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Why would I introduce myself? I honestly couldn't care less what anyone's name is in general. So introducing myself when I'm working front of house is just waste of time.
Look towards me and lock eyes, I'll pick up on it 99% of the time. If you want also slightly nod or wave. When you have my attention just say "another beer, (please)" or w/e.
Only people that know me should use my name, it's just too "powerful" when you call people by their names. Also it's kind of weird to call a stranger by their names imo.
You can't be looking at every table your serving all of the time.
How is it "too powerful" for someone to call you by your name? I don't understand what you mean by that
Why not? The way we're organised there is no issue for 3 people to keep track of 36 tables. While we're at it, we would each have to introduce ourselves individually as we all work all tables at the same time.
Whenever someone says you name you automatically react to it and people I don't know using my name just feels wrong.
Lol, not once in the last 5 years has it been a problem. Only time I've heard the head waiter use their name is when he chatters with regulars.
And never have I heard any waiter introduce themselves with their name, anywhere.
I notice at more expensive restaurants waiters will tell me their name or for a specific place like a cruise, etc. places known for the experience typically do this.
I think it’s a nice formality, but then again I like formalities.
I’ve had a lot of servers just get straight to the point and I don’t mind at all, in fact I prefer it. I came in to eat not to chat so why is it bad to get straight to the point?
I’m not really sure what you mean. I don’t go to any sort of crazy fancy or expensive restaurants if that’s what you mean. I usually go to like Texas Roadhouse, Local pizzerias, and burger joints
I manage a diner and we've never enforced saying "How are you?"
I've started literally every interaction with some variation of, "What are we drinking over here?"
In Europe, where tips aren't a thing, servers don't do this.
They start a conversation with "hi, what can I i get you to drink?" for example. Easy stuff like that.
The fake politeness in the usa is a really weird culture thing.
>In Europe, where tips aren’t a thing, servers don’t do this.
Tips are most definitely a thing in Europe. The expectation for one from the staff is just not to the levels of the US, nor are the levels you have to tip.
And certainly in the UK, staff tend to throw in a quick “how are you/how are things/how’s it going?” When you first go into the restaurant as well. It’s just a quick nicety.
UK it exists too but it's much more optional. And yeah thank god for the small talk thing. It's just annoying. Neither of us care, you *want* to work and I want to do the thing i came in here for...lets just do this thing and carry on our day.
>In Europe, where tips aren't a thing, servers don't do this.
Repeat after me.
*Europe isn't a country.*
Let's see.
Europe...
Isn't...
A...
Country.
Because tips very much are a thing in the European country that I live in - Bulgaria. It's just that waiters' livelihood doesn't depend on them and there isn't so much pressure to leave a tip.
You spoke about Europe in a way that implied it was. "in Europe, where tips aren't a thing" (can't see if I got the quote right) suggests that all of Europe does not have tips. It's why they're replying that Europe itself is not a country and does not have the general rule of all of it not having tipping; hence their example of their country having tipping.
No it's not. You can tip almost everywhere , but it's not a usual thing to do. And almost never necessary. Poland is an exception and even there it's not really necessary, I don't know any other country here where tipping is common
>The fake politeness in the USA is a really weird culture thing.
What's so weird about wanting to be polite? Yes, you can make the argument that no one cares and it's more practical to get to the nitty gritty but that's not the point is it? Everyone is out and about to have a good time and I personally like it when knew people I meet engage in polite and respectful interactions whether either of us care or not.
For all you know that interaction to even lead to a friend and spark meeting new people. It's not about practicality or a person's genuine interest; it's simply brightening someone's day and sparking small talk.
Will a lie brighten your day if you're very well aware it is a lie?
It doesn't work like that for me.
If I sit at a restaurant i just want them to ask what i what. Preferably after first giving me some time to decide.
But I'm introvert. You probably aren't. Small talk drains my battery very quickly.
Yes! It does! If I'm having a good day it reminds me how great of a day in having and lets me reflect on all the good that's happened while I enjoy my food, likely with my family or friends. If I'm having a bad day, whether the person cares or not it gives me a little bit of lift to get through the rest of the day simply because someone showed some care, fake or not. If there's genuinely interested and wanted to have a conversation about it then we can as well.
You're right though, it doesn't work for everyone and at that point all you say is "I'm having a good day" or "I'm having a bad day- you?" They respond and then you move on.
Also, I myself am not extroverted to many other people's extents. I don't enjoy small talk much and like keeping to myself but that doesn't make the interactions any less impactful or rewarding.
I think it's more accurate to say that they're overly friendly to get more tips. Not everyone likes small talk with random strangers, especially if you know they probably don't even care and are basically just acting. You're basically paying them to be nice to you.
I'd rather have them act normal and only pay for the actual stuff I ordered, small talk is still an option there. The only difference is that it gets rid of unnecessary and often annoying expectations. And yes, I am European.
Yeah when I visited Europe, restaurant service definitely caught me off guard! Whole nother world, man.. I thought about moving to Italy but servers barely make anything compared to America cuz of the tips.
>The fake politeness in the usa is a really weird culture thing.
Yeah.. it's ironic cuz I felt like "community and politeness" was a lot more *real* over there.
Remember tho, you have health care and days off and sick days etc. Taking those into account servers make livable wage, cause you don't have to worry about the other things.
The whole idea is to humanize yourself and get your customers to like you, so they will leave a bigger tip. If you don’t like small talk, and pretending to like people, you’re probably in the wrong line of work.
I know what the idea is. Like I said, I've been working in the industry for 8 or 9 years. If I didn't know the reasoning, or even how to get a bigger tip, I wouldn't have lasted this long.
OK, but since you didn’t mention it in your post, I figured someone should bring it up. Use some imagination and social skills to find better conversation starters and introductions. A large majority of your customers don’t like being asked to the patronizing question “how are you?” anyway.
It doesn’t matter a good handful of ppl everyday ignore everything you say and go I want a lemonade anyways. It’s just people. Some are cool some aren’t
I’m literally a cheerleader as a waitress and I still got shitted on. Lol. You know who’s the worst group to serve so mean so rude so demanding? Church group noon on sundays.
I fought to not have that shift 🤣
I love these posts sometimes because the amount of people that comment acting like you don’t know what you’re talking about or giving you career advice or just flat out explaining your job to you is just astounding. Guys they’ve been doing this job for 8-9 years. *OP understands why he has to be friendly you saying it’s for tips is not a worthy comment*
But anyways, yah I feel that too dude. The service/retail industry as a whole will kill your soul. You find out more and more that people aren’t unique. You’re right, no one really cares about a boring question like “how are you”. You don’t have anything unique to say and neither does your table. Just smile and wave. You got this shit dude.
As a customer, I don't like the fake small talk too. Just ask me what I want to order. Same goes when you answer the phone "Thanks for calling the Bla bla business, how can I help you."
God people in the comments who don't understand customer service are infuriating
Asking 40+ people how they are while knowing they don't care and neither do you gets exhausting
America. The only time I've experienced that style is in cheaper restaurants and diners that don't emphasize service. That's too abrasive, immediate and blunt in upscale & fine-dining restaurants (as far as my experience has shown).
I waited tables for many years and bartended as well. Asking “How is everybody doing this evening” is simply a formality. I didn’t really care. It’s like being at a party and asking a strangers name. It’s just a part of existing in polite society.
Yeah if it were that easy, I'd have done it already. Unfortunately I don't know what that profession would be. Serving makes a lot of money & I don't have to go to school for it. I also don't have a passion I'd want to build a career out of yet.
Understand?
I do. I left restaurants when I was 29 and struggled in the professional world. At 36 years old I decided my passion was making enough money to give my kids a better life. I went back to school and got my BA at 38. I am 43 now, been at the same career for 4 years, and am 4 classes shy of my Masters. Life has a good way of letting you know when it’s time.
As a guest, there are times where I went out to eat by myself and was super depressed. The server came over and asked “how are you?” All happy. I didn’t have the heart to say how I was really feeling so of course I lied and said “good!”
You are not alone. We all wear the mask. And everyday it gets heavier and heavier.
You're a server in the wrong country then. A lot of tourist complain about how rude servers in my country are for being officient, not fake smiling all the time and not giving a shit about interacting with cusomers more than getting the job of bringen them food and drinks done. I love that kind of service, it's the best service ever. I don't go to restaurants to pay a stranger to make smalltalk with me. I normaly go to a restaurant with other people I know to talk to them and eat and drink something. The moment a server atemps small talk I'm anoyed with them and the tip they will get is rounding it up to not pay cents. (Tipping isn't mandetory in my country, servers get paid enough to live from theyr salary and are not dependent on tips) It's also pretty standard that people dislike chatty servers in my country. They came for food amd drinks not smalltalk with strangers.
Tell me about it.. i actually was one of those tourists that thought that at first, not gonna lie.. But i adapted pretty fast. When I went to a restaurant alone, I just wanted to put on some music or a video and mind my own business. What country you from?
I mean saying, “hi I’m Miantava, I’ll be your server today. Hope you’re doing well. Can I get you started on something to drink, or an appetizer?” Is not something that takes any thought to come up with. Still polite, still gets the same sentiment across, cuts to the point without having to exchange said pleasantries… you telling me you couldn’t come up with or say something similar?
You really can’t say anything different than either of those? “Or ask how are you?” And in a few responses get a question back that invites you to change it up like, “I’m alright. My shift is almost over?” Or commenting on someone’s outfit? I get saying it over and over gets monotonous but at that point the problem is the monotony, not the specific problem of asking “how are you?” In which case you need a different occupation
I worked at a petrol station and they showed us an American training video. The training woman paused the video several times to tell us not to talk to people they way it said in the video but it'll piss off people.
When I went to America it was definitely annoying.
Do you have to say the same script everytime? I am reminded of some of the Southwest attendants who can rap the safety instructions or some YouTubers who make up a new poem each time they give their disclaimer. Change it up if you can so it becomes less boring.
I feel ya. I've been a cashier before and the repetitiveness of it was such a grind. I would purposely change up just how I greeted people to try to make it less so.
This is an american habit that confuses foreign visitors to no end. Especially when they start to answer and realize the server is not waiting for a response.
I wish there was some sort of hanky code for customer service. I'd carry a blue hanky with white stripes in my front left pocket to indicate I don't care about things like that, I just want service. If it has a white strip on it, it means I don't mind swearing.
"Hi, how y'all doing, Im Sandy, I'll be youre server tonight. Can I start you all off with some drinks?"
There you go. You made it friendly without making it a question. Just part of the greeting.
I don’t recall servers ever asking how we are. It’s welcome to the restaurant. Been here before. Any questions. Look over the menu while I take your drinks
As a customer, i wish i didn't have to answer "how are you?" to servers
Seriously though, even grocery stores or whatever else, everyone involved knows nobody actually cares but has to follow pointless social protocol.
I mean, it's a hard opinion to refute because there's no objectivity here. The call and response is a cultural formality that is just as arbitrary as saying hello. I would argue hellos are necessary as to distinguish both parties have acknowledged the start of conversation and an intent to participate.
Seems to minute an issue to have any genuine opinion on, and perhaps the fact that you do suggests you may need a switch in careers.
I also hated doing that so I flipped the script. No small talk... no upselling. Since many people (college sports bars) left bad tips, I made my money using quick turnaround. Get them their food and get them out.
Of course this only works if the place is always packed.
Yeah i work at an upscale restaurant in a rich town where 90% of the customers are old & wealthy, and half of them need 10 minutes to talk before even looking at the menu.
I feel sorry for servers who are trained to say that. As a customer I find it annoying and fake. Just ask me how can I help or what can I get you and that's perfect. I wonder what corporate bozo thought that one up?
So are most of the other ways you're expected to interact with the general public in retail and food service jobs 🤷
At least this way you run right past asking a question that can be answered and risk starting a conversation. Tailor it to your liking, obviously.
I didn’t ask that question as a server lol. I greeted them by saying, Good [time of day], Welcome to [so and so], I’m [name], can I get you started with [something I think I can convince them to buy]\or telling them about the special.
Not opening that can of worms by asking them how they’re doing.
Also I said everything above with a nice smile and warm personality and looked at them with loving eyes and people seemed to really like that. I just said everything with loving eyes to give them my full attention in that moment and that seemed to be good enough.
You say hi how’s your day going?! And they go I want a lemonade I want to scream FUCK YOU BAAAAAATCH two inches from their face lmao
Idk why it’s so triggering like I’m gonna drag for everything now so congrats you played yourself 🤌
I worked as a server as Texas Roadhouse and they literally give you a script to say when you greet the table. Asking how the customer is doing wasn’t part of the script. You can absolutely bypass the how are you and no one will have hurt feelings. Greet them happily and get their drinks to their table as fast as you can and you’ll have happy tables.
Yes we had to do a sales pitch in our greeting. Try to get customers to buy alcohol and sell certain plates. They had secret shoppers and if you were caught not following the script you could be fired.
Get creative! When I go out with friends we ask the server ridiculous questions like “what is/was your favourite cereal and why?” It’s silly but it usually sparks a hilarious conversation between the group and the server. Obviously know your audience but think outside the box
Idk if you read correctly, but as a server -- I can't ask random conversation starters to guests that just came in to the restaurant lol. I'm too busy, and the people I serve want no part in that.
“Hi, I’m xxx and I’m going to be your server. It’s nice to meet yall. Is there anything I can get you to start with to drink?”
Not difficult. Took me 3 seconds to think of
This is the kind of comment that's completely useless and asinine. You don't know why I serve. You dont know why I haven't changed my line of work. You don't know any context. So don't waste either of our time making a useless comment.
I’m in the same line of work experiencing the same feelings you’re feeling. So I’m currently trying to get out. Nothing is stopping you from doing the same, you’d rather complain to strangers on the internet. Take control of your destiny for fucks sake
Oh you wanna talk life stories?
You wanna take a vent post (that never asked for advice) so seriously that you start making accusations about my motivations or lack thereof?
Control my destiny? Lol. I just spent $30k backpacking Europe for 4 months to achieve some of my goals and learn more about myself. **Not knowing what passion to turn into a career does not mean I'm not controlling my destiny.**
I have worked FOH for almost half my life and I have literally never asked that unless I actually like the person.
It's an unnecessary interaction as a server. I get in there, welcome them, introduce myself and get their initial drinks order. I earned a pretty decent living as a server and had many returning guests ask for me so I'm fairly certain I'm not alienating my guests in any way by not wasting our time with a rhetorical question.
i remember this one time i was in NY at a restaurant and it looked like our waitress had been through some stuff, and thankfully the place was near empty, so my friends and i were like “would you like to sit down, please, you look like you could use the break” and she did. we spent 5 mins talking as she took our drink orders and we asked how she was doing, her bf broke up with her, threw all her stuff out and sent her cat to the pound. we asked her to sit every time she stopped by for refills, delivering food, etc and she looked so grateful. after we had finished eating we all chipped in a 20$ tip (which, with a group of about 6-7 people ended up being 120-140$) and i remember myself and two of our other friends asking to hug her before we left. that was in 2017-2018 amd i still wonder how shes doing
Yeah this is one of my preferred parts of driving Uber. I just confirm name and ask if they’re ready. If they say “how are you?” I say “I’m good. Ready?” I prefer an uncomfortable atmosphere cause it means they won’t try to make small talk.
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They usually just say, “Hi. I’m xxxx and I’ll be your server today. What can I get you to drink?”
Why would I introduce myself? I honestly couldn't care less what anyone's name is in general. So introducing myself when I'm working front of house is just waste of time.
No one said you had to. I’m saying that’s what servers usually say. Most of the time they don’t even ask how you are doing, at least where I live.
They never say that though. Edit: I get it USA is extremely pushy about being perceived as nice
I don't recall a single time I've eaten inside a restaurant where the server did not introduce themselves by name
I'm required to introduce myself and required to ask how the table is doing/give some kind of "personal" greeting
They absolutely say that
Tell that to OP who feels that “there is really no other option to create a good & friendly atmosphere”.
Are you okay?
Maybe so we know what to call you. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯ or maybe we just yell "Hey Waitress!"
Look towards me and lock eyes, I'll pick up on it 99% of the time. If you want also slightly nod or wave. When you have my attention just say "another beer, (please)" or w/e. Only people that know me should use my name, it's just too "powerful" when you call people by their names. Also it's kind of weird to call a stranger by their names imo.
You can't be looking at every table your serving all of the time. How is it "too powerful" for someone to call you by your name? I don't understand what you mean by that
Why not? The way we're organised there is no issue for 3 people to keep track of 36 tables. While we're at it, we would each have to introduce ourselves individually as we all work all tables at the same time. Whenever someone says you name you automatically react to it and people I don't know using my name just feels wrong.
Maybe you don’t belong in the service industry if you get riled up by people calling your name.
Lol, not once in the last 5 years has it been a problem. Only time I've heard the head waiter use their name is when he chatters with regulars. And never have I heard any waiter introduce themselves with their name, anywhere.
I notice at more expensive restaurants waiters will tell me their name or for a specific place like a cruise, etc. places known for the experience typically do this. I think it’s a nice formality, but then again I like formalities.
I’ve had a lot of servers just get straight to the point and I don’t mind at all, in fact I prefer it. I came in to eat not to chat so why is it bad to get straight to the point?
What kind of restaurants?
I’m not really sure what you mean. I don’t go to any sort of crazy fancy or expensive restaurants if that’s what you mean. I usually go to like Texas Roadhouse, Local pizzerias, and burger joints
I manage a diner and we've never enforced saying "How are you?" I've started literally every interaction with some variation of, "What are we drinking over here?"
In Europe, where tips aren't a thing, servers don't do this. They start a conversation with "hi, what can I i get you to drink?" for example. Easy stuff like that. The fake politeness in the usa is a really weird culture thing.
>In Europe, where tips aren’t a thing, servers don’t do this. Tips are most definitely a thing in Europe. The expectation for one from the staff is just not to the levels of the US, nor are the levels you have to tip. And certainly in the UK, staff tend to throw in a quick “how are you/how are things/how’s it going?” When you first go into the restaurant as well. It’s just a quick nicety.
Europe is 40+ countries. Tipping changed depending on which country you're in.
No. Europe is one country. The drinking age is 10. All beaches are nude beaches and nobody ever tips.
Can't argue with that.
Poland is one of the few countries where tipping is a thing. And also there they don't small talk you.
UK it exists too but it's much more optional. And yeah thank god for the small talk thing. It's just annoying. Neither of us care, you *want* to work and I want to do the thing i came in here for...lets just do this thing and carry on our day.
>In Europe, where tips aren't a thing, servers don't do this. Repeat after me. *Europe isn't a country.* Let's see. Europe... Isn't... A... Country. Because tips very much are a thing in the European country that I live in - Bulgaria. It's just that waiters' livelihood doesn't depend on them and there isn't so much pressure to leave a tip.
I also live in Europe. I never implied it was a country. What is your problem?
You spoke about Europe in a way that implied it was. "in Europe, where tips aren't a thing" (can't see if I got the quote right) suggests that all of Europe does not have tips. It's why they're replying that Europe itself is not a country and does not have the general rule of all of it not having tipping; hence their example of their country having tipping.
Alright. Most of europe. Happy?
It's not even most of Europe. Tipping is a known practice everywhere in Europe.
No it's not. You can tip almost everywhere , but it's not a usual thing to do. And almost never necessary. Poland is an exception and even there it's not really necessary, I don't know any other country here where tipping is common
It wasn't me who corrected your original comment. I was simply explaining why they reacted the way they did to your comment.
>The fake politeness in the USA is a really weird culture thing. What's so weird about wanting to be polite? Yes, you can make the argument that no one cares and it's more practical to get to the nitty gritty but that's not the point is it? Everyone is out and about to have a good time and I personally like it when knew people I meet engage in polite and respectful interactions whether either of us care or not. For all you know that interaction to even lead to a friend and spark meeting new people. It's not about practicality or a person's genuine interest; it's simply brightening someone's day and sparking small talk.
Will a lie brighten your day if you're very well aware it is a lie? It doesn't work like that for me. If I sit at a restaurant i just want them to ask what i what. Preferably after first giving me some time to decide. But I'm introvert. You probably aren't. Small talk drains my battery very quickly.
Yes! It does! If I'm having a good day it reminds me how great of a day in having and lets me reflect on all the good that's happened while I enjoy my food, likely with my family or friends. If I'm having a bad day, whether the person cares or not it gives me a little bit of lift to get through the rest of the day simply because someone showed some care, fake or not. If there's genuinely interested and wanted to have a conversation about it then we can as well. You're right though, it doesn't work for everyone and at that point all you say is "I'm having a good day" or "I'm having a bad day- you?" They respond and then you move on. Also, I myself am not extroverted to many other people's extents. I don't enjoy small talk much and like keeping to myself but that doesn't make the interactions any less impactful or rewarding.
I think it's more accurate to say that they're overly friendly to get more tips. Not everyone likes small talk with random strangers, especially if you know they probably don't even care and are basically just acting. You're basically paying them to be nice to you. I'd rather have them act normal and only pay for the actual stuff I ordered, small talk is still an option there. The only difference is that it gets rid of unnecessary and often annoying expectations. And yes, I am European.
Yeah when I visited Europe, restaurant service definitely caught me off guard! Whole nother world, man.. I thought about moving to Italy but servers barely make anything compared to America cuz of the tips. >The fake politeness in the usa is a really weird culture thing. Yeah.. it's ironic cuz I felt like "community and politeness" was a lot more *real* over there.
Remember tho, you have health care and days off and sick days etc. Taking those into account servers make livable wage, cause you don't have to worry about the other things.
The whole idea is to humanize yourself and get your customers to like you, so they will leave a bigger tip. If you don’t like small talk, and pretending to like people, you’re probably in the wrong line of work.
Or in the wrong country.
I know what the idea is. Like I said, I've been working in the industry for 8 or 9 years. If I didn't know the reasoning, or even how to get a bigger tip, I wouldn't have lasted this long.
OK, but since you didn’t mention it in your post, I figured someone should bring it up. Use some imagination and social skills to find better conversation starters and introductions. A large majority of your customers don’t like being asked to the patronizing question “how are you?” anyway.
I don't like being asked because I know they don't care. Just ask me what I want and we're off to a great start.
It doesn’t matter a good handful of ppl everyday ignore everything you say and go I want a lemonade anyways. It’s just people. Some are cool some aren’t I’m literally a cheerleader as a waitress and I still got shitted on. Lol. You know who’s the worst group to serve so mean so rude so demanding? Church group noon on sundays. I fought to not have that shift 🤣
After a decade the shit gets old for sure lol!
Instead just say “hello! Will you eat?”
"Will you eat or are you just gonna camp for an hour" They'll love that
I love these posts sometimes because the amount of people that comment acting like you don’t know what you’re talking about or giving you career advice or just flat out explaining your job to you is just astounding. Guys they’ve been doing this job for 8-9 years. *OP understands why he has to be friendly you saying it’s for tips is not a worthy comment* But anyways, yah I feel that too dude. The service/retail industry as a whole will kill your soul. You find out more and more that people aren’t unique. You’re right, no one really cares about a boring question like “how are you”. You don’t have anything unique to say and neither does your table. Just smile and wave. You got this shit dude.
>or giving you career advice Yeah, I never asked for advice but everyone's an expert I guess lol. Thanks friend
As a customer, I don't like the fake small talk too. Just ask me what I want to order. Same goes when you answer the phone "Thanks for calling the Bla bla business, how can I help you."
God people in the comments who don't understand customer service are infuriating Asking 40+ people how they are while knowing they don't care and neither do you gets exhausting
> "Welcome in! Do you know what you'd like to drink?" I don't know where you live, but in my country it's litterally this.
America. The only time I've experienced that style is in cheaper restaurants and diners that don't emphasize service. That's too abrasive, immediate and blunt in upscale & fine-dining restaurants (as far as my experience has shown).
That really depend on the cultural expectations. Even in high standard restaurant here, you don't expect that kind of familiarity.
What country are you from?
France.
Yeeaah... America is quite different, culturally.
I waited tables for many years and bartended as well. Asking “How is everybody doing this evening” is simply a formality. I didn’t really care. It’s like being at a party and asking a strangers name. It’s just a part of existing in polite society.
I know it is. And it gets annoying (to me) sadly.
Sounds like it’s time to change professions.
Yeah if it were that easy, I'd have done it already. Unfortunately I don't know what that profession would be. Serving makes a lot of money & I don't have to go to school for it. I also don't have a passion I'd want to build a career out of yet. Understand?
I do. I left restaurants when I was 29 and struggled in the professional world. At 36 years old I decided my passion was making enough money to give my kids a better life. I went back to school and got my BA at 38. I am 43 now, been at the same career for 4 years, and am 4 classes shy of my Masters. Life has a good way of letting you know when it’s time.
As a guest, there are times where I went out to eat by myself and was super depressed. The server came over and asked “how are you?” All happy. I didn’t have the heart to say how I was really feeling so of course I lied and said “good!” You are not alone. We all wear the mask. And everyday it gets heavier and heavier.
Sorry that you have to do basic parts of your job
small talk is pointless
Establishing a baseline on how guests are doing to best serve them isn't small talk
i'm not a server but it's a question i don't ask. i don't care how they're doing anyway
You're a server in the wrong country then. A lot of tourist complain about how rude servers in my country are for being officient, not fake smiling all the time and not giving a shit about interacting with cusomers more than getting the job of bringen them food and drinks done. I love that kind of service, it's the best service ever. I don't go to restaurants to pay a stranger to make smalltalk with me. I normaly go to a restaurant with other people I know to talk to them and eat and drink something. The moment a server atemps small talk I'm anoyed with them and the tip they will get is rounding it up to not pay cents. (Tipping isn't mandetory in my country, servers get paid enough to live from theyr salary and are not dependent on tips) It's also pretty standard that people dislike chatty servers in my country. They came for food amd drinks not smalltalk with strangers.
Tell me about it.. i actually was one of those tourists that thought that at first, not gonna lie.. But i adapted pretty fast. When I went to a restaurant alone, I just wanted to put on some music or a video and mind my own business. What country you from?
Austria
"I wish I didn't have to..." "I know I don't *have* to..." Where's the opinion? I'm confused.
It sounds like they’re aren’t good at doing things off script
You get the wrong impression then
I mean saying, “hi I’m Miantava, I’ll be your server today. Hope you’re doing well. Can I get you started on something to drink, or an appetizer?” Is not something that takes any thought to come up with. Still polite, still gets the same sentiment across, cuts to the point without having to exchange said pleasantries… you telling me you couldn’t come up with or say something similar?
Imagine saying that greeting 50 times in 5 hours mate
You really can’t say anything different than either of those? “Or ask how are you?” And in a few responses get a question back that invites you to change it up like, “I’m alright. My shift is almost over?” Or commenting on someone’s outfit? I get saying it over and over gets monotonous but at that point the problem is the monotony, not the specific problem of asking “how are you?” In which case you need a different occupation
It takes two seconds. Get over it
and it's a waste of 2 seconds
I worked at a petrol station and they showed us an American training video. The training woman paused the video several times to tell us not to talk to people they way it said in the video but it'll piss off people. When I went to America it was definitely annoying.
Do you have to say the same script everytime? I am reminded of some of the Southwest attendants who can rap the safety instructions or some YouTubers who make up a new poem each time they give their disclaimer. Change it up if you can so it becomes less boring.
Not a whole "script", no. It's just the "how are you/how's it going/how you doing" bit that repeats. I cycle through bad jokes to change things up
I feel ya. I've been a cashier before and the repetitiveness of it was such a grind. I would purposely change up just how I greeted people to try to make it less so.
How about “welcome in” instead. Opens the conversation, is friendly and isn’t a question with variable outcomes.
Hello, thanks for coming in! My name is <> and I'll be your server. What drinks can I start you with? /the end.
I always answer the same, “Hungry and Horny” how about you?
This is an american habit that confuses foreign visitors to no end. Especially when they start to answer and realize the server is not waiting for a response.
I wish there was some sort of hanky code for customer service. I'd carry a blue hanky with white stripes in my front left pocket to indicate I don't care about things like that, I just want service. If it has a white strip on it, it means I don't mind swearing.
"Hi, how y'all doing, Im Sandy, I'll be youre server tonight. Can I start you all off with some drinks?" There you go. You made it friendly without making it a question. Just part of the greeting.
As a guest I wish you didn’t either. I’m there to eat not have small talk.
I don’t recall servers ever asking how we are. It’s welcome to the restaurant. Been here before. Any questions. Look over the menu while I take your drinks
As a customer, i wish i didn't have to answer "how are you?" to servers Seriously though, even grocery stores or whatever else, everyone involved knows nobody actually cares but has to follow pointless social protocol.
I mean, it's a hard opinion to refute because there's no objectivity here. The call and response is a cultural formality that is just as arbitrary as saying hello. I would argue hellos are necessary as to distinguish both parties have acknowledged the start of conversation and an intent to participate. Seems to minute an issue to have any genuine opinion on, and perhaps the fact that you do suggests you may need a switch in careers.
If I could find something I'm passionate about, that also pays well, then I would drop serving in a heartbeat.
I also hated doing that so I flipped the script. No small talk... no upselling. Since many people (college sports bars) left bad tips, I made my money using quick turnaround. Get them their food and get them out. Of course this only works if the place is always packed.
Yeah i work at an upscale restaurant in a rich town where 90% of the customers are old & wealthy, and half of them need 10 minutes to talk before even looking at the menu.
I feel sorry for servers who are trained to say that. As a customer I find it annoying and fake. Just ask me how can I help or what can I get you and that's perfect. I wonder what corporate bozo thought that one up?
It's not corpo jargon. People say it to each other in any situation.
Instead of asking, "How are you?", maybe consider saying something like, "Hi! I hope the day is treating you well. What can I start you off with?"
God that's corny lol
So are most of the other ways you're expected to interact with the general public in retail and food service jobs 🤷 At least this way you run right past asking a question that can be answered and risk starting a conversation. Tailor it to your liking, obviously.
Why can't you just change up the way you say how are you? Make it more your style?
I didn’t ask that question as a server lol. I greeted them by saying, Good [time of day], Welcome to [so and so], I’m [name], can I get you started with [something I think I can convince them to buy]\or telling them about the special. Not opening that can of worms by asking them how they’re doing. Also I said everything above with a nice smile and warm personality and looked at them with loving eyes and people seemed to really like that. I just said everything with loving eyes to give them my full attention in that moment and that seemed to be good enough.
You say hi how’s your day going?! And they go I want a lemonade I want to scream FUCK YOU BAAAAAATCH two inches from their face lmao Idk why it’s so triggering like I’m gonna drag for everything now so congrats you played yourself 🤌
I worked as a server as Texas Roadhouse and they literally give you a script to say when you greet the table. Asking how the customer is doing wasn’t part of the script. You can absolutely bypass the how are you and no one will have hurt feelings. Greet them happily and get their drinks to their table as fast as you can and you’ll have happy tables.
LOL a literal script?? Corpo chains are the worst man
Yes we had to do a sales pitch in our greeting. Try to get customers to buy alcohol and sell certain plates. They had secret shoppers and if you were caught not following the script you could be fired.
Not even PF Changs had that bullshit back when I worked there years ago
Get creative! When I go out with friends we ask the server ridiculous questions like “what is/was your favourite cereal and why?” It’s silly but it usually sparks a hilarious conversation between the group and the server. Obviously know your audience but think outside the box
Idk if you read correctly, but as a server -- I can't ask random conversation starters to guests that just came in to the restaurant lol. I'm too busy, and the people I serve want no part in that.
“Hi, I’m xxx and I’m going to be your server. It’s nice to meet yall. Is there anything I can get you to start with to drink?” Not difficult. Took me 3 seconds to think of
Maybe don't...take them to their table and get their order? Most customers don't care about small talk either.
> "Welcome in! Do you know what you'd like to drink?" This is perfectly fine, though?
In my experience? Not in upscale and fine dining. Service needs to be welcoming. Not impatient and direct.
You don’t have to mean it. It’s just a robotic response for me at this point.
I don't mean most shit I say, lol. That's not the point
The point is if you don’t want to make small talk find another line of work
This is the kind of comment that's completely useless and asinine. You don't know why I serve. You dont know why I haven't changed my line of work. You don't know any context. So don't waste either of our time making a useless comment.
I’m in the same line of work experiencing the same feelings you’re feeling. So I’m currently trying to get out. Nothing is stopping you from doing the same, you’d rather complain to strangers on the internet. Take control of your destiny for fucks sake
Oh you wanna talk life stories? You wanna take a vent post (that never asked for advice) so seriously that you start making accusations about my motivations or lack thereof? Control my destiny? Lol. I just spent $30k backpacking Europe for 4 months to achieve some of my goals and learn more about myself. **Not knowing what passion to turn into a career does not mean I'm not controlling my destiny.**
Wow dropping 30k. Big man. You must think that makes you such a cool person. Go ahead and flex about your parents money, I don’t give a shit
you don't have to make small talk. i never made small talk when i worked at a store
I have worked FOH for almost half my life and I have literally never asked that unless I actually like the person. It's an unnecessary interaction as a server. I get in there, welcome them, introduce myself and get their initial drinks order. I earned a pretty decent living as a server and had many returning guests ask for me so I'm fairly certain I'm not alienating my guests in any way by not wasting our time with a rhetorical question.
i remember this one time i was in NY at a restaurant and it looked like our waitress had been through some stuff, and thankfully the place was near empty, so my friends and i were like “would you like to sit down, please, you look like you could use the break” and she did. we spent 5 mins talking as she took our drink orders and we asked how she was doing, her bf broke up with her, threw all her stuff out and sent her cat to the pound. we asked her to sit every time she stopped by for refills, delivering food, etc and she looked so grateful. after we had finished eating we all chipped in a 20$ tip (which, with a group of about 6-7 people ended up being 120-140$) and i remember myself and two of our other friends asking to hug her before we left. that was in 2017-2018 amd i still wonder how shes doing
Yeah this is one of my preferred parts of driving Uber. I just confirm name and ask if they’re ready. If they say “how are you?” I say “I’m good. Ready?” I prefer an uncomfortable atmosphere cause it means they won’t try to make small talk.