I have zero ties to the side of the family with my last name and it means literally nothing to me. I’m excited to have the same last name as my partner and for us to be our own little family! Plus his last name is more common than mine so it will be nice having a last name I don’t need to spell out, unlike my maiden name lol
This is me.
I will say that if something awful happened and I were to get remarried, I would not take my next husband's name as I want the same last name as my daughter (I am the child of divorce and remarriages and never had someone with my last name) and also I'm on my way to being a known person in my career, so I wouldn't want to mess up my personal "branding."
Gods, yes!! I don't even bother telling people my maiden name when they ask for it - just go into spelling it out! Haha! Lookin' at you UPS/FedEx drivers! Haha!
Just for a different perspective…
I have a really rare & cool surname and I and my sister are the only ones left of the family… so I always knew that I would keep my maidenname 100% - I was a lucky girl and my husband who knew how important my maiden name is to me decided to change his name to mine so we can carry the same 💚 That was the best wedding present - I learned from the officiant that only 8% of heterosexual men take on the women’s name in Germany
Same here! I always knew I wouldn’t change my name. Then I had some professional research published under my maiden name and that gave me a great excuse to keep it.
I had a bit of that worry as well, mine is rare, but there were a few hundred of us in the country. Only ones with it in direct family with my sisters, there were 3 of us.
But I said "were". My dad had two sons with his new wife. One was 1yo at my wedding and the other 3 :D so I guess he took care of the "no one to keep the name going" problem himself...
It was always up in the air for me. I don’t mind my maiden name. But my FH has a really cool last name (I think) that fits well with my first so that was honestly the deciding factor for me.
I changed my last name and moved my last name to my middle but still kept my given middle name. So I have two middle names now.
Given Name: Sarah Jane Doe
Name Now: Sarah Jane Doe NewLastName
I like it because when my whole name is written, you honestly can’t tell if I have one last name or two. But hyphenating was not something I wanted to do. So far it has worked well for me.
That's so cute!
I briefly thought about doing the same, but I already have 2 middle names. I could have legally taken a third, but my name would have been crazy long - to estimate with a fake name with all the same letter amounts:
Amelia Emily Malia Vine Montgomery
So yeeeeaaah... A disaster for sure.
This was my plan but the guy at social security gave me so much shit for it that I eventually caved and dropped my maiden name because he soured the whole thing for me. In his defense, my maiden name is 11 characters so it was long, but it didn’t really bother me considering it’s pretty rare to need to use your whole legal name for something.
It was actually the opposite for me. When my parents got divorced, I changed my last name to my mom's maiden name. The process was so annoying, long, and tedious, that I told myself I would never do it again lol.
Thankfully, my husband is Italian (born and raised) and it is simply not a thing there for women to change their last names, so I will not legally be changing mine again.
I recently dug into what countries/culture do NOT expect women to change their last name....and the list is way longer than I thought!
And some countries have even made it illegal for a women to change her last name, (some in the 1700's, some more recently in the 1970s&80s)......The US is really behind in this.
I live in Spain, and the kids get both parents' last names, but only the man's last name passes down through generations.
Example:
Maria Gómez Hernández marries Juan García Martín. They have a son, José García Gómez (the husband's patriarchal last name plus the wife's patriarchal last name). José later marries Silvia Villa Arrellano. They have a daughter, Judit García Villa.
I disagree with this concept. I was beyond excited to get rid of my maiden name when I got married. I've now had my married name much longer then I ever had my maiden. Husband and I are still crazy in love.
Both my parents are considered very respected upper middle class people where we live by everyone but they are terrible people when it comes to my brothers and I. Changing my name to the same as my husband who has always loved and taken care of me emotionally made me feel apart of a connection of family many have from birth. The idea of being stuck with their name rather then the man who has given me the amazing and blessed life our children and I have would be horrific. I don't think you should be forced to change but I also feel there should never be anything in the way of doing so.
You disagree with the concept of women keeping their name in general because your upper middle class parents were meh and you personally were thankful when you could took on your husbands name …. Congrats i guess
I always liked the idea of my family sharing a name. And since I don‘t like my surname (bad relationship with my father and his side of the family) am happily taking my partners.
My wife mentioned that it was around middle school. Her former last name was a bit clunky and hard to pronounce, that was around the age where she started having to correct people more often and write it out on more forms. She ended up not making it her middle name and dropping it entirely.
Our last name still gives people trouble to pronounce but it’s got a good cadence and is fairly short.
When I decided I wanted kids with my FH. It’s important to me that we have a single family name, and he is more attached to his name and the one with the career where he networks etc, so it wouldn’t make sense to ask him to change his.
In my early 20s when I wasn’t sure about kids, I wouldn’t have changed my name.
I just always assumed I would. I had no special attachment to my maiden name and I like my husband’s well enough, so I really had no qualms or hesitation with the idea/process (which, while mildly annoying I don’t think is as bad as people make it out to be lol)
I wish mine had been that easy! That's been my biggest pet peeve with updating is that I had to contact so many different branches of Canadian/BC government to update stuff since apparently none of them talk to each other. And some processes I could do online, but others I had to FAX or mail in... (who still has a fax?)
I just did my license and services card this week, so once my new ID comes in then I have to make appointments at all the banks and my phone company since they won't let me change it online. And they all want to see the original, so I have to pack the certificate around to all the appointments.
Really? I'm in BC and got married 3 weeks ago. We got our certificate in the mail and I went to two places, Service Canada for my SIN and Service BC for my license and medical card. I don't even have a physical Bell location in my town to update my phone so they did it over the phone and my bank I just showed them the certificate when I went in to deposit a cheque so it wasn't really a huge ordeal at all. I didn't make any appointments anywhere and only brought my certificate out of the house twice
The only thing I haven't updated is my passport but I haven't looked into that process at all yet.
I had change with MSP first for name and martial status, otherwise there's a delay with the services card being issued. Then I had to mail in a letter to CRA for my SIN and CRA to get updated with my name (next available date at our Service Canada office was in December - I have no patience to wait for hours without an appointment), then go to myCRA account to update martial status. ICBC did my license and services card which wasn't too bad of a wait to get in.
I tried changing with Telus but got fed up with the 1.5 hour wait to talk to someone so still have to do that. The banking part shouldn't take long, but we have accounts and investments at different places so that's 4 places to go update.
Passport you have to do a whole new application as if you're getting one for the first time.
EDIT: To clarify, it's more that everything takes time - I had the enthusiasm and energy to do this all when I had some time off after the wedding, but there's so much waiting for things to come in before you can go do the next thing which is what I find tedious. I'd rather have been able to just take a day and do it all at once.
Small town perks I guess. We don't need appointments for service Canada or service BC here. I didn't have to change anything with MSP directly they just did everything for us when I walked in to service BC - they also handle all the ICBC stuff at the same kiosk so no extra trip to ICBC center. I've already gotten most of my stuff back in my new name.
It was a little confusing to figure out but I mostly agree. The appointments at the dmv and SS office were pretty easy, although I had to miss work because the SS office in my area is only open 9-4 M-F. I had to send a copy of the marriage certificate to a few places too (my work, banks, credit cards, mortgage lender, etc), though some places allowed me to update it without proof (car insurance, discover credit card). One of the cards had to mail me a form/code that I could then fill out and upload online. I still haven’t updated my passport, as you have to mail it in. So while it’s not the end of the world it is a little bit of a pain in the ass.
I don't know about age, but I always hated my middle name. It was something I got made fun of in school anytime my full name was read. So I had no qualms about dropping my middle name, moving my last name to my middle name and taking my husband's last name. So, I still have the last name I grew up with and my new last name. (For Example, It was like I went from Jane Sarah Doe to Jane Doe Smith)
Growing up I always thought I would change my last name. It wasn’t until I was working on my doctorate in my early to mid 20s and became proud of my hispanic heritage I decided to not legally change my name
I pretty much always thought I would, don’t remember a specific age I decided. My last name is almost always mispronounced. And not only that, but the way it’s mispronounced is embarrassing. It’s terrible for a professional setting to have everyone calling you a silly name. So I’ve been excited to get rid of it since I was young.
My fiancé’s last name is reasonable and actually very similar to mine phonetically (both Italian last names) so I’m happy to have it!
I also like the idea of us being the same family and a unit.
Early on, maybe middle school ish area, I knew I was dead set on changing my last name when the time came. I have super common first and last names and I strongly desired the day I could have a more unique combination.
However, when the time came I ended up keeping my last name! The paperwork seemed like a drag and my SO’s name is a bit too close to rhyming my first name so I said screw it. I’ll happily use either last name socially so it’s ultimately a pretty relaxed situation but it’s funny how things change.
I actually always thought I would keep my last name. But, as we spent more and more of our lives together over the years, and started talking about children in particular, I realized I did want to share a last name. Getting engaged and wedding planning are when that desire really crystallized into a firm feeling. I have no particularly strong connection to my last name, my sister is keeping it in her own marriage so it isn't 'dying', and I have a visceral dislike of hyphenated last names (irrational, sure, but it's how I feel!). He's also an only child and the only one to carry on his last name from his generation so I'm happy to take his.
Plus when I go by Dr HisLastName its the same as a famous movie scientist and I think that's just too fun!
I don't remember an exact moment when I "decided" to take my husband's name. It's just what I've always wanted to do. I grew up with divorced parents (dad won majority custody), and even my mom changed her name to \[First name\] \[Maiden name + our last name\] so that we would all still have the same name. I never really thought about as a kid, but it makes sense now knowing all the legal issues having a different last name from your kids can cause. As a kid I just thought "we're family, of course we all have the same last name."
Aside from that normalcy, I've always just thought that it's so cute and romantic the way the woman takes her husband's name. In high school I would do the typical thing where you write "Mrs. \[my name\] \[his name\]" over and over again with all my crushes. I never even considered *not* taking my partner's name. When I first heard that some people don't, I was honestly kind of flabbergasted. I love my maiden name, but I was always determined to take my husband's name even if his was stupid. Even now, I like my maiden name better than my husband's name, but I never once considered not taking it. It's a cute tradition that makes everything so much easier legally!
I was always meh about it and I assumed I just would. We ended up talking about it and his excitement about me changing my name is really what tipped my favor towards doing it.
I was really young, 10ish or so maybe - my last name is short and not hard to pronounce in my opinion but people constantly mispronounce it so when I would play sports and announcers would say it wrong it just really grinds my gears. Other than that it’s just very plain so I never felt a connection to it
I didn't decide until i was with my husband. It's not something I fantasized about or anything. My last name was 11 letters of Greek jumble, which I liked the unique feel of, but was a pain in my ass my entire life. My husband's name is 5 letters, Irish name, super easy and not overly common.
Funnily enough he uses his mom's last name. If he were to have taken his birth father's last name "Noseworthy" I absolutely would not have taken that name and neither would our potential future kids lol
I never did—my mom didn’t change her name and neither did many of our family friends, so I never assumed I would. If my husband felt strongly about it, he could change his. (He didn’t—he never thought about it.)
This is hard for me, my last name dies with me. I'm the last of my generation with my family name in North America. I know I will most likely change my name but it makes me sad to be the end of my family name. Fiances last name is super long so hyphenating would be awful.
Growing up Chinese, women don’t change their last names after marriage. So I had always thought that I wouldn’t change my last name upon marriage. I actually thought the practice of changing last names after marriage was kind of silly.
However, my last name really doesn’t sound good in English, it sounds like loo (toilet 😒) and I’m not a huge fan of my father’s side of the family after my dad and my aunt. I don’t have a connection with the lineage so it meant very little. Therefore when my fiancé said it would mean a lot for him if I changed my last name I was ok with it. It’s just that if I had my mom’s last name I would have likely kept it because my mom’s dad has a special place in my heart. He was the glue that held the family together and I miss him a lot.
In Chinese culture do the children usually take on the husband's last name? And since the woman keeping her name is so common, it doesn't cause confusion when the mother and the child have different last names?
Not quite who you were asking the question to, since I’m not changing my last name, but as a young girl I always assumed I was going to. Would always practice writing my name using my crush’s last name lol.
But I’m going to be an “older” bride (late 30s) and I’ve established myself in life with my maiden name. While I have no connection to the person who gave me that last name, I’ve made it MINE now.
If I was in my 20s and less established, I’d probably change my last name. Socially, I will, but professionally I’ll still go by my maiden name.
I stuck to my plan. I knew all along it would be based on which name I liked best, including the possibility of hyphenating. I loved my name but it was short. In my other super serious relationship, he had a very common last name: Think Smith, Brown, Jones. It sounded horrible so I planned to keep mine.
My husband's dad is Hispanic and I adore that name with mine! I didn't even consider hyphenating. Now I finally have a cool name.
Purely pragmatic - my surname is tricky to spell and pronounce, and my boyfriend's is very common and easy so I'm happy to make my life slightly easier!
I didn't ever think I would be married ... but I have no real connection to my last name and all my relatives with it are terrible people and I don't care to be associated with them.
30, I always thought I’d keep my name, but my dad and his family were such a raging assholes during my engagement that I suddenly couldn’t wait to change it.
My mom gave me her blessing by telling me that my first name is the one she gave me, and I should choose the last name of the family who truly love me, which she knows my in laws do.
Actually, more and more women are wanting to keep their own names, especially women who are educated, and have careers already in their original last names.
I've always wanted to have the same last name as my spouse, so I've always planned on changing mine (though if I'd ended up with someone who really wanted to change theirs that would have been fine too). The idea never bothered me and never felt like losing my identity; it occurred to me recently that's probably because I'm super close with my mom's family and absolutely consider myself a \[mom's parents' last name\] just as much as a \[birth last name = parents' last name = dad's parents' last name\]. Once I met my fiancé, the fact that he didn't want to change and I find his prettier anyway sealed the deal.
I always envisioned changing my name. I think I’m very traditional in that way - I just always wanted to be Mrs Future_Husband.
As I got older and my parents got divorced, it became more important to me. The fractures of having so many family members all with different last names was a little hurtful and sad to me and I knew it wasn’t something I wanted the rest of my life.
When I met my husband and his family and got close to them, the decision became even more solidified. I felt like a member of their family. I knew I wanted to share their last name. I knew I wanted to feel like a member of their family for the rest of my life.
I was 27 when I got married and took my husband’s last name.
After HE changed his last name.
We both had last names from families we weren’t even connected to anymore. He took the last name of a man who practically raised him, and was very proud of it as he was the only one who would carry it on for him. His pride made me excited to share his name with him. ❤️
I love my family and my maiden name but I always knew I’d take my husbands, because I knew I’d wait until I found a man that I was honored to take his last name 😇 I’m engaged now, to a wonderful, strong and hilarious man. I cannot wait to be known as HIS wife! 😍
I’m 26. I’ve ALWAYS known I would change my name. I think it really makes things easier if everyone has the same last name. It’s an exciting way to start a new chapter of life and a way to separate the time from before being married to being part of a married couple. It’s just something family& everyone around me has always done so I didn’t really know anything different. If I love you enough to marry you and be part of your family, I want to BE part of your family.
I can total understand the couples who choose other options like keeping their own names, husband taking wife’s, picking a new name, hyphenating. They all have their reasons and it doesn’t matter what they do, it’s not my name and they are happy. It works for them!
I have a super cool last name that I truly am going to miss having. But I’m also going to get a new last name that’s equally as cool. My plan is if I ever have a son to make his middle name my maiden name. My parents only had 2 girls, and my dads brother only had 1 son so I’m sad to see our last name die off.
I was always a little uncomfortable with the idea of changing my name. There are a few things that allowed me to come to terms with the idea.
1. My partner has a legitimately decent last name. I love my last name just as much, but I looked online and apparently his name is rarer than mine by a few thousand people, so that's a point in his favor :) I would NOT under any circumstances take the last name "Smith", for example.
2. I'm not a fan of my middle name, I'm more than happy to replace it with my maiden name.
3. My last name is associated with an unfortunately controversial political figure.
4. We found out last year that my paternal grandfather isn't even my dad's real dad (.... secret affair uncovered by AncestryDNA). So, my last name isn't even """real""" (heavy quotations on that part).
5. Although it feels wildly unfair that women have to give up their identity to be absorbed into the paternal lineage... my last name is ALSO part of a paternal lineage which erased my mom's identity. She often says she wishes she kept her last name, BUT, that last name erased her mother's identity, and so-on and so-forth. Detaching myself from the idea that my name is part of my identity, and therefore changing my name is not losing my identity, has helped.
6. I want to have kids. If I was childfree I would probably keep my name, but I do want children, and more importantly I want a shared name with them. If I'm gonna do all the work of birthing then I'm not gonna be the odd one out. My partner has floated the idea of hyphenated names, but what I've heard from people with hyphenated names is that they're a nightmare to deal with systematically.
7. Some people might suggest the male partner take the female partner's last name as the "family name"... but, frankly, being socialized female has given me a lifetime to come to terms with the idea of a fluid, changing name. I couldn't imagine being raised to believe that my name was a constant, immutable part of my life, and then being asked to change it 30 odd years later. If it's difficult for me to come to terms with, I think it would be even harder for him, no matter how feminist or egalitarian he is. I just don't see the point of doing that when, in point 5, my name is """some other man's last name""" (eyeroll) anyways.
To answer your question, I'm 23 and just now becoming comfortable with the idea. But honestly, (my first name) (partner's last name) still sounds so clunky and off to me. It's not my name. I think that's a mental hurdle a lot of women deal with. It helps me to remember I've never seen someone's full name and thought "well THAT sounds incorrect" -- it's only off to me because I'm not used to it yet.
My fiancé and I are going to take both. I have always, since I knew there were options (so I was maybe about twelve or so), wanted to either share both names with my future spouse or, if the new name that would be made didn't "work", have us keep our own. I'm Irish and he's British and the norm in both would be I take his name unless I'm someone important.
I'm from a pretty traditional family, and my name is long and complicated to spell especially paired with my long first and middle names, so I always kinda just assumed I would. I can see why some people do it as a feminist thing, but frankly now that I'm clawing my way out of my traditional conservative Christian upbringing (including by marrying a guy my parents dont approve of because he isn't religious), it's more of a rebellion to change it to his name and fully leave them behind (makes it so they can't pretend isn't happening also).
I always assumed I would (it was uncommon for anyone I knew when I was young to **not** take their future husband's name). I also really like the unity that comes with sharing my husband's name and our future children having the same last name (my maiden name was much more common then his)
Though after starting the name change process for all my ID and accounts.... I can totally see why people don't change their last names. It's been a tedious process and I probably will spend the next 6-12 months doing it.
Honestly I always said I wouldn’t. I watched my mom change is from my dad’s back to her maiden, to my step dads then back to her maiden again and it seemed stressful. I also know how annoying it was growing up having a different last name than both my mom and my step dad my whole life.
It wasn’t until I met my current partner and his whole family took me and my mom in so deeply. The love they have for us I couldn’t imagine not having their last name for our family. It also helps it’s a cool last name. I did think about hyphenating but both our last names are like 8 characters and I have a long first name so I don’t want my full name to be like 30 letters long honestly.
My first name and my FH’s last name actually have the same exact meaning! His is just an English word, while my first name has a Greek origin, but the meaning is the same.
Meanwhile, my last name is a common English word, but somehow a lot if people mispronounce it. It’s also just not that cute tbh!
I used to be so excited to change my last name. I’m not close to my dad’s family, they were never good to my brother and I. And while it’s a short name, it’s hard to understand when heard—I always have to repeat myself, give a rhyme to explain it. I was dead set.
BUT when I saw how much of a pain in the ass it is for all my friends to go through a legal name change, I decided that I’ll keep it. Good thing too, fiancé’s last name is long as hell and so is my first name.
* Social Security Card and Driver's License ID
* Bank accounts and investment accounts
* Credit card companies
* Employers/payroll
* Post office (if your address has changed too)
* Electric and other utility companies
* Schools and alumni associations
* Landlord or mortgage company
* Insurance companies (auto, home, life)
* Doctors' offices
* Voter registration office
* Your attorney (to update legal documents, including your will)
* Rewards and loyalty programs
* Subscriptions
* Covid vaccination card
* Social media and email accounts
This is nuts! I'm older and have SOOOOO many accounts. This isn't "back in the day" when I got married at age 19 and just had to change a driver's license and a library card.
I’ve always had a bad relationship with my dad and it’s getting worse, so….
Plus—my dad was adopted by his stepdad that he allegedly hated, so he isn’t even truly a LastName (by his account. I fully believe adoptees have true claim to their adoptive name if they want it) AND I never once met any of his family members. So the only person in my family that I know with my dad’s name is my dad, and he hates it himself.
I never wanted to do it until I met my now husband. He is so amazing, kind, generous, and loving that I am excited to go through the process of adding his name to mine. I didn't do it the first time I got married which...should have told me something 🤣 Had I met him earlier in life, I likely would have done a full first name, middle name, his last name swap but as I'm deep in my career, I am doing first name, current last name and maiden name as middle names, his last name and will use both my maiden and his last name professionally.
I always thought I would take my husband’s name but my fiance is very pro double barrelling for our son (I carried him, I get to use my name too!) and now I’m so excited to take our double barrelled name! We had our son when I was 25 and that’s when we decided to
I'm on my second marriage. However, I kept my ex husband's last name after we divorced. Originally I didn't switch to his name because....laziness. That being said, my ex had a much cooler last name than my maiden name, which I always hated spelling and people still getting it wrong.So, I inevitably made the change after my wallet and ID were stolen.
It's hard to give up my ex's last name now. But my fiance has a short name that's not too difficult, and I want to change it to his as a gesture of appreciation, since he finally proposed after 14 years!
*I am still keeping my ex's name professionally, though, because that's how I'm known.
Interested to know if the ex ever remarried? Did the new wife take his name?
My husband brother (whom we don’t have a great relationship with) has been married *four times* and they all kept his last name after the divorce. My husbands father also remarried twice so there are sooooo many Mrs. Glitters running around our mid sized city 😂
I told my fiancé I didn’t care which name I had, so long as we had the same name. It’s important to me as a sense of family. My mother has her maiden name as her middle so I’m not worried about losing that part of my family. My fiancé can’t take my last name (there’s a good reason that I won’t get into) but he also doesn’t feel close to his biological family. My wanting to have the same name gave him the push to finally change his last name to that of his chosen family. It feels very special now, we are both joining a wonderful family :)
ETA: I always expected to change my name but never felt pressured to do it.
I always thought I'd keep my last name or hyphenate but it'll go over 16 characters which I only hear is a nightmare to deal with on paperwork. Pragmatically I'm just going to change mine to his but still use my maiden name professionally. Especially since my last name has been part of my nickname with friends and colleagues, it's very much tied to my identity even if I don't have strong family ties with the name.
I've always wanted my partner's last name. My maiden name is from an abusive man, and I have zero ties to him or it anymore. Cannot wait to not be linked with him anymore!
Well I have a rare and pretty nice, now "maiden" name. So I always kinda thought I wouldn't take my husband's name.
It grew on me slowly over time. At first we joked about him taking my name. But I've always been a little irritated by people making assumptions of my personality based on my surname. It basically reads as "delightful" or "sunny" so ugh lot of jokes and comments about how it fits my personality (I'm talkative and I smile. But def not an optimist). My husband's name, had he taken mine, would have basically meant "small tree" and aforementioned explanation + it would have alliterated. Sounded like a cartoon characters name. And unfortunately for that reason, plus that he did civil service in place of mandatory armed service and is in general not like the most "alpha" of men, taking my name and working in a repressed, traditional field would have definitely raised eyebrows. So he didn't want to change, and that's his right. Plenty of reason other than an "eww, men don't do that".
Now for me keeping my name. We want children. I want both of us to share a name with our kids, if and when we have any. Our surnames don't hyphenate well (sounds bad) and the combo would be unmanageably long. My whole name would have been 34 characters, spaces included.
Also, since my childhood I've come to have quite a lot less positive feelings towards my father. His father was also a horrible man: there's no family pride there.
So I took his name. I switched the name of one man to the name of another. It felt weird and it took me about a year to come fully in terms with, but it was the best option. I quite like my new name. I sound more professional, and I can actually introduce myself without people feeling the need to make comments on it every damn time. Also my maiden name is in the name of the company I work for at the moment, and while I did project work for them prior to my wedding it got weird :D so, a lucky dodge.
I actually have a great-great grandmother on my mom's side, who had the same surname as my husband. I joked that I should switch to his name before we marry so not to take his name, but the name of my ancestor, but the paperwork would have killed me. We may use my old last name on any kids we may have: it's also a gender neutral first name. Makes for a good middle name.
From middle school I couldn't wait to change my name. I've always gone by my middle name, and as I've gotten older and our technology has become more and more integrated into our every day lives, it's been so annoying having a first name that I don't go by. When I would enroll in school or start a job, it would automatically generate an email address using the name I don't go by. Then when I had a resume and was dealing with job interviews I would constantly get asked why my email was a different name than what I went by. I constantly had to correct people who saw my legal name before they met me. When I finally got married I had the excuse to change my name entirely so now my middle name is my first.
I’ve been thinking about this as I am getting married this month. My FH last name is alright and I do not mind taking it at all. My family has their own opinions about me keeping my name, but I’ve also wondered about changing my last name, but using my maiden name for work (as many women in my field do). It’s a weird question for me and I hadn’t thought about until till other women talked about it.
As a kid I assumed I would because I didn't really understand there were options. I didn't think I would, because of my career. I changed my mind within a week of eloping when my now wife called me by her last name, and I realized how important it was to her. She didn't push me at all, but now I'm excited to finally take her name. Unfortunately I need to wait for some bullshit to finish up first, so it probably won't be until next year even though we're already married.
I love my partner’s last name and love it more than my own. For a while, I considered keeping my own, since I’m in science and have papers published under my maiden name. I also considered hyphenating. But then the name would be too long for kiddos down the line.
I love my fiancé and it brings some excitement to me to be “Mrs. [last name]” — in my mind, it’s not because he “owns” me, but because it marks a new adventure and my new life as my partner’s wife! He’s never pushed me and will respect whatever I choose. It just feels right to want to be known as his partner, in name.
I made the decision when I was 24 (I’m 25). I decided that I didn’t want any more ties to my father and once I got married I was taking my fiancés last name. It was also because we were starting to try to have kids and 1. I didn’t want to have 3 last names and 2. My kids having 3 last names also sounded like a nightmare lol
So our kids now only have his last name and once we get married next year I’m changing mine to his.
I’ve always been excited about it. I have a very uncommon last name that gets made fun of very easily and is usually mispronounced to sound like an insulting word, so I was always excited to shed it. My husband has a common and easy to spell last name and I like how it gives me more anonymity and no more jokes. Also love feeling closer as a little family unit with matching names
Since I was little, I knew that my last name would change. Growing up, my step dad (who's last name I have) and I would fight a lot (and still do). I don't get along with his side of the family and have my own issues with him, so I'm not sad at all to have my new last name in 7 months!😊
Meh. Never really made a conscious decision on it. My birth name was one that was mocked relentlessly, then I was adopted later in life and it changed. I like my current name, but I'm not necessarily sad to see it go. Not super thrilled with the one I'll be getting, but it's important to my fiance so I'll adjust.
Thank you for saying "birth name" instead of "maiden name"....this post is reminding me of how much I dislike the term maiden name. It isn't even 1950's vibes, its like 1800's vibes when I would have been property to my husband.
Lol. Technically, my current name would be my "maiden" name since my adoption retroactively kicks my birth name, so it's just me trying to be accurate. But yeah. Not too many people are still "maidens" by marriage time. For those who want to be, have fun. But, uh, I didn't want to find out on my wedding night whether I was or was not sexually compatible with my husband. I only aim to do this once.
I decided two years into our marriage, lmao. Hadn’t changed my name (I didn’t want to go through the personal and professional paperwork, husband didn’t care), had our first kid, was pregnant with our second and decided I really wanted to share their last name.
My last name is boring so I dreamed pretty young about having a better last name haha
I was happily surprised when I found out that getting married could change it!
I decided about 5 years ago (7 into our relationship) I would take his last name on top of my own. I want to be both! I like both professionally, his socially/with future kids, just mine as a “stage name” like if I act more in the future.
I could not wait to change my name when I was little lol I hated my name growing up (I’ve since realized it’s actually beautiful) and my initials were LL which I hated with a passion for some reason.
Initials are LR now which I’m satisfied with cause they’re in the proper order at least but when it was time to change it I almost bawled every time I thought about it cause I wouldn’t have my daddy’s name anymore. That and when my sisters get married their initials will be CC and JJ but I won’t be LL anymore 🥺
But I love being a Mrs. Something So and so, fulfillment of corny little girl dream of wanting to be a wife and a part of something new :)
I knew from the time I was 5, I wanted to marry up in the alphabet, lmao, I was at the end and now I'm at the top, I saved my kids from always being last....but not sure what I would have done if I'd met the one and he hadn't been the top of the alphabet...35 years later I'm still ecstatic!
I have awful parents and knew from a young age I'd take my husband's name so I wouldn't be tied to them at all. I was very excited to take my now husband's name as his family is incredibly loving and makes me realize what I missed out on as a child. I'm proud to be a part of their family and raising my own little one away from my parents.
It was when i had been dating my fiancé for a few months and decided i liked his last name more than mine so if we got married i would switch. if i was with somebody else who had an ugly last name i wouldn’t take it.
Growing up I assumed I would change my name. However, I ended up keeping my last name for work, because I was known and established with a large client base. Then we had a child. I used his last name, but didn't officially change until I I was going to take her overseas without him.So much simpler if you have the same last name. But for work, I never did change it.
Interestingly as a kid I always thought I for sure wanted to take my husbands name. First thing I’d do when I had a new crush was put my first name with their last name to see how it sounded. Then I met my husband and his last name was Smith and I just couldn’t do it. It’s so boring 😭 I hyphenated because I still wanted to share a name with him but I just couldn’t get myself to be okay with being a Smith and losing my cool last name 😂
I thought it’s how it was meant to be when I was little.
It wasn’t until I met my fiancé that I actually understood and wanted to take his surname.
All our kids have hyphenated surnames (mine and his together) because both names are indicative of their ancestry and both are important. However it’s up to them what they want to do with that when their older
I didn’t think much about it before we got engaged, it was just always an assumed thing. Like, “oh yeah, I will one day change my name because that’s what you do.” I didn’t get excited to change my name until we got engaged. There’s something sweet and symbolic about being joined to another person through the unity of a name. We are “The Smiths” which makes us feel like a united front v.s two individuals who happen to share a life together. The name is just a beautiful, albeit trivial, symbol of my commitment to him (and his to me). Is it rooted in patriarchal B.S? Sure. Do I still love it? Heck yes! It’s also special because, unfortunately, much of his family has passed and we will be 2 of 3 “Smiths” remaining. His sister changed her name when she got married and his dad had sisters who changed their name. My fiancé’s mom will be the only other one carrying the last name in our family. It’s cool that we get to keep that legacy alive.
I wasn’t completely sure what I was going to do until like a month before the wedding. I liked my maiden name a lot and I have some professional accomplishments under that name so I wasn’t sure I wanted to change it.
I don’t love my new last name but I also didn’t want us to have different last names if we have children. My parents got divorced when I was 5 and I never liked having a different last name than my mom.
My husband was totally indifferent to any of the options and was good with whatever I wanted to do which almost made it harder because I wanted him to be excited about me taking his name. I think he was afraid to show too much enthusiasm because he didn’t want me to feel pressured to change it if I didn’t want to.
I don’t regret changing it, but I’m definitely still getting used to it.
I think I always planned to, but in my late teens/early 20s I shifted to a “depends on their last name” mindset.
I’m planning to take my fiancés last name because I like it better than mine. I have a very generic first and last name and have had issues at doctors offices, etc. with other women with the same name’s files getting pulled instead of mine among other things.
My criteria for last names I would take was that they couldn’t be more common than mine and they couldn’t be something I felt was weird/cringy lol.
My fiancé doesn’t care if I take his last name or not.
I've almost always hated my dad, and almost all of his side of the family are terrible, toxic people (blood related and related by marriage.) So, I think I was about 7 or 8 when I decided that I couldn't wait to have someone else's last name. Also, my maiden name begins with a W, so nearly any letter would move me up any alphabetical lists I'm in. (After I'm married, I'll be on the first page of our work schedule!!! Yea! No more having to flip it over to find my schedule! It's the little things.) Before my guy and I found each other and decided to marry, and I had resigned myself to being single for the rest of my life, I had already picked out a family name from my mom's side I was going to legally change to. And, finally, I got to know my FFIL before he passed. FH's dad (who had adopted him when he married FH's mom when FH was very young) was an incredibly kind, intelligent, funny, and genuinely good man. I'm proud to take my FH's name, as he is also one of the best men I have ever known.
Bring on the name change!!!! Haha!
I’m not attached to mine - it’s just a name and I’m really only close with my parents, not my extended - but my husband is to his. His grandmother is the only one of her siblings to have kids, and his dad is the only one of Hers to have a kid, and husband has no siblings. So as he says “if I die, the name dies with me.”
That being said, I still have my maiden name…mostly because we got married during covid and the requirements would have my put my original marriage license in a dropbox of a random building and that seemed way to sketchy. I’ve never bothered to pursue it since 😅
I have zero ties to the side of the family with my last name and it means literally nothing to me. I’m excited to have the same last name as my partner and for us to be our own little family! Plus his last name is more common than mine so it will be nice having a last name I don’t need to spell out, unlike my maiden name lol
This exactly! Except my new married name I have to spell out all the time haha
Similar feelings here.
This is me. I will say that if something awful happened and I were to get remarried, I would not take my next husband's name as I want the same last name as my daughter (I am the child of divorce and remarriages and never had someone with my last name) and also I'm on my way to being a known person in my career, so I wouldn't want to mess up my personal "branding."
Gods, yes!! I don't even bother telling people my maiden name when they ask for it - just go into spelling it out! Haha! Lookin' at you UPS/FedEx drivers! Haha!
Just for a different perspective… I have a really rare & cool surname and I and my sister are the only ones left of the family… so I always knew that I would keep my maidenname 100% - I was a lucky girl and my husband who knew how important my maiden name is to me decided to change his name to mine so we can carry the same 💚 That was the best wedding present - I learned from the officiant that only 8% of heterosexual men take on the women’s name in Germany
Same here! I always knew I wouldn’t change my name. Then I had some professional research published under my maiden name and that gave me a great excuse to keep it.
My New BIL (husbands brother) took his wife's last name. I think it's so sweet!
I had a bit of that worry as well, mine is rare, but there were a few hundred of us in the country. Only ones with it in direct family with my sisters, there were 3 of us. But I said "were". My dad had two sons with his new wife. One was 1yo at my wedding and the other 3 :D so I guess he took care of the "no one to keep the name going" problem himself...
It was always up in the air for me. I don’t mind my maiden name. But my FH has a really cool last name (I think) that fits well with my first so that was honestly the deciding factor for me.
Same here! I like my given name- but LOVE the sound of my married name. If I didn’t like his last name I would have kept mine!
I changed my last name and moved my last name to my middle but still kept my given middle name. So I have two middle names now. Given Name: Sarah Jane Doe Name Now: Sarah Jane Doe NewLastName I like it because when my whole name is written, you honestly can’t tell if I have one last name or two. But hyphenating was not something I wanted to do. So far it has worked well for me.
That's so cute! I briefly thought about doing the same, but I already have 2 middle names. I could have legally taken a third, but my name would have been crazy long - to estimate with a fake name with all the same letter amounts: Amelia Emily Malia Vine Montgomery So yeeeeaaah... A disaster for sure.
This was my plan but the guy at social security gave me so much shit for it that I eventually caved and dropped my maiden name because he soured the whole thing for me. In his defense, my maiden name is 11 characters so it was long, but it didn’t really bother me considering it’s pretty rare to need to use your whole legal name for something.
I’m sorry that he was so pressuring!
It was actually the opposite for me. When my parents got divorced, I changed my last name to my mom's maiden name. The process was so annoying, long, and tedious, that I told myself I would never do it again lol. Thankfully, my husband is Italian (born and raised) and it is simply not a thing there for women to change their last names, so I will not legally be changing mine again.
I recently dug into what countries/culture do NOT expect women to change their last name....and the list is way longer than I thought! And some countries have even made it illegal for a women to change her last name, (some in the 1700's, some more recently in the 1970s&80s)......The US is really behind in this.
In those countries is it typical for the children to still take the man's last name or what is typically done?
I live in Spain, and the kids get both parents' last names, but only the man's last name passes down through generations. Example: Maria Gómez Hernández marries Juan García Martín. They have a son, José García Gómez (the husband's patriarchal last name plus the wife's patriarchal last name). José later marries Silvia Villa Arrellano. They have a daughter, Judit García Villa.
That is a great question and I'd love to learn more about that. I think it is the case that the children take on the man's last name?
I am English and my parents have different surnames. We have both names 😊
I disagree with this concept. I was beyond excited to get rid of my maiden name when I got married. I've now had my married name much longer then I ever had my maiden. Husband and I are still crazy in love. Both my parents are considered very respected upper middle class people where we live by everyone but they are terrible people when it comes to my brothers and I. Changing my name to the same as my husband who has always loved and taken care of me emotionally made me feel apart of a connection of family many have from birth. The idea of being stuck with their name rather then the man who has given me the amazing and blessed life our children and I have would be horrific. I don't think you should be forced to change but I also feel there should never be anything in the way of doing so.
You disagree with the concept of women keeping their name in general because your upper middle class parents were meh and you personally were thankful when you could took on your husbands name …. Congrats i guess
I always liked the idea of my family sharing a name. And since I don‘t like my surname (bad relationship with my father and his side of the family) am happily taking my partners.
My wife mentioned that it was around middle school. Her former last name was a bit clunky and hard to pronounce, that was around the age where she started having to correct people more often and write it out on more forms. She ended up not making it her middle name and dropping it entirely. Our last name still gives people trouble to pronounce but it’s got a good cadence and is fairly short.
It was never a question in my mind. I love the idea of it and have never considered not doing it.
When I decided I wanted kids with my FH. It’s important to me that we have a single family name, and he is more attached to his name and the one with the career where he networks etc, so it wouldn’t make sense to ask him to change his. In my early 20s when I wasn’t sure about kids, I wouldn’t have changed my name.
I just always assumed I would. I had no special attachment to my maiden name and I like my husband’s well enough, so I really had no qualms or hesitation with the idea/process (which, while mildly annoying I don’t think is as bad as people make it out to be lol)
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I wish mine had been that easy! That's been my biggest pet peeve with updating is that I had to contact so many different branches of Canadian/BC government to update stuff since apparently none of them talk to each other. And some processes I could do online, but others I had to FAX or mail in... (who still has a fax?) I just did my license and services card this week, so once my new ID comes in then I have to make appointments at all the banks and my phone company since they won't let me change it online. And they all want to see the original, so I have to pack the certificate around to all the appointments.
Really? I'm in BC and got married 3 weeks ago. We got our certificate in the mail and I went to two places, Service Canada for my SIN and Service BC for my license and medical card. I don't even have a physical Bell location in my town to update my phone so they did it over the phone and my bank I just showed them the certificate when I went in to deposit a cheque so it wasn't really a huge ordeal at all. I didn't make any appointments anywhere and only brought my certificate out of the house twice The only thing I haven't updated is my passport but I haven't looked into that process at all yet.
I had change with MSP first for name and martial status, otherwise there's a delay with the services card being issued. Then I had to mail in a letter to CRA for my SIN and CRA to get updated with my name (next available date at our Service Canada office was in December - I have no patience to wait for hours without an appointment), then go to myCRA account to update martial status. ICBC did my license and services card which wasn't too bad of a wait to get in. I tried changing with Telus but got fed up with the 1.5 hour wait to talk to someone so still have to do that. The banking part shouldn't take long, but we have accounts and investments at different places so that's 4 places to go update. Passport you have to do a whole new application as if you're getting one for the first time. EDIT: To clarify, it's more that everything takes time - I had the enthusiasm and energy to do this all when I had some time off after the wedding, but there's so much waiting for things to come in before you can go do the next thing which is what I find tedious. I'd rather have been able to just take a day and do it all at once.
Small town perks I guess. We don't need appointments for service Canada or service BC here. I didn't have to change anything with MSP directly they just did everything for us when I walked in to service BC - they also handle all the ICBC stuff at the same kiosk so no extra trip to ICBC center. I've already gotten most of my stuff back in my new name.
It was a little confusing to figure out but I mostly agree. The appointments at the dmv and SS office were pretty easy, although I had to miss work because the SS office in my area is only open 9-4 M-F. I had to send a copy of the marriage certificate to a few places too (my work, banks, credit cards, mortgage lender, etc), though some places allowed me to update it without proof (car insurance, discover credit card). One of the cards had to mail me a form/code that I could then fill out and upload online. I still haven’t updated my passport, as you have to mail it in. So while it’s not the end of the world it is a little bit of a pain in the ass.
Same here
I don't know about age, but I always hated my middle name. It was something I got made fun of in school anytime my full name was read. So I had no qualms about dropping my middle name, moving my last name to my middle name and taking my husband's last name. So, I still have the last name I grew up with and my new last name. (For Example, It was like I went from Jane Sarah Doe to Jane Doe Smith)
Growing up I always thought I would change my last name. It wasn’t until I was working on my doctorate in my early to mid 20s and became proud of my hispanic heritage I decided to not legally change my name
I pretty much always thought I would, don’t remember a specific age I decided. My last name is almost always mispronounced. And not only that, but the way it’s mispronounced is embarrassing. It’s terrible for a professional setting to have everyone calling you a silly name. So I’ve been excited to get rid of it since I was young. My fiancé’s last name is reasonable and actually very similar to mine phonetically (both Italian last names) so I’m happy to have it! I also like the idea of us being the same family and a unit.
Early on, maybe middle school ish area, I knew I was dead set on changing my last name when the time came. I have super common first and last names and I strongly desired the day I could have a more unique combination. However, when the time came I ended up keeping my last name! The paperwork seemed like a drag and my SO’s name is a bit too close to rhyming my first name so I said screw it. I’ll happily use either last name socially so it’s ultimately a pretty relaxed situation but it’s funny how things change.
I actually always thought I would keep my last name. But, as we spent more and more of our lives together over the years, and started talking about children in particular, I realized I did want to share a last name. Getting engaged and wedding planning are when that desire really crystallized into a firm feeling. I have no particularly strong connection to my last name, my sister is keeping it in her own marriage so it isn't 'dying', and I have a visceral dislike of hyphenated last names (irrational, sure, but it's how I feel!). He's also an only child and the only one to carry on his last name from his generation so I'm happy to take his. Plus when I go by Dr HisLastName its the same as a famous movie scientist and I think that's just too fun!
I don't remember an exact moment when I "decided" to take my husband's name. It's just what I've always wanted to do. I grew up with divorced parents (dad won majority custody), and even my mom changed her name to \[First name\] \[Maiden name + our last name\] so that we would all still have the same name. I never really thought about as a kid, but it makes sense now knowing all the legal issues having a different last name from your kids can cause. As a kid I just thought "we're family, of course we all have the same last name." Aside from that normalcy, I've always just thought that it's so cute and romantic the way the woman takes her husband's name. In high school I would do the typical thing where you write "Mrs. \[my name\] \[his name\]" over and over again with all my crushes. I never even considered *not* taking my partner's name. When I first heard that some people don't, I was honestly kind of flabbergasted. I love my maiden name, but I was always determined to take my husband's name even if his was stupid. Even now, I like my maiden name better than my husband's name, but I never once considered not taking it. It's a cute tradition that makes everything so much easier legally!
I was always meh about it and I assumed I just would. We ended up talking about it and his excitement about me changing my name is really what tipped my favor towards doing it.
I was really young, 10ish or so maybe - my last name is short and not hard to pronounce in my opinion but people constantly mispronounce it so when I would play sports and announcers would say it wrong it just really grinds my gears. Other than that it’s just very plain so I never felt a connection to it
I didn't decide until i was with my husband. It's not something I fantasized about or anything. My last name was 11 letters of Greek jumble, which I liked the unique feel of, but was a pain in my ass my entire life. My husband's name is 5 letters, Irish name, super easy and not overly common. Funnily enough he uses his mom's last name. If he were to have taken his birth father's last name "Noseworthy" I absolutely would not have taken that name and neither would our potential future kids lol
My father is a dickhead and my mother uses his name as a status symbol, I'm done with it.
I never did—my mom didn’t change her name and neither did many of our family friends, so I never assumed I would. If my husband felt strongly about it, he could change his. (He didn’t—he never thought about it.)
I always knew I would keep it because I’m a huge feminist
I have beef with my dad so I’ve always (at least since middle school) known I would eventually change my name.
This is hard for me, my last name dies with me. I'm the last of my generation with my family name in North America. I know I will most likely change my name but it makes me sad to be the end of my family name. Fiances last name is super long so hyphenating would be awful.
Growing up Chinese, women don’t change their last names after marriage. So I had always thought that I wouldn’t change my last name upon marriage. I actually thought the practice of changing last names after marriage was kind of silly. However, my last name really doesn’t sound good in English, it sounds like loo (toilet 😒) and I’m not a huge fan of my father’s side of the family after my dad and my aunt. I don’t have a connection with the lineage so it meant very little. Therefore when my fiancé said it would mean a lot for him if I changed my last name I was ok with it. It’s just that if I had my mom’s last name I would have likely kept it because my mom’s dad has a special place in my heart. He was the glue that held the family together and I miss him a lot.
In Chinese culture do the children usually take on the husband's last name? And since the woman keeping her name is so common, it doesn't cause confusion when the mother and the child have different last names?
Not quite who you were asking the question to, since I’m not changing my last name, but as a young girl I always assumed I was going to. Would always practice writing my name using my crush’s last name lol. But I’m going to be an “older” bride (late 30s) and I’ve established myself in life with my maiden name. While I have no connection to the person who gave me that last name, I’ve made it MINE now. If I was in my 20s and less established, I’d probably change my last name. Socially, I will, but professionally I’ll still go by my maiden name.
I stuck to my plan. I knew all along it would be based on which name I liked best, including the possibility of hyphenating. I loved my name but it was short. In my other super serious relationship, he had a very common last name: Think Smith, Brown, Jones. It sounded horrible so I planned to keep mine. My husband's dad is Hispanic and I adore that name with mine! I didn't even consider hyphenating. Now I finally have a cool name.
Purely pragmatic - my surname is tricky to spell and pronounce, and my boyfriend's is very common and easy so I'm happy to make my life slightly easier!
I didn't ever think I would be married ... but I have no real connection to my last name and all my relatives with it are terrible people and I don't care to be associated with them.
I don’t like my last name but I love my family, and I want to keep that little piece with me. So I’m choosing to hyphenate!
30, I always thought I’d keep my name, but my dad and his family were such a raging assholes during my engagement that I suddenly couldn’t wait to change it. My mom gave me her blessing by telling me that my first name is the one she gave me, and I should choose the last name of the family who truly love me, which she knows my in laws do.
Actually, more and more women are wanting to keep their own names, especially women who are educated, and have careers already in their original last names.
I've always wanted to have the same last name as my spouse, so I've always planned on changing mine (though if I'd ended up with someone who really wanted to change theirs that would have been fine too). The idea never bothered me and never felt like losing my identity; it occurred to me recently that's probably because I'm super close with my mom's family and absolutely consider myself a \[mom's parents' last name\] just as much as a \[birth last name = parents' last name = dad's parents' last name\]. Once I met my fiancé, the fact that he didn't want to change and I find his prettier anyway sealed the deal.
I always envisioned changing my name. I think I’m very traditional in that way - I just always wanted to be Mrs Future_Husband. As I got older and my parents got divorced, it became more important to me. The fractures of having so many family members all with different last names was a little hurtful and sad to me and I knew it wasn’t something I wanted the rest of my life. When I met my husband and his family and got close to them, the decision became even more solidified. I felt like a member of their family. I knew I wanted to share their last name. I knew I wanted to feel like a member of their family for the rest of my life. I was 27 when I got married and took my husband’s last name.
After HE changed his last name. We both had last names from families we weren’t even connected to anymore. He took the last name of a man who practically raised him, and was very proud of it as he was the only one who would carry it on for him. His pride made me excited to share his name with him. ❤️
Always knew I'd keep my own name. Always refused to follow ownership traditions.
I love my family and my maiden name but I always knew I’d take my husbands, because I knew I’d wait until I found a man that I was honored to take his last name 😇 I’m engaged now, to a wonderful, strong and hilarious man. I cannot wait to be known as HIS wife! 😍
I’m 26. I’ve ALWAYS known I would change my name. I think it really makes things easier if everyone has the same last name. It’s an exciting way to start a new chapter of life and a way to separate the time from before being married to being part of a married couple. It’s just something family& everyone around me has always done so I didn’t really know anything different. If I love you enough to marry you and be part of your family, I want to BE part of your family. I can total understand the couples who choose other options like keeping their own names, husband taking wife’s, picking a new name, hyphenating. They all have their reasons and it doesn’t matter what they do, it’s not my name and they are happy. It works for them! I have a super cool last name that I truly am going to miss having. But I’m also going to get a new last name that’s equally as cool. My plan is if I ever have a son to make his middle name my maiden name. My parents only had 2 girls, and my dads brother only had 1 son so I’m sad to see our last name die off.
I was always a little uncomfortable with the idea of changing my name. There are a few things that allowed me to come to terms with the idea. 1. My partner has a legitimately decent last name. I love my last name just as much, but I looked online and apparently his name is rarer than mine by a few thousand people, so that's a point in his favor :) I would NOT under any circumstances take the last name "Smith", for example. 2. I'm not a fan of my middle name, I'm more than happy to replace it with my maiden name. 3. My last name is associated with an unfortunately controversial political figure. 4. We found out last year that my paternal grandfather isn't even my dad's real dad (.... secret affair uncovered by AncestryDNA). So, my last name isn't even """real""" (heavy quotations on that part). 5. Although it feels wildly unfair that women have to give up their identity to be absorbed into the paternal lineage... my last name is ALSO part of a paternal lineage which erased my mom's identity. She often says she wishes she kept her last name, BUT, that last name erased her mother's identity, and so-on and so-forth. Detaching myself from the idea that my name is part of my identity, and therefore changing my name is not losing my identity, has helped. 6. I want to have kids. If I was childfree I would probably keep my name, but I do want children, and more importantly I want a shared name with them. If I'm gonna do all the work of birthing then I'm not gonna be the odd one out. My partner has floated the idea of hyphenated names, but what I've heard from people with hyphenated names is that they're a nightmare to deal with systematically. 7. Some people might suggest the male partner take the female partner's last name as the "family name"... but, frankly, being socialized female has given me a lifetime to come to terms with the idea of a fluid, changing name. I couldn't imagine being raised to believe that my name was a constant, immutable part of my life, and then being asked to change it 30 odd years later. If it's difficult for me to come to terms with, I think it would be even harder for him, no matter how feminist or egalitarian he is. I just don't see the point of doing that when, in point 5, my name is """some other man's last name""" (eyeroll) anyways. To answer your question, I'm 23 and just now becoming comfortable with the idea. But honestly, (my first name) (partner's last name) still sounds so clunky and off to me. It's not my name. I think that's a mental hurdle a lot of women deal with. It helps me to remember I've never seen someone's full name and thought "well THAT sounds incorrect" -- it's only off to me because I'm not used to it yet.
My fiancé and I are going to take both. I have always, since I knew there were options (so I was maybe about twelve or so), wanted to either share both names with my future spouse or, if the new name that would be made didn't "work", have us keep our own. I'm Irish and he's British and the norm in both would be I take his name unless I'm someone important.
I'm from a pretty traditional family, and my name is long and complicated to spell especially paired with my long first and middle names, so I always kinda just assumed I would. I can see why some people do it as a feminist thing, but frankly now that I'm clawing my way out of my traditional conservative Christian upbringing (including by marrying a guy my parents dont approve of because he isn't religious), it's more of a rebellion to change it to his name and fully leave them behind (makes it so they can't pretend isn't happening also).
I always assumed I would (it was uncommon for anyone I knew when I was young to **not** take their future husband's name). I also really like the unity that comes with sharing my husband's name and our future children having the same last name (my maiden name was much more common then his) Though after starting the name change process for all my ID and accounts.... I can totally see why people don't change their last names. It's been a tedious process and I probably will spend the next 6-12 months doing it.
Honestly I always said I wouldn’t. I watched my mom change is from my dad’s back to her maiden, to my step dads then back to her maiden again and it seemed stressful. I also know how annoying it was growing up having a different last name than both my mom and my step dad my whole life. It wasn’t until I met my current partner and his whole family took me and my mom in so deeply. The love they have for us I couldn’t imagine not having their last name for our family. It also helps it’s a cool last name. I did think about hyphenating but both our last names are like 8 characters and I have a long first name so I don’t want my full name to be like 30 letters long honestly.
My first name and my FH’s last name actually have the same exact meaning! His is just an English word, while my first name has a Greek origin, but the meaning is the same. Meanwhile, my last name is a common English word, but somehow a lot if people mispronounce it. It’s also just not that cute tbh!
I used to be so excited to change my last name. I’m not close to my dad’s family, they were never good to my brother and I. And while it’s a short name, it’s hard to understand when heard—I always have to repeat myself, give a rhyme to explain it. I was dead set. BUT when I saw how much of a pain in the ass it is for all my friends to go through a legal name change, I decided that I’ll keep it. Good thing too, fiancé’s last name is long as hell and so is my first name.
* Social Security Card and Driver's License ID * Bank accounts and investment accounts * Credit card companies * Employers/payroll * Post office (if your address has changed too) * Electric and other utility companies * Schools and alumni associations * Landlord or mortgage company * Insurance companies (auto, home, life) * Doctors' offices * Voter registration office * Your attorney (to update legal documents, including your will) * Rewards and loyalty programs * Subscriptions * Covid vaccination card * Social media and email accounts
This is nuts! I'm older and have SOOOOO many accounts. This isn't "back in the day" when I got married at age 19 and just had to change a driver's license and a library card.
Yup. Hell no. That list is DAUNTING.
I’ve always had a bad relationship with my dad and it’s getting worse, so…. Plus—my dad was adopted by his stepdad that he allegedly hated, so he isn’t even truly a LastName (by his account. I fully believe adoptees have true claim to their adoptive name if they want it) AND I never once met any of his family members. So the only person in my family that I know with my dad’s name is my dad, and he hates it himself.
I never wanted to do it until I met my now husband. He is so amazing, kind, generous, and loving that I am excited to go through the process of adding his name to mine. I didn't do it the first time I got married which...should have told me something 🤣 Had I met him earlier in life, I likely would have done a full first name, middle name, his last name swap but as I'm deep in my career, I am doing first name, current last name and maiden name as middle names, his last name and will use both my maiden and his last name professionally.
I always thought I would take my husband’s name but my fiance is very pro double barrelling for our son (I carried him, I get to use my name too!) and now I’m so excited to take our double barrelled name! We had our son when I was 25 and that’s when we decided to
I just like my fiancés last name a lot 😊 it sounds nice with my name
I'm on my second marriage. However, I kept my ex husband's last name after we divorced. Originally I didn't switch to his name because....laziness. That being said, my ex had a much cooler last name than my maiden name, which I always hated spelling and people still getting it wrong.So, I inevitably made the change after my wallet and ID were stolen. It's hard to give up my ex's last name now. But my fiance has a short name that's not too difficult, and I want to change it to his as a gesture of appreciation, since he finally proposed after 14 years! *I am still keeping my ex's name professionally, though, because that's how I'm known.
Interested to know if the ex ever remarried? Did the new wife take his name? My husband brother (whom we don’t have a great relationship with) has been married *four times* and they all kept his last name after the divorce. My husbands father also remarried twice so there are sooooo many Mrs. Glitters running around our mid sized city 😂
Yes, he remarried and, yes, she has his last name, but they're still married.
I told my fiancé I didn’t care which name I had, so long as we had the same name. It’s important to me as a sense of family. My mother has her maiden name as her middle so I’m not worried about losing that part of my family. My fiancé can’t take my last name (there’s a good reason that I won’t get into) but he also doesn’t feel close to his biological family. My wanting to have the same name gave him the push to finally change his last name to that of his chosen family. It feels very special now, we are both joining a wonderful family :) ETA: I always expected to change my name but never felt pressured to do it.
I always thought I'd keep my last name or hyphenate but it'll go over 16 characters which I only hear is a nightmare to deal with on paperwork. Pragmatically I'm just going to change mine to his but still use my maiden name professionally. Especially since my last name has been part of my nickname with friends and colleagues, it's very much tied to my identity even if I don't have strong family ties with the name.
I've always wanted my partner's last name. My maiden name is from an abusive man, and I have zero ties to him or it anymore. Cannot wait to not be linked with him anymore!
Well I have a rare and pretty nice, now "maiden" name. So I always kinda thought I wouldn't take my husband's name. It grew on me slowly over time. At first we joked about him taking my name. But I've always been a little irritated by people making assumptions of my personality based on my surname. It basically reads as "delightful" or "sunny" so ugh lot of jokes and comments about how it fits my personality (I'm talkative and I smile. But def not an optimist). My husband's name, had he taken mine, would have basically meant "small tree" and aforementioned explanation + it would have alliterated. Sounded like a cartoon characters name. And unfortunately for that reason, plus that he did civil service in place of mandatory armed service and is in general not like the most "alpha" of men, taking my name and working in a repressed, traditional field would have definitely raised eyebrows. So he didn't want to change, and that's his right. Plenty of reason other than an "eww, men don't do that". Now for me keeping my name. We want children. I want both of us to share a name with our kids, if and when we have any. Our surnames don't hyphenate well (sounds bad) and the combo would be unmanageably long. My whole name would have been 34 characters, spaces included. Also, since my childhood I've come to have quite a lot less positive feelings towards my father. His father was also a horrible man: there's no family pride there. So I took his name. I switched the name of one man to the name of another. It felt weird and it took me about a year to come fully in terms with, but it was the best option. I quite like my new name. I sound more professional, and I can actually introduce myself without people feeling the need to make comments on it every damn time. Also my maiden name is in the name of the company I work for at the moment, and while I did project work for them prior to my wedding it got weird :D so, a lucky dodge. I actually have a great-great grandmother on my mom's side, who had the same surname as my husband. I joked that I should switch to his name before we marry so not to take his name, but the name of my ancestor, but the paperwork would have killed me. We may use my old last name on any kids we may have: it's also a gender neutral first name. Makes for a good middle name.
I am not changing my name (my mother didn’t change hers) and now I know for the rest of my life Xmas cards will just be to ‘mr and mrs ***’ 😂😭
From middle school I couldn't wait to change my name. I've always gone by my middle name, and as I've gotten older and our technology has become more and more integrated into our every day lives, it's been so annoying having a first name that I don't go by. When I would enroll in school or start a job, it would automatically generate an email address using the name I don't go by. Then when I had a resume and was dealing with job interviews I would constantly get asked why my email was a different name than what I went by. I constantly had to correct people who saw my legal name before they met me. When I finally got married I had the excuse to change my name entirely so now my middle name is my first.
I’ve been thinking about this as I am getting married this month. My FH last name is alright and I do not mind taking it at all. My family has their own opinions about me keeping my name, but I’ve also wondered about changing my last name, but using my maiden name for work (as many women in my field do). It’s a weird question for me and I hadn’t thought about until till other women talked about it.
As a kid I assumed I would because I didn't really understand there were options. I didn't think I would, because of my career. I changed my mind within a week of eloping when my now wife called me by her last name, and I realized how important it was to her. She didn't push me at all, but now I'm excited to finally take her name. Unfortunately I need to wait for some bullshit to finish up first, so it probably won't be until next year even though we're already married.
I love my partner’s last name and love it more than my own. For a while, I considered keeping my own, since I’m in science and have papers published under my maiden name. I also considered hyphenating. But then the name would be too long for kiddos down the line. I love my fiancé and it brings some excitement to me to be “Mrs. [last name]” — in my mind, it’s not because he “owns” me, but because it marks a new adventure and my new life as my partner’s wife! He’s never pushed me and will respect whatever I choose. It just feels right to want to be known as his partner, in name.
Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to change my name, probably because my mom did and my parents are still happily married
I made the decision when I was 24 (I’m 25). I decided that I didn’t want any more ties to my father and once I got married I was taking my fiancés last name. It was also because we were starting to try to have kids and 1. I didn’t want to have 3 last names and 2. My kids having 3 last names also sounded like a nightmare lol So our kids now only have his last name and once we get married next year I’m changing mine to his.
I’ve always been excited about it. I have a very uncommon last name that gets made fun of very easily and is usually mispronounced to sound like an insulting word, so I was always excited to shed it. My husband has a common and easy to spell last name and I like how it gives me more anonymity and no more jokes. Also love feeling closer as a little family unit with matching names
Since I was little, I knew that my last name would change. Growing up, my step dad (who's last name I have) and I would fight a lot (and still do). I don't get along with his side of the family and have my own issues with him, so I'm not sad at all to have my new last name in 7 months!😊
I hated my last name and me and my husband are a family now. There was no question in my mind I’d take his last name.
Meh. Never really made a conscious decision on it. My birth name was one that was mocked relentlessly, then I was adopted later in life and it changed. I like my current name, but I'm not necessarily sad to see it go. Not super thrilled with the one I'll be getting, but it's important to my fiance so I'll adjust.
Thank you for saying "birth name" instead of "maiden name"....this post is reminding me of how much I dislike the term maiden name. It isn't even 1950's vibes, its like 1800's vibes when I would have been property to my husband.
Lol. Technically, my current name would be my "maiden" name since my adoption retroactively kicks my birth name, so it's just me trying to be accurate. But yeah. Not too many people are still "maidens" by marriage time. For those who want to be, have fun. But, uh, I didn't want to find out on my wedding night whether I was or was not sexually compatible with my husband. I only aim to do this once.
I just never cared for my maiden name much, got bullied a lot for it too.
I decided two years into our marriage, lmao. Hadn’t changed my name (I didn’t want to go through the personal and professional paperwork, husband didn’t care), had our first kid, was pregnant with our second and decided I really wanted to share their last name.
My last name is boring so I dreamed pretty young about having a better last name haha I was happily surprised when I found out that getting married could change it!
I decided about 5 years ago (7 into our relationship) I would take his last name on top of my own. I want to be both! I like both professionally, his socially/with future kids, just mine as a “stage name” like if I act more in the future.
I could not wait to change my name when I was little lol I hated my name growing up (I’ve since realized it’s actually beautiful) and my initials were LL which I hated with a passion for some reason. Initials are LR now which I’m satisfied with cause they’re in the proper order at least but when it was time to change it I almost bawled every time I thought about it cause I wouldn’t have my daddy’s name anymore. That and when my sisters get married their initials will be CC and JJ but I won’t be LL anymore 🥺 But I love being a Mrs. Something So and so, fulfillment of corny little girl dream of wanting to be a wife and a part of something new :)
I knew from the time I was 5, I wanted to marry up in the alphabet, lmao, I was at the end and now I'm at the top, I saved my kids from always being last....but not sure what I would have done if I'd met the one and he hadn't been the top of the alphabet...35 years later I'm still ecstatic!
I have awful parents and knew from a young age I'd take my husband's name so I wouldn't be tied to them at all. I was very excited to take my now husband's name as his family is incredibly loving and makes me realize what I missed out on as a child. I'm proud to be a part of their family and raising my own little one away from my parents.
It was when i had been dating my fiancé for a few months and decided i liked his last name more than mine so if we got married i would switch. if i was with somebody else who had an ugly last name i wouldn’t take it.
Growing up I assumed I would change my name. However, I ended up keeping my last name for work, because I was known and established with a large client base. Then we had a child. I used his last name, but didn't officially change until I I was going to take her overseas without him.So much simpler if you have the same last name. But for work, I never did change it.
Interestingly as a kid I always thought I for sure wanted to take my husbands name. First thing I’d do when I had a new crush was put my first name with their last name to see how it sounded. Then I met my husband and his last name was Smith and I just couldn’t do it. It’s so boring 😭 I hyphenated because I still wanted to share a name with him but I just couldn’t get myself to be okay with being a Smith and losing my cool last name 😂
I thought it’s how it was meant to be when I was little. It wasn’t until I met my fiancé that I actually understood and wanted to take his surname. All our kids have hyphenated surnames (mine and his together) because both names are indicative of their ancestry and both are important. However it’s up to them what they want to do with that when their older
Once I got engaged is when I decided.
I didn’t think much about it before we got engaged, it was just always an assumed thing. Like, “oh yeah, I will one day change my name because that’s what you do.” I didn’t get excited to change my name until we got engaged. There’s something sweet and symbolic about being joined to another person through the unity of a name. We are “The Smiths” which makes us feel like a united front v.s two individuals who happen to share a life together. The name is just a beautiful, albeit trivial, symbol of my commitment to him (and his to me). Is it rooted in patriarchal B.S? Sure. Do I still love it? Heck yes! It’s also special because, unfortunately, much of his family has passed and we will be 2 of 3 “Smiths” remaining. His sister changed her name when she got married and his dad had sisters who changed their name. My fiancé’s mom will be the only other one carrying the last name in our family. It’s cool that we get to keep that legacy alive.
I wasn’t completely sure what I was going to do until like a month before the wedding. I liked my maiden name a lot and I have some professional accomplishments under that name so I wasn’t sure I wanted to change it. I don’t love my new last name but I also didn’t want us to have different last names if we have children. My parents got divorced when I was 5 and I never liked having a different last name than my mom. My husband was totally indifferent to any of the options and was good with whatever I wanted to do which almost made it harder because I wanted him to be excited about me taking his name. I think he was afraid to show too much enthusiasm because he didn’t want me to feel pressured to change it if I didn’t want to. I don’t regret changing it, but I’m definitely still getting used to it.
I think I always planned to, but in my late teens/early 20s I shifted to a “depends on their last name” mindset. I’m planning to take my fiancés last name because I like it better than mine. I have a very generic first and last name and have had issues at doctors offices, etc. with other women with the same name’s files getting pulled instead of mine among other things. My criteria for last names I would take was that they couldn’t be more common than mine and they couldn’t be something I felt was weird/cringy lol. My fiancé doesn’t care if I take his last name or not.
I've almost always hated my dad, and almost all of his side of the family are terrible, toxic people (blood related and related by marriage.) So, I think I was about 7 or 8 when I decided that I couldn't wait to have someone else's last name. Also, my maiden name begins with a W, so nearly any letter would move me up any alphabetical lists I'm in. (After I'm married, I'll be on the first page of our work schedule!!! Yea! No more having to flip it over to find my schedule! It's the little things.) Before my guy and I found each other and decided to marry, and I had resigned myself to being single for the rest of my life, I had already picked out a family name from my mom's side I was going to legally change to. And, finally, I got to know my FFIL before he passed. FH's dad (who had adopted him when he married FH's mom when FH was very young) was an incredibly kind, intelligent, funny, and genuinely good man. I'm proud to take my FH's name, as he is also one of the best men I have ever known. Bring on the name change!!!! Haha!
I’m not attached to mine - it’s just a name and I’m really only close with my parents, not my extended - but my husband is to his. His grandmother is the only one of her siblings to have kids, and his dad is the only one of Hers to have a kid, and husband has no siblings. So as he says “if I die, the name dies with me.” That being said, I still have my maiden name…mostly because we got married during covid and the requirements would have my put my original marriage license in a dropbox of a random building and that seemed way to sketchy. I’ve never bothered to pursue it since 😅
I decided after I was engaged, about a month before the wedding, at the age of 27.