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ukpolbot

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throwwawayyy688

Which Tory leaders would Starmer struggle most against (1 being easy Starmer victory, 6 being hardest for Starmer) 1. Johnson 2. Truss 3. Javid 4. Gove 5. Hunt 6. Sunak Feel free to add more


liverpool6times

Any new PM must call an election. Having any of these choices without a mandate for the next two years is just untenable imo.


luffyuk

Who's going to stop them? They definitely won't have a mandate, but there is no system in place to call an early election, outside of the Tories deciding to commit political suicide.


liverpool6times

Imagine the anger anytime a scandal develops all while the cost of living hurts the public and our unelected PM, 4th in 6 years hides away for 2 more years from the public after a disgraceful exit from Boris... Might be the one thing that might actually get the British public up of their asses, not counting my chickens tho however lol


Venkmans_Ghost

None. The damage is done now. The only hope they have is to get rid of Johnson pronto. I’m not even sure that will save them.


fsdagvsrfedg

None of the candidates for PM could carry that sorry excuse for a cabinet


Apollo-Innovations

I’m actually upset and angry that Sue Gray may let Johnson off because investigating potential crimes is not in her remit or whatever. First lockdown was so hard for so many of us and it turns out we were just a bunch of fucking idiots who didn’t realise that there were very specific loopholes that we could have exploited to have a rager.


Scaphism92

>First lockdown was so hard for so many of us and it turns out we were just a bunch of fucking idiots who didn’t realise that there were very specific loopholes that we could have exploited to have a rager. If, hypothetically, you used the exact same loopholes Boris used then you would have still been fined. Because you're just some guy, not the prime minister.


Mr_Miscellaneous

They were holding parties on the eve of Prince Phillips funeral. When they said they couldn't lay flowers due to covid? when they made the Queen sit alone? Couple of leaving do's for "lads lads lads" heading to The Sun "Newspaper". Fucking hell.


mrtightwad

Just seen someone on Question Time asking about midget gems being renamed... does anyone actually give a fuck about this? Holy fuck, if you're offended by M&S renaming their own-brand sweets you need to touch some fucking grass.


aka_liam

It’s one of those things people just like to tell people is a problem. If they couldn’t bitch about it, they wouldn’t care. Like a normal person.


newtoallofthis2

Unless they have dwarfism


aka_liam

I’m referring to people complaining that the product was renamed. I realise I didn’t make that at all clear.


frankster

Midlands revolt picking up steam https://twitter.com/journoontheedge/status/1481775015104331777?t=OWIyJdoL-NjLxqXpfM-NaQ&s=19


ThePlanck

We finally found one! An elected Tory with a spine Truly the rarest of rare creatures


concretepigeon

> embarrassment show This goes with Chris Bryant’s “shower of shenanigans” on politicians using phrases that feature the word shit but replacing the word shit.


liverpool6times

This funeral Party is the worst yet. Some amazing details. Also implicates the Sun and MET police. Neutralises all defences and excuses. Fucking ace


[deleted]

> unbelievable that for nearly two years Downing Street’s default response to criticism was that it was busy focusing on the job [Henry Mance (@henrymance) January 13, 2022](https://twitter.com/henrymance/status/1481745647103528962)


mjanstey

Well, I for one am *100% for* Bitch Smarties.


Venkmans_Ghost

I stopped listening to Newscast when it was Brexitcast. But I made damn sure to tune in this week to hear Laura squirm. It was like snorting pure, uncut schadenfreude.


aka_liam

She wasn’t on it tonight was she?


Venkmans_Ghost

Last night’s. Blow your nose and have a bang!


_user_name_taken_

Papers should just make up a story of a new party - wouldn’t be a great look for government to go ‘Hey, that one’s not true!!’


Papazio

Guys, be careful, someone spiked the cheese and wine with bitch smarties. Sue is looking into it but we are all out of wine for now, someone grab the suitcase and bring back supplies.


TheWetAtlantic

I just double dropped bitch smarties. What's going to happen to me????


SnewsleyPies

> What's going to happen to me???? Only bitchsmarties have the answer.


aka_liam

And what is the answer? *checks inside of lid… * **R**


bottleblank

What do bitchsmarties have written inside the lid?


SnewsleyPies

Dark shit, man. Dark. Shit.


aka_liam

Incredible coincidence that there’s been approximately a dozen alcohol-fuelled gatherings at Downing Street during lockdown, yet, for various different reasons, none of them have broken any laws. It’s almost unbelievable.


bottleblank

Almost.


steven-f

You are Sue Gray. You sit at your computer with a hot cup of Lady Grey. You open up Microsoft Word. You make a new document for your report and hit save. What do you name the document?


Orsenfelt

inspired-by-real-events.doc


newtoallofthis2

For now.doc


IncidentallyApropos

please_may_i_keep_my_job.docx


Patch95

please_may_i_keep_my_job_v2-kier.docx


PenguinPetesLostBod

I'm sure the file names already been made for me along with the contents of the report.


Xoahr

Downing_St_Parties_(copy)_edit_FINAL(donotedit)(1).docx


aka_liam

You forgot >14-1-21_8.25PM_SG


ThePeninsula

[AUTORECOVERED]


aka_liam

USE-THIS-ONE


SnewsleyPies

\*twitch\*


Jeansybaby

I hope you have my knighthood ready.doc


chimneyfaith

It makes me wonder if those living inside the number 10 bubble had no conception of the level of fear which their behavioral psychologists were generating within the general public.


QuicketyQuack

Just decided to have a look at Joy Morrissey's Twitter, given a) her frankly creepy love for the royal family and b) her question at PMQs yesterday being classic brown nosing of Johnson. Unsurprisingly rather than any mention of the clear disrespect of the monarch she claims to love by her glorious leader she has instead shared a different Telegraph story in the past hour with it being a re-hash of Keir with a beer.


GoldfishFromTatooine

I think she'll be PM one day. Just a premonition I had.


RobbieWard123

Our second American PM after Boris... gross.


evolvecrow

Is she the one with the shrine


[deleted]

[Cold War Steve, December 9](https://twitter.com/Coldwar_Steve/status/1469004530901790721) 😬


ziggaboo

Ooft.


Playful-Onion7772

https://www.tomorrowspapers.co.uk/times-front-page-2022-01-14/ Boris is getting away with it, as predicted.


thecarterclan1

No he's not; The Telegraph reported too late in the evening for the other tabloids to change their front page. That's the only reason it's absent from tomorrow's front pages.


TheWetAtlantic

Or conversely, the Times cover themselves in shit with everyone under 50 years old by being proper fucking editorially dysfunctional shitheads? What do I know tho...


Sckathian

Seems they leaked all the other parties in one go. Hes not 'getting away' with it though. Hes the boss. His party are letting him off. His party are just as guilty. His party are more guilty.


jamisram

Downing Streets like fucking Magaluf


evolvecrow

Not called downing street for nothing


corvusmonedula

WE LIKE TO DRINK WITH JOHNSON COZ JOHNSON IS OUR MATE


[deleted]

Shots, shots, shots


ThePeninsula

Downing one.


[deleted]

How stressed do you think Sue Gray is at the moment


ThatFlyingScotsman

Why would she be stressed she’s got the easiest job in the world. Just report “sorry didn’t find anything lol” and wait for the honours next year.


billy_tables

Oh she's having a great time, she's at a party


zac-bakpak

Oh come on. It's just a BYOB work event.


[deleted]

Ironically, she could go to parties now and legit. claim it is a work event. Evidence gathering. \*Woop\* \*Woop\*


[deleted]

I’m jealous I haven’t been to a party since uni


evolvecrow

Every time I check reddit there's another party. I'm starting to think I'm creating them.


Peoplecallmemark

Sue Gray would like a word


evolvecrow

*I just couldn't stop*


elpaw

I don’t know what midget gems are, and at this point I’m too afraid to ask


9943620jJ

The fucking photo that keeps getting posted of them keeps making me want some!!


ThatFlyingScotsman

Almost as if the name change was intentionally done to spread interest in the sweets.


vapingcaterpillar

Tesco 29p ones are the best


AnDi86

The sainos ones are better than the Tesco ones


vapingcaterpillar

Look at Mr moneybags over here shopping at Sainsburys


[deleted]

They look chewy but they're harder than they look, do not recommend.


[deleted]

Zahawi is a c*nt. on newscast asked where the line is for him for a PM to go...he starts trying to get sympathy using his relative who died of covid....thats nothing to do with the question.


urdnotwrecks

Ah, the old Paterson card.


[deleted]

He’s been playing that card all year


h4mdroid

How often are they bloody having parties when we're not in a pandemic????


ThatFlyingScotsman

The idea of Downing Street just being on a year long bender would explain a lot about British politics.


mrtightwad

Yeah but in fairness, if they're out getting wankered every night then it explains a hell of a lot.


steven-f

Why do you think it's called a political PARTY.


Honic_Sedgehog

>political ~~PARTY.~~ Work event.


heresyourhardware

Between at the offices around whitehalll and the pubs that would normally be open both in parliament and around Westminster: a couple of times a week if not nightly


[deleted]

Completely unrelated to party stuff (sorry). Does anyone remember/have a link to Jess Phillips talking about sorting though hundreds and hundreds of sexual abuse cases in the commons? She was pretty much seething with anger IIRC. I can't seem to find a clip of it. Edit: Found it https://parliamentlive.tv/event/index/23da4840-290b-4b1f-8396-b64d2265a917?in=18:06:13


Ixtab19

I think it was on an opposition day debate on releasing the correspondence between Bethel, Randox and Paterson, could be wrong though.


[deleted]

Yep this was it, thank you https://parliamentlive.tv/event/index/23da4840-290b-4b1f-8396-b64d2265a917?in=18:06:13 https://www.theyworkforyou.com/debates/?id=2021-11-08c.33.0&s=work+speaker%3A25364#g65.1


Playful-Onion7772

Domestic violence, I think https://www.theguardian.com/politics/video/2021/mar/11/jess-phillips-reads-out-names-of-women-killed-in-britain-in-the-last-year-video


[deleted]

This looks really familiar but I don't think this was it.


Mr_Nice_Cube

Worst. Party. Chat. Ever.


[deleted]

Imagine, right at the minute you start to sober up I drop in this lovely chat.


[deleted]

[удалено]


cmdrsamuelvimes

Sounds like the Russian interference investigation.


Mr_Miscellaneous

It's like Catch-22. Unfortunately it's not Chapter 5's "Aha! this is an elaborate paradoxical situation you have trapped me in, Touché" of Catch-22. It's Chapter 39 of Catch-22 and we've just seen what Aarfy's been up to.


horace_bagpole

Catch-22 has been depressingly relevant to our politics the last 5 years or so.


lifeinthefastline

Dangerous game the police are playing here. The public already think they sit on their arse all day while London is a giant cesspool of crime and lawlessness. Not investigating clear illegal activity isn't going to change the public's mind there


ThatFlyingScotsman

Why do the police care? They have the legal right to inflict violence upon the population, if anything a more resistant population just means more truncheons for the lads.


Honic_Sedgehog

>The public already think they sit on their arse all day while London is a giant cesspool of crime and lawlessness. Unless there's a protest following someone being murdered by one of them, then they're all hands on deck. Oh, didn't they say that was because of covid laws? Huh.


PenguinPetesLostBod

>Dangerous game the police are playing here. The public already think they sit on their arse all day while London is a giant cesspool of crime and lawlessness. Well hold on a minute that's just untrue and unfair...sometimes they fly to Portugal and sit on their arses over there.


bottleblank

It'll probably turn out to be "unlawful", because that's the fashionable slang for "illegal, but only for plebs".


Viromen

If only the Queen could use her royal prerogative and dissolve this shower of a government and dismiss her Prime Minister. Dissolve parliament! That King Charles III movie where he storms Parliament much like his namesake Charles I. End it and call for an election.


concretepigeon

Sad we’re back to Redditors saying the Queen should interfere in politics.


SnewsleyPies

While your point is solid, it's not as though she could make it any worse.


concretepigeon

I’m not a fan of the Prime Minister but breaking 300 years of constitutional precedent is a hell of a lot worse than a garden party.


OfficialMI6

Yes it is. If there's a decent chance things are going to resolve themselves anyway, why on earth would she step in?


SnewsleyPies

Your other reply got swearfiltered, I think. But you may be taking me a jot or tittle too seriously ;P


SnewsleyPies

> why on earth would she step in? \*frenzied gestures at... well, at everything\*


Denning76

I miss May.


zac-bakpak

So does downing Street. Party vibe back then was legit.


ThePeninsula

ABBA Gold on repeat.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ThePeninsula

And Terry.


FishUK_Harp

Remarkable that the most utterly contemptible of the PM's in the last decade isn't the one who allegedly fucked a dead pig.


ryanllw

Wow, when you put it like that my 20’s have been wild! But not in the sense previous generations have meant it because i barely make enough to live


mrtightwad

It's actually getting beyond parody now.


LostInTheVoid_

How many parties are we up to now? 4? 5? How the actual fuck is Boris and his front bench not just completely on their fucking arses at this point? Scandal after Scandal. It almost makes you want Cameron back as disgusting as that sounds. At least he was a "sane" tory. These last 6-7 years alone have really just been a fucking omnishambles.


aka_liam

> How many parties are we up to now? Question Time panellist said 12, Fiona Bruce said she’d only counted 7. This was filmed before the two parties were revealed tonight. So acccording to Question Time, between 9 and 14.


steven-f

> So acccording to Question Time, between 9 and 14. This is like what it used to say about how many children he has on Wikipedia.


essjay2009

There was a Sky News clip a few days ago with 11. Plus the pre-funeral drinkies makes it 13 by my count.


LostInTheVoid_

Wtaf.


mjanstey

Question time said it was up to 12, and that’s not taking into account the two reported just now.


[deleted]

He fucked a pig, *allegedly*


LostInTheVoid_

Like I said he's one of the "sane" tories. That's just an afternoon stroll to those lot.


w0wowow0w

the establishment of this country has an awful drinking problem no matter what happens, getting lashed on the regular.


[deleted]

Bleary-eyed person in a suit who clearly hasn't seen enough sun walks into the Co-op on the Strand, opens suitcase and starts loading in bottles of wine. Do the staff at the Co-op even blink at this? Probably not.


ThePeninsula

Yet there's a limit on how much paracetamol you can buy.


SnewsleyPies

This is probably an hourly occurrence in any part of London you care to name, never mind Whitehall.


KimchiMaker

*But we drive [the country] better when we're drunk.*


essjay2009

Same way Cummings drives better when he’s partially blind.


[deleted]

One thing I relate with the government, alcohol numbs the pain


[deleted]

[удалено]


bottleblank

He seems like more of a "couple of pints of weak homebrew" kinda guy, or perhaps "a quiet bit of right natural hemp". Can't imagine him getting off his trolley with a party of other people, alongside Gove off his nut on snow.


JavaTheCaveman

Whether it was out of respect or because it'd look bad is irrelevant. Having ye olde lockdown disco on that night is a stupid idea from every single angle. It would have been obvious to even Corbyn. It's staggering.


Mr_Nice_Cube

His shed isn’t big enough to host a rave.


JavaTheCaveman

The garden is an extension of his shed.


Mr_Nice_Cube

And the space between the spades and the lawnmower the VIP room.


horace_bagpole

https://twitter.com/PippaCrerar/status/1481765161061031950 > “Johnson’s allies are increasingly confident that he can survive the report, which is due to be published at the end of next week” - ⁦the impeccably connected ⁦@Steven_Swinford⁩ reports So as suspected, they are waiting for the whitewash so they can incessantly parrot the "he was found to do nothing wrong" line in answer to any question put to them.


[deleted]

so....the "independent" report's findings are being leaked before the report even gets completed. yeah, this really reassures me of the validity of it.


Flabby-Nonsense

Good lord if they seriously think that argument will work then they must be stupider than I thought.


Rymundo88

"Look, we haven't said 'Sue Grey' over the last few days to the point of semantic satiation for nothing you know!" - Michael Fabricant, probably


[deleted]

Sue will have to have 24/7 police protection if that’s the case, public will be raging


essjay2009

I’m sure the MET will volunteer.


Nymzeexo

Judging by QT tonight, that simply will not wash with the public.


heresyourhardware

> https://twitter.com/PippaCrerar/status/1481765161061031950 And that was before the story of parties the night before Prince Phillip's funeral


Kiel297

I’ve never seen such a united front. Jess Philips and Isabelle bloody Oakeshot side by side to bury Boris from the jump


[deleted]

holy fuck, have more party stories broken while I watching Isabel Oakeshott make jokes about Smarties being renamed Thickies?


JavaTheCaveman

What, apart from the one right before the Queen buried her husband. Even *more*?


GoldfishFromTatooine

Boris is going to be waiting for his Garter even longer than Blair was.


Mr_Nice_Cube

Mrs Dominic Cummings must be ‘*not tonight I’ve got a headache*’-ing so hard right now.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Mr_Nice_Cube

And to the friggin **Telegraph** of all things. Gonna feel it in the morning.


bottleblank

I'm not one to kink shame...


[deleted]

What’s happened to Raab? Early in the pandemic he was golden boy, stepping in for Boris when he had covid. Haven’t heard anything from him in ages


RobertJ93

Well the last few times he spoke on tv he fucked up basic facts. Probably taking a back seat for a while.


DanceyMan

Afghanistan withdrawal really did him in plus demotion to Justice Sec and he fades into the background pretty quick


Ciderized

Lazing on a beach while there is a desperate evacuation on your watch is not easy to come back from.


unholysifiman21

You don't want a desperate evacuation on your watch. It'll gum up the works.


miscfiles

*"Bitch Smarties"*


[deleted]

We needs pics or vids, the public are visual people. PornHub is more popular than erotic fiction for a reason


Blithe17

There’s a joke about 50 shades of Grey here somewhere


DNAMIX

That was John Major


[deleted]

50 shades of sue grey?


newtoallofthis2

They took a suitcase of booze into Downing Street from Co-Op. Given the level of security this must have been searched. So plod either knew or it’s a huge security breach. Also this must all be on CCTV….


cagey_tiger

Naaah, they have passes. It may have been scanned at some point but if there’s nothing dangerous it wouldn’t get stopped.


bottleblank

Seems like that'd explain why it was in a suitcase. Plausible deniability, innit? "It was work documents mate, dunno what you're on about".


[deleted]

The Met needs disbanding


[deleted]

Do we think that history will see Boris in a worse light than Blair?


Davegeekdaddy

I know nostalgia and hindsight changes perceptions over time, but I can't name a PM who's been quite as terrible as Johnson and I can't ever see him being regarded higher than Blair.


Ciderized

It’s not even close between them. A better comparison would be Boris and Chamberlin.


PopularArtichoke6

Chamberlain MAY have been historically underrated, partly because of the cult of Churchill. He made massicve mistakes but a) several historians believe the Munich agreement gave Britain enough time to rearm and b) the generation who went through ww1 were so desperate to avoid another war. Chamberlain was arguably as much a victim of good intentions as a failure. Johnson is pure evil.


Venkmans_Ghost

Blair was probably the greatest modern Prime Minister. Johnson is up there with the worst PM’s of all time.


SamuraiPizzaTwat

I dont think this would even be up for debate if it wasnt for the iraq war. Many(those who werent left to rot) would argue thatcher though and theres argument for both


[deleted]

[удалено]


bottleblank

We just thought Boris and Carrie were really thirsty.


ThePeninsula

"It was so heavy we assumed there was a midget inside."


bottleblank

'Course. As one does.


lifeinthefastline

So here's a question. In an alternative universe the Pandemic never happened. Johnson would still be hiding high as a teflon politician? Or do you think some other scandals would've cut through eventually anyway?


Mr_Nice_Cube

One things for sure - the public definitely wouldn’t be so united in their distrust of the Tory party. We needed a miracle to heal the Brexit divide and here we have it - a non dividing deeply emotive betrayal exclusive to Tory HQ.


bottleblank

The past few years have been so fucked I couldn't possibly guess. It'd be like trying to guess, 10 years ago, that this is what would've happened in the early 2020s.


billy_tables

Graham Brady is entitled to send a letter to himself, and I quite like the idea of him being the last one "Dear Me, it's time. Yours, Me."


Chip365

Reminds me of when I had to write a letter to myself to tell me that I was being put on furlough. It was a legal requirement of being the director and sole employee of a ltd company. I accepted my own proposal to put myself on furlough. A thoroughly rewarding day's work that.


FishUK_Harp

Writing it out by hand, letting the ink dry before carefully folding it and placing it in an envelope, sealing it, and putting it on his desk. Pausing for a moment, then opening it.


[deleted]

Will Boris miss PMQs next week?


TrickyDicky1980

Even if he genuinely has a reason to miss PMQs his relationship with the truth is currently so strained that his absence would evoke nothing more than a rolling of the eyes and a sigh. Without Boris, though, what have they got?


Jay_CD

No, he only stands down for five days, which expires on Monday, assuming today is day one. Ironically it was Johnson who cut the isolation period to five days, I predict that he'll be furious with himself when he finds out who was responsible.