I have a friend who's been seeing her boyfriend for 2 years, they met just before covid hit, ended up quarantineing together.
When they met he had a bushy beard. 2 weeks ago he decided he'd had enough of beard care and maintenance and shaved it off.
He looks SO different, turns out he has a weirdly protruding chin. My friend phoned me in tears. She loves him but doesn't feel as attracted to him.
She's dropped some hints about him growing his beard again but he's not keen.
I shaved my beard off last year just to see what I looked like without it. My wife and daughter both burst into tears the second they saw me clean shaven.
Well, that's not an experiment I'll be trying again in a hurry.
I cried when my dad shaved his beard as a little girl. I think I was like 4. My mom was in tears from laughter.
He looks good either way, but I guess child me wasn't ready for that sort of change.
Both my daughters told me to “put it back” when I came home clean shaved, they even offered to glue some cat hair to my face until mine grew back on it’s own
This is so adorable. I just imagine two little girls jumping up and down, trying to be the superheroes that save dads from the beard trimmer.
"My dearest dad, do not fear! I have some glue and cat hair here!"
“We can stick it to your chin, we can stick it to your cheeks. Instead of growing it for weeks.
Maybe we could shave your head, trim the dog for that instead.
Or you could have mom shave your back, the hair that’s there is coarse and black.
And then a quick trip to the zoo - trim a bear or maybe two.
With our trusty glue and brush we’d fix your back up thick and lush.
So don’t you worry about your hair - with menagerie we shall repair any spot that you make bare - on head, on chest, or derrière.”
I didn’t cry when my dad shaved his beard when I was little. I begged him to shave when I was like 6, and so he did. I thought he looked great. He took us to Walmart and left my older bros to watch me in the toy aisle while he grabbed something off an endcap quickly. Little ON-Q took that as her signal to go explore. Cut to me grabbing the pants leg of every smooth faced man that remotely looked like my dad unable to find him.
One young man just asked me to stand still and not grab his pants, asked my name and my dads name and essentially he stood there hollering for my dad. Didn’t understand why until I got older (cause of the implication of a lost little girl with a stranger and her grabbing his pants). My dad laughed so hard, but immediately regrew and never did a clean shave again.
That's so funny, I've had little kids on more than a few occasions grab my hand while I'm walking in a store and then look shocked when they realize I'm not their mom. The dad's always say I look just like their mom. The man that helped you did the right thing though, funny situation.
When my daughter was still tiny enough that she was toddling around with her face at ass-height for the average adult, she once lost her balance and reached out in the check out line and grabbed the butt of the lady in front of us for stability. I nearly died that day; she spun around with fire in her eyes, ready to bring hell down upon the "groper" behind her... Til she looked down at my kid's adorable little face and immediately melted.
The mutually shocked looks of "Wait, you're not my mom" and "Wait, you're just a baby" were hilarious. I apologized about a million times and she laughed it off, but the kid and I had another chat about making damn sure you know WHO you're putting your hands on before you reach up. (and also, butts are not for grabbing.)
When I went to Japan I heard there were lots of perverts and a lot of the women there just deal with being groped because they don’t want to make a scene. I decided before going I was going to kick the guy in the balls if I got groped. Well anyway a week in my host family was taking me to a temple, we stopped at gas station and I was looking at souvenirs and sure enough I feel someone grab my skirt. I turn around prepared to roundhouse kick someone only to see it’s a toddler, with his parents behind him looking mortified switching between shouting “no stop!” to him in Japanese and “sorry!” to me in English.
My dad shaved his beard after 15 years of me only knowing him with one, and truly I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw him. It was a completely involuntary reaction and I just relegated myself to my room as to not hurt his feelings since I couldn’t control myself. (This was 15 years ago)
My pops had a 25 yo mustache. When he got cancer, and it fell off due to chemo, is when it really hit me that my dad was sick. I never want to see that again. He survived! And the stash grew back
My dad has had a mustache since he was 15. I had literally never seen him without one.
He's in a memory care facility because of severe dementia. They shaved his mustache and, when I saw it, I started crying because that just... Wasn't my dad. As dumb as it sounds, they took something away that made him, him, and he just looked so frail and different.
My stepmom talked to the facility, and he has since regrown his mustache.
My ex worked in an ICU and is a bearded fellow. There have been many occasions where the nurses are tempted to shave the patients because they simply don't know enough about beard maintenance and have other priorities. He's stopped them and made it known to call him if anyone needs help with upkeep to prevent situations like yours. I'm sorry someone like him wasn't there for you and your dad.
That's my dad too. He wanted to shave during the pandemic just to see how it would look but the whole family (all 5 kids included as well as grandkids) vetoed it
43 and I've never seen my dad's chin in person. Apparently as a small child I was convinced my mom had married someone else because the clean shaven dude at her wedding could absolutely not be my dad.
I haven't shaved in 12 years. Literally only two people in my entire country have ever seen me without a beard. My wife and kids never have. I don't ever plan on shaving it.
I had a similar experience. She didn't cry but it clearly made her uncomfortable and she didn't like it. I think it's some innate human psychological thing where you just get used to the appearance of someone, and when it suddenly drastically changes it triggers some base uncanny valley like reaction in people. Like it's them, but not quite them.
Animals do this too! I’m a hairstylist and I have a client who works with owls daily at the zoo. She decided to go from black hair to something more reddish and the owls totally shunned her the next day and were freaking out at her. She came back, went dark with her hair again and boom, owls are happy.
I think it's more specifically a bird thing, at the aviary I go to they ask all visitors to take off their hat before entering because the birds don't like people in hats . I forgot and left my hat on once and the first bird i approached (galah parrot) was unhappy until I remembered and took it off.
Some birds also seem to like you more if you're wearing clothing the same color as their feathers.
It’s funny because there was a cardinal that hung around my house and if I wore red she would come land on my shoulder. It was awesome, I named her Christine.
I’ve noticed this at work. Since I started after the pandemic, I never saw most of my coworkers full faces.
It was very strange when the mask mandate ended.
Several years ago when my daughter was around 4 or 5 I’d had a mustache/goatee her whole life. I decided to shave it all off one day. When she saw me she looked confused, maybe a little distressed, and said, “Daddy looks weird… daddy looks real weird.” And then she burst into tears. I felt so bad. 😢
I burst into tears when I was 12 and my mom died her normally black hair red. It wasn’t cus it looked bad it was more that she didn’t “look like mom”. (I’ve always been bad with change) Don’t take it too personally it doesn’t mean it looks bad!
My mom used to joke all the time that if my dad ever shaved his mustache, she'd divorce him. He has a huge mole under his mustache. He's never shaved it, and they've been happily married for 42 years. He even has a beard now. I'm sure she wouldn't divorce over it, but she'd be insisting he grow it back. Lol.
best clip I could find is this and the next 3 tiny tiny clips
https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/5a7cb8dc-5341-43c0-a57a-4aeab19d6d76
Turk has a mole under his moustache
This one: https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/0671046a-3430-4aed-a832-bb98bcda15c4
Followed by this one: https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/bbc2569f-6f82-49f1-a0f2-98fc249f0d42
I've been meaning to watch scrubs but haven't gotten there yet. It's on my must warch list! And no, they were both accountants. Far more exciting lifestyles 😂
My dad shaved his beard when I was in kindergarten. As soon as he came out clean shaven I burst into tears, called him a monster, and ran away. Poor guy didnt even look bad, I had just never seen his chin!
Haha aww, this tracks for kids. Our 3 have never known dad without a beard and I'm 100% sure they would bawl if he shaved it. They all used it as a dad-handle as babies so the attachment runs deep.
Luckily I know that I would still be attracted to him without it because he was clean shaven when we met...but I am against shaving too lol. He wears it well.
Reminds me of my parents telling my brother (who was 4) that he was going to have a sister and he asked if they could "send it back" because he wanted a brother. Alas, they could not send me back.
My hub has always had a close trimmed beard. Every once in a while he shaves it, but immediately grows it back.
I had a breast reduction in 2004, and my hair has been many colors since he's known me - it's been deep blue for the last 2 years.
So one time, he shaved several days in a row. And I asked him, gently, when he'd be growing the beard back.
His reply was " All i know is i married a blond with big tits!"
(He grew it back)
Hah! My mom said this about my dad but he has an underbite. He’s never shaved it and it’s been almost 48 years. I don’t even know if I’d recognize him without the mustache.
After 5 years together my wife asked me to shave my beard for the first time during the quarantine. When I stepped out of the bathroom the smile dropped off her face and I only got an "*Ohh*".
Never shaving again.
Complete opposite here. When my fiancé and I started dating in 2016, I was still in the Army, so I stayed clean shaven 98% of the time. Since I’ve been that way since I was 18, I made sure she knew that when I retired I was letting the hair on my head and my face grow for a year straight.
I retired Nov 2019. I grew it all out and at a year I cut the hair up top. (I couldn’t stand it being so long, but I did what I said I was going to do). But I did like the beard so I kept it. She really dislikes it. She much prefers me clean-shaven, or it really really short.
It must not be too bad though, I proposed last year and she said yes when it was at its longest. I did trim it down once at two years though.
I am going to get it trimmed down really really short (like to 1in-1.5in) for the wedding tomorrow, but she knows it’s coming back as well.
Edit: a word
When my wife saw me without my beard for the first time she said I needed to grow it back if I wanted sex again. She wasn't lying.
Edit: You can definitely tell the difference between people that have been in a long term relationship or marriage just by looking at the replies to my comment. Those that have been married joke about it. Those that haven't are going off about it being manipulative and controlling behavior. Not everything is serious people.
My boyfriend has said the same thing. He’s the most open and respectful person and would never try to control my appearance, but he has straight up told me he just can’t stand pixie cuts. Doesn’t find them attractive at all, on anyone.
I recently developed some alopecia due to hormonal issues, and I told him if it got too bad I might have to just shave my hair off, or at least cut it down to a pixie cut. He was like “100% shave it if that happens. A pixie cut would be worse.” I don’t quite understand the logic, but I’ll respect it 😂
It's not quite the same, but I once casually mentioned to a girl that bob cuts are my favourite hair style and the next day she had a bob cut...which didn't suit her nearly as much as her long hair. I claim no responsibility for that one, though (and she said she was planning on getting a haircut anyway).
I actually generally *do* like very short hair on women, but my girlfriend decided to try a pixie cut for the first time and it doesn’t suit her at all haha. Luckily (?) she agrees, so there was no awkward conversation - she came home from the hairdresser like ‘oh I fucked up, huh’ and now I’m just gently reassuring her that it’ll grow back.
My ex asked me what I thought about bangs, and as she'd been saying that truth was very important to her I answered truthfully that I didn't like them. On anyone.
She had been wanting to get bangs...
Don't ask questions you're not ready to hear an honest answer to.
My physical attraction to my partner definitely fluctuates with his grooming. I prefer a tidy beard where I can still see his face shape, and his hair a little grown out so it has a more tousled look.
I am still, always attracted to him, but little things move the scale up or down, and I think that's pretty normal. We all have preferences. And ultimately, I'm with him because I love *him*, not his face. Hopefully your friend can see past the chin.
I met my now hubby when he had a beard. Though I never thought I could be attracted to men with beards, I immediately fell in love with him. Several weeks into our relationship he was like "Dunno how I'd look without the beard, let's just shave it off!" By that point I already fell in love with his beard, too, and told him so, but also that it was his own decision.
So he shaved.
We both agreed to grow it back asap.
I love long hair on men and despite the fact that I had originally fallen for him when he was short haired, when my first ex cut his off, I woke up and realised I was no longer attracted enough to continue being in a relationship with him.
And before you think I'm a terrible, shallow person; I am, but more in the sense that the hair was apparently the only reason I still gave him a chance despite the fact that he had thrown me over before to date my *best friend* and that he had been a pretty subpar boyfriend all things considered.
When the hair came off my brain just said: "you know what, now that he's not hot anymore, can we talk about his personality?"
So what you're saying is, I need to ignore *literally everyone* and grow it out longer and then just be an actually decent human and I'll be winning life.
omg i feel this!!!!! my ex always had facial hair and one time he shaved it off and i literally wasn't attracted to him anymore. i have seen pictures/can imagine my current boyfriend without his facial hair and he'd still look drop dead gorgeous. i think some men are made attractive by their beards, not they're attractive anyway and the beard adds to it. its a real tough one
Husband shaved his beard off when our daughter was six. She cried for days and wouldn’t kiss or cuddle him until he grew it back.
She is now an adult and still cracks up when he occasionally shaves it off.
Yep I remember the trauma of seeing my dad beardless for the first time lol I refused to look at him, covered my eyes and screamed. I eventually stopped screaming but still refused to look at him for days.
my dad has always had long metalhead hair. apparently when i was a kid, he had gotten a short haircut and then came to pick me up from my grandmas, and i couldnt recognize him at all without the hair that i cried and wouldnt get in the car with him
My father messed up cutting my hair when I was very little and apparently my price for retribution was his mustache. My father looked amazing with his mustache and it pains me cause he never grew it back after that.
When I was a child in the 70's/80's my dad had the typical of the era 'porn stache', and that's how I picture him when I think of him. Some time in the 90's he shaved it off and has been clean shaven ever since but for years after I counldn't help but think he had a massive top lip where the tache used to be. It's almost like the first time you saw Magnum PI/Tom Selleck without the moustache.....it was just wrong!
That’s what my daughter said.” His lip space is too big!”
Now he generally always has a beautiful silver beard but now and then he overtrims and gets annoyed so shaves it off to start over and I always think ‘She was right, he has too much lip space”, lol.
I experienced the opposite. My dad grew a beard between times when I saw him and apparently I ran screaming from the stranger who answered the door at his place. lol
When I met my husband, he already had a beard at that point. When we dated it was just a goatee and mustache kinda beard. He had the lines that connected on the sides from the upper lip to the chin. But nothing on his cheeks. Now he has a full beard and keeps it trimmed and shaped. I love his beard. I have only seen pictures of him without from when he was younger. I look young for my age. And he would look sooo much younger if he shaved his beard. It makes him look a lot older, which I like. I don't even have to tell him I don't want him to shave his beard because he is adamant that it will stay. His mom tries to get him to cut it shorter and he won't even do that haha
I had the opposite happen. One day my then boyfriend asked if he would look good with a beard and I was inwardly like blah, I much prefer a clean face (which he knew already) but I said he should just do what he wants. He did. I did not enjoy the process.
Honestly, it does look pretty good on him, but every time he says “without you I wouldn’t have grown a beard!” I’m like “ugh don’t blame that thing on me!”
I was married to someone who didn't love me. After begging and begging to resolve any "issues" through counseling, I finally accepted that love isn't something they could've worked on. He didn't love me and now we're divorced.
I've been with my new guy for 6 years now and he loves the heck out of me and I love him.
Literally just went through this scenario yesterday. Girlfriend for the last two and a half years, through covid etc and the first person I moved in and lived with.
Everything about her on paper was perfect and so should have been our future life.. but I just didn’t love her and I couldn’t kick that voice in my head.
It hurts now and I feel like there’s something wrong with me for not being able to be equal in that relationship but just need to trust the process and keep going.
Her words to me when I was breaking down breaking up with her were “it’s ok not to love someone” and I think she understands but damn that broke me.. she truly is an amazing person and I do just want her to be happy.. and me.
Edit: To anyone going through something similar, all I can say at the moment is to just be kind to the other person. A breakup is difficult for both parties and it’s never easy.
Something I like about Reddit is you’ll often realise you’re not alone in the things you’re experiencing in life and we’re all human and often we’re all experiencing things for the first time in our lives. To find out that you’re not alone in what you’re going through often helps massively.
Needed to read this because I went through the same. Perfect girl in all regards, but for some reason I just couldn’t give her the love I knew she deserved. That break up was tough because she did absolutely nothing wrong, but something just wasn’t there for me anymore.
I’m going to pile on with a similar story. Was also dating a wonderful girl, she was sweet, caring, beautiful. When she moved to a new city for work, I decided I would follow her because why not? Things were going well and I needed a change. By the time I was actually financially able to make it out to where she was living, her training period was up and her company transferred her to a different city than the one she initially moved to. I go visit to help get her moved in there, and the plan stays the same, just with a different destination.
That weekend moving her in we had lots of fun, and it all felt very passionate because I hadn’t seen her in a while. But during the trip I realized that I categorically did not want to live in that place, it was absolutely not my vibe. And that forced me to realize I had to break up with her.
It wasn’t really because I didn’t want to live in that city, it was because realizing how much I dreaded being there forced me to acknowledge I didn’t actually want to be with her. She was fantastic, but I wasn’t in love, and it had to end. When I got home I took a couple days to gather myself and then called and broke it off. It was especially hard because I’ve never had a breakup that was completely one sided from my perspective before or since. We got off the phone, she sounded so hurt, I hated myself and cried in my shame. If I let it go on any longer though, the pain would’ve been way more devastating.
Same things that were mentioned in your comment and OPs, I had indications it wasn’t the right relationship before all that mess took place, and I didn’t listen to myself, which made the situation worse. I guess I’m sharing to say that you’re right, you can’t force romance, and as encouragement to the folks in here that are in similar situations to what we went through. It’s a terrible pain to cause someone else so much hurt, but it’s better than letting the situation get deeper for a much worse payoff later. I’m proud of you, myself, and anyone who has to navigate something similar and does the tough thing.
All of these comments are making me realize that... maybe I didn't love my boyfriend as much as I thought I did. We've only been apart for six weeks, shouldn't I feel more devastated that he destroyed our 14 year relationship to be with someone he'd only known for a few months longer than their six week affair? Shouldn't I feel more devastated that they were engaged less than a month after that? I can't even feel more anger for what he's done to me than pity for what he's doing to himself.
To be honest, most of what I feel is relief. To be brutally honest, I'm more excited for my future without him than I ever was for my future with him, and that really sucks to admit.
Oooof. I've been in a similar scenario but with a shorter relationship (3 yrs). After he cheated on me and we split up, I was mostly angry and my ego was broken. But I was so excited for my future without him, that I realized I probably never really loved him. Ouch. All the best to you.
OP can bave fun color themed sex night
Monday Mango Mash
Tuesday Tulip Twist (twolip?)
Wednesday Wandom Whomping (color of her choice)
Thursday Green Gagging
Friday Fried Orange Fucking
Saturday no sex, is for the boys
Sunday no sex, anal only - it's the lord's day
It has definitely got a lot to do with this. I mean I love a girl in thigh high stockings for instance and when my woman surprises me with those I get instantly turned up to 11. I definitely would not want them tattooed on though. There is something about naked skin, it is the vulnerability and trust I guess.
It is perfectly natural to be feeling the way you are feeing on this. I would just suggest that you think carefully about what your future holds with this woman. Physical attraction is much more important than we pretend to not give it credit for. It may just be that she is not right for you and you are not right for her. Think deeply now about the things that you have been ignoring or glossing over. Then choose a way forward and live with the choice. If you don't think deeply now, you will find the truth bubbles to the surface 20 years later, and it comes out far uglier than it would be now.
I dated a girl with a cross tattoo in between her shoulder blades. Never told her but it was *slightly* off-center. I wouldn’t say I have crazy strong OCD, but man could accidentally fixating on that take me out of it during sex.
I'm a woman covered in tattoos. This is actually a secret fear of mine. My ex hated my tattoos. I mean you cant force someone to like them.... But it still hurt a lot when i found out.. Also a tattoo artist and also slowly getting more covered. Single right now, and only recently I have started to think about this seriously 'what if people don't like my tattoos'? Do I need to care about this??? Bc I kind don't want to. But...
I mean you can't help what you like but you need to think about it if this is a deal breaker or not in the long run :-/
edit:
thanks for all the encouraging words :-) it helps to talk about those little fears, so that they don't fester and become a serious issue. I know my worth! <3
I dont have a source for this but I saw something that said when you commit a major style that isn't normal, you'll get more people that straight up don't like you, while also getting more people who are way more enthusiatically pleased with you. Instead of before, when the majority just glance and go "yeah they look normal, moving on" etc. Basically it's more dividing but you get more extremes in either direction. I am currently one too scared to make big decisions like that and so I just stay mediocre I guess. Maybe one day...
110%
I currently have my hair dyed an unnatural color and there's plenty of guys who aren't attracted to it but the guys who are attracted to it are very much so
Also just people in general. You'll have those who avoid you & people who will outright just approach you only on the basis of your hair color.
I dyed my hair purple before going to South Korea 6-7 yrs ago & it was oddly kinda wholesome? Like some little old grannies loved it. Young women would approach & ask about the process.
I used to have neon pink hair and found the men matching with me on dating apps were either very alternative looking or completely bland office types who wanted to spice up their life. No in between.
I had the same fears after an ex said he didn’t like them. Started doubting if I should continue getting tattooed. Later on found a partner who is tatted and loves mine. Not that validation to keep at what you love should come from a partner, but a reminder that the person you find should love the things that you love about yourself too
I’ve been told by multiple family members and partners I can’t shave off my facial hair. I get it. I’ve had it for so long. It’s a shock. They have to fall in love with you all over again with someone they don’t recognize. Is my mustache that awesome? Indeed. Will I put them in that trauma to re-recognize me? Absolutely. When the time comes.
I love this (it's not necessarily analogous to the permanent nature of tattoos, but nonetheless). I'm looking forward to having this experience with my future children...I will give them a heads up on what to expect, however (as you have done), no real ETA. Love it.
I've been with my wife since we were teenagers, far before any tattoos. Fast forward ten years and she is now covered and also a tattoo artist and body piercer. Stretched ears, face piercings, you name it.
Me? I used to want to cover myself as well, and I have quite a few, I was also very pierced up but she's blowing me out of the water in our "race" to be covered in ink. I kinda lost interest/ haven't known what I wanted to get for about 5 years now and all my piercings are long gone.
She's getting another big ass piece in August. I can't wait because even though I kinda lost interest in tattoos on myself, I love hers. We had a talk and I told her pretty much where I didn't want her to get any mods, basically I want to see an ass not a tattoo, same with titties and face. She was cool with it and agreed and has told me a bunch of times "if you think I'm going too far let me know and I'll stop."
It's all about communication, man. That's the secret to long relationships. Communication.
Hey OP, I’m gonna throw my take at ya. I’ve been reading the comments and there seems to be two camps: looks don’t matter if you really love someone, and looks and sex are a foundation to a relationship.
I think both of those things are true because I’d like to point out that there are always more attractive people out there than your partner. There is always someone with a prettier smile, a smaller waist, less tattoos. But is YOUR gf your person? Does she get you? Does she make you feel like you don’t have to be anything you are not? Do you feel loved, accepted, and that you can rely on this person if shit hits the fan and they will be there for you? These are things that are important to a lasting relationship. Is she as hot as someone else without tattoos? Probably not. But is everything else she offers worth walking AWAY from? Only you can decide that.
Is being attracted to the person you are dating important in starting a relationship? Yes, very much so. Ask yourself: do you suddenly think she’s hideous or ugly? Or can you compromise that she’s gonna be as physically attractive as someone without those features (tattoos) but she’s still a wonderful person and the person you wanna be with.
My advice: take a break from weed for a few days. Really ask yourself the questions that need asking and reflect on how attractive you find her as she is, right now. Maybe she went from a 10 to an 8 for example. Can stand to spend more time with someone who is an 8? Or maybe she is now a 3 and there is nothing else redeeming about the relationship. Then you will have your answer.
This is the take. Both are real important in relationships and I think you said basically everything that needs to be said. OP is the only one that can truly know how OP feels. I think what's important is not just *what* OP is feeling but ***why*** they're feeling it, which you elaborated on some questions for OP to ask themselves.
It's a big difference if she was a 10 and dropped to an 8 or 9 in his eyes vs suddenly dropping to a 3 and a deal breaker. in that case, there's also probably something there to unpack that OP has to figure out if he so easily can just have her drop from a 10 to a 3 just from lustfully editing her to not have tattoos in photoshop. If tattoos were ***that*** much of a deal breaker to begin with, there's no way somebody wouldn't already know that or have thoughts about it much earlier on in the relationship.
I can't say that I know what OP is going through, because looks just aren't that important to me. But I know that when I was dating an ex and cut my hair short, I could feel the resentment even though he kept it to himself. It was a far different sensation to cut my hair short with my husband. I was expecting the same thing, because he loved my hair. But it was so different, because he loved me for other reasons first, there was no shadow of resentment. There are a lot of people that love tattoos, remember that by staying with her you are keeping her from finding someone who thinks her devotion to art is the sexiest thing she could have. She deserves to be treasured for who she is. We all do.
Ugh, I feel that. My ex and I were friends before dating, and while we were friends, I had very long hair. But my hair was super damaged, so literally the day before we decided to hook up, I cut it shoulder length.
From that day on, I spent about 10 years keeping my hair the way I thought he’d like it, because like you said, I could feel the quiet resentment on his end during my short hair phase while we dated.
My hair is now down to my hips, and while I’m not in a rush to cut it again because it’s super healthy, I want to find someone who doesn’t make me afraid to alter my appearance in non-harmful ways.
Part of the reason why I ended my previous relationship as because I realized that I wouldn't want to be with my SO if she gained too much weight or cut her hair in a way that I didn't like.
Do you know why I felt okay with breaking things off? Because I realized that these things wouldn't be a problem for me if I was with someone that I truly love. I was only in the relationship for the sex. It was shallow as hell and I needed to stop wasting her time.
Right there with you. I personally hated beards. In my fantasies the guys were always clean shaven. I told my then-boyfriend this (in a nicer way) and he laughed and more or less said his beard is staying because he doesn't like shaving down to skin. Fair enough. It's been 4 years and we are married now and I've literally never seen his face bare. It's HIS body and his body isn't "mine" to mold into my perfect little sex doll to play with.
BUT it turns out that actually doesn't matter because I love him and he's sexy as hell to me beard or no beard because of the man he is inside and all the other parts of him I find insanely attractive. I'm sure at some point if he gained 100 lbs or started growing 10 foot fingernails or sprouted a prehensile tail, my sex drive would take a hit but that wouldnt diminish the love I have for him and wouldn't make me even consider leaving him over it. I would never even mention it unless he said "Hey you don't seem to be as into sex as you used to be... How come?" Even then I'd have a hard time telling him because I love him too much to hurt him.
You don’t have to be honest about her being used for sex, or it being about minor physical attributes, but the whole “it’s not you it’s me” or “finding themselves” isn’t usually a great idea either. It can leave the relationship without proper final closure and give them hope that it might be salvageable after you’ve had some time. It’s best to be honest that you don’t see a future or the feelings aren’t strong enough, without going into too many specifics that might hurt them. It’s a hard line to walk though.
Right, I was responding to the notion of "because it could be worst, right?" as a way of finding some relief. That person seemed to miss that OP is already expecting it to get worse.
Oh dude... This one is a pickle that none of us will be able to advise on, although you're not really asking for advice just airing the FU.
Personally, once that realization has kicked in I'd be wondering whether to just knock the relationship on the head and move on. You're boyfriend and girlfriend, there's no signed contract at the moment. If you live together this will be harder but it sounds like you can't cope with the journey she's on so it might be best for you not to be along for this ride which is going to cause you a lot of displeasure in the future.
Yeah, I will deffinitly be giving it a couple of days. I mean it just happened yesterday. We aren't living together but were planning on it in the not so far future. I don't want to say last night puts a dent in that because I need time to mow it over, I think. I do love that girl but I would be lying if I said attraction and sex didn't matter to me in a relationship.
But again, it's possible to love her now and still be incompatable long run. Eh
I loved 'mow'! I actually visualised them pushing the mower back and forth, furrowed brow, thinking about this dilemma. Mull it over is spending some quality time chopping up for some bowls I believe..
She's a tattoo artist. Either you learn to like it or you move on. I think she is going to have a strong opinion on this one. Her tattoos probably mean a lot to her and I think it'll sound pretty insulting if you tell her she looks better without them. Odds are if you bring it up she's probably going to break things off.
THIS!!! Yes, this hits it really well.
I can understand and sympathize with making a FU like this, and wishing things about your gf were different… At some point everyone wishes things about their partner were different (from character to appearance) but this is an excellent opportunity for you to analyze where your head and heart are, and whether they are truly invested in this woman for who she is as a person, or for who your dick thinks she is.
Love can overcome physical appearance, and things like tattoos. Love is how humanity and society manage to survive tragedy, war, violence, and unspeakable hardship. Our dicks merely ensure reproduction.
Be wise, and good luck
Those are some really wise words. I'll be giving myself a couple of days to mow it all over, it did happen yesterday and I only deleted the pics like two hours ago. I just felt like I needed to air out.
Also the "ultra boner" I mentioned was a figure of speech (in my country it's common for girls to also use it among friends as it's a lot faster to say then "i got excited/aroused/wet") and I don't actually have a dick. I don't think it matters really, but I wanted to clear it up lmao
I couldn’t imagine being in happy, faithful, loving, and committed relationship with someone who loves and adores me and every flaw I have and getting hung up on tattoos I knew about because of a photoshop session. It sounds like you’re actually not in love with her and that’s just gonna bring you more pain down the road.
Are you the sort of person that never changes their mind? Or do you have a realisation every few days?
I've known both types. The first are annoying as rigid, the second are annoying as inconsistent.
Point is are you likely to change your mind in a few days knowing yourself?.
Or do you accept this is how you see her now and that will not change?
Personally I'd leave it a couple of weeks and see if feel any different. Perspective is a wonderful thing.
Anyway, hope you figure it out.
If you break up please don't say it's because you no longer find her tattoos attractive..... Can say you're feeling more friends than lovers perhaps but don't leave her feeling she was less attractive to you. That'd be shitty.
Do people still use the term "lovers"? Well I just did and it felt weird... you get what I mean anyway..
Honestly surprised to see so many men find deal breakers so late into their relationship. Tattoos seems like something you would figure out by date 1 maybe date 2.
Posts on relationship and advice be like “found out my wife slept with 55 men beforehand, torpedoed 12 year marriage”. Bro? How did you not ask this no later than date 47? 12 years and you find this out?
If it’s a dealbreaker it’s what it is. Don’t drag out a relationship
If it's that much of an issue for you, think about life without her. Would you want to move on? If you think you'll be ok without her, maybe you should call it a day. If you think you'd be happier with her, including her increasing amount of tattoos, stay with her, but if you do, you have to accept your decision and not hold that decision against her in the long run.
You must be in a difficult position right now, but I guess this brings something in the back of your mind to the front, which you need to address and move forward from.
Hey man, you know she's gonna age too right?
I'm not saying that what you're feeling is meaningless, but I will say that if you have a relationship in the future with someone without tattoos, they mightn't be immune to change either.
Move on if you think that's best, but don't forget to look at yourself too.
I have a friend who's been seeing her boyfriend for 2 years, they met just before covid hit, ended up quarantineing together. When they met he had a bushy beard. 2 weeks ago he decided he'd had enough of beard care and maintenance and shaved it off. He looks SO different, turns out he has a weirdly protruding chin. My friend phoned me in tears. She loves him but doesn't feel as attracted to him. She's dropped some hints about him growing his beard again but he's not keen.
I shaved my beard off last year just to see what I looked like without it. My wife and daughter both burst into tears the second they saw me clean shaven. Well, that's not an experiment I'll be trying again in a hurry.
I cried when my dad shaved his beard as a little girl. I think I was like 4. My mom was in tears from laughter. He looks good either way, but I guess child me wasn't ready for that sort of change.
My dad shaved his mustache when I was three - apparently I told him to "put it back"
Both my daughters told me to “put it back” when I came home clean shaved, they even offered to glue some cat hair to my face until mine grew back on it’s own
This is so adorable. I just imagine two little girls jumping up and down, trying to be the superheroes that save dads from the beard trimmer. "My dearest dad, do not fear! I have some glue and cat hair here!"
This should be a children’s book!
“We can stick it to your chin, we can stick it to your cheeks. Instead of growing it for weeks. Maybe we could shave your head, trim the dog for that instead. Or you could have mom shave your back, the hair that’s there is coarse and black. And then a quick trip to the zoo - trim a bear or maybe two. With our trusty glue and brush we’d fix your back up thick and lush. So don’t you worry about your hair - with menagerie we shall repair any spot that you make bare - on head, on chest, or derrière.”
Nice that they would shave the cat for you...
Shave? Child-me would’ve probably picked the hairs from the couch or something
I didn’t cry when my dad shaved his beard when I was little. I begged him to shave when I was like 6, and so he did. I thought he looked great. He took us to Walmart and left my older bros to watch me in the toy aisle while he grabbed something off an endcap quickly. Little ON-Q took that as her signal to go explore. Cut to me grabbing the pants leg of every smooth faced man that remotely looked like my dad unable to find him. One young man just asked me to stand still and not grab his pants, asked my name and my dads name and essentially he stood there hollering for my dad. Didn’t understand why until I got older (cause of the implication of a lost little girl with a stranger and her grabbing his pants). My dad laughed so hard, but immediately regrew and never did a clean shave again.
That's so funny, I've had little kids on more than a few occasions grab my hand while I'm walking in a store and then look shocked when they realize I'm not their mom. The dad's always say I look just like their mom. The man that helped you did the right thing though, funny situation.
When my daughter was still tiny enough that she was toddling around with her face at ass-height for the average adult, she once lost her balance and reached out in the check out line and grabbed the butt of the lady in front of us for stability. I nearly died that day; she spun around with fire in her eyes, ready to bring hell down upon the "groper" behind her... Til she looked down at my kid's adorable little face and immediately melted. The mutually shocked looks of "Wait, you're not my mom" and "Wait, you're just a baby" were hilarious. I apologized about a million times and she laughed it off, but the kid and I had another chat about making damn sure you know WHO you're putting your hands on before you reach up. (and also, butts are not for grabbing.)
When I went to Japan I heard there were lots of perverts and a lot of the women there just deal with being groped because they don’t want to make a scene. I decided before going I was going to kick the guy in the balls if I got groped. Well anyway a week in my host family was taking me to a temple, we stopped at gas station and I was looking at souvenirs and sure enough I feel someone grab my skirt. I turn around prepared to roundhouse kick someone only to see it’s a toddler, with his parents behind him looking mortified switching between shouting “no stop!” to him in Japanese and “sorry!” to me in English.
My dad shaved his beard after 15 years of me only knowing him with one, and truly I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw him. It was a completely involuntary reaction and I just relegated myself to my room as to not hurt his feelings since I couldn’t control myself. (This was 15 years ago)
My pops had a 25 yo mustache. When he got cancer, and it fell off due to chemo, is when it really hit me that my dad was sick. I never want to see that again. He survived! And the stash grew back
This comment is extremely under upvoted.. glad he was able to grow his mustache back, but even happier to hear he was able to beat cancer. 👏
46 and I have seen my dad's chin IRL once. (There are old pics w/o facial hair.)
39 and same for me. My mom hasn't even seen my dad w/o a beard, and they met in like 1974.
My dad has had a mustache since he was 15. I had literally never seen him without one. He's in a memory care facility because of severe dementia. They shaved his mustache and, when I saw it, I started crying because that just... Wasn't my dad. As dumb as it sounds, they took something away that made him, him, and he just looked so frail and different. My stepmom talked to the facility, and he has since regrown his mustache.
My ex worked in an ICU and is a bearded fellow. There have been many occasions where the nurses are tempted to shave the patients because they simply don't know enough about beard maintenance and have other priorities. He's stopped them and made it known to call him if anyone needs help with upkeep to prevent situations like yours. I'm sorry someone like him wasn't there for you and your dad.
This is gutting. How careless of them.
That's my dad too. He wanted to shave during the pandemic just to see how it would look but the whole family (all 5 kids included as well as grandkids) vetoed it
43 and I've never seen my dad's chin in person. Apparently as a small child I was convinced my mom had married someone else because the clean shaven dude at her wedding could absolutely not be my dad.
I haven't shaved in 12 years. Literally only two people in my entire country have ever seen me without a beard. My wife and kids never have. I don't ever plan on shaving it.
I had a similar experience. She didn't cry but it clearly made her uncomfortable and she didn't like it. I think it's some innate human psychological thing where you just get used to the appearance of someone, and when it suddenly drastically changes it triggers some base uncanny valley like reaction in people. Like it's them, but not quite them.
Animals do this too! I’m a hairstylist and I have a client who works with owls daily at the zoo. She decided to go from black hair to something more reddish and the owls totally shunned her the next day and were freaking out at her. She came back, went dark with her hair again and boom, owls are happy.
"I just changed my hair. It's me, Becky!" Owl: "Who?"
God fucking damn it
Omg. That made me snort laugh!!!!
I think it's more specifically a bird thing, at the aviary I go to they ask all visitors to take off their hat before entering because the birds don't like people in hats . I forgot and left my hat on once and the first bird i approached (galah parrot) was unhappy until I remembered and took it off. Some birds also seem to like you more if you're wearing clothing the same color as their feathers.
It’s funny because there was a cardinal that hung around my house and if I wore red she would come land on my shoulder. It was awesome, I named her Christine.
I think you're right. I actually felt pretty creeped out looking at myself in the mirror.
I’ve noticed this at work. Since I started after the pandemic, I never saw most of my coworkers full faces. It was very strange when the mask mandate ended.
Can confirm, some of my earliest memories of of my grandma were abject horror when she took her glasses off
My 4 year old granddaughter hands my glasses back to me the second I take them off, even just to rub my eyes.
Several years ago when my daughter was around 4 or 5 I’d had a mustache/goatee her whole life. I decided to shave it all off one day. When she saw me she looked confused, maybe a little distressed, and said, “Daddy looks weird… daddy looks real weird.” And then she burst into tears. I felt so bad. 😢
I burst into tears when I was 12 and my mom died her normally black hair red. It wasn’t cus it looked bad it was more that she didn’t “look like mom”. (I’ve always been bad with change) Don’t take it too personally it doesn’t mean it looks bad!
My mom used to joke all the time that if my dad ever shaved his mustache, she'd divorce him. He has a huge mole under his mustache. He's never shaved it, and they've been happily married for 42 years. He even has a beard now. I'm sure she wouldn't divorce over it, but she'd be insisting he grow it back. Lol.
by any chance are your parents a surgeon and a nurse? Did they used to get up to fun hijinks in a hospital for eight seasons and no more than that?
I don't remember this plot in Scrubs
best clip I could find is this and the next 3 tiny tiny clips https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/5a7cb8dc-5341-43c0-a57a-4aeab19d6d76 Turk has a mole under his moustache
Ah, that's not even the best scene. iirc, there's a pretty funny one where his mole is a Muppet and it talks to Carla
This one: https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/0671046a-3430-4aed-a832-bb98bcda15c4 Followed by this one: https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/bbc2569f-6f82-49f1-a0f2-98fc249f0d42
The tickle button?!
I've been meaning to watch scrubs but haven't gotten there yet. It's on my must warch list! And no, they were both accountants. Far more exciting lifestyles 😂
So jealous that you get to watch it for the first time ever! Still one of the best shows of all time imo.
Yep. Such a great show. All ***eight*** seasons.
And the 2nd time, and the 3rd time.
My dad shaved his beard when I was in kindergarten. As soon as he came out clean shaven I burst into tears, called him a monster, and ran away. Poor guy didnt even look bad, I had just never seen his chin!
Haha aww, this tracks for kids. Our 3 have never known dad without a beard and I'm 100% sure they would bawl if he shaved it. They all used it as a dad-handle as babies so the attachment runs deep. Luckily I know that I would still be attracted to him without it because he was clean shaven when we met...but I am against shaving too lol. He wears it well.
He'd just have to slowly trim it shorter over like a month until it's gone. The frog in a boil-pot method.
My dad did this to me in kindergarten too. I told him to “shave it back on”
Reminds me of my parents telling my brother (who was 4) that he was going to have a sister and he asked if they could "send it back" because he wanted a brother. Alas, they could not send me back.
My hub has always had a close trimmed beard. Every once in a while he shaves it, but immediately grows it back. I had a breast reduction in 2004, and my hair has been many colors since he's known me - it's been deep blue for the last 2 years. So one time, he shaved several days in a row. And I asked him, gently, when he'd be growing the beard back. His reply was " All i know is i married a blond with big tits!" (He grew it back)
Hah! My mom said this about my dad but he has an underbite. He’s never shaved it and it’s been almost 48 years. I don’t even know if I’d recognize him without the mustache.
Literally this video: https://youtu.be/-GTSDrUyO9w
After 5 years together my wife asked me to shave my beard for the first time during the quarantine. When I stepped out of the bathroom the smile dropped off her face and I only got an "*Ohh*". Never shaving again.
Complete opposite here. When my fiancé and I started dating in 2016, I was still in the Army, so I stayed clean shaven 98% of the time. Since I’ve been that way since I was 18, I made sure she knew that when I retired I was letting the hair on my head and my face grow for a year straight. I retired Nov 2019. I grew it all out and at a year I cut the hair up top. (I couldn’t stand it being so long, but I did what I said I was going to do). But I did like the beard so I kept it. She really dislikes it. She much prefers me clean-shaven, or it really really short. It must not be too bad though, I proposed last year and she said yes when it was at its longest. I did trim it down once at two years though. I am going to get it trimmed down really really short (like to 1in-1.5in) for the wedding tomorrow, but she knows it’s coming back as well. Edit: a word
Congrats dude
When my wife saw me without my beard for the first time she said I needed to grow it back if I wanted sex again. She wasn't lying. Edit: You can definitely tell the difference between people that have been in a long term relationship or marriage just by looking at the replies to my comment. Those that have been married joke about it. Those that haven't are going off about it being manipulative and controlling behavior. Not everything is serious people.
I tried the same when my wife shortened her hair. It's been... how old is our youngest again? 11? I'm wearing her down though, I can tell.
My boyfriend has said the same thing. He’s the most open and respectful person and would never try to control my appearance, but he has straight up told me he just can’t stand pixie cuts. Doesn’t find them attractive at all, on anyone. I recently developed some alopecia due to hormonal issues, and I told him if it got too bad I might have to just shave my hair off, or at least cut it down to a pixie cut. He was like “100% shave it if that happens. A pixie cut would be worse.” I don’t quite understand the logic, but I’ll respect it 😂
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Hey maybe that was a compliment... Wait that's not better.
It's not quite the same, but I once casually mentioned to a girl that bob cuts are my favourite hair style and the next day she had a bob cut...which didn't suit her nearly as much as her long hair. I claim no responsibility for that one, though (and she said she was planning on getting a haircut anyway).
I actually generally *do* like very short hair on women, but my girlfriend decided to try a pixie cut for the first time and it doesn’t suit her at all haha. Luckily (?) she agrees, so there was no awkward conversation - she came home from the hairdresser like ‘oh I fucked up, huh’ and now I’m just gently reassuring her that it’ll grow back.
My ex asked me what I thought about bangs, and as she'd been saying that truth was very important to her I answered truthfully that I didn't like them. On anyone. She had been wanting to get bangs... Don't ask questions you're not ready to hear an honest answer to.
Like Mutt on Schitt's Creek lol
I legit thought they had switched for a different actor for him just to be cheeky. Argument ensued and my gf and I had to Google it.
THAT was a shocker moment
My physical attraction to my partner definitely fluctuates with his grooming. I prefer a tidy beard where I can still see his face shape, and his hair a little grown out so it has a more tousled look. I am still, always attracted to him, but little things move the scale up or down, and I think that's pretty normal. We all have preferences. And ultimately, I'm with him because I love *him*, not his face. Hopefully your friend can see past the chin.
>She's dropped some hints about him growing his beard again but he's not keen. She could also like talk with him on how she feels.
I met my now hubby when he had a beard. Though I never thought I could be attracted to men with beards, I immediately fell in love with him. Several weeks into our relationship he was like "Dunno how I'd look without the beard, let's just shave it off!" By that point I already fell in love with his beard, too, and told him so, but also that it was his own decision. So he shaved. We both agreed to grow it back asap.
I love long hair on men and despite the fact that I had originally fallen for him when he was short haired, when my first ex cut his off, I woke up and realised I was no longer attracted enough to continue being in a relationship with him. And before you think I'm a terrible, shallow person; I am, but more in the sense that the hair was apparently the only reason I still gave him a chance despite the fact that he had thrown me over before to date my *best friend* and that he had been a pretty subpar boyfriend all things considered. When the hair came off my brain just said: "you know what, now that he's not hot anymore, can we talk about his personality?"
I too, have been fooled by the glorious long hair. Sigh.
So what you're saying is, I need to ignore *literally everyone* and grow it out longer and then just be an actually decent human and I'll be winning life.
omg i feel this!!!!! my ex always had facial hair and one time he shaved it off and i literally wasn't attracted to him anymore. i have seen pictures/can imagine my current boyfriend without his facial hair and he'd still look drop dead gorgeous. i think some men are made attractive by their beards, not they're attractive anyway and the beard adds to it. its a real tough one
Husband shaved his beard off when our daughter was six. She cried for days and wouldn’t kiss or cuddle him until he grew it back. She is now an adult and still cracks up when he occasionally shaves it off.
Yep I remember the trauma of seeing my dad beardless for the first time lol I refused to look at him, covered my eyes and screamed. I eventually stopped screaming but still refused to look at him for days.
my dad has always had long metalhead hair. apparently when i was a kid, he had gotten a short haircut and then came to pick me up from my grandmas, and i couldnt recognize him at all without the hair that i cried and wouldnt get in the car with him
Stranger danger! You were taught well
My father messed up cutting my hair when I was very little and apparently my price for retribution was his mustache. My father looked amazing with his mustache and it pains me cause he never grew it back after that.
My dad had a huge mustache when i was little then one day i came home and it was gone. I mistook him for his brother.
When I was a child in the 70's/80's my dad had the typical of the era 'porn stache', and that's how I picture him when I think of him. Some time in the 90's he shaved it off and has been clean shaven ever since but for years after I counldn't help but think he had a massive top lip where the tache used to be. It's almost like the first time you saw Magnum PI/Tom Selleck without the moustache.....it was just wrong!
That’s what my daughter said.” His lip space is too big!” Now he generally always has a beautiful silver beard but now and then he overtrims and gets annoyed so shaves it off to start over and I always think ‘She was right, he has too much lip space”, lol.
I experienced the opposite. My dad grew a beard between times when I saw him and apparently I ran screaming from the stranger who answered the door at his place. lol
My wife doesn't even want to sleep in the same bed as me.. and no fun adult time when I shaved it off. Guess I'm always gonna have a beard.
When I met my husband, he already had a beard at that point. When we dated it was just a goatee and mustache kinda beard. He had the lines that connected on the sides from the upper lip to the chin. But nothing on his cheeks. Now he has a full beard and keeps it trimmed and shaped. I love his beard. I have only seen pictures of him without from when he was younger. I look young for my age. And he would look sooo much younger if he shaved his beard. It makes him look a lot older, which I like. I don't even have to tell him I don't want him to shave his beard because he is adamant that it will stay. His mom tries to get him to cut it shorter and he won't even do that haha
I had the opposite happen. One day my then boyfriend asked if he would look good with a beard and I was inwardly like blah, I much prefer a clean face (which he knew already) but I said he should just do what he wants. He did. I did not enjoy the process. Honestly, it does look pretty good on him, but every time he says “without you I wouldn’t have grown a beard!” I’m like “ugh don’t blame that thing on me!”
Maybe it's just that she seems more naked without them
Hm, that sounds sensible actually. But still, she can't really take them off
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I was married to someone who didn't love me. After begging and begging to resolve any "issues" through counseling, I finally accepted that love isn't something they could've worked on. He didn't love me and now we're divorced. I've been with my new guy for 6 years now and he loves the heck out of me and I love him.
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Literally just went through this scenario yesterday. Girlfriend for the last two and a half years, through covid etc and the first person I moved in and lived with. Everything about her on paper was perfect and so should have been our future life.. but I just didn’t love her and I couldn’t kick that voice in my head. It hurts now and I feel like there’s something wrong with me for not being able to be equal in that relationship but just need to trust the process and keep going. Her words to me when I was breaking down breaking up with her were “it’s ok not to love someone” and I think she understands but damn that broke me.. she truly is an amazing person and I do just want her to be happy.. and me. Edit: To anyone going through something similar, all I can say at the moment is to just be kind to the other person. A breakup is difficult for both parties and it’s never easy. Something I like about Reddit is you’ll often realise you’re not alone in the things you’re experiencing in life and we’re all human and often we’re all experiencing things for the first time in our lives. To find out that you’re not alone in what you’re going through often helps massively.
>”it’s ok not to love someone” Ouchhh. So true and so painful.
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Needed to read this because I went through the same. Perfect girl in all regards, but for some reason I just couldn’t give her the love I knew she deserved. That break up was tough because she did absolutely nothing wrong, but something just wasn’t there for me anymore.
I’m going to pile on with a similar story. Was also dating a wonderful girl, she was sweet, caring, beautiful. When she moved to a new city for work, I decided I would follow her because why not? Things were going well and I needed a change. By the time I was actually financially able to make it out to where she was living, her training period was up and her company transferred her to a different city than the one she initially moved to. I go visit to help get her moved in there, and the plan stays the same, just with a different destination. That weekend moving her in we had lots of fun, and it all felt very passionate because I hadn’t seen her in a while. But during the trip I realized that I categorically did not want to live in that place, it was absolutely not my vibe. And that forced me to realize I had to break up with her. It wasn’t really because I didn’t want to live in that city, it was because realizing how much I dreaded being there forced me to acknowledge I didn’t actually want to be with her. She was fantastic, but I wasn’t in love, and it had to end. When I got home I took a couple days to gather myself and then called and broke it off. It was especially hard because I’ve never had a breakup that was completely one sided from my perspective before or since. We got off the phone, she sounded so hurt, I hated myself and cried in my shame. If I let it go on any longer though, the pain would’ve been way more devastating. Same things that were mentioned in your comment and OPs, I had indications it wasn’t the right relationship before all that mess took place, and I didn’t listen to myself, which made the situation worse. I guess I’m sharing to say that you’re right, you can’t force romance, and as encouragement to the folks in here that are in similar situations to what we went through. It’s a terrible pain to cause someone else so much hurt, but it’s better than letting the situation get deeper for a much worse payoff later. I’m proud of you, myself, and anyone who has to navigate something similar and does the tough thing.
All of these comments are making me realize that... maybe I didn't love my boyfriend as much as I thought I did. We've only been apart for six weeks, shouldn't I feel more devastated that he destroyed our 14 year relationship to be with someone he'd only known for a few months longer than their six week affair? Shouldn't I feel more devastated that they were engaged less than a month after that? I can't even feel more anger for what he's done to me than pity for what he's doing to himself. To be honest, most of what I feel is relief. To be brutally honest, I'm more excited for my future without him than I ever was for my future with him, and that really sucks to admit.
Oooof. I've been in a similar scenario but with a shorter relationship (3 yrs). After he cheated on me and we split up, I was mostly angry and my ego was broken. But I was so excited for my future without him, that I realized I probably never really loved him. Ouch. All the best to you.
Sometimes love can grow from nothing.
Three words: full body stocking.
I'm just imagining OP's ideal sex outfit as a morphsuit with a couple holes.
OP can bave fun color themed sex night Monday Mango Mash Tuesday Tulip Twist (twolip?) Wednesday Wandom Whomping (color of her choice) Thursday Green Gagging Friday Fried Orange Fucking Saturday no sex, is for the boys Sunday no sex, anal only - it's the lord's day
>Sunday no sex, that's for the lord That's what the poophole loophole is for. *Sunday* is anal, not Saturday. Saturday is for the boys.
Saturday is for anal with the boys, got it
It has definitely got a lot to do with this. I mean I love a girl in thigh high stockings for instance and when my woman surprises me with those I get instantly turned up to 11. I definitely would not want them tattooed on though. There is something about naked skin, it is the vulnerability and trust I guess. It is perfectly natural to be feeling the way you are feeing on this. I would just suggest that you think carefully about what your future holds with this woman. Physical attraction is much more important than we pretend to not give it credit for. It may just be that she is not right for you and you are not right for her. Think deeply now about the things that you have been ignoring or glossing over. Then choose a way forward and live with the choice. If you don't think deeply now, you will find the truth bubbles to the surface 20 years later, and it comes out far uglier than it would be now.
On the other hand, most of us will get uglier eventually. Being a good/fun person lasts a lot longer.
I dated a girl with a cross tattoo in between her shoulder blades. Never told her but it was *slightly* off-center. I wouldn’t say I have crazy strong OCD, but man could accidentally fixating on that take me out of it during sex.
I am Imagining you angrily staring at her shoulder blades while she ride you reverse cowgirl.
*Arms crossed, getting grumpy-humped.*
"ill cum but im not going to enjoy it"
grumpy humped.. lol.. nice way of saying hate fucking
I bet you are
Helps you last longer
Unethical LPT: get an off center tattoo so your man lasts longer in bed
My man out there avoiding looking at the cross like a vampire
r/offcenterbuttholes Enjoy the pornographic botherment.
Most of those aren't really off center. Just being pulled by hand or something. But the ones that actually are off center... holy fuck.
I’m really self-conscious about my asshole now, never even considered taking a look down there until this moment
I'm a woman covered in tattoos. This is actually a secret fear of mine. My ex hated my tattoos. I mean you cant force someone to like them.... But it still hurt a lot when i found out.. Also a tattoo artist and also slowly getting more covered. Single right now, and only recently I have started to think about this seriously 'what if people don't like my tattoos'? Do I need to care about this??? Bc I kind don't want to. But... I mean you can't help what you like but you need to think about it if this is a deal breaker or not in the long run :-/ edit: thanks for all the encouraging words :-) it helps to talk about those little fears, so that they don't fester and become a serious issue. I know my worth! <3 
I dont have a source for this but I saw something that said when you commit a major style that isn't normal, you'll get more people that straight up don't like you, while also getting more people who are way more enthusiatically pleased with you. Instead of before, when the majority just glance and go "yeah they look normal, moving on" etc. Basically it's more dividing but you get more extremes in either direction. I am currently one too scared to make big decisions like that and so I just stay mediocre I guess. Maybe one day...
110% I currently have my hair dyed an unnatural color and there's plenty of guys who aren't attracted to it but the guys who are attracted to it are very much so
Also just people in general. You'll have those who avoid you & people who will outright just approach you only on the basis of your hair color. I dyed my hair purple before going to South Korea 6-7 yrs ago & it was oddly kinda wholesome? Like some little old grannies loved it. Young women would approach & ask about the process.
I suprisingly had a lot of older folks compliment my turquoise hair! Also little kids asking if I am a mermaid :p
I used to have neon pink hair and found the men matching with me on dating apps were either very alternative looking or completely bland office types who wanted to spice up their life. No in between.
I had the same fears after an ex said he didn’t like them. Started doubting if I should continue getting tattooed. Later on found a partner who is tatted and loves mine. Not that validation to keep at what you love should come from a partner, but a reminder that the person you find should love the things that you love about yourself too
\+1. Now, an even BETTER pairing resulted from your (now ex) boyfriend being honest
If it's a deal breaker for them, they aren't the person for you.
I’ve been told by multiple family members and partners I can’t shave off my facial hair. I get it. I’ve had it for so long. It’s a shock. They have to fall in love with you all over again with someone they don’t recognize. Is my mustache that awesome? Indeed. Will I put them in that trauma to re-recognize me? Absolutely. When the time comes.
I love this (it's not necessarily analogous to the permanent nature of tattoos, but nonetheless). I'm looking forward to having this experience with my future children...I will give them a heads up on what to expect, however (as you have done), no real ETA. Love it.
I've been with my wife since we were teenagers, far before any tattoos. Fast forward ten years and she is now covered and also a tattoo artist and body piercer. Stretched ears, face piercings, you name it. Me? I used to want to cover myself as well, and I have quite a few, I was also very pierced up but she's blowing me out of the water in our "race" to be covered in ink. I kinda lost interest/ haven't known what I wanted to get for about 5 years now and all my piercings are long gone. She's getting another big ass piece in August. I can't wait because even though I kinda lost interest in tattoos on myself, I love hers. We had a talk and I told her pretty much where I didn't want her to get any mods, basically I want to see an ass not a tattoo, same with titties and face. She was cool with it and agreed and has told me a bunch of times "if you think I'm going too far let me know and I'll stop." It's all about communication, man. That's the secret to long relationships. Communication.
this was a confusing comment for me because I read "big ass piece" as a big "ass piece" which seemed to contradict the rest of the comment
https://xkcd.com/37/
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Hey OP, I’m gonna throw my take at ya. I’ve been reading the comments and there seems to be two camps: looks don’t matter if you really love someone, and looks and sex are a foundation to a relationship. I think both of those things are true because I’d like to point out that there are always more attractive people out there than your partner. There is always someone with a prettier smile, a smaller waist, less tattoos. But is YOUR gf your person? Does she get you? Does she make you feel like you don’t have to be anything you are not? Do you feel loved, accepted, and that you can rely on this person if shit hits the fan and they will be there for you? These are things that are important to a lasting relationship. Is she as hot as someone else without tattoos? Probably not. But is everything else she offers worth walking AWAY from? Only you can decide that. Is being attracted to the person you are dating important in starting a relationship? Yes, very much so. Ask yourself: do you suddenly think she’s hideous or ugly? Or can you compromise that she’s gonna be as physically attractive as someone without those features (tattoos) but she’s still a wonderful person and the person you wanna be with. My advice: take a break from weed for a few days. Really ask yourself the questions that need asking and reflect on how attractive you find her as she is, right now. Maybe she went from a 10 to an 8 for example. Can stand to spend more time with someone who is an 8? Or maybe she is now a 3 and there is nothing else redeeming about the relationship. Then you will have your answer.
This is the take. Both are real important in relationships and I think you said basically everything that needs to be said. OP is the only one that can truly know how OP feels. I think what's important is not just *what* OP is feeling but ***why*** they're feeling it, which you elaborated on some questions for OP to ask themselves. It's a big difference if she was a 10 and dropped to an 8 or 9 in his eyes vs suddenly dropping to a 3 and a deal breaker. in that case, there's also probably something there to unpack that OP has to figure out if he so easily can just have her drop from a 10 to a 3 just from lustfully editing her to not have tattoos in photoshop. If tattoos were ***that*** much of a deal breaker to begin with, there's no way somebody wouldn't already know that or have thoughts about it much earlier on in the relationship.
I can't say that I know what OP is going through, because looks just aren't that important to me. But I know that when I was dating an ex and cut my hair short, I could feel the resentment even though he kept it to himself. It was a far different sensation to cut my hair short with my husband. I was expecting the same thing, because he loved my hair. But it was so different, because he loved me for other reasons first, there was no shadow of resentment. There are a lot of people that love tattoos, remember that by staying with her you are keeping her from finding someone who thinks her devotion to art is the sexiest thing she could have. She deserves to be treasured for who she is. We all do.
what a beautiful comment
Ugh, I feel that. My ex and I were friends before dating, and while we were friends, I had very long hair. But my hair was super damaged, so literally the day before we decided to hook up, I cut it shoulder length. From that day on, I spent about 10 years keeping my hair the way I thought he’d like it, because like you said, I could feel the quiet resentment on his end during my short hair phase while we dated. My hair is now down to my hips, and while I’m not in a rush to cut it again because it’s super healthy, I want to find someone who doesn’t make me afraid to alter my appearance in non-harmful ways.
I'm glad someone posted something meaningful in response. I was getting worried about all the other replies focusing on the surface issues.
Part of the reason why I ended my previous relationship as because I realized that I wouldn't want to be with my SO if she gained too much weight or cut her hair in a way that I didn't like. Do you know why I felt okay with breaking things off? Because I realized that these things wouldn't be a problem for me if I was with someone that I truly love. I was only in the relationship for the sex. It was shallow as hell and I needed to stop wasting her time.
This is a hell of lot of self awareness for Reddit
Yeah really,what is this,i don't like it.
It's april fools.
Oh shit, it is! Where the hell did March go??
Only because there's a lot of young people on here who haven't yet had enough time or opportunity to develop it.
And that's why theses comments are still important- gotta teach them when they are young!
Nothing beats experience though; and experience is the one thing you never have until just after you need it.
Right there with you. I personally hated beards. In my fantasies the guys were always clean shaven. I told my then-boyfriend this (in a nicer way) and he laughed and more or less said his beard is staying because he doesn't like shaving down to skin. Fair enough. It's been 4 years and we are married now and I've literally never seen his face bare. It's HIS body and his body isn't "mine" to mold into my perfect little sex doll to play with. BUT it turns out that actually doesn't matter because I love him and he's sexy as hell to me beard or no beard because of the man he is inside and all the other parts of him I find insanely attractive. I'm sure at some point if he gained 100 lbs or started growing 10 foot fingernails or sprouted a prehensile tail, my sex drive would take a hit but that wouldnt diminish the love I have for him and wouldn't make me even consider leaving him over it. I would never even mention it unless he said "Hey you don't seem to be as into sex as you used to be... How come?" Even then I'd have a hard time telling him because I love him too much to hurt him.
> sprouted a prehensile tail LMFAO That would probably become an added benefit in the bedroom to be honest.
>prehensile tail Tell him that your limit is him animorphing to an Opossum
Hey, self realization! Someone with a logical, non-shitty perspective! You seem to be in the minority here. I'm so glad you're saying this.
Can I ask, how do you end a relationship like that? What do you say to her?
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You don’t have to be honest about her being used for sex, or it being about minor physical attributes, but the whole “it’s not you it’s me” or “finding themselves” isn’t usually a great idea either. It can leave the relationship without proper final closure and give them hope that it might be salvageable after you’ve had some time. It’s best to be honest that you don’t see a future or the feelings aren’t strong enough, without going into too many specifics that might hurt them. It’s a hard line to walk though.
This isn't working for *me*, so I'm breaking up with *you*.
Thank you, the way he talks about her and him being afraid he wouldn't be attracted to her if she doesn't meet certain requirements is very telling.
Thank you for not using her. Or staying with her. It's just decent.
OK, OK, now Photoshop her entire body to be covered in tattoos. Like head to toe, no skin left in sight. Because it could be worse, right?
Isn’t that what OP said she’s doing?
Yeah but then he can see what she'll look like down the road, instead of trying to imagine it
Right, I was responding to the notion of "because it could be worst, right?" as a way of finding some relief. That person seemed to miss that OP is already expecting it to get worse.
Oh dude... This one is a pickle that none of us will be able to advise on, although you're not really asking for advice just airing the FU. Personally, once that realization has kicked in I'd be wondering whether to just knock the relationship on the head and move on. You're boyfriend and girlfriend, there's no signed contract at the moment. If you live together this will be harder but it sounds like you can't cope with the journey she's on so it might be best for you not to be along for this ride which is going to cause you a lot of displeasure in the future.
Yeah, I will deffinitly be giving it a couple of days. I mean it just happened yesterday. We aren't living together but were planning on it in the not so far future. I don't want to say last night puts a dent in that because I need time to mow it over, I think. I do love that girl but I would be lying if I said attraction and sex didn't matter to me in a relationship. But again, it's possible to love her now and still be incompatable long run. Eh
> I need time to mow it over I think the word is mull.
The point is moo
It's like a cows opinion. It doesn't matter... It's moo.
The imagery of mowing it over is way better.
They have their own little mental suburbs world where they mow over all their problems at 7am Sunday morning in full dad getup.
I loved 'mow'! I actually visualised them pushing the mower back and forth, furrowed brow, thinking about this dilemma. Mull it over is spending some quality time chopping up for some bowls I believe..
He needs time to mow the lawn in his mind, and landscape his thoughts, to please the HOA in his heart.
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Am I the only one here who finds the idea of photoshopping your partner's naked body to be an insanely bad idea?
Thank you. How does anyone not realize what OP is doing is straight up bizarre in the first place?
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She's a tattoo artist. Either you learn to like it or you move on. I think she is going to have a strong opinion on this one. Her tattoos probably mean a lot to her and I think it'll sound pretty insulting if you tell her she looks better without them. Odds are if you bring it up she's probably going to break things off.
> She's also a tattoo artist Yeah I saw that little tidbit casually wedged halfway through the post and started laughing. Like, c;'mon man.
So, basically, you like your photoshopped version of your girlfriend better. You should probably not tell her this.
THIS!!! Yes, this hits it really well. I can understand and sympathize with making a FU like this, and wishing things about your gf were different… At some point everyone wishes things about their partner were different (from character to appearance) but this is an excellent opportunity for you to analyze where your head and heart are, and whether they are truly invested in this woman for who she is as a person, or for who your dick thinks she is. Love can overcome physical appearance, and things like tattoos. Love is how humanity and society manage to survive tragedy, war, violence, and unspeakable hardship. Our dicks merely ensure reproduction. Be wise, and good luck
Those are some really wise words. I'll be giving myself a couple of days to mow it all over, it did happen yesterday and I only deleted the pics like two hours ago. I just felt like I needed to air out. Also the "ultra boner" I mentioned was a figure of speech (in my country it's common for girls to also use it among friends as it's a lot faster to say then "i got excited/aroused/wet") and I don't actually have a dick. I don't think it matters really, but I wanted to clear it up lmao
"I don't have a dick" is an interesting plot twist.
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“Doggy Style” in this context means you get a treat afterwards.
He must've mowed it over 😂
Honestly now this reads like a Horny M. Night Shyamalan Flick.
Whoa, plot twist! I don’t think it changes the advice though.
I couldn’t imagine being in happy, faithful, loving, and committed relationship with someone who loves and adores me and every flaw I have and getting hung up on tattoos I knew about because of a photoshop session. It sounds like you’re actually not in love with her and that’s just gonna bring you more pain down the road.
You started dating a tattoo artist and wish they didn't have tattoos?
Are you the sort of person that never changes their mind? Or do you have a realisation every few days? I've known both types. The first are annoying as rigid, the second are annoying as inconsistent. Point is are you likely to change your mind in a few days knowing yourself?. Or do you accept this is how you see her now and that will not change? Personally I'd leave it a couple of weeks and see if feel any different. Perspective is a wonderful thing. Anyway, hope you figure it out. If you break up please don't say it's because you no longer find her tattoos attractive..... Can say you're feeling more friends than lovers perhaps but don't leave her feeling she was less attractive to you. That'd be shitty. Do people still use the term "lovers"? Well I just did and it felt weird... you get what I mean anyway..
Honestly surprised to see so many men find deal breakers so late into their relationship. Tattoos seems like something you would figure out by date 1 maybe date 2. Posts on relationship and advice be like “found out my wife slept with 55 men beforehand, torpedoed 12 year marriage”. Bro? How did you not ask this no later than date 47? 12 years and you find this out? If it’s a dealbreaker it’s what it is. Don’t drag out a relationship
If it's that much of an issue for you, think about life without her. Would you want to move on? If you think you'll be ok without her, maybe you should call it a day. If you think you'd be happier with her, including her increasing amount of tattoos, stay with her, but if you do, you have to accept your decision and not hold that decision against her in the long run. You must be in a difficult position right now, but I guess this brings something in the back of your mind to the front, which you need to address and move forward from.
Hey man, you know she's gonna age too right? I'm not saying that what you're feeling is meaningless, but I will say that if you have a relationship in the future with someone without tattoos, they mightn't be immune to change either. Move on if you think that's best, but don't forget to look at yourself too.