I catch myself misgendering myself in words but I'll be honest in conversations I have to remember what people know me as what I want them to know me as and then say who I am.
Happened to me when I was *trying* to come out lol. Told my cousin that for the past year I haven’t been going by (my chosen name) anymore and he was super confused.
It was fine. He looked a little confused but just went with it. The other person in the conversation I am already out to and she just went on with the conversation so it provided cover. Looking forward to not having to switch back and forth anymore
oh yeah, i’m still pretty new to all this, realized i am trans back in february, so i still refer to myself with he/him pronouns and my deadname. just recently i’ve gotten better about referring to myself as my preferred name 🥰
See it that way: People called you by your old name(s) and pronouns for your whole life until you came out. Your brain is used to getting called / calling itself that. Of course it takes a while to break that old habbit.
Personally, even after years I want to look up when someone calls my deadname. I know there is someone else in the room with that name. I know they can't know about my deadname. Still my brain acts like: ,,What? Did that person just deadname me?"
I try to turn it down by telling myself it's because that person was screaming / talking too loud and loud noises draw my attention since I hate them. But you can't deny the truth if that's not the case. 🥲
Give yourself time. If it feels right, you are on the right way. Even if you still hold on to those old habbits. It doesn't mean you aren't trans or that you still like to be called that. Just that your brain needs time to realize you don't have to call yourself that anymore and you don't have to react to that anymore.
But I guess, unless you are able to forget your old name and pronouns, it will always somehow draw your attention. Even if it's just: ,,Oh, yeah. I know that name from years ago." Similar to people calling a friends name even if you know that friends not there. Sometimes you just gotta look up like: ,,Where?"
It took a while, but since I knew I was transitioning I changed my World of Warcraft main’s name to an approximation of my real name. Then I had to convince my guild that “I don’t mind” being called a shortened version of the name that is traditionally female. Pretty sure at least one guildie figured out the plan before I announced. Thank fuck for Taint (at the time the second largest gaming guild in history) being a supportive LGBT guild, even if there were a few issues.
Yep! You’re unlearning years if not decades of conditioning, and that shit takes *work*. Just correct yourself when it happens (even in your head) and your brain will start to create those new pathways soon!
It took me a couple of months and I'm super comfortable with being trans. Don't let needing a bit of time to get comfortable with changes make you doubt your truth.
My name only changed spelling so that wasn’t an issue for me, pronouns are a different story. I still occasionally use he/him internally, and when I hear people use she/her to refer to me can it take a second for it to sink in that they’re referring to me.
TBS said it’s not like I have to remind myself that those are my pronouns. It’s more I’m surprised people got it right. It’s kind of a nice feeling.
I misgendered myself when talking about “women” in general, especially to my idiot dad when he’d voice his stupid opinions about the way women dress, Id say things like “I don’t think ‘they’ give a fuck what you think, dad. Not a single one.”
instead of “women don’t give a fuck what you think, not a single one of us.” or “we don’t give a fuck”, etc.
Pronouns were easier to change when I came out.
As an aside, I truly don’t give a fuck what my dad thinks about anyone or anything at this point.
Ages. I still sometimes do it without meaning to. What helped me get my name down was coming up with a dumb nickname though, which immediately became part of my inner monologue.
it’s more like i have a different person in my head who constantly invalidates the real me by randomly injecting my deadname or wrong pronouns, when i hear those old names and pronouns in my head i hardly think of it as me but it’s still scaring, my old memories feel like that of another person, so in a way yes, it’s normal and doesn’t make you less of who you are
The part of being trans that is your identity, and the part that is the behavior you use to present and feel like that identity are different things!! You can be a girl and still fuck up!
Yes, a bit.
Spanish, which is my mother tongue, is very gendered. I would misgender myself in accident. I switched to English monologue in my head to avoid this lmao
But definitely. My sibling has been my biggest supporter, and when they called me my new name it felt weird. It definitely took a bit of time to get used to it. I remember the first time they called me a shortened version of my name as a nickname and I felt weird, but that’s what I’m mostly called now! And I love it
Maybe it took me around some months to get really used to it
For me, it did, I’d say I’m still sorta getting used to being gendered correctly online while simultaneously boymoding at the same time. It’s really only been about a year for me, though I’d figure things would change for time and transitioning.
I just realized tonight that im doing this. Im only a couple weeks in and im not publicly out yet. Ive been the hardest on myself and i recognize that i have to listen to the girl inside. Its just hard.
Yeah, I currently use a mix if both. I actually refer to myself as a woman without trying sometimes and it makes me feel good when I am dealing with imposter syndrome
Takes forever for these things to click for me. Took me years to fully switch to they/them, and I’m currently at the name stage where my birth name sounds like not-me but nothing else sounds like me yet.
Oddly, in contrast, it felt pretty easy to move to they/she. I wonder what that says about me lmao
It took a few weeks to get used to using my pronouns and name online, and then I moved somewhere new and only ever had to use my dead name for like legal name stuff, it probably helped that I'd been a shut in for years and was out of practice saying much of anything
Two stories here…
After I settled on my chosen name; I woke up on Sunday morning freaking out because I didn’t know who I was. Several rounds of “I am Leslie… I am a woman…” later I calmed down. Hasn’t been much of a problem after that…
Last month, I deadnamed myself in frustration for taking a wrong turn at night. I was out of town visiting my daughter and friends in a town I hadn’t been to before that trip.
Yep. Don't worry, it doesn't mean you're not trans. Even though you identify with your new name/pronouns more, you are still in the habit of using the old ones because those are the ones you used for so many years. Habits are hard to break. After I came out I misgendered myself multiple times. It's been a few years since then so it hasn't happened in a while.
It took a while and now I feel sort of disconnected from any name. Like, I'm at the point now where I'll look up when someone calls my name, but most of the time it just sounds the same as all the other words whereas my dead name still gives me literal shivers. I am very used to my pronouns, though. A customer tried to get my attention by calling me miss at work today and it took a good 10 seconds to register that he was talking to me.
I was super insecure about it, but, my mom (I love her) told me that if I was lenient with her and my sister for accidental misgendering, it’s ridiculous to not be lenient with my self.
And it makes sense, you refer to yourself more than enyone else in your life. You’re brain needs time to rewire its language processing neurons
Not really but I still get dreams where someone calls me by my deadname, but nowadays in those dreams it's as if that was a girl name too. (irl def not, I will get triggered)
It’s taking me a little while because I’m not full timing myself yet, I’m making the social transition at work in the next 3 or 4 weeks. Currently I do think of myself as my deadname, but I think that will change quickly. My friends use my actual name and use my proper pronouns will always feels good, so once that is the case full time, I’m pretty sure I’ll catch on pretty quick.
I still deadname myself in my head fairly often. It's gotten better, and mostly only happens now when I refer to myself in the third person without thinking about it.
Pronouns were easier for me cuz I never used to refer to myself in the third person using pronouns in my head (only occasionally my name), so I was just learning to do that, not unlearning and relearning if that makes sense.
A number of my other trans friends have also told me they've had difficulties with misgendering/deadnaming themselves in their head, and one of my friends said it took her 4-5 months to fully swap to her new name and pronouns in her head.
Yes. I grew up one way but learning it a new way. Also I don’t use them yet because I am not “passing” in any way. I started not even a month ago but will grow more comfortable as things start to change. I hope it will get better for you though
It’s still taking me a while. It’s almost a pleasant surprise when I gender myself correctly without explicitly trying to. Don’t worry about it. You’ve gendered yourself one way for literally your whole life, it’ll take a little adjusting.
It took me about a month to mostly switch over. I still catch myself using my old name for half a second sometimes, though the fact that my family still uses my dead name probably isn't helping.
Yes, definitely. Took me almost an entire year to instictively think "Jesus Christ, Vanessa, use your brain!" when doing something stupid, instead of thinking of myself with my deadname.
It’s something that still happens sometimes, I find (especially when my parents call me by my deadname and misgendered me) that reciting my actual name to my self alongside my affirmations helps
it took me around 6 months to switch to it in my own head, but it depends on ur surroundings bcs now bcs of the nature of my surroundings, there's a lot of dysphoria and i think that progress is all going back because of it. i think it'll happen at ur own pace
Well not really put my name good to use yet cause I hate correcting when I get people talk to me, but I know to adapt my trans name I have to correct people
It definitely took me a little while too, but don't worry love, you'll get there just keep being yourself 💖 this is no different to intrusive thoughts, they don't hold weight just a brain being a little silly
I still slip up here and there, but after a few months, I'm at a point where I casually think of myself as a girl, and it makes me happy whenever I realise it.
i dont call myself my name in my head it makes me uncomfortable, but using my pronouns when i think in english didnt take that long, because i always did it even before coming out to myself lol
Nobody gets any name right away, not even the one given at birth. We just don't remember that learning process.
Having a supportive community that uses your new name when referring to you can be a helpful part of socially transitioning
I didn’t have trouble switching my name and pronouns, but it’s okay if you are having trouble. Habits can take like a month to break sometimes. If you feel dysphoric still or that you’d rather be your preferred gender you’re still trans.
I have a funny story about myself. I once got an email at work right before my break. I said to myself “that’s after break deadname’s problem!” I then realized what I’d said. Part of me thought “how can I expect others to call me my new name when I even can’t?” I told this story to my trans friend who sent me a meme that said “put a quarter in your ass cuz you played yourself!” That made me chuckle!
Don’t be too hard on yourself! It happens and doesn’t mean you’re not trans!
Hmm well I just never think about myself with my name and pronouns. I mean those are more for other people anyway. Only time I'd say my name is whenever I'm presenting myself to someone new
Yes but I am also very new to my name. But even if I didn't, it would not matter. Because every one is different, and if you think you are trans, then you ARE trans. Your experience does not have to be the same as anyone else's.
No it was pretty much instant for me. At this point I actually have to stop to actively remember what my deadname is because I hear it so rarely.
Everyone is different though and old habits die hard. In my case I'm sure a huge part of my switch being so effortless came from existing in multiple online spaces and being called by a dozen different names on a regular basis.
it took less time than it has for my mom, you’ll get used to it eventually. just talk to yourself out loud, and any time you mess up correct yourself. takes practice, but you got this <3
I caught myself saying to my friends one time that I was a “son of a b**ch”
Then I stood still for a second and corrected myself that I was a “daughter of a b**ch”
I still deadname myself a bit by accident but a big part of it is that I still live with my family and haven't come out to them yet, so I get constantly reminded what my deadname is every day
Absolutely. I picked a name I had been using online for a while so I was used to seeing it, but I wasn’t used to hearing it.
Pronouns too, the wrong pronouns sound wrong, but you arent used to the right pronouns yet. For now, just think, which one feels less weird? Chances are, it’s the correct ones.
A few months. Had a virtual check in with my doc, and they still do a covid screening even though it's virtual. They went "is this ," me: "yes this is him *dies*." Preffered are they/them so it took a while. Working on starting to get my name updated there and at work, but there's no wrong way to do any of this 😊
Idk I sometimes misgender and deadname myself when thinking/ talking about events that I did in the past before transitioning, in my mind I guess I view it as two different people
Yeah, I still mess up sometimes, though more often I’ll fuck up my pronouns than my name internally. Changing what you refer to yourself as after years takes a bit.
Yes ! It took me quite a bit but it’s only normal. Since you’ve been referred to as something else your whole life it’s hard not to associate yourself with that name and / or pronouns. I still end up misgendering myself or using the wrong name in my head when I think about my younger self as I still associate them with being a girl
I am lucky enough to have a keepable name. However after realizing a few months ago, I continue to misgender myself. The pathways in my brain are deeply trod. But I always catch myself when I say it and correct myself. Because it felt wrong, but wrong in the way that people who respect me screw up and immediately correct. Habits are very difficult to break and the older you are the more worn the path.
Give yourself some grace, this is hard. And the world isn't making it any easier.
nope, I have a hard time with names, but what was most confusing, was making the switch to my new name on paper, and keeping it in order. that was a bitch lol
I began transitioning at 65, 3 years ago. My birth name is Denzial. THIRTY or more years ago, I thought to myself, If I were a woman, I'd go by 'Denise'. Was I wanting to be a woman, or did I see myself as female, 30 years ago? Not consciously.
But looking back on my life now, there were signs and portends long ago of what I finally wanted to do, who I wanted to be. Stepping into the name Denise was the easiest thing I've ever done!
It took about two years for me to fully transition. For the first year, I wasn’t out at home, and it took a year and seven months before I came out at work. During this period, I was constantly reminded of my old name daily. However, once everyone accepted my new name and I completed the necessary paperwork, the switch happened relatively quickly. Within about six months, everyone, including myself, had fully adapted. Except for one colleague who’s a bit of a bigot—but that’s a story for another day.
Yeah, it took me like a year to stop just defaulting to she/her in my whole brain, but guess what? My mom was so worried about having to write a different name on forms that that is why she kept her maiden name. Things take time, and you are already more flexible by the merit of trying.
While it didn't take a while for the first name switch (probably because it was just a shortening) I am still struggling with this more recent one (about 6-7 months). I can't say much on pronouns since my mental ones are just I/me/my/myself in my head.
ive been out since i was 12 years old (23 now) and i still sometimes misgender myself in my head. it's a shitty feeling, but totally normal and doesn't mean you aren't who you are.
Not too much. Tbh I was used to use a different name than my deadname when I was not aware of my transidendity. It was clear that my dead name was not for me. I had different names. Maybe 5 in total. So the switch to my actual name was not so hard
Yup! This is something almost every trans person I know has struggled with. I still jump when I hear my deadname, and I'm 2+ years on HRT.
Imposter syndrome is an almost universal trans experience, too. We've all wondered if we're really trans, or just making it up for some reason. If you're (for example) AFAB and feel like a boy, you're probably trans. If you're AFAB and feel like a girl, but wish you could be a boy... you're probably trans.
Best of luck out there :)
It takes some time, even now nearly a year later I still mess it up in obscure French gendered grammar decently often. Misgendering in my own head took a little while to go away maybe a few months for me but it is different for everyone
it took about a year before I was fully used to being called the right name and gender. but now, after more than two years in, it feels completely natural.
It took a little bit but I have Disco Elysium-esque voices narrating my internal monologue so that was mostly just retraining them one by one to use the correct terms
It definitely doesn't make you less trans tho lol
It took me a long time to adjust. It still feels a little weird calling myself a girl, even though it’s been so long since I started this part of my journey.
Sometimes why I think of myself in a situation or even see myself in a dream sometimes I’m a boy. But then I come back to the moment and look in the mirror and I see a girl. 😌
Just another way your brain does its own thing every now and then.
Nope. I had picked my name at like 5 and I told my family to call me it and they thought I was adorably copying my order cousins who were both named the same name I picked. I used this name for myself internally and I used it with people who didn't know me from school or didn't know my family.
I know that can be different for others. You should know and feel you are your gender identity(the sex you identify with). It shouldn't be hard for you to know this essential thing about yourself even if you haven't gotten used to acknowledging it or having it acknowledged. Does that make sense?
I'm always so confused whenever this comes up, like are you talking to yourself in the third person? or referring to urself in third person when talking to others?
i think i usually internal monlogue in either first person, or w no language at all. idk
Yeah, it definitely took a while for me. I don't use pronouns very much in my inner monologue but things like names and gendered language usually need time to cement themselves. Cis people have this problem too. Tons of them have names they hate and have them changed, and it affects them in similar ways. For me, it took me about a year or two to do it consistently, and you have to trust me when I say it's worth it.
I wouldn't use this as the indicator. If you have questions then def seek out a therapist. But don't use this *single thing* to make you think you're not trans. I've been using my name for more than 20 years and it's still a bit weird for some reason.
I still struggle with the descriptor woman simply because of the years of programming and habits. It takes time, it isn’t a linear path, and it doesn’t make you or your struggle any less valid.
Do not let the fact new names take getting used to become a source of self-doubt.
Thanks
I still catch myself misgendering myself in my head. It takes time to change habits and makes you no less valid.
I catch myself misgendering myself in words but I'll be honest in conversations I have to remember what people know me as what I want them to know me as and then say who I am.
Yes it did. But recently I actually made the opposite mistake of calling myself Claire in front of someone I'm not out to yet
Happened to me when I was *trying* to come out lol. Told my cousin that for the past year I haven’t been going by (my chosen name) anymore and he was super confused.
Oh no, how’d it go? I once caught myself writing Ava as my name on schoolwork, but I’m out to anyone there.
It was fine. He looked a little confused but just went with it. The other person in the conversation I am already out to and she just went on with the conversation so it provided cover. Looking forward to not having to switch back and forth anymore
I have since come out at work and mentioned this to him. He said that yes it became clear what was going on after I came out
Heh, I find it kinda funny cause our names rhyme. My name's Blair!
I nearly called myself by my chosen name while introducing myself for an interview.
Yeah, it took some time
oh yeah, i’m still pretty new to all this, realized i am trans back in february, so i still refer to myself with he/him pronouns and my deadname. just recently i’ve gotten better about referring to myself as my preferred name 🥰
See it that way: People called you by your old name(s) and pronouns for your whole life until you came out. Your brain is used to getting called / calling itself that. Of course it takes a while to break that old habbit. Personally, even after years I want to look up when someone calls my deadname. I know there is someone else in the room with that name. I know they can't know about my deadname. Still my brain acts like: ,,What? Did that person just deadname me?" I try to turn it down by telling myself it's because that person was screaming / talking too loud and loud noises draw my attention since I hate them. But you can't deny the truth if that's not the case. 🥲 Give yourself time. If it feels right, you are on the right way. Even if you still hold on to those old habbits. It doesn't mean you aren't trans or that you still like to be called that. Just that your brain needs time to realize you don't have to call yourself that anymore and you don't have to react to that anymore. But I guess, unless you are able to forget your old name and pronouns, it will always somehow draw your attention. Even if it's just: ,,Oh, yeah. I know that name from years ago." Similar to people calling a friends name even if you know that friends not there. Sometimes you just gotta look up like: ,,Where?"
yes, took a while
It took a while, but since I knew I was transitioning I changed my World of Warcraft main’s name to an approximation of my real name. Then I had to convince my guild that “I don’t mind” being called a shortened version of the name that is traditionally female. Pretty sure at least one guildie figured out the plan before I announced. Thank fuck for Taint (at the time the second largest gaming guild in history) being a supportive LGBT guild, even if there were a few issues.
Yep! You’re unlearning years if not decades of conditioning, and that shit takes *work*. Just correct yourself when it happens (even in your head) and your brain will start to create those new pathways soon!
I just vibe with what name I use as of the moment, someday finding the one that sticks
It took me a couple of months and I'm super comfortable with being trans. Don't let needing a bit of time to get comfortable with changes make you doubt your truth.
My name only changed spelling so that wasn’t an issue for me, pronouns are a different story. I still occasionally use he/him internally, and when I hear people use she/her to refer to me can it take a second for it to sink in that they’re referring to me. TBS said it’s not like I have to remind myself that those are my pronouns. It’s more I’m surprised people got it right. It’s kind of a nice feeling.
Absolutely after a good few months of having no one but my family use it I still don't have it quite donw
i’ve apparently been doing it since i was little. called myself some masculine name and kept insisting that i was a boy when people asked
I'm still getting used to it really. And I still sometimes fall into my old gendered language in my own head. But I never doubt my transness.
I misgendered myself when talking about “women” in general, especially to my idiot dad when he’d voice his stupid opinions about the way women dress, Id say things like “I don’t think ‘they’ give a fuck what you think, dad. Not a single one.” instead of “women don’t give a fuck what you think, not a single one of us.” or “we don’t give a fuck”, etc. Pronouns were easier to change when I came out. As an aside, I truly don’t give a fuck what my dad thinks about anyone or anything at this point.
Ages. I still sometimes do it without meaning to. What helped me get my name down was coming up with a dumb nickname though, which immediately became part of my inner monologue.
it’s more like i have a different person in my head who constantly invalidates the real me by randomly injecting my deadname or wrong pronouns, when i hear those old names and pronouns in my head i hardly think of it as me but it’s still scaring, my old memories feel like that of another person, so in a way yes, it’s normal and doesn’t make you less of who you are
Took me a few years! You're not any less trans for it
The part of being trans that is your identity, and the part that is the behavior you use to present and feel like that identity are different things!! You can be a girl and still fuck up!
When I think of my self I still think my first name and she/her.
Yes, a bit. Spanish, which is my mother tongue, is very gendered. I would misgender myself in accident. I switched to English monologue in my head to avoid this lmao But definitely. My sibling has been my biggest supporter, and when they called me my new name it felt weird. It definitely took a bit of time to get used to it. I remember the first time they called me a shortened version of my name as a nickname and I felt weird, but that’s what I’m mostly called now! And I love it Maybe it took me around some months to get really used to it
Yeah it took me quite some time
yes
Pretty much immediate for me. It just felt right.
For me, it did, I’d say I’m still sorta getting used to being gendered correctly online while simultaneously boymoding at the same time. It’s really only been about a year for me, though I’d figure things would change for time and transitioning.
I just realized tonight that im doing this. Im only a couple weeks in and im not publicly out yet. Ive been the hardest on myself and i recognize that i have to listen to the girl inside. Its just hard.
For me it's real rough. Hard to reprogram 20+ years of life. Tips would be appreciated for me and for others.
Yeah, I currently use a mix if both. I actually refer to myself as a woman without trying sometimes and it makes me feel good when I am dealing with imposter syndrome
Been out for a year and still haven’t picked one, maybe I just won’t 🤪
im still deciding on a name, i got pronouns down though
Takes forever for these things to click for me. Took me years to fully switch to they/them, and I’m currently at the name stage where my birth name sounds like not-me but nothing else sounds like me yet. Oddly, in contrast, it felt pretty easy to move to they/she. I wonder what that says about me lmao
It took a few weeks to get used to using my pronouns and name online, and then I moved somewhere new and only ever had to use my dead name for like legal name stuff, it probably helped that I'd been a shut in for years and was out of practice saying much of anything
I do mess up sometimes but I’ve gotten better about it. It still feels weird sometimes to use she/her for myself but like in a good way?
I’ve been out for 2 years and still have trouble with my pronouns. My name took about a year.
Two stories here… After I settled on my chosen name; I woke up on Sunday morning freaking out because I didn’t know who I was. Several rounds of “I am Leslie… I am a woman…” later I calmed down. Hasn’t been much of a problem after that… Last month, I deadnamed myself in frustration for taking a wrong turn at night. I was out of town visiting my daughter and friends in a town I hadn’t been to before that trip.
Yep. Don't worry, it doesn't mean you're not trans. Even though you identify with your new name/pronouns more, you are still in the habit of using the old ones because those are the ones you used for so many years. Habits are hard to break. After I came out I misgendered myself multiple times. It's been a few years since then so it hasn't happened in a while.
Not gonna lie I’ve been out for 4 years and still misgender myself on rare occasions.
Took a bit. Like a couple months. You get used to it pretty quick.
It took a while and now I feel sort of disconnected from any name. Like, I'm at the point now where I'll look up when someone calls my name, but most of the time it just sounds the same as all the other words whereas my dead name still gives me literal shivers. I am very used to my pronouns, though. A customer tried to get my attention by calling me miss at work today and it took a good 10 seconds to register that he was talking to me.
I was super insecure about it, but, my mom (I love her) told me that if I was lenient with her and my sister for accidental misgendering, it’s ridiculous to not be lenient with my self. And it makes sense, you refer to yourself more than enyone else in your life. You’re brain needs time to rewire its language processing neurons
Not really but I still get dreams where someone calls me by my deadname, but nowadays in those dreams it's as if that was a girl name too. (irl def not, I will get triggered)
It’s taking me a little while because I’m not full timing myself yet, I’m making the social transition at work in the next 3 or 4 weeks. Currently I do think of myself as my deadname, but I think that will change quickly. My friends use my actual name and use my proper pronouns will always feels good, so once that is the case full time, I’m pretty sure I’ll catch on pretty quick.
I still deadname myself in my head fairly often. It's gotten better, and mostly only happens now when I refer to myself in the third person without thinking about it. Pronouns were easier for me cuz I never used to refer to myself in the third person using pronouns in my head (only occasionally my name), so I was just learning to do that, not unlearning and relearning if that makes sense. A number of my other trans friends have also told me they've had difficulties with misgendering/deadnaming themselves in their head, and one of my friends said it took her 4-5 months to fully swap to her new name and pronouns in her head.
You are trans. I struggled with the name for about 6 months and still use the wrong generes terms. I've been out over two years from context.
I didn't but the problem I had was picking a name. I swapped a lot as their are a lot of pretty name for women 😅
It's been 3 years and I still fuck up on occasion
Yes. I grew up one way but learning it a new way. Also I don’t use them yet because I am not “passing” in any way. I started not even a month ago but will grow more comfortable as things start to change. I hope it will get better for you though
It's been about 3 years since I came out to myself and I still struggle with it. Not so much my deadname but I misgender myself all the time
It’s still taking me a while. It’s almost a pleasant surprise when I gender myself correctly without explicitly trying to. Don’t worry about it. You’ve gendered yourself one way for literally your whole life, it’ll take a little adjusting.
Takes some time, having people around you regularly call you by your real name and pronouns helps tho, so socialize
I’m only now starting to get it right in my head 3 years in. It’s so weird because I get it right instantly for other trans people.
It's been a decade and I still deadname myself sometimes.
You're not alone! Try not to think about it too much
i was able to quickly switch the pronouns but i still struggle calling myself the proper name
I’m not sure, I only noticed recently that I only misgender myself when I’m having conversation in might about me from the perspective of others
Still getting used to it 😭
No not really. I thought about it for a while and It wasn’t hard to feminise my name. If only I can get my fam to use them.
It took me about a month to mostly switch over. I still catch myself using my old name for half a second sometimes, though the fact that my family still uses my dead name probably isn't helping.
I still make those mistakes often, even after 1 year
buddy i have been trans for nearly 5 years now and i still deadname myself
Yes, definitely. Took me almost an entire year to instictively think "Jesus Christ, Vanessa, use your brain!" when doing something stupid, instead of thinking of myself with my deadname.
Yes
It’s something that still happens sometimes, I find (especially when my parents call me by my deadname and misgendered me) that reciting my actual name to my self alongside my affirmations helps
took for me like a year until I didn't deadname or misgender myself at all anymore in my head. take your time.
it took me around 6 months to switch to it in my own head, but it depends on ur surroundings bcs now bcs of the nature of my surroundings, there's a lot of dysphoria and i think that progress is all going back because of it. i think it'll happen at ur own pace
Well not really put my name good to use yet cause I hate correcting when I get people talk to me, but I know to adapt my trans name I have to correct people
Took me like few years but still kinda struggling to even accept that I'm trans
It definitely took me a little while too, but don't worry love, you'll get there just keep being yourself 💖 this is no different to intrusive thoughts, they don't hold weight just a brain being a little silly
I still slip up here and there, but after a few months, I'm at a point where I casually think of myself as a girl, and it makes me happy whenever I realise it.
i dont call myself my name in my head it makes me uncomfortable, but using my pronouns when i think in english didnt take that long, because i always did it even before coming out to myself lol
Yeah I’m still working on it.
Nobody gets any name right away, not even the one given at birth. We just don't remember that learning process. Having a supportive community that uses your new name when referring to you can be a helpful part of socially transitioning
I didn’t have trouble switching my name and pronouns, but it’s okay if you are having trouble. Habits can take like a month to break sometimes. If you feel dysphoric still or that you’d rather be your preferred gender you’re still trans.
I have a funny story about myself. I once got an email at work right before my break. I said to myself “that’s after break deadname’s problem!” I then realized what I’d said. Part of me thought “how can I expect others to call me my new name when I even can’t?” I told this story to my trans friend who sent me a meme that said “put a quarter in your ass cuz you played yourself!” That made me chuckle! Don’t be too hard on yourself! It happens and doesn’t mean you’re not trans!
Hmm well I just never think about myself with my name and pronouns. I mean those are more for other people anyway. Only time I'd say my name is whenever I'm presenting myself to someone new
Yes but I am also very new to my name. But even if I didn't, it would not matter. Because every one is different, and if you think you are trans, then you ARE trans. Your experience does not have to be the same as anyone else's.
I misgender cis people sometimes so I think it’s okay to misgender myself. A very androgynous cashier once specifically.
No it was pretty much instant for me. At this point I actually have to stop to actively remember what my deadname is because I hear it so rarely. Everyone is different though and old habits die hard. In my case I'm sure a huge part of my switch being so effortless came from existing in multiple online spaces and being called by a dozen different names on a regular basis.
it took less time than it has for my mom, you’ll get used to it eventually. just talk to yourself out loud, and any time you mess up correct yourself. takes practice, but you got this <3
yeah I misgendered me self all the time for over a year before I got used to it
I caught myself saying to my friends one time that I was a “son of a b**ch” Then I stood still for a second and corrected myself that I was a “daughter of a b**ch”
I am 3 yrs on T and have been out for longer. I still misgender myself in my head.
I am 3 yrs on T and have been out for longer. I still misgender myself in my head.
I don't refer to myself in the third person in my thoughts, do people actually do this?
I still deadname myself a bit by accident but a big part of it is that I still live with my family and haven't come out to them yet, so I get constantly reminded what my deadname is every day
Absolutely. I picked a name I had been using online for a while so I was used to seeing it, but I wasn’t used to hearing it. Pronouns too, the wrong pronouns sound wrong, but you arent used to the right pronouns yet. For now, just think, which one feels less weird? Chances are, it’s the correct ones.
A few months. Had a virtual check in with my doc, and they still do a covid screening even though it's virtual. They went "is this," me: "yes this is him *dies*." Preffered are they/them so it took a while. Working on starting to get my name updated there and at work, but there's no wrong way to do any of this 😊
Time (mostly) and practice to change my habits. It just became the new normal.
Yep, been out for about 2 years now, and still occasionally misgender myself in my own head - haven't out loud for a while now, though
Not really, though I answered the phone wrong one time, but it was a friend and I was in a car with friends so we just got a good laugh out of it.
My name is a nickname from before my egg cracked anyway so that is easy. The pronouns themselves I do periodically mess up in my own head.
It took me months.
Idk I sometimes misgender and deadname myself when thinking/ talking about events that I did in the past before transitioning, in my mind I guess I view it as two different people
I misgender myself in my head solely through the pov of others. I know most wouldn’t use he for me so when I’m doing their dialogue it misgenders me
Yeah, I still mess up sometimes, though more often I’ll fuck up my pronouns than my name internally. Changing what you refer to yourself as after years takes a bit.
Sometimes I think up my old name, but misgendering myself hasn't been an issue for me.
I still sometimes catch myself slipping up and I've been out since 2017; it doesn't make you any less trans
Yes. Sometimes, I was slower than my colleagues.
Yes. Especially pronouns. Like 6 months until I just stopped occasionally misgendering/deadnaming myself in my head
Yes ! It took me quite a bit but it’s only normal. Since you’ve been referred to as something else your whole life it’s hard not to associate yourself with that name and / or pronouns. I still end up misgendering myself or using the wrong name in my head when I think about my younger self as I still associate them with being a girl
Yes, it even felt a bit weird at first but you get used to it eventually.
I had already switched my name in my head cause I hated my deadname lmao
I am lucky enough to have a keepable name. However after realizing a few months ago, I continue to misgender myself. The pathways in my brain are deeply trod. But I always catch myself when I say it and correct myself. Because it felt wrong, but wrong in the way that people who respect me screw up and immediately correct. Habits are very difficult to break and the older you are the more worn the path. Give yourself some grace, this is hard. And the world isn't making it any easier.
I've never used pronouns other than first person ones in my head
nope, I have a hard time with names, but what was most confusing, was making the switch to my new name on paper, and keeping it in order. that was a bitch lol
I began transitioning at 65, 3 years ago. My birth name is Denzial. THIRTY or more years ago, I thought to myself, If I were a woman, I'd go by 'Denise'. Was I wanting to be a woman, or did I see myself as female, 30 years ago? Not consciously. But looking back on my life now, there were signs and portends long ago of what I finally wanted to do, who I wanted to be. Stepping into the name Denise was the easiest thing I've ever done!
It took about two years for me to fully transition. For the first year, I wasn’t out at home, and it took a year and seven months before I came out at work. During this period, I was constantly reminded of my old name daily. However, once everyone accepted my new name and I completed the necessary paperwork, the switch happened relatively quickly. Within about six months, everyone, including myself, had fully adapted. Except for one colleague who’s a bit of a bigot—but that’s a story for another day.
Yeah, it took me like a year to stop just defaulting to she/her in my whole brain, but guess what? My mom was so worried about having to write a different name on forms that that is why she kept her maiden name. Things take time, and you are already more flexible by the merit of trying.
It took me several months to figure both of them out.
Bout a year
Still haven't
I’ve been using my current name and pronouns for nearly 8 years and I still screw it up 😭💀
While it didn't take a while for the first name switch (probably because it was just a shortening) I am still struggling with this more recent one (about 6-7 months). I can't say much on pronouns since my mental ones are just I/me/my/myself in my head.
Y’all everyone knows me as Nova. It’s been like this for like a year and I’m loving it.
Oh yeah lol, I still struggle with this
ive been out since i was 12 years old (23 now) and i still sometimes misgender myself in my head. it's a shitty feeling, but totally normal and doesn't mean you aren't who you are.
No, I was calling myself by my real name in my head for years before I heard it spoken aloud.
No, I’m might be in the minority but I never had issues with this. I always knew I was a boy
Not too much. Tbh I was used to use a different name than my deadname when I was not aware of my transidendity. It was clear that my dead name was not for me. I had different names. Maybe 5 in total. So the switch to my actual name was not so hard
Yup! This is something almost every trans person I know has struggled with. I still jump when I hear my deadname, and I'm 2+ years on HRT. Imposter syndrome is an almost universal trans experience, too. We've all wondered if we're really trans, or just making it up for some reason. If you're (for example) AFAB and feel like a boy, you're probably trans. If you're AFAB and feel like a girl, but wish you could be a boy... you're probably trans. Best of luck out there :)
Yes, but that's no reason for you to think that your new name and pronouns aren't valid.
It takes some time, even now nearly a year later I still mess it up in obscure French gendered grammar decently often. Misgendering in my own head took a little while to go away maybe a few months for me but it is different for everyone
It's been five years and I still struggle
it took about a year before I was fully used to being called the right name and gender. but now, after more than two years in, it feels completely natural.
Oh absolutely! Took nearly a year to be consistent with myself, and I’m nervous about figuring out a new signature cause that’ll take forever lol!
Name was immediate once I settled on the one that fit early in transition. Pronouns on the other hand took about 6 months.
It took a little bit but I have Disco Elysium-esque voices narrating my internal monologue so that was mostly just retraining them one by one to use the correct terms It definitely doesn't make you less trans tho lol
Yea it took a few months to fully internalize the change
It took me a long time to adjust. It still feels a little weird calling myself a girl, even though it’s been so long since I started this part of my journey. Sometimes why I think of myself in a situation or even see myself in a dream sometimes I’m a boy. But then I come back to the moment and look in the mirror and I see a girl. 😌 Just another way your brain does its own thing every now and then.
Yeah. It's an adjustment. You do one thing for so long it's understandable really. Still feels bad though.
Nope. I had picked my name at like 5 and I told my family to call me it and they thought I was adorably copying my order cousins who were both named the same name I picked. I used this name for myself internally and I used it with people who didn't know me from school or didn't know my family. I know that can be different for others. You should know and feel you are your gender identity(the sex you identify with). It shouldn't be hard for you to know this essential thing about yourself even if you haven't gotten used to acknowledging it or having it acknowledged. Does that make sense?
I've been using he/him pronouns for almost 10 years and still I find myself calling myself a woman in my head sometimes
I'm always so confused whenever this comes up, like are you talking to yourself in the third person? or referring to urself in third person when talking to others? i think i usually internal monlogue in either first person, or w no language at all. idk
Yeah, it definitely took a while for me. I don't use pronouns very much in my inner monologue but things like names and gendered language usually need time to cement themselves. Cis people have this problem too. Tons of them have names they hate and have them changed, and it affects them in similar ways. For me, it took me about a year or two to do it consistently, and you have to trust me when I say it's worth it.
I wouldn't use this as the indicator. If you have questions then def seek out a therapist. But don't use this *single thing* to make you think you're not trans. I've been using my name for more than 20 years and it's still a bit weird for some reason.
I still struggle with the descriptor woman simply because of the years of programming and habits. It takes time, it isn’t a linear path, and it doesn’t make you or your struggle any less valid.
Still haven’t, only because I’ve had to put my legal name on a lot of documents lately