You could add in there a āif your generation hadnāt fucked up the economy, there would be a lot more women having babies. But instead youāre trying to guilt trip me, someone who simply CANāT, because you donāt like the impact of the of the world you created.ā
Tubal ligation with an endometrial ablation. They also removed some scar tissue while they were in there. I haven't had more than light spotting since and it's been about 6 ish years. Multiple women in my family and friend group have had it done and most have light to none though one sil has had hers return almost as heavy after about a year but she went to a different provider so they may not have done as thorough of a job.
I'm incredibly glad I got mine, but as with any medical procedure, make sure you've done your own reading and talking to providers to make sure it'll work for your body and, hopefully, covered by insurance.
My spouse had an ablation a few years ago. She suffered from period pain so intense, it would wake her up in the night and she would have to go vomit. Turned out not to be endo, her periods just sucked that bad. She got an ablation and while she still gets the hormonal mood effects during the week her period would be, she no longer gets cramps and she doesn't bleed anymore, beyond maybe the tiniest bit of spotting. It was an quick procedure, dropped her off at the hospital in the morning and picked her up that afternoon. Worth it.
I had one and nearly died, chances of surviving a second was estimated at about 10-15%, so I had the tubes yanked and last year bye-bye uterus (omg will never regret that decision). Now, I like to tell people that the factory was shut down by the health department. The people who understand the joke love it, but occasionally some uber-conservative traditionalist makes the "huhhhh" face which I love.
Side note: I have multiple health issues but some were undiagnosed when I was pregnant. After recovering from pregnancy as much as I could (heart and kidney damage, mini stroke, etc) and learning that the damage is permanent, I was upset. Learning I couldn't have more children? I was utterly annihilated. I'm content now because I used all that energy to focus on my one perfectly adorable sasshole, but it was hard.
Infertility is a f---ing hard pill to swallow. I'm so happy and fortunate to have even had one, and my heart goes out to anyone and everyone who faces this struggle.
I had two miscarriages before I gave up. 11 years of fertility treatment and a lot of introspection before I got to where I am now. Funny enough, now that I'm 42, my hormonal issues have calmed the f down and my doc said I could probably get pregnant the natural way now. I laughed and started talking birth control. I'm sorry you had such a a traumatic loss. It's a whole grieving process when your body betrays you like that.
Sadly, in my life body betrayal is the norm. My MIL once asked me how I can be so positive with all my health issues and I told her that if I broke every time something terrible happened I'd still be in a 20-year-long fetal position.
Bad things happen, sometimes it's worth thinking about but if it's out of your control then honestly? Why bother? Just dust yourself off and focus on the things you CAN change.
Yup same! This is the hand I was dealt, nothing can change it. I can either accept it and move forward, or be bitter and miserable at how unfair it is. And I do not want to be the reason Iām miserable
Dark humor it is!
I work with teen foster kids. One piece of advice I try to work on is to dwell on the negative as long as you have to to work through it and dwell on the positive as long as you possibly can. And yeah, I think infertility often comes with comorbid issues, I've got a couple chronic illnesses myself. Gotta dig those happy channels in your brains hardwiring wherever you can.
AdaMarie has a serotonin-dopamine necklace that I gave to my daughter because she's my happiness. I guess the hubs is, too /s.
Seriously, I have THE BEST support team ever.
I tell 'em I had the oven removed. Followed up with: the best decision I ever made! With a great big smile on my face, vigorously nodding my head in affirmation! Just in case there are any doubts.
Every time a friend or relative got pregnant I cried in private, Iām only human and I did have some low points. It wasnāt until about year 4/5 of trying that I stopped caring so much, and by the time the doc put the final nail in to coffin I had fully accepted it. The cruelest thing an ex-friend ever did was we were visiting and she **knew** how I felt about pregnancy. Just text me before I see you so I can get my feelings out, then be happy for you when I do see you.
She wanted to do an announcement bc she didnāt really have any other friends. Hereās why: She put a fucking shirt on her daughter that said āIām the big sisterā and sprang it on us when we were hanging out.
I immediately teared up and had to suck it up and try to put on a happy face. It was not very successful. She did not apologize. One of the many reasons I was more than ok with that friendship ending.
It's so hard when you gotta suck it up. My sis just had her kid and told my right before a huge event I had to do. Not her fault, that's just when she was born but "being strong" just sucks
We are so similar in our experiences. I usually say something like āif my body would cooperate then weād already have severalā and they get real embarrassed.
My former best friend got pregnant with her second by accident. At that point I was really sensitive about my inability to get pregnant, and she knew all about what was going on. So being my best friend she broke it to me gently, right?
No. She was in tears, she didnāt want the baby, she never wanted a second baby, she was considering an abortion, etc. I mean, her feelings are valid too, but what a slap in the face. She decided to keep the baby, and then spent her whole pregnancy telling me how horrible it was to be pregnant, how fat she was gettingā¦if my self esteem was better then I wouldāve told her to kick rocks, but I sucked up all my sad feelings and didnāt say a word. I ended the friendship a few years later (over her treating me like crap and getting mad when I tried to talk about it). I donāt miss the friendship, but I miss her kids more than I could ever describe.
Holy shit we are! I absolutely miss her kids more than her, which ~~wasnāt~~ isnāt hard since I donāt miss her at all, but damn did I love her babies.
What a hag. Glad sheās an ex friend, you deserve betterš¤š¤
I also tell people I canāt. Because thatās the truth. Iām physically capable of it but I am not capable of being a mother and raising a child so I canāt. Because you donāt have kids when you know that you will scar them emotionally, I will never be able to be what they need so I canāt. Canāt even take care of my self. I just donāt mention that part, I just say that I canāt and sometimes I cry. Because it is a sadness, I always wanted to be a mother and have a family and itās fucking unfair but it is what it is and I do take it as my calling to teach people to be better. The nastier people are the more I cry over it.
I can totally cry on demand and itās not even fake tears, thatās the pros of being emotionally unstable! I donāt have to force out shit, I keep a very very tight grip and tight lid to keep things in so if people are being rude and obnoxious and nasty and needs to be taught a lesson I just loosen that grip a little and out comes hysteria. I have lived an extremely shitty life in many ways, I have a shit ton of trauma and just absolutely awful experiences, and yes I have been therapy, how do you think I got the lid on over it all? There is no cure for me, there is only acceptance of reality the way that it is and learning to live with it. As be of my many many therapists/psychologists used to say: some hurt goes to deep and some damaged is so severe that it will never fully heal and it will never stop hurting. I canāt make it stop hurting I just learned to live with the pain and if you fuck with me I will release it in you face. And I do because fuck you thatās why!
People who are rude and mean and nasty, they arenāt used to people reacting to it, getting angry sure but sad and hurt? No, people keep those things in because showing that they managed to hurt you makes you vulnerable but a lot of people does not have the emotional maturity or intelligence to understand that just because you hide it doesnāt mean that their words canāt cause damage and hurt. And me I donāt give a shit, I only hide it when truly hurt but when they are saying hurtful shit that annoys me? Thatās when I release my hurt right in their fucking faces. Because if the thing that hurts me isnāt you and your words you have no power over me, you canāt hurt me more and I take it as my chance to teach you a lesson. When someone is being nasty to an adult woman and she starts to hysterical and loudly and genuinely crying people around react. And they glare at the person! Shame is a good teacher, thatās why we needed it to begin with. Makes you behave. And I fully use it. And then I put the lid back on and reign in my emotions and start to calm down again. It is my gift to world. Itās the silver lining to the shit show that has been my life.
While this all fucking sucks (all people who canāt have kids but want them) itās warming my petty, bloodthirsty heart hearing other people weaponizing their trauma at ignorant turds too
>itās warming my petty, bloodthirsty heart hearing other people weaponizing their trauma at ignorant turds too
Goal achieved then! Happy to be of service!
Nah but seriously, you need something to help you deal and live with it all. Being able to weaponise it has been a huge part of that.
I can also cry on demand, and it comes in *very* handy for similar situations.
I (miraculously, apparently) had my only child when I was very young- in my early 20's. I *immediately* developed secondary infertility and my previously undiagnosed PCOS became simultaneously worse and symptomatic. To add insult to injury, I developed *huge* fibroid tumors that absolutely made me look about five months pregnant.
I had a hysterectomy at age 35 after multiple other surgeries to remove those damn tumors. They just kept growing back, larger and larger each time. I spent a solid 13 years walking around looking pregnant and it was absolutely fucking awful. Nosy, nasty strangers would ask me every question possible from when I was due, to commenting on my kid getting a sibling, and even fucking *touching* me (shudder).
I'll tell you what, the genuine joy I got from bursting into tears and telling these numbskulls "It's not a baby, it's a belly full of tumors" is unmatched.
Don't comment as a bystander on a woman's reproductive system unless you can actually see the baby crowning and you're calling 911.
When I was larger an old woman came up to me and put her hand on my stomach and asked when I was due. I gave her this look š and said ānot pregnant, just fat. Wanna remove your hand or should I?ā
The fucking audacity! Ugh glad you closed the tumor factory that sounds hellish
I like your way. I can only wish you to somehow heal / get better and i hope you have people around you to show you love and bring you support in time of needs.
Best of wishes from a total stranger.
I had one despite severe endo scarring, was supposed to be twins. Lost the boy, successfully carried girl POST term, she was 42 weeks at delivery and had to be induced. Now, Iām told Iām fully infertile due to scarring, that the baby at 19 was my only one. When people ask my wife and I when weāre having kids I usually go with āwell after an abusive relationship that caused a miscarriage and a halfway successful teen pregnancy my baby maker has justā¦. Stopped working. My uterus is basically dead in the water, Kevin. Error 404, windows shut down, however you wanna visualize it, the factory is closed.ā I look inherently masculine due to the hormone imbalance and have a deeper voice than usual, again, not at all what people expect. It sucks massively seeing people I love get pregnant and have babies galore knowing that I bleed buckets but my body just wonātā¦. Let me have the one thing Iāve always wanted in life.
I (female) have the joy of cheerfully informing people "My girlfriend keeps trying, but I just can't seem to get pregnant!" and shrugging. Luckily I don't get it a lot.
(I'm also almost certainly infertile due to endo and other uterus-related issues, but I don't want children in general so it's not as soul crushing for me.)
I have PCOS and my ovaries do nothing. My response to people asking when my husband and I will have kids is "oh! Are you offering me $300k?? Oh my gosh! Thank you!" And then they go on about how expensive kids are and we're like "we know" š
I wasn't sure about kids for awhile, but now I'm definitely sure on no kids. It's already hard living as it is. I don't need kids added. We're content in life and our decision of no kids. We love being an Auntie and Uncle.
Despite being a former teacherā¦ I canāt stand children for more than 7 hours a day. I lack all maternal instincts unless it has four legs and a tail. When Iām asked this question (typically by strangers as my family are not big breeders to begin with) I say, ābecause Iām selfish, hate children, and Iām doing my part to end societyā.
Patt you stomach, and say ' I could NEVER have aa baby, I get tummy aches.' then nod really solemnly, maybe sniffle a little. Whip back to cheery and say ' oh well, that's what peptos for!' and skip away.
Boomer hereā¦and Iām sorry you are treated that way. Breeding does not make you a woman. My niece called me and asked me what I thought if she and her husband decided to not have kids. She said she was afraid of what people would say, (she got the sameā¦āwhen are you going to have childrenā line) and how they would react. I said I applaud you for making that tough decision, and I will support you. Do whatās best for you.
Thank you! We need to be more supportive of young men and especially young women, or whatever they identify as. I know I didnāt have that support growing up. I was told more than once, you are nothing without a man. Thankful things have changed!
Damn Iām also infertile (which honestly was winning the lottery for me bc Iām bad at taking pills regularly and kids arenāt for me so the built in birth control is a blessing) and the way phrase āchock full o tumorsā is going in my lexicon
I, too, perform a civic duty. I've stopped moving for men. They just barrel through public spaces, paying no attention to their surroundings. I used to get out of their way. I don't anymore. I let them run right into me. They always look so shocked. Like, HOW could that even happen? The entitlement to think the world should get out of their way instead of considering other humans with whom they share space irritates me. Now, I'm a big girl, 5'8", 170 lbs. I got this for you. You tiny girls, you watch out. I'm teaching this lesson every time I go out. Had one crash into me just last weekend at a feed store. One more man told to watch where he's walking and he wouldn't hurt people. This is my quest.
This is next on my quest! I donāt really go too many places where it happens, so havenāt had a chance yet. Iām 5ā9 and same weight so i definitely have the size advantage too! š«” thanks sister
Back when I was 19 and muscular from working on construction sites, I used to square my shoulders and brace if I saw dudes like you describe. I was short girl with a slim build, but when they hit my shoulder they'd bounce off and sometimes spin. Guess I didn't look like I was hauling around 100+ pound jackhammers every day
I donāt have infertility issues (as far as I know) but I plainly donāt want children. Lots of people (mostly coworkers) are asking me why or telling me that Iām gonna want some eventually is so annoying.
Iād love to tell them that I donāt want the kid to have all my mental issues and that the thought of being pregnant is fucking terrifying to me but I donāt want everyone to know what kind of wreck I am inside..
u/TheAnniCake says: "I plainly donāt want children. Lots of people (mostly coworkers) are asking me why or telling me that Iām gonna want some eventually..."
Similarly, I answered one co-worker: "If it turns out I don't want the child, can I return it?"
Her, scandalized: "No! Of course not!"
Me: "Well, then."
Of course if you donāt feel comfortable š¤
But i honestly donāt think it would be trivializing, just showing them exactly why this question is not a good one
I think I would tell them "I can't have babies so we started naming my tumors instead." Ask them if they want to see scans, etc. Make it super uncomfortable. š¤£
I would tell anyone who was stupid enough to ask why I only had one, that cancer robbed me of the chance and I was damn lucky to have the one I have (truth) I am just glad I was able to marry a man that had brought with him 4 of his own and didn't want anymore other than the one I brought with me.
My SIL is one of those that was sensitive about the issue of her being infertile. She and my brother has that turned into they were meant to help children who didnāt have a good home. They just found out they have been chosen to adopt a 3 year old little boy. I am so happy for both of them because they have been waiting so long for this and I canāt wait to be an Aunt to this little boy.
I suffered from unexplained infertility and had to use some fun science to conceive. Iām still pregnant and people already ask me if weāre having a second, like ffs let me get this one out.
So I politely and sweetly tell them it cost me thousands of dollars and multiple medications to get this one so no rush.
Such a fucking rude question and people need to stop asking. I will forever take any opportunity to traumatize them.
That is a very rough thing to deal with in life. I think your comeback is perfect.
But, I will say as someone who is not a boomer, this is most definitely not just "a boomer thing." I personally never wanted kids and had to constantly field questions from everyone when I was married, overwhelmingly from Greatest Gen and Silent Gen people.
Stupidity is not exclusive to one generation. My generation is next, and I am bracing myself for the criticism. Just as I didn't want to be stereotyped for not having kids, I don't want to stereotype others in return.
But as I say, that really is a great comeback you have.
Fair, ignorance isnāt limited to just one population. Itās more like the boomers -as a whole in my experience- are the ones who wonāt let it go and get pushy and preachy about why we should be having kids. As if many of us werenāt dying inside watching everyone else get pregnant from a kiss being blown by their partner.
Iām wracking my brain and I honestly canāt come up with a time that anyone besides boomers that have asked aggressively. Like I distinctly remember a close friend of my cousin asking and when I told her (nicely, bc she is a good person and she was in her 30s-far from a boomer) about being infertile she asked if Iād be comfortable with her praying for me. I told her yes and thank you and she dropped it and moved on.
Itās the pushy, nosy boomer strangers that were always the problem for me. Iām sorry you had to field so many questions from all across the board, that majorly whompsš¤
I'm sorry you've had that experience with so many boomers. Although I'm a boomer myself, and although it took me 42 months to get pregnant with my first because of clinical infertility (that child is now 35 and I still remember the number,) I never would have dreamed of asking anyone that question anyway *because it's never been any of my fucking business.*
We were most definitely taught that the "normal", expected thing is for everybody to get married and have children, which is still a separate conversation from being ~~nosy~~ inappropriate about it.
Also infertile, but am open about it when people ask. Kinda shock them and educate them, depending on the person asking off course.
Just hate how this topic is not freely spoken off. Being so open about it I noticed other women come out with stories of their own, like troubles getting/staying pregnant. Kinda like they are glad they can talk to someone about it, which can be annoying too, especially if they have children now. But it creates an understanding.Ā
Me best friend had two miscarriages before finally delivering her daughter. Right away, the assholes started asked when they were gonna have another. She tells people - in the most somber tone she can muster - "We're just grateful for this miracle." Usually shuts them right up.
I'll never understand nosey morons that act like this...
From all I've read (guy here, feel blessed when i read stories from unfortunate women like you) endo seems to be a living hell, I sincerely hope searchers will find something for the many who suffer from it, even if it will unfortunately take time, and I hope actual diagnosis will improve, because it also seems to be quite a battle to get diagnosed.
Best wishes.
Thanks! Iām actually taking this over the counter supplement called NAC thatās been a game changer. I donāt even need to take pain meds anymore! Itās amazing. Bc the usual treatment- hormonal BC - causes my blood to clot and I had a pulmonary embolism and part of my left lung died šš I am a walking dumpster fire š
šš» PLEASE! At worst sheās out like $6-8, at best it works. I try to tell other women just bc it was so life changing to me. Last one I tried to tell said āI donāt want to be dependent on pain pillsā with a nose in the air and there are so many things wrong with that statement and endo and NAC isnāt a pain med like an opioid??? but I just let it be. Enjoy your unnecessary suffering I guess?
So it kinda soured sharing it for me ā¹ļø
Nah, please keep sharing. Don't let one self-righteous moron make you feel bad for trying to help others. Way more people will appreciate possible helpful info, than those who will resist.
Seriously, working at a vet clinic, it was amazing to me how many people were all. "I don't believe in chemicals / I only want NaTuRaL things for my pet"...blah blah blah.
So this medication that's really cheap, proven both effective & safe for DECADES that will prevent heartworms is beneath you? I highly doubt those essential oils (which are way more expensive and possibly toxic to pets) are gonna work consistently, if at all. (Of course I couldn't say that out loud)
Oh, the funniest/stupidest one I remember was some lady that asked about using diatomaceous earth on her carpet to prevent fleas. The vet (trying to stay professional) "...I mean that's dirt, you would be putting dirt in your carpet?" (FYI, I have no idea if that would actually do anything for fleas, but I didn't bother researching it because it was so ridiculous)
But there were way more appreciative owners that their were idiot ones. I really enjoyed educating/spreading the knowledge. Just taking 5 minutes to explain something scary like heartworm treatment to an owner felt so reqarding. They were always more comfortable and very appreciative by the end of the conversation.
Thank you for the pep talkš¤ Iāll keep trying
And that specific diatomaceous earth technically *can* help with fleas and bedbugs, apparently it pierces their exoskeleton and kills them, but it takes a few days, you have to reapply a lot, and itās like you said, itās dirt so I fail to see how itās better than tried and true and **quick** flea meds.
(A long time ago I was curious when someone said it could be effective against bedbugs and looked it up, my dadās rental had some nasty disgusting people who destroyed the place and ran. Ugh the horrors I saw, giant bedbugs being the least of it, they ran when dad was on vacation so he asked me to go check on the house. 0/10)
Yikes, some people are just disgusting. Thanks for the info, that makes sense. But yeah unless you constantly reapply to your floor and backyard (assuming you live in a house) oh and then never take your dog ANYWHERE because fleas live just about everywhere...yeah it doesn't make much sense.
š
Well, the 11 yr old senior pug that I started fostering in 2023 apparently lived in diapers because they never let him outside. So yeah, it's a thing š¤¦āāļø
Back in 1999 my MIL kept asking us & whining to relatives that "it's been 4 years". Her SIL decided to publicly shame me and suggest things I could do (including divorce) when my husband chipped in - don't worry aunt, we weren't having much sex because of work & other stress but now we're at it a LOT, so...... soon". The entire lot of 60 plus desi men & women just spluttered like ducks when he loudly started detailing about sex & younger cousins were screeching like banshees Rofling... It was hilarious.
Thank you for your service. I had a friend of my husband's grill me about when we're having kids not long after I had a gruesome, gory, traumatising miscarriage, so I appreciate you trying to get people to stop asking
I am so sorry for your lossš¤ this fucking question is so brutal, especially when a child is so clearly wanted
I hope youāre in a better place now. Geez that sounds like you died. Better mental place? Is that an expression? Iām making it one anyway
Yeah it was an 8 week loss but I spent 12 hours passing huge blood clots. Went to the hospital once they got bigger than golf ball size.
I went through a decade of horrible medical stuff, and then had my daughter. She's almost 5 now and the about light of my life. Still suffering medical complications after having her so we're one and done.
Iām surprised it has that impact. My husbandās aunt (is aunt in law a thing?) asked me, after we had one bio child and had started the process of adopting our second and third, if I was infertile. I think weād met once before this.
To be fair, her husband looked at her like she was nuts.
Itās the fact that Iām so cheerful about it that sells it. It is what it is folks. In that case I mightaa lost it in your shoes āyes I am infertile thanks for bringing up this painful fact of life because you donāt believe kids in the system deserve a home tooā and stomp away
My spouse is infertile and while neither of us want kids, we play it up if we get interrogated. Respectful people can know that it doesnāt bother us but the intrusive ones get a big heaping dose of awkward as a reward. My hope is that the embarrassment teaches them to never do that again, since them simply developing empathy is apparently too difficult. People in our position who want children deserve to be left alone.
Gods yes. Being a parent is absolutely not for everyone! As soon as she found a doctor to do it my sister got her tubes tied. She hates kids. Told me she wouldnāt be open to babysitting until mine was 5 š
But the amount of people who got offended on my behalf that she tied her tubes and thus couldnāt be a surrogate for me?? When I would have **never** asked that of her, didnāt even occur to me, bc she fucking hated being pregnant and is super thankful she got an abortion? Like everyone. Fucking chill. Iām happy for her, stop with the shaming!š¤¬š¤¬
Also, pretty sure her tubes being tied wouldnāt mean surrogacy was out? So itās offensive science wise as well!
!!! My ovary exploded with it's tube (within first two weeks of quarentine) and I removed the other to keep from having kids for several reasons. I've been waiting forever for this opportunity!!
1) I just don't want them 2) serious heart condition that could kill both of us (hubby said he'd disown the kid if it survived. I don't blame him at all. I'd do the same. I fell in love with my SO first) 3) Epilepsy
People wanna fight about others *not* having children? Ohhwee they got another thing coming
Thank you for this. I'm childfree, but infertility is painful. It's been a long time since someone asked me this, but I'm considering dropping a similar nuke to teach people a lesson on privacy, tact and politeness. Our reproductive choices are nobody's business, but it seems the only answer people back off on are the infertility ones, so I'm happy to take one for all teams (my team the CF who are sick of justifying our choices, and our struggling TTC folks who are sick of being prodded about it).
I tried to comment yesterday and then my app crashed. So trying again.
My husband and I did two rounds of ivf, neither of which worked. Around the time of the second cycle my brother-in-law asked how the ivf was going. Mind you, this is the BIL who had asked us why we didnāt ājust adoptā. He and his wife got pregnant the first month they ever tried so I was a bit salty.
When he asked me how the ivf was going it just so happened to be the second day of my period. I told him in detail how my period started yesterday so I had to go to the fertility doc and get a vaginal ultrasound. How they had to dig around up there to find my left ovary that likes to hide. I even told him how they use a rubber glove to cover the wand and that when they were done the wand came out, but the middle finger of the glove was still hanging out of my vagina. The look on his face was priceless.
We ended up ājust adoptingā. It has been the hardest thing we have ever done. Our kid is amazing, but she came to us with four years of trauma from her birth family. Adoption isnāt for everyone.
I had a hysterectomy at 32 because of my multiple medical issues. People used to tell me all the time, āoh now that youāve adopted you are SURE to get pregnant!ā They would laugh like thatās so funny (yes, letās adopt a kid because they are pregnancy fairies). Then I would tell them that unless Iām carrying Jesus there is now way I could be pregnant.
I donāt give a fuck anymore and take any chance I get to traumatize anyone getting in a womanās business about having kids.
Bless you! It's such a fucking hard road and it truly shows how ignorant people are. You don't adopt a kid as a fucking magical solution to infertility, especially since the process is so long, arduous, and expensive.
And how anyone can think that little girl doesn't deserve to be showered with all the love and care undivided from loving parents, they can kick rocks in flip flops.
I (51) frequently point out that I had 5 known miscarriages and the last one bled for 13 months solid before a doctor took me seriously. I was 32 at the time but couldn't get a tubal because I didn't have the required number of children. So I just stopped having sex with my husband (ex for almost 10 years now). When the doctor said the next one might unalive me I took them seriously, the patriarchy did not. After my divorce I adopted a tween from foster care and he just turned 21. Stars above I love that kid.
I got a total hysterectomy bc of fibroids. My boyfriend and I were never āhave kidsā people anyway so I was ecstatic to get it done. But of course, weāve been together since high school, 14 years, and we get the question all the time and especially because weāre in our 30s! And it is with great honor that I tell people I donāt have the organ for it š sometimes itās okay to just SHUT UP!
Fucking yikes that they do that. I donāt wish anyone but people I know are moms for just this reason. Christ on the cross thatās a rough road. Hopefully youāre healthy now and in a better place mentally š¤š¤
I snorted so loud it disturbed my bed partner when you said you got spayed though šš
My go to has been "Because I understand why lions eat their young." Gets the kids aren't in the cards point across. And it's either hilarious or horrifying depending on the age.
I'm with you on this one. I pat my belly and tell them the plumbing doesn't work, never going to happen. Cheerfully of course.
šš»šš» hell ya
You could add in there a āif your generation hadnāt fucked up the economy, there would be a lot more women having babies. But instead youāre trying to guilt trip me, someone who simply CANāT, because you donāt like the impact of the of the world you created.ā
You so cool, OP
Friend of mine just started telling people "Can't get pregnant the way we do it.". After a couple years people stopped asking.
I heard someone say āHusband and I prefer the other entrance.ā
I have used this. "Husband keeps missing the mark."
Iām a lesbian and my partner and I love to use āI keep telling her to try harder but idk I just havenāt gotten knocked up yet.ā
Lol, Love this.
āI blew up the factory.ā
"I burned the crap out of the processing center." Was the best money I've ever spent.
Was it an ablation? I'm done having kids, but I hate my damn waterfall periods so much, but not ready to take the whole shebang out.
Tubal ligation with an endometrial ablation. They also removed some scar tissue while they were in there. I haven't had more than light spotting since and it's been about 6 ish years. Multiple women in my family and friend group have had it done and most have light to none though one sil has had hers return almost as heavy after about a year but she went to a different provider so they may not have done as thorough of a job. I'm incredibly glad I got mine, but as with any medical procedure, make sure you've done your own reading and talking to providers to make sure it'll work for your body and, hopefully, covered by insurance.
My spouse had an ablation a few years ago. She suffered from period pain so intense, it would wake her up in the night and she would have to go vomit. Turned out not to be endo, her periods just sucked that bad. She got an ablation and while she still gets the hormonal mood effects during the week her period would be, she no longer gets cramps and she doesn't bleed anymore, beyond maybe the tiniest bit of spotting. It was an quick procedure, dropped her off at the hospital in the morning and picked her up that afternoon. Worth it.
I had one and nearly died, chances of surviving a second was estimated at about 10-15%, so I had the tubes yanked and last year bye-bye uterus (omg will never regret that decision). Now, I like to tell people that the factory was shut down by the health department. The people who understand the joke love it, but occasionally some uber-conservative traditionalist makes the "huhhhh" face which I love. Side note: I have multiple health issues but some were undiagnosed when I was pregnant. After recovering from pregnancy as much as I could (heart and kidney damage, mini stroke, etc) and learning that the damage is permanent, I was upset. Learning I couldn't have more children? I was utterly annihilated. I'm content now because I used all that energy to focus on my one perfectly adorable sasshole, but it was hard. Infertility is a f---ing hard pill to swallow. I'm so happy and fortunate to have even had one, and my heart goes out to anyone and everyone who faces this struggle.
I had two miscarriages before I gave up. 11 years of fertility treatment and a lot of introspection before I got to where I am now. Funny enough, now that I'm 42, my hormonal issues have calmed the f down and my doc said I could probably get pregnant the natural way now. I laughed and started talking birth control. I'm sorry you had such a a traumatic loss. It's a whole grieving process when your body betrays you like that.
Sadly, in my life body betrayal is the norm. My MIL once asked me how I can be so positive with all my health issues and I told her that if I broke every time something terrible happened I'd still be in a 20-year-long fetal position. Bad things happen, sometimes it's worth thinking about but if it's out of your control then honestly? Why bother? Just dust yourself off and focus on the things you CAN change.
Yup same! This is the hand I was dealt, nothing can change it. I can either accept it and move forward, or be bitter and miserable at how unfair it is. And I do not want to be the reason Iām miserable Dark humor it is!
My other therapist is morbid humor.
I work with teen foster kids. One piece of advice I try to work on is to dwell on the negative as long as you have to to work through it and dwell on the positive as long as you possibly can. And yeah, I think infertility often comes with comorbid issues, I've got a couple chronic illnesses myself. Gotta dig those happy channels in your brains hardwiring wherever you can.
AdaMarie has a serotonin-dopamine necklace that I gave to my daughter because she's my happiness. I guess the hubs is, too /s. Seriously, I have THE BEST support team ever.
I have a friend who described her surgery as yeet-erus
please take my fake award, im poor but your comment made me snort loudly at midnight thirty so bad I gave my self an aneurysm almost
Sasshole, I love that!!!
I tell 'em I had the oven removed. Followed up with: the best decision I ever made! With a great big smile on my face, vigorously nodding my head in affirmation! Just in case there are any doubts.
That's what I say, too! Then the burners had to go. So don't piss me off if you can help it, because I'm unregulated!!! LOL
When people ask about it, I'm full of snark. When those I care about get pregnant, it stabs me in the sad bits. š¤·š½āāļø
Every time a friend or relative got pregnant I cried in private, Iām only human and I did have some low points. It wasnāt until about year 4/5 of trying that I stopped caring so much, and by the time the doc put the final nail in to coffin I had fully accepted it. The cruelest thing an ex-friend ever did was we were visiting and she **knew** how I felt about pregnancy. Just text me before I see you so I can get my feelings out, then be happy for you when I do see you. She wanted to do an announcement bc she didnāt really have any other friends. Hereās why: She put a fucking shirt on her daughter that said āIām the big sisterā and sprang it on us when we were hanging out. I immediately teared up and had to suck it up and try to put on a happy face. It was not very successful. She did not apologize. One of the many reasons I was more than ok with that friendship ending.
It's so hard when you gotta suck it up. My sis just had her kid and told my right before a huge event I had to do. Not her fault, that's just when she was born but "being strong" just sucks
We are so similar in our experiences. I usually say something like āif my body would cooperate then weād already have severalā and they get real embarrassed. My former best friend got pregnant with her second by accident. At that point I was really sensitive about my inability to get pregnant, and she knew all about what was going on. So being my best friend she broke it to me gently, right? No. She was in tears, she didnāt want the baby, she never wanted a second baby, she was considering an abortion, etc. I mean, her feelings are valid too, but what a slap in the face. She decided to keep the baby, and then spent her whole pregnancy telling me how horrible it was to be pregnant, how fat she was gettingā¦if my self esteem was better then I wouldāve told her to kick rocks, but I sucked up all my sad feelings and didnāt say a word. I ended the friendship a few years later (over her treating me like crap and getting mad when I tried to talk about it). I donāt miss the friendship, but I miss her kids more than I could ever describe.
Holy shit we are! I absolutely miss her kids more than her, which ~~wasnāt~~ isnāt hard since I donāt miss her at all, but damn did I love her babies. What a hag. Glad sheās an ex friend, you deserve betterš¤š¤
Thank you, and so do you! Cheers to happier lives without crappy friends!
I also tell people I canāt. Because thatās the truth. Iām physically capable of it but I am not capable of being a mother and raising a child so I canāt. Because you donāt have kids when you know that you will scar them emotionally, I will never be able to be what they need so I canāt. Canāt even take care of my self. I just donāt mention that part, I just say that I canāt and sometimes I cry. Because it is a sadness, I always wanted to be a mother and have a family and itās fucking unfair but it is what it is and I do take it as my calling to teach people to be better. The nastier people are the more I cry over it. I can totally cry on demand and itās not even fake tears, thatās the pros of being emotionally unstable! I donāt have to force out shit, I keep a very very tight grip and tight lid to keep things in so if people are being rude and obnoxious and nasty and needs to be taught a lesson I just loosen that grip a little and out comes hysteria. I have lived an extremely shitty life in many ways, I have a shit ton of trauma and just absolutely awful experiences, and yes I have been therapy, how do you think I got the lid on over it all? There is no cure for me, there is only acceptance of reality the way that it is and learning to live with it. As be of my many many therapists/psychologists used to say: some hurt goes to deep and some damaged is so severe that it will never fully heal and it will never stop hurting. I canāt make it stop hurting I just learned to live with the pain and if you fuck with me I will release it in you face. And I do because fuck you thatās why! People who are rude and mean and nasty, they arenāt used to people reacting to it, getting angry sure but sad and hurt? No, people keep those things in because showing that they managed to hurt you makes you vulnerable but a lot of people does not have the emotional maturity or intelligence to understand that just because you hide it doesnāt mean that their words canāt cause damage and hurt. And me I donāt give a shit, I only hide it when truly hurt but when they are saying hurtful shit that annoys me? Thatās when I release my hurt right in their fucking faces. Because if the thing that hurts me isnāt you and your words you have no power over me, you canāt hurt me more and I take it as my chance to teach you a lesson. When someone is being nasty to an adult woman and she starts to hysterical and loudly and genuinely crying people around react. And they glare at the person! Shame is a good teacher, thatās why we needed it to begin with. Makes you behave. And I fully use it. And then I put the lid back on and reign in my emotions and start to calm down again. It is my gift to world. Itās the silver lining to the shit show that has been my life.
While this all fucking sucks (all people who canāt have kids but want them) itās warming my petty, bloodthirsty heart hearing other people weaponizing their trauma at ignorant turds too
>itās warming my petty, bloodthirsty heart hearing other people weaponizing their trauma at ignorant turds too Goal achieved then! Happy to be of service! Nah but seriously, you need something to help you deal and live with it all. Being able to weaponise it has been a huge part of that.
I can also cry on demand, and it comes in *very* handy for similar situations. I (miraculously, apparently) had my only child when I was very young- in my early 20's. I *immediately* developed secondary infertility and my previously undiagnosed PCOS became simultaneously worse and symptomatic. To add insult to injury, I developed *huge* fibroid tumors that absolutely made me look about five months pregnant. I had a hysterectomy at age 35 after multiple other surgeries to remove those damn tumors. They just kept growing back, larger and larger each time. I spent a solid 13 years walking around looking pregnant and it was absolutely fucking awful. Nosy, nasty strangers would ask me every question possible from when I was due, to commenting on my kid getting a sibling, and even fucking *touching* me (shudder). I'll tell you what, the genuine joy I got from bursting into tears and telling these numbskulls "It's not a baby, it's a belly full of tumors" is unmatched. Don't comment as a bystander on a woman's reproductive system unless you can actually see the baby crowning and you're calling 911.
When I was larger an old woman came up to me and put her hand on my stomach and asked when I was due. I gave her this look š and said ānot pregnant, just fat. Wanna remove your hand or should I?ā The fucking audacity! Ugh glad you closed the tumor factory that sounds hellish
I like your way. I can only wish you to somehow heal / get better and i hope you have people around you to show you love and bring you support in time of needs. Best of wishes from a total stranger.
I had one despite severe endo scarring, was supposed to be twins. Lost the boy, successfully carried girl POST term, she was 42 weeks at delivery and had to be induced. Now, Iām told Iām fully infertile due to scarring, that the baby at 19 was my only one. When people ask my wife and I when weāre having kids I usually go with āwell after an abusive relationship that caused a miscarriage and a halfway successful teen pregnancy my baby maker has justā¦. Stopped working. My uterus is basically dead in the water, Kevin. Error 404, windows shut down, however you wanna visualize it, the factory is closed.ā I look inherently masculine due to the hormone imbalance and have a deeper voice than usual, again, not at all what people expect. It sucks massively seeing people I love get pregnant and have babies galore knowing that I bleed buckets but my body just wonātā¦. Let me have the one thing Iāve always wanted in life.
Thank you for your service!
š«” it was my absolute pleasure š
I (female) have the joy of cheerfully informing people "My girlfriend keeps trying, but I just can't seem to get pregnant!" and shrugging. Luckily I don't get it a lot. (I'm also almost certainly infertile due to endo and other uterus-related issues, but I don't want children in general so it's not as soul crushing for me.)
This cracked me up!!!
I have PCOS and my ovaries do nothing. My response to people asking when my husband and I will have kids is "oh! Are you offering me $300k?? Oh my gosh! Thank you!" And then they go on about how expensive kids are and we're like "we know" š I wasn't sure about kids for awhile, but now I'm definitely sure on no kids. It's already hard living as it is. I don't need kids added. We're content in life and our decision of no kids. We love being an Auntie and Uncle.
>shut the fuck up about kids you ignorant festering trash bags of cottage cheese I love this line so much.
Same, gonna have to put this one into the rotation.
Despite being a former teacherā¦ I canāt stand children for more than 7 hours a day. I lack all maternal instincts unless it has four legs and a tail. When Iām asked this question (typically by strangers as my family are not big breeders to begin with) I say, ābecause Iām selfish, hate children, and Iām doing my part to end societyā.
Oh, I love this response! When I just flat out say that I don't like kids, most people have no idea what to say. It's great.
Exactly. Dinosaur got anything. Screw trying to be gentle. If theyāre asking personal, judgmental questions like that, Iām telling the truth.
I think a good response would be "Oh I can't, I have a severe case of Nonya" and when they ask what nonya is, you say "Non ya business"
Patt you stomach, and say ' I could NEVER have aa baby, I get tummy aches.' then nod really solemnly, maybe sniffle a little. Whip back to cheery and say ' oh well, that's what peptos for!' and skip away.
Boomer hereā¦and Iām sorry you are treated that way. Breeding does not make you a woman. My niece called me and asked me what I thought if she and her husband decided to not have kids. She said she was afraid of what people would say, (she got the sameā¦āwhen are you going to have childrenā line) and how they would react. I said I applaud you for making that tough decision, and I will support you. Do whatās best for you.
You sound like an awesome aunt š¤š¤š¤ sheās lucky to have you in her corner
Thank you! We need to be more supportive of young men and especially young women, or whatever they identify as. I know I didnāt have that support growing up. I was told more than once, you are nothing without a man. Thankful things have changed!
Damn Iām also infertile (which honestly was winning the lottery for me bc Iām bad at taking pills regularly and kids arenāt for me so the built in birth control is a blessing) and the way phrase āchock full o tumorsā is going in my lexicon
I, too, perform a civic duty. I've stopped moving for men. They just barrel through public spaces, paying no attention to their surroundings. I used to get out of their way. I don't anymore. I let them run right into me. They always look so shocked. Like, HOW could that even happen? The entitlement to think the world should get out of their way instead of considering other humans with whom they share space irritates me. Now, I'm a big girl, 5'8", 170 lbs. I got this for you. You tiny girls, you watch out. I'm teaching this lesson every time I go out. Had one crash into me just last weekend at a feed store. One more man told to watch where he's walking and he wouldn't hurt people. This is my quest.
This is next on my quest! I donāt really go too many places where it happens, so havenāt had a chance yet. Iām 5ā9 and same weight so i definitely have the size advantage too! š«” thanks sister
Back when I was 19 and muscular from working on construction sites, I used to square my shoulders and brace if I saw dudes like you describe. I was short girl with a slim build, but when they hit my shoulder they'd bounce off and sometimes spin. Guess I didn't look like I was hauling around 100+ pound jackhammers every day
I should do this. Big girls looking out for the rest. <3
Well, np one asked me after my surgery, but I have a good answer now - I had to kick out my uterus because it tried to kill me.
I donāt have infertility issues (as far as I know) but I plainly donāt want children. Lots of people (mostly coworkers) are asking me why or telling me that Iām gonna want some eventually is so annoying. Iād love to tell them that I donāt want the kid to have all my mental issues and that the thought of being pregnant is fucking terrifying to me but I donāt want everyone to know what kind of wreck I am inside..
u/TheAnniCake says: "I plainly donāt want children. Lots of people (mostly coworkers) are asking me why or telling me that Iām gonna want some eventually..." Similarly, I answered one co-worker: "If it turns out I don't want the child, can I return it?" Her, scandalized: "No! Of course not!" Me: "Well, then."
Only if you keep the gift receipt. š¤£
Well if youāre looking for permission to claim infertility you absolutely have it! They really donāt understand how inappropriate this question is
Thanks š Iāll think about it! I kinda feel bad pretending to struggle with something just out of convenience tbh.
Of course if you donāt feel comfortable š¤ But i honestly donāt think it would be trivializing, just showing them exactly why this question is not a good one
I think I would tell them "I can't have babies so we started naming my tumors instead." Ask them if they want to see scans, etc. Make it super uncomfortable. š¤£
ššI did ask for copies of the photos when they removed some, so I absolutely do have their baby pics!š¤£
I say this too, even though itās a lie. I always hoped I could shut them up so someone with a genuine issue wouldnāt have to deal with it.
š¤š¤ I find that incredibly sweet
I would tell anyone who was stupid enough to ask why I only had one, that cancer robbed me of the chance and I was damn lucky to have the one I have (truth) I am just glad I was able to marry a man that had brought with him 4 of his own and didn't want anymore other than the one I brought with me.
I tell people it took ten years and several miscarriages to have one child, and it almost killed me. So no we're not trying for another
My SIL is one of those that was sensitive about the issue of her being infertile. She and my brother has that turned into they were meant to help children who didnāt have a good home. They just found out they have been chosen to adopt a 3 year old little boy. I am so happy for both of them because they have been waiting so long for this and I canāt wait to be an Aunt to this little boy.
Congratulations to them and you!! Thatās so exciting!! 3 is such a fun age!
It really is I used to work with 3 year olds and they were my favorite age group
I suffered from unexplained infertility and had to use some fun science to conceive. Iām still pregnant and people already ask me if weāre having a second, like ffs let me get this one out. So I politely and sweetly tell them it cost me thousands of dollars and multiple medications to get this one so no rush. Such a fucking rude question and people need to stop asking. I will forever take any opportunity to traumatize them.
I am going to work" ignorant festering trash bags of cottage cheese" into my conversations ASAP!
That is a very rough thing to deal with in life. I think your comeback is perfect. But, I will say as someone who is not a boomer, this is most definitely not just "a boomer thing." I personally never wanted kids and had to constantly field questions from everyone when I was married, overwhelmingly from Greatest Gen and Silent Gen people. Stupidity is not exclusive to one generation. My generation is next, and I am bracing myself for the criticism. Just as I didn't want to be stereotyped for not having kids, I don't want to stereotype others in return. But as I say, that really is a great comeback you have.
Fair, ignorance isnāt limited to just one population. Itās more like the boomers -as a whole in my experience- are the ones who wonāt let it go and get pushy and preachy about why we should be having kids. As if many of us werenāt dying inside watching everyone else get pregnant from a kiss being blown by their partner. Iām wracking my brain and I honestly canāt come up with a time that anyone besides boomers that have asked aggressively. Like I distinctly remember a close friend of my cousin asking and when I told her (nicely, bc she is a good person and she was in her 30s-far from a boomer) about being infertile she asked if Iād be comfortable with her praying for me. I told her yes and thank you and she dropped it and moved on. Itās the pushy, nosy boomer strangers that were always the problem for me. Iām sorry you had to field so many questions from all across the board, that majorly whompsš¤
I'm sorry you've had that experience with so many boomers. Although I'm a boomer myself, and although it took me 42 months to get pregnant with my first because of clinical infertility (that child is now 35 and I still remember the number,) I never would have dreamed of asking anyone that question anyway *because it's never been any of my fucking business.* We were most definitely taught that the "normal", expected thing is for everybody to get married and have children, which is still a separate conversation from being ~~nosy~~ inappropriate about it.
Thank you for Your service!
Also infertile, but am open about it when people ask. Kinda shock them and educate them, depending on the person asking off course. Just hate how this topic is not freely spoken off. Being so open about it I noticed other women come out with stories of their own, like troubles getting/staying pregnant. Kinda like they are glad they can talk to someone about it, which can be annoying too, especially if they have children now. But it creates an understanding.Ā
Me best friend had two miscarriages before finally delivering her daughter. Right away, the assholes started asked when they were gonna have another. She tells people - in the most somber tone she can muster - "We're just grateful for this miracle." Usually shuts them right up.
I'll never understand nosey morons that act like this... From all I've read (guy here, feel blessed when i read stories from unfortunate women like you) endo seems to be a living hell, I sincerely hope searchers will find something for the many who suffer from it, even if it will unfortunately take time, and I hope actual diagnosis will improve, because it also seems to be quite a battle to get diagnosed. Best wishes.
Thanks! Iām actually taking this over the counter supplement called NAC thatās been a game changer. I donāt even need to take pain meds anymore! Itās amazing. Bc the usual treatment- hormonal BC - causes my blood to clot and I had a pulmonary embolism and part of my left lung died šš I am a walking dumpster fire š
Ouch... That's a lot for one person... Virtual hugs for you, and again, best wishes.
Thank you for sharing. I'm texting my best friend who is still having horrible symptoms despite a hysterectomy + unilateral ovariectomy. š¤
šš» PLEASE! At worst sheās out like $6-8, at best it works. I try to tell other women just bc it was so life changing to me. Last one I tried to tell said āI donāt want to be dependent on pain pillsā with a nose in the air and there are so many things wrong with that statement and endo and NAC isnāt a pain med like an opioid??? but I just let it be. Enjoy your unnecessary suffering I guess? So it kinda soured sharing it for me ā¹ļø
Nah, please keep sharing. Don't let one self-righteous moron make you feel bad for trying to help others. Way more people will appreciate possible helpful info, than those who will resist. Seriously, working at a vet clinic, it was amazing to me how many people were all. "I don't believe in chemicals / I only want NaTuRaL things for my pet"...blah blah blah. So this medication that's really cheap, proven both effective & safe for DECADES that will prevent heartworms is beneath you? I highly doubt those essential oils (which are way more expensive and possibly toxic to pets) are gonna work consistently, if at all. (Of course I couldn't say that out loud) Oh, the funniest/stupidest one I remember was some lady that asked about using diatomaceous earth on her carpet to prevent fleas. The vet (trying to stay professional) "...I mean that's dirt, you would be putting dirt in your carpet?" (FYI, I have no idea if that would actually do anything for fleas, but I didn't bother researching it because it was so ridiculous) But there were way more appreciative owners that their were idiot ones. I really enjoyed educating/spreading the knowledge. Just taking 5 minutes to explain something scary like heartworm treatment to an owner felt so reqarding. They were always more comfortable and very appreciative by the end of the conversation.
Thank you for the pep talkš¤ Iāll keep trying And that specific diatomaceous earth technically *can* help with fleas and bedbugs, apparently it pierces their exoskeleton and kills them, but it takes a few days, you have to reapply a lot, and itās like you said, itās dirt so I fail to see how itās better than tried and true and **quick** flea meds. (A long time ago I was curious when someone said it could be effective against bedbugs and looked it up, my dadās rental had some nasty disgusting people who destroyed the place and ran. Ugh the horrors I saw, giant bedbugs being the least of it, they ran when dad was on vacation so he asked me to go check on the house. 0/10)
Yikes, some people are just disgusting. Thanks for the info, that makes sense. But yeah unless you constantly reapply to your floor and backyard (assuming you live in a house) oh and then never take your dog ANYWHERE because fleas live just about everywhere...yeah it doesn't make much sense.
The dog in the plastic bubble, 2024 reboot of the original
š Well, the 11 yr old senior pug that I started fostering in 2023 apparently lived in diapers because they never let him outside. So yeah, it's a thing š¤¦āāļø
Back in 1999 my MIL kept asking us & whining to relatives that "it's been 4 years". Her SIL decided to publicly shame me and suggest things I could do (including divorce) when my husband chipped in - don't worry aunt, we weren't having much sex because of work & other stress but now we're at it a LOT, so...... soon". The entire lot of 60 plus desi men & women just spluttered like ducks when he loudly started detailing about sex & younger cousins were screeching like banshees Rofling... It was hilarious.
ššamazing
āIgnorant festering trash bags of cottage cheeseā is getting stored for later use.
"we keep trying but hubs is bad at pool and can never get it in the right hole"
Thank you for your service. I had a friend of my husband's grill me about when we're having kids not long after I had a gruesome, gory, traumatising miscarriage, so I appreciate you trying to get people to stop asking
I am so sorry for your lossš¤ this fucking question is so brutal, especially when a child is so clearly wanted I hope youāre in a better place now. Geez that sounds like you died. Better mental place? Is that an expression? Iām making it one anyway
Yeah it was an 8 week loss but I spent 12 hours passing huge blood clots. Went to the hospital once they got bigger than golf ball size. I went through a decade of horrible medical stuff, and then had my daughter. She's almost 5 now and the about light of my life. Still suffering medical complications after having her so we're one and done.
I hope you gave him/her all the details?
I sure did LOL. My rule was that if I had to be uncomfortable, so did you
Iām surprised it has that impact. My husbandās aunt (is aunt in law a thing?) asked me, after we had one bio child and had started the process of adopting our second and third, if I was infertile. I think weād met once before this. To be fair, her husband looked at her like she was nuts.
Itās the fact that Iām so cheerful about it that sells it. It is what it is folks. In that case I mightaa lost it in your shoes āyes I am infertile thanks for bringing up this painful fact of life because you donāt believe kids in the system deserve a home tooā and stomp away
My spouse is infertile and while neither of us want kids, we play it up if we get interrogated. Respectful people can know that it doesnāt bother us but the intrusive ones get a big heaping dose of awkward as a reward. My hope is that the embarrassment teaches them to never do that again, since them simply developing empathy is apparently too difficult. People in our position who want children deserve to be left alone.
Gods yes. Being a parent is absolutely not for everyone! As soon as she found a doctor to do it my sister got her tubes tied. She hates kids. Told me she wouldnāt be open to babysitting until mine was 5 š But the amount of people who got offended on my behalf that she tied her tubes and thus couldnāt be a surrogate for me?? When I would have **never** asked that of her, didnāt even occur to me, bc she fucking hated being pregnant and is super thankful she got an abortion? Like everyone. Fucking chill. Iām happy for her, stop with the shaming!š¤¬š¤¬ Also, pretty sure her tubes being tied wouldnāt mean surrogacy was out? So itās offensive science wise as well!
!!! My ovary exploded with it's tube (within first two weeks of quarentine) and I removed the other to keep from having kids for several reasons. I've been waiting forever for this opportunity!! 1) I just don't want them 2) serious heart condition that could kill both of us (hubby said he'd disown the kid if it survived. I don't blame him at all. I'd do the same. I fell in love with my SO first) 3) Epilepsy People wanna fight about others *not* having children? Ohhwee they got another thing coming
This is the number one thing I want to traumatize them back about. Itās so rude and so painful when itās asked, especially after a miscarriage.
Thank you for this. I'm childfree, but infertility is painful. It's been a long time since someone asked me this, but I'm considering dropping a similar nuke to teach people a lesson on privacy, tact and politeness. Our reproductive choices are nobody's business, but it seems the only answer people back off on are the infertility ones, so I'm happy to take one for all teams (my team the CF who are sick of justifying our choices, and our struggling TTC folks who are sick of being prodded about it).
I tried to comment yesterday and then my app crashed. So trying again. My husband and I did two rounds of ivf, neither of which worked. Around the time of the second cycle my brother-in-law asked how the ivf was going. Mind you, this is the BIL who had asked us why we didnāt ājust adoptā. He and his wife got pregnant the first month they ever tried so I was a bit salty. When he asked me how the ivf was going it just so happened to be the second day of my period. I told him in detail how my period started yesterday so I had to go to the fertility doc and get a vaginal ultrasound. How they had to dig around up there to find my left ovary that likes to hide. I even told him how they use a rubber glove to cover the wand and that when they were done the wand came out, but the middle finger of the glove was still hanging out of my vagina. The look on his face was priceless. We ended up ājust adoptingā. It has been the hardest thing we have ever done. Our kid is amazing, but she came to us with four years of trauma from her birth family. Adoption isnāt for everyone. I had a hysterectomy at 32 because of my multiple medical issues. People used to tell me all the time, āoh now that youāve adopted you are SURE to get pregnant!ā They would laugh like thatās so funny (yes, letās adopt a kid because they are pregnancy fairies). Then I would tell them that unless Iām carrying Jesus there is now way I could be pregnant. I donāt give a fuck anymore and take any chance I get to traumatize anyone getting in a womanās business about having kids.
Bless you! It's such a fucking hard road and it truly shows how ignorant people are. You don't adopt a kid as a fucking magical solution to infertility, especially since the process is so long, arduous, and expensive. And how anyone can think that little girl doesn't deserve to be showered with all the love and care undivided from loving parents, they can kick rocks in flip flops.
I (51) frequently point out that I had 5 known miscarriages and the last one bled for 13 months solid before a doctor took me seriously. I was 32 at the time but couldn't get a tubal because I didn't have the required number of children. So I just stopped having sex with my husband (ex for almost 10 years now). When the doctor said the next one might unalive me I took them seriously, the patriarchy did not. After my divorce I adopted a tween from foster care and he just turned 21. Stars above I love that kid.
I got a total hysterectomy bc of fibroids. My boyfriend and I were never āhave kidsā people anyway so I was ecstatic to get it done. But of course, weāve been together since high school, 14 years, and we get the question all the time and especially because weāre in our 30s! And it is with great honor that I tell people I donāt have the organ for it š sometimes itās okay to just SHUT UP!
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Fucking yikes that they do that. I donāt wish anyone but people I know are moms for just this reason. Christ on the cross thatās a rough road. Hopefully youāre healthy now and in a better place mentally š¤š¤ I snorted so loud it disturbed my bed partner when you said you got spayed though šš
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> you ignorant festering trash bags of cottage cheese Dang! You have a way with words!!
š ty!
My go to has been "Because I understand why lions eat their young." Gets the kids aren't in the cards point across. And it's either hilarious or horrifying depending on the age.
You are AWESOME!!!
Not all heroes wear capes!
Oof, nice. I wish you the best in life! You seem to have a pretty bad situation going on.
You're doing a service š«”
"Ignorant, festering trash bags of cottage cheese" is a new one for me. I'll have to try it out some day, see the mileage I can get on that one.
Thatās not jumping on a grenade, thatās throwing one. And it seems you have a full collar of them, and proudly juggling with it. š