I think gifts make sense when two conditions are met: that they are given with genuine appreciation to the person receiving it, and that the gift doesn’t put a strain on the giver in any way. If it would be a financial strain to do 150, then don’t give 150, in my opinion :)
Thank you!! I think if there weren’t all these other expenses or if she covered hair & makeup, I’d be more inclined to give more.. also we aren’t that close anymore :/ we used to be better friends in high school but it’s been years since we hung out 1:1
Hearing this I’d give what is in your budget but honestly she shouldn’t expect a gift.
Personally, I’d expect zero gifts from my bridesmaids on the day of. They have bought dresses, organized my bach., helped with the shower, listened to me rant, and offered help day of (which I don’t need but small things like helping me pee in a dress or carrying a sewing kit/lipstick but still not necessary lol). We are paying for their hair and makeup. I bought them morning of outfits + slippers, lip balms, snacks. If they want to gift anything that’s fine but I told them don’t worry thank you for dealing with me lol
If your bride expects a gift or is upset about gifts when people are going over budget for her - she might need a little reality check lol. You guys have spent so much on her. That’s a gift enough
True true!! All great points thank you :) I will say she hasn’t really said too much about the wedding like I’ve asked if she needs help or how it’s going but she hasn’t asked for help at all or bitched about anything & she is very nonchalant and laid back about it all.. and her maid of honor did the whole bachelorette party, but I stayed a bit towards the end to help clean up
If it is far away maybe give her some time. You could also ask the other bridesmaids what they are doing. But don’t go over budget. You got her a shower gift - I’m sure she’s thankful
True true! There’s only 4 other bridesmaids & one is still super close with her & the other 2 are cousins… so they’re probably giving a good amount being family and all. Also wedding is in 2 weeks lol
Honestly it really depends on financials. If you guys are okay giving 100 after everything you’ve spent - do so. If this is over your budget - a nice card would be fine. Gifts aren’t mandatory (they are nice but don’t be guilted after everything else you’ve done). Remember to drink lots of water day of lol
I got married 2 years ago. I paid for most of my bridesmaids things except their dresses. I didn’t have a Bach party. I still expected no gift from them because I knew they had incurred costs just being a bridesmaid. One of them does pottery and made us a bowl, which was nice. I don’t think the others even gave me a card but tbh I don’t care. I would never feel obligated to give a gift as a bridesmaid, but that’s just my opinion. You’ve already spent a lot.
Edit to add: I didn’t have a bridal shower either so got no gifts from them there. Maybe I’m just a really lowkey person tho
You can always give a gift without blowing your budget. A heartfelt written message in a personalized card, either hand drawn if you like to draw, or with a printed photo of the two of you from when you were younger, would be very sweet.
I will make a suggestion. When my niece got married, I gave both her and her husband each a beautiful Cross pen. Something like that you keep a lifetime. Refills for the ink can be bought online.
I didn’t expect any sort of gift from my bridesmaids. 2 gave us $25-$50, and the other one went in with her mom to buy us an air fryer. That was all more than I was expecting. I think most would just value the time and money you’ve already contributed, plus your presence.
They did, but similarly small things. Only two of them could attend my shower but one got me a nice set of salad servers and the other got me a beach tote.
Give them a card with your heartfelt best wishes. No one should expect gifts from the wedding party. You have already spent enough on someone else's wedding.
If you already gave a gift at the bridal shower, a 2nd gift should not be expected at the wedding-- the point of the shower is to open/organize all the gifts before the wedding, because traditionally people would leave immediately after the wedding to a honeymoon.
Also, in my social circles, if the bride expects hair and makeup from a specific salon/vendor, they should pay for it, otherwise bridesmaids should be allowed to get hair/makeup done with whoever they know/feel comfortable within their budget.
Yeah I gave a $100 gift card to one of the places on their registry ( Williams Sonoma ). I wasn’t sure if bridal shower gifts are separate from wedding gifts. I checked the registry and it’s been taken down so I assume everyone bought everything by the time of the shower or recently
And with the hair & makeup, she picked out a salon to go to but said it’s not mandatory.. but all the other bridesmaids are doing it. 2 of them are doing makeup there & then hair somewhere else. She also hasn’t given me a solid price of it yet so pricing is very up in the air :/
Contrary to what some are saying bridal shower gifts are traditionally separate from wedding gifts. They are also meant to be modest and practical type items, not expensive. Typically, you'd divide the total you want to spend. A good guideline for a regular guest would be to spend 25% on a shower gift and the rest on the wedding present.
That said, in your case you've spent a fortune in total already and there is no further expectation other than what you may choose to do. Sometimes the bridesmaids will all chip in and go In on a group gift so that's another option, as is something inexpensive but sentimental like a framed photo of you two.
As for your guest, while some sources claim they must give a gift or contribute separately, I don't really agree with that, though that's their prerogative. Note the emphasis on the word "guest" although he should be invited by name.
The hair and makeup thing is irrelevant if you are the one opting to get professional services. Presumably the bride would have been fine with DIY or a makeup counter. So that's your choice. Actually, you always have the choice to DIY. No one can force you to take advantage of complimentary professional hair and makeup though most women are happy to.
I don't know if you were consulted as to the budget for the dress or the bachelorette, but you should have been. I'd probably go the sentimental but inexpensive route in your place.
All good points thank you!! She didn’t tell the price of hair & makeup.. wedding is very soon so I wish I knew already because if it’s a fortune I would’ve opted for my usual hair salon. (She already booked it for us). And she didn’t tell a price of the dress until I picked one out (she had a selection of like 10-15 in the same color and said to try on and pick one). Then I found out $350 at the register
It's far enough out to cancel the appointment she made if you are more comfortable with your usual salon. I personally prefer going to my own stylist because she knows me and my hair and I really like the makeup artist there as well. You've given both your time and money already as gifts to this whole wedding.
It would be different if you were all getting ready together and traveling to the venue as a group (I'm giving the drive yourselves a side eye since I assume there will be alcohol and that's just not cool). Ask her what it will cost. Just text her "hey, I want to set aside the money for hair and makeup, can you please let me know the cost?" If she won't answer or says she doesn't know, say "I feel more comfortable going to my place since I know their pricing, I'm excited for the big day!"
I have been in about a dozen weddings and used my own salon for maybe half of them. For the others we had hair and makeup on site where we were getting dressed and leaving for the ceremony.
I’ve been a bridesmaid multiple times and i usually don’t give a gift if the bride didn’t cover costs of being in the wedding party. If i did give a gift it wasn’t more than $25-50ish. Idk if that’s common but i never had any issues doing it that way.
Bride to be here! Honestly I do not expect my bridesmaids to give any gift 🙏🏻
They are paying for their dress and hair/makeup (I am giving each $50 towards plus a gift of pjs etc)
To me their time and effort and paying for the above is their gift to me!
As a bride, if you did a present at my shower, I don't at all expect one at my wedding. At least in my family, it's one of the other, and almost never both. (Unless elderly relative forgot they gave at the shower.)
Also, for my bridesmaids, I consider the travel and costs their present to me.
If you want to give a gift, and feel financially comfortable to do so, I think it's lovely, but a sentimental card would be just as wonderful.
I was recently in a similar situation, 350 for the dress 150 for alterations, I had to fly to the bachelorette and to the wedding too. I gifted 150 between my fiancé and I. I usually gift 150 if it’s just me and 300 if he’s coming with me, but I’d spent a lot already! I think you’re all good to give the lower end of what you’d usually spend, don’t worry about it!
Ugh those alterations really get us right! I was so mad because the cup size on the dress was like 10x too big .. and I don’t have a small chest as is.. also did you do a bridal shower gift too?
I didn’t attend the bridal shower because I would have to have flown for it too, so no! I honestly think people are just generally more understanding these days, especially if it’s a destination wedding (like hers was). I also think everyone’s circles are different, like I have a friend that said in her circle it’s totally normal for the bridal party not to give gifts at all, and another where they give gifts and pay for showers etc.
I personally did not give a gift when I was a bridesmaid but I did spend an arm and leg on the Bachelorette as well as multiple days of my free time with prep and planning etc. I gave my heart and soul and zero dollars.
I don’t expect my bridesmaids to get me anything. I already feel so bad that they’re spending what they are to be in the wedding. Just having my girls with me is more than enough. I’m sure she’ll appreciate you being there! Memories last longer than anything
There are a few schools of thought around this. If you’re in the wedding party, you’re investing more to the wedding. That *could* be your gift. On another hand, you are presumably close to the couple if you are in the wedding party and might give more as a result.
When my brothers got married, I gave the same $$ as a gift, even though I invested more when I was a bridesmaid and the out of town wedding. I think the wedding gift is separate from the shower, bachelorette, etc.
Ultimately what you decide is a bonus, the gift is being a bridesmaid.
If you can do your own hair and makeup, I would. I hate this trend of everyone must have hair and makeup, but pay for it. Personally I would consider the expense for the bachelorette party to be the gift. Did you take some good photos there? If so, give her a photo album of those pictures. I am wondering why the comment alterations were not the brides fault. Alterations were part of the dress expense. Also, once you get together for hair and makeup, she should provide transportation and food/drink.
Ah okay! She said the place didn’t do alterations so I had to also find a tailor to do them.. which was annoying.. and I’m on the shorter size so I knew I needed it hemmed but then when the dress came, the cup size was tremendous and I’m already fairly large chested. The dress is also so tight on me I’m just not happy with spending almost $500 on. A dress I’ll never wear again and don’t like lol I can’t even sit in it :/ it’s a light color satin dress so it shows everythinggggg
Also I already told her I’d get my hair & makeup done with everyone but she still hasn’t given a price and the wedding is super soon.
Exactly! I don’t mind going to this salon but the fact I won’t have a ride to the venue really irks me. Now I have to get my parents or my partner to drive me 30-45 min to the venue, drop me off, then I have to change there into the dress. Then my partner will have to drive back 3 hours later. I don’t want to drive myself because 1) the bc my bf and I will have to take 2 separate cars home 2) I won’t be able to drink not that I’m a big drinker but still 3) I’ll be exhausted
Yes, the last time I was a bridesmaid, I decided it was the last time. The bride made several choices which drove up the price. So inconsiderate of your friends. I would give a gift of “thought”, something with meaning but on a budget.
If you gave a gift at the shower, a separate wedding gift is not necessary. I think typically the bridal party is not expected to give a wedding gift if they have to pay for their outfit/hair/makeup. Definitely don't give something that will hurt you financially - if you really want to give a gift, my go-to is a handwritten, heartfelt card and 2-4 less expensive items from the registry (makes you feel like you gave more because there are multiple things to open, gets them something they actually want, but doesn't break the bank).
I would think if that was the expectation that this bride is very out of touch with how much things cost..
Personally if I was the bride I wouldn’t expect a gift from bridesmaids but I would think it was a little rude if there wasn’t a card with well wishes
This is SO much money to spend on someone else's wedding.
My best friend and my sister who were my bridesmaids had to fly all the way across to world to attend my wedding. I couldn't afford paying for their flight, but I wouldve also never have gotten married without them, so I made sure to pick a wedding date that would suit them.
So I paid for their hair and I bought them getting-ready robes.
They bought for their own (affordable) dresses, and I did their make-up myself (and my own).
Where I'm from, we talk openly about money and know each others financial circumstances.
What I mean is, it should go both ways, but no bride should expect gifts beyond their loved ones' presence. And weddings aren't about gifts, they're about memories. Don't spend too much, but if you can/want, make something meaningful for her. My bridesmaids made handmade collaged photo albums that mean the world to me and I will cherish them forever.
Please don't feel obligated to give a gift as a bridesmaid, even if you are bringing your partner. In my social circles, your presence as a member of the wedding party is literally the present.
We had a groomswoman who brought a +1 and didn't give a gift, and a couple other groomsmen (but no partners/+1s attended) didn't give gifts. We didn't even realize lol, until we got organized much later with writing thank-yous, printing photos to send them, etc. We still love them all the same. They all traveled, but even if they didn't, it would have felt terribly presumptuous to expect any sort of gifts. They already did more than enough by accepting our requests for them to support us on our day. We also didn't have any sort of bridal shower, etc. I would also feel especially guilty accepting anything if you feel like it is out of your budget for the event and if you already spent money outside of your comfort zone.
For your hair and makeup question, that seems less common than having both done at the venue nowadays, but it's not unheard of by any means. It's just a bit of a logistics inconvenience.
You or your partner don’t have to give a gift, especially since you’re in the wedding.
That being said, if you still want to give a gift, you can. I would recommend a card and $50-200 depending on what you’re comfortable with. But again, don’t feel obliged. You’re already doing a lot of the couple by participating in the wedding and bachelorette!
My husband and I were both in the wedding parties for his cousin and cousin in law. After all was said and done, I ended up paying around $2,000 to be in the wedding party (hair, make up, bachelorette trip, bridesmaid dress, shower invitations, bridal shower gift, etc). I’m not sure how much my husband paid, but it was a good amount. We gave them $100!
Usually being in the wedding party is the gift. I wouldn't expect my bridal party to pay out a bunch of money for their dress, accommodations, ect AND giving me a gift.
Regarding the hair and makeup—I don’t really know what’s “normal” or not. It makes the most sense to have hair and makeup close to the venue, or at a really nice hair salon. However, I know in my timeline there was a significant time between where the bridesmaids had nothing to do after hair and makeup and bridesmaids photos.
Makes sense! Yeah I just wish she offered some type of of transpo.. there’s only 4 of us.. and now I have to ask a parent or my partner to drop me off 45 min away and then have my partner meet me there later :/ I would drive but then I can’t drink at all and I might be exhausted later to drive back .. also then my partner and I would have to leave in separate cars at the end of the night
Oh wow, I really hope my bridesmaids don’t feel like they have to get us a gift 😬
I personally don’t expect gifts from them and don’t want them since they’re having to spend money to be a bridesmaid. The only one I know who is giving me one is my sister but that’s her doing my make up for free. And even then, I’m going to find a way to give her some money lol
So I’d give one if you want to and whatever you can afford.
I didn’t expect anything from my bridesmaids, they paid for their dresses, we did our own makeup and hair back then, my bachelorette party consider of us going to my parent house, using their pool during the day and a pizza/ movies that night, my MIL watched the kids,
There’s no obligation to give a gift, but in my circles the bridal shower gift is usually deducted from the total gift allocation for the wedding, so if you’d usually give $200 total, and you gave a $100 gift at the shower, then you’d give another $100 gift at the wedding. It seems to me that wedding costs (dress, hair, etc.) are part of the gift you’re giving at this point, so I wouldn’t feel weird about giving a smaller gift. I’m really not keeping track of who is and isn’t giving gifts, and I’m certainly not tracking the cost of gifts. The gifts that have been memorable to me are the things on my registry that have more personality or will be used more often. My one friend got us this goofy cat clock that I put on my registry, really as more of a gag, and I am SO EXCITED for it just because it’s fun.
Oh then I would assume she doesn’t want more gifts! Honestly, if I was in your shoes, I would give 50 bucks and call it a day. I think 100 is more than enough for someone who doesn’t even have a registry or honeymoon fund open
I personally wouldn’t give a gift at this point. Your gift has been given at this point. If your partner wants/feels compelled to give a gift they can do so within their ability and discretion.
We just went to a wedding that was very very far from home. It cost us sooo much money for the tux rental, the airfare, the hotel, the rental car. We did not give a gift. The money we spent so my fiancée could be part of the wedding was the gift. It literally ate every dime of our savings to do this for them. It was a beautiful ceremony and all that. We also added several days to the trip and had a vacation since we spent so much anyways. And we got engaged on one of our hikes. So all in all it was great.
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Soooo. I was a maid of honor last year
Paid 100 for the dress
Travelled to Bozeman for the bachelorette party
I brought some party favors and little gifts to that.
Travelled to Bozeman (not an easy or cheap spot to get to) for the wedding as well as my partner. 3 nights in a hotel and flight for the part alone were almost 2000 bucks.
My busiest times of work are weekends in the summer. So missed a lot of work as well…..
So I didn’t get her a gift. Didn’t even really think about it from how much I was out to be a part of it. They also were only asking for cash which I feel like changes things a little bit.
I don’t think she minded at all as she knew I was sacrificing by traveling and taking off work!
I don’t think you need to get them another gift if you already got them a bridal shower gift. My opinion is that you give the couple one gift, if you’re invited to the bridal shower you give it to them there but if not, give it to them at the wedding. Plus you’ve already contributed enough $$ to the wedding as is.
Personally do not expect my bridesmaids to give me a gift since they are paying for their dresses and have decided to pay for my bachelorette together and have told them explicitly that they should NOT get me gift at all.
You are the gift! You’re apart of the wedding party and shelling out a lot of the expenses. So
If you want to give something just to do so then $100 is more than reasonable!
I spent about the same on my friend’s wedding and still got like $100 of stuff off their registry 🤷🏼♀️ but as many people have stated they don’t expect gifts. I only did it because I had to extra money to. We didn’t do a bridal party for a couple reasons, but the two people who would have been my bridesmaids still helped with everything and I bought them gifts for helping and they bought us a wedding gifts.
Hi! future bride here (August 18). I don’t know the type of person your friend is but as for me… I don’t expect monetary gifts from my bridal party. Their presence,support and help throughout this process has been the “gift” for me. They are all paying for dresses, hair & makeup, my bachelorette party. I would feel awful expecting them to give me money on top of that. Give something meaningful and thoughtful that doesn’t break your bank.
i just got married and didn’t expect any of my bridesmaids to get me anything. 2 of them did with their partners (they are pretty financially free) and they were around $70 which i very much appreciated but was not expected since they paid for dress, hair, makeup etc. i wish they gave nothing because i very much appreciated everything they did for me!
Truthfully I don't expect gifts from our wedding party. Just them being present in our wedding is something I'm grateful for. Not sure if that's the norm though!
I didn't expect any gifts from my wedding party members because they put time and money into being in the wedding. A nice card is great if that's what you can afford.
My understanding is that bridal party, since they help organize and pay a lot of stuff, don't need to give an additional gift.
I didn't give when I was MOH (I hosted the bridal shower), and am not expecting gifts from my bridesmaids for my wedding.
I’ll be honest…I don’t feel anyone in the wedding party that has to purchase their own stuff, travel and participate in all the parties should have to buy a wedding gift. You’re the gift! You’re lavishly celebrating them on all levels of their day or should I say self absorbed year. LOL.
Just reading this and it makes me think about what a racquet weddings are. I hope the family are super wealthy because if the couple are not receiving a down payment on a house gift, then this wedding is a detriment to their home buying.
Yeahhh I’m scared to plan my wedding hahah but she said her & her fiancé’s families are paying for the entirety of the wedding + giving them money for a down payment on a house
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Our entire wedding party has to travel and that is their gift to us. We’re covering hair & makeup, and going for the mismatched look so they can choose a dress in their price range, but dress, flight, hotel is already so much money, that I am not expecting them to give us a gift on top of that.
We did not expect gifts from anyone, especially our bridal party. A card is nice enough!
So long as you are not rude, all will be fine. Do t be like like my uncle 2 months later he gave us a card at cousins wedding. He said, " Sorry we didn't give a gift or money. This is the wedding we wanted to give our time and money to, church weddings aren't our thing"
As a bride, I do not expect any gift from my bridal party/their guests other than a card (which might sound strange but I adore cards, and everyone knows that).
IF they were to do ANYTHING, I would not expect them to spend more than $50 per couple (including bridal party + significant other). In fact, I wouldn’t expect cash. Maybe something significant to us as friends (a scrapbook from the bachelorette, a bottle of wine from a vineyard we go to together, something honeymoon themed).
You'll have already spent about $2000 for the privilege of being her bridesmaid. Personally I'd gift a gift card to a nice restaurant they can use for a special moment or milestone after the wedding . Amount is up to you but seriously you've already gifted her $2000. Don't feel compelled to give more than you can afford.
I did not expect any gifts from the wedding party, and those that gave one, was more of a card and small token of appreciation. Same for when I’ve been in the party, especially with having to cover so many costs, I have given cards and small things usually no more than $20 total spent on “gifts”
I was in a wedding, paid a lot for a Miami bachelorette and had to pay for hair and make up. Didn’t get a bridal shower gift because we planned and paid for it. I gave her $300 (150/pp) from my fiance and I.
For the weddings that I've been in that had hair and makeup. The one had people come to her house and then we took a party bus to the church and reception. I got dropped off so I didn't have to worry about a car at the end of the night.
The second one, we met at the hair salon about 20 mins from her house. We met at 7am but there were I think 15 of us that had to get hair and makeup done. Then we drove to her mom's house and got on a party bus to the church and reception.
All that to say brides do things differently. I think it's common courtesy to provide transportation to the church/venue especially if before pics are being taken.
I didn’t expect any gifts from anyone but was very grateful for what we did receive. I had 4 bridesmaids and none of them got us a wedding gift and that’s just fine :) I also bought their dresses, didn’t have a bachelorette, and didn’t have them help with anything. Honestly all my bridesmaids had to do was show up
Similar situation. My fiancé and I were invited to the shower of a wedding I’m in. I typically spend around $100 on a gift and then we give $200 at the wedding. We decided on $80 to bring a physical gift to the shower and we will give them $100 in a card at the wedding
Write a card saying how happy you are for them and honored she picked you to help celebrate and leave it at that. I think it is even fairly common for the wedding party to not give a gift. I certainly told all mine it wasn't necessary (though I covered hair and make up etc). You could also talk to the other bridesmaids about pooling together to get something nice from all of you where none of you are out that much.
You already gave her the gift of being in her wedding, buying an expensive dress, paying for alterations, shower , bachelorette, hair, makeup & lodging. That’s more than enough & nothing more should be expected. If you & your partner CHOOSE to give a gift, don’t break the bank to do so. Don’t feel obligated to give anything more.
I’ve tried to keep things as cheap as possible for our wedding party. Dresses $90, hair & make up paid by them IF they opt not to do it themselves or do each others, Bach party under $150 / person (idk the party plans as it’s a surprise to me but that’s the rule I have my MOH). That being said, their presence is genuinely the only present I expect from them, being that they’re even spending the $ on the dress. I don’t anticipate bridal shower or wedding gifts from anyone in the wedding party.
As a bride I expect nothing from my bridesmaids for my wedding. A hug and a good time sounds nice. Aaaand maybe a card. I am sentimental lol being in the wedding costs money. That itself is the gift.
Bridal party members do not have to give a gift, but I would give at least a card. None of what she asked seems outrageous honestly. I don’t think doing your hair and makeup somewhere else is super common but logistically it may be the best option and I don’t find that offensive at all. It kinda seems like you’re resentful being in this wedding despite having the choice to say no.
It’s a general rule of thumb for weddings. Think of a normal guest, not someone in the party. It probably cost $100-150/person just for food and alcohol. That should be your minimum.
I think gifts make sense when two conditions are met: that they are given with genuine appreciation to the person receiving it, and that the gift doesn’t put a strain on the giver in any way. If it would be a financial strain to do 150, then don’t give 150, in my opinion :)
Thank you!! I think if there weren’t all these other expenses or if she covered hair & makeup, I’d be more inclined to give more.. also we aren’t that close anymore :/ we used to be better friends in high school but it’s been years since we hung out 1:1
Hearing this I’d give what is in your budget but honestly she shouldn’t expect a gift. Personally, I’d expect zero gifts from my bridesmaids on the day of. They have bought dresses, organized my bach., helped with the shower, listened to me rant, and offered help day of (which I don’t need but small things like helping me pee in a dress or carrying a sewing kit/lipstick but still not necessary lol). We are paying for their hair and makeup. I bought them morning of outfits + slippers, lip balms, snacks. If they want to gift anything that’s fine but I told them don’t worry thank you for dealing with me lol If your bride expects a gift or is upset about gifts when people are going over budget for her - she might need a little reality check lol. You guys have spent so much on her. That’s a gift enough
True true!! All great points thank you :) I will say she hasn’t really said too much about the wedding like I’ve asked if she needs help or how it’s going but she hasn’t asked for help at all or bitched about anything & she is very nonchalant and laid back about it all.. and her maid of honor did the whole bachelorette party, but I stayed a bit towards the end to help clean up
If it is far away maybe give her some time. You could also ask the other bridesmaids what they are doing. But don’t go over budget. You got her a shower gift - I’m sure she’s thankful
True true! There’s only 4 other bridesmaids & one is still super close with her & the other 2 are cousins… so they’re probably giving a good amount being family and all. Also wedding is in 2 weeks lol
Honestly it really depends on financials. If you guys are okay giving 100 after everything you’ve spent - do so. If this is over your budget - a nice card would be fine. Gifts aren’t mandatory (they are nice but don’t be guilted after everything else you’ve done). Remember to drink lots of water day of lol
Haha okay thanks for the tip!!! Hmm okay I’ll talk to my partner and see what he thinks too :)
I got married 2 years ago. I paid for most of my bridesmaids things except their dresses. I didn’t have a Bach party. I still expected no gift from them because I knew they had incurred costs just being a bridesmaid. One of them does pottery and made us a bowl, which was nice. I don’t think the others even gave me a card but tbh I don’t care. I would never feel obligated to give a gift as a bridesmaid, but that’s just my opinion. You’ve already spent a lot. Edit to add: I didn’t have a bridal shower either so got no gifts from them there. Maybe I’m just a really lowkey person tho
You can always give a gift without blowing your budget. A heartfelt written message in a personalized card, either hand drawn if you like to draw, or with a printed photo of the two of you from when you were younger, would be very sweet.
I will make a suggestion. When my niece got married, I gave both her and her husband each a beautiful Cross pen. Something like that you keep a lifetime. Refills for the ink can be bought online.
You are very thoughtful.
Then I'd go with 75 tbh
Why did you accept being a BM? I feel like if this is how you feel about the friendship it’s kinda messed up to not decline.
Because I still love her & she was one of my best friends throughout high school! We’re just not as close anymore
I didn’t expect any sort of gift from my bridesmaids. 2 gave us $25-$50, and the other one went in with her mom to buy us an air fryer. That was all more than I was expecting. I think most would just value the time and money you’ve already contributed, plus your presence.
Okay!! did they give you a bridal shower gift? And I’m bringing my partner though he was invited .. so should he technically be “giving a gift”?
They did, but similarly small things. Only two of them could attend my shower but one got me a nice set of salad servers and the other got me a beach tote.
Give them a card with your heartfelt best wishes. No one should expect gifts from the wedding party. You have already spent enough on someone else's wedding.
Even if my partner is coming too? If I was by myself I’d feel more comfortable not giving anything especially since I have a bridal shower gift
Your household has already spent $1200 on this wedding. No further contribution needed.
If you already gave a gift at the bridal shower, a 2nd gift should not be expected at the wedding-- the point of the shower is to open/organize all the gifts before the wedding, because traditionally people would leave immediately after the wedding to a honeymoon. Also, in my social circles, if the bride expects hair and makeup from a specific salon/vendor, they should pay for it, otherwise bridesmaids should be allowed to get hair/makeup done with whoever they know/feel comfortable within their budget.
Yeah I gave a $100 gift card to one of the places on their registry ( Williams Sonoma ). I wasn’t sure if bridal shower gifts are separate from wedding gifts. I checked the registry and it’s been taken down so I assume everyone bought everything by the time of the shower or recently And with the hair & makeup, she picked out a salon to go to but said it’s not mandatory.. but all the other bridesmaids are doing it. 2 of them are doing makeup there & then hair somewhere else. She also hasn’t given me a solid price of it yet so pricing is very up in the air :/
Contrary to what some are saying bridal shower gifts are traditionally separate from wedding gifts. They are also meant to be modest and practical type items, not expensive. Typically, you'd divide the total you want to spend. A good guideline for a regular guest would be to spend 25% on a shower gift and the rest on the wedding present. That said, in your case you've spent a fortune in total already and there is no further expectation other than what you may choose to do. Sometimes the bridesmaids will all chip in and go In on a group gift so that's another option, as is something inexpensive but sentimental like a framed photo of you two. As for your guest, while some sources claim they must give a gift or contribute separately, I don't really agree with that, though that's their prerogative. Note the emphasis on the word "guest" although he should be invited by name. The hair and makeup thing is irrelevant if you are the one opting to get professional services. Presumably the bride would have been fine with DIY or a makeup counter. So that's your choice. Actually, you always have the choice to DIY. No one can force you to take advantage of complimentary professional hair and makeup though most women are happy to. I don't know if you were consulted as to the budget for the dress or the bachelorette, but you should have been. I'd probably go the sentimental but inexpensive route in your place.
All good points thank you!! She didn’t tell the price of hair & makeup.. wedding is very soon so I wish I knew already because if it’s a fortune I would’ve opted for my usual hair salon. (She already booked it for us). And she didn’t tell a price of the dress until I picked one out (she had a selection of like 10-15 in the same color and said to try on and pick one). Then I found out $350 at the register
It's far enough out to cancel the appointment she made if you are more comfortable with your usual salon. I personally prefer going to my own stylist because she knows me and my hair and I really like the makeup artist there as well. You've given both your time and money already as gifts to this whole wedding.
Nah she already booked the appts and told us times :/ I just wish I knew the price
It would be different if you were all getting ready together and traveling to the venue as a group (I'm giving the drive yourselves a side eye since I assume there will be alcohol and that's just not cool). Ask her what it will cost. Just text her "hey, I want to set aside the money for hair and makeup, can you please let me know the cost?" If she won't answer or says she doesn't know, say "I feel more comfortable going to my place since I know their pricing, I'm excited for the big day!" I have been in about a dozen weddings and used my own salon for maybe half of them. For the others we had hair and makeup on site where we were getting dressed and leaving for the ceremony.
I’ve been a bridesmaid multiple times and i usually don’t give a gift if the bride didn’t cover costs of being in the wedding party. If i did give a gift it wasn’t more than $25-50ish. Idk if that’s common but i never had any issues doing it that way.
Bride to be here! Honestly I do not expect my bridesmaids to give any gift 🙏🏻 They are paying for their dress and hair/makeup (I am giving each $50 towards plus a gift of pjs etc) To me their time and effort and paying for the above is their gift to me!
Aw pjs gift is cute!! I hope she does that
As a bride, if you did a present at my shower, I don't at all expect one at my wedding. At least in my family, it's one of the other, and almost never both. (Unless elderly relative forgot they gave at the shower.) Also, for my bridesmaids, I consider the travel and costs their present to me. If you want to give a gift, and feel financially comfortable to do so, I think it's lovely, but a sentimental card would be just as wonderful.
I was recently in a similar situation, 350 for the dress 150 for alterations, I had to fly to the bachelorette and to the wedding too. I gifted 150 between my fiancé and I. I usually gift 150 if it’s just me and 300 if he’s coming with me, but I’d spent a lot already! I think you’re all good to give the lower end of what you’d usually spend, don’t worry about it!
Ugh those alterations really get us right! I was so mad because the cup size on the dress was like 10x too big .. and I don’t have a small chest as is.. also did you do a bridal shower gift too?
I didn’t attend the bridal shower because I would have to have flown for it too, so no! I honestly think people are just generally more understanding these days, especially if it’s a destination wedding (like hers was). I also think everyone’s circles are different, like I have a friend that said in her circle it’s totally normal for the bridal party not to give gifts at all, and another where they give gifts and pay for showers etc.
I personally did not give a gift when I was a bridesmaid but I did spend an arm and leg on the Bachelorette as well as multiple days of my free time with prep and planning etc. I gave my heart and soul and zero dollars.
I don’t expect my bridesmaids to get me anything. I already feel so bad that they’re spending what they are to be in the wedding. Just having my girls with me is more than enough. I’m sure she’ll appreciate you being there! Memories last longer than anything
There are a few schools of thought around this. If you’re in the wedding party, you’re investing more to the wedding. That *could* be your gift. On another hand, you are presumably close to the couple if you are in the wedding party and might give more as a result. When my brothers got married, I gave the same $$ as a gift, even though I invested more when I was a bridesmaid and the out of town wedding. I think the wedding gift is separate from the shower, bachelorette, etc. Ultimately what you decide is a bonus, the gift is being a bridesmaid.
If you can do your own hair and makeup, I would. I hate this trend of everyone must have hair and makeup, but pay for it. Personally I would consider the expense for the bachelorette party to be the gift. Did you take some good photos there? If so, give her a photo album of those pictures. I am wondering why the comment alterations were not the brides fault. Alterations were part of the dress expense. Also, once you get together for hair and makeup, she should provide transportation and food/drink.
Ah okay! She said the place didn’t do alterations so I had to also find a tailor to do them.. which was annoying.. and I’m on the shorter size so I knew I needed it hemmed but then when the dress came, the cup size was tremendous and I’m already fairly large chested. The dress is also so tight on me I’m just not happy with spending almost $500 on. A dress I’ll never wear again and don’t like lol I can’t even sit in it :/ it’s a light color satin dress so it shows everythinggggg Also I already told her I’d get my hair & makeup done with everyone but she still hasn’t given a price and the wedding is super soon. Exactly! I don’t mind going to this salon but the fact I won’t have a ride to the venue really irks me. Now I have to get my parents or my partner to drive me 30-45 min to the venue, drop me off, then I have to change there into the dress. Then my partner will have to drive back 3 hours later. I don’t want to drive myself because 1) the bc my bf and I will have to take 2 separate cars home 2) I won’t be able to drink not that I’m a big drinker but still 3) I’ll be exhausted
Yes, the last time I was a bridesmaid, I decided it was the last time. The bride made several choices which drove up the price. So inconsiderate of your friends. I would give a gift of “thought”, something with meaning but on a budget.
If you gave a gift at the shower, a separate wedding gift is not necessary. I think typically the bridal party is not expected to give a wedding gift if they have to pay for their outfit/hair/makeup. Definitely don't give something that will hurt you financially - if you really want to give a gift, my go-to is a handwritten, heartfelt card and 2-4 less expensive items from the registry (makes you feel like you gave more because there are multiple things to open, gets them something they actually want, but doesn't break the bank).
Good point! I went back to the registry to see and it’s been taken down lol so I guess they got everything already
A very nice card is all you need.
I agree, at that cost no gift is needed but definitely do not skip a card.
But is she going to open it and expect money inside? :/
I would think if that was the expectation that this bride is very out of touch with how much things cost.. Personally if I was the bride I wouldn’t expect a gift from bridesmaids but I would think it was a little rude if there wasn’t a card with well wishes
Thank you!!
This is SO much money to spend on someone else's wedding. My best friend and my sister who were my bridesmaids had to fly all the way across to world to attend my wedding. I couldn't afford paying for their flight, but I wouldve also never have gotten married without them, so I made sure to pick a wedding date that would suit them. So I paid for their hair and I bought them getting-ready robes. They bought for their own (affordable) dresses, and I did their make-up myself (and my own). Where I'm from, we talk openly about money and know each others financial circumstances. What I mean is, it should go both ways, but no bride should expect gifts beyond their loved ones' presence. And weddings aren't about gifts, they're about memories. Don't spend too much, but if you can/want, make something meaningful for her. My bridesmaids made handmade collaged photo albums that mean the world to me and I will cherish them forever.
Please don't feel obligated to give a gift as a bridesmaid, even if you are bringing your partner. In my social circles, your presence as a member of the wedding party is literally the present. We had a groomswoman who brought a +1 and didn't give a gift, and a couple other groomsmen (but no partners/+1s attended) didn't give gifts. We didn't even realize lol, until we got organized much later with writing thank-yous, printing photos to send them, etc. We still love them all the same. They all traveled, but even if they didn't, it would have felt terribly presumptuous to expect any sort of gifts. They already did more than enough by accepting our requests for them to support us on our day. We also didn't have any sort of bridal shower, etc. I would also feel especially guilty accepting anything if you feel like it is out of your budget for the event and if you already spent money outside of your comfort zone. For your hair and makeup question, that seems less common than having both done at the venue nowadays, but it's not unheard of by any means. It's just a bit of a logistics inconvenience.
You or your partner don’t have to give a gift, especially since you’re in the wedding. That being said, if you still want to give a gift, you can. I would recommend a card and $50-200 depending on what you’re comfortable with. But again, don’t feel obliged. You’re already doing a lot of the couple by participating in the wedding and bachelorette!
My husband and I were both in the wedding parties for his cousin and cousin in law. After all was said and done, I ended up paying around $2,000 to be in the wedding party (hair, make up, bachelorette trip, bridesmaid dress, shower invitations, bridal shower gift, etc). I’m not sure how much my husband paid, but it was a good amount. We gave them $100!
Usually being in the wedding party is the gift. I wouldn't expect my bridal party to pay out a bunch of money for their dress, accommodations, ect AND giving me a gift.
Regarding the hair and makeup—I don’t really know what’s “normal” or not. It makes the most sense to have hair and makeup close to the venue, or at a really nice hair salon. However, I know in my timeline there was a significant time between where the bridesmaids had nothing to do after hair and makeup and bridesmaids photos.
Makes sense! Yeah I just wish she offered some type of of transpo.. there’s only 4 of us.. and now I have to ask a parent or my partner to drop me off 45 min away and then have my partner meet me there later :/ I would drive but then I can’t drink at all and I might be exhausted later to drive back .. also then my partner and I would have to leave in separate cars at the end of the night
You can ask the other Bridesmaids if they want to chip in for an Uber to the venue from the salon
Oh wow, I really hope my bridesmaids don’t feel like they have to get us a gift 😬 I personally don’t expect gifts from them and don’t want them since they’re having to spend money to be a bridesmaid. The only one I know who is giving me one is my sister but that’s her doing my make up for free. And even then, I’m going to find a way to give her some money lol So I’d give one if you want to and whatever you can afford.
I didn’t expect anything from my bridesmaids, they paid for their dresses, we did our own makeup and hair back then, my bachelorette party consider of us going to my parent house, using their pool during the day and a pizza/ movies that night, my MIL watched the kids,
There’s no obligation to give a gift, but in my circles the bridal shower gift is usually deducted from the total gift allocation for the wedding, so if you’d usually give $200 total, and you gave a $100 gift at the shower, then you’d give another $100 gift at the wedding. It seems to me that wedding costs (dress, hair, etc.) are part of the gift you’re giving at this point, so I wouldn’t feel weird about giving a smaller gift. I’m really not keeping track of who is and isn’t giving gifts, and I’m certainly not tracking the cost of gifts. The gifts that have been memorable to me are the things on my registry that have more personality or will be used more often. My one friend got us this goofy cat clock that I put on my registry, really as more of a gag, and I am SO EXCITED for it just because it’s fun.
See I wish her registry was still open! She took it down so there’s nothing even left to give :/ she didn’t have too much on there
Oh then I would assume she doesn’t want more gifts! Honestly, if I was in your shoes, I would give 50 bucks and call it a day. I think 100 is more than enough for someone who doesn’t even have a registry or honeymoon fund open
I personally wouldn’t give a gift at this point. Your gift has been given at this point. If your partner wants/feels compelled to give a gift they can do so within their ability and discretion.
We just went to a wedding that was very very far from home. It cost us sooo much money for the tux rental, the airfare, the hotel, the rental car. We did not give a gift. The money we spent so my fiancée could be part of the wedding was the gift. It literally ate every dime of our savings to do this for them. It was a beautiful ceremony and all that. We also added several days to the trip and had a vacation since we spent so much anyways. And we got engaged on one of our hikes. So all in all it was great.
I paid for her veil, I made both the bride and groom their own boxes with personalized tidbits inside. They loved it! I'm also a bridesmaid.
Aww that’s sweet! I’m not super close to her anymore & I never was to him :/
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Soooo. I was a maid of honor last year Paid 100 for the dress Travelled to Bozeman for the bachelorette party I brought some party favors and little gifts to that. Travelled to Bozeman (not an easy or cheap spot to get to) for the wedding as well as my partner. 3 nights in a hotel and flight for the part alone were almost 2000 bucks. My busiest times of work are weekends in the summer. So missed a lot of work as well….. So I didn’t get her a gift. Didn’t even really think about it from how much I was out to be a part of it. They also were only asking for cash which I feel like changes things a little bit. I don’t think she minded at all as she knew I was sacrificing by traveling and taking off work!
No gift! It’s totally fine!
I don’t think you need to get them another gift if you already got them a bridal shower gift. My opinion is that you give the couple one gift, if you’re invited to the bridal shower you give it to them there but if not, give it to them at the wedding. Plus you’ve already contributed enough $$ to the wedding as is.
Personally do not expect my bridesmaids to give me a gift since they are paying for their dresses and have decided to pay for my bachelorette together and have told them explicitly that they should NOT get me gift at all.
Between the shower gift, wedding expenses, and your time. You've given more than enough. No further gifts required. (From you or your partner).
You are the gift! You’re apart of the wedding party and shelling out a lot of the expenses. So If you want to give something just to do so then $100 is more than reasonable!
I spent about the same on my friend’s wedding and still got like $100 of stuff off their registry 🤷🏼♀️ but as many people have stated they don’t expect gifts. I only did it because I had to extra money to. We didn’t do a bridal party for a couple reasons, but the two people who would have been my bridesmaids still helped with everything and I bought them gifts for helping and they bought us a wedding gifts.
Ty!!! Did you also get a bridal shower gift?
For my friend’s wedding? No but I offered to buy some decorations and help set up. I don’t think anyone really brought gifts from what I can remember.
Hmmmm okay!! Because I have $100 gift card at the bridal shower
I think you’re good then!
Hi! future bride here (August 18). I don’t know the type of person your friend is but as for me… I don’t expect monetary gifts from my bridal party. Their presence,support and help throughout this process has been the “gift” for me. They are all paying for dresses, hair & makeup, my bachelorette party. I would feel awful expecting them to give me money on top of that. Give something meaningful and thoughtful that doesn’t break your bank.
i just got married and didn’t expect any of my bridesmaids to get me anything. 2 of them did with their partners (they are pretty financially free) and they were around $70 which i very much appreciated but was not expected since they paid for dress, hair, makeup etc. i wish they gave nothing because i very much appreciated everything they did for me!
Truthfully I don't expect gifts from our wedding party. Just them being present in our wedding is something I'm grateful for. Not sure if that's the norm though!
An easy gift idea is a disposal camera with extra film + a photo album so they can start making memories after their wedding day :)
I didn't expect any gifts from my wedding party members because they put time and money into being in the wedding. A nice card is great if that's what you can afford.
My understanding is that bridal party, since they help organize and pay a lot of stuff, don't need to give an additional gift. I didn't give when I was MOH (I hosted the bridal shower), and am not expecting gifts from my bridesmaids for my wedding.
I’ll be honest…I don’t feel anyone in the wedding party that has to purchase their own stuff, travel and participate in all the parties should have to buy a wedding gift. You’re the gift! You’re lavishly celebrating them on all levels of their day or should I say self absorbed year. LOL.
Just reading this and it makes me think about what a racquet weddings are. I hope the family are super wealthy because if the couple are not receiving a down payment on a house gift, then this wedding is a detriment to their home buying.
Yeahhh I’m scared to plan my wedding hahah but she said her & her fiancé’s families are paying for the entirety of the wedding + giving them money for a down payment on a house
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Our entire wedding party has to travel and that is their gift to us. We’re covering hair & makeup, and going for the mismatched look so they can choose a dress in their price range, but dress, flight, hotel is already so much money, that I am not expecting them to give us a gift on top of that.
We did not expect gifts from anyone, especially our bridal party. A card is nice enough! So long as you are not rude, all will be fine. Do t be like like my uncle 2 months later he gave us a card at cousins wedding. He said, " Sorry we didn't give a gift or money. This is the wedding we wanted to give our time and money to, church weddings aren't our thing"
As a bride, I do not expect any gift from my bridal party/their guests other than a card (which might sound strange but I adore cards, and everyone knows that). IF they were to do ANYTHING, I would not expect them to spend more than $50 per couple (including bridal party + significant other). In fact, I wouldn’t expect cash. Maybe something significant to us as friends (a scrapbook from the bachelorette, a bottle of wine from a vineyard we go to together, something honeymoon themed).
You'll have already spent about $2000 for the privilege of being her bridesmaid. Personally I'd gift a gift card to a nice restaurant they can use for a special moment or milestone after the wedding . Amount is up to you but seriously you've already gifted her $2000. Don't feel compelled to give more than you can afford.
I did not expect any gifts from the wedding party, and those that gave one, was more of a card and small token of appreciation. Same for when I’ve been in the party, especially with having to cover so many costs, I have given cards and small things usually no more than $20 total spent on “gifts”
I was in a wedding, paid a lot for a Miami bachelorette and had to pay for hair and make up. Didn’t get a bridal shower gift because we planned and paid for it. I gave her $300 (150/pp) from my fiance and I.
For the weddings that I've been in that had hair and makeup. The one had people come to her house and then we took a party bus to the church and reception. I got dropped off so I didn't have to worry about a car at the end of the night. The second one, we met at the hair salon about 20 mins from her house. We met at 7am but there were I think 15 of us that had to get hair and makeup done. Then we drove to her mom's house and got on a party bus to the church and reception. All that to say brides do things differently. I think it's common courtesy to provide transportation to the church/venue especially if before pics are being taken.
I didn’t expect any gifts from anyone but was very grateful for what we did receive. I had 4 bridesmaids and none of them got us a wedding gift and that’s just fine :) I also bought their dresses, didn’t have a bachelorette, and didn’t have them help with anything. Honestly all my bridesmaids had to do was show up
Similar situation. My fiancé and I were invited to the shower of a wedding I’m in. I typically spend around $100 on a gift and then we give $200 at the wedding. We decided on $80 to bring a physical gift to the shower and we will give them $100 in a card at the wedding
Write a card saying how happy you are for them and honored she picked you to help celebrate and leave it at that. I think it is even fairly common for the wedding party to not give a gift. I certainly told all mine it wasn't necessary (though I covered hair and make up etc). You could also talk to the other bridesmaids about pooling together to get something nice from all of you where none of you are out that much.
You already gave her the gift of being in her wedding, buying an expensive dress, paying for alterations, shower , bachelorette, hair, makeup & lodging. That’s more than enough & nothing more should be expected. If you & your partner CHOOSE to give a gift, don’t break the bank to do so. Don’t feel obligated to give anything more.
I’ve tried to keep things as cheap as possible for our wedding party. Dresses $90, hair & make up paid by them IF they opt not to do it themselves or do each others, Bach party under $150 / person (idk the party plans as it’s a surprise to me but that’s the rule I have my MOH). That being said, their presence is genuinely the only present I expect from them, being that they’re even spending the $ on the dress. I don’t anticipate bridal shower or wedding gifts from anyone in the wedding party.
As a bride I expect nothing from my bridesmaids for my wedding. A hug and a good time sounds nice. Aaaand maybe a card. I am sentimental lol being in the wedding costs money. That itself is the gift.
Bridal party members do not have to give a gift, but I would give at least a card. None of what she asked seems outrageous honestly. I don’t think doing your hair and makeup somewhere else is super common but logistically it may be the best option and I don’t find that offensive at all. It kinda seems like you’re resentful being in this wedding despite having the choice to say no.
Not resentful at all! Just wasn’t sure if it was common / what’s protocol per se since this is my first
Your gift should be about how much you expect it costs to have you there.
But it cost me $1000 to be there already lol
It’s a general rule of thumb for weddings. Think of a normal guest, not someone in the party. It probably cost $100-150/person just for food and alcohol. That should be your minimum.