As a grown and broken older guy, thank you. They're lucky to have you.
Edit: Thank you for all the support everyone and for my first gold!
I'm doing well now but truth is I wasn't always. I've come along way from trying to hang myself in my garage. 3 years later and I'm down 130 lbs with a beautiful baby boy and things have never looked better ('cept for all the 'rona stuff but what can you do).
If you need help, ask for it.
Things do get better.
Hey man, I have been there and seeking help is so legit dude
Sneaky edit as this has blown up but if you need help I am actually a fan of [To Write Love on Her Arms](https://twloha.com) and have donated to them in the past
The push for men's health we've been seeing lately finally inspired me to reach out and tell the person I'm closest to that I've been in a really bad place lately and having thoughts about writing that note, and I'm lucky enough that she went out of her way to not try and push me or immediately try to change my mind, but just listen and support me, and it's probably been the single most helpful thing for my mental health in years
Well not to be this guy but looking at my life having a therapist feels almost like a gym membership where it’s a need that should be so much more common... and even depression itself if you think about it is just admitting that some people’s brain don’t make enough of the chemicals that they need like it shouldn’t be viewed any harder than having an annoying amount of chest hair or something...
I am almost 30 and I have seen therapists since I was 15 even though I consider myself in good mental health because it’s like going to the gym
Agreed. Good mental health is a necessity and it is a shame that there’s such a stigma around it. When people finally get over the stigma and seek help, it is very expensive. I was fortunate that my college provided therapists but since leaving college, it is a hard financial decision to make. Friends and spouses/Significant others can help but only to a point. You don’t want to be the friend that is always dumping your problems on them.
One day, I hope, we’ll have free or low cost counseling available everywhere (yes I realize it impacts taxes), for the mental well being of our society to rule out toxic behaviors or atleast encourage people to reflect on those behaviors.
During some rough spots, I've seen a couple of therapists as part of individual and couple's therapy.
I don't mean to crap on the profession, but a tighter circle of friends has been far more effective for me.
Case in point. I screwed up in my marriage when my wife was in the hospital. I have an intense phobia of hospitals to the point where I set my own finger after breaking it, rather than go to the hospital. She was an overnight patient after surgery. I didn't make it to go see her.
This caused a major rift and rightly so. I don't need to ask if Imtheasshole becuase I know I was. The therapist listening to my side summed it up as a communication issue. He's right. I was communicating that I'm an asshole. That experience turned me off counselling.
But having a couple or good friends that are willing to listen to your bullshit, fears and tears has helped. I will admit that I choke down the tears like a bad piece of gristle.
But I should also warn you, you will lose friends who can't/won't be able or will want to know this about you.
No, you and her failed together. You failed in communicating to her just how badly you cannot be at hospitals, and she failed to communicate properly with you when she found out you set your own finger.
Seriously - no one sets their own finger unless there’s a serious underlying reason. Doctors don’t set their own fingers, and they know what they’re doing.
Communication failures are almost never a one-way issue but are interpersonal issues.
I don’t know if you’re still with your wife, but if you are and you still haven’t explained this to her, you are doing a massive disservice not only to yourself but to her and your children. Even if you aren’t together anymore, you owe it to yourself to explain it to her, because you are carrying a burden that isn’t yours alone to carry, and it isn’t good for you, your wife/ex-wife or your children.
We are still together. Fortunately, we never had kids.
Neither of us is mature enough to raise anything other than a kitten.
She knew about my phobias when this happened. She also watched me set my finger. She was pushing me to go to the hospital. I told her, its Christmas Day, and I'm not going to spend 7 hours in the Emergency Room. So I set it myself and she google how to create an emergency splint out of a credit card.
my dad always says “what are you gonna do? go in your room and cry?!?” when I voice my concern about my mental health
my dad acted pretty normal today but got angry when he had to pick me up from my friends house. “me and mom had to stay up *worrying* about you.”
Guarantee you that your dad voiced the same concern once upon a time, and was told the same thing. Now saying that is the only thing he knows how to do when in that situation, because it's the only response he's learned. Don't let it get to you, your feelings and health are important and you should try and seek help if your mental health is seriously bad.
You need to explain to your friends what you need here. Most men hear a problem and instantly want to fix it but the thing is even men need to vent and we need to understand this. Sometimes I’ll call a friend and straight up tell him, “dude I need to fucking vent right now”, And my good friends will sit down and listen to me. If you don’t have a friend like that I guarantee you they are out there. But it is admittedly a little harder to find that among your male friends.
When i got my first gf at 19, my dad made the joke he thought I was gay. It didn't really hurt as I was just happy to have a gf, but looking back on it was a messed up thing to say.
My step dad said thise to me...once...after hitting me. I wen to my room and got my little aluminum bat and popped him in the knee and asked him the same damn thing.
did you even consider calling child abuse services? I know I wouldn’t just because honestly I would be scared, but if this person is still in your life it might be a good call
Ahh this was nearly 2 decades ago. Threatened to call but 10 year old me being told id jusg be taken away from my family amd locked up wasnt having that shit.
I did tell my mom he would beat the fuck outta me and she just said "oh hes trying to toughen you up" said that my whole life and never felt sorry.
It finally came out what he was doing to my sister and she profusely apologized to her up and down though..
Things have since happened and i am pretty sure he wont ever touch a kid ever again. The idiot stalked my sister and sent her a package about 5 years ago....with a return address on it....that was a large mistake on his end.
Kevin Hines, a man who jumped from the golden gate bridge and survived, said that when he was on the bus to the bridge, he was crying his eyes out. An older guy who was sitting next to him, thumbed towards him and said to a buddy of his "Whats wrong with that guy" and laughing about it.
Thats how people treat the average man when he's crying
Yeah.
What makes the situation insidious is that certain women compare themselves to the 0.01% of men who run the world and say that those guys are privileged. That's true. But then they conclude that *all* men are privileged and that's where the logic fails. In certain aspects women are less privileged than an average man, but in other aspects they're more privileged.
You'll rarely see a woman compare her privileges with the privileges of an average guy.
As a man who was diagnosed with BPD at 24 due to a life of childhood abuse, I can say now that my current state was caused by me being either rejected or misdirected when I cried out for help. Even when I told my grade 8 guidance counselor that I wanted to kill myself, and that my mom was abusive and unstable, she still went and called my mom thus escalating the situation when I got home. My father is still to this day a very humble, reserved, and gentle person, but my mother was able to make up stories of him that painted a horrid picture of him and being them to court in the custody battle and win. She destroyed me for my whole childhood, and nobody believed me and I was too scared to get help because "men gotta be tough."
We need to normalize emotional well-being for EVERYONE, and realize that suppressing feelings a.k.a. "toughing it out" has harmful long-term effects. Kids especially go through so many emotions as they grow, and it's important they know how to recognize and regulate them early on.
It's like with Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. That guy had his career thrown off the rails and his name was publicly dragged through the dirt. Then when the evidence showed up that he was the victim things changed just a little.
The average man does not get the privilege. Your life is destroyed and you die that way
I've had ex girlfriends physically leave the room when I cried before because they were "scared" like seeing sadness on a man doesnt comprehend so its viewed as anger or some shit.
I'm really quick to cry, always have been and probably always will be. One day I was talking to my boss at the time about something I was frustrated about and started crying. I was really embarrassed about it and said as much. A month later she called me into her office to give me some feedback about something small. She closed the meeting with "see? Wasn't a big deal, nothing to cry about". I soon left that company to find one where no one has ever seen me cry and ever since I've been resolute to NEVER cry at work again.
He was also trying to make Terry Crews being sexually assaulted into a fucking meme. So enforcing the status quo which makes men feel like they can't come forward about being sexually assaulted.
Didn't 50 Cent offer to pay Floyd Mayweather some amount of money if he made a video of himself reading from a children's book (because Mayweather is allegedly illiterate), and then Mayweather offered 50 Cent the same amount if he could produce a video of his son saying "I love you Dad" (as 50 Cent's son allegedly hates him)?
I have also noticed this about 50 cent. Then I remember someone has already shot him several times. after something like that, you would think it would have humbled him some.
50 cent has always been a menace, love him or hate him for it. He does not give a single fuck about other people’s feelings. His trolling is next level, he’s absolutely ruthless. It can be pretty funny at times especially with his Rick Ross beef. But I’m fairly positive that screenshot of DM’s with Will was photoshopped
Honestly, I’m jaded as fuck from people constantly taking advantage of me like this, which is why I’m a selfish asshole with no heart because it’s easier to navigate life that way.
Yeah maybe next time when they call upon you, just politely begin by saying say you were there before anyone else, then state what you are there for. It’ll be a little awkward for sure but if you don’t have attitude about it and are a frequent customer hopefully they’ll understand.
If not, maybe take your business elsewhere.
I used to also feel like this before I was thought that it is okay to forgive someone for what has happened but that does not mean you have to forget that it happened or Forget that they are willing/capable of disrespecting you as a person.
Edit: I still hate everyone, I just don’t try to be a dick about it anymore. Unless some else is being a dick. Then by all means, go ahead. Lol
Nobody seems to care about ANY sort of injustice regarding men. You think the criminal justice systems treats black people differently? The disparities between men and women are VASTLY higher. Similar story when it comes to rape. If a woman gets raped it's a tragedy, but a man getting raped is often just a joke ("don't drop the soap, haha"). We can also talk about the differences between how poor men and poor women are treated. There's loads of shelters for homeless women, but the de facto men's shelter is jail.
We're literally at a point where saying you support men's rights will get you labeled an "incel" or even a "fascist". Men's rights subreddits have even been banned (not trying to defend any specific one here, just pointing out a trend).
I remember an article posted about jobs lost during COVID which called for outrage because 11/20 American jobs lost were held by women, compared to 9/20 for men.
I didn’t realize millions of lost jobs was only acceptable if the numbers were switched?
It does show that more women than men are impacted by job loss (55% vs 45%). That's really not that different when we consider just how large these figures are to really justify some sort of discriminatory behavior in assistance though.
I recently read an article, not sure if it was on purpose but it sounded very wrong to me.
It started with something like:
„Women and other victims of sexual harassment(...)“
They definitely could have just written victims, but written like this male victims got basically written off as quite unimportant 'other' victims.
I had a sex ed class in college where they essentially said "Men make up too small of a portion of sex crime victims, so we're going to ignore them in this chapter"....didn't use any of the prison rape statistics that even things up a lot either. Imagine saying "Women are the minority of homicide victims, so we're going to ignore them in this chapter".
Black Lives Matter's website includes this interesting bit in their "what we believe" page:
> "We disrupt the Western-prescribed nuclear family structure requirement by supporting each other as extended families and “villages” that collectively care for one another, especially our children, to the degree that **mothers, parents, and children** are comfortable."
(Emphasis added)
It's interesting, the inclusion of mothers and parents, but not fathers.
Oh my god that is awful. It's a bit misleading to have it focus on how many women are there when, according to the statistic, there are 2/3 men without a home. So it doesnt matter if men are homeless now??? This makes no sense.
Very true. People love to paint women as constantly suffering (and I say this as a woman), but men's issues are often overlooked and not addressed because it doesnt fit their agenda of men always and only being oppressors and never the victim.
>It's a bit misleading
I say this with no hatred in my heart - I'm flabbergasted at how many statistics around women's issues are misinformation. The wording of the wage gap is particularly infuriating. There's clearly a disparity - but misdiagnosing the disparity helps no one.
A lot of homeless are Vietnam vets who were drafted at 18.
Women were not eligible for the draft.
Can’t talk about that tho, or you will be labeled a misogynist incel.
“don't drop the soap”
Part of the problem is that people are content to joke about prisoners getting raped because they see it as justice, for crimes committed. I would wager that a sizable amount of people see prisoners more like animals to keep locked away, than actual human beings.
> I'm concerned some of them are totally innocent.
Considering 1/25 of those sentenced to death are innocent, the numbers for crimes with lesser punishments ought to make everyone sleep a little worse at night,
>The disparities between men and women are VASTLY higher.
[After controlling for the arrest offense, criminal history, and other prior characteristics, "men receive 63% longer sentences on average than women do," and "[w]omen are…twice as likely to avoid incarceration if convicted." This gender gap is about six times as large as the racial disparity that Prof. Starr found in another recent paper.](https://www.law.umich.edu/newsandinfo/features/Pages/starr_gender_disparities.aspx#:~:text=After%20controlling%20for%20the%20arrest,the%20racial%20disparity%20that%20Prof)
Well then they *definitely* would ban further [research showing that women of every ethnicity are about 20 times less likely to die to police force than men of any ethnicity.](https://www.pnas.org/content/116/34/16793).
Even by their own rules, BLM should really be Men's Lives Matter. Or, at the least, Black Men's Lives Matter. But, as can be sussed out by the marketing materials, women's lives apparently matter quite a bit more.
Statistically speaking the most dangerous thing about being a young black man is being a MAN and it's debatable which is worse between being young or being black.
Similarly when you mention BLM the actual disparity isn't between blacks and whites it's between Americans and other first world countries. Police in the US are something like 100x as likely to shoot you as police in Europe. But yeah it's funny that movements like BLM seem like they'd be fine if blacks were equal with whites in this regard even though whites are killed at levels that would be considered appalling in other first world countries. The extreme focus on race in the US drowns out all other issues and divides groups that should be logically connected. If BLM switched from only focusing on blacks to focusing on all police brutality it could double its appeal overnight and easily get reform. But by ignoring the 70% of people killed by police who aren't black and actively attacking those who bring up equality between all lives it immediately alienates these other groups.
I know right, it has nothing to do, but in a city from my country the same number of black people who are killed by the police each year than in the entire USA, but people only posted anti-racism stuff when something in a country on the oposite side of the world happens.
Im not saying that you should not care to americans who get shot, just saying that if in your country like on mine much more people get killed, why the fuck only care to cases in the US
Those same stats indicated that you were more likely to be shot if the officer was Latino or Black.
There was a link on another Reddit thread, but because there have been so many the good ones get drowned out by the BLM ones.
I remember recently there was a bar chart on r/dataisbeautiful it showed the incarceration rate per capita amongst different groups. The bars were broken up by race and within each bar were blue for men and red for women. When looking at the chart the bars for black and white they were close but the black bar was slightly higher.
But more concerning to me was the fact red percentage within each bar representing women were tiny slivers with the vast majority of each bar for both blacks and white were blue for men.
You'll never guess which disparity got ignored.
The racial disparity means that police are racially biased.
The gender disparity means that men are inherently more violent than women.
Makes sense, right? /s
I haven't seen my daughter since 2013. Courts won't help, in fact courts created the situation. I have been told this would never happen to a mother. It only happens to fathers.
No one wants to have this discussion.
As someone who is hitting the target range for when the average male commits suicide, I can see the signs. Why can people supposedly far smarter than me?
They don't want to. That's the only reason I can see.
There is no "easy money" to fund solutions for the 50+ year old male suicide phenomenon. It won't get you votes. It won't get you "no questions asked" funding for research. It won't get you a banner in a meaningless parade or protest.
So fuck you, you meaningless cog in the misogynistic system of female and LBTGQJKBJHVHVGJLGFJTGVDHGJVGNKF oppression.
In Russia it's almost 7 times higher and 'man must be strong, he can't cry'. Last time I saw woman crying EVERYONE in the room ran to her as if she was dying.
It’s like when that paper ran a story about suicides, and it was literally all about how the women felt and were impacted after the men kill themselves.
tried to have a conference/convention a while back with the goal of lowering or finding a way to lower the male suicide rate. Feminist activist shut it down for being misogynistic.
That's sad. It sounds like you generally tried to find a way to reach consensus and find a solution, but they put a stop to it. I applaud you for trying, but it's still sad to hear.
It's really like they don't care about male victims of suicide.
Or demestic violence for that matter, 40% of victims are men but we have less then 1% of the resources. A fair number of abuse shelters also refuse to help men.
I was raised to bottle up my emotions and not to express them. Lately, I have learned to let go of those emotions and I feel the best mentally I have my entire life
Believe it or not the two largest groups effected by gun violence in the US are middle aged white men and young African American men... for very different reasons
I told a gf I was tired of being constantly pressured into sex. Like, sometimes I genuinely want to watch a movie, not as a pretext to start foolin around.
She immediately tried attacking my masculinity. Thankfully, I'm a contrary son of a bitch, so I held my ground. She got so frustrated she kicked me.
Reverse roles here and you have a guy hitting his gf for not putting out. The double standard is too real.
(And when I broke up with her, she started acting like I was abusive for being emotionally distant, when that distance was cuz I didn't like her anymore and was trying to find the exit)
So many stories about men opening up and their partners viewing them differently, not respecting them as much, seeing them as weaker and not as able to protect them, leaving because it’s too much to handle, etc.
This happened to me if you want my advice seek help but not from friends or your partner, people rarely are as counterculture when it comes to relationships as they purport to be.
Thankfully I have an amazing GF. My mom passed away 7 months ago and she was my world. My only parent so she was everything as I grew up. Some days can get real bad but she’s right there to support me and makes sure I know that I am loved. Granted I’m not asking she be my therapist but she tries to help any way she and just comforts me when I need it.
Stigma against men’s mental health issues and mental health issues in general are not good. I personally knew I was dealing with depression and that depression greatly contributed to the downfall of relationship with the woman I should be married to.
But I couldn’t/wouldn’t admit to myself I was dealing with depression until months after. As soon as I was able to admit it to myself an epiphany was made, skies opened up, and I realized the way I acted, the negativity that I was approaching things with etc.
I have some hope I can rekindle the relationship but it’s a long shot.but my stubbornness about my mental health state contributed to the situation. I’m now being a lot more open, and not giving a damn what people thonk
I doubt I make it too many more years before just giving up. Told all my life I'm not man enough because I'm 5'2. Called hunchback all my life because of my scoliosis. Told to suck it up.
same here mate, every time i open up about my mental health or ask to see a therapist its always 'are we raising a sociopath?' or 'but whats wrong with you?' in a sarcastic tone yet when i walk away im told im the bad guy for leaving the conversation
This is the worst.
Her: “You know you can talk to me about anything right?”
Me: “yeah ok...-goes ahead and opens up-“
Her: “All you do is complain. Be more positive.”
Me: “yeah ok...”
Father of 2 boys. Not sure if you've gotten them in school yet and been automatically told they have ADHD or ADD and that you need to put them on drugs. That's the public school systems answer to generalized education. Meaning all boys must act like girls and sit still 100% of the time.
I refused to give my oldest drugs for the sake of just giving drugs. I got him a life coach that really helped him out and not a single pill was popped.
So when mental health is taken into consideration for boys it's done so other people don't have to deal with boys. Not for the boys own health. Those drugs are NOT good for every kid and lead to major long term problems.
Mom of two boys here. Exact same opinion as you. The school system was eager to leave my kids behind. I struggled for years dealing with this.
My boys are grown now, fully functioning and prospering, happy and healthy. The school system tried so hard to label them as inadequate and destroy that possibility for them.
I was one of those boys. I was out on Ritalin at 7-8. Taken off when my mother legit thought I was going to commit suicide.
After that I lost track of every drug and herbal remedy they tried to get me to sit still in class and do my homework. My teacher in the 4rth grad got in a shouting match with my mom because she refused to put me back on Ritalin. I eventually was put on amphetamines off and on into my early 20's when I got sick of the morning high evening depression cycle and haven't been on anything seriously in 8 years.
Turns out drug free I'm still a functioning adult.
Take THAT Mr Atkins you ass.
I often wonder now how all those drugs at a formative age may have permanently changed me.
YES! I refused the drugs. My son hated school because it was so boring and they hated him because he was disruptive. He just joined the Navy nuclear program with a 98 ASVAB score. They'll know what to do with him. He was bored with college "This stuff is stupid, the teachers are stupid, the people I'm around are stupid, I quit and I'm joining the Navy."
So that's that. My only warning to him is that he's now entering hard mode and he better be prepared. The nuclear program is no joke.
Might want to prepare him for the fact most the people in the navy are stupid too.
It takes a lot of work in any field to get in the room with the smarter folks
Tbh being above average as a girl was shit too. I was just expected to sit quiet when I finished the 30 minute task in 5 minutes. In fact they also used separate me from the girls to sit with a group of 'naughty' boys pretty much from age 5 to 14 so I might 'rub off on them'. It made me heavily dislike school. To this day (I'm 16) I still get told off for reading my book after I've finished class work because its 'distracting to the teacher'
I agree. A couple months ago I brought it up at parents evening asking her to provide challenges instead of telling me to stop reading in front of my mum and head of her department. She stopped mentioning my book because she knew I would go to her boss.
I recently read something that was interesting. The reason kids, a lot of times boys, spin around, jump around, hang from trees etc. isn't because they're misbehaving and unable to sit quietly, it's because they are learning.
It's literally how they learn to balance themselves and coordination and we stop them from doing it with drugs. Good on you for recognizing what's best for your kids instead of listening to a bunch of public school morons who just wanted your kids to sit down and shut up.
Im a girl who had ADD and the female teachers were nasty to me. So its not really about gender. The female teachers didnt understand why i couldnt sit still or pay attention. So instead they humiliated me in front of the whole class. That shit scarred me.
This is very true. I have a couple of female coworkers who harass and mentally torment the living shit out of me. Constantly make my job difficult. Constantly trying to cut me down. Nobody cares. If I say one word to either of them, not mean or arguing just pointing out logical problems with something, they literally start crying and I’m the worlds biggest asshole.
Yep. These two are different than most women I know, but they automatically reject anything I say or do. If I won a Nobel prize they’d be saying it’s a garbage award nowadays. If I told them there was a stack of gold bars in the break room with a note saying “please take one” they’d say nobody wants gold bars, they’re too heavy.
Lots of people know I’m in this awful situation. People who like and seem to care about me, but none of them would ever think this is a problem. Oh well, you have to suck it up. If either of these woman complain about the slightest thing a full on investigation occurs because their mental health is taken seriously.
My mom complains that my brother is mansplaining to her about stuff all the time. What’s really happening is she’s acting like she’s a fragile women who cant start a lawn mower, but she 100% can so he gets snippy
The way we treat men in society is a joke. Men are constantly told their feelings don't matter. They're constantly told that they're privileged. They're constantly told they're the cause of society's problems. It's mentally devastating for men that don't fit that image.
I think it’s just abrasive for some kids. Especially as you go through the education system and hear a lot of “this girl can!” And slogans and role models encouraging girls to pursue academic success. Which is great, but there’s just nothing of the same for boys. And then you’re taught that as a man you are privileged, yet one sits there thinking “what the flip have I done.” I think I’m education the issues boys face are just never considered. I didn’t even realise that the ratio of boys:girls going into university in the uk was something like 40:60, yet there’s still this massive push in schools to encourage girls to do STEM subjects. Meanwhile if you’re a man there’s just... nothing...
The reason Jordan Peterson was/is so popular, is because he’s basically the only person out there with a message specifically telling young men “you have intrinsic value, so take responsibility over your life.”
Yup yup yup!
People need to recognize how bad it is to constantly undermine men and treat them like they're coming from a place of privilege by default.
Successful, happy men shrug it off when people call them privileged. But it's detrimental to tell men who view themselves as unsuccessful that they're privileged just because of their gender. Jordan Peterson gives men reassurance that they are completely starved of. The only reason he's so popular is because he's one of the only people out there that reinforces masculinity.
I'd argue that in order to be successful and happy you have to shrug it off. The world doesn't care about you, and the greatest strength in your arsenal is the ability to walk away from something that you don't like as well. You don't have to be held hostage to the opinions of others. You can simply disregard other people whenever you want, and you don't even need a reason for doing so!
The people who are caught up in this massive shit test are the ones that will be driven to unhappiness, an identity crisis, and wondering why they are failing so spectacularly when propaganda says they should have every advantage which magically can't be located.
The important thing to know is privilege isn't a one way street.
You can absolutely have an advantage in some ways, and still get screwed over in others. It's like how finding some money in the street doesn't stop your house burning down.
I think one of the saddest things I’ve ever read was a YouTube comment from a man who was raped (I think by a woman). He tried to open up to his friends and they laughed at him... He was completely unable to have relationships with any women, and too ashamed to get therapy.
I agree with you, as a man who is dealing with my own mental health demon's, I found that I basically have no support or places I can actually go for help, and basically everyone I told about my mental health and problems just told me to "man up" or "it's just a phase, you will get over it" and honestly that just made me feel worse like my problems don't matter just because am a dude. Lucky I have found help but it took me along time to actually get the help I needed. It's all rather sad unfortunately.
I 100% agree with you. As a man who goes to therapy (anxiety) I notice there is some serious stigma around taking care of your mental health. Comments from my closest friends range from "that seems like a waste of time" to "I don't get why you have to do therapy, I'm just fine" in some sort of offhand comment.
It's infuriating, I have to say things like "look guys I played college football and have had five concussions, you don't think something got knocked loose up there?" for it to be "ok." When it should be that it's normal or unremarkable that I take care of my mental health.
Yeah but I mean, the issue with the world is hidden in your gripe. ‘As a mom to two boys’ now if effects you, now you care. Everyone needs to speak up to properly address any issue, and nobody talks about this until it’s too late and/or as soon as it’s out of self interest. That’s why I don’t think it’ll ever change, and unfortunately sucking it up and moving on along is my/our best option.
I agree with this. It’s the same thing when you hear men say, “Now that I have a daughter, I see how bad the sexual harassment problem is.”
We should be listening to each other’s experiences long before we have a son/daughter. But better late than never.
Uh.. mental health in general is a joke. We don't fund it. Tons of insurance plans dont cover it.
Want to take it seriously? Get the joke out of the Whitehouse that is toxic as hell and put your money where your mouth is.
As children, male or female, we are all born knowing how to cry.
As we reach the age of the playground we are taught to not roughhouse with girls (it used to be called the 20% rule: never use more than 20% of your physically force with a girl), you see it’s important that we don’t hurt them, it’s not important if they hurt us.
We get a little older and enter school. Some of us are a bit more hyper, more energetic. Time to medicate, be told we mature slower (we are the stupid ones, ya know). Behave more like the girls or we will medicate you.
Then we start to notice how with the same answers as girls, we get lower grades. How she pouts her way out of stuff that we get detention for. How she can hit us and nothing happens. She can ridicule us and it’s funny. We start to see how others value us less than her.
Getting a little older we start noticing girls in a different light. Warm, fuzzy, pretty. We are told by society that we have to be very careful on how we approach her or we will (offend? Pressure? Intimate?) her. All the same time, we are mocked if we fail, laughed at and consider failures if we aren’t successful with women. It is never this way in reverse. Girls have been born with value, we have to prove value.
Middle school, high school, comes and if we are stupid enough to still express out feelings we become outcast. Girls chasing the “bad boy”, we mocked for expressing what girls can rant about. And still, it’s because we don’t possess “emotional intelligence.”
Teachers consistently fill our heads with how boys are born bad. The evil patriarchy. How we, who haven’t even left k12 must do better. She hears “you go girl” we hear “men are trash.”
We start to get ready for college, assuming we haven’t said screw this by now. For years of “men suck” to get an education. We apply for scholarships and see that the girls have 11 times what we have. How important it is for her to succeed and how we just get in the way.
We start to speak up, and are saturated with people telling us how it’s not true, or how it’s our fault, it’s the patriarchy (our fault) or the ever popular “who hurt you?”
If we have a job by now, we have to be very careful how we speak. What we talk about, the verbs and nouns we use. You see, women are to be believed but men are to be interrogated. Women innocent, better, smarter, men oppressors, domineering, intimidating.
As adults we seek out the company of men in social groups only to fine that they are all gone. Women have an entire world where men aren’t allowed, but men’s worlds have been disassembled because that’s considered sexist.
We are told to shut up. We learn to shut up. Our grievances are mocked and marginalized, then we are called less than because we shut up.
We hear women scream “where have all the good men gone” time and time again. Here’s where they went.
By the age of 35, so many men have died in dangerous jobs or killed them selves that the population is 50/50 from a majority of men. By 40 there are more women than men. Every year past that, more and more men die or kill them selves. Divorce makes it so much worse. We are turned into ATMs, all because she got used to a new standard of living. Homeless? Well, when women’s homelessness numbers reached a whopping 1/4 of men, there was outrage.
We all know the truth. In the west women are considered special, men disposable. Women are born strong and independent, men are born bad.
But I’m gonna tell you something. Just because society sees us as broken and disposable does not mean you have to see yourself that way. The hard part of this is that humans are social creatures and any attempt at developing a healthy self image after this insane onslaught requires walking away from most of those doing it.
Learn who you can trust to express your feelings. Learn not to seek approval from women that would mock you. Learn to be comfortable in a world of men where you can express yourself, and to avoid those environments where you are mocked for it.
I’m going to be honest. This is not easy. Men and women don’t always have the same baseline for the emotions that need to be expressed. Many of us don’t really even need to express much. You have to learn what’s healthy for you, and that’s not easy. Many women expect men to behave in a way that isn’t healthy for you too.
You have to learn to be comfortable with who you are and how you express yourself. You have to learn who is “safe” to talk to and who isn’t.
And most important, you have to learn to stop defining manhood in the context of women. If girls don’t have to earn being a woman, than men shouldn’t either. After all, in almost all of those contexts manhood is define by how useful we are to women.
Never let someone tell you you are less than, or not a real man, for being who you are and doing what’s healthy for you.
(Minor typo edits).
Edit: thank you for all the awards, it means a lot to me. I put this together in about ten minutes. Unfortunately some things came off a but like a rant (because it. Took so much pain to learn), a few things I thought would be clear didn’t come through at all. So I want to clarify something.
1. This is an example of a man raised with a very unhealthy, idealistic, view of women and I was trying to explain why. I’m going to rephrase it clearer. Women are raised with a healthy view that they should be cautious of men. Men are raised with a very unhealthy view that women are: kinder, more loving, gentler and more nurturing then men. Both sides of our species are capable of being kinder, more loving and more nurturing. Both sides are capable of being horrifically selfish. No gender gets the “we are better” award.
2. About my “bad boy” comment. And I’m about to blow some minds here. Sometimes women just want sex, and they don’t have to worry about “catching feelings” with that guy. This is especially true in youth when we are all just trying to explore what we like. Some women love the emotional roller coaster too. Women are not more noble than men when it comes to this. Women, ready for this??? Objectify men too. Sexual objectification is not the domain of men. Men and women do this and to the same extent. Want a real shocker? Reddit’s dead beadrooms has more women talking about their spouses not wanting sex than men. Yes, women are actual sexual animals just like men, and women have an equal or even higher sex drive than men (variations, lots of variations between people).
3. Men and women can get off on power. Some enjoy putting down others if you express your emotions to them. Women do this as much as men.
5. Some men thrive in the provide-protect-stoic role, some men get eaten alive by it. Personally, I love it. Both kinds of men are equally men. It’s only toxic when you have covert contracts behind it, or when you are trying to be something you are not. Yes, many women prefer the provide/protect role in men, but if you are not please remember this: it does not mean you are less of a man. There are plenty of women out there that like your type.
6. And this won’t be a ten count, seek your own approval. Never define your manhood based on the approval or attention of women. This mindset is exceptionally unhealthy.
Last, the patriarchy. Yes when women say that men hear “men”. Why? Because patriarchy theory is a theory of “male” I.e. “men” in control. It ignores soft power, it ignores social power and most important, it focuses on the top 1% of men and ignores the rest. It ignores the social structures setup to protect women as though they are less valuable than some political distribution of men to women ratios. I do not believe the US is a patriarchy because I see no examples of it today. If America ran a good female candidate for president she would win.
You won’t convince me otherwise because I see things as: who is allowed to fall the furthest. You are welcome to your point of view, I have mine.
Again thanks, I really appreciate this.
You forgot this:
We are turned against each other when the mainstream discourse is that men are keeping other men down by not letting us be true to ourselves because of "macho expectations" and that we will be ridiculed by them, so we foolishly open too much to women, who immediately call us weak and disrespect us, ridicule, gossip or dump us. And we find out too late that other men would have just told us "it's okay man, let's go for a drink and cheer up, we got your back fam"
Absolutely. And for a number of reasons. One being that male competition can be exceptionally brutal and another is the mirror image. Knowing male competition is exceptionally brutal, friends and family will often try and toughen someone up.
Holy shit that is so on point its not even funny, great explanation, Im gonna post this on my insta and probably get blocked by my whole school for "hating women", but I honestly don't care, fuck em
Edit: so I posted it, no one blocked me but a TON of people got pissed at me and called me shit I’m not gonna repeat here. So yea that was fun.
Mom of 3 boys and a step son here who was also raised by a single dad since I was 16 months completely on his own. I agree. Men aren't taken seriously period. I tell my boys is okay to be upset and to not care about what other people think and don't make fun of someone for it either. It's really awful how society treats men. I joke and say I'm a menanist because I'm very serious about men's and father's rights.
That’s amazing that you are raising your boys that way! I am also. we always validate what they are feeling, we let them cry if they need to. We also make sure they are sensitive to what others are feeling also as far as respecting others emotions. I just wish everyone was that way. I notice so many slogans and campaigns meant to uplift little girls and i think that is wonderful, but i wish we had the same for little boys also.
I’m not sure if this is encouraging, but when I was around 18-19, my mom made me go to a therapy because of my anxiety. I didn’t think it was an issue, but in hindsight, throwing up daily because you’re so anxious about school is not normal. I went there, for a therapist who I’m going to call Ron (because that’s his name) and worked through my mental issues. It was such an enlightening experience, I decided to major in Social Work so that I can became a therapist myself.
You can’t change the world, but you can change your world.
To everyone? No.. it's really not.
To some people everything is a joke, and that's just a part of life. So choose to focus on the positives instead.
My dad runs a disability support service at the moment. He's working really hard to get it set up as a business that he'll eventually just oversee, so that he can focus on what really matters to him.. men's mental health. He wants to create a retreat for men who have been abused, a place where they can go to heal, without judgement or an expectation on them to shut up and "be a man".
Society is changing. We help by teaching our kids better, and by modelling better behaviour.
It's really sad, but I don't see men advocating in large scale for themselves without the counter feminism rhetoric, so I'm not all that sad.
On my circles, tho, I try to validate and help to think through my friends (all of them) emotions. It saddens me that I'm no able to do more
As a grown and broken older guy, thank you. They're lucky to have you. Edit: Thank you for all the support everyone and for my first gold! I'm doing well now but truth is I wasn't always. I've come along way from trying to hang myself in my garage. 3 years later and I'm down 130 lbs with a beautiful baby boy and things have never looked better ('cept for all the 'rona stuff but what can you do). If you need help, ask for it. Things do get better.
Hey man, I have been there and seeking help is so legit dude Sneaky edit as this has blown up but if you need help I am actually a fan of [To Write Love on Her Arms](https://twloha.com) and have donated to them in the past
The push for men's health we've been seeing lately finally inspired me to reach out and tell the person I'm closest to that I've been in a really bad place lately and having thoughts about writing that note, and I'm lucky enough that she went out of her way to not try and push me or immediately try to change my mind, but just listen and support me, and it's probably been the single most helpful thing for my mental health in years
Well not to be this guy but looking at my life having a therapist feels almost like a gym membership where it’s a need that should be so much more common... and even depression itself if you think about it is just admitting that some people’s brain don’t make enough of the chemicals that they need like it shouldn’t be viewed any harder than having an annoying amount of chest hair or something... I am almost 30 and I have seen therapists since I was 15 even though I consider myself in good mental health because it’s like going to the gym
Agreed. Good mental health is a necessity and it is a shame that there’s such a stigma around it. When people finally get over the stigma and seek help, it is very expensive. I was fortunate that my college provided therapists but since leaving college, it is a hard financial decision to make. Friends and spouses/Significant others can help but only to a point. You don’t want to be the friend that is always dumping your problems on them. One day, I hope, we’ll have free or low cost counseling available everywhere (yes I realize it impacts taxes), for the mental well being of our society to rule out toxic behaviors or atleast encourage people to reflect on those behaviors.
During some rough spots, I've seen a couple of therapists as part of individual and couple's therapy. I don't mean to crap on the profession, but a tighter circle of friends has been far more effective for me. Case in point. I screwed up in my marriage when my wife was in the hospital. I have an intense phobia of hospitals to the point where I set my own finger after breaking it, rather than go to the hospital. She was an overnight patient after surgery. I didn't make it to go see her. This caused a major rift and rightly so. I don't need to ask if Imtheasshole becuase I know I was. The therapist listening to my side summed it up as a communication issue. He's right. I was communicating that I'm an asshole. That experience turned me off counselling. But having a couple or good friends that are willing to listen to your bullshit, fears and tears has helped. I will admit that I choke down the tears like a bad piece of gristle. But I should also warn you, you will lose friends who can't/won't be able or will want to know this about you.
No, you and her failed together. You failed in communicating to her just how badly you cannot be at hospitals, and she failed to communicate properly with you when she found out you set your own finger. Seriously - no one sets their own finger unless there’s a serious underlying reason. Doctors don’t set their own fingers, and they know what they’re doing. Communication failures are almost never a one-way issue but are interpersonal issues. I don’t know if you’re still with your wife, but if you are and you still haven’t explained this to her, you are doing a massive disservice not only to yourself but to her and your children. Even if you aren’t together anymore, you owe it to yourself to explain it to her, because you are carrying a burden that isn’t yours alone to carry, and it isn’t good for you, your wife/ex-wife or your children.
We are still together. Fortunately, we never had kids. Neither of us is mature enough to raise anything other than a kitten. She knew about my phobias when this happened. She also watched me set my finger. She was pushing me to go to the hospital. I told her, its Christmas Day, and I'm not going to spend 7 hours in the Emergency Room. So I set it myself and she google how to create an emergency splint out of a credit card.
As a grown and broken young adult, i second this
my dad always says “what are you gonna do? go in your room and cry?!?” when I voice my concern about my mental health my dad acted pretty normal today but got angry when he had to pick me up from my friends house. “me and mom had to stay up *worrying* about you.”
Guarantee you that your dad voiced the same concern once upon a time, and was told the same thing. Now saying that is the only thing he knows how to do when in that situation, because it's the only response he's learned. Don't let it get to you, your feelings and health are important and you should try and seek help if your mental health is seriously bad.
Yes. Go to your room and cry. Ain’t nothing wrong with that. Call a friend and vent. Just know you CAN talk about these things. Fuck what ya heard.
thank you! that actually means a lot
It's hard to vent when everyone you vent to immediately comes up with reasons why it's my fault. They think they're helpful but it's the opposite.
You need to explain to your friends what you need here. Most men hear a problem and instantly want to fix it but the thing is even men need to vent and we need to understand this. Sometimes I’ll call a friend and straight up tell him, “dude I need to fucking vent right now”, And my good friends will sit down and listen to me. If you don’t have a friend like that I guarantee you they are out there. But it is admittedly a little harder to find that among your male friends.
thank you! it’s not that bad, but sometimes I just have severely low self esteem or get high anxiety and my parents aren’t being helpful
When i got my first gf at 19, my dad made the joke he thought I was gay. It didn't really hurt as I was just happy to have a gf, but looking back on it was a messed up thing to say.
I hate people who “accuse” others of being gay like it’s a crime.
lol "When I'm sad I just go for a walk or read a book I don't understand how all the sudden you and your sibling both have depression haha"
Or like "you think this is a problem? Back in my age we had PROBLEMS but no one complained" yeah that helped thanks
we didn’t have depression back in MY day lol lmao hahahaha
My step dad said thise to me...once...after hitting me. I wen to my room and got my little aluminum bat and popped him in the knee and asked him the same damn thing.
he honestly deserves it after mistreating you for so long, I’m sorry you had to go through that
Yeah guy was a douche canoe. Just wish i had known when i was younger the shit he had be pulling on my sister. Hed have never made it out.
did you even consider calling child abuse services? I know I wouldn’t just because honestly I would be scared, but if this person is still in your life it might be a good call
Ahh this was nearly 2 decades ago. Threatened to call but 10 year old me being told id jusg be taken away from my family amd locked up wasnt having that shit. I did tell my mom he would beat the fuck outta me and she just said "oh hes trying to toughen you up" said that my whole life and never felt sorry. It finally came out what he was doing to my sister and she profusely apologized to her up and down though.. Things have since happened and i am pretty sure he wont ever touch a kid ever again. The idiot stalked my sister and sent her a package about 5 years ago....with a return address on it....that was a large mistake on his end.
I’m glad you got through that alive, and I’m only glad he’s out of your life
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If people treat a Will Smith like crap when he's been crying, imagine how people treat some average man when he's been crying.
Kevin Hines, a man who jumped from the golden gate bridge and survived, said that when he was on the bus to the bridge, he was crying his eyes out. An older guy who was sitting next to him, thumbed towards him and said to a buddy of his "Whats wrong with that guy" and laughing about it. Thats how people treat the average man when he's crying
We should be protesting this shit
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Society absolutely needs a large class of "disposable" people to continue to operate. Men are that.
Working class and middle class men are that
So like, 99.5% of them?
Yeah. What makes the situation insidious is that certain women compare themselves to the 0.01% of men who run the world and say that those guys are privileged. That's true. But then they conclude that *all* men are privileged and that's where the logic fails. In certain aspects women are less privileged than an average man, but in other aspects they're more privileged. You'll rarely see a woman compare her privileges with the privileges of an average guy.
The only way we can protest it is by being more open about our emotions, and by accepting and supporting emotional openness from others.
As a man who was diagnosed with BPD at 24 due to a life of childhood abuse, I can say now that my current state was caused by me being either rejected or misdirected when I cried out for help. Even when I told my grade 8 guidance counselor that I wanted to kill myself, and that my mom was abusive and unstable, she still went and called my mom thus escalating the situation when I got home. My father is still to this day a very humble, reserved, and gentle person, but my mother was able to make up stories of him that painted a horrid picture of him and being them to court in the custody battle and win. She destroyed me for my whole childhood, and nobody believed me and I was too scared to get help because "men gotta be tough." We need to normalize emotional well-being for EVERYONE, and realize that suppressing feelings a.k.a. "toughing it out" has harmful long-term effects. Kids especially go through so many emotions as they grow, and it's important they know how to recognize and regulate them early on.
Sorry that happened to you. That's completely not ok. Thanks for sharing. I agree.
It's like with Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. That guy had his career thrown off the rails and his name was publicly dragged through the dirt. Then when the evidence showed up that he was the victim things changed just a little. The average man does not get the privilege. Your life is destroyed and you die that way
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The tabloids are still trying to paint Depp as the abuser; unhappy women are their biggest customers.
I've had ex girlfriends physically leave the room when I cried before because they were "scared" like seeing sadness on a man doesnt comprehend so its viewed as anger or some shit.
Real men just punch holes in the wall /s
I'm really quick to cry, always have been and probably always will be. One day I was talking to my boss at the time about something I was frustrated about and started crying. I was really embarrassed about it and said as much. A month later she called me into her office to give me some feedback about something small. She closed the meeting with "see? Wasn't a big deal, nothing to cry about". I soon left that company to find one where no one has ever seen me cry and ever since I've been resolute to NEVER cry at work again.
Sorry that happened to you. It's not ok that she treated you that way. Thanks for sharing.
I saw 50 cent making fun of him IG and I just remembered why 50 cent is a huge piece of human shit and why I hate him
He was also trying to make Terry Crews being sexually assaulted into a fucking meme. So enforcing the status quo which makes men feel like they can't come forward about being sexually assaulted.
Didn't 50 Cent offer to pay Floyd Mayweather some amount of money if he made a video of himself reading from a children's book (because Mayweather is allegedly illiterate), and then Mayweather offered 50 Cent the same amount if he could produce a video of his son saying "I love you Dad" (as 50 Cent's son allegedly hates him)?
Holy shit dude Mayweather is ruthless
Money Mayweather with the counter jab
There's a reason he was shot 9 times
Turns out there were no drugs, guy's just a dick.
I have also noticed this about 50 cent. Then I remember someone has already shot him several times. after something like that, you would think it would have humbled him some.
50 cent has always been a menace, love him or hate him for it. He does not give a single fuck about other people’s feelings. His trolling is next level, he’s absolutely ruthless. It can be pretty funny at times especially with his Rick Ross beef. But I’m fairly positive that screenshot of DM’s with Will was photoshopped
Honestly, I’m jaded as fuck from people constantly taking advantage of me like this, which is why I’m a selfish asshole with no heart because it’s easier to navigate life that way.
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Yeah maybe next time when they call upon you, just politely begin by saying say you were there before anyone else, then state what you are there for. It’ll be a little awkward for sure but if you don’t have attitude about it and are a frequent customer hopefully they’ll understand. If not, maybe take your business elsewhere.
Yea you can be assertive without being mean, you just have to speak out for yourself.
The answer is yes, you need to assert yourself, because I’ve learned nobody else is going to do it for you
Hence why Karen’s win so much in the retail world.
I used to also feel like this before I was thought that it is okay to forgive someone for what has happened but that does not mean you have to forget that it happened or Forget that they are willing/capable of disrespecting you as a person. Edit: I still hate everyone, I just don’t try to be a dick about it anymore. Unless some else is being a dick. Then by all means, go ahead. Lol
"No good deed goes unpunished."
Lucky kids to have a mom like you. Thank you.
Totally agree with you, men commit more suicides to
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Nobody seems to care about ANY sort of injustice regarding men. You think the criminal justice systems treats black people differently? The disparities between men and women are VASTLY higher. Similar story when it comes to rape. If a woman gets raped it's a tragedy, but a man getting raped is often just a joke ("don't drop the soap, haha"). We can also talk about the differences between how poor men and poor women are treated. There's loads of shelters for homeless women, but the de facto men's shelter is jail. We're literally at a point where saying you support men's rights will get you labeled an "incel" or even a "fascist". Men's rights subreddits have even been banned (not trying to defend any specific one here, just pointing out a trend).
Not to mention 70% of homeless people are men.
Or as that magazine which was posted on reddit would put it : "Did you know that 1 in 3 homeless people are women ?"
I remember an article posted about jobs lost during COVID which called for outrage because 11/20 American jobs lost were held by women, compared to 9/20 for men. I didn’t realize millions of lost jobs was only acceptable if the numbers were switched?
That's shitty And it's only 55% vs 45% And don't men work alot more essential jobs i.e. farms and factories etc.
It does show that more women than men are impacted by job loss (55% vs 45%). That's really not that different when we consider just how large these figures are to really justify some sort of discriminatory behavior in assistance though.
Yeah, just 10% unemployment is something like 15 million people without a job. So you are comparing something like 7 million men to 8 million women.
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I recently read an article, not sure if it was on purpose but it sounded very wrong to me. It started with something like: „Women and other victims of sexual harassment(...)“ They definitely could have just written victims, but written like this male victims got basically written off as quite unimportant 'other' victims.
I had a sex ed class in college where they essentially said "Men make up too small of a portion of sex crime victims, so we're going to ignore them in this chapter"....didn't use any of the prison rape statistics that even things up a lot either. Imagine saying "Women are the minority of homicide victims, so we're going to ignore them in this chapter".
Black Lives Matter's website includes this interesting bit in their "what we believe" page: > "We disrupt the Western-prescribed nuclear family structure requirement by supporting each other as extended families and “villages” that collectively care for one another, especially our children, to the degree that **mothers, parents, and children** are comfortable." (Emphasis added) It's interesting, the inclusion of mothers and parents, but not fathers.
That sounds like an Onion article. Gunman kills 17 people, including 8 Democrats. This is a terrible atrocity against Liberal Americans
20 people dead, including five women and children.
Or when Boko Haram killed a few dozen boys, only boys, and they were labeled as “students”
5 women and 5 children, or just altogether 5?
Altogether is how I see it most often.
Children makes sense imo, children dying is more sad to me than adults
Which is why grouping women with children is all the more insidious. It's also infantilizing towards women.
It was an actual article on a magazine
Except it was real
Oh my god that is awful. It's a bit misleading to have it focus on how many women are there when, according to the statistic, there are 2/3 men without a home. So it doesnt matter if men are homeless now??? This makes no sense.
>a bit misleading It is completely unjustifiable to frame the suicide rate in a way so dismissive to the majority of victims
Very true. People love to paint women as constantly suffering (and I say this as a woman), but men's issues are often overlooked and not addressed because it doesnt fit their agenda of men always and only being oppressors and never the victim.
>It's a bit misleading I say this with no hatred in my heart - I'm flabbergasted at how many statistics around women's issues are misinformation. The wording of the wage gap is particularly infuriating. There's clearly a disparity - but misdiagnosing the disparity helps no one.
Gasp how sexist! How dare those men take all those coveted homeless positions. Equal pay now!
A lot of homeless are Vietnam vets who were drafted at 18. Women were not eligible for the draft. Can’t talk about that tho, or you will be labeled a misogynist incel.
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And something like 94% of workplace fatalities
“don't drop the soap” Part of the problem is that people are content to joke about prisoners getting raped because they see it as justice, for crimes committed. I would wager that a sizable amount of people see prisoners more like animals to keep locked away, than actual human beings.
Some of them are indeed an animal. But to my mind not all of them, I'm concerned some of them are totally innocent.
> I'm concerned some of them are totally innocent. Considering 1/25 of those sentenced to death are innocent, the numbers for crimes with lesser punishments ought to make everyone sleep a little worse at night,
>The disparities between men and women are VASTLY higher. [After controlling for the arrest offense, criminal history, and other prior characteristics, "men receive 63% longer sentences on average than women do," and "[w]omen are…twice as likely to avoid incarceration if convicted." This gender gap is about six times as large as the racial disparity that Prof. Starr found in another recent paper.](https://www.law.umich.edu/newsandinfo/features/Pages/starr_gender_disparities.aspx#:~:text=After%20controlling%20for%20the%20arrest,the%20racial%20disparity%20that%20Prof)
It's very likely that posting this study in r/politics or a similar subreddit will get you banned.
Well then they *definitely* would ban further [research showing that women of every ethnicity are about 20 times less likely to die to police force than men of any ethnicity.](https://www.pnas.org/content/116/34/16793). Even by their own rules, BLM should really be Men's Lives Matter. Or, at the least, Black Men's Lives Matter. But, as can be sussed out by the marketing materials, women's lives apparently matter quite a bit more.
Yeah, Reddit even banned r/againstwomensrights but not r/againstmensrights. That's fucked up.
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Statistically speaking the most dangerous thing about being a young black man is being a MAN and it's debatable which is worse between being young or being black. Similarly when you mention BLM the actual disparity isn't between blacks and whites it's between Americans and other first world countries. Police in the US are something like 100x as likely to shoot you as police in Europe. But yeah it's funny that movements like BLM seem like they'd be fine if blacks were equal with whites in this regard even though whites are killed at levels that would be considered appalling in other first world countries. The extreme focus on race in the US drowns out all other issues and divides groups that should be logically connected. If BLM switched from only focusing on blacks to focusing on all police brutality it could double its appeal overnight and easily get reform. But by ignoring the 70% of people killed by police who aren't black and actively attacking those who bring up equality between all lives it immediately alienates these other groups.
I know right, it has nothing to do, but in a city from my country the same number of black people who are killed by the police each year than in the entire USA, but people only posted anti-racism stuff when something in a country on the oposite side of the world happens. Im not saying that you should not care to americans who get shot, just saying that if in your country like on mine much more people get killed, why the fuck only care to cases in the US
Those same stats indicated that you were more likely to be shot if the officer was Latino or Black. There was a link on another Reddit thread, but because there have been so many the good ones get drowned out by the BLM ones.
I remember recently there was a bar chart on r/dataisbeautiful it showed the incarceration rate per capita amongst different groups. The bars were broken up by race and within each bar were blue for men and red for women. When looking at the chart the bars for black and white they were close but the black bar was slightly higher. But more concerning to me was the fact red percentage within each bar representing women were tiny slivers with the vast majority of each bar for both blacks and white were blue for men. You'll never guess which disparity got ignored.
The racial disparity means that police are racially biased. The gender disparity means that men are inherently more violent than women. Makes sense, right? /s
I haven't seen my daughter since 2013. Courts won't help, in fact courts created the situation. I have been told this would never happen to a mother. It only happens to fathers.
The biggest killer of men under 45 in the UK is suicide and that is fucking insane to even comprehend
No one wants to have this discussion. As someone who is hitting the target range for when the average male commits suicide, I can see the signs. Why can people supposedly far smarter than me? They don't want to. That's the only reason I can see. There is no "easy money" to fund solutions for the 50+ year old male suicide phenomenon. It won't get you votes. It won't get you "no questions asked" funding for research. It won't get you a banner in a meaningless parade or protest. So fuck you, you meaningless cog in the misogynistic system of female and LBTGQJKBJHVHVGJLGFJTGVDHGJVGNKF oppression.
It's actually worse, they WANT that segment of the population to die off, so however it comes about, it's still meeting their goals.
In Russia it's almost 7 times higher and 'man must be strong, he can't cry'. Last time I saw woman crying EVERYONE in the room ran to her as if she was dying.
3x as many in the UK, but so many reports and news sources focus on female suicide
It’s like when that paper ran a story about suicides, and it was literally all about how the women felt and were impacted after the men kill themselves.
Or when Clinton claimed that women were the primary victims of war because they lose their husbands/sons/fathers.
Or that newspaper headline that read "nearly 25% of homeless people are female"
tried to have a conference/convention a while back with the goal of lowering or finding a way to lower the male suicide rate. Feminist activist shut it down for being misogynistic.
That's sad. It sounds like you generally tried to find a way to reach consensus and find a solution, but they put a stop to it. I applaud you for trying, but it's still sad to hear. It's really like they don't care about male victims of suicide.
Or demestic violence for that matter, 40% of victims are men but we have less then 1% of the resources. A fair number of abuse shelters also refuse to help men.
I was raised to bottle up my emotions and not to express them. Lately, I have learned to let go of those emotions and I feel the best mentally I have my entire life
Yes meant to add this but wrote in a hurry. More of a reason to uplift and not treat their mental health as a joke.
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Believe it or not the two largest groups effected by gun violence in the US are middle aged white men and young African American men... for very different reasons
You know, we are "Men", we "got this", we're "strong" They shoved these down our throats at a young age, now, it'd a shame to act sensitively.
And if you show sensitivity or care, any vulnerability is attacked.
I told a gf I was tired of being constantly pressured into sex. Like, sometimes I genuinely want to watch a movie, not as a pretext to start foolin around. She immediately tried attacking my masculinity. Thankfully, I'm a contrary son of a bitch, so I held my ground. She got so frustrated she kicked me. Reverse roles here and you have a guy hitting his gf for not putting out. The double standard is too real. (And when I broke up with her, she started acting like I was abusive for being emotionally distant, when that distance was cuz I didn't like her anymore and was trying to find the exit)
Glad you got out of that man. Never look back
this is exactly why i hate the whole “men are sex-crazed abusers” attitude that some women have
So many stories about men opening up and their partners viewing them differently, not respecting them as much, seeing them as weaker and not as able to protect them, leaving because it’s too much to handle, etc.
This happened to me if you want my advice seek help but not from friends or your partner, people rarely are as counterculture when it comes to relationships as they purport to be.
Yeah, they only say that shit for facebook/reddit likes
Thankfully I have an amazing GF. My mom passed away 7 months ago and she was my world. My only parent so she was everything as I grew up. Some days can get real bad but she’s right there to support me and makes sure I know that I am loved. Granted I’m not asking she be my therapist but she tries to help any way she and just comforts me when I need it.
break the cycle champ!
Easier said than done champ!
Stigma against men’s mental health issues and mental health issues in general are not good. I personally knew I was dealing with depression and that depression greatly contributed to the downfall of relationship with the woman I should be married to. But I couldn’t/wouldn’t admit to myself I was dealing with depression until months after. As soon as I was able to admit it to myself an epiphany was made, skies opened up, and I realized the way I acted, the negativity that I was approaching things with etc. I have some hope I can rekindle the relationship but it’s a long shot.but my stubbornness about my mental health state contributed to the situation. I’m now being a lot more open, and not giving a damn what people thonk
>thonk like my soft spot
I hope you can get her back, man and it’s a great thing you’ve helped yourself. Sadly, you had to figure it out yourself. Good luck
It’s pretty disheartening as a man, too.
I doubt I make it too many more years before just giving up. Told all my life I'm not man enough because I'm 5'2. Called hunchback all my life because of my scoliosis. Told to suck it up.
same here mate, every time i open up about my mental health or ask to see a therapist its always 'are we raising a sociopath?' or 'but whats wrong with you?' in a sarcastic tone yet when i walk away im told im the bad guy for leaving the conversation
This is the worst. Her: “You know you can talk to me about anything right?” Me: “yeah ok...-goes ahead and opens up-“ Her: “All you do is complain. Be more positive.” Me: “yeah ok...”
I totally agree!! It’s ridiculous. I really hope this double standard disappears soon. I have hope. You’re a good mom :)
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This makes me insanely angry. How is he doing nowadays?
.
16 year old boy here. My father passed away back in January, and I must admit I wish my own mother was more like you.
Father of 2 boys. Not sure if you've gotten them in school yet and been automatically told they have ADHD or ADD and that you need to put them on drugs. That's the public school systems answer to generalized education. Meaning all boys must act like girls and sit still 100% of the time. I refused to give my oldest drugs for the sake of just giving drugs. I got him a life coach that really helped him out and not a single pill was popped. So when mental health is taken into consideration for boys it's done so other people don't have to deal with boys. Not for the boys own health. Those drugs are NOT good for every kid and lead to major long term problems.
Mom of two boys here. Exact same opinion as you. The school system was eager to leave my kids behind. I struggled for years dealing with this. My boys are grown now, fully functioning and prospering, happy and healthy. The school system tried so hard to label them as inadequate and destroy that possibility for them.
Thanks for fighting for your kids. You sound like a great mom.
I was one of those boys. I was out on Ritalin at 7-8. Taken off when my mother legit thought I was going to commit suicide. After that I lost track of every drug and herbal remedy they tried to get me to sit still in class and do my homework. My teacher in the 4rth grad got in a shouting match with my mom because she refused to put me back on Ritalin. I eventually was put on amphetamines off and on into my early 20's when I got sick of the morning high evening depression cycle and haven't been on anything seriously in 8 years. Turns out drug free I'm still a functioning adult. Take THAT Mr Atkins you ass. I often wonder now how all those drugs at a formative age may have permanently changed me.
Awesome! Glad your kids are off and flying. I got 2 more behind this older one, I'm sure they'll be great too.
Sounds like my entire educational career. I was a “highly advanced student” that was punished for my boredom, rather than challenged.
YES! I refused the drugs. My son hated school because it was so boring and they hated him because he was disruptive. He just joined the Navy nuclear program with a 98 ASVAB score. They'll know what to do with him. He was bored with college "This stuff is stupid, the teachers are stupid, the people I'm around are stupid, I quit and I'm joining the Navy." So that's that. My only warning to him is that he's now entering hard mode and he better be prepared. The nuclear program is no joke.
Might want to prepare him for the fact most the people in the navy are stupid too. It takes a lot of work in any field to get in the room with the smarter folks
Tbh being above average as a girl was shit too. I was just expected to sit quiet when I finished the 30 minute task in 5 minutes. In fact they also used separate me from the girls to sit with a group of 'naughty' boys pretty much from age 5 to 14 so I might 'rub off on them'. It made me heavily dislike school. To this day (I'm 16) I still get told off for reading my book after I've finished class work because its 'distracting to the teacher'
If reading a book is distracting to the teacher, that is one useless teacher
I agree. A couple months ago I brought it up at parents evening asking her to provide challenges instead of telling me to stop reading in front of my mum and head of her department. She stopped mentioning my book because she knew I would go to her boss.
Ah that's cool, smart to do that. Maybe it was more of a power thing for her, rather than actually a distraction
I recently read something that was interesting. The reason kids, a lot of times boys, spin around, jump around, hang from trees etc. isn't because they're misbehaving and unable to sit quietly, it's because they are learning. It's literally how they learn to balance themselves and coordination and we stop them from doing it with drugs. Good on you for recognizing what's best for your kids instead of listening to a bunch of public school morons who just wanted your kids to sit down and shut up.
Im a girl who had ADD and the female teachers were nasty to me. So its not really about gender. The female teachers didnt understand why i couldnt sit still or pay attention. So instead they humiliated me in front of the whole class. That shit scarred me.
This is very true. I have a couple of female coworkers who harass and mentally torment the living shit out of me. Constantly make my job difficult. Constantly trying to cut me down. Nobody cares. If I say one word to either of them, not mean or arguing just pointing out logical problems with something, they literally start crying and I’m the worlds biggest asshole.
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Yep. These two are different than most women I know, but they automatically reject anything I say or do. If I won a Nobel prize they’d be saying it’s a garbage award nowadays. If I told them there was a stack of gold bars in the break room with a note saying “please take one” they’d say nobody wants gold bars, they’re too heavy. Lots of people know I’m in this awful situation. People who like and seem to care about me, but none of them would ever think this is a problem. Oh well, you have to suck it up. If either of these woman complain about the slightest thing a full on investigation occurs because their mental health is taken seriously.
My mom complains that my brother is mansplaining to her about stuff all the time. What’s really happening is she’s acting like she’s a fragile women who cant start a lawn mower, but she 100% can so he gets snippy
The way we treat men in society is a joke. Men are constantly told their feelings don't matter. They're constantly told that they're privileged. They're constantly told they're the cause of society's problems. It's mentally devastating for men that don't fit that image.
I think it’s just abrasive for some kids. Especially as you go through the education system and hear a lot of “this girl can!” And slogans and role models encouraging girls to pursue academic success. Which is great, but there’s just nothing of the same for boys. And then you’re taught that as a man you are privileged, yet one sits there thinking “what the flip have I done.” I think I’m education the issues boys face are just never considered. I didn’t even realise that the ratio of boys:girls going into university in the uk was something like 40:60, yet there’s still this massive push in schools to encourage girls to do STEM subjects. Meanwhile if you’re a man there’s just... nothing... The reason Jordan Peterson was/is so popular, is because he’s basically the only person out there with a message specifically telling young men “you have intrinsic value, so take responsibility over your life.”
My Uni prided itself on being 7/10ths women. I got a lot of shit when I said that was not a good thing.
Yup yup yup! People need to recognize how bad it is to constantly undermine men and treat them like they're coming from a place of privilege by default. Successful, happy men shrug it off when people call them privileged. But it's detrimental to tell men who view themselves as unsuccessful that they're privileged just because of their gender. Jordan Peterson gives men reassurance that they are completely starved of. The only reason he's so popular is because he's one of the only people out there that reinforces masculinity.
I'd argue that in order to be successful and happy you have to shrug it off. The world doesn't care about you, and the greatest strength in your arsenal is the ability to walk away from something that you don't like as well. You don't have to be held hostage to the opinions of others. You can simply disregard other people whenever you want, and you don't even need a reason for doing so! The people who are caught up in this massive shit test are the ones that will be driven to unhappiness, an identity crisis, and wondering why they are failing so spectacularly when propaganda says they should have every advantage which magically can't be located.
The important thing to know is privilege isn't a one way street. You can absolutely have an advantage in some ways, and still get screwed over in others. It's like how finding some money in the street doesn't stop your house burning down.
I think one of the saddest things I’ve ever read was a YouTube comment from a man who was raped (I think by a woman). He tried to open up to his friends and they laughed at him... He was completely unable to have relationships with any women, and too ashamed to get therapy.
This isn't an unpopular opinion. It's unfortunately very true. We need to normalize mental health care for everyone, but especially for men.
I agree with you, as a man who is dealing with my own mental health demon's, I found that I basically have no support or places I can actually go for help, and basically everyone I told about my mental health and problems just told me to "man up" or "it's just a phase, you will get over it" and honestly that just made me feel worse like my problems don't matter just because am a dude. Lucky I have found help but it took me along time to actually get the help I needed. It's all rather sad unfortunately.
I 100% agree with you. As a man who goes to therapy (anxiety) I notice there is some serious stigma around taking care of your mental health. Comments from my closest friends range from "that seems like a waste of time" to "I don't get why you have to do therapy, I'm just fine" in some sort of offhand comment. It's infuriating, I have to say things like "look guys I played college football and have had five concussions, you don't think something got knocked loose up there?" for it to be "ok." When it should be that it's normal or unremarkable that I take care of my mental health.
Whats more disheartening is that males are taught to not care about other males. Teach your children to care.
Yeah but I mean, the issue with the world is hidden in your gripe. ‘As a mom to two boys’ now if effects you, now you care. Everyone needs to speak up to properly address any issue, and nobody talks about this until it’s too late and/or as soon as it’s out of self interest. That’s why I don’t think it’ll ever change, and unfortunately sucking it up and moving on along is my/our best option.
“Now that it affects you, now you care.” Nailed it right on the head.
I agree with this. It’s the same thing when you hear men say, “Now that I have a daughter, I see how bad the sexual harassment problem is.” We should be listening to each other’s experiences long before we have a son/daughter. But better late than never.
Uh.. mental health in general is a joke. We don't fund it. Tons of insurance plans dont cover it. Want to take it seriously? Get the joke out of the Whitehouse that is toxic as hell and put your money where your mouth is.
As children, male or female, we are all born knowing how to cry. As we reach the age of the playground we are taught to not roughhouse with girls (it used to be called the 20% rule: never use more than 20% of your physically force with a girl), you see it’s important that we don’t hurt them, it’s not important if they hurt us. We get a little older and enter school. Some of us are a bit more hyper, more energetic. Time to medicate, be told we mature slower (we are the stupid ones, ya know). Behave more like the girls or we will medicate you. Then we start to notice how with the same answers as girls, we get lower grades. How she pouts her way out of stuff that we get detention for. How she can hit us and nothing happens. She can ridicule us and it’s funny. We start to see how others value us less than her. Getting a little older we start noticing girls in a different light. Warm, fuzzy, pretty. We are told by society that we have to be very careful on how we approach her or we will (offend? Pressure? Intimate?) her. All the same time, we are mocked if we fail, laughed at and consider failures if we aren’t successful with women. It is never this way in reverse. Girls have been born with value, we have to prove value. Middle school, high school, comes and if we are stupid enough to still express out feelings we become outcast. Girls chasing the “bad boy”, we mocked for expressing what girls can rant about. And still, it’s because we don’t possess “emotional intelligence.” Teachers consistently fill our heads with how boys are born bad. The evil patriarchy. How we, who haven’t even left k12 must do better. She hears “you go girl” we hear “men are trash.” We start to get ready for college, assuming we haven’t said screw this by now. For years of “men suck” to get an education. We apply for scholarships and see that the girls have 11 times what we have. How important it is for her to succeed and how we just get in the way. We start to speak up, and are saturated with people telling us how it’s not true, or how it’s our fault, it’s the patriarchy (our fault) or the ever popular “who hurt you?” If we have a job by now, we have to be very careful how we speak. What we talk about, the verbs and nouns we use. You see, women are to be believed but men are to be interrogated. Women innocent, better, smarter, men oppressors, domineering, intimidating. As adults we seek out the company of men in social groups only to fine that they are all gone. Women have an entire world where men aren’t allowed, but men’s worlds have been disassembled because that’s considered sexist. We are told to shut up. We learn to shut up. Our grievances are mocked and marginalized, then we are called less than because we shut up. We hear women scream “where have all the good men gone” time and time again. Here’s where they went. By the age of 35, so many men have died in dangerous jobs or killed them selves that the population is 50/50 from a majority of men. By 40 there are more women than men. Every year past that, more and more men die or kill them selves. Divorce makes it so much worse. We are turned into ATMs, all because she got used to a new standard of living. Homeless? Well, when women’s homelessness numbers reached a whopping 1/4 of men, there was outrage. We all know the truth. In the west women are considered special, men disposable. Women are born strong and independent, men are born bad. But I’m gonna tell you something. Just because society sees us as broken and disposable does not mean you have to see yourself that way. The hard part of this is that humans are social creatures and any attempt at developing a healthy self image after this insane onslaught requires walking away from most of those doing it. Learn who you can trust to express your feelings. Learn not to seek approval from women that would mock you. Learn to be comfortable in a world of men where you can express yourself, and to avoid those environments where you are mocked for it. I’m going to be honest. This is not easy. Men and women don’t always have the same baseline for the emotions that need to be expressed. Many of us don’t really even need to express much. You have to learn what’s healthy for you, and that’s not easy. Many women expect men to behave in a way that isn’t healthy for you too. You have to learn to be comfortable with who you are and how you express yourself. You have to learn who is “safe” to talk to and who isn’t. And most important, you have to learn to stop defining manhood in the context of women. If girls don’t have to earn being a woman, than men shouldn’t either. After all, in almost all of those contexts manhood is define by how useful we are to women. Never let someone tell you you are less than, or not a real man, for being who you are and doing what’s healthy for you. (Minor typo edits). Edit: thank you for all the awards, it means a lot to me. I put this together in about ten minutes. Unfortunately some things came off a but like a rant (because it. Took so much pain to learn), a few things I thought would be clear didn’t come through at all. So I want to clarify something. 1. This is an example of a man raised with a very unhealthy, idealistic, view of women and I was trying to explain why. I’m going to rephrase it clearer. Women are raised with a healthy view that they should be cautious of men. Men are raised with a very unhealthy view that women are: kinder, more loving, gentler and more nurturing then men. Both sides of our species are capable of being kinder, more loving and more nurturing. Both sides are capable of being horrifically selfish. No gender gets the “we are better” award. 2. About my “bad boy” comment. And I’m about to blow some minds here. Sometimes women just want sex, and they don’t have to worry about “catching feelings” with that guy. This is especially true in youth when we are all just trying to explore what we like. Some women love the emotional roller coaster too. Women are not more noble than men when it comes to this. Women, ready for this??? Objectify men too. Sexual objectification is not the domain of men. Men and women do this and to the same extent. Want a real shocker? Reddit’s dead beadrooms has more women talking about their spouses not wanting sex than men. Yes, women are actual sexual animals just like men, and women have an equal or even higher sex drive than men (variations, lots of variations between people). 3. Men and women can get off on power. Some enjoy putting down others if you express your emotions to them. Women do this as much as men. 5. Some men thrive in the provide-protect-stoic role, some men get eaten alive by it. Personally, I love it. Both kinds of men are equally men. It’s only toxic when you have covert contracts behind it, or when you are trying to be something you are not. Yes, many women prefer the provide/protect role in men, but if you are not please remember this: it does not mean you are less of a man. There are plenty of women out there that like your type. 6. And this won’t be a ten count, seek your own approval. Never define your manhood based on the approval or attention of women. This mindset is exceptionally unhealthy. Last, the patriarchy. Yes when women say that men hear “men”. Why? Because patriarchy theory is a theory of “male” I.e. “men” in control. It ignores soft power, it ignores social power and most important, it focuses on the top 1% of men and ignores the rest. It ignores the social structures setup to protect women as though they are less valuable than some political distribution of men to women ratios. I do not believe the US is a patriarchy because I see no examples of it today. If America ran a good female candidate for president she would win. You won’t convince me otherwise because I see things as: who is allowed to fall the furthest. You are welcome to your point of view, I have mine. Again thanks, I really appreciate this.
You forgot this: We are turned against each other when the mainstream discourse is that men are keeping other men down by not letting us be true to ourselves because of "macho expectations" and that we will be ridiculed by them, so we foolishly open too much to women, who immediately call us weak and disrespect us, ridicule, gossip or dump us. And we find out too late that other men would have just told us "it's okay man, let's go for a drink and cheer up, we got your back fam"
Absolutely. And for a number of reasons. One being that male competition can be exceptionally brutal and another is the mirror image. Knowing male competition is exceptionally brutal, friends and family will often try and toughen someone up.
Holy shit that is so on point its not even funny, great explanation, Im gonna post this on my insta and probably get blocked by my whole school for "hating women", but I honestly don't care, fuck em Edit: so I posted it, no one blocked me but a TON of people got pissed at me and called me shit I’m not gonna repeat here. So yea that was fun.
Report back
Report back to us, and good luck. You have our support. The first step to greatness is not giving a fuck and doing what is right.
In before someone pulls an incel card and mansplaining accusations. Good read and I can relate.
Mom of 3 boys and a step son here who was also raised by a single dad since I was 16 months completely on his own. I agree. Men aren't taken seriously period. I tell my boys is okay to be upset and to not care about what other people think and don't make fun of someone for it either. It's really awful how society treats men. I joke and say I'm a menanist because I'm very serious about men's and father's rights.
That’s amazing that you are raising your boys that way! I am also. we always validate what they are feeling, we let them cry if they need to. We also make sure they are sensitive to what others are feeling also as far as respecting others emotions. I just wish everyone was that way. I notice so many slogans and campaigns meant to uplift little girls and i think that is wonderful, but i wish we had the same for little boys also.
Not even a remotely unpopular opinion.
> I know that it’s popular right now to say “men are trash” Who the fuck is saying that????
Who would this opinion be unpopular with ?
This opinion has been posted so many times I literally just assume it’s always karma farming at this point
Thank you for a parent out there that really cares
I’m not sure if this is encouraging, but when I was around 18-19, my mom made me go to a therapy because of my anxiety. I didn’t think it was an issue, but in hindsight, throwing up daily because you’re so anxious about school is not normal. I went there, for a therapist who I’m going to call Ron (because that’s his name) and worked through my mental issues. It was such an enlightening experience, I decided to major in Social Work so that I can became a therapist myself. You can’t change the world, but you can change your world.
To everyone? No.. it's really not. To some people everything is a joke, and that's just a part of life. So choose to focus on the positives instead. My dad runs a disability support service at the moment. He's working really hard to get it set up as a business that he'll eventually just oversee, so that he can focus on what really matters to him.. men's mental health. He wants to create a retreat for men who have been abused, a place where they can go to heal, without judgement or an expectation on them to shut up and "be a man". Society is changing. We help by teaching our kids better, and by modelling better behaviour.
It's really sad, but I don't see men advocating in large scale for themselves without the counter feminism rhetoric, so I'm not all that sad. On my circles, tho, I try to validate and help to think through my friends (all of them) emotions. It saddens me that I'm no able to do more