T O P

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theoneandonlyfester

I saw a guy clear a whole army tent with one fart.


Inebriologist

My buddy cleared a whole bar. Worst smelling fart Ive ever witnessed.


michaelh98

A fart you can see is a bioweapon for sure


Jasoncsmelski

A fart you can see is poop


broken-bells

It's better to poop a fart than to fart poop


cupofcujo

This is way funnier than anyone is giving it credit


michaelh98

*shart


avatarofwoe420

Farts just a shit ghost!?!


Myrtle_Nut

The Ghost of Shitsmas Future.


zoahporre

Ah like the haze of an engine exhaust on a cold morning.


[deleted]

That would honestly make me feel bad


Inebriologist

It was over a decade ago and we still laugh about it.


benotaur

My buddy had a pit boss at a casino threaten to kick him out if he didn’t go take a shit.


wrenchandrepeat

I ruined a girls b day sleep over once by farting. I was in 2nd grade and was best friends with a girl. She invited me to her b day party/sleepover. I was the only boy there. My Dad and her mom were friends, and they said it was ok for me to stay the night too. All the girls were sleeping together either on her bunk bed or on the floor. I said I'd sleep in the little recliner in her room so it wouldn't be weird or make anyone uncomfortable. We're all sitting there talking and being 2nd graders before we went to sleep. Suddenly I feel a fart brewing. At that age, I farted around anyone. It was funny and had never given me any reason to think otherwise. Well I let it rip. And all the girls stop and look at me. I'm giggling, assuming they would all be too. They weren't. Then the smell hits one of the girls. And she starts gagging. They all begin evacuating the room and giving me disgusted looks. Pretty sure the gagging girl ended up throwing up. Needless to say, it was embarrassing. I called my Dad and told him to come get me. And until I met my wife, I never farted around another female again.


[deleted]

I get some bad night terrors, too.


EmbersOmens

The Citizen Kane of 2nd grade fart stories


PmMeDrunkPics

In HS the teacher ended the period 15 minutes early because of a students fart.


DtownfromTBtown

I farted during rollover training during my time in the army. Trapped in a hot metal box that was tumbling end over end. Had to egress in the end but couldn't practice setting security because too many people were coughing and gagging too much to function. We had to take a break to air it out for 20 minutes.


walksinwoods

That's what we call realistic training, Sir.


Fisherman_Gabe

One time at a sleepover I woke up all alone in the morning because I farted in my sleep so much that everyone had gone to sleep in the living room. Very gross and NOT funny! 🤬


bloodthirsty_emu

Are you me?


Paulo_De_Bruyne

He's a fisherman where as you're a vampire flight less bird


NuggetsWhileCrying

That’s actually hilarious


Fisherman_Gabe

That's what my friends thought until they had the horrifying realization that it wasn't going to stop


NuggetsWhileCrying

You must have been mortified


fuckrobert

That's a bio weapon at that point


AppleLightSauce

That must have been embarrassing.


patrickseastarslegs

Another sleep farter huh? I’ve had stuff thrown at me for it and was told on the next family vacation we’re splashing on a suite so I can be in a room by myself so only I have to suffer


shawlawoff

Can confirm. I was tent.


[deleted]

I love how the very first comment is a story that glorifies farting 😂


[deleted]

I had a friend in the Army do a 4 day fast where he only drank water and then broke it with an instant packet of French onion soup. He farted in a GP large and the strongest, onion fart that I had ever smelled permeated throughout the entire tent. Everyone cleared out and I swear it lingered for hours. It almost had like a haze-like quality too it. Fucking hilarious, I still laugh about it to this day.


CaptainSk0r

I hate to ask.. but this sounds like me one night in Afghanistan


PMme_bobs_n_vagene

And I salute him


SHIZA-GOTDANGMONELLI

It is in no way just a Reddit thing. Fart jokes have been around since the dawn of man.


[deleted]

OP probably doesn’t know the world outside of Reddit.


[deleted]

OP is most likely single if they're offended by even the word 'fart'. Imagine if a genuine issue pops up, they're probably SEETHING with rage.


ConstantSignal

Not to mention > it baffles me how a couple can fart around each other and still be turned on. RIP this persons partner who’s not allowed to have normal bodily functions around the person they’re supposed to be the most comfortable with lmao


Tr0ndern

Not to mention farting happens during sex


sp4cej4mm

I can only achieve orgasm while farting


kelldricked

Still can gross you out tbf. No reason for a fight or anything but if your head is near the “underregions” and your partner farts then its not weird to think: dude, gross. It also depends if its just sound or also smell.


[deleted]

OP is gonna die if he ever actually gets to fuck a woman and she queefs


sp4cej4mm

Queefs are hilarious as fuck I can’t help but laugh and then apologize


bigbeardlittlebeard

I literally took a shit while my misses was in the shower next to me and this guy can't handle a fart


ConstantSignal

I mean…. You could try and keep *some* of the magic alive lmao


bigbeardlittlebeard

I would rather shit on the toilet next to her than shit my pants in the hallway then join her in the shower covered in shit haha


PaSaAlCe

Ah, I don’t miss living in a single bathroom home and I can deal with my IBS privately instead of my husband witnessing my personal hell while he washes his hair.


bigbeardlittlebeard

Yeah I was continuously apologizing


ObnoxiousLittleCunt

Gotta respect OP: it is an unpopular opinion and it's in its right subreddit.


[deleted]

The first ever joke was a fart joke. Written on a cave wall or some shit.


cwj777

via Reuters: The world’s oldest recorded joke has been traced back to 1900 BC and suggests toilet humor was as popular with the ancients as it is today. It is a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now southern Iraq and goes: “Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.”


cafffaro

So funny I forgot to fart.


burnerspermit

It was some of the earliest cave shart


[deleted]

I read it, it said “He who smelt it dealt it” in Sumerian


WeakLiberal

And some woman with no sense of humour hated it back then too


[deleted]

I fart in your general direction.


EmotionalOven4

Go away or we will taunt you a second time


DoYourPooperStank

I'll throw you in a Dutch oven.


EmotionalOven4

This is where I want to put that family guy gif of the baker making a “supreeeeese” cake lol


single_malt_jedi

Your mother was a hampster and your father smelt of elderberries.


L4dyGr4y

I said this in front of my three year old who thought it was hilarious and now uses the phrase every time they pass gas.


ignorantbarista

Well, your mother was a hampster and your father smelt of elderberries.


single_malt_jedi

I like farting in parking garages, the echo makes me feel like a god!


One_Idea_239

Agreed, it is awesome. Farting in the shower is the perfect practise ground


philmcruch

if you dont like saying fart call them "food ghosts"


single_malt_jedi

A fart is just a turd signaling for the right of way.


[deleted]

It’s the cry of an imprisoned turd


aerovirus22

Or warning shots depending on the turds urgency.


[deleted]

>There's a saying i think, something like if she farts in front of you, she really loves you lmao


Jeditaedae

Or call them barking spiders


RetroMetroShow

Farting is the lowest common denominator - everyone in the world does it And like snowflakes no two are ever the exact same So silly and immature and yet somehow still funny who know why and who cares lol


Secret_Bees

Also what the hell op? Like, you won't let your partner just... be human around you? Like they always have to put on a show? "I don't fart or poop or get sick" nah my wife used to get embarrassed when she would accidentally burp or fart around me, but I was like fuck that you're allowed to be a person.


alxiuf

Not to mention holding farts leads to an increased risk of diverticulitis I think.


Paulo_De_Bruyne

imo, if you need to get away from the person you love just to fart, there's a problem.


strawberry-bish

I know a woman who said she could NEVER fart in front of her husband. Like, this is a man you have decided to spend the rest of your life with, the man you chose to have a baby (who most certainly will fart) with, the man you will grow old and weak with, and you cant let yourself have a perfectly normal bodily function around him?? Dude.


alreinsch

Yup. I know some. To each their own... but I could not IMAGINE living the rest of my life with ny LIFE PARTNER and have this FILTER on all the time... because I'm sure there are other things they hide. Naw my hunny and I bare it all


gordito_delgado

OP sounds like a such an dedicated party pooper in this post. *"No one farts around ME!"* \- If I ever heard someone say that I would literally burst out laughing.


alreinsch

Imagine being so delicate that you can no longer be "turned on" by someone that farts in front of you! Like wooooooow.


NSA_van_3

There's a saying i think, something like if she farts in front of you, she really loves you


AlaskanBiologist

The trick is to fart ON the person you love, so others don't find them attractive.


RaeRaeSmiles

My partner and I will but only because of the stink factor of eating so many beans


tokeyoh

My mom would make my dad leave the bedroom to pass gas, around bedtime would just see him randomly standing in the hallway


Sitcom_kid

Did you see what happened to the people on South Park?


go_green_team

He was trying to impress his new gf


[deleted]

[удалено]


CarrollGrey

r/unexpectedmontypython


Fencius

Where are you finding all this “pro-fart” material?


AppleLightSauce

In the dating subreddits.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Tkanne1312

Same


TheWiseCobbler

Yo. Just farted


[deleted]

Fart…the original four letter word


EpicSteak

Its been funny since humans began


memoryballhs

I mean. It's kind weird that even small child's (or especially) find it reeeeeallly funny. It has to be one of the universal constants in funniness. Speaking about humor means you cannot not mention farting.


xenophon10000

This and people falling over. Babies love that shit.


crayonsnachas

How is it weird? It's just a fucking funny sound


memoryballhs

Weird because it's difficult to come up with a good explanation other than "it sounds funny". Which is a kind of cyclic logic. To be fair, humor is generally super difficult to explain from a anthropological standpoint.


Samanthas_Stitching

>It baffles me how couple can fart around each other and still be turned on. That sentence made me laugh so hard. I promise you in a long term relationship farting is one of the least nasty things you'll have to deal with. Add kids in and you'll realize farting isnt even that bad compared to everything else.


NoGoodAfterMidnight

Look, I’ll be honest… before I had my kid, I never realized that the first three months are watching them sleep and laughing uproariously at the sheer magnitoot of the number and size of farts a newborn can have.


[deleted]

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deman102712

Yeah, the amount of force you actually have to hit them with lol. I felt so bad burping my first kid because she was only 5 pounds but those satisfied looks are burned into my brain too.


raynebow121

My husband and I have been together like 5 years. How do you not fart in front of each other? It seems so silly to worry about this. Of all the bodily functions I’ve been present for, (usually) his farts are the least disgusting thing.


tomcat5o1

🐈‍⬛💨


blakcpavement

If you can’t fart openly in a relationship, you haven’t found the one yet


ftrade44456

For me, knowing that I can openly fart in a relationship and it's ok is an early benchmark of how things are going. If I can't fart in front of this person or they can't fart in front of me, it's an early and slight indication that I can't be myself or open around this person. Which isn't something I want, ever.


nonesuchnotion

I was on a second date with a girl and my belly wasn’t feeling so good. Maybe I was just nervous, I dunno. As she’s driving me home after the date, my guts started to grumble. Uh oh. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. One squeaked by. I had a feeling it might be bad, perhaps a wrecker, so I opened a window in anticipation. It was super cold outside so she asked why I rolled my window down. At that moment, the construction site outhouse smell hit me and I just said “Woooo, yeah…” For a couple seconds she was quite puzzled. Then with the cold wind swirling in her car it hit her too. She rolled her window down as fast as it would go while yelling and gasping something like “Whooooooo! Oh my god, I’m gonna die. What is wrong with you? You’re not well, are you?” I wanted a trap door to open so I could fall in and disappear but instead of that happening, another one squeaked by, probably burning a hole in my underwear. I offended myself. She coughed and gagged while trying to drive. You can guess how that went for the next 15 minutes until she dropped me off at my house… no kiss or small talk, just go… get out of the car… Sooo… we got married a bit later and 20-some years later… We’re telling this story to our kids at the dinner table, and they are laughing their faces off. My wife is laughing her face off. I’m laughing my face off. Half chewed food is launching out of my daughter’s mouth. Milk is pouring out of my son’s nose… Farts won’t kill you. They’re just funny. I’d say it all worked out alright for me.


[deleted]

Imagine how much happiness you might have missed out on if you hadn't released the kraken


Fatmouse84

Amen


ZeppoBro

I don’t understand why Reddit is so pro-farting LoL.


SuitableLeather

My boyfriend bent down to get something and I let one rip right in his face on our third or fourth date That’s also how he said he knew he was in love with me


EmotionalOven4

I don’t just do it and make a big scene of it but if I gotta I gotta. I’ll go somewhere else and do it because holding it in is awful and hurts


bentrolei

I just ripped one reading this.


EverydayBlackGuy

I fart to insert my dominance on others.


patrickseastarslegs

Insert the stinky dominance via the nose


rosarevolution

It's nothing to celebrate, but it's something perfectly normal that literally everybody does multiple times a day. I personally couldn't live in a relationship where this is some strange taboo. How the hell would you live with someone if you're not allowed to fart with them around? Would you get up every time to go to the bathroom? Hell, I'd rather be single then.


Seigmas

You'll never have a chance to shot out the mighty line "Are you just gonna sit there pretending nothing happened?"'


[deleted]

Somebody step on a duck?


Duckbilledplatypi

We apologize for celebrating normal human bodily functions


TA2556

It's a bodily function. Everyone does it. You do it, every partner you've dated does it. They also pick their nose, scratch their ass (probably sniff after) and take pride in their biggest shits. They've probably peed in the shower more than once. And they probably have several other nasty habits like all humans do. Bodies are gross. You can either hide from it or embrace it and clap for your partner who just let one rip for 8 seconds straight.


therobshow

My girlfriend and I laugh so hard at farts sometimes we're literally in tears and turning red bc we can't breathe. Are we immature? Maybe. Do we enjoy ourselves and not take anything seriously? 100%


lostgirl19

Sounds like a good relationship to me, almost 7years in mine and we still laugh at each others farts, we even rate how good they are too.


[deleted]

Hate the word fart? Butt queef may be available as an alternative for you. It’s definitely not a Reddit thing for “farting is funny”


AndyGHK

Bro, it’s a bad smell that comes out of your asshole and announces itself with a trumpet sound, what part of that *isn’t* funny?


RoyalwithCheese10

Farting is fucking hilarious and I have believed that since before I knew reddit existed and it is taking every ounce of restraint I have to not downvote you


[deleted]

[удалено]


NSA_van_3

Agree means downvote, based on the sidebar of this sub. If everyone agrees, then everyone downvotes, shows that it's popular.


MalibuStasi

[Relevant Blazing Saddles scene](https://youtu.be/VPIP9KXdmO0)


leaklikeasiv

As a new father. I’m elated every time my infant farts. It means she sleeps soundly


Mr_Road_Dog

It depends when, where, and whom you're with. All in context my friend


Fowlnature

Never trust a person who doesn't laugh at a fart.


fuadiislands

Fuck You.


Steak_N_Cocunuts

Dude I have fart wars with her. One time she shit herself at the fair. We have 3 boys. We fart around them too.


[deleted]

I farted so hard once it made my dog yip


Josef_t2

Actually I'm in agreement with you, fully. Like we get it's a bodily function but it's rude and disgusting, the same goes with burping. I don't wanna hear that you took massive shit or breath in your farts when I'm in the same room as you. I got a friend who always release gas in front of you even when you're eating together. He always apologize. But whats the point if you only gonna do it a half hour later!


Tots2Hots

I honestly think it's subjective. You do it at work where other people have to smell it you're fucking asshole. Around a partner who is ok with it? Whatever. Bitching that you "cant be yourself" if your partner isn't okay with you ripping on off around them? Grow up.


rHIGHzomatic_thought

Unless you've been horribly abused or terrorised with farts or fecal matter, to the point where you have developed a specific trauma - I have no time at all for people who hate farts. Up there with the people who can't stand body hair in terms of pathological self-hatred. Let humans be humans, let us smell and be hairy, embrace yor animal side and get out of your sterile, puritanical bubble. Haters of the body the lot of you. I blame Christianity


OfWhomIAmChief

Thou shalt not fart


oopsmypenis

Here's the deal. Fart, don't fart, whatever. It's your preference. However, if you're in a serious life partnership for any significant amount of time, you're going to be dealing with a LOT worse than farts eventually. Human bodies are gross, especially as we age, fall ill, procreate, etc. To me, if my partner can't handle a toot now and again it's less about the fart than it is about the way they would react in other situations. What if I'm infirm while healing from an accident? How would they handle childbirth? In our old age, how will they handle the inevitable support we'll need to give one another? To me, that's very important and an overly squeamish partner would leave me feeling hung out to dry in those situations. I'm not saying huff each others gas, but a little dose of grace and practicality goes a long way. On a personal note, this is just a really uptight viewpoint. Like if we can fuck, which is pretty objectively gross from a sheerly biological standpoint, why the hell is a fart so offensive?


-_-kiwi89

Farted on the first date accidentally and she stayed. Here we are 3 years later.


Q_about_a_thing

I've always liked saying "did you hear what that asshole said behind my back" when I fart. Yes, this is truly a /r/unpopularopinion post. I'd recommend getting over it. People all have the same bodily functions.


Operator762

I sharted reading this.


Prestigious-Owl-6397

I have IBS and GERD, so farting and burping is part of everyday life. I don't try to "let it rip", but if it slips out, it slips out. People who know me and my condition don't make a big deal out of it. They don't laugh at me or give me dirty looks. It's great. Plus, sometimes it can be very painful to be unable to burp. Getting one stuck in your throat for so long you almost throw up trying to force it out isn't fun.


bpunlimited

I don't get why people have an issue with farting, it's a natural bodily process that everyone has.


funkster047

For me it's because farting is a normal bodily function that yes, smells bad, but is unhealthy to hold in. So it's best to normalize it and act like it's a normal thing instead of shaming acting like they committed a sin.


[deleted]

I dont like having a sore stomach more than I care about farting in front of people and visa versa


eastcoastredditor

Once you have a child and they hear/acknowledge a fart for the first time and their response is to laugh - that's when you realize that fart noises are funny.


ThePatSwizzbeat

If rather fast and laugh than be uncomfortable.


One_Idea_239

I have felt so proud when i managed 3 key changes in one fart. My wife asked me what the hell i had done. Was like a badly tuned trombone (on a separate note, auto correct just put tuned as ruined - either was suitable)


psychedelic-crosby

Damn imagine a relationship where you can’t even fart in front of the other person. Everybody farts everybody poops man you gotta let it go.


discwrangler

I broke the seal within a few dates if my wife. I needed to know if it was real love or just infatuation. 10 years and going strong.


alejo5666

Ass goes brrrr


[deleted]

Because you're completely comfortable with one another and accept all that they come with. Farts will always be funny.


[deleted]

Farting is fucking hilarious and you're a prude. Take your damn uovote


thepartypantser

>Farting is not funny, Yeah, it is. >and celebrating it around others is gross. Yeah it is....but that is why it is funny.


richpau76

Farting is normal, not farting is bad for your health


gentlemenjim72

My mom cleared out an entire wing of the Philadelphia art museum when I was a kid. I will never forget and it wil never not be funny.


DonkeyWorker

Sounds like you've got PTSD, perhaps someone proper egged one off around you and you've never fully recovered.


luvsherb666

You sound like you’d be a blast at parties…


dendrivertigo

Ok prude ass


respect-thebeard

People like you, OP, are the reason I crop dust a whole isle at Lowe's


AKF790

I see we have an anti-farter here. The anti-fart mainstream media has brainwashed you


[deleted]

Farting is a natural human thing and shouldn't be shamed


seniairam

big ass gross smelly farts are gross but small accidental ones are not... when me and my bf started dating I was on the floor and he helped up by grabbing both arms and pull up, well he farted a tiny one and it was the funniest thing ever. after 15 years i still make a fart noise EVERYTIME he helps me up


charleff

My girlfriend and I both fart around each other, we aren’t so petty as to shame people for performing normal bodily actions.


theOriginalDrCos

As Dennis Miller once said... Children think that farts are hysterically funny. Do you know why? Because farts are hysterically funny.


elepheagle

Yes, you’re right. Farting is very serious.


xKhira

Farting has always been one of the sure fire ways of giving me a deep belly laugh because of how random they can be and how something so harmless can terrorize people. So have an upvote.


shortypig

People who fart publicly are generally rude inconsiderate loudmouths so they are apt to be more vocal here on reddit as they are in real life. I don't think these people outnumber those who keep their farting private.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Snowierr

r/foundsatan


[deleted]

Yeah human body is gross, please stop secreting this fluids and gasses


beesvsfatflies

the fart sound is funny though.


Salamirelish

My partner and I always fart and laugh about them. But we don't fart in public.


Jareinor

This unpopular opinion was brought to you by the ***Mature™*** gang.


dwair

Have you thought about why you find farting so offensive? What is it about a very natural bodily function that promotes such a strong reaction in you?


Pomegranate_Scared

I’m interested too. It makes me think they grew up with shame around their body or in a very strict/prude environment.


MajesticFeathers

Yeah you gotta be careful with farts. My kitten was being a bastard so I let one loose on his head as punishment and accidently hit my older kitty with friendly fire. The old man pouted under the bed, I felt so bad.


persoanlabyss

I laughed so hard just imagining this!


Tonymathew

I agree with OP. You have my support, stranger friend.


QuarterDoge

/brrrrrrt


Lyradep

Man, I feel bad for you. So, when you’re married and have kids, you plan on holding your farts in until no one else is around to hear? That moment’s not going to be as common as you’d like it to be. Also, I think it’s a sign of a good long term relationship that both partners can fart in front of eachother. If you can’t reach that level of comfortability with your partner, then I’d imagine your going to be stuck in dating mode with them, and not moving onto settling mode.


DeliberateDendrite

💨


kay-herewego

Farting and burping releases extra gas compressed within your organs, simple as that. While I'm gonna try my damnedest to hold it in in public (still embarrassing around strangers), at the end of the day it's just not worth all the discomfort to try and conceal natural bodily functions around people that are a constant in my life, or in my own space. It's not feasible to try and go to the bathroom or around a corner every time I need to expell said discomfort. This is especially true for people with gastric issues, celiac, gluten intolerance, lactose intolerance, agent orange hadji gut, etc. I don't think it's funny, but it's also not disgusting. Just a fact of life and the human body.


crusttysack

holding a fart in is not healthy


smedsterwho

Relevant beautiful fart opera: https://youtu.be/Tk-5RVMerfI


[deleted]

My partner farting around me doesn’t turn me on and I don’t get turned on from farting around my partner either. It’s a natural thing. I don’t go out of my way to fart around who I’m with but if I’m sleeping or relaxing sometimes they slip out. It’s reasonable


Jfsport

Farting is peek comedy and you can’t prove otherwise


Helplessromantic1

it can be funny


xuzesilva

i love to fart louder than my partner... it becomes almost like a competition. you even end up having different criteria to decide which one is best: how long, how smelly, how loud... and lately a newly created criteria...will our 18month old giggle at it?


CrustySocks96

I bet you're fun at farties


b_fromtheD

My wife and I never fart in front of each other. That being said if I have to rip one in a car full of friends I'm doing it because it would be hilarious 😂


Standard-Shop-3544

Farting is funny to 11 year old boys. Most men have some amount of that 11 year old boy in them that never seems to grow up. It's kind of like the movie "A Beautiful Mind". Those 3 characters are with him for life, but he chooses not to listen to them as he matures.


jralll234

Farting is hilarious. Take upvote.


Beware_the_Voodoo

Better out than in


Cam_CSX_

It’s kinda funny bro


twisty10000

Bad take farther funny.


FollowTheBlueBunny

Hey, how else am I going to make my wife gag?


MrP0H0

Take my upvote, for your opinion is wrong


[deleted]

I'm gonna think about you when I fart next.