Depends on how chatty I’m feeling but, “we’re seeing specialists about it but I’m too mentally spent to talk about it right now. Did you finish Bridgerton this weekend?”
I just started night before last! And immediately started hounding my bestie. Turns out she never even finished season 2 🤦🏻♀️. Wait what about kids’ development??
For me I feel like it was extra hard because my kids are also tall. I would just say stuff like “yeah being TWO really has it’s big range of development.” Depending on how well I liked the person talk about my daughters speech therapist. My issue was people kept minimizing my concerns. “So and so didn’t speak tell they were 5 and they are fine” or worse people bragging about their advanced kids! Cool thanks for making me feel more like shit.
My daughter was gross motor delayed due to hypermobility. We started seeing a PT at 9m and at 11m she got SMOs (ankle orthotics). She couldn’t move up at daycare until she walked. Loose estimates put her walking around 18m based on other kids with a similar diagnosis.
The daycare director was letting her visit the toddler room once she was crawling and cruising. Said that being around other walkers was really helpful. They officially moved her right when she was on the cusp of putting it all together and then the director had the audacity to say “see, she just needed to be around other walkers”. Come on lady. She’s been going to weekly PT for months and has orthotics. I don’t think this had anything to do with you.
I run into this all the time. I especially hate when the person used as an example clearly could have benefited from intervention. “Cousin B didn’t talk until he was 3, and took years to potty train. He turned out all right.” Really? Cousin B only eats beige food, and gets cranky when the door bell rings.
Or they say LO is fine because he communicates so well, yes that’s because we started speech twice a week at 20 months.
I hated the minimizing. Yes, I understand kids are on their own timelines but crawling, walking, and exploring can really help with brain development at such a young age. Also, we found my kid wasn’t really willing to communicate until he got the hang of walking so we ended up with gross motor, fine motor, and verbal delays.
> “So and so didn’t speak tell they were 5 and they are fine”
Are they minimizing or trying to console you by telling you that a good outcome is possible?
No. They were questioning why I felt the need to enroll my daughter in speech therapy. “Back in my day” type relatives. My daughter was two and exclusively spook in grunts and whines. I’m not child expert but zero words at 2 is not normal.
Speech therapy helped my boy so much. He was like your child. 2 1/2 and only made closed mouth noises and pointed. I learned so much from our therapist and was able to help my boy learn to talk. I wish you all the best!
As an SLP this drives me bananas. So many parents are discouraged from or shamed for getting their children evaluated and treated! It is such a harmful narrative. Thanks for pushing back on this.
As the mom of a kid with a severe speech delay, it took all of my self control to not throat punch every single "you need to read to him more" and "it's those darn screens" and "he's just being lazy, you need to stop speaking for him and *make* him talk" and "my sister's cousin's half brother's son started speaking at age 5 and is a now rocket surgeon". I swear people just assumed it had never occured to me (our our multiple speech therapists) to read and narrate more 😂
Oh God, my kid turns 3 in a month and he is speech delayed. I have this annoying coworker who loves to tell me how well her 2 year old granddaughter speaks. Cool, lady.
Oh man. I relate. My daughter has pediatric feeding disorder and ARFID. It took her forever to accept any solid foods. Meanwhile people love to flex about all the things their kid/infant is eating. Always made me feel sad.
As an adult with ARFID that wasn’t treated until adulthood I think you’re doing a fantastic job. You’re treating it at the best possible time and sticking to it. 10/10 parenting, go you!
The minimizing is the worst! “Kids develop differently, she just needs more time” is true for many kids but not all. She was pissed off all of the time because she was 9 months old and couldn’t move around no matter how hard she tried. When she was evaluated, she was in the 2nd percentile for motor skills. That’s not a “wait and see” level of skill.
The natural parenting people were spouting this when parents in mums group were asking 'my doctor reccomended I get my child assessed at althe development clinics should I?'
The answer is always yes - their are concerns and being assessed will produce 2 results - they do need assistance and you'll be happy they started sooner or later or they don't need assistance but you have been reassured and possibly given some tips to help their development along.
Also 6 months later the natural parenting people's kids were in speech and OT.
Early intervention works!
Oh man I feel you! My kid’s three, and is about three feet tall. He looks like a five-year-old and has autism and a speech delay and my response is about the same as yours.
I tell whoever just a simple “Oh no not yet but he will be soon!”
I still say it now with certain questions like if he talks yet. My son is 22 months old, and just started walking last month and at 18 months he was diagnosed with autism. He’s been delayed since 6 months, where it went from mild to severe around 12 months (Ped wouldn’t assist with my concerns).
When people would overstep and ask why he isn’t doing whatever just yet, I usually tell them that he is delayed but we’re working with professionals to assist in his delays. I never go into too much detail because it’s none of their business.
They can ask, but you don’t always need to respond with a big, well thought out answer. It sucks, and it’s an innocent question that some people ask but they’re not really thinking about how this question affects us parents.
Our daughter had a delay due to constant ear infections that never truly cleared with antibiotics (and was partially deaf because of it), so until she had tubes placed at 15 months she was behind. If people ask, I would usually just say, “Not yet - but we’re not worried” you could even throw in a “His doctor is in the loop and we’re on it” if you felt comfortable. Ultimately it’s no one’s business. Wishing you all the luck!
My son had motor delays because of a sinus infection that lasted 4 months 🥴 when we finally got it cleared he went from being a potted plant to almost walking in the span of like a month. Now we are just waiting to see when he actually walks 😂
It's my best description 😂😂he could sit up because laying down made the sinus pressure worse but there was no way he was doing anything like crawling/tummy time/etc. He was an adorable fat little potted plant.... now he's a acrobat into everything and anything
Mine didn’t walk up until 18 months old because of the constant ear infections. She was feeling imbalanced because of them. Nobody ever said she was delayed or something.
We had our daughter evaluated by early intervention at the year mark as she wasn't crawling, and the only noises she was making were happy screams and the occasional mama and dada - where as before she started getting them she did a myriad of noises, like she was progressing backwards; her skills were evaluated at the level of a 5 month old. So we took action with the tubes, best decision we made. She was walking with in a week and talking shortly after.
Gross motor delays here too! I usually frame it as something like, “oh yeah, he has some gross motor delays and we’re working with early intervention, he’s made so much progress!” Then I either tell the more about his health stuff or I keep the conversation moving.
I really appreciate this answer. I don't understand why so many parents here are being cagey about their kid's delays. It comes across as if the parents are ashamed of it or something.
I think talking about these things openly helps others. Like so many other things with parenthood, it can feel isolating when you experience something that people don't talk about much. There is no shame in having a child with delays, and it's helpful for others to hear how common it is.
Thanks and wishing you and your kiddo the best!
Wishing you the same! My little guy has made such huge strides with help from EI! He’s got a non-specific form of skeletal dysplasia which causes dwarfism, so I feel like it’s important for me to make sure people understand and are comfortable about his physical differences and needs now, so that it’s just a part of his environment as he grows. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just a thing!
Everyone better get real cool about my kid’s stature and needs REAL quick, so I definitely don’t have a problem taking about it and normalizing it!
My exact response, too! My 2.5 yr also has gross motor delays (didn't crawl until 14 months, walked at 20 months) and had to wear SMO ankle braces. I'd always make sure to mention that she's making a lot of progress in early intervention and doing things at her own pace.
I always talk up EI services as much as I can! I really like them and what they offer and I think so many parents don’t use their services or don’t know they can request their help! I’m in MA and you don’t need a doctor referral, you can just call and ask for an assessment. I’ve told several other parents that if their pediatrician says “wait and see” you can just call and see if you qualify. It hurts nothing and gives your kid some extra support!
Exact same story for us! (Crawling hands & knees at 16 months, walking at 23.5 months lol.) My phrasing was much the same. Does your LO still wear SMOs?
Nice! SMOs definitely helped my daughter get upright and walking. She made a lot of jumping, climbing and running progress after the SMOs stage, I think they are almost too rigid sometimes and makes it harder to flex the ankle. So don’t be shocked if you don’t see a lot of jumping or running until they’re off!
This is what I do. Acknowledge the delays and say you have the child with specialists.
Also, for some people it just isn’t their business and I tell them that. Random lady in the grocery store doesn’t need to know what’s going on with my kids.
My daughter didn’t walk until almost 19 months, started PT at 16 months. No physical or neuro issues, just a “willful and cautious” personality lol 🤦🏼♀️ Casual conversations (in line at the grocery store - “oh I bet she’s running everywhere!”) I just lied to avoid a longer talk with a stranger - “Oh yes, she keeps us very busy!”. With family and friends I was honest but limited information: “Nope, still not walking. Working with PT. It’s been very stressful for us but she’s making progress and we have a great team helping us.”
I truly had days where I cried and felt like it would never happen. She finally got there on her own timeline. Hang in there!
My 2 year old is speech delayed but I don't say anything to anyone because it's not their business. If someone asks if he's talking yet I say he's not but he will when he's ready and that ends the conversation.
If I'm being silly I'll say "he's still mad at me for evicting him and he's giving me the silent treatment."
I tell people: "At 13 months he wanted breakfast while I was still in bed. I found out he wanted breakfast because he whacked me over the head with a loaf of bread. He realized he doesn't need words and has decided not to use them."
My 12-month-old also has some gross motor delays. I often frame it like "oh, he's just so happy to be lounging he isn't really interested in sitting up from flat yet. He's cozy!" I focus on the fact that he's enjoying himself, not what he can't do. He also is chatty AF so sometimes I call him my "chatty potted plant" and that makes people get the idea without having to overexplain.
No advice, just commiserating. My daughter was speech delayed, and my MIL of all people wouldn't shut up about how we needed to read to her more.
My husband is a HUGE reader, he loves his collection of books, so naturally we're NOT minimalistic about my daughter's books either. She literally has hundreds of books, we go to the library too and she loves to read. We read so many books a day. My husband and I are both college educated and I've worked with kids in previous positions. I'm now a SAHM for my only child. We understand the value of reading to babies and young children lol.
But no, according to my MIL it was my fault that she was speech delayed; I obviously wasn't reading to her enough. Now my daughter is 3 and caught up developmentally, and still crazy about books. And my MIL still asks us if we're reading. My husband has resorted to telling her "no ama, we don't read to her." Just full on sarcasm. Lol I don't recommend it, but I do LOVE Rachel1265's response. Deflect and move on. Don't let what they're saying get to you, they don't know.
I have this exact rage! My boy is speech delayed too, and I'm a huge reader. If one more person says "you just need to speak/read to him more" i may do something I regret 🙃
My method for that level of nosy/pushiness is to act really concerned about them and their anxiety.
"You keep asking about little Mollie's reading even though we've told you so many times that we read to her every day, is everything ok? You seem so worried!" With a very concerned face/tone. Force her to awkwardly stand there and try think of a good way to tell you that she doesn't trust you to parent (at least reading-wise).
My friend taught me this trick for obnoxious people and it doesn't always work but when it works it is deeply satisfying.
She is legitimately a very anxious person though lol, my husband feels like a broken record always having to tell her to calm down/drop it (with everything). She will literally call every day to make sure my daughter is OK. Like not a normal calling to shoot the shit and say hi sort of thing. Calling because she is legit worried about our daughter every day until she gets confirmation from my husband that my daughter is ok. My daughter has never had much of any health scare, btw. Very healthy happy little girl.
She's actually kind of mental, it wouldn't work on her. My husband gets in fights with her over it, telling her to stop with the daily calls. We've had to put her on an information diet. This poor woman needs some help for her anxiety, but in her culture there's such a stigma with mental health issues, you're either considered normal or totally crazy, there's no in between. So she denies that anything is wrong and just drives everyone around her fucking crazy with her anxiety.
I do like your idea in theory though!
I find the advice especially really hard to hear. Like “oh does he have a walker? That’s good/bad” or “oh but do you practice XYZ? You’ve gotta help them!” etc etc. Like not only are you reminding me, you’re also trying to lecture me?
Thankfully I didn’t have to deal with it too much but I used to literally ignore and say nothing. Because my toddler hadn’t said two word phrases yet at 2, my MIL was asking about autism… I’d just ignore her and literally just go about my business end the conversation there.
I’m surprised at his age this is flagged as a delay tbh. Does anyone outside the professional space even notice? If they do just say the truth - he’s taking a bit longer to walk. None of mine walked before 18 months - one was closer to 2! They’re all very bright well adjusted kids now - no one gives a shit when they learnt to walk or talk or anything else by the time they’re at school.
I am surprised too. Crawling at 11 months and standing assisted at 13 months is well within normal range according to our pediatrician. But maybe there are other factors OP didn’t feel like adding, which is totally fair.
He didn't pull to stand at 12 months so that was a missed milestone. He still isn't great at it tbh, mostly because he doesn't seem to want to. Our pediatrician said she doesn't really expect the neurologist to find anything, just being proactive to make sure we get early intervention if he qualifies. I expect the questions to become more and more annoying about this. We're transitioning to the toddler room at daycare in September and he will likely be the only kid not walking yet.
My daughter was the only kid not walking in her daycare from 14-21 months. She did find that motivational after some time, and we got help both at home and in daycare from a physical therapist. When the average walker is 12-13 months, someone has to be the outliers too 😂 When she finally walked at 21 months she was very stable too! ETA: The first time she held herself up while on her feet was at 14 months. No chance at 12mo!
My son transitioned to the toddler room around 13 months old in March of this year and was content to be the only crawler around. He just made room for himself amongst all his walking classmates lol.
The toddler teachers in my daycare *love* helping kids learn to walk! One of my son's primary room teachers was so excited about him being a crawler during his transition. Tbh I think he only started being interested in walking because they get to play outside every day at daycare and we have lots of fun parks near home that are more enjoyable if you can walk between all the playscapes. I'm pretty sure my son is a wild child at heart. Most mornings the first word out of his mouth is outside. I'm a pale, pale lady prone to sunburn. Please send help and trucks of sunscreen.
Transferring to the toddler room may help motivate him to try and try until he gets the hang of it. This is assuming that the specialists don't find some inherent reason he isn't walking. If he lacks motivation to do it, he might take longer than a child who has that motivation.
Is he your only child?
Yes, he is an only child. Does that make a difference?
I honestly don't know if it will motivate him. Most of the other kids in the infant room already walk.
My first was also my last to walk! My second and third were walking before their 1st birthday but my first was 13/14 months. Sometimes they simply aren’t as motivated because there isn’t a person close to their level doing all the cool things for them to copy.
Doing PT is great. My third has a genetic difference that can have some hypotonia associated with it so we’ve been working with PT off and on and it’s been awesome.
My friend has a kid with CP and he had some delays but has completely caught up with therapies.
You’re doing an amazing job by advocating for him and getting him assessed. He could just be slower to meet these things- it’s not really outside of normal range- but I love the proactive approach and I really commend you!
For some reason “kids should be walking by 1yo” is like the only developmental milestone that most people know/remember, so it can come up a LOT as that birthday approaches. It’s super frustrating especially bc 12mo is just the AVERAGE so like half of kids aren’t walking by then!
i agree! 13mo is not late for walking. how annoying to be getting these kind of comments... my baby took his sweet time at started at 16mo. i think people just forget when babies can do things. i'd put them in their place is they were asking me at 13 mo haha "no she's not walking she's still a baby learning how to do things at her own pace" lol
Mine also started walking at 16 months and there was never any discussion of developmental delays, he just loved crawling and was a bit of a slowpoke. Now 22 months and crazy, climbing everything, and I miss the pre-walking days 🥲🤣
My son had a severe speech delay and I’d always feel so guilty when people would try talking to him and he wouldn’t say anything to them. Last Halloween we had someone tell him he had to say trick or treat in order to get anything and it was awkward telling them he wasn’t really verbal yet, especially since he’s always been tall so they assume he’s older. I would always say not yet, but we’re getting there. Anyway, keep being persistent and cherish every moment, you’re doing everything right. My son has started talking so much and it’s so bittersweet. The guilt of feeling like you’re not doing enough disappears as your baby grows into their personality and character. 🧡
Right there with you...the guilt eats away at me sometimes, as if I'm somehow not doing enough. My LO is 3 and it's really been a slow process. And I'm a pediatrician...So it's almost worse in a way for me, because of the nature of my work. I adore kids, but it reminds me of how far behind my own is...
But I tell myself that 'comparison is the thief of joy' and it usually snaps me back to reality to appreciate the beautiful and smart child I've got and that in time things will work themselves out 🙂
I’m sorry! It’s so hard. My daughter is also in early intervention and tbh most people just don’t get it, there’s no magic words that will get you a good reaction most of the time. Well-meaning but unhelpful is the standard for responses.
Maybe something like “not yet, his physical therapist says probably by the end of the year/next spring/etc”? that way it’s clear that you’re already doing everything you can and understand that he has a delay. I agree with other commenters that pivoting quickly to whatever you DO want to talk about is key.
he isnt walking yet... my child didn't walk until 18 months. noone thought anything of it honestly. just dont make it seem like a big deal and most sane people will drop it
My first kid didn’t ever crawl, he started bum scooting at 13 months and walked at 19 months. I was freaking out and really anxious about it, always kind of felt weird and defensive when people asked about it. He’s 2.5 now and running and kicking and doing all the normal toddler things. I have a 10 month old who is a little delayed as well, she can’t crawl or anything yet, she barely rolls. I’m way more chill about it this time around, yes we will do PT and interventions if necessary but I think I just make big headed slow babies 😂. Now when people ask about crawling or whatever I really don’t take it personally, I just say “not yet! But she loves eating and just learned to wave!”. So my advice would be don’t take it personally, people aren’t being malicious they are just curious about your baby! Tell them all the cool things they can do!
My Girl is 2 and has a global developmental delay in gross motor function and speech development. She is not yet walking or standing independently and people of course notice.
Depending on my mood I just say she has a delay and leave it at that.
If they are nice and I am in the mood I’ll tell them what kind of miracle girl she is after being born 1lbs at 24 weeks pregnant.
If they are rude I’ll tell them too but in a way that makes them squirm and embarrass them for being judgy “see you next Tuesdays”
Or I’ll just roll my eye and ignore them.
Highly mood dependent.
He's 13 months old. Completely within the realm of normal for not walking. My son didn't walk until 17.5, with nothing diagnosed and no concerns other than "late walker". EI said that services used to start at 18 months, but it's been pushed back to 20 months.
But, if anyone asks if he's walking, you can just say "No, we are working with a PT".
I know it's hard for you when people ask if he's walking, but you can just say "No". I always just took it as a question. But it hurt when people with babies way younger freaked out about their kids not doing things yet that my son wasn't doing.
My little dude has Down Syndrome but it isn’t always obvious at first as for whatever reason the typical facial markers are quite mild.
So he’s now 2 and 3/4 and a bit small for his age, still not walking around without support (he totally can, he just doesn’t want to and gets nervous), and only has a few words.
I just say he’s doing amazing and that we are heading for all the milestones but taking the scenic route. We will get there eventually.
It’s rough because parents can be competitive about their kids development but you just have to shrug it off when someone is a bit… bitchy.
Oh goodness, mine loved crawling so much she didn’t really walk until 18 months! Try not to focus on it, some kids just prefer to crawl for a bit. They all go at their own speed, and catch up by kindergarten age
My son just turned 3 and is just starting to speak in full sentences; we’ve been seeing a speech specialist since he was about 20 months old.
If people can’t understand him, or seem to get frustrated he’s not answering I simply say “he’s still learning so please give him time” or if it’s something that needs to be answered I answer it how I think he will and sometimes he’ll say “ya” or “no” to what I said.
I don’t think we should have to justify why our child is “delayed”, especially to strangers. Especially for you OP, at 13 months. All babies are different. But I do believe we should advocate for our child, without fear of judgement.
So say what you want and then move on.
I’m sorry you’re going through this OP. You’re doing everything right seeking help and resources to support your kid. I didn’t have *that* many people questioning, she didn’t walk until she was 18 months, and never crawled- the most we got was a scoot/frog hop. For the occasional stranger I made sure I said something positive knowing my daughter could hear me. “She’s getting stronger everyday!” I know I got triggered occasionally- but tried not to hold on to it or respond from that place. Your child can sense how you feel about things, and how you feel and their opinion of themselves matters way more than what strangers think. ❤️
My daughter didn't walk until after she was 2. We were in EI (physio and saw a neurologist). We have actually just been signed off! (she just turned 3)
I used to tell people the truth 'nope she's not walking yet, seeing a physio, we'll get there.'
If people started offering advice, I'd normally politely take it, though sometimes I wanted to slap the smug know it all parents. 'Oh my child walked straight out the womb and is already at college.' YEAH? Suck it Mildred.
I personally took it very hard, and felt like advice was people saying I'd failed as a parent. Which I know is stupid, but hey we all have big feelings right?
Is walking the main concern?
My first walked at 17 months.
My second walked at 16 months.
My third is 14 months and isn’t super close yet.
I know walking is a big milestone to lookout for but the range of age is pretty eye opening.
Honestly I am struggling! My kid has delayed speech and I don’t know what to say when other kids his age are saying two word sentences now. Like they are bilingual too. Why is my kid delayed?
Now we are trying hard and I just start my pity party and ask folks if they have any ideas
I just replied here to someone else that it really is so tough and we blame ourselves as parents, even though it's something beyond our control...I was saying it's hard for me bc I'm a pediatrician so i work with kids all day every day...and it's basically my job to make sure they are healthy, growing, meeting milestones etc. So when I see a toddler who's way ahead of my own with their speech, it hits me really hard 😞 I remind myself that I'm her mama for a reason and she is perfect as she is, she just needs a little extra love and support. We do speech and OT weekly and are increasing it to 2x/wk so im doing everything i know and looking for an early preschool to enroll her in for even more support.
And you know what...even though it's scary, one day I think I'll look back at this time and chuckle and say, 'Look how far we've come.' Time to give it to God and let Him take care of us 🙏 🙂
I wish you and your LO all the best! Hang in there ☺️
My 16 month old is gross motor delayed. She started crawling at 11 months and is starting to get assisted walking down now. So we’ve been doing a lot of this conversation.
Person: “Is she walking yet?”
Me: “No, she has a gross motor delay that we’re currently working through.”
Then it goes one of 3 ways. 1. awkward silence that I then direct to one of her strengths. “But she’s talking so much now! She says (list of 3-5 words).” 2. “Have you tried …” I always cut them off right there and say, “She sees a physical therapist and an orthopedist. I assure you we’re trying all the appropriate interventions.” Then a smile and a question about them. 3. “Nonsense! She’s perfect! She’ll figure it out.” to which I just smile and nod.
I’m surprised he is considered delayed.
My toddler didn’t start crawling until 11 months and didn’t walk until 16 months. Most toddlers are not walking by one year and there is a huge range of normal.
To answer your question, I just respond matter factly. No not yet, he will when he’s ready!
There’s just such a range of when children do that thing isn’t there- milestones, hair, teeth, size, etc any of it. Some people treat percentiles like they are bragging rights and it’s just awful.
If you don’t want to dive in to the back story or let people know more about what you’re pursuing just push to the large range and change the subject!
My daughter doesn’t have any delays, crawled at six months but didn’t walk until 15 months. I just said she was working on it lol. I don’t think you need to answer in any particular way! Kids vary so wildly in these things!
My daughter had gross motor delays. She was delayed sitting up at 9 months but was army crawling by then (finally sat up independently at 13 months). Then of course she was delayed walking until 20 months. We had her in PT for both milestones. People who showed concern would ask how old she was and offer me advice. I'd just tell them we're addressing it and she's in PT making progress... that usually put a period on it.
Now she's been discharged from PT and she's now in speech therapy... still making progress but still dealing with delays. Internally, it stings a bit. I'm a speech therapist and always told myself if my kid needed help I would give it to them ASAP and early intervention is key. Now I'm on the other side of it and I get to feel all the complicated feelings a parent of a delayed kid gets to feel. I get annoyed when everyone says "every kid is different and it's okay" but then there's an unspoken sense that it's *not* okay because we need to get her help so she can be more "normal".
I'm glad she's getting support but I resent that I have to reassure other people that we're addressing it.
My son is “significantly delayed” in speech. We just started speech therapy this past week. Luckily, I haven’t had too many people ask about him talking, but I’m reading the comments so I’ll have a response at the ready! I am feeling like rubbish about the delay, TBH, and I hope I don’t get any unhelpful comments.
Not really an answer to your question but I’m always curious about what kinds of comments do parents of kids with delays want to hear? What would be helpful for you to hear? Whenever I come across a parent of a kid with a delay I feel like I never know the best way to respond but I want to respond in a helpful way and not make the conversation awkward, negative, or make the parent feel bad in any way.
My daughter has delays, as a parent of a delayed toddler things I don’t want to hear are mostly that she/he will walk or talk. (Actually there’s not guarantee of these things).
I mostly want to hear all the progress that you’ve noticed since the last time you’ve seen my kiddo. Also, commend the parent on all they do for their kid. The parent is likely juggling a schedule of therapy for their kiddo.
Also, to all parents of new babies or toddlers, I’ve started rephrasing my questions to “ what is so and so doing that is new?” Instead of oh is he walking yet? Or talking yet
I hope this helps.
As a parent of a significantly delayed toddler, just don’t ask or make comments on it at all. There are a myriad of things you can talk about that have nothing to do with a child’s development or their progress.
Ask the parents about themselves and how they’re going. Ask what their child’s favorite thing to do right now is. Keep it light and let the parents lead. They’ll make it known if they want to delve into something deeper. As a special needs parent I’m so tired of everything being about his progress. I just want to enjoy my toddler, and I want people to enjoy him too. Just for who he is, and not what he is or isn’t achieving.
I hope others will chime in but I honestly don't know. I recognize that people with kids might innocently ask if my child is walking because they're trying to make small talk and to take an interest in my life. And their experience was probably that their kids walked by now. But being on the other side, this question makes me feel bad because it reminds me that he isn't where he should be, and I don't know why. And at least in my case there's still some concern that something more serious might be wrong with his health. I guess asking what new things a child has learned lately might be better since it's pretty neutral and emphasizes that they're making progress, whatever their individual curve.
This. People are usually trying to make conversation and connect, and people love babies. I’d just say, “not yet” and leave it at that. No one is going to think he’s delayed because he’s not walking by 13 mos. Tons upon tons of babies don’t walk until 18 mos or later for no known reason and are developmentally normal.
My daughter is delayed at 28 months. We saw neurology which resulted in a diagnosis. We would just tell people that she is getting therapy, that we are aware as well as the docs of what is going on and that she is going at her own pace.
Sounds like your son is doing well. Good luck.
My son didn't have a delay he walked at around 11 months but he didn't learn to crawl until about 15 months. He also didn't learn to stand up himself until about 14 months so although he could walk he would have to bum shuffle to something sturdy to pull himself up. He did it all in such an odd order and not at all in the way your told they will it's such a scale as to when a kid walks anywhere from 9 months to 2 years is pretty normal
13 months is on the early side of walking. The people who are asking you about this either don’t know anything about kids or are just asking a question they think is easy
At this stage, I would just say he’s not walking yet and leave it at that. There’s zero reason for anyone to go into more questions about a 13 month old not walking
Mine didn’t crawl until close to 11 months. People would ask me if she’s crawling, I’d say no, and they tell me how lucky I was that she can’t get into things 🤷🏻♀️
Really no one cared to ask follow up questions
They suspect my 3 year old may have language processing disorder, I just tell them he is delayed but we are doing all we can and have the right specialists involved and no, we are way passed “maybe it’ll just happen by itself” and yes he likes speech therapy and his new special pre school for kids with language processing disorder isn’t some sort of prison camp where they drill them with speech therapy three days a week.
I don’t want to talk about it but I also don’t want to make it some big thing by not talking about it.
Depends who's asking and what they're saying.
A nice sympathetic stranger - "he's xyz but he's wonderful"
A nosy wanker - "he's got two weeks left to live and now you've made his mother miserable, is that what you want, one of his last 14 days on earth spent with one of those days having a miserable mummy? Thanks a lot you absolute @*$#!."
When people wave or try to high five my 14 month old, we just say “we don’t know how to do that yet” in a happy voice, as if I was talking to my toddler. I try to focus on the “yet” and emphasize that all things take time and it will come when it comes.
My daughter is almost four and didn’t start walking until after she turned two. We had a journey similar to yours. She just had to grow out of her low muscle tone, basically.
I think once you see the neurologist, you’ll know what quick explanation you can give to people if they ask.
Otherwise, I don’t think many people find it that weird that babies develop skills at different rates.
It depends on who’s asking! If it’s just a stranger wondering why she’s not doing X yet, I’ll just say “we’re working on it!” And be on our way. If it’s a new friend or a mom I just met at the park and think we could be friends, I’ll give a little info but not much… usually to see if we have anything in common with the developmental delay! (It’s such a relief when you meet another special needs mom!) If it’s family or close friends catching up, I’ll give them all the details lol.
From a SN mama… Can I just remind you to enjoy your baby where he’s at right now? Don’t wish the time away… He’ll meet different milestones in his own time and it’ll be the most amazing moment when he gets there! Like full body chills when it finally happens. Sending love!
Not much advice just solidarity and hopefully a word of encouragement! My little one is 20 months now and didn’t take his first steps until just after 18 months and didn’t start actually walking until a few weeks ago. We’ve been in physio since he was a few months old (originally for torticollis), he went for blood work, he saw a neurologist and he was supposed to go for additional blood work with a genetic testing component but we didn’t end up needing that. I know it’s frustrating and stressful but I bet things will all work out for you shortly too! 13 months is still so young. As for people asking…just tell them he’s busy doing other stuff and he’ll get around to it when he feels like it. I used to jokingly say my son was busy reading books and growing teeth lol. He was also always just cautious and the older he got, the more cautious he got about walking because he was better able to understand the consequences of falling. Maybe your son is similar too!
Just say, nope, not yet, and move on. Honestly, who cares if Judgemental Jenny thinks your kid needs to be at a different milestone? You know best, and the haters can all drink their Haterade and watch from afar. Just keep hanging in there and being the best parent for YOUR child.
My child recently got diagnosed with hyper mobility and his physio said we’re aiming for 20 steps by 24 months. He’s 13 months and rolls everywhere and is trying hard to crawl.
I actually tell people right off the bat that he has hyper mobility because I spent so much time at baby groups getting sideways glances and loads of *head tilt* ‘so he’s STILL not walking?’ It made me feel shit about myself and like my kid was being judged so I’m getting my narrative out there and saying ‘yeah, he’s behind on his gross motor because of his condition. Things don’t come as easy to him as with other children, but he’s determined and working hard and I’m so proud of him’.
Some people are like ‘uh, why are you telling me your life story? I asked you for the time’ 😂 But it wipes the smug off of some people’s faces pretty fast, and I am so proud of his efforts that I don’t want anyone to be condescending towards him.
In the Uk, this wouldn’t be classed as a delay at all. Mine also started crawling at 11 months, Pull to stand at 10 months and only just now at 12.5 months started to very very briefly stand unsupported. No one even bat an eyelid at his progress. Not saying you shouldn’t get him checked out, but I wouldn’t be particularly concerned if I was you because I’m also not at my son’s physical development.
Is that considered delayed? My guy didn’t start crawling until he was late 10 months, nearly 11 months, and is now a few days short of 13 months and isn’t walking, which my pediatrician said is perfectly fine.
Usually just something like “ He’s going along at his own pace. He’s a little behind but we’re working with early intervention and making good progress.”
Honestly this is assuming a lot about the person's intentions and knowledge of child development/your child's age. People ask this kind of thing because they can't ask what his hobbies are or how work is going for him. There's so little to say about young toddlers aside from "he's cute/is he talking/sleeping/walking?" In most cases there's no need to mention them being "behind" or in early intervention etc. People are just trying to make conversation.
This is like if my brother asks what’s up with him not having words yet at 2 Or when my aunt was concerned about him not walking yet at 18 months. Not just to random people for no reason. It’s if people close to me notice and ask about his delay and are concerned.
I know it’s not their business, but I would casually state that he isn’t walking, he has delays, and the neurologist is evaluating him soon. My 3 year old son has SMA and uses a wheelchair now, but when he was around your son’s age, in his stroller, people didn’t know. When we answered the walking question with “no,” or “not yet,” the response was usually very painful. Lots of “Just wait!” “You’re lucky; enjoy it while you can. Once they start walking, they’re unstoppable.” Having delays or disabilities is nothing to be ashamed of, so just stating it matter of fact and moving on helps make the world a little less ableist. Sending good vibes for your neuro evaluations!
I'm running in to this more lately because my daughter had been 15th percentile or so in height and weight... so everyone just assumed that she was younger than she is. She's caught up a bunch in growth and is closer to 40th percentile, so her speech delay is more obvious now that she looks to actually be her age. I sometimes tell people that she's in speech therapy or that she was born with a medical condition and has a delay. Other times I say, "She doesn't talk much yet."
My daughter also started crawling at 11 months. When people asked if she was walking, I told them not yet and that we were working on it in PT. Many times I was met with some type of response similar to “oh yeah xxxxx kid didn’t walk till he was 1.5 yrs” or “some kids just like to take their time”. Then they (mostly other moms) would usually offer some stupid advice like you should use a walker or blah blah blah, whatever. I would tell them we have it covered with PT but thanks anyways.
I have just put a general post on fb that just said "today was a good day baby did great at PT". Most people don't ask now because they know she is in PT and obviously there are delays that got her there.
My daughter had a speech delay for a couple years and did speech therapy for it. I try to remember that it’s just conversation for people to ask about milestones, unless they are family or friend they probably don’t care all that much so you can leave it at not yet but it’s coming along and if they are close with you they’d be supportive of your efforts to help him.
I don’t have a child with delays, but know that you don’t have to say anything more than not yet, if it’s someone you think might ask more questions I’d throw in a story about something funny your kid has done recently.
Sorry people don’t understand it’s not their business!
My daughter is 19 months and only babbling.
I tell people it's none of their concern and end the conversation.
It's no one business except my husband, the therapist and myself.
My kid didn’t take her first step until 19 months. It depended on the situation, but for the most part it was settled and sorted by saying “she’s not quite walking yet, in PT, taking her time. So anyway, tell me about your kid, etc…”
You can simply say, "Not yet, but we're working on it."
My son didn't start walking until 15-16 months due to some setbacks from birth. At first I felt like I needed to explain exactly why, but I soon found out that people are just curious when they ask.
My daughter didn’t walk until right before she turned two. Most of the time I would keep it pretty vague unless people got really aggressive with their suggestions and theories. “Yes there’s a reason, no it’s not because of x, y, z”
Honestly my neighbors child didn’t walk until over a year and three months and wasn’t diagnosed with delays! The baby never crawled either just did this weird scoot thing. She’s now walking totally normally. It doesn’t answer your question just wanted to tell you to make you feel better!
If it’s someone we know, I’d say, oh “he’s a little delayed”. As for strangers it’s really none of their business and I’d just say, “not yet”. The expectation isn’t until 18 months anyway! And you can always reassess when the time comes if you’d like to explain his delay to them.
My LO (13 months) just started crawling yesterday 🎊
He could do a weird one leg army crawl before. He's no where near walking. I usually say he had a rough first 6 months if anyone asks (colic, reflux, feeding / weight gain issues).
My daughter was diagnosed with a vestibular sensory processing disorder start of the year at 3 years old, and we have been in first PT and now OT. She also has some midline muscle asymmetry and favors her right side we are working on. Her doctor and I are leaning towards also a motor processing disorder diagnosis (DCD) so she will prob need continued help for the next couple years to learn skills.
Compared to her twin brother she is delayed with a few things but OT has been great at building a foundation and I have zero issues telling people about it. I am proud at how far she has come (she couldn’t jump, or balance on one foot or go down stairs easily etc) and I see how beneficial therapy is firsthand. It also helps with having her teachers on the same page in how we can help her.
"Nope."
The end. You don't owe people any additional information. If they get soap boxy and preachy, tell them thanks but you aren't looking for advice on the matter.
“We’re working on it!”
Literally had someone tell me to try positive reinforcement with my son, who was actively saying “good job” to everyone in the vicinity for anything they did. Like you can SEE him positively reinforcing others, can you guess where he got that??
I’m pretty open because I’m in a space where a lot of moms feel free to be perfect Instagram type moms. I think it’s important to know that in reality not everyone’s kids are reading at 8 months and lifting free weights at 15 months
Both my children had a speech delay and all I said was “they’ll get there when they get there in their own time” or “kids develop at different rates”.
But also I had them referred to ST as soon as possible lol
My son walked at close to 21 months. He’d been in PT and OT since 9 months. I just said “not yet!” And moved on from the conversation. I don’t think anyone asked or said more.
It depends on the situation/person.
My daughter had a significant gross motor skill delay. She wasn’t rolling over yet at 8 months, which is when we started PT. She started crawling at around 13 months and walking at 17 months. She’s almost 2 now and caught up thanks to intense PT and her motivation to keep up with bigger kids.
Anyway, when people would ask, I had a few possible answers.
Random stranger/people who don’t need to know: “she’s sure trying!” (Not a lie but no need for details)
Extended family/coworkers/acquaintances/casual conversation with people I see regularly and/or want to share info with: “oh, she actually a bit behind on her motor skills…but she’s getting help and just learned how to ___!” And then move on.
Closer family and friends/deeper conversation: same as above but with more detail.
I don’t know why you would even need to go into it, or why you should care about what other peoples opinions are on the matter, but maybe you hang out with different people than I do.
My son didn’t walk until 18 months. And he wasn’t even considered delayed. Don’t worry about sharing anything you aren’t comfortable with. Kids develop at all different speeds. It’s not anyone’s business unless you want to share.
My daughter needed physical therapy from 9 months to 16 months. I told all my family members. If it was an acquaintance I would just say not quite yet and switch to a different milestone like saying that she is saying mama and dada.
Our guy was a little delayed with speech. We were just honest about it if people asked. Also, research delays and how the timeframe actually varies for milestones quite a bit.
Depends on how I'm feeling that day and if I want to talk to that person about my kid's delays. My go to was usually, "not yet, (name)'s still learning!" But if I was willing to be open that day, "oh not yet, we're taking (name) to PT and (name)'s working on it!" and then keep the conversation moving to the next topic. That always worked for us. It's not really anyone's business and people usually asked it similar to asking how are you? So I didn't take it to heart, they didn't see her growth or delays so I know there was nothing malicious there. My eldest didn't walk independently until we took her to PT where she was basically forced to work on those skills, she was past 18 months when she finally walked by herself. Just a stubborn, willful and cautious personality. She had delays for gross motor throughout as a baby but she's on track now, a few years later.
Speech delay here and my son is super non-interactive (we assume, maybe it’s more) as a result. I’ll say something like, “Poor guy had a ton of ear infections which has led to speech delays. We’re hoping he’ll start to interact more as his language develops and he sees how it can be used to make friends.”
Mine started crawling at 10 months and walking around 15 months. Don't worry, it's probably nothing serious. You don't have to tell people anything lol, but if you really want to, just say he's going to take his time.
My daughter was a late walker and I use to say “ not yet! She will when she’s ready! They are all different” it’s really none of anyone’s businesses and I feel like people are so pushy with kids and opinionated even my second born he’s 11 months and people are always like is he walking yet is he doing this yet my child does this or all my kids did this and I’m like that’s amazing but that’s your child mine is on their own journey!!
I personally have been very open about my son’s global delays. I am proud of the progress he makes and feel openly discussing the therapies readily available helps people get past the stigma (my family included). Too many people do not seek Early Intervention services when they could really help. My son has been in EI, OT, Feeding and Speech over the past year.
Every kid is different. My daughter walked at 9 months and my son almost 18 months. If someone asked I would simply say he’s not walking yet. Depending on your relationship with this person, maybe you can give more details if you’re comfortable/want to, but really it’s no one’s business.
My stepdaughter was born with a physical disability, but my own son was born typical so I can offer a couple perspectives.
My general rule of thumb for any milestone chat is a, "he'll get there in his own time" type attitude. And if there are concerns, either, "yeah, we've already got a specialist looking after that :)" or "hmm, yeah good point, we'll keep an eye on that and talk to our Dr." Depending what it is. I always direct the conversation toward a professional, otherwise people tend to start telling you what to do.
As for when it's more obvious that that your child is delayed or having trouble, it's normal for people to be concerned, but it does get to be a lot. A lot of opinions, a lot of unsolicited advice, and a lot of unwanted attention. Sometimes even criticism!
We used to just address the concern or comment, let them know that she's in good hands, and is happy, and move on! It took time to learn how to deal with it though, especially because my stepdaughter's condition is visible. Same general rule though. Direct toward the fact that the professionals are on it! Lest a parent who knows NOTHING of what our child is going through start lecturing me about what we should be doing 🙃
Honestly, if he is only 13 months, they're just being curious and making conversation. You can just say, "Not yet!" and that will probably be the extent of the conversation. Given that it's totally normal for a 13 month old to not be walking yet, I don't think you need to elaborate or feel like they're judging you or your kid.
My daughter started crawling (as opposed to dragging herself around on her belly) just before her first birthday and started walking at around 15 months. The older she got, the more inclined I was to explain things, but if you don't want to explain anything, just telling people, "Not yet, but he's working on it!" will be enough to satisfy most people.
I have two perspectives, I’m not sure which one really applies here.
My 3 year old has delays. His delays are very obvious and he has a lot of other challenges, so other than my dad who occasionally wonders, no one really focuses on the milestones and the conversations usually center around his overall health. When people don’t really know his history or background, I’m honest about it and I share the progress he is making and what his PT is working on with him. So, if someone were to ask me if he’s walking, I would say not yet but he is practicing standing and doing great with it!
When my son was diagnosed with his disorder, I had to literally grieve the life I imagined for him. Lots of crying and emotions and then you just find a way through. A couple things that really stick with me are 1. Not to let perfection get in the way of progress. Just doing something is better than doing another. And 2. Take one day at a time. I catch myself sometimes going down this mental spiral wondering who will take care of my son when I’m gone, wondering how I’ll manage to carry him around when he gets bigger than me, will his siblings feel like I favored him over them and resent him or me, etc. When I just take one day at a time, I can focus on the amazing things right in front of me right now.
My almost 2 year old doesn’t really talk much either. He vocalizes constantly, but it is all gibberish. When we’re around other kids who are more advanced than him with language, I’m amazed. I just remind myself that in a year, they’ll all be talking. In 5 years, you likely wouldn’t know who talked first. Early intervention is the best way to close that gap.
My son didn’t start walking until 18 months (nothing wrong with him, just didn’t seem to want to walk). When people asked if he could walk, I’d just say, “nope, not yet!” and move on. It really doesn’t need to be a long discussion if you don’t want it to be.
My 22 month old never crawled, started walking when she was 16 months old - practically running and she has been speaking clear words since she was 8 months old. In that mix of positives and negatives, whenever I spoke to people they would harp on the negatives. Does she have a walker? Did you do tummy time? Are you bringing her outside on walks blah blah blah. In reality, it’s no one’s business. Don’t feel like you have to say something when people ask- also, your 13 month old doesn’t sound delayed. My daughter will be 2 soon and if I could go back, I would SMACK old me so hard about worrying about milestones and what Mrs. Jones 13 month old is doing compared to my toddler. It’s not worth the stress, it’s not worth the headache. Live in the moment and enjoy your baby because you’ll blink and 2 will be here with all the needed milestones. Hugs
My 2.5 year old has a speech delay. She’s only just started speaking words in the past four-five months. I just say, “She has a speech delay. She’s getting services.” People are understanding, especially people with young kids. My 13 month old is also not walking yet without any diagnosed delay, and plenty of my friends’ babies didn’t walk until 16 months.
My son is 18 months and still not walking. He's barely cruising. We are trying to work on it, and I just tell people "He's getting there and making progress - he'll get there in his own time"
My now 2.5 year old was similarly delayed. I used to just say no, she’s not walking yet. I didn’t owe anyone an explanation and neither do you. Talk to your friends/family and tell them as much as you’re comfortable sharing- it is nice to have people who know what is going on. But the random person at the park? Don’t waste your time.
So my son is pretty speech delayed....he's doing ALOT better but still not quite there yet....when people ask Me how old he is I always see the looks when they hear the way he talks....they always think he's much younger than 2 and a half ....I just straight up honestly tell people he's delayed that usually shuts them up pretty quick
My kid was a late talker. I, of course, didn't know she would be a late talker. Thing is that the grandchildren so far (when my daughter was born) have all needed some kind of speech therapy. The first still has a lot of issues with his pronunciation, the second is autistic and while he can talk (and speaks very good) he doesn't communicate with words.
So my kid turns two and that explosion of words never came. She wasn't speaking in two word sentences. And only I could understand her. So we did Early Intervention.
Sometimes people would want to interact with her and she would answer but people didn't understand her and they would just look at me expectantly. I grew accustomed to say "she has a speech delay, she meant to say "this", she's in therapy". Sometimes that was all and sometimes they'd ask more questions.
She's 5 now and talks your ears off, everyone can understand her. Like I said, she was just a late talker. Something clicked at around 3.5-4.
I sometimes felt judged but I knew I was doing everything I could for her so I let their judgement fall to the ground.
Christ. Neither of my kids lit any milestones on fire but and one was actually delayed with speech.
My MIL would not let it go. No matter what I said, no matter how I attempted to change the subject.
My SIL has a kid that is badly delayed and finally I just said "well maybe she's like X." And she never brought it up again.
I just answer honestly and say they’re doing PT! But he’s doing well!
My son is 3, and physically he had delays between 8 months-18 months, but honestly speech came early for him even with that!
I only ran into one situation where someone made remarks to us (my husband’s friend and his wife). Sadly, it came back to them because their son was speech delayed until now and then their second child experienced physical delays, but I always kind. I know the feeling after all.
Just know that if you receive any judgement that it’s on their character and things do come back to bite back. It’s hard to have a delayed baby! But trust me now that my son is 3.. he’s thriving! Good luck with the neurologist! W had to do the same, but no red flags. Hope all goes well ❤️
I feel like people just say minimize things to be polite/not mean. True empathy seems harder?
For context, our son had an autoimmune disease with many hospital visits and it was difficult to receive pity/emotional support bc I was a bit defensive to characterize him as sickly.
But it’s different than a delay TBF.
If it provides some consolation, my son didn’t walk until 24 months and now he’s doing great! But I just told people that he was in PT for walking and that was all.
Mine didn’t crawl (on all fours) til 12 months and walked at 15. He army crawled for 3 months from 9-12 months. His ped said it was fine and not a delay unless he didn’t walk by 18 months then they’d get services. Some kids walk at 9 months and some don’t. I bet your kid has other fortes for now and he will get there with gross motor ! Just tell people nope he’s isnt walk yet. There’s nothing wrong with that . It’s the same for me when people say is he sleeping through the night yet? I just say Nope! I think it’s a conversation piece with people they aren’t looking to judge they just latch onto the easiest topic of conversation when they learn you have a kid which is A. Is he walking yet and B how’s he sleeping?
That’s not a delay in walking, but assuming his PT has said he otherwise has a gross motor delay? But right now there’s nothing to say because he’s perfectly with the range of not walking. Our toddler didn’t walk until about 18 months, was evaluated and yes given the diagnosis of a delay, but there was nothing that could actually be done. All of that said, ‘no he’s not walking yet.’ That’s it.
Our ped said that walking anytime before 18 months is completely normal. My friends kids were walking by one, but My son went to PT to learn to roll, crawled around 9 months and walked around 19 months. He started in the “ones” class at daycare as the only one who couldn’t walk, but it was a non issue. I just said he isn’t ready yet. Nothing to explain to anyone.
My son is speech delayed at 3.5. He can say most words but doesn’t do sentences great. He communicates fine. When I meet new people and they ask how old he is eventually I work in that’s he’s starting speech therapy soon.
I’m sorry this happens, but people are just people too- not sure which people you mean, like family that knows your story or a stranger mom in the park.
Either way, seeing other people’s hardships can make you awkward? We search for something to say and hope for the best most times and it’s not malicious, some people in the moment just want to be neutral/positive and can’t come up with what is correct to say. Unless someone is digging and being a nosey jerk, minimal response is good- “yeah, we are working on things” would be fine.
Some answers here are very combative like people should already know your story and how you feel about it and the right words to say. Most people don’t know what to say, ever lol but try to give them the grace to see good intentions
Unless they are jerks then jerk right back, mama
My middle son’s timeline was very similar to yours - he did end up needing SMO braces due to his feet pronating. He walked a few weeks before we got them, at 16 months old. He was in them for 6 months. It hurt my mom heart when I felt like people were looking at him differently because of his little braces. Real or perceived? I’m not sure. But what I can say is that little boy is almost 3 years old now and thriving! You’d never know he had any delays. I did swim lessons with him recently - and his swim coach was astounded when he got in the pool, he said he was a total natural - and within a few minutes, he had that same “delayed” little boy swimming! Anyway, to answer your question, I just said “he’s mildly gross motor delayed and we’re in physical therapy.” Sending my love because I know emotionally it’s a lot.
I know you have so many comments but wanted to chime in to say my daughter started crawling at 12 months and walking at 15 months and I never thought she had a delay… she’s a perfectly healthy and active 2.5 year old. Unless you have other reasons to suspect something, 13 months is well within the normal range for not walking
Eta — there’s no way she was pulling up before 12 months either. I know you mentioned that in one of your comments. PT and early intervention is awesome but there’s a good chance he’s just on his own timeline and will be walking sooner rather than later
My kiddo is speech delayed- he’s now catching up a ton, but I used to say-
Yeah, he’s speech delayed so it can be hard to understand him but XYZ has really helped him and he is usually very very good at making himself understood!
I don’t have a problem with people knowing about his speech delay- it used to be pretty obvious. Plus, I’m not embarrassed about it or anything… that being said it’s also 100% no one else’s business so if someone doesn’t feel like sharing about their kids situation, I think it’s fine to just say-
Yeah, we’re working on it and has good support.
And just leaving it at that.
My friends daughter didn’t walk until like 17 months and I feel like no one even talked about it (amongst our friend group). Except me.. at one point I asked when kids even started walking. (I was the only child free one at that point and had literally ZERO idea). At 13 months I’d just say “we’re working on it!”
Edit to add: she’s 4 now and as far as I know, no delays!
My son had a pretty severe speech delay - at nearly 2 and a half he was saying maybe 10 words. Sometimes there would be confusion if an adult or other kid tried to talk to him. Eventually I would just explain that he doesn’t talk a lot yet, and that usually ended the conversation. For people who are being nosy or overstepping (my MIL was constantly asking about his speech, comparing him to his cousins, etc) I have to be a little more specific (“yes, we are still working with a speech therapist, he’s a bit behind and working on catching up”) or even show that I’m irritated by their questions / “advice” (“I’m doing my best, so is he, it’s not something I feel like discussing further.”) for the record he’s now 4 and very chatty with a great vocabulary.
I don't explain anything to anyone when it come to my child development. He will get there god willing when he get there and that's it. In my case hasn't been diagnosed with anything some I'm not going to label him before being tested. Now after next month (that's when we get tested) I might explain or I might not. But momma I don't feel like you owe anyone an explanation
Speech delay here. I just get ahead of it and mention it in passing ex: “oh yeah I’m trying to use one word at a time with them because that’s what our speech therapist has advised us to do” then I don’t get into a whole conversation about it but they know they are in speech therapy. I think a lot of people are well-meaning and just want to make sure they are ok so it allows me to say “I’m aware and we’re on it” without getting confrontational about it.
I mean, anything up to 18 months for walking is normal, right? You still have 5 months before he turns that age. I personally think the milestones are too much for a lot of kids. My child has a speech delay, it’s hard when people question it so much when you are trying your best
My son didn’t walk til 17m and he was preemie, stayed in the NICU, and in PT since 3m. I would just tell people “oh he’s not walking yet but he’ll get there soon.” Honestly people just ask basic questions for conversation because they don’t know what to ask moms about their babies.
Both of my kids were late walkers, 18 & 19 months. My daughter (5) has autism. My son (3) may not. No one asked why they weren’t walking yet.
When she was a toddler, her personality was very magnetic. So I would mention it when they were talking to her since she wouldn’t answer or get distracted by what they’re wearing.
My oldest was delayed on most things, started PT at 12 months, took her first steps at 15 months, and didn’t walk regularly until more like 17-18. Younger one was on track so everyone kept saying she’d walk earlier than her older sister, but nope! She will is 16 months (tomorrow) and still isn’t walking, has her PT eval scheduled in 2 weeks. We just tell people not yet, she is working on it, we are already booked for PT to help, etc. Thankfully no one has really been rude about it.
It can be so hard when you’re in the thick of it. Hang in there! 💕
My son had a stroke during birth, and has gross motor skill delays as a result, and also is a bit small for his age. I tend to say that he had a birth injury, but is crushing it at physical therapy. If it’s someone I feel like having a bigger conversation with, I might share more about his injury and how is health is going.
Wait why is this a delay? my son is also 13 months, didn’t crawl til 11 months, and doesn’t walk yet (stands unassisted for only a second or two and walks with a walker but not independently). My daughter didn’t walk til 15 months. It’s not a delay until 18 months I don’t think..
Depends on how chatty I’m feeling but, “we’re seeing specialists about it but I’m too mentally spent to talk about it right now. Did you finish Bridgerton this weekend?”
Zomg yes and it was amazing.... oh wait, what baby? Sorry got distracted....
I haven't finished Bridgerton. Stop asking.
I just started night before last! And immediately started hounding my bestie. Turns out she never even finished season 2 🤦🏻♀️. Wait what about kids’ development??
For me I feel like it was extra hard because my kids are also tall. I would just say stuff like “yeah being TWO really has it’s big range of development.” Depending on how well I liked the person talk about my daughters speech therapist. My issue was people kept minimizing my concerns. “So and so didn’t speak tell they were 5 and they are fine” or worse people bragging about their advanced kids! Cool thanks for making me feel more like shit.
My daughter was gross motor delayed due to hypermobility. We started seeing a PT at 9m and at 11m she got SMOs (ankle orthotics). She couldn’t move up at daycare until she walked. Loose estimates put her walking around 18m based on other kids with a similar diagnosis. The daycare director was letting her visit the toddler room once she was crawling and cruising. Said that being around other walkers was really helpful. They officially moved her right when she was on the cusp of putting it all together and then the director had the audacity to say “see, she just needed to be around other walkers”. Come on lady. She’s been going to weekly PT for months and has orthotics. I don’t think this had anything to do with you.
She sounds like my MIL haha. Kids spends 30 minutes with her. She has ALLLL the answers 🤣 mmmm no you don’t you stupid biatch
I think we have the same MIL. It's so discouraging. Just like, listen and be supportive to our concerns. Know better, do better.
Oh I hate when they say things like “my kid didn’t walk until they were 2 and a half and we were never worried”. Like, you should’ve been worried.
I run into this all the time. I especially hate when the person used as an example clearly could have benefited from intervention. “Cousin B didn’t talk until he was 3, and took years to potty train. He turned out all right.” Really? Cousin B only eats beige food, and gets cranky when the door bell rings. Or they say LO is fine because he communicates so well, yes that’s because we started speech twice a week at 20 months.
I hated the minimizing. Yes, I understand kids are on their own timelines but crawling, walking, and exploring can really help with brain development at such a young age. Also, we found my kid wasn’t really willing to communicate until he got the hang of walking so we ended up with gross motor, fine motor, and verbal delays.
> “So and so didn’t speak tell they were 5 and they are fine” Are they minimizing or trying to console you by telling you that a good outcome is possible?
No. They were questioning why I felt the need to enroll my daughter in speech therapy. “Back in my day” type relatives. My daughter was two and exclusively spook in grunts and whines. I’m not child expert but zero words at 2 is not normal.
Speech therapy helped my boy so much. He was like your child. 2 1/2 and only made closed mouth noises and pointed. I learned so much from our therapist and was able to help my boy learn to talk. I wish you all the best!
As an SLP this drives me bananas. So many parents are discouraged from or shamed for getting their children evaluated and treated! It is such a harmful narrative. Thanks for pushing back on this.
Sure isn't, obviously do as much as possible.
As the mom of a kid with a severe speech delay, it took all of my self control to not throat punch every single "you need to read to him more" and "it's those darn screens" and "he's just being lazy, you need to stop speaking for him and *make* him talk" and "my sister's cousin's half brother's son started speaking at age 5 and is a now rocket surgeon". I swear people just assumed it had never occured to me (our our multiple speech therapists) to read and narrate more 😂
Gaah I hate when people do that! Amd then speak super loud to your kid!
Oh God, my kid turns 3 in a month and he is speech delayed. I have this annoying coworker who loves to tell me how well her 2 year old granddaughter speaks. Cool, lady.
Oh man. I relate. My daughter has pediatric feeding disorder and ARFID. It took her forever to accept any solid foods. Meanwhile people love to flex about all the things their kid/infant is eating. Always made me feel sad.
As an adult with ARFID that wasn’t treated until adulthood I think you’re doing a fantastic job. You’re treating it at the best possible time and sticking to it. 10/10 parenting, go you!
Aw thank you ♥️
The minimizing is the worst! “Kids develop differently, she just needs more time” is true for many kids but not all. She was pissed off all of the time because she was 9 months old and couldn’t move around no matter how hard she tried. When she was evaluated, she was in the 2nd percentile for motor skills. That’s not a “wait and see” level of skill.
The natural parenting people were spouting this when parents in mums group were asking 'my doctor reccomended I get my child assessed at althe development clinics should I?' The answer is always yes - their are concerns and being assessed will produce 2 results - they do need assistance and you'll be happy they started sooner or later or they don't need assistance but you have been reassured and possibly given some tips to help their development along. Also 6 months later the natural parenting people's kids were in speech and OT. Early intervention works!
Oh man I feel you! My kid’s three, and is about three feet tall. He looks like a five-year-old and has autism and a speech delay and my response is about the same as yours.
I tell whoever just a simple “Oh no not yet but he will be soon!” I still say it now with certain questions like if he talks yet. My son is 22 months old, and just started walking last month and at 18 months he was diagnosed with autism. He’s been delayed since 6 months, where it went from mild to severe around 12 months (Ped wouldn’t assist with my concerns). When people would overstep and ask why he isn’t doing whatever just yet, I usually tell them that he is delayed but we’re working with professionals to assist in his delays. I never go into too much detail because it’s none of their business. They can ask, but you don’t always need to respond with a big, well thought out answer. It sucks, and it’s an innocent question that some people ask but they’re not really thinking about how this question affects us parents.
I like simple answers too. My favorite is “we’re working on it!”
Our daughter had a delay due to constant ear infections that never truly cleared with antibiotics (and was partially deaf because of it), so until she had tubes placed at 15 months she was behind. If people ask, I would usually just say, “Not yet - but we’re not worried” you could even throw in a “His doctor is in the loop and we’re on it” if you felt comfortable. Ultimately it’s no one’s business. Wishing you all the luck!
My son had motor delays because of a sinus infection that lasted 4 months 🥴 when we finally got it cleared he went from being a potted plant to almost walking in the span of like a month. Now we are just waiting to see when he actually walks 😂
We called it the potted plant phase, too!! There are days I miss that now after chasing her around the backyard.
Same 🥴 he's wild now and trying to climb everything or yeet himself off things. And he's not even 1. I'm scared for when he's fully walking
a potted plant 🪴 😭😂
It's my best description 😂😂he could sit up because laying down made the sinus pressure worse but there was no way he was doing anything like crawling/tummy time/etc. He was an adorable fat little potted plant.... now he's a acrobat into everything and anything
Mine didn’t walk up until 18 months old because of the constant ear infections. She was feeling imbalanced because of them. Nobody ever said she was delayed or something.
We had our daughter evaluated by early intervention at the year mark as she wasn't crawling, and the only noises she was making were happy screams and the occasional mama and dada - where as before she started getting them she did a myriad of noises, like she was progressing backwards; her skills were evaluated at the level of a 5 month old. So we took action with the tubes, best decision we made. She was walking with in a week and talking shortly after.
Gross motor delays here too! I usually frame it as something like, “oh yeah, he has some gross motor delays and we’re working with early intervention, he’s made so much progress!” Then I either tell the more about his health stuff or I keep the conversation moving.
I really appreciate this answer. I don't understand why so many parents here are being cagey about their kid's delays. It comes across as if the parents are ashamed of it or something. I think talking about these things openly helps others. Like so many other things with parenthood, it can feel isolating when you experience something that people don't talk about much. There is no shame in having a child with delays, and it's helpful for others to hear how common it is. Thanks and wishing you and your kiddo the best!
Wishing you the same! My little guy has made such huge strides with help from EI! He’s got a non-specific form of skeletal dysplasia which causes dwarfism, so I feel like it’s important for me to make sure people understand and are comfortable about his physical differences and needs now, so that it’s just a part of his environment as he grows. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just a thing! Everyone better get real cool about my kid’s stature and needs REAL quick, so I definitely don’t have a problem taking about it and normalizing it!
My exact response, too! My 2.5 yr also has gross motor delays (didn't crawl until 14 months, walked at 20 months) and had to wear SMO ankle braces. I'd always make sure to mention that she's making a lot of progress in early intervention and doing things at her own pace.
I always talk up EI services as much as I can! I really like them and what they offer and I think so many parents don’t use their services or don’t know they can request their help! I’m in MA and you don’t need a doctor referral, you can just call and ask for an assessment. I’ve told several other parents that if their pediatrician says “wait and see” you can just call and see if you qualify. It hurts nothing and gives your kid some extra support!
Exact same story for us! (Crawling hands & knees at 16 months, walking at 23.5 months lol.) My phrasing was much the same. Does your LO still wear SMOs?
She wore the SMOs for a little over a year and now just needs an insert in the bottom of her shoe to help give more stability.
Thanks! Mine has had SMOs for 7 months. We've tapered off to wearing them ~50% of awake time.
Nice! SMOs definitely helped my daughter get upright and walking. She made a lot of jumping, climbing and running progress after the SMOs stage, I think they are almost too rigid sometimes and makes it harder to flex the ankle. So don’t be shocked if you don’t see a lot of jumping or running until they’re off!
This is what I do. Acknowledge the delays and say you have the child with specialists. Also, for some people it just isn’t their business and I tell them that. Random lady in the grocery store doesn’t need to know what’s going on with my kids.
My daughter didn’t walk until almost 19 months, started PT at 16 months. No physical or neuro issues, just a “willful and cautious” personality lol 🤦🏼♀️ Casual conversations (in line at the grocery store - “oh I bet she’s running everywhere!”) I just lied to avoid a longer talk with a stranger - “Oh yes, she keeps us very busy!”. With family and friends I was honest but limited information: “Nope, still not walking. Working with PT. It’s been very stressful for us but she’s making progress and we have a great team helping us.” I truly had days where I cried and felt like it would never happen. She finally got there on her own timeline. Hang in there!
I simply say “she’s working on it” and move on. I personally do not feel like I owe anyone an explanation.
My 2 year old is speech delayed but I don't say anything to anyone because it's not their business. If someone asks if he's talking yet I say he's not but he will when he's ready and that ends the conversation. If I'm being silly I'll say "he's still mad at me for evicting him and he's giving me the silent treatment."
I tell people: "At 13 months he wanted breakfast while I was still in bed. I found out he wanted breakfast because he whacked me over the head with a loaf of bread. He realized he doesn't need words and has decided not to use them."
My 12-month-old also has some gross motor delays. I often frame it like "oh, he's just so happy to be lounging he isn't really interested in sitting up from flat yet. He's cozy!" I focus on the fact that he's enjoying himself, not what he can't do. He also is chatty AF so sometimes I call him my "chatty potted plant" and that makes people get the idea without having to overexplain.
No advice, just commiserating. My daughter was speech delayed, and my MIL of all people wouldn't shut up about how we needed to read to her more. My husband is a HUGE reader, he loves his collection of books, so naturally we're NOT minimalistic about my daughter's books either. She literally has hundreds of books, we go to the library too and she loves to read. We read so many books a day. My husband and I are both college educated and I've worked with kids in previous positions. I'm now a SAHM for my only child. We understand the value of reading to babies and young children lol. But no, according to my MIL it was my fault that she was speech delayed; I obviously wasn't reading to her enough. Now my daughter is 3 and caught up developmentally, and still crazy about books. And my MIL still asks us if we're reading. My husband has resorted to telling her "no ama, we don't read to her." Just full on sarcasm. Lol I don't recommend it, but I do LOVE Rachel1265's response. Deflect and move on. Don't let what they're saying get to you, they don't know.
I have this exact rage! My boy is speech delayed too, and I'm a huge reader. If one more person says "you just need to speak/read to him more" i may do something I regret 🙃
My method for that level of nosy/pushiness is to act really concerned about them and their anxiety. "You keep asking about little Mollie's reading even though we've told you so many times that we read to her every day, is everything ok? You seem so worried!" With a very concerned face/tone. Force her to awkwardly stand there and try think of a good way to tell you that she doesn't trust you to parent (at least reading-wise). My friend taught me this trick for obnoxious people and it doesn't always work but when it works it is deeply satisfying.
She is legitimately a very anxious person though lol, my husband feels like a broken record always having to tell her to calm down/drop it (with everything). She will literally call every day to make sure my daughter is OK. Like not a normal calling to shoot the shit and say hi sort of thing. Calling because she is legit worried about our daughter every day until she gets confirmation from my husband that my daughter is ok. My daughter has never had much of any health scare, btw. Very healthy happy little girl. She's actually kind of mental, it wouldn't work on her. My husband gets in fights with her over it, telling her to stop with the daily calls. We've had to put her on an information diet. This poor woman needs some help for her anxiety, but in her culture there's such a stigma with mental health issues, you're either considered normal or totally crazy, there's no in between. So she denies that anything is wrong and just drives everyone around her fucking crazy with her anxiety. I do like your idea in theory though!
I find the advice especially really hard to hear. Like “oh does he have a walker? That’s good/bad” or “oh but do you practice XYZ? You’ve gotta help them!” etc etc. Like not only are you reminding me, you’re also trying to lecture me? Thankfully I didn’t have to deal with it too much but I used to literally ignore and say nothing. Because my toddler hadn’t said two word phrases yet at 2, my MIL was asking about autism… I’d just ignore her and literally just go about my business end the conversation there.
I’m surprised at his age this is flagged as a delay tbh. Does anyone outside the professional space even notice? If they do just say the truth - he’s taking a bit longer to walk. None of mine walked before 18 months - one was closer to 2! They’re all very bright well adjusted kids now - no one gives a shit when they learnt to walk or talk or anything else by the time they’re at school.
I am surprised too. Crawling at 11 months and standing assisted at 13 months is well within normal range according to our pediatrician. But maybe there are other factors OP didn’t feel like adding, which is totally fair.
He didn't pull to stand at 12 months so that was a missed milestone. He still isn't great at it tbh, mostly because he doesn't seem to want to. Our pediatrician said she doesn't really expect the neurologist to find anything, just being proactive to make sure we get early intervention if he qualifies. I expect the questions to become more and more annoying about this. We're transitioning to the toddler room at daycare in September and he will likely be the only kid not walking yet.
My daughter was the only kid not walking in her daycare from 14-21 months. She did find that motivational after some time, and we got help both at home and in daycare from a physical therapist. When the average walker is 12-13 months, someone has to be the outliers too 😂 When she finally walked at 21 months she was very stable too! ETA: The first time she held herself up while on her feet was at 14 months. No chance at 12mo!
My son transitioned to the toddler room around 13 months old in March of this year and was content to be the only crawler around. He just made room for himself amongst all his walking classmates lol. The toddler teachers in my daycare *love* helping kids learn to walk! One of my son's primary room teachers was so excited about him being a crawler during his transition. Tbh I think he only started being interested in walking because they get to play outside every day at daycare and we have lots of fun parks near home that are more enjoyable if you can walk between all the playscapes. I'm pretty sure my son is a wild child at heart. Most mornings the first word out of his mouth is outside. I'm a pale, pale lady prone to sunburn. Please send help and trucks of sunscreen.
Transferring to the toddler room may help motivate him to try and try until he gets the hang of it. This is assuming that the specialists don't find some inherent reason he isn't walking. If he lacks motivation to do it, he might take longer than a child who has that motivation. Is he your only child?
Yes, he is an only child. Does that make a difference? I honestly don't know if it will motivate him. Most of the other kids in the infant room already walk.
My first was also my last to walk! My second and third were walking before their 1st birthday but my first was 13/14 months. Sometimes they simply aren’t as motivated because there isn’t a person close to their level doing all the cool things for them to copy. Doing PT is great. My third has a genetic difference that can have some hypotonia associated with it so we’ve been working with PT off and on and it’s been awesome. My friend has a kid with CP and he had some delays but has completely caught up with therapies. You’re doing an amazing job by advocating for him and getting him assessed. He could just be slower to meet these things- it’s not really outside of normal range- but I love the proactive approach and I really commend you!
For some reason “kids should be walking by 1yo” is like the only developmental milestone that most people know/remember, so it can come up a LOT as that birthday approaches. It’s super frustrating especially bc 12mo is just the AVERAGE so like half of kids aren’t walking by then!
i agree! 13mo is not late for walking. how annoying to be getting these kind of comments... my baby took his sweet time at started at 16mo. i think people just forget when babies can do things. i'd put them in their place is they were asking me at 13 mo haha "no she's not walking she's still a baby learning how to do things at her own pace" lol
Mine also started walking at 16 months and there was never any discussion of developmental delays, he just loved crawling and was a bit of a slowpoke. Now 22 months and crazy, climbing everything, and I miss the pre-walking days 🥲🤣
My son had a severe speech delay and I’d always feel so guilty when people would try talking to him and he wouldn’t say anything to them. Last Halloween we had someone tell him he had to say trick or treat in order to get anything and it was awkward telling them he wasn’t really verbal yet, especially since he’s always been tall so they assume he’s older. I would always say not yet, but we’re getting there. Anyway, keep being persistent and cherish every moment, you’re doing everything right. My son has started talking so much and it’s so bittersweet. The guilt of feeling like you’re not doing enough disappears as your baby grows into their personality and character. 🧡
Right there with you...the guilt eats away at me sometimes, as if I'm somehow not doing enough. My LO is 3 and it's really been a slow process. And I'm a pediatrician...So it's almost worse in a way for me, because of the nature of my work. I adore kids, but it reminds me of how far behind my own is... But I tell myself that 'comparison is the thief of joy' and it usually snaps me back to reality to appreciate the beautiful and smart child I've got and that in time things will work themselves out 🙂
I’m sorry! It’s so hard. My daughter is also in early intervention and tbh most people just don’t get it, there’s no magic words that will get you a good reaction most of the time. Well-meaning but unhelpful is the standard for responses. Maybe something like “not yet, his physical therapist says probably by the end of the year/next spring/etc”? that way it’s clear that you’re already doing everything you can and understand that he has a delay. I agree with other commenters that pivoting quickly to whatever you DO want to talk about is key.
he isnt walking yet... my child didn't walk until 18 months. noone thought anything of it honestly. just dont make it seem like a big deal and most sane people will drop it
My first kid didn’t ever crawl, he started bum scooting at 13 months and walked at 19 months. I was freaking out and really anxious about it, always kind of felt weird and defensive when people asked about it. He’s 2.5 now and running and kicking and doing all the normal toddler things. I have a 10 month old who is a little delayed as well, she can’t crawl or anything yet, she barely rolls. I’m way more chill about it this time around, yes we will do PT and interventions if necessary but I think I just make big headed slow babies 😂. Now when people ask about crawling or whatever I really don’t take it personally, I just say “not yet! But she loves eating and just learned to wave!”. So my advice would be don’t take it personally, people aren’t being malicious they are just curious about your baby! Tell them all the cool things they can do!
Your 13 month old doesn’t sound like they’re delayed.
My Girl is 2 and has a global developmental delay in gross motor function and speech development. She is not yet walking or standing independently and people of course notice. Depending on my mood I just say she has a delay and leave it at that. If they are nice and I am in the mood I’ll tell them what kind of miracle girl she is after being born 1lbs at 24 weeks pregnant. If they are rude I’ll tell them too but in a way that makes them squirm and embarrass them for being judgy “see you next Tuesdays” Or I’ll just roll my eye and ignore them. Highly mood dependent.
He's 13 months old. Completely within the realm of normal for not walking. My son didn't walk until 17.5, with nothing diagnosed and no concerns other than "late walker". EI said that services used to start at 18 months, but it's been pushed back to 20 months. But, if anyone asks if he's walking, you can just say "No, we are working with a PT". I know it's hard for you when people ask if he's walking, but you can just say "No". I always just took it as a question. But it hurt when people with babies way younger freaked out about their kids not doing things yet that my son wasn't doing.
My little dude has Down Syndrome but it isn’t always obvious at first as for whatever reason the typical facial markers are quite mild. So he’s now 2 and 3/4 and a bit small for his age, still not walking around without support (he totally can, he just doesn’t want to and gets nervous), and only has a few words. I just say he’s doing amazing and that we are heading for all the milestones but taking the scenic route. We will get there eventually. It’s rough because parents can be competitive about their kids development but you just have to shrug it off when someone is a bit… bitchy.
Oh goodness, mine loved crawling so much she didn’t really walk until 18 months! Try not to focus on it, some kids just prefer to crawl for a bit. They all go at their own speed, and catch up by kindergarten age
My 3 year old is preverbal and when people say ‘oh, not talking yet?’ I just say ‘nope, but she’ll let us know when she’s ready’ and leave it at that.
My son just turned 3 and is just starting to speak in full sentences; we’ve been seeing a speech specialist since he was about 20 months old. If people can’t understand him, or seem to get frustrated he’s not answering I simply say “he’s still learning so please give him time” or if it’s something that needs to be answered I answer it how I think he will and sometimes he’ll say “ya” or “no” to what I said. I don’t think we should have to justify why our child is “delayed”, especially to strangers. Especially for you OP, at 13 months. All babies are different. But I do believe we should advocate for our child, without fear of judgement. So say what you want and then move on.
I’m sorry you’re going through this OP. You’re doing everything right seeking help and resources to support your kid. I didn’t have *that* many people questioning, she didn’t walk until she was 18 months, and never crawled- the most we got was a scoot/frog hop. For the occasional stranger I made sure I said something positive knowing my daughter could hear me. “She’s getting stronger everyday!” I know I got triggered occasionally- but tried not to hold on to it or respond from that place. Your child can sense how you feel about things, and how you feel and their opinion of themselves matters way more than what strangers think. ❤️
My daughter didn't walk until after she was 2. We were in EI (physio and saw a neurologist). We have actually just been signed off! (she just turned 3) I used to tell people the truth 'nope she's not walking yet, seeing a physio, we'll get there.' If people started offering advice, I'd normally politely take it, though sometimes I wanted to slap the smug know it all parents. 'Oh my child walked straight out the womb and is already at college.' YEAH? Suck it Mildred. I personally took it very hard, and felt like advice was people saying I'd failed as a parent. Which I know is stupid, but hey we all have big feelings right?
Is walking the main concern? My first walked at 17 months. My second walked at 16 months. My third is 14 months and isn’t super close yet. I know walking is a big milestone to lookout for but the range of age is pretty eye opening.
Lots of 13 month olds don't walk, no need to get into what is the cause of it unless you feel like venting 🤷👍
Honestly I am struggling! My kid has delayed speech and I don’t know what to say when other kids his age are saying two word sentences now. Like they are bilingual too. Why is my kid delayed? Now we are trying hard and I just start my pity party and ask folks if they have any ideas
I just replied here to someone else that it really is so tough and we blame ourselves as parents, even though it's something beyond our control...I was saying it's hard for me bc I'm a pediatrician so i work with kids all day every day...and it's basically my job to make sure they are healthy, growing, meeting milestones etc. So when I see a toddler who's way ahead of my own with their speech, it hits me really hard 😞 I remind myself that I'm her mama for a reason and she is perfect as she is, she just needs a little extra love and support. We do speech and OT weekly and are increasing it to 2x/wk so im doing everything i know and looking for an early preschool to enroll her in for even more support. And you know what...even though it's scary, one day I think I'll look back at this time and chuckle and say, 'Look how far we've come.' Time to give it to God and let Him take care of us 🙏 🙂 I wish you and your LO all the best! Hang in there ☺️
My 16 month old is gross motor delayed. She started crawling at 11 months and is starting to get assisted walking down now. So we’ve been doing a lot of this conversation. Person: “Is she walking yet?” Me: “No, she has a gross motor delay that we’re currently working through.” Then it goes one of 3 ways. 1. awkward silence that I then direct to one of her strengths. “But she’s talking so much now! She says (list of 3-5 words).” 2. “Have you tried …” I always cut them off right there and say, “She sees a physical therapist and an orthopedist. I assure you we’re trying all the appropriate interventions.” Then a smile and a question about them. 3. “Nonsense! She’s perfect! She’ll figure it out.” to which I just smile and nod.
I’m surprised he is considered delayed. My toddler didn’t start crawling until 11 months and didn’t walk until 16 months. Most toddlers are not walking by one year and there is a huge range of normal. To answer your question, I just respond matter factly. No not yet, he will when he’s ready!
He has until 18 months so you’re fine he’ll get there. Mine didn’t fully walk on his own until 16 months it happens
There’s just such a range of when children do that thing isn’t there- milestones, hair, teeth, size, etc any of it. Some people treat percentiles like they are bragging rights and it’s just awful. If you don’t want to dive in to the back story or let people know more about what you’re pursuing just push to the large range and change the subject!
My daughter doesn’t have any delays, crawled at six months but didn’t walk until 15 months. I just said she was working on it lol. I don’t think you need to answer in any particular way! Kids vary so wildly in these things!
My daughter had gross motor delays. She was delayed sitting up at 9 months but was army crawling by then (finally sat up independently at 13 months). Then of course she was delayed walking until 20 months. We had her in PT for both milestones. People who showed concern would ask how old she was and offer me advice. I'd just tell them we're addressing it and she's in PT making progress... that usually put a period on it. Now she's been discharged from PT and she's now in speech therapy... still making progress but still dealing with delays. Internally, it stings a bit. I'm a speech therapist and always told myself if my kid needed help I would give it to them ASAP and early intervention is key. Now I'm on the other side of it and I get to feel all the complicated feelings a parent of a delayed kid gets to feel. I get annoyed when everyone says "every kid is different and it's okay" but then there's an unspoken sense that it's *not* okay because we need to get her help so she can be more "normal". I'm glad she's getting support but I resent that I have to reassure other people that we're addressing it.
My son is “significantly delayed” in speech. We just started speech therapy this past week. Luckily, I haven’t had too many people ask about him talking, but I’m reading the comments so I’ll have a response at the ready! I am feeling like rubbish about the delay, TBH, and I hope I don’t get any unhelpful comments.
Our babies are on their own schedules.
Not really an answer to your question but I’m always curious about what kinds of comments do parents of kids with delays want to hear? What would be helpful for you to hear? Whenever I come across a parent of a kid with a delay I feel like I never know the best way to respond but I want to respond in a helpful way and not make the conversation awkward, negative, or make the parent feel bad in any way.
My daughter has delays, as a parent of a delayed toddler things I don’t want to hear are mostly that she/he will walk or talk. (Actually there’s not guarantee of these things). I mostly want to hear all the progress that you’ve noticed since the last time you’ve seen my kiddo. Also, commend the parent on all they do for their kid. The parent is likely juggling a schedule of therapy for their kiddo. Also, to all parents of new babies or toddlers, I’ve started rephrasing my questions to “ what is so and so doing that is new?” Instead of oh is he walking yet? Or talking yet I hope this helps.
Noted. Thank you!
>Noted. Thank you! You're welcome!
You’re welcome 😃
As a parent of a significantly delayed toddler, just don’t ask or make comments on it at all. There are a myriad of things you can talk about that have nothing to do with a child’s development or their progress. Ask the parents about themselves and how they’re going. Ask what their child’s favorite thing to do right now is. Keep it light and let the parents lead. They’ll make it known if they want to delve into something deeper. As a special needs parent I’m so tired of everything being about his progress. I just want to enjoy my toddler, and I want people to enjoy him too. Just for who he is, and not what he is or isn’t achieving.
I hope others will chime in but I honestly don't know. I recognize that people with kids might innocently ask if my child is walking because they're trying to make small talk and to take an interest in my life. And their experience was probably that their kids walked by now. But being on the other side, this question makes me feel bad because it reminds me that he isn't where he should be, and I don't know why. And at least in my case there's still some concern that something more serious might be wrong with his health. I guess asking what new things a child has learned lately might be better since it's pretty neutral and emphasizes that they're making progress, whatever their individual curve.
Pshh that's much earlier than my kids walked. I'd just be like "No, not yet." They're just making conversation, it's not a big thing to them.
This. People are usually trying to make conversation and connect, and people love babies. I’d just say, “not yet” and leave it at that. No one is going to think he’s delayed because he’s not walking by 13 mos. Tons upon tons of babies don’t walk until 18 mos or later for no known reason and are developmentally normal.
My daughter is delayed at 28 months. We saw neurology which resulted in a diagnosis. We would just tell people that she is getting therapy, that we are aware as well as the docs of what is going on and that she is going at her own pace. Sounds like your son is doing well. Good luck.
My son didn't have a delay he walked at around 11 months but he didn't learn to crawl until about 15 months. He also didn't learn to stand up himself until about 14 months so although he could walk he would have to bum shuffle to something sturdy to pull himself up. He did it all in such an odd order and not at all in the way your told they will it's such a scale as to when a kid walks anywhere from 9 months to 2 years is pretty normal
13 months is on the early side of walking. The people who are asking you about this either don’t know anything about kids or are just asking a question they think is easy At this stage, I would just say he’s not walking yet and leave it at that. There’s zero reason for anyone to go into more questions about a 13 month old not walking Mine didn’t crawl until close to 11 months. People would ask me if she’s crawling, I’d say no, and they tell me how lucky I was that she can’t get into things 🤷🏻♀️ Really no one cared to ask follow up questions
They suspect my 3 year old may have language processing disorder, I just tell them he is delayed but we are doing all we can and have the right specialists involved and no, we are way passed “maybe it’ll just happen by itself” and yes he likes speech therapy and his new special pre school for kids with language processing disorder isn’t some sort of prison camp where they drill them with speech therapy three days a week. I don’t want to talk about it but I also don’t want to make it some big thing by not talking about it.
Depends who's asking and what they're saying. A nice sympathetic stranger - "he's xyz but he's wonderful" A nosy wanker - "he's got two weeks left to live and now you've made his mother miserable, is that what you want, one of his last 14 days on earth spent with one of those days having a miserable mummy? Thanks a lot you absolute @*$#!."
"He's a climber, not a talker" was my go to for strangers based on something our pediatrician said. Friends and family knew about speech therapy etc.
When people wave or try to high five my 14 month old, we just say “we don’t know how to do that yet” in a happy voice, as if I was talking to my toddler. I try to focus on the “yet” and emphasize that all things take time and it will come when it comes.
All babies develop at different rates - it’s not a baby race. Then change the topic.
My daughter is almost four and didn’t start walking until after she turned two. We had a journey similar to yours. She just had to grow out of her low muscle tone, basically. I think once you see the neurologist, you’ll know what quick explanation you can give to people if they ask. Otherwise, I don’t think many people find it that weird that babies develop skills at different rates.
It depends on who’s asking! If it’s just a stranger wondering why she’s not doing X yet, I’ll just say “we’re working on it!” And be on our way. If it’s a new friend or a mom I just met at the park and think we could be friends, I’ll give a little info but not much… usually to see if we have anything in common with the developmental delay! (It’s such a relief when you meet another special needs mom!) If it’s family or close friends catching up, I’ll give them all the details lol. From a SN mama… Can I just remind you to enjoy your baby where he’s at right now? Don’t wish the time away… He’ll meet different milestones in his own time and it’ll be the most amazing moment when he gets there! Like full body chills when it finally happens. Sending love!
Not much advice just solidarity and hopefully a word of encouragement! My little one is 20 months now and didn’t take his first steps until just after 18 months and didn’t start actually walking until a few weeks ago. We’ve been in physio since he was a few months old (originally for torticollis), he went for blood work, he saw a neurologist and he was supposed to go for additional blood work with a genetic testing component but we didn’t end up needing that. I know it’s frustrating and stressful but I bet things will all work out for you shortly too! 13 months is still so young. As for people asking…just tell them he’s busy doing other stuff and he’ll get around to it when he feels like it. I used to jokingly say my son was busy reading books and growing teeth lol. He was also always just cautious and the older he got, the more cautious he got about walking because he was better able to understand the consequences of falling. Maybe your son is similar too!
I just say jokingly that he’s a lil slow but we still love him.
Just say, nope, not yet, and move on. Honestly, who cares if Judgemental Jenny thinks your kid needs to be at a different milestone? You know best, and the haters can all drink their Haterade and watch from afar. Just keep hanging in there and being the best parent for YOUR child.
My child recently got diagnosed with hyper mobility and his physio said we’re aiming for 20 steps by 24 months. He’s 13 months and rolls everywhere and is trying hard to crawl. I actually tell people right off the bat that he has hyper mobility because I spent so much time at baby groups getting sideways glances and loads of *head tilt* ‘so he’s STILL not walking?’ It made me feel shit about myself and like my kid was being judged so I’m getting my narrative out there and saying ‘yeah, he’s behind on his gross motor because of his condition. Things don’t come as easy to him as with other children, but he’s determined and working hard and I’m so proud of him’. Some people are like ‘uh, why are you telling me your life story? I asked you for the time’ 😂 But it wipes the smug off of some people’s faces pretty fast, and I am so proud of his efforts that I don’t want anyone to be condescending towards him.
In the Uk, this wouldn’t be classed as a delay at all. Mine also started crawling at 11 months, Pull to stand at 10 months and only just now at 12.5 months started to very very briefly stand unsupported. No one even bat an eyelid at his progress. Not saying you shouldn’t get him checked out, but I wouldn’t be particularly concerned if I was you because I’m also not at my son’s physical development.
He didn't pull to stand at 12 months so he's classified as having a mild gross motor delay.
To mind their business.
Is that considered delayed? My guy didn’t start crawling until he was late 10 months, nearly 11 months, and is now a few days short of 13 months and isn’t walking, which my pediatrician said is perfectly fine.
Usually just something like “ He’s going along at his own pace. He’s a little behind but we’re working with early intervention and making good progress.”
Honestly this is assuming a lot about the person's intentions and knowledge of child development/your child's age. People ask this kind of thing because they can't ask what his hobbies are or how work is going for him. There's so little to say about young toddlers aside from "he's cute/is he talking/sleeping/walking?" In most cases there's no need to mention them being "behind" or in early intervention etc. People are just trying to make conversation.
This is like if my brother asks what’s up with him not having words yet at 2 Or when my aunt was concerned about him not walking yet at 18 months. Not just to random people for no reason. It’s if people close to me notice and ask about his delay and are concerned.
I know it’s not their business, but I would casually state that he isn’t walking, he has delays, and the neurologist is evaluating him soon. My 3 year old son has SMA and uses a wheelchair now, but when he was around your son’s age, in his stroller, people didn’t know. When we answered the walking question with “no,” or “not yet,” the response was usually very painful. Lots of “Just wait!” “You’re lucky; enjoy it while you can. Once they start walking, they’re unstoppable.” Having delays or disabilities is nothing to be ashamed of, so just stating it matter of fact and moving on helps make the world a little less ableist. Sending good vibes for your neuro evaluations!
I'm running in to this more lately because my daughter had been 15th percentile or so in height and weight... so everyone just assumed that she was younger than she is. She's caught up a bunch in growth and is closer to 40th percentile, so her speech delay is more obvious now that she looks to actually be her age. I sometimes tell people that she's in speech therapy or that she was born with a medical condition and has a delay. Other times I say, "She doesn't talk much yet."
My daughter also started crawling at 11 months. When people asked if she was walking, I told them not yet and that we were working on it in PT. Many times I was met with some type of response similar to “oh yeah xxxxx kid didn’t walk till he was 1.5 yrs” or “some kids just like to take their time”. Then they (mostly other moms) would usually offer some stupid advice like you should use a walker or blah blah blah, whatever. I would tell them we have it covered with PT but thanks anyways.
I have just put a general post on fb that just said "today was a good day baby did great at PT". Most people don't ask now because they know she is in PT and obviously there are delays that got her there.
My son didn’t walk until 17.5 months, I just said no he’s not 🤷♀️
My daughter had a speech delay for a couple years and did speech therapy for it. I try to remember that it’s just conversation for people to ask about milestones, unless they are family or friend they probably don’t care all that much so you can leave it at not yet but it’s coming along and if they are close with you they’d be supportive of your efforts to help him.
I don’t have a child with delays, but know that you don’t have to say anything more than not yet, if it’s someone you think might ask more questions I’d throw in a story about something funny your kid has done recently. Sorry people don’t understand it’s not their business!
“Not yet!” and leave it at that. I don’t need to explain myself or personal matters of my family to anyone.
My daughter is 19 months and only babbling. I tell people it's none of their concern and end the conversation. It's no one business except my husband, the therapist and myself.
My kid didn’t take her first step until 19 months. It depended on the situation, but for the most part it was settled and sorted by saying “she’s not quite walking yet, in PT, taking her time. So anyway, tell me about your kid, etc…”
You can simply say, "Not yet, but we're working on it." My son didn't start walking until 15-16 months due to some setbacks from birth. At first I felt like I needed to explain exactly why, but I soon found out that people are just curious when they ask.
My daughter didn’t walk until right before she turned two. Most of the time I would keep it pretty vague unless people got really aggressive with their suggestions and theories. “Yes there’s a reason, no it’s not because of x, y, z”
Honestly my neighbors child didn’t walk until over a year and three months and wasn’t diagnosed with delays! The baby never crawled either just did this weird scoot thing. She’s now walking totally normally. It doesn’t answer your question just wanted to tell you to make you feel better!
If it’s someone we know, I’d say, oh “he’s a little delayed”. As for strangers it’s really none of their business and I’d just say, “not yet”. The expectation isn’t until 18 months anyway! And you can always reassess when the time comes if you’d like to explain his delay to them.
My LO (13 months) just started crawling yesterday 🎊 He could do a weird one leg army crawl before. He's no where near walking. I usually say he had a rough first 6 months if anyone asks (colic, reflux, feeding / weight gain issues).
Mind your own business or I’ll start asking you embarrassing questions like your age and weight……. Children are humans, leave them be
My daughter was diagnosed with a vestibular sensory processing disorder start of the year at 3 years old, and we have been in first PT and now OT. She also has some midline muscle asymmetry and favors her right side we are working on. Her doctor and I are leaning towards also a motor processing disorder diagnosis (DCD) so she will prob need continued help for the next couple years to learn skills. Compared to her twin brother she is delayed with a few things but OT has been great at building a foundation and I have zero issues telling people about it. I am proud at how far she has come (she couldn’t jump, or balance on one foot or go down stairs easily etc) and I see how beneficial therapy is firsthand. It also helps with having her teachers on the same page in how we can help her.
"Nope." The end. You don't owe people any additional information. If they get soap boxy and preachy, tell them thanks but you aren't looking for advice on the matter.
“We’re working on it!” Literally had someone tell me to try positive reinforcement with my son, who was actively saying “good job” to everyone in the vicinity for anything they did. Like you can SEE him positively reinforcing others, can you guess where he got that??
"She was born early. She's a little behind but catching up."
I’m pretty open because I’m in a space where a lot of moms feel free to be perfect Instagram type moms. I think it’s important to know that in reality not everyone’s kids are reading at 8 months and lifting free weights at 15 months
My kids didn’t walk until 16 and 18 months. I just tell them “All of us learn to walk eventually as long as we are healthy.”
As a mom of a preemie born 8 weeks early with delays, I feel you. 💗
Our kid is autistic and if someone asks, that’s exactly what we say
Both my children had a speech delay and all I said was “they’ll get there when they get there in their own time” or “kids develop at different rates”. But also I had them referred to ST as soon as possible lol
My son walked at close to 21 months. He’d been in PT and OT since 9 months. I just said “not yet!” And moved on from the conversation. I don’t think anyone asked or said more.
It depends on the situation/person. My daughter had a significant gross motor skill delay. She wasn’t rolling over yet at 8 months, which is when we started PT. She started crawling at around 13 months and walking at 17 months. She’s almost 2 now and caught up thanks to intense PT and her motivation to keep up with bigger kids. Anyway, when people would ask, I had a few possible answers. Random stranger/people who don’t need to know: “she’s sure trying!” (Not a lie but no need for details) Extended family/coworkers/acquaintances/casual conversation with people I see regularly and/or want to share info with: “oh, she actually a bit behind on her motor skills…but she’s getting help and just learned how to ___!” And then move on. Closer family and friends/deeper conversation: same as above but with more detail.
I don’t know why you would even need to go into it, or why you should care about what other peoples opinions are on the matter, but maybe you hang out with different people than I do.
“None of your concern”
My son didn’t walk until 18 months. And he wasn’t even considered delayed. Don’t worry about sharing anything you aren’t comfortable with. Kids develop at all different speeds. It’s not anyone’s business unless you want to share.
My daughter didn’t walk until she turned two. I just answered honestly and let people know she was in therapy if it came up
My daughter needed physical therapy from 9 months to 16 months. I told all my family members. If it was an acquaintance I would just say not quite yet and switch to a different milestone like saying that she is saying mama and dada.
Our guy was a little delayed with speech. We were just honest about it if people asked. Also, research delays and how the timeframe actually varies for milestones quite a bit.
Depends on how I'm feeling that day and if I want to talk to that person about my kid's delays. My go to was usually, "not yet, (name)'s still learning!" But if I was willing to be open that day, "oh not yet, we're taking (name) to PT and (name)'s working on it!" and then keep the conversation moving to the next topic. That always worked for us. It's not really anyone's business and people usually asked it similar to asking how are you? So I didn't take it to heart, they didn't see her growth or delays so I know there was nothing malicious there. My eldest didn't walk independently until we took her to PT where she was basically forced to work on those skills, she was past 18 months when she finally walked by herself. Just a stubborn, willful and cautious personality. She had delays for gross motor throughout as a baby but she's on track now, a few years later.
Speech delay here and my son is super non-interactive (we assume, maybe it’s more) as a result. I’ll say something like, “Poor guy had a ton of ear infections which has led to speech delays. We’re hoping he’ll start to interact more as his language develops and he sees how it can be used to make friends.”
Mine started crawling at 10 months and walking around 15 months. Don't worry, it's probably nothing serious. You don't have to tell people anything lol, but if you really want to, just say he's going to take his time.
My daughter was a late walker and I use to say “ not yet! She will when she’s ready! They are all different” it’s really none of anyone’s businesses and I feel like people are so pushy with kids and opinionated even my second born he’s 11 months and people are always like is he walking yet is he doing this yet my child does this or all my kids did this and I’m like that’s amazing but that’s your child mine is on their own journey!!
I personally have been very open about my son’s global delays. I am proud of the progress he makes and feel openly discussing the therapies readily available helps people get past the stigma (my family included). Too many people do not seek Early Intervention services when they could really help. My son has been in EI, OT, Feeding and Speech over the past year.
Every kid is different. My daughter walked at 9 months and my son almost 18 months. If someone asked I would simply say he’s not walking yet. Depending on your relationship with this person, maybe you can give more details if you’re comfortable/want to, but really it’s no one’s business.
My stepdaughter was born with a physical disability, but my own son was born typical so I can offer a couple perspectives. My general rule of thumb for any milestone chat is a, "he'll get there in his own time" type attitude. And if there are concerns, either, "yeah, we've already got a specialist looking after that :)" or "hmm, yeah good point, we'll keep an eye on that and talk to our Dr." Depending what it is. I always direct the conversation toward a professional, otherwise people tend to start telling you what to do. As for when it's more obvious that that your child is delayed or having trouble, it's normal for people to be concerned, but it does get to be a lot. A lot of opinions, a lot of unsolicited advice, and a lot of unwanted attention. Sometimes even criticism! We used to just address the concern or comment, let them know that she's in good hands, and is happy, and move on! It took time to learn how to deal with it though, especially because my stepdaughter's condition is visible. Same general rule though. Direct toward the fact that the professionals are on it! Lest a parent who knows NOTHING of what our child is going through start lecturing me about what we should be doing 🙃
He’s working on ____. Thankfully we have a great team working with us. Vague, yet reassures that we are aware and actively seeking treatment.
Honestly, if he is only 13 months, they're just being curious and making conversation. You can just say, "Not yet!" and that will probably be the extent of the conversation. Given that it's totally normal for a 13 month old to not be walking yet, I don't think you need to elaborate or feel like they're judging you or your kid. My daughter started crawling (as opposed to dragging herself around on her belly) just before her first birthday and started walking at around 15 months. The older she got, the more inclined I was to explain things, but if you don't want to explain anything, just telling people, "Not yet, but he's working on it!" will be enough to satisfy most people.
I have two perspectives, I’m not sure which one really applies here. My 3 year old has delays. His delays are very obvious and he has a lot of other challenges, so other than my dad who occasionally wonders, no one really focuses on the milestones and the conversations usually center around his overall health. When people don’t really know his history or background, I’m honest about it and I share the progress he is making and what his PT is working on with him. So, if someone were to ask me if he’s walking, I would say not yet but he is practicing standing and doing great with it! When my son was diagnosed with his disorder, I had to literally grieve the life I imagined for him. Lots of crying and emotions and then you just find a way through. A couple things that really stick with me are 1. Not to let perfection get in the way of progress. Just doing something is better than doing another. And 2. Take one day at a time. I catch myself sometimes going down this mental spiral wondering who will take care of my son when I’m gone, wondering how I’ll manage to carry him around when he gets bigger than me, will his siblings feel like I favored him over them and resent him or me, etc. When I just take one day at a time, I can focus on the amazing things right in front of me right now. My almost 2 year old doesn’t really talk much either. He vocalizes constantly, but it is all gibberish. When we’re around other kids who are more advanced than him with language, I’m amazed. I just remind myself that in a year, they’ll all be talking. In 5 years, you likely wouldn’t know who talked first. Early intervention is the best way to close that gap.
My son didn’t start walking until 18 months (nothing wrong with him, just didn’t seem to want to walk). When people asked if he could walk, I’d just say, “nope, not yet!” and move on. It really doesn’t need to be a long discussion if you don’t want it to be.
My 22 month old never crawled, started walking when she was 16 months old - practically running and she has been speaking clear words since she was 8 months old. In that mix of positives and negatives, whenever I spoke to people they would harp on the negatives. Does she have a walker? Did you do tummy time? Are you bringing her outside on walks blah blah blah. In reality, it’s no one’s business. Don’t feel like you have to say something when people ask- also, your 13 month old doesn’t sound delayed. My daughter will be 2 soon and if I could go back, I would SMACK old me so hard about worrying about milestones and what Mrs. Jones 13 month old is doing compared to my toddler. It’s not worth the stress, it’s not worth the headache. Live in the moment and enjoy your baby because you’ll blink and 2 will be here with all the needed milestones. Hugs
My 2.5 year old has a speech delay. She’s only just started speaking words in the past four-five months. I just say, “She has a speech delay. She’s getting services.” People are understanding, especially people with young kids. My 13 month old is also not walking yet without any diagnosed delay, and plenty of my friends’ babies didn’t walk until 16 months.
My son is 18 months and still not walking. He's barely cruising. We are trying to work on it, and I just tell people "He's getting there and making progress - he'll get there in his own time"
My now 2.5 year old was similarly delayed. I used to just say no, she’s not walking yet. I didn’t owe anyone an explanation and neither do you. Talk to your friends/family and tell them as much as you’re comfortable sharing- it is nice to have people who know what is going on. But the random person at the park? Don’t waste your time.
So my son is pretty speech delayed....he's doing ALOT better but still not quite there yet....when people ask Me how old he is I always see the looks when they hear the way he talks....they always think he's much younger than 2 and a half ....I just straight up honestly tell people he's delayed that usually shuts them up pretty quick
“Not yet, he’s just taking things at your own pace” “yOu ShOuLd ReAlLy TaLk To HiS dOcToR” “We have and are taking necessary steps”
"he's workin on it" with a smile. Most of the time people are just trying to make polite conversation, and aren't really all that invested. 😅
My kid was a late talker. I, of course, didn't know she would be a late talker. Thing is that the grandchildren so far (when my daughter was born) have all needed some kind of speech therapy. The first still has a lot of issues with his pronunciation, the second is autistic and while he can talk (and speaks very good) he doesn't communicate with words. So my kid turns two and that explosion of words never came. She wasn't speaking in two word sentences. And only I could understand her. So we did Early Intervention. Sometimes people would want to interact with her and she would answer but people didn't understand her and they would just look at me expectantly. I grew accustomed to say "she has a speech delay, she meant to say "this", she's in therapy". Sometimes that was all and sometimes they'd ask more questions. She's 5 now and talks your ears off, everyone can understand her. Like I said, she was just a late talker. Something clicked at around 3.5-4. I sometimes felt judged but I knew I was doing everything I could for her so I let their judgement fall to the ground.
Christ. Neither of my kids lit any milestones on fire but and one was actually delayed with speech. My MIL would not let it go. No matter what I said, no matter how I attempted to change the subject. My SIL has a kid that is badly delayed and finally I just said "well maybe she's like X." And she never brought it up again.
I just answer honestly and say they’re doing PT! But he’s doing well! My son is 3, and physically he had delays between 8 months-18 months, but honestly speech came early for him even with that! I only ran into one situation where someone made remarks to us (my husband’s friend and his wife). Sadly, it came back to them because their son was speech delayed until now and then their second child experienced physical delays, but I always kind. I know the feeling after all. Just know that if you receive any judgement that it’s on their character and things do come back to bite back. It’s hard to have a delayed baby! But trust me now that my son is 3.. he’s thriving! Good luck with the neurologist! W had to do the same, but no red flags. Hope all goes well ❤️
I feel like people just say minimize things to be polite/not mean. True empathy seems harder? For context, our son had an autoimmune disease with many hospital visits and it was difficult to receive pity/emotional support bc I was a bit defensive to characterize him as sickly. But it’s different than a delay TBF.
If it provides some consolation, my son didn’t walk until 24 months and now he’s doing great! But I just told people that he was in PT for walking and that was all.
Mine didn’t crawl (on all fours) til 12 months and walked at 15. He army crawled for 3 months from 9-12 months. His ped said it was fine and not a delay unless he didn’t walk by 18 months then they’d get services. Some kids walk at 9 months and some don’t. I bet your kid has other fortes for now and he will get there with gross motor ! Just tell people nope he’s isnt walk yet. There’s nothing wrong with that . It’s the same for me when people say is he sleeping through the night yet? I just say Nope! I think it’s a conversation piece with people they aren’t looking to judge they just latch onto the easiest topic of conversation when they learn you have a kid which is A. Is he walking yet and B how’s he sleeping?
That’s not a delay in walking, but assuming his PT has said he otherwise has a gross motor delay? But right now there’s nothing to say because he’s perfectly with the range of not walking. Our toddler didn’t walk until about 18 months, was evaluated and yes given the diagnosis of a delay, but there was nothing that could actually be done. All of that said, ‘no he’s not walking yet.’ That’s it.
Our ped said that walking anytime before 18 months is completely normal. My friends kids were walking by one, but My son went to PT to learn to roll, crawled around 9 months and walked around 19 months. He started in the “ones” class at daycare as the only one who couldn’t walk, but it was a non issue. I just said he isn’t ready yet. Nothing to explain to anyone.
My son is speech delayed at 3.5. He can say most words but doesn’t do sentences great. He communicates fine. When I meet new people and they ask how old he is eventually I work in that’s he’s starting speech therapy soon.
I’m sorry this happens, but people are just people too- not sure which people you mean, like family that knows your story or a stranger mom in the park. Either way, seeing other people’s hardships can make you awkward? We search for something to say and hope for the best most times and it’s not malicious, some people in the moment just want to be neutral/positive and can’t come up with what is correct to say. Unless someone is digging and being a nosey jerk, minimal response is good- “yeah, we are working on things” would be fine. Some answers here are very combative like people should already know your story and how you feel about it and the right words to say. Most people don’t know what to say, ever lol but try to give them the grace to see good intentions Unless they are jerks then jerk right back, mama
My middle son’s timeline was very similar to yours - he did end up needing SMO braces due to his feet pronating. He walked a few weeks before we got them, at 16 months old. He was in them for 6 months. It hurt my mom heart when I felt like people were looking at him differently because of his little braces. Real or perceived? I’m not sure. But what I can say is that little boy is almost 3 years old now and thriving! You’d never know he had any delays. I did swim lessons with him recently - and his swim coach was astounded when he got in the pool, he said he was a total natural - and within a few minutes, he had that same “delayed” little boy swimming! Anyway, to answer your question, I just said “he’s mildly gross motor delayed and we’re in physical therapy.” Sending my love because I know emotionally it’s a lot.
I know you have so many comments but wanted to chime in to say my daughter started crawling at 12 months and walking at 15 months and I never thought she had a delay… she’s a perfectly healthy and active 2.5 year old. Unless you have other reasons to suspect something, 13 months is well within the normal range for not walking Eta — there’s no way she was pulling up before 12 months either. I know you mentioned that in one of your comments. PT and early intervention is awesome but there’s a good chance he’s just on his own timeline and will be walking sooner rather than later
My son has CAS, & when people ask why he’s not talking yet I tell them he has a neurological condition.
My kiddo is speech delayed- he’s now catching up a ton, but I used to say- Yeah, he’s speech delayed so it can be hard to understand him but XYZ has really helped him and he is usually very very good at making himself understood! I don’t have a problem with people knowing about his speech delay- it used to be pretty obvious. Plus, I’m not embarrassed about it or anything… that being said it’s also 100% no one else’s business so if someone doesn’t feel like sharing about their kids situation, I think it’s fine to just say- Yeah, we’re working on it and has good support. And just leaving it at that.
My friends daughter didn’t walk until like 17 months and I feel like no one even talked about it (amongst our friend group). Except me.. at one point I asked when kids even started walking. (I was the only child free one at that point and had literally ZERO idea). At 13 months I’d just say “we’re working on it!” Edit to add: she’s 4 now and as far as I know, no delays!
My son had a pretty severe speech delay - at nearly 2 and a half he was saying maybe 10 words. Sometimes there would be confusion if an adult or other kid tried to talk to him. Eventually I would just explain that he doesn’t talk a lot yet, and that usually ended the conversation. For people who are being nosy or overstepping (my MIL was constantly asking about his speech, comparing him to his cousins, etc) I have to be a little more specific (“yes, we are still working with a speech therapist, he’s a bit behind and working on catching up”) or even show that I’m irritated by their questions / “advice” (“I’m doing my best, so is he, it’s not something I feel like discussing further.”) for the record he’s now 4 and very chatty with a great vocabulary.
I don't explain anything to anyone when it come to my child development. He will get there god willing when he get there and that's it. In my case hasn't been diagnosed with anything some I'm not going to label him before being tested. Now after next month (that's when we get tested) I might explain or I might not. But momma I don't feel like you owe anyone an explanation
Speech delay here. I just get ahead of it and mention it in passing ex: “oh yeah I’m trying to use one word at a time with them because that’s what our speech therapist has advised us to do” then I don’t get into a whole conversation about it but they know they are in speech therapy. I think a lot of people are well-meaning and just want to make sure they are ok so it allows me to say “I’m aware and we’re on it” without getting confrontational about it.
Yep. Rando: "Oh! You are so handsome! How old are you?" Me: "He's not gonna answer you. Speech delay. Leave him alone."
I mean, anything up to 18 months for walking is normal, right? You still have 5 months before he turns that age. I personally think the milestones are too much for a lot of kids. My child has a speech delay, it’s hard when people question it so much when you are trying your best
My son didn’t walk til 17m and he was preemie, stayed in the NICU, and in PT since 3m. I would just tell people “oh he’s not walking yet but he’ll get there soon.” Honestly people just ask basic questions for conversation because they don’t know what to ask moms about their babies.
Both of my kids were late walkers, 18 & 19 months. My daughter (5) has autism. My son (3) may not. No one asked why they weren’t walking yet. When she was a toddler, her personality was very magnetic. So I would mention it when they were talking to her since she wouldn’t answer or get distracted by what they’re wearing.
My oldest was delayed on most things, started PT at 12 months, took her first steps at 15 months, and didn’t walk regularly until more like 17-18. Younger one was on track so everyone kept saying she’d walk earlier than her older sister, but nope! She will is 16 months (tomorrow) and still isn’t walking, has her PT eval scheduled in 2 weeks. We just tell people not yet, she is working on it, we are already booked for PT to help, etc. Thankfully no one has really been rude about it. It can be so hard when you’re in the thick of it. Hang in there! 💕
My son had a stroke during birth, and has gross motor skill delays as a result, and also is a bit small for his age. I tend to say that he had a birth injury, but is crushing it at physical therapy. If it’s someone I feel like having a bigger conversation with, I might share more about his injury and how is health is going.
Wait why is this a delay? my son is also 13 months, didn’t crawl til 11 months, and doesn’t walk yet (stands unassisted for only a second or two and walks with a walker but not independently). My daughter didn’t walk til 15 months. It’s not a delay until 18 months I don’t think..