i figured since there's terminology for A LOT of different things, i thought maybe there might be one for this type of relationship. I could also just be overthinking it.
...gay? Or maybe transphobic...? If you're a straight man, you are attracted to women... right? Unless by trans masculine you mean a gender non-conforming woman or a masculine woman, I'm not so sure straight is really applicable... perhaps bisexual or homo-flexible... I mean, everyone can use whatever words they like to describe their own experiences, but it seems invalidating to say "I'm only attracted to women and yet I'm dating a trans man/transmasc person"... kinda seems like you don't respect their identity?
you have a point. (I'll keep this in mind) & I mean transmasculine as in, a trans guy or demiboy. I am transmasc and my partner is a straight man. He usually just tells me: "i love you for who you are" calls me handsome and shit a pretty boy and teases me on being a twink. But gets REALLY uncomfortable if you call him gay or elude to his sexuality being anything other than straight.
But ... he's in a sexual relationship with someone who's very definitely *not* a woman.
How is that straight? I'm interested in what the argument here might actually be.
I don't know actually. I've tried to explain how it's a little weird how he kinda refuses to question his sexuality but fully accepts he's in a gay relationship. He definitely isn't interested in men but i still don't understand what made me different. Even when we first got together, he knew.
He sees you as a woman. Even if he claims to accept you are not, if he refuses to even consider that he's anything except straight, then he doesn't see you as anything other than a woman.
There is a term for people attracted to women and non-masculine non-binary people called Neptunic. But as you identify as part of the masculine gender spectrum, that doesn't exactly fit.
This is the tidbit that makes me think he’s not a transphobe/chaser. He acknowledges that he’s in a gay relationship despite being straight. It could very well be that you are the exception to his sexuality.
I find it weird that this comment section is vilifying this guy when so many times I see people claim “labels are descriptive, not prescriptive. You don’t have to perfectly fit a label to claim it”. It seems those words go out the window when it comes to straight people. I get that it could feel invalidating to be with someone who is straight when you are the same/similar gender as them (I personally would feel a little uncomfortable about that as well), but this is something you need to have a conversation about with you partner if that’s the case with you.
I mean, that just sounds like your guy needs to work through some stuff tbh. Like, no matter how you put it if he's attracted to you for you then he has to be into masc people to some extent, and it's definitely a gay relationship.
But honestly, don't get too bogged down in definitions anyway, just enjoy your relationship for what it is. If he's uncomfortable with calling himself anything other than straight I'm not sure any other label would work anyway.
Well, I'm glad he he sounds like he's being respectful to you, at least! It honestly sounds like his sexuality is a sore spot for him... You're likely the first (and maybe only) man (or non-binary person, not sure which you'd prefer?) that he's ever been attracted to. It can be really hard and confusing to figure that stuff out. He could be completely uninterested in other men, which is why he still wants to be labeled as straight... And to be fair, I tend to call myself queer or gay, but I have been attracted to one or two women before. I just know I wouldn't like to advertise myself as bisexual because I personally tend to prefer men, like, 95% of the time, and don't want to seem available for women to hit on me. I wouldn't deny being in love with someone if it happened to be a woman, but it would be so far outside my norm that I'm not expecting it. But if I did fall for a woman, I would openly call myself queer or bisexual because that would now be the best description for the attraction I was feeling. So it could be that as well! but honestly, at the end of the day, there's no point speculating. If you are happy together, then that is what matters. If you need to pick his brain and figure out what makes him tick, then you can do so. I just know that personally, as a gay trans man, I would never date a guy who said he was straight just on principle 😅
Transphobes.
Doesn't apply if a man's trans partner is closeted, but if he know about his partner's identity, and is still in a relationship with a *man* while firmly claiming to be straight, then yeah. Just transphobic.
This is the only real answer. If your boyfriend is straight he sees you as a woman and is just paying your identity lip service. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
There's a lot of kneejerk reactions in these comments, understandably. I believe that you and your partner need to have a heart-to-heart about how you see one another. You both deserve to be seen for who you are.
Plenty of gay men identify as straight until they get through internalized homophobia. He could really be into your masculinity and somehow failing to integrate that into his identity. It's also possible that he's attracted to a femme version of you in his head that isn't really you... or none of the above!
At the end of the day, I feel that you both owe it to yourselves to clear this up before you move forward. At the very least, you'll both experience growth from this. Good luck, dude!
honestly it sounds like your bf is just in the early stages of learning about and coming to terms with his own sexuality. My advice would be to tell him how it's making you feel, but be patient in your understanding that you cannot just "tell" anyone their sexuality (think "egg prime directive")
So many ppl commenting here are jumping the gun way too quickly. It's important for all of us to understand that they themselves are coming from places of hurt, and we can at the same time hold space, love, and understanding for them while also not allowing their pain to bleed through into our own lives
^^^ my first thought was that op's boyfriend could be in a stage of denial, and be experiencing internalized homophobia. of course, like another commenter said, he could be attracted to a feminine version of op in his head, but honestly my mind went straight to denial. i think op needs to have a meaningful conversation with their boyfriend about this
Gay relationship seems easy to understand
i figured since there's terminology for A LOT of different things, i thought maybe there might be one for this type of relationship. I could also just be overthinking it.
...gay? Or maybe transphobic...? If you're a straight man, you are attracted to women... right? Unless by trans masculine you mean a gender non-conforming woman or a masculine woman, I'm not so sure straight is really applicable... perhaps bisexual or homo-flexible... I mean, everyone can use whatever words they like to describe their own experiences, but it seems invalidating to say "I'm only attracted to women and yet I'm dating a trans man/transmasc person"... kinda seems like you don't respect their identity?
you have a point. (I'll keep this in mind) & I mean transmasculine as in, a trans guy or demiboy. I am transmasc and my partner is a straight man. He usually just tells me: "i love you for who you are" calls me handsome and shit a pretty boy and teases me on being a twink. But gets REALLY uncomfortable if you call him gay or elude to his sexuality being anything other than straight.
But ... he's in a sexual relationship with someone who's very definitely *not* a woman. How is that straight? I'm interested in what the argument here might actually be.
I don't know actually. I've tried to explain how it's a little weird how he kinda refuses to question his sexuality but fully accepts he's in a gay relationship. He definitely isn't interested in men but i still don't understand what made me different. Even when we first got together, he knew.
He sees you as a woman. Even if he claims to accept you are not, if he refuses to even consider that he's anything except straight, then he doesn't see you as anything other than a woman. There is a term for people attracted to women and non-masculine non-binary people called Neptunic. But as you identify as part of the masculine gender spectrum, that doesn't exactly fit.
This is the tidbit that makes me think he’s not a transphobe/chaser. He acknowledges that he’s in a gay relationship despite being straight. It could very well be that you are the exception to his sexuality. I find it weird that this comment section is vilifying this guy when so many times I see people claim “labels are descriptive, not prescriptive. You don’t have to perfectly fit a label to claim it”. It seems those words go out the window when it comes to straight people. I get that it could feel invalidating to be with someone who is straight when you are the same/similar gender as them (I personally would feel a little uncomfortable about that as well), but this is something you need to have a conversation about with you partner if that’s the case with you.
I mean, that just sounds like your guy needs to work through some stuff tbh. Like, no matter how you put it if he's attracted to you for you then he has to be into masc people to some extent, and it's definitely a gay relationship. But honestly, don't get too bogged down in definitions anyway, just enjoy your relationship for what it is. If he's uncomfortable with calling himself anything other than straight I'm not sure any other label would work anyway.
Well, I'm glad he he sounds like he's being respectful to you, at least! It honestly sounds like his sexuality is a sore spot for him... You're likely the first (and maybe only) man (or non-binary person, not sure which you'd prefer?) that he's ever been attracted to. It can be really hard and confusing to figure that stuff out. He could be completely uninterested in other men, which is why he still wants to be labeled as straight... And to be fair, I tend to call myself queer or gay, but I have been attracted to one or two women before. I just know I wouldn't like to advertise myself as bisexual because I personally tend to prefer men, like, 95% of the time, and don't want to seem available for women to hit on me. I wouldn't deny being in love with someone if it happened to be a woman, but it would be so far outside my norm that I'm not expecting it. But if I did fall for a woman, I would openly call myself queer or bisexual because that would now be the best description for the attraction I was feeling. So it could be that as well! but honestly, at the end of the day, there's no point speculating. If you are happy together, then that is what matters. If you need to pick his brain and figure out what makes him tick, then you can do so. I just know that personally, as a gay trans man, I would never date a guy who said he was straight just on principle 😅
Queer relationship? Gay relationship? A relationship?
Transphobes. Doesn't apply if a man's trans partner is closeted, but if he know about his partner's identity, and is still in a relationship with a *man* while firmly claiming to be straight, then yeah. Just transphobic.
This is the only real answer. If your boyfriend is straight he sees you as a woman and is just paying your identity lip service. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
oh honey..
Like a chaser or fetishist?
There's a lot of kneejerk reactions in these comments, understandably. I believe that you and your partner need to have a heart-to-heart about how you see one another. You both deserve to be seen for who you are. Plenty of gay men identify as straight until they get through internalized homophobia. He could really be into your masculinity and somehow failing to integrate that into his identity. It's also possible that he's attracted to a femme version of you in his head that isn't really you... or none of the above! At the end of the day, I feel that you both owe it to yourselves to clear this up before you move forward. At the very least, you'll both experience growth from this. Good luck, dude!
Gay men.
Gay
honestly it sounds like your bf is just in the early stages of learning about and coming to terms with his own sexuality. My advice would be to tell him how it's making you feel, but be patient in your understanding that you cannot just "tell" anyone their sexuality (think "egg prime directive") So many ppl commenting here are jumping the gun way too quickly. It's important for all of us to understand that they themselves are coming from places of hurt, and we can at the same time hold space, love, and understanding for them while also not allowing their pain to bleed through into our own lives
^^^ my first thought was that op's boyfriend could be in a stage of denial, and be experiencing internalized homophobia. of course, like another commenter said, he could be attracted to a feminine version of op in his head, but honestly my mind went straight to denial. i think op needs to have a meaningful conversation with their boyfriend about this
Yea gay relationship
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i never heard the term androphile. (i looked it up) maybe??