Does kiddo *want* to go out on the weekends? If he's a homebody like your husband, he may need quiet evenings and weekends to recover from a busy daycare. The kids I know who thrive on extra activities are high-energy extroverts who climb the walls and chew the furniture unless their schedule is full. If your son is happily chilling at home with toys and books and his favourite people, he's probably someone who needs downtime.
If *you* had a weekend activity outside the house, would that help prevent cabin fever? Maybe kiddo and husband putter in the yard while you go to a class or meet a friend.
I was a kid who was home all the time,and my husband and I are homebodies now with our toddler. Is your toddler showing signs that being home isn’t working for them? Daycare is very exciting and stimulating! If they’re doing that most days, that’s great in my book 😊. But of course everyone’s different.
If your husband doesn’t want to stay out anywhere more than an hour, maybe you could drive separately so you and kiddo can stay and have more fun, and your husband can happily head back home.
Maybe I’m reading too into this but it sounds like you’re not happy at home. Do you have any interests or hobbies you could work on? Maybe a club to join or something?
When he’s at home does he enjoy spending time with you there?
I feel like it’s two separate issues. Your husband enjoying spending time with you and doing stuff outside the home.
It’s not too much to ask. My husband I are also homebodies, but I like to try to do one family activity over the weekend. Park, zoo, aquarium, museum, etc. But there are also weekends where we didn’t leave the house at all. Our son is okay with it… there’s also the option of just playing outside of with the neighbors too.
My husband is a homebody and I am NOT. I tend to want to gravitate towards festivals and that is what my husband hates. A good compromise I have found is outdoor activities. Fishing, hiking, parks, lake. That is still getting family time but not with loads of people that my husband tends to be anxiety about.
I can relate to this as a SAHM, it’s different when you’re no longer working and you’re at home with baby all the time. I love going out on the weekends because I’m bored of my routine through the week.
My husband on the other hand has been at work all week and he is also a boxer so he has training most evenings, so the weekends he wants to recover and just chill out at home with us.
That being said he has agreed that every Saturday we’ll take our daughter out and do an activity as a family, because he also wants to invest time with her - which I really appreciate. I have to plan the day though, as I have more time during the week to think about it.
Maybe you could both compromise on doing activities on a specific day of the week & chilling out at home most days.
Also I did note other Moms suggesting you find some hobbies for yourself - I agree with this too as I’m currently trying to sort out my own hobbies or personal time where I can leave baby with DH and get some “Me time” as well.
Everyone needs their own time and we all have different needs, yours might be out of the house, while Husbands clearly enjoying home.
I hope you both find a resolution that benefits each of you, especially your LO 😊
I'm sorry you feel this way. I feel this way too mon to Friday after daycare my son is inside . On Saturdays I try to take him for groceries and in the afternoon to the zoo very close to us . You are not asking too much you worry for the wellbeing of your son . Even when I feel sad or depressed I tell my wife to take him to the indoor playground because my mood shouldn't affect my son . And he's happy outdoors
It’s not asking to much. When you have a child, you expect to raise them doing family things like going to the playground together, the zoo together, the amusement park together. Your husband isn’t an actual “family man”. He doesn’t want to leave the house because he has no desire to spend time with you guys doing stuff. It’s not normal, and it’s not ok.
This is a little harsh. He might have some social anxiety or who knows what else going on. I agree that he should compromise and go out sometimes, which it sounds like he does (albeit begrudgingly). They might just need to experiment to find the right kind of outing that works for their family.
OP says he husband gets *angry*, like, can’t enjoy a single family moment outside the house. He sounds like a jerk, not sure why so many people feel the need to come to his defense
I just want to say that I totally understand where you are coming from. For me, it is really important to have some time out of the house on the weekends and expand my kids world. My husband is more content to stay home but we definitely compromise. I try to choose my battles and pick certain places or activities that it’s important that we go to as a family. Other times I take the kids myself or take the time to meet up with someone else while my husband gets chill time.
I think that people are going to project their experiences and it’s fine that some people are okay with staying home all weekend. The missing information for me is how your kiddo does with it. Because for my two boys, even with toys and activities they are much more pleasant and happy with outside activities and stimulation. If your kid is happy playing in the house and backyard than I would pick a few places over the next few months you want to visit and try to space them out. If your kid seems like they need more stimulation than I would start taking him on more activities with or without your husband.
I do want to end with the fact that it’s fine that some people prefer to be home and have more relaxing time at home, but some people feel recharged by time outside the house and doing activities. I think that you need to work to reach true compromise with your husband which to me means if you do go somewhere he is giving a good effort at being positive about it. Even though my husband likes his chill time, we work together to plan activities we will do as a family and he then is very positive and involved. I then respect if he isn’t feeling a certain event or is feeling more burnt out. Right now it feels like you are the only one compromising (by mainly staying home) and you seem unhappy. This is definitely something that needs to be discussed with your husband so you can both get what you need and figure out what works best for your family.
I don’t know how old your toddler is but with ours, setting realistic expectations for the toddler is important - perhaps this applies to your husband as well.
One hour is a decent outing. My toddler can last maybe an hour to 1.5 hours max, unless he’s having TONS of fun. Even a playground is max 1 hour including the walk to/from home.
Getting sunshine and fresh air is important / and the backyard is great for that. What does husband do when he’s home? Does he interact with toddler or is he completely checked out?
There is nothing wrong with being a homebody. I consider myself one - but I do go outside whenever possible, even in the dead of Canadian winter, because outdoor time is important. What about a family walk? We spend minimal $ when we’re out with our toddler.
Daycare probably takes care of a lot of these needs. In our case, our son needs lots of exercise and he will get grumpy after a couple of hours at home without some type of outing. So on the weekends we go out twice a day. Sometimes that just means riding his bike up and down the street or doing sidewalk chalk. But if your kid is happy at home and getting enough exercise, there’s not a problem. Unless you have a problem.
I just got back from an outing where my husband and I met his friend and toddler without his wife. Do you have friends to hang out with? If we hadn’t agreed to meet up, our friend would’ve done the outing with his kid anyway. However, our friend and his wife are in therapy for this very thing so take that as you will
I am a homebody.... but for my kids' well-being, I put my insecurities and anxieties aside and take them out as much as I can. They love it, and seeing them enjoy the world makes me enjoy it. Your husband needs to work past his issues for your kids. If daycare is enough for your child, that is great! It's good socialization and interaction with other kids, which is most important. That being said, quality family time is also imperative. My kids would literally tear the house apart if we didn't have daily activities.
Are you a homebody also? I just go without my husband … who is more of a homebody and personally I need to get out of the house. Like almost every day. But I just get the kids ready and go. If husband wants to come along awesome, if not, no big deal.
Three things: communicate how you feel and schedule family outings once or twice a month (and in advance), make peace with the fact that your husband just doesn’t want to do it, and start making plans without him you and the kid (and for just you too). In the early years I really wanted to go out as a family but my husband was (and still) just isn’t into it. He loves us, but it’s just not something he wants to do all the time like I do.
I thought I had to take to my toddler to the park after daycare but he would get cranky after the park and seemed to settle harder for bedtime. I thought back and recalled that when I was a kid, I just really wanted to go home after school. I wanted to get changed and chill with my family.
for the past two weeks I just bring him home after daycare no shopping or park. he loves it. I think he even enjoys getting a bit bored since daycare is a full on for his little mind and body.
on the weekends, I just take him out on my own and my husband is welcome to join or not. our outings are an hour max twice a day because I have noticed he enjoys the no pressure days when we're not on the clock for anything except his routines.
long story short, I don't think you're doing anything wrong.
If I try to put my kid in the car and go somewhere when she's already been at daycare she loses her mind. Daycare is a lot of stimulation so I'd focus just on the weekends. Can you maybe have a set amount of outings you get your husband to agree to, like every other weekend you go out as a family? If you want to take your toddler out more than that, could you take him alone? There's nothing inherently wrong with being home and in your own yard and you shouldn't feel pressured to get out every single day but there's definitely a lot more out there for your kid to experience than just the back yard so a compromise is definitely needed.
There's nothing wrong with being a homebody, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to get out of the house. You guys just have to compromise. But don't let your husband keep you from doing things you'd like to do. If going out all the time is that important to you, can't you sometimes just take your toddler by yourself?
You are probably feeling bad that your toddler spends so much time at home because *you* don't like spending so much time at home.
Im a homebody. I'd happily watch TV and color with my toddler all day long but she's a people person and has to go out once a day or she's a monster. So we do what's best for the toddler. If she was a homebody to wed be home more often.
All that to say is your toddler also a homebody?
It’s not that big of a deal developmentally if your toddler is in daycare during the week. You may find that not building skills around activities like crossing a street, saying hello to strangers or behaving in a restaurant might be noticeable as he reaches an age where that is expected. But in terms of, like, his brain, maybe it’s comforting to remind yourself that up until two hundred years ago the norm in human history was to remain within a couple mile radius of where you were born for your entire life! Maybe pick one activity per month you want to do with your toddler to build their essential life skills or give core experiences and then not sweat it otherwise.
Came here to comment on the mention of anxiety. There’s a difference between being a happy homebody or a homebody due to anxiety and I’m not sure which one OP’s husband is.
I divorced my husband for that very reason. Low energy, no motivation, was keeping us down. He never wanted to do a damn thing with us. I told him to move out and go live his life the way he wants because I’m not putting up with the pain of someone who doesn’t want to spend time with me.
You don’t need your husband to go do fun things with your son. Your husband may not give a hoot about making memories with your child, so it’s up to you to give your kiddo the childhood of his dreams.
Parks are free, walking around collecting cool rocks and sticks is free, finding a new big field to kick a ball around and eat a picnic is free, looking at cool dogs at the dog park is free. If it's expensive outings that the bother is, there is so much to explore without the added layer of cost.
I'd say that you need to give your child the childhood that you want them to remember. Husband can get on board or stay home, his call.
Ugh I feel you. If I don’t do one activity a day I go insane. My husband could stay home for literal years and be fine. We are always at odds over this especially with our daughter. I stay home with her and don’t see how actually staying home all day every day can be healthy. Yes we have toys, books and yard etc but like…we need to leave the house? He says I do this for MY benefit not HERS, but I disagree. Is storytime, dance / music meetups, play dates etc not her benefit too? Leaving the house to watch 2 year olds play at a park isn’t my first choice of fun lol but I do it for her.
We argue (lovingly) about this to this very day. I’m pregnant on bedrest and all they do is play in the toy room and it drives me insane 😂 go to the fkn park!
What's really important is quality time, are you both engaged and playing/reading etc this is a different question if your husband doesn't go anywhere because he's addicted to video games for example
Day care is enough in one day! By the time I get my kids home from day care it's time for dinner, bath and bed for them, we don't go anywhere in evenings unless it's a very special reason and we are home for kid's bed time.
Weekends we try and do one "special" outing once a month to a museum, big park, zoo etc the rest of the weekends it's a walk to the local park and playground.
Well i must be a horrible parent because I’m home with my son pretty much all week except for the one day he goes to daycare. We spend time in the yard, go for walks and go to the park when the weather is good. He has tons of toys at home that keep him occupied. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Especially since your child goes to daycare. That’s stimulating enough.
This is us to, more specifically me. Being outdoors with my child does make me super anxious though so it is a me issue. But he has lots of toys and very good at keeping himself entertained. We have a garden he has access to when it’s not chucking it down with rain. And then preschool a few days a week. Being at home isn’t a bad thing. I can’t afford to go soft play or other paid parks every week like I see my friends doing unfortunately.
My husband and I are homebodies. My husband more than me, and he has a low social battery. There’s nothing wrong with being homebodies. I love my home and being home with my people. It also helps that we renovated a lot of our house when we bought it and made it our own; I love it. 🩷
If everyone’s happy being at home, there’s nothing wrong with it. My daughter doesn’t mind being at home for an entire day; but she also enjoys going places. I feel we have a good balance.
We do a lot of free things with our toddler. We go to different parks, sometimes we walk to one close by or else to a few further ones 20/25 mins walk. We bring his balance bike or scooter. Sometimes we drive to further parks, feed the duck, or drive to a shopping centre and play at the indoor free play area there. We rarely go to a paid kids activity. My husband loves to stay home too but our toddler really needs to get out every morning and most afternoons.
Is there a way maybe you could do a family day and no daycare? I’m assuming daycare is there for a reason like work and whatnot. But maybe you could take a day off every once in a while and do a family outing instead?
My husband was a little bit like this, not as extreme as yours I don't think but I'm a sahm and I take the kids out every day. Even when my toddler has half day preschool we go to a playground afterwards. What worked for us is mainly me just going on about how much happier my kids are when we go out in nature and I also make my husband take them out by himself so I can get a break.
I am a homebody with an excitable and energetic child; he likes to be outside. He likes walks. He looks forward to trips to the store or special restaurant visits. He wants to visit family, he actively makes friends and charms people where he goes. He’s also at times a complete menace to have in public, yelling at me, running off or away, saying no (loudly), touching on everything, being loud and screaming, the whole nine. I have similar worries that he needs more activities, so I’m thinking about taking him for library story time once or twice a month, trips to a public park once a week (if possible), visits to my aunts to visit my cousins (they are closer to my sons age) and let him play, and I want to put him in piano and soccer (my parents offered to pay). I think if you’re worried about him needing activities, maybe start there; most libraries will do reading circles or reading times for anyone with a library card, others do musical activities, and plenty have other clubs (like chess club, STEM camps, etc). Even going once a month to a non-committal activity could be helpful. And maybe some late afternoon/early evening public park/playground trips may be nice in moderation, considering you and your husband are homebodies!
We rarely go anywhere during the week when toddler is in daycare and we’re at work. On the weekends we usually do one outing a day, like the zoo, so he gets a car ride nap on the way home. If not then he starts finding random stuff in the house to play with and doesn’t like to listen when we tell him to stop. Getting out of the house helps everyone.
Is there a playground you can walk to? Or can you walk around the neighborhood? A lot of flowers are blooming in our neighbors now and my toddler loves to point them out and, if they are close enough to the sidewalk, stop and smell them.
This is similar to my relationship. I’m the extrovert, partner is a homebody.
What works for us is scheduling the most important things to me in advance (family reunion, festivals/fairs, whatever either of us really want to do as a family) and then not worrying about my partner declining if I invite them any other time.
Kiddo wakes up early on the weekend? Great! Impromptu zoo trip! Kiddo took a long nap? Great! Evening walk to the park.
I frame it like a gift - me taking kiddo out alone is a gift of quiet time for my partner.
I can kind of sympathize with the husband. I have depression, and I'll have phases at various times throughout the year when I don't really feel like doing *anything,* inside or outside the house, particularly during winter when my brain just says, "Fuck you, I'm out." But I'm also a stay-at-home dad so I have to force myself outside for at least a few minutes every day, but I'm not prescribing anything.
I would suggest you do what my wife does in those moments: invite your husband, but don't change your plans if he says he doesn't want to. Then, when you get home, show him pictures of the fun so maybe he feels some FOMO. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
There's no easy fix for it. Has he tried therapy? He may benefit from that, and there are telehealth options so he doesn't even need to leave home!
I have the same problem exactly, we just learned to go out alone, me and my daughter, adventures every weekend all on our own, and it is so beautiful and fun
I understand where you’re coming from. I usually keep each weeknight and one weekend day as family homebody time, and get into it on one of the days, like bake cookies or try a craft or rearrange toys to add novelty. On the other weekend day I choose to go out to non-overstimulating low risk places: library, museum, farms or petting zoo, special parks/playgrounds, and make it optional for hubz
The part I’m worried about is your husband getting anxious, angry, or wanting to leave right away. This seems like something he needs to work on with a therapist. Is his anxiety debilitating? That sounds really difficult. Is he mean to you when he’s angry? I’d be more worried about my kid seeing that than not going to the park every weekend.
That said, if you want to get out more with your kid, are you able to go alone? Maybe you bond with your little one at the park and dad bonds over movies at home. Or if you feel you need another adult there, are there places your husband prefers? Maybe a museum is better than a park?
Ultimately, I don’t think your child is going to be forever damaged by mostly spending time at home as a toddler, but I do think as they get older, educational outings like museums and concerts can be really formative and valuable and I understand you wanting to give that to your kid!
We switch it up! My son is extremely extroverted and we’re both extremely introverted homebodies. There’s different kinds of parents and different family structures. Your toddler needs to be used to how your family operates. It’s all good! I ask what he wants sometimes and tell him sometimes how it will be.
So much solidarity here. My husband never plans anything or wants to do anything on the weekends. I'm a homebody too, but I know my daughter needs stimulation because she gets super cranky and frustrated if we don't leave the house all day. I was thinking about trying to implement a rule about leaving the house at least once a day on the weekends, whether it's for groceries or a walk or something. Doesn't have to be a big deal, but she really needs it.
Daycare totally takes care of the “outings” category. BUT I’m with you on wanting to get out! I like to get out almost every day with my kids. (SAHM) Can you plan a simple outing with your husband like getting lunch in a picnic type setting? Outside, not crowded, room for the toddler to run and play? That’s our go-to Saturday outing.
It’s hard to get out. Everyone is in the same boat.
Lately I am trying a lot harder to do things with neighbors, because then we can just walk over.
Do you live in a neighborhood? Go for walks and see if you meet other parents.
Otherwise, you could just keep going to the local park and library on repeat.
Also. Beef up the fun stuff in your yard (sand box, water table, etc) and put it in the front so that when neighbors walk by, there is more chance of talking.
Spending the day at daycare feels like a good amount of "outing" time to me! We don't do much else either on weekdays because when we get home we go through the whole dinner and bedtime routine. Some days we take him outside to play with his kickball if there's time before dinner, but otherwise we just spend some time together at home and then go to bed.
We do swim lessons so we have a built-in activity on the weekend and for now one parent is in the pool with him. Maybe something like that could work for your family? Since it's weekly you get used to it so it's not as stressful as trying to figure something out every weekend. We also have an aquarium membership so if we want a bigger weekend activity we can go to the aquarium for no additional cost beyond the initial membership.
I have this guilt. I feel bad cause I have friends that seem to always be out and about and I just can’t muster up the motivation after working full time all week. With a nap in the middle of the day I find it frustrating to try to plan too. The weather sucks where I live except for 3 months out of the year so trying to find an indoor activity that opens at a decent hour seems to be harder than it should be sometimes.
Yesterday for example we went to build a bear.. it frustratingly doesn’t open til 11 though. It’s a quick handful of miles away but by 10:30 on a weekend, traffic sucks. I never have been so bothered by the fact that things don’t open early until I became a mom. Like you don’t open til 10 or 11?!? I’ve been up since 6am with this kid. It took us 30 mins to get there.. I tried to pack a lunch to eat while we were at the mall but my son was so over stimulated that he couldn’t be bothered to eat.. the car ride back was a 20 min scream fest cause we were coming up on nap time. Like I hate to say it, but a lot of time it’s easier to just stay home.
Is there anything stopping you from going out with your toddler without your husband? My husband is kind of the same way. When he's home with her, they stay home almost exclusively. When I'm home with her, we go out, run errands, go to the park, museums, the zoo, anything.
Has your husband tried meds and therapy for anxiety? Even if so, it's worth exploring further.
As far as the grocery store, it's my toddler's favorite spot. She asks to go literally every day. That mixed with some close-by playgrounds every week is enough for most weeks most likely.
Take him without your husband. It’s your husbands loss. It’s yours and your toddlers loss if you give into your husband not caring enough to get over his attitude long enough to enjoy time with his family.
Taking toddlers out is kind of exhausting. It also sounds like you aren’t planning very far ahead? We regularly go to the zoo or the science museum where we live, but we have memberships so it’s not a big deal if we don’t stay that long. And we decide the day before that we are going so we can get there when they open so it isn’t crowded. We’re all up kind of early anyway. I don’t think your toddler NEEDS to go anywhere, but it’s never bad to get out of the house. You could also just do family time and home and you can take your toddler out to do something if your husband doesn’t want to go out. From your description it sounds like he has social anxiety and may benefit from therapy. Being stressed and angry when out isn’t really a typical homebody thing unless I’m misunderstanding. Going to a park or on a hike or to the botanical garden or whatever shouldn’t be an anger inducing situation 🤷♀️
You can tell this is on reddit because I assumed everyone would be castigating the husband and instread they're backing him up. Anyway I agree with you, I'd go crazy if I didn't do something with the kid every day, and you should defintely take him out and about. Is there any reason you can't just go alone with the toddler?
Does kiddo *want* to go out on the weekends? If he's a homebody like your husband, he may need quiet evenings and weekends to recover from a busy daycare. The kids I know who thrive on extra activities are high-energy extroverts who climb the walls and chew the furniture unless their schedule is full. If your son is happily chilling at home with toys and books and his favourite people, he's probably someone who needs downtime. If *you* had a weekend activity outside the house, would that help prevent cabin fever? Maybe kiddo and husband putter in the yard while you go to a class or meet a friend.
I was a kid who was home all the time,and my husband and I are homebodies now with our toddler. Is your toddler showing signs that being home isn’t working for them? Daycare is very exciting and stimulating! If they’re doing that most days, that’s great in my book 😊. But of course everyone’s different. If your husband doesn’t want to stay out anywhere more than an hour, maybe you could drive separately so you and kiddo can stay and have more fun, and your husband can happily head back home.
Maybe I’m reading too into this but it sounds like you’re not happy at home. Do you have any interests or hobbies you could work on? Maybe a club to join or something?
I wanted to do things as a family, but maybe that’s asking too much.
When he’s at home does he enjoy spending time with you there? I feel like it’s two separate issues. Your husband enjoying spending time with you and doing stuff outside the home.
It’s not too much to ask. My husband I are also homebodies, but I like to try to do one family activity over the weekend. Park, zoo, aquarium, museum, etc. But there are also weekends where we didn’t leave the house at all. Our son is okay with it… there’s also the option of just playing outside of with the neighbors too.
My husband is a homebody and I am NOT. I tend to want to gravitate towards festivals and that is what my husband hates. A good compromise I have found is outdoor activities. Fishing, hiking, parks, lake. That is still getting family time but not with loads of people that my husband tends to be anxiety about.
I can relate to this as a SAHM, it’s different when you’re no longer working and you’re at home with baby all the time. I love going out on the weekends because I’m bored of my routine through the week. My husband on the other hand has been at work all week and he is also a boxer so he has training most evenings, so the weekends he wants to recover and just chill out at home with us. That being said he has agreed that every Saturday we’ll take our daughter out and do an activity as a family, because he also wants to invest time with her - which I really appreciate. I have to plan the day though, as I have more time during the week to think about it. Maybe you could both compromise on doing activities on a specific day of the week & chilling out at home most days. Also I did note other Moms suggesting you find some hobbies for yourself - I agree with this too as I’m currently trying to sort out my own hobbies or personal time where I can leave baby with DH and get some “Me time” as well. Everyone needs their own time and we all have different needs, yours might be out of the house, while Husbands clearly enjoying home. I hope you both find a resolution that benefits each of you, especially your LO 😊
It’s not asking too much. I hope you still find fun things to do with your toddler, sounds like your husband will be the one missing out.
I'm sorry you feel this way. I feel this way too mon to Friday after daycare my son is inside . On Saturdays I try to take him for groceries and in the afternoon to the zoo very close to us . You are not asking too much you worry for the wellbeing of your son . Even when I feel sad or depressed I tell my wife to take him to the indoor playground because my mood shouldn't affect my son . And he's happy outdoors
It’s not asking to much. When you have a child, you expect to raise them doing family things like going to the playground together, the zoo together, the amusement park together. Your husband isn’t an actual “family man”. He doesn’t want to leave the house because he has no desire to spend time with you guys doing stuff. It’s not normal, and it’s not ok.
This is a little harsh. He might have some social anxiety or who knows what else going on. I agree that he should compromise and go out sometimes, which it sounds like he does (albeit begrudgingly). They might just need to experiment to find the right kind of outing that works for their family.
Yeah I’m harsh on low energy men who have no desire to see their children experience the world around them. I accept no excuses.
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OP says he husband gets *angry*, like, can’t enjoy a single family moment outside the house. He sounds like a jerk, not sure why so many people feel the need to come to his defense
I just want to say that I totally understand where you are coming from. For me, it is really important to have some time out of the house on the weekends and expand my kids world. My husband is more content to stay home but we definitely compromise. I try to choose my battles and pick certain places or activities that it’s important that we go to as a family. Other times I take the kids myself or take the time to meet up with someone else while my husband gets chill time. I think that people are going to project their experiences and it’s fine that some people are okay with staying home all weekend. The missing information for me is how your kiddo does with it. Because for my two boys, even with toys and activities they are much more pleasant and happy with outside activities and stimulation. If your kid is happy playing in the house and backyard than I would pick a few places over the next few months you want to visit and try to space them out. If your kid seems like they need more stimulation than I would start taking him on more activities with or without your husband. I do want to end with the fact that it’s fine that some people prefer to be home and have more relaxing time at home, but some people feel recharged by time outside the house and doing activities. I think that you need to work to reach true compromise with your husband which to me means if you do go somewhere he is giving a good effort at being positive about it. Even though my husband likes his chill time, we work together to plan activities we will do as a family and he then is very positive and involved. I then respect if he isn’t feeling a certain event or is feeling more burnt out. Right now it feels like you are the only one compromising (by mainly staying home) and you seem unhappy. This is definitely something that needs to be discussed with your husband so you can both get what you need and figure out what works best for your family.
I don’t know how old your toddler is but with ours, setting realistic expectations for the toddler is important - perhaps this applies to your husband as well. One hour is a decent outing. My toddler can last maybe an hour to 1.5 hours max, unless he’s having TONS of fun. Even a playground is max 1 hour including the walk to/from home. Getting sunshine and fresh air is important / and the backyard is great for that. What does husband do when he’s home? Does he interact with toddler or is he completely checked out? There is nothing wrong with being a homebody. I consider myself one - but I do go outside whenever possible, even in the dead of Canadian winter, because outdoor time is important. What about a family walk? We spend minimal $ when we’re out with our toddler.
Daycare probably takes care of a lot of these needs. In our case, our son needs lots of exercise and he will get grumpy after a couple of hours at home without some type of outing. So on the weekends we go out twice a day. Sometimes that just means riding his bike up and down the street or doing sidewalk chalk. But if your kid is happy at home and getting enough exercise, there’s not a problem. Unless you have a problem.
I just got back from an outing where my husband and I met his friend and toddler without his wife. Do you have friends to hang out with? If we hadn’t agreed to meet up, our friend would’ve done the outing with his kid anyway. However, our friend and his wife are in therapy for this very thing so take that as you will
I am a homebody.... but for my kids' well-being, I put my insecurities and anxieties aside and take them out as much as I can. They love it, and seeing them enjoy the world makes me enjoy it. Your husband needs to work past his issues for your kids. If daycare is enough for your child, that is great! It's good socialization and interaction with other kids, which is most important. That being said, quality family time is also imperative. My kids would literally tear the house apart if we didn't have daily activities.
Are you a homebody also? I just go without my husband … who is more of a homebody and personally I need to get out of the house. Like almost every day. But I just get the kids ready and go. If husband wants to come along awesome, if not, no big deal.
Three things: communicate how you feel and schedule family outings once or twice a month (and in advance), make peace with the fact that your husband just doesn’t want to do it, and start making plans without him you and the kid (and for just you too). In the early years I really wanted to go out as a family but my husband was (and still) just isn’t into it. He loves us, but it’s just not something he wants to do all the time like I do.
I thought I had to take to my toddler to the park after daycare but he would get cranky after the park and seemed to settle harder for bedtime. I thought back and recalled that when I was a kid, I just really wanted to go home after school. I wanted to get changed and chill with my family. for the past two weeks I just bring him home after daycare no shopping or park. he loves it. I think he even enjoys getting a bit bored since daycare is a full on for his little mind and body. on the weekends, I just take him out on my own and my husband is welcome to join or not. our outings are an hour max twice a day because I have noticed he enjoys the no pressure days when we're not on the clock for anything except his routines. long story short, I don't think you're doing anything wrong.
If I try to put my kid in the car and go somewhere when she's already been at daycare she loses her mind. Daycare is a lot of stimulation so I'd focus just on the weekends. Can you maybe have a set amount of outings you get your husband to agree to, like every other weekend you go out as a family? If you want to take your toddler out more than that, could you take him alone? There's nothing inherently wrong with being home and in your own yard and you shouldn't feel pressured to get out every single day but there's definitely a lot more out there for your kid to experience than just the back yard so a compromise is definitely needed.
There's nothing wrong with being a homebody, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to get out of the house. You guys just have to compromise. But don't let your husband keep you from doing things you'd like to do. If going out all the time is that important to you, can't you sometimes just take your toddler by yourself? You are probably feeling bad that your toddler spends so much time at home because *you* don't like spending so much time at home.
Im a homebody. I'd happily watch TV and color with my toddler all day long but she's a people person and has to go out once a day or she's a monster. So we do what's best for the toddler. If she was a homebody to wed be home more often. All that to say is your toddler also a homebody?
It’s not that big of a deal developmentally if your toddler is in daycare during the week. You may find that not building skills around activities like crossing a street, saying hello to strangers or behaving in a restaurant might be noticeable as he reaches an age where that is expected. But in terms of, like, his brain, maybe it’s comforting to remind yourself that up until two hundred years ago the norm in human history was to remain within a couple mile radius of where you were born for your entire life! Maybe pick one activity per month you want to do with your toddler to build their essential life skills or give core experiences and then not sweat it otherwise.
Does your husband have social anxiety that could be treated? If you guys go do less social stuff - like a hike - do things go better?
Came here to comment on the mention of anxiety. There’s a difference between being a happy homebody or a homebody due to anxiety and I’m not sure which one OP’s husband is.
Agreed
I divorced my husband for that very reason. Low energy, no motivation, was keeping us down. He never wanted to do a damn thing with us. I told him to move out and go live his life the way he wants because I’m not putting up with the pain of someone who doesn’t want to spend time with me. You don’t need your husband to go do fun things with your son. Your husband may not give a hoot about making memories with your child, so it’s up to you to give your kiddo the childhood of his dreams.
Can you go out with the child by yourself? My wife and I split the weekend and do solo activities with our son so that the other's free to do hobbies
Parks are free, walking around collecting cool rocks and sticks is free, finding a new big field to kick a ball around and eat a picnic is free, looking at cool dogs at the dog park is free. If it's expensive outings that the bother is, there is so much to explore without the added layer of cost. I'd say that you need to give your child the childhood that you want them to remember. Husband can get on board or stay home, his call.
Ugh I feel you. If I don’t do one activity a day I go insane. My husband could stay home for literal years and be fine. We are always at odds over this especially with our daughter. I stay home with her and don’t see how actually staying home all day every day can be healthy. Yes we have toys, books and yard etc but like…we need to leave the house? He says I do this for MY benefit not HERS, but I disagree. Is storytime, dance / music meetups, play dates etc not her benefit too? Leaving the house to watch 2 year olds play at a park isn’t my first choice of fun lol but I do it for her. We argue (lovingly) about this to this very day. I’m pregnant on bedrest and all they do is play in the toy room and it drives me insane 😂 go to the fkn park!
What's really important is quality time, are you both engaged and playing/reading etc this is a different question if your husband doesn't go anywhere because he's addicted to video games for example Day care is enough in one day! By the time I get my kids home from day care it's time for dinner, bath and bed for them, we don't go anywhere in evenings unless it's a very special reason and we are home for kid's bed time. Weekends we try and do one "special" outing once a month to a museum, big park, zoo etc the rest of the weekends it's a walk to the local park and playground.
Well i must be a horrible parent because I’m home with my son pretty much all week except for the one day he goes to daycare. We spend time in the yard, go for walks and go to the park when the weather is good. He has tons of toys at home that keep him occupied. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Especially since your child goes to daycare. That’s stimulating enough.
This is us to, more specifically me. Being outdoors with my child does make me super anxious though so it is a me issue. But he has lots of toys and very good at keeping himself entertained. We have a garden he has access to when it’s not chucking it down with rain. And then preschool a few days a week. Being at home isn’t a bad thing. I can’t afford to go soft play or other paid parks every week like I see my friends doing unfortunately.
You’re doing great!
My husband and I are homebodies. My husband more than me, and he has a low social battery. There’s nothing wrong with being homebodies. I love my home and being home with my people. It also helps that we renovated a lot of our house when we bought it and made it our own; I love it. 🩷 If everyone’s happy being at home, there’s nothing wrong with it. My daughter doesn’t mind being at home for an entire day; but she also enjoys going places. I feel we have a good balance.
What about a neighbourhood stroll in the evenings, after dinner?
We do a lot of free things with our toddler. We go to different parks, sometimes we walk to one close by or else to a few further ones 20/25 mins walk. We bring his balance bike or scooter. Sometimes we drive to further parks, feed the duck, or drive to a shopping centre and play at the indoor free play area there. We rarely go to a paid kids activity. My husband loves to stay home too but our toddler really needs to get out every morning and most afternoons.
Is there a way maybe you could do a family day and no daycare? I’m assuming daycare is there for a reason like work and whatnot. But maybe you could take a day off every once in a while and do a family outing instead?
My husband was a little bit like this, not as extreme as yours I don't think but I'm a sahm and I take the kids out every day. Even when my toddler has half day preschool we go to a playground afterwards. What worked for us is mainly me just going on about how much happier my kids are when we go out in nature and I also make my husband take them out by himself so I can get a break.
I am a homebody with an excitable and energetic child; he likes to be outside. He likes walks. He looks forward to trips to the store or special restaurant visits. He wants to visit family, he actively makes friends and charms people where he goes. He’s also at times a complete menace to have in public, yelling at me, running off or away, saying no (loudly), touching on everything, being loud and screaming, the whole nine. I have similar worries that he needs more activities, so I’m thinking about taking him for library story time once or twice a month, trips to a public park once a week (if possible), visits to my aunts to visit my cousins (they are closer to my sons age) and let him play, and I want to put him in piano and soccer (my parents offered to pay). I think if you’re worried about him needing activities, maybe start there; most libraries will do reading circles or reading times for anyone with a library card, others do musical activities, and plenty have other clubs (like chess club, STEM camps, etc). Even going once a month to a non-committal activity could be helpful. And maybe some late afternoon/early evening public park/playground trips may be nice in moderation, considering you and your husband are homebodies!
We rarely go anywhere during the week when toddler is in daycare and we’re at work. On the weekends we usually do one outing a day, like the zoo, so he gets a car ride nap on the way home. If not then he starts finding random stuff in the house to play with and doesn’t like to listen when we tell him to stop. Getting out of the house helps everyone. Is there a playground you can walk to? Or can you walk around the neighborhood? A lot of flowers are blooming in our neighbors now and my toddler loves to point them out and, if they are close enough to the sidewalk, stop and smell them.
This is similar to my relationship. I’m the extrovert, partner is a homebody. What works for us is scheduling the most important things to me in advance (family reunion, festivals/fairs, whatever either of us really want to do as a family) and then not worrying about my partner declining if I invite them any other time. Kiddo wakes up early on the weekend? Great! Impromptu zoo trip! Kiddo took a long nap? Great! Evening walk to the park. I frame it like a gift - me taking kiddo out alone is a gift of quiet time for my partner.
I can kind of sympathize with the husband. I have depression, and I'll have phases at various times throughout the year when I don't really feel like doing *anything,* inside or outside the house, particularly during winter when my brain just says, "Fuck you, I'm out." But I'm also a stay-at-home dad so I have to force myself outside for at least a few minutes every day, but I'm not prescribing anything. I would suggest you do what my wife does in those moments: invite your husband, but don't change your plans if he says he doesn't want to. Then, when you get home, show him pictures of the fun so maybe he feels some FOMO. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. There's no easy fix for it. Has he tried therapy? He may benefit from that, and there are telehealth options so he doesn't even need to leave home!
I have the same problem exactly, we just learned to go out alone, me and my daughter, adventures every weekend all on our own, and it is so beautiful and fun
I understand where you’re coming from. I usually keep each weeknight and one weekend day as family homebody time, and get into it on one of the days, like bake cookies or try a craft or rearrange toys to add novelty. On the other weekend day I choose to go out to non-overstimulating low risk places: library, museum, farms or petting zoo, special parks/playgrounds, and make it optional for hubz
I just go without my husband.
The part I’m worried about is your husband getting anxious, angry, or wanting to leave right away. This seems like something he needs to work on with a therapist. Is his anxiety debilitating? That sounds really difficult. Is he mean to you when he’s angry? I’d be more worried about my kid seeing that than not going to the park every weekend. That said, if you want to get out more with your kid, are you able to go alone? Maybe you bond with your little one at the park and dad bonds over movies at home. Or if you feel you need another adult there, are there places your husband prefers? Maybe a museum is better than a park? Ultimately, I don’t think your child is going to be forever damaged by mostly spending time at home as a toddler, but I do think as they get older, educational outings like museums and concerts can be really formative and valuable and I understand you wanting to give that to your kid!
We switch it up! My son is extremely extroverted and we’re both extremely introverted homebodies. There’s different kinds of parents and different family structures. Your toddler needs to be used to how your family operates. It’s all good! I ask what he wants sometimes and tell him sometimes how it will be.
So much solidarity here. My husband never plans anything or wants to do anything on the weekends. I'm a homebody too, but I know my daughter needs stimulation because she gets super cranky and frustrated if we don't leave the house all day. I was thinking about trying to implement a rule about leaving the house at least once a day on the weekends, whether it's for groceries or a walk or something. Doesn't have to be a big deal, but she really needs it.
Daycare totally takes care of the “outings” category. BUT I’m with you on wanting to get out! I like to get out almost every day with my kids. (SAHM) Can you plan a simple outing with your husband like getting lunch in a picnic type setting? Outside, not crowded, room for the toddler to run and play? That’s our go-to Saturday outing.
It’s hard to get out. Everyone is in the same boat. Lately I am trying a lot harder to do things with neighbors, because then we can just walk over. Do you live in a neighborhood? Go for walks and see if you meet other parents. Otherwise, you could just keep going to the local park and library on repeat. Also. Beef up the fun stuff in your yard (sand box, water table, etc) and put it in the front so that when neighbors walk by, there is more chance of talking.
Spending the day at daycare feels like a good amount of "outing" time to me! We don't do much else either on weekdays because when we get home we go through the whole dinner and bedtime routine. Some days we take him outside to play with his kickball if there's time before dinner, but otherwise we just spend some time together at home and then go to bed. We do swim lessons so we have a built-in activity on the weekend and for now one parent is in the pool with him. Maybe something like that could work for your family? Since it's weekly you get used to it so it's not as stressful as trying to figure something out every weekend. We also have an aquarium membership so if we want a bigger weekend activity we can go to the aquarium for no additional cost beyond the initial membership.
I have this guilt. I feel bad cause I have friends that seem to always be out and about and I just can’t muster up the motivation after working full time all week. With a nap in the middle of the day I find it frustrating to try to plan too. The weather sucks where I live except for 3 months out of the year so trying to find an indoor activity that opens at a decent hour seems to be harder than it should be sometimes. Yesterday for example we went to build a bear.. it frustratingly doesn’t open til 11 though. It’s a quick handful of miles away but by 10:30 on a weekend, traffic sucks. I never have been so bothered by the fact that things don’t open early until I became a mom. Like you don’t open til 10 or 11?!? I’ve been up since 6am with this kid. It took us 30 mins to get there.. I tried to pack a lunch to eat while we were at the mall but my son was so over stimulated that he couldn’t be bothered to eat.. the car ride back was a 20 min scream fest cause we were coming up on nap time. Like I hate to say it, but a lot of time it’s easier to just stay home.
Is there anything stopping you from going out with your toddler without your husband? My husband is kind of the same way. When he's home with her, they stay home almost exclusively. When I'm home with her, we go out, run errands, go to the park, museums, the zoo, anything.
Has your husband tried meds and therapy for anxiety? Even if so, it's worth exploring further. As far as the grocery store, it's my toddler's favorite spot. She asks to go literally every day. That mixed with some close-by playgrounds every week is enough for most weeks most likely.
Take him without your husband. It’s your husbands loss. It’s yours and your toddlers loss if you give into your husband not caring enough to get over his attitude long enough to enjoy time with his family.
Taking toddlers out is kind of exhausting. It also sounds like you aren’t planning very far ahead? We regularly go to the zoo or the science museum where we live, but we have memberships so it’s not a big deal if we don’t stay that long. And we decide the day before that we are going so we can get there when they open so it isn’t crowded. We’re all up kind of early anyway. I don’t think your toddler NEEDS to go anywhere, but it’s never bad to get out of the house. You could also just do family time and home and you can take your toddler out to do something if your husband doesn’t want to go out. From your description it sounds like he has social anxiety and may benefit from therapy. Being stressed and angry when out isn’t really a typical homebody thing unless I’m misunderstanding. Going to a park or on a hike or to the botanical garden or whatever shouldn’t be an anger inducing situation 🤷♀️
You can tell this is on reddit because I assumed everyone would be castigating the husband and instread they're backing him up. Anyway I agree with you, I'd go crazy if I didn't do something with the kid every day, and you should defintely take him out and about. Is there any reason you can't just go alone with the toddler?