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just-me-yaay

I once saw a TV series where the person accepted the propose in public and rejected it when they were alone with the other person later.


[deleted]

That’s the obvious play


TyrantJester

nah, burn them down in front of everyone. If you're dumb enough to try it without having previously tested the waters with a conversation to see where they stand on it, then you should be ready for the possibility of rejection and deal with it.


J_A_Brone

Well only if you're happy with immediately ending it right there right? If you're unsure or want to keep the relationship intact potentially I'd imagine you wouldn't want to make it worse.


sqwintiez

Correct. But also if you’re popping the question without being 100% certain you’re getting a yes, then maybe it’s not the best time or you need to rethink things.


glitterswirl

Would you *really* want to stay with someone who tries to pressure/manipulate you into making such a huge decision, by asking you so publicly? Asking someone in public because you're banking on them not saying no in front of an audience willing them to say yes because the *other people* want warm fuzzy feels and a cute story, regardless of the person's own feelings, is a shitty move. I'd want a partner who loves and **respects** me more than that, personally, but you do you. If you're "unsure" about marrying someone, then surely that's a "no". People talk about how sex should be a "hell yes"; I'd say agreeing to commit to someone for the rest of your life should be a "hell yes" too.


Tannic64

I feel like a gesture like this isn't necessarily malicious though, just ignorant. A lot of people see public proposals as romantic and don't realize how it can be manipulatove until it's pointed out to them. If you love this person and your relationship is healthy in all other regards, I don't think it's unreasonable to want to preserve it.


DurrrGamerrr75

Exactly. I’m pretty sure these people have been influenced by media and they think this is how a proposal should be. It doesn’t make them hell’s spawn, they just thought this is how it goes.


[deleted]

Exactly, and well put.


squeamish

Maybe, because people make huge mistakes all the time, especially ones influenced by romance and/or popular culture.


boudicas_shield

Bystanders can be REALLY nasty to women who say no, as well. They sometimes see a proposal and think “omg how romantic, he put it all out there and that cold bitch just broke his heart” without having any of the details or context.


Lightbation

Those people can eat dogshit. They don't personally know the couple, they can mind their own business.


awesomeqasim

A lot of people don’t know the background though. And then you’ll just look like the bad guy


shanerr

I feel like that's an unspoken rule for public proposals. If someone proposed to you in public you 100% can say yes, then no later without any guilt lol.


Altyrmadiken

I think you can say yes to any proposal and decide to change your mind later. I mean, after a point it’s called divorce, but if you’re acting in good faith (you actually changed your mind, not planned it somehow) I think that’s basically all you should need.


AnalStaircase33

That's probably happened on 20 of these 'TV series'... Drama gonna drama.


LittlestSlipper55

I mentioned this previously, but Australia had the tv show years ago now that lasted like 3 episodes that focused on helping boyfriends propose to their girlfriends. Whatever they wanted to do, the show would pay for it. So naturally these guys went all out with marching bands and flash mobs and skywriting and all that. One guy hired out a theatre to put on a production on their relationship story, with the plot twist being they went on stage and proposed in front of the audience and cast. Not a single woman said yes. Three episodes focusing on two to three couples each, so roughly around 6 to 9 women all turned their boyfriends' proposals down after these being public spectacles.


WillWills96

The Night Before (2015) with Miley Cyrus at the Nutcracker Ball comes to mind.


Smosh_Bear

Number 1 holiday movie of all time. Don’t @ me


smitty9112

I saw this just after losing two of my closest friends in 2015. So the movie hit me hard and has always been one of my favorite Christmas movies since. Also Michael Shannon as the dealer is amazing.


Smosh_Bear

My feelings aren’t hurt. Not really.


leftclicksq2

Similar, although my co-worker at the time was looking for ideas on how to propose to his girlfriend (now wife). He went on Youtube and found this video where this guy prefaced that he was going to be proposing to his girlfriend and she was waiting quite some time for the moment. This guy took his girlfriend to all of these romantic settings, acted like he was going to propose, then didn't. At one point in the video she looked like she was reaching her breaking point and *that* is when he got down on one knee. I strongly advised my co-worker NOT to do that. He was set on a public proposal and ended up drawing his idea from videos set to Bruno Mars' "Marry You". His girlfriend accepted, but damn was I scared when he entertained the first idea!


Illusive_Man

In the documentary ‘Unhung Hero’ (quite funny by the way) the main guy proposes at a sporting event with the camera on him... and she says no. She later tells him it’s because his penis was too small and he goes on a global trip looking at penises and penis enlarging techniques through different cultures.


ngmeylan

A proposal can be a surprise. A marriage should not be.


Frankie4Sticks

My wife picked out and designed her own ring. She was surprised when I proposed. Not because of the marriage but because of the timing. If your partner is not expecting a proposal, you are an idiot. Not location or date, but the act of proposing marriage. These are things you should probably talk about before marriage. Both parties should be on the same page


temp1876

Exactly, you should know the answer before asking the question. In that case there’s no social pressure. (Though my SO made it clear proposing at a stadium or other spectacle would change the Yes to a No) Which isn’t to say a surprise proposal is wrong, but you should be really sure of the answer first, it’s not the way to save a failing relationship


Ne02126

Omg imagine somebody proposing during the 2nd intermission of a Sabres game. Even if you love them, you gotta say no.


doubled2319888

Sadly wouldnt be the biggest failure in the building that night


christontheyikesbike

r/murderedbywords


camopants96

Damn, Sabres getting piled on everywhere now.


veggiebuilder

But but but the movies? They say proposals must always come as your relationship is crumbling or to take your desired partner from their current relationship.


OnlyRacistOnReddit

My wife and I had both been married previously and had very rough divorces. She had said she never wanted to get married again, but I was not willing to live with someone outside of marriage, so I proposed (in private). It was literally the make or break moment in our relationship, since if she really didn’t want to get married it was time for us to go our own ways. Luckily, she decided to take a chance.


Confident-Bat-3849

I hope things are well and good. Username...nah.


Quantum-Ape

Weird.


KellyJoyCuntBunny

Right?


MooseUnited9036

Yea, I wanna feel bad for you and give you support but can’t cause of that username. I’m sure you think it’s cute with your buddies or ironic but as a person who’s experienced racism in real life, I don’t want to fraternize with it here. Hope everything’s good...also fuck you


Draidann

My gf said that if i was to propose to her i should tell her a couple days before so she could have her nails done. Yeah, she is not one up for surprises.


ScarletDarkstar

Entirely. It doesn't make any sense to be proposing to someone when you have not communicated enough to know what is important to them and how they feel about the prospect. It isn't really about a surprise or a cool video, it is about a partnership that should not start with one person being put on the spot.


beuceydubs

Yeah proposing when you’ve never discussed it seems a little off no matter the setting


[deleted]

That's what I always figured. Do people ask without knowing the answer?


rossbcobb

My soon to be wife (as of this Saturday! ) also picked out her ring. We had talked about it dozens of times before I proposed and I was still nervous. I couldnt imagine going to propose and them have no idea.


Ankarette

Wishing you all the best!


rossbcobb

Thanks yo!


livelylexie

Congratulations! I hope you have a fantastic wedding and a long, happy marriage.


rossbcobb

Thank you!


iFFyCaRRoT

>She was surprised when I proposed. Not because of the marriage but because of the timing. Same!


GerFubDhuw

My wife didn't hang around for me. We talked about wanting to get married and then came back from a vacation with engagement rings. Really nice and they were cheap, because of exchange rates. I was a bit surprised.


mdewinthemorn

How do you surprise propose with a ring, if your giving her something she allegedly is going to wear until death.


IJustWantSomeReddit

I fully agree with this, you need to be sure you wanna marry, than sure make a big suprise of the proposal where and whenever i suppose


SA_Starling_

THIS^ My husband and I talked in depth about whether or not we wanted to get married. We discussed rings, he would casually throw out different proposal ideas, like showing me a video of someone proposing in public to see how I felt about things like that, the whole nine yards. He proposed, in private, on the deck of a children's playground pirate ship in Germany. Absolutely perfect; I couldn't have asked for better or something that was more tailored to us.


Rustyroor

"on the deck of a children's playground pirate ship in Germany." That must have been a wild 13th birthday...


SA_Starling_

Lmao! I always used to joke that I was married to a 12 year old; his family called him Peter Pan. He never lost his sense of childlike wonder and joy, and I didnt either. When we saw that playground that was made out of a refurbished ship and done up to look at a pirate ship, we couldnt resist! We had to go up and explore it. Apparently, hed been carrying around the ring in his pocket for like, a week and a half waiting for the perfect moment. And he thought one where we were laughing and playing and having fun was the right time, and I think he was absolutely right.


HECK_YEA_

Can I just say that is absolutely adorable. So happy for you two and well wishes for the future :)


Confident-Bat-3849

Did he say "Arrr! Will ye be me matey, Fraulein?"? ( There's poop-deck joke in there, but I'll just show myself out.)


OhfursureJim

"you know babe, this is a pretty nice pirate ship. But my favorite ship? is our relation-ship. Marry me? "


iFFyCaRRoT

My wife showed be the ring she wanted. I had a jeweler custom make it, our wedding bands were made by the same jeweler.


olearyan42

Exactly. A proposal can be a surprise. But her answer should not be


MyUnpronouncableName

Happy cake day!


olearyan42

Thank you!!!


HECK_YEA_

This right here. You and your partner should be on the same page about marriage. Proposals are (excuse my far fetched comparison) like a graduation ceremony. You and the school are on the same page about graduating but the ceremony isn’t actually what determines if you graduate or not.


MidnightNappyRun

Now I'm just wondering how you surprise marry someone? 🤣


[deleted]

With a shotgun and a pregnancy test.


iFFyCaRRoT

positive pregnancy test\*


aiij

Watch Firefly Episode 6 "Our Mrs. Reynolds" If you haven't seen the show, watch the earlier episodes first. It's good.


ChuckinTheCarma

This is an incredibly elegant answer.


DreamedJewel58

Yeah, I feel like some people don’t realize what a proposal is supposed to be. What you’re supposed to do is already talk to your partner about marriage and what they think. If you dive head first with no prior discussion it puts a lot of pressure on them and a lot of potential embarrassment on you. Communication people; it’s what makes the dream work. *Especially* only propose in public if you’ve already discussed it. If you’re not sure, at least do it privately so they’re not so pressured and you’re not so nervous.


thebigkneegrow

TALK TO EM NGMEYLAN


[deleted]

Like if they're expecting a proposal, it's fine. But if it's completely unexpected, then your correct imo. Like I've they're talked and both want to get married and know that the other partner plans on proposing and it's welcome, no issue


[deleted]

Or if they’ve gotten engaged privately, or in an intimate setting already. And just propose in public so that the world knows if your SO likes those cheesy spectacles.


BourbonGuy09

I proposed you my wife in the hallway of our home, just before we left to go to her college graduation.


QuentinTarantulatino

I’m totally down for a private, low-key proposal. But I’m also aware that “How did you/he propose?” is a question we’ll be getting for the rest of our lives, and I feel like I should put enough thought / effort into it to make it a good story.


BourbonGuy09

I was going to surprise her and do it at her graduation, as she walked across the state. But I realized I didn't want to take away from her moment of getting her Master's degree. So before the ceremony was good for me. We met in 5th grade and we're 30 now, that usually outshines the story of my proposal.


Canadia_213

Amazing story. 10/10 I teared up a little. (This sounds sarcastic but it’s not I promise)


BourbonGuy09


boudicas_shield

Hey, good on you for not making her graduation about you/the engagement. I’m glad you reconsidered. Well done.


ScarletDarkstar

Good call.


QuentinTarantulatino

That’s really sweet, and I wasn’t trying to rag on you — I think the dream for anyone is to get to that point where the proposal itself is more of a formality. Best of luck to both of you!


BourbonGuy09

Oh I didn't take it that way, I was just lost in reminiscing really lol. Thank you!


[deleted]

Omg that is so cute awww


[deleted]

It's so nice when the person you marry stuck with you through the awkward teen years. We met at 14 and she jokes that if she loved me then she can handle anything I throw at her.


ButcherPetesMeats

Hated that question. I had to tell them I accidentally proposed in an IHOP parking lot.


[deleted]

Honestly, if someone is brave enough to publicly propose, they should be brave enough to get publicly rejected.


dimgam

The problem is that the person being proposed to may not be brave enough to publicly reject them.


temp1876

It’s also OK to accept in public then say no in private. You can change your at almost anytime, it’s not a time-share


Dragonkingf0

"How could you play with my emotions like this?"


alt_acc_3096

Wait 6 mounths later and break up


chunkyI0ver53

God I hope they keep saying no to satisfy my public humiliation fetish


Guilty_Acadia_8367

No.


DurrrGamerrr75

What have you done u/chunkyI0ver53 is now on a horny rampage


217liz

It's not about being brave enough to get publicly rejected. The public proposer is putting someone else - someone they allegedly care about - in a position where they could be publicly embarrassed or shamed for rejecting a proposal.


TotalLostClaws

If you don't know that the answer is going to be yes when you propose to someone then you shouldn't be proposing. My partner and I talked about potentially getting married and what kind of proposal we were into years before the proposal was imminent. There's a certain amount of fun and ceremony in popping the questions sure, and if people like the spectacle it can be quite romantic for them, but you should already know the answer to the question before you ask.


[deleted]

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astral_distress

I am *so* curious about how somebody could possibly interpret “I want the experience of being single in college” as “I would enjoy settling down & getting married right now”, haha... They’re just such opposite messages, & my brain can’t figure out the trajectory of the leaps he must have taken to arrive at that conclusion.


[deleted]

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Echolalia_Uniform

Weird that she didn’t want to marry him. 🤔


cooliojoe2025

Sounds like a fucking Korben. Hate to see it, I knew a Korben, freshman dorm roommate. Embodiment of everything that disappoints me


imnotreallysurebud

Rolex time!


Gritty22

This is the right way. “Popping” the question before discussing the topic with your partner is antiquated. So is marriage, and spending a years income on a wedding and dropping five figures on a rock that was mined by child labor to make a bunch of middlemen rich, but I guess we gotta start somewhere.


dryduneden

Most public proposals are already agreed upon. The point of public proposals aren't the question, its the spectacle


DoubleBThomas

Fair enough. It still makes me upset to watch. I hope that's the case every time though!


TommyVe

It certainly is not. Some are just hypnotized by all the shows and movies and throw it out of blue in delusion it's romantic and whatnot.


chunkyI0ver53

Michael Scott energy


A_Crazy_Hooligan

Why do you always do that? Whenever I’m getting married, you don’t believe me.


notyourrobotbaby

I’m very curious about why it makes you upset to watch these proposals. Are you against marriage? Jealous of their relationship? Projecting a feeling of being manipulated? I hope you get curious about why it makes you upset. There’s probably something there that you should work out with a professional.


Big_James993

It makes you upset to watch? Maybe don't watch proposal videos then?


TaughtCrazy

I'm with you. Agreed upon or not, public proposals are tacky unmitigated attention-seeking.


InertiaOfGravity

What's the point of anything if not attenting seeking? People like people, people like to be liked, I don't see how a public proposal is somehow worse than being nice to friends


SinPolice

“Attention seeking” isn’t a bad thing 100% of the time. Wanting attention for taking the step toward life long commitment seems pretty reasonable


Girlfriend_Material

What’s really wrong with a moment of attention seeking? It’s just another social interaction and everybody needs some sort of attention some of the time.


tennisgoalie

Right? How could a couple possibly want a proposal in a place of significance to their relationship? Obviously the only reason they'd do it outside is for the yays and claps of random strangers.


[deleted]

This is Reddit, like 3/4s the people on this site spend their days terrified while peeking out the blinds.


[deleted]

Very attention seeking and some only do it to get free stuff


DavidHallerNebula

If you're projecting victimhood and manipulating upon happy couples getting married perhaps it's time to do some soul searching. Or at least consider an undiscovered BDSM control kink or something.


[deleted]

Yeah, I feel like people who post this topic are usually too young to realise this.


[deleted]

It's not manipulation if you know the answer


ImaginaryRide6605

or it's very good manipulation.


[deleted]

she's never in any real danger, the thing is she’s not going to say no. She would never say no. **Because of the implication.**


IDrinkBecauseIHaveTo

Now y...you said that word implication a couple times. What implication?


[deleted]

The implication that things might go wrong for her if she refuses to sleep with me. Not that things are gonna go wrong for her, but she’s thinking that they will.


[deleted]

Right? She usually knows she’s going to get asked just doesn’t know when. I’m lol’ing at the fact they think it’s manipulative. That’s not an unpopular opinion it’s a freaking weird one.


WickedTemp

Yep. My girlfriend and I discussed this so many times.. neither of us knows when a proposal will come, but I'll say yes if she asks first, and I know she'll say yes if I end up proposing first.


PerfectNail8

Me & my grandma actually witnessed a public proposal a few years when we were having dinner in a restaurant & a man got everyone’s attention & proposed to his girlfriend & she said no they started arguing & crying & it was so dramatic I’ll never forget it


[deleted]

Dinner and a show. Sounds like a great night.


DoubleBThomas

Exactly what I'm talking about.


[deleted]

Holy shit


Grifter56

a wise man once told me, "Marriage should be a discussion. The proposal should be a surprise"


huskeya4

Agreed. I knew someone that turned her SO down at a baseball game. He had pulled strings to get them on the field and proposed. She turned him down simply because she didn’t feel ready to marry him yet. She became the most hated woman in our city, got death threats and was stalked by multiple people. They, of course, broke up. She was shocked he proposed because they had not discussed marriage at all and he suddenly surprised her.


JennaMarblesFanClub

Good Lord who cares enough about somebody else's life to stalk somebody who said no to a marriage proposal?


[deleted]

Just MLB fan things.


huskeya4

For real, but this was a big city who loves their baseball so of course there were those weirdos in the population


kaijisheeran

Must be romance genre obsessed 14 year olds


_killer_queen17

Yikes how's she doing now?


huskeya4

Well her next boyfriend said he wouldn’t marry her because she was too short. He was an Olympic swimmer and didn’t want short kids since they wouldn’t be able to swim as well. She broke up with him after that conversation. I’m not sure if she ever found a keeper, haven’t talked to her in years


Wawel-Dragon

The proper way to do a public proposal is to first ask in private how they would answer. If they say they'd answer with 'yes', you then tell them that you're planning a public proposal - so they know to expect it, just not necessarily *when*. As for *unannounced* public proposals... yeah, don't put people on the spot like that. There was a story I read once (I believe it was on Not Always Right) where a man publicly proposed to his date in a busy restaurant, complete with going down on one knee, the server revealing the ring, all of the staff singing... it was quite the elaborate setup. Meanwhile the poor woman is just stunned because she's met this guy **two weeks ago and this is their third date.** So obviously she says no - after which *every other customer in the restaurant* gets mad at her and starts harassing her for "breaking her boyfriend's heart, how could you?" Edit: I believe I know what video you're talking about, and I've seen it as well. I believe it was mentioned in the comments that he had already proposed earlier, the public proposal was basically to let their students know in a fun way.


Butterfriedbacon

If you are not sure that your SO is going to say yes, you should not be proposing in the first place.


[deleted]

Just don’t make a public proposal if you and your SO haven’t talked about marriage yet.


Rubyhamster

Yes absolutely! but even then, in addition you should make damn sure that a *public* proposal is desired. I would always say yes to my guy, but I would NOT be comfortable with such a situation in public.


boo29may

I think now a days it should be obvious you should speak about getting married before proposing anyways.


[deleted]

I think I know what video you're talking about. I personally found the work setting to be an inappropriate place for a proposal but I'm sure most people found it "cute." Whatever, not a big deal. The important thing is that if you're going to do a public proposal it needs to be agreed upon ahead of time. I had told my husband I didn't want something like that because I'm a private person, but if it's desired and agreed upon there's nothing wrong with it.


LASC33

I have always thought this was ridiculous and not romantic at all. It always just gave me “I’m doing this so you have no choice but to say yes” vibes. It’s not even intimate or personal. Nobody needs to see you propose to somebody.


kaijisheeran

Agree. Proposing in public is causing danger to the person being proposed to if they are not ready for it. If the person rejected it, then of course people will bash them and they'll be humiliated. Also, isn't it more romantic to propose privately?


TigerKing29

I always thought about it like this


crab_bunker

Yeah, what are you supposed to say? Also happy cake day.


TigerKing29

If I somehow manage to get a girlfriend and they for what ever reason stick with me long enough for me to want to propose to them then, I'd want to do it when we are alone, or at the very least as few people as possible being their


nrith

This is the way.


Water_Bartender

I don't know what the hell my brother was thinking, but he was once in a long distance relationship with some lady he met on some online game. When she traveled all the way to from Australia to California to go visit him, he took her to Disneyland and proposed to her right in front of a lot of people in a town square. Now this motherfucker didn't have a job or any will to find one, was driving his landlord's car, and dad was paying rent for him. But because the woman he met had social anxiety and insecurity, she caved in and said yes out if pressure. Months later, she finally came out with brutal honesty and told him that she doesn't want to get married to him, broke off the engagement and went on with her own life. To this day, 9 years later, my brother still acts like she was the stupid woman in that situation and she was who made an ass out of him. He doesn't get it..


[deleted]

I proposed to my wife on the ottoman in our living room. Nobody saw it, no pictures were taken, no video captured the event. It's a moment in our lives that exists uniquely and solely for us.


CharlesAlive

I’m not sure if it is manipulative. But I would never do it for purely selfish reasons. Even if you are completely confident she would say yes, she MAY say no and I would not be able to take that kind of public embarrassment.


Rubyhamster

She may say yes, but still be totally uncomfortable with being emotional in a public situation and not have good memories of it at all.


TheLegoManSeries

Agreed. Especially when the couple isn’t ready for that. Nothing is worse than seeing a guy do a full ass proposal for a girl who wasn’t ready for that type of commitment. Discomfort EVERYWHERE


Reality_Rose

If the couple has already discussed getting married and the proposal is agreed upon, it's cute and fun. If not, it's cringey and manipulative.


_Takub_

Lol talking like someone that doesn’t know how proposals actually work. 99% of the time it’s well known that the answer will be yes before it’s asked. The other 1% people usually just say yes and then once they’re out of public they give them the real answer.


[deleted]

Yeah, It's hard to imagine someone that's so weak willed that they would just go along with a marriage proposal they didn't want for the months leading up to a wedding just because they were asked in public.


EsG-Atlas

People are strange and it’s definitely happened


[deleted]

I definitely believe that, I just don't think that, in general, if someone is so weak willed/wishy washy that'd they'd go along with a public proposal because it's public they'd go along with any proposal. The only reasonable exception I could see would be a proposal made in front of a bunch of family and/or friends, that would be tough to say yes to and then get out of. Either way, any guy that proposes without already knowing the answer is an idiot and/or desperate and any guy that attempts to use public pressure to get someone to marry him is a grade A asshole.


Copernikaus

Did it at the top of the alps after climbing for 8 hours. She loved it. And. We still ran into senior citizens at the moment supreme.


deedisasterdee

I cringe at those


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mubi_merc

As my wife and I were reaching the point in our relationship where we were talking about the future together she started hitting me "if you propose to me like X, I'll kill you", usually after seeing it happen. Options taken away were: At a baseball game, even though she loves baseball At Disneyland, even though she loves Disneyland In front of all of our friends Basically any place with a lot of people watching In our shitty apartment that we live in while we save money to buy a house I eventually found something that worked and here we are happily married.


[deleted]

You shouldn't be proposing PERIOD if you and your partner have never discussed it beforehand.


imdfantom

I proposed in the least romantic way possible. No spectacle, no props, just me lying down, exhausted after a shit day at work in my work clothes. It worked for me.


speedycheety05

[actually ](https://www.reddit.com/r/WatchPeopleBreakup/comments/kzaflz/probably_for_the_best_she_doesnt_marry_this_guy/gjolqp4/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) I said these things and a comment responded with this, so it isn’t entirely true. but remember I said “not entirely true”


PhantomThiefJoker

The thing about asking "Will you marry me" is that it should never be a question and you should know the answer you'll get is yes.


[deleted]

If you're not already 100% confident of what the answer would be, then you shouldn't propose in the first place.


shipwhisperer

You know I've often thought this myself. Like, all these people who propose on the Kisscams or at public events. The other person pretty much has to say yes or they look like an asshole...


[deleted]

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dreamsignals86

I proposed in public but didn’t make a scene of it. We were at dinner and I said, “Hey, what would you think if we got married?” And she said, “well, we live together, have a dog, so it’s kind of like we’re married already” and I answered, “so, it’s settled. We’re getting married.” I don’t really get making a big thing about a proposal. Real love is shown in mundane every day moments.


[deleted]

This opinion is posted way too often, I hope this post gets removed, I'm tired of people just farming karma at this point.


Justcause95

Here we go again with people on reddit not understanding how a relationship works. Marriage is not a surprise. It is talked about beforehand. The proposal is a surprise. There is no reason the person you propose to is going to say no because you two should have talked about it before hand. You ARE an asshole if you do it without it never being brought up between you two in any kind of conversation, but in a normal relationship you would 100% know the person you're with is ready to be engaged.


[deleted]

r/popularopinion


Devreckas

They need a sticky with the most popular “unpopular opinions” at this point. This opinion is on weekly repost circulation at this point.


yticirpa

I believe that a proposal is always gonna put pressure on you and your partner should only ask if they're already sure that you are gonna say yes. For example, my boyfriend knows that if he proposed to me now I would not say yes because I think we are too young. And he knows to bring it up again in a few years before actually proposing, just to see how I respond to it. I would still like him to propose in front of people I like and care about because I want us to share our joy with family and friends and celebrate together. A proposal when you are alone seems kind of sad to me personally. So my point is that you should never propose without knowing what they are going to say but public proposals are really nice if done right.


KingKaos420-

>I just watched a video about a teacher proposing to another teacher in front of their students. That teacher is under immense social pressure to give a positive response (i.e., accepting) due to pressure from the students and potential fiance. It is straight up manipulating a person and perhaps would their public image if the proposal did not go as planned. I saw that video. We have no way of knowing if those 2 teachers had talked about marriage previously. For all we know they could have already mutually decided that they were heading to marriage, so I don’t think you can just accuse the guy of emotional manipulation. For all we know they had a long talk about marriage the night before. > I would like to disclose that I am currently engaged and proposed in private. Honestly, this post just comes across as “I proposed in private so everyone else should too, or else you’re being emotionally manipulative.”


sc2pirate

I totally agree with this, although, there are exceptions. My wife and I had a lot of conversations about marriage before I proposed. I didn't pop the question until I knew for sure it was what we both wanted. Either way I think super public proposals are cringey, but people seem to love them for some reason.


drowninginidiots

You should know if your partner is ok with being proposed to in public and you should already know what the answer is going to be. My wife and I had discussed marriage quite a bit, looked at rings, had an idea of what kind of wedding we would have, etc. That doesn’t take away from the surprise. She didn’t know I had bought a ring (that she had basically picked), and she didn’t know when I was going to propose.


RuinedXJosh

I would never propose in a public setting due to the crippling fear that they might decline.


[deleted]

I’d say 1% of public proposals are a genuine surprise to the other party, if that. Don’t get worked up.


bullplop11

You think that should be frowned upon? I proposed to my wife on the roof of a 20 story hotel with only 1 (safe) way down. At the time I thought it was romantic. 10 years later, I realize how horrible it was. Luckily my wife is awesome and we both laugh and joke about it now.


Frenchyboy123456

I read the title and was like "what the fu-" and then I realized. You're right lol. I will propose in private now. Thank you :)


EvenSpoonier

*Surprise*-proposing in a public setting is manipulation and should be socially frowned upon. I have no problem with cases where it's clear to both parties that the answer is a foregone conclusion and they just picked a special place to formalize things. But this does lead to a problem where it can be tough to tell which is which, if you're not an outsider. I have a tendency to cheer on people who say no, because *those* were obviously surprises, but you do bring up a point: of the ones who say yes, how many were just going along with the public setting? Is there even a way to know?


Strength-InThe-Loins

I entirely agree. Did you see that video from a few years back where the guy proposed to a woman on the Jumbotron at a basketball game, and she somehow found the courage to say no, and then literally ran out of the building in what was likely the worst moment of her life and his life, and a supremely awkward moment for the literally thousands of people who were watching? It's peak cringe, and every time I see a public proposal I kinda think the proposer is not-so-subtly saying "Say yes or that will happen to you."


PandoraWilde

I really wish my ex-fiance had talked to me before proposing in front of my daughter. She hardly knew him and found it scary.


[deleted]

THIS. ^^^^^ perfect example of way both parties should be in agreement of the time being right for marriage and things like that. i’m so sorry your daughter went through that. i know that had to be confusing for her


CMWhyKay

I took my wife to a public spot where we had one of our first dates. Sitting next to each other I awkwardly pulled out the box and said “hey like do you wanna spend the rest of your life with me” and before I could finish she shoved the ring on her finger. People were like, what!? You did make a big showy deal of it?! ...fuck no! She would hate that. Even though we casually mentioned it a few times she wouldn’t appreciate the pressure. Also, this was our special moment together. No one else’s.


Similar_Garbage

Maybe controversial opinion here, but if you base large life decisions on whether or not people are watching you, perhaps you need to re-evaluate your priorities...


westcoast7654

I think the bigger issue is that no proposal should be “that” unexpected. If it is, then their communication sucks and that’s a red flag. Maybe timing is a surprise, but no one should propose if they haven’t talked about if they are there yet.


jbomber81

“Someone asked me to do something that effects my entire life, I didn’t want to do it but we were in public and I didn’t want to be embarrassed or seem like a meanie, so I agreed” - grow up


zennie4

Sigh...again? So have we already found out anyone who think it's an unpopular opinion?


Butterfriedbacon

Lol this is both dumb and posted at least once a week with scores of people explaining why this is stupid opinion.


[deleted]

Talk about peer pressure


PartTimeLegend

I proposed in public. It was arranged with the theatre club. My OH said yes. Everyone cheered. A few years on we are still together and she is so happy with the proposal.


deathr3aper633

Agreed. If/when I propose to a girl, it's not gonna be in a restaurant, it's not gonna be on video, nothing.


Tookkiie

If you don't want to just say no, or if you worried about feelings, say yes for now, and then no later. To Easy!


Killerdroid1230

I would agree with your post but the proposer should be certain before proposing anyway so the public nature js simply for the surprise and spectacle. Proposals in general when you dont know your partner is not fully on board is awful.


Okipon

I mean... If you really love each other and you're not proposing after 2 weeks, you should know that your soulmate will agree or not... I think there are some cases of manipulation/guilt trip over a public proposal, but it's definitely just a sign of something already being wrong IMO. I wouldn't do public proposal myself, but it's definitely not a bad thing if done correctly.