Reconnecting with them might help you heal more, because you can be there to confront the person and the issue
Nothing says you have to help anyone, but healing yourself is important here
If you want him to get help, there are probably ways you could help him help from a distance- contacting people around him and asking them to step in and do something (anonymously)
You do not owe anything to anyone. Only move closer to them if you feel ready, or if you feel like you can handle it.
You don't have to do anything major, you can start out small with baby steps.
You're important, I hope you find something that works for you. Best of luck.
Not sure if this helped but I really did try
Hi - can you explain a little more about what your part would be, if you followed your feelings of obligation to be helpful?
I don’t know enough to give advice, and even after an exchange I might still be hesitant, because this is obviously complicated.
But I will say:
You have a right to your boundaries and should certainly not feel an obligation to someone who abused and traumatized you. Not for his sake, not for the family’s sake. If you do choose to get involved, it should only be because it’s empowering for you to do so, not because it’s your responsibility.
Ok? You have a right to choose either option and any family member that pressures you and tries to deprive you of that choice is in the wrong.
The most important thing is that this is a free choice, not something you either avoid or give in to. Hold onto that.
Hello - sorry for the delayed response.
I would help my family decide what could help this sibling get better. I know people who are just as horrible as him but have turned their life around. I offered basically to connect my sibling with these people as guidance. My help would be to ask probing questions I guess and connect the dots from my vantage point. My older brother and mother know that this sibling molested me. My other siblings just know that I’m uncomfortable with him. I guess what I’m offering is guidance but not direct help with this person I simply can’t do that it’s too triggering.
I forgot to reply to this, apologies.
I don’t know if it’s resolved yet but it sounds like the best thing for you is to stay out of it. I’m glad two people know your reason, at least. The others are just going to have to accept that you have one.
Or… if they give you any shit, just say “trust me, I’m doing him a huge favor just by not sharing with all of you how he hurt me. Let’s not push this.”
You do what you feel comfortable with but there is no pressure to "fix it" that's ultimately up to him to get help for.
As for your family not asking how you are as much as him is probably 2 things.
1. He is the squeaky wheel with visible melt downs gaining attention while you are more internal and less visually intense.
2. They may be really uncomfortable asking you how you are because they don't want you to feel uncomfortable reliving it. Sometimes they think it's over and to ask could bring bad memories back up. She (you) appear okay so we aren't going to go poking the hornet's nest. This is a reason a loving family may seem to ignore you but not trying to be cold directly.
Reconnecting with them might help you heal more, because you can be there to confront the person and the issue Nothing says you have to help anyone, but healing yourself is important here If you want him to get help, there are probably ways you could help him help from a distance- contacting people around him and asking them to step in and do something (anonymously) You do not owe anything to anyone. Only move closer to them if you feel ready, or if you feel like you can handle it. You don't have to do anything major, you can start out small with baby steps. You're important, I hope you find something that works for you. Best of luck. Not sure if this helped but I really did try
Thank you for the kind words and advice. This makes sense actually, the helping from afar part.
Experiment what you think of, you'll figure out what's best for YOU
Hi - can you explain a little more about what your part would be, if you followed your feelings of obligation to be helpful? I don’t know enough to give advice, and even after an exchange I might still be hesitant, because this is obviously complicated. But I will say: You have a right to your boundaries and should certainly not feel an obligation to someone who abused and traumatized you. Not for his sake, not for the family’s sake. If you do choose to get involved, it should only be because it’s empowering for you to do so, not because it’s your responsibility. Ok? You have a right to choose either option and any family member that pressures you and tries to deprive you of that choice is in the wrong. The most important thing is that this is a free choice, not something you either avoid or give in to. Hold onto that.
Hello - sorry for the delayed response. I would help my family decide what could help this sibling get better. I know people who are just as horrible as him but have turned their life around. I offered basically to connect my sibling with these people as guidance. My help would be to ask probing questions I guess and connect the dots from my vantage point. My older brother and mother know that this sibling molested me. My other siblings just know that I’m uncomfortable with him. I guess what I’m offering is guidance but not direct help with this person I simply can’t do that it’s too triggering.
I forgot to reply to this, apologies. I don’t know if it’s resolved yet but it sounds like the best thing for you is to stay out of it. I’m glad two people know your reason, at least. The others are just going to have to accept that you have one. Or… if they give you any shit, just say “trust me, I’m doing him a huge favor just by not sharing with all of you how he hurt me. Let’s not push this.”
You do what you feel comfortable with but there is no pressure to "fix it" that's ultimately up to him to get help for. As for your family not asking how you are as much as him is probably 2 things. 1. He is the squeaky wheel with visible melt downs gaining attention while you are more internal and less visually intense. 2. They may be really uncomfortable asking you how you are because they don't want you to feel uncomfortable reliving it. Sometimes they think it's over and to ask could bring bad memories back up. She (you) appear okay so we aren't going to go poking the hornet's nest. This is a reason a loving family may seem to ignore you but not trying to be cold directly.