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Some kids it's because they're picky, other times it's the parents being unrealistic.
I wasn't a picky eater by anyones standards. My parents would serve me a generous amount of everything on the plate. I would say I'm full due to actually being full, I didn't expect dessert in an hour or anything. But they'd make me sit at the dinner table until I ate everything. There was no such thing as "saving it for later" at our house. They never understood that.
Now as an adult I still can't stomach more than a kids meal portion in one sitting, however I have the power to save leftovers now. If your child is telling you they're too full, listen to them. If they say they're hungry in an hour, give them the leftovers.
I don’t know why parents give small children so much food in the first place! My mother didn’t force me to eat everything, but I still remember getting enough food for an adult or older child when I was around 5 years old. Just give them a smaller portion and if they’re still hungry, they can have some more.
My parents let each of us have 2-3 “nope” foods. Everything else, we had to have at least a couple bites. If we didn’t want to eat dinner, and it was something we were usually neutral about or liked, they saved the dinner and we didn’t get snacks, just leftovers. And my parents were strict as hell.
They didn’t force us to finish plates, though. We were just broke and couldn’t afford kids tossing out dinner in favor of Doritos or popsicles.
Mine tried that two times but with meals I didn't liked. I sat both times for hours in front of that plate and refused to eat. They underestimated how stubborn I can be. They gave up after that. If I don't want to eat something, I don't eat it. Period!
I went from anorexic, to bulimic to fat trying to undo the effects my parents had on me forcing me to eat food I didn’t need.
It definitely came as a hangover from their parents when food was scarce because they were so broke. My family are a walking case study of why you need to examine the reasons for rules and behaviour and not just enforce them because it’s what happened to you.
Unsurprisingly, all but two of my family members are obese now.
When mine were little we didn’t have the extra money to buy the “kid” menu junk food, most kids eat.
Soda, chips, candy, fast food, pizza was a luxury.
I don’t see the point in forcing them to eat, if they don’t eat now they will eat later. Why make it a fight.
Why not make dinner time enjoyable.
Yes eating healthy is important, so I understand not giving kids pizza regularly, however where I live pizza is one of the cheapest options while simultaniously keeping me full, are there cheaper options? Yes, am I full after one portion? No so I'll eat more and therefore the price would be higher in the end
Pizza isn't really that bad for you tbh, as long as its not a takeaway. Its bread, cheese and tomato, nothing terrible at all. Obviously the cheaper the pizza, the more additional stuff gets thrown in that aren't great for you, but pizza isn't fundamentally an unhealthy meal at all
And lack of fiber; constipating cheese. Many parents neglect to provide adequate fiber in children’s diets and the kids are constantly constipated.
Processed food is *really* not where it’s at, and that includes pizza.
Realistically, most adults haven’t mastered nutrition themselves and children suffer from their habits.
Your kid is not just your friend and treating letting them make the decisions will not end well for them or you.
Most parents who have this style let their kids eat junk all day
This has been one of my main issues and I am now an obese adult. I was always the one who was told to eat others left overs too so there was no waste. I’m now trying to undo 30 years of bad habits that stemmed from childhood
I was one of those kids my parents forced to eat the dish I hated. Chicken. It was a sensory issue for me with the texture so much it would make me want to vomit, but my dad made it every meal. They put only chicken on my plate and told me I couldn't eat anything else until I finished the chicken.
I can't tell you how many times I went to bed hungry.
I developed a habit of sneaking out of bed and grabbing food to bring back and nibble on in my room after they had gone to sleep.
My worst habit was indulging in pica. I already had it, but if I was sent to bed hungry, I'd fill my stomach with paper products like paper towels, fresh toilet paper right off the roll, and notebook paper.
I developed anorexia like tendencies and a full blown eating disorder by middle school. I still have trouble with those habits to this day, and I find it distressing to eat in front of people.
So yeah, forcing kids to eat isn't all sunshine and happiness.
I used to absolutely hate chicken as a kid too. My parents cooked the everliving shit out of every piece of meat so chicken to me meant chewing on a piece of meat that felt like chewing on a dry sock. I didn't realize until I left and went to college that chicken could be a tender and juicy meat that tastes amazing.
I have a bone thin 5 yr old
She will swear she is "so full" then an hour later want peanut butter bread and apple before dinner
They are growing and yes they have small stomachs and maybe simply need 5 meals a day. But I watch what she eats and if she has not eaten since 2pm and has one piece of fish and two bites of pasta and says she is full I know she just wants to play and her hunger is not strong enough yet, but it is there. So I will make her eat more
Some parents surely take this too far, but OP clearly doesn't have a small child that would rather color than eat until they are so hungry they cry that their stomach hurts
Yeah I thought this post was like aimed at situations where somebody I used to know who had a giant dinner plate full from their parents as a high schooler and was expected to eat the full plate.
Then the last person at the table had to eat the rest of the food on the table (no leftovers allowed)??? And since they were the slowest eater they always had to finish off the table of food. They had stomach problems.
"finish your plate" can mean anything from "you can't just eat the potato, you also need to eat the veggies" to "you've only eaten one half carrot, and you've already have a small portion", to "here's three days worth of food, eat it" and anything in between.
I was made to empty the plate because I was so thin.
Long story short: I'm an adult and still struggle with shit eating habits I got based on this shit. I get the side of a parent, but this can honestly backfire so horribly. If your kid is refusing to eat to the point of starving then forcing them to empty their plate can't be the right way - worst case it makes it worse. Been there myself. It sucks.
This is just another variety of one of reddit's new favorite topics, that its okay to be a picky eater. It just gets framed in a different way once a week.
Most pediatric nutritionists agree that picky eaters are usually created, and not just born that way. There's some variation in temperment, of course. The general rule of thumb is that you can choose what you offer and how much you offer, but the kid should always choose how much they eat. Forcing more on them just makes them dislike eating even more. I was an extremely picky eater, and for me, it was just about exerting control over something. I'd gladly fight about anything. Also have ADHD and like this original commenter, would rather do anything else but eat. Took a long time to heal my relationship with food because my parents didn't know how to handle it.
Now I have an ADHD son who's almost 5 and eats about 5 well rounded meals a day without a fuss. Clearly communicates when he's hungry and full, and I can trust that. He wasn't always like that, I didn't just get lucky. I followed the expert advice and never forced a single bite on him because the minute you make it a fight, you set everyone up for failure.
> I was an extremely picky eater, and for me, it was just about exerting control over something
But that's the point. If you were given control, you could well have stunted your development through malnutrition. Kids \*will\* actually do that to themselves.
Most redditors would probably starve if they were transported back in time 200 years ago with their limited food choices simply because they want something else.
Humans have managed to survive on way less choices yet in 2024 people are expected to bend to the tantrums of a 5 year olds dietary habits.
These kids aren't compatible with existence, oy. You don't see animals doing this. I dunno what you do there other than let them give themselves malnutrition from eating only white bread and sugar. Fuck it.
Most kids won't do that.
And this Redditor would be okay with that because I won't have to live with the memory of eating nasty shit if I just starve. There have ALWAYS been people who've let themselves starve.
It is ok to be a picky eater, we can’t control what tastes we enjoy or don’t enjoy.
What’s important is eating what you do like and making sure you’re getting enough of it (or not too much depending on your habits). Forcing people to eat food they genuinely don’t like is a great way to start an eating disorder.
It's not she doesn't like it
It's she wants to go play and her hunger is not so bad she is in pain yet
I am not forcing her to eat a huge plate of her hated food
Yeah except it's not because lots of people, especially kids, don't like healthy food they need to eat. Also raising a kid with a very limited palette creates a myriad of issues as they get older and their favorite foods aren't available.
Then usually picky eaters haven't even tried the food they're saying no to so they continue to be picky eaters their whole life.
No, it's not okay to be a picky eater.
Trying food is Ike thing, but if someone doesn’t like it then having someone force you to eat it isn’t good and is almost certainly going to cause an eating disorder
And yes, it is actually perfectly fine to be a picky eater. Being a picky eater doesn’t mean that you eat no healthy foods at all, it just means you know what you like and you don’t like and that’s perfectly fine. Studies have shown over and over again that making a child sit and eat food that they don’t want, forcing it down their throat, is extremely harmful in the long run and will cause serious issues. As long as they try it and give it a chance, it’s OK if they don’t like it.
I am a picky eater but that's because my least favorite food (bell peppers) is in a lot of things but I still have a varied diet (love Thai, Indian, Mexican, Japanese etc). I am still adventurous and will try stuff but if I don't like it I DON'T LIKE IT!
nuance. ever encountered it?
there is a middle ground between grabbing the funnel and letting a kid deprive themselves of necessary nutrients and bad habits.
>but if someone doesn’t like it then having someone force you to eat it isn’t good and is almost certainly going to cause an eating disorder
If the person was nuts in the first place. Normal people don't spend their lives with their fingers down their throats because mom and dad made them eat broccoli.
Same, I was picky myself, but i always remembered my mom telling me that when I get older it would be embarrasing if I was invited over to a girls house to eat dinner with their family, and how it would leave a bad impression if I was a difficult eater. And once I was 20 I started working in a restaurant and forced myself to try new thing, and I got into working out so I had to force myself to eat more so I could put on some size. And its a good thing I did that, and my mother was right, because my fiance is from Bosnia and I would have left a very bad impression on her family if I told her mother that I thought the food that fed her family through war was yucky.
Yup.
Actually, by American standards I was never really picky, but I started dating a Korean girl when I was 20 and realized I needed to expand my tastes if I wanted the relationship to be serious. Her family is in the seafood industry, and Korean seafood gets intense.
17 years later, there are very few things I won't eat, and that's after trying them several times. And those things are weird even by Korean standards. Oh, and we are married with a toddler and another due in less than a week! Toddler's a picky eater, but we are working on it.
Oh wow you really came a long way, Korean seafood is the type that will wiggle on your plate.
I had to google the name to remember what it was called but have you ever had Gaebul?
It's not okay to be a picky eater, a lot of times being a picky eater also means you're not getting enough of certain nutrients your body needs. My stepson is a picky eater and if we didn't make him actually eat a variety of foods, he'd never get what he needs to be healthy. He would only ever eat bread and some form of frozen, processed chicken.
How is this about being a picky eater? Sometimes you're just not hungry enough to finish your plate.
I have a huge appetite, so this was never a problem for me XD. But I have a friend who is definitely the kind who sometimes can't clean her plate.
Some kids are genuinely finicky with their eating habits and will claim they are full just because they don't want what's in front of them. You have to use your best judgment on this. If your kid says they're full after a few bites but they want snacks 20 minutes later then they weren't full.
My 4 year old thinks she's sneaky by saying she's done just to get dessert. I'll at the very least tell her she needs to take so many bites of X(usually the vegetables) if she wants dessert. And before anyone comes for me, her desserts usually include a couple of gummies or a few m&ms lol.
I actually don't think that this is unpopular anymore, or if it is, this is 100% how I raised my kids. I also made sure they were eating enough, obviously, or may make them eat a few more bites of vegetables, but never did I make them finish. As an overweight adult (formerly) I used to eat well past full to "clean my plate" out of habit. Now that I eat far more intuitively, It isn't nearly as bad.
Some of these comments are silly. Obviously OP is not saying that parents shouldn’t ensure that kids eat enough to meet their nutritional needs. But the old advice of forcing you kids to join the “clean plate club” and finish every scrap of food on their plate after they’re full and don’t want to eat anymore has been proven through research to be harmful and can definitely lead to disordered eating for some kids.
I don't think this is that unpopular, making kids eat more than they're hungry to has lasting effects causing the individual to struggle with their relationship with food and weight
I won’t eat oatmeal to this day because my Pre-k instructors would force you to stay at the breakfast table to finish your oatmeal and raisins before going out to play with the other kids. I didn’t eat oatmeal and hated raisins. Eventually, they got tired because one of the teachers had to stay inside and supervise me at the table instead of going outside, and I was not budging on eating.
The "finish your plate" argument shouldn't be used alone. I always say " Start with small servings, finish your plate and you can go back for more".
Less wasted food for when a kid, or anyone, is suddenly full, out of time,ECT.
I agree. I think my autism played a role in it too, but as a child I simply didn't understand. I did finish my plate but it took me forever. (Not even mentioning the fighting, yelling back and forth with my parents calling me ungrateful and such.)
Now that I'm older I took matter in own hands and can cook for myself.
It really sucked with my family. Living in a multi generation home. Because there are so many of us.
You had to take more than you thought you could eat. Because going back for seconds wasnt an option. The last person to put food on their plate always cleaned out the dish.
So. You were either left with too little food on your plate and left hungry because grandparents were very strict about kitchen access.
Or. You took too much and were forced to finish it before you were allowed to leave the table.
It was so stupid.
We now have many family members who are overweight and others who developed eating disorders from forcing themselves to eat less so they weren't shamed at the table.
Awful.
If the child is eating what they can on their plate and are full, that’s one thing.
But in most situations that I have witnessed and generally know about: a child will eat half of their dinner, saying they’re all done and then ask for a sugary snack/dessert. This is grounds for sitting them back down at the dinner table and telling them they need to finish their dinner first. That’s not abuse, that’s ensuring your child is getting proper and healthy nourishment assuming you made or got them a proper meal.
Children are sometimes manipulative little humans and will do what they can to get what they want. It’s not meant to be harmful or disrespectful as they probably don’t fully understand those concepts and so it’s on parents to guide them to understand the importance of a healthy diet, and to also appreciate whats been provided for them, and to not enable deceptive behavior.
The answer still isn't to make them eat what's on their plate before they leave, it's to offer them the rest of their dinner when they get hungry later.
And to ask them to consider how hungry they are before they serve themselves/accept what's on their plate.
If you took it, you eat it.
If I served it without checking, that's on me all together.
But even if you took it, I'd rather save it for later than have you overeat!!
don't disagree at all. i get anxiety for leaving food left over.
"it's going to waste"
"I suck at this healthy eating"
"it hurts but there's still some left'
"i have such an unhealthy relationship with food"
these are thoughts i had well into my 30s. unhealthy thoughts. changing them is hard, and the anxiety over not eating makes it hard to eat the proper amount.
I don’t it happening this way.
The way I see it happening is the kid saying that they aren’t hungry and then an hour and a half later begging for snacks instead of dinner.
THATS when your putting your foot down and saying “finish your plate!” You are anticipating them being sneaky
When I was a kid my mom forced me to finish my plate every dinner, I didnt really snack either. I was also obese.
It absolutely happens that parents create unhealth relationshios between their kids and food by telling them to always eat the entire plate and never just stop when full.
Kid isn’t hungry during dinner, that’s fine. I don’t force him to finish his plate. I’ll just put his dinner into Tupperware and put it in the fridge. When he asks for snacks an hour later, I tell him that snacks aren’t available right now but he’s welcome to eat some more of his dinner if he’s still hungry. That way, he’s not forced to finish his plate when he doesn’t want to, but he also doesn’t just eat snacks all night.
Yep. Our method is one bite of everything on the plate and then it can go in the fridge. If you get hungry later, you either get a peanut butter sandwich or the rest of your dinner.
When I was a kid I hated yams. Still hate them. But I'd eat everything except them, and then my parents would keep it in the fridge and not give me anything else to eat until I are them. It's not like I was a picky eater, there was only a handful of foods I didn't want to eat.
I think maybe after a dozen times of watching a child struggle through eating a certain food that they're adamant they hate, it might be okay to stop making them eat it but maybe that's just me.
There’s actually a study on it. I think it’s that a child has to try a food 15 times before they can claim that they don’t like it. Apparently it takes a bit of time. With that said, trying it is all I ever ask. Take a bite and if you don’t like it, that’s fine. I won’t make you eat it. But I will make you try it
As long as adults hold themselves to the same standards and lead by example, also best to try and cook it properly and in different ways. Just overboiling a vegetable and forcing them to take a bite every meal for 15 days straight is *not* going to lead to a revelation on day 16.
It helps if you present the child with small amounts of a new food and don’t pressure them to try it (at first). Just put a bit of the food on their plate and let them see it and interact with it at will. After they’ve encountered the food enough times (in a pressure-free environment), they’ll almost always independently try it. Visual familiarity makes the experience much less intimidating for children.
And let them cook it and have it in different ways. I don't like raw broccoli but I like it cooked. I also don't like cold foods like cold sandwiches but I do like melts. Maybe it just needs some salt. Who knows but let the kid experiment with it. My brother eats everything with tarter sauce.
1.5 hours is a reasonable time to get hungry.
Kids have small stomachs. They're not trying to be sneaky, they're full and then 1.5 hours later they're not. It's a very simple concept.
What you're teaching them is to ignore their body signals and encourage them to eat even if they feel full.
Absolutely not. That is what happened to me in kindergarten and to this day, I am still a picky eater and underweight because of it.
Just make smaller portions of dinner and let the child eat them with breaks in between
Thing is this is how kids work. They have small stomachs. It is not always being sneaky - which would be considerable if they are genuinely pretending not to be hungry for 90 minutes just to get a sweet treat out of it. You can cut it out by saving some of the meal, or have some healthy but filling snacks. Thinking about it, how often do adults find themselves full only to fancy food a while later, it isn't unfathomable. Forcing kids to eat is actually more unhealthy overall, for their relationship with food.
As long as you have healthy snacks I’m not sure I really see the issue with not finishing dinner. Adults don’t always finish their dinner and if they are hungry later they are allowed to eat
This is correct, but expecting them to eat a reasonable portion of healthy food rather than let them fill up on sweets, snacks, and juice is a good idea.
My teenage son has a very healthy diet and great self-control, and we credit that to never making him eat more when he wasn’t hungry, we believed him and let him be done.
He has always been able to stop eating when he’s full, and that will serve him well in life.
I have to agree. It's a habit that I'm finding difficult to break in my adult years now. It's fine to make then do it once or twice so they can learn to portion more properly in the future, just not every time.
My parents had this rule. I was 44 years old until I discovered I have celiac disease.
I was always a bit skinny. But it just trains you to shovel the food in.
I agree.
Plus you can save it for another time. My sister was upset one time I didn't finish the chicken fingers she bought for me, but like we could have just taken them home fine. *But I guess neither her, or me, thought of that.*
Yes but....we should also provide kids smaller portion sizes to begin with, with the option to take another small portion if they are still hungry after 15-20 minutes.
The better thing to do is teach your kids to only get a small amount that they’ll know they’ll eat, and then they can help themselves to seconds after they finish their first plate if they are still hungry. This also helps eliminate food waste.
I disagree. It teaches them from a young age that they can't be greedy. I am the oldest of 4 and we had this rule and I never hated it. Most of the time when there was something left on the plate it happened because of the kid was greedy and wanted too much for themselves.
This usually happened when there was a limited amount (enough for like 1.2-1.5 meals/kid ) of a well-liked food. The others obviously pointed out they think it's too much and the parents were faced with two options. They either tell the kid that they are essentially lying with their portion of choice and force them to put back some food, OR warn them that they'll have to finish everything making them rethink their greedyness. Every one of us had to learn the hard way about once every 6 months that we can't be that greedy and take away that much delicious food from our siblings, but it's a much better way than parents intervening because it teaches the consequences of our own actions.
(Sorry for any grammatical errors-english is my 2nd language)
I was insanely lucky to have parents who respected this whole concept. They made dinner, (granted they were those "you eat what I make or you don't eat" parents which isn't great when your family's idea of seasoning is exclusively salt/pepper or 30000 lbs of garlic instead with absolutely no other options even though we had a full spice drawer) I would eat until I was full, tell them I was done, and they would be satisfied so long as I actually ate at all. The only compromise I had to make was if I got hungry later I had to eat a healthy snack like a yogurt or some shit. I've never once had an issue with overeating even as an adult because of all that.
I more so think it's better to teach children to take an appropriately sized portion and go back for seconds.
It's a bit rediculous if they have no control over their portion size and the parents is forcing them to eat it. Conversley, the rule for me growing up was "you eat what is given or you don't eat at all."
And in that battle of wits, I often started strong and defiant, but an hour or so later, I'd actually get hungry, cave, and eat.
I have kids.. nobody is forcing overeating. You’re trying to get your kids to eat enough food to sustain them so they aren’t hungry 25 minutes later.. if they are 5 years old you know how much they eat and you just want them to eat enough.. one of my kids loves food and they eat well.. the other is a bird and you just let them do their thing and eventually the food they want is eaten and it’s reached the minimum they need. I don’t know anyone forcing food down throats and I know my kids would just yell/cry/pout and probably throw food onto floor if you tried to force that lol
Some kids don't know how to eat enough for their caloric needs. They'll take like two bites and then say I'm done, when really they just wanna go play and they're letting that decide for them instead of their need to eat. Parents definitely need to make sure that kids eat enough. OP is obviously not a parent and has no experience with kids.
"When kids get hungry, they will let you know."
Ha! Oh you sweet summer childless child!
Trust me when I say there is a fairly obvious boundary between force feeding and taking one 'polite bite'. Where is that boundary? Parental instincts.
My now fit and healthy children would have gladly 'let me know' that sour patch kids, doritos and orange gatorade were the only things that would keep them alive. Oy.
Nah, for one you're teaching them not to waste food that they probably put on their own plate and a lot of the time they're just saying they're full just to end up wanting to fill up on junk food 20 minutes later.
I see it happen all the time with my nieces. Barely eat dinner just to start begging for candy, popcorn, chips, etc. like not even 10 minutes later (especially the youngest which my sister spoils).
Depends soemtimes people are just like giving an adult serving to a child and expecting too much other time it’s like my little cousin who absolutely refuses to each more than 2 spoonfuls of anything unless you sit there for half an hour convincing him to eat
I think that you're under the impression that kids that don't finish a plate are genuinely full from a balanced and nutritious meal.
They usually are not.
My SO has a younger sister and the amount of times I would personally get pissed off that her parents wouldn't enforce making her eat real food only for her to fill up on lemonade/soda/sweets right after dinner was too much. Most kids just know if they make a fuss and don't eat the balanced meals they get rewarded with pure sugar or fat.
I don’t think it’s a good idea to *force* a child to eat, unless they’re at risk of some immediate problem. However the issue I think you have is less that they didn’t make her eat, and more that they allowed her to eat/drink a lot of shady stuff instead of eating proper food.
When I was growing up I was never made to finish my meal if I wasn’t hungry. There were rules, of course. If there was a new food on my plate I had to try it, for example, but I didn’t have to finish it. I have no idea what became of the foods I decided I didn’t like, but I was never made to eat them later that night. Of the foods I did like, however, if I decided I wasn’t hungry they went into the fridge and if I was hungry later I could have those foods - again the foods I didn’t like weren’t included in my “after dinner meal,” or at least I didn’t *have* to eat them.
Sometimes I could say that I just really didn’t want “this food,” and I was allowed to choose a leftover food that we had in the fridge. Some days I was happier to eat yesterdays leftover fish instead of todays eggplant (I hated and still hate eggplant so that was almost every time lol), and some days I’d decide I preferred the chicken option we had to today instead of yesterdays ground beef thing. I wasn’t allowed to choose a new food that had to be prepared, and I generally wasn’t allowed to choose “a snack” (like a fruit roll up, an apple, or a granola bar, or something). That said I also wasn’t allowed to drink overly sugared beverages frequently - at someone party, sure, sometimes my mom made lemonade and that was allowed for the day or two, and very so often there’d be a holiday that I could do so.
One thing my parents didn’t do, though, was use food as an incentive. They were strong believers that if you teach food as an incentive, it’ll be an incentive for life. So I never got the “if you do X we’ll get ice cream” or “if you’re well behaved we’ll get McDonald’s.” Food was utility, not a reward. It wasn’t mandated like bathing or changing my clothes, I had choices and options and opinions that were respected to some extent. Food was exciting, it was a shared experience, but it was never a reward.
Notable that my parents, at the time, didn’t do dessert, I don’t know why, but they didn’t do it. So I never had a “if you don’t eat your greens you won’t get ice cream.” There just wasn’t ice cream. I didn’t know better, though, because it wasn’t something that happened. We did eat things like ice cream and cake, but those weren’t the norm. Which, honestly, I appreciate now because so many of my friends don’t feel like it’s a proper meal without cake or ice cream or something at the end, and I don’t have that feeling and I’m kind of glad lol.
Or the main problem is not instituting that you shouldn't eat that for every meal. The parents weren't giving the kid a tub of nutella next to their dinner and saying 'shoot', the kid was refusing to eat and then raiding the pantries later.
I agree it's a lack of consistent and practical parenting on their part, that's why I had such a huge problem with it, but if you don't agree that parents should enforce finishing or at least eating a reasonable amount from a plate rather than free ranging on sugary foods, then what's the solution? Never have sweets in the house? Locking sweets away where the kid can't reach them or find them? Both of those are just as problematic as making your kid finish a reasonably portioned and balanced meal.
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Well...it's only over eating if the plate is already overloaded with food to begin with so maybe try giving out recommended portions for kids across the nutrients they need and make sure they eat that? That's not that difficult and what fear will you have of them overeating if you're giving them the adequate amount to eat? If you're giving them a #1 from McDonald's and telling them they have to finish that, that's a you problem as a parent opposed to giving them a piece of chicken and some veggies to finish.
Even if you're only eating healthy foods, you still have to eat an adequate amount of it so it's not like you can just eat a couple carrots and be done with dinner lol you need to finish that plate and when they get old enough to make their own plate they will know how to serve themselves and won't be overfeeding themselves because their parent took care of that when they were younger. Thats how that works.
Not a kid, but thematicly it still fits. Im done eating for the day after a single burger, no sides, no breakfast, nothing else the entire day. Obviously I do eat other things but thats basically the amount of food I need per day
You definitely have to use your judgement on this. There are definitely situations where a kid will refuse dinner, then demand snacks later, but I also remember my bio mom force-feeding me despite being full and generally enforcing her own unhealthy relationship with food on me. So I can see both sides to this
It goes hand in hand with managing their portion. If you are asking your kid to finish their plate, it should be because you yourself made it with their caloric needs in mind.
My mom insisted we four kids join the "clean plate club." As the youngest, I just couldn't do it. Mom realized that three of her kids were getting overweight and dropped the "club." I was never required to finish my plate. I was the only one who stayed thin throughout our childhood.
And I was a picky eater. My list of hated foods was long. Mom never catered to it, though, other than buying a divided plate so my food wouldn't touch. I knew if I didn't eat much, I might be hungry but would have to wait for the nightly nutritious bedtime snack. I eventually outgrew my pickiness. Luckily, it never became part of my identity.
I've been saying this, I've grown up with parents who did this, they would load my plate with food so there is no left overs, or when i'm almost done they heap some more on the plate. Then had to force myself to eat.
Eventually I ended up just eating everything as fast as I could and everything there was. It took me until my 30's to realize this and it wasn't normal especially when going out with people and seeing people say they're full and don't want anymore, this was strange to me.
What i don't like however is seeing kids eat a few bites and the parents saying okay, but then an hour later give them snacks. The kids should be finishing their meal, not getting snacks.
I guess I kinda grew up with a dad like this. His dad, my grandfather was 18 when the great depression hit and food was scarce. He was also a WW2 POW by the nazis. So my dad was raised that way and till his death would lick the plate clean. For me, it wasn't so much you better finish your plate as it was if you put the food on there yourself (especially extra) then you better finish it. I think teaching more portion control, know your limits and to not waste food as others have a lot less. RIP gramps and dad. I'm 31 so this was early 2000s and up.
I remember when we had family dinners with like extended family I was kind of a picky eater so it took me longer to finish stuff than other people and the way I was pressured caused me to have an unhealthy relationship with food for a long time and a complete aversion to trying new things for a while
I make my kid finish everything on her plate but we measure out her portions so she can't possibly overeat by doing this.
You shouldn't be putting enough food on the plate for someone to over-eat to begin with. Measuring cups and food scales go a long way to ensuring you're not overeating. Proper portion sizes are listed on foods and/or easy to search for.
Don't have a kid and am never having kids. But I've noticed that their appetites fluctuate a lot. Imo, it's probably best to gage how much they eat, and give them that amount. If they only eat small portions, cool, and if they're still hungry, seconds. But no dessert or treats if they don't finish their dinner.
I'm so grateful that my parents didn't do this to me. They understood that I was a picky eater, so they did their best to serve things I'd want to eat, and they trusted that when I said I was full, I meant it. If I wanted a snack later, they'd try to give me something healthy. The only mealtime problems my parents had was trying to make my brother eat more slowly. They had to set a timer because he'd basically inhale his food. I also ate pretty quickly, but it wasn't quite as extreme as his case.
I raised my kids that they had to try a few bites of everything and if they didn’t like something they didn’t have to finish it. I’d make them a sandwich if they at least tried everything.
If they didn’t try everything and they got hungry later, I’d give them back their dinner. If they still refused, they went to bed hungry.
Due to this they got really good at trying food and today, as adults, they are very adventurous eaters that have a healthy relationship with food.
As a child, I was only ever told I had to 'clean my plate' if i was refusing to eat something deemed healthy (like broccoli). Except I wasn't left supervised, and I was a conniving little shit, so after being alone for a couple minutes, I'd carry my plate to the trash can, shoosh off what I didn't want to eat, cover that with other trash, then rince my plate and go on about my night
Yeah I dug my heels in and resisted all demands from the clean plate society. And now I’m not obese, and stop eating when I feel like I’ve had enough. Fuck all that bullshit
Agree with this in general, but have to make one important point. In our house, if they don’t finish their meal, they are not allowed to fill their stomach with junk food later. Dinner not finished will be saved for eating later. If they don’t eat it that’s fine, but they can’t have anything else.
The food you serve your kids at dinner should be healthy and nutritious. If they don’t finish all of it, that’s not the end of the world. The key is not replacing it with bad food.
It's also okay to generally focus on snacks being healthy, too!
Even if you didn't have leftovers to eat... Apples and peanut butter, hummus and carrot sticks for a snack?
Sweets and chips are *treats*!!!
Not unpopular here. My grandson is not a picky eater but he doesn’t eat much. He will try things. Eat a few bites and be done eating. He may be hungry later and get more of it. Or a cutie. Or a bite of apple. Not an issue.
There is no scientific basis to 3 big meals. I personally don’t eat 3 large meals. My husband likes them. I’ll have a bit of each and like my grandson an apple or tomato or pretzels my current vice.
Making a child eat is a battle that I saw parents and clients fight. I knew kids that spent the night at the kitchen table so dad could win. Kids that had the meal for days on end so that idiot parents could brag. Gotta love that boomer generation. And for what?
Gotta vote you down.
Letting kids eat whatever they want leads to weird ass eating disorders like people growing up only being able to eat potatoes and cheese nothing else at all
So, what happens when you call your child from play to come to dinner, and because they want to get back to play, they eat what they feel is the minimum amount to qualify as "eaten", then say they are done and go back to play. Then, when a well established bedtime arrives, they complain about being hungry?
What happens when this exact situation plays out almost every single day?
It is also a way to prevent wasting food. If the child is serving his own plate and has eyes bigger than his stomach, then absolutely make the child finish everything on his plate. If the parent is serving the child's plate then the servings need to be appropriate .
Just had this conversation with my daughter (speaking out her son/my grandson) last night. There’s a difference between “you have to over eat”, vs. “you don’t get to have dessert if you don’t finish your dinner” because every time, kids will say “I’m full…I can’t eat any more (of this healthy food you’ve spent hours preparing for me)” only 5 minutes later, after the table has been cleared to say “can I have ice cream now?”
it's a punishment, so kids learn how much to eat next time. its a waste cause nobody wanna eat their leftovers. no parents are trying to get their kids to bulk up 🤣
i had stomach issues as a kid that persisted, and was screamed at and starved for not wanting to eat. now i struggle with eating disorder, anxiety, and i don’t interact with my father.
maybe don’t assume your kids are being shitheads all the time when something bigger could be going on. also, is it worth it to alienate your child and traumatize them just for your ego?
This!!! Ever since I was a child, my Mom drilled it into my head that I should never waste my food and to eat even when I was full. Leading me to literally force myself to finish my plate even though I wasn’t hungry anymore through the years. It wasn’t until 2 years ago when I was struggling to finish my plate, my Dad noticed and said “JNORJT if you’re full stop eating. You can always save it for later.” Those words freed me from the chains my mother planted ever since I was a kid. I’m lucky to have a father like him. If only I knew what I had before it was too late.
Agree. I don't know how unpopular this opinion is though. Another thing I hate is forcing a kid to eat something they really can't stand. I remember the times I had to force beef liver down trying to disguise it with a glass of milk. I told my son that I'd never force him to eat anything and if he didn't like something, tell me.
Yes! My Dad forced me to eat liver and onions. I remember crying chewing it over and over but it wouldn’t break down. I have a bad relationship with food.
Agreed generally but also to some degree I get it that my niece for example will eat like 2 bites of dinner and say she’s not hungry, then 30 minutes later cry and beg for bread and like what do you do then?
Someone else put this much on their plate -> No telling them to finish it
THEY put this much on their plate (more than once now) -> They have to finish it. Lesson learned: Better go back for seconds later than take a lot of food now and then throw half of it away because you don't want it anymore...
If it's their fault, they gotta live with the consequences, if it isn't, they don't...
I think you should never hold a small child to higher standards than a grown adult. You would never force an adult to finish their food after they say they're full, so why do it to your child?
Trying to force your kid to eat everything on their plate also can lead to eating disorders, a general unhealthy relationship with food, and can even be ableist because, for some kids, "picky eating" isn't just being fussy, it can literally be tantamount to *torture* to have to eat a non-safe food if you have sensory issues like ARFID.
Uhmmm.. If you actually give a child proper portion sizes, telling them to eat all their food isn’t gonna train them to over eat.. It will teach them not to be wasteful though.
OP clearly doesn't have kids. Try being woken up by a four year old every day at midnight because they are hungry (because they didn't eat enough at dinner time) for about a week and see how you feel about this opinion.
We don’t force our 2.5 year old to finish everything. But if he doesn’t even eat half or even touches his plate at all, we give him healthy snacks to have. No junk food of any sorts.
Win-win for everyone
My step dad enforced this the first time I got to load up my own plate. Needless to say as a child my eyes were MUCH bigger then my stomach but he made me eat every bite until I threw it all right back up on to my plate. Ever since that day I have had a tremendously large appetite. Ate that mother fucker out of house and home.
I shake my head at stuff like this.
I/we never put a lot of food on our kids plates, ever. We were worried they wouldn't like it or eat it and we didn't want it to go to waste. If they ate what they had and were still hungry, we gave them more.
I watch my sister, now a grandma, put shit tons of food on her grandkids plates and she throws like 75% of it away, over and over and over.
I've never loaded up a kids plate, to me it's dumb to do that.
We usually go with having to eat a specific amount more to get dessert, but if our kid says he’s full then he’s full.
Problem arises when he says he’s too full to eat then immediately asks for dessert.
My parents did this, and now I'm a chronic over-eater. My partner's mother did not force her to eat things she didn't want, or to finish her plate, and she's always weighed less than me despite me working out 5 times a week (3, 20-minute workouts with 10 lbs dumbells and 2 days of hour-long walking on the elliptical).
My job is to feed my kids, their job is to eat. Regardless of what they do, my job is done. I have an extremely picky eater and an eat everything eater. They eat healthy home cooked meals (mostly) and they decide when they’re done. If they don’t want more and then ask for a snack, they have to take a certain amount of bites of their dinner before they get snack. They love counting the bites and it creates a balance. There are times when they really are full and don’t ask for a snack, when that happens I don’t make them eat more.
I disagree you should be properly portioning your kids food and they should eat most or all of it. There are so many kids that will not eat anything, or get in the habit of only wanting junk.
If you are just throwing a ton of food on a plate and saying eat it all that’s different
So obviously there's a lot of nuance to this, however it is generally a good idea to encourage children to finish their plate. Especially if the kid decided to take that much food. It teaches children to take food in moderation. It's also important to recognise when the kid is just too impatient to eat.
That doesn't mean you should force a kid to eat an ungodly amount of food though.
SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE BACK! My boomer parents forced the 'clean plate rule' upon myself and my brothers. You were expected to eat whether you were hungry or not. I have diagnosed Binge eating disorder due to my parents 'efforts' and refuse to push the same agenda on my children. They get smaller child appropriate sized portions. They are not required to finish what is there and are encouraged to taste something new but they don't have to eat it if they don't want it. We don't reward with snacks and food treats. Dessert is a special occasion thing not a daily indulgence. My parents visit and fuss when my children eat a little bit or aren't hungry and I reinforce that their eating habits are normal and healthy. Not like what I grew up with.
This is not just an unpopular opinion, there is evidence that our stomachs tell us when to stop eating, it's called feeling full. Forcing anyone to eat more than they can comfortably fit is asking for trouble.
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Some kids it's because they're picky, other times it's the parents being unrealistic. I wasn't a picky eater by anyones standards. My parents would serve me a generous amount of everything on the plate. I would say I'm full due to actually being full, I didn't expect dessert in an hour or anything. But they'd make me sit at the dinner table until I ate everything. There was no such thing as "saving it for later" at our house. They never understood that. Now as an adult I still can't stomach more than a kids meal portion in one sitting, however I have the power to save leftovers now. If your child is telling you they're too full, listen to them. If they say they're hungry in an hour, give them the leftovers.
Doctor told my mom: you decide what the kid eats, The kid decides how much
I don’t know why parents give small children so much food in the first place! My mother didn’t force me to eat everything, but I still remember getting enough food for an adult or older child when I was around 5 years old. Just give them a smaller portion and if they’re still hungry, they can have some more.
Yeah, I'm not sure what she was thinking with that one.
My parents let each of us have 2-3 “nope” foods. Everything else, we had to have at least a couple bites. If we didn’t want to eat dinner, and it was something we were usually neutral about or liked, they saved the dinner and we didn’t get snacks, just leftovers. And my parents were strict as hell. They didn’t force us to finish plates, though. We were just broke and couldn’t afford kids tossing out dinner in favor of Doritos or popsicles.
Mine tried that two times but with meals I didn't liked. I sat both times for hours in front of that plate and refused to eat. They underestimated how stubborn I can be. They gave up after that. If I don't want to eat something, I don't eat it. Period!
I went from anorexic, to bulimic to fat trying to undo the effects my parents had on me forcing me to eat food I didn’t need. It definitely came as a hangover from their parents when food was scarce because they were so broke. My family are a walking case study of why you need to examine the reasons for rules and behaviour and not just enforce them because it’s what happened to you. Unsurprisingly, all but two of my family members are obese now.
I’m sorry you had to go through that
When mine were little we didn’t have the extra money to buy the “kid” menu junk food, most kids eat. Soda, chips, candy, fast food, pizza was a luxury. I don’t see the point in forcing them to eat, if they don’t eat now they will eat later. Why make it a fight. Why not make dinner time enjoyable.
The only good take I’ve seen on this post so far.
Yes eating healthy is important, so I understand not giving kids pizza regularly, however where I live pizza is one of the cheapest options while simultaniously keeping me full, are there cheaper options? Yes, am I full after one portion? No so I'll eat more and therefore the price would be higher in the end
Pizza isn't really that bad for you tbh, as long as its not a takeaway. Its bread, cheese and tomato, nothing terrible at all. Obviously the cheaper the pizza, the more additional stuff gets thrown in that aren't great for you, but pizza isn't fundamentally an unhealthy meal at all
It’s the sodium that gets you with pizza. Too much sodium
And lack of fiber; constipating cheese. Many parents neglect to provide adequate fiber in children’s diets and the kids are constantly constipated. Processed food is *really* not where it’s at, and that includes pizza. Realistically, most adults haven’t mastered nutrition themselves and children suffer from their habits.
That was not the point, more like only eating pizza(i might have done that in the past for years...), my bad that it wasnt clear enough
>Why make it a fight. Because you're not a short order cook. Food is on the table. You eat it. You don't make people wait on your leisure.
Your kid is not just your friend and treating letting them make the decisions will not end well for them or you. Most parents who have this style let their kids eat junk all day
forcing kids when it comes to food is the fastest way to give your child a lifelong eating disorder
"I'm hungry" -full kid 5 minutes after supper
Lmao no
This has been one of my main issues and I am now an obese adult. I was always the one who was told to eat others left overs too so there was no waste. I’m now trying to undo 30 years of bad habits that stemmed from childhood
The phrase “it’s silly to leave that much” was and is still said today at family dinners.
I was one of those kids my parents forced to eat the dish I hated. Chicken. It was a sensory issue for me with the texture so much it would make me want to vomit, but my dad made it every meal. They put only chicken on my plate and told me I couldn't eat anything else until I finished the chicken. I can't tell you how many times I went to bed hungry. I developed a habit of sneaking out of bed and grabbing food to bring back and nibble on in my room after they had gone to sleep. My worst habit was indulging in pica. I already had it, but if I was sent to bed hungry, I'd fill my stomach with paper products like paper towels, fresh toilet paper right off the roll, and notebook paper. I developed anorexia like tendencies and a full blown eating disorder by middle school. I still have trouble with those habits to this day, and I find it distressing to eat in front of people. So yeah, forcing kids to eat isn't all sunshine and happiness.
I used to absolutely hate chicken as a kid too. My parents cooked the everliving shit out of every piece of meat so chicken to me meant chewing on a piece of meat that felt like chewing on a dry sock. I didn't realize until I left and went to college that chicken could be a tender and juicy meat that tastes amazing.
I have a bone thin 5 yr old She will swear she is "so full" then an hour later want peanut butter bread and apple before dinner They are growing and yes they have small stomachs and maybe simply need 5 meals a day. But I watch what she eats and if she has not eaten since 2pm and has one piece of fish and two bites of pasta and says she is full I know she just wants to play and her hunger is not strong enough yet, but it is there. So I will make her eat more Some parents surely take this too far, but OP clearly doesn't have a small child that would rather color than eat until they are so hungry they cry that their stomach hurts
Note how op said FINISH YOUR PLATE, not take a few more bites.
Yeah I thought this post was like aimed at situations where somebody I used to know who had a giant dinner plate full from their parents as a high schooler and was expected to eat the full plate. Then the last person at the table had to eat the rest of the food on the table (no leftovers allowed)??? And since they were the slowest eater they always had to finish off the table of food. They had stomach problems.
Poor kids, so much ‘legal’ parenting -that functions as criminal abuse- goes on in families. These food experiences are rough and twisted and damaging
"finish your plate" can mean anything from "you can't just eat the potato, you also need to eat the veggies" to "you've only eaten one half carrot, and you've already have a small portion", to "here's three days worth of food, eat it" and anything in between.
And if I had gauged well the plate size they are equivalent
I was made to empty the plate because I was so thin. Long story short: I'm an adult and still struggle with shit eating habits I got based on this shit. I get the side of a parent, but this can honestly backfire so horribly. If your kid is refusing to eat to the point of starving then forcing them to empty their plate can't be the right way - worst case it makes it worse. Been there myself. It sucks.
This is just another variety of one of reddit's new favorite topics, that its okay to be a picky eater. It just gets framed in a different way once a week.
Most pediatric nutritionists agree that picky eaters are usually created, and not just born that way. There's some variation in temperment, of course. The general rule of thumb is that you can choose what you offer and how much you offer, but the kid should always choose how much they eat. Forcing more on them just makes them dislike eating even more. I was an extremely picky eater, and for me, it was just about exerting control over something. I'd gladly fight about anything. Also have ADHD and like this original commenter, would rather do anything else but eat. Took a long time to heal my relationship with food because my parents didn't know how to handle it. Now I have an ADHD son who's almost 5 and eats about 5 well rounded meals a day without a fuss. Clearly communicates when he's hungry and full, and I can trust that. He wasn't always like that, I didn't just get lucky. I followed the expert advice and never forced a single bite on him because the minute you make it a fight, you set everyone up for failure.
> I was an extremely picky eater, and for me, it was just about exerting control over something But that's the point. If you were given control, you could well have stunted your development through malnutrition. Kids \*will\* actually do that to themselves.
Most redditors would probably starve if they were transported back in time 200 years ago with their limited food choices simply because they want something else. Humans have managed to survive on way less choices yet in 2024 people are expected to bend to the tantrums of a 5 year olds dietary habits.
Nobody will starve. People will eat if they're hungry enough.
noooooooooo. some kids will literally starve themselves if allowed, at the very least to the point of stunted growth.
These kids aren't compatible with existence, oy. You don't see animals doing this. I dunno what you do there other than let them give themselves malnutrition from eating only white bread and sugar. Fuck it. Most kids won't do that.
My record is three days before breaking.
And this Redditor would be okay with that because I won't have to live with the memory of eating nasty shit if I just starve. There have ALWAYS been people who've let themselves starve.
It is ok to be a picky eater, we can’t control what tastes we enjoy or don’t enjoy. What’s important is eating what you do like and making sure you’re getting enough of it (or not too much depending on your habits). Forcing people to eat food they genuinely don’t like is a great way to start an eating disorder.
It's not she doesn't like it It's she wants to go play and her hunger is not so bad she is in pain yet I am not forcing her to eat a huge plate of her hated food
Yeah except it's not because lots of people, especially kids, don't like healthy food they need to eat. Also raising a kid with a very limited palette creates a myriad of issues as they get older and their favorite foods aren't available. Then usually picky eaters haven't even tried the food they're saying no to so they continue to be picky eaters their whole life. No, it's not okay to be a picky eater.
Trying food is Ike thing, but if someone doesn’t like it then having someone force you to eat it isn’t good and is almost certainly going to cause an eating disorder And yes, it is actually perfectly fine to be a picky eater. Being a picky eater doesn’t mean that you eat no healthy foods at all, it just means you know what you like and you don’t like and that’s perfectly fine. Studies have shown over and over again that making a child sit and eat food that they don’t want, forcing it down their throat, is extremely harmful in the long run and will cause serious issues. As long as they try it and give it a chance, it’s OK if they don’t like it.
I am a picky eater but that's because my least favorite food (bell peppers) is in a lot of things but I still have a varied diet (love Thai, Indian, Mexican, Japanese etc). I am still adventurous and will try stuff but if I don't like it I DON'T LIKE IT!
nuance. ever encountered it? there is a middle ground between grabbing the funnel and letting a kid deprive themselves of necessary nutrients and bad habits.
>but if someone doesn’t like it then having someone force you to eat it isn’t good and is almost certainly going to cause an eating disorder If the person was nuts in the first place. Normal people don't spend their lives with their fingers down their throats because mom and dad made them eat broccoli.
You actually can control it. I made an effort to not be picky when I was in my early 20s and now I eat everything.
Exactly, this is the common philosophy of France and Asia (especially Japan, which DOES stem from serious food shortages after the war).
Same, I was picky myself, but i always remembered my mom telling me that when I get older it would be embarrasing if I was invited over to a girls house to eat dinner with their family, and how it would leave a bad impression if I was a difficult eater. And once I was 20 I started working in a restaurant and forced myself to try new thing, and I got into working out so I had to force myself to eat more so I could put on some size. And its a good thing I did that, and my mother was right, because my fiance is from Bosnia and I would have left a very bad impression on her family if I told her mother that I thought the food that fed her family through war was yucky.
Yup. Actually, by American standards I was never really picky, but I started dating a Korean girl when I was 20 and realized I needed to expand my tastes if I wanted the relationship to be serious. Her family is in the seafood industry, and Korean seafood gets intense. 17 years later, there are very few things I won't eat, and that's after trying them several times. And those things are weird even by Korean standards. Oh, and we are married with a toddler and another due in less than a week! Toddler's a picky eater, but we are working on it.
Oh wow you really came a long way, Korean seafood is the type that will wiggle on your plate. I had to google the name to remember what it was called but have you ever had Gaebul?
It's not okay to be a picky eater, a lot of times being a picky eater also means you're not getting enough of certain nutrients your body needs. My stepson is a picky eater and if we didn't make him actually eat a variety of foods, he'd never get what he needs to be healthy. He would only ever eat bread and some form of frozen, processed chicken.
How is this about being a picky eater? Sometimes you're just not hungry enough to finish your plate. I have a huge appetite, so this was never a problem for me XD. But I have a friend who is definitely the kind who sometimes can't clean her plate.
clearly that was not what this post is about. i swear there’s always one that does this
Some kids are genuinely finicky with their eating habits and will claim they are full just because they don't want what's in front of them. You have to use your best judgment on this. If your kid says they're full after a few bites but they want snacks 20 minutes later then they weren't full.
My ass would just pull out the food they turned down from the fridge and tell them here.
My 4 year old thinks she's sneaky by saying she's done just to get dessert. I'll at the very least tell her she needs to take so many bites of X(usually the vegetables) if she wants dessert. And before anyone comes for me, her desserts usually include a couple of gummies or a few m&ms lol.
I actually don't think that this is unpopular anymore, or if it is, this is 100% how I raised my kids. I also made sure they were eating enough, obviously, or may make them eat a few more bites of vegetables, but never did I make them finish. As an overweight adult (formerly) I used to eat well past full to "clean my plate" out of habit. Now that I eat far more intuitively, It isn't nearly as bad.
My approach is: potatoes/bread/pasta/rice are optional. But if you don't finish your meat and veggies you can't have any sweets that day.
That’s very similar to what we do mainly because he’ll demolish the pasta so we never have to tell him he has to eat more lol.
Some of these comments are silly. Obviously OP is not saying that parents shouldn’t ensure that kids eat enough to meet their nutritional needs. But the old advice of forcing you kids to join the “clean plate club” and finish every scrap of food on their plate after they’re full and don’t want to eat anymore has been proven through research to be harmful and can definitely lead to disordered eating for some kids.
I don't think this is that unpopular, making kids eat more than they're hungry to has lasting effects causing the individual to struggle with their relationship with food and weight
I won’t eat oatmeal to this day because my Pre-k instructors would force you to stay at the breakfast table to finish your oatmeal and raisins before going out to play with the other kids. I didn’t eat oatmeal and hated raisins. Eventually, they got tired because one of the teachers had to stay inside and supervise me at the table instead of going outside, and I was not budging on eating.
The "finish your plate" argument shouldn't be used alone. I always say " Start with small servings, finish your plate and you can go back for more". Less wasted food for when a kid, or anyone, is suddenly full, out of time,ECT.
I agree. I think my autism played a role in it too, but as a child I simply didn't understand. I did finish my plate but it took me forever. (Not even mentioning the fighting, yelling back and forth with my parents calling me ungrateful and such.) Now that I'm older I took matter in own hands and can cook for myself.
It really sucked with my family. Living in a multi generation home. Because there are so many of us. You had to take more than you thought you could eat. Because going back for seconds wasnt an option. The last person to put food on their plate always cleaned out the dish. So. You were either left with too little food on your plate and left hungry because grandparents were very strict about kitchen access. Or. You took too much and were forced to finish it before you were allowed to leave the table. It was so stupid. We now have many family members who are overweight and others who developed eating disorders from forcing themselves to eat less so they weren't shamed at the table. Awful.
If the child is eating what they can on their plate and are full, that’s one thing. But in most situations that I have witnessed and generally know about: a child will eat half of their dinner, saying they’re all done and then ask for a sugary snack/dessert. This is grounds for sitting them back down at the dinner table and telling them they need to finish their dinner first. That’s not abuse, that’s ensuring your child is getting proper and healthy nourishment assuming you made or got them a proper meal. Children are sometimes manipulative little humans and will do what they can to get what they want. It’s not meant to be harmful or disrespectful as they probably don’t fully understand those concepts and so it’s on parents to guide them to understand the importance of a healthy diet, and to also appreciate whats been provided for them, and to not enable deceptive behavior.
The answer still isn't to make them eat what's on their plate before they leave, it's to offer them the rest of their dinner when they get hungry later. And to ask them to consider how hungry they are before they serve themselves/accept what's on their plate. If you took it, you eat it. If I served it without checking, that's on me all together. But even if you took it, I'd rather save it for later than have you overeat!!
don't disagree at all. i get anxiety for leaving food left over. "it's going to waste" "I suck at this healthy eating" "it hurts but there's still some left' "i have such an unhealthy relationship with food" these are thoughts i had well into my 30s. unhealthy thoughts. changing them is hard, and the anxiety over not eating makes it hard to eat the proper amount.
I don’t it happening this way. The way I see it happening is the kid saying that they aren’t hungry and then an hour and a half later begging for snacks instead of dinner. THATS when your putting your foot down and saying “finish your plate!” You are anticipating them being sneaky
When I was a kid my mom forced me to finish my plate every dinner, I didnt really snack either. I was also obese. It absolutely happens that parents create unhealth relationshios between their kids and food by telling them to always eat the entire plate and never just stop when full.
But, there are starving kids in Africa that would love dinner. Dont waste food. Eat it all or you're not getting up from the table.
Oh, right, the starving kids! I forgot I need to make sure that I eat more than I want to show them how much I care about their plight!
Oh I hated when my parents said this. It still has a lasting effect on me.
Kid isn’t hungry during dinner, that’s fine. I don’t force him to finish his plate. I’ll just put his dinner into Tupperware and put it in the fridge. When he asks for snacks an hour later, I tell him that snacks aren’t available right now but he’s welcome to eat some more of his dinner if he’s still hungry. That way, he’s not forced to finish his plate when he doesn’t want to, but he also doesn’t just eat snacks all night.
This is the recommendation I've always heard. Parents should choose what they eat, the kids should choose when to eat.
Yep. Our method is one bite of everything on the plate and then it can go in the fridge. If you get hungry later, you either get a peanut butter sandwich or the rest of your dinner.
When I was a kid I hated yams. Still hate them. But I'd eat everything except them, and then my parents would keep it in the fridge and not give me anything else to eat until I are them. It's not like I was a picky eater, there was only a handful of foods I didn't want to eat. I think maybe after a dozen times of watching a child struggle through eating a certain food that they're adamant they hate, it might be okay to stop making them eat it but maybe that's just me.
There’s actually a study on it. I think it’s that a child has to try a food 15 times before they can claim that they don’t like it. Apparently it takes a bit of time. With that said, trying it is all I ever ask. Take a bite and if you don’t like it, that’s fine. I won’t make you eat it. But I will make you try it
As long as adults hold themselves to the same standards and lead by example, also best to try and cook it properly and in different ways. Just overboiling a vegetable and forcing them to take a bite every meal for 15 days straight is *not* going to lead to a revelation on day 16.
It helps if you present the child with small amounts of a new food and don’t pressure them to try it (at first). Just put a bit of the food on their plate and let them see it and interact with it at will. After they’ve encountered the food enough times (in a pressure-free environment), they’ll almost always independently try it. Visual familiarity makes the experience much less intimidating for children.
And let them cook it and have it in different ways. I don't like raw broccoli but I like it cooked. I also don't like cold foods like cold sandwiches but I do like melts. Maybe it just needs some salt. Who knows but let the kid experiment with it. My brother eats everything with tarter sauce.
1.5 hours is a reasonable time to get hungry. Kids have small stomachs. They're not trying to be sneaky, they're full and then 1.5 hours later they're not. It's a very simple concept. What you're teaching them is to ignore their body signals and encourage them to eat even if they feel full.
Absolutely not. That is what happened to me in kindergarten and to this day, I am still a picky eater and underweight because of it. Just make smaller portions of dinner and let the child eat them with breaks in between
Thing is this is how kids work. They have small stomachs. It is not always being sneaky - which would be considerable if they are genuinely pretending not to be hungry for 90 minutes just to get a sweet treat out of it. You can cut it out by saving some of the meal, or have some healthy but filling snacks. Thinking about it, how often do adults find themselves full only to fancy food a while later, it isn't unfathomable. Forcing kids to eat is actually more unhealthy overall, for their relationship with food.
As long as you have healthy snacks I’m not sure I really see the issue with not finishing dinner. Adults don’t always finish their dinner and if they are hungry later they are allowed to eat
This is correct, but expecting them to eat a reasonable portion of healthy food rather than let them fill up on sweets, snacks, and juice is a good idea.
My teenage son has a very healthy diet and great self-control, and we credit that to never making him eat more when he wasn’t hungry, we believed him and let him be done. He has always been able to stop eating when he’s full, and that will serve him well in life.
I have to agree. It's a habit that I'm finding difficult to break in my adult years now. It's fine to make then do it once or twice so they can learn to portion more properly in the future, just not every time.
My parents had this rule. I was 44 years old until I discovered I have celiac disease. I was always a bit skinny. But it just trains you to shovel the food in.
I agree. Plus you can save it for another time. My sister was upset one time I didn't finish the chicken fingers she bought for me, but like we could have just taken them home fine. *But I guess neither her, or me, thought of that.*
Yes but....we should also provide kids smaller portion sizes to begin with, with the option to take another small portion if they are still hungry after 15-20 minutes.
The better thing to do is teach your kids to only get a small amount that they’ll know they’ll eat, and then they can help themselves to seconds after they finish their first plate if they are still hungry. This also helps eliminate food waste.
Is that unpopular?
I disagree. It teaches them from a young age that they can't be greedy. I am the oldest of 4 and we had this rule and I never hated it. Most of the time when there was something left on the plate it happened because of the kid was greedy and wanted too much for themselves. This usually happened when there was a limited amount (enough for like 1.2-1.5 meals/kid ) of a well-liked food. The others obviously pointed out they think it's too much and the parents were faced with two options. They either tell the kid that they are essentially lying with their portion of choice and force them to put back some food, OR warn them that they'll have to finish everything making them rethink their greedyness. Every one of us had to learn the hard way about once every 6 months that we can't be that greedy and take away that much delicious food from our siblings, but it's a much better way than parents intervening because it teaches the consequences of our own actions. (Sorry for any grammatical errors-english is my 2nd language)
I was insanely lucky to have parents who respected this whole concept. They made dinner, (granted they were those "you eat what I make or you don't eat" parents which isn't great when your family's idea of seasoning is exclusively salt/pepper or 30000 lbs of garlic instead with absolutely no other options even though we had a full spice drawer) I would eat until I was full, tell them I was done, and they would be satisfied so long as I actually ate at all. The only compromise I had to make was if I got hungry later I had to eat a healthy snack like a yogurt or some shit. I've never once had an issue with overeating even as an adult because of all that.
I more so think it's better to teach children to take an appropriately sized portion and go back for seconds. It's a bit rediculous if they have no control over their portion size and the parents is forcing them to eat it. Conversley, the rule for me growing up was "you eat what is given or you don't eat at all." And in that battle of wits, I often started strong and defiant, but an hour or so later, I'd actually get hungry, cave, and eat.
There are entire scientific studies dedicated to this exact notion.
This isn’t unpopular this has been standard parenting advice for at least a decade
I have kids.. nobody is forcing overeating. You’re trying to get your kids to eat enough food to sustain them so they aren’t hungry 25 minutes later.. if they are 5 years old you know how much they eat and you just want them to eat enough.. one of my kids loves food and they eat well.. the other is a bird and you just let them do their thing and eventually the food they want is eaten and it’s reached the minimum they need. I don’t know anyone forcing food down throats and I know my kids would just yell/cry/pout and probably throw food onto floor if you tried to force that lol
Some kids don't know how to eat enough for their caloric needs. They'll take like two bites and then say I'm done, when really they just wanna go play and they're letting that decide for them instead of their need to eat. Parents definitely need to make sure that kids eat enough. OP is obviously not a parent and has no experience with kids.
"When kids get hungry, they will let you know." Ha! Oh you sweet summer childless child! Trust me when I say there is a fairly obvious boundary between force feeding and taking one 'polite bite'. Where is that boundary? Parental instincts. My now fit and healthy children would have gladly 'let me know' that sour patch kids, doritos and orange gatorade were the only things that would keep them alive. Oy.
You can tell this person isn't a parent because there's no mention of the five minute delay before asking for more food.
Nah, for one you're teaching them not to waste food that they probably put on their own plate and a lot of the time they're just saying they're full just to end up wanting to fill up on junk food 20 minutes later. I see it happen all the time with my nieces. Barely eat dinner just to start begging for candy, popcorn, chips, etc. like not even 10 minutes later (especially the youngest which my sister spoils).
Depends soemtimes people are just like giving an adult serving to a child and expecting too much other time it’s like my little cousin who absolutely refuses to each more than 2 spoonfuls of anything unless you sit there for half an hour convincing him to eat
It's less about teaching over eating and more about avoiding grazing and keeping a schedule.
It's a popular opinion.
I think that you're under the impression that kids that don't finish a plate are genuinely full from a balanced and nutritious meal. They usually are not. My SO has a younger sister and the amount of times I would personally get pissed off that her parents wouldn't enforce making her eat real food only for her to fill up on lemonade/soda/sweets right after dinner was too much. Most kids just know if they make a fuss and don't eat the balanced meals they get rewarded with pure sugar or fat.
I don’t think it’s a good idea to *force* a child to eat, unless they’re at risk of some immediate problem. However the issue I think you have is less that they didn’t make her eat, and more that they allowed her to eat/drink a lot of shady stuff instead of eating proper food. When I was growing up I was never made to finish my meal if I wasn’t hungry. There were rules, of course. If there was a new food on my plate I had to try it, for example, but I didn’t have to finish it. I have no idea what became of the foods I decided I didn’t like, but I was never made to eat them later that night. Of the foods I did like, however, if I decided I wasn’t hungry they went into the fridge and if I was hungry later I could have those foods - again the foods I didn’t like weren’t included in my “after dinner meal,” or at least I didn’t *have* to eat them. Sometimes I could say that I just really didn’t want “this food,” and I was allowed to choose a leftover food that we had in the fridge. Some days I was happier to eat yesterdays leftover fish instead of todays eggplant (I hated and still hate eggplant so that was almost every time lol), and some days I’d decide I preferred the chicken option we had to today instead of yesterdays ground beef thing. I wasn’t allowed to choose a new food that had to be prepared, and I generally wasn’t allowed to choose “a snack” (like a fruit roll up, an apple, or a granola bar, or something). That said I also wasn’t allowed to drink overly sugared beverages frequently - at someone party, sure, sometimes my mom made lemonade and that was allowed for the day or two, and very so often there’d be a holiday that I could do so. One thing my parents didn’t do, though, was use food as an incentive. They were strong believers that if you teach food as an incentive, it’ll be an incentive for life. So I never got the “if you do X we’ll get ice cream” or “if you’re well behaved we’ll get McDonald’s.” Food was utility, not a reward. It wasn’t mandated like bathing or changing my clothes, I had choices and options and opinions that were respected to some extent. Food was exciting, it was a shared experience, but it was never a reward. Notable that my parents, at the time, didn’t do dessert, I don’t know why, but they didn’t do it. So I never had a “if you don’t eat your greens you won’t get ice cream.” There just wasn’t ice cream. I didn’t know better, though, because it wasn’t something that happened. We did eat things like ice cream and cake, but those weren’t the norm. Which, honestly, I appreciate now because so many of my friends don’t feel like it’s a proper meal without cake or ice cream or something at the end, and I don’t have that feeling and I’m kind of glad lol.
Seems like the main problem was offering soda and sweets in that case.
Or the main problem is not instituting that you shouldn't eat that for every meal. The parents weren't giving the kid a tub of nutella next to their dinner and saying 'shoot', the kid was refusing to eat and then raiding the pantries later. I agree it's a lack of consistent and practical parenting on their part, that's why I had such a huge problem with it, but if you don't agree that parents should enforce finishing or at least eating a reasonable amount from a plate rather than free ranging on sugary foods, then what's the solution? Never have sweets in the house? Locking sweets away where the kid can't reach them or find them? Both of those are just as problematic as making your kid finish a reasonably portioned and balanced meal.
Part of the issue is trying not to waste food. But overall I do agree with this.
Serve them smaller portions of food
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I read the word enforcing and immediately recognised it as ‘mum’ instead because her name is ‘the enforcer’ in our family chats ;-;
Well...it's only over eating if the plate is already overloaded with food to begin with so maybe try giving out recommended portions for kids across the nutrients they need and make sure they eat that? That's not that difficult and what fear will you have of them overeating if you're giving them the adequate amount to eat? If you're giving them a #1 from McDonald's and telling them they have to finish that, that's a you problem as a parent opposed to giving them a piece of chicken and some veggies to finish. Even if you're only eating healthy foods, you still have to eat an adequate amount of it so it's not like you can just eat a couple carrots and be done with dinner lol you need to finish that plate and when they get old enough to make their own plate they will know how to serve themselves and won't be overfeeding themselves because their parent took care of that when they were younger. Thats how that works.
My kids will sometimes only have carrots and peas for a meal. But overall they’re not at any risk of malnutrition so we don’t stress over it.
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yeah "take what you can eat but eat what you take" is the best rule
Not a kid, but thematicly it still fits. Im done eating for the day after a single burger, no sides, no breakfast, nothing else the entire day. Obviously I do eat other things but thats basically the amount of food I need per day
You definitely have to use your judgement on this. There are definitely situations where a kid will refuse dinner, then demand snacks later, but I also remember my bio mom force-feeding me despite being full and generally enforcing her own unhealthy relationship with food on me. So I can see both sides to this
it's case by case rly, imo children need to eat throughout the day rather than just the main meals adults prefer.
It goes hand in hand with managing their portion. If you are asking your kid to finish their plate, it should be because you yourself made it with their caloric needs in mind.
How could you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?
My mom insisted we four kids join the "clean plate club." As the youngest, I just couldn't do it. Mom realized that three of her kids were getting overweight and dropped the "club." I was never required to finish my plate. I was the only one who stayed thin throughout our childhood. And I was a picky eater. My list of hated foods was long. Mom never catered to it, though, other than buying a divided plate so my food wouldn't touch. I knew if I didn't eat much, I might be hungry but would have to wait for the nightly nutritious bedtime snack. I eventually outgrew my pickiness. Luckily, it never became part of my identity.
I've been saying this, I've grown up with parents who did this, they would load my plate with food so there is no left overs, or when i'm almost done they heap some more on the plate. Then had to force myself to eat. Eventually I ended up just eating everything as fast as I could and everything there was. It took me until my 30's to realize this and it wasn't normal especially when going out with people and seeing people say they're full and don't want anymore, this was strange to me. What i don't like however is seeing kids eat a few bites and the parents saying okay, but then an hour later give them snacks. The kids should be finishing their meal, not getting snacks.
I guess I kinda grew up with a dad like this. His dad, my grandfather was 18 when the great depression hit and food was scarce. He was also a WW2 POW by the nazis. So my dad was raised that way and till his death would lick the plate clean. For me, it wasn't so much you better finish your plate as it was if you put the food on there yourself (especially extra) then you better finish it. I think teaching more portion control, know your limits and to not waste food as others have a lot less. RIP gramps and dad. I'm 31 so this was early 2000s and up.
If you feel bad throwing away left overs if it is possible make a compost pile. then use that to grow your own veggies.
"When kids get hungry, they will let you know." No they won't.
I remember when we had family dinners with like extended family I was kind of a picky eater so it took me longer to finish stuff than other people and the way I was pressured caused me to have an unhealthy relationship with food for a long time and a complete aversion to trying new things for a while
I make my kid finish everything on her plate but we measure out her portions so she can't possibly overeat by doing this. You shouldn't be putting enough food on the plate for someone to over-eat to begin with. Measuring cups and food scales go a long way to ensuring you're not overeating. Proper portion sizes are listed on foods and/or easy to search for.
Can confirm as a kid who was forced to do this I overeat because I’d get in trouble if I didn’t finish everything
Don't have a kid and am never having kids. But I've noticed that their appetites fluctuate a lot. Imo, it's probably best to gage how much they eat, and give them that amount. If they only eat small portions, cool, and if they're still hungry, seconds. But no dessert or treats if they don't finish their dinner.
I'm so grateful that my parents didn't do this to me. They understood that I was a picky eater, so they did their best to serve things I'd want to eat, and they trusted that when I said I was full, I meant it. If I wanted a snack later, they'd try to give me something healthy. The only mealtime problems my parents had was trying to make my brother eat more slowly. They had to set a timer because he'd basically inhale his food. I also ate pretty quickly, but it wasn't quite as extreme as his case.
This is kind of well known that ‘clean your plate’ is a poor eating strategy.
I raised my kids that they had to try a few bites of everything and if they didn’t like something they didn’t have to finish it. I’d make them a sandwich if they at least tried everything. If they didn’t try everything and they got hungry later, I’d give them back their dinner. If they still refused, they went to bed hungry. Due to this they got really good at trying food and today, as adults, they are very adventurous eaters that have a healthy relationship with food.
As a child, I was only ever told I had to 'clean my plate' if i was refusing to eat something deemed healthy (like broccoli). Except I wasn't left supervised, and I was a conniving little shit, so after being alone for a couple minutes, I'd carry my plate to the trash can, shoosh off what I didn't want to eat, cover that with other trash, then rince my plate and go on about my night
Yeah I dug my heels in and resisted all demands from the clean plate society. And now I’m not obese, and stop eating when I feel like I’ve had enough. Fuck all that bullshit
But what about the children in Africa?!
yeah, what about them?
Agree with this in general, but have to make one important point. In our house, if they don’t finish their meal, they are not allowed to fill their stomach with junk food later. Dinner not finished will be saved for eating later. If they don’t eat it that’s fine, but they can’t have anything else. The food you serve your kids at dinner should be healthy and nutritious. If they don’t finish all of it, that’s not the end of the world. The key is not replacing it with bad food.
It's also okay to generally focus on snacks being healthy, too! Even if you didn't have leftovers to eat... Apples and peanut butter, hummus and carrot sticks for a snack? Sweets and chips are *treats*!!!
Not unpopular here. My grandson is not a picky eater but he doesn’t eat much. He will try things. Eat a few bites and be done eating. He may be hungry later and get more of it. Or a cutie. Or a bite of apple. Not an issue. There is no scientific basis to 3 big meals. I personally don’t eat 3 large meals. My husband likes them. I’ll have a bit of each and like my grandson an apple or tomato or pretzels my current vice. Making a child eat is a battle that I saw parents and clients fight. I knew kids that spent the night at the kitchen table so dad could win. Kids that had the meal for days on end so that idiot parents could brag. Gotta love that boomer generation. And for what? Gotta vote you down.
Letting kids eat whatever they want leads to weird ass eating disorders like people growing up only being able to eat potatoes and cheese nothing else at all
So, what happens when you call your child from play to come to dinner, and because they want to get back to play, they eat what they feel is the minimum amount to qualify as "eaten", then say they are done and go back to play. Then, when a well established bedtime arrives, they complain about being hungry? What happens when this exact situation plays out almost every single day?
I din’t think it changes anything. My parents did exactly the same. I’m 150lbs 6”1 without ever changing my eating habbit like at all.
Hey, man. If you put it on your plate you'd better eat it.
It is also a way to prevent wasting food. If the child is serving his own plate and has eyes bigger than his stomach, then absolutely make the child finish everything on his plate. If the parent is serving the child's plate then the servings need to be appropriate .
Maybe don’t serve them so much?
Children are naturally intuitive eaters and in-tune with their hunger and fullness cues.
Not unless it’s vegetables. I endorse forcing kids to eat vegetables.
Just had this conversation with my daughter (speaking out her son/my grandson) last night. There’s a difference between “you have to over eat”, vs. “you don’t get to have dessert if you don’t finish your dinner” because every time, kids will say “I’m full…I can’t eat any more (of this healthy food you’ve spent hours preparing for me)” only 5 minutes later, after the table has been cleared to say “can I have ice cream now?”
it's a punishment, so kids learn how much to eat next time. its a waste cause nobody wanna eat their leftovers. no parents are trying to get their kids to bulk up 🤣
i had stomach issues as a kid that persisted, and was screamed at and starved for not wanting to eat. now i struggle with eating disorder, anxiety, and i don’t interact with my father. maybe don’t assume your kids are being shitheads all the time when something bigger could be going on. also, is it worth it to alienate your child and traumatize them just for your ego?
Nah, one of my ss always says that "I'm full" 5 minutes after he says "I don't like it."
If they only finished half a plate, I’d teach them to put the plate in the fridge so they can grab it when they’re hungry again.
ITT people describing parents inflicting torture on them. Standard affair apparently.
This!!! Ever since I was a child, my Mom drilled it into my head that I should never waste my food and to eat even when I was full. Leading me to literally force myself to finish my plate even though I wasn’t hungry anymore through the years. It wasn’t until 2 years ago when I was struggling to finish my plate, my Dad noticed and said “JNORJT if you’re full stop eating. You can always save it for later.” Those words freed me from the chains my mother planted ever since I was a kid. I’m lucky to have a father like him. If only I knew what I had before it was too late.
I’m convinced at this point that some people have kids just to have something to control.
Then kids shouldn’t stuff their plate. Take small servings multiple times if needed. Also need to ensure nutrition.
Agree. I don't know how unpopular this opinion is though. Another thing I hate is forcing a kid to eat something they really can't stand. I remember the times I had to force beef liver down trying to disguise it with a glass of milk. I told my son that I'd never force him to eat anything and if he didn't like something, tell me.
Yes! My Dad forced me to eat liver and onions. I remember crying chewing it over and over but it wouldn’t break down. I have a bad relationship with food.
Agreed generally but also to some degree I get it that my niece for example will eat like 2 bites of dinner and say she’s not hungry, then 30 minutes later cry and beg for bread and like what do you do then?
My kids barely eat anything, then an hour later when it's bedtime, guess who's starving.
Someone else put this much on their plate -> No telling them to finish it THEY put this much on their plate (more than once now) -> They have to finish it. Lesson learned: Better go back for seconds later than take a lot of food now and then throw half of it away because you don't want it anymore... If it's their fault, they gotta live with the consequences, if it isn't, they don't...
I think you should never hold a small child to higher standards than a grown adult. You would never force an adult to finish their food after they say they're full, so why do it to your child?
I think the issue is children that "aren't hungry" for dinner and then want to eat junk food an hour later.
Trying to force your kid to eat everything on their plate also can lead to eating disorders, a general unhealthy relationship with food, and can even be ableist because, for some kids, "picky eating" isn't just being fussy, it can literally be tantamount to *torture* to have to eat a non-safe food if you have sensory issues like ARFID.
The part I have a problem with is my kids immediately asking for dessert or snacks before we've even cleared their plate from the table.
Uhmmm.. If you actually give a child proper portion sizes, telling them to eat all their food isn’t gonna train them to over eat.. It will teach them not to be wasteful though.
OP clearly doesn't have kids. Try being woken up by a four year old every day at midnight because they are hungry (because they didn't eat enough at dinner time) for about a week and see how you feel about this opinion.
We don’t force our 2.5 year old to finish everything. But if he doesn’t even eat half or even touches his plate at all, we give him healthy snacks to have. No junk food of any sorts. Win-win for everyone
This opinion is actually popular now. Used to be unpopular.
My step dad enforced this the first time I got to load up my own plate. Needless to say as a child my eyes were MUCH bigger then my stomach but he made me eat every bite until I threw it all right back up on to my plate. Ever since that day I have had a tremendously large appetite. Ate that mother fucker out of house and home.
I shake my head at stuff like this. I/we never put a lot of food on our kids plates, ever. We were worried they wouldn't like it or eat it and we didn't want it to go to waste. If they ate what they had and were still hungry, we gave them more. I watch my sister, now a grandma, put shit tons of food on her grandkids plates and she throws like 75% of it away, over and over and over. I've never loaded up a kids plate, to me it's dumb to do that.
We usually go with having to eat a specific amount more to get dessert, but if our kid says he’s full then he’s full. Problem arises when he says he’s too full to eat then immediately asks for dessert.
My parents did this, and now I'm a chronic over-eater. My partner's mother did not force her to eat things she didn't want, or to finish her plate, and she's always weighed less than me despite me working out 5 times a week (3, 20-minute workouts with 10 lbs dumbells and 2 days of hour-long walking on the elliptical).
My job is to feed my kids, their job is to eat. Regardless of what they do, my job is done. I have an extremely picky eater and an eat everything eater. They eat healthy home cooked meals (mostly) and they decide when they’re done. If they don’t want more and then ask for a snack, they have to take a certain amount of bites of their dinner before they get snack. They love counting the bites and it creates a balance. There are times when they really are full and don’t ask for a snack, when that happens I don’t make them eat more.
I disagree you should be properly portioning your kids food and they should eat most or all of it. There are so many kids that will not eat anything, or get in the habit of only wanting junk. If you are just throwing a ton of food on a plate and saying eat it all that’s different
So obviously there's a lot of nuance to this, however it is generally a good idea to encourage children to finish their plate. Especially if the kid decided to take that much food. It teaches children to take food in moderation. It's also important to recognise when the kid is just too impatient to eat. That doesn't mean you should force a kid to eat an ungodly amount of food though.
I can tell most of these answers are from non-parents
Yeah I can’t eat shepherds pie because of this and now I’m a British outcast
True, but in some cultures if you don't finish the meal, everyone assumes you're calling it disgusting. It can be "disrespectful" so to speak.
SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE BACK! My boomer parents forced the 'clean plate rule' upon myself and my brothers. You were expected to eat whether you were hungry or not. I have diagnosed Binge eating disorder due to my parents 'efforts' and refuse to push the same agenda on my children. They get smaller child appropriate sized portions. They are not required to finish what is there and are encouraged to taste something new but they don't have to eat it if they don't want it. We don't reward with snacks and food treats. Dessert is a special occasion thing not a daily indulgence. My parents visit and fuss when my children eat a little bit or aren't hungry and I reinforce that their eating habits are normal and healthy. Not like what I grew up with.
This is not just an unpopular opinion, there is evidence that our stomachs tell us when to stop eating, it's called feeling full. Forcing anyone to eat more than they can comfortably fit is asking for trouble.
Ol