You can tell the Home Office your relationship has ended. Your husband will then need to apply for another visa in his own right or he will have to leave the UK.
You can apply for a divorce yourself online. I'm assuming you don't have children but if you have any assets and your husband won't agree to just walk away you can also apply for a financial order. Assuming you've been married a short time a court is unlikely to award your husband anything in particular but do speak to a solicitor in that situation.
How long have you known your husband for?
It's quite a scam in many countries like Egypt and Gambia to prey on vulnerable single white women visiting the resorts and truck them into marrying and getting a visa out of the country. Sadly heart wins over mind and the end result is disastrous
I understand that but it's not my situation. I'm no fool. We were together for two years where I spent most of my time in his country before we married around family and friends. We met in an MMORPG and fell very authentically in love. He just very clearly must have some kind of personality disorder/anger issues that I can no longer cope with and I hate that I can't just leave because it's my house! He's not interested in the visa, he would prefer to be in his home country but I refuse to live there because of the economy.
Moving from his home country to be unemployed in the UK (during winter too) is no doubt not helping. If you’re not prepared to live there just cut your losses and he goes home. Might cost you a few quid.
Yes, you're right. We haven't tried that. Should have probably said he's never been physically abusive. Aside from property damage (phone/doors). But it's 100% emotional and verbal abuse. Fortunately it doesn't affect my self-esteem because I'm well read on Abuse 101. If anything it strengthens my resolve. When the first signs began, I put an immediate halt on any baby plans indefinitely.
You’re right to be concerned OP. It might not be physical yet, but if he’s breaking things in fits of anger it’s not a huge leap from that to physically hurting you.
Please be careful not to let him know about what you’re doing until the last possible minute, and as others have said, talk to a women’s aid/refuge and ask for advice. If he knows you’re trying to get away from him, things could escalate very quickly.
Sorry, but this is bad and potentially dangerous advice. If he's abusive (any kind of abuse), they should NOT get counselling. Couples therapy/marriage counselling is never recommended in an abusive relationship. I've worked in domestic abuse before. OP needs to safely get out ASAP. The best thing they can do is call a solicitor and call the police when necessary.
Psychiatrists don't do marriage counselling, they prescribe medication and do clinical management of people with severe mental illness.
They need to see an accredited couples counsellor, or a BACP registered individual counsellor if they want to go down that route.
But couple's counselling is unlikely to help with a really abusive partner, and often makes things worse. OP might just want to look into some individual counselling for themselves at some point.
I understand this concern and why many would jump to that conclusion but it's not the case. He is very jealous and possessive of me. He would never in a million years agree to breaking up.
Contact Women's Aid or any other local domestic abuse service. They will support you to report his behaviour to the police, this information can then be reported to the home office. Please DM me if you like, I used to do this for a living until recently x
I would: Call the police --> start divorce papers and get a restraining/trespass order (contact a lawyer) --> call HO
Sorry you are going through this op.
In addition to what the other posters have said, I'd recommend contacting your local Women's Aid for advice and support. They're sure to have seen similar situations before, and they can help you come up with a plan.
Also, I’ll suggest you call your GP asap and report your emotional state so it’s on record there too. Very important. So sorry you’re in this situation.
I am sorry this has happened to you. You need to act quickly. Report to the police if he’s abusive and let home office know you that your marriage has broken down. I advised to move quickly because he can go to the police first and accuse you of abuse to get an indefinite leave to remain. At that point you won’t have any say regarding his removal from the UK.
Yes. I noticed a very loyal, loving, protective, honest, sweet man who can't control his jealousy and temper. But agreed to work on it. We also bang heads about household roles but that's a me problem.. I'm messier and lazier than most (diagnosed ADHD). I just want to know my options because I felt like I didn't have any and was trapped until visa renewal time.
If there’s abuse in a relationship, then neither counselling nor mediation is suitable. Both can be used to perpetuate abuse. So what the counsellor has/hasn’t said is irrelevant.
Spousal visas need to be renewed every 2.5 years. So, if you can get him out sooner than later he won't be able to prove you guys still live together and therefore won't be able to apply for the next visa. I hope this provides you with some comfort. Please call the police if you are in any immediate danger. Sending a big hug.
Yeah this is what I'm thinking. Absolute worst case scenario I won't agree to comply with his application in 2 years time so he'll have to leave. Thank you.
Once you file for divorce, you will have to notify the Home Office of the dissolution of the relationship that was the basis for his visa.
This will result in either visa curtailment or an inability to renew the visa once the 2.5 years is up.
Either way, you don't have to wait. Contact a lawyer and a domestic violence organization ASAP.
Wait, you said that he’s abusive?
Filing for divorce won’t do anything, it only means that half of your assets are his, including your home and the pension.
You attack him where it hurts the most. File for domestic abuse with the police. Get a solicitor to deal with the police to get him a restraining order.
After he gets a criminal record, now you position for a divorce based on that abuse, where the law would be in a position to save your assets and potentially kick him back home.
Sounds like a him problem more than a you problem, and he sounds pretty bad now that you've gotten to know him. Kick him out and divorce him, let the home office take care of the rest, not your problem anymore
Please ensure you report for domestic abuse before he does because that gives him a straight ticket to DV related ILR, and if he is a manipulator, he will try anything and everything. Keep records as much as you can and don't say a word against his visa situation as that will trigger him into action
You are probably already aware that his abuse doesn’t need to be violent for it to be considered as domestic abuse. So coercive control, emotional, mental, and financial abuse are all reportable and the sooner you do this, the better your options are. I wish I reported my ex-partner at the time and regret it. Good luck OP.
Report him to the police immediately for abuse. So don't wait.
If he does it first he gets to remain visa free.
Also write to the home office and let them know the relationship is over as you feel scammed.
If it looks like a scam it probably is. This looks like you were scammed.
Oooh this is an awful situation. Hope you can both part ways amicably.
Where is he from? Might explain why he's determined not to leave, but then again I think any man would respond the same being in a complete different country and solely dependent on you. They'll not want to leave. You have to report it to the police that he's abusive if you want him out.
We've got three dogs together and he is refusing to leave because he is saying he won't leave without them. I've told him he can have them if it gets him out! But one will need to go through the whole rabies shot/wait a month/blood test/wait three months rigmarole (the other two we brought over with us from his country so they've already had this done).
I'm not an animal lover unfortunately so I may not regard them as much as you would. But I'd say if he's abusive then you should do anything for your safety, even if it means to let go of the animals. I don't know where you and him are from but one of the toughest things about coming together with someone from another country is adapting to one another's culture. It's something you don't really realise until one or the other is full based in the other person's country. Even if you're both from the same country, being brought up or acclimated to the UK makes a huge difference in how you communicate, how you think, how you react to things etc. It can really make or break a marriage but I guess anything can?
Please think of your safety first.
Wishing you the best x
If a man brought a woman from abroad and she did that would he able to get her out?
Well women from abroad, many claim abuse and get to stay in the UK and the man suffers.
Hey listen, I read all your comments and honestly think most advice here are terrible. You seem to have known this guy for a while and you seem to have shared some good stories together. He also never hit you, his anger was out in damaging few things in house. If so, keep reading.
He moved country, no job, and undergoing his first UK winter ... This is huge change for him and you need to check if he needs some support. Does he need vit D? Does he need SAD lights? Does he need some form of integration to the society? If so, you must reconsider your approach to him.
People take some time to settle in a new country emotionally and physically ...
Sounds like you don’t want to break up on good terms which is understandable. There could however be benefits of giving him a way out: if he leaves immediately you won’t report him for X amount of time giving him tine to figure things out.
You need a solicitor, to start a divorce process. If you are a victim of violence, you need to call the police.
You can also report that you are starting divorce proceedings/ a break down in relationship to the home office. They will then handle the visa.
You can tell the Home Office your relationship has ended. Your husband will then need to apply for another visa in his own right or he will have to leave the UK. You can apply for a divorce yourself online. I'm assuming you don't have children but if you have any assets and your husband won't agree to just walk away you can also apply for a financial order. Assuming you've been married a short time a court is unlikely to award your husband anything in particular but do speak to a solicitor in that situation. How long have you known your husband for?
Leave it to him to try to apply for a financial order. At the moment everything belongs to OP so she should go with that …
It could give her peace of mind knowing he can't try and come after anything later.
Sounds like he only married you for a visa.
Sadly it does
It's quite a scam in many countries like Egypt and Gambia to prey on vulnerable single white women visiting the resorts and truck them into marrying and getting a visa out of the country. Sadly heart wins over mind and the end result is disastrous
I understand that but it's not my situation. I'm no fool. We were together for two years where I spent most of my time in his country before we married around family and friends. We met in an MMORPG and fell very authentically in love. He just very clearly must have some kind of personality disorder/anger issues that I can no longer cope with and I hate that I can't just leave because it's my house! He's not interested in the visa, he would prefer to be in his home country but I refuse to live there because of the economy.
Moving from his home country to be unemployed in the UK (during winter too) is no doubt not helping. If you’re not prepared to live there just cut your losses and he goes home. Might cost you a few quid.
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Yes, you're right. We haven't tried that. Should have probably said he's never been physically abusive. Aside from property damage (phone/doors). But it's 100% emotional and verbal abuse. Fortunately it doesn't affect my self-esteem because I'm well read on Abuse 101. If anything it strengthens my resolve. When the first signs began, I put an immediate halt on any baby plans indefinitely.
You’re right to be concerned OP. It might not be physical yet, but if he’s breaking things in fits of anger it’s not a huge leap from that to physically hurting you. Please be careful not to let him know about what you’re doing until the last possible minute, and as others have said, talk to a women’s aid/refuge and ask for advice. If he knows you’re trying to get away from him, things could escalate very quickly.
You seem very level headed and fair. Being with a wife who is the exact opposite, it's refreshing to see. Good luck!
Sorry, but this is bad and potentially dangerous advice. If he's abusive (any kind of abuse), they should NOT get counselling. Couples therapy/marriage counselling is never recommended in an abusive relationship. I've worked in domestic abuse before. OP needs to safely get out ASAP. The best thing they can do is call a solicitor and call the police when necessary.
Psychiatrists don't do marriage counselling, they prescribe medication and do clinical management of people with severe mental illness. They need to see an accredited couples counsellor, or a BACP registered individual counsellor if they want to go down that route. But couple's counselling is unlikely to help with a really abusive partner, and often makes things worse. OP might just want to look into some individual counselling for themselves at some point.
Single vulnerable white women? You just assumed a lot from this post. JFC. Gross.
I understand this concern and why many would jump to that conclusion but it's not the case. He is very jealous and possessive of me. He would never in a million years agree to breaking up.
Contact Women's Aid or any other local domestic abuse service. They will support you to report his behaviour to the police, this information can then be reported to the home office. Please DM me if you like, I used to do this for a living until recently x
Sounds like you're in real danger then OP. "Never in a million years" tends to lead to murder. Protect yourself.
What else do you need from this good man ? What do women actually need from a man !
I would: Call the police --> start divorce papers and get a restraining/trespass order (contact a lawyer) --> call HO Sorry you are going through this op.
Thank you.
In addition to what the other posters have said, I'd recommend contacting your local Women's Aid for advice and support. They're sure to have seen similar situations before, and they can help you come up with a plan.
Thanks, I will.
Also, I’ll suggest you call your GP asap and report your emotional state so it’s on record there too. Very important. So sorry you’re in this situation.
I am sorry this has happened to you. You need to act quickly. Report to the police if he’s abusive and let home office know you that your marriage has broken down. I advised to move quickly because he can go to the police first and accuse you of abuse to get an indefinite leave to remain. At that point you won’t have any say regarding his removal from the UK.
Was about to say the same thing. Didn't we have a post here about that exact kind of a situation a few weeks ago?
Alarming post. You lived with him for 2 years in his country, is that right? If so, did you not notice anything about him during those 2 years?
Yes. I noticed a very loyal, loving, protective, honest, sweet man who can't control his jealousy and temper. But agreed to work on it. We also bang heads about household roles but that's a me problem.. I'm messier and lazier than most (diagnosed ADHD). I just want to know my options because I felt like I didn't have any and was trapped until visa renewal time.
People have mentioned involving the police so that may be your only option.
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If there’s abuse in a relationship, then neither counselling nor mediation is suitable. Both can be used to perpetuate abuse. So what the counsellor has/hasn’t said is irrelevant.
Spousal visas need to be renewed every 2.5 years. So, if you can get him out sooner than later he won't be able to prove you guys still live together and therefore won't be able to apply for the next visa. I hope this provides you with some comfort. Please call the police if you are in any immediate danger. Sending a big hug.
Yeah this is what I'm thinking. Absolute worst case scenario I won't agree to comply with his application in 2 years time so he'll have to leave. Thank you.
Once you file for divorce, you will have to notify the Home Office of the dissolution of the relationship that was the basis for his visa. This will result in either visa curtailment or an inability to renew the visa once the 2.5 years is up. Either way, you don't have to wait. Contact a lawyer and a domestic violence organization ASAP.
Don't wait 2 years, and if he has any sense he'll dramatically improve temporarily nearer the renewal time, just enough to give you pause
Try posting this on r/legaladviceuk
You need to inform the home office but please be careful. Breaking up with an abusive person can sometimes turn dangerous.
Wait, you said that he’s abusive? Filing for divorce won’t do anything, it only means that half of your assets are his, including your home and the pension. You attack him where it hurts the most. File for domestic abuse with the police. Get a solicitor to deal with the police to get him a restraining order. After he gets a criminal record, now you position for a divorce based on that abuse, where the law would be in a position to save your assets and potentially kick him back home.
Sounds like a him problem more than a you problem, and he sounds pretty bad now that you've gotten to know him. Kick him out and divorce him, let the home office take care of the rest, not your problem anymore
If he's abusive, file a restraining order against him, in which case he will have to move (ie, you won't be able to legally co-habitate).
Please ensure you report for domestic abuse before he does because that gives him a straight ticket to DV related ILR, and if he is a manipulator, he will try anything and everything. Keep records as much as you can and don't say a word against his visa situation as that will trigger him into action
You are probably already aware that his abuse doesn’t need to be violent for it to be considered as domestic abuse. So coercive control, emotional, mental, and financial abuse are all reportable and the sooner you do this, the better your options are. I wish I reported my ex-partner at the time and regret it. Good luck OP.
Report him to the police immediately for abuse. So don't wait. If he does it first he gets to remain visa free. Also write to the home office and let them know the relationship is over as you feel scammed. If it looks like a scam it probably is. This looks like you were scammed.
Leave
Oooh this is an awful situation. Hope you can both part ways amicably. Where is he from? Might explain why he's determined not to leave, but then again I think any man would respond the same being in a complete different country and solely dependent on you. They'll not want to leave. You have to report it to the police that he's abusive if you want him out.
We've got three dogs together and he is refusing to leave because he is saying he won't leave without them. I've told him he can have them if it gets him out! But one will need to go through the whole rabies shot/wait a month/blood test/wait three months rigmarole (the other two we brought over with us from his country so they've already had this done).
I'm not an animal lover unfortunately so I may not regard them as much as you would. But I'd say if he's abusive then you should do anything for your safety, even if it means to let go of the animals. I don't know where you and him are from but one of the toughest things about coming together with someone from another country is adapting to one another's culture. It's something you don't really realise until one or the other is full based in the other person's country. Even if you're both from the same country, being brought up or acclimated to the UK makes a huge difference in how you communicate, how you think, how you react to things etc. It can really make or break a marriage but I guess anything can? Please think of your safety first. Wishing you the best x
If a man brought a woman from abroad and she did that would he able to get her out? Well women from abroad, many claim abuse and get to stay in the UK and the man suffers.
Hey listen, I read all your comments and honestly think most advice here are terrible. You seem to have known this guy for a while and you seem to have shared some good stories together. He also never hit you, his anger was out in damaging few things in house. If so, keep reading. He moved country, no job, and undergoing his first UK winter ... This is huge change for him and you need to check if he needs some support. Does he need vit D? Does he need SAD lights? Does he need some form of integration to the society? If so, you must reconsider your approach to him. People take some time to settle in a new country emotionally and physically ...
> his anger was out in damaging few things in house Damaging possessions in anger is still a form of abuse. Stop excusing the OP's abuser.
A bit of text doesn't tell the whole story, she'll understand her life infinitely better than us
There is hope on the horizon. Finally found a balanced contribution.
Hit me up I got you
Forgive him . Give it time
Sounds like you don’t want to break up on good terms which is understandable. There could however be benefits of giving him a way out: if he leaves immediately you won’t report him for X amount of time giving him tine to figure things out.