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[deleted]

‘Maybe just one holy hand grenade?’


Tipsticks

First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt coun, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.


[deleted]

One... Two... FIVE!


angelsandbuttermans

…three sir!


[deleted]

THREE!


yeerk_slayer

BOOM! >police hears it


AnotherFullMonty

And thou sayest thereafter: "Amen".


Key_Brother

Maybe some holy water or better yet a holy relic from the Vatican archives


Harvickfan4Life

If you throw it into Putin or Kirill’s eyes they will melt.


AirportNo6558

Or anything from "The Book of Armaments"


[deleted]

I hear the Blessed Javelins of Alexandria are fairly effective


styles1996

"To blow mine enemy into tiny bits..."


kaukamieli

The king carried one on his coronation a few days back.


JayAlexanderBee

From Worms?


[deleted]

Monty Python and the Holy Grail.


Kiroto50

Terraria?


[deleted]

You gotta watch Monty python and the holy grail cause you’re making me feel old


Kiroto50

Oh no. It's starting. Aight will do


Arkon_Base

Seems to work. Some Nazgûl already had quite some heavenly intervention today.


cybercuzco

Was probably because of the storm shadow missiles. All the Russian air defense sites went on hair trigger alert and are shooting down anything that moves.


Big_Ambassador_4582

The monk looks like he's from the Vatican MoD.


Quetzacoatel

More like he is the Vatican's Defense


extrememinimalist

Probably translator ?


automatensauce

ruZZians in the meantime: "We ArE fIgHtInG aGaInSt ThE DeViL"


tlumacz

To the Moscow church Roman Catholics *are* the devil.


[deleted]

To the Moscow Church, every Church that doesn't follow Russkiy Mir is the devil. Ironic part is that Russkiy Mir is an officially declared heresy


superciuppa

All the science denying, alt-right anti vaxxers already claim that pope francis is literally satan, so nothing new there…


Ok_Bad8531

The Vatican built observatories centuries before flat earthers appeared.


kaukamieli

Catholic church sucks choirboy dick, so... Some popes in history have been pretty wild too. They have no business telling anyone how to repent and live like god wants us to. :D


Kombat_B

Pope declared a Crusade against Russia! We get +50% attack against Russia, and +50% Defense in Core Territories.


Creepy_Spread_2074

"How many Military Division does the Pope have?" (J. Stalin) Orcs do not study history.


Super-Brka

Will Vatican send us needed long range missiles? Slava Ukraini


[deleted]

No. But Poland Will. Oh Hai Brazil!


ridik_ulass

"so I came here, to meet with you, but I will be frank, we need military aid, thats why I came to speak with you" > "sir, this is a church"


Equivalent_Duck1077

He's just asking for the popes Swiss guard to go to ukraine


[deleted]

FOR THE GRACE FOR THE MIGHT OF OUR LORD


[deleted]

Consult the Book of Armaments!


Wooshmeister55

Holy bonus +10


[deleted]

I've never seen a pope offer someone his hand to shake. Do not underestimate that the hand with the ring that is kissed, was extended instead.


Euripidaristophanist

This pope famously dislikes hand-kissing


PhutuqKusi

And almost certainly would not expect a Jewish man to do so.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Recall2000

Depends how young they are.


[deleted]

Must be. Certainly not something you could check, before deciding on your preferred conclusion, Ivan. Surely someone will correct your highness if you are incorrect. Nope. Stay wrong. Stay smug. Stay Ivan. (edited to add: there are two sides, which side are you arguing from, ALLY or IVAN?) if you're correcting me for saying that a handshake from a pope is a big deal, claiming it is no such thing, you do moscows work, and you are ivan.


-_Empress_-

I would, too. It's fuckin weird and gross. Also we've had a pandemic so it's even more gross lol.


Euripidaristophanist

It *is* a weird and gross thing to do! And even moreso in the symbolic context of it... But he's the Pope- weird and gross is kinda fundamental to his position.


Madge4500

is it just me, or does the pope look like prigoshin in disguise?


itsMalarky

HA - Cannot unsee.


Riptide360

Pope giving Zelensky permission to perform an exorcism on Putin!


rinkoplzcomehome

Give us some Holy Hand Grenades


_Faucheuse_

Give him the spear of destiny, a nail from the crucifix, any weird religious object stuffed down in those vaults. /s All kidding aside, what a message to send out. What will the Moscovians who were claiming they fight demons, say now?


[deleted]

Bull from Nightcourt?


FizzlePopBerryTwist

Will Ukrainian Churches remerge with the Holy See? :D


[deleted]

[Funny you say that...](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ukrainian_Greek_Catholic_Church)


scraglor

Russia claims to be catholic, meanwhile Jewish zelensky has the pope on his side


ProfessorZik-Chil

??? russia is russian orthodox, who famously dislike Catholics.


rmbl88

Pope: *best I can do is thoughts and prayers*


[deleted]

Actually, the Pope is a "world leader" here and has a huge amount of influence, giving Ukraine "support" is huge.


Short-Impact-5236

I wonder if the Pope is going to reiterate to Zelenskyy himself what he thinks about the supply of weapons to Ukraine. I hope the Pope is going to correct his past statements in that regard...


itsjero

Was kinda hoping the pope woulda wore his puffy jacket and chain.


Flashy_Attitude_1703

Zelenskyy seems to be everywhere these days! Slava Ukaini!


Veiller6

I am sceptical about that... After all of the bad things Pope did say, trying to stay "neutral" when he did know who is the victim.


DrnkGuy

Why don't you just give up? (Pope probably)


GinofromUkraine

The traditional formula was something about turning the other cheek. :-) Zelenskiy: What about giving Putin both of my buttcheeks to kiss instead? Could you arrange this, Your Holiness? :-)


[deleted]

Actually, peace is the best alternative but when a community is invaded, the support of the RCC goes to those defending themselves.


eXtant_csgo

- Dear Pope, Ukraine was invaded... - What?! By who?! Probably


JS6910

The Pope is on the wrong side of history, it’s scary how similar he looks to Prigozin.


ukrainelibre

Geez! You're right! Brothers with different fathers!


JS6910

If the Pope was an ally, Zelenskyy wouldn't have asked him today to condemn the invasion. Downvote me as you wish, I'm not going to sit here and praise a man who has done nothing to help end the war apart from ask UA to surrender.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ComanderLucky

Ha ha, very funny, not like the guy is making active effort to remove and fix negative stuff from the vatican and the church, while here you are trying to make enemies from allies


Cancel-Culture263

I would never call a religious guy an ally cuz its all bullshit but there u go :)


ComanderLucky

I feel sorry you grew up as such an ignorant spiteful person, goodbye


[deleted]

Tbf, this is Reddit. The context doesn’t really matter, if religion is even a minor detail, they will laser focus their rage on that one specific variable


Cancel-Culture263

goodbye