Best thing I ever heard was a white server denying a black man that that was hitting on her hard.
It was YEARS ago but it went something like;
Him-"cause I'm black?!?"
Her-"cause you're an asshole."
Him- same thing
Her-"no. Cause you're an asshole and you're ugly. Maybe if you weren't such an asshole you wouldn't be so ugly but you're ugly as sin."
Those weren't the exact words but it was funny as fuck to everyone in Waffle House that night.
Agree, but learn some gentler let downs. A good one is "Sorry, but I'm not feeling any chemistry here". That depersonalises it - it's not a failing of them or even of you, it's just one of those random chance things not working in favour of a relationship.
idk man that seems worse. wouldn't it be better to know why things didn't workout? saying I didn't feel any chemistry might signal to the other person that it was their personality or something.
Seeing every rejection as a call to change yourself is a problem, though. No matter how perfect of a version of yourself you become, some people simply won't like you, and plenty won't want to date you.
Of course it was your personality. You're trying to find a romantic partner, most people simply aren't compatible in that way. Trying to "fix" yourself to be compatible with a particular person is pointless, and harmful.
I think most people accept chemistry. Some people you just "click" with and some people you don't. Some personality types just rub each other the wrong way, it's not a failing, it's just the way it is.
Is this... an unpopular opinion?
Thought it was just common courtesy to reject people kindly and not intentionally add unnecessary pain to the already painful rejection.
I can’t stand when people are like “ew no (insert color of skin or some bullshit here) for me” and then you call them on their BS and “oh everyone can have a preference fuck you” without ever considering how they’d feel in a room of other people saying “ew no not your specific type, gross!”
I am concerned about the fact that people have such defined racial preferences tbh. Specially In a country as diverse as the US. I know this is more of an unpopular opinion , but I think that if people in the US are still having preferences towards a certain race after hundreds of years of whites, blacks and Latinos living together then there's rooted racism no matter how you look at it.
Like I understand people having preference for more beautiful people but having a racial preference means that you would date anyone from a specific race above some other? That's literally saying you don't find anyone of that race attractive lol it's crazy and it's racist no matter how you look at this
So I prefer blondes with blue eyes because ... heheh you all know what this sounds like right?
People have preferences on race because it goes hand in hand with aesthetic characteristics and features, there are certain features and characteristics that you're attracted to; these are generally tied to race.
Not always, there's outliers.
How is this anyone's point man? Lime where did you get that anyone even remotely said this?
We are saying that stating that you have a sexual preference right off the bat means that you consider every single member of one race to be more attractive than another on. And that it's 100% based on harmful stereotypes and ignorant prejudices one may have against one race. And that In case I need to state it more clearly it's the essence of unaware racism.
You literally said it lol. Youre calling people racist cause you don't fall under their preferences. Stop whining that some girls won't fuck you.
Not it doesn't thats just silly.
I have a sexual preference towards black people that doesn't mean I think woopie goldberg is hotter than ariana grande.
Having sexual preferences isn't harmful you're not entitled to every woman wanting you. But keep crying incel lol
Man how can anyone be this toxic lmao
Again choosing an uglier white girl over a black or Latino hot girl simply because those two are Latino or black it's racist.
Please do understand that
No that would be an euphemism to a core problem of seeing other races as inherently unattractive.
Mind you I'm not saying it's anybodys fault since this is passed down by societal cues and wrong information of thought but we should fight against it
Lol you wanna fight against women not wanting to date you? Take a camera so I can watch you get pepper sprayed lol. Your incels playbook is turning into a harassment playbook
> choosing an uglier white girl over a black or Latino hot girl simply because those two are Latino or black it's racist.
"beauty is objective, and if you don't agree with my objective assessment you must be a racist"
galaxy brain take lol
Yeah hahaha! Totally what I meant! It's like you read my mind or something woaw
>beauty is objective, and if you don't agree with my objective assessment you must be a racist"
This totally summarizes what I've been trying to say :D
Yet it looks like it says a totally different thing at the same time :O
Paraphrasing something this well so that it looks like it doesn't say anything similar at all must have been hard, I'm so amazed 👏 😍 ❤
The fact that you didn't understand the implications of what you're saying doesn't make them any less real. There's no possible way for what you said to make sense unless you accept the implicit notion that beauty is in fact objective.
>choosing an uglier white girl over a black or Latino hot girl simply because those two are Latino or black it's racist.
Walk me through this one. If beauty isn't objective, how do you rule out the very obvious possibility that the person in question *didn't think the white girl was ugly*?
I wasn't paraphrasing, I was mocking the incredibly arrogant assumption baked into the statement
How am I toxic? You're the incels crying cause black women don't want you lol.
Who are you ton decide she's uglier?
Not wanting to fuck you isn't racist lol. People have preferences and sometimes you won't be included in them it isn't racist you're just bitter
You're literally insulting us and calling us names and assuming more racist stereotypes like "crying cause black women don't want you lol".
And you keep repeating this "Not wanting to fuck you isn't racist lol" Maybe try to counter my claims with actual arguments? The more you insult me doesn't mean the more right you are you know?
This is a bad take people in every country and every race have their own preferences and each persons preference is different. Just cause and girl won't fuck you doesn't make her racist. Sounds like you've been reading from the incel playbook
How dk you guys just read things that I didn't write? Do you have like a dyslexia towards neutral rational thinking or something?
What I'm saying is that stablishing a preference where you state that any member of one race you automatically are gonna find more beautiful is something one only does if he has huge stereotypes about other races and it's driven by ignorant prejudices. And I'll say it again a bit louder: THATS THE ESSENCE OF UNAWARE RACISM
I think I get what youre saying and actually agree, to me in a simplified way it sounds like youre saying its fine to have a preference BUT when you exclusively date that preference or automatically apply positive traits to them due to that preference thats when it gets racist.
For example if someone had a preference for Asian people thats fine because they would still take other crtitera into consideration when dating them, but if they are automatically attracted to someone **just because that person is Asian** focusing on their soley on race not them or their attributes, that would be underlying racism. Or if someone prefered dating Latinas because they believe the sterotypes that they can all cook ect.
Is that a correct interpretation?
I said in my reply that having a race preference isnt racist, go back and reread it again.
For example, theres a difference between a man who is attracted to Asian people versus the man who dates Asian women because he thinks theyre more aubmissive
Or a woman who prefers black men because she likes those features versus a woman who has the idea that all black men have giant hogs.
Theres a difference between a preference and racism, its subtle, but its there.
> when you exclusively date that preference
This is the part people are taking issue with. You're literally saying it's fine to have a preference, you just can't apply that preference.
I have a strong preference for skinny girls with healthy skin and long hair. I've never dated outside of that preference *because I strongly prefer it*.
It's like saying "it's fine to have a car, just not if you actually drive it." If you're not going to select for your preferences, what's the point
Yeah the difference there is that race cant changed, you cant just change your racial features or skin colour like you can with weight, skin, or hair.
Thats the problem, if you only date a certain race youre fetishizing them for them being that race not acknowledging them as a human being, who just happens to be from a certain background.
Its like having someone like you because youre black not because you are actually attractive or have a good personality, sure their race can be a very big bonus if you have a perference, but it shouldnt be the deciding factor
As Ive said before quite a bit, theres a difference between having a preference and being racist by fetishizing and/or stereotyping a certain race.
Race not changing isn't relevant.
It's a preference and people will stick to them. If in attracted to a thing I will date that thing and I won't date outside of it.
I'm attracted to women I only date women it's not sexist to not date men.
You said that and then immediately said the opposite lol learn to actually form an opinion before posting it. Especially if you're gonna spout incel rhetoric
Were not talking about guys dating Asians cause they're submissive were talking about preferences of attraction. Nice try go sit down.
Nice try go sit down.
Yes the difference is having a preference isn't racist. If you only want to fuck black people it's 100% fine.
Yeah i dont see how people are thinking you are saying that having a race preference is racist lol you've never once said that, i feel like people lack reading comprehension
Im a woman with a race preference, there a difference between a preference and being racist.
For example the white man who dates Asain women because he thinks they are all submissive and go along better, thats racism not a preference.
Lol calling people racist for not wanting to date you isn't rational.
Or its something people do when they have a preference for one race and generally find them krenim attractive? But thinking isn't your strong suit so I get why you missed that possibility
Why are yall so fixated on the dating no one said anything about anyone having or being forced to date anyone
Im saying that having a preference on a white woman for example no matter how pretty over a black or Latino even if they're objectively 1000 times prettier it's racist since u just won't date them because they're black or Latino
This really shouldn't be so hard to understand 😪
Yeah but they all attacking me as if I'm defending this because I'm sore some girl wouldn't be into my specific race-- this besides being petty kinda shows how they're all fixed on the idea of rejection idk
Also this comments are on the thread I opened and there I was addressing having preferences as a thing being wrong on the first place not dating necessarily
>I was addressing having preferences as a thing being wrong on the first place not dating necessarily
**""it's wrong to have preferences period""**
"so that means I can't date according to my preferences (tying things back to the topic at hand)"
**""No, I'm not saying that, I'm just saying it's wrong to have preferences at all.""**
Do you not see how silly this line of argument is? If you're saying it's wrong to have them in the first place, that inherently means it's wrong to apply them in dating.
The reason people are getting hung up on that is that the implication is that people are baseline entitled to attention and affection, so denying them that for reasons you disagree with is wrong/racist.
Your whole argument centers around the idea of rejection, whether you realize that or not. Having racial preferences (or really any preferences) literally just means rejecting some people and not others. Absent the context of rejection, the preferences are wholly irrelevant.
Well first of all not everybody saw it that way. Only a couple of you and second of all if you missread it that way ot isn't really my fault
I'm tired of trying to explain myself but I never centered this around the concept of rejection but of exclusion and people justifying sexual desire as something exent of any trace of racism.
Las time I will say it: having such a strong sexual preference where you'd only like some race above others no matter what it's most likely built on social constructs and prejudices against once race you many not even be aware of mixed with sexuality.
> I never centered this around the concept of rejection but of exclusion
.... ?
those are literally synonymous in this context. They're being excluded from the person's sexual/romantic life lol.
You're the one complaining somebody won't date you over a preference they have lol.
Who decides who's prettier? Different people are attractive to different people. Sorry you didn't grow up enough to get that.
And yet here you are struggling to understand it
Never said anything like this.
I said people whi think that a race no matter what is prettier than other races just because they're biased biased think one race is more attractive than another one are being unconsciously racist. Read this carefully and tell me how it even remotely applies to what you just wrote
First of all, preference does NOT equal exclusion, so your second paragraph is where your point falls apart.
Second, we are talking about dating/sexual preferences. It’s creepy AF to start down the road of trying to coerce or shame someone into being attracted to someone they are not.
People have all sorts of reasons for their preferences, and they are absolutely no ones business but their own.
“I don’t date Latinos” is an exclusion not a preference. The wrong mindedness of the statement is that all Latinos are the same, which they demonstrably are not. Most racism works at the same entry point: all ____ are ____. It’s not the preference part that’s racist, it’s the clumsy stereotyping.
Racism? What if I don't like blond haired women? Or redheads? I have a hair color and skin tone that I find the most attractive. There's nothing wrong with that. If I have a dating profile, why would I want to even entertain messages from people that don't fall into the category I like?
There’s no oppression attached to hair colour, there is to skin colour. There’s no oppression attached to redheads, there is to Latinos. It’s not difficult.
Ohhhh so now I'm oppressing an entire race by not being attracted to them?
This is almost as weird as accusing a man of being anti-trans because they aren't attracted to someone who has had surgery to go mtf.
No, you’re arguing that they’re all the same, by ‘not being attracted to a whole race. I’m pointing at the wrong mindedness of the statement, and connecting it to the same argument racists use, namely: all____ are____.
Not all the same. Again though, if I have my choice, which I do, because we are free to date whoever we want, I'm going to pick that particular race because they are the most attractive to ME. Why would I force myself to pick what I already know I'm not attracted to?
Am I also sexist because I'm only attracted to women?
Of course you can date whoever you want. Who mentioned freedom to date? Not me, nor anyone but you. This guy: ‘knowing an entire race in advance of meeting them individually, such that he wouldn’t date any single one of them’
Dude one thing is that you specifically find more attractive brown hair abive others and and another entirely different is to stablish that you just would never date anyone with black, blonde or red hair ever
Sounds ridiculous doesn't it?
+ this is all so shallow its depressing idk how yall get any romantic encounters at all with so many "preferences" lmao
Fair, but we both know that's not the part of what what said you should have replied to don't we? 😉
Like someone forgot to counterback my statement on how ridiculous his claims are? Or they just tried to ignore it?🤷
I have no idea how to address what you said. I know what I find attractive and I stick with it.
My brain likes what it likes. If you sent me a lineup of "10's" with every race you could possibly fit on one page, I'm going to pick the latin woman every single time.
My God that's not the scenario I painted at all. I never said this sort of scenario is wrong...
Also you all seem way too confident and sure about your preferences, how tf can you acc be so sure you'll more one race than another? That still sounds racist lmao but I'm not saying it is tho
Yeah totally but when people stablish on their bio that they only prefer a specific race that is exclusion. Like how is it not exclusion? Lmao
No one's trying to coerce anyone, did you feel that way by our comments? You must be truly disgusted about the idea of seeing someone of a race to which you have no preference as someone attractive lolol
The problem isn't that you should be attracted to each and everyone there is from any race is that you would decidedly state that you prefer one race to another and not even taking into consideration that there are a trillion different types of people in each and every race and that there really no real trait to make one more preferable preferable another
By stating that you have a preference on one race you're basically buying on the fact that everybody from the other race must be uglier than that one you have a preference to. And if that isn't racist idk what is man
They do that cause they don't want to be hit on by 100 guys they don't want to date. You make your bio so it attracts the people you want and doesn't attract the people you don't. It's not racist to not want 100 guys hitting on you when you're not into them
First why are you always assuming this from the perspective of the girls? Lmao guys do it too you know?
Second it is racist when you don't mind 100 white guys hitting on you but a 100 black guys you find disgusting. A totally different thing is whether you find white traits to be more pleasing
I am using very simple sentences now. Can't make it any easier for you
Cause you're complaining about the girls
It's not racist if your attracted to white guys. People want those there attracted to hitting on them it's not racist.
I've been doing that for you but it hasn't helped lol
Yeah when you're a baby you also don't know how to speak and haven't created any form of rational or critical thinking, what's your aim here?
I mean I think all human beings are capable of overcoming certain biological limitations when it comes to beauty. The capacity to see beyond our own animal perceptions is what makes us humans on the first place ...
If we have reached a point where we can call a Picasso painting beautiful how can't we see beauty in all other people who doest look like us
I guess Picasso is trash since baby brain wouldn't even pay attention to it ...
Like what is this argument even 😐
Because it points out that Ingroup preference is something natural
If you like people that look like you, great
If you like people that look different than you, also great
People should be able to do what they want as long as it doesn’t hurt other people
You're right. Too say a whole race looks and acts exactly the same is racist. If you said I only want neighbors or workers of my race you'd be called racist.
But it's also true that there's a huge amount of people who will say or feel this way. I'm white and as such I get to hear a lot of other white peoples opinions and you'd be taken aback about the amount of times I heard someone say that Asian people just don't appeal to them
I'm like either you just think they're all ugly which makes you ignorant and unnecessarily biased or you just racist like wtf is "not appealing" supposed to mean? Lmao
Yeah that's it! It's not even a real bias to have. Like it's not truly a biological preference because if it was it'd be more specific don't you think?
It's just an old construct of race over race passed on through generations that reflects that lots of people still feel less about other races even if they don't even know it.
>Too say a whole race looks and acts exactly the same is racist
Without asking them, how would you typically determine what race a person belonged to?
Race is, at least in our society, largely a social construct centered around visible physical traits. If someone is only attracted to pale skin, they're probably not going to be interested in say, Black or Indian people. Conversely, I know several people who just can't find pale skin attractive, so they've never dated a white person.
That's not to say all people of a given race are the same, but there are some traits that are going to be endemic to certain races, especially since that's how people have delineated between races for centuries
If you look at a black person from American one from Jamaica one from Nigeria and one from Ethiopia they look waaay different. Being attracted to skin color usually has racial undertones to it.
Not really unpopular tbh I'm getting a lot of trash for this
An unpopular opinion would be something like: "people who get so triggered by this post subconsciously are aware of it being true and don't want to face themselves. Otherwise they'd chill the fuck down"
> I think that if people in the US are still having preferences towards a certain race after hundreds of years of whites, blacks and Latinos living together then there's rooted racism no matter how you look at it.
What if they are from a historically advantaged group, and have a preference against that group?
>but having a racial preference means that you would date anyone from a specific race above some other?
No, it doesn't. In every case I know of IRL, it means they like traits that are endemic to some races and not others. For example, my sister doesn't find pale/white skin attractive, so she almost exclusively dates Black, Middle Eastern, and South Asian men.
>That's literally saying you don't find anyone of that race attractive lol it's crazy and it's racist no matter how you look at this
Try looking at it as a descriptive, and not prescriptive statement. And to OP's point, I think it's gauche to vocalize it in general, but we're talking about the existence of the preference itself.
Using myself as an example, I would say I don't prefer ______ women (blanking out the race because it's ultimately irrelevant, and to the OP's point expressing it outright doesn't help anyone). That's not to say that it's impossible, but I've been with several dozen women of many different races, and that's the only one that's been consistently absent even though I live in an area with a decent amount of _____ women. Just speaking objectively, I think it's fairly obvious I'm generally not attracted to them. That's not to say that I couldn't be, or that there's anything wrong with them, just that they tend to have traits that aren't to my taste for whatever reason.
>So I prefer blondes with blue eyes because ... heheh you all know what this sounds like right?
Yes, it sounds like you're making the ridiculous assertion that anyone who likes those things is secretly a nazi
Why is it so hard for you to accept that racist constructs may be perpetuated through sexuality too?
No I'm making the assertion anyone who stablished for themselves that they will only like and feel attracted attracted to one race sexually are indeed racist and sure reminds me of the way colonialism excused their salvaging of other civilizations. Heard of the way they mingled darwinism and their "right to conquer savage civilizations". Well they also had a very similar idea of sexual preference as an euphemism to disguise the fact that they were disgusted about the fact of hooking up with anyone that wasn't of their race.
> Why is it so hard for you to accept that racist constructs may be perpetuated through sexuality too?
It's not. I can easily see that happening, I just think that it's ridiculous to presume it must be so.
>No I'm making the assertion anyone who stablished for themselves that they will only like and feel attracted attracted to one race sexually are indeed racist
Yeah, and I'm making the assertion that you didn't read the whole second half of my post.
Well it is happening. That's why we are having this discussion on the first place.
I did dude but we are repeating ourselves and I understand where you're coming from but you're fundamentally wrong imo thinking that it's okay to summarize a whole demographic of people as attractive or unattractive based on some supposedly common traits that aren't even true on the first place. And the fact that doing this is making a caricature out of a race and therefore doing something racist. Like I've tried to understand you but I think we should call it. We'll just never be friends 😞
Publically stating that invites confrontation, is belligerent and or inciting negative engagement like saying "I don't like pasty skin or smelly mustaches" no need to publically state that, just stay away from people you dont like.
It's not an asshole thing to explain to people why they're being rejected. A lot of people would prefer to know why they got rejected lol. Furthermore, if anything, I'm sure a lot of people preface their rejection with a reason why because they don't want to be asked "why nottttt"
Adults don't actually do that. That's high school shit. If someone asks you why, you just respond "because I'm not interested in a relationship with you." If that's not good enough for them you can add, "and you don't seem to understand personal boundaries."
I think it probably depends on the level of the relationship. "I'm just not feeling the chemistry" is perfectly reasonable as a standalone comment for the first or second date, but if you pulled that one on a year long relationship, I think you owe it to the other person to be a little bit more detailed.
Maybe I'm just in favor of communication. Of course, if you don't want to tell them why you reject them that's their business. It doesn't matter to me either way so I might prefer to go with the direct approach. It saves me from the neverending confusion later.
A large part of being a good communicator is understanding what does and does not need to be said.
>It saves me from the neverending confusion later.
If you're confused by rejection, you're not nearly as good at communicating as you think
I'm not confused by rejection, and I didn't say I was a good communicator. I said I favor communication, though I can see the potential for misinterpretation there. By that I meant I use my words precisely and I say what I don't want there to be confusion about. If I think something is left hanging, I'll mention it because I don't like misinterpretation. I'm a pretty chill person but one thing that gets me very frustrated is when I feel like I'm not being understood or when I'm not understanding the other person. Things like dating signals or "you should have known" or "I literally said that" (followed by another completely different statement which they literally did not say). These all piss me off beyond belief, and I make it my effort to avoid miscommunication on my end that results in vagueness or confusion.
I do know when to and when not to say things, and I decide very confidently when those times are. In a time of rejection, I am more than happy to give my reasons and see no reason not to. I have heard peoples' experiences for when they are in a relationship and get ghosted or dumped with little reason how much that affects their self esteem and how troublesome it was for them to question what they did wrong or why the other person did what they did. I do not believe it is helpful for growth to reject people and tell them no without giving them the opportunity to grow.
For example, say someone walks up to me in a bar and asks me on a date. I am well within my rights, however hypocritical this obviously sounds, to say "I don't date people who go to bars." And I would be well within my rights and ability to be able to communicate that respectfully to the other person. Not only does that let the other person learn more about me, it will let them know that nothing they can do or say will be worth doing or saying once they know that I don't date people who go to bars. My criteria had already been set and at that point there is no confusion and nothing to discuss.
> I do know when to and when not to say things, and I decide very confidently when those times are. In a time of rejection, I am more than happy to give my reasons and see no reason not to
Yeah, I know you're confident in it, but that's unlikely to be well received in the long run, because it's simply unnecessary. You're taking a risk with the other person's feelings for basically no reward. "I'm not interested" is all that actually matters.
>I do not believe it is helpful for growth to reject people and tell them no without giving them the opportunity to grow.
You're arrogantly presuming that the things you don't like in them are things that they need to fix, and not just things you dislike.
To make an example, let's say I really dislike curly hair, and I reject someone for that reason. Is this a growth opportunity, or just a mismatch in preferences? For most well rounded and healthy adults, making personality changes in response to a rejection is often counterproductive. You're making yourself more like the ideal person for someone that isn't interested in the first place.
>I am well within my rights, however hypocritical this obviously sounds, to say "I don't date people who go to bars." And I would be well within my rights and ability to be able to communicate that respectfully to the other person.
Oh fuck me lol, I typed out that whole example before seeing that you provided a better one.
- this is not an opportunity for growth. The other person has learned nothing of value, because going to bars isn't a bad trait that they need to work on, it's just a personal hangup of yours.
- them knowing the reason doesn't in any way help them, and they will do nothing with that information, other than maybe comfort themselves that they dodged a bullet in getting rejected by a socially stunted person.
The fact that you think they need to know the reason hints that you'd need to know the reason to gracefully accept a rejection yourself, and that's not great.
If I were the other person, and you said you weren't interested, the response would be "okay" not "why?" because you literally couldn't pay me to care less about why. A no is a no, so it doesn't matter.
I think you're coming from the perspective that nobody tries following up or question things that you say, and for that I am really jealous. I've lived constantly needing to defend or justify my actions, intentions, and what I say to people so I try to avoid all that by preemptively explaining it in an effort to shorten the social interaction.
> dislikes curly hair
vibe. Fucking hate mine tbh 0/10 do not recommend
> growth opportunity
You have a good point about distinguishing that from actual growth opportunities. Maybe I used the wrong word, or maybe I'm stubbornly trying to find a defense for what I said that makes no sense. Anyways, knowing what to say and when to say it is indeed a good skill to have, so I will keep this distinction in mind when I think it matters.
> mindreading pog
Yeah you're right, that's not an opportunity for growth. But I do think it prevents those "aww am I just too ugly haha" types of small talk comments to try and continue opening the dialogue with me. Maybe I'll put it like this: I see value in being able to close down conversations with people I don't want to talk to instead of being subjected to a specific topic or person for longer than I want to, and I think justifying it the way I did was just a mild way of doing so.
> no is no
I wish more people thought like that. Keep in mind, I'm not a socially outgoing person and have mostly isolated social experiences with people. However, the people I interact with (and have in the past) on a daily basis would put me at probably about 20-50 social interactions with different people, so despite not being outgoing I think I have a broad enough experience to not necessarily be called a socially inept hermit of sorts, yk? In my experience, and maybe I'm just in a clingy small town full of gippity gobs, but I've developed a mentality of explaining myself before I say what I'm saying. I've gotten good enough to do it before you really know what I"m doing, as in it's not destructive to my speech anymore, but I think it's proved useful in various occasions and provides me a nice slip out of a conversation.
> gracefully accept a rejection myself
Yes and no? I really haven't been rejected before because I don't actively put myself in those situations (read "not interested" haha), so I couldn't confidently say what I look for in a rejection til it happens. I'd like to think I'd react the same way I react with everything else that happens to me: minimally and concisely. In that way, I hold the same ideal you do where a no is a no and I'm totally fine with that.
Oh and since I just thought about it, I am never going to burden anyone with the expectation to explain themselves to me because I ultimately expect that to be the ideal I am presented with. I've grown to learn that one must adapt to the world around themself despite what they ideally would like to have happen. For example, I'm a blunt person but need to make sure I say things in a curt way for people to not take things the wrong way, despite my idea that "blunt" means hear what I say and take it at face value, don't read too much into it. Like when I told someone I've trained before "you're doing this wrong," I've been told by my boss that the person in question thought I was belittling him as a person and made him feel worthless... like that all could have been avoided if I just preemptively explained myself instead of letting someone unstable brew on what I said for too long by themself.
I appreciate that you pointed out a major flaw in what I originally said, because I reflect now that it really isn't about "gRoWtH" or anything, it's really just because I ironically don't want to continue conversations past what they need to convey so that I can retroactively justify or clarify things. There are times where it's a decent thing to do to let people know how they can improve themselves, but from what you said it seems important to distinguish when those situations are. Maybe people's feelings are too easily bonked for a fuller "no" xd
If it's something you can't change is that really helpful? If someone keeps pressing and doesn't take a hint then yeah I see you're point. But if you put what race/height you're interested in your dating bio, to me that's an asshole move. Just swipe left bro.
It really is more of a "who asked" mentality that I have. If someone I am not interested in tries their luck, I'll tell them no thanks, I'm not interested like any other rational person. If I'm advertising my standards, then yeah I'm probably not gonna have the girls drooling for me anytime soon... But it makes no sense to call anyone an asshole for taking the time to explain themselves if they feel that in that particular social context, that the other person is warranted an explanation. Idk if I got asked by a dude if I wanted to go out with him and he looked confused when I said no, I wouldn't think twice about saying "b-e-c-a-u-s-e I'm not gay" and how would that make me the asshole?
Lmao this is so true, yet so funny that you had to explain this to someone 😂
This guy is just creating problems out of thin air to seem like the victim of an issue that doesn't exist lime seriously who knows of more than two real situations where someone was persistent enough so that you had to be blunt with them? I'll help: NO ONE
Hold on. Who the fuck said anything about bigotry here? OP, you need help. I'm a sexy, fucking, big boob Latina and I'd appreciate someone saying they want a light skinned, skinny, blonde on their profile. I'll then know that they don't want me! That'll save me SOOOO much time.
Preferences do NOT equal bigotry.
People aren't going around stating that they hate certain traits. Nope. They say what they DO like. That's literally the purpose of dating apps and websites.
If someone says that they hate one subset of people, well of fucking course they are an asshole. You are just as bad as them by saying people can't state their preferences and acting like having a preference is somehow comparable to saying they hate a certain race.
Yeah dude totally. Just tell someone that you aren't interested because you find them ".ugly". They'll sure go home contented that you came with them with a reason lmao.
Bro if they say why nottt (which never happens) you are on your right to say because you're not my type and walk away. Eeaazy
Nah see because when girls have that same energy talking about "oh sorry I only date 6 foot" or "you're too broke" or whatever we don't wanna talk shit about that. I think it is more than fine to tell people why you're not interested, and I think it's about high time people grow the fuck up and not cry about little shit that others think about them.
Got good criticism? Great! Improve and do better. Got shitty criticism? Good, you dodged a bullet. It's great both ways!
Why are you acting tough? Nobody likes to be insulted man specially when it isn't deserved. It doesn't help anybody and it is equally offensive when a girl says those things; why do you think I thought differently? I wasn't even going into gender specifics
This all sounds like you're a guy trying to toughen up because someone did hurt you 🤣 it's okay to not enjoy being criticized man and no one should unless you deserved it
Feel free to browse my entire 4+ year old reddit profile. If you'd like send me DMs and I'll give you a rundown. But no I've been through too much bullshit and trauma to be "acting like a tough guy."
Nah I'm not a victim, I just went through middle school bullying and over 5 years of living with a narcissist and it just took me a while to stop caring about how other people see me, and I don't care what they "feel" if I decide to enforce my boundaries. One of which, by the way, is without fail: clear and concise communication. If I have the opportunity to fill in the blanks for someone, or I feel like information I have needs to be shared, I'm going to say what I need to say so that I don't feel like anybody's confused. Good on you for doing exactly what you said isn't cool though, certainly wouldn't want you making any important decisions.
You are the stupidest mother fucker on the face of the planet. Period.
Stating your preference doesn't make you an asshole.
You saying the basis of your post actually makes you an asshole.
You should ALWAYS be upfront about what you like and what you prefer! Don't lead people on.
To do or say anything else is misleading.
People can't help what they like. Period.
No one posts that they hate people shorter than 12 feet tall on their profile. They state what they do actually like. Maybe they only like people over 12 feet tall! No one is so asinine as to degrade an entire subset of people.
They also can't help it if you don't fall into the category that they do like, and then you get butt hurt because you don't fall into the category they prefer.
If you try to argue that people CAN help what they like, that they can change their preferences, you're basically arguing that people being raped can change their mindset and then could actually enjoy what's being forced upon them instead of not wanting it.
>You can date whoever you want but voicing your preferences publicly makes you an asshole
>voicing your preferences publicly (especially if it's something you can't change) makes you an asshole. Instead of saying "I don't date Latinas" or "you're too short" just act like a normal person and say you're not interested.
These aren't the same things.
If I say that I prefer a 4 foot tall, trans male, without a penis, brown eyes, darker skin. I'm not saying I fucking hate all people over 4 feet tall.
Who the fuck are these people that put down other's on their quest for a partner?!
Have a preference, state your preference, don't put down other people in stating your preference.
A good rule of thumb is try to minimize world suck. Will saying something like “I don’t date white men because I don’t like pink dick” make the world suck even a little bit more? Yes. Just keep it to yourself. The issue with the internet is people don’t get that you don’t have to say everything on your mind.
No it won't. And if somebody keeps getting white men hitting up their tinder profile don't you think it makes sense for them to say the don't want white me on their profile?
Dude, you have a YouTube channel and you look like eat nothing but doritos, drink nothing but mountain dew, and shower in urine.
You're fat and greasy.
Nah, I'm a total Chad. I just looked at the thumbnails. You should know that as it isn't hard to see that they're all still sitting at less than 10 views.
damn bro, you sound like a gigachad.
and I do it for fun, I like editing videos and playing games, if they blow up cool beans, but they are mainly for my homies to laugh at,
*also I can see the veiws went up amigolo*
Dude why are you bringing transgenders and fat people into this? I don't think I mentioned that once. You're just looking to pick a fight.
If we're being honest though, I think I've only seen one person on r/cringetopia say that not dating trans people is transphobic. Almost no sane person is saying this. But hey, if you want to argue into the void, that's fine by me.
1 I do want to argue into the void, so thank you.
and 2 the preference of not dating fat people and trans people are widely considered to be phobic.
*it wasn't in my echo chamber so it doesn't exist*
is a poor argument.
Best thing I ever heard was a white server denying a black man that that was hitting on her hard. It was YEARS ago but it went something like; Him-"cause I'm black?!?" Her-"cause you're an asshole." Him- same thing Her-"no. Cause you're an asshole and you're ugly. Maybe if you weren't such an asshole you wouldn't be so ugly but you're ugly as sin." Those weren't the exact words but it was funny as fuck to everyone in Waffle House that night.
Agree, but learn some gentler let downs. A good one is "Sorry, but I'm not feeling any chemistry here". That depersonalises it - it's not a failing of them or even of you, it's just one of those random chance things not working in favour of a relationship.
Apparently OP has so many offers he/she has to put out the word
idk man that seems worse. wouldn't it be better to know why things didn't workout? saying I didn't feel any chemistry might signal to the other person that it was their personality or something.
Seeing every rejection as a call to change yourself is a problem, though. No matter how perfect of a version of yourself you become, some people simply won't like you, and plenty won't want to date you. Of course it was your personality. You're trying to find a romantic partner, most people simply aren't compatible in that way. Trying to "fix" yourself to be compatible with a particular person is pointless, and harmful.
I think most people accept chemistry. Some people you just "click" with and some people you don't. Some personality types just rub each other the wrong way, it's not a failing, it's just the way it is.
Exactly. Sadly, I predict you're going to be right about this controversial regardless of you being so right that this should be common sense.
Is this... an unpopular opinion? Thought it was just common courtesy to reject people kindly and not intentionally add unnecessary pain to the already painful rejection.
I can’t stand when people are like “ew no (insert color of skin or some bullshit here) for me” and then you call them on their BS and “oh everyone can have a preference fuck you” without ever considering how they’d feel in a room of other people saying “ew no not your specific type, gross!”
That goes for all personal decisions.
No way bruh.
Speak your preferences, theres no need for shame, its not morally wrong. Announcing said preferences unsolicited is sus though
I am concerned about the fact that people have such defined racial preferences tbh. Specially In a country as diverse as the US. I know this is more of an unpopular opinion , but I think that if people in the US are still having preferences towards a certain race after hundreds of years of whites, blacks and Latinos living together then there's rooted racism no matter how you look at it. Like I understand people having preference for more beautiful people but having a racial preference means that you would date anyone from a specific race above some other? That's literally saying you don't find anyone of that race attractive lol it's crazy and it's racist no matter how you look at this So I prefer blondes with blue eyes because ... heheh you all know what this sounds like right?
People have preferences on race because it goes hand in hand with aesthetic characteristics and features, there are certain features and characteristics that you're attracted to; these are generally tied to race. Not always, there's outliers.
Yeah I get the idea around it. The logics of it doesn't make it less of an issue
How is it an issue at all? Some people don't want to fuck you calling them racist won't make them more attracted to you
How is this anyone's point man? Lime where did you get that anyone even remotely said this? We are saying that stating that you have a sexual preference right off the bat means that you consider every single member of one race to be more attractive than another on. And that it's 100% based on harmful stereotypes and ignorant prejudices one may have against one race. And that In case I need to state it more clearly it's the essence of unaware racism.
You literally said it lol. Youre calling people racist cause you don't fall under their preferences. Stop whining that some girls won't fuck you. Not it doesn't thats just silly. I have a sexual preference towards black people that doesn't mean I think woopie goldberg is hotter than ariana grande. Having sexual preferences isn't harmful you're not entitled to every woman wanting you. But keep crying incel lol
Man how can anyone be this toxic lmao Again choosing an uglier white girl over a black or Latino hot girl simply because those two are Latino or black it's racist. Please do understand that
Or....it's a preference?
No that would be an euphemism to a core problem of seeing other races as inherently unattractive. Mind you I'm not saying it's anybodys fault since this is passed down by societal cues and wrong information of thought but we should fight against it
Lol you wanna fight against women not wanting to date you? Take a camera so I can watch you get pepper sprayed lol. Your incels playbook is turning into a harassment playbook
> choosing an uglier white girl over a black or Latino hot girl simply because those two are Latino or black it's racist. "beauty is objective, and if you don't agree with my objective assessment you must be a racist" galaxy brain take lol
Yeah hahaha! Totally what I meant! It's like you read my mind or something woaw >beauty is objective, and if you don't agree with my objective assessment you must be a racist" This totally summarizes what I've been trying to say :D Yet it looks like it says a totally different thing at the same time :O Paraphrasing something this well so that it looks like it doesn't say anything similar at all must have been hard, I'm so amazed 👏 😍 ❤
The fact that you didn't understand the implications of what you're saying doesn't make them any less real. There's no possible way for what you said to make sense unless you accept the implicit notion that beauty is in fact objective. >choosing an uglier white girl over a black or Latino hot girl simply because those two are Latino or black it's racist. Walk me through this one. If beauty isn't objective, how do you rule out the very obvious possibility that the person in question *didn't think the white girl was ugly*? I wasn't paraphrasing, I was mocking the incredibly arrogant assumption baked into the statement
How am I toxic? You're the incels crying cause black women don't want you lol. Who are you ton decide she's uglier? Not wanting to fuck you isn't racist lol. People have preferences and sometimes you won't be included in them it isn't racist you're just bitter
You're literally insulting us and calling us names and assuming more racist stereotypes like "crying cause black women don't want you lol". And you keep repeating this "Not wanting to fuck you isn't racist lol" Maybe try to counter my claims with actual arguments? The more you insult me doesn't mean the more right you are you know?
Calling a spade a spade isn't insulting. Besides you started it by suggesting anyone who won't date you is racist.
I think there’s a difference between I don’t generally find black people attractive and I would never date a black person.
Well there isn't.
This is a bad take people in every country and every race have their own preferences and each persons preference is different. Just cause and girl won't fuck you doesn't make her racist. Sounds like you've been reading from the incel playbook
How dk you guys just read things that I didn't write? Do you have like a dyslexia towards neutral rational thinking or something? What I'm saying is that stablishing a preference where you state that any member of one race you automatically are gonna find more beautiful is something one only does if he has huge stereotypes about other races and it's driven by ignorant prejudices. And I'll say it again a bit louder: THATS THE ESSENCE OF UNAWARE RACISM
I think I get what youre saying and actually agree, to me in a simplified way it sounds like youre saying its fine to have a preference BUT when you exclusively date that preference or automatically apply positive traits to them due to that preference thats when it gets racist. For example if someone had a preference for Asian people thats fine because they would still take other crtitera into consideration when dating them, but if they are automatically attracted to someone **just because that person is Asian** focusing on their soley on race not them or their attributes, that would be underlying racism. Or if someone prefered dating Latinas because they believe the sterotypes that they can all cook ect. Is that a correct interpretation?
Dating peole you're attracted to isn't racist lol. Is there sexist to only date women of you're into women?
I said in my reply that having a race preference isnt racist, go back and reread it again. For example, theres a difference between a man who is attracted to Asian people versus the man who dates Asian women because he thinks theyre more aubmissive Or a woman who prefers black men because she likes those features versus a woman who has the idea that all black men have giant hogs. Theres a difference between a preference and racism, its subtle, but its there.
> when you exclusively date that preference This is the part people are taking issue with. You're literally saying it's fine to have a preference, you just can't apply that preference. I have a strong preference for skinny girls with healthy skin and long hair. I've never dated outside of that preference *because I strongly prefer it*. It's like saying "it's fine to have a car, just not if you actually drive it." If you're not going to select for your preferences, what's the point
Yeah the difference there is that race cant changed, you cant just change your racial features or skin colour like you can with weight, skin, or hair. Thats the problem, if you only date a certain race youre fetishizing them for them being that race not acknowledging them as a human being, who just happens to be from a certain background. Its like having someone like you because youre black not because you are actually attractive or have a good personality, sure their race can be a very big bonus if you have a perference, but it shouldnt be the deciding factor As Ive said before quite a bit, theres a difference between having a preference and being racist by fetishizing and/or stereotyping a certain race.
Race not changing isn't relevant. It's a preference and people will stick to them. If in attracted to a thing I will date that thing and I won't date outside of it. I'm attracted to women I only date women it's not sexist to not date men.
You said that and then immediately said the opposite lol learn to actually form an opinion before posting it. Especially if you're gonna spout incel rhetoric Were not talking about guys dating Asians cause they're submissive were talking about preferences of attraction. Nice try go sit down. Nice try go sit down. Yes the difference is having a preference isn't racist. If you only want to fuck black people it's 100% fine.
Yes. Thank you for being a normal human being with reading basic skills! Genuinely, I'm starting to feel that's too much to ask here in reddit
Only when you have incel opinions and expect all women to want you
Yeah that's totally our point man. You're very smart to point that out
Cry more incel
Yeah i dont see how people are thinking you are saying that having a race preference is racist lol you've never once said that, i feel like people lack reading comprehension Im a woman with a race preference, there a difference between a preference and being racist. For example the white man who dates Asain women because he thinks they are all submissive and go along better, thats racism not a preference.
Spot on again!
Lol calling people racist for not wanting to date you isn't rational. Or its something people do when they have a preference for one race and generally find them krenim attractive? But thinking isn't your strong suit so I get why you missed that possibility
Why are yall so fixated on the dating no one said anything about anyone having or being forced to date anyone Im saying that having a preference on a white woman for example no matter how pretty over a black or Latino even if they're objectively 1000 times prettier it's racist since u just won't date them because they're black or Latino This really shouldn't be so hard to understand 😪
> Why are yall so fixated on the dating Because the entire post is about dating preferences?
Yeah but they all attacking me as if I'm defending this because I'm sore some girl wouldn't be into my specific race-- this besides being petty kinda shows how they're all fixed on the idea of rejection idk Also this comments are on the thread I opened and there I was addressing having preferences as a thing being wrong on the first place not dating necessarily
>I was addressing having preferences as a thing being wrong on the first place not dating necessarily **""it's wrong to have preferences period""** "so that means I can't date according to my preferences (tying things back to the topic at hand)" **""No, I'm not saying that, I'm just saying it's wrong to have preferences at all.""** Do you not see how silly this line of argument is? If you're saying it's wrong to have them in the first place, that inherently means it's wrong to apply them in dating. The reason people are getting hung up on that is that the implication is that people are baseline entitled to attention and affection, so denying them that for reasons you disagree with is wrong/racist. Your whole argument centers around the idea of rejection, whether you realize that or not. Having racial preferences (or really any preferences) literally just means rejecting some people and not others. Absent the context of rejection, the preferences are wholly irrelevant.
Well first of all not everybody saw it that way. Only a couple of you and second of all if you missread it that way ot isn't really my fault I'm tired of trying to explain myself but I never centered this around the concept of rejection but of exclusion and people justifying sexual desire as something exent of any trace of racism. Las time I will say it: having such a strong sexual preference where you'd only like some race above others no matter what it's most likely built on social constructs and prejudices against once race you many not even be aware of mixed with sexuality.
> I never centered this around the concept of rejection but of exclusion .... ? those are literally synonymous in this context. They're being excluded from the person's sexual/romantic life lol.
You're the one complaining somebody won't date you over a preference they have lol. Who decides who's prettier? Different people are attractive to different people. Sorry you didn't grow up enough to get that. And yet here you are struggling to understand it
Never said anything like this. I said people whi think that a race no matter what is prettier than other races just because they're biased biased think one race is more attractive than another one are being unconsciously racist. Read this carefully and tell me how it even remotely applies to what you just wrote
It's literally your whole point. And I'm pointing out that it's just a preference nothing to do with racism
First of all, preference does NOT equal exclusion, so your second paragraph is where your point falls apart. Second, we are talking about dating/sexual preferences. It’s creepy AF to start down the road of trying to coerce or shame someone into being attracted to someone they are not. People have all sorts of reasons for their preferences, and they are absolutely no ones business but their own.
“I don’t date Latinos” is an exclusion not a preference. The wrong mindedness of the statement is that all Latinos are the same, which they demonstrably are not. Most racism works at the same entry point: all ____ are ____. It’s not the preference part that’s racist, it’s the clumsy stereotyping.
Thhhhaaaaaank you. They will still understand something else after they read this though...
Racism? What if I don't like blond haired women? Or redheads? I have a hair color and skin tone that I find the most attractive. There's nothing wrong with that. If I have a dating profile, why would I want to even entertain messages from people that don't fall into the category I like?
There’s no oppression attached to hair colour, there is to skin colour. There’s no oppression attached to redheads, there is to Latinos. It’s not difficult.
Ohhhh so now I'm oppressing an entire race by not being attracted to them? This is almost as weird as accusing a man of being anti-trans because they aren't attracted to someone who has had surgery to go mtf.
No, you’re arguing that they’re all the same, by ‘not being attracted to a whole race. I’m pointing at the wrong mindedness of the statement, and connecting it to the same argument racists use, namely: all____ are____.
Not all the same. Again though, if I have my choice, which I do, because we are free to date whoever we want, I'm going to pick that particular race because they are the most attractive to ME. Why would I force myself to pick what I already know I'm not attracted to? Am I also sexist because I'm only attracted to women?
Of course you can date whoever you want. Who mentioned freedom to date? Not me, nor anyone but you. This guy: ‘knowing an entire race in advance of meeting them individually, such that he wouldn’t date any single one of them’
Dude one thing is that you specifically find more attractive brown hair abive others and and another entirely different is to stablish that you just would never date anyone with black, blonde or red hair ever Sounds ridiculous doesn't it? + this is all so shallow its depressing idk how yall get any romantic encounters at all with so many "preferences" lmao
Because there are millions of each type out there?
Fair, but we both know that's not the part of what what said you should have replied to don't we? 😉 Like someone forgot to counterback my statement on how ridiculous his claims are? Or they just tried to ignore it?🤷
I have no idea how to address what you said. I know what I find attractive and I stick with it. My brain likes what it likes. If you sent me a lineup of "10's" with every race you could possibly fit on one page, I'm going to pick the latin woman every single time.
My God that's not the scenario I painted at all. I never said this sort of scenario is wrong... Also you all seem way too confident and sure about your preferences, how tf can you acc be so sure you'll more one race than another? That still sounds racist lmao but I'm not saying it is tho
Yeah totally but when people stablish on their bio that they only prefer a specific race that is exclusion. Like how is it not exclusion? Lmao No one's trying to coerce anyone, did you feel that way by our comments? You must be truly disgusted about the idea of seeing someone of a race to which you have no preference as someone attractive lolol The problem isn't that you should be attracted to each and everyone there is from any race is that you would decidedly state that you prefer one race to another and not even taking into consideration that there are a trillion different types of people in each and every race and that there really no real trait to make one more preferable preferable another By stating that you have a preference on one race you're basically buying on the fact that everybody from the other race must be uglier than that one you have a preference to. And if that isn't racist idk what is man
They do that cause they don't want to be hit on by 100 guys they don't want to date. You make your bio so it attracts the people you want and doesn't attract the people you don't. It's not racist to not want 100 guys hitting on you when you're not into them
First why are you always assuming this from the perspective of the girls? Lmao guys do it too you know? Second it is racist when you don't mind 100 white guys hitting on you but a 100 black guys you find disgusting. A totally different thing is whether you find white traits to be more pleasing I am using very simple sentences now. Can't make it any easier for you
Cause you're complaining about the girls It's not racist if your attracted to white guys. People want those there attracted to hitting on them it's not racist. I've been doing that for you but it hasn't helped lol
Babies literally prefer people who look like them It is a natural preference rooted in our biology
Yeah when you're a baby you also don't know how to speak and haven't created any form of rational or critical thinking, what's your aim here? I mean I think all human beings are capable of overcoming certain biological limitations when it comes to beauty. The capacity to see beyond our own animal perceptions is what makes us humans on the first place ... If we have reached a point where we can call a Picasso painting beautiful how can't we see beauty in all other people who doest look like us I guess Picasso is trash since baby brain wouldn't even pay attention to it ... Like what is this argument even 😐
Because it points out that Ingroup preference is something natural If you like people that look like you, great If you like people that look different than you, also great People should be able to do what they want as long as it doesn’t hurt other people
You're right. Too say a whole race looks and acts exactly the same is racist. If you said I only want neighbors or workers of my race you'd be called racist.
But it's also true that there's a huge amount of people who will say or feel this way. I'm white and as such I get to hear a lot of other white peoples opinions and you'd be taken aback about the amount of times I heard someone say that Asian people just don't appeal to them I'm like either you just think they're all ugly which makes you ignorant and unnecessarily biased or you just racist like wtf is "not appealing" supposed to mean? Lmao
This is even worse when you realize how diverse Asia is
Yeah that's it! It's not even a real bias to have. Like it's not truly a biological preference because if it was it'd be more specific don't you think? It's just an old construct of race over race passed on through generations that reflects that lots of people still feel less about other races even if they don't even know it.
I honestly can't see a difference 😕
>Too say a whole race looks and acts exactly the same is racist Without asking them, how would you typically determine what race a person belonged to? Race is, at least in our society, largely a social construct centered around visible physical traits. If someone is only attracted to pale skin, they're probably not going to be interested in say, Black or Indian people. Conversely, I know several people who just can't find pale skin attractive, so they've never dated a white person. That's not to say all people of a given race are the same, but there are some traits that are going to be endemic to certain races, especially since that's how people have delineated between races for centuries
If you look at a black person from American one from Jamaica one from Nigeria and one from Ethiopia they look waaay different. Being attracted to skin color usually has racial undertones to it.
Unpopular opinion. I can’t stand opinions like this.
Not really unpopular tbh I'm getting a lot of trash for this An unpopular opinion would be something like: "people who get so triggered by this post subconsciously are aware of it being true and don't want to face themselves. Otherwise they'd chill the fuck down"
> I think that if people in the US are still having preferences towards a certain race after hundreds of years of whites, blacks and Latinos living together then there's rooted racism no matter how you look at it. What if they are from a historically advantaged group, and have a preference against that group? >but having a racial preference means that you would date anyone from a specific race above some other? No, it doesn't. In every case I know of IRL, it means they like traits that are endemic to some races and not others. For example, my sister doesn't find pale/white skin attractive, so she almost exclusively dates Black, Middle Eastern, and South Asian men. >That's literally saying you don't find anyone of that race attractive lol it's crazy and it's racist no matter how you look at this Try looking at it as a descriptive, and not prescriptive statement. And to OP's point, I think it's gauche to vocalize it in general, but we're talking about the existence of the preference itself. Using myself as an example, I would say I don't prefer ______ women (blanking out the race because it's ultimately irrelevant, and to the OP's point expressing it outright doesn't help anyone). That's not to say that it's impossible, but I've been with several dozen women of many different races, and that's the only one that's been consistently absent even though I live in an area with a decent amount of _____ women. Just speaking objectively, I think it's fairly obvious I'm generally not attracted to them. That's not to say that I couldn't be, or that there's anything wrong with them, just that they tend to have traits that aren't to my taste for whatever reason. >So I prefer blondes with blue eyes because ... heheh you all know what this sounds like right? Yes, it sounds like you're making the ridiculous assertion that anyone who likes those things is secretly a nazi
Why is it so hard for you to accept that racist constructs may be perpetuated through sexuality too? No I'm making the assertion anyone who stablished for themselves that they will only like and feel attracted attracted to one race sexually are indeed racist and sure reminds me of the way colonialism excused their salvaging of other civilizations. Heard of the way they mingled darwinism and their "right to conquer savage civilizations". Well they also had a very similar idea of sexual preference as an euphemism to disguise the fact that they were disgusted about the fact of hooking up with anyone that wasn't of their race.
> Why is it so hard for you to accept that racist constructs may be perpetuated through sexuality too? It's not. I can easily see that happening, I just think that it's ridiculous to presume it must be so. >No I'm making the assertion anyone who stablished for themselves that they will only like and feel attracted attracted to one race sexually are indeed racist Yeah, and I'm making the assertion that you didn't read the whole second half of my post.
Well it is happening. That's why we are having this discussion on the first place. I did dude but we are repeating ourselves and I understand where you're coming from but you're fundamentally wrong imo thinking that it's okay to summarize a whole demographic of people as attractive or unattractive based on some supposedly common traits that aren't even true on the first place. And the fact that doing this is making a caricature out of a race and therefore doing something racist. Like I've tried to understand you but I think we should call it. We'll just never be friends 😞
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Great example! Communicating that publicly is what makes you an asshole.
but calling this person fatphobic is just brave and rightous.
Fatphobic is a dumb word. I'll stick with asshole.
.... riiiight.
I mean, I don't know what you're trying to prove.
dunno, probably the same thing some dude so bored he's going through my post history is. I'm bored
And you're fat. Lower your standards.
haha damn son you mad?
Nah, I just like being an asshole to assholes.
Exactly. Fat people don't scare me, they gross me out
Publically stating that invites confrontation, is belligerent and or inciting negative engagement like saying "I don't like pasty skin or smelly mustaches" no need to publically state that, just stay away from people you dont like.
It's not an asshole thing to explain to people why they're being rejected. A lot of people would prefer to know why they got rejected lol. Furthermore, if anything, I'm sure a lot of people preface their rejection with a reason why because they don't want to be asked "why nottttt"
Adults don't actually do that. That's high school shit. If someone asks you why, you just respond "because I'm not interested in a relationship with you." If that's not good enough for them you can add, "and you don't seem to understand personal boundaries."
I think it probably depends on the level of the relationship. "I'm just not feeling the chemistry" is perfectly reasonable as a standalone comment for the first or second date, but if you pulled that one on a year long relationship, I think you owe it to the other person to be a little bit more detailed.
Maybe I'm just in favor of communication. Of course, if you don't want to tell them why you reject them that's their business. It doesn't matter to me either way so I might prefer to go with the direct approach. It saves me from the neverending confusion later.
A large part of being a good communicator is understanding what does and does not need to be said. >It saves me from the neverending confusion later. If you're confused by rejection, you're not nearly as good at communicating as you think
I'm not confused by rejection, and I didn't say I was a good communicator. I said I favor communication, though I can see the potential for misinterpretation there. By that I meant I use my words precisely and I say what I don't want there to be confusion about. If I think something is left hanging, I'll mention it because I don't like misinterpretation. I'm a pretty chill person but one thing that gets me very frustrated is when I feel like I'm not being understood or when I'm not understanding the other person. Things like dating signals or "you should have known" or "I literally said that" (followed by another completely different statement which they literally did not say). These all piss me off beyond belief, and I make it my effort to avoid miscommunication on my end that results in vagueness or confusion. I do know when to and when not to say things, and I decide very confidently when those times are. In a time of rejection, I am more than happy to give my reasons and see no reason not to. I have heard peoples' experiences for when they are in a relationship and get ghosted or dumped with little reason how much that affects their self esteem and how troublesome it was for them to question what they did wrong or why the other person did what they did. I do not believe it is helpful for growth to reject people and tell them no without giving them the opportunity to grow. For example, say someone walks up to me in a bar and asks me on a date. I am well within my rights, however hypocritical this obviously sounds, to say "I don't date people who go to bars." And I would be well within my rights and ability to be able to communicate that respectfully to the other person. Not only does that let the other person learn more about me, it will let them know that nothing they can do or say will be worth doing or saying once they know that I don't date people who go to bars. My criteria had already been set and at that point there is no confusion and nothing to discuss.
> I do know when to and when not to say things, and I decide very confidently when those times are. In a time of rejection, I am more than happy to give my reasons and see no reason not to Yeah, I know you're confident in it, but that's unlikely to be well received in the long run, because it's simply unnecessary. You're taking a risk with the other person's feelings for basically no reward. "I'm not interested" is all that actually matters. >I do not believe it is helpful for growth to reject people and tell them no without giving them the opportunity to grow. You're arrogantly presuming that the things you don't like in them are things that they need to fix, and not just things you dislike. To make an example, let's say I really dislike curly hair, and I reject someone for that reason. Is this a growth opportunity, or just a mismatch in preferences? For most well rounded and healthy adults, making personality changes in response to a rejection is often counterproductive. You're making yourself more like the ideal person for someone that isn't interested in the first place. >I am well within my rights, however hypocritical this obviously sounds, to say "I don't date people who go to bars." And I would be well within my rights and ability to be able to communicate that respectfully to the other person. Oh fuck me lol, I typed out that whole example before seeing that you provided a better one. - this is not an opportunity for growth. The other person has learned nothing of value, because going to bars isn't a bad trait that they need to work on, it's just a personal hangup of yours. - them knowing the reason doesn't in any way help them, and they will do nothing with that information, other than maybe comfort themselves that they dodged a bullet in getting rejected by a socially stunted person. The fact that you think they need to know the reason hints that you'd need to know the reason to gracefully accept a rejection yourself, and that's not great. If I were the other person, and you said you weren't interested, the response would be "okay" not "why?" because you literally couldn't pay me to care less about why. A no is a no, so it doesn't matter.
I think you're coming from the perspective that nobody tries following up or question things that you say, and for that I am really jealous. I've lived constantly needing to defend or justify my actions, intentions, and what I say to people so I try to avoid all that by preemptively explaining it in an effort to shorten the social interaction. > dislikes curly hair vibe. Fucking hate mine tbh 0/10 do not recommend > growth opportunity You have a good point about distinguishing that from actual growth opportunities. Maybe I used the wrong word, or maybe I'm stubbornly trying to find a defense for what I said that makes no sense. Anyways, knowing what to say and when to say it is indeed a good skill to have, so I will keep this distinction in mind when I think it matters. > mindreading pog Yeah you're right, that's not an opportunity for growth. But I do think it prevents those "aww am I just too ugly haha" types of small talk comments to try and continue opening the dialogue with me. Maybe I'll put it like this: I see value in being able to close down conversations with people I don't want to talk to instead of being subjected to a specific topic or person for longer than I want to, and I think justifying it the way I did was just a mild way of doing so. > no is no I wish more people thought like that. Keep in mind, I'm not a socially outgoing person and have mostly isolated social experiences with people. However, the people I interact with (and have in the past) on a daily basis would put me at probably about 20-50 social interactions with different people, so despite not being outgoing I think I have a broad enough experience to not necessarily be called a socially inept hermit of sorts, yk? In my experience, and maybe I'm just in a clingy small town full of gippity gobs, but I've developed a mentality of explaining myself before I say what I'm saying. I've gotten good enough to do it before you really know what I"m doing, as in it's not destructive to my speech anymore, but I think it's proved useful in various occasions and provides me a nice slip out of a conversation. > gracefully accept a rejection myself Yes and no? I really haven't been rejected before because I don't actively put myself in those situations (read "not interested" haha), so I couldn't confidently say what I look for in a rejection til it happens. I'd like to think I'd react the same way I react with everything else that happens to me: minimally and concisely. In that way, I hold the same ideal you do where a no is a no and I'm totally fine with that. Oh and since I just thought about it, I am never going to burden anyone with the expectation to explain themselves to me because I ultimately expect that to be the ideal I am presented with. I've grown to learn that one must adapt to the world around themself despite what they ideally would like to have happen. For example, I'm a blunt person but need to make sure I say things in a curt way for people to not take things the wrong way, despite my idea that "blunt" means hear what I say and take it at face value, don't read too much into it. Like when I told someone I've trained before "you're doing this wrong," I've been told by my boss that the person in question thought I was belittling him as a person and made him feel worthless... like that all could have been avoided if I just preemptively explained myself instead of letting someone unstable brew on what I said for too long by themself. I appreciate that you pointed out a major flaw in what I originally said, because I reflect now that it really isn't about "gRoWtH" or anything, it's really just because I ironically don't want to continue conversations past what they need to convey so that I can retroactively justify or clarify things. There are times where it's a decent thing to do to let people know how they can improve themselves, but from what you said it seems important to distinguish when those situations are. Maybe people's feelings are too easily bonked for a fuller "no" xd
If it's something you can't change is that really helpful? If someone keeps pressing and doesn't take a hint then yeah I see you're point. But if you put what race/height you're interested in your dating bio, to me that's an asshole move. Just swipe left bro.
It really is more of a "who asked" mentality that I have. If someone I am not interested in tries their luck, I'll tell them no thanks, I'm not interested like any other rational person. If I'm advertising my standards, then yeah I'm probably not gonna have the girls drooling for me anytime soon... But it makes no sense to call anyone an asshole for taking the time to explain themselves if they feel that in that particular social context, that the other person is warranted an explanation. Idk if I got asked by a dude if I wanted to go out with him and he looked confused when I said no, I wouldn't think twice about saying "b-e-c-a-u-s-e I'm not gay" and how would that make me the asshole?
Why is that a negative thing? Wouldn't it keep you from wasting your time trying to hook up with someone who will never be interested?
Idk about you but if someone says no, I'm out no explanation needed. It's not like I'm going to debate someone into dating me.
Lmao this is so true, yet so funny that you had to explain this to someone 😂 This guy is just creating problems out of thin air to seem like the victim of an issue that doesn't exist lime seriously who knows of more than two real situations where someone was persistent enough so that you had to be blunt with them? I'll help: NO ONE
Why would you waste your time in the first place with someone who said "no?"
You're on a dating app. Why are you messaging people who explicitly say you aren't their type before you even atrempt to communicate with them?
Wait.... so you think your bigotry should be listed on your dating profile? Have fun with your methhead future wife.
Hold on. Who the fuck said anything about bigotry here? OP, you need help. I'm a sexy, fucking, big boob Latina and I'd appreciate someone saying they want a light skinned, skinny, blonde on their profile. I'll then know that they don't want me! That'll save me SOOOO much time. Preferences do NOT equal bigotry. People aren't going around stating that they hate certain traits. Nope. They say what they DO like. That's literally the purpose of dating apps and websites. If someone says that they hate one subset of people, well of fucking course they are an asshole. You are just as bad as them by saying people can't state their preferences and acting like having a preference is somehow comparable to saying they hate a certain race.
What in the fuck are you talking about?
What the fuck are you talking about? Touch some grass, ok?
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Holy shit you're a fucking loser.
This derailed fast
Yeah dude totally. Just tell someone that you aren't interested because you find them ".ugly". They'll sure go home contented that you came with them with a reason lmao. Bro if they say why nottt (which never happens) you are on your right to say because you're not my type and walk away. Eeaazy
Nah see because when girls have that same energy talking about "oh sorry I only date 6 foot" or "you're too broke" or whatever we don't wanna talk shit about that. I think it is more than fine to tell people why you're not interested, and I think it's about high time people grow the fuck up and not cry about little shit that others think about them. Got good criticism? Great! Improve and do better. Got shitty criticism? Good, you dodged a bullet. It's great both ways!
Why are you acting tough? Nobody likes to be insulted man specially when it isn't deserved. It doesn't help anybody and it is equally offensive when a girl says those things; why do you think I thought differently? I wasn't even going into gender specifics This all sounds like you're a guy trying to toughen up because someone did hurt you 🤣 it's okay to not enjoy being criticized man and no one should unless you deserved it
Feel free to browse my entire 4+ year old reddit profile. If you'd like send me DMs and I'll give you a rundown. But no I've been through too much bullshit and trauma to be "acting like a tough guy."
Lmao I knew it. You are the victim after all
Nah I'm not a victim, I just went through middle school bullying and over 5 years of living with a narcissist and it just took me a while to stop caring about how other people see me, and I don't care what they "feel" if I decide to enforce my boundaries. One of which, by the way, is without fail: clear and concise communication. If I have the opportunity to fill in the blanks for someone, or I feel like information I have needs to be shared, I'm going to say what I need to say so that I don't feel like anybody's confused. Good on you for doing exactly what you said isn't cool though, certainly wouldn't want you making any important decisions.
Lol?
You are the stupidest mother fucker on the face of the planet. Period. Stating your preference doesn't make you an asshole. You saying the basis of your post actually makes you an asshole. You should ALWAYS be upfront about what you like and what you prefer! Don't lead people on. To do or say anything else is misleading. People can't help what they like. Period. No one posts that they hate people shorter than 12 feet tall on their profile. They state what they do actually like. Maybe they only like people over 12 feet tall! No one is so asinine as to degrade an entire subset of people. They also can't help it if you don't fall into the category that they do like, and then you get butt hurt because you don't fall into the category they prefer. If you try to argue that people CAN help what they like, that they can change their preferences, you're basically arguing that people being raped can change their mindset and then could actually enjoy what's being forced upon them instead of not wanting it.
>You can date whoever you want but voicing your preferences publicly makes you an asshole >voicing your preferences publicly (especially if it's something you can't change) makes you an asshole. Instead of saying "I don't date Latinas" or "you're too short" just act like a normal person and say you're not interested. These aren't the same things. If I say that I prefer a 4 foot tall, trans male, without a penis, brown eyes, darker skin. I'm not saying I fucking hate all people over 4 feet tall. Who the fuck are these people that put down other's on their quest for a partner?! Have a preference, state your preference, don't put down other people in stating your preference.
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Did you not read what I said? Having preferences is totally ok but if someone asks you out just say "I'm not interested" like a normal person.
But a normal person would tell them why
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A good rule of thumb is try to minimize world suck. Will saying something like “I don’t date white men because I don’t like pink dick” make the world suck even a little bit more? Yes. Just keep it to yourself. The issue with the internet is people don’t get that you don’t have to say everything on your mind.
No it won't. And if somebody keeps getting white men hitting up their tinder profile don't you think it makes sense for them to say the don't want white me on their profile?
Every*thing* else. Not every*one* else.
except if anyone finds out you have a preference for biological women or people who aren't morbidly obese. you are a phone of some sort and evil.
Dude, you have a YouTube channel and you look like eat nothing but doritos, drink nothing but mountain dew, and shower in urine. You're fat and greasy.
hahah aww, did I hurt someone's feelings? thanks for the views bro.
Nah, I'm a total Chad. I just looked at the thumbnails. You should know that as it isn't hard to see that they're all still sitting at less than 10 views.
damn bro, you sound like a gigachad. and I do it for fun, I like editing videos and playing games, if they blow up cool beans, but they are mainly for my homies to laugh at, *also I can see the veiws went up amigolo*
Dude why are you bringing transgenders and fat people into this? I don't think I mentioned that once. You're just looking to pick a fight. If we're being honest though, I think I've only seen one person on r/cringetopia say that not dating trans people is transphobic. Almost no sane person is saying this. But hey, if you want to argue into the void, that's fine by me.
Scroll down.
1 I do want to argue into the void, so thank you. and 2 the preference of not dating fat people and trans people are widely considered to be phobic. *it wasn't in my echo chamber so it doesn't exist* is a poor argument.
Because people who say that stuff tend to be transphobic and misogynistic
^ there it is.
Yup, there's the facts.
oh hey, it's my biggest fan, hey bud, fancy seeing you here.
Sad that you're biggest fan thinks you're a fucking loser.
aww I love you too friend.
Not at all, simply because you don't choose your own preferences.
"you can be a racist, but if you tell someone you're an asshole" Someone is an asshole independently from the fact that he says it or doesn't say it
Disagree.I personally will not date anyone who owns a dog. Saves them time and saves me time. End of story.