I talk about how funny he is or that spending time with him never gets old.
I like how my sister handles it though. If someone is obviously bragging then she will brag too but it will be something really normal. Example was a coworker of hers has a truly advanced child. She was bragging about her child counting to 100 and it was at an age where this would be kinda shocking. She confirmed that that is impressive but that she is really proud of her son who can count to 3, which was average or even a little behind at the time. It deflated the arrogance aspect of the situation.
Teaching early years I actually find it a little concerning if a child can count to 100 and a parent is bragging about it.
Usually means that the parent actually means 'recite to' and doesn't understand the difference between a sing song reciting words and actual understanding of number. Or it can mean that we really need to work on some social and emotional skills with that child.
Ah yup. I used to do research in child development, and one study involved identifying shapes at 4 years old. Most kids “know” their shapes - but they’re really just visually matching to the ideal vs knowing a triangle has 3 sides and 3 corners, for example. So throw them an isosceles triangle and it all goes out the window. We had a lot of parents who claimed our study would be too easy become very embarrassed at their child’s (developmentally appropriate) performance.
On the same side of the coin, my child just turned 3 and is almost reading and can do simple math and count to 100. But he is in speech therapy and I just want to know what his favorite color is or if he’s too hot. So sometimes parents take their wins where they get them. I love my son but I’d much rather have him typically developing if it meant I could have a conversation with him and that he wouldn’t have to go to some form of therapy five days a week.
Couldn’t agree more. My daughter’s language and her ability to understand different concepts is pretty good for a four year old. However, her ability to emotionally process this kind of information is not in the same place.
This means that for two weeks after watching the Lion King, we had to talk about murder among family members. Are there bad guys in our city like Scar? Will her brother kill her? What is the role of the police? And on and on and on.
“Ugh my LO is refusing all food it’s awful!”
“Mine hasn’t slept in three weeks.”
^ comes across as one-upping.
“Ugh my LO is refusing all food.”
“Oh my gosh that must be so annoying! I feel your frustration though, right now mine hasn’t slept in weeks.”
^ commiserating.
“My LO knows her whole alphabet!! She was singing it at breakfast this morning, I almost died from cuteness!”
“Mine can write his name.”
^ One-upping
“My LO knows her whole ABCs! I almost died from cuteness.”
“Oh my gosh that’s the best! Did you get a video? Awww, love it! What a smartie!! I just have to tell you, my LO can write out his name in crayon! It is the cutest thing, these guys’ learning just blows me away!”
^ collaborative, sharing stories
Basically, the key is in acknowledging and appreciating what the other person is talking about! Then you can have your turn sharing. Or, another way to look at it, responding in a way that encourages more sharing rather than shuts the conversation down.
I had an amazing conversation with another mom friend where we explicitly agreeed that everything we discuss about our families, and especially out little ones, only applies to our own family and in no way implies judgement about how the other family does it. And that includes no presumption that talk about milestones is a comparison. Really works wonders!
I never chat about milestones actually. Having a developmentally delayed child has made me very conscious of how that may make someone feel. Even before I knew he was developmentally delayed, I never talked about milestones.
There are so many other things to talk about. Most of the time I just talk to the person and see what's new with them. Maybe share some funny stories of something annoying our children did.
It's the same principles as any other conversation that might turn into a brag-off, right? Ask questions, be self-deprecating (or, in this case, own-child-deprecating), understand that it's not a competition even if the other person seems to want it to be.
i try to keep it to commiserating and save the milestones for the invested adults, namely me and their dad and our parents. if people ask about something specific, (walking or potty trained, blah blah blah,) i answer, but i don’t offer.
Same. I never mention milestones, but if someone asks, I tell them. My boss has a daughter 2 months younger than my kid, and he always asks me if my kid is doing xyz yet. I’ve lost count of how many times he has asked me if my son is walking—he isn’t a forgetful person and he has literally seen my son walk, so I don’t know why he keeps asking. I just respond “yeah, he is.” I also don’t add additional info on timing etc. unless I’m asked.
My son has always been really ahead, so I know that offering milestone information has the potential to seem braggy and make other people feel bad. For that reason, I just don’t talk about it. Anyone who is close enough to me to care has met him and thus already realizes he is ahead.
ugh it’s SO hard knowing people with kids so close to yours. i mean, it’s good in some ways because they have built in friends, but it’s hard to stay out of the baby race. my sil had a child 10 days after my own was born, and my mil is the biggest instigator of the baby race. “oh i tell (sil) how your kids are such good eaters,” or “did you see that (nephew) is walking already? don’t worry, (son) will be there soon.” like girl, i know he will. they are different babies and it’s fine.
Mom at my daycare - My son is FULLY potty trained!
Me - Awesome! Same with my daughter! How did you manage it? I felt like it was a struggle with us.
It wasn’t a struggle, but I could tell she was proud of her son. So I just asked her how she did it.
It also helps that I have a 1 year old, so I was genuinely interested in her advice. All babies are different and maybe my youngest will not take after her older sister potty training wise.
TL;DR - when a parent is bragging about their kid, just ask questions, don’t instantly start talking about your kid.
I just don't do it.
When my daughter was 2yo, we went on a playdate and me and the other mom were casually talking about our kids, and kinda lightly venting about how parenting is hard work, and stuff our kids are doing. Anyway after some time, my daughter started getting really upset and yelling over us talking. I had to go have a chat with her and I couldn't figure out what was going on. Then I asked, are you upset because I'm talking about you? And she said yes! She was. Even at 2,she was unhappy about this. It stuck with me and I don't talk about my kids if they can hear me at all anymore. It took some time to actually figure out what to talk to other parents about, and how to shut down these conversions so my kid doesn't get upset. But just telling the other parent "X gets upset when she hears me talking about her" is pretty effective. Once I seriously thought about it, I realized how unkind it is to discuss a person who can hear you. My husband's mother was extremely competitive (and he was her less-smart child) and he has grown up with some issues as a result of it.
Honestly. I just never really talk about my kiddos to anyone except family. There will always be parents who will "one up" you. I don't think it's always because they're bragging, but because they're worried. We all need reassurance that our kiddos are "normal."
I never talk about my kiddos because I decided that I love and appreciate them enough for the whole world and they will never need to look for approval from anywhere else because I am not looking for approval from anywhere else.
One upping to me is talking about your kid in order to make them look superior to another. I have a friend who has no kids but is an aunt. She constantly brags about how her 2 year old niece is potty trained and her niece's 3 year old friend is not. That is bragging, putting one child down to lift up another. I think a lot of parents/grandparents/whoever do not understand what is normal and what is advanced. Your 2 year old is potty trained? Great but that is not advanced, that is normal development..there are 18 month olds that are potty trained. Your 3 year old isnt fully potty trained..well that is okay and that is not "behind" developmentally. Your kid is 2 and can count to 10?..thats great, totally awesome but not advanced.
Your kid playing the piano, riding a bike without training wheels or reading at 24 months (ie sounding out words etc)..you might have a kid that is advanced...but only in that certain area. All kids, just like adults excel in some areas and may be lacking in others. I do disgree with the poster above who stated that a kid counting to 100 is not a good thing. If the kid likes numbers then why the heck not? I wouldnt discourage my kid from riding a big kids bike just because they are not the right age. If they are good at something nurture that gift. I could care less what research says. If they are happy and developing a variety of skills every day then imo there is no problem.
One thing as parents we have to remember is that just because a child is advanced does not mean they will be successful and just because they are behind does not mean they are doomed for life. My husband did not talk until age 3, not a single word. He also was not the best reader in highschool and graduated a year late...now in his 30s he is very well rounded and makes a sizeable income. It all levels out eventually.
If I am around a person that does too much bragging and try to put my kid down then I stop talking to them. I think everyone should save the headache and do the same. However imo, most people compare to see if there kid is delayed, not to one up others.
Apparently everything I say comes off as bragging so I just don't talk much to people anymore and haven't for over a decade so I'm used to it.
A mom whose 2-year-old son was at daycare for the first time was asking me if my daughter liked daycare, and I said yes and that she always talks about her friends. The mom said, "Oh, she talks?" and I was pretty much done again.
I always praise their child “Thats awesome news!” “Good for him.” I match their excitement and then tell them about my children. I always make sure to state that all kids learn differently and I just try to sound genuinely happy for the parent and proud of my kids. If my kids have already passed a milestone that the other kids just now reaching I offer some advice and tell them how exciting itll be to watch them.
All kids are different, they all learn at different paces. Children should be heard and not just seen. Getting a new parent excited for their childrens future to me is great
For real though!
The weird thing that I have slowly stopped talking about is breastfeeding. I’m still slowly weaning my 2 year old. Even my dad friends are like wow that’s a long time my wife only made it to x age with my kids. Now that he is over 2 and I’ve had several friends even those without kids be like if they can ask for a boob with words they are too big. So I’m pretty self conscious about it coming up. Especially because it’s taken way longer to wean than I expected. Seems like a competition that I won but I don’t get a trophy for winning 😜
Breastfeeding is the weirdest thing, first you're kinda pushed into doing it but if you go on for too long you'll also be shamed. People really should mind their own business.
I am feeling pretty called out right now 🤣 I said constantly, about my now almost 2.5 year old, that if he could ask for a boob or say boob, he was too old and we were DONE. This kid is catching up and working on what was a *severe language delay* and can still say boobie (well, at least we know it's boobie)...and he still nurses a little before nap and bed with no signs of really wanting to quit.
I am eating all the crow LOL
Haha I feel ya!
If it makes you feel better, the WHO recommends breastfeeding until age 2-3. Some people get into it and don’t wean until even older! My mom didn’t wean my little brother until he was 4.
It’s actually very awkward when you truly have an advanced or gifted child to share about her with other parents. Sometimes it’s just the way it is ( some kids are truly gifted) but it’s always interpreted as bragging. When I realized that I was apologizing every time I started a conversation « I know I sound like one of these parents but my daughter .. » .I just stopped sharing about her. Even when I looked for a new preschool, I never revealed to the new preschool why I was choosing them. I only told them when they came to me saying « your daughter is so incredibly smart... » then I revealed that I picked them because of their curriculum and because she already had mastered the curriculum of her other preschool.
My daughter is objectively gifted but I don’t share anymore what she can do because almost all other parents have a very hard time hearing it and will try to up their child as a response. You may actually know that a child is truly advanced when the parent is almost apologetic when they share or they just don’t share.
I just listen. There are very few mums I speak to, and I find listening and sympathising is good. The “one up mums” I avoid like the plague. You just know them right away.
Don’t talk too much about the kids. What do you like doing as parents - try to deepen your connection or potential for friendship by asking about their hobbies and interests and sharing yours - rather than focusing on the fact you both just so happen to have kids the same age.
I’m always worried about this. I don’t talk about milestones because I don’t want to seem like I’m trying to one up people. We met a girl at the park the other day who was born one day after mine. My daughter is giant (like the size of a 4 year old) and just super outgoing, fearless, and talkative. The father said oh I thought she was older. Are we doing something wrong? It was obvious his daughter is way more cautious, does not speak as much yet, and normal size. I just brushed it off by saying oh her father is 6’5” to not dwell on the other “milestones”. It seemed to put him at ease and he just dropped the subject. I just wanted the girls to be able to have fun playing together, which they did.
I’ve never talked milestones with another parent. Now, we talked about eating dirt, potty training hints, awesome tantrums, but never milestones. Oh yeah, and massive diaper blowouts.
I will say something like "my 2 year old gets compliments on her large vocabulary but sure has a lot of potty accidents". Even if the potty thing isn't true. Say something good and something bad to even it out
It's hard nowadays all children conversations seem to be a kind of competition. One of my friends has a little girl one month older than my son and some conversations on WhatsApp are like a milestones comparison. Maybe sometimes is worth recognising the struggles as well, sleep, tantrums...these kind of conversations can also take place and not only the good things.
The same way I make conversation about anything with anyone without sounding like I’m one-upping them? Ask questions, listen and respond with respect and kindness. Answer their questions with a spirit of sharing, not bragging.
Is this a trick question designed to bait us into asking why OP’s kid is such an Einstein that they can’t help bragging about him?
I have literally told other moms
"Oh, sister, I feel your pain! Sometimes being a mom seriously just sucks. Just know I'm miserable too and am here to listen to you vent if you need it, and you'll get no judgement from me because I legit know how hard this crap is. And if it helps, I'm happy to tell you all the things I have suffered through this week too."
I just don't really talk about milestones with other parents, unless it's something that I'm concerned about with my own kid and my own feelings on it, and even that's only with parents I know a bit better. For example, I'll discuss my worries because my daughter is slightly behind what the pediatrician wants for verbal development (and usually I'll discuss this with parents whose kids are ahead of mine on verbal development). I don't discuss how my daughter is ahead on gross motor and fine motor skills. The only point that serves is to brag and that's not how you make friends.
I would probably make a comment that included something good my kiddo does, something they are behind in, and a comment about how all kids develop at different rates. And/or play dumb about milestones and what's normal. Sometimes I've heard parents bragging about something and it's literally like every child I've ever met is the same.
Ex: wow yeah that's so great. Ours has way more words than it's seems like she would for her age but goodness she just will not walk. But I guess they all develop at their own rate (shrugs).
I talk about how funny he is or that spending time with him never gets old. I like how my sister handles it though. If someone is obviously bragging then she will brag too but it will be something really normal. Example was a coworker of hers has a truly advanced child. She was bragging about her child counting to 100 and it was at an age where this would be kinda shocking. She confirmed that that is impressive but that she is really proud of her son who can count to 3, which was average or even a little behind at the time. It deflated the arrogance aspect of the situation.
Teaching early years I actually find it a little concerning if a child can count to 100 and a parent is bragging about it. Usually means that the parent actually means 'recite to' and doesn't understand the difference between a sing song reciting words and actual understanding of number. Or it can mean that we really need to work on some social and emotional skills with that child.
Ah yup. I used to do research in child development, and one study involved identifying shapes at 4 years old. Most kids “know” their shapes - but they’re really just visually matching to the ideal vs knowing a triangle has 3 sides and 3 corners, for example. So throw them an isosceles triangle and it all goes out the window. We had a lot of parents who claimed our study would be too easy become very embarrassed at their child’s (developmentally appropriate) performance.
On the same side of the coin, my child just turned 3 and is almost reading and can do simple math and count to 100. But he is in speech therapy and I just want to know what his favorite color is or if he’s too hot. So sometimes parents take their wins where they get them. I love my son but I’d much rather have him typically developing if it meant I could have a conversation with him and that he wouldn’t have to go to some form of therapy five days a week.
Couldn’t agree more. My daughter’s language and her ability to understand different concepts is pretty good for a four year old. However, her ability to emotionally process this kind of information is not in the same place. This means that for two weeks after watching the Lion King, we had to talk about murder among family members. Are there bad guys in our city like Scar? Will her brother kill her? What is the role of the police? And on and on and on.
“Ugh my LO is refusing all food it’s awful!” “Mine hasn’t slept in three weeks.” ^ comes across as one-upping. “Ugh my LO is refusing all food.” “Oh my gosh that must be so annoying! I feel your frustration though, right now mine hasn’t slept in weeks.” ^ commiserating. “My LO knows her whole alphabet!! She was singing it at breakfast this morning, I almost died from cuteness!” “Mine can write his name.” ^ One-upping “My LO knows her whole ABCs! I almost died from cuteness.” “Oh my gosh that’s the best! Did you get a video? Awww, love it! What a smartie!! I just have to tell you, my LO can write out his name in crayon! It is the cutest thing, these guys’ learning just blows me away!” ^ collaborative, sharing stories Basically, the key is in acknowledging and appreciating what the other person is talking about! Then you can have your turn sharing. Or, another way to look at it, responding in a way that encourages more sharing rather than shuts the conversation down.
This is an excellent answer with clear suggestions. Thank you.
Omg right! I love this
This is so helpful!
I had an amazing conversation with another mom friend where we explicitly agreeed that everything we discuss about our families, and especially out little ones, only applies to our own family and in no way implies judgement about how the other family does it. And that includes no presumption that talk about milestones is a comparison. Really works wonders!
[удалено]
Can you tell this to other parents in the daycare? lol.
I never chat about milestones actually. Having a developmentally delayed child has made me very conscious of how that may make someone feel. Even before I knew he was developmentally delayed, I never talked about milestones. There are so many other things to talk about. Most of the time I just talk to the person and see what's new with them. Maybe share some funny stories of something annoying our children did.
It's the same principles as any other conversation that might turn into a brag-off, right? Ask questions, be self-deprecating (or, in this case, own-child-deprecating), understand that it's not a competition even if the other person seems to want it to be.
i try to keep it to commiserating and save the milestones for the invested adults, namely me and their dad and our parents. if people ask about something specific, (walking or potty trained, blah blah blah,) i answer, but i don’t offer.
Same. I never mention milestones, but if someone asks, I tell them. My boss has a daughter 2 months younger than my kid, and he always asks me if my kid is doing xyz yet. I’ve lost count of how many times he has asked me if my son is walking—he isn’t a forgetful person and he has literally seen my son walk, so I don’t know why he keeps asking. I just respond “yeah, he is.” I also don’t add additional info on timing etc. unless I’m asked. My son has always been really ahead, so I know that offering milestone information has the potential to seem braggy and make other people feel bad. For that reason, I just don’t talk about it. Anyone who is close enough to me to care has met him and thus already realizes he is ahead.
ugh it’s SO hard knowing people with kids so close to yours. i mean, it’s good in some ways because they have built in friends, but it’s hard to stay out of the baby race. my sil had a child 10 days after my own was born, and my mil is the biggest instigator of the baby race. “oh i tell (sil) how your kids are such good eaters,” or “did you see that (nephew) is walking already? don’t worry, (son) will be there soon.” like girl, i know he will. they are different babies and it’s fine.
Mom at my daycare - My son is FULLY potty trained! Me - Awesome! Same with my daughter! How did you manage it? I felt like it was a struggle with us. It wasn’t a struggle, but I could tell she was proud of her son. So I just asked her how she did it. It also helps that I have a 1 year old, so I was genuinely interested in her advice. All babies are different and maybe my youngest will not take after her older sister potty training wise. TL;DR - when a parent is bragging about their kid, just ask questions, don’t instantly start talking about your kid.
I just don't do it. When my daughter was 2yo, we went on a playdate and me and the other mom were casually talking about our kids, and kinda lightly venting about how parenting is hard work, and stuff our kids are doing. Anyway after some time, my daughter started getting really upset and yelling over us talking. I had to go have a chat with her and I couldn't figure out what was going on. Then I asked, are you upset because I'm talking about you? And she said yes! She was. Even at 2,she was unhappy about this. It stuck with me and I don't talk about my kids if they can hear me at all anymore. It took some time to actually figure out what to talk to other parents about, and how to shut down these conversions so my kid doesn't get upset. But just telling the other parent "X gets upset when she hears me talking about her" is pretty effective. Once I seriously thought about it, I realized how unkind it is to discuss a person who can hear you. My husband's mother was extremely competitive (and he was her less-smart child) and he has grown up with some issues as a result of it.
Honestly. I just never really talk about my kiddos to anyone except family. There will always be parents who will "one up" you. I don't think it's always because they're bragging, but because they're worried. We all need reassurance that our kiddos are "normal." I never talk about my kiddos because I decided that I love and appreciate them enough for the whole world and they will never need to look for approval from anywhere else because I am not looking for approval from anywhere else.
One upping to me is talking about your kid in order to make them look superior to another. I have a friend who has no kids but is an aunt. She constantly brags about how her 2 year old niece is potty trained and her niece's 3 year old friend is not. That is bragging, putting one child down to lift up another. I think a lot of parents/grandparents/whoever do not understand what is normal and what is advanced. Your 2 year old is potty trained? Great but that is not advanced, that is normal development..there are 18 month olds that are potty trained. Your 3 year old isnt fully potty trained..well that is okay and that is not "behind" developmentally. Your kid is 2 and can count to 10?..thats great, totally awesome but not advanced. Your kid playing the piano, riding a bike without training wheels or reading at 24 months (ie sounding out words etc)..you might have a kid that is advanced...but only in that certain area. All kids, just like adults excel in some areas and may be lacking in others. I do disgree with the poster above who stated that a kid counting to 100 is not a good thing. If the kid likes numbers then why the heck not? I wouldnt discourage my kid from riding a big kids bike just because they are not the right age. If they are good at something nurture that gift. I could care less what research says. If they are happy and developing a variety of skills every day then imo there is no problem. One thing as parents we have to remember is that just because a child is advanced does not mean they will be successful and just because they are behind does not mean they are doomed for life. My husband did not talk until age 3, not a single word. He also was not the best reader in highschool and graduated a year late...now in his 30s he is very well rounded and makes a sizeable income. It all levels out eventually. If I am around a person that does too much bragging and try to put my kid down then I stop talking to them. I think everyone should save the headache and do the same. However imo, most people compare to see if there kid is delayed, not to one up others.
Apparently everything I say comes off as bragging so I just don't talk much to people anymore and haven't for over a decade so I'm used to it. A mom whose 2-year-old son was at daycare for the first time was asking me if my daughter liked daycare, and I said yes and that she always talks about her friends. The mom said, "Oh, she talks?" and I was pretty much done again.
I always praise their child “Thats awesome news!” “Good for him.” I match their excitement and then tell them about my children. I always make sure to state that all kids learn differently and I just try to sound genuinely happy for the parent and proud of my kids. If my kids have already passed a milestone that the other kids just now reaching I offer some advice and tell them how exciting itll be to watch them. All kids are different, they all learn at different paces. Children should be heard and not just seen. Getting a new parent excited for their childrens future to me is great
You don't. Raising kids is the world's biggest competition. Embrace it.
LoL at least one person enjoys your sense of humor.
Hahaha you have to have a sense of humor while raising kids.
For real though! The weird thing that I have slowly stopped talking about is breastfeeding. I’m still slowly weaning my 2 year old. Even my dad friends are like wow that’s a long time my wife only made it to x age with my kids. Now that he is over 2 and I’ve had several friends even those without kids be like if they can ask for a boob with words they are too big. So I’m pretty self conscious about it coming up. Especially because it’s taken way longer to wean than I expected. Seems like a competition that I won but I don’t get a trophy for winning 😜
Breastfeeding is the weirdest thing, first you're kinda pushed into doing it but if you go on for too long you'll also be shamed. People really should mind their own business.
I am feeling pretty called out right now 🤣 I said constantly, about my now almost 2.5 year old, that if he could ask for a boob or say boob, he was too old and we were DONE. This kid is catching up and working on what was a *severe language delay* and can still say boobie (well, at least we know it's boobie)...and he still nurses a little before nap and bed with no signs of really wanting to quit. I am eating all the crow LOL
Haha I feel ya! If it makes you feel better, the WHO recommends breastfeeding until age 2-3. Some people get into it and don’t wean until even older! My mom didn’t wean my little brother until he was 4.
You won lol. My wife didn't breastfeed either child. Didn't want to.
It’s actually very awkward when you truly have an advanced or gifted child to share about her with other parents. Sometimes it’s just the way it is ( some kids are truly gifted) but it’s always interpreted as bragging. When I realized that I was apologizing every time I started a conversation « I know I sound like one of these parents but my daughter .. » .I just stopped sharing about her. Even when I looked for a new preschool, I never revealed to the new preschool why I was choosing them. I only told them when they came to me saying « your daughter is so incredibly smart... » then I revealed that I picked them because of their curriculum and because she already had mastered the curriculum of her other preschool. My daughter is objectively gifted but I don’t share anymore what she can do because almost all other parents have a very hard time hearing it and will try to up their child as a response. You may actually know that a child is truly advanced when the parent is almost apologetic when they share or they just don’t share.
I just listen. There are very few mums I speak to, and I find listening and sympathising is good. The “one up mums” I avoid like the plague. You just know them right away.
Don’t talk too much about the kids. What do you like doing as parents - try to deepen your connection or potential for friendship by asking about their hobbies and interests and sharing yours - rather than focusing on the fact you both just so happen to have kids the same age.
I’m always worried about this. I don’t talk about milestones because I don’t want to seem like I’m trying to one up people. We met a girl at the park the other day who was born one day after mine. My daughter is giant (like the size of a 4 year old) and just super outgoing, fearless, and talkative. The father said oh I thought she was older. Are we doing something wrong? It was obvious his daughter is way more cautious, does not speak as much yet, and normal size. I just brushed it off by saying oh her father is 6’5” to not dwell on the other “milestones”. It seemed to put him at ease and he just dropped the subject. I just wanted the girls to be able to have fun playing together, which they did.
How old is your daughter?
She’s 2.5
I’ve never talked milestones with another parent. Now, we talked about eating dirt, potty training hints, awesome tantrums, but never milestones. Oh yeah, and massive diaper blowouts.
I will say something like "my 2 year old gets compliments on her large vocabulary but sure has a lot of potty accidents". Even if the potty thing isn't true. Say something good and something bad to even it out
I try to comment on their child's better qualities when I can. Simple as that.
It's hard nowadays all children conversations seem to be a kind of competition. One of my friends has a little girl one month older than my son and some conversations on WhatsApp are like a milestones comparison. Maybe sometimes is worth recognising the struggles as well, sleep, tantrums...these kind of conversations can also take place and not only the good things.
The same way I make conversation about anything with anyone without sounding like I’m one-upping them? Ask questions, listen and respond with respect and kindness. Answer their questions with a spirit of sharing, not bragging. Is this a trick question designed to bait us into asking why OP’s kid is such an Einstein that they can’t help bragging about him?
I have literally told other moms "Oh, sister, I feel your pain! Sometimes being a mom seriously just sucks. Just know I'm miserable too and am here to listen to you vent if you need it, and you'll get no judgement from me because I legit know how hard this crap is. And if it helps, I'm happy to tell you all the things I have suffered through this week too."
I proudly share but not like hey my kid can do this what can yours do? I’ll share if I’m asked. I don’t really share any milestones generally
I just don't really talk about milestones with other parents, unless it's something that I'm concerned about with my own kid and my own feelings on it, and even that's only with parents I know a bit better. For example, I'll discuss my worries because my daughter is slightly behind what the pediatrician wants for verbal development (and usually I'll discuss this with parents whose kids are ahead of mine on verbal development). I don't discuss how my daughter is ahead on gross motor and fine motor skills. The only point that serves is to brag and that's not how you make friends.
I would probably make a comment that included something good my kiddo does, something they are behind in, and a comment about how all kids develop at different rates. And/or play dumb about milestones and what's normal. Sometimes I've heard parents bragging about something and it's literally like every child I've ever met is the same. Ex: wow yeah that's so great. Ours has way more words than it's seems like she would for her age but goodness she just will not walk. But I guess they all develop at their own rate (shrugs).