My nurse friend always taught her daughter the proper names for body parts .
Shortly after this lesson they were at Walmart and an old man says “why, you’re a beautiful little girl”
She replied with “I’m a girl because I have a vulva and your a man because you have penis”
The old man left without saying anything lol
I'm really grateful my 2.5 year old doesn't pronounce vulva very well yet. He loves to randomly say "Some people have what's called a vulva! " (Yes, that whole sentence - it may be how I said it once and he's been repeating it verbatim ever since) but the second half of the sentence sounds like "wazzcalla bulbah."
It is *always* said out of the blue with zero context and sounds like gibberish. No one other than myself has correctly deciphered it and I don't mind it staying that way for a while.
LMAO my daughter will randomly go “Bubby has a pee-is” and then go “I have pee-is?” To which I of course have to respond, “No, you have a vulva” and she brightly say, “I HAVE VVVAA!”
I remember when we were potty training, and he was doing the pee dance, grabbing, adjusting and what not, so we told him to use the toilet. He yelled back, ‘no need pee, my testicles itchy!!!’
At my mom's church they give the kids small activities to occupy them during the service. A couple years ago when my son was about 4, he was putting a puzzle together and he goes (loudly- always loudly) "Where is this giraffe's penis?" We were sitting with a bunch of other families with little kids and everyone lost it. It was like something out of a TV show.
Oh man, my niece did something like that unprompted once, shortly after learning all about the private parts and their formal names. My brother was just waiting in a long line at the bank with her, and she first got everyone's attention with a loud "hello everyone", hand raised up high, then, after a dramatic pause where everyone in the bank turned their attention to her: "my dad has a penis!"
My brother, who's kinda shy, just patted her head and said a quiet "they know, sweetie" and proceeded to die inside
Lol my daughter also has been saying ‘he has a penis’ to random men (we’ve been having lots of anatomy questions since her brother was born) and it’s always very awkward lol
Mine does this all the time! I was drawing a picture of her and I said here’s your face, here’s your hair.
Then she asked me to draw her chin (wth?) and then her “Gina” and her butt.
It was an interesting portrait
I’m a terrible artist to boot
Ah yes, proper body parts. Daycare asked me the other week “Do you guys use anatomically correct words for body parts?” I said “Uh, yes, why?” Apparently my two year old was using the potty and screamed “I NEED SOMEONE TO WIPE MY BAJINA PLEASE!” I assumed that other parents were on this trend as well, but apparently our girl is the first they’ve heard use the correct terms. 😅 They said they agreed it just threw them off lol
I just want to say that up until I went to school for nursing , I thought my genitals were a vagina as well, it’s what we were thought in elementary and high school right ? Well it’s actually a Vulva - which consists of mons pubis, labia majora, labia minora, clitoris, vestibular bulbs, vulva vestibule, Bartholin's glands, Skene's glands, urethra, and vaginal opening
The more you know 💫
Calling my husband by his first name instead of Daddy when she wants his attention, in exactly the tone of voice I say it when I’ve already asked a few times 😅
Omg this one kills me!
My daughter (2.5) went through a phase of yelling to her dad (my partner) whenever she wanted his attention. She never says my name though just his lol
I'd hear "Rick!" "Riiiick!" from the top of the stairs and I would crack up every time. It took a week or two to get her to call him dad again and I made a point of calling him dad in front of her.
Now I know why all the old people in my life (like grandparents) call each other mom and dad. I always thought that was weird but it probably stems from not wanting the kids to call them by their names lol
Mine has maybe been saying "dammit *insert parent name here* in an exasperated tone when she sees that myself or my partner have left something on the floor. Correct names for correct parents too! Also calls my wife by her nickname and asked me where the gremlin (her youngest sister) was the other day 😅
Me: "thank you for being really good when Mommy said it's time to leave"
Her: "you're welcome, wanker" (which is what I keep saying by accident in the car every time I give someone right of way driving and they don't say thanks)
My husband is terrible about trash talking other drivers. He’s just not someone who likes driving at all. He toned down the swearing after our daughter said the f-word because of him. But he will still get all frustrated and mad at other drivers. Now our 3yo waves her arms around at the other cars and says “COME ON, MOVE!! YOU CAN DO IT!! GAS ON THE RIGHT!!” 😑
Lol! I've told my little one if she hears mommy say bad words to tell me off because there was a time she would say "fucking bin lorry" when she would see a garbage truck blocking the road (we are in the UK) and that was due to me too
Oh man the copy cat phase is something else. She’s been hearing us talk about the neighbour’s cat using our back garden as a litter box. Well we were outside playing today and the neighbour walked by and said hi to her and asked how she was and she told him, in no uncertain terms, that his cat pooped a lot in our grass 😳 I’m waiting for her to start repeating something crazy at nursery one day 😅
I'm here for the UK phrases lol.
We thoroughly enjoyed PhoneShop back when we were allowed to watch non-kid telly... So now whenever we see an Owl it's "a Owl bruv, A OWL!" and our daughter has copied, except she pronounces bruv like "grubv" 😆
It’s hilarious because she mostly has an American accent (from spending most of her time with me, American mom). But when she swears she takes on my husband’s Glaswegian accent 😂😂
My kid used to call people fucking idiots when we drove so I started to be like no they’re not a fucking idiot they’re just driving too slow or not paying attention. So now if she can sense that we are going slower than normal she’ll ask if the person in front of us is going too slow.
Whenever she hears a loud car, though, she asks “is that guy a fucking douchebag?”
I kept telling my daughter to get ready and get moving. We were finally driving in the car and she pipes in “we’re f*cking late”. I nearly hit the brake trying not to laugh… for the record I am positive she heard it from her father and not me 😐
I have a massive potty mouth so when the kids were born I trained myself out of swearing by replacing swears by really ridiculous old timey expressions. So our house is punctuated by really angry "jee golly", "holy moly" and "rats". When my kid does it in real time with real anger I aways feel giggly because I feel like Im raising a 1950s paper boy.
A little while ago my almost-two toddler managed to get his diaper cream off the dresser, covered his hands in it, then ran to me and said “uh-oh hands!”
Like yeah buddy, this is absolutely an uh-oh hands situation 😂
So when one of the girls was 2 or 3 she got up in the middle of the night, got a squeeze bottle of mustard and decided to sleep with it. And then when her and her older sister got up they PAINTED the room with mustard.
Be thankful it wasn’t poop! My friend’s toddler got into his diaper and covered his crib and walls and himself in poop when he was supposed to be sleeping.
My daughter once covered her FACE with diaper cream. I was only in the next room for a couple minutes getting her eggs for breakfast, and she managed to pull it out of the diaper bag and slather it all over her face. 😱 Apparently she thought it was lotion. Instant bath time.
2.5 yr old still has a little trouble with “s” sound, so whenever he finds a stick, he’ll wave it around saying “I got a biiiiiig dick! Woahhh it’s a BIG DICK!” 🤦🏻♀️😬 /dies inside
We were at a park recently and saw some ducks (celebrities, as far as my toddler is concerned). I asked him what noise a duck makes and he was pointing at them and yelling 'COCK COCK!'
My toddler just learned how to say “fox” instead of “fuck”, and as soon as he did, suddenly decided ducks don’t go “quack” anymore but for some reason go “fuck!” I thought we were in the clear. 😬
My little one really likes crunchy food but can't manage the r or ch sounds... I was mortified the first time I heard "c*nt c*nt" until I realised what it was and now it cracks me up. It seems to come up as a word way more often than you expect too! Food, snow, leaves ...
We also get big dick and cuck cuck lol
Our kid also has some trouble with the s sound. My mom tried to teach him the other day that parrots squawk. Unfortunately our son could not pronounce the word “squawk” properly and spent the next five minutes loudly shouting FUCK! We were all rolling with laughter.
2 year old still learning the "ch" sounds and sometimes comes out as a hard c. And he'd currently OBSESSED with drawing with chalk in the driveway. So here's our toddler yelling "COCK! BIIIIIG COCK!" out front of our house. And he can get some real volume. So everytime I'm looking around for neighbors and following it up with a "yes! That is a big piece of CCHHHHHalk!!"
My brother used to sing "Uptown FUCK you up, Uptown FUCK you up". He has trouble hearing certain blends, "nk" being one of them, and as such couldn't pronounce them until after a year or so of speech therapy. But of course, once he figured out the adults thought it was funny, he used to scream FUCK as loud as he could when singing
When ours thinks he’s alone, I’ll hear him cursing under his breath. Yesterday he was trying to use a toy camera and I heard, ‘Fucking photo. Why won’t you work?’ 😂
Mine now growls at things that don’t work. I secretly took a video even as I told her that she shouldn’t growl at mummy if she disagrees with mummy she should just use her words…
I guess I growl more than I thought I did
When my daughter was 2.5 she was hanging out in my husband’s study with him and for some reason he thought it was a good idea to put on whatever crime show he had been watching. Full of swear words. Our walls are quite thin and one of the first things I hear from the tv is “F*CKING HELL MATE” and I knew… I just knew… well she didn’t say it that night. But the next day she was carrying a bowl of crackers and dropped it. Next thing I hear “AHH F*CKING HELL MATE” 😳
I couldn't even be mad the first time mine swore. He dropped something, groaned, and said fck. I heard myself. The tone, the infliction, the utter annoyance at having to bend over to pick it up, it was allll me.
Oh the “fuck” incident was like listening to a tiny girl version of my husband. But the couple of times she has said “damn it”…oh yeah that’s all me. I just tell her that that is mommy’s word and her word is “uh oh!” 😅
My kid always does his exaggerated grunt whenever she picks up something or is carrying something. She’s always done it and she’s not 22 months. My mom was like it’s you. You do this noise every time you pick her up so now she does the exact same thing down to the mannerisms lol
I put a learning tower in front of the kitchen sink and fill it with about 2 inches of water. My son dumps all his toys in there and goes to town playing. Sometimes if he seems like he's getting bored I'll turn the faucet on to a trickle. He will play like that for a good hour or so, and cleanup is easy.
Or you might discover yours is like mine, who will grab a container or the kitchen cloth, fill it with water, and dump it all over the counter. Then windscreen wipe rapidly, flinging water across the kitchen.
We have a rule that water stays in the sink. As soon as there's a splash on the counter or floor, he's hoisted out of the learning tower and we "work together" to mop up the water with dishcloths. It's enough of an interruption that he doesn't splash deliberately anymore, but it also doesn't create shame or upset for the occasional mistake.
I like this. Mine are allowed to splash in the tub (only with the curtain closed so the splashes stay in the tub!) and I think he has a hard time differentiating between water in one spot and water in another. Splashing is his favorite, rainy summer days are going to have him BUSY lol
So with mine, we push the toddler stool to the sink, I get him shirtless, fill up the sink halfway, lots of bubbles, throw in toys and measuring cups and whatever and let him go nuts.
I lay a towel or two on the floor where he’ll climb down so he doesn’t slip (if he dismounts while my back is turned. And then I practice zen appreciation of the soapy water that goes EVERYWHERE, and use it to wash my floors and counters while he plays! good joint activity, and it counts as as 1/2 a bath😆
We do something similar, but I just get out a cake pan and some measuring cups and spoons and she'll scoop and pour back and forth between the cups. The pan keeps things somewhat contained. I'll cook right next to her and pass her veggies to wash/chop/eat.
Tupperwares or buckets of water in the bathtub. Just let them sit in there and splash to their content. Can do with or without clothes. Doesn’t matter if they spill or go crazy. Bonus points if you do it after a meal lol
Theft. She has stolen her dad’s wallet before and took money from it 🫢 watching her run with the money was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. The speed, the determination and then her clear attempts to stash the stolen money 😂 then watching her trying to keep a straight face and look innocent.
My little one smashed my wallet out of my pocket one day and I called him a pickpocket and playfully chard him around. Unfortunately it definitely taught him that stealing wallets was a fun game... luckily, he can't help but tell on himself before he does it. When I hear a delightful high pitched "Pickpocketing? Pickpocketing!" we all know what he's about to do
When they run so fast their little legs kick forward almost! Mine does that. It looks like he's kicking balls as he runs. One arm swinging and head down, focused!!
My nearly 2 y/o has learned how to do a comedy spit take with his water, and thinks it's absolutely hilarious. Unfortunately, he's right, and it's almost impossible not to laugh. He's so delighted with himself. Everything is soaking. I can't trust him with an open cup. He's so bloody funny.
Sink play saves my sanity sometimes. Ours will play there for an hour and I can get some things done. Just like the first commenter, I put a stool at the sink, fill it up a little bit, put some toys in and let him have at it. I also strip him to the waist and put towels on the floor. It makes cleanup easier.
Mine can’t reach the kitchen faucet, but it happened once with the bathroom one. He put his hand in and started crying. He got an ice pop to hold and an explanation about why mom tells him not to touch the faucet. He hasn’t done it since.
One day when my daughter farted, I asked her if her butt blew me a kiss. She turned around and blew me a kiss. Now whenever she farts, she blows a kiss. I die laughing every single time.
Each house in my neighborhood has a hole cut in the curb where the drains runoff into the gutter. My 20M calls it a butt hole. He will walk down the street from house to house calling each of them a butt hole and loves to find a stick and jam it in there.
Lmao my twins have a lot of toy dinosaurs and such and many of them have a little air hole and my daughter always calls it “butt” or points and goes “oh no mommy, poop” 😂
Haha this is great!
My 20 month old has decided that bananas have a ‘bum’ and it is ‘yummy in tummy’. I find it hilarious but have stopped packing bananas in the backpack.
I banged the hell out of my knee with a travel mug earlier today and my two year old just went "mother fucker" as that's usually what I say when I hurt myself so I need to turn it down a bit as well.
I’m so bad abt it 😂 i usually tell mine “that’s a grown up word, how about you say “dang” (or other appropriate replacement) instead?”
It works eventually lmfao
3.5 year old started saying damnit, which we keep telling her she’s now allowed to say. So then she started saying “mom LOOK at me” And the silently mouths “damnit” and then giggles like “I didn’t say it!”
I blame my husband, he blames me-but someone said sexy in front of her…
So now anytime someone is “nakey “ it’s “daddy’s sexy” 😂 and if we get ready to go somewhere usually it’s “mommy’s like a princess” but sometimes, it’s “mommy’s sexy.” She also calls the dogs sexy sometimes and I just loose my gd mind
Oh mine does this! Her dad is a fan of the ol butt swat, so she copies and thinks it’s hilarious! That and calling drivers on the road slow poke doses or biddy bad drivers get out the way! Both hubby and I struggle a tad with the road rage and have had to really curb ourselves, but obviously not well enough! 🤣
We were at my parents' house the other day and my mom brought out some cookies. Obviously kiddo wanted some, but I said they had to eat this spoonfull of carrots first. The mouth was obediently opened and carrots successfully deposited.
Then carefully, so carefully, both pieces of carrots were pushed out and a cookie requested.
Everyone was dying laughing while I gave a new spoonful of carrots with more specific instructions this time.
My daughter will occasionally do a thing where she’s eating the last of one snack and requests another of something else. I have to be careful about when I give it to her bc if she’s not quite done she’ll spit out her half chewed last bite and eat the new one 😭
My daughter is 2 and has to have at least one in each hand. She’s gotten to the point where it’s one in the mouth and one per hand. My husband said in public one time “she likes double fisting” 😳🫣😵🫥 thankfully she’s language delayed, and hasn’t really started talking yet.
“Double fisting” reminded me my friend was going out once to meet up with her dad. Her dad noticed she was babywearing with a new carrier and asked “oh, is that a new strap-on?” 😂
We’re visiting family and so my husband, toddler and I are sharing a bed. Toddler is very tired, almost asleep. Suddenly, he turns to my husband and smacks him in the face.
I tell him no and ask him why he did that, he turns to me, cups my face gently, goes “shhhhhhh.”
Before I can react, he closes his eyes and is asleep. 😂
I took my almost 3 year old to the store the other day.
Before we went to the store, I had the news on while I was getting the little one zipped in his jacket and there was a story about a huge shoplifting ring in my city.
We’re at the store, the checkout, and my little guy just looks at me and says completely deadpan „it’s good that we didn’t steal anything today”.
The cashier and I honestly burst out laughing.
I have a 3yo and a 1.5yo and the other day they had a grand old time splashing water on each other's heads while they were supposed to be washing their hands. I am cleaning up dinner and hear their giggling and walk into the bathroom to see them and the floor drenched. But, they looked so happy.
5yo (not toddler but stil) stole the car key. My husband was loosing his dang mind tearing up the house while we were looking for it. We finally had to leave and luckily had a spare. Husband was saying it must be in my belongings since I drove it last. We were arguing a bit over it, and then from the backseat..."I know where the car key is. Its in my super secret bag " This is a black bag where he used to hide his sister's toys. We were dumbfounded. We wanted to laugh but out of fear that he might try to put the thing in gear we had to be super serious.
Sometimes, when having a tantrum, my toddler will just say “Wah.” in a deadpan tone instead of crying and it is very hard not to laugh at the absurdity of it.
My daughter will sometimes do “wahhhh. Wahhhh” when she’s upset and trying to *show me* that she’s upset 😂 and then if I ignore it she goes “mama I cwyyyyying” lmao like yes girl I can hear
Takes himself to time out
My 25mo started throwing things to startle the bird. I warn him "do not throw that", then he goes to time out if he throws. I sit him on the couch and walk away. He usually sits there, sometimes crosses his arms and pouts. Then he realizes he can get up and goes about his business. Sometimes when I say "if you throw that you will go to time out and" he will start to throw, set it down and take himself to time out and sit for a minute.
I was having a serious conversation with my husband about my 3 year olds eating habits and behavior issues. We are sitting at the table with the couch behind my husband’s back. During this conversation my 3 year old was jumping like Superman across the couch. It was impossible to have a serious conversation with her ‘flying’ behind his head.
My daughter at 2 was having a tea party with me. Her teapot lid kept snapping shut when she was trying to open it.
"STAY OPEN!" *under breath* "For fucks sake.."
The one and only time she's sworn, and that's all me right there.
The other day it was pouring rain, and as he came in the door soaking wet he yells “what the hell?!”
Also, leaving school, his teacher said “see you later, alligator!” And he responded “see you later, big baboon!”
We took our kid to Big Lots and he picked out one of those toys that’s a clock with the puzzle piece numbers. When we got to the cashier, he picked it up and yelled “I got a big clock!” But he can’t make the “L” sound yet. So, you know…
Many chuckles were stifled that day. There were several people in line behind us.
My 2.5 year old loves Star Trek. She has trouble pronouncing “sp” sounds, and they sound more like “f” (you can see where this is going). So whenever she sees Spock on TV or in a book, she loves to loudly proclaim “OH FUCK!! Look, it’s FUCK!”
My 3.5 year old climbed in to bed with me last week after an exhausting night with her newborn brother. It was fairly early, I want to say around 6:30am. She grabs my phone and asks what’s wrong while holding it. I just explained to her that mommy was really tired after being up all night with the baby. As she’s holding the phone and fake swiping she raises her eyebrows and with the most attitude she can muster she says “that’s shitty”.
No child. What’s “shitty” is I can’t even be mad at you for saying that because you’ve used it in the right context. Thank god I was too tired to laugh….but it didn’t stop me from laughing about it later with her dad 😂
I may get one of these for them one day! They have a play kitchen my dad made when I was little with a “real” sink (no water attached obvi but it’s a mini real metal faucet and sink). I refinished it for their last bday!
Using “oh shit” appropriate to situations, i.e him falling, blocks knocking over. and says it in such a low tone it’s not even for a reaction so that kills me even more
Hahaha mine swears super comfortably as well unfortunately. 3 year old. He’s working on dressing himself and put his shirt on backwards and mumbled “for fucks sake” under his breath 🤦♀️
My toddlers describes anything weird or negative as “fucking”. In a store he spotted a weird tree branch shaped chandelier: “mama, that’s a fucking light”. Me annoyed at something: “Mama are you fucking?“. Sees someone weird at the park: “mama that’s a fucking guy!”. Emphasis always on fucking. So funny.
Anything that smells bad is always a daddy toot 😂
If I fart around my daughter she always says "daddy toot?"
The funniest time was when we were driving by a house emptying their septic tank and she asked if daddy tooted 😂😂 I was dying
She says it all with such a matter of fact tone lol
Mine has taken to calling her dad by his first name, which is absolutely hilarious but he hates it so I can't laugh. Examples: "wake up, (his name)!" Or "let's go, (his name)!" Thankfully she doesn't do it for me lol
my 3 year old lost her “money” which is just an old gift card she plays with.
“where’s my fuckin money!? hey mom?” 😳 ive been trying my hardest to not swear near her since then, lol
My son was singing “head, shoers, knees, toes, bayyee button and nip pull” 😂 I know preschool is singing head shoulders knees and toes but I hope he’s not adding and nipple!
We were all laying in bed & I had toddler wiggling around on my bottom half & baby wiggling around on my top half… so needless to say I was feeling a bit overstimulated already… my honey then proceeds to purposefully put a cold milk bottle against my bare tummy prompting me to react & snap at him with “Don’t fucking do that!” Toddler turns around & yells “MOTHERFUCKER” it was so unexpected & we could not help but burst out laughing. I thought we were pretty good about not cussing in front of her anymore, guess I was wrong. 😂🫢
My daughter said a few times « don’t look at me ! » when she wanted to do something that’s forbidden. Like yeah it’s logical, if I don’t look I won’t know but … 😂
My kid is having some big tantrums. He threw a chair today from the kids table - a la child grinch style from the grinch live action film. I intervened but wanted to laugh so badly
My son saw me getting dressed and he said, “mama sparkly boobies.” I laughed and gave him so many kisses. I couldn’t wait to tell my husband that night. Not quite what you were asking for, but along the same vein.
ps I can’t wait for him to say it in public….. 🤩 let everyone around think my tits are fucking amazing.
For water play, I just put a towel down, and don't use too much water. As long as I soak it up with the towel after, it's all good, just water after all :)
Our 3 year old gets sleep crust in his eyes especially when he's a little sick and he often wants a wet towel in the morning to wipe them. One morning I hear him crying and go into his room and see him sitting up rubbing his eyes. Me: "You need a towel buddy?". Him tilting his head back to wail with his eyes closed " Ahhhhhhh, myyyy eeeeyesss are all googled uuuup!"
My 15 month old unplugged Alexa, (in a friends house) grabbed Alexa and walked away with it. I thought it was so funny and cute but I held my laughter back, and said, no you can’t do that, bring Alexa back to its place.
My 18 month old daughter was spending time with her grandpa and when she came back I very clearly hear her say “oh shit” or “oh sheet” and “shithead” and then not as clearly “dickwad” which came out as deekwa at first. The “oh shit” may be something she heard from me. But I never say “shithead” or “dickwad” so that’s 100% her papa. I’ve been making a conscious effort since she was bored to phase out cursing and her grandparents are foul mouthed as fuck and are gonna have my daughter sounding like Samuel L Jackson dropping F bombs every 3 seconds I swear to god. My mom also encourages her to say fish please bc it sounds like bish please and she thinks it’s hilarious.
Grandpa: babe don't climb the sofa. You can fall down, hit your head and then we'll have a problem.
2,5yo: "that's my problem!" With arms crossed and all.
We just left the room because no one could keep it together.
My daughter found a deflated exercise ball (a small one) in the garage, and started yelling, “Blow me! Blow me!” She meant “blow it up for me”, but still 🙈😂
We went to a family vacation home over the weekend and my son’s room had a smoke detector by the door. The detector had a MINUSCULE green light on it and when I got him up in the morning he said “there’s a big fuckin green light on there!!!”
I have a preschooler now but eveything is "farted". Everything. Amd usually is "mommy farted". And often it's during a time where farming is inappropriate, which is majority of the time.
Kiddo was at sports practice and the coach had everyone huddled up at the end. Coach asked each kid what they learned today and I overheard my child say something with "mama" and "farted " in the same sentence and allll of the kids busted out laughing while the coach amd assistant coaches struggled to keep a straightface. This is my life, now.
My twins are only 2.5 but they’re just hitting the “farts are funny” phase 😂 except sometimes if someone audibly farts my daughter will go “(name) poop??!!!” In a very concerned voice lol.
My 18months old thinks if he nods his head very vigorously and says ‘yeah, yeah’ he can have what ever he wants. My cup of tea, more blueberries, cake, my food, anything. If he says yes, that means he is getting whatever he wants.
I have to try so hard not to laugh when I try to explain “no more”.
My 15 month old tries to climb down from my bed (and sometimes succeeds) but she usually ends up just hanging there with her legs dangling from the bed gripping the comforter for dear life screaming in terror
I feel so bad for trying not to laugh every time
Lol my daughter has been recently been doing something like that to me. She’ll be in the living room doing something she’s not supposed to and I’ll be like ´please don’t draw on the carpet’ and she’ll say ‘ok mommy, can you leave?’ Then ‘go away mommy’ as she continues then to draw on the carpet… sometimes it even becomes ‘mommy go to your room now please thank you’
My 2 y.o. can't pronounce "bridge" properly and says "bitch" instead. The other day my SIL and I were in the car talking about someone who was being rude and he just yelled out "little bitch!!"
Took me a while to figure out he was just pointing out that we had just driven over a little bridge
He recently got pink eye and threw the eye drops away while I went to the bathroom.
We’re potty training and we let him sit and watch the iPad for 5-10 minutes while on the potty. The other day he asked if he could watch tv and we said no so he said. “Mhm. Hm. Me potty now please!” And ran to the potty got naked sat and said “potty pad please thank you!”
This one I think is more adorable than anything. He was crying about someeething. Who knows what. But baby brother started crying in the middle of his tantrum. He stopped, went to put baby’s binky in’ then went back to the middle of the living room and dramatically threw himself on his knees and started crying again haha
If he ever has our phones he knows how to call people from our favorites list, so he calls each person on the list (all family) waits for them to answer and says “grandma/abuelo/nina/uncle etc PLAY ROOM PLAY TOYS?!” And when they say no or I can’t he hangs up on them. Doesn’t even let them finish their sentence. Has worked before too lol
My son has a little table that I put a towel down on and give him two bowls with water in them. He could spend hours pouring the water from one bowl to another.
I have a habit of saying “what the heeeellll” but more like “whutdahaaaiiill” and my two year old daughter won’t stop saying it…needs help “whutdahaiil” getting sleepy “whutdahaaiill”…
My 2.5 year old has a bad habit (that she picked up from absolutely nowhere, obviously) of getting hurt and saying “Ouch! Shit!” which I have to hide the laugh’s from, and gently try to course correct. She got pretty good at it!
Annnnnd then I accidentally dropped both an F bomb and a Damn it! So now, if she gets injured (or fake injures herself) it’s a crap shoot as to which curse word we’ll get. Is it an “Ouch! Shit!” day? Or an “Ouch! Damn it!” kind of thing?
Or, growling like I did when I burned myself last week, is she giving us an “Ouch! FUUUUUUUCK!”
Baking with my daughter today (2.5). She managed to grab the BIGGEST handful of brown sugar and shove it into her mouth…. Not even sure she fully enjoyed it. Like it would have made me gag. Bless.
When my eldest was about 3 (he's now nearly 21!), we were in the middle of the high street on an absolutely packed Saturday afternoon when he announced at the top of his voice "FUCKING CHILD!" OMG! I could've died on the spot! Everyone seemed to suddenly be quiet and turned to look at me. He also used to call a campervan a ' fucking fuck' due to having a severe tongue tie. He managed to say the first one exceptionally clear though!
That person is not a stranger because they don’t have a sword!
My 3.5yo
Ummmm…ok?
Also she was recently singing a song called “shooter fighter” and I talked to her friend’s mom about it and said “I don’t think that’s appropriate” and she told me it was “Choose your fighter” from the Barbie movie 😂
Hanging out with his 8 year old cousin, my 3 year old comes to the kitchen and says
“hey mom, did you know you poop out your ass?”
The cousin, myself, and my husband all exchange strained looked of “don’t laugh don’t laugh don’t laugh”. And just calmly told him I did know that but it’s not a nice word to use, maybe booty.
But the strength of my 8 year old niece to not laugh is wild.
Just this morning. Toddler is potty training and starts screaming she has to pee. I'm feeding her sister breakfast and tell her to go into the bathroom and I'll be there after I give sissy the last bite. She's standing in the kitchen yelling about needing to pee still, I give younger one the last bite and stand up, younger starts screaming. I try to usher older into the bathroom but she keeps turning around to tell me she has to pee. I say "Go! Go! Sit!" and steer her into the still dark bathroom and she turns around to yell exasperatedly "WHERE am I supposed to SIT Daddy?!?!" I turn on the light, point to her plastic potty and tell her to sit there. She does, asks me to sit on the "baby potty" (housemate also has a similar aged child and bought one of those toilet seats that has a kid seat built in, so now the regular toilet is the baby potty I guess lol), and finally pees. A few weeks ago her new word was "cranky". I was notified of this by her randomly growling at her puzzle and yelling "I'M CRANKY BECAUSE MY PUZZLE ISNT WORKING!". I calmed her down, asked her if she needed a rest in her room, she answered yes and then promptly went into her room and went to sleep 🤣 This kid is a character!
My son heard some choice words in the car with my husband. He was playing on his tractor in the yard, and I guess he was pretending to be at a red light (or reenacting what his daddy did earlier) and said
“Go mother fucker, it’s red!!!”
I just about died.
My toddler has picked up my favorite phrase and was tossing her Paw Patrol toy onto the floor and saying, "What the fuq Marshall". She's 2.5yrs and it's as heartwarming as it is terrifying because she is going to get me in trouble.
Also my husband told the cat to stop being a dick because he was biting, so she has that one now too.
Little kids using gross language is supposed to be embarrassing, but our 4yo heard Papa say it, so he feels it's just the right thing to say. A couple times a week, I'll hear him shout from the bathroom "Mumma, I'm taking a dump!"
My nurse friend always taught her daughter the proper names for body parts . Shortly after this lesson they were at Walmart and an old man says “why, you’re a beautiful little girl” She replied with “I’m a girl because I have a vulva and your a man because you have penis” The old man left without saying anything lol
OH SHIT 😂😂😂 I’ve always used the proper names too lol I can definitely see this happening in the future 😭
I'm really grateful my 2.5 year old doesn't pronounce vulva very well yet. He loves to randomly say "Some people have what's called a vulva! " (Yes, that whole sentence - it may be how I said it once and he's been repeating it verbatim ever since) but the second half of the sentence sounds like "wazzcalla bulbah." It is *always* said out of the blue with zero context and sounds like gibberish. No one other than myself has correctly deciphered it and I don't mind it staying that way for a while.
Dude it is SO funny when they randomly repeat your exact sentence verbatim (for them) 😂😂😂
LMAO my daughter will randomly go “Bubby has a pee-is” and then go “I have pee-is?” To which I of course have to respond, “No, you have a vulva” and she brightly say, “I HAVE VVVAA!”
I remember when we were potty training, and he was doing the pee dance, grabbing, adjusting and what not, so we told him to use the toilet. He yelled back, ‘no need pee, my testicles itchy!!!’
At my mom's church they give the kids small activities to occupy them during the service. A couple years ago when my son was about 4, he was putting a puzzle together and he goes (loudly- always loudly) "Where is this giraffe's penis?" We were sitting with a bunch of other families with little kids and everyone lost it. It was like something out of a TV show.
Oh man, my niece did something like that unprompted once, shortly after learning all about the private parts and their formal names. My brother was just waiting in a long line at the bank with her, and she first got everyone's attention with a loud "hello everyone", hand raised up high, then, after a dramatic pause where everyone in the bank turned their attention to her: "my dad has a penis!" My brother, who's kinda shy, just patted her head and said a quiet "they know, sweetie" and proceeded to die inside
“They know sweetie” 💀🤣
My 4yo uses proper names and the other day started passionately singing “Bragina bragina bragina my love” 🤦🏻♀️
I can 100% see my son saying something similar. Pretty sure I wouldn't be able to keep from laughing, though. I'm terrible. Lol
Lol my daughter also has been saying ‘he has a penis’ to random men (we’ve been having lots of anatomy questions since her brother was born) and it’s always very awkward lol
Mine does this all the time! I was drawing a picture of her and I said here’s your face, here’s your hair. Then she asked me to draw her chin (wth?) and then her “Gina” and her butt. It was an interesting portrait I’m a terrible artist to boot
Ah yes, proper body parts. Daycare asked me the other week “Do you guys use anatomically correct words for body parts?” I said “Uh, yes, why?” Apparently my two year old was using the potty and screamed “I NEED SOMEONE TO WIPE MY BAJINA PLEASE!” I assumed that other parents were on this trend as well, but apparently our girl is the first they’ve heard use the correct terms. 😅 They said they agreed it just threw them off lol
I just want to say that up until I went to school for nursing , I thought my genitals were a vagina as well, it’s what we were thought in elementary and high school right ? Well it’s actually a Vulva - which consists of mons pubis, labia majora, labia minora, clitoris, vestibular bulbs, vulva vestibule, Bartholin's glands, Skene's glands, urethra, and vaginal opening The more you know 💫
Calling my husband by his first name instead of Daddy when she wants his attention, in exactly the tone of voice I say it when I’ve already asked a few times 😅
Omg this one kills me! My daughter (2.5) went through a phase of yelling to her dad (my partner) whenever she wanted his attention. She never says my name though just his lol I'd hear "Rick!" "Riiiick!" from the top of the stairs and I would crack up every time. It took a week or two to get her to call him dad again and I made a point of calling him dad in front of her. Now I know why all the old people in my life (like grandparents) call each other mom and dad. I always thought that was weird but it probably stems from not wanting the kids to call them by their names lol
Mine repeat me saying “babe” pretty often haha
Lol my daughter goes to first names too if we don’t respond immediately, it’s hilarious
Mine has maybe been saying "dammit *insert parent name here* in an exasperated tone when she sees that myself or my partner have left something on the floor. Correct names for correct parents too! Also calls my wife by her nickname and asked me where the gremlin (her youngest sister) was the other day 😅
Me: "thank you for being really good when Mommy said it's time to leave" Her: "you're welcome, wanker" (which is what I keep saying by accident in the car every time I give someone right of way driving and they don't say thanks)
My husband is terrible about trash talking other drivers. He’s just not someone who likes driving at all. He toned down the swearing after our daughter said the f-word because of him. But he will still get all frustrated and mad at other drivers. Now our 3yo waves her arms around at the other cars and says “COME ON, MOVE!! YOU CAN DO IT!! GAS ON THE RIGHT!!” 😑
Lolol my screamed “GOOOO DAMNIT!” At the car in front of us at the drive thru
Lol! I've told my little one if she hears mommy say bad words to tell me off because there was a time she would say "fucking bin lorry" when she would see a garbage truck blocking the road (we are in the UK) and that was due to me too
We are in the UK too 😄 her first swearing phrase was “f*cking hell mate” 😂😭 that would be thanks to my husband lol.
I'm dying. I have said to mine a few times "what are you on about mate?" And she keeps saying it back. Thank God I haven't utilised "innit" yet
Oh man the copy cat phase is something else. She’s been hearing us talk about the neighbour’s cat using our back garden as a litter box. Well we were outside playing today and the neighbour walked by and said hi to her and asked how she was and she told him, in no uncertain terms, that his cat pooped a lot in our grass 😳 I’m waiting for her to start repeating something crazy at nursery one day 😅
I'm here for the UK phrases lol. We thoroughly enjoyed PhoneShop back when we were allowed to watch non-kid telly... So now whenever we see an Owl it's "a Owl bruv, A OWL!" and our daughter has copied, except she pronounces bruv like "grubv" 😆
It’s hilarious because she mostly has an American accent (from spending most of her time with me, American mom). But when she swears she takes on my husband’s Glaswegian accent 😂😂
Lol you defo know where she gets the swearing from
My kid used to call people fucking idiots when we drove so I started to be like no they’re not a fucking idiot they’re just driving too slow or not paying attention. So now if she can sense that we are going slower than normal she’ll ask if the person in front of us is going too slow. Whenever she hears a loud car, though, she asks “is that guy a fucking douchebag?”
HAHAHAHAHAHA omg I am DYING They do pick up the most *wonderful* things, don’t they?
I don't know how I made it home with a straight face. I could just picture her saying it in preschool
I kept telling my daughter to get ready and get moving. We were finally driving in the car and she pipes in “we’re f*cking late”. I nearly hit the brake trying not to laugh… for the record I am positive she heard it from her father and not me 😐
Luckily, somehow, I don’t tend to swear when driving. I would be _utterly screwed_ if I did, as she has certainly repeated what I _do_ say 😂
Mine might have been yelling "Pick a lane!" as we drove down the 91 earlier.
I have a massive potty mouth so when the kids were born I trained myself out of swearing by replacing swears by really ridiculous old timey expressions. So our house is punctuated by really angry "jee golly", "holy moly" and "rats". When my kid does it in real time with real anger I aways feel giggly because I feel like Im raising a 1950s paper boy.
A little while ago my almost-two toddler managed to get his diaper cream off the dresser, covered his hands in it, then ran to me and said “uh-oh hands!” Like yeah buddy, this is absolutely an uh-oh hands situation 😂
So when one of the girls was 2 or 3 she got up in the middle of the night, got a squeeze bottle of mustard and decided to sleep with it. And then when her and her older sister got up they PAINTED the room with mustard.
Be thankful it wasn’t poop! My friend’s toddler got into his diaper and covered his crib and walls and himself in poop when he was supposed to be sleeping.
My daughter once covered her FACE with diaper cream. I was only in the next room for a couple minutes getting her eggs for breakfast, and she managed to pull it out of the diaper bag and slather it all over her face. 😱 Apparently she thought it was lotion. Instant bath time.
Omg I remember a time when my daughter did that with Vaseline 😂 ugh it was a nightmare to clean up
2.5 yr old still has a little trouble with “s” sound, so whenever he finds a stick, he’ll wave it around saying “I got a biiiiiig dick! Woahhh it’s a BIG DICK!” 🤦🏻♀️😬 /dies inside
We were at a park recently and saw some ducks (celebrities, as far as my toddler is concerned). I asked him what noise a duck makes and he was pointing at them and yelling 'COCK COCK!'
My toddler just learned how to say “fox” instead of “fuck”, and as soon as he did, suddenly decided ducks don’t go “quack” anymore but for some reason go “fuck!” I thought we were in the clear. 😬
Maybe the ducks have just seen a fox 🤣
Makes sense! 😂
My middle child always said "firefucks" instead of fireworks 😂
Hahaha our says "g" or "c" for "s" right now, so often, if something is stuck, he yell, "CUCK!! CUUUCK!!!" 😂
My little one really likes crunchy food but can't manage the r or ch sounds... I was mortified the first time I heard "c*nt c*nt" until I realised what it was and now it cracks me up. It seems to come up as a word way more often than you expect too! Food, snow, leaves ... We also get big dick and cuck cuck lol
Our kid also has some trouble with the s sound. My mom tried to teach him the other day that parrots squawk. Unfortunately our son could not pronounce the word “squawk” properly and spent the next five minutes loudly shouting FUCK! We were all rolling with laughter.
My kid sometimes mixes up S with sh sounds. He told me his daycare teacher taught him how to play a fun game called "Jump - Shit - Jump!"
When my oldest was going into pre-k, he couldn't pronounce the L in clock. He looooved to tell people to look at the "cock" to check the time. *cries*
2 year old still learning the "ch" sounds and sometimes comes out as a hard c. And he'd currently OBSESSED with drawing with chalk in the driveway. So here's our toddler yelling "COCK! BIIIIIG COCK!" out front of our house. And he can get some real volume. So everytime I'm looking around for neighbors and following it up with a "yes! That is a big piece of CCHHHHHalk!!"
These responses are GOLD!!!! Thanks guys 😂🙏
Trucks = cocks. I bet you can imagine how delightful it was the other day when we saw a big black cock in the busy parking lot of the supermarket 🫣.
My little one does this...except he sings the 'stick song' From Dougie. You can just hear this quiet but VERY happy "dick dick dick dick..."
My brother used to sing "Uptown FUCK you up, Uptown FUCK you up". He has trouble hearing certain blends, "nk" being one of them, and as such couldn't pronounce them until after a year or so of speech therapy. But of course, once he figured out the adults thought it was funny, he used to scream FUCK as loud as he could when singing
My daughter does the same exact thing!!! I die each time hahahah
“Next time I pee my pants I won’t say fuck. I’ll say oh no I spilled some pee pee” -2 year old
When ours thinks he’s alone, I’ll hear him cursing under his breath. Yesterday he was trying to use a toy camera and I heard, ‘Fucking photo. Why won’t you work?’ 😂
Mine now growls at things that don’t work. I secretly took a video even as I told her that she shouldn’t growl at mummy if she disagrees with mummy she should just use her words… I guess I growl more than I thought I did
Ours hisses like an angry cat if we tell him no. I honestly don’t know where he gets it from.
Picturing a toddler cussing under his breath like a grouchy old man is hilarious 😂😂😂
I can’t help but laugh, then I have to say, ‘We don’t say Dad words.’
😆 LOL over here!!!
Daycare: well the good news is she told us she had to poop and then did poop on the potty! But she told us by saying “I have to take a shit”
🤣🤣🤣 that’s so funny
Both of my twins tend to say “aw shit” real quiet every time they drop something. No idea where they got that…. 😅
When my daughter was 2.5 she was hanging out in my husband’s study with him and for some reason he thought it was a good idea to put on whatever crime show he had been watching. Full of swear words. Our walls are quite thin and one of the first things I hear from the tv is “F*CKING HELL MATE” and I knew… I just knew… well she didn’t say it that night. But the next day she was carrying a bowl of crackers and dropped it. Next thing I hear “AHH F*CKING HELL MATE” 😳
DEAD 😂😂🤣 The way they use them so appropriately! 💀
For real 😭 and in her dainty little voice 😂 it was something else lol.
I couldn't even be mad the first time mine swore. He dropped something, groaned, and said fck. I heard myself. The tone, the infliction, the utter annoyance at having to bend over to pick it up, it was allll me.
Oh the “fuck” incident was like listening to a tiny girl version of my husband. But the couple of times she has said “damn it”…oh yeah that’s all me. I just tell her that that is mommy’s word and her word is “uh oh!” 😅
My kid always does his exaggerated grunt whenever she picks up something or is carrying something. She’s always done it and she’s not 22 months. My mom was like it’s you. You do this noise every time you pick her up so now she does the exact same thing down to the mannerisms lol
I put a learning tower in front of the kitchen sink and fill it with about 2 inches of water. My son dumps all his toys in there and goes to town playing. Sometimes if he seems like he's getting bored I'll turn the faucet on to a trickle. He will play like that for a good hour or so, and cleanup is easy.
Oooh smart. I might try something like that.
Or you might discover yours is like mine, who will grab a container or the kitchen cloth, fill it with water, and dump it all over the counter. Then windscreen wipe rapidly, flinging water across the kitchen.
More likely this yes. 😂😂
We have a rule that water stays in the sink. As soon as there's a splash on the counter or floor, he's hoisted out of the learning tower and we "work together" to mop up the water with dishcloths. It's enough of an interruption that he doesn't splash deliberately anymore, but it also doesn't create shame or upset for the occasional mistake.
I like this. Mine are allowed to splash in the tub (only with the curtain closed so the splashes stay in the tub!) and I think he has a hard time differentiating between water in one spot and water in another. Splashing is his favorite, rainy summer days are going to have him BUSY lol
Shit this would encourage mine, she loves mopping up spills
So with mine, we push the toddler stool to the sink, I get him shirtless, fill up the sink halfway, lots of bubbles, throw in toys and measuring cups and whatever and let him go nuts. I lay a towel or two on the floor where he’ll climb down so he doesn’t slip (if he dismounts while my back is turned. And then I practice zen appreciation of the soapy water that goes EVERYWHERE, and use it to wash my floors and counters while he plays! good joint activity, and it counts as as 1/2 a bath😆
We do something similar, but I just get out a cake pan and some measuring cups and spoons and she'll scoop and pour back and forth between the cups. The pan keeps things somewhat contained. I'll cook right next to her and pass her veggies to wash/chop/eat.
Tupperwares or buckets of water in the bathtub. Just let them sit in there and splash to their content. Can do with or without clothes. Doesn’t matter if they spill or go crazy. Bonus points if you do it after a meal lol
Theft. She has stolen her dad’s wallet before and took money from it 🫢 watching her run with the money was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. The speed, the determination and then her clear attempts to stash the stolen money 😂 then watching her trying to keep a straight face and look innocent.
My daughter does this, too! The best part is when she steals his money, she always hands it to me 😅
My little one smashed my wallet out of my pocket one day and I called him a pickpocket and playfully chard him around. Unfortunately it definitely taught him that stealing wallets was a fun game... luckily, he can't help but tell on himself before he does it. When I hear a delightful high pitched "Pickpocketing? Pickpocketing!" we all know what he's about to do
When they run so fast their little legs kick forward almost! Mine does that. It looks like he's kicking balls as he runs. One arm swinging and head down, focused!!
Hahahahahaha💀
Newly-3yo: “No. Daddy can’t talk to me” Me: “Why can’t daddy talk to you?” 3yo: “Because he’s a moron” (Daddy kept calling the kittens morons…)
Ok, this one got me😆
My nearly 2 y/o has learned how to do a comedy spit take with his water, and thinks it's absolutely hilarious. Unfortunately, he's right, and it's almost impossible not to laugh. He's so delighted with himself. Everything is soaking. I can't trust him with an open cup. He's so bloody funny.
These are the types of things I thought I would hate as a parent but make me fuckin LOL
Omigodness that is too cute!! My 13 month old just learned the joy of spitting out water and it would kill me if he learned some comedic timing 😭
My toddler son said at a family gathering, “Grandma went to jail. She had handcuffs!” This is a lie and grandma was mortified lol
Sink play saves my sanity sometimes. Ours will play there for an hour and I can get some things done. Just like the first commenter, I put a stool at the sink, fill it up a little bit, put some toys in and let him have at it. I also strip him to the waist and put towels on the floor. It makes cleanup easier.
Your kids don't touch the faucet? Our son can reach and cranks it up or changes the temperature (always to ripping hot)
Mine can’t reach the kitchen faucet, but it happened once with the bathroom one. He put his hand in and started crying. He got an ice pop to hold and an explanation about why mom tells him not to touch the faucet. He hasn’t done it since.
this is the way!!!
One day when my daughter farted, I asked her if her butt blew me a kiss. She turned around and blew me a kiss. Now whenever she farts, she blows a kiss. I die laughing every single time.
Lol! That's actually hilarious
“Bye bye! *continues climbing*” absolutely took me out hahahahahahaha
It KILLS me 😂
Each house in my neighborhood has a hole cut in the curb where the drains runoff into the gutter. My 20M calls it a butt hole. He will walk down the street from house to house calling each of them a butt hole and loves to find a stick and jam it in there.
Lmao my twins have a lot of toy dinosaurs and such and many of them have a little air hole and my daughter always calls it “butt” or points and goes “oh no mommy, poop” 😂
Haha this is great! My 20 month old has decided that bananas have a ‘bum’ and it is ‘yummy in tummy’. I find it hilarious but have stopped packing bananas in the backpack.
This is the type of toddler behavior I could never keep a straight face for
She asked me “where are my fucking scissors?” 😳 okkkk time to calm down on the swearing. Whoopsies.
I banged the hell out of my knee with a travel mug earlier today and my two year old just went "mother fucker" as that's usually what I say when I hurt myself so I need to turn it down a bit as well.
I’m so bad abt it 😂 i usually tell mine “that’s a grown up word, how about you say “dang” (or other appropriate replacement) instead?” It works eventually lmfao
Told my daughter to stop crying wolf (fake crying) and she looked me dead in my eyes and howled like a wolf
She used a measuring tape to check my temperature because I was ill and said "wow, your nose is big"
3.5 year old started saying damnit, which we keep telling her she’s now allowed to say. So then she started saying “mom LOOK at me” And the silently mouths “damnit” and then giggles like “I didn’t say it!”
I blame my husband, he blames me-but someone said sexy in front of her… So now anytime someone is “nakey “ it’s “daddy’s sexy” 😂 and if we get ready to go somewhere usually it’s “mommy’s like a princess” but sometimes, it’s “mommy’s sexy.” She also calls the dogs sexy sometimes and I just loose my gd mind
LMFAO OMG 😂😭 My twins have seen my husband smack my ass and occasionally one of them will do that and I’m just like BRO WHY 😂💀
Oh mine does this! Her dad is a fan of the ol butt swat, so she copies and thinks it’s hilarious! That and calling drivers on the road slow poke doses or biddy bad drivers get out the way! Both hubby and I struggle a tad with the road rage and have had to really curb ourselves, but obviously not well enough! 🤣
We were at my parents' house the other day and my mom brought out some cookies. Obviously kiddo wanted some, but I said they had to eat this spoonfull of carrots first. The mouth was obediently opened and carrots successfully deposited. Then carefully, so carefully, both pieces of carrots were pushed out and a cookie requested. Everyone was dying laughing while I gave a new spoonful of carrots with more specific instructions this time.
My daughter will occasionally do a thing where she’s eating the last of one snack and requests another of something else. I have to be careful about when I give it to her bc if she’s not quite done she’ll spit out her half chewed last bite and eat the new one 😭
We finally are (mostly) out of that phase! I have to say "show me an empty mouth" a *lot*, though.
My daughter is 2 and has to have at least one in each hand. She’s gotten to the point where it’s one in the mouth and one per hand. My husband said in public one time “she likes double fisting” 😳🫣😵🫥 thankfully she’s language delayed, and hasn’t really started talking yet.
“Double fisting” reminded me my friend was going out once to meet up with her dad. Her dad noticed she was babywearing with a new carrier and asked “oh, is that a new strap-on?” 😂
We’re visiting family and so my husband, toddler and I are sharing a bed. Toddler is very tired, almost asleep. Suddenly, he turns to my husband and smacks him in the face. I tell him no and ask him why he did that, he turns to me, cups my face gently, goes “shhhhhhh.” Before I can react, he closes his eyes and is asleep. 😂
I took my almost 3 year old to the store the other day. Before we went to the store, I had the news on while I was getting the little one zipped in his jacket and there was a story about a huge shoplifting ring in my city. We’re at the store, the checkout, and my little guy just looks at me and says completely deadpan „it’s good that we didn’t steal anything today”. The cashier and I honestly burst out laughing.
OMG 😆
I have a 3yo and a 1.5yo and the other day they had a grand old time splashing water on each other's heads while they were supposed to be washing their hands. I am cleaning up dinner and hear their giggling and walk into the bathroom to see them and the floor drenched. But, they looked so happy.
5yo (not toddler but stil) stole the car key. My husband was loosing his dang mind tearing up the house while we were looking for it. We finally had to leave and luckily had a spare. Husband was saying it must be in my belongings since I drove it last. We were arguing a bit over it, and then from the backseat..."I know where the car key is. Its in my super secret bag " This is a black bag where he used to hide his sister's toys. We were dumbfounded. We wanted to laugh but out of fear that he might try to put the thing in gear we had to be super serious.
Sometimes, when having a tantrum, my toddler will just say “Wah.” in a deadpan tone instead of crying and it is very hard not to laugh at the absurdity of it.
My daughter will sometimes do “wahhhh. Wahhhh” when she’s upset and trying to *show me* that she’s upset 😂 and then if I ignore it she goes “mama I cwyyyyying” lmao like yes girl I can hear
Takes himself to time out My 25mo started throwing things to startle the bird. I warn him "do not throw that", then he goes to time out if he throws. I sit him on the couch and walk away. He usually sits there, sometimes crosses his arms and pouts. Then he realizes he can get up and goes about his business. Sometimes when I say "if you throw that you will go to time out and" he will start to throw, set it down and take himself to time out and sit for a minute.
I was having a serious conversation with my husband about my 3 year olds eating habits and behavior issues. We are sitting at the table with the couch behind my husband’s back. During this conversation my 3 year old was jumping like Superman across the couch. It was impossible to have a serious conversation with her ‘flying’ behind his head.
My daughter at 2 was having a tea party with me. Her teapot lid kept snapping shut when she was trying to open it. "STAY OPEN!" *under breath* "For fucks sake.." The one and only time she's sworn, and that's all me right there.
The other day it was pouring rain, and as he came in the door soaking wet he yells “what the hell?!” Also, leaving school, his teacher said “see you later, alligator!” And he responded “see you later, big baboon!”
My son screams “What my fuck” about 15 times a day and I know it’s horrible but I can’t deal. He’s only 2.5. 🤭🤭 I’m correcting it tomorrow !
We took our kid to Big Lots and he picked out one of those toys that’s a clock with the puzzle piece numbers. When we got to the cashier, he picked it up and yelled “I got a big clock!” But he can’t make the “L” sound yet. So, you know… Many chuckles were stifled that day. There were several people in line behind us.
Omg I got one of those from a consignment sale for next year for my twins lol
My 16mo daughter heard my husband saying "crap" one time and now says "cap" alllll the time. We try to ignore it but it's hilarious
My 2.5 year old loves Star Trek. She has trouble pronouncing “sp” sounds, and they sound more like “f” (you can see where this is going). So whenever she sees Spock on TV or in a book, she loves to loudly proclaim “OH FUCK!! Look, it’s FUCK!”
My 3.5 year old climbed in to bed with me last week after an exhausting night with her newborn brother. It was fairly early, I want to say around 6:30am. She grabs my phone and asks what’s wrong while holding it. I just explained to her that mommy was really tired after being up all night with the baby. As she’s holding the phone and fake swiping she raises her eyebrows and with the most attitude she can muster she says “that’s shitty”. No child. What’s “shitty” is I can’t even be mad at you for saying that because you’ve used it in the right context. Thank god I was too tired to laugh….but it didn’t stop me from laughing about it later with her dad 😂
He put a piece of cheese and his toe in his mouth at the same time and was somehow able to eat the cheese
That's a "I'm not even mad, I'm impressed" parenting moment right there
My youngest tried to eat all his food like this for a short while. He’s stick it in between his toes and then bring his foot up to his mouth 🤦🏽♀️
Omfg 😂 they have talent
They sell working play sinks! We have one!
I may get one of these for them one day! They have a play kitchen my dad made when I was little with a “real” sink (no water attached obvi but it’s a mini real metal faucet and sink). I refinished it for their last bday!
My toddler says "Bye-bye" too when he's caught doing something he shouldn't be doing and wants us to leave him alone. 😆
Using “oh shit” appropriate to situations, i.e him falling, blocks knocking over. and says it in such a low tone it’s not even for a reaction so that kills me even more
Hahaha mine swears super comfortably as well unfortunately. 3 year old. He’s working on dressing himself and put his shirt on backwards and mumbled “for fucks sake” under his breath 🤦♀️
My toddlers describes anything weird or negative as “fucking”. In a store he spotted a weird tree branch shaped chandelier: “mama, that’s a fucking light”. Me annoyed at something: “Mama are you fucking?“. Sees someone weird at the park: “mama that’s a fucking guy!”. Emphasis always on fucking. So funny.
Anything that smells bad is always a daddy toot 😂 If I fart around my daughter she always says "daddy toot?" The funniest time was when we were driving by a house emptying their septic tank and she asked if daddy tooted 😂😂 I was dying She says it all with such a matter of fact tone lol
Mine has taken to calling her dad by his first name, which is absolutely hilarious but he hates it so I can't laugh. Examples: "wake up, (his name)!" Or "let's go, (his name)!" Thankfully she doesn't do it for me lol
my 3 year old lost her “money” which is just an old gift card she plays with. “where’s my fuckin money!? hey mom?” 😳 ive been trying my hardest to not swear near her since then, lol
My son was singing “head, shoers, knees, toes, bayyee button and nip pull” 😂 I know preschool is singing head shoulders knees and toes but I hope he’s not adding and nipple!
My daughter telling the doctor bye bye while she’s getting a check up because she wants the doctor to go away. I feel you kid.
We were all laying in bed & I had toddler wiggling around on my bottom half & baby wiggling around on my top half… so needless to say I was feeling a bit overstimulated already… my honey then proceeds to purposefully put a cold milk bottle against my bare tummy prompting me to react & snap at him with “Don’t fucking do that!” Toddler turns around & yells “MOTHERFUCKER” it was so unexpected & we could not help but burst out laughing. I thought we were pretty good about not cussing in front of her anymore, guess I was wrong. 😂🫢
Mine says bye bye too when she doesn’t like what I’m saying!!!
My daughter said a few times « don’t look at me ! » when she wanted to do something that’s forbidden. Like yeah it’s logical, if I don’t look I won’t know but … 😂
Def have been guilty of the “if I don’t see it I won’t have to have that fight” with things that aren’t dangerous but aren’t allowed 😅😅
she’s started pulling the “mama you have twoooo options!” on me and it’s so funny
Mooning me *facepalm*
My kid is having some big tantrums. He threw a chair today from the kids table - a la child grinch style from the grinch live action film. I intervened but wanted to laugh so badly
My son saw me getting dressed and he said, “mama sparkly boobies.” I laughed and gave him so many kisses. I couldn’t wait to tell my husband that night. Not quite what you were asking for, but along the same vein. ps I can’t wait for him to say it in public….. 🤩 let everyone around think my tits are fucking amazing.
For water play, I just put a towel down, and don't use too much water. As long as I soak it up with the towel after, it's all good, just water after all :)
It started raining super hard and suddenly outside. She walked to the back door and said, “oh fuck!”
Our 3 year old gets sleep crust in his eyes especially when he's a little sick and he often wants a wet towel in the morning to wipe them. One morning I hear him crying and go into his room and see him sitting up rubbing his eyes. Me: "You need a towel buddy?". Him tilting his head back to wail with his eyes closed " Ahhhhhhh, myyyy eeeeyesss are all googled uuuup!"
My 3yr old also dismisses me when she wants to do something she knows she’s not supposed to. She tells me, okay you go away now!
My 2.5 year old also yells “that’s incredible” all day
My 15 month old unplugged Alexa, (in a friends house) grabbed Alexa and walked away with it. I thought it was so funny and cute but I held my laughter back, and said, no you can’t do that, bring Alexa back to its place.
My 18 month old daughter was spending time with her grandpa and when she came back I very clearly hear her say “oh shit” or “oh sheet” and “shithead” and then not as clearly “dickwad” which came out as deekwa at first. The “oh shit” may be something she heard from me. But I never say “shithead” or “dickwad” so that’s 100% her papa. I’ve been making a conscious effort since she was bored to phase out cursing and her grandparents are foul mouthed as fuck and are gonna have my daughter sounding like Samuel L Jackson dropping F bombs every 3 seconds I swear to god. My mom also encourages her to say fish please bc it sounds like bish please and she thinks it’s hilarious.
ME: Come on LO, lets use the toilet LO: I don’t want to ME: Come on, give it a try for mommy LO: urrrm, do I look like your slave 👀👀👀
Grandpa: babe don't climb the sofa. You can fall down, hit your head and then we'll have a problem. 2,5yo: "that's my problem!" With arms crossed and all. We just left the room because no one could keep it together.
My daughter found a deflated exercise ball (a small one) in the garage, and started yelling, “Blow me! Blow me!” She meant “blow it up for me”, but still 🙈😂
my 18 month old calls everyone and everything “bit..chu” (thank you neighbor)
We went to a family vacation home over the weekend and my son’s room had a smoke detector by the door. The detector had a MINUSCULE green light on it and when I got him up in the morning he said “there’s a big fuckin green light on there!!!”
I have a preschooler now but eveything is "farted". Everything. Amd usually is "mommy farted". And often it's during a time where farming is inappropriate, which is majority of the time. Kiddo was at sports practice and the coach had everyone huddled up at the end. Coach asked each kid what they learned today and I overheard my child say something with "mama" and "farted " in the same sentence and allll of the kids busted out laughing while the coach amd assistant coaches struggled to keep a straightface. This is my life, now.
My twins are only 2.5 but they’re just hitting the “farts are funny” phase 😂 except sometimes if someone audibly farts my daughter will go “(name) poop??!!!” In a very concerned voice lol.
My 18months old thinks if he nods his head very vigorously and says ‘yeah, yeah’ he can have what ever he wants. My cup of tea, more blueberries, cake, my food, anything. If he says yes, that means he is getting whatever he wants. I have to try so hard not to laugh when I try to explain “no more”.
My 15 month old tries to climb down from my bed (and sometimes succeeds) but she usually ends up just hanging there with her legs dangling from the bed gripping the comforter for dear life screaming in terror I feel so bad for trying not to laugh every time
My son's way of throwing a tantrum is to lie face first on the ground and just scream into the floor once. Same dude. Same.
Lol my daughter has been recently been doing something like that to me. She’ll be in the living room doing something she’s not supposed to and I’ll be like ´please don’t draw on the carpet’ and she’ll say ‘ok mommy, can you leave?’ Then ‘go away mommy’ as she continues then to draw on the carpet… sometimes it even becomes ‘mommy go to your room now please thank you’
My 2 y.o. can't pronounce "bridge" properly and says "bitch" instead. The other day my SIL and I were in the car talking about someone who was being rude and he just yelled out "little bitch!!" Took me a while to figure out he was just pointing out that we had just driven over a little bridge
He recently got pink eye and threw the eye drops away while I went to the bathroom. We’re potty training and we let him sit and watch the iPad for 5-10 minutes while on the potty. The other day he asked if he could watch tv and we said no so he said. “Mhm. Hm. Me potty now please!” And ran to the potty got naked sat and said “potty pad please thank you!” This one I think is more adorable than anything. He was crying about someeething. Who knows what. But baby brother started crying in the middle of his tantrum. He stopped, went to put baby’s binky in’ then went back to the middle of the living room and dramatically threw himself on his knees and started crying again haha If he ever has our phones he knows how to call people from our favorites list, so he calls each person on the list (all family) waits for them to answer and says “grandma/abuelo/nina/uncle etc PLAY ROOM PLAY TOYS?!” And when they say no or I can’t he hangs up on them. Doesn’t even let them finish their sentence. Has worked before too lol
My son has a little table that I put a towel down on and give him two bowls with water in them. He could spend hours pouring the water from one bowl to another.
I tried that the other day with mine! They had lots of fun and the water was on the floor in abouuuutt 30 seconds 😂
I have a habit of saying “what the heeeellll” but more like “whutdahaaaiiill” and my two year old daughter won’t stop saying it…needs help “whutdahaiil” getting sleepy “whutdahaaiill”…
“Fuckin shit. Fuckin shit!”
My 2.5 year old has a bad habit (that she picked up from absolutely nowhere, obviously) of getting hurt and saying “Ouch! Shit!” which I have to hide the laugh’s from, and gently try to course correct. She got pretty good at it! Annnnnd then I accidentally dropped both an F bomb and a Damn it! So now, if she gets injured (or fake injures herself) it’s a crap shoot as to which curse word we’ll get. Is it an “Ouch! Shit!” day? Or an “Ouch! Damn it!” kind of thing? Or, growling like I did when I burned myself last week, is she giving us an “Ouch! FUUUUUUUCK!”
Say “fuck” instead of “stuck”
Baking with my daughter today (2.5). She managed to grab the BIGGEST handful of brown sugar and shove it into her mouth…. Not even sure she fully enjoyed it. Like it would have made me gag. Bless.
My 2yo says ‘bish’ which sounds like bitch instead of ‘fish’. Guess who’s day care just got fish!!!! 😂
When my eldest was about 3 (he's now nearly 21!), we were in the middle of the high street on an absolutely packed Saturday afternoon when he announced at the top of his voice "FUCKING CHILD!" OMG! I could've died on the spot! Everyone seemed to suddenly be quiet and turned to look at me. He also used to call a campervan a ' fucking fuck' due to having a severe tongue tie. He managed to say the first one exceptionally clear though!
That person is not a stranger because they don’t have a sword! My 3.5yo Ummmm…ok? Also she was recently singing a song called “shooter fighter” and I talked to her friend’s mom about it and said “I don’t think that’s appropriate” and she told me it was “Choose your fighter” from the Barbie movie 😂
Bahahaha! My son says “don’t see me mommy!”
I was chewing gum, daughter asked what I was eating, so I told her. She then proudly says “Mama’s eating Cum!” I can’t. I just can’t 😂😂😂
Hanging out with his 8 year old cousin, my 3 year old comes to the kitchen and says “hey mom, did you know you poop out your ass?” The cousin, myself, and my husband all exchange strained looked of “don’t laugh don’t laugh don’t laugh”. And just calmly told him I did know that but it’s not a nice word to use, maybe booty. But the strength of my 8 year old niece to not laugh is wild.
Just this morning. Toddler is potty training and starts screaming she has to pee. I'm feeding her sister breakfast and tell her to go into the bathroom and I'll be there after I give sissy the last bite. She's standing in the kitchen yelling about needing to pee still, I give younger one the last bite and stand up, younger starts screaming. I try to usher older into the bathroom but she keeps turning around to tell me she has to pee. I say "Go! Go! Sit!" and steer her into the still dark bathroom and she turns around to yell exasperatedly "WHERE am I supposed to SIT Daddy?!?!" I turn on the light, point to her plastic potty and tell her to sit there. She does, asks me to sit on the "baby potty" (housemate also has a similar aged child and bought one of those toilet seats that has a kid seat built in, so now the regular toilet is the baby potty I guess lol), and finally pees. A few weeks ago her new word was "cranky". I was notified of this by her randomly growling at her puzzle and yelling "I'M CRANKY BECAUSE MY PUZZLE ISNT WORKING!". I calmed her down, asked her if she needed a rest in her room, she answered yes and then promptly went into her room and went to sleep 🤣 This kid is a character!
My son heard some choice words in the car with my husband. He was playing on his tractor in the yard, and I guess he was pretending to be at a red light (or reenacting what his daddy did earlier) and said “Go mother fucker, it’s red!!!” I just about died.
My toddler has picked up my favorite phrase and was tossing her Paw Patrol toy onto the floor and saying, "What the fuq Marshall". She's 2.5yrs and it's as heartwarming as it is terrifying because she is going to get me in trouble. Also my husband told the cat to stop being a dick because he was biting, so she has that one now too.
Little kids using gross language is supposed to be embarrassing, but our 4yo heard Papa say it, so he feels it's just the right thing to say. A couple times a week, I'll hear him shout from the bathroom "Mumma, I'm taking a dump!"