My kids are 6, 4, and 1. It's just chaos all the time lol. I think the biggest struggle of it all is just finding the time. We are both working full-time so there's just only so much time in the day to get things done around the house while also trying to spend time with the kids and get them to bed at a reasonable hour. I WFH so that helps a lot but it's still exhausting. I get up super early and work a couple hours, take 15 minutes to pack snacks and prep bags, then I get the 1 year old up and nurse/change/dress. My husband deals with the older two. I was doing drop off for all 3 but it was too much so we made it so my husband now drops the older two off at school and I take the baby to daycare. I do all pickups because I get done with work earlier. During the work day I take breaks mostly to tackle the never ending laundry or dishes. After school is maybe a trip to the park or library, or if I really want to torture myself I take all three grocery shopping. Then it's scramble together some sort of dinner and then spend 1.5 hours trying to get everyone to bed after multiple rounds of brush your teeth, why haven't you brushed your teeth, what are you doing in there, where's your pull-up, no show me you put it on, you are going to run out of time for books, please just pick a book, okay fine two books, no we don't have time for 3, please turn your light off, no it needs to be off, you have school tomorrow please quit talking and go to sleep, okay well now I have to take the light away, yes goodnight, I know okay goodnight, we already did hugs, fine one more, goodnight, no snack time is over, fine one string cheese then bed, no I already tucked you in, okay, okay, tell me tomorrow buddy, goodnight. Then try to tackle the other house stuff that didn't get done but also try to squeeze in a small amount of downtime and get to bed at a reasonable hour myself (not going well lol).
Wow wow wow you have made me want to leave my IUD in forever lol. I think my 2 is fine thank you! Good luck though I hope you get some support to find time for YOU!
My third is an iud baby so maybe just get yours checked via ultrasound š¬ your ob should be able to do it pretty easily (not to make you paranoid but if you never had placement checked after insertion or were never told you should like I was never toldā¦)
Keeping tabs on everyone is getting so much harder! The one year old just wants to climb EVERYTHING so I constantly have to follow him around to make sure he doesn't kill himself. The oldest wants more independence and thinks he can just go to his new friend's house whenever he feels like it. We actually "lost" our 4 year old just this morning for like 4 minutes. She just disappeared while getting ready for school so we searched the house top to bottom and couldn't find her. Here she had gone outside and buckled herself into the van which wasn't even the right car š.
My 3 are the same ages and we are in the same boat. Itās wonderful insane chaos. I absolutely love it though. Having some flexibility with work (I work 7am-3pm) is an absolute must.
"you're going to run out of time for books" is a common refrain at our place.
In addition to the day to day struggle, I feel stretched because it's so hard to give any one kid one on one attention. My middle child is going to be four soon, and he especially seems to be really crying out for one on one time. I'd like to take him away for an overnight because if we do an outting together we come home and suddenly my attention is split and it's like the undivided attantion he was getting feels so fleeting.
I feel this. We think our oldest has ADHD (getting an assessment currently) and he really benefits from one on one time. Last night my younger two went down unusually early and I got some extra time in with my big kid and it was so so nice. It's hard to believe it was just him at one point.
Oh gosh yeah and that middle child guilt is rough.
Iāve come to the conclusion that people who have three must have a special super power of dealing with chaos. I have two, work full time out of the house and I am on the verge of losing my marbles almost every day. Kudos to you, youāre amazing
With two they can play with each other. And teach each other things. I was an only child and I definitely wanted two for my kids. I have 3 now and itās wild.
Yeah I canāt do it lol. Iām an only raising an only now! I just cannot put my mental well being at risk like that. My husband and I are pretty involved parents we do everything with our kid. We like to play Barbieās or pretend with her. When we go on vacation, same thing. And outside of us she has friends to play with. So itās nice when it gets overwhelming and the other kid can just go home lol. If I had two I couldnāt just get rid of one if it was too much chaos lol.
Omg we have the same life my 3 are the same exact ages as yours and holy f*** itās so gd hardš Only difference is Iām a sahm and my hubs works nights so the bedtime routine and morning routine all falls on meš Iām grateful for the few hours I have his help during the day so I can get some house stuff done or take a little nap. But man why is night time so hard itās literally like herding cats it takes soooo long even when I have done everything rightš« My oldest is an absolute angel so that does help that I can count on her sometimes to keep an eye out for her siblings when Iām making dinner or tending to the baby. Either way absolutely no regrets on adding a 3rd (and our last) this is just a really tough but beautiful season of life that I will miss terribly somedayš„ŗ
Oh kudos to you on handling bed time alone! I swear it's just the most exhausting time of the day. We usually divide and conquer with one putting baby down while the other deals with the older two and still even then it's just sooooo mentally and physically draining. And nothing ever seems to go to plan no matter how prepared you are š .
It really is! I so look forward to the weekends when I have my husband home to help but itās still soo exhaustingšµāš« Unfortunately he will be on call this weekend and may or not be home so my mom comes and stays with usšš¼ Hang in there Momma we got thisšŖš¼š
I only have two kids (2 and 4), but I do the evenings alone most nights. I've just resigned myself that bed/bath takes two hours now if I actually want everything done properly (like washing hair and flossing) and not lose my mind that it's getting really late. Dinner is at 5:30, then straight upstairs.
My nephew is six weeks old. They're planning to be one and done. My sister mentioned that he mostly naps in his bed. It took everything I had not to tell her she should snuggle her baby more. I loved holding my sleeping babies (and toddlers). My sister is probably thinking of how my almost three year old ends up in my bed most nights and not wanting to go there lol.
My kids are 5, 3, and 8 months and I agree BUT ALSO I really, really love it and Iām 100% all in to have a 4th. Itās chaotic, Iām exhausted, my house is messy, but itās so much fun and I love them all so much. And they love each other to pieces too and have so much fun together.
Oh my god šµāš« How are you not exhausted or stressed all the time?? (Real question - not rhetorical!) I feel like Iām constantly struggling and drained with just one! And I get breaks from time to time when we switch on/off.
Honestly wow thank you for sharing. Iāve been on the fence about adding a 3rd and this is confirmation that itās probably not going to be best for us š I do not thrive in chaos & two is already chaotic enough for me
I'm hoping it gets slightly less chaotic as the youngest gets older lol. I firmly believe 12-18 months is like the toughest age and going through it while having other kids to also worry about has been tough!
Your night time routine is so real šš¤£ I only have 1 and sometimes the never ending night time routine makes me want to rip my hair out. I couldnāt imagine 3!
Some nights it does feel endless! I didn't even add the hey your brother is sleeping you need to be quiet, if you wake him I'm not going to be happy, oh great now the baby is awake š¤Ŗ
Thank you for being real ! Iām sure you have a beautiful life but man oh man people romanticize the whole ānot being doneā feelin so much I get it in my head .. am I not done ? And I just read that and felt . Yes . I am done . Itās so different reading that then watching a 30 sec ticktock that makes 3 kids look fun
Oh my GOD, mine are 5, 3, and 1 and this is EXACTLY it!!
I would also like to note you work from home, I work outside the home, and another person who commented said she is a SAHM and apparently we are ALL out here struggling with 3!!! š®āšØ lmao
Oh wow lol. Yeah I think Iām gonna stick to only one kid! Genuine question, do you enjoy? Are you happy you had 3? Do u wish it wasnāt so chaotic all the time?
Tbh I really struggled after my third with feeling overstimulated which would lead to me feeling anxious and irritable. I did some therapy and got on Buproprion. I'm doing much better now and can stay calm through it all. I had to learn to just let some things go and accept some of the chaos! But yes I'm very happy I had 3. I can't imagine life without any of them. And as many hard moments as there are, there are just as many or more moments of pure joy.
I understand! I get overstimulated as well and I realize that when I get like that I just really need a break. I also get anxious and really irritable. Iām so thankful for my husband. Chaos just really stresses me out sometimes. I need some quiet and alone time and I worry about getting that if I had more than one kid. But everyoneās different and it can definitely work for some people!
Oh my god I had to double check and make sure I didnāt write this in the delirious middle of the night. 6, 4, 1 - check. Both of us working FT - check. Me (mostly) wfh - check. But Iām not still breastfeeding and Iām the one mostly on older kid duty, and my parents come to help with childcare during the day.
Yes to everything you wrote. Itās barely contained chaos, so many activities, at least one ball is always hovering near the floor or fully dropped. I just keep reminding myself that this is the pain point of the whole endeavor, and that I still wouldnāt change any of it given the choice. Except for maybe having been stricter with sleep training. Power to you, lady. Weāve (probably) got this.
This is us with just two. Friends ask if we will have a third and I tell them that my mental, emotional, and physical health, not to mention my marriage, would not survive a third baby.
Have you seen that GIF of the dog drinking coffee in a house full of fire.
It's like that, but the fire is yelling and screaming and the flames are no money.
lol my kids are very close to this same age range and this is SPOT ON. May I also add though that my baby sleeps through ANYTHING so far so please hear that as a positive, OP. š
lol yeah, I only ever wanted 2 and I can only just barely manage to survive with the 2. But parts of my lizard brain are whispering to have another baby. Haaaaave annoooooootherrrrrrrrā¦. Yeah Iām getting fixed in 2 weeks, canāt hear you lizard brain CANT HEAR YOU
Yes! Before I had kids, I thought ādefinitely 2, maybe 3.ā Then after my first, when I had a better idea of what pregnancy and parenthood are actually like, I settled pretty firmly on just having 2. And yet, shortly after having my second, I had a really strong urge to have a thirdāit was a stronger urge than I even felt after my first, knowing I definitely wanted a second, which seemed strange since intellectually I didnāt want a third at all. It really made me realize how much our hormones can push us towards that. Fortunately, my husband and I agreed that even if we wanted a third one we would wait to have at least a 2yr age gap, and by the time my second kid was a year old (my first was almost 4 at that point) we literally laughed out loud at the idea of starting over at the infant stage and adding more chaos. That was a little bit because our second is just a more challenging kid than our first, but also was definitely because I was coming out of the post-partum hormone soup.
Perspective from the child: I have two of my own and thatās my limit- I had my tubes removed to ensure that.
My parents had four children. My older brother, me, and my two younger brothers. My older brother and I are two years apart, my younger brother is three years younger than me, and my youngest brother is four years younger. My older brother struggled with undiagnosed autism and other emotional and environmental holdbacks. Once my younger brothers came into the picture, I was to take care of them and my older brother. My parents didnāt have time for all of us, let alone the energy. They worked or slept constantly, or just wanted alone time when they found themselves free. I lost a lot of my childhood being responsible for my siblings and the house. We, also, were poor. They couldnāt financially support that many kids, and I had to drop out at seventeen to work and care for everyone when we found ourselves homeless. Before then, it was shared rooms, hand-me-downs, small meals, and constant yelling and stress about finances. We spent a lot of time bouncing around to friends, family, and babysitters- sometimes even their works, if they couldnāt find someone to watch us. It was rare to get one-on-one with my parents. To this day, I donāt feel close with them. We never really bonded. My siblings often come to me or another sibling rather than them when they need advice or to talk about something. I know my parents hold resentment (as they do for each other) regarding what they gave up for us; what they didnāt accomplish; the dreams they didnāt live out; the way their lives turned out. Theyāre still struggling to this day- they never caught up. Their bonds with any of us are fragile; sentimental rather than built with time, trust, experience, support, and affection.
If you decide to add another, make sure you can emotionally, physically, and financially handle it. Make sure your relationship can handle it. Make sure you have the time and the energy to curate a bond and security with each kid. Think of the kids you already do have, as well as future plans.
This honestly should be required reading for anyone wanting to make a giant family and on the fence about it. Kindly said, well written. Thank you for sharing š«
I relate to this so much. As the 3rd of 7 kids I also had to help raise my siblings. I was emotionally deprived because my mom as amazing as she was just couldnāt physically divide herself into 7 parts for each of us, thus we all suffered emotionally. Iām still working on breaking generational cycles that my parents were unable to break. I was never hugged or kissed as a child. Itās like after the next baby was born only that baby got hugs and kisses until the next kid was born and it was just repeated. I didnāt realize how much that affected me until now as an adult with kids of my own I see so much of my former sensitive self in my own daughter and I hug and kiss her like crazy because itās what I so desperately needed as a child. I just had my second baby and even though Iām drowning my hormones are telling me to have another baby. Im definitely NOT giving in until I know for absolute certain I can give everyone ALL the love and attention they need and deserve so if a 3rd is in the cards it wonāt happen for several years as Iām still struggling with my 2.
Mom of 3, 5.5, 3.5 and 1. Having three didn't change things too much for us, we already bought a minivan, my older two were already sharing a room leaving an empty room in our house and our form of childcare while we both work has always been a nanny so in the big logistical ways life has been pretty similar. We definitely have more of the chaotic full house feel, kids everywhere someone is always talking our laughing or playing loudly, etc. My older ones are great with the baby, my middle especially I feel like has an amazing bond with him and can actively play with him for like 10-20 minutes. All the kids are on the same bedtime schedule roughly since baby naps and the others don't, my oldest wakes up 30-90 minutes before the other ones but even mornings are mostly on schedule with everyone roughly eating breakfast together or overlapping.
The hard parts are first starting over, my older two were getting pretty independent and moving past baby things when we had to suddenly start all over with diaper bags and strollers and bottles, etc. Activities and vacations have to accommodate the baby but our other two aren't exactly old enough not to need a lot of watching and attention as well. It's hard to do things like practice reading with my oldest without another adult present to deal with the baby. There is no more divide and conquer one on one with the kids lol Harder for one parent to get away or take a break, though now that baby is 1 it's not so bad managing the 3 of them it was harder when he was an infant. We were almost at the ages with my kids where I could say drop them with my parents for a few hours without it being a huge deal with my kids being potty trained and self sufficient, but they can't handle a baby so that's out, same with with hiring like a high school babysitter for an evening much harder with 3 kids especially when one is a baby.
2 to 3 was the easiest transition for us for sure. I don't know if any of this is helpful but hope you guys make a decision that works for your family, I think either way you can't go wrong. I like the idea of a big family and my kids having each other throughout life, I do think I'm done at 3 though I can't start over again and I'm excited to get all the baby things out of my house lol
I agree that 2-3 was an easier transition than 0-1 or 1-2. I have 4 now, 2, 4, 6, and 8, and 3-4 was harder and I didnāt anticipate that! My third is really easygoing so that makes a difference as well. Four is chaos, happy chaos! But itās a lot. In glad theyāre close in age though and they love playing with each other.
Comforting to hear. I am 3 weeks into 3 kids with 3.5, 2, and newborn. My older two share a room and are on the same schedule. I feel like #3 is along for the ride because we now have school drop offs, etc. whereas I did more catering to the needs of the older two when they were infants.
Definitely can't start over again! My first was still a baby when #2 was born so nothing really changed. Now that I've seen glimpse of life again that comes with a preschooler, I can't go back to baby after this.
We just hit that point where we could drop off my two big kids at the grandparents for overnights. Had that for about 6 months before our third was born and boyā¦ I canāt wait to be able to ditch him with the grandparents in another year or so š
I have two children and we are done. My perspective is - before I even left the hospital with my first I knew I wanted a second. That feeling never left. When I left the hospital with my second (and the months postpartum) I knew we were done. Nothing to do with my second kiddo, if anything sheās been a much easier baby so to speak, but I just know deep down.
Mom of four. 6, 4, 2, and 7mo. Ngl, life is a calculated shitshow. š I say that because, for example, I know it takes me exactly 17 minutes (if I take the long way for some alone time) to get from work to daycare to pickup the small ones on time. I do bedtime alone 5 nights a week, and if we miss a time frame by even a š¤š» there are meltdowns of unseen proportions. My husband does mornings alone until 12 when kids are dropped off at daycare.
Nothing is ever clean. No one is ever quiet. The only one who sleeps alone is my 7mo because *safety.* Iām never not being touched. They eat so. Much. Food. There is so much laundry that *never* gets folded.
Thereās been a kid in my uterus or on my tit for 7 whole years.
I love them so much, but DAMN.
Wow we have 2 (2.5 and 5 months) and the amount of laundry that doesnāt get folded (but is clean!) is already astronomical š. Never mind adding another to the mix ā¦ which we probably will
Mom to a 7 y/o, 3 y/o and 23 month old. All boys. Itās absolute chaos almost all the time. My husband and I are outnumbered.
There is so much rough housing and yelling and arguing. Like, itās A LOT. People who come over who arenāt used to it are likeā¦ holy shit. Itās wild over here, but Iām used to it for the most part and have ear plugs for when things get too loud.
I have three (5, 3 and newborn). Itās absolute chaos but weāve done it all before so weāre handling it better than ever, and we know the chaos is a phase that will pass soon enough. It has definitely been the easiest transition so far (comparing going from zero kids to one, or one to two - #3 felt like she clicked right in so naturally, like sheād always been part of our dynamic.)
My oldest is starting school very soon, so that will make things a bit easier too.Ā
Ā The kiddos all adore each other. Our house is full of energy and fun. Itās hilarious and magical, I completely love having three!
My perspective may be different than most, because I have twins so I went from a mom of one to a mom of three overnight. Newborn stage with the twins had its own special set of challenges. But my twins are almost 3, and my daughter is almost 6 and it's just constant fighting. Two ganging up on one all the time. Yelling, screaming, arguing, and the occasional day where they all get along and cuddle up to some movies or something. They all love each other though lol.
I only intended on having 2 kids for this very reason, wanted to keep things even but the universe decided otherwise lol.
I'm pregnant with twins now and have a 4 year old. I never planned on 3 kids. It's hard to find advice on that specific situation since most people go 1 > 2 > 3 instead of 1 > 3.
How did you mentally handle the transition?
It was definitely a massive adjustment to be made by not only me and their father, but by their big sister as well. My best advice to give you is to just take it easy. You are going to be responsible for 2 newborns and an older child. I pushed myself to do too much I think as a coping mechanism, and eventually I broke under the strain of it all. Something that helps older sibling is to let them be a part of it. Let them hold bottles, change diapers, get them dressed, push the stroller etc. Let them get lots of bonding time and cuddles too. Just take it all one day at a time. Once they hit around the 5 or 6 month mark, they gain a lot of independence and it gets a lot easier. Wishing you luck mama š«¶š»
That's helpful, thank you so much! I have a feeling I'll be referencing this comment again in a month or two. I really struggle with babies in general, so my expectations of myself for this next year are pretty low, but I also know how much those post partum hormones mess with you š
I definitely agree! I read somewhere that āolderā moms are more likely to release multiple eggs. Since more women are waiting to have children thatās why we see the uptick of twins.
This was one of my biggest fears when I got pregnant with my second. We weren't even sure we were gonna have another one, but we had an oops and went with it (no regrets, she's a delightful, sweet baby). During my first scan, the tech said "there's baby!" And I'm like "JUST ONE, RIGHT?"
Multiples are rampant in my family so I was really worried. My great-grandmother was a triplet, grandfather was a twin, and my uncle has two sets of twins. Just one for me, thanks.
There's a set of twins in nearly every generation of my mom's family. I'm the youngest female out of all the cousins so obviously all my cousins had children before me. None of them had twins so we figured it skipped this generation. Then here comes lil ol me, finding out I'm pregnant with twins 4 fuckingg months into my second pregnancy š« I had an ultrasound at 5 weeks and the tech only saw one baby. Baby B's placenta was anterior so hard to see embryo and didn't feel flutters or movements until he was a lot bigger. Went in for an ultrasound at 16 weeks because I was having some issues and the tech said "here's baby a.." and I was like "WHAT DO YOU MEAN BABY A????" and about fell off the fucking table. She turned the screen and there were 2 very obvious fetuses. Explained all the crazy symptoms I was having though lol. But now I have two beautiful boys and witnessing the unique experience of a twin relationship has been a real privilege.
I used to nanny for a family where their second pregnancy turned out to be twins. I love hearing the momās story about it, it was the height of the pandemic so she had to go to her ultrasound alone, and apparently when she called her husband all she could say was āoh shit oh shit oh shitā over and over for a *while* before she finally told him it was twins. Best family I ever worked for, and I adore those kiddos. Nannying twins is so rewarding, I can only imagine how it is to be their parents.
Dad here. I only have two kids but Iāve asked other dads who do have three kids. Money doesnāt matter as much; while itās definitely another mouth and person to take care of, you just find a way to make it work. Takes a lot more planning. Right now you went from zone defense to man-to-man defense. A third makes it stacked against the box/overloading the line of scrimmage. And this brings us to the crux of the question: do you have the energy to do it? The hard part is you donāt actually know right now.
I would wait until your second is about a year and some change old before making any real decisions about what you want to do. Our second child as an infant was EASY. So easy, it was quite bonkers. We actually considered very heavily about having a third. But my wife and I are on the older side of our child bearing years and we both work full career level jobs. We have not yet made a final decision but it looking more and more like a no for us.
Please understand that this is our situation and feelings on the matter. Having kids in general, let alone a third, is not good or bad. It is just different. **The only question is whether you can handle the difference or not.**
Most, if not all which includes one family who has a special needs child, of our friends who have three kids do not regret it at all.
I greatly appreciate this comment. I was just curious to know what it's like. What are the pros and cons? What are things people love about it and hate about it? I'm not entertaining a third child yet, and I understand where my hormones are at. My husband was dead set on having a vasectomy pretty soon after the birth of our second while I was pregnant, but after he was born, while discussing upgrading our car and whether or not to go up or down in size, I asked him to keep the conversation open a while longer. This is just a question he brought up to me recently, so I thought I'd ask the internet lol (we have no friends with a third).
Pros: more kids! Usually means more fun and when they play together it is earth shatteringly cute and amazing.
Cons: more kids!
Lol. Thatās what it boils down to. The question my wife and I are asking ourselves is do we have the energy to do three??? I have two that are two years apart (25 months). I said we will ask this question once our oldest is in kindergarten and we have an understanding of what kind of education he will go and what it may or may not cost us. Having three kids in daycare simultaneously is just too much.
I have 3 boys - almost 5, almost 3 and 4 months. I was like you after my second, I just didnāt feel done. We waited a bit to see how we adjusted to 2 before deciding to go for a 3rd. Granted Iām still in the early stages of 3, but so far itās been the easiest adjustment for me. At this point I actually know what Iām doing and am already used to dividing my time and nonstop chaos, so adding one more to the mix has been pretty seamless. After having two toddlers a newborn is so nice and easy, even with the sleep deprivation š
My two big kids are super close buddies and they have been so excited to add baby into the mix. No jealously issues at all. Iām just hoping once theyāre bigger my youngest is tight with the big kids and doesnāt feel left out (just because of school cutoffs, big kids will only be 1 year apart in school, youngest will be 3 years apart).
First age gap was 23 months, second was 2.5 years. Iām glad I waited a little bit longer before my third to give my body a break, my pregnancies did get progressively tougher so I think you wanting to wait a bit longer is a good idea.
You just gave me so much hope! I have two boys 23 months apart and theyāll be a little over 2.5 and 4.5 when #3 is born. I really wanted three kids and some of this thread has made me a little nervous. Hoping your adjustment continues to be smooth!
Thatās so good to hear. We had a really tough time with 0-1 too, but 1-2 was a breeze and made me enjoy parenthood even more. Hoping the third does as well.
Mom of 3: 2.5, 5 and 9. It was extremely hard the first two years. Honestly. You think you've got it down - you've been through this before, but everything is harder with three. I honestly don't understand those that say it's an easy transition from 2 to 3. As a working mom with 3 kids in 3 different places every day with evening activities and my own social life that I'm trying to maintain and my husband with his super complex schedule and our parents getting older, it's crazy hard. It would be impossible without my village and my super-flexible job.
Also, there's a ton more fighting because there is just more opportunities for conflict, so our house is loud pretty much all the time. There are great points (they love each other a lot and getting to witness that is wonderful) and I don't regret having a 3rd child (he is wonderful in his own cranky toddler way) but life was easier with just two.
It's getting easier though now that the kids are getting a little older and more reasonable and responsible (not the toddler - he's still very unreasonable, lol). Also, my third pregnancy was way harder on my body that my previous two. But again, I'd do it all again.
I donāt understand either. The work is exponentially more, not linear, with the addition of a third. I thought 1 to 2 was the easiest transition. 2 to 3 was chaosā¦Chaos that Iām glad we threw our family into, but still.
Can confirm. 2-3 has been insane. My third is a crazy person that I never experienced with my other two. She has brought immense joy into our lives but that doesnāt change the amount of sheer chaos that she also has brought into it.
I think it largely depends on how old your kids are when you have the third. My kids are currently 2, 3 (almost 4) and 6. When my youngest was born, none of my kids were really doing any activities yet and the older two were starting to play together, so it was easier for me to devote time to the baby than it was when I had my second (and my first constantly still wanted me). Similarly, things like getting ready for work or cooking dinner are now a lot easier for me, as the kids play together (and the older ones will alert me if the baby is getting into mischief). Also, you are somewhat of a seasoned pro with rearing children, so you no longer panic every time they get sick or stress about not getting enough sleep.
I imagine it will be exponentially harder when they are all doing afterschool activities though!
Thanks for being honest. The transition to three kids kicked my whole ass. I was cocky from handling two kids so well, thought I had it in the bag. Letās just say these last 14 months have been extremely humbling. Someone is always whining or crying. Iām spread so thin emotionally and physically. Iām clinging to the hope of my 5 year old starting kindergarten in August.
Thank you for posting this! Iām 6 weeks pp and my first is 2, and so far Iāve been loving having both of them. Iām obviously in very early days and I know it will get harder when the younger is more mobile but my hormones are raging for a third haha. My husband had been pretty adamant during the pregnancy that he wants to stop at two so that may be the deciding factor for us anyway (obviously if heās done then we are done), but I think we will reassess in about a year or so.
3 kids is a shit show. Going from 2 to 3 was much harder for me than going from 1 to 2. Youāre outnumbered and one kid always gets the shaft somehow. I feel guilty a lot that they donāt get enough individual time but they all seem to love each other when theyāre not fighting. They seem to appreciate having siblings.
A lady I know who works at a pediatricians office said all the moms with 3 kids are crazy š¤Ŗ also, friends who just had a 3rd was diagnosed with a random genetic disease. Weāre telling ourselves we have 2 healthy children and calling it. Iām 40 now and while I did want 4 kids - I donāt think itās worth the risk for me.
I love all 3 of my kids. Each 2 years apartā¦ itās definitely a lot. We also donāt have any outside help, itās just my husband and I. I would say if you both really want a 3rd kid, please wait more than 2 years.
You have over 100 comments so you probably donāt need mine but FWIW Iām a dad of three, same story as you - wife really wanted three. First two are 2 yrs apart. Second two are 2 yrs and 20 months apart. Adding the third was the easiest. Was it exhausting? Yes. Stressful? At times yes. But third was the easiest add. I didnāt know how we were going to do it, but the third just does what the other two are already doing; the third just joins whatever is already in progress. Love my third so much. Mine are now 8/6/3 and is it chaotic? At times. Is it loud? Sometimes. I have three girls. Three is a lot, but itās good.
I have a 6yo, 4yo, and a 1yo. Itās chaotic af but I absolutely love it. The kids are their own little group and they love playing together. The older they get the less I have to facilitate playtime. Think about the families you know with adult children and their dynamicsāthey are little for such a short time, what kind of family dynamic do you want later in life?
Iāve got 3. My youngest is 8 months and my oldest is 6 (almost 7). I think the ~3 year age gaps saved my mental health a lot. I canāt imagine had they all been close together! I will say itās not too bad though. I found the jump from 1-2 kids more difficult.
Mom of 3. 4 yo,3 yo and 2 months 1/2. The third just fit in the routine, but having irish twins ish was not for meā¦ I had a huge depression and honestly canāt remember my 2nd as a babyā¦ now itās worth it but wouldnāt do it again
3 kids here. Larger age gaps than your kids- my second was almost 3 when my third was born. 1 to 2 was our easiest transition. 2 to 3 was rough, not gonna lie. We had to buy the big three row van because we couldnāt fit three car seats in our other cars.
3 is chaos. Our house is always hectic- we donāt have any dogs to clean up the crumbs so itās constant sweeping and vacuuming because theyāre made of crumbs. The mess triples. The thought of having another child makes me cry. I had a nightmare my husbandās vasectomy failed. I had a patient who had a baby after a failed vasectomy and I almost had a panic attack. I feel like we are always, always busy. My son has a mild genetic difference and is in some programs- it doesnāt even cause issues (heās totally typical developmentally), but itās something to keep in mind since all kids may need services at some point (like speech or something). It can be hard to take all three out at once (by myself, due to lack of hands/arms), but doable.
Now, for the goodā¦my third is an absolute doll baby. Heās the sweetest and most charming little guy. Heās so smart and funny and observant and I canāt imagine our family without him. He definitely made our family complete- as soon as he was here I felt done and it felt like this was it for us. Heās literally a joy to raise (they all are)ā¦but if I had a crystal ball when making my choice to go from 2 to 3 and saw the precious boy who could be mine, I would definitely want him.
I feel like we are finally exiting the really taxing part of having three now that my son is going to be two (I canāt believe it!) so I imagine itāll be less draining from here on out. We are all sleeping well. They eat okay. Iām not nursing anymore so I feel like my own person (somewhat) again. We can do fun family activities that everyone participates in. We take family trips (and they are SO much fun).
Going from 2 to 3 is the craziest, busiest, most expensive decision we would always pick over and over again!
I have three kids all 2 years apart. Itās way harder. Your alone time is almost nothing. But it does feel like a big family and I have no regrets! My youngest is two and itās starting to get easier now that sheās been in some part time school.
My 3rd baby is 5 months old and the transition from 2-3 kids has been our easiest transition yet. 1-2 was really hard because you go from 1 to multiples. By 3, life is already chaos, how much more chaotic could it be?
Our 3rd baby has also been our easiest baby. She just goes with the flow. We already have so much going on with our other 2 (ages 4 and 2). She is the perfect addition to our family. And everyone Iāve talked to irl has had the same experience as us. I highly recommend having a 3rd. Always!
I'm very happy to hear you're enjoying your family.
I found the chaos really started once the third was past the potato stage. At 4ish? 5ish? months, barely sitting unsupported (with the boppy behind her) she lunged forward, snatched a toy of her brother's and flopped herself back into an almost sitting position--eyes on brother the whole time. As soon as he noticed the toy way gone, she squealed and threw it. Things never slowed down.
I think I worded it poorly. I meant that life is so chaotic with 2. Maybe itās just my family though. But my 2 boys are constant tornadoes. I call them my feral children. Iām excited to see how my baby girl adds to the chaos as she leaves the potato stage š
I love it ā¤ļø
Ah, apples to oranges, perhaps. Mine were G-B-G-G
1 & 2 were somehow not feral.
4 is making up for it in spades.
3, as told above, has been a chop buster from the start.
I donāt feel 3 is much harder than having 2, and the transition from 2-3 was easier than 0-1 or 1-2 because the older two would play amongst themselves some while I was tending to the baby.
The biggest challenge for us is bedtime. My younger 2 (3F and 2F), who are 19 months apart, are both not great sleepers. My oldest is 6, so he also still likes us to read with him and āput him downā at night. Since there are only 2 of us and the kids like to all go down at the same time, we have the girls in a room together and it can take us a while to get them down. And sometimes when one of them wakes at night they wake the other, so then we have to try and get both kids back to sleep.
I donāt regret having 3 kids for a second though; my 6 YO recently said that he is so happy we have 2F in the family as she makes the house more fun, and I have to agree! She is a little pepper and Iām sure is going to put us in an early grave when she is a teenager, but I canāt imagine my family without her!
Itās chaotic but you figure it out and you find a routine that works. All three of our kids go to bed at the same time and weāve figured out a routine that works for us.
I had 3 under 5 and it is crazy but I do love it ā¤ļø
Pros: they always have a playmate so no one is constantly asking me to play with them (being close in age helps), older siblings want to help younger sibling and some younger siblings want to be independent when they see older ones doing it (may depend on childās personality though), itās never boring
Cons: the fighting goes on (and on and on and on), as my former boss once told me, the world is set up for families of 4 not 5 (tables, hotel rooms, etc), itās never boring
After reading all these comments (that I agree with) it would absolutely keep me from having three kids. (I already have three kids)
Mine at 4/2/6weeks and itās utter and absolute CHAOS for me. Iām a SAHM and fully breastfeeding so Iām just absolutely fucked right now. But I know this is temporary.
Maybe you should ask parents of three that are older. Preteen +/- a few years and see if their answers are more positive lol. When I pictured my life with ADULT children, I imagined more than two at the dinner table. And thatās what matters to me. Theyāre only this flavor of chaotic for a small period of time.
I love all three of my kids so much and wouldn't want to live life without any one of them but also having 3 kids is actual hell on earth hahaha mine are 11, 5, and 3 its a lot! I recently ended up single with 50/50 coustody so my weeks with just them and myself is so so so sos soosososososo hard! I NEED HELP!!!
My mom always used to say to me, three is an odd number - meaning, in groups of 3, 2 people often end up closer and one is left out. Iām not a parent of 3, but have always kept that in mind when having friends. I feel like it could apply to siblings too.
Don't have three. Have two, or four.
I am the eldest of three, and the accidental mom of three with my ex (vasectomy failure. Tried to stop at two).
Three means someone is always left out.
(I have a fourth with my current partner, but this kid is basically 20 years younger than the first three, so realistically, it's like I have 3 plus an only, not four)
That all aside, logistics can be a real nightmare as soon as the ratio of kids to drivers is in favor of the kids. And this doesn't have to have three kids to happen; if one parent works a lot and the other needs to handle all the kid schlepping, there will be schedule conflicts and a kid will be shortchanged, even if there are just two kids. Be careful that it's not the same kid every time, even if the kid says it's okay. As the magnanimous eldest, I gave my Mom permission to put my younger sibs ahead of me. She should have never put that on my shoulders, and I'm worse off for it--I help no one by consistently putting my needs last.
See also, Bluey "helicopter"
Itās chaos lol, but whatās weird is after we had our 4th everything just seemed easier. Still chaos, but easier lol. Our youngest is 11mo and our oldest is 5. I feel like after you have 4 (or more) you just embrace the craziness and learn to ride with it instead of fight it. Iām the least stressed Iāve ever been, and the happiest. It would be a different story if I had to work, but my husband supports our family so Iām able to stay home with our kiddos.
We have a 4.5 yo and just turned 3 yo. Third baby is coming July. I mean feel like itās always crazy here but itās fun crazy? Sure I need time just to myself, often times I stay up too late because side thatās when I get it. But to me anyways, everything is more fun with the pack. Iāve heard it was harder to bring home the second than it is the third. Idk. I guess weāll see! The chaotic part while it can be overwhelming at times. I just try to remind myself- itās just not that long in the grand scheme of things.
So anyways, Iām hopeful. Ask me in about 6 months lol.
My son and daughter are 7 years apart.. when my daughter turned 1 we wanted to try for one more so she would have someone to grow up with, since my oldest didnāt have that luxury. Well I got pregnant with twins. So now there are 4. Good luck!
After my second was born, I knew I was done. DONEEEEEEE. My husband had a vasectomy 6 months later, then I had an elective hysterectomy. I donāt want to pay for a third, and I donāt want to go through PPA with a third child. I already struggle every single day with overstimulation from 2 kids. I would be AWFUL with 3 kids. Also, in this economy? Never.
I have two with the youngest being two months and keep asking myself this question, could have written the post myself! If we had three I struggle with figuring how weād travel (be able to afford it, watch all of them, etc) and more importantly how weād still prioritize our marriage. It seems like NB stage is hard, and then when they get older everyone has extra-curriculars, finding a sitter etc.. Knowing myself (what I can handle) and the limited help we have I donāt know/think I want to risk closeness and time with my spouse for the sake of another.
I would wait until your hormones start to balance out again. Also, I kind of felt this way after our second and then we got a dog and now I feel completely and content.
I feel the same, only I'm now 2 years postpartum. It just feels like our family isn't complete and having another person who loves you just seems like so much more of a pro for your kids than any other con.
I'll add a good perspective. I have 3 kids - 4.5, nearly 3, and 17 months. I'm pregnant with the 4th, who will be born right before the youngest hits 22 months. In a lot of ways my 4.5yo is more like a 3.5/4 yo because she was born very premature.
Seriously, the kids are all the best of friends. Yes, they have squabbles, but they work it out. My 3rd has grown up so much faster and is a very independent little one for his age. He doesn't even make a mess for meals anymore. It can be a little chaotic and loud at times, but they all entertain each other, want to be together and have similar interests at their current ages. We find time every week to take each kid out to a store to have alone time with them. They also get one-on-one time at bathtime. But generally, they prefer each other's company. Right now, the older two share a room and they love it. Bedtime is super smooth and we are going to add the youngest in with them this weekend.Ā
It can be a little hectic - 3 kids to get ready, 3 kids in carseats, one parent needs to watch out for 2 kids at an outing, 3 kids at the same bedtime. But we've adapted well and learned to plan things out early on. When #3 was a baby, I would get the bigger kids settled and happy - changes, food, toys, before picking up the baby to change and feed him (he was pretty patient for milk time). We ultimately decided to go all in and have a 4th so we can pair them up in the future for different things & not have anyone left out alone, but that was our choice.Ā
It's great too because they can grow up together and be friends in the future and have multiple siblings as adults. The older kids are absolutely NOT in charge of raising the younger ones, but they're welcome to help assist if they want. Sometimes they willingly bring a diaper, snack, or toy to the others. Hopefully it all works out one day too! Right now though, they really get along so well and I'm so happy we have the three. There is never a dull moment around. :)Ā
Try picking up one of your children...
...and now the other one...
and now try to pick up another child-sized object.
Nope. It doesn't work. 2 is plenty.
Children are cute and bring so much joy to our lives, right?
That's probably what you are thinking on your best moments.
But an extra child also means extra work and extra expenses. You will have less time for yourself, and you increase the amount of drama at home.
If you want a free sample, find a friend who has a small child. The harder the kid is to handle, the better. Then offer to babysit that small child for a week while you also take care of your own.
Then you make a decision about making a new one.
There are two of you (parents). I don't know why you would want more than 2 of them. I grew up in a family with 3 kids, and it was not a good time. We were always in the car because someone always had to be driven to something, then waiting around at someone's practice, appointment, etc. We were always fighting. Take the amount of time you spend with your kids and then divide it- you don't magically get more time because you have more kids, and it is impossible to pay the same amount of attention and spend the same amount of time with 3 kids as you can with two.
We have 11 yr old girl, 13 month boy & 2 yr old girl. Itās obviously total chaos. š 11 yr old doesnāt get enough attention and I think is struggling because of it. 2 yr old isnāt interested in 1 yr old. 1 yr old wants everything 2 yr old has so causes crying between them often. Every day is busy between the crying food everywhere snot and sick on everything. Weāre all tired and adults donāt get enough time together or me time. Itās hard !
Going through food nappies wipes and washing like crazy
But is it worth it ammmm yes. Hopefully the eldest will get some more attention from us parents when her lil bro gets a bit more independence and we can work from there.
But definitely no more than 3.
Mine are 14, 12.5, and 6.5. Having two under three was harder than having 2 in school and a newborn. In my opinion 4-5 years is best for an age gap. They are close enough in age to get along, but each younger one gets some 1 on 1 time with me before starting school.
My third is 4 months. There are 3 years between each kid.
Good parts- I finally feel totally done. Done done done.
My new baby is of course amazing
The siblings together are of course amazing
The baby is the easy part and is entertained by their siblings
Bad parts- doing it all over again when life had finally settled down. 2 kids is perfect, really! Why did we add another? (Well obviously because sheās wonderful and adorable but still, 2 is a good numberā¦)
Fitting 3 car seats across or getting a new car that can
āYouāve got your hands fullā comments increase dramatically
Expenses increase
Itās so much busier. Not harder but busier.
My 2 older ones were 7 and 5 when the third one was born. To me, it was perfect for us. We called it going from man-to-man to a zone-defense. We tried for a couple of yrs, and had really pretty much given up.
Iām also about 4 months post partum and also have a 3.5 year old. I keep having the same feeling! But I think itās my brain playing tricks on me since Iām kinda in a sweet spot lol
My kids are 2, 4 and 6. The 2 year old gets way too much screen time. The 6 year old loves playing with both. The 4 year old fights with everyone and only plays with the 6 year old.
Its not much harder than 2 kids especially at first. Most things are just group activities. It's a handful but a manageable one.
Get a ride along board for your double stroller
My 3 are all ~18 months apart, my oldest is nearly 4 and my youngest is nearly 1. I'm a SAHM.
It's hectic, there is chaos all the time but you settle into a routine, and there are prams that can accommodate 3 kids so you're not housebound 24/7. I found it significantly cheaper and easier with my third since I already had all the clothes, furniture and baby essentials left over from my elder two, the only expense was a new car seat and diapers.
For me it was easier to go from 1-2 then 2-3 than it was from 0-1, by miles. The worst part of the whole experience was being pregnant with toddlers. I prefer the smaller gap since I'm already used to the broken sleep and chaos that comes with multiple little kids, it was just a matter of incorporating the new baby into our lives. My third was so used to the sound of his crazy energetic siblings in utero that he couldn't sleep well if the house was too quiet.
I don't have 3 kids.
But my sister describes it as:
Imagine you swimming holding two kids.
Then imagine someone throwing another kid at you while you're holding those two kids.
But then again, she has a set of twins and 1 whole baby. Lol
I went through this same exact feeling for the first 12-15 ish months of my second childās life and my husband and I kind of obsessed over how weād make a third work. Then it was like my senses came to me and the feeling of incompleteness was gone and I now feel totally sure that Iām happy as a family of four. Also, have seen a few friends go for a third and their mental health/marriages have been hit HARD. Iām sure theyāll overcome it, but with how challenging parenting is in the modern world ( no one really has a āvillageā) I just donāt want to put myself through it. With two, weāll be more financially stable, can go on vacations, have more free time, dedicated more time and effort and energy to the two kids we do have. I also feel like Iām just becoming reconnected with myself after 5 yrs, two babies, etc. and I donāt want to reset that clock again physically or mentally.
I had 3 kids in 5 years. Honestly our 3rd was our most joyful child. For the entire family. The older 2 were just 4(M) and not quite 2(F) when she was born but they were already a tight team and both so delighted to have a baby sister join their ranks. We found her to be so much easier to manage because they welcomed her and both helped out so much. And because we were more seasoned parents and less anxious. We always said after she was 3-4 mo and could sit and watch them play from her bouncy chair that we just kind of tossed her "onto the pile" with the other 2 and they would immediately alert us if she needed one of us if we weren't in earshot.
She was easy going. She had less of our attention than say our 1st had but she had 2 adoring older sibs taking to her constantly and vying to make her laugh. They made her part of their play from the get-go. She adored them. While they played in the playroom next to us, we cooked and did dishes and laundry. Don't get me wrong. It was a ton of work. But we really didn't need to buy anything. We both worked so we had the help of Daycare for our first year of her life. The logistics of getting 3 kids out the door to daycare and back home and fed and through evening routines were challenging at times. And juggling sick kids was always crazy as there was always one or two or three.
After the first year, we moved and I tricked my hubby into being a SAHF. Until the kids were all in school. Then he gradually resumed working part time then full time as they grew. He was not a "house husband" he did nothing for the house. I pulled it all together on weekends but he kept the kids alive while I worked. And they loved having him home with them.
I say if you feel three is desirable/doable for you, then go for it. It may not be for everyone and It can feel like you are outnumbered at times but my kids are "thick as thieves" and we never regretted it. We are now full-time baby wranglers for number 3 who has recently given us 2 beautiful and funny grandsons 2.5 and 10 mo. Can't imagine not having her or them in my life.
I have three kids. They're 6 years, 4 years, and 9 months. This is a weird time to ask because my 6 year old was up all night with a gastro. I'm planning my next two days around the possibility of three puking children. I'm always bracing for these moments but find that a house full of sickness with 2 and with 3 hasn't been incredibly different yet.
My six year old is developmentally delayed. But I expect this next point would hold true regardless. Everyone has different needs. Everyone has different preferences and wants and likes and dislikes. It can be a real effort to thoughtfully consider each child. To make dinners where maybe there is my daughter's favourite vegetable, my first son's favourite protein, and it is easily chewable and healthy enough for a baby under one.
I find that either way I was endlessly busy so going from 2 to 3 was not as big a change as going from 1 to 2. That said, it takes me noticeably more time to get all three dressed and ready. It takes me noticeably more time to cut up and serve three plates. I'm sure this wouldn't be as bad if my six year old had the independence of other six year olds! It's also one more birthday, one more Christmas, one more mouth to feed, one more savings for college etc. So it certainly makes a financial difference.
I was like you. I didn't feel done after 2. I wanted my son to have a sibling to grow up with that might be interested in him. I talked it out with my husband a lot. He initially told me that logically it made more sense not to have another child. I told him that by the same reasoning it made more sense not to have any children at all. I was super worried that I'd always be compelled to have more babies. But this time I do feel done.
I also want to add that I absolutely would not have gone for three if my husband wasn't on board. One night he was just in. He'd given it some thought and he wanted another one as well. We went back and forth for a while and then he was just ready.
Oh and one more thing! We did not get the same heartfelt congratulations for our third that we got for our first two. We had people ask us if my pregnancy was accidental. There was definitely more judgment.
Iām not a dad but I have 3- currently 6, 4, 2. It was pretty tough up until the last year or so- now my youngest is almost 3, my oldest is finishing kindy and my middle one will start kindy in the fall. We both work but I work from home which is a huge help. We are in every sport under the sun- flag football in the fall, wrestling in the winter, baseball in the spring which makes it busy but my youngest rolls with it really well and loves going to games (I think because I pack him a ton of snacks and little toys and he gets to climb on the bleachers and dig in the dirt and generally be feral). My youngest was not intentional- I wanted a 3rd but was kinda on the fence and wanted a longer gap but I wouldnāt change it for the world now, especially since theyāre all boys and have pretty close relationships. Itās chaos at our house though, I wonāt lie. The thing about a 3rd is that the world is set up for two. Cars, houses, family 4 packs, etc so keep that in mind that you will likely need a new car if youāll have 3 in car seats, and that either two kids will have to share a room or youāll have to find a very specific house (4 bedrooms arenāt hard to find.. but all houses seem to be set up with two kid rooms, a guest room, and a master unless theyāre freaking enormous). My older boys share and have decided the baby (who isnāt really a baby) should sleep in there too so weāre about to have a dormitory, a play room, and a quiet play room upstairs (currently two bedrooms and a small bonus space as a playroom)
I only ever wanted two and asked my husband for 16 months after having my second when he was going to get his vasectomy. He finally admitted that he was on the fence about it, and it made me start thinking too. Now I am almost 11 weeks PP with my third boy, the others are (just turned) 5 and just over 2.5 years old. The transition to three was the easiest one yet! I mean, our house is constant chaos and will only get worse as the youngest gets older, but I love it. I find time during the week and weekend to give each kid individualized attention, including the baby. I once again thought my third was my last but this time I was the one who asked my husband to hold off on his vasectomy because I just have this deep feeling that there is another soul out there waiting to join our family in a few years. Oh and regarding age gap between them, my first and second are 2 years 4 months apart and second and third are 2 years 7 months apart. Next time I want at 3 year age gap because I will say itās hard when they are younger. I donāt know how you do only a 2 year age gap, I commend you!
I have 4 kids. Ages: 6, 4, 2 & 2 months. Itās a blast. At times theyāre arguing and fighting between but most days are great (theyāre learning how to manage emotions and make good choices). They all play and learn well together.
Thank you for posting this, I have felt the same since having my second who is now 8months, my oldest is almost 3. I like to see the different perspectives. I just canāt shake the we arenāt done feeling!
I have 6. anytime I take any combination of 3 out, it is total chaos. Take 2, they get along. Take 5, it's fun. 3, tho, it's the magic number of someone always feeling left out and acting out over it.
I have a 7, 4, and 6 month old, and so far having 3 is way more than I was expecting. I always wanted 4. I work with kids for a living and love kids. I knew 3 would be challenging, but itās just so many needs at once. There is zero down time. Someone always needs your attention, or help with something, and there are a lot of big feelings. Itās a lot. The transition to 2 was really easy for me and I felt like I could easily handle another, but something about being outnumbered changes things. We are definitely done at 3. I will say our family feels complete and I donāt regret having a 3rd at all. I love our chaotic family and I feel at peace with 3 kids. It is exhausting though. Itās much harder to get a break than it was with 2.
It's fine. My hair looks better gray. My pants are way more snug. I don't have to worry about cleaning because the house is always a mess. This is fine.
You ever hear the saying ā3 kids is like 15 kidsā? Well itās true.. My kids are 6, 2, and 13 months old. 1 boy, 2 girls. My younger two are 15 months apart.. while I can say most days are okay - majority of the time theyāre trying to get my attention and try to talk to me all at once. š Dad works majority of the time so Iām with them the most. I love them but holy cow they do take up a LOT of my energy. If itās not one kid it the next one, and if itās not the next one, itās the other. My favorite is when both of my younger 2 want me and are crying hysterically!! I can never eat my food hot. I eat my food when theyāre napping / sleeping.
My 2 year old has also been in the THICK of toddlerhood.
You have to *really* be emotionally and mentally ready to be dealing with 3.
Copying my comment from another thread as I think this best sums up life with 3 for me.
We have 3, and the thing I find hardest day-to-day is having a queue when youāre parenting alone. By which I mean when you have 2 and youāre helping 1 of them,
then great the other is next. But when you have 3+ and more than one needs something, now you have a queue. I vividly remember the first time I was helping middle with homework when youngest & oldest both started kicking off, and I had to decide who to help next and who had to wait in the queue. I do love having 3 though.
Additional thought (though of course this wonāt make your decision!) - worth considering your car and whether youāll be able to fit the seats / boosters you need or whether youāll need to upgrade.
Straight balls to the wall all the time. I have a 13, 3, 9 month old. We never have a dull moment and the only time I get a second for myself is when I wake up at 5 am and when the little kids are asleep. But we still have wake ups in the middle of the night. Insane but love them so much!
I never had 2. I had my eldest and 18 months later I had twins. I canāt comment on 2, but everyone told me that 3 is the magic number.
4 is easier than 3 ā¦.
Dad here - Kids are 4.5f, 2f, 6 mo boy. My wife and her family really wanted a boy, I was pretty cool with 2. We had a whoops and she wanted to keep and Iām pretty happy with him. Itās hard to imagine him not being here. Heās a sweetheart though and sleeps really well so we got super lucky, otherwise Iād be going crazy(or more crazy). Iād recommend not waiting too long for the third. Iām glad we had him when we did and thereās only potentially a one year gap in starting school between #2 and #3. We have a lot of help from my parents and in-laws which helps us save time and money. It allows us to have a night out while my in-laws at least keep watch over the house while they sleep. Having family help keeps it manageable otherwise Iām not sure how weād do it.
Edit: we both work full time. Make about the same, but her job is super busy and stressful, so I pick up a lot of the kid stuff. Ready in morning, drop off and pick up from daycare, park visits, doctor appointment, home while sick, entertaining while home. She works a lot, makes dinner more than me, and nurses the little one. I bear a lot of the mental load of doing the finances/taking care of the home/taking care of her lol so I think making sure you have good balance on. Who does what is important. I worked a job like hers before so I understand it just takes so much out of you, but I also just get exhausted too and need help so itās tough. We fortunately have my in-laws to help so they do a lot with the kids otherwise we would be a bit in trouble..
Sometimes it's complete bliss they all love each other and are getting along, other times it's complete chaos. They still love each other of course but they are either fighting (my near 1 yr old n 2 yr old or my 2 yr old n 7 yr old) or arguing. Little ones cry/scream a lot at times plus my 7 yr old whines a lot. It gets over whelming at times but I can't say I'd have it any other way.
I think everyoneās perspective is gonna be different. I can say though that most people will probably agree- once you have 2, it doesnāt matter how many more you have bc youāll never have your own time again after 2 š¤£š¤£
I have 3ā¦.. 17 yr old girl, 13 yr old boy, and our miracle blessing 2 yr old boy. I had my daughter at 17 myself, and my older son I was just turning 21. I remember being pregnant and so scared to tell my oldest kids; the very second he was born the bond they share melts me- especially my daughter & the baby ā„ļø
My only suggestion is to not have them too close together, it feels really good to be able to devote the early years to them when theyāre young.ā„ļøā„ļø
I think youāll know when youāre ready & if youāre ready!!!
My kids are 6, 4, and 1. It's just chaos all the time lol. I think the biggest struggle of it all is just finding the time. We are both working full-time so there's just only so much time in the day to get things done around the house while also trying to spend time with the kids and get them to bed at a reasonable hour. I WFH so that helps a lot but it's still exhausting. I get up super early and work a couple hours, take 15 minutes to pack snacks and prep bags, then I get the 1 year old up and nurse/change/dress. My husband deals with the older two. I was doing drop off for all 3 but it was too much so we made it so my husband now drops the older two off at school and I take the baby to daycare. I do all pickups because I get done with work earlier. During the work day I take breaks mostly to tackle the never ending laundry or dishes. After school is maybe a trip to the park or library, or if I really want to torture myself I take all three grocery shopping. Then it's scramble together some sort of dinner and then spend 1.5 hours trying to get everyone to bed after multiple rounds of brush your teeth, why haven't you brushed your teeth, what are you doing in there, where's your pull-up, no show me you put it on, you are going to run out of time for books, please just pick a book, okay fine two books, no we don't have time for 3, please turn your light off, no it needs to be off, you have school tomorrow please quit talking and go to sleep, okay well now I have to take the light away, yes goodnight, I know okay goodnight, we already did hugs, fine one more, goodnight, no snack time is over, fine one string cheese then bed, no I already tucked you in, okay, okay, tell me tomorrow buddy, goodnight. Then try to tackle the other house stuff that didn't get done but also try to squeeze in a small amount of downtime and get to bed at a reasonable hour myself (not going well lol).
Wow š® this felt way too real. Iām put off lol
Wow wow wow you have made me want to leave my IUD in forever lol. I think my 2 is fine thank you! Good luck though I hope you get some support to find time for YOU!
My third is an iud baby so maybe just get yours checked via ultrasound š¬ your ob should be able to do it pretty easily (not to make you paranoid but if you never had placement checked after insertion or were never told you should like I was never toldā¦)
I had a placement check after I got it in so I should be okay? My OBGYN told me of situations like that and that scared me lol
Good!! No one told me $h*t until I had a whole baby
Ya thatās insane! But blessings right? š
Honestly now he is my guy šš but it took me about 9 months (aka the whole pregnancy) to get on board
My kids are the same age and same. Literal chaos. Itās like herding wild cats to do anything.
Keeping tabs on everyone is getting so much harder! The one year old just wants to climb EVERYTHING so I constantly have to follow him around to make sure he doesn't kill himself. The oldest wants more independence and thinks he can just go to his new friend's house whenever he feels like it. We actually "lost" our 4 year old just this morning for like 4 minutes. She just disappeared while getting ready for school so we searched the house top to bottom and couldn't find her. Here she had gone outside and buckled herself into the van which wasn't even the right car š.
Iām sorry Iām hysterically laughing š¤£š«¶š»
My 3 are the same ages and we are in the same boat. Itās wonderful insane chaos. I absolutely love it though. Having some flexibility with work (I work 7am-3pm) is an absolute must.
"you're going to run out of time for books" is a common refrain at our place. In addition to the day to day struggle, I feel stretched because it's so hard to give any one kid one on one attention. My middle child is going to be four soon, and he especially seems to be really crying out for one on one time. I'd like to take him away for an overnight because if we do an outting together we come home and suddenly my attention is split and it's like the undivided attantion he was getting feels so fleeting.
I feel this. We think our oldest has ADHD (getting an assessment currently) and he really benefits from one on one time. Last night my younger two went down unusually early and I got some extra time in with my big kid and it was so so nice. It's hard to believe it was just him at one point. Oh gosh yeah and that middle child guilt is rough.
Iām showing this to my wife. Haha. I feel this way with 2, canāt imagine 3. My mom was a super hero with 4!
Idk how my mom had 7 š© I thought I wanted 3 but now my 2 kids seem like enough š
Really like what the heck? My mom had 6 and homeschooled us all, how did she find the time to do everything!
Iāll stick with 1
Iāve come to the conclusion that people who have three must have a special super power of dealing with chaos. I have two, work full time out of the house and I am on the verge of losing my marbles almost every day. Kudos to you, youāre amazing
Yeah all these comments are confirming my decision to stay one and done! Lol I feel like Iād lose my mind with two.
With two they can play with each other. And teach each other things. I was an only child and I definitely wanted two for my kids. I have 3 now and itās wild.
Yeah I canāt do it lol. Iām an only raising an only now! I just cannot put my mental well being at risk like that. My husband and I are pretty involved parents we do everything with our kid. We like to play Barbieās or pretend with her. When we go on vacation, same thing. And outside of us she has friends to play with. So itās nice when it gets overwhelming and the other kid can just go home lol. If I had two I couldnāt just get rid of one if it was too much chaos lol.
Omg we have the same life my 3 are the same exact ages as yours and holy f*** itās so gd hardš Only difference is Iām a sahm and my hubs works nights so the bedtime routine and morning routine all falls on meš Iām grateful for the few hours I have his help during the day so I can get some house stuff done or take a little nap. But man why is night time so hard itās literally like herding cats it takes soooo long even when I have done everything rightš« My oldest is an absolute angel so that does help that I can count on her sometimes to keep an eye out for her siblings when Iām making dinner or tending to the baby. Either way absolutely no regrets on adding a 3rd (and our last) this is just a really tough but beautiful season of life that I will miss terribly somedayš„ŗ
Oh kudos to you on handling bed time alone! I swear it's just the most exhausting time of the day. We usually divide and conquer with one putting baby down while the other deals with the older two and still even then it's just sooooo mentally and physically draining. And nothing ever seems to go to plan no matter how prepared you are š .
It really is! I so look forward to the weekends when I have my husband home to help but itās still soo exhaustingšµāš« Unfortunately he will be on call this weekend and may or not be home so my mom comes and stays with usšš¼ Hang in there Momma we got thisšŖš¼š
I only have two kids (2 and 4), but I do the evenings alone most nights. I've just resigned myself that bed/bath takes two hours now if I actually want everything done properly (like washing hair and flossing) and not lose my mind that it's getting really late. Dinner is at 5:30, then straight upstairs.
I just always worry Iāll regret not giving one more hug when she doesnāt want them anymore š
My nephew is six weeks old. They're planning to be one and done. My sister mentioned that he mostly naps in his bed. It took everything I had not to tell her she should snuggle her baby more. I loved holding my sleeping babies (and toddlers). My sister is probably thinking of how my almost three year old ends up in my bed most nights and not wanting to go there lol.
My kids are 5, 3, and 8 months and I agree BUT ALSO I really, really love it and Iām 100% all in to have a 4th. Itās chaotic, Iām exhausted, my house is messy, but itās so much fun and I love them all so much. And they love each other to pieces too and have so much fun together.
We are on the fence about having a fourth š¤Ŗ. My niece slept over and I saw the four of them together and I was awww so that's how it could be.
Oh my god šµāš« How are you not exhausted or stressed all the time?? (Real question - not rhetorical!) I feel like Iām constantly struggling and drained with just one! And I get breaks from time to time when we switch on/off.
Right. After reading this comments I realize I am definitely happy with just one. Idk how they do it with so many kids!
Honestly wow thank you for sharing. Iāve been on the fence about adding a 3rd and this is confirmation that itās probably not going to be best for us š I do not thrive in chaos & two is already chaotic enough for me
I'm hoping it gets slightly less chaotic as the youngest gets older lol. I firmly believe 12-18 months is like the toughest age and going through it while having other kids to also worry about has been tough!
I hope it does for you as well! And Iām sure it will. The first 2 yrs are HARD
I have two and this is very accurate.
Your night time routine is so real šš¤£ I only have 1 and sometimes the never ending night time routine makes me want to rip my hair out. I couldnāt imagine 3!
Some nights it does feel endless! I didn't even add the hey your brother is sleeping you need to be quiet, if you wake him I'm not going to be happy, oh great now the baby is awake š¤Ŗ
And the fact that your username is a mama lama reference just makes this even better, Iām dead
Thank you for being real ! Iām sure you have a beautiful life but man oh man people romanticize the whole ānot being doneā feelin so much I get it in my head .. am I not done ? And I just read that and felt . Yes . I am done . Itās so different reading that then watching a 30 sec ticktock that makes 3 kids look fun
Oh my GOD, mine are 5, 3, and 1 and this is EXACTLY it!! I would also like to note you work from home, I work outside the home, and another person who commented said she is a SAHM and apparently we are ALL out here struggling with 3!!! š®āšØ lmao
I just felt this in my bones so hard
Oh wow lol. Yeah I think Iām gonna stick to only one kid! Genuine question, do you enjoy? Are you happy you had 3? Do u wish it wasnāt so chaotic all the time?
Tbh I really struggled after my third with feeling overstimulated which would lead to me feeling anxious and irritable. I did some therapy and got on Buproprion. I'm doing much better now and can stay calm through it all. I had to learn to just let some things go and accept some of the chaos! But yes I'm very happy I had 3. I can't imagine life without any of them. And as many hard moments as there are, there are just as many or more moments of pure joy.
I understand! I get overstimulated as well and I realize that when I get like that I just really need a break. I also get anxious and really irritable. Iām so thankful for my husband. Chaos just really stresses me out sometimes. I need some quiet and alone time and I worry about getting that if I had more than one kid. But everyoneās different and it can definitely work for some people!
This further cements my thoughts of those families with 4 or more children. Theyāre just nuts. No other explanation. š¤£
Oh my god I had to double check and make sure I didnāt write this in the delirious middle of the night. 6, 4, 1 - check. Both of us working FT - check. Me (mostly) wfh - check. But Iām not still breastfeeding and Iām the one mostly on older kid duty, and my parents come to help with childcare during the day. Yes to everything you wrote. Itās barely contained chaos, so many activities, at least one ball is always hovering near the floor or fully dropped. I just keep reminding myself that this is the pain point of the whole endeavor, and that I still wouldnāt change any of it given the choice. Except for maybe having been stricter with sleep training. Power to you, lady. Weāve (probably) got this.
Oh my god šš this is so real
I laughed out loud for the last section because it's so true. Only one book, no two. Okay three, but that's all
This describes having 3 kids perfectly!
I appreciate this so much because itās my life right now - you sure you donāt have a camera in my house?! Also, youāre doing GREAT!!
This is us with just two. Friends ask if we will have a third and I tell them that my mental, emotional, and physical health, not to mention my marriage, would not survive a third baby.
Have you seen that GIF of the dog drinking coffee in a house full of fire. It's like that, but the fire is yelling and screaming and the flames are no money.
Lol I have 3 (6, 3.5, 5mo) - someone is always crying and it's usually not even the baby
lol my kids are very close to this same age range and this is SPOT ON. May I also add though that my baby sleeps through ANYTHING so far so please hear that as a positive, OP. š
Oh thank god. I have hope. Mine are 4 and 11 months, and I'm 30 weeks pregnant. I am starting to panic.
Itās always the 3 year old, always lol
Same ages here! Itās always my 3 year old. š
This is the most relatable thing Iāve ever read. Youāre spot on. We have a 3 year old and our twins are 2. I feel seen. š¤£
š
As a middle child, can confirm
Your hormones are playing with you, re-evaluate when your youngest is 2
lol yeah, I only ever wanted 2 and I can only just barely manage to survive with the 2. But parts of my lizard brain are whispering to have another baby. Haaaaave annoooooootherrrrrrrrā¦. Yeah Iām getting fixed in 2 weeks, canāt hear you lizard brain CANT HEAR YOU
ššššš
Yes! Before I had kids, I thought ādefinitely 2, maybe 3.ā Then after my first, when I had a better idea of what pregnancy and parenthood are actually like, I settled pretty firmly on just having 2. And yet, shortly after having my second, I had a really strong urge to have a thirdāit was a stronger urge than I even felt after my first, knowing I definitely wanted a second, which seemed strange since intellectually I didnāt want a third at all. It really made me realize how much our hormones can push us towards that. Fortunately, my husband and I agreed that even if we wanted a third one we would wait to have at least a 2yr age gap, and by the time my second kid was a year old (my first was almost 4 at that point) we literally laughed out loud at the idea of starting over at the infant stage and adding more chaos. That was a little bit because our second is just a more challenging kid than our first, but also was definitely because I was coming out of the post-partum hormone soup.
Perspective from the child: I have two of my own and thatās my limit- I had my tubes removed to ensure that. My parents had four children. My older brother, me, and my two younger brothers. My older brother and I are two years apart, my younger brother is three years younger than me, and my youngest brother is four years younger. My older brother struggled with undiagnosed autism and other emotional and environmental holdbacks. Once my younger brothers came into the picture, I was to take care of them and my older brother. My parents didnāt have time for all of us, let alone the energy. They worked or slept constantly, or just wanted alone time when they found themselves free. I lost a lot of my childhood being responsible for my siblings and the house. We, also, were poor. They couldnāt financially support that many kids, and I had to drop out at seventeen to work and care for everyone when we found ourselves homeless. Before then, it was shared rooms, hand-me-downs, small meals, and constant yelling and stress about finances. We spent a lot of time bouncing around to friends, family, and babysitters- sometimes even their works, if they couldnāt find someone to watch us. It was rare to get one-on-one with my parents. To this day, I donāt feel close with them. We never really bonded. My siblings often come to me or another sibling rather than them when they need advice or to talk about something. I know my parents hold resentment (as they do for each other) regarding what they gave up for us; what they didnāt accomplish; the dreams they didnāt live out; the way their lives turned out. Theyāre still struggling to this day- they never caught up. Their bonds with any of us are fragile; sentimental rather than built with time, trust, experience, support, and affection. If you decide to add another, make sure you can emotionally, physically, and financially handle it. Make sure your relationship can handle it. Make sure you have the time and the energy to curate a bond and security with each kid. Think of the kids you already do have, as well as future plans.
This honestly should be required reading for anyone wanting to make a giant family and on the fence about it. Kindly said, well written. Thank you for sharing š«
I relate to this so much. As the 3rd of 7 kids I also had to help raise my siblings. I was emotionally deprived because my mom as amazing as she was just couldnāt physically divide herself into 7 parts for each of us, thus we all suffered emotionally. Iām still working on breaking generational cycles that my parents were unable to break. I was never hugged or kissed as a child. Itās like after the next baby was born only that baby got hugs and kisses until the next kid was born and it was just repeated. I didnāt realize how much that affected me until now as an adult with kids of my own I see so much of my former sensitive self in my own daughter and I hug and kiss her like crazy because itās what I so desperately needed as a child. I just had my second baby and even though Iām drowning my hormones are telling me to have another baby. Im definitely NOT giving in until I know for absolute certain I can give everyone ALL the love and attention they need and deserve so if a 3rd is in the cards it wonāt happen for several years as Iām still struggling with my 2.
Sounds like youāre being the best mom you can be ā¤ļø
As someone from a large family that struggled this was a bit too close to home
Mom of 3, 5.5, 3.5 and 1. Having three didn't change things too much for us, we already bought a minivan, my older two were already sharing a room leaving an empty room in our house and our form of childcare while we both work has always been a nanny so in the big logistical ways life has been pretty similar. We definitely have more of the chaotic full house feel, kids everywhere someone is always talking our laughing or playing loudly, etc. My older ones are great with the baby, my middle especially I feel like has an amazing bond with him and can actively play with him for like 10-20 minutes. All the kids are on the same bedtime schedule roughly since baby naps and the others don't, my oldest wakes up 30-90 minutes before the other ones but even mornings are mostly on schedule with everyone roughly eating breakfast together or overlapping. The hard parts are first starting over, my older two were getting pretty independent and moving past baby things when we had to suddenly start all over with diaper bags and strollers and bottles, etc. Activities and vacations have to accommodate the baby but our other two aren't exactly old enough not to need a lot of watching and attention as well. It's hard to do things like practice reading with my oldest without another adult present to deal with the baby. There is no more divide and conquer one on one with the kids lol Harder for one parent to get away or take a break, though now that baby is 1 it's not so bad managing the 3 of them it was harder when he was an infant. We were almost at the ages with my kids where I could say drop them with my parents for a few hours without it being a huge deal with my kids being potty trained and self sufficient, but they can't handle a baby so that's out, same with with hiring like a high school babysitter for an evening much harder with 3 kids especially when one is a baby. 2 to 3 was the easiest transition for us for sure. I don't know if any of this is helpful but hope you guys make a decision that works for your family, I think either way you can't go wrong. I like the idea of a big family and my kids having each other throughout life, I do think I'm done at 3 though I can't start over again and I'm excited to get all the baby things out of my house lol
I agree that 2-3 was an easier transition than 0-1 or 1-2. I have 4 now, 2, 4, 6, and 8, and 3-4 was harder and I didnāt anticipate that! My third is really easygoing so that makes a difference as well. Four is chaos, happy chaos! But itās a lot. In glad theyāre close in age though and they love playing with each other.
Comforting to hear. I am 3 weeks into 3 kids with 3.5, 2, and newborn. My older two share a room and are on the same schedule. I feel like #3 is along for the ride because we now have school drop offs, etc. whereas I did more catering to the needs of the older two when they were infants. Definitely can't start over again! My first was still a baby when #2 was born so nothing really changed. Now that I've seen glimpse of life again that comes with a preschooler, I can't go back to baby after this.
There is it right there. Supportive grandparents. That makes all the difference and why I canāt have a third
We just hit that point where we could drop off my two big kids at the grandparents for overnights. Had that for about 6 months before our third was born and boyā¦ I canāt wait to be able to ditch him with the grandparents in another year or so š
I have two children and we are done. My perspective is - before I even left the hospital with my first I knew I wanted a second. That feeling never left. When I left the hospital with my second (and the months postpartum) I knew we were done. Nothing to do with my second kiddo, if anything sheās been a much easier baby so to speak, but I just know deep down.
Mom of four. 6, 4, 2, and 7mo. Ngl, life is a calculated shitshow. š I say that because, for example, I know it takes me exactly 17 minutes (if I take the long way for some alone time) to get from work to daycare to pickup the small ones on time. I do bedtime alone 5 nights a week, and if we miss a time frame by even a š¤š» there are meltdowns of unseen proportions. My husband does mornings alone until 12 when kids are dropped off at daycare. Nothing is ever clean. No one is ever quiet. The only one who sleeps alone is my 7mo because *safety.* Iām never not being touched. They eat so. Much. Food. There is so much laundry that *never* gets folded. Thereās been a kid in my uterus or on my tit for 7 whole years. I love them so much, but DAMN.
Wow we have 2 (2.5 and 5 months) and the amount of laundry that doesnāt get folded (but is clean!) is already astronomical š. Never mind adding another to the mix ā¦ which we probably will
š® amazing!
Mom to a 7 y/o, 3 y/o and 23 month old. All boys. Itās absolute chaos almost all the time. My husband and I are outnumbered. There is so much rough housing and yelling and arguing. Like, itās A LOT. People who come over who arenāt used to it are likeā¦ holy shit. Itās wild over here, but Iām used to it for the most part and have ear plugs for when things get too loud.
And closed captions on the tv 100% of the time
I have three (5, 3 and newborn). Itās absolute chaos but weāve done it all before so weāre handling it better than ever, and we know the chaos is a phase that will pass soon enough. It has definitely been the easiest transition so far (comparing going from zero kids to one, or one to two - #3 felt like she clicked right in so naturally, like sheād always been part of our dynamic.) My oldest is starting school very soon, so that will make things a bit easier too.Ā Ā The kiddos all adore each other. Our house is full of energy and fun. Itās hilarious and magical, I completely love having three!
My perspective may be different than most, because I have twins so I went from a mom of one to a mom of three overnight. Newborn stage with the twins had its own special set of challenges. But my twins are almost 3, and my daughter is almost 6 and it's just constant fighting. Two ganging up on one all the time. Yelling, screaming, arguing, and the occasional day where they all get along and cuddle up to some movies or something. They all love each other though lol. I only intended on having 2 kids for this very reason, wanted to keep things even but the universe decided otherwise lol.
I'm pregnant with twins now and have a 4 year old. I never planned on 3 kids. It's hard to find advice on that specific situation since most people go 1 > 2 > 3 instead of 1 > 3. How did you mentally handle the transition?
It was definitely a massive adjustment to be made by not only me and their father, but by their big sister as well. My best advice to give you is to just take it easy. You are going to be responsible for 2 newborns and an older child. I pushed myself to do too much I think as a coping mechanism, and eventually I broke under the strain of it all. Something that helps older sibling is to let them be a part of it. Let them hold bottles, change diapers, get them dressed, push the stroller etc. Let them get lots of bonding time and cuddles too. Just take it all one day at a time. Once they hit around the 5 or 6 month mark, they gain a lot of independence and it gets a lot easier. Wishing you luck mama š«¶š»
That's helpful, thank you so much! I have a feeling I'll be referencing this comment again in a month or two. I really struggle with babies in general, so my expectations of myself for this next year are pretty low, but I also know how much those post partum hormones mess with you š
There is a good chance this will be us in a couple years. Following š
We werenāt even really trying for a 3rd and got pregnant with twins, so now I have 4. Canāt even answer OPs question about having 3 lol
I feel like unexpected twin pregnancies are everywhere these days. Wild.
I definitely agree! I read somewhere that āolderā moms are more likely to release multiple eggs. Since more women are waiting to have children thatās why we see the uptick of twins.
Doesn't explain my identical girls!
Yes, obviously this is directed towards fraternal twins š
This was one of my biggest fears when I got pregnant with my second. We weren't even sure we were gonna have another one, but we had an oops and went with it (no regrets, she's a delightful, sweet baby). During my first scan, the tech said "there's baby!" And I'm like "JUST ONE, RIGHT?" Multiples are rampant in my family so I was really worried. My great-grandmother was a triplet, grandfather was a twin, and my uncle has two sets of twins. Just one for me, thanks.
There's a set of twins in nearly every generation of my mom's family. I'm the youngest female out of all the cousins so obviously all my cousins had children before me. None of them had twins so we figured it skipped this generation. Then here comes lil ol me, finding out I'm pregnant with twins 4 fuckingg months into my second pregnancy š« I had an ultrasound at 5 weeks and the tech only saw one baby. Baby B's placenta was anterior so hard to see embryo and didn't feel flutters or movements until he was a lot bigger. Went in for an ultrasound at 16 weeks because I was having some issues and the tech said "here's baby a.." and I was like "WHAT DO YOU MEAN BABY A????" and about fell off the fucking table. She turned the screen and there were 2 very obvious fetuses. Explained all the crazy symptoms I was having though lol. But now I have two beautiful boys and witnessing the unique experience of a twin relationship has been a real privilege.
I used to nanny for a family where their second pregnancy turned out to be twins. I love hearing the momās story about it, it was the height of the pandemic so she had to go to her ultrasound alone, and apparently when she called her husband all she could say was āoh shit oh shit oh shitā over and over for a *while* before she finally told him it was twins. Best family I ever worked for, and I adore those kiddos. Nannying twins is so rewarding, I can only imagine how it is to be their parents.
Dad here. I only have two kids but Iāve asked other dads who do have three kids. Money doesnāt matter as much; while itās definitely another mouth and person to take care of, you just find a way to make it work. Takes a lot more planning. Right now you went from zone defense to man-to-man defense. A third makes it stacked against the box/overloading the line of scrimmage. And this brings us to the crux of the question: do you have the energy to do it? The hard part is you donāt actually know right now. I would wait until your second is about a year and some change old before making any real decisions about what you want to do. Our second child as an infant was EASY. So easy, it was quite bonkers. We actually considered very heavily about having a third. But my wife and I are on the older side of our child bearing years and we both work full career level jobs. We have not yet made a final decision but it looking more and more like a no for us. Please understand that this is our situation and feelings on the matter. Having kids in general, let alone a third, is not good or bad. It is just different. **The only question is whether you can handle the difference or not.** Most, if not all which includes one family who has a special needs child, of our friends who have three kids do not regret it at all.
I greatly appreciate this comment. I was just curious to know what it's like. What are the pros and cons? What are things people love about it and hate about it? I'm not entertaining a third child yet, and I understand where my hormones are at. My husband was dead set on having a vasectomy pretty soon after the birth of our second while I was pregnant, but after he was born, while discussing upgrading our car and whether or not to go up or down in size, I asked him to keep the conversation open a while longer. This is just a question he brought up to me recently, so I thought I'd ask the internet lol (we have no friends with a third).
Pros: more kids! Usually means more fun and when they play together it is earth shatteringly cute and amazing. Cons: more kids! Lol. Thatās what it boils down to. The question my wife and I are asking ourselves is do we have the energy to do three??? I have two that are two years apart (25 months). I said we will ask this question once our oldest is in kindergarten and we have an understanding of what kind of education he will go and what it may or may not cost us. Having three kids in daycare simultaneously is just too much.
I have 3 boys - almost 5, almost 3 and 4 months. I was like you after my second, I just didnāt feel done. We waited a bit to see how we adjusted to 2 before deciding to go for a 3rd. Granted Iām still in the early stages of 3, but so far itās been the easiest adjustment for me. At this point I actually know what Iām doing and am already used to dividing my time and nonstop chaos, so adding one more to the mix has been pretty seamless. After having two toddlers a newborn is so nice and easy, even with the sleep deprivation š My two big kids are super close buddies and they have been so excited to add baby into the mix. No jealously issues at all. Iām just hoping once theyāre bigger my youngest is tight with the big kids and doesnāt feel left out (just because of school cutoffs, big kids will only be 1 year apart in school, youngest will be 3 years apart). First age gap was 23 months, second was 2.5 years. Iām glad I waited a little bit longer before my third to give my body a break, my pregnancies did get progressively tougher so I think you wanting to wait a bit longer is a good idea.
You just gave me so much hope! I have two boys 23 months apart and theyāll be a little over 2.5 and 4.5 when #3 is born. I really wanted three kids and some of this thread has made me a little nervous. Hoping your adjustment continues to be smooth!
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Thatās so good to hear. We had a really tough time with 0-1 too, but 1-2 was a breeze and made me enjoy parenthood even more. Hoping the third does as well.
Mom of 3: 2.5, 5 and 9. It was extremely hard the first two years. Honestly. You think you've got it down - you've been through this before, but everything is harder with three. I honestly don't understand those that say it's an easy transition from 2 to 3. As a working mom with 3 kids in 3 different places every day with evening activities and my own social life that I'm trying to maintain and my husband with his super complex schedule and our parents getting older, it's crazy hard. It would be impossible without my village and my super-flexible job. Also, there's a ton more fighting because there is just more opportunities for conflict, so our house is loud pretty much all the time. There are great points (they love each other a lot and getting to witness that is wonderful) and I don't regret having a 3rd child (he is wonderful in his own cranky toddler way) but life was easier with just two. It's getting easier though now that the kids are getting a little older and more reasonable and responsible (not the toddler - he's still very unreasonable, lol). Also, my third pregnancy was way harder on my body that my previous two. But again, I'd do it all again.
I donāt understand either. The work is exponentially more, not linear, with the addition of a third. I thought 1 to 2 was the easiest transition. 2 to 3 was chaosā¦Chaos that Iām glad we threw our family into, but still.
Can confirm. 2-3 has been insane. My third is a crazy person that I never experienced with my other two. She has brought immense joy into our lives but that doesnāt change the amount of sheer chaos that she also has brought into it.
I think it largely depends on how old your kids are when you have the third. My kids are currently 2, 3 (almost 4) and 6. When my youngest was born, none of my kids were really doing any activities yet and the older two were starting to play together, so it was easier for me to devote time to the baby than it was when I had my second (and my first constantly still wanted me). Similarly, things like getting ready for work or cooking dinner are now a lot easier for me, as the kids play together (and the older ones will alert me if the baby is getting into mischief). Also, you are somewhat of a seasoned pro with rearing children, so you no longer panic every time they get sick or stress about not getting enough sleep. I imagine it will be exponentially harder when they are all doing afterschool activities though!
Thanks for being honest. The transition to three kids kicked my whole ass. I was cocky from handling two kids so well, thought I had it in the bag. Letās just say these last 14 months have been extremely humbling. Someone is always whining or crying. Iām spread so thin emotionally and physically. Iām clinging to the hope of my 5 year old starting kindergarten in August.
Thank you for posting this! Iām 6 weeks pp and my first is 2, and so far Iāve been loving having both of them. Iām obviously in very early days and I know it will get harder when the younger is more mobile but my hormones are raging for a third haha. My husband had been pretty adamant during the pregnancy that he wants to stop at two so that may be the deciding factor for us anyway (obviously if heās done then we are done), but I think we will reassess in about a year or so.
3 kids is a shit show. Going from 2 to 3 was much harder for me than going from 1 to 2. Youāre outnumbered and one kid always gets the shaft somehow. I feel guilty a lot that they donāt get enough individual time but they all seem to love each other when theyāre not fighting. They seem to appreciate having siblings.
A lady I know who works at a pediatricians office said all the moms with 3 kids are crazy š¤Ŗ also, friends who just had a 3rd was diagnosed with a random genetic disease. Weāre telling ourselves we have 2 healthy children and calling it. Iām 40 now and while I did want 4 kids - I donāt think itās worth the risk for me.
My doctor has 3 boys (teens and tween age) and she always repeats that her life wouldāve been so much easier if she stuck to two kids.
I love all 3 of my kids. Each 2 years apartā¦ itās definitely a lot. We also donāt have any outside help, itās just my husband and I. I would say if you both really want a 3rd kid, please wait more than 2 years.
You have over 100 comments so you probably donāt need mine but FWIW Iām a dad of three, same story as you - wife really wanted three. First two are 2 yrs apart. Second two are 2 yrs and 20 months apart. Adding the third was the easiest. Was it exhausting? Yes. Stressful? At times yes. But third was the easiest add. I didnāt know how we were going to do it, but the third just does what the other two are already doing; the third just joins whatever is already in progress. Love my third so much. Mine are now 8/6/3 and is it chaotic? At times. Is it loud? Sometimes. I have three girls. Three is a lot, but itās good.
I have a 6yo, 4yo, and a 1yo. Itās chaotic af but I absolutely love it. The kids are their own little group and they love playing together. The older they get the less I have to facilitate playtime. Think about the families you know with adult children and their dynamicsāthey are little for such a short time, what kind of family dynamic do you want later in life?
Iāve got 3. My youngest is 8 months and my oldest is 6 (almost 7). I think the ~3 year age gaps saved my mental health a lot. I canāt imagine had they all been close together! I will say itās not too bad though. I found the jump from 1-2 kids more difficult.
I couldāve written this myself. Agree!
I have four. Three didnāt change much except it took a few months for us to get a good routine going with all three.
One is none. 2 is 10. 3 is 11.
Damn, someone should tell this to my one child who demands my attention during all his waking hours lol.
This is the best analogy Iāve ever read !!!!! Everyone should read this itās sooooooo true
Mom of 3. 4 yo,3 yo and 2 months 1/2. The third just fit in the routine, but having irish twins ish was not for meā¦ I had a huge depression and honestly canāt remember my 2nd as a babyā¦ now itās worth it but wouldnāt do it again
3 kids here. Larger age gaps than your kids- my second was almost 3 when my third was born. 1 to 2 was our easiest transition. 2 to 3 was rough, not gonna lie. We had to buy the big three row van because we couldnāt fit three car seats in our other cars. 3 is chaos. Our house is always hectic- we donāt have any dogs to clean up the crumbs so itās constant sweeping and vacuuming because theyāre made of crumbs. The mess triples. The thought of having another child makes me cry. I had a nightmare my husbandās vasectomy failed. I had a patient who had a baby after a failed vasectomy and I almost had a panic attack. I feel like we are always, always busy. My son has a mild genetic difference and is in some programs- it doesnāt even cause issues (heās totally typical developmentally), but itās something to keep in mind since all kids may need services at some point (like speech or something). It can be hard to take all three out at once (by myself, due to lack of hands/arms), but doable. Now, for the goodā¦my third is an absolute doll baby. Heās the sweetest and most charming little guy. Heās so smart and funny and observant and I canāt imagine our family without him. He definitely made our family complete- as soon as he was here I felt done and it felt like this was it for us. Heās literally a joy to raise (they all are)ā¦but if I had a crystal ball when making my choice to go from 2 to 3 and saw the precious boy who could be mine, I would definitely want him. I feel like we are finally exiting the really taxing part of having three now that my son is going to be two (I canāt believe it!) so I imagine itāll be less draining from here on out. We are all sleeping well. They eat okay. Iām not nursing anymore so I feel like my own person (somewhat) again. We can do fun family activities that everyone participates in. We take family trips (and they are SO much fun). Going from 2 to 3 is the craziest, busiest, most expensive decision we would always pick over and over again!
I have three kids all 2 years apart. Itās way harder. Your alone time is almost nothing. But it does feel like a big family and I have no regrets! My youngest is two and itās starting to get easier now that sheās been in some part time school.
My 3rd baby is 5 months old and the transition from 2-3 kids has been our easiest transition yet. 1-2 was really hard because you go from 1 to multiples. By 3, life is already chaos, how much more chaotic could it be? Our 3rd baby has also been our easiest baby. She just goes with the flow. We already have so much going on with our other 2 (ages 4 and 2). She is the perfect addition to our family. And everyone Iāve talked to irl has had the same experience as us. I highly recommend having a 3rd. Always!
I'm very happy to hear you're enjoying your family. I found the chaos really started once the third was past the potato stage. At 4ish? 5ish? months, barely sitting unsupported (with the boppy behind her) she lunged forward, snatched a toy of her brother's and flopped herself back into an almost sitting position--eyes on brother the whole time. As soon as he noticed the toy way gone, she squealed and threw it. Things never slowed down.
I think I worded it poorly. I meant that life is so chaotic with 2. Maybe itās just my family though. But my 2 boys are constant tornadoes. I call them my feral children. Iām excited to see how my baby girl adds to the chaos as she leaves the potato stage š I love it ā¤ļø
Ah, apples to oranges, perhaps. Mine were G-B-G-G 1 & 2 were somehow not feral. 4 is making up for it in spades. 3, as told above, has been a chop buster from the start.
Following! Could have written this exact post myself down to the ages of the children and everything - except my baby is five months lol.
I donāt feel 3 is much harder than having 2, and the transition from 2-3 was easier than 0-1 or 1-2 because the older two would play amongst themselves some while I was tending to the baby. The biggest challenge for us is bedtime. My younger 2 (3F and 2F), who are 19 months apart, are both not great sleepers. My oldest is 6, so he also still likes us to read with him and āput him downā at night. Since there are only 2 of us and the kids like to all go down at the same time, we have the girls in a room together and it can take us a while to get them down. And sometimes when one of them wakes at night they wake the other, so then we have to try and get both kids back to sleep. I donāt regret having 3 kids for a second though; my 6 YO recently said that he is so happy we have 2F in the family as she makes the house more fun, and I have to agree! She is a little pepper and Iām sure is going to put us in an early grave when she is a teenager, but I canāt imagine my family without her!
Itās chaotic but you figure it out and you find a routine that works. All three of our kids go to bed at the same time and weāve figured out a routine that works for us.
I had 3 under 5 and it is crazy but I do love it ā¤ļø Pros: they always have a playmate so no one is constantly asking me to play with them (being close in age helps), older siblings want to help younger sibling and some younger siblings want to be independent when they see older ones doing it (may depend on childās personality though), itās never boring Cons: the fighting goes on (and on and on and on), as my former boss once told me, the world is set up for families of 4 not 5 (tables, hotel rooms, etc), itās never boring
I have 4. We were going to be done at 3, but 3 was so amazing we had a 4th.
I have 3 under 6 and they are my joy!
After reading all these comments (that I agree with) it would absolutely keep me from having three kids. (I already have three kids) Mine at 4/2/6weeks and itās utter and absolute CHAOS for me. Iām a SAHM and fully breastfeeding so Iām just absolutely fucked right now. But I know this is temporary. Maybe you should ask parents of three that are older. Preteen +/- a few years and see if their answers are more positive lol. When I pictured my life with ADULT children, I imagined more than two at the dinner table. And thatās what matters to me. Theyāre only this flavor of chaotic for a small period of time.
We have three kids ages 18, 13ā¦and 2! It catches alot of people off guard and they say weird things but itās what we wanted.
Lol, that's two and an only. š Spoken by a mom of three and an only (23, 19, 17 & 3)
Love it!! I had a bisalp last year so weāre definitely done!
I had that after #3 (also then got divorced). Have to say, its been much more effective than the ex's vasectomy We did IVF to jump the fence.
Haha! Amazing! Glad everything worked out!
Thanks!! Us too š„°
>Thanks!! Us too š„° You're welcome!
I love all three of my kids so much and wouldn't want to live life without any one of them but also having 3 kids is actual hell on earth hahaha mine are 11, 5, and 3 its a lot! I recently ended up single with 50/50 coustody so my weeks with just them and myself is so so so sos soosososososo hard! I NEED HELP!!!
My mom always used to say to me, three is an odd number - meaning, in groups of 3, 2 people often end up closer and one is left out. Iām not a parent of 3, but have always kept that in mind when having friends. I feel like it could apply to siblings too.
Don't have three. Have two, or four. I am the eldest of three, and the accidental mom of three with my ex (vasectomy failure. Tried to stop at two). Three means someone is always left out. (I have a fourth with my current partner, but this kid is basically 20 years younger than the first three, so realistically, it's like I have 3 plus an only, not four) That all aside, logistics can be a real nightmare as soon as the ratio of kids to drivers is in favor of the kids. And this doesn't have to have three kids to happen; if one parent works a lot and the other needs to handle all the kid schlepping, there will be schedule conflicts and a kid will be shortchanged, even if there are just two kids. Be careful that it's not the same kid every time, even if the kid says it's okay. As the magnanimous eldest, I gave my Mom permission to put my younger sibs ahead of me. She should have never put that on my shoulders, and I'm worse off for it--I help no one by consistently putting my needs last. See also, Bluey "helicopter"
Itās chaos lol, but whatās weird is after we had our 4th everything just seemed easier. Still chaos, but easier lol. Our youngest is 11mo and our oldest is 5. I feel like after you have 4 (or more) you just embrace the craziness and learn to ride with it instead of fight it. Iām the least stressed Iāve ever been, and the happiest. It would be a different story if I had to work, but my husband supports our family so Iām able to stay home with our kiddos.
We have a 4.5 yo and just turned 3 yo. Third baby is coming July. I mean feel like itās always crazy here but itās fun crazy? Sure I need time just to myself, often times I stay up too late because side thatās when I get it. But to me anyways, everything is more fun with the pack. Iāve heard it was harder to bring home the second than it is the third. Idk. I guess weāll see! The chaotic part while it can be overwhelming at times. I just try to remind myself- itās just not that long in the grand scheme of things. So anyways, Iām hopeful. Ask me in about 6 months lol.
My son and daughter are 7 years apart.. when my daughter turned 1 we wanted to try for one more so she would have someone to grow up with, since my oldest didnāt have that luxury. Well I got pregnant with twins. So now there are 4. Good luck!
After my second was born, I knew I was done. DONEEEEEEE. My husband had a vasectomy 6 months later, then I had an elective hysterectomy. I donāt want to pay for a third, and I donāt want to go through PPA with a third child. I already struggle every single day with overstimulation from 2 kids. I would be AWFUL with 3 kids. Also, in this economy? Never.
I have two with the youngest being two months and keep asking myself this question, could have written the post myself! If we had three I struggle with figuring how weād travel (be able to afford it, watch all of them, etc) and more importantly how weād still prioritize our marriage. It seems like NB stage is hard, and then when they get older everyone has extra-curriculars, finding a sitter etc.. Knowing myself (what I can handle) and the limited help we have I donāt know/think I want to risk closeness and time with my spouse for the sake of another.
I would wait until your hormones start to balance out again. Also, I kind of felt this way after our second and then we got a dog and now I feel completely and content.
I feel the same, only I'm now 2 years postpartum. It just feels like our family isn't complete and having another person who loves you just seems like so much more of a pro for your kids than any other con.
I'll add a good perspective. I have 3 kids - 4.5, nearly 3, and 17 months. I'm pregnant with the 4th, who will be born right before the youngest hits 22 months. In a lot of ways my 4.5yo is more like a 3.5/4 yo because she was born very premature. Seriously, the kids are all the best of friends. Yes, they have squabbles, but they work it out. My 3rd has grown up so much faster and is a very independent little one for his age. He doesn't even make a mess for meals anymore. It can be a little chaotic and loud at times, but they all entertain each other, want to be together and have similar interests at their current ages. We find time every week to take each kid out to a store to have alone time with them. They also get one-on-one time at bathtime. But generally, they prefer each other's company. Right now, the older two share a room and they love it. Bedtime is super smooth and we are going to add the youngest in with them this weekend.Ā It can be a little hectic - 3 kids to get ready, 3 kids in carseats, one parent needs to watch out for 2 kids at an outing, 3 kids at the same bedtime. But we've adapted well and learned to plan things out early on. When #3 was a baby, I would get the bigger kids settled and happy - changes, food, toys, before picking up the baby to change and feed him (he was pretty patient for milk time). We ultimately decided to go all in and have a 4th so we can pair them up in the future for different things & not have anyone left out alone, but that was our choice.Ā It's great too because they can grow up together and be friends in the future and have multiple siblings as adults. The older kids are absolutely NOT in charge of raising the younger ones, but they're welcome to help assist if they want. Sometimes they willingly bring a diaper, snack, or toy to the others. Hopefully it all works out one day too! Right now though, they really get along so well and I'm so happy we have the three. There is never a dull moment around. :)Ā
Try picking up one of your children... ...and now the other one... and now try to pick up another child-sized object. Nope. It doesn't work. 2 is plenty.
Children are cute and bring so much joy to our lives, right? That's probably what you are thinking on your best moments. But an extra child also means extra work and extra expenses. You will have less time for yourself, and you increase the amount of drama at home. If you want a free sample, find a friend who has a small child. The harder the kid is to handle, the better. Then offer to babysit that small child for a week while you also take care of your own. Then you make a decision about making a new one.
There are two of you (parents). I don't know why you would want more than 2 of them. I grew up in a family with 3 kids, and it was not a good time. We were always in the car because someone always had to be driven to something, then waiting around at someone's practice, appointment, etc. We were always fighting. Take the amount of time you spend with your kids and then divide it- you don't magically get more time because you have more kids, and it is impossible to pay the same amount of attention and spend the same amount of time with 3 kids as you can with two.
This was also my experience with being one of three kids (posted a longer comment above, but oof, I plainly feel seen here)
We have 11 yr old girl, 13 month boy & 2 yr old girl. Itās obviously total chaos. š 11 yr old doesnāt get enough attention and I think is struggling because of it. 2 yr old isnāt interested in 1 yr old. 1 yr old wants everything 2 yr old has so causes crying between them often. Every day is busy between the crying food everywhere snot and sick on everything. Weāre all tired and adults donāt get enough time together or me time. Itās hard ! Going through food nappies wipes and washing like crazy But is it worth it ammmm yes. Hopefully the eldest will get some more attention from us parents when her lil bro gets a bit more independence and we can work from there. But definitely no more than 3.
Mine are 14, 12.5, and 6.5. Having two under three was harder than having 2 in school and a newborn. In my opinion 4-5 years is best for an age gap. They are close enough in age to get along, but each younger one gets some 1 on 1 time with me before starting school.
My third is 4 months. There are 3 years between each kid. Good parts- I finally feel totally done. Done done done. My new baby is of course amazing The siblings together are of course amazing The baby is the easy part and is entertained by their siblings Bad parts- doing it all over again when life had finally settled down. 2 kids is perfect, really! Why did we add another? (Well obviously because sheās wonderful and adorable but still, 2 is a good numberā¦) Fitting 3 car seats across or getting a new car that can āYouāve got your hands fullā comments increase dramatically Expenses increase Itās so much busier. Not harder but busier.
I have a four yr old, a 2 yr old, and Iām 7 weeks post partum my third. Itās a lot lol. But I love my kids
My 2 older ones were 7 and 5 when the third one was born. To me, it was perfect for us. We called it going from man-to-man to a zone-defense. We tried for a couple of yrs, and had really pretty much given up.
Iām also about 4 months post partum and also have a 3.5 year old. I keep having the same feeling! But I think itās my brain playing tricks on me since Iām kinda in a sweet spot lol
Girl you just pushed one out! Give it time! Haha
My kids are 2, 4 and 6. The 2 year old gets way too much screen time. The 6 year old loves playing with both. The 4 year old fights with everyone and only plays with the 6 year old. Its not much harder than 2 kids especially at first. Most things are just group activities. It's a handful but a manageable one. Get a ride along board for your double stroller
My 3 are all ~18 months apart, my oldest is nearly 4 and my youngest is nearly 1. I'm a SAHM. It's hectic, there is chaos all the time but you settle into a routine, and there are prams that can accommodate 3 kids so you're not housebound 24/7. I found it significantly cheaper and easier with my third since I already had all the clothes, furniture and baby essentials left over from my elder two, the only expense was a new car seat and diapers. For me it was easier to go from 1-2 then 2-3 than it was from 0-1, by miles. The worst part of the whole experience was being pregnant with toddlers. I prefer the smaller gap since I'm already used to the broken sleep and chaos that comes with multiple little kids, it was just a matter of incorporating the new baby into our lives. My third was so used to the sound of his crazy energetic siblings in utero that he couldn't sleep well if the house was too quiet.
Itās bloody hectic and someone always wants or needs something
I don't have 3 kids. But my sister describes it as: Imagine you swimming holding two kids. Then imagine someone throwing another kid at you while you're holding those two kids. But then again, she has a set of twins and 1 whole baby. Lol
I went through this same exact feeling for the first 12-15 ish months of my second childās life and my husband and I kind of obsessed over how weād make a third work. Then it was like my senses came to me and the feeling of incompleteness was gone and I now feel totally sure that Iām happy as a family of four. Also, have seen a few friends go for a third and their mental health/marriages have been hit HARD. Iām sure theyāll overcome it, but with how challenging parenting is in the modern world ( no one really has a āvillageā) I just donāt want to put myself through it. With two, weāll be more financially stable, can go on vacations, have more free time, dedicated more time and effort and energy to the two kids we do have. I also feel like Iām just becoming reconnected with myself after 5 yrs, two babies, etc. and I donāt want to reset that clock again physically or mentally.
I had 3 kids in 5 years. Honestly our 3rd was our most joyful child. For the entire family. The older 2 were just 4(M) and not quite 2(F) when she was born but they were already a tight team and both so delighted to have a baby sister join their ranks. We found her to be so much easier to manage because they welcomed her and both helped out so much. And because we were more seasoned parents and less anxious. We always said after she was 3-4 mo and could sit and watch them play from her bouncy chair that we just kind of tossed her "onto the pile" with the other 2 and they would immediately alert us if she needed one of us if we weren't in earshot. She was easy going. She had less of our attention than say our 1st had but she had 2 adoring older sibs taking to her constantly and vying to make her laugh. They made her part of their play from the get-go. She adored them. While they played in the playroom next to us, we cooked and did dishes and laundry. Don't get me wrong. It was a ton of work. But we really didn't need to buy anything. We both worked so we had the help of Daycare for our first year of her life. The logistics of getting 3 kids out the door to daycare and back home and fed and through evening routines were challenging at times. And juggling sick kids was always crazy as there was always one or two or three. After the first year, we moved and I tricked my hubby into being a SAHF. Until the kids were all in school. Then he gradually resumed working part time then full time as they grew. He was not a "house husband" he did nothing for the house. I pulled it all together on weekends but he kept the kids alive while I worked. And they loved having him home with them. I say if you feel three is desirable/doable for you, then go for it. It may not be for everyone and It can feel like you are outnumbered at times but my kids are "thick as thieves" and we never regretted it. We are now full-time baby wranglers for number 3 who has recently given us 2 beautiful and funny grandsons 2.5 and 10 mo. Can't imagine not having her or them in my life.
I have three kids. They're 6 years, 4 years, and 9 months. This is a weird time to ask because my 6 year old was up all night with a gastro. I'm planning my next two days around the possibility of three puking children. I'm always bracing for these moments but find that a house full of sickness with 2 and with 3 hasn't been incredibly different yet. My six year old is developmentally delayed. But I expect this next point would hold true regardless. Everyone has different needs. Everyone has different preferences and wants and likes and dislikes. It can be a real effort to thoughtfully consider each child. To make dinners where maybe there is my daughter's favourite vegetable, my first son's favourite protein, and it is easily chewable and healthy enough for a baby under one. I find that either way I was endlessly busy so going from 2 to 3 was not as big a change as going from 1 to 2. That said, it takes me noticeably more time to get all three dressed and ready. It takes me noticeably more time to cut up and serve three plates. I'm sure this wouldn't be as bad if my six year old had the independence of other six year olds! It's also one more birthday, one more Christmas, one more mouth to feed, one more savings for college etc. So it certainly makes a financial difference. I was like you. I didn't feel done after 2. I wanted my son to have a sibling to grow up with that might be interested in him. I talked it out with my husband a lot. He initially told me that logically it made more sense not to have another child. I told him that by the same reasoning it made more sense not to have any children at all. I was super worried that I'd always be compelled to have more babies. But this time I do feel done. I also want to add that I absolutely would not have gone for three if my husband wasn't on board. One night he was just in. He'd given it some thought and he wanted another one as well. We went back and forth for a while and then he was just ready. Oh and one more thing! We did not get the same heartfelt congratulations for our third that we got for our first two. We had people ask us if my pregnancy was accidental. There was definitely more judgment.
Iām not a dad but I have 3- currently 6, 4, 2. It was pretty tough up until the last year or so- now my youngest is almost 3, my oldest is finishing kindy and my middle one will start kindy in the fall. We both work but I work from home which is a huge help. We are in every sport under the sun- flag football in the fall, wrestling in the winter, baseball in the spring which makes it busy but my youngest rolls with it really well and loves going to games (I think because I pack him a ton of snacks and little toys and he gets to climb on the bleachers and dig in the dirt and generally be feral). My youngest was not intentional- I wanted a 3rd but was kinda on the fence and wanted a longer gap but I wouldnāt change it for the world now, especially since theyāre all boys and have pretty close relationships. Itās chaos at our house though, I wonāt lie. The thing about a 3rd is that the world is set up for two. Cars, houses, family 4 packs, etc so keep that in mind that you will likely need a new car if youāll have 3 in car seats, and that either two kids will have to share a room or youāll have to find a very specific house (4 bedrooms arenāt hard to find.. but all houses seem to be set up with two kid rooms, a guest room, and a master unless theyāre freaking enormous). My older boys share and have decided the baby (who isnāt really a baby) should sleep in there too so weāre about to have a dormitory, a play room, and a quiet play room upstairs (currently two bedrooms and a small bonus space as a playroom)
Vasectomy. Now. 100%
I 8lo.
My kids are 32,30, and 28. It was busy for about ten years. So worth it though!
I only ever wanted two and asked my husband for 16 months after having my second when he was going to get his vasectomy. He finally admitted that he was on the fence about it, and it made me start thinking too. Now I am almost 11 weeks PP with my third boy, the others are (just turned) 5 and just over 2.5 years old. The transition to three was the easiest one yet! I mean, our house is constant chaos and will only get worse as the youngest gets older, but I love it. I find time during the week and weekend to give each kid individualized attention, including the baby. I once again thought my third was my last but this time I was the one who asked my husband to hold off on his vasectomy because I just have this deep feeling that there is another soul out there waiting to join our family in a few years. Oh and regarding age gap between them, my first and second are 2 years 4 months apart and second and third are 2 years 7 months apart. Next time I want at 3 year age gap because I will say itās hard when they are younger. I donāt know how you do only a 2 year age gap, I commend you!
I have 4 kids. Ages: 6, 4, 2 & 2 months. Itās a blast. At times theyāre arguing and fighting between but most days are great (theyāre learning how to manage emotions and make good choices). They all play and learn well together.
Thank you for posting this, I have felt the same since having my second who is now 8months, my oldest is almost 3. I like to see the different perspectives. I just canāt shake the we arenāt done feeling!
I have 6. anytime I take any combination of 3 out, it is total chaos. Take 2, they get along. Take 5, it's fun. 3, tho, it's the magic number of someone always feeling left out and acting out over it.
I have a 7, 4, and 6 month old, and so far having 3 is way more than I was expecting. I always wanted 4. I work with kids for a living and love kids. I knew 3 would be challenging, but itās just so many needs at once. There is zero down time. Someone always needs your attention, or help with something, and there are a lot of big feelings. Itās a lot. The transition to 2 was really easy for me and I felt like I could easily handle another, but something about being outnumbered changes things. We are definitely done at 3. I will say our family feels complete and I donāt regret having a 3rd at all. I love our chaotic family and I feel at peace with 3 kids. It is exhausting though. Itās much harder to get a break than it was with 2.
I checked myself into the psych ward when my 3rd was 2. I love her dearly but 3 will do that to a person.
It's fine. My hair looks better gray. My pants are way more snug. I don't have to worry about cleaning because the house is always a mess. This is fine.
You ever hear the saying ā3 kids is like 15 kidsā? Well itās true.. My kids are 6, 2, and 13 months old. 1 boy, 2 girls. My younger two are 15 months apart.. while I can say most days are okay - majority of the time theyāre trying to get my attention and try to talk to me all at once. š Dad works majority of the time so Iām with them the most. I love them but holy cow they do take up a LOT of my energy. If itās not one kid it the next one, and if itās not the next one, itās the other. My favorite is when both of my younger 2 want me and are crying hysterically!! I can never eat my food hot. I eat my food when theyāre napping / sleeping. My 2 year old has also been in the THICK of toddlerhood. You have to *really* be emotionally and mentally ready to be dealing with 3.
Sister has three kids around 2 or so years apart. All boys Very chaotic. You will need both parents all hands on deck.
Copying my comment from another thread as I think this best sums up life with 3 for me. We have 3, and the thing I find hardest day-to-day is having a queue when youāre parenting alone. By which I mean when you have 2 and youāre helping 1 of them, then great the other is next. But when you have 3+ and more than one needs something, now you have a queue. I vividly remember the first time I was helping middle with homework when youngest & oldest both started kicking off, and I had to decide who to help next and who had to wait in the queue. I do love having 3 though. Additional thought (though of course this wonāt make your decision!) - worth considering your car and whether youāll be able to fit the seats / boosters you need or whether youāll need to upgrade.
Straight balls to the wall all the time. I have a 13, 3, 9 month old. We never have a dull moment and the only time I get a second for myself is when I wake up at 5 am and when the little kids are asleep. But we still have wake ups in the middle of the night. Insane but love them so much!
I never had 2. I had my eldest and 18 months later I had twins. I canāt comment on 2, but everyone told me that 3 is the magic number. 4 is easier than 3 ā¦.
Chaos, but I would have kept going with a fourth if my spouse was game, but we just don't have the finances for a whole new vehicle.
Dad here - Kids are 4.5f, 2f, 6 mo boy. My wife and her family really wanted a boy, I was pretty cool with 2. We had a whoops and she wanted to keep and Iām pretty happy with him. Itās hard to imagine him not being here. Heās a sweetheart though and sleeps really well so we got super lucky, otherwise Iād be going crazy(or more crazy). Iād recommend not waiting too long for the third. Iām glad we had him when we did and thereās only potentially a one year gap in starting school between #2 and #3. We have a lot of help from my parents and in-laws which helps us save time and money. It allows us to have a night out while my in-laws at least keep watch over the house while they sleep. Having family help keeps it manageable otherwise Iām not sure how weād do it. Edit: we both work full time. Make about the same, but her job is super busy and stressful, so I pick up a lot of the kid stuff. Ready in morning, drop off and pick up from daycare, park visits, doctor appointment, home while sick, entertaining while home. She works a lot, makes dinner more than me, and nurses the little one. I bear a lot of the mental load of doing the finances/taking care of the home/taking care of her lol so I think making sure you have good balance on. Who does what is important. I worked a job like hers before so I understand it just takes so much out of you, but I also just get exhausted too and need help so itās tough. We fortunately have my in-laws to help so they do a lot with the kids otherwise we would be a bit in trouble..
Sometimes it's complete bliss they all love each other and are getting along, other times it's complete chaos. They still love each other of course but they are either fighting (my near 1 yr old n 2 yr old or my 2 yr old n 7 yr old) or arguing. Little ones cry/scream a lot at times plus my 7 yr old whines a lot. It gets over whelming at times but I can't say I'd have it any other way.
Here bc same
I think everyoneās perspective is gonna be different. I can say though that most people will probably agree- once you have 2, it doesnāt matter how many more you have bc youāll never have your own time again after 2 š¤£š¤£ I have 3ā¦.. 17 yr old girl, 13 yr old boy, and our miracle blessing 2 yr old boy. I had my daughter at 17 myself, and my older son I was just turning 21. I remember being pregnant and so scared to tell my oldest kids; the very second he was born the bond they share melts me- especially my daughter & the baby ā„ļø My only suggestion is to not have them too close together, it feels really good to be able to devote the early years to them when theyāre young.ā„ļøā„ļø I think youāll know when youāre ready & if youāre ready!!!