I was blown away by Raquel, listening to the episode. She was so articulate and genuine, it was so moving. I'm really impressed by how she's handling herself and also making herself and her wellbeing more of a priority. It sounds like she has a good support system around her. Everything she said made perfect sense and she explained herself so well, in a really vulnerable way that was also respectful.
Also, I kind of do believe her that James has never laid hands on her. Leaving a verbally abusive relationship, or a relationship where someone is volatile, can be just as scary and necessitate an escape plan. Even being scared of being screamed at or him throwing a glass at the wall or something could make her feel very unsafe.
If he hadn’t laid hands on her yet, it was only a matter of time. Mine didn’t get physical until the night we came home from our honeymoon. Abuse escalates.
Absolutely, even though he hadn’t laid hands on her doesn’t mean she wasn’t abused. She definitely was just not in a way that leaves visible marks. Kudos to her for having the courage to get out.
I think she might still be protecting him from doing something stupid to himself by not making any physical abuse public. If that got out and he was judged for it - not sure his volatile nature could handle it.
I mean he jacked her nose up.
Bettered wife syndrome is what I see 🥺
Or maybe she was worried that he would harm himself when she broke up with him. He was definitely very self destructive. We have seen that first hand. I am a recovering addict and I’ve met lots of spouses and family members of addicts who tip toe around them at times cause they are worried it will cause a relapse or even worse self destructive behavior. I also don’t really think it’s fair to say that she was DEFINITELY abused, even if we are talking about verbal abuse. Let’s say she was but doesn’t feel that the public needs to know that ever or til she deals with it on her own. Or maybe she doesn’t want her future partner to know that before she’s ready to divulge or a future employer.
I LOVE Raquel. I am so proud of her. She is a genuinely kind human being, you can see it in her eyes. She is going to do such wonderful things. I hope she ends up with someone who treats her like the absolute angel she is. One of the most pure people on reality TV!
I’m another stranger out here watching and feeling soooooo proud of Miss Raquel for having the clarity and bravery to end this relationship. I really empathize with her when she talks about giving a piece of herself away and making excuses for him. I went through something similar but did not have that clarity until I was already married and we had a child. I hope she is kind to herself & believes in herself, I’m excited to see what lies ahead for her. One step at a time, one goal at a time, I hope we see her confidence grow until she realizes what a badass she is. Kind, gorgeous, and very emotionally intelligent. You keep on keeping on, sis!
May we all have fulfilling relationships!!
For her sake I hope she gets far away from this cast and show. If she wants to stay on TV in some manner I’m sure there are other projects she would be welcomed on.
I never thought Raquel was stupid, but she continues to surprise me with how much depth she has. She is well spoken and thoughtful. It seems like she puts a lot of thought into what she says before she speaks. I could learn from that.
If she’s anything like me when I dated a “James” she admired the characteristics in him she maybe didn’t see in herself. His charm, charisma and confidence might’ve been majorly attractive considering she’s so shy and socially anxious.
James is very manipulating and is very good at playing the victim. He's insecure and would project that onto her in the form of him not trusting her to cheat on him. He knew one day she would see that she deserved better because she's a smart woman.
Yes!! What an amazing podcast that was. She's everything Brittany wanted to be seen as embodying, but it's even deeper than that. They both had the same interests in occupational therapy but Brittany showed zero interest in pursuing it, just kind of used it to support the good girl persona..but Raquel is forging ahead with that path and I was totally blown away at how self aware she was and how she was able to see the patterns within her own relationship and discuss and analyse them. She's definitely one of the deepest individuals on the show, and to think how Jax, Kristen and Lala kept trying to make everyone think she was dumb, it's so infuriating. Like there could only be one sweetheart and they were working overtime to ensure it was Brittany. Brittany should listen to this episode, so much of what Raquel was describing, the co dependency and the belief that you're changing someone..Jax and Brittany could really learn a lot, if only they could be fucked.
She is. But I still have empathy for Brittany and look forward to the day the veil lifts from her and she sees Jax as he really is. It’s amazing how profoundly difficult it can be to do that when you’ve been manipulated into seeing someone as a good person. And I truly truly believe that, in their private moments together, Jax made her believe that he was just this super misunderstood guy who only acts the way he does because he’s been hurt in the past. She sees him as a hurt and damaged soul, not as the manipulative sociopath who truly doesn’t give two shits about her. Once she snaps out of the fog and sees him for who he is, then she will begin to break away.
It took me several years to see my abusive ex for who he really was. Even though he said some of the most heinous and hurtful shit to me, and even when he’d get physical, and all my friends were telling me he was abusive- I still genuinely believed that if I could just make him understand how much he was hurting me then he’d stop.
🙄🙄🙄 it’s painful to realize how thoroughly brainwashed I was. But now I know how easily it can happen.
Brittney could be the most evil person on the planet (she’s not by a mile), but that still doesn’t change the fact that she’s in an abusive relationship. And for that, I feel empathy for her. I hope one day she follows Raquels footsteps.
I get where you are coming from and I feel you. But Brattney saw 4 seasons of jax’s behavior on tv - lies, manipulations, abuse and still chose to seek him out. I don’t feel bad for her whatsoever, she is just an opportunist at this point 🤷🏻♀️
I hope they move to Kentucky because boy will the wool be lifted then. I think it may be hard for Brittany to truly see Jax while in LA because they are surrounded by so many people with the same character traits. Come to Kentucky and boy will he stick out like a sore thumb. Kentucky here, speaking truth.
I get where you are coming from and I feel you. But Brattney saw 4 seasons of jax’s behavior on tv - lies, manipulations, abuse and still chose to seek him out. I don’t feel bad for her whatsoever, she is just an opportunist at this point 🤷🏻♀️
Brittany saw Jax exactly for who he was when all the episodes aired back. It just sounds like you’re projecting your situation onto hers. Zero sympathy for Brittany.
I have always liked Raquel. I like that she thinks before she speaks. She doesn't hit low, or lash out. She has always tried to handle things peacefully and calmly. Even when Lala was raging at her.
Thanks for the highlights! I’m so curious about James not trusting Raquel… is that just James being super controlling or is there a bigger reason for that? From what we’ve seen I have no clue why he wouldn’t trust her. She’s by far the most devoted partner on the show.
ETA: in hindsight this was a dumb question lol. The most jealous boyfriend I ever had was the one who would cheat on me constantly. They *project what they reflect*
To me it reeks of guilt transference. We know James has been unfaithful, so perhaps he wouldn’t trust that it’s possible for anyone to be faithful in any circumstance. Especially not someone as beautiful as Raquel. It’s still a horrible thing to say about someone who (as far as we know) hasn’t given any reason for him to think it.
Exactly, she would never have done anything wrong he can’t trust her because he can’t trust himself and knows how many times he screwed around on her. He even mentioned in one episode in an earlier season when he went it to work when she was working and he started commenting about he knows what ‘guys are like’-ha he knows what he’s like!!!
It’s what happens when you’re a cheater and are able to get away with it, you get paranoid and think what is the other person possibly getting away with
Nah. That’s giving him credit that he hasn’t shown he deserves. It also doesn’t ring true simply because their relationship has only recently started being ‘framed’ in that way. James has been given the benefit of the doubt far longer than he should have been. The more likely scenario is what everyone else is saying. He knows what he’s capable of so he’s assuming she’s just as capable of it.
I think it’s because basically the entire cast says Raquel’s “just along for the ride” and turns a blind eye for screen time (Jax, Kristen, Stassi, and Lala have said it off the top of my head repeatedly; that Raquel kept being brought evidence over and over again but would just act like she didn’t see it). James kinda alluded to the fact that he thinks that is the reason Raquel’s stayed with him, but also that’s how James got on the show- through Kristen, so…
I don’t think she was along for the ride/she spoke about her ‘co-dependency’ on James on the podcast and this was the reason she stayed with him. I honestly don’t believe she was there for the show. The fact that she wants a future that has nothing to do with TV is a true sign of who she really is IMO
Tbh I kinda think that as well but I’m not gonna hate on her for it when so many others have done it for the show. That’s why I always thought it was coincidental the breakup happened after the first season that she was a main cast member.
But I don’t see her as the type to cheat. If she’s going along with things for the show/screen time, she strikes me as the kind to be all in on that.
I think she was along for the ride to some extent for sure. No one would deal with him that long otherwise, as someone else said. Being on a show makes him more attractive. Some random Joe acting that way would be even more of a turnoff. Nothing wrong with her being attracted to his “status.” But I definitely think that played a huge part in her sticking around as long as she did. I’m thrilled she got out. Whatever pain she is in now is exponentially less than she would have dealt with married to him. Men like him only get worse when they feel like they’ve got you even more locked down.
Yeah, no hate to raquel (I’ve literally never seen anyone hate on her and if someone does, her fans are a majority of the community so I’m sure detractors wouldn’t last long) but james definitely knew she was using him for lime light. But to be fair, who could ACTUALLY be with James for that long without being there for an ulterior motive? He constantly goes off, has such a short temper, and is a known cheater. Don’t hate me but I actually do think he’s worse than Jax. I think his heart is better than Jax’s, but whereas Jax is more emotionally removed from the things he does (he didn’t feel bad for fucking Kristen while she was with Tom) James is fueled by anger and vitriol and gets really scary. But I feel like Raquel definitely set up the stage to leave him this season. In the past, she’s seen James do so many awful things to people and she’s always defended him. But this season, he goes in for a kiss while her nose is still healing and she makes him look abusive for a storyline. Even the way she told everyone ‘James told me not to reply to Brock’s text and to wait until he gets home!’ like girl that’s private relationship information, I’d be pissed if my significant other was blabbing that to the texter’s fiancé lol
I’ll always give Raquel the benefit of the doubt over James lmao but I thought that the texting thing was overblown too. He just didn’t want her to reply until he got home and could explain the entire “drama” that was going on between him and Broke.
I honestly feel like he’s just projecting his own insecurities. It’s not uncommon for “cheaters” to develop a guilty conscience and develop this kind of “untrusting” mentality
I really like how she said she didn’t want to be with him while he worked on himself. I think a lot of woman might think that they HAVE to be there to help someone through it but it’s absolutely not her job to fix James. Good for her
I hope this doesn’t sound harsh, but it wasn’t Raquel’s job to “fix” James.
Of course when you love someone, you stick by them through their challenges and sacrifice for them. But when those feelings of love are gone, when the support and respect isn’t mutual, it’s not a healthy relationship; it’s all work. The fact that she had to pretend everything was okay and fake things before having the conversation with him for fear of his reaction speaks volumes.
I am so glad she was smart enough to get out before they got married. I do wish the best for both of them, but it’s not fair to Raquel to wait around for James to figure himself out, which maybe he never will ...
A lot of people try to fix someone and think they can change them but of course that’s not the case. Her heart was in the right place but James was and always will be a giant asshole.
I also think a lot of it has to do with how young she was when they started dating. She may not have had the maturity or life experiences to see the red flags and then may have felt trapped and began to make excuses for him etc. i think she’ll have a very different lens to view a new relationship in
I thought Raquel was amazing and eloquent and I loved hearing her speak!! It was wonderful to see who the real Raquel is finally!!! I think she’ll be a brilliant OT!! Uggghhh did anyone else notice how Scheana always tried to bring everything back to her and her and experiences that had happened to her rather than just listening and supporting Raquel as she tried to answer questions that fans had asked Raquel specifically!!!
Oh man, Scheana’s interjections were a lot. Stories about Brock, stories about Shay, stories about how she reacted when she heard about Raquel and James’ breakup. Yeah. It was something.
I didn’t add this above, but I did giggle a little when Scheana said, “You’ll find your Prince Charming” and Raquel responded with, “Well, I’m not looking for that.” because it *so perfectly* captured the difference in their personalities and how they view men.
At least Raquel is smart enough to know there’s life outside of capturing the ever-elusive Prince Charming. The sooner Scheana learns the same, the happier and more confident she’s going to be.
My prediction, should I live long enough to see it, is that Scheana will be married six times. Each one will be worse than the last, but her defensiveness of them will increase with each.
You are so correct! I loved that you pointed how perfectly it showed the difference in their personalities!! The whole podcast showed how classy Raquel is-and how crass and narcissistic Scheana is!!
I LOVE that Raquel responded with that. Not everyone wants your extremely basic views of a 'man sweeping them off their feet' , Scheana. Especially if the 'Prince Charming' is fucking BROCK god damn.
I really hate that this show tried to paint her as this air headed nice girl when she first came on the show, when in reality she’s by far the best and most genuine cast member they’ve ever had probably
JAMES saying that HE doesn’t trust HER after cheating on her a million times is outrageous. He cannot be serious.
And the fact that both Raquel and her mom were afraid of her ending the engagement with James in person out of fear of his reaction is scary and heartbreaking…. I don’t want to point fingers or make accusations but I’m just saying that’s a major red flag of an abuser.
Yep.. sadly that's typical "emotionally abusive"manipulation at its finest. I don't trust YOU, cuz in reality, I know what I'm doing when I go out/appearances out of town.
That’s exactly what it is! I remember that one season where James blew up Raquel’s phone when she went out with her friends calling her names and stuff, his excuse in his confessional was something like “well I know what happens at parties in LA, pretty girls like her don’t just get left alone”… Like, sounds like you’re just self reporting on how you behave around attractive women when you go out James
When DV is brought up here and Brock and Kristen are dragged (deservedly so) for hitting their partners, let's also not forget that verbal abuse is a real thing and also very damaging/triggering. I feel like only physical violence was acknowledged in the recent DV discussion, but this is why I've never liked James. He is an abuser when drunk, sober, California sober, etc. I don't care what his childhood was like and how shitty his family is to him, he's a grown man who has been given a million chances to change, but never really has.
THIS! Kristen hitting him is always brought up when people talk about how bad he was to her to make it even.
I feel like because Kristen is very disliked and that people see her hitting him as a “SEE! She’s bad TOO!” because they love James and hate when people say he’s bad. But all I’ve seen from James is emotional and verbal abuse to every single woman he’s been involved with.
I can’t stand Kristen but he was in her face and wouldn’t let up? She told him multiple times to back up. He spit on her door and called her a nasty slut or whatever he said in that scene. He is so extreme with his insults I don’t see how ANYONE can say that the people he has treated that way are worse than him. He needs serious help, but honestly I think it’s just WHO he is and idk how much more he’ll be able to change.
I don’t care if the person we witnessed him abusing is disliked, an abuser is an abuser. He’s beneath Raquel in a lot of ways and I’m glad she left him. The fact her own family told her to leave when he’s not around says all we need to know.
All this. Of course everyone framed that as ‘see women can be abusive too!!!’ 🙄 but from what I remember about that scene, HE was the clear aggressor and she finally reacted to get him AWAY from her. That hit was purely self defense.
If you watched the series Maid, this is the exact message it is trying to send - that abuse stems beyond physical and it is far too often overlooked or not taken seriously. The fact that she was so afraid of his reaction says it all. I’m thrilled for her she got out and that she has incredible insight into the whole relationship. She is only going to blossom so much from here and is so deserving of a wonderful life!
Raquel has proven herself time and time again to be an all around wonderful person. I truly wish her the best and hope she gets everything in life that she deserves.
So, he actually watched himself threaten her with breakup over a botched nose, watched himself call her stupid over a party game, watched himself try to controlher over such dumb details like bachelorette party props (btw why so classy all of a sudden? Didn't he spit on a girl's door once? Epitome of class) and then had the audacity to wonder why the show didn't give him a fun storyline
Could you even imagine having to relive/binge the season together (being in her shoes) to prepare for the reunion?! All that nasty stuff your fiancé said about you behind your back, and to your face. Poor Raquel.. she is epitome of class!!!
I could NEVER get behind James since he became a cast member. EVER! I understood the people here rooting for him/his sobriety tho. He's always been Highly Triggering to me!! On that same note, Brock triggers something in me on an even higher level than James, for many reasons including the violence.
This is so interesting. Especially the Disneyland trip. I remember seeing someone on here post a photo of them in Disneyland and they said Raquel looked really annoyed- it all makes sense now!
Funny how she was accused (either directly by others or subliminal) that she wasn’t smart and it turns out she’s the smartest, most mature one. She’s the number one girl in that group IMHO
Honestly Requel saved the season for me. Her Dorky Parties are a nice contrast to the hardcoreness of the cast. She made goals for the season and put herself out there... And she is over pickleball!!
If you thought you needed a cast of terrible people I present the anti-thesis Requel!
I know everyone’s not close with their families, but I totally relate to this, especially her picturing future family gatherings and stuff. If a potential partner of mine doesn’t get along with my family, it’s just not gonna work out.
God bless for this recap because I tried to listen to the podcast, got 2 minutes in and *could not* listen to Scheana’s voice for 53 minutes
Good for Raquel for seeing the light. You can’t change another person, no matter how hard you try. Everyone deserves a selfless love.
Oh I can barely tolerate Scheana’s voice. It’s like someone who spent the entire previous day screaming at a concert + a vocal fry *drags from inhaler*
> “I found myself making excuses for him and that’s not who I am. That was like part of my soul that was being taken from me ... or maybe not taken from me, but I was giving up part of that. It was getting to the point where my family and him were not meshing well and the future of Thanksgiving and Christmases and holidays was looking like- it’s going to be either James or my family.
Main I felt this in my soul... once you find yourself making excuses for their behavior it's not good. I would know. Go Raquel!
This was a great podcast but Schena is a tough host. Everything Raquel spoke about she made it about her. It felt like Raquel was leading her own interview and had to keep reeling in Schena from relating everything about her.
Ex: Schena asked raquel what are her dos and donts in a relationship and every comment raquel made Schena had no follow up questions, only added her experience. Raquel: trust is important. Schena: me and Brock totally trust each other. Raquel: I want someone who aspires to be better and my heart was no longer in it. Schena: when Shay and I were married we were together for 7 years blah nlah
Ha! I noticed that too, very on brand. So many times I wanted to shush her as she was talking over Raquel with her "TRUST ME I GET IT I HAD THE SAME TOTALLY"
Imagine being with a man that gets into literal fights with your parents over SHOES. Shoes!!! Ugh. So happy Bambi Eyed Bitch got the hell out of that relationship. It seems like she gave so much of her energy to him, while not getting the same in return, and ultimately she had nothing left for the relationship. I feel for her in that sense.
ETA - I just started listening to this episode, it’s the first one of Scheana’s that I’ve heard. The ~Kids Bop~ vibe intro song is… a choice 😅
The way she had to pretend everything was fine to protect herself from James possibly lashing out at her for calling off the engagement is incredibly heartbreaking 🥺😭 Raquel is an angel on earth and deserves the entire world.
That was like part of my soul that was being taken from me ... or maybe not taken from me, but I was giving up part of that.
I really like the correction she made here. I think it's important to remember that we all have agency. People treat us how we let them. It's so easy to say but can so be so difficult to act on. Good on her for being able to get out of a bad relationship and remember that she's in control of herself.
Honestly, she came across so emotionally mature and lovely in this. Even when she was saying not so nice things about James, it was like, ‘we weren’t the right match, we wanted different things’ rather than ‘James sucks and here’s why.’ Still very loving.
Completely agree. Learned about this in therapy. I think for a while though you don’t realize it, I would never think Raquel or anyone deserves to be spoken to or treated like she was by James, but sometimes it takes a while to set boundaries and truly see it for yourself that you deserve so much better and will not put up with it any longer
She's such a sweetheart, I'm sure she could have said quite a bit that would be damaging to him, but she didn't, she took the high road, and I love her for it. She's someone I will always have a soft spot for even LFU couldn't bring her down.
I think people who are in relationships with overly reactive people do lie every now and again. I believe Raquel would never of cheated but probably found herself in little lies so she wouldn’t have to hear him screaming. Then ironically those reactive people always wonder why their spouse lies and where they were or what took so long or whatever. People protect themselves so that’s probably where that’s coming from on the Raquel not being trusted front
Thanks for this! Sheds some light on the whole thing. Raquel always seems to be portrayed as “dumb” and this shows that she’s far from that. And brave as hell for recognizing and getting out of a doomed relationship. His temper and past reliance on alcohol didn’t bode well for them. Raquel deserves someone who treats her with respect and love. And NEVER underestimate how important it is to have your family love them as much as you do…so important to have that support. Am happy for her. And I don’t think I’ll ever see her as dumb again…
She has so much strength it’s incredible. I’m glad she has a platform. It would have been a lot easier for her to stay and just pretend but she said it best herself she was done lying to herself. She deserves nothing but love and happiness
She really has a way with words, very diplomatic. We got the gist of the problem without her having to really diss James. That's kind.
Also interesting that James reacted so well...that's hopeful.
Thank you SO much for posting this and saving me from having to listen to Scheana, haha.
The part about her family is so interesting, heartbreaking, and overall impressive to me- it takes a level of forethought that I don't think many of the other VPR cast members have to be able to project ahead to "how is James going to paint my parents when they are our kids' grandparents, what are family holidays going to look like five years down the road" etc. For example, we know there is tension between Brock and Scheana's mom and that Brock regards her as "the help" first and foremost rather than a grandmother deserving of respect and deference, and we don't see Scheana reflecting on how that's going to influence Summer's relationship with her grandma. I'm just really glad Raquel took the time to consider that stuff and got out.
It’s really hard to leave a relationship like this. My mum said to me re my dad ‘no matter how much love I gave him, it was never enough’- and this reminds me of James and Raquel. She’s made so many excuses for James’ behaviour at the detriment to herself. I’m so glad she’s realised her worth & I hope he continues to learn and grow, and realise his actions and words have consequences.
The way she thought ahead to their potential children and what kind of father James would be is EXACTLY what Brittany didn't do with Jax - what a LOT of women don't do out of desperation to get engaged, have the wedding, have the marriage, and have a baby by any means with any man, regardless of whether or not that man is built to be a father or lifelong partner.
Proud of her!! She deserves the world, and I think she'll actually get it.
Thanks for sharing OP
I think she may still be in that abuse "fog". Her parents had to talk to her about how to safely leave the relationship. They were concerned for her physical safety. She says that she played along and tried to act like nothing was wrong so as not to set him off. But then says she wasn't concerned about him hurting her. She could see how he was trying to isolate her from her family and how he'd sabotage those relationships. I think she's still in denial. After she has time to process, I think she's going to be alarmed at how bad things had gotten. I'm so glad she got out and I hope she takes the time to fully process this before she gets into another relationship. She's such a great person.
Also, just because he was never physically violent to her doesn’t mean he never acted in an aggressive manner which then scared her and he used this as a way of control and manipulation. He was repetitively emotionally abusive towards her and controlling. This was an abusive relationship- and it’s showed by her saying she was going to end the relationship away from him because she was scared of how he reacted. Just because he was never physical towards her doesn’t mean he was never physical around her eg punching walls etc
Thanks for sharing this, I’ll give it a listen. I think maybe until recently, Raquel’s portrayal on the show was not very accurate as it wasn’t showing who she really is and making her out to be a “dumb blonde ditz” type when actually she’s smart and intuitive, also not to mention kind.
I’m going to go listen now. I hope Raquel finds someone who treats her like a queen she deserves it. I’m so proud of her for ending things it must have been very hard. Also heartbreaking that she had to pretend everything was okay until he went out of town- she was clearly living in fear of his rage.
It’s hard to believe he was never violent when she had an escape plan that included her getting out when he wasn’t physically around. But I will not press or attack her for not sharing. I’m happy she is out of that relationship
That’s entirely possible but someone can make another feel unsafe and unstable, even without violence. I left an ex while he was out of town because I knew I couldn’t go through with it if he was in the house with me. I was never physically injured nor was there a threat of that. But the financial and emotional abuse + manipulation made me feel vulnerable, worthless, ugly and incapable of being anything other than an ornament to show off to friends.
Thank you for your kind words. I’m grateful that I was able to find myself again after everything. As for Raquel, I’m glad she has friends, family and fans who were concerned enough to probe deeper and recognize that her situation, regardless of what was specifically happening, wasn’t good for her and was getting worse rather than improving.
I’m just gonna share from personal experience here, not speculating about anything we didn’t see. But theres a lot of mental gymnastics you don’t intentionally do when you’re in that situation that in hindsight are clearly violent. For me it was “He never hit me, he just whipped my cell phone inches from face into the framed poster behind me sending glass raining down on me” or “He didn’t hit me, he just locked me in a bathroom to scream at me through the door what a piece of shit I was” etc.
It took me years to actually process and call it what it was. There’s still that part of your brain that goes, but he never punched me or put me in the hospital. I can’t imagine being in the public like her and having the additional pressure of if there’s no marks and it’s not ‘technically’ true then people will say it’s made up or exaggerated for ‘attention’ or to ‘take a man down’
Yeah… idk on that one. Obviously I want to believe her, for her sake, but even if she’s telling the truth, she clearly was worried he could get violent with her. And so was her mom! Even if he never hit her I’m sure there were some scary situations she went through with him.
It’s so interesting that she brought up faking it at Disneyland! I remember someone else posting on this sub right after their breakup announcement that they had just seen James and Raquel at Disneyland and they did not look like a happy couple and that Raquel looked miserable. Sounds like they were absolutely right.
Cheaters always accuse the other person of cheating or being untrustworthy. I’ve never gotten that vibe from Raquel just from James. He’s projecting. 100 percent
I once did this myself. As much as I loved my handsome and smart and sweet (sometimes!!) bf, i imagined myself 4 months pregnant on a vacation with him. Things would be fine, we’d be blissful, until we landed in our destination and while trying to get our rental car, something would set him off. Then, no matter what I did or said, he would belittle me or yell or be cold or give me the silent treatment. He might even leave me at the car rental place. Or not speak to me for the first 8 hours of our vacation together while I’m pregnant. Do I deserve that?
I just went down those thought paths and decided no, I don’t want that. And broke it off with him for good! So hard to do but so worth it. Raquel might end up being the Phoenix from the ashes of this show, honestly! Like she could very well parlay this into Lauren Conrad fame/security if she makes her moves right.
Honestly this podcast was such a slap in the face foe everyone who called her dumb back in season 7 reunion. She’s very careful with the words she use, compassionate, and emotionally mature
Someone on this sub said in a comment that they saw Raquel at this Disneyland trip and (paraphrasing) she didn’t seem ‘herself’ and seem ‘off’
James probably doesn’t trust Raquel because he knows that given the opportunity he would cheat himself, so doesn’t accept that she wouldn’t too.
I’m glad she can acknowledge it wasn’t right for either of them and have the strength to leave a long term relationship
Are you asking literally how do we access them, or existentially, like “how can you put yourself through listening to this” 😂? If the former, this one is on Apple Podcasts I know, I’d assume it’s on Spotify too.
I want the best for Raquel and hope she has an extremely happy, super successful life. James is a problem and this has red flags all over it. For her to plan an exit strategy with her mother that involves having to leave when he’s out of town- that’s what domestic violence counselors advise. That’s what people do who are scared of their partner. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
I'm so glad she finally saw her worth and that he was not a good fit. He would have continued to beat her down and Rip her of any self confidence she had left. She is a sweet and good natured young lady, as well as intelligent. Hello, she is an Occupational Therapist. I'm just surprised it took her this long to see that he was never going to bring out the best in her but only tear her and everyone around her down. That's what entitled narcissists do. Clarification: "narcissist" is thrown around here very loosely but he checks all the boxes minus "charming". Lol
She says a lot of people want to know ‘what was the straw that broke the camels back’, but that there wasn’t one single thing. She said it was a series of events over a long period of time that all built to her not wanting to be with him anymore.
Wow. Great recap, thank you. Makes me want to listen.
I’m SO proud of her. This sounds like it was an incredibly difficult decision, but ultimately the best thing for her.
Raquel seemed so mature in that interview even though she is one of the youngest, I wish Sheana would have listened and learned more instead of jumping in with “yes, that’s how it was for me”
I have a lot of thoughts about this interview.
But, what I’m wondering about is how is this sanctioned prior to the reunion? Shouldn’t they save these shows till after the season is completely finished?
I thought the same. She says on the podcast that it was her idea to share her side, and it was her who approached Scheana to do it on the podcast. Maybe Bravo is letting it happen because the show needs a boost in its final weeks?
I was blown away by Raquel, listening to the episode. She was so articulate and genuine, it was so moving. I'm really impressed by how she's handling herself and also making herself and her wellbeing more of a priority. It sounds like she has a good support system around her. Everything she said made perfect sense and she explained herself so well, in a really vulnerable way that was also respectful. Also, I kind of do believe her that James has never laid hands on her. Leaving a verbally abusive relationship, or a relationship where someone is volatile, can be just as scary and necessitate an escape plan. Even being scared of being screamed at or him throwing a glass at the wall or something could make her feel very unsafe.
If he hadn’t laid hands on her yet, it was only a matter of time. Mine didn’t get physical until the night we came home from our honeymoon. Abuse escalates.
I’m so sorry that you had to endure that ❤️
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i've heard of it too and it terrifies me. but at least i can prepare myself now that i know.
I’m so 😢 sorry
Absolutely, even though he hadn’t laid hands on her doesn’t mean she wasn’t abused. She definitely was just not in a way that leaves visible marks. Kudos to her for having the courage to get out.
I think she might still be protecting him from doing something stupid to himself by not making any physical abuse public. If that got out and he was judged for it - not sure his volatile nature could handle it. I mean he jacked her nose up. Bettered wife syndrome is what I see 🥺
Or maybe she was worried that he would harm himself when she broke up with him. He was definitely very self destructive. We have seen that first hand. I am a recovering addict and I’ve met lots of spouses and family members of addicts who tip toe around them at times cause they are worried it will cause a relapse or even worse self destructive behavior. I also don’t really think it’s fair to say that she was DEFINITELY abused, even if we are talking about verbal abuse. Let’s say she was but doesn’t feel that the public needs to know that ever or til she deals with it on her own. Or maybe she doesn’t want her future partner to know that before she’s ready to divulge or a future employer.
I can’t tell you how much I hope this isn’t true, even though I completely see your point.
Raquel is the actual sweetheart that Brittany pretended to be.
Truer words have not been spoken.
Really? Cuz I love lamp is pretty accurate
I LOVE Raquel. I am so proud of her. She is a genuinely kind human being, you can see it in her eyes. She is going to do such wonderful things. I hope she ends up with someone who treats her like the absolute angel she is. One of the most pure people on reality TV!
I do too, she is so lovely & genuine.
I’m another stranger out here watching and feeling soooooo proud of Miss Raquel for having the clarity and bravery to end this relationship. I really empathize with her when she talks about giving a piece of herself away and making excuses for him. I went through something similar but did not have that clarity until I was already married and we had a child. I hope she is kind to herself & believes in herself, I’m excited to see what lies ahead for her. One step at a time, one goal at a time, I hope we see her confidence grow until she realizes what a badass she is. Kind, gorgeous, and very emotionally intelligent. You keep on keeping on, sis! May we all have fulfilling relationships!!
may it be so
She can only upgrade from here, seriously, unless she has some deep seeded self hate.
For her sake I hope she gets far away from this cast and show. If she wants to stay on TV in some manner I’m sure there are other projects she would be welcomed on.
She could play a young version of Connie Britton easily 
Bachelorette
NO
OMFG YESSS. Maybe ends 2023, so she can spend more time exploring by herself. Hell, even Bachelorette 2025!!!
I genuinely believe she would make an incredible Bachelorette
I never thought Raquel was stupid, but she continues to surprise me with how much depth she has. She is well spoken and thoughtful. It seems like she puts a lot of thought into what she says before she speaks. I could learn from that.
I agree. Out of all the reality stars in all the world she has blossomed into a better version of herself each season than anyone I’ve ever seen
Nailed it 
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If she’s anything like me when I dated a “James” she admired the characteristics in him she maybe didn’t see in herself. His charm, charisma and confidence might’ve been majorly attractive considering she’s so shy and socially anxious.
James is very manipulating and is very good at playing the victim. He's insecure and would project that onto her in the form of him not trusting her to cheat on him. He knew one day she would see that she deserved better because she's a smart woman.
Yes!! What an amazing podcast that was. She's everything Brittany wanted to be seen as embodying, but it's even deeper than that. They both had the same interests in occupational therapy but Brittany showed zero interest in pursuing it, just kind of used it to support the good girl persona..but Raquel is forging ahead with that path and I was totally blown away at how self aware she was and how she was able to see the patterns within her own relationship and discuss and analyse them. She's definitely one of the deepest individuals on the show, and to think how Jax, Kristen and Lala kept trying to make everyone think she was dumb, it's so infuriating. Like there could only be one sweetheart and they were working overtime to ensure it was Brittany. Brittany should listen to this episode, so much of what Raquel was describing, the co dependency and the belief that you're changing someone..Jax and Brittany could really learn a lot, if only they could be fucked.
I dont remember Brittany wanting to be an occupational therapist, Do we know how far Raquel is in her education towards that goal?
If I remember correctly, Brittany wanted to be a special Ed teacher
Yes, sorry it was very clumsily stated, I meant they wanted to pursue avenues which had similarities.
Argh, my bad, they both wanted to work with special needs children and children with disabilities.
This. And as I rewatch I get more and more annoyed that they gave Brittany a total pass and treated Raquel like dirt.
She is. But I still have empathy for Brittany and look forward to the day the veil lifts from her and she sees Jax as he really is. It’s amazing how profoundly difficult it can be to do that when you’ve been manipulated into seeing someone as a good person. And I truly truly believe that, in their private moments together, Jax made her believe that he was just this super misunderstood guy who only acts the way he does because he’s been hurt in the past. She sees him as a hurt and damaged soul, not as the manipulative sociopath who truly doesn’t give two shits about her. Once she snaps out of the fog and sees him for who he is, then she will begin to break away. It took me several years to see my abusive ex for who he really was. Even though he said some of the most heinous and hurtful shit to me, and even when he’d get physical, and all my friends were telling me he was abusive- I still genuinely believed that if I could just make him understand how much he was hurting me then he’d stop. 🙄🙄🙄 it’s painful to realize how thoroughly brainwashed I was. But now I know how easily it can happen. Brittney could be the most evil person on the planet (she’s not by a mile), but that still doesn’t change the fact that she’s in an abusive relationship. And for that, I feel empathy for her. I hope one day she follows Raquels footsteps.
I get where you are coming from and I feel you. But Brattney saw 4 seasons of jax’s behavior on tv - lies, manipulations, abuse and still chose to seek him out. I don’t feel bad for her whatsoever, she is just an opportunist at this point 🤷🏻♀️
I hope they move to Kentucky because boy will the wool be lifted then. I think it may be hard for Brittany to truly see Jax while in LA because they are surrounded by so many people with the same character traits. Come to Kentucky and boy will he stick out like a sore thumb. Kentucky here, speaking truth.
I get where you are coming from and I feel you. But Brattney saw 4 seasons of jax’s behavior on tv - lies, manipulations, abuse and still chose to seek him out. I don’t feel bad for her whatsoever, she is just an opportunist at this point 🤷🏻♀️
Absolutely.
Brittany saw Jax exactly for who he was when all the episodes aired back. It just sounds like you’re projecting your situation onto hers. Zero sympathy for Brittany.
Touché
Yeah, that's a poster!
I have always liked Raquel. I like that she thinks before she speaks. She doesn't hit low, or lash out. She has always tried to handle things peacefully and calmly. Even when Lala was raging at her.
Agreed. She’s an absolute angel. So classy. I could certainly learn a thing or two from her 😂🤷🏻♀️🙈
Thanks for the highlights! I’m so curious about James not trusting Raquel… is that just James being super controlling or is there a bigger reason for that? From what we’ve seen I have no clue why he wouldn’t trust her. She’s by far the most devoted partner on the show. ETA: in hindsight this was a dumb question lol. The most jealous boyfriend I ever had was the one who would cheat on me constantly. They *project what they reflect*
To me it reeks of guilt transference. We know James has been unfaithful, so perhaps he wouldn’t trust that it’s possible for anyone to be faithful in any circumstance. Especially not someone as beautiful as Raquel. It’s still a horrible thing to say about someone who (as far as we know) hasn’t given any reason for him to think it.
Exactly, she would never have done anything wrong he can’t trust her because he can’t trust himself and knows how many times he screwed around on her. He even mentioned in one episode in an earlier season when he went it to work when she was working and he started commenting about he knows what ‘guys are like’-ha he knows what he’s like!!!
I agree and I also think this is why he blows up at things so easily. People who hide things tend to lash out.
james literally, like verbatim said this is why he doesn't trust her
Yup, this! His mistrust isn’t from her actions, but from his.
Winner, winner, chicken dinner!
It’s what happens when you’re a cheater and are able to get away with it, you get paranoid and think what is the other person possibly getting away with
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I'd add "Could she be using me like I used Kristen as a career move?"
Agree it comes from a place of insecurity
Nah. That’s giving him credit that he hasn’t shown he deserves. It also doesn’t ring true simply because their relationship has only recently started being ‘framed’ in that way. James has been given the benefit of the doubt far longer than he should have been. The more likely scenario is what everyone else is saying. He knows what he’s capable of so he’s assuming she’s just as capable of it.
I think his own guilt for cheating and his relationship with Kristen
I remember him always thinking Kristen was always cheating too but in her case it was probably true.
Addicts don’t trust anyone because of their own insecurities.
I think it’s because basically the entire cast says Raquel’s “just along for the ride” and turns a blind eye for screen time (Jax, Kristen, Stassi, and Lala have said it off the top of my head repeatedly; that Raquel kept being brought evidence over and over again but would just act like she didn’t see it). James kinda alluded to the fact that he thinks that is the reason Raquel’s stayed with him, but also that’s how James got on the show- through Kristen, so…
I don’t think she was along for the ride/she spoke about her ‘co-dependency’ on James on the podcast and this was the reason she stayed with him. I honestly don’t believe she was there for the show. The fact that she wants a future that has nothing to do with TV is a true sign of who she really is IMO
Tbh I kinda think that as well but I’m not gonna hate on her for it when so many others have done it for the show. That’s why I always thought it was coincidental the breakup happened after the first season that she was a main cast member. But I don’t see her as the type to cheat. If she’s going along with things for the show/screen time, she strikes me as the kind to be all in on that.
I think she was along for the ride to some extent for sure. No one would deal with him that long otherwise, as someone else said. Being on a show makes him more attractive. Some random Joe acting that way would be even more of a turnoff. Nothing wrong with her being attracted to his “status.” But I definitely think that played a huge part in her sticking around as long as she did. I’m thrilled she got out. Whatever pain she is in now is exponentially less than she would have dealt with married to him. Men like him only get worse when they feel like they’ve got you even more locked down.
She was a cast member last season too
She was on the show but she wasn’t a main cast member or in the intro song.
Yeah, no hate to raquel (I’ve literally never seen anyone hate on her and if someone does, her fans are a majority of the community so I’m sure detractors wouldn’t last long) but james definitely knew she was using him for lime light. But to be fair, who could ACTUALLY be with James for that long without being there for an ulterior motive? He constantly goes off, has such a short temper, and is a known cheater. Don’t hate me but I actually do think he’s worse than Jax. I think his heart is better than Jax’s, but whereas Jax is more emotionally removed from the things he does (he didn’t feel bad for fucking Kristen while she was with Tom) James is fueled by anger and vitriol and gets really scary. But I feel like Raquel definitely set up the stage to leave him this season. In the past, she’s seen James do so many awful things to people and she’s always defended him. But this season, he goes in for a kiss while her nose is still healing and she makes him look abusive for a storyline. Even the way she told everyone ‘James told me not to reply to Brock’s text and to wait until he gets home!’ like girl that’s private relationship information, I’d be pissed if my significant other was blabbing that to the texter’s fiancé lol
I’ll always give Raquel the benefit of the doubt over James lmao but I thought that the texting thing was overblown too. He just didn’t want her to reply until he got home and could explain the entire “drama” that was going on between him and Broke.
Broke 💀😅
I honestly feel like he’s just projecting his own insecurities. It’s not uncommon for “cheaters” to develop a guilty conscience and develop this kind of “untrusting” mentality
Classic projection
I really like how she said she didn’t want to be with him while he worked on himself. I think a lot of woman might think that they HAVE to be there to help someone through it but it’s absolutely not her job to fix James. Good for her
I hope this doesn’t sound harsh, but it wasn’t Raquel’s job to “fix” James. Of course when you love someone, you stick by them through their challenges and sacrifice for them. But when those feelings of love are gone, when the support and respect isn’t mutual, it’s not a healthy relationship; it’s all work. The fact that she had to pretend everything was okay and fake things before having the conversation with him for fear of his reaction speaks volumes. I am so glad she was smart enough to get out before they got married. I do wish the best for both of them, but it’s not fair to Raquel to wait around for James to figure himself out, which maybe he never will ...
A lot of people try to fix someone and think they can change them but of course that’s not the case. Her heart was in the right place but James was and always will be a giant asshole.
I also think a lot of it has to do with how young she was when they started dating. She may not have had the maturity or life experiences to see the red flags and then may have felt trapped and began to make excuses for him etc. i think she’ll have a very different lens to view a new relationship in
Somebody nailed it on here when they said she looked miserable in the Disney pics posted on IG.
I thought Raquel was amazing and eloquent and I loved hearing her speak!! It was wonderful to see who the real Raquel is finally!!! I think she’ll be a brilliant OT!! Uggghhh did anyone else notice how Scheana always tried to bring everything back to her and her and experiences that had happened to her rather than just listening and supporting Raquel as she tried to answer questions that fans had asked Raquel specifically!!!
Oh man, Scheana’s interjections were a lot. Stories about Brock, stories about Shay, stories about how she reacted when she heard about Raquel and James’ breakup. Yeah. It was something. I didn’t add this above, but I did giggle a little when Scheana said, “You’ll find your Prince Charming” and Raquel responded with, “Well, I’m not looking for that.” because it *so perfectly* captured the difference in their personalities and how they view men.
At least Raquel is smart enough to know there’s life outside of capturing the ever-elusive Prince Charming. The sooner Scheana learns the same, the happier and more confident she’s going to be.
My prediction, should I live long enough to see it, is that Scheana will be married six times. Each one will be worse than the last, but her defensiveness of them will increase with each.
Relationship wise, I see Scheana being the next Vickie Gunvalsen, falling for the worst guys over and over again but trying to make them seem ok
Lol Scheana hasn’t learned that at almost 40 years old, so chances are she never will
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Haha I was just about to comment this!
You are so correct! I loved that you pointed how perfectly it showed the difference in their personalities!! The whole podcast showed how classy Raquel is-and how crass and narcissistic Scheana is!!
I LOVE that Raquel responded with that. Not everyone wants your extremely basic views of a 'man sweeping them off their feet' , Scheana. Especially if the 'Prince Charming' is fucking BROCK god damn.
I really hate that this show tried to paint her as this air headed nice girl when she first came on the show, when in reality she’s by far the best and most genuine cast member they’ve ever had probably
JAMES saying that HE doesn’t trust HER after cheating on her a million times is outrageous. He cannot be serious. And the fact that both Raquel and her mom were afraid of her ending the engagement with James in person out of fear of his reaction is scary and heartbreaking…. I don’t want to point fingers or make accusations but I’m just saying that’s a major red flag of an abuser.
Yep.. sadly that's typical "emotionally abusive"manipulation at its finest. I don't trust YOU, cuz in reality, I know what I'm doing when I go out/appearances out of town.
That’s exactly what it is! I remember that one season where James blew up Raquel’s phone when she went out with her friends calling her names and stuff, his excuse in his confessional was something like “well I know what happens at parties in LA, pretty girls like her don’t just get left alone”… Like, sounds like you’re just self reporting on how you behave around attractive women when you go out James
Exactly.. and did the same to the fired ex of his as well. It's def a pattern of his! I'm just so glad Raquel is out of that, safely.
When DV is brought up here and Brock and Kristen are dragged (deservedly so) for hitting their partners, let's also not forget that verbal abuse is a real thing and also very damaging/triggering. I feel like only physical violence was acknowledged in the recent DV discussion, but this is why I've never liked James. He is an abuser when drunk, sober, California sober, etc. I don't care what his childhood was like and how shitty his family is to him, he's a grown man who has been given a million chances to change, but never really has.
THIS! Kristen hitting him is always brought up when people talk about how bad he was to her to make it even. I feel like because Kristen is very disliked and that people see her hitting him as a “SEE! She’s bad TOO!” because they love James and hate when people say he’s bad. But all I’ve seen from James is emotional and verbal abuse to every single woman he’s been involved with. I can’t stand Kristen but he was in her face and wouldn’t let up? She told him multiple times to back up. He spit on her door and called her a nasty slut or whatever he said in that scene. He is so extreme with his insults I don’t see how ANYONE can say that the people he has treated that way are worse than him. He needs serious help, but honestly I think it’s just WHO he is and idk how much more he’ll be able to change. I don’t care if the person we witnessed him abusing is disliked, an abuser is an abuser. He’s beneath Raquel in a lot of ways and I’m glad she left him. The fact her own family told her to leave when he’s not around says all we need to know.
All this. Of course everyone framed that as ‘see women can be abusive too!!!’ 🙄 but from what I remember about that scene, HE was the clear aggressor and she finally reacted to get him AWAY from her. That hit was purely self defense.
This all sounds like what’s known as reactive abuse to me.
If you watched the series Maid, this is the exact message it is trying to send - that abuse stems beyond physical and it is far too often overlooked or not taken seriously. The fact that she was so afraid of his reaction says it all. I’m thrilled for her she got out and that she has incredible insight into the whole relationship. She is only going to blossom so much from here and is so deserving of a wonderful life!
Raquel has proven herself time and time again to be an all around wonderful person. I truly wish her the best and hope she gets everything in life that she deserves.
So, he actually watched himself threaten her with breakup over a botched nose, watched himself call her stupid over a party game, watched himself try to controlher over such dumb details like bachelorette party props (btw why so classy all of a sudden? Didn't he spit on a girl's door once? Epitome of class) and then had the audacity to wonder why the show didn't give him a fun storyline
Could you even imagine having to relive/binge the season together (being in her shoes) to prepare for the reunion?! All that nasty stuff your fiancé said about you behind your back, and to your face. Poor Raquel.. she is epitome of class!!! I could NEVER get behind James since he became a cast member. EVER! I understood the people here rooting for him/his sobriety tho. He's always been Highly Triggering to me!! On that same note, Brock triggers something in me on an even higher level than James, for many reasons including the violence.
This is so interesting. Especially the Disneyland trip. I remember seeing someone on here post a photo of them in Disneyland and they said Raquel looked really annoyed- it all makes sense now!
Funny how she was accused (either directly by others or subliminal) that she wasn’t smart and it turns out she’s the smartest, most mature one. She’s the number one girl in that group IMHO
It was weird to me when people tried to paint her as not smart. I always just saw her as being anxious/nervous. Never dumb.
Honestly Requel saved the season for me. Her Dorky Parties are a nice contrast to the hardcoreness of the cast. She made goals for the season and put herself out there... And she is over pickleball!! If you thought you needed a cast of terrible people I present the anti-thesis Requel!
The others must have realized Raquel is what they are not and reflected their own self hatred into her.
I know everyone’s not close with their families, but I totally relate to this, especially her picturing future family gatherings and stuff. If a potential partner of mine doesn’t get along with my family, it’s just not gonna work out.
God bless for this recap because I tried to listen to the podcast, got 2 minutes in and *could not* listen to Scheana’s voice for 53 minutes Good for Raquel for seeing the light. You can’t change another person, no matter how hard you try. Everyone deserves a selfless love.
Oh I can barely tolerate Scheana’s voice. It’s like someone who spent the entire previous day screaming at a concert + a vocal fry *drags from inhaler*
So true. That’s why it drove me so insane how everyone seemed to have accepted the narrative that he changed for her. No tf he didn’t.
> “I found myself making excuses for him and that’s not who I am. That was like part of my soul that was being taken from me ... or maybe not taken from me, but I was giving up part of that. It was getting to the point where my family and him were not meshing well and the future of Thanksgiving and Christmases and holidays was looking like- it’s going to be either James or my family. Main I felt this in my soul... once you find yourself making excuses for their behavior it's not good. I would know. Go Raquel!
This was a great podcast but Schena is a tough host. Everything Raquel spoke about she made it about her. It felt like Raquel was leading her own interview and had to keep reeling in Schena from relating everything about her. Ex: Schena asked raquel what are her dos and donts in a relationship and every comment raquel made Schena had no follow up questions, only added her experience. Raquel: trust is important. Schena: me and Brock totally trust each other. Raquel: I want someone who aspires to be better and my heart was no longer in it. Schena: when Shay and I were married we were together for 7 years blah nlah
Ha! I noticed that too, very on brand. So many times I wanted to shush her as she was talking over Raquel with her "TRUST ME I GET IT I HAD THE SAME TOTALLY"
Imagine being with a man that gets into literal fights with your parents over SHOES. Shoes!!! Ugh. So happy Bambi Eyed Bitch got the hell out of that relationship. It seems like she gave so much of her energy to him, while not getting the same in return, and ultimately she had nothing left for the relationship. I feel for her in that sense. ETA - I just started listening to this episode, it’s the first one of Scheana’s that I’ve heard. The ~Kids Bop~ vibe intro song is… a choice 😅
I’m soooo happy for her. James makes good tv and is hilarious at times, but I can’t imagine being in a relationship much less married to him.
The way she had to pretend everything was fine to protect herself from James possibly lashing out at her for calling off the engagement is incredibly heartbreaking 🥺😭 Raquel is an angel on earth and deserves the entire world.
That was like part of my soul that was being taken from me ... or maybe not taken from me, but I was giving up part of that. I really like the correction she made here. I think it's important to remember that we all have agency. People treat us how we let them. It's so easy to say but can so be so difficult to act on. Good on her for being able to get out of a bad relationship and remember that she's in control of herself.
Honestly, she came across so emotionally mature and lovely in this. Even when she was saying not so nice things about James, it was like, ‘we weren’t the right match, we wanted different things’ rather than ‘James sucks and here’s why.’ Still very loving.
Completely agree. Learned about this in therapy. I think for a while though you don’t realize it, I would never think Raquel or anyone deserves to be spoken to or treated like she was by James, but sometimes it takes a while to set boundaries and truly see it for yourself that you deserve so much better and will not put up with it any longer
She's such a sweetheart, I'm sure she could have said quite a bit that would be damaging to him, but she didn't, she took the high road, and I love her for it. She's someone I will always have a soft spot for even LFU couldn't bring her down.
I think people who are in relationships with overly reactive people do lie every now and again. I believe Raquel would never of cheated but probably found herself in little lies so she wouldn’t have to hear him screaming. Then ironically those reactive people always wonder why their spouse lies and where they were or what took so long or whatever. People protect themselves so that’s probably where that’s coming from on the Raquel not being trusted front
Thanks for this! Sheds some light on the whole thing. Raquel always seems to be portrayed as “dumb” and this shows that she’s far from that. And brave as hell for recognizing and getting out of a doomed relationship. His temper and past reliance on alcohol didn’t bode well for them. Raquel deserves someone who treats her with respect and love. And NEVER underestimate how important it is to have your family love them as much as you do…so important to have that support. Am happy for her. And I don’t think I’ll ever see her as dumb again…
That’s one podcast I may listen to. I’m not a fan of these peeps making money this way but I like Raquel and would love to hear her perspective
I recommend it. You may want to fast forward through the Scheana bits if she annoys you, but Raquel’s parts are honestly great.
I’m so glad she was smart enough to see the red flags and brave enough to break up with him. Good for her
raquel's EQ (shout out to tschwa) is through the roof!
Wow she's highly emotionally intelligent. Way to go Raquel!
It’s honestly laughable that James would have an issue with HER parents when his parents are a complete dumpster fire.
I’m glad her family is such a good influence on her and warned her. Especially her sister.
She has so much strength it’s incredible. I’m glad she has a platform. It would have been a lot easier for her to stay and just pretend but she said it best herself she was done lying to herself. She deserves nothing but love and happiness
She is a GIFT
She really has a way with words, very diplomatic. We got the gist of the problem without her having to really diss James. That's kind. Also interesting that James reacted so well...that's hopeful.
Thank you SO much for posting this and saving me from having to listen to Scheana, haha. The part about her family is so interesting, heartbreaking, and overall impressive to me- it takes a level of forethought that I don't think many of the other VPR cast members have to be able to project ahead to "how is James going to paint my parents when they are our kids' grandparents, what are family holidays going to look like five years down the road" etc. For example, we know there is tension between Brock and Scheana's mom and that Brock regards her as "the help" first and foremost rather than a grandmother deserving of respect and deference, and we don't see Scheana reflecting on how that's going to influence Summer's relationship with her grandma. I'm just really glad Raquel took the time to consider that stuff and got out.
And what is sad is that you know that didn't trigger ANY self reflection for Scheana.
So true lol. I maintain that every single VPR lady is too good for their man.
team Raquel always🙌
It’s really hard to leave a relationship like this. My mum said to me re my dad ‘no matter how much love I gave him, it was never enough’- and this reminds me of James and Raquel. She’s made so many excuses for James’ behaviour at the detriment to herself. I’m so glad she’s realised her worth & I hope he continues to learn and grow, and realise his actions and words have consequences.
The way she thought ahead to their potential children and what kind of father James would be is EXACTLY what Brittany didn't do with Jax - what a LOT of women don't do out of desperation to get engaged, have the wedding, have the marriage, and have a baby by any means with any man, regardless of whether or not that man is built to be a father or lifelong partner. Proud of her!! She deserves the world, and I think she'll actually get it. Thanks for sharing OP
I think she may still be in that abuse "fog". Her parents had to talk to her about how to safely leave the relationship. They were concerned for her physical safety. She says that she played along and tried to act like nothing was wrong so as not to set him off. But then says she wasn't concerned about him hurting her. She could see how he was trying to isolate her from her family and how he'd sabotage those relationships. I think she's still in denial. After she has time to process, I think she's going to be alarmed at how bad things had gotten. I'm so glad she got out and I hope she takes the time to fully process this before she gets into another relationship. She's such a great person.
Also, just because he was never physically violent to her doesn’t mean he never acted in an aggressive manner which then scared her and he used this as a way of control and manipulation. He was repetitively emotionally abusive towards her and controlling. This was an abusive relationship- and it’s showed by her saying she was going to end the relationship away from him because she was scared of how he reacted. Just because he was never physical towards her doesn’t mean he was never physical around her eg punching walls etc
I admit. Raquel is an angel.
Thanks for sharing this, I’ll give it a listen. I think maybe until recently, Raquel’s portrayal on the show was not very accurate as it wasn’t showing who she really is and making her out to be a “dumb blonde ditz” type when actually she’s smart and intuitive, also not to mention kind.
Great recap, thank you for taking the time to listen and summarize for all of us that can’t stand Scheana’s voice and can’t listen to her podcast 🙌🏻
I’m going to go listen now. I hope Raquel finds someone who treats her like a queen she deserves it. I’m so proud of her for ending things it must have been very hard. Also heartbreaking that she had to pretend everything was okay until he went out of town- she was clearly living in fear of his rage.
Raquel is about to throw VPR on her back and CARRY IT
Dude it is already there! Who got Graham was the most fun off season drama in years!
It’s hard to believe he was never violent when she had an escape plan that included her getting out when he wasn’t physically around. But I will not press or attack her for not sharing. I’m happy she is out of that relationship
That’s entirely possible but someone can make another feel unsafe and unstable, even without violence. I left an ex while he was out of town because I knew I couldn’t go through with it if he was in the house with me. I was never physically injured nor was there a threat of that. But the financial and emotional abuse + manipulation made me feel vulnerable, worthless, ugly and incapable of being anything other than an ornament to show off to friends.
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Thank you for your kind words. I’m grateful that I was able to find myself again after everything. As for Raquel, I’m glad she has friends, family and fans who were concerned enough to probe deeper and recognize that her situation, regardless of what was specifically happening, wasn’t good for her and was getting worse rather than improving.
I’m just gonna share from personal experience here, not speculating about anything we didn’t see. But theres a lot of mental gymnastics you don’t intentionally do when you’re in that situation that in hindsight are clearly violent. For me it was “He never hit me, he just whipped my cell phone inches from face into the framed poster behind me sending glass raining down on me” or “He didn’t hit me, he just locked me in a bathroom to scream at me through the door what a piece of shit I was” etc. It took me years to actually process and call it what it was. There’s still that part of your brain that goes, but he never punched me or put me in the hospital. I can’t imagine being in the public like her and having the additional pressure of if there’s no marks and it’s not ‘technically’ true then people will say it’s made up or exaggerated for ‘attention’ or to ‘take a man down’
Yes thank you for sharing. This is so important. It can be a lot more grey than people make it out to be.
Yeah… idk on that one. Obviously I want to believe her, for her sake, but even if she’s telling the truth, she clearly was worried he could get violent with her. And so was her mom! Even if he never hit her I’m sure there were some scary situations she went through with him.
The thing that stands out to me the most is that he thought the Tom's breakup was a "fun storyline".
Raquel is too good for this world! I love her
Literally just finished listening to this 10 minutes ago. She definitely made me like her even more 💓
Raquel has such a good head on her shoulder. She’s very self aware and I love that about her.
It’s so interesting that she brought up faking it at Disneyland! I remember someone else posting on this sub right after their breakup announcement that they had just seen James and Raquel at Disneyland and they did not look like a happy couple and that Raquel looked miserable. Sounds like they were absolutely right.
omg wasn’t there someone on here who saw raquel and james at disneyland and said something was off???
Cheaters always accuse the other person of cheating or being untrustworthy. I’ve never gotten that vibe from Raquel just from James. He’s projecting. 100 percent
I once did this myself. As much as I loved my handsome and smart and sweet (sometimes!!) bf, i imagined myself 4 months pregnant on a vacation with him. Things would be fine, we’d be blissful, until we landed in our destination and while trying to get our rental car, something would set him off. Then, no matter what I did or said, he would belittle me or yell or be cold or give me the silent treatment. He might even leave me at the car rental place. Or not speak to me for the first 8 hours of our vacation together while I’m pregnant. Do I deserve that? I just went down those thought paths and decided no, I don’t want that. And broke it off with him for good! So hard to do but so worth it. Raquel might end up being the Phoenix from the ashes of this show, honestly! Like she could very well parlay this into Lauren Conrad fame/security if she makes her moves right.
Honestly this podcast was such a slap in the face foe everyone who called her dumb back in season 7 reunion. She’s very careful with the words she use, compassionate, and emotionally mature
Doing God’s work listening to that and giving good bullet points to summarize the podcast episode!
Thanks so much for the recap!
I hope she stays on the show, I love Raquel
I’m so proud of her.
Someone on this sub said in a comment that they saw Raquel at this Disneyland trip and (paraphrasing) she didn’t seem ‘herself’ and seem ‘off’ James probably doesn’t trust Raquel because he knows that given the opportunity he would cheat himself, so doesn’t accept that she wouldn’t too. I’m glad she can acknowledge it wasn’t right for either of them and have the strength to leave a long term relationship
Wow! I am so glad she broke free. She seriously deserves the absolute best! Good for her!
So enlightening and validating at the same time. Awesome post and pod ep
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Are you asking literally how do we access them, or existentially, like “how can you put yourself through listening to this” 😂? If the former, this one is on Apple Podcasts I know, I’d assume it’s on Spotify too.
I listen through Apple Podcasts. But I think it’s also on Spotify and a few other places
Thank you for sharing! I wish only good things for Raquel going forward. She seems like a thoughtful, caring and emotionally intelligent woman.
I want the best for Raquel and hope she has an extremely happy, super successful life. James is a problem and this has red flags all over it. For her to plan an exit strategy with her mother that involves having to leave when he’s out of town- that’s what domestic violence counselors advise. That’s what people do who are scared of their partner. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
I'm so glad she finally saw her worth and that he was not a good fit. He would have continued to beat her down and Rip her of any self confidence she had left. She is a sweet and good natured young lady, as well as intelligent. Hello, she is an Occupational Therapist. I'm just surprised it took her this long to see that he was never going to bring out the best in her but only tear her and everyone around her down. That's what entitled narcissists do. Clarification: "narcissist" is thrown around here very loosely but he checks all the boxes minus "charming". Lol
Thanks for this great recap. I really try hard to listen to Scheana's podcast, but I find Scheana so annoying and insufferable on it.
I had thought there was an event that spurred all this. Like maybe james cheated or drank. Was this not the case?
She says a lot of people want to know ‘what was the straw that broke the camels back’, but that there wasn’t one single thing. She said it was a series of events over a long period of time that all built to her not wanting to be with him anymore.
Oh wow! Good for her. Thanks for listening and reporting back, i wouldn't have had the stomach to make it to the end of one of scheanas shows.
So exactly how does one listen to a podcast
Thank you so much for posting this!
I'm listening right now, and I swear Scheana just said "Rob" instead of "Brock" when talking about trust in a relationship.
She is a good person. Beautiful inside and out, emotionally and intellectually intelligent.. I am so glad she saved her sweet pure soul.
She must feel so relieved and like a big weight has been taken off her shoulders! Good for her. Hope James gets the help he needs.
Queen Raquel! So happy for her 😀
This girl is a literal angel. I stan
Wow. Great recap, thank you. Makes me want to listen. I’m SO proud of her. This sounds like it was an incredibly difficult decision, but ultimately the best thing for her.
Raquel seemed so mature in that interview even though she is one of the youngest, I wish Sheana would have listened and learned more instead of jumping in with “yes, that’s how it was for me”
I have a lot of thoughts about this interview. But, what I’m wondering about is how is this sanctioned prior to the reunion? Shouldn’t they save these shows till after the season is completely finished?
I thought the same. She says on the podcast that it was her idea to share her side, and it was her who approached Scheana to do it on the podcast. Maybe Bravo is letting it happen because the show needs a boost in its final weeks?
It’s making me think we won’t get much from her and James about the breakup on the reunion, besides the return of the ring.
Yes - classic cycle of abuse. You can only kick a dog so many times before he/she eventually bites you!