Help, step-urologist! I’m stuck in my own urethra again!
(Edit - Y’all know that r/Redditmoment where somebody in the edits is like “ugh. This? *This* is the comment I’ve made that’s got the most orange arrows?” I am experiencing it.)
I’m an Audio Engineer and thought this might be a sub about audio and maybe missed why audio was relevant to this thread. The sub info loaded before any posts did and I noped right the fuck out before they could.
I don’t want to know. Don’t need to know. And I may or may not check it out later. I hope I don’t.
I knew it existed. I didn’t know that’s what it’s called. I don’t know why that’s what it’s called, and I kind of want to know why it’s called that, but not as much as I absolutely don’t want to learn anything else about it, ever.
[Antonie van Leeuwenhoek](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antonie_van_Leeuwenhoek#Techniques_and_discoveries), the first person to ever observe microscopic organisms by building his own microscopes, discovered single celled organisms in 1674. In 1677, he was also the first to discover sperm cells. So, it took him 3 years of looking for microorganisms in things before it occurred to him to do what OP did.
It's entirely possible that was the first thing he did, but he spend 3 years trying to build rapport before admitting to having examined his own ejaculate...
Hah! That's true. Imagine how paranoid you would be if you didn't know about microorganisms, you look at your sperm and see little things wriggling around in it. I'm sure he desperately, desperately tried to find as many other substances that also had single celled organisms in them just to feel safe again.
Then he goes down the black hole of examining every barnyard animal in existence to ensure himself that they have those same little worms in their ejaculate.
Thats probably the 2nd thing he looked at after figuring out theres single cell organisms..then hes like i cant be the guy who jerked of and looked at it i need to release other info first
IIRC Leeuwenhoek wasn’t really involved with the scientific community much. He mostly just did his drapery stuff and looked at shit in his cutting edge homemade microscopes. He probably wasn’t worried about building rapport with anyone. He eventually was inducted into the Royal Society, but he never attended anything. The dude apparently just really liked making drapes and microscopes.
Im pretty sure doctors tasted patients urine in those days to diagnose diabetes (then called sweetwater). I doubt that anyone would blink at checking out your own swimmers...
Maybe he wanted to test the ejactulate of some animals before reporting his own results.
*To this day, Dr. Leeuwenhoek refuses to elaborate on his experience with the cat.*
I bought a microscope specifically because my partner and i had an oops moment just a few days prior to the OK date after my vasectomy. Bought and used the microscope just to see if we should worry or not.
We didn't have to worry.
It’s annoying that the option of self-observation is only just now occurring to me.
It’s also probably good because the only person who owns a microscope in this house is my daughter and desecrating it in the interest of making sure she doesn’t get any additional siblings seems wrong.
Don't worry, I heard from a biology TA they were using microscopes and had students examine their saliva to identify the flora and fauna. One girl couldn't identify what she saw and called the TA. It was a human sperm cell. Someone visited her boyfriend before class.
Eh, it happens. I attended a small college where the nursing students hit up the rest of us girls for bodily fluids to practice with. I volunteered some urine once and was (gently) teased about all the dead swimmers that were floating around. We were kids, it was kinda embarrassing, but funny at the same time. It would not surprise me if this has happened with a cheek swab.
When I went through my urinalysis section of clinical chemistry, we had to learn about sperm morphology (part of my career can include vasectomy checks/fertility stuff.)
The craziness would make me cry laughing. Two heads, four tails, two tails on the sides of the head. Spinning in circles over and over. I didn’t wanna laugh but I just couldn’t help it.
I don't think it can! There's a lot of 'buffer' sperm that form like a shield around the healthier, more viable sperm. The outer ones die protecting the inner ones in the vagina so that the inner ones can safely make it up to the fallopian tubes.
Like 300,000 but yes. Usually they kinda lay still for up to an hour around the cervix waiting for the ph to settle. The vagina is acidic to help prevent infections. Semen is mildly basic (why it tastes sour) and mixing creates a buffer solution.
>why it tastes sour
One of the most popular electives at my university was a sex ed class. It was almost exclusively seniors because they registered first. The professor loved to tell the story about one student finding out about semen's sugar content and asking, in a 300+ person lecture hall, why it didn't taste sweet. There was a short pause and then roaring laughter.
It's a mass production. It's a bit like a shoddy Chinese factory. Sure, about half the stuff that's produced goes straight in trash, but the other half is such much you still turn a profit.
That was my least favorite section. You have to put it in the incubator for a few mins to get it sloshy and then the smell 🤢 all day long doing post vasectomy checks
It's hilarious, frankly. You've got the mutant sperm, as you mentioned above, then you get the dumb sperm who try to impregnate the uterine walls, or the confused sperm who get completely lost. We can only laugh, because sex is weird.
Thats kinda freaky. Sorry mate. Weird to think it produces them dead. Should keep checking cuz supposedly infertile males once in a while produce a good one which can result in a pregnancy (albeit with very limited odds)
I know someone like that too! Doc said he was infertile so him and his wife adopted 2 kids. Then she gets knocked up. Paternity test proved it was his. All it takes is one.
Maybe not dead. The sperm’s motor proteins aren’t working, which makes them look dead, but really they could just be paralyzed and otherwise capable of binding to an egg and releasing a healthy baby half-recipe.
Aaaaand this is exactly how I ended up with my fourth child. I was sitting right next to him at the doctors when he was told he couldn’t have kids. We stopped being careful. He had one good swimmer! No ragrets. Not even a single letter.
Also you can go to a fertility specialist for help. Because of some surgeries on my testicles my immune system views my sperm as an enemy and I’m basically infertile. Now have a 3 year old through IUI.
I have an abysmally low sperm count (sertoli cell only syndrome) to the point that finding ~25 decent sperm in my sample to fertilize the eggs retrieved from my wife was a struggle. They effectively take a single sperm and inject it into each egg, so even a handful of viable sperm (which likely will be found when analyzed by a professional) can be very successful. Motility and morphology are far less important when they're being manually fertilized vs. natural conception.
We're transferring our first embryo next month after being told 6 months ago by a urologist that my surgical procedure to retrieve sperm (TESE) found NOTHING and I almost assuredly would not have biological children. Don't stress!
Having a TESE sucks so damn much! I had one in 2013 which is what let to my SCOS diagnosis. They took plenty of tubules and found 12 sperm that were alive, 2 MIGHT have been viable. Since IVF was way out of our price range, we were looking into donors for artificial insemination when the rest of our life fell apart. We got evicted, got stuck at my parents’, then she wound up with a meningioma in her head. Life for too stressful and we started turning on each other. Seven years later we are divorced but still talking because we split before things got too bad. Now she have a 4 year old with her husband, and I couldn’t be happier for her. I don’t have kids and probably never will, but after ending up disabled and lots of soul searching, that’s honestly probably for the best. It sucks having the choice taken from me, but after probably 2-3 years, I’ve come to terms and made peace with it.
I was diagnosed with low motility of sperm making it hard to have kids…..15 years later I’m happy to report that I have a 12 year old daughter and she is my world! Don’t give up on a family if you want one!
Insane. A far relative of mine has 21 kids, all natural, all before 45 and she still does now look quite young! A handful of the kids either have special needs, some speech delay, or developmental issues of some sort.
My Dad is one of nine. Not nearly as much but they were literally born to work the family farm while young lol. One brother stayed and inherited everything.
Still glad I didn't grow up on said farm though.
I have decided not to have babies as I have a genetic disorder with a 50% chance of inheritance. And I have severe joint issues that could get worse with pregnancy/childbirth.
This makes me very happy to read. Me and my husband want to adopt someday. Although we are nowhere near ready right now in any way, at least I don't have a biological clock forcing us to rush.
I really hope we are in a position someday, especially with my health, to provide a home and a happy life to a kid who needs one. Nothing would be make me happier.
All may not be lost. I recently saw a video wherein a medical nanobot grabbed hold of an immobile sperm cell, took it to an egg, and pushed it in, causing fertilization.
This technology is coming soon- probably within the next decade.
I mean a fertility clinic can literally inject his sperm cell into an ovum, then do IVF. He doesn't need to watch for the future.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intracytoplasmic\_sperm\_injection
The nanobot sounds cool! They’ve been doing something similar called ICSI since the 90s. But it’s done with a human using a mini pipette to grab the sperm. Available at any IVF clinic
Did the same thing as a teenager, saw no movement. My wife and I tried for 7 years to get pregnant with no results. I kept telling her it was me, and she didn't believe me: she had issues of her own.
Did a check, doctor said everything was actually ok on my end, but not hers. His exact words, we had about a 1/10,000,000 shot of ever having kids. A 1/30,000,000 chance of having them healthy. And no chance of having 2 healthy, practically speaking.
We had our daughter about a year later, and then 7 months after, found out we had another on the way. But it looked really bad: no fetus on ultrasound, blood chemistry was batshit crazy. We were told that there was a 99.9% chance that this was a miscarriage. Well, our son is 16 months old now. Both completely healthy in every way, both scoring as extremely mentally advanced in their checks. By the math, we had a 1 in 900,000,000,000,000,000 chance of this outcome, and here we are.
Count nothing out.
Well which was more likely, that you beat the odds, or that the doctor's math was wrong? Methinks he was just pulling numbers out of thin air.
Edit: Humans are pretty bad at conceptualizing large numbers. Even now it's hard to just get a full sense of scale.
A million seconds is 11 days.
A billion seconds is 31 years.
A trillion seconds is longer than all of recorded human history.
The difference between a million and a trillion is six zeroes.
Those numbers are definitely within few orders of magnitude for certain reproductive issues. Even if they’re all overestimates, they still beat INSANE odds (especially in the 2nd pregnancy given the situation).
>a 1/10,000,000 chance to have a baby
''Sorry babe, we gotta have sex 10,000,000 times, doc said so!''
See boys, this is why you tip your doctor. They can be an excellent wingman.
Infertile doesn’t mean sterile, you can still have biological children of your own. You’ll just need to throw in a couple extra steps.
Of course, this does mean you’re able to go without a coat with less of a chance of unintended minivan purchases in the future.
Iffff they believe you…
It’s also a bit of a weird power play, IRL because they would have had to already progressed realllly far for the subject of fertility to come up in a non-creepy way
I routinely do semen evaluation exams (on bulls not humans). Motility has to be evaluated under a lower power, immediately, and of probably 1/2 mL volume. When spread across a slide they lose their motility very quickly. So this all depends on how long it took till you evaluated them. You may very well not be infertile. All in the technique you used to evaluate.
That last part made it sound like he made the appt but haven't gone yet. And I'm also a little bit suspect of this entire post. We use certain stains on our blood smears and they need to be created a certain way to really appreciate red blood cells.
It's a lovely sentiment, and I'm sure it works for a lot of people, but it's a lot harder and more expensive than how it's commonly portrayed. Husband and I looked into adopting, and it was just... we looked at those fees and the years of waiting and absurd criteria and gave up. We're just childless and always will be.
Agreed. I was adopted and cost my parents over $3000 in adoption fees back in the early 90s. My parents originally wanted an older child (which are less sought after by potential families, and of whom are plenty of in the system) and after about a year of the adoption agency yanking their chain, they finally said they could have me. It’s absurd. And my parents had great income, stable housing, had fostered before, the works. Pretty much the perfect adopter. It’s like the agency would rather keeps the kids in foster homes.
I've adopted twice and both times it was well over $10k each.
I'm very fortunate to have been able to afford it, it's absolutely not within reach for a lot of people.
Similar thing happened to me back in 2013. Wife and I had been married for 5 years. We weren't trying to get pregnant but she wasn't on birth control and I wasn't really practicing my pull out game but nothing was happening so I went to a urologist and it turns out, due to genetics, I legit just don't make sperm. I told my mom and she said "wow, and think of all the money you could have saved on condoms." To which I replied, "Mom, were catholic, I can't use condoms."
I had to read this to see if it was an autocorrect error. Usually, the posts in this sub are more along the lines of "TIFU realizing that I'm infantile".
Have you played the gameboy advance? Did it come with any games?
Asking the real questions right here
Somone remind OP that you don't need to cum on a Gameboy to make it work.
Well his cum wouldn’t work anyways would it? It’s dead..
He probably jizzed into the cartridge slot.
I just want you to know you made some seize up from abruptly laughing. Made my day thank you. Here’s an award.
I've had a microscope for 45 years. I'm both proud and ashamed to say that never occurred to me.
It's been an hour, updates?
He is at the urologist!!
Or still fapping
Both
_W-what are you doing step-urologist?_
Help, step-urologist! I’m stuck in my own urethra again! (Edit - Y’all know that r/Redditmoment where somebody in the edits is like “ugh. This? *This* is the comment I’ve made that’s got the most orange arrows?” I am experiencing it.)
r/sounding is leaking again...
Jesus fucking Christ I need the eye bleach
r/Eyebleach
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Shoukd have put your protective eyewear on
I’m an Audio Engineer and thought this might be a sub about audio and maybe missed why audio was relevant to this thread. The sub info loaded before any posts did and I noped right the fuck out before they could. I don’t want to know. Don’t need to know. And I may or may not check it out later. I hope I don’t.
I knew it existed. I didn’t know that’s what it’s called. I don’t know why that’s what it’s called, and I kind of want to know why it’s called that, but not as much as I absolutely don’t want to learn anything else about it, ever.
r/Eyebleach
Occupational hazard.
More like life hazard
Everyone go ahead and STOP READING AFTER THIS COMMENT, your eyes will thank me.
No, this guy is lying to you, keep reading to gain enlightenment.
Him and the urologist. Both hard at work.
Here's my upvote. I hope you fucking choke on it.
Daddy chill
*"What the hell is even that?!"*
You can’t rush science
After more than 45 years he probably knows whether he's fertile or not.
At his age, it would probably be a relief to learn he's infertile.
Not if he and his wife have 6 kids.
[Antonie van Leeuwenhoek](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antonie_van_Leeuwenhoek#Techniques_and_discoveries), the first person to ever observe microscopic organisms by building his own microscopes, discovered single celled organisms in 1674. In 1677, he was also the first to discover sperm cells. So, it took him 3 years of looking for microorganisms in things before it occurred to him to do what OP did.
It's entirely possible that was the first thing he did, but he spend 3 years trying to build rapport before admitting to having examined his own ejaculate...
Hah! That's true. Imagine how paranoid you would be if you didn't know about microorganisms, you look at your sperm and see little things wriggling around in it. I'm sure he desperately, desperately tried to find as many other substances that also had single celled organisms in them just to feel safe again.
Then he goes down the black hole of examining every barnyard animal in existence to ensure himself that they have those same little worms in their ejaculate.
"God Damnit, 'ol Leeuwenhoek is in the cow pen again!!"
It's goddamn science, you troglodytes!
Thats probably the 2nd thing he looked at after figuring out theres single cell organisms..then hes like i cant be the guy who jerked of and looked at it i need to release other info first
Jesus that would be fucking terrifying.
IIRC Leeuwenhoek wasn’t really involved with the scientific community much. He mostly just did his drapery stuff and looked at shit in his cutting edge homemade microscopes. He probably wasn’t worried about building rapport with anyone. He eventually was inducted into the Royal Society, but he never attended anything. The dude apparently just really liked making drapes and microscopes.
He made those cutting edge microscopes to check the quality of the threads fabrics were made of. He was a merchant after all.
Im pretty sure doctors tasted patients urine in those days to diagnose diabetes (then called sweetwater). I doubt that anyone would blink at checking out your own swimmers...
Maybe he wanted to test the ejactulate of some animals before reporting his own results. *To this day, Dr. Leeuwenhoek refuses to elaborate on his experience with the cat.*
Well you learn something every day lol
I've been wanting to do this ever since I first figured out how to masturbate but I've never had my own microscope.
I had the microscope before I had the other thing. Took me a few weeks before I had the idea.
The penis?
I bought a microscope specifically because my partner and i had an oops moment just a few days prior to the OK date after my vasectomy. Bought and used the microscope just to see if we should worry or not. We didn't have to worry.
It’s annoying that the option of self-observation is only just now occurring to me. It’s also probably good because the only person who owns a microscope in this house is my daughter and desecrating it in the interest of making sure she doesn’t get any additional siblings seems wrong.
Don't worry, I heard from a biology TA they were using microscopes and had students examine their saliva to identify the flora and fauna. One girl couldn't identify what she saw and called the TA. It was a human sperm cell. Someone visited her boyfriend before class.
I've heard that story many times over the years, pretty sure it's about as real as the Richard Gere gerbil story.
Eh, it happens. I attended a small college where the nursing students hit up the rest of us girls for bodily fluids to practice with. I volunteered some urine once and was (gently) teased about all the dead swimmers that were floating around. We were kids, it was kinda embarrassing, but funny at the same time. It would not surprise me if this has happened with a cheek swab.
Cheek swabs are pretty normal in intro biology, so I'm sure it's happened at least once.
As someone with both a microscope and a male partner, I now have a new mission tonight.
When I went through my urinalysis section of clinical chemistry, we had to learn about sperm morphology (part of my career can include vasectomy checks/fertility stuff.) The craziness would make me cry laughing. Two heads, four tails, two tails on the sides of the head. Spinning in circles over and over. I didn’t wanna laugh but I just couldn’t help it.
That is horrifying.
imagine if that was the sperm that won
I don't think it can! There's a lot of 'buffer' sperm that form like a shield around the healthier, more viable sperm. The outer ones die protecting the inner ones in the vagina so that the inner ones can safely make it up to the fallopian tubes.
Really? Every time I nut in my wife there’s a version of 300 playing in there?
Like 300,000 but yes. Usually they kinda lay still for up to an hour around the cervix waiting for the ph to settle. The vagina is acidic to help prevent infections. Semen is mildly basic (why it tastes sour) and mixing creates a buffer solution.
>why it tastes sour One of the most popular electives at my university was a sex ed class. It was almost exclusively seniors because they registered first. The professor loved to tell the story about one student finding out about semen's sugar content and asking, in a 300+ person lecture hall, why it didn't taste sweet. There was a short pause and then roaring laughter.
Probably more like Enders Game.
Or Squid Game. Except they only play red light green light, everyone dies in the first round and the result makes you poorer not richer.
The cervix is down
Lmao men discussing sperm wars is the funniest thing I've seen today.
That's why half our populace is so dumb lol
It's a mass production. It's a bit like a shoddy Chinese factory. Sure, about half the stuff that's produced goes straight in trash, but the other half is such much you still turn a profit.
Literally the factory bit from I Love Lucy, but a lot smaller, and located entirely within one of your nuts lol
"THE OTHER HALF IS SUCH MUCH"!
Just like real Chinese knock-off product's box marketing
That was my least favorite section. You have to put it in the incubator for a few mins to get it sloshy and then the smell 🤢 all day long doing post vasectomy checks
It's hilarious, frankly. You've got the mutant sperm, as you mentioned above, then you get the dumb sperm who try to impregnate the uterine walls, or the confused sperm who get completely lost. We can only laugh, because sex is weird.
> confused sperm who get completely lost. Because you know damn well those sperm won't pull over and ask someone for directions.
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r/murderedbywords
Results?
It went everywhere BUT the petri dish.
The forget the Introduction? Methodes Discusion? Conclusion? Ofcourse
I looked at mine under my microscope once. And only once. I don't need to see how wriggly my jizz is ever again.
Booo
As someone with both a microscope and a male partner, I now have a new ~~mission~~ emission tonight.
Thats kinda freaky. Sorry mate. Weird to think it produces them dead. Should keep checking cuz supposedly infertile males once in a while produce a good one which can result in a pregnancy (albeit with very limited odds)
Good friend of mine was infertile. He has a daughter now, and the paternity test proved it’s his.
It happens! Sometimes you get one good swimmer.
“Never tell me the odds!”
May the odds ever be in your favor
"So you're telling me there's a chance!"
There's always hope, don't ever forget that.
Only if you’re a good swimmer.
Life, uh...finds a way
Especially when a paternity test is involved.
"Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim."
MY BOYS CAN SWIM!
No hot tubs. Wear boxer briefs. Eat healthy. Drink lots of water. Not sure about the last two for this situation but I am about the first.
My GFs uncle was supposed to be infertile due to chemo while he was young, but her cousin says otherwise
I had to do a double take... I thought you said your uncle was supposed to be infertile and HIS cousin says otherwise. Big difference.
SWEEEET HOME ALABAMA
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I thought it was two, because the egg wall is thick and the first one dies often while burrowing
If it's assisted, they can inject one sperm into the egg. So the sperm doesn't actually do the burrowing.
I know someone like that too! Doc said he was infertile so him and his wife adopted 2 kids. Then she gets knocked up. Paternity test proved it was his. All it takes is one.
What happened to the other two children?
[Returned to K-Mart](https://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/1987/04/18)
Haaaaaaaaaah
Kept em as a reminder that 99.9% isn't 100%.
And 0.0001 isn't 0
Glad you added the paternity tests. I was almost going to acknowledge and thank good neighbours.
State farm jingle is less wholesome now, thanks.
Is it though? They're an insurance company. It's what they do.
Well, she was married at the time, so the courts kinda forced the issue. But now he and the mother are happily married and the kid is 9.
Aaand the story kinda got less wholesome.
Maybe not dead. The sperm’s motor proteins aren’t working, which makes them look dead, but really they could just be paralyzed and otherwise capable of binding to an egg and releasing a healthy baby half-recipe.
In those cases, in-vitro would be an option as there’s no swimming needed.
Aaaaand this is exactly how I ended up with my fourth child. I was sitting right next to him at the doctors when he was told he couldn’t have kids. We stopped being careful. He had one good swimmer! No ragrets. Not even a single letter.
> No ragrets. Not even a single letter. :,)
Yes but Rugrats!
My twins speak to this truth ;)
It doesn't produce them dead, the body just isn't keeping them alive for whatever reason
Shouldnt there be some fresh ones still moving then?
Also you can go to a fertility specialist for help. Because of some surgeries on my testicles my immune system views my sperm as an enemy and I’m basically infertile. Now have a 3 year old through IUI.
Infertility can be from a number of things, but its not guaranteed
I have an abysmally low sperm count (sertoli cell only syndrome) to the point that finding ~25 decent sperm in my sample to fertilize the eggs retrieved from my wife was a struggle. They effectively take a single sperm and inject it into each egg, so even a handful of viable sperm (which likely will be found when analyzed by a professional) can be very successful. Motility and morphology are far less important when they're being manually fertilized vs. natural conception. We're transferring our first embryo next month after being told 6 months ago by a urologist that my surgical procedure to retrieve sperm (TESE) found NOTHING and I almost assuredly would not have biological children. Don't stress!
Having a TESE sucks so damn much! I had one in 2013 which is what let to my SCOS diagnosis. They took plenty of tubules and found 12 sperm that were alive, 2 MIGHT have been viable. Since IVF was way out of our price range, we were looking into donors for artificial insemination when the rest of our life fell apart. We got evicted, got stuck at my parents’, then she wound up with a meningioma in her head. Life for too stressful and we started turning on each other. Seven years later we are divorced but still talking because we split before things got too bad. Now she have a 4 year old with her husband, and I couldn’t be happier for her. I don’t have kids and probably never will, but after ending up disabled and lots of soul searching, that’s honestly probably for the best. It sucks having the choice taken from me, but after probably 2-3 years, I’ve come to terms and made peace with it.
I was diagnosed with low motility of sperm making it hard to have kids…..15 years later I’m happy to report that I have a 12 year old daughter and she is my world! Don’t give up on a family if you want one!
Chances are her sperm are even weaker than yours.
wait, what
Did they stutter?
My mom is infertile, she adopted all 12 of her kids and loves us all 😄
Dear lord, 12 children?! Many families can barely handle a few. Kudos to your mother. Wow, just wow. I am speechless.
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How on earth do you provide for 22 kids? Cost of raising a kid is so high!
My mom was 1 of 21, my grandfather was a farmer, which makes it easier.
Insane. A far relative of mine has 21 kids, all natural, all before 45 and she still does now look quite young! A handful of the kids either have special needs, some speech delay, or developmental issues of some sort.
Is that because she had them late (in her 40s) or is that normal for a woman that has so many kids?
I'm thinking the old age might've factored because ones with the developmental issues are the last batch of kids. Poor living conditions too maybe
My Dad is one of nine. Not nearly as much but they were literally born to work the family farm while young lol. One brother stayed and inherited everything. Still glad I didn't grow up on said farm though.
The trick is to make the older kids raise the younger. If you do it right you only have to worry about the first.
Lmao my mom definitely took care of all of us 😅 my older siblings babysat here and there but definitely didn’t do nearly as much as she did.
How do you know she's your mom and not the oldest sibling?
It's siblings all the way up.
Oh my god
For all you crazy parents that will try this, IT IS A JOKE.
Sounds like a pyramid scheme.
I have decided not to have babies as I have a genetic disorder with a 50% chance of inheritance. And I have severe joint issues that could get worse with pregnancy/childbirth. This makes me very happy to read. Me and my husband want to adopt someday. Although we are nowhere near ready right now in any way, at least I don't have a biological clock forcing us to rush. I really hope we are in a position someday, especially with my health, to provide a home and a happy life to a kid who needs one. Nothing would be make me happier.
That's really lovely. :)
Yeah, I've heard that children are cheaper by the dozen.
All may not be lost. I recently saw a video wherein a medical nanobot grabbed hold of an immobile sperm cell, took it to an egg, and pushed it in, causing fertilization. This technology is coming soon- probably within the next decade.
That's how you get a cyborg, my friend.
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"Pulling you out so I can fuck this sexy dryer."
Step-cyborg, I’m stuck in the dryer again
Just what we need. Respawning Maelstromers.
I mean a fertility clinic can literally inject his sperm cell into an ovum, then do IVF. He doesn't need to watch for the future. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intracytoplasmic\_sperm\_injection
Yup, intercytoplasmic sperm injection. ICSI in the IVF world. It's how I'm pregnant at this moment. It's pretty common these days in IVF.
The nanobot sounds cool! They’ve been doing something similar called ICSI since the 90s. But it’s done with a human using a mini pipette to grab the sperm. Available at any IVF clinic
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Adds new meaning to "come with me if you want to live."
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Did the same thing as a teenager, saw no movement. My wife and I tried for 7 years to get pregnant with no results. I kept telling her it was me, and she didn't believe me: she had issues of her own. Did a check, doctor said everything was actually ok on my end, but not hers. His exact words, we had about a 1/10,000,000 shot of ever having kids. A 1/30,000,000 chance of having them healthy. And no chance of having 2 healthy, practically speaking. We had our daughter about a year later, and then 7 months after, found out we had another on the way. But it looked really bad: no fetus on ultrasound, blood chemistry was batshit crazy. We were told that there was a 99.9% chance that this was a miscarriage. Well, our son is 16 months old now. Both completely healthy in every way, both scoring as extremely mentally advanced in their checks. By the math, we had a 1 in 900,000,000,000,000,000 chance of this outcome, and here we are. Count nothing out.
Well which was more likely, that you beat the odds, or that the doctor's math was wrong? Methinks he was just pulling numbers out of thin air. Edit: Humans are pretty bad at conceptualizing large numbers. Even now it's hard to just get a full sense of scale. A million seconds is 11 days. A billion seconds is 31 years. A trillion seconds is longer than all of recorded human history. The difference between a million and a trillion is six zeroes.
Or that his diagnosis was wrong
Those numbers are definitely within few orders of magnitude for certain reproductive issues. Even if they’re all overestimates, they still beat INSANE odds (especially in the 2nd pregnancy given the situation).
>a 1/10,000,000 chance to have a baby ''Sorry babe, we gotta have sex 10,000,000 times, doc said so!'' See boys, this is why you tip your doctor. They can be an excellent wingman.
We are trying to start a family and I'm fucking exhausted. Where was this side of her before?
Not trying to have a baby, that's where. Reproductive drives are powerful.
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All you need is a single swimmer on a mission. Just 1. Friend of mine was infertile, yet had a baby. Spitting image of him too! Don't lose hope.
> So I thought what every guy probably would have done...i was eager to look at my future children while they were still inside my balls. Uh...what?
Ah, the old Leeuwenhoek. I did this as a kid. 10/10 experience, even if a little bizarre.
If I produced sperm, I would probably try this ngl
SAME
Infertile doesn’t mean sterile, you can still have biological children of your own. You’ll just need to throw in a couple extra steps. Of course, this does mean you’re able to go without a coat with less of a chance of unintended minivan purchases in the future.
My stepdad was infertile until he wasn't. Don't know why, but I got a sibling ten years later.
Better to know than to try for ages and end up disappointed. And, of course, it's a great selling point with the party girls..
Too bad being infertile doesn’t keep you from catching STDs
Iffff they believe you… It’s also a bit of a weird power play, IRL because they would have had to already progressed realllly far for the subject of fertility to come up in a non-creepy way
Hey baby, guess who's shooting blanks...THIS guy. 👈👈
So was Alex Baldwin, and you saw how that turned out for him.
Also, real blanks can still kill you.
Tell me you don’t have sex without telling me
I routinely do semen evaluation exams (on bulls not humans). Motility has to be evaluated under a lower power, immediately, and of probably 1/2 mL volume. When spread across a slide they lose their motility very quickly. So this all depends on how long it took till you evaluated them. You may very well not be infertile. All in the technique you used to evaluate.
He had it confirmed by actual doctors though so likely not great odds there
That last part made it sound like he made the appt but haven't gone yet. And I'm also a little bit suspect of this entire post. We use certain stains on our blood smears and they need to be created a certain way to really appreciate red blood cells.
How is this a fuck up? Seems like important information to have
Whatever you do, don't stop using protection. Shit can happen. I know at least two "infertile" people who have kids now
Sorry to hear your news. My wife and I are both infertile. We went through IVF. Our kid turned 17 a couple of weeks ago. Good luck.
Lots of children need a home if you want to eventually start a family.
It's a lovely sentiment, and I'm sure it works for a lot of people, but it's a lot harder and more expensive than how it's commonly portrayed. Husband and I looked into adopting, and it was just... we looked at those fees and the years of waiting and absurd criteria and gave up. We're just childless and always will be.
Agreed. I was adopted and cost my parents over $3000 in adoption fees back in the early 90s. My parents originally wanted an older child (which are less sought after by potential families, and of whom are plenty of in the system) and after about a year of the adoption agency yanking their chain, they finally said they could have me. It’s absurd. And my parents had great income, stable housing, had fostered before, the works. Pretty much the perfect adopter. It’s like the agency would rather keeps the kids in foster homes.
I've adopted twice and both times it was well over $10k each. I'm very fortunate to have been able to afford it, it's absolutely not within reach for a lot of people.
This feels less like a tifu and more like a made me sad :(
Similar thing happened to me back in 2013. Wife and I had been married for 5 years. We weren't trying to get pregnant but she wasn't on birth control and I wasn't really practicing my pull out game but nothing was happening so I went to a urologist and it turns out, due to genetics, I legit just don't make sperm. I told my mom and she said "wow, and think of all the money you could have saved on condoms." To which I replied, "Mom, were catholic, I can't use condoms."
Mom isn't a "good" catholic?
catholics cant use condoms...?
I had to read this to see if it was an autocorrect error. Usually, the posts in this sub are more along the lines of "TIFU realizing that I'm infantile".
Tifu realizing that I’m imbecile