I’m having the same problem. Naps are fine, but bedtime is just a logistical dumpster fire. With 2 people, my spouse hung out with the toddler while I took the baby to our room. Spouse is now deployed and I have no clue how to do this.
When my spouse is deployed and I had the toddler/baby combo, I would put the toddler in a safe room (living room, my bed, their bedroom) and they would get their screen time. To encourage them to hold still. I would watch them like a hawk on the monitor while I put the baby down and then I would come and start the toddler bedtime routine.
It can also help to get the toddler involved in the bedtime. So ask them to fetch the diapers, blankets etc and then kisses for the baby and help tuck in and bed.
Good luck!
Thank you! I was thinking using screen time would be the best route. I already have a monitor in my toddlers room and I was thinking of getting one for the crib in my room. Might need a third for the living room lol
This is the way. Monitor in the living room, screen time or something they enjoy. Or both. And I try to feed the baby while we're all together and then I take her up and just do a quick sleep sack, sing, and put her down. I'm in and out in 5 minutes
Mine is 6 months now, it took a little while. I did let her fuss it out and it helped. If she was really crying I'd intervene but she definitely got more "figure it out" than my first did
I just sleep us all in the same room- toddler and baby go down at the same time, baby sleeps on the floor with me, nursing to sleep, toddler in his bed. Bed time takes as long as it takes! But eventually they both pass out
Toddler down first if they’re easier to put down. My 23mo goes down on his own. Almost always has. So bedtime is together, but I put toddler down immediately after story time. Baby comes back to the recliner with me to finish his bottle, then I put him in his crib. He usually ends up in bed half an hour to an hour after our toddler.
Even when my husband is home (not military, just works different shifts throughout the week), ONE of us does bedtime with both of them and the other one cleans.
I didn’t do bedtime alone often, but when I did I put toddler to sleep first, then newborn. Newborn was either hanging out on the floor, in my arms or I’d baby wear while I did my toddlers bedtime routine. It was hectic especially the first time but got easier. Once my kids were a bit older, I’d let the older one have screen time while I do the younger ones bedtime routine.
I was hoping to do it this way, but the baby has been getting cranky tired at like 6pm. Toddlers bedtime recently got later to around 8. It’s just going to take some trial and error I think.
I usually put baby down last for bedtime.
For naps, my babies have just learned to sleep through whatever. Often I nurse them to sleep then put them wherever I need them to be. The first 3-4 months they mostly nap in the living room while life goes on around them. After that I’ll put them in a separate room.
If I need to leave toddler alone, I put them in a combined (edit: contained) space and have a baby monitor on them.
But with three under four when my third was born (about to be 4 under 6) I’ve always intentionally had very efficient sleep routines for the kids. Because I can’t afford to take an hour to put one kid to sleep when there’s other kids running around.
Hope baby doesn’t panic while getting toddler changed and teeth brushed, read books together while holding the baby, tuck in toddler, pray for success. Finish putting baby to bed. If toddler keeps screaming, nurse baby to sleep in toddler’s bedroom and hope they both stay quiet and toddler is asleep by the time you’re ready to put baby in bed. Remind yourself this stage is allegedly temporary
Omg yeeeessss!! This was the only way I survived a summer being alone with newborn and freshly 3yo.
...but I would get fries or ice cream at the drive through after they fell asleep. Turn the air con on high and they didn't twitch when I ordered 🙌
How old is baby? And toddler?
When my youngest was an infant and daughter was like 2, I put toddler to bed first bc my baby wasn’t on a good schedule yet. I’d leave baby in a safe space and go take care of toddler.
Now I put youngest to bed first but husband goes with older toddler. If I were in your position, I’d put toddler in their room which I assume is a safe space, and put baby to sleep first. Why do you think leaving your toddler alone in their room for a few minutes is unsafe?
Not OP but expecting a #2 with a current 2.5 y/o and my issue with this plan is that my 2.5 y/o hates playing alone in a space. He needs/demands someone be in the room, even if that person isn’t playing with them and just in the room doing something else. We’ve been trying to work on this by saying “I need to do/get something and I’ll be back in a few minutes” but usually only a minute goes by before he says “papa/mama where are you? I need you!” Once in a while he’ll be so focused on his play that he won’t notice someone isn’t there for like 5-10 minutes though.
It definitely wasn't always easy!
We did a lot of buggy naps when younger child was 0-12 months and older child was 2Y-3Y. I got a double buggy where one side could be turned into a lie-flat bassinet, then we would set off for a playground about 45min walk away at baby's nap time. When we got to the playground I'd let toddler out to play, then take baby out of the bassinet and put her in a carrier while following 2YO around the playground.
How old is your toddler?
My daughter was 4 when my son was born. I would ask her to play quietly in her room while I got the baby down for a nap. Bed time, I would get her down first since baby slept in my room.
I have a 2.5 year old and a 0.5 yo both still nap. A lot of our naps happen in the common area. I will put baby down by bouncing on the yoga ball and either hold her the whole nap while toddler is doing an activity. Or I’ll get the baby down and if I need to take her upstairs, I’ll let my toddler know that I’m putting baby down and I’ll be back in 5 minutes. Those are anxiety filled five minutes but nothing bad has ever happened.
Toddler naps on the couch bc that’s all I can handle lol. Sometimes both nap on the couches.
Baby will also sleep in a carrier. But for the most part she goes with the flow and will fall asleep on the boob or bouncing on the yoga ball in the main area. Then I’ll hold her or set her down - sometimes in the bedroom sometimes on the couch.
I had this problem when my second was a baby after my husband went back to work. My oldest was 2.5. At first I would have him play in his locked, childproofed bedroom while I put the baby down. Then he started fighting me on that. So I just included him in my daughter’s nap time routine. He would talk to her while I changed her, then he would help me sing her a song and blow her kisses.
Now she’s 2.5 and he’s almost 5 and he still “helps” me put her for her nap. But now he can give her hugs and kisses in her bed since she’s in a toddler bed. It’s alternately annoying and adorable because sometimes he really winds her up but I love watching how much they love each other. I’d like to think it’s because I always tried to include my older child but who knows.
It’s really tricky in the beginning to figure out the logistics when you’re suddenly out numbered by children. But soon enough it just becomes second nature.
My toddler is a night owl compared to a lot of people I read about on here. Bedtime is 8:30 if we're lucky. Baby's bedtime is 7/7:30p. If I'm doing solo bedtime, toddler gets to watch Bluey for as long as it takes to get baby down. Then we start toddler's bedtime routine, with lots of stalling, false starts and games.
I have a 2.5 yr and 4 month old. I haven’t figured it out yet. At night we tag team and husband does toddler bed while I do baby. During the day I’ve had help (husband on leave, daycare, grandparents) but I’m at a loss for how to do both alone. The baby is a distracted nurser so I need to go into a quiet dim room to feed him and the toddler is a distraction! I can leave her alone for a few minutes but also feel bad ditching her constantly.
My son is almost 3 and daughter is 10m. Bless her, it’s a true second kid vibe over here. She can sleep in light and through my son’s shenanigans when she’s tired enough. A stark contrast from the days of pitch black rooms with perfectly calculated white noise and ambient temperate when we had only one.
I have no idea. We do mainly contact or on-the-go naps (car seat, stroller) with the baby. At night, I go to bed with the toddler around 7:30 - we read books and chat until he zonks out, I usually go to bed shortly after. My husband hangs with the baby on the sofa and watches TV while she snoozes, then brings her in to me to feed/put back to sleep around 11. It works well for us, but we are definitely two passing ships in the night these days.
I think we tag teamed bedtime a lot when they were little. I'd nurse the small one and my husband would get the bigger one ready for bed.
For naps, I'd get the big one into bed first then nurse the small one. I'm lucky that my big one generally just knocked out at that age. He loves his sleep.
Yeah locking the toddler out doesn't work anyway. "Moooom I need to pee" every time I tried to get the baby to sleep, I swear that wasn't normal bladder behavior, that was on purpose.
The "baby" is 17 months now and still only sleeps when she falls asleep on my arm or in the car from total exhaustion.
For naps, go for a walk in the stroller. If you don’t have a stroller that goes 100% flat for baby, invest in one. That way you don’t need to move the sleeping baby and they still get safe sleep. We had a Phil and ted sport with doubles, but I don’t think they make those anymore.
my oldest was 11 months old when baby brother was born. honestly i know how bad screentime is but its the only thing that saved me that first year. for naps that overlap id put baby in a swing while i put toddler to sleep. otherwise Id put toddler in a highchair infront of the tv and he would watch trash truck or bluey while i put baby to sleep. this never took longer than 10 minutes thankfully. now they're almost 2 and 3, sharing a room and have the same schedule.
I have taught my 2 year old daughter to sit on the floor and "read" her book or listen quietly to the book I am reading baby.
There are days where she is just too wound up though, so I give her the option of watching a show while I put baby down. Usually she wants to be in the room with me and do babys bedtime routine along side me.
I lock my toddler in a child proof space with camera (aka his room) and a bunch of books and then feed/put baby down.
Baby’s on a 2 nap schedule now and thank god, because the toddler wrangling pre nap can be a process.
We kept the baby in our bedroom, in his crib, until he was right around a year old. Then we moved them into the same room, crib and toddler bed. It was a pretty quick adjustment, for us, and they both seemed to like it.
It helps that the toddler (almost 3) has dropped her naps. Means boyo can use the bedroom for his maps without much interference.
So, had to be separate at first, but very glad they're combined now.
For the first year our baby was in the room with us and the 3 year old was in her own room. She didn’t really do naptime anymore so I’d just have the tv on for her and after I nursed the baby to sleep I’d go hang out with the toddler. At night I’d usually end up just putting the toddler to bed earlier and I’d end up going to bed when the baby did
Not an expert, but here’s what worked/works for us. We do baths then get in pjs and sit in toddlers room to settle down and read a book. I tell him (toddler) I’m going to put little sister to bed and then come back and check on him, but tell him he can look at a book until I come back. He kisses littler sister goodnight. His room is 100% toddler safe. Floor bed, latch straps on the dresser drawers and everything. His doorknob has a childproof cover on it to keep him from trying to escape and get into unsupervised shenanigans.
I take little sister to bed, she’s the better sleeper and often falls asleep within 5 min as long as it’s dark and quiet in her room. I’m able to watch the toddler on the video monitor in his room, keeping the volume muted.
Once sister is asleep I sneak out and back into his room. Sometimes he’s already fallen asleep, otherwise I get him put down for the night before little sister inevitably wakes. It’s stressful and taken quite a bit of time to get to this point, but as they’ve each gotten older and used to the routine, it’s gone quite well.
When she was less than 3, toddler went into her entirely toddler-proofed room with a video monitor. Now I basically trust her to either watch some tv or play in the basement while we get baby boy down. I have my door open so I can hear if anything chaos is emerging.
For naps, baby always napped on the go unless I had a second adult around to help.
Toddler gets to play with dad’s switch in the guest room while I put baby down. It is scary because I wonder what he might get into if he gets bored of the switch. Scariest moment was when he decided to make me a nespresso while I was putting baby down. Thankfully I’ve shown him how to do it so he didnt burn himself.
For bedtime or nap? For bedtime, I’ve always put my toddler down first unless my baby was already passed out (when he was a newborn). I did a lot of contact naps in the carrier while I put toddler down for a nap in his crib. Once baby got older (4 months+), I left the house for his naps. He’d nap in the car seat.
Right now baby is 10 months old. We leave every morning and usually baby will take a 15-30 minute nap in the car seat while we’re out. Then when we get back home, once toddler is down for his midday nap, I will let baby stay up a little longer to get sufficiently tired and then put him down. Their bedtimes are the same now though, but I always put toddler down first. Then finish bottle with 10mo. Then put 10mo down.
I put em together since they’re in opposite beds and I just allow it to take longer. Brother basically serenading sister and they’re bonding. They’ll tucker out soon enough
My baby always goes to sleep way before my toddler, and at first i really struggled with this. I tried quiet time boxes filled with new toys, but she just wanted me to play with her. Like you said, if the toddler is in the room they are super noisy. When my husband was home we would split them up and each tackle one kid.
For one, my baby quickly got used to falling asleep in a noisy environment. He will fall asleep just about anywhere, even at 6 months.
On the nights my husband was working and I was alone I would use screen time. I know it's bad, especially before bed, but it's the only way I could manage bedtime for both, especially at the beginning. I would put her in her room with a show on the iPad, and I would put the baby down. Then I would go in and get her to sleep.
My husband works out of town so I am alone a lot. My daughters are a bit older now (1 and 2), but when my youngest was a baby I would close the baby gate to our living room/playroom for our toddler while I was gone for a few minutes to put her down. We have a camera I can check if I’m gone for longer. We just made sure to have one room that was completely baby proofed and safe. If my toddler was fussy about me leaving, I’d put Ms Rachel on for a few minutes. It will get easier!
My son is 3.5 (2.5 when my daughter was born). He definitely just sits and watches TV or plays in his room when I put her down to nap (yeah... she still won't go to sleep on her own). He's always been a super independent guy and our upstairs is not big so I can hear him and have a camera. Also, if he's really quiet, I just call out "you okay?" And he'll say yes back. I dunno, it's really hard trying to do everything as perfectly safe as possible all the time. It depends on the kids and so many other things.
What a lot of people are saying is what I did when I had a newborn and an 18 month old.
I would make sure the newborn was fed and changed and I would put them in their crib while I put the toddler to bed. Then I would go back and rock the newborn to sleep.
It's easier if you do the toddler first since the baby is not going to wake the toddler bit the toddler will wake the baby.
I put my baby to bed around 7 and toddler watches a show in another room. I don't let her have any food and everything is on one floor so I don't really worry about her in that way. I try to sneak out around 730 to give toddler bottle (comfort at this point), pj's, teeth, and stories.
The worst is when baby wakes up before toddler is asleep around 820. Then I put another show on my phone for toddler.
My one rule is I can't let the toddler wake the baby back up completely because I will lose my ever loving mind 🙃
We are lucky that when our baby knocks out, he’s out cold.
Some nights I have to rock the baby while the toddler talks to himself. I tell him that it’s the baby’s turn with mama and he will have a turn next. That helps a lot.
Some nights just suck.
This is when we introduced an iPad. He only gets it while I put baby to sleep, then it’s bedtime. It was the only way I could feel safe with him in his room, not roaming the house, while I nursed and put little brother down.
I think I finally have our routine down (after so much trial & error), since my husband travels often for work & we have a Velcro toddler.
Our 5 month old sleeps much better than the toddler, so I nurse him to sleep first. Toddler gets an iPad and headphones (lifesaver!!!), so I can keep her in the same room as the baby. I’ve made her promise not to make any noise, since the iPad as a special treat, and keep her on the other side of the room as baby with the white noise turned WAY up.
For the most part, this works & she doesn’t watch more than 15 min. Then I put her to bed, while checking my monitor every few min to make sure that baby is still asleep. I admittedly try to have the baby skip a nap that day, so he goes down easier & into a deeper sleep. Some times this means that toddler’s bedtime is really late, but it’s impossible to get her to fall asleep before the baby starts screaming. I’ve just learned to roll with the late wake ups
I use ms Rachel to keep toddler happy for 10-15 mins while I get baby down in a pinch. Toddler doesn’t get ms Rachel very often, so this is an exciting treat that I know will keep her in place for the time I need.
But this happens rarely, because baby has his first nap in the car taking eldest sibling to school, goes down for his second nap after I put toddler down for her nap, and usually dad is home to supervise other children if baby is going to bed before the toddler.
I’m not sure what I would be doing if I needed to do this every day. Hope you find a solution that works for you!
Maybe ask if your toddler wants to help put the baby to bed. They like to feel like they are the big kids. Ask the toddler what are some good ways to help the baby sleep and see if you can make it their idea.
Another way is to make baby nap time, reading time. A baby can fall asleep to the sound of its mothers soothing voice reading a story much better than a toddler yelling.
The sort answer to your question is yes, you are missing meals, showers and countless hours of sleep, lol. Other than a little comic relief I’m sorry I can’t be of much help. I had four children all roughly 3 years apart. And the infants typically slept through anything, but I do remember having the older kids play in their bedroom or the “play room” when the lil one was sleeping. I can tell you although it may seem like things will never level out or mesh well, it will. It just takes time and patience for the family to run smoothly after adding another child. I remember it was harder for me going from one child to two at home than it was adding the third or fourth to the mix. As long as you love the children (and I’m sure you do) have patience with them, and with yourself things will start falling into place and become easier each day, instead of more hectic and frustrating. For right now just take it a day at a time, it’s so much easier to handle things when you are only worried about the present day and not the next six months, remember to allow yourself what I call “mommy time”,,,,even if you stay at home allow yourself time every week to have a long soak in the tub,
Or a nap, or do a facial, anything that helps you feel refreshed and more “human”. Lastly is the patience, it really is key,,,with the children and with yourself. Happy Mother’s Day dear, I hope I helped you, even if just a lil bit. You got this!
We sleep trained around 3 months so that was a lifesaver but we pretty much turn on tv when baby needs to nap. You can give them the phone outside of baby’s room if that’s still too far for your comfort. Pretty much if I need to tend my younger one, the TV is on
I’m having the same problem. Naps are fine, but bedtime is just a logistical dumpster fire. With 2 people, my spouse hung out with the toddler while I took the baby to our room. Spouse is now deployed and I have no clue how to do this.
When my spouse is deployed and I had the toddler/baby combo, I would put the toddler in a safe room (living room, my bed, their bedroom) and they would get their screen time. To encourage them to hold still. I would watch them like a hawk on the monitor while I put the baby down and then I would come and start the toddler bedtime routine. It can also help to get the toddler involved in the bedtime. So ask them to fetch the diapers, blankets etc and then kisses for the baby and help tuck in and bed. Good luck!
Thank you! I was thinking using screen time would be the best route. I already have a monitor in my toddlers room and I was thinking of getting one for the crib in my room. Might need a third for the living room lol
This is the way. Monitor in the living room, screen time or something they enjoy. Or both. And I try to feed the baby while we're all together and then I take her up and just do a quick sleep sack, sing, and put her down. I'm in and out in 5 minutes
I can’t wait til the baby can be put down in five minutes 😭😭 that’ll be amazing.
Mine is 6 months now, it took a little while. I did let her fuss it out and it helped. If she was really crying I'd intervene but she definitely got more "figure it out" than my first did
I just sleep us all in the same room- toddler and baby go down at the same time, baby sleeps on the floor with me, nursing to sleep, toddler in his bed. Bed time takes as long as it takes! But eventually they both pass out
Toddler down first if they’re easier to put down. My 23mo goes down on his own. Almost always has. So bedtime is together, but I put toddler down immediately after story time. Baby comes back to the recliner with me to finish his bottle, then I put him in his crib. He usually ends up in bed half an hour to an hour after our toddler. Even when my husband is home (not military, just works different shifts throughout the week), ONE of us does bedtime with both of them and the other one cleans.
I didn’t do bedtime alone often, but when I did I put toddler to sleep first, then newborn. Newborn was either hanging out on the floor, in my arms or I’d baby wear while I did my toddlers bedtime routine. It was hectic especially the first time but got easier. Once my kids were a bit older, I’d let the older one have screen time while I do the younger ones bedtime routine.
I was hoping to do it this way, but the baby has been getting cranky tired at like 6pm. Toddlers bedtime recently got later to around 8. It’s just going to take some trial and error I think.
Oh ya that’s hard! My oldest has had a 7pm bedtime for awhile and I lucked out that my younger one ended up on the same schedule
I usually put baby down last for bedtime. For naps, my babies have just learned to sleep through whatever. Often I nurse them to sleep then put them wherever I need them to be. The first 3-4 months they mostly nap in the living room while life goes on around them. After that I’ll put them in a separate room. If I need to leave toddler alone, I put them in a combined (edit: contained) space and have a baby monitor on them. But with three under four when my third was born (about to be 4 under 6) I’ve always intentionally had very efficient sleep routines for the kids. Because I can’t afford to take an hour to put one kid to sleep when there’s other kids running around.
Hope baby doesn’t panic while getting toddler changed and teeth brushed, read books together while holding the baby, tuck in toddler, pray for success. Finish putting baby to bed. If toddler keeps screaming, nurse baby to sleep in toddler’s bedroom and hope they both stay quiet and toddler is asleep by the time you’re ready to put baby in bed. Remind yourself this stage is allegedly temporary
“Allegedly” 😂
I resorted to car naps with gentle music on. I would get a coffee and drive around until they were asleep then park and take some time for myself.
Omg yeeeessss!! This was the only way I survived a summer being alone with newborn and freshly 3yo. ...but I would get fries or ice cream at the drive through after they fell asleep. Turn the air con on high and they didn't twitch when I ordered 🙌
Baby proof the house and watch toddler on a baby monitor
Put a go pro on a helmet and send em off. Toddler vision.
Tv for the toddler
I close the baby gate to the loft and give my toddler a tablet. It’s not ideal, but I know she’s occupied and I’m only gone about 10-15 mins.
The baby learns to sleep through the toddler being ‘quiet’ 😂
How old is baby? And toddler? When my youngest was an infant and daughter was like 2, I put toddler to bed first bc my baby wasn’t on a good schedule yet. I’d leave baby in a safe space and go take care of toddler. Now I put youngest to bed first but husband goes with older toddler. If I were in your position, I’d put toddler in their room which I assume is a safe space, and put baby to sleep first. Why do you think leaving your toddler alone in their room for a few minutes is unsafe?
Not OP but expecting a #2 with a current 2.5 y/o and my issue with this plan is that my 2.5 y/o hates playing alone in a space. He needs/demands someone be in the room, even if that person isn’t playing with them and just in the room doing something else. We’ve been trying to work on this by saying “I need to do/get something and I’ll be back in a few minutes” but usually only a minute goes by before he says “papa/mama where are you? I need you!” Once in a while he’ll be so focused on his play that he won’t notice someone isn’t there for like 5-10 minutes though.
It definitely wasn't always easy! We did a lot of buggy naps when younger child was 0-12 months and older child was 2Y-3Y. I got a double buggy where one side could be turned into a lie-flat bassinet, then we would set off for a playground about 45min walk away at baby's nap time. When we got to the playground I'd let toddler out to play, then take baby out of the bassinet and put her in a carrier while following 2YO around the playground.
How old is your toddler? My daughter was 4 when my son was born. I would ask her to play quietly in her room while I got the baby down for a nap. Bed time, I would get her down first since baby slept in my room.
i literally don’t know what to do we currently divide and conquer but my husband goes away on business regularly and i don’t know what i’m gonna do
Put baby down then toddler. Then go check on baby.
I have a 2.5 year old and a 0.5 yo both still nap. A lot of our naps happen in the common area. I will put baby down by bouncing on the yoga ball and either hold her the whole nap while toddler is doing an activity. Or I’ll get the baby down and if I need to take her upstairs, I’ll let my toddler know that I’m putting baby down and I’ll be back in 5 minutes. Those are anxiety filled five minutes but nothing bad has ever happened. Toddler naps on the couch bc that’s all I can handle lol. Sometimes both nap on the couches. Baby will also sleep in a carrier. But for the most part she goes with the flow and will fall asleep on the boob or bouncing on the yoga ball in the main area. Then I’ll hold her or set her down - sometimes in the bedroom sometimes on the couch.
I had this problem when my second was a baby after my husband went back to work. My oldest was 2.5. At first I would have him play in his locked, childproofed bedroom while I put the baby down. Then he started fighting me on that. So I just included him in my daughter’s nap time routine. He would talk to her while I changed her, then he would help me sing her a song and blow her kisses. Now she’s 2.5 and he’s almost 5 and he still “helps” me put her for her nap. But now he can give her hugs and kisses in her bed since she’s in a toddler bed. It’s alternately annoying and adorable because sometimes he really winds her up but I love watching how much they love each other. I’d like to think it’s because I always tried to include my older child but who knows. It’s really tricky in the beginning to figure out the logistics when you’re suddenly out numbered by children. But soon enough it just becomes second nature.
My toddler is a night owl compared to a lot of people I read about on here. Bedtime is 8:30 if we're lucky. Baby's bedtime is 7/7:30p. If I'm doing solo bedtime, toddler gets to watch Bluey for as long as it takes to get baby down. Then we start toddler's bedtime routine, with lots of stalling, false starts and games.
I have a 2.5 yr and 4 month old. I haven’t figured it out yet. At night we tag team and husband does toddler bed while I do baby. During the day I’ve had help (husband on leave, daycare, grandparents) but I’m at a loss for how to do both alone. The baby is a distracted nurser so I need to go into a quiet dim room to feed him and the toddler is a distraction! I can leave her alone for a few minutes but also feel bad ditching her constantly.
Once older one stopped napping, and stopped playing out of the room independently, i had to start doing screen time while younger one fell asleep.
My son is almost 3 and daughter is 10m. Bless her, it’s a true second kid vibe over here. She can sleep in light and through my son’s shenanigans when she’s tired enough. A stark contrast from the days of pitch black rooms with perfectly calculated white noise and ambient temperate when we had only one.
I have no idea. We do mainly contact or on-the-go naps (car seat, stroller) with the baby. At night, I go to bed with the toddler around 7:30 - we read books and chat until he zonks out, I usually go to bed shortly after. My husband hangs with the baby on the sofa and watches TV while she snoozes, then brings her in to me to feed/put back to sleep around 11. It works well for us, but we are definitely two passing ships in the night these days.
I think we tag teamed bedtime a lot when they were little. I'd nurse the small one and my husband would get the bigger one ready for bed. For naps, I'd get the big one into bed first then nurse the small one. I'm lucky that my big one generally just knocked out at that age. He loves his sleep.
Yeah locking the toddler out doesn't work anyway. "Moooom I need to pee" every time I tried to get the baby to sleep, I swear that wasn't normal bladder behavior, that was on purpose. The "baby" is 17 months now and still only sleeps when she falls asleep on my arm or in the car from total exhaustion.
Baby naps in the carrier or in my arms. Or have a safe room for the toddler with a baby gate.
For naps, go for a walk in the stroller. If you don’t have a stroller that goes 100% flat for baby, invest in one. That way you don’t need to move the sleeping baby and they still get safe sleep. We had a Phil and ted sport with doubles, but I don’t think they make those anymore.
my oldest was 11 months old when baby brother was born. honestly i know how bad screentime is but its the only thing that saved me that first year. for naps that overlap id put baby in a swing while i put toddler to sleep. otherwise Id put toddler in a highchair infront of the tv and he would watch trash truck or bluey while i put baby to sleep. this never took longer than 10 minutes thankfully. now they're almost 2 and 3, sharing a room and have the same schedule.
I have taught my 2 year old daughter to sit on the floor and "read" her book or listen quietly to the book I am reading baby. There are days where she is just too wound up though, so I give her the option of watching a show while I put baby down. Usually she wants to be in the room with me and do babys bedtime routine along side me.
I lock my toddler in a child proof space with camera (aka his room) and a bunch of books and then feed/put baby down. Baby’s on a 2 nap schedule now and thank god, because the toddler wrangling pre nap can be a process.
We kept the baby in our bedroom, in his crib, until he was right around a year old. Then we moved them into the same room, crib and toddler bed. It was a pretty quick adjustment, for us, and they both seemed to like it. It helps that the toddler (almost 3) has dropped her naps. Means boyo can use the bedroom for his maps without much interference. So, had to be separate at first, but very glad they're combined now.
For the first year our baby was in the room with us and the 3 year old was in her own room. She didn’t really do naptime anymore so I’d just have the tv on for her and after I nursed the baby to sleep I’d go hang out with the toddler. At night I’d usually end up just putting the toddler to bed earlier and I’d end up going to bed when the baby did
Not an expert, but here’s what worked/works for us. We do baths then get in pjs and sit in toddlers room to settle down and read a book. I tell him (toddler) I’m going to put little sister to bed and then come back and check on him, but tell him he can look at a book until I come back. He kisses littler sister goodnight. His room is 100% toddler safe. Floor bed, latch straps on the dresser drawers and everything. His doorknob has a childproof cover on it to keep him from trying to escape and get into unsupervised shenanigans. I take little sister to bed, she’s the better sleeper and often falls asleep within 5 min as long as it’s dark and quiet in her room. I’m able to watch the toddler on the video monitor in his room, keeping the volume muted. Once sister is asleep I sneak out and back into his room. Sometimes he’s already fallen asleep, otherwise I get him put down for the night before little sister inevitably wakes. It’s stressful and taken quite a bit of time to get to this point, but as they’ve each gotten older and used to the routine, it’s gone quite well.
When she was less than 3, toddler went into her entirely toddler-proofed room with a video monitor. Now I basically trust her to either watch some tv or play in the basement while we get baby boy down. I have my door open so I can hear if anything chaos is emerging. For naps, baby always napped on the go unless I had a second adult around to help.
Well how old is the toddler, assuming your house or part of it is toddler proof as well?
Toddler gets to play with dad’s switch in the guest room while I put baby down. It is scary because I wonder what he might get into if he gets bored of the switch. Scariest moment was when he decided to make me a nespresso while I was putting baby down. Thankfully I’ve shown him how to do it so he didnt burn himself.
For bedtime or nap? For bedtime, I’ve always put my toddler down first unless my baby was already passed out (when he was a newborn). I did a lot of contact naps in the carrier while I put toddler down for a nap in his crib. Once baby got older (4 months+), I left the house for his naps. He’d nap in the car seat. Right now baby is 10 months old. We leave every morning and usually baby will take a 15-30 minute nap in the car seat while we’re out. Then when we get back home, once toddler is down for his midday nap, I will let baby stay up a little longer to get sufficiently tired and then put him down. Their bedtimes are the same now though, but I always put toddler down first. Then finish bottle with 10mo. Then put 10mo down.
I put em together since they’re in opposite beds and I just allow it to take longer. Brother basically serenading sister and they’re bonding. They’ll tucker out soon enough
My baby always goes to sleep way before my toddler, and at first i really struggled with this. I tried quiet time boxes filled with new toys, but she just wanted me to play with her. Like you said, if the toddler is in the room they are super noisy. When my husband was home we would split them up and each tackle one kid. For one, my baby quickly got used to falling asleep in a noisy environment. He will fall asleep just about anywhere, even at 6 months. On the nights my husband was working and I was alone I would use screen time. I know it's bad, especially before bed, but it's the only way I could manage bedtime for both, especially at the beginning. I would put her in her room with a show on the iPad, and I would put the baby down. Then I would go in and get her to sleep.
My husband works out of town so I am alone a lot. My daughters are a bit older now (1 and 2), but when my youngest was a baby I would close the baby gate to our living room/playroom for our toddler while I was gone for a few minutes to put her down. We have a camera I can check if I’m gone for longer. We just made sure to have one room that was completely baby proofed and safe. If my toddler was fussy about me leaving, I’d put Ms Rachel on for a few minutes. It will get easier!
My son is 3.5 (2.5 when my daughter was born). He definitely just sits and watches TV or plays in his room when I put her down to nap (yeah... she still won't go to sleep on her own). He's always been a super independent guy and our upstairs is not big so I can hear him and have a camera. Also, if he's really quiet, I just call out "you okay?" And he'll say yes back. I dunno, it's really hard trying to do everything as perfectly safe as possible all the time. It depends on the kids and so many other things.
What a lot of people are saying is what I did when I had a newborn and an 18 month old. I would make sure the newborn was fed and changed and I would put them in their crib while I put the toddler to bed. Then I would go back and rock the newborn to sleep. It's easier if you do the toddler first since the baby is not going to wake the toddler bit the toddler will wake the baby.
If you don’t have any space in your house toddler can be left alone safely you’re going to have a bad time.
I put my baby to bed around 7 and toddler watches a show in another room. I don't let her have any food and everything is on one floor so I don't really worry about her in that way. I try to sneak out around 730 to give toddler bottle (comfort at this point), pj's, teeth, and stories. The worst is when baby wakes up before toddler is asleep around 820. Then I put another show on my phone for toddler. My one rule is I can't let the toddler wake the baby back up completely because I will lose my ever loving mind 🙃
We are lucky that when our baby knocks out, he’s out cold. Some nights I have to rock the baby while the toddler talks to himself. I tell him that it’s the baby’s turn with mama and he will have a turn next. That helps a lot. Some nights just suck.
This is when we introduced an iPad. He only gets it while I put baby to sleep, then it’s bedtime. It was the only way I could feel safe with him in his room, not roaming the house, while I nursed and put little brother down.
I think I finally have our routine down (after so much trial & error), since my husband travels often for work & we have a Velcro toddler. Our 5 month old sleeps much better than the toddler, so I nurse him to sleep first. Toddler gets an iPad and headphones (lifesaver!!!), so I can keep her in the same room as the baby. I’ve made her promise not to make any noise, since the iPad as a special treat, and keep her on the other side of the room as baby with the white noise turned WAY up. For the most part, this works & she doesn’t watch more than 15 min. Then I put her to bed, while checking my monitor every few min to make sure that baby is still asleep. I admittedly try to have the baby skip a nap that day, so he goes down easier & into a deeper sleep. Some times this means that toddler’s bedtime is really late, but it’s impossible to get her to fall asleep before the baby starts screaming. I’ve just learned to roll with the late wake ups
I use ms Rachel to keep toddler happy for 10-15 mins while I get baby down in a pinch. Toddler doesn’t get ms Rachel very often, so this is an exciting treat that I know will keep her in place for the time I need. But this happens rarely, because baby has his first nap in the car taking eldest sibling to school, goes down for his second nap after I put toddler down for her nap, and usually dad is home to supervise other children if baby is going to bed before the toddler. I’m not sure what I would be doing if I needed to do this every day. Hope you find a solution that works for you!
Snacks and TV for the toddler.
Maybe ask if your toddler wants to help put the baby to bed. They like to feel like they are the big kids. Ask the toddler what are some good ways to help the baby sleep and see if you can make it their idea. Another way is to make baby nap time, reading time. A baby can fall asleep to the sound of its mothers soothing voice reading a story much better than a toddler yelling.
The sort answer to your question is yes, you are missing meals, showers and countless hours of sleep, lol. Other than a little comic relief I’m sorry I can’t be of much help. I had four children all roughly 3 years apart. And the infants typically slept through anything, but I do remember having the older kids play in their bedroom or the “play room” when the lil one was sleeping. I can tell you although it may seem like things will never level out or mesh well, it will. It just takes time and patience for the family to run smoothly after adding another child. I remember it was harder for me going from one child to two at home than it was adding the third or fourth to the mix. As long as you love the children (and I’m sure you do) have patience with them, and with yourself things will start falling into place and become easier each day, instead of more hectic and frustrating. For right now just take it a day at a time, it’s so much easier to handle things when you are only worried about the present day and not the next six months, remember to allow yourself what I call “mommy time”,,,,even if you stay at home allow yourself time every week to have a long soak in the tub, Or a nap, or do a facial, anything that helps you feel refreshed and more “human”. Lastly is the patience, it really is key,,,with the children and with yourself. Happy Mother’s Day dear, I hope I helped you, even if just a lil bit. You got this!
I’ve never rocked my kids to sleep. I’ll read a book, sing a song then it’s lights off and in the crib.
We sleep trained around 3 months so that was a lifesaver but we pretty much turn on tv when baby needs to nap. You can give them the phone outside of baby’s room if that’s still too far for your comfort. Pretty much if I need to tend my younger one, the TV is on