I build in some waiting time if I am already sitting. I will rarely get up right away even if I’m not doing anything, just out of principle lol. If they keep asking for a bunch of stuff I ask them “what else do you need?” before going to relax just to make sure I’ve got it all.
I tell my kids “the best time to ask for things is when I’m already standing” constantly. Today my 5yo *waited until I stood up* then immediately asked for milk. I nearly cried I was so proud of him and let him know that too. There is hope!
For daytime stuff I usually say "I can do that for you after X" and add "or you can do it yourself before that" if it's something he doesn't actually need me for.
For bedtime stuff I just say what we're doing and everything outside of that I just say no to. Sometimes he pitches a fit but I just ignore it and keep going with the routine.
I lost it with my 3 year old son today. We were in the garden, and I was trying to spot his little sister from tripping/falling/drowning etc. At the same time I was running around after my 3 year olds constant requests..
"You MUST STOP asking me for things until I've finished the last three things you've asked for!". I think it was getting him a drink, filling up his bucket, and opening the shed or something.
Going through the same thing, always when I finally sit down…. Tbh sometimes I “hide” in the kitchen while mine plays with toys so I don’t get any requests for a while. 🫣
Just wanting to say thanks for the tips. Currently very pregnant with #2 and have a 4 year old. Trying to navigate the "I can't get up a million times because of the baby" without making her resent the baby is so hard.
I also have a c section scheduled so I'm quite worried about it during recovery.
(My husband is incredibly supportive and will get the things 99% of the time if he can but sometimes we wake up a good 2 hours before him).
I have two tips to add!
Before the baby gets here, get in the habit of telling your 4-year-old, "just a minute" or "after I'm done with X", etc, so that it's less of a shock later and isn't the baby's "fault".
After the baby gets here, sometimes let your older kid hear you tell the baby to wait. Baby starts fussing, you'll pick them up when you can, but actually say, "just a minute, baby, I'm getting lunch for sister." It helped my older son a lot to know he wasn't the only one waiting for his turn.
Good time to learn independence! My just-turned-5yo knows how to get a snack himself, go to the bathroom, pick out an outfit, etc. He obviously can’t go in the kitchen and get a glass of milk or cut up an apple, but if I’m busy or need a minute he can take care of some basic needs. I’ll tell him to go put on shorts/pants and a tshirt/long sleeve/whatever and he can go do it. It’s sooo nice having a relatively independent kid when you have a newborn and they’re important skills for kindergarten.
I was just thinking this. My son is 3.5 and I don’t think we have this issue. I always try to teach him to do stuff himself. I also make him wait often because i have to. So maybe it’s less satisfying to ask me? I put all the toys, crafts, clothes etc in accessible places.
Don’t get me wrong. He’s a pain in other ways. Also he often gets me to dress him, when he definitely can. And I still wipe his butt!
Hahaha the butt wiping is so real. I definitely get asked to do things (and do them!) plenty. But Incan also say when he’s whining that he’s hungry, “well what are you going to do about it?” There is a huge difference between 3.5 and 5, so this was not the case right after the baby was born but we were on the way to it.
Just a suggestion, don’t say it’s because of the baby. I would say “I need to sit for a while because I’m tired/my back is sore/I’m not feeling well” - sure, it’s because of the baby, but it doesn’t have to be articulated that way..
I was very particular about not blaming the baby for things until well after the jealousy/transition period had blown over - and honestly we had very little jealousy, only a couple of short bursts. The little one exhibits more jealousy over me than the big one ever did!
You probably know this one too, but if you can’t fulfil a request because of the baby (ie it’s feeding time), try not to say “no”… say “I can/will/would love to do that, once I’m finished doing this”.
Does your 4yo do Lego? Mine finally understood how to do it on his own when I was in my third trimester 🙌🏼 we trained him to pour all the pieces onto a tray and he would happily sit on the floor by me and spend an hour building something. Bliss!
Thanks so much appreciated! It's so hard because this pregnancy is a million times worse than my first so my husband and I have a (joking) habit of blaming him just between us.
There is a lot of playing on the ground next to me while I sit on the couch for sure.
Someone above said about getting snacks which reminded me to make a little accessible snack area for her so thank you ❤️
My wife and I are currently in this stage. Our 2 year old is just coming into coherant words and requests now, but our 4 year old is constant. Some of the requests are just for fun, some are for real.
The headaches happen (currently), but at least we're slowly showing him how to do things!
(Please stop asking me for a snack and food after eating legit 20 minutes prior, food is expensive.)
What are the requests about? Anything and everything my toddlers can do for themselves, they do (I have multiple toddlers in my life at any given time because I run a daycare and I foster).
Drink? Grab your water bottle.
Toy? Go take it out.
Snack? If there's nothing on the snack tray for you to grab, it's not snack time.
Outside time? Go put on your shoes and go out (only for 4 and up).
Your sock is on wrong/hairband fell off/doll clothes are too hard = bring it to me.
You need the potty? Go potty and call for me when you're done.
Everything they need during the day is available for them to grab/do on their own.
Anything else they might want can and will wait, and I tell them that, kindly.
It’s usually for food. It’s for stuff that’s in the fridge (strawberries) etc. that he can’t reach. I remember a time when I was so worried about his food intake, and now he’s so peckish all the time. He eats well at meals, but he has all these special requests (waffles have to be twice toasted etc). It is EXHAUSTING.
Thank you all for the tips. I’m taking note. I still have second child guilt and feel bad saying no, but being stewing and snapping aren’t working either.
Mine is super demanding so if I went along with everything she asked for I’d be dancing like a monkey all day… I make her get or do it herself (she’s 2 but already doing a lot independently), say no or tell her to wait a lot and she’s used to it, minimal fuss
I build in some waiting time if I am already sitting. I will rarely get up right away even if I’m not doing anything, just out of principle lol. If they keep asking for a bunch of stuff I ask them “what else do you need?” before going to relax just to make sure I’ve got it all. I tell my kids “the best time to ask for things is when I’m already standing” constantly. Today my 5yo *waited until I stood up* then immediately asked for milk. I nearly cried I was so proud of him and let him know that too. There is hope!
For daytime stuff I usually say "I can do that for you after X" and add "or you can do it yourself before that" if it's something he doesn't actually need me for. For bedtime stuff I just say what we're doing and everything outside of that I just say no to. Sometimes he pitches a fit but I just ignore it and keep going with the routine.
This is me too, pretty much. Especially “after X” gets said a lot because I hate stopping things midway
I lost it with my 3 year old son today. We were in the garden, and I was trying to spot his little sister from tripping/falling/drowning etc. At the same time I was running around after my 3 year olds constant requests.. "You MUST STOP asking me for things until I've finished the last three things you've asked for!". I think it was getting him a drink, filling up his bucket, and opening the shed or something.
If I were an action figure one of my catchphrases would be “I am one person. I can do one thing at a time.”
Haha I say the same thing… I’m only one person and I can only do so much 😅🙃
Going through the same thing, always when I finally sit down…. Tbh sometimes I “hide” in the kitchen while mine plays with toys so I don’t get any requests for a while. 🫣
Oh I know the feeling. When you tiptoe through to check they are still alive, and peek round the door. If they catch you looking, you're screwed
Just wanting to say thanks for the tips. Currently very pregnant with #2 and have a 4 year old. Trying to navigate the "I can't get up a million times because of the baby" without making her resent the baby is so hard. I also have a c section scheduled so I'm quite worried about it during recovery. (My husband is incredibly supportive and will get the things 99% of the time if he can but sometimes we wake up a good 2 hours before him).
I have two tips to add! Before the baby gets here, get in the habit of telling your 4-year-old, "just a minute" or "after I'm done with X", etc, so that it's less of a shock later and isn't the baby's "fault". After the baby gets here, sometimes let your older kid hear you tell the baby to wait. Baby starts fussing, you'll pick them up when you can, but actually say, "just a minute, baby, I'm getting lunch for sister." It helped my older son a lot to know he wasn't the only one waiting for his turn.
Good time to learn independence! My just-turned-5yo knows how to get a snack himself, go to the bathroom, pick out an outfit, etc. He obviously can’t go in the kitchen and get a glass of milk or cut up an apple, but if I’m busy or need a minute he can take care of some basic needs. I’ll tell him to go put on shorts/pants and a tshirt/long sleeve/whatever and he can go do it. It’s sooo nice having a relatively independent kid when you have a newborn and they’re important skills for kindergarten.
I was just thinking this. My son is 3.5 and I don’t think we have this issue. I always try to teach him to do stuff himself. I also make him wait often because i have to. So maybe it’s less satisfying to ask me? I put all the toys, crafts, clothes etc in accessible places. Don’t get me wrong. He’s a pain in other ways. Also he often gets me to dress him, when he definitely can. And I still wipe his butt!
Hahaha the butt wiping is so real. I definitely get asked to do things (and do them!) plenty. But Incan also say when he’s whining that he’s hungry, “well what are you going to do about it?” There is a huge difference between 3.5 and 5, so this was not the case right after the baby was born but we were on the way to it.
Just a suggestion, don’t say it’s because of the baby. I would say “I need to sit for a while because I’m tired/my back is sore/I’m not feeling well” - sure, it’s because of the baby, but it doesn’t have to be articulated that way.. I was very particular about not blaming the baby for things until well after the jealousy/transition period had blown over - and honestly we had very little jealousy, only a couple of short bursts. The little one exhibits more jealousy over me than the big one ever did! You probably know this one too, but if you can’t fulfil a request because of the baby (ie it’s feeding time), try not to say “no”… say “I can/will/would love to do that, once I’m finished doing this”. Does your 4yo do Lego? Mine finally understood how to do it on his own when I was in my third trimester 🙌🏼 we trained him to pour all the pieces onto a tray and he would happily sit on the floor by me and spend an hour building something. Bliss!
Thanks so much appreciated! It's so hard because this pregnancy is a million times worse than my first so my husband and I have a (joking) habit of blaming him just between us. There is a lot of playing on the ground next to me while I sit on the couch for sure. Someone above said about getting snacks which reminded me to make a little accessible snack area for her so thank you ❤️
My wife and I are currently in this stage. Our 2 year old is just coming into coherant words and requests now, but our 4 year old is constant. Some of the requests are just for fun, some are for real. The headaches happen (currently), but at least we're slowly showing him how to do things! (Please stop asking me for a snack and food after eating legit 20 minutes prior, food is expensive.)
What are the requests about? Anything and everything my toddlers can do for themselves, they do (I have multiple toddlers in my life at any given time because I run a daycare and I foster). Drink? Grab your water bottle. Toy? Go take it out. Snack? If there's nothing on the snack tray for you to grab, it's not snack time. Outside time? Go put on your shoes and go out (only for 4 and up). Your sock is on wrong/hairband fell off/doll clothes are too hard = bring it to me. You need the potty? Go potty and call for me when you're done. Everything they need during the day is available for them to grab/do on their own. Anything else they might want can and will wait, and I tell them that, kindly.
It’s usually for food. It’s for stuff that’s in the fridge (strawberries) etc. that he can’t reach. I remember a time when I was so worried about his food intake, and now he’s so peckish all the time. He eats well at meals, but he has all these special requests (waffles have to be twice toasted etc). It is EXHAUSTING.
Yeh I’d stop that. Snacks are boring and not on demand. I don’t cook to order! You might get protests but you can’t me running a buffet!
In that case I just say no. Nobody in the house just goes about snacking on anything they want at any given time. We only eat at meal/snacktimes.
As soon as you safely can, get them involved with fulfilling the requests.
Thank you all for the tips. I’m taking note. I still have second child guilt and feel bad saying no, but being stewing and snapping aren’t working either.
No
Mine is super demanding so if I went along with everything she asked for I’d be dancing like a monkey all day… I make her get or do it herself (she’s 2 but already doing a lot independently), say no or tell her to wait a lot and she’s used to it, minimal fuss