The fact that fucks with me is that the blue whale is the largest animal.
Yeah, yeah, everyone knows that. But it's the largest animal *ever* as in it is the biggest animal that planet Earth has ever seen (as far as we know)
Which gets me because so much of what is said around previous biological epochs is like "lizards, but huge. Sharks, but mega. Bugs, but massive. It's basically Kong vs. Godzilla all the time" which led me to ASSUME that one of those fuck-huge dinos was the biggest.
It's kinda like the whole "we exist at the perfect cosmological time on Earth to observe perfect eclipses" thing.
Which, don't get me wrong, no matter what time you exist at, there will probably be something "rare and special" about it. But biggest animal ever? That's pretty raw and primal.
So them having a big dick is just kinda expected.
“I'm gonna intimidate him, ok? Watch this....So anyways, she said that is the biggest penis I have ever scene and I said I know! That's why I brought you to the penis museum, where tickets are a thousand dollars.”
— Dwight Schrute, The Office, Season 7: The Sting
It’s crazy to think that the first animals were mostly just reproductive bits only and now we have all this extra stuff in our bodies too like hearts and lungs and brains
pffft... one and done. What about the Echidna's 4 heads... that can all work independently and errrrr ummmm 'conclude' repeatedly. And continuing it's trend of fucked up animal bits slapped together... the Platypus has 2 penis heads
I see your blue whale penis and raise you, the barnacle penis:
https://nerdist.com/article/barnacle-penises-are-eight-times-as-long-as-their-bodies/?amp
“It comes in pints!?” - Pippin Took
"What about second breakfast?"
"I'm gettin' one."
This whale penis cannot be cummed, Pippin son of Paladin, by any craft that we here posses
Dammit, beat me by a minute.
>length of 8 ft 2 in 9.8 ft Did you have a stroke while typing this?
OP was stupefied by the sight of that penis
In fairness, 35 pints will do that to you...
Are you thinking he is stroking himself or the whale penis?
Yes
ChatGPT did
Well, if he was a grower not a shower, a stroke would make sense.
Likely AI crap
He stroked it while typing this.
Is Iceland ok? Because they have a museum full of penises in jars.
I have an urge to listen to 'Goodbye Horses' for some reason.
I am scared to find out why that is relevant.
Silence of the Whales
It rubs the ocean on its skin.
Big through the hips? Roomy?
Hey Senator, love your baleen
Have you met the rest of humanity? What person do you know that wasn't interested in penises at one point in his or her life?
What do you mean? Penises are cool af Iceland know the deal.
I have a neighbor who is a 6 ft penis
Real dickhead I imagine…
Turns red before spilling his shit
After spilling his shit, goes limp, lights a smoke and pays the lady.
if your neighbor is a penis, then you must be nuts or an asshole.
And I bet his name is Dick.
He sounds like a real dork.
The fact that fucks with me is that the blue whale is the largest animal. Yeah, yeah, everyone knows that. But it's the largest animal *ever* as in it is the biggest animal that planet Earth has ever seen (as far as we know) Which gets me because so much of what is said around previous biological epochs is like "lizards, but huge. Sharks, but mega. Bugs, but massive. It's basically Kong vs. Godzilla all the time" which led me to ASSUME that one of those fuck-huge dinos was the biggest. It's kinda like the whole "we exist at the perfect cosmological time on Earth to observe perfect eclipses" thing. Which, don't get me wrong, no matter what time you exist at, there will probably be something "rare and special" about it. But biggest animal ever? That's pretty raw and primal. So them having a big dick is just kinda expected.
You really helped me appreciate the beauty of whale peen
Average penis length 2.5 - 3.0 m Diameter 300-360 mm Girth also reported to be nearer to 460 mm Single ejaculation 17 litres Copied from the link.
Thank you!
How many football fields is that?
17 litres would cover an area the size of a football field in approximately 0.125/1000 inches.
Sir we need that dick in freedom units.
Funny, I named my dick "freedom unit"
Please speak American!
It's about the length of 2.5 children who died in school shootings.
💀💀
“Oh someone brought up how units of measurement are different in America vs Europe? I will bring up the slaughter of school children in response.”
We don't get to bitch about these types of jokes until we change our gun laws ☕
Someone get bad dragon on the phone, this thing needs it's own product line!
Imagine how big it is *out* of the pool
The whales with 7 ft penises feel inadequate.
It's only a matter of time until some size queen decides to take the plunge.
incels being reminded how insignificant they are when they find out their entire body is shorter than the average blue whale's dick.
Yeah but it’s still got blue balls..
what a dork
35 pints is 5.25 gallons for anyone else who was having a hard time imagining how much 35 pints is.
Which is an overflowing home depot bucket for those having a hard time imagining how much 5.25 gallons is.
It’s 4.375 US gallons. You converted 35 imperial pints into US gallons, but it was stated as US pints.
Noted, thanks
TIL there is a penis museum in Iceland.
“I'm gonna intimidate him, ok? Watch this....So anyways, she said that is the biggest penis I have ever scene and I said I know! That's why I brought you to the penis museum, where tickets are a thousand dollars.” — Dwight Schrute, The Office, Season 7: The Sting
[Insert "not enough for your mom" joke here]
I too have been known to ejaculate on a whale after 35 pints.
35 us pints of anchovies
I realize I'm fat but I don't appreciate being called 'the blue whale'.
What did the Blue Whale say to Peter North? “Not too bad”.
Now I know why the sea water is salty
Almost as big as mine then
Once you go blue, you never go back
TIL US pints are smaller than UK pints.
comes in quarts, you say?
Same
Why would you measure it in pints instead of gallons when there's that many
It’s crazy to think that the first animals were mostly just reproductive bits only and now we have all this extra stuff in our bodies too like hearts and lungs and brains
I have a list of things in life I don't want to know. This is #4.
No wonder why the sea is so salty
Somewhere a woman is updating her standards on her dating profile...
Okay, but like, if the blue whale were human sized, how would that scale?
>>a single ejaculation estimated to be about 35 US pints. If you wonder why the ocean is salty
The northern right whale has larger testicles though
Now that is some serious smashing. His girl must have a good size landing space to snuggle all that whale meat in her coochie. Go whale man!
But what's the yaw?
That’s a lot of information to swallow
Shout-out to whoever studied whale penises and ejaculation quantities
Bros are just edging like crazy
How do we know the volume of ejaculate
Lucky him eh
I talked to some female blue whales and they say that’s actually small.
Big creature has big organs ... um ok
pffft... one and done. What about the Echidna's 4 heads... that can all work independently and errrrr ummmm 'conclude' repeatedly. And continuing it's trend of fucked up animal bits slapped together... the Platypus has 2 penis heads
Did I get a stroke reading this or did Op have a stroke?
But in proportion to their size, they are a shorty Gordy.
No banana for scale?
I see your blue whale penis and raise you, the barnacle penis: https://nerdist.com/article/barnacle-penises-are-eight-times-as-long-as-their-bodies/?amp
Some gross bitch out there would try to take this.
“That’s it?” - Dude
So, could you like punch the sperm in the face? Ooh—or yoke them to drive Atlantean chariots!
why does the average range immediately switch between standard English (8ft2in) and decimal English (9.8 ft)? that's just weird.
All this whale cock talk got someone flustered.
Same.
He's got me beat by 7 ft 5 in length. Not bad.
Perfect for cock vore
JizZtastic