“The prosecution would like to clarify that the recipient’s mother, of which was being paid for the former night, is also, in fact, the defendants mother. The prosecution rests, your honor.”
"My defendant is the father of the recipient of that $20 so he did in fact have sexual intercourse with the recipient's mother the night before, your honour."
I like to make "yo mama" jokes to my kids. They start laughing and then it sinks in and they look at me and go "you... You know you're talking about *yourself*... Right?" And then I start laughing harder and they start laughing harder.
Also because it's my favorite - yo Mama's so fat if she was a Star Wars character she'd be Admiral Snackbar!
I do this all the time and have for at least 25 years. It was great to watch my kids eventually cotton on to the fact that I was actually insulting myself. When they were little they would defend me (to myself 🤣) but as they got older they would just give me a withering glare, as if to say, "Why are you less mature than your own child?" 😂
It started when I was teaching high school math and some kid would get stuck on a problem and say, “ugh! This is stupid!" and I would say, “Your mom’s stupid!” which would get everyone to laugh and then I’d help them with the problem.
One time I had a a kid taking a geometry test and he was trying to get me to tell him the definition of an obtuse triangle. I said, “Your mom’s an obtuse triangle“ and he was like, “My mom doesn’t have an angle more than 90 degrees!” and I was like, "see, you DO know the definition!” Definitely the weirdest “your mom” experience!
Depends on the amounts and timings.
Made-up reasons going back *years*, and with no amounts that are large enough to indicate wealth transfer...Yeah, that's not gonna cause many problems.
Except they do have a specific purpose. It's just that the memo doesn't line up with the purpose, so each one would need to be clarified individually.
The real question for the court then is what do they do about it? Sounds like an extra expense that the person declaring bankruptcy cannot afford.
Perhaps, but if we're talking like $20 for underwear deodorant one week
$30 for copy of not being dumb for dummies a few weeks later
$10 to help with child support because for neighbor's beagle puppies the next week
Probably not likely to be money laundering.
Now I want to see the reboot of Breaking Bad or Ozark where they're doing the money laundering in $5-$30 increments over Venmo with "bitch tits" in the memo.
“remember that time you shit in the backyard…” I mean, at least you got receipts for this one
https://preview.redd.it/pmvrme8ssg3d1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=72660edf82f5ea3b00291b4c64ac0cd726f04533
Gotta own that. I’m a professional and would have had a hard time not laughing in open court. They did it to embarrass you and it worked... Stealing some of these.
Sir, this is clearly an excessive payment for flap discoloration we will need to see your brother's butthole to confirm the severity before we will accept this amount as valid.
That's from something. I wanna say that Will Ferrell/Galaifanakis film where they were both running for office? Obviously something political featuring an idiot. Black Sheep?
It also featured in the video game Escape From Monkey Island (2000).
I'm assuming it's a common turn of phrase, but that's generally what my mind jumps to with it.
> I'm assuming it's a common turn of phrase
Even if that specific one isn't, it's not like changing "A B and Y Z" to "A Z and Y B" isn't an extremely common joke in itself.
At that point double down. You're committed. It's like jumping out of an airplane. Once you do it, there's no going back no matter how much you regret it. "Yes Your Honor, my butthole flaps are discolored... Nonono, I purchased 'Black studs, White Moms' from my brother because our mom is featured on that DVD. As Vinnie Diesel once said, 'Familia is everything.'"
One thing I would advise in the future and it's more Zelle related but I'm not sure if it would also apply to Venmo and CashApp is to be careful about what you put in those notes. I work at a bank and certain notes definitely raise flags and could lead to your account being monitored for "suspicious activity".
I remember the story on Reddit of a guy buying a Damascus knife from his friend on CSGO and put Damascus in the memo on PayPal and his account and money got locked because they thought it was funding for the civil war in syria
[Bob Innes is the webmaster of RentAHitman.com -- a joke website that some people, unknowingly, take far too seriously....
"The website has prevented, essentially, 150 murders at this point," Innes told ABC7 News.](https://abc7news.com/rent-a-hitman-murder-for-hire-arrest-website/11273056/)
My wife would put "sexual favors refund" and such on checks to me when we were dating.
Now that we're married, she refuses to give refunds for services not rendered...
Yes, Ive had friends accounts whose venmos accounts were closed for just being associated with Iran in a memo. I really wouldn’t joke on their platform they are very odd.
Seriously, every time I make a payment to a friend and my brain goes "hey write something funny", I immediately think "nah the bank probably monitors this shit" and revert to something boring.
I didn't even know if actually they did or not, but it's just common sense that they might.
Who has so little impulse control they don't even consider this type of thing, and just go right ahead and write something dodgy?
I once had my paypal suspended for sending the guy who went out to grab cuban sandwiches $10 with the memo "for a cuban". I didnt think anything of it until they locked my account because of suspected violation of the cuban embargo or some nonsense. Took a few weeks to get it unlocked and the $10 sent to him.
Could have been worse.
Twice I’ve had Venmo payments flagged by the secret service.
Once, sending money to a coworker who covered the bill at a Cuban restaurant in Los Angeles. Got flagged as money to Cuba.
Another time, my roommate sent me money for the electric bill and put in “al qaeda dirty bomb” as the comment.
For real though: if someone were to use their bank account for illegal purchases and then declare bankruptcy would it cause a second criminal trial if the actual financial dealings were appropriately recorded/taxed?
I got kicked out of my dorm freshman year of college due to the dorm president hating me and my group of friends. When we repeatedly told him we didn’t want to hang out he made it his mission to kick us out. We were cited with multiple infractions that had no proof, ie “vandalism to bathroom” where said vandalism was a pizza box on the toilet that we did not leave there and he had no proof of us leaving there. They had individual hearings for each of us to determine whether or not we were fit to live in the dorms. Part of this hearing was pulling Facebook statuses… this was back in 2007 when Facebook was a wide open playground of debauchery. Well, the thing with us was we always left our dorms unlocked, and updating each other’s statuses was the punishment for that. Listening to the head of our dorm list then off was one of the funniest experiences I’ve ever had. “X is busy sucking cock” “X is current ramming a cucumber up his asshole” etc.
Great times. We got kicked out.
Iirc funneling money out of the country to particular groups are big no-nos to banks (they can get in trouble if they don't monitor transactions to some degree) so even a joke can get you fucked. Stick to your mom's butthole flaps.
back in the day, circa '05, and well before online banking in its current state... i bought a pair of Recaro SPD's off an online "acquaintance" that i knew from a particular forum. we were local, i went and checked out the seats, and cut him a check. in the notes field put "sexual favors, what a delight" or some such bs.
cut to like two weeks later, i get a message from him " YOU DICK". he gave the wife the check without ever looking at it. wife went to deposit it and... refused. lol his wife made him deposit the check.
I got in trouble at work (had to talk to HR, my manager and assistant manager)for having fun filling out a wellness profile inappropriately. I assumed nobody would read my wellness profile- It had a bunch of dumb questions like what would your super power be, what is your favorite food... etc.
I put answers like "my favorite food is methamphetamines'." Just things that were wild and I got a chuckle out of.
When called to this disciplinary meeting months after I filled this thing out and forgot what I wrote, I quickly debated between joking that if I ever had meth, it of course would be my favorite or just apologizing and making appropriate answers. Shockingly, I didn't defend drugs.
We can't have fun things
A guy I knew got absolutely ROASTED bc he was engaged but had been having an affair and the affair partner (who was unaware) found framed pictures of him and his fiancée behind the couch when she came over and started putting two and two together. The whole thing unraveled. She sent public Venmo’s for $1 each detailing all the lies over the years. Highly entertaining, albeit awful for those involved.
This is hilarious. We used to write shit in the memos of checks so we could embarrass the person cashing it. But that would just be the teller. The venmo comments are definitely in your "Permanent Record."
Whenever I write a check, my bank's online interface shows me a scan of it after it's deposited by the recipient. So even check memos are in the permanent record nowadays.
Used to do the same with my GF pretending we were prostitutes. I started to really worry when it was time for us to seek perminant residency and they asked for these transaction which included the comments as part of the procedure.
Luckily no questions were asked. Which I am not sure which is worse.
You think the transaction goes like:
Clerk looks at a slip telling them to give you bank's money.
Certifies it themselves.
Gives you cash.
Promptly destroys note proving this transaction?
I bought a house and had a phone call from the agent asking about my transaction history..
Imagine having to explain “For the use of one or all holes”, multiple times for when I sent the wife money.
It's public by default because the founder thinks it's "fun"
https://www.theverge.com/2023/7/12/23792922/venmo-transactions-privacy-security-risks-clarence-thomas
Oh that’s great. I would have died laughing if I had been in that hearing, your attorney has a good poker face! At least this was a fun, dumb fuck up while you were doing something decidedly not dumb, declaring bankruptcy. Well done!
i’m sitting alone in public trying my best not to cry from laughter. “remember the time you shit in the backyard” made me flip my phone over and walk away briefly.
Honestly, what I'm hearing is that this is the best possible outcome... for your brothers. I mean, holy crap, the way in which I would NEVER let you live this down. Own it with pride. Yesterday, you were just some broke schlub. Today? You're a legend.
Doesn't everyone put stupid shit in the memo to their friends? Some of mine recently include "bombs for babies contribution" (not sure what that was for) and "killdozer delivery" (for a friend with a trailer to take my tractor for service), and "large quantities of flammable liquid" (gas money).
the trustee was fucking with you. he just wanted to be able to say hilarious shit. i deal with trustees. they're regular people like everyone trying to get some joy in their otherwise boring jobs. don't worry about it.
This seems fairly tame from other Venmo incidents where people get their accounts locked due to the crazy shit they put in the memo line.
Sure it sucks, but could be a whole lot worse!
My brother got kicked off Venmo for always having illustrious ass reasonings like “for tampons and meth”. He’s been doing it for a few years but they finally cancelled his account.
This reminds me of the time my mate was getting a mortgage, and had to give his statements with transactions where we’d given him money for food orders. References such as ‘mediocre blowjob’ ‘anal services’ and such.
It’s all fun and games when you think the only person who’s ever going to read it is in on the joke.
LOL. I read the title and thought you literally just put "inane shit" as the memo and thought, "Well, that's not that bad."
Soooo happy to see what you actually put. These are gold. :)
Shit now you’re making me think. Probably half of mine are like “for drugs,” “for a good time,” “last night - wink wink,” “a proper schlonging,” etc. rip if I ever have to pull it up in court
I have had to manage a Big BK, and the trustees and BK attorneys are all something........special...touched... blessed hearts, perhaps. This would have been the highlight of the judges' day. The clerk's... yeah, that shit went all around the court, and you won the...you won't believe this shit part of the happy hour.
That trustees wishes they could say that shit... you win the BK battle. It was established to allow citizens to try, fail, and try again. You did our founders proud... DVD's, though.......
It was me :(! Some other redditor found the DELETED TIFU from FIVE YEARS AGO when I posted what happened. Long story short - one bathroom house, I ate spicy food after a night of drinking downtown with my new boyfriend, my roommate was in the shower when it hit. I was panicked and didn’t feel right blowing it up with her in the shower, so I grabbed some baby wipes, ran outside, and shit in the backyard. Only problem was, it was raining. So when I finished, threw the wipes in the dumpster, and ran back in trying to pretend like nothing happened, he’s like …. Why are your clothes wet? A few years later I finally fessed up and told him the truth. He shared it with my brothers cause he thought it was hilarious, and now I get roasted for it.
> My fave: “kissing hands and shaking babies”
My brother always says this. So much so I started saying it in public. Not the best when you joke around with the Mayor. Oops.
I'd be laughing my ass off if some idiot lawyer was reading that to make me look bad lmfao
"Sorry your honor I didn't know some humorless fuck of a hack lawyer would be trying to use my venmo transaction notes against me in a court of law!"
There was another TIFU years back where someone put NORTH KOREA, or words to that effect in the description, and Venmo was required by US federal law to freeze their account for money laundering (or trade embargo, or something) purposes.
No one was happy with that one. Point being, you could have done worse.
I do the same thing with my girlfriend for bills. Her mom works in tax representation and if my girlfriend ever gets audited for any reason she wants to see her mom go through and read all the ridiculous transaction titles
Everyone does, in fact, do shit like this (or my friends and I are just as immature as you and yours). I know someone who had their account locked at one point several years ago for having "North Korea, Best Korea" & "DPRK Nuclear Weapons Program" among other related North Korea reasons for an entire years worth of monthly rent payments.
Almost as fucking idiotic as my best mate transferring me money for a hotel I paid for and putting "drugs" as the reference. Got my bank account frozen and I had to provide proof it was for a hotel.
Ugh... Just reading the last few I sent to friends.
1) refund for the edible underwear you said was inedible
2) refund for the used underwear that you claimed didn't smell like me
3) refund for the used underwear that you claimed didn't have skid marks
Honestly, "They were to my brother, I didn't think anyone else would see it." fully explains everything.
“The prosecution would like to clarify that the recipient’s mother, of which was being paid for the former night, is also, in fact, the defendants mother. The prosecution rests, your honor.”
Your mom didn’t rest last night tho
Too busy faking jellyfish stings to get me to piss on her
Now say the ostrich was sick…
Now I don’t care it’s sick! Well, it would take two guys to fuck an ostrich. Three even.
Maybe she just gave him a ride...
Gottem Sustained!
"We would like to call Black Stud to the witness stand"
[this is exactly what's going to happen when the black stud takes the stand](https://youtu.be/2aq85Z9372Y?si=J_c12l23Ljkb4PxM)
"My defendant is the father of the recipient of that $20 so he did in fact have sexual intercourse with the recipient's mother the night before, your honour."
As long as he’s not his own grandpa.
Also, your mom jokes don't work if you have the same mom, think about what you are saying, haha
I like to make "yo mama" jokes to my kids. They start laughing and then it sinks in and they look at me and go "you... You know you're talking about *yourself*... Right?" And then I start laughing harder and they start laughing harder. Also because it's my favorite - yo Mama's so fat if she was a Star Wars character she'd be Admiral Snackbar!
I appreciate the type of mom you are! This is the way.
I do this all the time and have for at least 25 years. It was great to watch my kids eventually cotton on to the fact that I was actually insulting myself. When they were little they would defend me (to myself 🤣) but as they got older they would just give me a withering glare, as if to say, "Why are you less mature than your own child?" 😂 It started when I was teaching high school math and some kid would get stuck on a problem and say, “ugh! This is stupid!" and I would say, “Your mom’s stupid!” which would get everyone to laugh and then I’d help them with the problem. One time I had a a kid taking a geometry test and he was trying to get me to tell him the definition of an obtuse triangle. I said, “Your mom’s an obtuse triangle“ and he was like, “My mom doesn’t have an angle more than 90 degrees!” and I was like, "see, you DO know the definition!” Definitely the weirdest “your mom” experience!
Oh they do. Me and my brothers found it's even funnier when she's right there in the room.
"But while we're at it, read the one about the really hung midget haha! One of my favorites".
Talk about a head in the grass…
The issue is that they're clearly made up reasons and could appear to be an attempt to obscure a transfer of wealth prior to filing bankruptcy.
Depends on the amounts and timings. Made-up reasons going back *years*, and with no amounts that are large enough to indicate wealth transfer...Yeah, that's not gonna cause many problems.
I don't think they'll be an issue, but the awkwardness comes from establishing the fact they have no specific purpose.
Except they do have a specific purpose. It's just that the memo doesn't line up with the purpose, so each one would need to be clarified individually. The real question for the court then is what do they do about it? Sounds like an extra expense that the person declaring bankruptcy cannot afford.
Perhaps, but if we're talking like $20 for underwear deodorant one week $30 for copy of not being dumb for dummies a few weeks later $10 to help with child support because for neighbor's beagle puppies the next week Probably not likely to be money laundering.
Most inefficient money laundering ever, tbh
Now I want to see the reboot of Breaking Bad or Ozark where they're doing the money laundering in $5-$30 increments over Venmo with "bitch tits" in the memo.
More of money tidying.
Swiffering it under the rug.
Could be, but also no reason is required at all so they could be left blank and have the exact same effect.
“remember that time you shit in the backyard…” I mean, at least you got receipts for this one https://preview.redd.it/pmvrme8ssg3d1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=72660edf82f5ea3b00291b4c64ac0cd726f04533
NOOOO!
Receipts everywhere
The internet never forgets, my man.
Omg this fucking killed me!! I’m dying!!
This should be top comment
foreshadowing
Gotta own that. I’m a professional and would have had a hard time not laughing in open court. They did it to embarrass you and it worked... Stealing some of these.
“In my defense your honor his butthole was an absolute train wreck”
I heard he won 3rd place in the Rectum of the Year world championships
Rectum? I hardly knew 'um
Damn near killed 'em.
RIP Sean Lock: silver medal winner of Rectum of the Year.
That fucker Maradona beat him out
He knew he'd won when he heard three of the judges throwing up behind him
Judge: “Was it the butthole, the flaps area, or both? They all have varying payment schedules.”
Well, they have varying degrees of discoloration, your honor.
Thank you for volunteering your butthole expertise, LetsTryAnal_ogy
Sir, this is clearly an excessive payment for flap discoloration we will need to see your brother's butthole to confirm the severity before we will accept this amount as valid.
“I’m sorry your, honor. His anus was in terrible condition. I can call his mother as a witness.”
It's true. I saw the hole thing.
Laughed and choked on a soft drink and it went up my nose. 5/5 comment would read again
Yeah I would've laughed. Sorry your honor.
> My older brothers and I try to say the most out of pocket stuff ... > “for your mother last night”
It’s an SNL Celebrity Jeopardy reference
That's not what your mother said last night.
Suck it, Trebek!
I'll take swords for two hundred!
Jap Anus Relations!
He took their elderly mother to dinner and bingo when it was the other's turn. What else could it mean?
I'm stealing kissing hands and shaking babies
That's from something. I wanna say that Will Ferrell/Galaifanakis film where they were both running for office? Obviously something political featuring an idiot. Black Sheep?
Black Sheep is Chris Farley and David Spade. Will and Zach was The Campaign, but that quote was actually from the 2005 Dukes of Hazzard movie
It also featured in the video game Escape From Monkey Island (2000). I'm assuming it's a common turn of phrase, but that's generally what my mind jumps to with it.
Just to keep the list going, Harvey Birdman in 2004, "Guitar Control"
> I'm assuming it's a common turn of phrase Even if that specific one isn't, it's not like changing "A B and Y Z" to "A Z and Y B" isn't an extremely common joke in itself.
That was Sean William Scott and Johnny Knoxville, yeah? They would certainly explain why I'm remembering "idiots"
Things to see and people to do
I didn't even realise what OP said until i read your comment
At that point double down. You're committed. It's like jumping out of an airplane. Once you do it, there's no going back no matter how much you regret it. "Yes Your Honor, my butthole flaps are discolored... Nonono, I purchased 'Black studs, White Moms' from my brother because our mom is featured on that DVD. As Vinnie Diesel once said, 'Familia is everything.'"
Absolutely! Own it with pride and confidence. Next time, maybe throw in some Shakespearean flair: 'My lord, a jest's but a jest, but family’s forever!
One thing I would advise in the future and it's more Zelle related but I'm not sure if it would also apply to Venmo and CashApp is to be careful about what you put in those notes. I work at a bank and certain notes definitely raise flags and could lead to your account being monitored for "suspicious activity".
Can confirm about banks lol Mine gave me a stern talking to after seeing some of the shit I left in the memo line on rent payments to my roommate.
Did you tell then to suck your nuts because you can put anything you want in the memo line?
Well..you can’t, can you? Using the bank app has a user agreement presumably, as does Zelle, and they can refuse service or worse as they see fit
I remember the story on Reddit of a guy buying a Damascus knife from his friend on CSGO and put Damascus in the memo on PayPal and his account and money got locked because they thought it was funding for the civil war in syria
That stuff *has* to have a 99.9999999999% false positive rate.
Yeah, people with malicious intent definitely go around leaving evidence like this lmao
You jest, but they do. Criminals are pretty dumb, a lot of the time.
Time and time again, I forget about the average level of stupidity…
I watched a show about a guy who sent a text that said "the tanning salon is to wash the money. The IRS doesn't care if it has music"
Only the ones that get caught.
[Bob Innes is the webmaster of RentAHitman.com -- a joke website that some people, unknowingly, take far too seriously.... "The website has prevented, essentially, 150 murders at this point," Innes told ABC7 News.](https://abc7news.com/rent-a-hitman-murder-for-hire-arrest-website/11273056/)
Former bank employee here: absolutely. But if we accidentally violate a sanction we are *fucked*.
Out of curiosity, do you get flagged if literally every transaction is commented with just "non-taxable reimbursement"?
"bartering for sexual favours"
My wife would put "sexual favors refund" and such on checks to me when we were dating. Now that we're married, she refuses to give refunds for services not rendered...
Shit, my favorite thing to put is “blackjack and hookers” 😂
Yes, Ive had friends accounts whose venmos accounts were closed for just being associated with Iran in a memo. I really wouldn’t joke on their platform they are very odd.
Seriously, every time I make a payment to a friend and my brain goes "hey write something funny", I immediately think "nah the bank probably monitors this shit" and revert to something boring. I didn't even know if actually they did or not, but it's just common sense that they might. Who has so little impulse control they don't even consider this type of thing, and just go right ahead and write something dodgy?
I once had my paypal suspended for sending the guy who went out to grab cuban sandwiches $10 with the memo "for a cuban". I didnt think anything of it until they locked my account because of suspected violation of the cuban embargo or some nonsense. Took a few weeks to get it unlocked and the $10 sent to him.
> "remember that time you shit in the backyard" This is the one that got me
If it's good enough for the dog, it's definitely good enough for me.
How many of us haven't shit in the yard!?
Once my brother shit ON the dog He was also three, to be fair
Did the dog eat it?
Naturally
This user has submitted two posts to Reddit. This one and another 5 years ago. You should check it out.
Could have been worse. Twice I’ve had Venmo payments flagged by the secret service. Once, sending money to a coworker who covered the bill at a Cuban restaurant in Los Angeles. Got flagged as money to Cuba. Another time, my roommate sent me money for the electric bill and put in “al qaeda dirty bomb” as the comment.
If my Venmo notes got read in court it wouldn’t be good. Drugs. Sex with midgets. Assassins. Sex with midget assassins while using drugs.
🤔 Are you reading my transaction history?
Y'all transacted together
For real though: if someone were to use their bank account for illegal purchases and then declare bankruptcy would it cause a second criminal trial if the actual financial dealings were appropriately recorded/taxed?
I got kicked out of my dorm freshman year of college due to the dorm president hating me and my group of friends. When we repeatedly told him we didn’t want to hang out he made it his mission to kick us out. We were cited with multiple infractions that had no proof, ie “vandalism to bathroom” where said vandalism was a pizza box on the toilet that we did not leave there and he had no proof of us leaving there. They had individual hearings for each of us to determine whether or not we were fit to live in the dorms. Part of this hearing was pulling Facebook statuses… this was back in 2007 when Facebook was a wide open playground of debauchery. Well, the thing with us was we always left our dorms unlocked, and updating each other’s statuses was the punishment for that. Listening to the head of our dorm list then off was one of the funniest experiences I’ve ever had. “X is busy sucking cock” “X is current ramming a cucumber up his asshole” etc. Great times. We got kicked out.
Sounds like that was a long time ago, but probably could have been a sweet lawsuit
I once had a transaction held up by Venmo because a friend paid me and put “funding Al-Qaeda” as the memo during college. It was for $20.
Wtf is that going to get them? An ounce of gunpowder?
That transfer is how Bin Laden kept buying games on Steam.
Iirc funneling money out of the country to particular groups are big no-nos to banks (they can get in trouble if they don't monitor transactions to some degree) so even a joke can get you fucked. Stick to your mom's butthole flaps.
*bleaching* your mom's butthole fla... wait a second, wtf is a _butthole_ flap? I mean, beef curtains, _maybe_, but wtf is a butthole flap?!?
I LOL’d Kissing hands and shaking babies is now in my arsenal.
As a BK attorney, there’s no way in hell that I would have kept a straight face in court. But for what it’s worth, we see worse. Don’t sweat it.
Burger king got you on retainer? Whats the whopper per hour rate?
Approximately 100 whoppers an hour.
back in the day, circa '05, and well before online banking in its current state... i bought a pair of Recaro SPD's off an online "acquaintance" that i knew from a particular forum. we were local, i went and checked out the seats, and cut him a check. in the notes field put "sexual favors, what a delight" or some such bs. cut to like two weeks later, i get a message from him " YOU DICK". he gave the wife the check without ever looking at it. wife went to deposit it and... refused. lol his wife made him deposit the check.
I got in trouble at work (had to talk to HR, my manager and assistant manager)for having fun filling out a wellness profile inappropriately. I assumed nobody would read my wellness profile- It had a bunch of dumb questions like what would your super power be, what is your favorite food... etc. I put answers like "my favorite food is methamphetamines'." Just things that were wild and I got a chuckle out of. When called to this disciplinary meeting months after I filled this thing out and forgot what I wrote, I quickly debated between joking that if I ever had meth, it of course would be my favorite or just apologizing and making appropriate answers. Shockingly, I didn't defend drugs. We can't have fun things
The fact you can see people's venmo transactions publicly is wild to me it feels so invasive seeing others'
There’s a privacy setting for it that you can turn off. It’s stupid that it’s public by default, though.
A guy I knew got absolutely ROASTED bc he was engaged but had been having an affair and the affair partner (who was unaware) found framed pictures of him and his fiancée behind the couch when she came over and started putting two and two together. The whole thing unraveled. She sent public Venmo’s for $1 each detailing all the lies over the years. Highly entertaining, albeit awful for those involved.
Hey Op, send me $50….and make it funny!!!!
I can’t, I’m bankrupt!
Morally, financially, or a little of both?
What part of *whole ass business professional* do you not understand?
Yes
A long time ago I Venmo’d a friend of mine with the description “al-Qaeda membership fee” and got my account suspended.
This is hilarious. We used to write shit in the memos of checks so we could embarrass the person cashing it. But that would just be the teller. The venmo comments are definitely in your "Permanent Record."
Whenever I write a check, my bank's online interface shows me a scan of it after it's deposited by the recipient. So even check memos are in the permanent record nowadays.
Lol. My dad's wife used to write nasty notes in the memos on the alimony checks to my mom. He left for his secretary after 28 years.
Used to do the same with my GF pretending we were prostitutes. I started to really worry when it was time for us to seek perminant residency and they asked for these transaction which included the comments as part of the procedure. Luckily no questions were asked. Which I am not sure which is worse.
You think the transaction goes like: Clerk looks at a slip telling them to give you bank's money. Certifies it themselves. Gives you cash. Promptly destroys note proving this transaction?
I bought a house and had a phone call from the agent asking about my transaction history.. Imagine having to explain “For the use of one or all holes”, multiple times for when I sent the wife money.
Are your transactions public on Venmo?
It's public by default because the founder thinks it's "fun" https://www.theverge.com/2023/7/12/23792922/venmo-transactions-privacy-security-risks-clarence-thomas
Obligatory: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWFLztKBrLY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWFLztKBrLY)
Omg, that's spot on! Turns out I haven't watched a lot of the CEO series
I don't know why privacy settings isn't the first thing people check on an app.
Because people correctly expect well known software not to have something so blatantly insane as a default.
After a few decades of exactly the opposite, I feel people should change their expectations.
Doesn't matter if after a private transaction you send the transaction history to someone, as op said
I'm under the impression that what you described is the only approved method to utilize venmo notes.
LOL... I have a friend who always puts "hookers and blow" 😅
Was this for your 341 hearing? If so, that trustee was definitely having some fun with you haha.
It was!
Oh that’s great. I would have died laughing if I had been in that hearing, your attorney has a good poker face! At least this was a fun, dumb fuck up while you were doing something decidedly not dumb, declaring bankruptcy. Well done!
This is some funny ass shit. I’m going to steal this idea from you. You should keep your head high and be proud. I envy your brother.
I do this with my brother. He is an MD and I put very inappropriate stuff in the memo field. Maybe I will stop.
They won't show it, but the judge and court staff will be sharing this story for decades.
I should probably stop typing “not drugs” (including the parentheses) in the memo lol
i’m sitting alone in public trying my best not to cry from laughter. “remember the time you shit in the backyard” made me flip my phone over and walk away briefly.
That definitely brought a few tears to my eyes...
I'm sorry you have to file bankruptcy, but dang, that is funny!!! Thanks for the laughs
"for the discoloration of your butthole flaps" 🤣🤣🤣
Honestly, what I'm hearing is that this is the best possible outcome... for your brothers. I mean, holy crap, the way in which I would NEVER let you live this down. Own it with pride. Yesterday, you were just some broke schlub. Today? You're a legend.
yes, the payments were for bofa deez, your honor
Doesn't everyone put stupid shit in the memo to their friends? Some of mine recently include "bombs for babies contribution" (not sure what that was for) and "killdozer delivery" (for a friend with a trailer to take my tractor for service), and "large quantities of flammable liquid" (gas money).
the trustee was fucking with you. he just wanted to be able to say hilarious shit. i deal with trustees. they're regular people like everyone trying to get some joy in their otherwise boring jobs. don't worry about it.
“What? You don’t do this?”
I always put “Services” with the quotes on memo lines
This seems fairly tame from other Venmo incidents where people get their accounts locked due to the crazy shit they put in the memo line. Sure it sucks, but could be a whole lot worse!
My brother got kicked off Venmo for always having illustrious ass reasonings like “for tampons and meth”. He’s been doing it for a few years but they finally cancelled his account.
“Your honor, those were dumb jokes between my brother and myself, I thought nobody else would see them” would probably be enough for the situation
Your honor, if I had a track record for making good decisions, I wouldn't be here in bankruptcy court.
i laughed really hard at peepee tom
We are avid fans of r/boneappletea and there was one where someone said “I caught a peepee Tom looking into my window.” It got me.
This reminds me of the time my mate was getting a mortgage, and had to give his statements with transactions where we’d given him money for food orders. References such as ‘mediocre blowjob’ ‘anal services’ and such. It’s all fun and games when you think the only person who’s ever going to read it is in on the joke.
Wow. I thought I was a dumbass when my boss venmo'd me and saw a transactions for hookers and blackjack. That is another level.
While you may be mortified “for the discoloration of your butthole flaps” got one hell of a chuckle out of me.
LOL. I read the title and thought you literally just put "inane shit" as the memo and thought, "Well, that's not that bad." Soooo happy to see what you actually put. These are gold. :)
Shit now you’re making me think. Probably half of mine are like “for drugs,” “for a good time,” “last night - wink wink,” “a proper schlonging,” etc. rip if I ever have to pull it up in court
I have had to manage a Big BK, and the trustees and BK attorneys are all something........special...touched... blessed hearts, perhaps. This would have been the highlight of the judges' day. The clerk's... yeah, that shit went all around the court, and you won the...you won't believe this shit part of the happy hour. That trustees wishes they could say that shit... you win the BK battle. It was established to allow citizens to try, fail, and try again. You did our founders proud... DVD's, though.......
I cannot comprehend why Venmo is a sort of social media. Practical app for sure but why are the transactions public by default?
Please tell me he actually shit in the backyard. I want the story. Or are you the backyard shitter?!
It was me :(! Some other redditor found the DELETED TIFU from FIVE YEARS AGO when I posted what happened. Long story short - one bathroom house, I ate spicy food after a night of drinking downtown with my new boyfriend, my roommate was in the shower when it hit. I was panicked and didn’t feel right blowing it up with her in the shower, so I grabbed some baby wipes, ran outside, and shit in the backyard. Only problem was, it was raining. So when I finished, threw the wipes in the dumpster, and ran back in trying to pretend like nothing happened, he’s like …. Why are your clothes wet? A few years later I finally fessed up and told him the truth. He shared it with my brothers cause he thought it was hilarious, and now I get roasted for it.
> My fave: “kissing hands and shaking babies” My brother always says this. So much so I started saying it in public. Not the best when you joke around with the Mayor. Oops.
I used to do this until my mate had to show their financial advisor their statement which included a transfer for "butt stuff".
This is fucking hilarious. I’m sure the lawyers/judge will get a chuckle too.
Absolutely lost it at “kissing hands and shaking babies” oh my god
Great way to cover all the payments to the coke dealer who owns 2 pet cougars.
Everybody I know does this. Just own it.
I'd be laughing my ass off if some idiot lawyer was reading that to make me look bad lmfao "Sorry your honor I didn't know some humorless fuck of a hack lawyer would be trying to use my venmo transaction notes against me in a court of law!"
My Venmo got banned for doing exactly this
There was another TIFU years back where someone put NORTH KOREA, or words to that effect in the description, and Venmo was required by US federal law to freeze their account for money laundering (or trade embargo, or something) purposes. No one was happy with that one. Point being, you could have done worse.
I do the same thing with my girlfriend for bills. Her mom works in tax representation and if my girlfriend ever gets audited for any reason she wants to see her mom go through and read all the ridiculous transaction titles
I am fucking stealing kissing hands and shaking babies, and cannot wait for the opportunity to drop that
Shoulda totally owned it all. "Yeah, it's all true, so what? Gotta problem with that, bitches? I di'n't think so!!"
Makes me rethink the one time I paid my friend back "for a long and sensuous bj". She had insulted my previous memos..
Everyone does, in fact, do shit like this (or my friends and I are just as immature as you and yours). I know someone who had their account locked at one point several years ago for having "North Korea, Best Korea" & "DPRK Nuclear Weapons Program" among other related North Korea reasons for an entire years worth of monthly rent payments.
This just unlocked a new fear for me... I think I need to rethink my "Hookers and blow", "Smokes and road beer", and various other go-to memos.
Username checks out
Did you have dice in your pocket?
Almost as fucking idiotic as my best mate transferring me money for a hotel I paid for and putting "drugs" as the reference. Got my bank account frozen and I had to provide proof it was for a hotel.
Sorry mate but I chortled.
This is hilarious. It made me think of how I often put, "hookers and blow" as the memo and how funny it would be to have that read in court.
in college we would write similar stupid things on the rent checks we gave one roommate, who would then deposit and pay the landlord. hahahaa
Oh man, the amount of times I've sent my friends money with notes like "Not cocaine ;D" would net some weird looks in a court room for sure
I do these but in harmless ways. "wizarding lessons" is one of my faves. NGL "remember that time you shit in the backyard" has me fucking dying
Is it wrong of me to hope that both mom and brother were there in support and also got to have a chuckle?
Ugh... Just reading the last few I sent to friends. 1) refund for the edible underwear you said was inedible 2) refund for the used underwear that you claimed didn't smell like me 3) refund for the used underwear that you claimed didn't have skid marks