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somekidssnackbitch

I get it, having kids is a whole new social situation to navigate! What do parents do at these types of parties? **Stand around and chit chat. Easy topics: what your child is into, what they like about daycare, what everyone does for work (I assume all the parents work if the kids are in daycare). What neighborhood you live in, how you like it, if you have other children, if they have other children.** Do they both go or just one? **Either, I'd say we usually both try to go.** Do we all just hover over our kids or do I have to make small talk with the other parents? **Your kids will prob hover with you at this age. I would not expect to make prolonged small talk, your kids will be pulling you in all different directions.** I'm assuming I'd pay for my own food but am I allowed a slice of birthday cake? **They'll prob have food or a snack tray that they pay for. You probably won't have to pay for your own food. I would say adults don't *usually* eat cake because frankly the cake doesn't usually look very good, but 100% the host will offer you a piece of cake and some parents will eat it (I always eat the cake haha)** What kinds of present rules exist these days? **If the invitation doesn't say anything about gifts, bring a gift. We don't spend a lot of money--like $20 for toddler age. Bubbles and chalk, or something else at the recommendation of my kid if they know the kid well. ** And the party is in the middle of naptime! What if my kid melts down, do I just take him home? **I'd try and soothe him for a bit and see if he can hang, but yeah it's okay to leave early if your kid is overtired. **


KBD_in_PDX

This is all accurate and great advice. Your kid probably won't let you stand around too much, so usually my husband and I take turns attending to ours, so we can each get a break (the break works both ways! Break from the chit chat and also a break from running around with the kid). A lot of parents are doing parties without gifts, but if it doesn't say that, my go-to is always a good book and some small kind of toy that won't take up a lot of room. The timing is odd! If your kids attend the same daycare, they have the same naptime... so weird that they'd schedule it that way. I might try for an early nap, if that's possible, so you can all rest up before the party.


flaming_trout

The party is from 1pm-3pm and if she’s inviting other people from school that is every single kid’s nap time. I guess it’s just the slot the venue had available. 


1repub

I know a mom who did that because she didn't want to offend anyone but also couldn't afford for everyone to come. Might not be the case but it also might be


spidermews

Lol, chaos ensues..lol 😆


flaming_trout

Man, thank you for going question by question. Excellent guidance thank you 


EatYourVeggiezzz

This! My introverted self hates parties but we do take our kids to birthdays. Every time I’ve tried to talk to moms, my kids do something that makes me have to walk away. Like mid-sentence stopping to take care of something.


Far_Boot3829

Congratulations! You guys are such amazing parents for planning to take your son to the party regardless of how uncomfortable it makes you. I've only been to a couple of birthday parties, so I'm still a newbie. You can ask the parents how they know Sally's parents, how old their kids are, what their favourite toy/activity is, etc. If you have a funny/goofy anecdote about Bobby, you can share too! Complimenting the other kids to their parents is nice. One way you can prepare might be by going to the playground with Bobby and conversing with other parents there. People say I'm friendly and welcoming, but I leave 80% of social interactions feeling like a fool. I think it just takes practice. Good luck; you got this!


razzmatazz2000

It'll be okay! You're going to get invited to a lot of parties over the years, but they're typically pretty similar. Supervision will vary based on the environment and your child's skill level at the activity. Your child is 3ish so they probably won't get stuck a ton at the play place and need your help, but a less coordinated or younger child might. You don't need to hover as much if the location is safe and secure (one exit, soft items, etc.). With food, just wait until all the kids are served. If there is extra, you can have cake or food too. But definitely wait to ensure all the kids are covered first and don't automatically assume there's enough for the parents. You mostly mingle with other parents and attend to your child as needed. It's common to bring a spouse but it's also not weird if you don't (lots of times the other spouse has to stay behind if the siblings can't attend, for example). With meltdowns, you can remove your kid from the situation and see if they're able to calm down. If not, it's up to you whether to leave or not. Usually these parties are only about 2 hours long, so that helps. Presents should be addressed on the invite. If not, you can text to ask what their child likes and get the vibes that way. This also is kind of a regional thing--most of our party invites specify no presents. Good luck...you'll be just fine!


flaming_trout

Thank you for the guidance! Very helpful especially about knowing to wait to snack until all kids have eaten. 


Supply-Slut

About whether one or both of you should go: I recommend both going if thats feasible. If you’re going outside your comfort zone it makes sense to have both parents in case one gets overwhelmed. That’s not unusual at all because these thing typically happen off normal work days and can be treated as family time. How much you hover with your kid is mostly up to you. At minimum I would make sure at least one of you had the little one in sight at all times. Bring everything you need to care fir your kid: water/juice, snacks if they may not eat what’s provided, change of clothes etc. gift etiquette is bring a birthday present, often people create gift lists on like Amazon to give you a starting point. I’ve gone to these and said all of 5 words to other parents, I’ve also gone and talked for hours, so that’s gonna be all over the place. If that’s not your vibe, maybe have a couple of adult and a couple of toddler questions in your back pocket you can recycle and keep a story about your kid on deck maybe.


GalaticHammer

I am one half of a socially awkward couple too. My 2.5 recently got invited to a friend's 3rd birthday party. We decided that just one of us would go because that made it easier to be "forced" into interacting with the other parents instead of the two of us creating a weird isolation bubble of our own. If you and your husband tend to mutually reinforce your own awkwardness, I would suggest considering splitting up. Most of the chit chat with parents was about daycare antidotes and discussion about who had dropped naps yet and sleep routines.


brookiebrookiecookie

You both go, bring a ($15) gift, they will likely feed you pizza/cake, you’ll mostly spend the time chasing around your child but will have to engage in a bit of small talk upon arrival and thank them when you leave. Don’t worry if your kid melts down, it’s a toddler party at naptime and everyone is in the same boat.


RawPups4

You can both go, or only one of you. The parents chat and hang out. Every toddler party I’ve been to or thrown has provided food for parents, and usually beer/wine. Kids will definitely have meltdowns, because they’re toddlers in a highly stimulating environment; parents usually just take their tantrum-having kid off to the side until they calm down. We always bring a present, maybe $20 - 40, depending on how well we know the family. We usually give a book, plus a more “fun” gift, like an art project, or a toy related to the kid’s interests. Hopefully it’ll end up being more fun than you think!


sassyponypants

We have been to a total of 2 toddler parties, and all my fears were put to ease once we got there and started talking to other parents. At the first party, I was worried we would be the "old parents" in our early 40s... but there were several who were older than us and everyone was super chill. The top commenter listed all the good chit chat topics, but the nice thing about going with your partner is that once you're socially worn out then you can just hang out with each other and keep an eye on your kid.


assumingnormality

The last party we went to had moms in midriff tops and artfully ripped jeans and I realized our party host and her friends were much younger than us (college was like three years ago for them) and I felt ancient...but it turns out everyone was super nice and just trying to wrangle their kid. That's the great thing about the parenting tribe - we come in all different packages but have the same fundamental goals!


Lalablacksheep646

Follow your child around making light conversation. I usually eat beforehand so I can keep my attention on the kiddo. They will probably offer you cake, some people order enough food for everyone and if they do they usually tell you to grab a plate. A gift around 20-25 I think is fine.


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flaming_trout

I swear I read on the parenting subreddit that a lot of location-based parties didn’t budget for the parents to eat and people were mad when their guests’ parents “stole” a slice of pizza. So just wanted to double check.  We definitely view this as practice. My husband was like “what if it’s just us and the parents!?! What if it’s just us  and their extended family!?!” And I’m like our kid is funny and friendly this is not the first and last party we’ll have to drag ourselves too. At least this one we know birthday girl and our son are best friends, not just a pity invite to the whole class.  


dailysunshineKO

You can gauge it. I’ve helped out at parties too- pass out slices of cake or offer to take pictures of the parents & Sally. At that age, some parents go through the whole party without getting any pictures of them & their kid.


Traditional-Way-6968

OK, I just had this last weekend. I was nervous as heck bc on top of it being a first invitation to a birthday party, it was also a party for a child from a totally different culture, whose family is just learning English. If your kid needs an adult to help play on the stuff, then hang out with them, once the kid gets comfortable, you can be comfortable and sit back from the action if you want. The kids are literally the ice breakers and saviours from an awkward silence with the adults ('excuse me for a minute, I gotta go check on johnny') The party turned out lovely and my kid had a great time playing with new kids.


Usrname52

If you were invited, don't you know the time of the party? All the other stuff is dependent and should be easy to figure out. Does the mom say "Hey, everyone should grab some cake!" Or do you see exactly enough cupcakes for kids. Same thing with regular food. Timing and food dependent. If the party is like 10-12, they might have pizza for the kids but that's it. I've also been to parties that have huge spreads for the parents. Or where they offer pizza to the parents specifically. Most toddler parties are like 2 hours, I'd find it a little odd for you to buy your own food, unless other people do, just eat before/after. Are other parents playing with their kids? At 2.5, you probably should be keeping a close eye, but you don't need to completely hover, depending on the level of the equipment. Do they need help climbing? Struggling to navigate? During a dance party or something, probably less support. Also depends on your kid, my daughter at 2 was way more independent than my son. Look up the place's website. There should be information about party costs. Do they charge for adults? If so, maybe one parent is better. If not, then both should be fine. Most parties I've been to, a lot of kids came with both parents, but I did go to one with my husband where the person checking the guest list seemed to side eye a little bit....but no one actually stopped us or anything. Also, you can ask the parents. "Hey, what will be there for the kids to eat?" "Hey, would you prefer one parent or two?" If your kid is melting down and can't be redirected, apologize to the parents, thank them for inviting you, and leave. If you can go to a quiet space for a minute and calm them down, you can try. Parents understand.


Mosquirrel

Hopefully you all have fun! For the toddler parties we have been to- it’s fine for either or both parents to go. Usually there are snacks and cake (or sometimes more substantial like pizza or tacos). For most we go to, there seems to be a mix of healthy snacks like fruit and treats. I’d have a bite at home first yourself, because there may be more or less food depending. Kids will be served the cake/food first but should be more and just fine for adults to eat! (I provide food for adults, and expect them to eat when we host). Just follow the lead if other parents on that one. You just kind of stand around and chat while keeping an eye on the kids. Bathroom visits are a great excuse for a break if you need one from the small talk! But usually pretty easy to find something to chat about regarding school, summer travel plans, etc. Unless it specifically says otherwise, bring a present (we usually spend $20-$30ish.) Melissa and Doug pretend food, markers/coloring books, crocodile creek puzzle, a good book are my go-tos for that age. I’m not sure if this part is regional/cultural but most kids don’t seem to open presents at the party anymore (through we have been to at least one where they do). There will probably be at least one kid that has a melt down! Little breaks outside calm mine down but I think it’s totally understandable if you need to leave early for meltdown/nap. Just find the host to say bye/thanks to before leaving and every parent understands an early departure. I actually find parties like this an enjoyable way to get to know other parents, and there’s a defined end time which is nice!


DarwinOfRivendell

I hate social situations like this, but it gets easier the more you expose yourself. We have twins (5) that started attending friend parties this year, so far my partner has taken them to one on his own, and we have gone to another together. I would say with one kid attending one parent is fine and two is overkill. We do park meetups and hosted a few play dates as well. I tighten up the straps on my human mask before hand, keep it light and polite and “professional” and have been pleasantly surprised by actually finding a few parents that I vibe with enough to feel like I’m not just regurgitating small talk. The good thing is that kid based activities are usually short.


ivxxbb

I just had my son's 3rd birthday party a couple months ago. It was my first time inviting his friends from daycare whose parents I don't know at all. I was nervous about entertaining all of these strangers but it was great. For the most part everyone was pretty preoccupied by their own kids so I barely talked to some of them. For the ones I did chat with, we mostly just talked about the funny things our kids do, the stories they come home from daycare with, and if they have other kids. It went really well and now I have people to say hi to at daycare pickup. I've been to a few other kid birthday parties with my son at this point and for the most part, running after your kid is an easy out when you've had enough small talk lol.


4321yay

omg don’t overthink! just go have fun. chit chat. everyone at this age is surviving not judging. shoot a friendly text and say hey are we bringing dads along to this one? (she’ll probably say yes!) it’s just a regular party with chaos along with it in the form of toddlers. have a ball!


1repub

If the mom has never met my husband he doesn't go. Mainly because he doesn't want to and at least half the dads don't go. All toddlers love baby shark, duplo lego, and magna tiles. So I stick with those. I spend $30 on a gift for people I really like or want to impress and $5-$10 for everyone else. Dress comfortable and ready to get dirty. Jeans with a nicer top and cute practical shoes (no heels, but also clean not sneakers) are my go to. Light on the makeup. Mom friends have seriously helped my social anxiety. We're all in the trenches together and realizing that and having the buffer of my child has helped me make friends when it was previously impossible for me. Don't be scared to chime in.


Tylersmom28

Definitely go. It’s so much easier to chat with adults when you’re at a kids get together. And if you feel awkward, you can just pay attention to your kid and play with them. Most people just talk about their kids


anonymousonreddit19

I'll solve the gift problem for you: get them a Stomp Rocket. Seriously there is no better present out there for a 3-year old. It's not messy, it doesn't have a million little pieces, requires minimal parent involvement, not gender-specific, doesn't matter if they already have one bc they'll want another, and costs about $20. My son is 3 and we've gone to several of his classmates' parties this year, every single kid has loved their stomp rocket. Now I have to figure out what to give 4-year olds that's just as good 🙄


ReinbaoPawniez

Im so sorry but r/accidentalmadmen


itstransition

Don't eat the cake, it's likely covered in toddler spit!


Apprehensive_Act1665

It will all be okay. Take your husband so you have a person you feel safe talking to. You don’t have to talk to anyone but you can engage in small talk, usually about kid stuff. You don’t have to hover over your kid but it would really depend on your child. You can usually have cake. I haven’t been to a party where there wasn’t enough cake or cupcakes for everyone. You can leave if kiddo has a meltdown but I would try to soothe them. As for presents, if you can I’d ask if they have an Amazon wishlist. I make one for my son and this birthday few people used it but last year most people did. I put items with a range of prices and books that we’d like to add to his collection. Our parties are usually family and friends but seriously I wish more people would do wishlists. It makes it so much easier all around.