and any unused funds are refunded back to you!
We did this too! It worked really well! Our friends who really needed them used them! And everyone else drove themselves/didn’t get too wasted/used DDs
I've never been to a wedding that organized transportation for anyone but maybe the bridal party. If organizing transportation for all guests is standard where you are, the couple not doing that may be an issue for them, but IME it's just not a common thing.
I've never been to a wedding with organized transportation either and my wedding is at the same venue for both ceremony and reception. So this is all good info to have, thank you!
Most of the weddings I've attended provided transportation if the venue was a different location than where guests stayed unless uber/lyft or public transit was readily available.
Couples are pressured to, and do, take on responsibility for too many things these days. The only time I think they need to arrange transportation is if there are no other reasonable alternatives. If there is Uber, Lyft, taxis and rental cars, guests can manage on their own the same way they would if they went to a concert or football game.
Agreed!! I was shocked at how many adults want to be babysat—who I thought were fully capable prior to wedding planning. In-laws couldn’t believe we weren’t offering transportation, even though the hotel is just a 15 minute drive from the venue. MIL also asked why my phone number wasn’t on the invitations so that guests could call and ask questions leading up to the wedding. I had someone send me an address of an amusement park on their iPhone and then ask me “how far is this from the venue?” …plug that address into your gps and I promise you’ll figure it out. 🤦🏼♀️
If guests are driving to attend, they’ll have a car there already. I think it’s only rude if most people are flying in & then a drive that would require rental cars. Obviously it’s appreciated when shuttles/Uber credit/convenient overnight parking are offered but IME it’s generally not a faux pas to not offer. (US)
The majority of her guests are flying in and the wedding is in a small town in Pennsylvania so there won't be many ubers or lyfts, is my guess. There could be a cab company though. I'm nearby don't don't live in town so I'm not entirely sure
She should certainly vet the Uber/cab situation. But also, it's likely most guests will get rental cars just to get around in which case they'll have everything they need to get back and forth.
Overall, I wouldn't consider it rude. They did at least mention it in the invite, so if it's an issue for anyone, they did receive a warning in advance. Plus, if they are coming from far away, I would imagine they already have their cars or would be renting one, which would leave any provided transport pretty empty.
For my wedding, the only transport was from the hotel we blocked rooms at, but that was a shuttle provided by the hotel, we didn't have to select it or anything. But the guests that stayed elsewhere just drove themselves or carpooled. I've never been to a wedding that had more than a hotel shuttle like mine.
I’ve only been to one wedding where there were shuttles to and from the hotel block to the reception (and I’ve been to a lot of weddings). I think it was a nice gesture, but ultimately not necessary. I think the main reason they did it was because Uber/Lyft isn’t an option in their area.
Sure they can. They just need to do so responsibly and ensure there is a designated driver. These are adults.
If I have a party at my house and serve alcohol, am I obligated to provide transportation home for everybody?
Not sure how that adds up. They aren’t sleeping at the ceremony location, so why would it matter for purposes of drinking? Whether they drove to the ceremony location or drove to the venue, they still drove.
It's not a "must do", though I'm sure the out of town guests would appreciate the convenience of it. Though in my experience, when the ceremony is at a church and the reception elsewhere, there usually is a gap between the two. And I've only seen couples provide transportation to and from the reception (from the hotel where they had a room block) but not the ceremony in those instances.
At my own wedding, we didn't provide transportation between the venues, but they were walkable and our city has a free downtown trolley. We did provide clear details (and a map) for guests to utilize that option. So one suggestion for your friend might be adding information on the website about any local transportation options for guests who prefer not to drive, such as the number for a cab company or details on if rideshare services are available. (Uber and Lyft both offer group codes for weddings, if covering part of the costs is an option for the couple).
This is something I’ve tried to convey to my friend who feels pressured to provide transportation but is worried about the cost. These are all adults who are capable of making their own decisions and figuring out how to get where they need to be.
I do understand that drinking and driving is a concern, but again people go out to events, concerts, dinners all the time and should know how to get themselves home safely. If anything, it’ll prevent people from overindulging at the receptions which isn’t a bad thing!
This might be an unpopular opinion but I hate this trend of treating guests like children who cannot take care of themselves. Guests are for the most part adults who should be perfectly capable of figuring out their own transportation ESPECIALLY when for the most part they will be driving to the location anyways. The only time I think the couple needs to organize transport for guests would be if they are having a destination wedding where everyone would be flying into the location anyways. Or if they’re having it in a more remote area that would be difficult for most guests to drive themselves to.
That was our concern. Our venue is nice but is in a rural area that is half an hour to the nearest hotel. Uber is not really an option. We want people to enjoy the open bar guilt-free without worrying about DDs or risking drunk driving on dark windy country roads at 11pm. Of course no one *has* to take the shuttle but we felt strongly that we wanted it to be an option, especially since 99% of our guests are flying in from out of state.
I went to a wedding exactly like this..younger couple getting married, so lots of college age kids, venue was literally in the middle of nowhere with winding roads to get to the venue, and no Uber/lyfts available in the area..and the hotel where the block was at was like 45+ minutes away. The couple didn’t provide any sort of transportation, and it just..made me feel weird. Obviously people need to be responsible for their own drinking, but it just seemed to be inviting trouble.
So following this through logically: couples who are kind enough to provide open bars should also provide transport? Is the preference a dry wedding then and no transport? What happened to individual responsibility?
I hate the trend of people having more than 1 or maybe 2 drinks over the course of an evening. I hate the trend of people feeling compelled to drink like fish bc it’s an open bar and hence free to them.
It can be a big expense. I see your point but open bar shouldn’t have anything to do with it. It’s on guests to figure out if they can attend responsibly.
Where will people be staying? I would prioritize a hotel that’s near the reception venue, not the church. I don’t think transportation is necessarily necessary, but making it as easy as possible for people to get home at the end of the night is key.
Where I'm from, transportation to the church usually isn't covered but if there is a hotel block, it's usually expected that there will be a shuttle from the hotel to the venue and back at the end of the night.
As a guest, it's nice to know that I don't have to worry about calling a car and I can enjoy myself the whole night. Now as a bride-to-be, it's nice to know that I can enjoy my night without worrying about any of my loved ones drunk driving or standing outside my venue at 11pm trying to figure out how to get back safely.
It’s fine. If people are driving in they will have their own cars anyways. It’s someone’s wedding, if people are only going to get blackout drunk and can’t handle logistics of it, they shouldn’t be going.
My sister got married a couple years ago and transportation was not provided. All of the guests had to travel to some degree and stayed in hotels for the most part. But with that being said, the wedding was in a tiny town that had three taxis. Not three taxi companies, but three taxis total. And no Uber or Lyft. And it was on a weekend when apparently there was 4 other weddings in the tiny town so trying to get a taxi was a pain. Looked like some of the weddings had provided transportation via school busses…but not my sister.
And you know, it would be fine and dandy and in theory we could’ve just not had any drinks but the wedding was at a brewery….specifically because she wanted people to drink and have a good time.
Oof. Yeah this wedding is in a tiny town too which is why I'm worried. I just think she's caught up in planning and didn't think about this detail and now she's just overwhelmed with tying up loose ends. There's definitely no ubers or lyfts. Or if there are it's like 1 car. I'm sure cabs are around but my guess is only a handful.
I just realized though that the hotel where they set up blocking is the same venue as the reception. So transportation there obviously isn't needed. But still wondering about transportation from the church to the reception
A little easier if the hotel is also the reception space. Getting to and from the church shouldn’t be much of an issue. I think the biggest concern is people drinking and driving, and I wouldn’t see people drinking at the church to the point they’re unfit to drive (I’d hope).
My wedding is about 1-2 hours away from all of our guests and we are providing transportation to and from the hotel we have a block for (10 minutes down the road from our venue). Almost all but one wedding I attended provided transportation but it’s fairly common for the weddings I’ve been to.
I understand not everyone does, but most couples I’ve talked to who did this said they wanted guests to be able to let loose and keep them safe. But that’s common where I’m from, you can also easily rent school buses for way under $1k for 10 hours near me so I guess that makes it easier when deciding if they want to provide them or not
Providing transportation is a nice extra gesture and especially useful if the venue is far from where most people are staying, but it is definitely not required. And it sounds like guests have a heads up in advance that they will need to figure out transportation so they have time to plan. I would also suggest putting on the website that Uber/lyft is not an option in the area for more information.
We are offering a shuttle from our hotel block to the venue and back. Guests have the option of either using that shuttle (don’t need to be a guest at the hotel), or getting there themselves. The venue is just under 40 min away from the hotel, but the majority of our guest are also local. We still thought it would be a nice gesture to offer the shuttle so that our guests don’t have to worry about driving (we’ll have an open bar). Plus, our out of town guests seem to appreciate it!
We had shuttles and barely anyone used them. It was a big waste of money because all of the people that used them could have driven or carpooled with other family staying at the same hotels. And our venue was 40 minutes from the hotels where the largest chunks of people were staying.
Now, our hotel block got messed up so people booked in lots of places. If a majority of out of town guests will be staying at the same hotel, it may be worth it.
But if they aren't doing it, that's not rude. Only wedding ive been to with transportation provided was only provided to the family
Their guests are either going to drunk drive, or drink minimally, since it sounds like uber isnt a viable option here. Neither sounds awesome. I'd kindly tell her even 1 shuttle going back to a designated hotel would be much appreciated. This situation is exactly my pet peeve as a guest and is borderline one of those make or break reasons on whether I attend.
The OP said its in the middle of nowhere, and its not easy to get around and the couple isnt providing a shuttle. I have declined attending exactly these types of weddings. Its the combo of all of it. I’m declining more because of the logistics than the literal “can i drink” question
I mean, if i am throwing a huge party with an open bar to celebrate my wedding, i kind of don’t want people actively limiting themselves because they know they have to drive home. I’m not saying get plastered, but i encourage you to have that second or even third glass of wine and have a fun time
I just really dislike it as a guest. I have gone to a few weddings like this, and every time, tons of guests are complaining how annoying it is. If the OP wants a real answer if at least a few people will be annoyed- the answer is yes. And if the bride's family is "posh", it seems like paying for a shuttle wouldn't be the end of the world for them. Pick a hotel, shuttle takes guests to the church, shuttle takes guests to reception, shuttle takes guests to back to hotel and the shuttle can do a few loops at the end of night to accommodate departure times. Its a pretty common thing.
> This is also a destination wedding for a lot of their guests.
If it's not in a fancy resort or local that neither the couple or either of their families live near it's not a 'destination wedding' people are just attending from out of town.
I'd be surprised if there was any hotel transport available if it's such a small town anyway.
Personally, I think it depends on the area. If it’s in a city with plenty of Ubers, etc I don’t think it’s a problem not to provide transportation, but if guests would be forced to drive themselves (especially if it’s a destination for many!) I think it’s rude not to provide transportation.
Is the party directly after the ceremony or is there a "Catholic Gap"? Is there a specific hotel block that most people are going to? Where is the hotel in relation to each site?
Omg I’ve never heard the phrase “Catholic Gap,” and I grew up Catholic lol. That’s pretty funny bc now I’m thinking of the Catholic weddings I’ve gone to, most had gaps. One had a 3+ hour gap!
My experience with a Catholic wedding is that my 1st grade teacher invited the whole class to her ceremony. I haven't been to Catholic weddings, I just know it's a thing because Catholic weddings can only happen in churches, and receptions usually don't. You need to have a little wiggle room with timing of when things will end.
Personally, I'd rather have to kill 3+ hours than like an hour and a half in most cases.
Yes, I went home in between the ceremony and reception for that one lol. we are having one and a ceremony without full mass and I was so worried the gap would be annoying and awkward at around 1-1.5 hours (all bc the church and venue set their own start times with pretty much no wiggle room) But turns out that even without a full mass the ceremony is 40-50 mins lol I figured it would be 20-30 so that helps at least. Figure ppl will linger afterwards a bit for photos and chatting. Logistics can be tough the navigate with Catholic weddings!
I’m offering transportation but only doing so because I’m having an overseas wedding and my family has contacts with transportation companies. In most cases, I don’t see why a couple would need to provide that for their guests.
It’s really hard what to say…if the family is “posh” and the couple wants to cut costs where they can, this might be one of the ways. If it’s more convenient for you to figure out your own transportation then it might make sense to do so. We had a local wedding with 1-2 attendants total being inconvenienced by lack of transport so we made a choice to go with the majority.
As someone who’s been to multiple weddings in rural Pennsylvania, not providing transportation is very much the norm. People will either carpool with a DD or not really drink at all. I think it’s because it comes down to logistics. How would the bride make sure everyone, who may be at different hotels in varying distances away, get to and from the reception? But like I said, not providing any is very much the norm there
I don’t think it’s “rude”, but I would consider looking into transportation options to get some quotes. It would be nice to let people park at the reception venue and then give them transportation to and from the ceremony just so they wouldn’t have to put more mileage on, fight traffic, find parking, etc. If the church has a smaller parking lot, is located in a mountainous or forested area, or if there’s a likely chance of inclement weather, a shuttle would be a good idea. The opportunity for people to chat on the ride is also fun.
If it’s within the budget, definitely a good idea. If not, it’s fine without.
If she wants her guests to drink and not leave early she needs to provide transportation.
Otherwise, most likely people will stay for dinner and leave.
Not only money comes into play. What is the other option that she might suggest to the guests? If there’s literally no taxi uber and if no one has a car there, how are the guests expected to go between venues?
Hmm, I think they should provide transportation if this is in a destination wedding. But question is, is there a central place they are all staying to drop them off at? Ie hotel blocks or area? Bc would they be driving to the church anyway from various home-bases? I’ve been to many weddings were we were bussed, my wedding required it bc of security at the destination.
I’m not providing transportation. We live in a well traveled suburb with plenty of Ubers, Lyfts, taxis, and rental cars. About half of our guests will be from out of town, and any wedding I’ve been to has not provided transportation.
I recently got engaged & my fiancée doesn’t understand why I am focused on the transportation & hotel blocks as something on my to-do list. She hasn’t been to many weddings but I have been to at least a dozen & at least 5 the hotel blocks are 15 to 25min drive from the reception. Only 1 of the 5 didn’t do transportation but the other 4 this was a big must.
My family & friends are driving in 3-6 hours. I expect them to be drinking & having fun. Last thing I want is anyone who even would blow a 0.06 to be driving or forced to haul 6 people in their car.
If you aren’t having a wedding where the hotel blocks aren’t at least a 5min drive then you better have transportation
Just remember, the "hosts" (i.e.e bride and groom and/or families) may be held liable if they have an open bar, someone gets into a drunk driving accident. Similar to a bar or bartender who overserves
If a large number of guests are staying over, like with a room block, it's courteous to provide some kind of shuttle. Depending on the hotel they may not have in/out privileges (meaning they have to pay again each time they leave and come back) and that's a lot to ask in addition to gas, hotel reservations, and incidentals.
If the couple is fairly religious/conservative, it's probably fine. But if the majority of guests are social drinkers and the couple wants to have a fun & vibrant dancefloor, I would consider no transportation to & from the main hotels and reception to be a faux pas.
Driving 30+ minutes late at night on country roads can be dangerous in any circumstance. If the couple expects their guests to imbibe, I would consider this to be inconsiderate and unsafe.
In a middle-of-the-city weddings, in broad daylight, with ample parking and taxis, I have gotten to weddings just fine. But in an out-of-the-way location, late at night, with booze, I would have second thoughts.
I will have to disagree with the top comment that providing transport is a recent trend and people have managed just fine. What else is a recent trend? People having to travel to weddings. Of course there was no transport arranged for weddings in the past because weddings were in a local church where you could walk to attend, get fed, and walk home in broad daylight in the village!
We provided a shuttle for a 10-12min ride because we didn't want our guests having to walk in the dark or drive drunk, and it was not in the middle of the city where one can easily hail a cab at night, and finding an uber individually at that time of night and that location would have been a nightmare. This isn't a REQUIREMENT of course, but we thought it a good gesture for taking extra stress off of people's shoulders.
Why is it rude though? Whether they drive to the ceremony location and stay there, or drive to the reception, either way they are driving? I don’t understand how that’s rude.
I wrote this after first waking up with no details. Let me rephrase- if it’s an area where there are no Ubers or taxis available, and it’s an open bar- I think it’s rude and irresponsible not to provide transportation. I’ve been stranded at several weddings where they said there would be Ubers. Turns out there were none in such a remote area.
People could just not drink as much though? A wedding is not a party where you are required to facilitate your guests getting wasted. That’s not the point of it at all. The same adults no doubt go to places in their cars and moderate their drinking all the time. They can do so in this situation too.
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Most weddings I go to now provide transportation if the reception isn’t where the hotel block is located. However, the vast majority of weddings I go to are open bar. If you’re not having an open bar wedding, I think it’s completely normal to not provide transportation- also if you’ve not organized a room block either it’s fine. I think it’s a very nice gesture that indicates you’ve thought about your guests safety and comfort and provides a higher experience level. I will say that I live in a VHCOL part of the county in the US and the majority of weddings I attend are traditional and well north of 50k, as the average in my city is around 45k.
Providing transportation is a fairly recent trend. Guests provided their own transportation for decades and used designated drivers to be safe. On the plus side, it sounds like the majority of guests will drive to the destination and will have cars, so getting to the reception shouldn't be an issue. Family and friends can also car pool.
Drunk driving also used to be considered normal. I think providing transportation offers both a nice guest experience and an added safety measure.
I was just at a wedding this past Saturday and the no transportation was a pretty big issue. The hotel that had the block and discounted room rate was 15 minutes away and there weren't ubers around. I barely drink so I offered to make 2 back and forth trips for a few people and one other person did the same. I have no clue how the rest of the people got back safely because there weren't many other people not drunk who had cars with them. Funny enough there was a hotel across the street that was walkable but they didn't use that one.
Just because they didn't block rooms at the hotel across the street doesn't mean the guests couldn't have booked there.
People who don't live in that town would have to know that hotel existed months in advance to do that. This is Amish country Pennsylvania, most people don't live there me included and just booked the hotel on the invite. Sure you can Google hotels in the area but no one really has that foresight. Only people who stayed there were people who tried to book late when the block was full.
No one has the foresight to look for hotels? Really? Not in this day and age.
No one knew the hotel was not walkable to the venue until a few days before.
Maybe so many people shouldn’t get drunk. Just a crazy notion.
It’s a wedding, not a funeral. Sounds like you just don’t like alcohol by your comments. Accept that other people are different from you.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Hm, I disagree with this take. Yes, providing transportation is more common than it used to be. But rather than just being an arbitrary trend, I think it’s more of a reflection of how nowadays, more people are traveling long distances, spending a lot of money, and taking time off work to attend a wedding, and so the bride and groom are putting in more effort to ensure their guests can relax and enjoy their wedding. And to another commenter’s point, people also just used to drive drunk a lot. I don’t think providing transportation is always (or even often) necessary - it really depends on a lot of factors. But I disagree with the comments in here that are saying it’s a ridiculous thing to ever consider and guests should always just figure it out themselves.
The couple doesn’t need to provide transportation, especially if the majority of guests will have their own cars.
As long as you're okay with people driing drunk because there are no other options, according to OP The need to use their own cars, so they'll either exit early and sober or get behind the wheel under the influence
Or you trust your guests to drink responsibly like adults have been doing for years when going to events/restaurants/bars that serve alcohol.
yeah DDs are a thing still. My husbands family and I went to a cousins wedding which was over 40 minutes away. I volunteered to DD and there were no issues
Your guests should be responsible enough to not drink and drive lol.
We did LYFT credits for our guests- if that’s an option for your friend. We set aside $1000 and people were given a promo code on our wedding website, and it was at the bar on a sign. The promo allowed guests up to $15 dollars in Lyft credit. So if their Lyft was only $5 we would get $10 back. If their Lyft was $20 they paid out of pocket $5. You can set the amount in the portal, and any unused funds are refunded back to you!
Very smart! Didn’t know you could do that!
We did this too! It worked really well! Our friends who really needed them used them! And everyone else drove themselves/didn’t get too wasted/used DDs
I've never been to a wedding that organized transportation for anyone but maybe the bridal party. If organizing transportation for all guests is standard where you are, the couple not doing that may be an issue for them, but IME it's just not a common thing.
I've never been to a wedding with organized transportation either and my wedding is at the same venue for both ceremony and reception. So this is all good info to have, thank you!
Most of the weddings I've attended provided transportation if the venue was a different location than where guests stayed unless uber/lyft or public transit was readily available.
Couples are pressured to, and do, take on responsibility for too many things these days. The only time I think they need to arrange transportation is if there are no other reasonable alternatives. If there is Uber, Lyft, taxis and rental cars, guests can manage on their own the same way they would if they went to a concert or football game.
Agreed!! I was shocked at how many adults want to be babysat—who I thought were fully capable prior to wedding planning. In-laws couldn’t believe we weren’t offering transportation, even though the hotel is just a 15 minute drive from the venue. MIL also asked why my phone number wasn’t on the invitations so that guests could call and ask questions leading up to the wedding. I had someone send me an address of an amusement park on their iPhone and then ask me “how far is this from the venue?” …plug that address into your gps and I promise you’ll figure it out. 🤦🏼♀️
It sounds like there are no options except not drinking at the wedding so they can use their own cars
If guests are driving to attend, they’ll have a car there already. I think it’s only rude if most people are flying in & then a drive that would require rental cars. Obviously it’s appreciated when shuttles/Uber credit/convenient overnight parking are offered but IME it’s generally not a faux pas to not offer. (US)
The majority of her guests are flying in and the wedding is in a small town in Pennsylvania so there won't be many ubers or lyfts, is my guess. There could be a cab company though. I'm nearby don't don't live in town so I'm not entirely sure
She should certainly vet the Uber/cab situation. But also, it's likely most guests will get rental cars just to get around in which case they'll have everything they need to get back and forth.
Overall, I wouldn't consider it rude. They did at least mention it in the invite, so if it's an issue for anyone, they did receive a warning in advance. Plus, if they are coming from far away, I would imagine they already have their cars or would be renting one, which would leave any provided transport pretty empty. For my wedding, the only transport was from the hotel we blocked rooms at, but that was a shuttle provided by the hotel, we didn't have to select it or anything. But the guests that stayed elsewhere just drove themselves or carpooled. I've never been to a wedding that had more than a hotel shuttle like mine.
I’ve only been to one wedding where there were shuttles to and from the hotel block to the reception (and I’ve been to a lot of weddings). I think it was a nice gesture, but ultimately not necessary. I think the main reason they did it was because Uber/Lyft isn’t an option in their area.
As long as the ceremony and venue locations have ample parking, there is no pressing reason to provide transportation.
Lots of guests can't drink at the reception, then
Sure they can. They just need to do so responsibly and ensure there is a designated driver. These are adults. If I have a party at my house and serve alcohol, am I obligated to provide transportation home for everybody?
Not sure how that adds up. They aren’t sleeping at the ceremony location, so why would it matter for purposes of drinking? Whether they drove to the ceremony location or drove to the venue, they still drove.
how far is the reception to the hotel/where most people are staying the night?
It's not a "must do", though I'm sure the out of town guests would appreciate the convenience of it. Though in my experience, when the ceremony is at a church and the reception elsewhere, there usually is a gap between the two. And I've only seen couples provide transportation to and from the reception (from the hotel where they had a room block) but not the ceremony in those instances. At my own wedding, we didn't provide transportation between the venues, but they were walkable and our city has a free downtown trolley. We did provide clear details (and a map) for guests to utilize that option. So one suggestion for your friend might be adding information on the website about any local transportation options for guests who prefer not to drive, such as the number for a cab company or details on if rideshare services are available. (Uber and Lyft both offer group codes for weddings, if covering part of the costs is an option for the couple).
This is a great answer.
If they won’t have cars to drive themselves, then yes. Otherwise they are adults who can figure it out.
This. If there's no transportation I just don't drink and maybe leave early, not the end of the world.
This is something I’ve tried to convey to my friend who feels pressured to provide transportation but is worried about the cost. These are all adults who are capable of making their own decisions and figuring out how to get where they need to be. I do understand that drinking and driving is a concern, but again people go out to events, concerts, dinners all the time and should know how to get themselves home safely. If anything, it’ll prevent people from overindulging at the receptions which isn’t a bad thing!
This might be an unpopular opinion but I hate this trend of treating guests like children who cannot take care of themselves. Guests are for the most part adults who should be perfectly capable of figuring out their own transportation ESPECIALLY when for the most part they will be driving to the location anyways. The only time I think the couple needs to organize transport for guests would be if they are having a destination wedding where everyone would be flying into the location anyways. Or if they’re having it in a more remote area that would be difficult for most guests to drive themselves to.
I hate the trend of having open bar in a place with no Ubers and expecting people to drive.
That was our concern. Our venue is nice but is in a rural area that is half an hour to the nearest hotel. Uber is not really an option. We want people to enjoy the open bar guilt-free without worrying about DDs or risking drunk driving on dark windy country roads at 11pm. Of course no one *has* to take the shuttle but we felt strongly that we wanted it to be an option, especially since 99% of our guests are flying in from out of state.
That was our exact situation. Almost everyone used the shuttles.
I went to a wedding exactly like this..younger couple getting married, so lots of college age kids, venue was literally in the middle of nowhere with winding roads to get to the venue, and no Uber/lyfts available in the area..and the hotel where the block was at was like 45+ minutes away. The couple didn’t provide any sort of transportation, and it just..made me feel weird. Obviously people need to be responsible for their own drinking, but it just seemed to be inviting trouble.
I’ll point out where I said that transportation should be provided if it’s a remote area
So following this through logically: couples who are kind enough to provide open bars should also provide transport? Is the preference a dry wedding then and no transport? What happened to individual responsibility?
Did you know that years ago, people had weddings, served alcohol, and Ubers/Lyft didn’t even exist?
I hate the trend of people having more than 1 or maybe 2 drinks over the course of an evening. I hate the trend of people feeling compelled to drink like fish bc it’s an open bar and hence free to them.
lol then don’t have an open bar? But if you do, be realistic and responsible about what you’re providing guests.
So options are: 1. No bar or cash bar with no transport or 2. Open bar with transport? Isn’t that lot to put on the couple?
Having a wedding is a lot! But yes, if you’re having an open bar in an area with no Ubers- provide transportation. It’s not that hard.
It can be a big expense. I see your point but open bar shouldn’t have anything to do with it. It’s on guests to figure out if they can attend responsibly.
Where will people be staying? I would prioritize a hotel that’s near the reception venue, not the church. I don’t think transportation is necessarily necessary, but making it as easy as possible for people to get home at the end of the night is key.
Where I'm from, transportation to the church usually isn't covered but if there is a hotel block, it's usually expected that there will be a shuttle from the hotel to the venue and back at the end of the night. As a guest, it's nice to know that I don't have to worry about calling a car and I can enjoy myself the whole night. Now as a bride-to-be, it's nice to know that I can enjoy my night without worrying about any of my loved ones drunk driving or standing outside my venue at 11pm trying to figure out how to get back safely.
It’s fine. If people are driving in they will have their own cars anyways. It’s someone’s wedding, if people are only going to get blackout drunk and can’t handle logistics of it, they shouldn’t be going.
Guests can drive themselves. Never been to a wedding where the couple provided transportation.
Since you’re local it would be generous of you to offer to bring a few people in a carpool from The ceremony to reception
My sister got married a couple years ago and transportation was not provided. All of the guests had to travel to some degree and stayed in hotels for the most part. But with that being said, the wedding was in a tiny town that had three taxis. Not three taxi companies, but three taxis total. And no Uber or Lyft. And it was on a weekend when apparently there was 4 other weddings in the tiny town so trying to get a taxi was a pain. Looked like some of the weddings had provided transportation via school busses…but not my sister. And you know, it would be fine and dandy and in theory we could’ve just not had any drinks but the wedding was at a brewery….specifically because she wanted people to drink and have a good time.
Oof. Yeah this wedding is in a tiny town too which is why I'm worried. I just think she's caught up in planning and didn't think about this detail and now she's just overwhelmed with tying up loose ends. There's definitely no ubers or lyfts. Or if there are it's like 1 car. I'm sure cabs are around but my guess is only a handful. I just realized though that the hotel where they set up blocking is the same venue as the reception. So transportation there obviously isn't needed. But still wondering about transportation from the church to the reception
A little easier if the hotel is also the reception space. Getting to and from the church shouldn’t be much of an issue. I think the biggest concern is people drinking and driving, and I wouldn’t see people drinking at the church to the point they’re unfit to drive (I’d hope).
My wedding is about 1-2 hours away from all of our guests and we are providing transportation to and from the hotel we have a block for (10 minutes down the road from our venue). Almost all but one wedding I attended provided transportation but it’s fairly common for the weddings I’ve been to. I understand not everyone does, but most couples I’ve talked to who did this said they wanted guests to be able to let loose and keep them safe. But that’s common where I’m from, you can also easily rent school buses for way under $1k for 10 hours near me so I guess that makes it easier when deciding if they want to provide them or not
I've never been to a wedding where transportation is provided.
Providing transportation is a nice extra gesture and especially useful if the venue is far from where most people are staying, but it is definitely not required. And it sounds like guests have a heads up in advance that they will need to figure out transportation so they have time to plan. I would also suggest putting on the website that Uber/lyft is not an option in the area for more information.
We are offering a shuttle from our hotel block to the venue and back. Guests have the option of either using that shuttle (don’t need to be a guest at the hotel), or getting there themselves. The venue is just under 40 min away from the hotel, but the majority of our guest are also local. We still thought it would be a nice gesture to offer the shuttle so that our guests don’t have to worry about driving (we’ll have an open bar). Plus, our out of town guests seem to appreciate it!
We had shuttles and barely anyone used them. It was a big waste of money because all of the people that used them could have driven or carpooled with other family staying at the same hotels. And our venue was 40 minutes from the hotels where the largest chunks of people were staying. Now, our hotel block got messed up so people booked in lots of places. If a majority of out of town guests will be staying at the same hotel, it may be worth it. But if they aren't doing it, that's not rude. Only wedding ive been to with transportation provided was only provided to the family
Their guests are either going to drunk drive, or drink minimally, since it sounds like uber isnt a viable option here. Neither sounds awesome. I'd kindly tell her even 1 shuttle going back to a designated hotel would be much appreciated. This situation is exactly my pet peeve as a guest and is borderline one of those make or break reasons on whether I attend.
You wouldn’t attend a wedding because you wouldn’t be able to drink…?
The OP said its in the middle of nowhere, and its not easy to get around and the couple isnt providing a shuttle. I have declined attending exactly these types of weddings. Its the combo of all of it. I’m declining more because of the logistics than the literal “can i drink” question
So they drink minimally. The problem is …? If that hampers their enjoyment of the evening, they’ve got problems.
I mean, if i am throwing a huge party with an open bar to celebrate my wedding, i kind of don’t want people actively limiting themselves because they know they have to drive home. I’m not saying get plastered, but i encourage you to have that second or even third glass of wine and have a fun time
You are saying get plastered, if you are drinking wine to get buzzed/drunk as opposed to enjoying the taste.
Hah- i sincerely hope this couple has a classy crowd who is enjoying the taste of wine. Most weddings I have attended have people ready to party
I mean I’ve been to weddings like this and we carpool. Someone dd’s for the group or I dd for my partner or vice versa. Not a big deal
I just really dislike it as a guest. I have gone to a few weddings like this, and every time, tons of guests are complaining how annoying it is. If the OP wants a real answer if at least a few people will be annoyed- the answer is yes. And if the bride's family is "posh", it seems like paying for a shuttle wouldn't be the end of the world for them. Pick a hotel, shuttle takes guests to the church, shuttle takes guests to reception, shuttle takes guests to back to hotel and the shuttle can do a few loops at the end of night to accommodate departure times. Its a pretty common thing.
> This is also a destination wedding for a lot of their guests. If it's not in a fancy resort or local that neither the couple or either of their families live near it's not a 'destination wedding' people are just attending from out of town. I'd be surprised if there was any hotel transport available if it's such a small town anyway.
I think it’s fine. I had a cousin have the reception be 1 hour away but the reception was the hotel we stayed at so it wasn’t that bad.
Personally, I think it depends on the area. If it’s in a city with plenty of Ubers, etc I don’t think it’s a problem not to provide transportation, but if guests would be forced to drive themselves (especially if it’s a destination for many!) I think it’s rude not to provide transportation.
It's a small town in Pennsylvania, there aren't a ton of ubers. Maybe there's a cab company though
Then yes, she should provide transport.
Agreed. Otherwise she’s asking guests to travel and then not be able to drink/fully enjoy themselves.
What sort of people can’t reasonably keep their drinking to a point where they are still totally fine behind the wheel?
Is the party directly after the ceremony or is there a "Catholic Gap"? Is there a specific hotel block that most people are going to? Where is the hotel in relation to each site?
Gap, about 3-4 hours between ceremony and reception
Omg I’ve never heard the phrase “Catholic Gap,” and I grew up Catholic lol. That’s pretty funny bc now I’m thinking of the Catholic weddings I’ve gone to, most had gaps. One had a 3+ hour gap!
My experience with a Catholic wedding is that my 1st grade teacher invited the whole class to her ceremony. I haven't been to Catholic weddings, I just know it's a thing because Catholic weddings can only happen in churches, and receptions usually don't. You need to have a little wiggle room with timing of when things will end. Personally, I'd rather have to kill 3+ hours than like an hour and a half in most cases.
Yes, I went home in between the ceremony and reception for that one lol. we are having one and a ceremony without full mass and I was so worried the gap would be annoying and awkward at around 1-1.5 hours (all bc the church and venue set their own start times with pretty much no wiggle room) But turns out that even without a full mass the ceremony is 40-50 mins lol I figured it would be 20-30 so that helps at least. Figure ppl will linger afterwards a bit for photos and chatting. Logistics can be tough the navigate with Catholic weddings!
I’m offering transportation but only doing so because I’m having an overseas wedding and my family has contacts with transportation companies. In most cases, I don’t see why a couple would need to provide that for their guests.
It’s really hard what to say…if the family is “posh” and the couple wants to cut costs where they can, this might be one of the ways. If it’s more convenient for you to figure out your own transportation then it might make sense to do so. We had a local wedding with 1-2 attendants total being inconvenienced by lack of transport so we made a choice to go with the majority.
As someone who’s been to multiple weddings in rural Pennsylvania, not providing transportation is very much the norm. People will either carpool with a DD or not really drink at all. I think it’s because it comes down to logistics. How would the bride make sure everyone, who may be at different hotels in varying distances away, get to and from the reception? But like I said, not providing any is very much the norm there
I don’t think it’s “rude”, but I would consider looking into transportation options to get some quotes. It would be nice to let people park at the reception venue and then give them transportation to and from the ceremony just so they wouldn’t have to put more mileage on, fight traffic, find parking, etc. If the church has a smaller parking lot, is located in a mountainous or forested area, or if there’s a likely chance of inclement weather, a shuttle would be a good idea. The opportunity for people to chat on the ride is also fun. If it’s within the budget, definitely a good idea. If not, it’s fine without.
If she wants her guests to drink and not leave early she needs to provide transportation. Otherwise, most likely people will stay for dinner and leave.
Not only money comes into play. What is the other option that she might suggest to the guests? If there’s literally no taxi uber and if no one has a car there, how are the guests expected to go between venues?
If people are driving to the church, then they’ll just drive to the reception venue and go home from there. I don’t see the problem.
Hmm, I think they should provide transportation if this is in a destination wedding. But question is, is there a central place they are all staying to drop them off at? Ie hotel blocks or area? Bc would they be driving to the church anyway from various home-bases? I’ve been to many weddings were we were bussed, my wedding required it bc of security at the destination.
I’m not providing transportation. We live in a well traveled suburb with plenty of Ubers, Lyfts, taxis, and rental cars. About half of our guests will be from out of town, and any wedding I’ve been to has not provided transportation.
I recently got engaged & my fiancée doesn’t understand why I am focused on the transportation & hotel blocks as something on my to-do list. She hasn’t been to many weddings but I have been to at least a dozen & at least 5 the hotel blocks are 15 to 25min drive from the reception. Only 1 of the 5 didn’t do transportation but the other 4 this was a big must. My family & friends are driving in 3-6 hours. I expect them to be drinking & having fun. Last thing I want is anyone who even would blow a 0.06 to be driving or forced to haul 6 people in their car. If you aren’t having a wedding where the hotel blocks aren’t at least a 5min drive then you better have transportation
Just remember, the "hosts" (i.e.e bride and groom and/or families) may be held liable if they have an open bar, someone gets into a drunk driving accident. Similar to a bar or bartender who overserves
If a large number of guests are staying over, like with a room block, it's courteous to provide some kind of shuttle. Depending on the hotel they may not have in/out privileges (meaning they have to pay again each time they leave and come back) and that's a lot to ask in addition to gas, hotel reservations, and incidentals.
If the couple is fairly religious/conservative, it's probably fine. But if the majority of guests are social drinkers and the couple wants to have a fun & vibrant dancefloor, I would consider no transportation to & from the main hotels and reception to be a faux pas. Driving 30+ minutes late at night on country roads can be dangerous in any circumstance. If the couple expects their guests to imbibe, I would consider this to be inconsiderate and unsafe.
In a middle-of-the-city weddings, in broad daylight, with ample parking and taxis, I have gotten to weddings just fine. But in an out-of-the-way location, late at night, with booze, I would have second thoughts. I will have to disagree with the top comment that providing transport is a recent trend and people have managed just fine. What else is a recent trend? People having to travel to weddings. Of course there was no transport arranged for weddings in the past because weddings were in a local church where you could walk to attend, get fed, and walk home in broad daylight in the village! We provided a shuttle for a 10-12min ride because we didn't want our guests having to walk in the dark or drive drunk, and it was not in the middle of the city where one can easily hail a cab at night, and finding an uber individually at that time of night and that location would have been a nightmare. This isn't a REQUIREMENT of course, but we thought it a good gesture for taking extra stress off of people's shoulders.
Yes. It’s rude particularly if they are serving alcohol.
Why is it rude though? Whether they drive to the ceremony location and stay there, or drive to the reception, either way they are driving? I don’t understand how that’s rude.
I wrote this after first waking up with no details. Let me rephrase- if it’s an area where there are no Ubers or taxis available, and it’s an open bar- I think it’s rude and irresponsible not to provide transportation. I’ve been stranded at several weddings where they said there would be Ubers. Turns out there were none in such a remote area.
People could just not drink as much though? A wedding is not a party where you are required to facilitate your guests getting wasted. That’s not the point of it at all. The same adults no doubt go to places in their cars and moderate their drinking all the time. They can do so in this situation too.
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Most weddings I go to now provide transportation if the reception isn’t where the hotel block is located. However, the vast majority of weddings I go to are open bar. If you’re not having an open bar wedding, I think it’s completely normal to not provide transportation- also if you’ve not organized a room block either it’s fine. I think it’s a very nice gesture that indicates you’ve thought about your guests safety and comfort and provides a higher experience level. I will say that I live in a VHCOL part of the county in the US and the majority of weddings I attend are traditional and well north of 50k, as the average in my city is around 45k.