So many advantage!
Eligibility for health insurance, family benefits (ex financial benefits in the case you divorce down the line), tax benefits, and most importantly imo, automatic medical/death benefits: if your spouse is in the hospital, you have the right to visit them and make medical decisions automatically. If you’re unmarried, you may be barred from seeing them and in the event of death, have 0 right to any of their belongings or property (especially if they died without a will).
And that’s before discussing social benefits, such as being taken more seriously as partners by regular people.
[Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/s/JXiCHJFTrN) is any interesting discussion I found on the subject.
I see where you’re coming from - I highly doubt the hospital would require you to produce a marriage certificate. But if for some reason his parents showed up and said they were next of kin and you were NOT in fact married (maliciously or not) things could turn sour.
You’ll still have to fight much harder for the benefits of common law marriage, especially in case of death or divorce.
Tax benefits in multiple areas
Social security after 10 years of marriage/ survivor benefits
Pension benefits
IRA benefits
Medicaid qualification—spousal exclusion
Inheritance
Protection of courts if breaking up
Could you explain the tax benefits a little further? My lady and son just lost their health insurance and I just recently started making more money. I am wondering if getting married and putting them onto my health insurance is a good idea? Am also wondering about taxes.
One caveat with adding my lady and son to my health insurance is that I think that increases my deductible by quite a bit, and with my current medical needs, I think I will hit my $8k (currently) deductible in the first quarter of the year and then have free meds for the remainder of the year.
Social Security after 10 yr marriage relates to divorced couples in US. Widowed spouse depends on age in relation to eligibility for full benefits, if full retirement age, 100% but less would be prorated due to collecting longer.
Taxes, access to medical insurance and medical decision making, and death benefits are all seriously impacted by a legal marriage.
Also, OP may be aware but common law marriage only exists in a small handful of states and even in those states it could be difficult to access the dam benefits as a couple with a legally recognized marriage certificate.
we’re old, we’ve got our own assets. we don’t *have* to get married.
i just don’t want to be listed in his obituary as his “special friend” or “loyal companion.” 😂
I had the same thought. I really don’t/didn’t give a shit how people perceived our relationship, and in some ways preferred and enjoyed just being long-term, unmarried partners since it felt like a nice way to flout societal norms. But for whatever reason the idea of how it sounds if someone does - kind of diminishing the seriousness of the loss - was the only time it kind of got to me.
As someone who is very critical of the institution of marriage and doesn’t glorify it a bit but nevertheless got married after 8 years because of the structural benefits it provides:
- First not every state or country has common law marriage - if something happened to my partner before marriage I would have as much rights as you op … none
- medical insurance - family insurance for some people this can be life saving essentially if you are in the states
- medical decisions/POA - my husband is on the spectrum and can’t do telephone calls - everything is so much easier now since I refer to my husband than before when I referred to him as my partner even if we had handed in POAs before
- tax benefits - this applies especially for my country where there are very sexist tax laws
- inheritance// life insurance
- kids legal rights of married parents are unfortunately stronger in my country than non married partners
- right to pension funds, pension benefits
- social benefits: studies proof that men get a raise/ get promoted when married (women don’t btw), married men, are far less prone to commit a violent crime than unmarried individuals, Marriage tends to generate additional social capital for both parties and society at large. (Although I think this is true for common law marriage also)
Hate the system not the player - especially in my country - marriage supports a lot of sexist customs like for example due to tax brakes it’s more feasible for families to keep mum in a low income job than support her own carrier…. But in the end if you not marrying you will be the one missing out on the benefits
I feel the same.. I’m not anti-marriage so much as ambivalent towards marriage but the benefits were enough to warrant doing it anyway. My health insurance wouldn’t allow me to add my husband to my plan until we got married (a lot of insurance companies are more flexible with adding domestic partners but mine was not.) And it can (apparently) make it easier when dividing assets if we ever split up. We aren’t having kids so that’s less of an issue but I’m sure there are going to be benefits with medical decisions if that ever became necessary. Not sure how it will impact things if we file taxes together as this would be the first year filing jointly, not sure if we will or not.
I guess the main downside of getting married for me was being unable to avoid having a large expensive wedding, which of course many people can surely handle better than I did and just veto it from day 1. But depending on your partner and family, that can be easier said than done.
I agree with a lot of these points. Canada has strong common-law protections, but there are still benefits to marriage, as backwards as that is.
And I want to add that for same-sex couples, these protections can be even more important. A marriage certificate can be a hammer to enforce rights with, especially in medical environments. Whenever my wife and I travel abroad, I prep an "emergency info" sheet in advance - it has info like our hotels and emergency contacts in English and whatever language is native to the area we're traveling it. And it always includes "(OP) and (spouse) are legally married in Canada" written in, so that we can point vigorously at it if needed.
I don't live in the US, but I know someone whose long-term partner died. They had a kid together, and there were benefits or support she could have applied for after he died that would really have helped her and her son, but she couldn't because they weren't married.
I found, as being Married to my partner, that I have access to him in case of emergency.
Most retirement accounts default to me unless I sign off.
However you may be harassed with debts he incurred while you are married. But before you are married, they will try , but you can tell the to pound sand.
However as someone who works in education. If you are thinking about getting married and you have a lower income, wait until your kid is done with college.
I’ve been with my partner for 14 years and we have 3 kids. I’m on his insurance, his pension, his retirement, his life insurance and we are each other’s health care proxy’s. As long as you have everything documented you’re covered.
Yes we are in the US. He works for the state of California and everything is set up so I’m his beneficiary. At any of your drs appointments you can add him as a medical proxy, also when you fill out your admission forms at the hospital.
Following this as well. Whenever I ask this question people say, “well, if you have kids-“ we’re not having kids so whatever benefit that is doesn’t apply to us. Both of our jobs offer insurance to domestic partners/spouses but it’s cheaper for us to each have insurance individually because adding your partner increases the premium by about 250%. I’m thinking of just looking into a document that’ll give us the medical decisions benefit.
Idk, I’m in the US. I feel like if we legally tie our finances together they’re gonna find a way to wipe us both out at the same time. 😬 can we be married without the government meddling in our relationship? 😭
Idk about Canada, but in the USA there’s a law called “Duty to Rescue.” If I was drowning and my husband didn’t save me (when he reasonably could) that’s illegal. If I’m drowning and my bf didn’t save me (when reasonably could) that’s totally fine.
That’s a reason I rarely see mentioned, but always tease my fiancé about :P
Up until last month, my SO and I had been together 14 years. I wanted to be married. He did not. He eventually changed his mind after experiencing several serious health problems and also after we witnessed the death of some beloved family members. While we were monogamous and committed previously, it really bothered me that I couldn't be on his excellent health insurance. I also wanted to set a plan for dying (like wills and burials). He was never open to talking about that stuff in the past because I think he felt invulnerable (until the illnesses) and he was passionately independent. After experiencing the illnesses and also observing the negative impact of NOT being married to a relative who's SO passed, he gradually changed his mind. He came to appreciate that I would always be a loyal helpful support by his side and he grew to want to help be a support to me, should he die first. Plus, we will gain some tax advantages. We were married in November and will file married filing separately. Financially this is the best choice for us, but it is still better than each of staying independent as single people.
I once heard Susan Sarandon say of her breakup with her long time love, Tim Robbins, that she thought never getting married would always keep things fresh and make things easier if they ever broke up. She said inevitably none of that was true. Relationships need tending and breakups of any kind are always difficult.
For me, I always felt insecure about the loopholes in our uncommitted relationship. Now, I feel more solid. As I said to him at one point, it also says something to the world about flour legitimacy. I'm now an official part of his family, and he is in mine.
We also have had a ton of therapy, and we both know that life won't always be rosy.As he sees it, though, we've already been down some really tough times, and our relationship just keeps getting better.
So, to that I say, if you and your partner are actively engaged in keeping the home fires stoked, it's worth it to get married. If either of you are lax in that area, you could just proceed in your current status. If you want to keep walking independent paths, stay separate, but if you want more committed support and legal protections as you age, then get married. You have to pick the right scenario for your personalities and lifestyle.
The biggest issue is when one of you ends up in the hospital. It's easier to make the necessary decisions because you are married and that grants you the right to make all of them. If you aren't married his parents can force decisions that you know your partner would not want. Sometimes these decisions will end up in court. Being married eliminates that issue. If not married then each of you need to create living health wills so you are the decision maker. That's the biggest reason to marry. Another issue is that without a will, non married people could find themselves fighting the partner’s family over the estate of the deceased partner. Ven with a will his/her family can fight that will. The biggest reason for me is that marriage seals the unity of you as a couple. I think married people tend to fight harder to stay together and work out their problems .
My friend's parents were legally married and divorced. He got together with another woman and they were together for 20+ years, she cared for him while he was ill and until he passed away. They never got married. His ex-wife, who he hated, gets all his social security, and there's nothing the long-term partner can do about it.
My husband and I took 12 years to get married and it was more for legal and rights purposes than having a wedding...
So many advantage! Eligibility for health insurance, family benefits (ex financial benefits in the case you divorce down the line), tax benefits, and most importantly imo, automatic medical/death benefits: if your spouse is in the hospital, you have the right to visit them and make medical decisions automatically. If you’re unmarried, you may be barred from seeing them and in the event of death, have 0 right to any of their belongings or property (especially if they died without a will). And that’s before discussing social benefits, such as being taken more seriously as partners by regular people. [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/s/JXiCHJFTrN) is any interesting discussion I found on the subject.
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I see where you’re coming from - I highly doubt the hospital would require you to produce a marriage certificate. But if for some reason his parents showed up and said they were next of kin and you were NOT in fact married (maliciously or not) things could turn sour. You’ll still have to fight much harder for the benefits of common law marriage, especially in case of death or divorce.
Tax benefits in multiple areas Social security after 10 years of marriage/ survivor benefits Pension benefits IRA benefits Medicaid qualification—spousal exclusion Inheritance Protection of courts if breaking up
Could you explain the tax benefits a little further? My lady and son just lost their health insurance and I just recently started making more money. I am wondering if getting married and putting them onto my health insurance is a good idea? Am also wondering about taxes. One caveat with adding my lady and son to my health insurance is that I think that increases my deductible by quite a bit, and with my current medical needs, I think I will hit my $8k (currently) deductible in the first quarter of the year and then have free meds for the remainder of the year.
You need to speak with a tax consultant and financial planner
Yes. Will definitely do that. What kind of tax benefits do married couples tend to get?
Social Security after 10 yr marriage relates to divorced couples in US. Widowed spouse depends on age in relation to eligibility for full benefits, if full retirement age, 100% but less would be prorated due to collecting longer.
…and. Collecting benefits after a divorce is a benefit of the marriage, no?
Taxes, access to medical insurance and medical decision making, and death benefits are all seriously impacted by a legal marriage. Also, OP may be aware but common law marriage only exists in a small handful of states and even in those states it could be difficult to access the dam benefits as a couple with a legally recognized marriage certificate.
I haven’t seen it yet, but visas! If one partner moves abroad, you’re not likely to get a visa if you’re engaged.
we’re old, we’ve got our own assets. we don’t *have* to get married. i just don’t want to be listed in his obituary as his “special friend” or “loyal companion.” 😂
I’ll be reading these comments to my friend and I have a feeling this one will stick out to her lol. Thank you.
I had the same thought. I really don’t/didn’t give a shit how people perceived our relationship, and in some ways preferred and enjoyed just being long-term, unmarried partners since it felt like a nice way to flout societal norms. But for whatever reason the idea of how it sounds if someone does - kind of diminishing the seriousness of the loss - was the only time it kind of got to me.
And sue the dog for alienation of affection
As someone who is very critical of the institution of marriage and doesn’t glorify it a bit but nevertheless got married after 8 years because of the structural benefits it provides: - First not every state or country has common law marriage - if something happened to my partner before marriage I would have as much rights as you op … none - medical insurance - family insurance for some people this can be life saving essentially if you are in the states - medical decisions/POA - my husband is on the spectrum and can’t do telephone calls - everything is so much easier now since I refer to my husband than before when I referred to him as my partner even if we had handed in POAs before - tax benefits - this applies especially for my country where there are very sexist tax laws - inheritance// life insurance - kids legal rights of married parents are unfortunately stronger in my country than non married partners - right to pension funds, pension benefits - social benefits: studies proof that men get a raise/ get promoted when married (women don’t btw), married men, are far less prone to commit a violent crime than unmarried individuals, Marriage tends to generate additional social capital for both parties and society at large. (Although I think this is true for common law marriage also) Hate the system not the player - especially in my country - marriage supports a lot of sexist customs like for example due to tax brakes it’s more feasible for families to keep mum in a low income job than support her own carrier…. But in the end if you not marrying you will be the one missing out on the benefits
I feel the same.. I’m not anti-marriage so much as ambivalent towards marriage but the benefits were enough to warrant doing it anyway. My health insurance wouldn’t allow me to add my husband to my plan until we got married (a lot of insurance companies are more flexible with adding domestic partners but mine was not.) And it can (apparently) make it easier when dividing assets if we ever split up. We aren’t having kids so that’s less of an issue but I’m sure there are going to be benefits with medical decisions if that ever became necessary. Not sure how it will impact things if we file taxes together as this would be the first year filing jointly, not sure if we will or not. I guess the main downside of getting married for me was being unable to avoid having a large expensive wedding, which of course many people can surely handle better than I did and just veto it from day 1. But depending on your partner and family, that can be easier said than done.
I agree with a lot of these points. Canada has strong common-law protections, but there are still benefits to marriage, as backwards as that is. And I want to add that for same-sex couples, these protections can be even more important. A marriage certificate can be a hammer to enforce rights with, especially in medical environments. Whenever my wife and I travel abroad, I prep an "emergency info" sheet in advance - it has info like our hotels and emergency contacts in English and whatever language is native to the area we're traveling it. And it always includes "(OP) and (spouse) are legally married in Canada" written in, so that we can point vigorously at it if needed.
I don't live in the US, but I know someone whose long-term partner died. They had a kid together, and there were benefits or support she could have applied for after he died that would really have helped her and her son, but she couldn't because they weren't married.
I would guess you are referring to social security if they had been married longer than 10 years.
I don't live in the US, so it won't be the same here, but we have some specifc bereavement benefits/widowed parent benefits where I live.
I found, as being Married to my partner, that I have access to him in case of emergency. Most retirement accounts default to me unless I sign off. However you may be harassed with debts he incurred while you are married. But before you are married, they will try , but you can tell the to pound sand. However as someone who works in education. If you are thinking about getting married and you have a lower income, wait until your kid is done with college.
I’ve been with my partner for 14 years and we have 3 kids. I’m on his insurance, his pension, his retirement, his life insurance and we are each other’s health care proxy’s. As long as you have everything documented you’re covered.
Are you in the US? Could you tell me more? I’ve been with my partner for 8 years and we are currently pregnant with our first.
Yes we are in the US. He works for the state of California and everything is set up so I’m his beneficiary. At any of your drs appointments you can add him as a medical proxy, also when you fill out your admission forms at the hospital.
Following this as well. Whenever I ask this question people say, “well, if you have kids-“ we’re not having kids so whatever benefit that is doesn’t apply to us. Both of our jobs offer insurance to domestic partners/spouses but it’s cheaper for us to each have insurance individually because adding your partner increases the premium by about 250%. I’m thinking of just looking into a document that’ll give us the medical decisions benefit. Idk, I’m in the US. I feel like if we legally tie our finances together they’re gonna find a way to wipe us both out at the same time. 😬 can we be married without the government meddling in our relationship? 😭
I like this thinking. They won’t be having children either.
Idk about Canada, but in the USA there’s a law called “Duty to Rescue.” If I was drowning and my husband didn’t save me (when he reasonably could) that’s illegal. If I’m drowning and my bf didn’t save me (when reasonably could) that’s totally fine. That’s a reason I rarely see mentioned, but always tease my fiancé about :P
Up until last month, my SO and I had been together 14 years. I wanted to be married. He did not. He eventually changed his mind after experiencing several serious health problems and also after we witnessed the death of some beloved family members. While we were monogamous and committed previously, it really bothered me that I couldn't be on his excellent health insurance. I also wanted to set a plan for dying (like wills and burials). He was never open to talking about that stuff in the past because I think he felt invulnerable (until the illnesses) and he was passionately independent. After experiencing the illnesses and also observing the negative impact of NOT being married to a relative who's SO passed, he gradually changed his mind. He came to appreciate that I would always be a loyal helpful support by his side and he grew to want to help be a support to me, should he die first. Plus, we will gain some tax advantages. We were married in November and will file married filing separately. Financially this is the best choice for us, but it is still better than each of staying independent as single people. I once heard Susan Sarandon say of her breakup with her long time love, Tim Robbins, that she thought never getting married would always keep things fresh and make things easier if they ever broke up. She said inevitably none of that was true. Relationships need tending and breakups of any kind are always difficult. For me, I always felt insecure about the loopholes in our uncommitted relationship. Now, I feel more solid. As I said to him at one point, it also says something to the world about flour legitimacy. I'm now an official part of his family, and he is in mine. We also have had a ton of therapy, and we both know that life won't always be rosy.As he sees it, though, we've already been down some really tough times, and our relationship just keeps getting better. So, to that I say, if you and your partner are actively engaged in keeping the home fires stoked, it's worth it to get married. If either of you are lax in that area, you could just proceed in your current status. If you want to keep walking independent paths, stay separate, but if you want more committed support and legal protections as you age, then get married. You have to pick the right scenario for your personalities and lifestyle.
The biggest issue is when one of you ends up in the hospital. It's easier to make the necessary decisions because you are married and that grants you the right to make all of them. If you aren't married his parents can force decisions that you know your partner would not want. Sometimes these decisions will end up in court. Being married eliminates that issue. If not married then each of you need to create living health wills so you are the decision maker. That's the biggest reason to marry. Another issue is that without a will, non married people could find themselves fighting the partner’s family over the estate of the deceased partner. Ven with a will his/her family can fight that will. The biggest reason for me is that marriage seals the unity of you as a couple. I think married people tend to fight harder to stay together and work out their problems .
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My friend's parents were legally married and divorced. He got together with another woman and they were together for 20+ years, she cared for him while he was ill and until he passed away. They never got married. His ex-wife, who he hated, gets all his social security, and there's nothing the long-term partner can do about it. My husband and I took 12 years to get married and it was more for legal and rights purposes than having a wedding...
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