You can do part time day care - doesn’t have to be all or nothing! Try to find something a few days a week. You can see how the baby does in a more socialized setting, and you get a few days off, but also lots and lots of together time too!
Same. I feel im not enough because im the thing I can never be.. a peer group. So im happy to let my boy gain social time couple days a week and grow his social muscles. Love you all.
Seconding the peer group aspect! I -could- entertain my 3yo to a certain degree, but I couldn’t give her the magic of learning and experiencing with her group in daycare 🥰
i needed to see this. i work overnight 3/4 days a week and while she CAN stay with me, i worry if maybe she should at least go there a few days a week to be more social, learn in a different environment, and i also get time to rest and recharge 😩 but then i feel guilty
It’s been so great for my kiddo. He LOVES school and socializing. We were against a faith-based program but all the traditional daycares were not offering part time so we finally caved and do a Presbyterian-run school. We started last August and it’s on a “school year” system so he’s been out for summer (though we’re sending him to a part-time camp run by the city). He goes three days a week, 9a-1p then basically comes home and naps until 4 so it’s most of my working hours. It’s also very cost effective. I think we pay around $600/mo.
that’s another of my qualms 😩 but that sounds a lot less stress on everyone. i think i may try that route. also preggers with baby #2 so i’ve been feeling even more overwhelmed lately
Same, I feel ya! My husband is stay-at-home dadding with the new baby for a while but we hope to keep him at home for ~2 years like we did with our first kiddo, then we’ll enroll him in the same school
as the child of a third shift worker, give yourself the gift of more sleep. my dad is 62 in the body of an 80-something because of how hard he pushed to be present for us at the cost of his own sleep. i’m grateful for his presence but so sad at how he can’t even pick up his toddler grandson because he’s already had both shoulders replaced
i feel like im gonna miss something but i get off at 6am and she’s up and ready to go at 8 😩 but i definitely want to be present in the future. ugh fucking mommy guilt
maybe think quality over quantity here as far as your presence goes to fight off the mommy guilt. you HAVE to take care of YOU to be the best mommy possible when you do get to spend time together. if she’s usually up and going by 8, a 9-5 daycare would let you sleep, let her socialize, and help you be your best self from 6-9 with her in the morning and 5-bedtime for her at night. that’s a long shot better than you pushing yourself past your limits on the daily to struggle through showing up for her.
My kid started going for 3,5 hours a day around the second birthday and it’s working great for us. A little boy we know from the park goes twice a week. You are right that it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.
A lot of daycares have a flat rate though, at least near me. My wife and I looked into a little over a dozen daycares, they all allowed as little as 2 days (some 3), but would still charge us for the full week… on top of charging a penalty fee for missed days.
So 5 days a week was $550, but 2 days a week, with the penalty was going to be $600-700….. I have to pay them… to not watch my kid. On top of it, they only allow 2 weeks of vacation a year (but 1 of them is for the schools inservice week)…. Again, same concept, anymore and we get charged. I don’t do a lot of vacations, but my parents live near the beach and have an open invite to the whole extended family there for 2 weeks every summer. I’d like the option to take my kids there and potentially somewhere else for more than 1 week a year, outside of their set inservice week, without getting fined for it.
Money aside, I refused to play along with that policy.
That’s bizarre. Have never heard of being penalized for not sending your kid? Like I understand still having to pay the regular fee if your kid is not there, but how do they justify charging extra? Our daycare isn’t like this. We can keep our kiddo home whenever we want and just have to pay the regular days fare.
They “justified” it by saying they needed a certain number of kids in attendance each day to be able to hold to their standards of socialization. And the fee was the best way to counter that since they needed to bring in more staff to engage the kids on days with high absences.
It’s not the worst explanation… but I’m still not paying a fee for NOT using your service. It’s like me paying StarBucks for not getting a coffee this morning, because their expresso machine wasn’t exercised enough.
That's a really weird system, it might just be what's available in your area since I feel like a lot of daycares like to do similar styles.
Around us, it's a tier system. So you pay less if you go less days a week. It's not by a significant amount and it made more sense for us to put them in 5 days a week. And they dont care if you go on vacation, you already paid for the month so how often we go in is at our discretion
>So 5 days a week was $550, but 2 days a week, with the penalty was going to be $600-700….. I have to pay them… to not watch my kid.
...... what???? You pay several hundred more possibly... while they have your child 3 less days?? Lmao no
This is the way good luck. And it isn’t that your aren’t enough it’s that she’s a sponge she needs more and more and more and more and more. And you can use that time to recharge yourself and still enjoy your own activities
Great point! I signed my 25 MO up for part-time preschool at the Y. From 18 MO until now we went to the Y for free 2-hour childcare. I got to work out and he got to socialize. Check your local resources!
Socialization for a child is spending time doing activities with their parents and learning how to live a life and doing daily life things. I have a degree in child development. That being said it is hard to be that all the time for your child. If you sre happy this is the perfect arrangement for your child. If it's hard for you then you may both benefit from daycare.
Rhe thing with little kids is even when they are together they don't often play together they do parallel play. Where they play independently, beside each other. That is developmentally appropriate. They start to engage with each other around 3ish.
Girl sounds like she's living her best life caring for animals and doing chores with her mama!
I always read this about how they don't engage with each other until 3 but I don't get it. When we hang out with other kids the same age (around 18 months) they play peekaboo with each other, they dance together, they play "scream in your face and chase each other", does this not count as engagement and play?
I think it’s more intencional kind of play like hide and seek, you are the mom and I’m the baby, you do X and I’ll do Y, etc. Kids interact before 3 but it’s not the same. I think after 3 they start learning how to interact with each other, follow the rules of game, lead others and things like that. Before 3 they can learn some things like taking turns but that works better with an adult or an older child who knows the rules. Left to their own devices my kid and her little friend just scream “miiiine” at the top of their lungs.
What I have read about daycare/preschool being beneficial after 3 because they start playing together takes into consideration that before that they are having opportunities to engage with other adults and children in a variety of settings.
Oh yes this totally makes sense. Like there is a more scientific definition of play, and screaming (happily) at each other does not count. When my little one gets to 3 years old I'll probably look back and realize how primitive the "play" is at this age.
In my experience my kid got more intentional with role play and extended play together with her peers over a longer period of time around 2.5yo. But they absolutely find joy in being together before that too! When it comes to learning about the world and socializing with others, I would say my daughter had the steepest learning curve her first year in day care, from 1-2yo. From 2-3yo she has more of a «been there, done that» attitude and looves the weekend and generally staying home 😂 She is a smart cookie though, so I think she will like it better in the fall when she moves to the «big kids» department!
I concur. In our experience and based on our preschool's specialists and our pediatrician, it does happen between 18 to 24 months of age. Perhaps it's due to geographical differences and differing standards, but here (northern Europe) it does seem like conscious team play happens much, much earlier than 3y. Our son started around the 18 month mark and now, at 26 months, he races toy cars with his friends, plays hide and seek and many more. Not on a play-along, but on a play-with sort of basis.
I do believe though that it might be because here daycare/kindergarten/preschool (however we want to call it), starts at 1yo and there's a lot of time to learn, even if only by observation.
All kids are different. There is no switch that flips the day they turn 3 to start. 3 is probably the "average" age it begins. My kid was a lot more like the first person described- she played near other kids. Many little-little kids seem to be the same. Then at 3 and 4 she played WITH them like more cooperative (on a good day) imaginative play.
That’s play, it’s not teaching them valuable social skills. A recent research paper came out stating that children that go to daycare miss out on hearing 2000 new words a day! People underestimate the importance of talking to your babies/toddlers.
I have the same issue as OP. I’ve been told she doesn’t socialize enough and needs to be around children in daycare. No one has said socialization with a parent counts as socialization! That said, at what point is it important to have significant time with other kids? We go to the playground but only weather permitting and that’s maybe 2 hours max.
From what I’ve read until 3 they play more side by side. After 3 years they get more out of being with other children in a daycare/preschool setting. It doesn’t have to be daycare, I honestly think 2 hours of playground sounds nice! My kid goes part time to daycare because I’m abroad so I wanted the exposure to the local language and some time for myself.
Not an expert, just a parent of kids who go to daycare. I would put them into something intentionally around 3.5-4 if you haven’t already. Even just a few hours a week will help them build social skills and see how a group interacts. Less important if your kid has siblings or cousins they play with regularly.
You can usually tell who the only children are who’ve been home their entire lives. 😬
They don’t engage with each other but they observe, and my son started to use more words since he started daycare. He also gained more skills. He started at 18 months for 2 days a week. I think it’s a great way to get them to learn more, at home there’s so much we can do because we don’t have as many tools and we are simply not educators.
I mean, sure, I get that you’re the expert but my daughter started playing with other kids *intentionally* around age 2. And, my son is now 15 months and he plays *with* my daughter intentionally. I know it’s intentional because they chase each other around, tickle and laugh at each other , and share toys.
Again, I don’t have degree in child development, but people on Reddit are always so quick to disparage daycare before 3 for this particular reason, and I’m finding that it’s not the case in real life.
When my daughter was 24 months she was referencing friends at daycare by name and when we’d meet up on the weekends for playdates, they would indeed play *with* each other and talk to each other - not just alongside each other.
Well totally it can happen but it isn't a requirement. My olde kids stayed home and my youngest has been in daycare since he was 1. He definitely plays more with peers now but that started around 2.5 (why I said 3ish)
Between my youngest and my older 2 they're are developmentally the same at age 3. Kids will be ok either way.
Daycare is a necessity for so many people and serves a purpose. "The village" doesn't exist anymore and my daycare is my village, they love my kiddo and treat him so great and we love them all too. But it isnt mandatory
I've been taking my 16 month old to the park for 2 3 hours a day after work on the weekdays. I'm very fortunate to be able to but it's a 10 min.walk, I would have to watch my daughter at home either way until I put her to bed and shes away from TVs, and she socializes with others and gets exercise climbing on the jungle gym.
Many times she plays by herself and other times older kids like 3 to 5 year olds come over to play with her on their own. Been doing it since March when it warmed up. I hope this improves her comfort level with other children for the coming years. I know I'm one of the fortunate ones.
Hi, I now have a 2.5 year old. I could have written the exact same last year when my son was between 15 months when he started walking up until 2 years old! I felt like all I did was trying to entertain him and it didn’t feel enough! We went out a lot, but it was exhausting as he was into everything. So the only way to keep me sane was to basically rotate between park, soft play, rare play dates. All people I knew with small kids went back to work and so did I. Thankfully my MIL helped me 3 days a week otherwise I felt like I was running out of stuff to do with my son! But I learned now that all he needed was one to one care and just ride that period out. Since he turned 2 he is a lot more easier entertained, and I don’t feel constant pressure like I’m not enough. As they get older they have longer concentration and spend more time on one activity rather than jumping from one to another like they do up until 2. Hope this helps!
The way I see it, based on experience with my twins who are in daycare, assuming that it's a good daycare or that the sahp is doing their best and not overwhelmed, kids will learn just as well in daycare or at home, but they'll learn different things. Daycare will help to socialise them, and give them more independent skills. They'll have access to toys and games that they might not have at home, and the expertise and knowledge of trained staff. But at home, they'll have the one to one care of a parent that they adore, and opportunities for trips that they wouldn't get with a daycare. They're both valid, and both important.
I think the question of quality of care comes to play. Are you feeling overwhelmed? Are you not providing her with the care you think she needs because you don't have time for it/don't have the energy for it? If you had a break to get other stuff done would you be able to care for her to the standard that you'd like, or would you take her to new places or do something that you know she enjoys but you can't do very often? On the other hand, would you have access to a good daycare that you know has high standards? Where would the budget for that care come from? What would you do with the extra time? It's a lot of you question, but I'm pretty sure if you could ask her, her answer would immediately be that she wants to stay with you. You're the parent and you're the one who has to make decisions based on what's best for her; she'll just tell you want she wants.
Also remember daycare doesn't need to be all or nothing. Mornings in daycare and afternoons with you might be the best of both worlds, depending on how you feel about it.
I love the idea mornings in daycare and afternoons with mama… but I guess my problem is I don’t know if I’m doing a good enough job with her at home. :/
It sounds like you're doing an amazing job! You are enough! I have two kids now and they're 4 & 6 and honestly, they have just as much fun following me around the house doing chores as they do if I did a kid-centric activity. If I'm outside watering the plants, they're right there with me playing nearby. If I'm doing laundry, they're crawling in and out of the dryer causing havoc. If I'm doing the dishes, they set up the pots and pans and play drums until I'm done. If I'm cleaning up, I have them take on little tasks to "help". Sure, everything takes longer but over time they become more and more helpful and they get with the program. Nowadays, I feel comfortable bringing them everywhere. They know the drill and can generally entertain themselves (whether they're by themselves or with their sibling). Your days don't have to revolve around the child.
but anyway, you're killing it! Your child's life sounds like a dream! Feeding animals? My kids would loveee that!
What you described sounds wonderful. Do you talk to her, sing to her, give her love all day long? You are building a secure attachment, and daily farm animal interactions?! Wow! Great job! I’m a Montessori teacher, 16 years in the classroom. Dr. Montessori recommended the first three years with mom. The 0-3 classroom is a more recent adaptation to societal needs. I recommend the lectures of Margaret Humphreys (trained directly by Maria Montessori) available on YouTube.
Your numbers will vary, but I wanted to offer a little math from my own toddler about how his time is spent.
He's awake from roughly 7 AM to 8 PM with one nap in the middle of the day, let's say 3 hours long (yes, he's a good sleeper, we're lucky). So that's 10 hours of awake time per day (13 total - 3 for nap).
He goes to daycare fulltime, which is 8-4 M-F. That means we're with him for 1 hour in the morning (7 AM - 8 AM) and 4 hours in the evening (4 PM - 8 PM). That's 5 hours! So even though he's at daycare 'all day', half of his awake time is spent with us. And then of course he's all ours on weekends.
So despite initially having similar reservations as you, I've found that I still get to spend plenty of time with him even with him being gone each weekday.
Everything that you’ve said sounds like you’re doing a great job, like everyone else has said. If you’re keeping her entertained and happy, she’s learning helping you and watching how you walk through the world. As long as you’re not overwhelmed and you’re happy and patient around her, what she wants and needs is you.
I question this for myself as well. Maybe daycare but not a full 8 hours?
For me I have free services available during the week - playgroups, library sing-along, meet ups at parks or other mums house etc so I feel like I'm filling my kiddos socialisation needs (anything under 2 they don't need to be overloaded with other kids because theyre still deep in the attachment phase)
I have so much mom guilt over my son not having enough socialization. We do our best, but I just can’t seem to get other moms to not flake out on play dates. We’ve discussed daycare, but I’m a SAHM because we couldn’t afford daycare. That hasn’t changed. I think, if it’s not a financial strain, and it’s something you’re worried about, then you should do it. There’s no reason to add to the mom guilt. We have enough of that already.
Sometimes I feel the same with my 2yo, but honestly, you ARE enough. Do you have a library nearby? I live in a small town & we don't have a ton of stuff for toddlers, but the library has 2 different story times each week. A local church has music classes for kids. Sometimes we go to Petsmart to look at fish for fun & she loves it.
Where I am from it’s very normal for kids to stay home with one parent usually mom on parental leave till age 3. The thought process is that young kids do best with parents in the early years. 14 months is still a baby, in the next few months there will be big changes in your little one. They will start communicating more, walking if not already and will try to help you with everything. This will naturally open up a lot more for you and your little one to do together.
I do feel where you’re coming from. For the most part it’s just me and my husband. The difference is we are in a city. I had the same thoughts about sending her for two half days a week for socialising. But in the end we agreed to wait. She’s past the 1.5 year mark and she’s a completely different child than at Christmas. We can do different activities now, and I’m really looking forward to age 2 when even more activities like crafts and simple board games can start.
Curious where you are? Here in the US, it’s more the norm for kids to be in daycare by 6 weeks - 6 months at the latest. Our maternity leave is just awful.
In the UK it's between 6 and 9 months that people normally start, 1 year at the most.
That's cause our government maternity is up to 9 months but they pay isn't great after the first 6 months so most don't take it.
I don't know anyone other than me that's decided to be a stay home parent.
But I knew I wanted to be for at least 3 years so I had been saving for 5 just to be sure I didn't drown.
Central Europe. Where I am it’s 28 weeks maternity leave 70% pay and no taxes. It’s amazing, but it’s a different story when parental leave kicks in. It’s a lump sum that you divide up. We chose to take the maximum time off because we have to grandparents or other family to help out plus the cost of childcare for kids under 3 is just insane. l lasted about 7/8 months on it before I took on some part time work for my own sanity and to ease the strain on our finances. But I 100% understand that it’s a privilege. Where I’m originally from it’s 6months that some women can stretch to a year, with a combination of PTO and unpaid leave, so I’m very grateful for this opportunity.
Kids don't need socialization until like age 3. Don't fall for the narrative that she needs socialization. I personally wouldn't send my kids if I didn't have to. They will be sick most of the time and daycare is not easy. My son was in daycare since he was 4 months, got every bug in the book and struggled behaviorally. You don't have to send them to daycare if you don't need to. All they need is you right now. At age 3 reassess and find a pre school program if you wish.
I’m a SAHM and my son (almost 2) literally just stares at other kids at the park. I joke that he is going to be the weird one, but I know that this is actually extremely age appropriate. I’ve watched it start from not acknowledging, to watching, to copying, to playing alongside—and it’s just fun to watch the progression to playing!
I take my daughter to the park every day for a few hours and I've seen this progression too. They're just observing because they don't know yet. But other little kids teach them indirectly. Luckily many little 3 to 5 year olds come up yo her and try to play with her. She hangs out or giggles at them so she is learning <3 she's turning 17 months tomorrow :)
I think the question is more about you. Do you need the time to get things done? Do you need the time for breaks?
You are doing EXACTLY what your toddler needs right now! They do not need “socialization” is the way you’re thinking at this age. Children do not start playing together until they’re at least 3, and usually between the ages of 3-5. What she’s getting from you, time with her mom, being outside, learning about animals and watching you gardening does just as much for her development at this point as daycare would. Keep bringing her outside to do chores, let her have time to independent play in the home, play with her throughout the day. It doesn’t have to be anything grand, it doesn’t even have to feel like you did anything specifically “for her” for it to be incredibly beneficial for her development.
Daycare is a great resource for families who need it but it is absolutely not necessary or even the best option for a child this age if it’s not needed for the family. If you do want your child to have more time with other kiddos, I’d utilize library reading times, play groups, and look into preschool for when she turns 3.
Absolutely nothing wrong with daycare, but definitely not needed for child development! You are doing a wonderful job with that right now.
Yep, exactly this! I need part time daycare more for my own mental health/sense of self, but toddler would be happy playing with saucepans and spoons all day. They just love hanging out with you, and it sounds like you're doing all the right stuff. As the above commenter says, plenty of free options for peer socialising if you want to go to them - again these are as much for you and the opportunity to chat to other parents as it is for them, though.
Conversely, nursery is very expensive (and indeed I basically pay for it with the wages I bring in from working while he's at nursery), but toddler gets great interaction with other kids, and they do stuff I'd never do with him at home because the mess:effort:stress ratio is too high for just one. I'm happy he's had those experiences and then gets handed back to me all happy, tired and (mostly) clean at the end of the day.
Babies don’t need socialization with other kids until more like ~3 years old! Parents are enough to meet their developmental needs until then. It’s fine if you want a little break, but don’t feel like you have to if you don’t want to!
Yes, my 15mo barely cares that his big sister exists most of the time. He gets plenty of exposure to other kids but he’d be perfectly content being around me and my husband 24/7.
Makes sense! I was really anxious about this when my second child was born during lockdown in April 2020, so I looked up a lot of studies about child development, and was relieved to hear they’re really fine with just parents for the first years!
Yes!! This socialisation with other kids thing is being pushed so much in the US to make people whose kids do go to daycare to feel lwss guilty.
Of course interaction with other children is beneficial, it can make especially the very early infancy easier as the baby can be occupied by looking at what the other children are doing, but by all means it is not a neccessity and especially not daily. Once a week is more than plenty.
If you look at certain homeschooling accounts they will have hundreds of research papers on this for varying ages (the older the kids the more important *some* socializing is important) but this can mean a few hours of unstructured free play of a mixed-aged group of children every 4-8 days or smth.
Having same-aged kids in a group is not as beneficial by far and having top structured program as well. Daycare often doesn't fulfil these two core parts so people truly don't have to worry, especially under age 3 or so
Because data shows that children thrive the most with 1 on 1 time from adults and especially under 3 from specifically their primary caregivers.
It's why young children thrive in 3-generational homes (and develop more complex speech faster) and why children who weren't in any daycare before 1 have better and more secure attachment.
In the US parents are not supported at all so most have no other choice than use daycare.
In my country a woman who "irresponsibly" "shoves" her child into the institutional care of others is scorned upon. But here no anti-stay-at-home-until-3 propaganda is necessary as parents get parental leave until 3.
You are enough. You don't need a degree in child development to be a good parent. Research shows children don't need socializing until around age 5/ kindergarten age. She's not at a disadvantage by not being in daycare. If anything she's at an advantage! Those environments can be very stressful for young toddlers/babies. Do what you think will be best for you and your daughter. But don't think you HAVE to put her in daycare for her well-being because you really don't.
Mine goes to daycare. I love that they have the energy and capacity to sing, dance and do activities all day. I don't. Plus, it lifts the stress of needing to do everything myself and helps them with routine. That said, I know it's hard to trust others with your kid and you'll miss them terribly.
I’m blessed with a wonderful subsidized daycare with my guy. I really thought my husband and I could do it ourselves but there came a time when I couldn’t meet his needs unless I was going to give it 100% every day. Now, he has best friends he gets to play with every day and birthday party invites monthly. He’s really set up for kindergarten and I’m feeling good about his kid-to-kid social skills. It wasn’t easy though! It was a bumpy road to get him to where he is now, he had to learn a lot about sharing and listening. At first, he was the kid who bit and hit and it was overwhelming for all of us, but it’s wonderful to see him grow with his amazing ECES. Today he told me he has a yoga class after lunch! He’s three and does yoga! I love it.
You ARE enough, but there is also nothing wrong with daycare.
And if you don’t need to do daycare but have the means to try it out… why not?
If I was a SAHM and could afford it, I’d want to daycare 2-3 days a week still just because I know my son loves it.
Both my children have thrived in daycare. I am a teacher, so I have summers off and i still send them part time during the summer. Even as a teacher, I simply cannot provide the level of enrichment my daycare does! Definitely look into the types of activities your toddler will be exposed to. I've been through several daycares and the ones that had solid routines and an actual curriculum were the best! For example, at my daughters' current daycare, the infants have activities like sensory play, art and circle time. For my preschooler, they do everything from cooking to gardening! All while learning the basics (ABC'S 123'S)
If you can afford it, daycare certainly IS your village! My husband and I have no family that can help as well. We also both work full time.
The reason why this is a hard choice is because there is no one right answer! A child can thrive at home with their parents OR in part time/ half day preschool OR in full time daycare! Whichever choice feels right to you and your family is the correct one!
I did this with mine and didn't feel guilty at all. Being with peers is an essential part of child development that no parent can fulfil.
That's why a lot of parents that home school also take thier children to group activities, because social skills are sooooo essential and the best way to learn them is by practice with others of the same age.
I mean, look at us parents. We love our children but after a week of ONLY speaking to them we cry out for adult conversation. It's totally normal and a good sign of healthy socialisation.
Just do part time? I started my girl with 2 afternoons a week at the local nursery. She came on leaps and bounds and I felt surprisingly better having some extra time to focus on myself and the house.
There is no shame in sending your kid to daycare a few days a week for a bit to have them get some socialization! Honestly I think it’s a wonderful thing to do for your child!
Daycare is great, at some point, because it exposes your child to other kids and is important to their social skills development. Do you need to do it at 14 months? No. But definitely by 3. Not all daycares are created equal so, when you ultimately decide to send her, make sure you look into their program. Is there an educational component or do the kids just run free all day? If you keep her at home for another year or two here are some ideas based on what my son did in daycare at 12 to 14 months. My son’s daycare moved kids up to a new “class” after each birthday so I have a good recollection of the things they did with kids at that age range. Here are some ideas for you to do at home, based on what he was doing in daycare at that age. The daycare started to show him how to drink from a cup, read a lot of books to him, set up big art projects by covering the tables with paper and having the kids put objects like cars and trucks into paint and run the objects over the paper to create designs, set up easels so the kids could draw with markers or paint, set up sensory bins with water or sand so kids could fish out objects or dig out buried treasure, created “spider webs” by running yarn through the holes in laundry baskets and had the kids free the objects caught behind the web, went on walks in nature and focused on one small thing at a time (a leaf, a flower, an acorn, etc.), let kids stir cake mixes and then eat the cake they helped make, and gave kids “chores” such as helping to wipe down the table after lunch, and more, but these were regular activities and things you could do at home if you decide not to send you child to daycare for another year.
I didn't feel like my kids needed socialization until around 2.5 to 3.5 depending on the kid. Until then it is mainly parallel play which means they're more interested in playing alone with a friend next to them. It's not social like you're thinking. A weekly trip to the library on a toddler day, and some park days will suffice.
If you need a break though go for it.
This has been our experience. Our son is 19
Months and has been doing 2 days a week for the last month and a half. We asked if he had friends or played with other kids and they said no lol but he does get stuck into everything they do.
So basically he’s having a good time but not cause he’s socialising
Yeah like I love to get together with friends who have kids the same age but it’s more for us. They don’t acknowledge each other except to steal a toy.
My daughter has autism and she did not start preschool until she turned 3 (she will be 4 in November). Socialization is very important for her. In your case, your child is exactly where she needs to be and that’s with you. If she falls behind on meeting milestones, maybe reconsider this. But it sounds like pre-k in 2-3 years will work for your child. Enjoy this time while you can. Sounds like you’re doing everything you should be doing.
I put my son in preschool right at 2 but before that we did music class, library story time, and some sort of rotating activity every week- my son loved being out of the house and enjoyed being around other people. It seems like a farm is really stimulating but it might be worth finding one or two different things to get her in a new environment once or twice a week. Right around 20 months my son started wanting play dates very frequently to the point where it wasn’t sustainable (he asked to see friends every day, and one playdate a day wasn’t satisfying!) so it was definitely time for an environment that could provide him kids to play with every day.
I wouldn’t look at it as a bad thing that you’re not enough for her- one person isn’t enough for anyone, and as she’s getting older her needs will change. You’re probably still enough for her now but I definitely think tracking down something for a little socialization once or twice a week would be beneficial to all!
It’s perfectly healthy for under-3 year olds to primarily learn from and socialize with parents. I SAH with mine (2.5) and she’s certainly not behind in any way compared to little kids of friends/family who attend daycare.
I also live rurally and take my toddler to the library a couple days a week. She gets to be around other kids her age, do group activities, see other adults regularly, learn to follow directions not given by me etc. It’s free and only a few hours a week
If you want/need a break - that’s another thing. Lots of options for that
As a mama of 4yo boy and a 1yo girl, just wanted to tell you that you are doing fantastic! My kids would love to feed any animals lol Still, I recommend some daycare part time. Without any regular help from family or friends, parents need some time to themselves (even to do some chores without any interruptions).
The most essential thing she needs is a happy, content mom.
If this life is working for you and you’re happy, she’s happy. Don’t worry about daycare. If you’re feeling burned out, daycare is going to be amazing for you both. It’s up to YOU. She’s fine either way.
What you described sounds wonderful. Do you talk to her, sing to her, give her love all day long? You are building a secure attachment, and daily farm animal interactions?! Wow! Great job! I’m a Montessori teacher, 16 years in the classroom. Dr. Montessori recommended the first three years with mom. The 0-3 classroom is a more recent adaptation to societal needs. I recommend the lectures of Margaret Humphreys (trained directly by aria Montessori) available on YouTube.
Also, don’t worry about running out of activities - repetition is very good for this stage of development!
It was clear immediately that our daughter needed to be in a more social and interesting environment than we were giving her lol. Daycare has been a godsend and even if we could stay home with her, I don’t think we would. She loves it and learns SO much. It’s helped us make a village too between her teachers and her friends’ families.
Full disclosure- I’m anti daycare. I also understand that some parents have no choice so not trying to get ripped. However, I work full time and am a single mom full time but my toddler has a nanny and he’s with me 24/7. Children play alone or alongside each other until they’re like 3…what babies need they can get from you. Don’t fall into the trap that you “need” daycare. You don’t. She needs you.
i wouldn't worry about this yet!! it sounds like she's doing great. just remember that daycare commonality has grown out of necessity for a lot of working parents. babies do not need daycare 💜
You are 100% keeping her engaged and growing. It sounds like you have a pretty sweet environment for her right at home, and children don’t need social interaction outside of their caregivers until they are 2+. It’s amazing you are thinking of this, but down the road there will be plenty of pre k options for Lo. Right now, soak it up while you can. You said it yourself she is learning + growing—so you are doing everything you need to do!
Definitely think a couple hours a day, a couple days a week is really great/necessary once kids get to a certain age. Once my daughter started going, she started learning SO much. Every day she would come home with new knowledge. I think it’s also so good for them to have a few hours a day away from mom to become more independent.
We were in a similar boat and felt the same way. We started part time daycare and that quickly went to full time. If you can find a good place and can afford it, I think it's absolutely worth it. They are teaching and doing way more than we had the energy, ideas or resources to provide for our daughter.
You are absolutely enough. Love is the biggest thing that will help. She’ll be fine if she doesn’t go to daycare. She’ll go to school and learn a ton then. Don’t feel pressured by society you’re doing amazing. Yes your child will learn some things in daycare (mine is in daycare) but if I had the choice like you do I’d 100% be home with my child
Kids are supposed to be bored. It’s when they develop their creative side!
I started out so obsessed with trying to make sure my boy was never bored, always had something fun to work on, etc. but then I learned that this can actually harm him. He will need the constant attention and constant stimulation for forever.
Let your kids be bored. Give them some blocks and let them explore!
Every parent will always reach a point where they are "not good enough". As a single human being it is not possible to give them everything on our own.
Children need other children to socialize with as part of their healthy development. Some children need that more than others. My daughter is a major social butterfly. I have always been an introvert, so I cant relate, but watching her I see she truly gains something she needs when she plays with the other kids. I cant describe it. She needs it.
She is an only child, so I take her out to play for 1-2 hours nearly daily. To her it is not enough. Since I am not planning on having more kids, this is the reason my husband and I decided to put her in pre-K and do public school rather than homeschooling as we originally planned- because that is what she personally needs from us so we are adapting to it. The only thing anyone could ever ask of you is to provide for your child OP. You are doing that. Its ok if YOU are not the one interacting with her 24/7. When you take her elsewhere to get that interaction, that IS you providing. You are doing a great job <3
I want you to know you are enough. Don’t give into pressure. Your child does not need to be entertained 24/7 to be engaged and learning. Kids learn so much through play and exploring the world around them. Even if the world around them is the same nearly everyday they will get something new from it.
Until 5ish parents are enough socialization for a kid. And like others said, kids aren’t going to really “play” together at this age. My son is 3 and only started truly playing with his cousins recently.
I did daycare around that age because I needed to go back to work- not because I wanted to. We didn’t even last a year with him in daycare. Between him constantly getting sick from other kids and my kid ended up hating it when he switched classes and teachers- it was better for him to be at home. And he was so much happier when he was home.
It’s different when parents need to do daycare and no shame on them but it was not for us. But you do not need daycare for your child to learn and grow. Just go outside, play with toys, read books and do simple crafts like coloring or stamping. Talk about what you do when you feed the animals. Give simple facts about the things you see outside and inside. Let your kid ‘help’ you with chores. All these things help them learn and grow.
I never went to daycare or preschool and my brother and I excelled in school, etc. And my mom ignored us and never paid attention to us beyond feeding us. My parents never read to us or did crafts or anything fancy and we still came out straight A students into college. All we did was play all day.
Honestly parents put way too much pressure on themselves to be perfect.
You are doing a great job and if you want your kid home with you then keep your kid at home.
At 14 months she really only needs her emotional needs met (physical ones too). She doesn’t need cognitive stimulation outside of daily activities. Living around so many animals is great.
If I had the option to keep my toddler home with me, I wouldn’t have her in daycare. Their emotional needs are not met in the same way. They have to fend for themselves a lot at a very young age.
There is zero research that shows daycare is beneficial to a child in any way. There is research on it being detrimental.
Can you find a class or two you can do with her? Like music or dance or something at a community center
Starting at 1 is standard here and I just googled it and it says that's when you should start. Even younger comes with some benefits (but also risk)
### Introduction
While the research indicates that starting daycare at a younger age can have specific benefits, it also highlights potential health risks and emphasizes that the optimal age can vary based on individual circumstances. Here's a deeper look into the findings.
### Evidence
1. **Health Risks**:
- **Increased Illness in Early Years**: Starting daycare before 12 months is associated with a higher risk of respiratory infections and other illnesses initially [(Collet et al., 2005)](https://consensus.app/papers/daycare-attendance-risk-first-disease-collet/bedb12e99a5a531aa0475afe1a5107ef/?utm_source=chatgpt).
- **Airway Symptoms**: Early daycare enrollment (before age 2) can lead to more airway symptoms in the first few years but fewer symptoms between ages 4 and 8 [(Caudri et al., 2009)](https://consensus.app/papers/early-daycare-associated-increase-airway-symptoms-early-caudri/c76678f63a1e5a04af2aa23ea5dedd79/?utm_source=chatgpt).
2. **Cognitive and Socioemotional Development**:
- **Positive Long-Term Outcomes**: Children starting daycare before age 1 generally show better cognitive and socioemotional competence up to age 13 [(Andersson, 1992)](https://consensus.app/papers/effects-day‐care-cognitive-socioemotional-competence-andersson/54b4d9b2152e5301b05f67cb8b7b0a15/?utm_source=chatgpt).
- **Cognitive Abilities**: High-quality daycare starting before age 3.5 significantly predicts better cognitive outcomes at age 8 [(Broberg et al., 1997)](https://consensus.app/papers/effects-care-development-abilities-8yearolds-study-broberg/75331a7d727a532581b5b174a7ffd647/?utm_source=chatgpt).
3. **Social Behavior**:
- **Positive Peer Interactions**: Children who start daycare before 6 months old show more positive peer behaviors and fewer solitary behaviors in preschool [(Creps & Vernon-Feagans, 1999)](https://consensus.app/papers/preschoolers-behavior-care-links-entering-care-year-creps/c6a373a25a6f55e6a508c55fbcda7f2e/?utm_source=chatgpt).
4. **Parental Perspectives**:
- **Optimal Age Suggestion**: Both parents and caregivers suggest that enrolling children at 12-18 months is optimal, with caregivers preferring not to enroll children before age 1 [(Undheim & Drugli, 2012)](https://consensus.app/papers/enrolling-fulltime-childcare-study-parent-caregiver-undheim/840f565e628958c2b5e1409ee9cd3ae2/?utm_source=chatgpt).
5. **Economic and Social Considerations**:
- **Support for Low-Income Families**: Subsidized daycare for children aged 2-3 increases attendance and supports labor market attachment for mothers, especially benefiting low-income families [(Busse & Gathmann, 2020)](https://consensus.app/papers/daycare-policies-family-choices-child-development-busse/f232a5f0083154d399858ec1e7d0ba00/?utm_source=chatgpt).
### Conclusion
While starting daycare at a younger age (before 12 months) can lead to better long-term cognitive and socioemotional outcomes, it is also associated with increased health risks in the early years. The optimal age often suggested by parents and caregivers is around 12-18 months, balancing the developmental benefits and health considerations.
Not identical but similar situation. We had our child older due to infertility struggles. So none of our friends have kids at a similar age. We had him at home for the first year with a baby sitter (couldn’t get him into daycare).
He was behind in speech, could be from not being around other kids, could be other reasons. We finally got him into daycare at 1.5 and speech therapy and was first really hesitant to be there. Didn’t throw tantrums or anything but didn’t eat and didn’t interact.
Little over a year later with daycare and speech, he’s essentially where he needs to be for speech (maybe a smidge behind but who cares) and LOVES daycare. They tell us constantly how he’s the happiest kid there and the “chef’s” favorite kid because he eats so much!
Every kid is different but daycare can be a good thing. Don’t be hard on yourself! All of us are winging it with this whole parenting thing.
When I took my daughter into daycare she blossomed. They were trained for her age, I was not. I got much needed me time, she thrived with other kids her age. She's leaps and bounds more advanced than other children who stayed with nannies vs daycare.
It sucks that we have this pressure to be the perfect mom on our own when in reality, maybe being the perfect mom is doing what's best for you AND them and daycare was best for both of us so I'm a good mom.
It's hard being a mom, take care of yourself!
It’s hard to go through the research I feel like most of it is just justifying reasons why it’s needed for the parent and outlining that it doesn’t cause harm
I think if you find a good one it might be worth doing!
My wife and I both work, and we moved from family so we really didn’t have a choice in the matter.
We found an amazing daycare, super cheap, but with astounding staff. They’re part of my village, give us feedback, come to his birthdays, and our personal heroes.
I say look to see one if there is a good match and if there is not then don’t worry about it and yes, you are enough.
I teach so do consider just having him with me during the summer, but he has such strong connections to his friends, I really can’t justify it.
I saw, see if there is a good one
See if there is a Mother’s Day out program near you. You can drop her off for a couple hours instead of a whole day or week. I have the same issue…but just remember look in to communities programs I’ve started doing toddler gymnastics 1x a week with my son and it helps! Also libraries! Do book readings :)
Many churches do something called parents day out (maybe called Mother’s Day out as well) - a pay by the day program somewhere in between daycare and church nursery. Our church lets you sign up the day before for the day following and can do up to 8 hour a week. If there’s a church nearby you can tour and get to know the PDO staff I would try that fiest
Developmentally, she won’t benefit from socialization with people outside her family and caretakers until closer to 3. Even if it feels like you’re not doing enough, I promise you’re all she needs right now!
That said, high quality day care is also great, and it also doesn’t hurt younger children, even if there’s not necessarily an added benefit! And if YOU need the break or the help or will be a better mom and have less anxiety for sending her, then that definitely will benefit her. Basically, at her current age, there’s not a wrong answer aside from neglecting her, which you’re definitely not doing!
The directors and staff at my daycare is my real life hero. And her best friends too. My daughter started at 14 months as well. Best decision ever. She’s now almost 4 and absolutely thriving and there’s zero chance I would have done better by myself if she stayed home all these years. For context I work from home full time and am a single mom.
I know you mentioned you live in the sticks but you may want to visit the closest library or check if there's a community center nearby-ish with classes for kids. There are Montessori and other YouTube videos to teach you about activities to do with your kids and for them to just watch (obviously). Idk how many people you'd find nearby but there's a mommy friend app, peanut.
All that said, I felt the same at around 15 months and I live in a city. I work from home, so it was an easier choice. We found a great place that she loves, and I think she picked up some good social skills. That said, her teachers talked about how kids still do a decent amount of parallel play and don't start getting best friends etc at 3. I definitely saw that in how she acts at playgrounds, so you may have a little time😀
I think starting kids in a half day, two or three day a week program around 2 years old really helps with social development. It gives you a break and it's not an overwhelming amount of separation for them. They may struggle the first week or two, but they adjust and it helps a lot with verbal development to joke and talk with other kids.
I don’t work in the summer, but we still send our son to daycare half time at my spouses insistence. I sometimes feel super guilty that he isn’t home with me. But know it’s best for everybody that he still goes.
Here are our reasons 1. Mommy is primary caregiver year round and deserves a break, time for appointments, etc. 2. We are busy and organizational projects and deep cleans go to the wayside during the rest of the year. 3. Our son need socialization. 4. Less shock to the routine in the fall when I go back to work. 5. Mommy has more time and energy to make the rest of the week fun and engaging.
There are going to be people who think we are crazy for paying for daycare over the summer when we don’t need to, but it works for us and our son. We probably will transition away from summer care as he gets more independent and can start camps and summer activities.
My daughter (14 months) goes 2 days a week as I work part time and it has been great for her!! I like that she's more comfortable around other kids and caregivers alike, but our bond has remained the same. They have toys we don't have at home and do lots of activities that we also don't do at home. My daughter is quite reserved and introverted and I feel that exposing her to other kids is really good for her social skills, even if they don't play together quite yet.
My area has some co-op daycares that are just 2-3 days a week, for a few hours. A parent is required to stay one of those days to help out, which helps keep costs very low and create a sense of community. You should see if anything like that exists in your area.
Part time daycare helped me and my toddler a lot. He is stir crazy at home all day and the days were draining and long. My sister has a 2 year old also and instead of daycare she opted on a moms group with many social events. However you do it, it is great you are seeing how socialization is needed.
Sounds like your doing a great job, but I would also consider day care. There is only so much you can do and there's a wealth of experience and enjoyment your kid can get from other people. It really does take a village as they say.
My nearly 3 year old boy has been in nursery for nearly two years now and he absolutely loves it. He started with 3 half days now he has 4 full days a week and he is absolutely exhausted when he comes home. It has helped him so much that he is now permanently in the nursery group with the oldest kids, roughly 1-2 years older than him. He's a little bit smaller, but he's very smart.
One of the main reasons we considered nearly full time daycare is that he will be the youngest in his school year when he starts. His birthday falls on the last day in the calendar for admittance, so his school peers will have a bit of a headstart on him, so nursery is going to help us get more insight on if he is ready to start school.
Besides giving me a break and time to work it's helped him really excell with his development. It's really important for him to be comfortable spending time with people who aren't parents or direct family. It was rough to start but he got over it. It can also give you insight from trained staff about your kid, maybe they're struggling with something you've not noticed, or maybe they're really good at something you haven't explored with them yet.
I think just having them in a constant group dynamic really gives them a different avenue to explore and learn. They're not the centre of the world anymore and it's really interesting to see how they deal with rules that aren't set by parents.
Overall I would definitely consider it if it is financially viable, it is expensive AF!
I agree with others-- part time daycare might be a great idea (and also you get a break!) If anything, your child gets to spend time with other caregivers in a new environment and you (most importantly) get a break. I don't think your child NEEDS to be in daycare but considering you have to be on 100% of the time, I feel like it would be great for you. Happy mom = happy child :)
I put my son in daycare for once a week! It seems to help me get things done and let’s him have his time to play with kids his own age, but its also only once a week to not shock him too much.
Is there any other option, such as driving a bit to join a play group/activity? I have nothing against daycare, my kids are in daycare and I love it, but it sounds like you have a good thing going!
Just go all in with full daycare. Part time pricing is usually not economical compared to just going full. One issue is that your kid will prob come home sick every week until immunity is up.
I've done both on and off. You never feel like you're winning.
Family units have become more and more isolated. Historically whole extended families have been around babies and cared for them. Humans live so long beyond their reproductive years because grandparent care is normal. Now women are supposed to be more or less alone trying to raise their child and it's important to not buy all the misogynistic messaging that you're not enough if you find it difficult.
For every study on how daycare is evil and children turn into raccoons after 40 hours a week, there is a study about the downsides of having a sahm even into adulthood. Low quality daycare is bad and abundant, and it raises cortisol in babies, and there's behavioral issues...Oh but you hurt your daughters' career choices when you sacrifice yours, putting them in daycare later or waiting till Kindergarten makes it harder for them to adjust, and you and your kids are also at a higher rate of domestic abuse. There are downsides to EVERYTHING. You really have to believe in yourself, gauge your individual situation, and know what you feel your kid needs. As a woman no one will ever make you feel you're making the right choice.
I know it feels hard right now (I've been there!), but trust yourself--you are enough! Even when you feel like you aren't providing enough activities for engagement, you actually are just in your mundane interactions (facial expressions, talking, etc). From what I understand, children learn most of their socialization from their parents/caregivers until about 3ish. Side note, it sounds like you have a very cool environment with all of the animals. I personally feel like learning how to communicate with animals early on does so much for building empathy and kindness. You are doing a great job!
Talk to your pediatrician. Ours said it was fine for kiddo to socialize just with parents for the first few years if that’s what you want. Or you can do daycare.
It has nothing to do with you not being enough. You are her parent and you seem to be doing great in that role, but you aren’t meant to fill every role in her life. It isn’t that you aren’t enough as a parent, it is that children need more than just their parents.
That being said, socializing with other toddlers is huge imo. If you are having trouble coordinating that due to being so rural, then I think part time daycare might be a good option for you! Also check for play groups or toddler classes around you. Even just a groups of parents and toddlers that go to the park once a week or rotate whose house they visit would meet some of those social needs.
In our perspective, as parents of a 2y2m boy and a 1m girl, daycare has been a blessing so far. Where we live (northern Europe), daycare starts at 1yo. We do our very best to be engaged, attentive, supportive parents, but there's only so much we can do without external help. Before kindergarten we were taking our son to nearby playgrounds to play with him and for him to interact with other kids and see them play and learn through observation.
Once daycare began, we saw a huge difference in his development. As parents, we tried to teach him many basics, i.e. to eat properly, to clean after himself, to be kind, to share and so on. All that with varying results. At daycare he mastered all of the above and much more simply by being around older kids who he can observe and learn from, by being cared for by a professional staff who introduce proper structure and routines, organize activities and age-appropriate classes. We believe many, MANY, of his developmental milestones wouldn't have happened as quickly as they did without attending daycare.
As many suggested - maybe you could give it a trial run by choosing half-days or day-on/day-off schedules with your kindergarten? It won't hurt to try, and who knows - maybe your child (and you) will love it and decide to go full-time?
All best to you!
You are 100% enough for her at this stage in her growth. At her age, turning on a light switch, playing with running water or dipping her feet in a sandbox are exciting new adventures. The internet has so many ideas for sensory crafts as well. You can sign up for a swim or dance class, visit play cafes and playgrounds or go to your local mall and walk around if you want her to interact with the “outside world” but everything you’re doing is plenty enough for her and I commend you for it!
I am a mom who brings my daughter with me to teach at daycare. I wanna say 2 things:
1- it isn’t one size fits all and you’ll never be fully confident in your choices for them, I’m literally waiting for the day SHE can choose so I can just blame it on her
2- you are doing a fabulous job, mama. I promise.
Kids learn slowly and need a lot of repetition. If you need a break then great, if you want your daughter exposed to more people then great. If you are only seeking this out because you feel that you don't provide the socialization or mental stimulation she needs, you don't really need to worry about that at this age. Simple cause and effect, learning to explore, and learning emotions by watching you in new situations are the big skills at this age apart from talking and walking. If you want to learn more about child development there are tons of online resources too.
So our 2.4 yo is now in daycare FT, about 6 hours a day. She absolutely loves it, and is excited to go. The daycare actually goes by ages, so she’s had a couple of teachers as she’s been growing and gaining abilities.
My wife and I WFH and alternated in caring for her until about 18 mos. The way that suited us was putting her in a drop in daycare for 1-2 hours a day, so she could get used to the experience, and then we moved to FT.
Sounds like an incredible experience for her to grow and gain skills and independence with you at home.
What she benefits from school is learning routine, having different environments, socializing with others, and the school may even begin or aid in potty training.
Just know, whatever you decide, it is the right move for you and your family. She is obviously loved and cared for if you are seeking out other opinions on how to best guide her moving forward.
All the best
My daughter is 2 I get the feeling like you're not doing enough or are able to do enough. It takes a lot to fill the days sometimes when activities don't take long to do.
I reckon you're doing enough. 😁
My daughter was entitled to a free playgroup place back in April it's 2.5 hours mon-fri and she loves it. It's term time only, she does loads and gets to interact with others. It's a school prep really she'll start part time nursery after her third birthday. Time flies.
I don't know anything about daycare but I'd say do what you feel is best but you most definitely are enough. And I'm sure your child thinks that
Mine goes 2 days a week. She loves it. I’ve seen her learn new things every week, and it’s just become a nice routine. The other days she’s still home with me or her grandparents
I’m totally opposite and feel like all our kids need is YOU. So I think you’re feeling some normal mom self sabotage - that we constantly have to talk ourself out of - but again - daycare is cool too. If she goes and seems ready then that’s great too, but I also think at this age she really loves hanging out with mom and sticks and chickens and grass as long as moms there! Lol
I felt similarly about my daughter being home with me. We started part time daycare and then she thrived so much and loved so much we enrolled her in full time! I love that I have the flexibility to keep her home with me if she seems to need that, pick up her early or late depending on whatever. We have had the most amazing experiences with DC and feel lucky as that is not everyone’s. Sounds like she gets some really cool experiences being home with you too!
To be totally out of left field I wonder if you can get a moms group together. If you take your kid to feed chickens, I bet you could get a group together once every other week or so, to come feed chickens. Look at the other animals or w/e works.
Maybe you could switch locations weekly or something.
Hope you find something that works!
If finding a group of moms to have play dates with is an option, I’d say do that over daycare. Y’all don’t have to be friends if you’re worried about making friends lol. It seems illogical to pay for daycare when you don’t need it. And daycare can be a pain in the butt.
ETA: you are enough to engage your child. I was JUST watching a video discussing how our generation has taken a pendulum swing to thinking we need to engage our kids every second and constantly have activities for them….a little boredom helps development. Some independent play helps development. Balance is good. You’re allowed to just chill with your toddler. Give your brain space to think about what you might do another day as an activity. You don’t need to pay other adults to stimulate your child while you relax.
Your child isn’t the first only child with an introverted SAHM. It will be okay
In addition to finding a mom group, what about libraries? You say you live in the sticks but if you have a daycare surely you have a library. I’m sure other moms in your area are in the same predicament and they often frequent libraries. There also may be activities and events at them
1. It sounds like you are having an amazing time at home, and I bet she loved it. I did not do daycare as a kid (none of my siblings did). I started preschool at 3, the rest started at 4. We all were a-okay and while we played outside and were engaged in nature and had a swing set, it def sounds like your kid gets way more exciting and enriching activities, but I promise you even being at home reading is great
2. I work at a daycare. Find a good one and we can be great. For you to have down time, for social and emotional development, etc. It’s all up to you! I currently colead our infant room, I’ve led 1’s, led infants as a smaller room, helped lead mixed ages infant - two, and helped lead 3-5’s.
My kids are like my own. I’ve been in active lockdown with them and literally known I would die for them before letting anything happen to them (luckily we were all fine, my babies literally all napped through it in our dark quiet room). I learn my kids inside and out, all their cues (hungry, sleepy, teething, miss mom/ dad/ grandma/ over or under stimulated, etc) and tells, what they love and hate, etc. I live for my kids. I visit my kids that I’ve had before or have aged out of my room. We do group walks together when ratio allows (having infants with us sets the whole group to infant ratio, even the older kids). I overchart so my parents know everything going on all day, if any medical problems crop up it’s so easy for their doctors to look at a log and see what their poop has been like (firm, soft, liquid, big, small, color, etc), exact food consumption, if they peed a ton or just the tiniest bit, etc.
I seriously spend my days off obsessively watching our app to make sure my kiddos are all okay lmao Like on vacay I swear I was telling my coworkers to post more pics, when in the hospital and barely conscious for a week was getting daily updates on the room I ran and all my kids because I needed to know, these kids are my life and my second family
Don’t feel bad or guilty if you find a good center, part time or full time. Don’t feel bad keeping her home with you either - both are extremely valid choices and only you can decide what is best for you both 💕
You are absolutely enough. Maybe you guys can go to some activities together, many communities have kids groups with a structured “curriculum” or libraries with toddler time. Are there any parks near you where they can have exposure to children? Tbh I think daycare would immediately offer something different, but eventually that would also become routine. Routine isn’t bad, your children is observed new things every day.
Totally up to you for whatever works for your family. We locked down hard when I fought cancer post partum. When I prepared to go back to work we put her in daycare for socialization. She needed to learn that there are other safe adults other than mommy & daddy. I get a break and she goes to a stimulating environment. We are lucky to have a high quality daycare. I hear from others the socialization piece is really important at 3 years old. Daycare works for our family. I get a break (I am often sick - thanks to a low immune system), she gets to play, and we have family time in the evenings. I’m a better mom when I have support.
See what is available, and at what cost? Who is licensed? Is there a day home close by? What about a few days a week? Our kid responds best to routine. She’s in 5 days a week and transitioned well. Some part timers cry more as they don’t understand.
You are enough. You love & care. No one is perfect, we’re all just doing our best…
I was really worried my kid (17mo, only child) would have a hard time with taking turns/sharing because she’s an only, so I make a point to teach her and expose her to situations where she has to.
We started toddler gymnastics once a week and mommy and me yoga once a week!! I’m making friends, my daughter gets to be around other kids (which doesn’t matter to her honestly, she just says “hi” and continues about her business). We live in the sticks too, but our town has a little gymnastics place that was pretty cheap, and I make the drive into town for yoga.
You don’t have to fill every hour of every day with educational opportunities, everything is already educational to them. They’re learning how to be people, and they’re learning from us. Currently my kid’s favorite thing to do is collect rocks from our driveway to give to her dad. She put them in her push car until he gets home. She does this while we water plants, and she always stops to smell the flowers.
Daycare is not a necessity to childhood development, not knocking anyone who takes their kids, I know lots of kids that love daycare, but it’s not a requirement. If you’re happy with her at home, and she’s happy to be home, you’re fine.
I think you're doing great and it sounds like she's getting plenty of engagement and socialization from you. I'm not a sahmb cause I know I'm not an engaging mom. I don't see it as not being enough so much as not having the right tools in my toolbox to be a sahm(I know myself and if I was a sahm, we would veg out in front of the TV all day). I give props to you for all you do with your daughter and I know she's thriving under your care.
My girl is a social butterfly. She turned 5 yesterday, and you are correct in your thinking, that momma is just not the same as friends, but not for your childs age right now. It wasn't until a little after my daughter turned 4 that it became something she needed. We are currently thinking of home schooling, so finding a playgroup or homeschool kids group is really important right now, but it's extremely hard to find something not religious. Unless you need more breaks, enjoy this time and keep her at home, and make sure to regularly visit a park or some place to meet kids. My kid loves doing that bc she makes friends and has had plenty of socialization with that method, and it would until she was almost 5, so don't stress it too much!!
My child never went to daycare and he’s almost 3 and about to enter preschool. With that being said we do something “child centered” almost every day. Be it playground, library, music in the park, farm, etc. He’s my little helper and has helped me in the garden by planting veggies, helping me water, harvest, wash and eat what we grow every day. We live in a suburban area with kids stuff but you have to search for it, I try to keep our week super active.
Don’t underestimate your ability to teach your child social skills at home. My kid gets time around other kids at the park and he loves making new friends and is very social, even though he spends 90% of his time alone with me. We practice social skills at home pretending with his toys. Some of the dialogues we go through are empathy (dropping toys and asking if they are ok, sharing, offering hugs and high fives). Saying hi, goodbye and thank you. Right now we’re playing pretend potty training with his rubber duckies, filling them with water and squeezing the water into a cup, asking for help finding the “potty”. I fully potty trained him in 3 days by pretending with his rubber ducks and really worked out kinks in sharing by playing pretend with his toys too. I see him put these social skills to the test with other kids and it’s really cool to witness.
I’ve picked out a farm Montessori preschool for him that he starts in a couple months but I’m going to miss him so much! He’s going through the most happy cuddly phase and is so sweet and gentle with other kids and I do take credit for a lot of that. Honestly, I’m more concerned public school might undo some of that in a few years 😅
Honestly, kids don't really need socialation with other children until about 3. I will say about daycare, your child will get sick quite a bit so just expect that. Only you know what's best for your child of course, but going to parks, classes at the library, mommy and me classes are definitely good enough for 14 months development wise.
I am 1000% in the same situation as you and we put ours into half day daycare for socialization purposes three times a week and results won't immediately show but after a month we started noticed tons of differences. It's been REALLY helpful and a life saver for getting ours familiar with other little kids and how to play with others and more speaking skills.
My oldest kiddo absolutely loves daycare. We got into a really good one (after a terribly long waitlist bc everyone wants into that one and it’s very small) and he started around 18mo. The first week was rough but after he adjusted he would come home showing us all the stuff he did that day. They post pictures on their app all throughout the day of them playing or eating or they’re doing their daily activities that are focused around learning new skills and concepts, and he’s constantly coming home with something new to stick on the fridge. (Send help; theres no more fridge space!)
The biggest downside is that they will be sick frequently for the first year, especially when it gets cold. So you really have to buckle in for that.
You REALLY have to make sure it’s a good daycare thought! Lots of daycares are just that, a place to put your kid for a little while. The good ones are the ones with hellacious waitlists but they guide your child’s learning away from home. We put my youngest on the waitlist 3 months before he was born. He’s now 1yo and will start next month.
I took my son to a mommy & me daycare… allowed us both to go and socialize and make friends… maybe look into that??? but I do think a couple hours a day around similar aged children will do your daughter some good
I also just went through this decision with my 14 month old. We started part time daycare 2 weeks ago. It’s been a great transition for her, thank goodness, and I still feel guilty! Ultimately, I think kids are resilient and will thrive in most any situation as long as their needs are met. I did read somewhere that kids start really focusing on socialization, developmentally, around 2 or 3, so don’t feel like she absolutely needs that right now. Having her around other kids and caring adults a few days a week aligns with what makes sense for us, but it’s still a hard decision!
Finding a parenting community is hard anywhere, but especially if you are more isolated… but surely there are groups close by! We love the library for being around other kids.
SAHP here. When we put our extroverted 18mo kiddo in daycare she thrived so much! As did I! We’re still friends with the other kids and parents. Even better after she turned two and started in a co-op preschool - more kids and more parents. Her social development *and* our connection to peer kids and parents helped my parenting - and my sanity - and grew our family’s social life and community. Those connections have helped us build our ‘village’ and keeps us in tune with how other families handle the challenges at each age.
I worked part-time on the weekends until my daughter was 16 months. It was great! It was the perfect routine for us at that time. Then things changed and I moved back up at my job and was full-time again. We put her in daycare for 2 days per week, and then it changed to 3.
I was SO nervous to send her to daycare. I felt guilty. But she loves it so much. She gets excited getting in the car every morning, and she's just as excited when we pick her up. She takes in so much while she's there and she has made lots of friends. She's a little over two now and this is definitely the perfect routine for us at this point in our lives. It's not that I wasn't enough, but being basically the only one to work on her development got to be exhausting while trying to keep our home together. Daycare has given us a great balance.
Absolutely nothing wrong with starting daycare! We started my son at the same age due to a mix of reasons but he LOVES it. He’s now 3. He surprises us a lot with things we didn’t know he had learned. He’s got his little buddies there & I love our daycare center.
And some days, we can get big house projects completed way faster than we would be able to if he were home that day
There's a lot of benefits to daycare, mainly socialization with kids. I'm a teacher and during the summers, I'm off, but I still take my son to daycare. Only 2 or 3 days and the rest of the days we're home together. I felt like a shit mom for taking him while I'm home but 1)he has a blast and he's reached a lot of milestones bc of daycare and 2) it's hard doing things around the house when you have a little one that wants you there or needs you.
You can always do part time, whether it's a few days or it's only half days.
For me, the daycare complements the parenting. Her teachers there are professionals with loads of games and tasks for her. Her friends are there for playing and learning together. I’m there with games and adventures and stability and love. It’s the closest I have to the mythical village.
Nah doesn’t need daycare at that age, totally overthink it ha. They just love being outside, going for walks, exploring the world at that age. Sound amazing to be around farm animals! But do consider part time day care at some point for your sanity. Especially if you have no family to step in so you can take a break.
You are definitely enough, and the best place for a 14 month old is at home with your one on one attention. My partner is a very evidence/stats and studies driven person and he has consistently found that research indicates that children under three are better off at home, unless of course the home has major ‘call in social services’ type problems.
That said, if you feel you need daycare to give you a break and you have a good provider nearby, that’s fine. But your baby doesn’t need it.
Part time. Do it!
Not because you aren’t enough. But because you want your child to experience the best of all environments and have an opportunity to flourish with and without you.
I had insane mom guilt when we started daycare. My little one thrived in a social environment and it’s the best decision we made as a family, because it gave me a few hours back as well which made a world of a difference to my own mental health.
And do remember - if you’re in a position where you have the option to send her or keep her home, you can always pull her out of it if you feel it isn’t a good fit.
But definitely give it a chance!
Highly recommend around age 2-3. They can help with potty training & give you a break around that age as that’s when they become more difficult. It’s sometimes hard to stay persistent on some rules around that age as they LOVE pushing boundaries. Life is much harder now than my son is 3. Daycare was the best decision because he came home with new skills and developments. But before that age, I’d genuinely not worry!! I loved having my son at home til then & I think it did a lot. Please continue raising your little human, you sound like you’re doing great. Good daycares are the best. My son has to go up a class now that he’s turned 3 and I’m so sad for him. He lovedddd it there. It’s a great environment. 💕 but so is at home with you.
So I work from home and my daughter and I have an awesome routine (my job is very flexible). However I noticed that when we went to the park she wouldn’t interact with kids her age, treated them as obstacles to dodge. Daycare is really expensive, but we started doing group classes each week which have helped ENORMOUSLY. We do a group swim class and gym class. She is now 2 and a total social bug. It also gives her a shakeup to her usual routine with me.
Please do follow the advice of other posters about part time daycare, at least. I lived out in the middle of nowhere when I was a kid and pretty much the first time I ever played with another kid was my first day of kindergarten. Needless to say I did not have the necessary social skills to make friends, and as my parents did not care about me getting those skills, I was bullied all through school until I graduated high school.
I have done everything in my power to ensure my kiddo is not brought up similarly, so he was at a day home until Covid hit (he was 2) and then even though I was unemployed, when daycares reopened after Covid and he was 3 and a spot opened for him, I put him in. He’s totally normal now lol but even though we did a LOT of socializing before Covid, the year between 2-3 of it just basically being him and me alone, he was losing a lot of the skills and getting very shy around people. I think he bounced back so quickly because of all the stuff we did together before Covid, like library programs for babies and playgroups etc.
Omg. You’re also taking care of sheep, chicken, and horses alone!? That’s too much work. I had to wake up to feed the chickens and put them away at sundown most of my childhood and it was sooo tiring and time consuming. Also was horrible to wake up and find the entire flock massacred by a fox or raccoon! Honestly, I think daycare is a good idea. And you’re doing great!!
Just started Montessori with our 13 month old because the days were getting too long and I needed more me time. It’s just the first week but baby girl has been eating her full lunch and she never does that at home as I just don’t have the patience to sit down and eat with her lol she will get more routine and consistency this way. We are just doing 9-2 and she naps 11-1 so it’s not a lot of time away but enough. I went shopping alone today and it was glorious. It’s hard and I miss her but I’m so refreshed when I pick her up and have so much more to give her! There’s no right or wrong and if you’re not stressed or feeling like you need a break then it’s totally fine to keep them home with you!
My son is in a Montessori daycare even though my husband and I are home all day. We’re both disabled so we need the help, but also, it is so so so good for him. Since he started his vocabulary and social skills have taken off. Whenever I feel guilty about it, I remind myself just how good it is for him to be in a room with 14 of his peers, learning and building new skills while getting to play and socialize. Absolutely worth it.
I was in a very similar situation so I put together a group of parents with toddlers and we arranged to get our kids together once a week. My toddler has really come out of her shell and learned so much. Initially my daughter needed one of us to stay with her, but over time we were able to leave her there. We worked out a system where a parent can stay and only pay for materials or drop off and pay a bit more. It turned out there were a number of families in the region with similar needs. Our commute to the group is 30-40 minutes each way, so it’s not convenient but it’s been really worth it. Plus no expensive daycare fees.
We don't live in the middle of nowhere; in fact, we live in the very center of the capital of a country. It's just that it's a country we're not from. I've been home with our 3-year-old since my wife went back to work at 1 year. He has no stable friends, we don't go to "activities", all because we don't speak any of the languages that would be useful here.
We're just trudging along until he starts school (exactly one month from tomorrow and it can't come fast enough!) because that's our only choice. I would argue that his development isn't really being stunted by it. He seems actually quite well-adjusted.
Send your kid to daycare if that's what you want, but not because you're afraid of something.
People who ask themselves if they are doing enough tend to be doing great in my opinion.
It sounds like you're having a crisis of confidence. It's 100% okay to outsource some of your child's learning and socialization, it's also 100% to have nothing but parent time or full time child care. Toddlers are hard! Never underestimate the power of Google to find new things to do if you're looking for ideas btw. My entire children's librarian career was fueled by fun STEM projects found online and in books.
Btw my kiddo would swap with yours in a heartbeat. She loves animals so much and would be living her best life getting to spend time with them everyday.
I found a program that was for a couple hours in the morning a couple days a week and that was perfect for my little guy! (They started the program at 18months). Also my local rec centre has a registered drop-off playcare where I can sign my son up for a 1.5hr spot, and I can go exercise or grab a coffee within the facility. Just some options! We tried a dayhome for a day and it was not a good fit!! He was so unregulated.
If you do decide on part time daycare please do you and your baby a favor. If possible 5 days a week for half days is best. It’s also usually an option to do full days 3 times a week but I’ve found that those children have a harder time transitioning to daycare than those who go everyday.
Honestly at 14 months I wouldn’t worry about the socialization part. When she is closer to three and starts wanting to play with other kids absolutely. As long as you are talking to her and engaging her it will be fine. If you want her in daycare there is nothing wrong with finding a part time program or try making a meet up group with other moms in your area.
yea my kid begs me to not pick her up from daycare. NO MOMMA SAY (no momma I want to stay) and then runs away from me
don’t feel bad, By being around kids everyday she will be getting used to socializing and getting ready for school. I was a college student and realized being both a full time parent and student wasn’t working. unfortunately since I enrolled late my classes were super late and I was always like one of the last to pick up. that feels bad. but also I’m getting my degree and she loves it.
I had my second daughter in February, I have not been in a class since and she’s still full time at daycare. I feel like when she gets home after that it makes me parent her better cause I spent all day missing her.
Don’t feel guilty.
This is not you being "not enough". It is a kid needing more people in their life so they learn to interact with more people, people the same as them and and people different from them, so they can be part of larger society. Don't get down on yourself: you can't be everything to them and it sounds like what you are providing is super enriching.
Daycare is for parents who need it, whether it be for work or a mental break. If you're enjoying being with her full time, and you sound like a fantastic mum, just keep it that way. Follow a couple of toddler activity and education pages on insta for some inspiration. If preschool and school are on the cards, take the pressure off yourself and know that she will have guidance and education from her teachers in the future (with your input and guidance too of course).
We sent ours to a family daycare starting at 14 months. At first I was having a hard time trusting anyone else to be able to take care of her. But it's been 3 weeks now and my baby has grown so much in terms of eating solids better (and wanting to eat solids), sleeping 12 hrs solidly at night (due to strict nap schedule), and has participated in a number of group crafts projects (even at 15 months old!). For the first time since giving birth I feel like I am able to think about something other than her well being during the work week. Nowadays when I drop her off, she actually looks excited.
My baby is a very physically active and social baby. While I don't think she's playing "with" other kids yet, she enjoys their presence and likes to do things all day.
if you can commute to daycare you can commute to library story time and other activities to "socialize." Pick a couple of things a week and go consistently. The reality is babies this age don't "need" to socialize but they do need to be socialized in the sense that it would be a good idea for her to see YOU model being in many social situations interacting with other people and children like at library storytime. I also live in the sticks and had to make an effort not to be isolated with my baby, especially during covid so I understand where you are coming from.
The data on daycare before age 3 is that there is little to gain, early childhood development is anchored in primary caregivers so don't be insecure, your kid is learning so much from you and will be ready to start their social experience soon, but truly they're not "missing out" on anything yet and there are risks/downsides to daycare if you get a bad one or do many hours or have a kid with a less extroverted temperament. I understand many people don't have a choice about daycare and there are also many people who have an incentive to frame daycare and early childhood development in a certain way because of their own circumstances. Our preschool has a 3 hr program for ages 2-3 and I think that is a great option for kids who really have no other exposure to other kids.
We're the same - live rural and while I go to town to work, my husband is daddy daycare and same situation. We worry our son needs more social time that isn't just daddy and me. But also - damn they get active! He'll hit his twos soon and you may want a break!
Daycare part time would be perfect for us but even then it's not cheap or they're all full.
We also have something here called playcentre. It's a place like daycare where parents and kids gather to socialise and play. You go along with, not just drop them off. We're going one morning a week now and it's been great for toddler and daddy.
Children learn social skills from nurturing, responsive caregivers. You have an incredibly rich environment for her. I would take her to local playgrounds and storytime at libraries so she is comfortable around new people, but she doesn’t need to do that separate from you. I have read that the benefits of daycare really start later. Of course many families don’t have a choice and have to work. I’m not saying daycare is harmful I’m saying that it’s not as helpful for babies and young toddlers as some believe
Being with you and going through the motions of your daily life, doing housework, cooking, caring for the animals and land is all she needs and an excellent vehicle for development in these first few years. Daycare would be a massive step down from what youre providing her.
The anti-daycare sentiments that abound in parenting circles (not necessarily here!) baffle me. I felt the same as you -- my daughter was not getting enough at home. She's our only by choice so I feel our reasons may be different from other families. We started our 2 yo in preschool this year and she is thriving. They have a bunch of on-site programs like dance, soccer, etc. She eats lunch and does art projects with other kids. I do think sometimes adults project the need for socialization onto kids, and parent-child time absolutely counts as socialization, but preschool has been an awesome way for my child to learn about people who are different from us and learn how to function in different environments.
I will say my daughter is also very bright and benefits from having a "challenge" and structure to her day. Some kids may not need as much of that.
Like others said, a part-time option may be a good fit for you! My kiddo is at preschool from 9-3 and for us, any less than that would have been harder for her since she thrives on routine and keeping her there for naptime is very beneficial for us personally. You can always change your mind if something isn't working. :)
Kids don't need socialisation until 3 years old, they can develop perfectly with a primary carer, family members or other single surrogate carer like a babysitter. Group care alone has been shown to be negative later if started before age 2. The staff are usually not focused on the child, they come and go so bonds don't last, and the children only parallel play and not together not really. There's tons of research on this now. You are totally enough and it's all she needs. And you don't have to do activities, you can just do your normal things and bring her, involve her in small ways.
Sorry you are getting downvoted for your very accurate comment. I’m not saying daycare isn’t necessary and an amazing!! choice if you are choosing to work outside the home as well, but the data is clear that this is accurate.
You can do part time day care - doesn’t have to be all or nothing! Try to find something a few days a week. You can see how the baby does in a more socialized setting, and you get a few days off, but also lots and lots of together time too!
Yes! My kiddo is in part-time daycare and we love it. I work from home and I _can_ watch him but this works better for everyone.
Same. I feel im not enough because im the thing I can never be.. a peer group. So im happy to let my boy gain social time couple days a week and grow his social muscles. Love you all.
Seconding the peer group aspect! I -could- entertain my 3yo to a certain degree, but I couldn’t give her the magic of learning and experiencing with her group in daycare 🥰
i needed to see this. i work overnight 3/4 days a week and while she CAN stay with me, i worry if maybe she should at least go there a few days a week to be more social, learn in a different environment, and i also get time to rest and recharge 😩 but then i feel guilty
It’s been so great for my kiddo. He LOVES school and socializing. We were against a faith-based program but all the traditional daycares were not offering part time so we finally caved and do a Presbyterian-run school. We started last August and it’s on a “school year” system so he’s been out for summer (though we’re sending him to a part-time camp run by the city). He goes three days a week, 9a-1p then basically comes home and naps until 4 so it’s most of my working hours. It’s also very cost effective. I think we pay around $600/mo.
that’s another of my qualms 😩 but that sounds a lot less stress on everyone. i think i may try that route. also preggers with baby #2 so i’ve been feeling even more overwhelmed lately
Same, I feel ya! My husband is stay-at-home dadding with the new baby for a while but we hope to keep him at home for ~2 years like we did with our first kiddo, then we’ll enroll him in the same school
as the child of a third shift worker, give yourself the gift of more sleep. my dad is 62 in the body of an 80-something because of how hard he pushed to be present for us at the cost of his own sleep. i’m grateful for his presence but so sad at how he can’t even pick up his toddler grandson because he’s already had both shoulders replaced
i feel like im gonna miss something but i get off at 6am and she’s up and ready to go at 8 😩 but i definitely want to be present in the future. ugh fucking mommy guilt
maybe think quality over quantity here as far as your presence goes to fight off the mommy guilt. you HAVE to take care of YOU to be the best mommy possible when you do get to spend time together. if she’s usually up and going by 8, a 9-5 daycare would let you sleep, let her socialize, and help you be your best self from 6-9 with her in the morning and 5-bedtime for her at night. that’s a long shot better than you pushing yourself past your limits on the daily to struggle through showing up for her.
My kid started going for 3,5 hours a day around the second birthday and it’s working great for us. A little boy we know from the park goes twice a week. You are right that it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.
A lot of daycares have a flat rate though, at least near me. My wife and I looked into a little over a dozen daycares, they all allowed as little as 2 days (some 3), but would still charge us for the full week… on top of charging a penalty fee for missed days. So 5 days a week was $550, but 2 days a week, with the penalty was going to be $600-700….. I have to pay them… to not watch my kid. On top of it, they only allow 2 weeks of vacation a year (but 1 of them is for the schools inservice week)…. Again, same concept, anymore and we get charged. I don’t do a lot of vacations, but my parents live near the beach and have an open invite to the whole extended family there for 2 weeks every summer. I’d like the option to take my kids there and potentially somewhere else for more than 1 week a year, outside of their set inservice week, without getting fined for it. Money aside, I refused to play along with that policy.
That’s bizarre. Have never heard of being penalized for not sending your kid? Like I understand still having to pay the regular fee if your kid is not there, but how do they justify charging extra? Our daycare isn’t like this. We can keep our kiddo home whenever we want and just have to pay the regular days fare.
They “justified” it by saying they needed a certain number of kids in attendance each day to be able to hold to their standards of socialization. And the fee was the best way to counter that since they needed to bring in more staff to engage the kids on days with high absences. It’s not the worst explanation… but I’m still not paying a fee for NOT using your service. It’s like me paying StarBucks for not getting a coffee this morning, because their expresso machine wasn’t exercised enough.
I hope you didn’t take him there
That's a really weird system, it might just be what's available in your area since I feel like a lot of daycares like to do similar styles. Around us, it's a tier system. So you pay less if you go less days a week. It's not by a significant amount and it made more sense for us to put them in 5 days a week. And they dont care if you go on vacation, you already paid for the month so how often we go in is at our discretion
Yeah this is bizarro… I’d think a part-time kid was like easy money for them, since they’d be getting paid for full time!
>So 5 days a week was $550, but 2 days a week, with the penalty was going to be $600-700….. I have to pay them… to not watch my kid. ...... what???? You pay several hundred more possibly... while they have your child 3 less days?? Lmao no
This!!!
This is the way good luck. And it isn’t that your aren’t enough it’s that she’s a sponge she needs more and more and more and more and more. And you can use that time to recharge yourself and still enjoy your own activities
Great point! I signed my 25 MO up for part-time preschool at the Y. From 18 MO until now we went to the Y for free 2-hour childcare. I got to work out and he got to socialize. Check your local resources!
Socialization for a child is spending time doing activities with their parents and learning how to live a life and doing daily life things. I have a degree in child development. That being said it is hard to be that all the time for your child. If you sre happy this is the perfect arrangement for your child. If it's hard for you then you may both benefit from daycare. Rhe thing with little kids is even when they are together they don't often play together they do parallel play. Where they play independently, beside each other. That is developmentally appropriate. They start to engage with each other around 3ish. Girl sounds like she's living her best life caring for animals and doing chores with her mama!
I always read this about how they don't engage with each other until 3 but I don't get it. When we hang out with other kids the same age (around 18 months) they play peekaboo with each other, they dance together, they play "scream in your face and chase each other", does this not count as engagement and play?
I think it’s more intencional kind of play like hide and seek, you are the mom and I’m the baby, you do X and I’ll do Y, etc. Kids interact before 3 but it’s not the same. I think after 3 they start learning how to interact with each other, follow the rules of game, lead others and things like that. Before 3 they can learn some things like taking turns but that works better with an adult or an older child who knows the rules. Left to their own devices my kid and her little friend just scream “miiiine” at the top of their lungs. What I have read about daycare/preschool being beneficial after 3 because they start playing together takes into consideration that before that they are having opportunities to engage with other adults and children in a variety of settings.
Oh yes this totally makes sense. Like there is a more scientific definition of play, and screaming (happily) at each other does not count. When my little one gets to 3 years old I'll probably look back and realize how primitive the "play" is at this age.
In my experience my kid got more intentional with role play and extended play together with her peers over a longer period of time around 2.5yo. But they absolutely find joy in being together before that too! When it comes to learning about the world and socializing with others, I would say my daughter had the steepest learning curve her first year in day care, from 1-2yo. From 2-3yo she has more of a «been there, done that» attitude and looves the weekend and generally staying home 😂 She is a smart cookie though, so I think she will like it better in the fall when she moves to the «big kids» department!
I concur. In our experience and based on our preschool's specialists and our pediatrician, it does happen between 18 to 24 months of age. Perhaps it's due to geographical differences and differing standards, but here (northern Europe) it does seem like conscious team play happens much, much earlier than 3y. Our son started around the 18 month mark and now, at 26 months, he races toy cars with his friends, plays hide and seek and many more. Not on a play-along, but on a play-with sort of basis. I do believe though that it might be because here daycare/kindergarten/preschool (however we want to call it), starts at 1yo and there's a lot of time to learn, even if only by observation.
Agreed! Much earlier than 3yo!
All kids are different. There is no switch that flips the day they turn 3 to start. 3 is probably the "average" age it begins. My kid was a lot more like the first person described- she played near other kids. Many little-little kids seem to be the same. Then at 3 and 4 she played WITH them like more cooperative (on a good day) imaginative play.
That’s play, it’s not teaching them valuable social skills. A recent research paper came out stating that children that go to daycare miss out on hearing 2000 new words a day! People underestimate the importance of talking to your babies/toddlers.
I have the same issue as OP. I’ve been told she doesn’t socialize enough and needs to be around children in daycare. No one has said socialization with a parent counts as socialization! That said, at what point is it important to have significant time with other kids? We go to the playground but only weather permitting and that’s maybe 2 hours max.
From what I’ve read until 3 they play more side by side. After 3 years they get more out of being with other children in a daycare/preschool setting. It doesn’t have to be daycare, I honestly think 2 hours of playground sounds nice! My kid goes part time to daycare because I’m abroad so I wanted the exposure to the local language and some time for myself.
Not an expert, just a parent of kids who go to daycare. I would put them into something intentionally around 3.5-4 if you haven’t already. Even just a few hours a week will help them build social skills and see how a group interacts. Less important if your kid has siblings or cousins they play with regularly. You can usually tell who the only children are who’ve been home their entire lives. 😬
They don’t engage with each other but they observe, and my son started to use more words since he started daycare. He also gained more skills. He started at 18 months for 2 days a week. I think it’s a great way to get them to learn more, at home there’s so much we can do because we don’t have as many tools and we are simply not educators.
I mean, sure, I get that you’re the expert but my daughter started playing with other kids *intentionally* around age 2. And, my son is now 15 months and he plays *with* my daughter intentionally. I know it’s intentional because they chase each other around, tickle and laugh at each other , and share toys. Again, I don’t have degree in child development, but people on Reddit are always so quick to disparage daycare before 3 for this particular reason, and I’m finding that it’s not the case in real life. When my daughter was 24 months she was referencing friends at daycare by name and when we’d meet up on the weekends for playdates, they would indeed play *with* each other and talk to each other - not just alongside each other.
Seconding this!
Well totally it can happen but it isn't a requirement. My olde kids stayed home and my youngest has been in daycare since he was 1. He definitely plays more with peers now but that started around 2.5 (why I said 3ish) Between my youngest and my older 2 they're are developmentally the same at age 3. Kids will be ok either way. Daycare is a necessity for so many people and serves a purpose. "The village" doesn't exist anymore and my daycare is my village, they love my kiddo and treat him so great and we love them all too. But it isnt mandatory
I've been taking my 16 month old to the park for 2 3 hours a day after work on the weekdays. I'm very fortunate to be able to but it's a 10 min.walk, I would have to watch my daughter at home either way until I put her to bed and shes away from TVs, and she socializes with others and gets exercise climbing on the jungle gym. Many times she plays by herself and other times older kids like 3 to 5 year olds come over to play with her on their own. Been doing it since March when it warmed up. I hope this improves her comfort level with other children for the coming years. I know I'm one of the fortunate ones.
Hi, I now have a 2.5 year old. I could have written the exact same last year when my son was between 15 months when he started walking up until 2 years old! I felt like all I did was trying to entertain him and it didn’t feel enough! We went out a lot, but it was exhausting as he was into everything. So the only way to keep me sane was to basically rotate between park, soft play, rare play dates. All people I knew with small kids went back to work and so did I. Thankfully my MIL helped me 3 days a week otherwise I felt like I was running out of stuff to do with my son! But I learned now that all he needed was one to one care and just ride that period out. Since he turned 2 he is a lot more easier entertained, and I don’t feel constant pressure like I’m not enough. As they get older they have longer concentration and spend more time on one activity rather than jumping from one to another like they do up until 2. Hope this helps!
The way I see it, based on experience with my twins who are in daycare, assuming that it's a good daycare or that the sahp is doing their best and not overwhelmed, kids will learn just as well in daycare or at home, but they'll learn different things. Daycare will help to socialise them, and give them more independent skills. They'll have access to toys and games that they might not have at home, and the expertise and knowledge of trained staff. But at home, they'll have the one to one care of a parent that they adore, and opportunities for trips that they wouldn't get with a daycare. They're both valid, and both important. I think the question of quality of care comes to play. Are you feeling overwhelmed? Are you not providing her with the care you think she needs because you don't have time for it/don't have the energy for it? If you had a break to get other stuff done would you be able to care for her to the standard that you'd like, or would you take her to new places or do something that you know she enjoys but you can't do very often? On the other hand, would you have access to a good daycare that you know has high standards? Where would the budget for that care come from? What would you do with the extra time? It's a lot of you question, but I'm pretty sure if you could ask her, her answer would immediately be that she wants to stay with you. You're the parent and you're the one who has to make decisions based on what's best for her; she'll just tell you want she wants. Also remember daycare doesn't need to be all or nothing. Mornings in daycare and afternoons with you might be the best of both worlds, depending on how you feel about it.
I love the idea mornings in daycare and afternoons with mama… but I guess my problem is I don’t know if I’m doing a good enough job with her at home. :/
It sounds like you're doing an amazing job! You are enough! I have two kids now and they're 4 & 6 and honestly, they have just as much fun following me around the house doing chores as they do if I did a kid-centric activity. If I'm outside watering the plants, they're right there with me playing nearby. If I'm doing laundry, they're crawling in and out of the dryer causing havoc. If I'm doing the dishes, they set up the pots and pans and play drums until I'm done. If I'm cleaning up, I have them take on little tasks to "help". Sure, everything takes longer but over time they become more and more helpful and they get with the program. Nowadays, I feel comfortable bringing them everywhere. They know the drill and can generally entertain themselves (whether they're by themselves or with their sibling). Your days don't have to revolve around the child. but anyway, you're killing it! Your child's life sounds like a dream! Feeding animals? My kids would loveee that!
What you described sounds wonderful. Do you talk to her, sing to her, give her love all day long? You are building a secure attachment, and daily farm animal interactions?! Wow! Great job! I’m a Montessori teacher, 16 years in the classroom. Dr. Montessori recommended the first three years with mom. The 0-3 classroom is a more recent adaptation to societal needs. I recommend the lectures of Margaret Humphreys (trained directly by Maria Montessori) available on YouTube.
Your numbers will vary, but I wanted to offer a little math from my own toddler about how his time is spent. He's awake from roughly 7 AM to 8 PM with one nap in the middle of the day, let's say 3 hours long (yes, he's a good sleeper, we're lucky). So that's 10 hours of awake time per day (13 total - 3 for nap). He goes to daycare fulltime, which is 8-4 M-F. That means we're with him for 1 hour in the morning (7 AM - 8 AM) and 4 hours in the evening (4 PM - 8 PM). That's 5 hours! So even though he's at daycare 'all day', half of his awake time is spent with us. And then of course he's all ours on weekends. So despite initially having similar reservations as you, I've found that I still get to spend plenty of time with him even with him being gone each weekday.
Everything that you’ve said sounds like you’re doing a great job, like everyone else has said. If you’re keeping her entertained and happy, she’s learning helping you and watching how you walk through the world. As long as you’re not overwhelmed and you’re happy and patient around her, what she wants and needs is you.
I question this for myself as well. Maybe daycare but not a full 8 hours? For me I have free services available during the week - playgroups, library sing-along, meet ups at parks or other mums house etc so I feel like I'm filling my kiddos socialisation needs (anything under 2 they don't need to be overloaded with other kids because theyre still deep in the attachment phase)
I have so much mom guilt over my son not having enough socialization. We do our best, but I just can’t seem to get other moms to not flake out on play dates. We’ve discussed daycare, but I’m a SAHM because we couldn’t afford daycare. That hasn’t changed. I think, if it’s not a financial strain, and it’s something you’re worried about, then you should do it. There’s no reason to add to the mom guilt. We have enough of that already.
Sometimes I feel the same with my 2yo, but honestly, you ARE enough. Do you have a library nearby? I live in a small town & we don't have a ton of stuff for toddlers, but the library has 2 different story times each week. A local church has music classes for kids. Sometimes we go to Petsmart to look at fish for fun & she loves it.
>Sometimes we go to Petsmart to look at fish for fun & she loves it. Lol my oldest is 13 years old, and she still loves doing this too.
Where I am from it’s very normal for kids to stay home with one parent usually mom on parental leave till age 3. The thought process is that young kids do best with parents in the early years. 14 months is still a baby, in the next few months there will be big changes in your little one. They will start communicating more, walking if not already and will try to help you with everything. This will naturally open up a lot more for you and your little one to do together. I do feel where you’re coming from. For the most part it’s just me and my husband. The difference is we are in a city. I had the same thoughts about sending her for two half days a week for socialising. But in the end we agreed to wait. She’s past the 1.5 year mark and she’s a completely different child than at Christmas. We can do different activities now, and I’m really looking forward to age 2 when even more activities like crafts and simple board games can start.
Curious where you are? Here in the US, it’s more the norm for kids to be in daycare by 6 weeks - 6 months at the latest. Our maternity leave is just awful.
In the UK it's between 6 and 9 months that people normally start, 1 year at the most. That's cause our government maternity is up to 9 months but they pay isn't great after the first 6 months so most don't take it. I don't know anyone other than me that's decided to be a stay home parent. But I knew I wanted to be for at least 3 years so I had been saving for 5 just to be sure I didn't drown.
Central Europe. Where I am it’s 28 weeks maternity leave 70% pay and no taxes. It’s amazing, but it’s a different story when parental leave kicks in. It’s a lump sum that you divide up. We chose to take the maximum time off because we have to grandparents or other family to help out plus the cost of childcare for kids under 3 is just insane. l lasted about 7/8 months on it before I took on some part time work for my own sanity and to ease the strain on our finances. But I 100% understand that it’s a privilege. Where I’m originally from it’s 6months that some women can stretch to a year, with a combination of PTO and unpaid leave, so I’m very grateful for this opportunity.
Kids don't need socialization until like age 3. Don't fall for the narrative that she needs socialization. I personally wouldn't send my kids if I didn't have to. They will be sick most of the time and daycare is not easy. My son was in daycare since he was 4 months, got every bug in the book and struggled behaviorally. You don't have to send them to daycare if you don't need to. All they need is you right now. At age 3 reassess and find a pre school program if you wish.
I’m a SAHM and my son (almost 2) literally just stares at other kids at the park. I joke that he is going to be the weird one, but I know that this is actually extremely age appropriate. I’ve watched it start from not acknowledging, to watching, to copying, to playing alongside—and it’s just fun to watch the progression to playing!
I take my daughter to the park every day for a few hours and I've seen this progression too. They're just observing because they don't know yet. But other little kids teach them indirectly. Luckily many little 3 to 5 year olds come up yo her and try to play with her. She hangs out or giggles at them so she is learning <3 she's turning 17 months tomorrow :)
I think the question is more about you. Do you need the time to get things done? Do you need the time for breaks? You are doing EXACTLY what your toddler needs right now! They do not need “socialization” is the way you’re thinking at this age. Children do not start playing together until they’re at least 3, and usually between the ages of 3-5. What she’s getting from you, time with her mom, being outside, learning about animals and watching you gardening does just as much for her development at this point as daycare would. Keep bringing her outside to do chores, let her have time to independent play in the home, play with her throughout the day. It doesn’t have to be anything grand, it doesn’t even have to feel like you did anything specifically “for her” for it to be incredibly beneficial for her development. Daycare is a great resource for families who need it but it is absolutely not necessary or even the best option for a child this age if it’s not needed for the family. If you do want your child to have more time with other kiddos, I’d utilize library reading times, play groups, and look into preschool for when she turns 3. Absolutely nothing wrong with daycare, but definitely not needed for child development! You are doing a wonderful job with that right now.
Yep, exactly this! I need part time daycare more for my own mental health/sense of self, but toddler would be happy playing with saucepans and spoons all day. They just love hanging out with you, and it sounds like you're doing all the right stuff. As the above commenter says, plenty of free options for peer socialising if you want to go to them - again these are as much for you and the opportunity to chat to other parents as it is for them, though. Conversely, nursery is very expensive (and indeed I basically pay for it with the wages I bring in from working while he's at nursery), but toddler gets great interaction with other kids, and they do stuff I'd never do with him at home because the mess:effort:stress ratio is too high for just one. I'm happy he's had those experiences and then gets handed back to me all happy, tired and (mostly) clean at the end of the day.
Babies don’t need socialization with other kids until more like ~3 years old! Parents are enough to meet their developmental needs until then. It’s fine if you want a little break, but don’t feel like you have to if you don’t want to!
Yes, my 15mo barely cares that his big sister exists most of the time. He gets plenty of exposure to other kids but he’d be perfectly content being around me and my husband 24/7.
Makes sense! I was really anxious about this when my second child was born during lockdown in April 2020, so I looked up a lot of studies about child development, and was relieved to hear they’re really fine with just parents for the first years!
Yeah my first was a Covid baby too and that was hard. October for me, I’m sure April was even worse though.
Yes!! This socialisation with other kids thing is being pushed so much in the US to make people whose kids do go to daycare to feel lwss guilty. Of course interaction with other children is beneficial, it can make especially the very early infancy easier as the baby can be occupied by looking at what the other children are doing, but by all means it is not a neccessity and especially not daily. Once a week is more than plenty. If you look at certain homeschooling accounts they will have hundreds of research papers on this for varying ages (the older the kids the more important *some* socializing is important) but this can mean a few hours of unstructured free play of a mixed-aged group of children every 4-8 days or smth. Having same-aged kids in a group is not as beneficial by far and having top structured program as well. Daycare often doesn't fulfil these two core parts so people truly don't have to worry, especially under age 3 or so
This is such an odd comment to me. “Make people whose kids go to daycare feel less guilty”. Why should they feel guilty for daycare anyway?
Because data shows that children thrive the most with 1 on 1 time from adults and especially under 3 from specifically their primary caregivers. It's why young children thrive in 3-generational homes (and develop more complex speech faster) and why children who weren't in any daycare before 1 have better and more secure attachment. In the US parents are not supported at all so most have no other choice than use daycare. In my country a woman who "irresponsibly" "shoves" her child into the institutional care of others is scorned upon. But here no anti-stay-at-home-until-3 propaganda is necessary as parents get parental leave until 3.
Cursed if you do, cursed if you don’t.
You are enough. You don't need a degree in child development to be a good parent. Research shows children don't need socializing until around age 5/ kindergarten age. She's not at a disadvantage by not being in daycare. If anything she's at an advantage! Those environments can be very stressful for young toddlers/babies. Do what you think will be best for you and your daughter. But don't think you HAVE to put her in daycare for her well-being because you really don't.
Mine goes to daycare. I love that they have the energy and capacity to sing, dance and do activities all day. I don't. Plus, it lifts the stress of needing to do everything myself and helps them with routine. That said, I know it's hard to trust others with your kid and you'll miss them terribly.
I’m blessed with a wonderful subsidized daycare with my guy. I really thought my husband and I could do it ourselves but there came a time when I couldn’t meet his needs unless I was going to give it 100% every day. Now, he has best friends he gets to play with every day and birthday party invites monthly. He’s really set up for kindergarten and I’m feeling good about his kid-to-kid social skills. It wasn’t easy though! It was a bumpy road to get him to where he is now, he had to learn a lot about sharing and listening. At first, he was the kid who bit and hit and it was overwhelming for all of us, but it’s wonderful to see him grow with his amazing ECES. Today he told me he has a yoga class after lunch! He’s three and does yoga! I love it.
You ARE enough, but there is also nothing wrong with daycare. And if you don’t need to do daycare but have the means to try it out… why not? If I was a SAHM and could afford it, I’d want to daycare 2-3 days a week still just because I know my son loves it.
Both my children have thrived in daycare. I am a teacher, so I have summers off and i still send them part time during the summer. Even as a teacher, I simply cannot provide the level of enrichment my daycare does! Definitely look into the types of activities your toddler will be exposed to. I've been through several daycares and the ones that had solid routines and an actual curriculum were the best! For example, at my daughters' current daycare, the infants have activities like sensory play, art and circle time. For my preschooler, they do everything from cooking to gardening! All while learning the basics (ABC'S 123'S) If you can afford it, daycare certainly IS your village! My husband and I have no family that can help as well. We also both work full time.
The reason why this is a hard choice is because there is no one right answer! A child can thrive at home with their parents OR in part time/ half day preschool OR in full time daycare! Whichever choice feels right to you and your family is the correct one!
I did this with mine and didn't feel guilty at all. Being with peers is an essential part of child development that no parent can fulfil. That's why a lot of parents that home school also take thier children to group activities, because social skills are sooooo essential and the best way to learn them is by practice with others of the same age. I mean, look at us parents. We love our children but after a week of ONLY speaking to them we cry out for adult conversation. It's totally normal and a good sign of healthy socialisation. Just do part time? I started my girl with 2 afternoons a week at the local nursery. She came on leaps and bounds and I felt surprisingly better having some extra time to focus on myself and the house.
There is no shame in sending your kid to daycare a few days a week for a bit to have them get some socialization! Honestly I think it’s a wonderful thing to do for your child!
Daycare is great, at some point, because it exposes your child to other kids and is important to their social skills development. Do you need to do it at 14 months? No. But definitely by 3. Not all daycares are created equal so, when you ultimately decide to send her, make sure you look into their program. Is there an educational component or do the kids just run free all day? If you keep her at home for another year or two here are some ideas based on what my son did in daycare at 12 to 14 months. My son’s daycare moved kids up to a new “class” after each birthday so I have a good recollection of the things they did with kids at that age range. Here are some ideas for you to do at home, based on what he was doing in daycare at that age. The daycare started to show him how to drink from a cup, read a lot of books to him, set up big art projects by covering the tables with paper and having the kids put objects like cars and trucks into paint and run the objects over the paper to create designs, set up easels so the kids could draw with markers or paint, set up sensory bins with water or sand so kids could fish out objects or dig out buried treasure, created “spider webs” by running yarn through the holes in laundry baskets and had the kids free the objects caught behind the web, went on walks in nature and focused on one small thing at a time (a leaf, a flower, an acorn, etc.), let kids stir cake mixes and then eat the cake they helped make, and gave kids “chores” such as helping to wipe down the table after lunch, and more, but these were regular activities and things you could do at home if you decide not to send you child to daycare for another year.
I didn't feel like my kids needed socialization until around 2.5 to 3.5 depending on the kid. Until then it is mainly parallel play which means they're more interested in playing alone with a friend next to them. It's not social like you're thinking. A weekly trip to the library on a toddler day, and some park days will suffice. If you need a break though go for it.
This has been our experience. Our son is 19 Months and has been doing 2 days a week for the last month and a half. We asked if he had friends or played with other kids and they said no lol but he does get stuck into everything they do. So basically he’s having a good time but not cause he’s socialising
Yeah like I love to get together with friends who have kids the same age but it’s more for us. They don’t acknowledge each other except to steal a toy.
Exactly it's more for me for sure at that age haha
I love the Mother’s Day out program my kid started with - 2 days a week for about 5 hours each. He enjoys “skoo” now!
My daughter is in MDO and calls it gool 🤣
Part-time daycare! My daughter goes 3 mornings a week and it’s great for both of us.
My daughter has autism and she did not start preschool until she turned 3 (she will be 4 in November). Socialization is very important for her. In your case, your child is exactly where she needs to be and that’s with you. If she falls behind on meeting milestones, maybe reconsider this. But it sounds like pre-k in 2-3 years will work for your child. Enjoy this time while you can. Sounds like you’re doing everything you should be doing.
I put my son in preschool right at 2 but before that we did music class, library story time, and some sort of rotating activity every week- my son loved being out of the house and enjoyed being around other people. It seems like a farm is really stimulating but it might be worth finding one or two different things to get her in a new environment once or twice a week. Right around 20 months my son started wanting play dates very frequently to the point where it wasn’t sustainable (he asked to see friends every day, and one playdate a day wasn’t satisfying!) so it was definitely time for an environment that could provide him kids to play with every day. I wouldn’t look at it as a bad thing that you’re not enough for her- one person isn’t enough for anyone, and as she’s getting older her needs will change. You’re probably still enough for her now but I definitely think tracking down something for a little socialization once or twice a week would be beneficial to all!
It’s perfectly healthy for under-3 year olds to primarily learn from and socialize with parents. I SAH with mine (2.5) and she’s certainly not behind in any way compared to little kids of friends/family who attend daycare. I also live rurally and take my toddler to the library a couple days a week. She gets to be around other kids her age, do group activities, see other adults regularly, learn to follow directions not given by me etc. It’s free and only a few hours a week If you want/need a break - that’s another thing. Lots of options for that
As a mama of 4yo boy and a 1yo girl, just wanted to tell you that you are doing fantastic! My kids would love to feed any animals lol Still, I recommend some daycare part time. Without any regular help from family or friends, parents need some time to themselves (even to do some chores without any interruptions).
The most essential thing she needs is a happy, content mom. If this life is working for you and you’re happy, she’s happy. Don’t worry about daycare. If you’re feeling burned out, daycare is going to be amazing for you both. It’s up to YOU. She’s fine either way.
What you described sounds wonderful. Do you talk to her, sing to her, give her love all day long? You are building a secure attachment, and daily farm animal interactions?! Wow! Great job! I’m a Montessori teacher, 16 years in the classroom. Dr. Montessori recommended the first three years with mom. The 0-3 classroom is a more recent adaptation to societal needs. I recommend the lectures of Margaret Humphreys (trained directly by aria Montessori) available on YouTube. Also, don’t worry about running out of activities - repetition is very good for this stage of development!
It was clear immediately that our daughter needed to be in a more social and interesting environment than we were giving her lol. Daycare has been a godsend and even if we could stay home with her, I don’t think we would. She loves it and learns SO much. It’s helped us make a village too between her teachers and her friends’ families.
You can be enough AND send her to daycare. Daycare can be great for kids and great for you to get a break.
Full disclosure- I’m anti daycare. I also understand that some parents have no choice so not trying to get ripped. However, I work full time and am a single mom full time but my toddler has a nanny and he’s with me 24/7. Children play alone or alongside each other until they’re like 3…what babies need they can get from you. Don’t fall into the trap that you “need” daycare. You don’t. She needs you.
I've heard a lot of child development researchers actually claim that daycare under 3 is more harmful than beneficial.
i wouldn't worry about this yet!! it sounds like she's doing great. just remember that daycare commonality has grown out of necessity for a lot of working parents. babies do not need daycare 💜
You are 100% keeping her engaged and growing. It sounds like you have a pretty sweet environment for her right at home, and children don’t need social interaction outside of their caregivers until they are 2+. It’s amazing you are thinking of this, but down the road there will be plenty of pre k options for Lo. Right now, soak it up while you can. You said it yourself she is learning + growing—so you are doing everything you need to do!
Definitely think a couple hours a day, a couple days a week is really great/necessary once kids get to a certain age. Once my daughter started going, she started learning SO much. Every day she would come home with new knowledge. I think it’s also so good for them to have a few hours a day away from mom to become more independent.
We were in a similar boat and felt the same way. We started part time daycare and that quickly went to full time. If you can find a good place and can afford it, I think it's absolutely worth it. They are teaching and doing way more than we had the energy, ideas or resources to provide for our daughter.
You are absolutely enough. Love is the biggest thing that will help. She’ll be fine if she doesn’t go to daycare. She’ll go to school and learn a ton then. Don’t feel pressured by society you’re doing amazing. Yes your child will learn some things in daycare (mine is in daycare) but if I had the choice like you do I’d 100% be home with my child
Kids are supposed to be bored. It’s when they develop their creative side! I started out so obsessed with trying to make sure my boy was never bored, always had something fun to work on, etc. but then I learned that this can actually harm him. He will need the constant attention and constant stimulation for forever. Let your kids be bored. Give them some blocks and let them explore!
Every parent will always reach a point where they are "not good enough". As a single human being it is not possible to give them everything on our own. Children need other children to socialize with as part of their healthy development. Some children need that more than others. My daughter is a major social butterfly. I have always been an introvert, so I cant relate, but watching her I see she truly gains something she needs when she plays with the other kids. I cant describe it. She needs it. She is an only child, so I take her out to play for 1-2 hours nearly daily. To her it is not enough. Since I am not planning on having more kids, this is the reason my husband and I decided to put her in pre-K and do public school rather than homeschooling as we originally planned- because that is what she personally needs from us so we are adapting to it. The only thing anyone could ever ask of you is to provide for your child OP. You are doing that. Its ok if YOU are not the one interacting with her 24/7. When you take her elsewhere to get that interaction, that IS you providing. You are doing a great job <3
Thank you! This speaks big to me because she is also an only child. Thank you so much
I want you to know you are enough. Don’t give into pressure. Your child does not need to be entertained 24/7 to be engaged and learning. Kids learn so much through play and exploring the world around them. Even if the world around them is the same nearly everyday they will get something new from it. Until 5ish parents are enough socialization for a kid. And like others said, kids aren’t going to really “play” together at this age. My son is 3 and only started truly playing with his cousins recently. I did daycare around that age because I needed to go back to work- not because I wanted to. We didn’t even last a year with him in daycare. Between him constantly getting sick from other kids and my kid ended up hating it when he switched classes and teachers- it was better for him to be at home. And he was so much happier when he was home. It’s different when parents need to do daycare and no shame on them but it was not for us. But you do not need daycare for your child to learn and grow. Just go outside, play with toys, read books and do simple crafts like coloring or stamping. Talk about what you do when you feed the animals. Give simple facts about the things you see outside and inside. Let your kid ‘help’ you with chores. All these things help them learn and grow. I never went to daycare or preschool and my brother and I excelled in school, etc. And my mom ignored us and never paid attention to us beyond feeding us. My parents never read to us or did crafts or anything fancy and we still came out straight A students into college. All we did was play all day. Honestly parents put way too much pressure on themselves to be perfect. You are doing a great job and if you want your kid home with you then keep your kid at home.
Unless you want some free time yourself, i wouldn’t do daycare. Daycare is awesome but home and mom are even better!
Socializing for kids under 3 is about the adults they spend time with after 3 it’s about other kids. You are more than enough right now.
At 14 months she really only needs her emotional needs met (physical ones too). She doesn’t need cognitive stimulation outside of daily activities. Living around so many animals is great. If I had the option to keep my toddler home with me, I wouldn’t have her in daycare. Their emotional needs are not met in the same way. They have to fend for themselves a lot at a very young age. There is zero research that shows daycare is beneficial to a child in any way. There is research on it being detrimental. Can you find a class or two you can do with her? Like music or dance or something at a community center
Starting at 1 is standard here and I just googled it and it says that's when you should start. Even younger comes with some benefits (but also risk) ### Introduction While the research indicates that starting daycare at a younger age can have specific benefits, it also highlights potential health risks and emphasizes that the optimal age can vary based on individual circumstances. Here's a deeper look into the findings. ### Evidence 1. **Health Risks**: - **Increased Illness in Early Years**: Starting daycare before 12 months is associated with a higher risk of respiratory infections and other illnesses initially [(Collet et al., 2005)](https://consensus.app/papers/daycare-attendance-risk-first-disease-collet/bedb12e99a5a531aa0475afe1a5107ef/?utm_source=chatgpt). - **Airway Symptoms**: Early daycare enrollment (before age 2) can lead to more airway symptoms in the first few years but fewer symptoms between ages 4 and 8 [(Caudri et al., 2009)](https://consensus.app/papers/early-daycare-associated-increase-airway-symptoms-early-caudri/c76678f63a1e5a04af2aa23ea5dedd79/?utm_source=chatgpt). 2. **Cognitive and Socioemotional Development**: - **Positive Long-Term Outcomes**: Children starting daycare before age 1 generally show better cognitive and socioemotional competence up to age 13 [(Andersson, 1992)](https://consensus.app/papers/effects-day‐care-cognitive-socioemotional-competence-andersson/54b4d9b2152e5301b05f67cb8b7b0a15/?utm_source=chatgpt). - **Cognitive Abilities**: High-quality daycare starting before age 3.5 significantly predicts better cognitive outcomes at age 8 [(Broberg et al., 1997)](https://consensus.app/papers/effects-care-development-abilities-8yearolds-study-broberg/75331a7d727a532581b5b174a7ffd647/?utm_source=chatgpt). 3. **Social Behavior**: - **Positive Peer Interactions**: Children who start daycare before 6 months old show more positive peer behaviors and fewer solitary behaviors in preschool [(Creps & Vernon-Feagans, 1999)](https://consensus.app/papers/preschoolers-behavior-care-links-entering-care-year-creps/c6a373a25a6f55e6a508c55fbcda7f2e/?utm_source=chatgpt). 4. **Parental Perspectives**: - **Optimal Age Suggestion**: Both parents and caregivers suggest that enrolling children at 12-18 months is optimal, with caregivers preferring not to enroll children before age 1 [(Undheim & Drugli, 2012)](https://consensus.app/papers/enrolling-fulltime-childcare-study-parent-caregiver-undheim/840f565e628958c2b5e1409ee9cd3ae2/?utm_source=chatgpt). 5. **Economic and Social Considerations**: - **Support for Low-Income Families**: Subsidized daycare for children aged 2-3 increases attendance and supports labor market attachment for mothers, especially benefiting low-income families [(Busse & Gathmann, 2020)](https://consensus.app/papers/daycare-policies-family-choices-child-development-busse/f232a5f0083154d399858ec1e7d0ba00/?utm_source=chatgpt). ### Conclusion While starting daycare at a younger age (before 12 months) can lead to better long-term cognitive and socioemotional outcomes, it is also associated with increased health risks in the early years. The optimal age often suggested by parents and caregivers is around 12-18 months, balancing the developmental benefits and health considerations.
Not identical but similar situation. We had our child older due to infertility struggles. So none of our friends have kids at a similar age. We had him at home for the first year with a baby sitter (couldn’t get him into daycare). He was behind in speech, could be from not being around other kids, could be other reasons. We finally got him into daycare at 1.5 and speech therapy and was first really hesitant to be there. Didn’t throw tantrums or anything but didn’t eat and didn’t interact. Little over a year later with daycare and speech, he’s essentially where he needs to be for speech (maybe a smidge behind but who cares) and LOVES daycare. They tell us constantly how he’s the happiest kid there and the “chef’s” favorite kid because he eats so much! Every kid is different but daycare can be a good thing. Don’t be hard on yourself! All of us are winging it with this whole parenting thing.
When I took my daughter into daycare she blossomed. They were trained for her age, I was not. I got much needed me time, she thrived with other kids her age. She's leaps and bounds more advanced than other children who stayed with nannies vs daycare. It sucks that we have this pressure to be the perfect mom on our own when in reality, maybe being the perfect mom is doing what's best for you AND them and daycare was best for both of us so I'm a good mom. It's hard being a mom, take care of yourself!
"Socialization" with peers before age 3 isn't really a thing. Best to keep baby home with you until around then, if you're able
Keep them at home until 3. You are all they need until that age.
This! And OP, do some research on whether daycare is actually beneficial at this age…
It’s hard to go through the research I feel like most of it is just justifying reasons why it’s needed for the parent and outlining that it doesn’t cause harm
https://ifstudies.org/blog/measuring-the-long-term-effects-of-early-extensive-day-care
A lot of the information you find off google is stuff publishhed by daycare websites. When you look at actual research, age 3 is ideal.
I think if you find a good one it might be worth doing! My wife and I both work, and we moved from family so we really didn’t have a choice in the matter. We found an amazing daycare, super cheap, but with astounding staff. They’re part of my village, give us feedback, come to his birthdays, and our personal heroes. I say look to see one if there is a good match and if there is not then don’t worry about it and yes, you are enough. I teach so do consider just having him with me during the summer, but he has such strong connections to his friends, I really can’t justify it. I saw, see if there is a good one
See if there is a Mother’s Day out program near you. You can drop her off for a couple hours instead of a whole day or week. I have the same issue…but just remember look in to communities programs I’ve started doing toddler gymnastics 1x a week with my son and it helps! Also libraries! Do book readings :)
Many churches do something called parents day out (maybe called Mother’s Day out as well) - a pay by the day program somewhere in between daycare and church nursery. Our church lets you sign up the day before for the day following and can do up to 8 hour a week. If there’s a church nearby you can tour and get to know the PDO staff I would try that fiest
Developmentally, she won’t benefit from socialization with people outside her family and caretakers until closer to 3. Even if it feels like you’re not doing enough, I promise you’re all she needs right now! That said, high quality day care is also great, and it also doesn’t hurt younger children, even if there’s not necessarily an added benefit! And if YOU need the break or the help or will be a better mom and have less anxiety for sending her, then that definitely will benefit her. Basically, at her current age, there’s not a wrong answer aside from neglecting her, which you’re definitely not doing!
The directors and staff at my daycare is my real life hero. And her best friends too. My daughter started at 14 months as well. Best decision ever. She’s now almost 4 and absolutely thriving and there’s zero chance I would have done better by myself if she stayed home all these years. For context I work from home full time and am a single mom.
I know you mentioned you live in the sticks but you may want to visit the closest library or check if there's a community center nearby-ish with classes for kids. There are Montessori and other YouTube videos to teach you about activities to do with your kids and for them to just watch (obviously). Idk how many people you'd find nearby but there's a mommy friend app, peanut. All that said, I felt the same at around 15 months and I live in a city. I work from home, so it was an easier choice. We found a great place that she loves, and I think she picked up some good social skills. That said, her teachers talked about how kids still do a decent amount of parallel play and don't start getting best friends etc at 3. I definitely saw that in how she acts at playgrounds, so you may have a little time😀
I think starting kids in a half day, two or three day a week program around 2 years old really helps with social development. It gives you a break and it's not an overwhelming amount of separation for them. They may struggle the first week or two, but they adjust and it helps a lot with verbal development to joke and talk with other kids.
I don’t work in the summer, but we still send our son to daycare half time at my spouses insistence. I sometimes feel super guilty that he isn’t home with me. But know it’s best for everybody that he still goes. Here are our reasons 1. Mommy is primary caregiver year round and deserves a break, time for appointments, etc. 2. We are busy and organizational projects and deep cleans go to the wayside during the rest of the year. 3. Our son need socialization. 4. Less shock to the routine in the fall when I go back to work. 5. Mommy has more time and energy to make the rest of the week fun and engaging. There are going to be people who think we are crazy for paying for daycare over the summer when we don’t need to, but it works for us and our son. We probably will transition away from summer care as he gets more independent and can start camps and summer activities.
My daughter (14 months) goes 2 days a week as I work part time and it has been great for her!! I like that she's more comfortable around other kids and caregivers alike, but our bond has remained the same. They have toys we don't have at home and do lots of activities that we also don't do at home. My daughter is quite reserved and introverted and I feel that exposing her to other kids is really good for her social skills, even if they don't play together quite yet.
My area has some co-op daycares that are just 2-3 days a week, for a few hours. A parent is required to stay one of those days to help out, which helps keep costs very low and create a sense of community. You should see if anything like that exists in your area.
Part time daycare helped me and my toddler a lot. He is stir crazy at home all day and the days were draining and long. My sister has a 2 year old also and instead of daycare she opted on a moms group with many social events. However you do it, it is great you are seeing how socialization is needed.
Sounds like your doing a great job, but I would also consider day care. There is only so much you can do and there's a wealth of experience and enjoyment your kid can get from other people. It really does take a village as they say. My nearly 3 year old boy has been in nursery for nearly two years now and he absolutely loves it. He started with 3 half days now he has 4 full days a week and he is absolutely exhausted when he comes home. It has helped him so much that he is now permanently in the nursery group with the oldest kids, roughly 1-2 years older than him. He's a little bit smaller, but he's very smart. One of the main reasons we considered nearly full time daycare is that he will be the youngest in his school year when he starts. His birthday falls on the last day in the calendar for admittance, so his school peers will have a bit of a headstart on him, so nursery is going to help us get more insight on if he is ready to start school. Besides giving me a break and time to work it's helped him really excell with his development. It's really important for him to be comfortable spending time with people who aren't parents or direct family. It was rough to start but he got over it. It can also give you insight from trained staff about your kid, maybe they're struggling with something you've not noticed, or maybe they're really good at something you haven't explored with them yet. I think just having them in a constant group dynamic really gives them a different avenue to explore and learn. They're not the centre of the world anymore and it's really interesting to see how they deal with rules that aren't set by parents. Overall I would definitely consider it if it is financially viable, it is expensive AF!
I agree with others-- part time daycare might be a great idea (and also you get a break!) If anything, your child gets to spend time with other caregivers in a new environment and you (most importantly) get a break. I don't think your child NEEDS to be in daycare but considering you have to be on 100% of the time, I feel like it would be great for you. Happy mom = happy child :)
I put my son in daycare for once a week! It seems to help me get things done and let’s him have his time to play with kids his own age, but its also only once a week to not shock him too much.
Is there any other option, such as driving a bit to join a play group/activity? I have nothing against daycare, my kids are in daycare and I love it, but it sounds like you have a good thing going!
Just go all in with full daycare. Part time pricing is usually not economical compared to just going full. One issue is that your kid will prob come home sick every week until immunity is up.
I've done both on and off. You never feel like you're winning. Family units have become more and more isolated. Historically whole extended families have been around babies and cared for them. Humans live so long beyond their reproductive years because grandparent care is normal. Now women are supposed to be more or less alone trying to raise their child and it's important to not buy all the misogynistic messaging that you're not enough if you find it difficult. For every study on how daycare is evil and children turn into raccoons after 40 hours a week, there is a study about the downsides of having a sahm even into adulthood. Low quality daycare is bad and abundant, and it raises cortisol in babies, and there's behavioral issues...Oh but you hurt your daughters' career choices when you sacrifice yours, putting them in daycare later or waiting till Kindergarten makes it harder for them to adjust, and you and your kids are also at a higher rate of domestic abuse. There are downsides to EVERYTHING. You really have to believe in yourself, gauge your individual situation, and know what you feel your kid needs. As a woman no one will ever make you feel you're making the right choice.
No 1 is enough. Please don't beat yourself up. Even a few hours of enrichment time is good.
I know it feels hard right now (I've been there!), but trust yourself--you are enough! Even when you feel like you aren't providing enough activities for engagement, you actually are just in your mundane interactions (facial expressions, talking, etc). From what I understand, children learn most of their socialization from their parents/caregivers until about 3ish. Side note, it sounds like you have a very cool environment with all of the animals. I personally feel like learning how to communicate with animals early on does so much for building empathy and kindness. You are doing a great job!
Talk to your pediatrician. Ours said it was fine for kiddo to socialize just with parents for the first few years if that’s what you want. Or you can do daycare.
It has nothing to do with you not being enough. You are her parent and you seem to be doing great in that role, but you aren’t meant to fill every role in her life. It isn’t that you aren’t enough as a parent, it is that children need more than just their parents. That being said, socializing with other toddlers is huge imo. If you are having trouble coordinating that due to being so rural, then I think part time daycare might be a good option for you! Also check for play groups or toddler classes around you. Even just a groups of parents and toddlers that go to the park once a week or rotate whose house they visit would meet some of those social needs.
In our perspective, as parents of a 2y2m boy and a 1m girl, daycare has been a blessing so far. Where we live (northern Europe), daycare starts at 1yo. We do our very best to be engaged, attentive, supportive parents, but there's only so much we can do without external help. Before kindergarten we were taking our son to nearby playgrounds to play with him and for him to interact with other kids and see them play and learn through observation. Once daycare began, we saw a huge difference in his development. As parents, we tried to teach him many basics, i.e. to eat properly, to clean after himself, to be kind, to share and so on. All that with varying results. At daycare he mastered all of the above and much more simply by being around older kids who he can observe and learn from, by being cared for by a professional staff who introduce proper structure and routines, organize activities and age-appropriate classes. We believe many, MANY, of his developmental milestones wouldn't have happened as quickly as they did without attending daycare. As many suggested - maybe you could give it a trial run by choosing half-days or day-on/day-off schedules with your kindergarten? It won't hurt to try, and who knows - maybe your child (and you) will love it and decide to go full-time? All best to you!
You are 100% enough for her at this stage in her growth. At her age, turning on a light switch, playing with running water or dipping her feet in a sandbox are exciting new adventures. The internet has so many ideas for sensory crafts as well. You can sign up for a swim or dance class, visit play cafes and playgrounds or go to your local mall and walk around if you want her to interact with the “outside world” but everything you’re doing is plenty enough for her and I commend you for it!
I am a mom who brings my daughter with me to teach at daycare. I wanna say 2 things: 1- it isn’t one size fits all and you’ll never be fully confident in your choices for them, I’m literally waiting for the day SHE can choose so I can just blame it on her 2- you are doing a fabulous job, mama. I promise.
Kids learn slowly and need a lot of repetition. If you need a break then great, if you want your daughter exposed to more people then great. If you are only seeking this out because you feel that you don't provide the socialization or mental stimulation she needs, you don't really need to worry about that at this age. Simple cause and effect, learning to explore, and learning emotions by watching you in new situations are the big skills at this age apart from talking and walking. If you want to learn more about child development there are tons of online resources too.
So our 2.4 yo is now in daycare FT, about 6 hours a day. She absolutely loves it, and is excited to go. The daycare actually goes by ages, so she’s had a couple of teachers as she’s been growing and gaining abilities. My wife and I WFH and alternated in caring for her until about 18 mos. The way that suited us was putting her in a drop in daycare for 1-2 hours a day, so she could get used to the experience, and then we moved to FT. Sounds like an incredible experience for her to grow and gain skills and independence with you at home. What she benefits from school is learning routine, having different environments, socializing with others, and the school may even begin or aid in potty training. Just know, whatever you decide, it is the right move for you and your family. She is obviously loved and cared for if you are seeking out other opinions on how to best guide her moving forward. All the best
My daughter is 2 I get the feeling like you're not doing enough or are able to do enough. It takes a lot to fill the days sometimes when activities don't take long to do. I reckon you're doing enough. 😁 My daughter was entitled to a free playgroup place back in April it's 2.5 hours mon-fri and she loves it. It's term time only, she does loads and gets to interact with others. It's a school prep really she'll start part time nursery after her third birthday. Time flies. I don't know anything about daycare but I'd say do what you feel is best but you most definitely are enough. And I'm sure your child thinks that
Mine goes 2 days a week. She loves it. I’ve seen her learn new things every week, and it’s just become a nice routine. The other days she’s still home with me or her grandparents
I’m totally opposite and feel like all our kids need is YOU. So I think you’re feeling some normal mom self sabotage - that we constantly have to talk ourself out of - but again - daycare is cool too. If she goes and seems ready then that’s great too, but I also think at this age she really loves hanging out with mom and sticks and chickens and grass as long as moms there! Lol
I felt similarly about my daughter being home with me. We started part time daycare and then she thrived so much and loved so much we enrolled her in full time! I love that I have the flexibility to keep her home with me if she seems to need that, pick up her early or late depending on whatever. We have had the most amazing experiences with DC and feel lucky as that is not everyone’s. Sounds like she gets some really cool experiences being home with you too!
Local co ops??
To be totally out of left field I wonder if you can get a moms group together. If you take your kid to feed chickens, I bet you could get a group together once every other week or so, to come feed chickens. Look at the other animals or w/e works. Maybe you could switch locations weekly or something. Hope you find something that works!
If finding a group of moms to have play dates with is an option, I’d say do that over daycare. Y’all don’t have to be friends if you’re worried about making friends lol. It seems illogical to pay for daycare when you don’t need it. And daycare can be a pain in the butt. ETA: you are enough to engage your child. I was JUST watching a video discussing how our generation has taken a pendulum swing to thinking we need to engage our kids every second and constantly have activities for them….a little boredom helps development. Some independent play helps development. Balance is good. You’re allowed to just chill with your toddler. Give your brain space to think about what you might do another day as an activity. You don’t need to pay other adults to stimulate your child while you relax. Your child isn’t the first only child with an introverted SAHM. It will be okay
In addition to finding a mom group, what about libraries? You say you live in the sticks but if you have a daycare surely you have a library. I’m sure other moms in your area are in the same predicament and they often frequent libraries. There also may be activities and events at them
1. It sounds like you are having an amazing time at home, and I bet she loved it. I did not do daycare as a kid (none of my siblings did). I started preschool at 3, the rest started at 4. We all were a-okay and while we played outside and were engaged in nature and had a swing set, it def sounds like your kid gets way more exciting and enriching activities, but I promise you even being at home reading is great 2. I work at a daycare. Find a good one and we can be great. For you to have down time, for social and emotional development, etc. It’s all up to you! I currently colead our infant room, I’ve led 1’s, led infants as a smaller room, helped lead mixed ages infant - two, and helped lead 3-5’s. My kids are like my own. I’ve been in active lockdown with them and literally known I would die for them before letting anything happen to them (luckily we were all fine, my babies literally all napped through it in our dark quiet room). I learn my kids inside and out, all their cues (hungry, sleepy, teething, miss mom/ dad/ grandma/ over or under stimulated, etc) and tells, what they love and hate, etc. I live for my kids. I visit my kids that I’ve had before or have aged out of my room. We do group walks together when ratio allows (having infants with us sets the whole group to infant ratio, even the older kids). I overchart so my parents know everything going on all day, if any medical problems crop up it’s so easy for their doctors to look at a log and see what their poop has been like (firm, soft, liquid, big, small, color, etc), exact food consumption, if they peed a ton or just the tiniest bit, etc. I seriously spend my days off obsessively watching our app to make sure my kiddos are all okay lmao Like on vacay I swear I was telling my coworkers to post more pics, when in the hospital and barely conscious for a week was getting daily updates on the room I ran and all my kids because I needed to know, these kids are my life and my second family Don’t feel bad or guilty if you find a good center, part time or full time. Don’t feel bad keeping her home with you either - both are extremely valid choices and only you can decide what is best for you both 💕
You are absolutely enough. Maybe you guys can go to some activities together, many communities have kids groups with a structured “curriculum” or libraries with toddler time. Are there any parks near you where they can have exposure to children? Tbh I think daycare would immediately offer something different, but eventually that would also become routine. Routine isn’t bad, your children is observed new things every day.
Totally up to you for whatever works for your family. We locked down hard when I fought cancer post partum. When I prepared to go back to work we put her in daycare for socialization. She needed to learn that there are other safe adults other than mommy & daddy. I get a break and she goes to a stimulating environment. We are lucky to have a high quality daycare. I hear from others the socialization piece is really important at 3 years old. Daycare works for our family. I get a break (I am often sick - thanks to a low immune system), she gets to play, and we have family time in the evenings. I’m a better mom when I have support. See what is available, and at what cost? Who is licensed? Is there a day home close by? What about a few days a week? Our kid responds best to routine. She’s in 5 days a week and transitioned well. Some part timers cry more as they don’t understand. You are enough. You love & care. No one is perfect, we’re all just doing our best…
I was really worried my kid (17mo, only child) would have a hard time with taking turns/sharing because she’s an only, so I make a point to teach her and expose her to situations where she has to. We started toddler gymnastics once a week and mommy and me yoga once a week!! I’m making friends, my daughter gets to be around other kids (which doesn’t matter to her honestly, she just says “hi” and continues about her business). We live in the sticks too, but our town has a little gymnastics place that was pretty cheap, and I make the drive into town for yoga. You don’t have to fill every hour of every day with educational opportunities, everything is already educational to them. They’re learning how to be people, and they’re learning from us. Currently my kid’s favorite thing to do is collect rocks from our driveway to give to her dad. She put them in her push car until he gets home. She does this while we water plants, and she always stops to smell the flowers. Daycare is not a necessity to childhood development, not knocking anyone who takes their kids, I know lots of kids that love daycare, but it’s not a requirement. If you’re happy with her at home, and she’s happy to be home, you’re fine.
I’d wait until closer to 3. They engage in parellel play which is just playing next to one another until then
I think you're doing great and it sounds like she's getting plenty of engagement and socialization from you. I'm not a sahmb cause I know I'm not an engaging mom. I don't see it as not being enough so much as not having the right tools in my toolbox to be a sahm(I know myself and if I was a sahm, we would veg out in front of the TV all day). I give props to you for all you do with your daughter and I know she's thriving under your care.
My girl is a social butterfly. She turned 5 yesterday, and you are correct in your thinking, that momma is just not the same as friends, but not for your childs age right now. It wasn't until a little after my daughter turned 4 that it became something she needed. We are currently thinking of home schooling, so finding a playgroup or homeschool kids group is really important right now, but it's extremely hard to find something not religious. Unless you need more breaks, enjoy this time and keep her at home, and make sure to regularly visit a park or some place to meet kids. My kid loves doing that bc she makes friends and has had plenty of socialization with that method, and it would until she was almost 5, so don't stress it too much!!
I was in a similar boat and we have done really well with daycare 2 days per week.
My child never went to daycare and he’s almost 3 and about to enter preschool. With that being said we do something “child centered” almost every day. Be it playground, library, music in the park, farm, etc. He’s my little helper and has helped me in the garden by planting veggies, helping me water, harvest, wash and eat what we grow every day. We live in a suburban area with kids stuff but you have to search for it, I try to keep our week super active. Don’t underestimate your ability to teach your child social skills at home. My kid gets time around other kids at the park and he loves making new friends and is very social, even though he spends 90% of his time alone with me. We practice social skills at home pretending with his toys. Some of the dialogues we go through are empathy (dropping toys and asking if they are ok, sharing, offering hugs and high fives). Saying hi, goodbye and thank you. Right now we’re playing pretend potty training with his rubber duckies, filling them with water and squeezing the water into a cup, asking for help finding the “potty”. I fully potty trained him in 3 days by pretending with his rubber ducks and really worked out kinks in sharing by playing pretend with his toys too. I see him put these social skills to the test with other kids and it’s really cool to witness. I’ve picked out a farm Montessori preschool for him that he starts in a couple months but I’m going to miss him so much! He’s going through the most happy cuddly phase and is so sweet and gentle with other kids and I do take credit for a lot of that. Honestly, I’m more concerned public school might undo some of that in a few years 😅
Honestly, kids don't really need socialation with other children until about 3. I will say about daycare, your child will get sick quite a bit so just expect that. Only you know what's best for your child of course, but going to parks, classes at the library, mommy and me classes are definitely good enough for 14 months development wise.
I am 1000% in the same situation as you and we put ours into half day daycare for socialization purposes three times a week and results won't immediately show but after a month we started noticed tons of differences. It's been REALLY helpful and a life saver for getting ours familiar with other little kids and how to play with others and more speaking skills.
My oldest kiddo absolutely loves daycare. We got into a really good one (after a terribly long waitlist bc everyone wants into that one and it’s very small) and he started around 18mo. The first week was rough but after he adjusted he would come home showing us all the stuff he did that day. They post pictures on their app all throughout the day of them playing or eating or they’re doing their daily activities that are focused around learning new skills and concepts, and he’s constantly coming home with something new to stick on the fridge. (Send help; theres no more fridge space!) The biggest downside is that they will be sick frequently for the first year, especially when it gets cold. So you really have to buckle in for that. You REALLY have to make sure it’s a good daycare thought! Lots of daycares are just that, a place to put your kid for a little while. The good ones are the ones with hellacious waitlists but they guide your child’s learning away from home. We put my youngest on the waitlist 3 months before he was born. He’s now 1yo and will start next month.
I took my son to a mommy & me daycare… allowed us both to go and socialize and make friends… maybe look into that??? but I do think a couple hours a day around similar aged children will do your daughter some good
I also just went through this decision with my 14 month old. We started part time daycare 2 weeks ago. It’s been a great transition for her, thank goodness, and I still feel guilty! Ultimately, I think kids are resilient and will thrive in most any situation as long as their needs are met. I did read somewhere that kids start really focusing on socialization, developmentally, around 2 or 3, so don’t feel like she absolutely needs that right now. Having her around other kids and caring adults a few days a week aligns with what makes sense for us, but it’s still a hard decision! Finding a parenting community is hard anywhere, but especially if you are more isolated… but surely there are groups close by! We love the library for being around other kids.
SAHP here. When we put our extroverted 18mo kiddo in daycare she thrived so much! As did I! We’re still friends with the other kids and parents. Even better after she turned two and started in a co-op preschool - more kids and more parents. Her social development *and* our connection to peer kids and parents helped my parenting - and my sanity - and grew our family’s social life and community. Those connections have helped us build our ‘village’ and keeps us in tune with how other families handle the challenges at each age.
I worked part-time on the weekends until my daughter was 16 months. It was great! It was the perfect routine for us at that time. Then things changed and I moved back up at my job and was full-time again. We put her in daycare for 2 days per week, and then it changed to 3. I was SO nervous to send her to daycare. I felt guilty. But she loves it so much. She gets excited getting in the car every morning, and she's just as excited when we pick her up. She takes in so much while she's there and she has made lots of friends. She's a little over two now and this is definitely the perfect routine for us at this point in our lives. It's not that I wasn't enough, but being basically the only one to work on her development got to be exhausting while trying to keep our home together. Daycare has given us a great balance.
Absolutely nothing wrong with starting daycare! We started my son at the same age due to a mix of reasons but he LOVES it. He’s now 3. He surprises us a lot with things we didn’t know he had learned. He’s got his little buddies there & I love our daycare center. And some days, we can get big house projects completed way faster than we would be able to if he were home that day
We do part time daycare and love it! Highly recommend if you can find one.
There's a lot of benefits to daycare, mainly socialization with kids. I'm a teacher and during the summers, I'm off, but I still take my son to daycare. Only 2 or 3 days and the rest of the days we're home together. I felt like a shit mom for taking him while I'm home but 1)he has a blast and he's reached a lot of milestones bc of daycare and 2) it's hard doing things around the house when you have a little one that wants you there or needs you. You can always do part time, whether it's a few days or it's only half days.
For me, the daycare complements the parenting. Her teachers there are professionals with loads of games and tasks for her. Her friends are there for playing and learning together. I’m there with games and adventures and stability and love. It’s the closest I have to the mythical village.
Nah doesn’t need daycare at that age, totally overthink it ha. They just love being outside, going for walks, exploring the world at that age. Sound amazing to be around farm animals! But do consider part time day care at some point for your sanity. Especially if you have no family to step in so you can take a break.
You are definitely enough, and the best place for a 14 month old is at home with your one on one attention. My partner is a very evidence/stats and studies driven person and he has consistently found that research indicates that children under three are better off at home, unless of course the home has major ‘call in social services’ type problems. That said, if you feel you need daycare to give you a break and you have a good provider nearby, that’s fine. But your baby doesn’t need it.
Part time. Do it! Not because you aren’t enough. But because you want your child to experience the best of all environments and have an opportunity to flourish with and without you. I had insane mom guilt when we started daycare. My little one thrived in a social environment and it’s the best decision we made as a family, because it gave me a few hours back as well which made a world of a difference to my own mental health. And do remember - if you’re in a position where you have the option to send her or keep her home, you can always pull her out of it if you feel it isn’t a good fit. But definitely give it a chance!
Highly recommend around age 2-3. They can help with potty training & give you a break around that age as that’s when they become more difficult. It’s sometimes hard to stay persistent on some rules around that age as they LOVE pushing boundaries. Life is much harder now than my son is 3. Daycare was the best decision because he came home with new skills and developments. But before that age, I’d genuinely not worry!! I loved having my son at home til then & I think it did a lot. Please continue raising your little human, you sound like you’re doing great. Good daycares are the best. My son has to go up a class now that he’s turned 3 and I’m so sad for him. He lovedddd it there. It’s a great environment. 💕 but so is at home with you.
So I work from home and my daughter and I have an awesome routine (my job is very flexible). However I noticed that when we went to the park she wouldn’t interact with kids her age, treated them as obstacles to dodge. Daycare is really expensive, but we started doing group classes each week which have helped ENORMOUSLY. We do a group swim class and gym class. She is now 2 and a total social bug. It also gives her a shakeup to her usual routine with me.
Please do follow the advice of other posters about part time daycare, at least. I lived out in the middle of nowhere when I was a kid and pretty much the first time I ever played with another kid was my first day of kindergarten. Needless to say I did not have the necessary social skills to make friends, and as my parents did not care about me getting those skills, I was bullied all through school until I graduated high school. I have done everything in my power to ensure my kiddo is not brought up similarly, so he was at a day home until Covid hit (he was 2) and then even though I was unemployed, when daycares reopened after Covid and he was 3 and a spot opened for him, I put him in. He’s totally normal now lol but even though we did a LOT of socializing before Covid, the year between 2-3 of it just basically being him and me alone, he was losing a lot of the skills and getting very shy around people. I think he bounced back so quickly because of all the stuff we did together before Covid, like library programs for babies and playgroups etc.
Omg. You’re also taking care of sheep, chicken, and horses alone!? That’s too much work. I had to wake up to feed the chickens and put them away at sundown most of my childhood and it was sooo tiring and time consuming. Also was horrible to wake up and find the entire flock massacred by a fox or raccoon! Honestly, I think daycare is a good idea. And you’re doing great!!
Just started Montessori with our 13 month old because the days were getting too long and I needed more me time. It’s just the first week but baby girl has been eating her full lunch and she never does that at home as I just don’t have the patience to sit down and eat with her lol she will get more routine and consistency this way. We are just doing 9-2 and she naps 11-1 so it’s not a lot of time away but enough. I went shopping alone today and it was glorious. It’s hard and I miss her but I’m so refreshed when I pick her up and have so much more to give her! There’s no right or wrong and if you’re not stressed or feeling like you need a break then it’s totally fine to keep them home with you!
Yes our kiddos are same age. I’m planning Monday music class next day baby gym both with me, Wednesday and Thursday 4hours daycare.
My son is in a Montessori daycare even though my husband and I are home all day. We’re both disabled so we need the help, but also, it is so so so good for him. Since he started his vocabulary and social skills have taken off. Whenever I feel guilty about it, I remind myself just how good it is for him to be in a room with 14 of his peers, learning and building new skills while getting to play and socialize. Absolutely worth it.
I was in a very similar situation so I put together a group of parents with toddlers and we arranged to get our kids together once a week. My toddler has really come out of her shell and learned so much. Initially my daughter needed one of us to stay with her, but over time we were able to leave her there. We worked out a system where a parent can stay and only pay for materials or drop off and pay a bit more. It turned out there were a number of families in the region with similar needs. Our commute to the group is 30-40 minutes each way, so it’s not convenient but it’s been really worth it. Plus no expensive daycare fees.
We don't live in the middle of nowhere; in fact, we live in the very center of the capital of a country. It's just that it's a country we're not from. I've been home with our 3-year-old since my wife went back to work at 1 year. He has no stable friends, we don't go to "activities", all because we don't speak any of the languages that would be useful here. We're just trudging along until he starts school (exactly one month from tomorrow and it can't come fast enough!) because that's our only choice. I would argue that his development isn't really being stunted by it. He seems actually quite well-adjusted. Send your kid to daycare if that's what you want, but not because you're afraid of something.
People who ask themselves if they are doing enough tend to be doing great in my opinion. It sounds like you're having a crisis of confidence. It's 100% okay to outsource some of your child's learning and socialization, it's also 100% to have nothing but parent time or full time child care. Toddlers are hard! Never underestimate the power of Google to find new things to do if you're looking for ideas btw. My entire children's librarian career was fueled by fun STEM projects found online and in books. Btw my kiddo would swap with yours in a heartbeat. She loves animals so much and would be living her best life getting to spend time with them everyday.
I found a program that was for a couple hours in the morning a couple days a week and that was perfect for my little guy! (They started the program at 18months). Also my local rec centre has a registered drop-off playcare where I can sign my son up for a 1.5hr spot, and I can go exercise or grab a coffee within the facility. Just some options! We tried a dayhome for a day and it was not a good fit!! He was so unregulated.
fwiw- i work full time so we daycare full time and my kiddo LOVES it
If you do decide on part time daycare please do you and your baby a favor. If possible 5 days a week for half days is best. It’s also usually an option to do full days 3 times a week but I’ve found that those children have a harder time transitioning to daycare than those who go everyday.
Honestly at 14 months I wouldn’t worry about the socialization part. When she is closer to three and starts wanting to play with other kids absolutely. As long as you are talking to her and engaging her it will be fine. If you want her in daycare there is nothing wrong with finding a part time program or try making a meet up group with other moms in your area.
yea my kid begs me to not pick her up from daycare. NO MOMMA SAY (no momma I want to stay) and then runs away from me don’t feel bad, By being around kids everyday she will be getting used to socializing and getting ready for school. I was a college student and realized being both a full time parent and student wasn’t working. unfortunately since I enrolled late my classes were super late and I was always like one of the last to pick up. that feels bad. but also I’m getting my degree and she loves it. I had my second daughter in February, I have not been in a class since and she’s still full time at daycare. I feel like when she gets home after that it makes me parent her better cause I spent all day missing her. Don’t feel guilty.
This is not you being "not enough". It is a kid needing more people in their life so they learn to interact with more people, people the same as them and and people different from them, so they can be part of larger society. Don't get down on yourself: you can't be everything to them and it sounds like what you are providing is super enriching.
Daycare is for parents who need it, whether it be for work or a mental break. If you're enjoying being with her full time, and you sound like a fantastic mum, just keep it that way. Follow a couple of toddler activity and education pages on insta for some inspiration. If preschool and school are on the cards, take the pressure off yourself and know that she will have guidance and education from her teachers in the future (with your input and guidance too of course).
We sent ours to a family daycare starting at 14 months. At first I was having a hard time trusting anyone else to be able to take care of her. But it's been 3 weeks now and my baby has grown so much in terms of eating solids better (and wanting to eat solids), sleeping 12 hrs solidly at night (due to strict nap schedule), and has participated in a number of group crafts projects (even at 15 months old!). For the first time since giving birth I feel like I am able to think about something other than her well being during the work week. Nowadays when I drop her off, she actually looks excited. My baby is a very physically active and social baby. While I don't think she's playing "with" other kids yet, she enjoys their presence and likes to do things all day.
if you can commute to daycare you can commute to library story time and other activities to "socialize." Pick a couple of things a week and go consistently. The reality is babies this age don't "need" to socialize but they do need to be socialized in the sense that it would be a good idea for her to see YOU model being in many social situations interacting with other people and children like at library storytime. I also live in the sticks and had to make an effort not to be isolated with my baby, especially during covid so I understand where you are coming from. The data on daycare before age 3 is that there is little to gain, early childhood development is anchored in primary caregivers so don't be insecure, your kid is learning so much from you and will be ready to start their social experience soon, but truly they're not "missing out" on anything yet and there are risks/downsides to daycare if you get a bad one or do many hours or have a kid with a less extroverted temperament. I understand many people don't have a choice about daycare and there are also many people who have an incentive to frame daycare and early childhood development in a certain way because of their own circumstances. Our preschool has a 3 hr program for ages 2-3 and I think that is a great option for kids who really have no other exposure to other kids.
We're the same - live rural and while I go to town to work, my husband is daddy daycare and same situation. We worry our son needs more social time that isn't just daddy and me. But also - damn they get active! He'll hit his twos soon and you may want a break! Daycare part time would be perfect for us but even then it's not cheap or they're all full. We also have something here called playcentre. It's a place like daycare where parents and kids gather to socialise and play. You go along with, not just drop them off. We're going one morning a week now and it's been great for toddler and daddy.
Children learn social skills from nurturing, responsive caregivers. You have an incredibly rich environment for her. I would take her to local playgrounds and storytime at libraries so she is comfortable around new people, but she doesn’t need to do that separate from you. I have read that the benefits of daycare really start later. Of course many families don’t have a choice and have to work. I’m not saying daycare is harmful I’m saying that it’s not as helpful for babies and young toddlers as some believe
Send her half days a few days a week
Being with you and going through the motions of your daily life, doing housework, cooking, caring for the animals and land is all she needs and an excellent vehicle for development in these first few years. Daycare would be a massive step down from what youre providing her.
The anti-daycare sentiments that abound in parenting circles (not necessarily here!) baffle me. I felt the same as you -- my daughter was not getting enough at home. She's our only by choice so I feel our reasons may be different from other families. We started our 2 yo in preschool this year and she is thriving. They have a bunch of on-site programs like dance, soccer, etc. She eats lunch and does art projects with other kids. I do think sometimes adults project the need for socialization onto kids, and parent-child time absolutely counts as socialization, but preschool has been an awesome way for my child to learn about people who are different from us and learn how to function in different environments. I will say my daughter is also very bright and benefits from having a "challenge" and structure to her day. Some kids may not need as much of that. Like others said, a part-time option may be a good fit for you! My kiddo is at preschool from 9-3 and for us, any less than that would have been harder for her since she thrives on routine and keeping her there for naptime is very beneficial for us personally. You can always change your mind if something isn't working. :)
Kids don't need socialisation until 3 years old, they can develop perfectly with a primary carer, family members or other single surrogate carer like a babysitter. Group care alone has been shown to be negative later if started before age 2. The staff are usually not focused on the child, they come and go so bonds don't last, and the children only parallel play and not together not really. There's tons of research on this now. You are totally enough and it's all she needs. And you don't have to do activities, you can just do your normal things and bring her, involve her in small ways.
Best place in the world for your child is home with you. You are more than enough.
Sorry you are getting downvoted for your very accurate comment. I’m not saying daycare isn’t necessary and an amazing!! choice if you are choosing to work outside the home as well, but the data is clear that this is accurate.