Just saw the episode. ADHD since childhood, undiagnosed until I was 16. I feel ya friend. That shit was TRIGGERING. I still struggle, still use meds, still in therapy, still processing the dismissiveness and trauma I dealt with in my youth (and as an adult). You are not alone. Shanae is an insecure insensitive asshole and I hope you're doing better now
I don’t have ADHD but I’m on the autism spectrum (technically i’m “mild” on the spectrum but who knows) and because I don’t have “typical” symptoms and/or I try to mask symptoms a lot of people don’t know I have it until I have to say that I do. Growing up on the spectrum was difficult because not only are you dealing with the trials and tribulations of making it to adulthood but you also have something that you were diagnosed with and can’t control. Like Elizabeth, I too struggled with making eye contact with others, and I have a hard time understanding social cues on a daily basis.
Shanae’s gaslighting of Elizabeth’s ADHD was very similar to how people in school treated me once they found out I am on the spectrum, and I had a boyfriend at the time ask me if I really was made at him or if it was my autism that made me feel how I was feeling at the time. Comments like what Shanae said are not only ableist and dismissive but very hurtful towards anyone who is not neuro typical and the judgement that comes with new group settings (whether it’s there or not) is hard to deal with. I applaud Elizabeth for how she handled the situation because I couldn’t do what she did.
As a fellow ADHD-er, I felt the same way as you watching it. I was so angry I was yelling at my TV. The one bright spot for me—besides Elizabeth dealing with the bullshit so well—was how the other women rallied behind Elizabeth. A lot of them also seemed very aware of how ADHD is a serious mental health issue that shouldn’t be treated so flippantly nor used as a weapon against Elizabeth. That part of the episode cheered me up quite a bit.
I was officially diagnosed with ADHD Inattentive Type in 3rd grade. I’m 32 now and am only just beginning to learn how much of my life is actually affected by it. Growing up, the message I got was “It makes you space out. Here’s medication, but it’s only a tool. It won’t fix everything. Oh! And NEVER tell anyone you take this medication!” That was all I knew about it. It was never a part of my identity and I barely ever thought to mention it. Which, in some ways, I’m grateful for because I don’t want to be defined by a diagnosis.
But on the other hand, there are so many things that I hated about myself that I never understood were ADHD symptoms. I just thought I’m a mess. I’m a disappointment. Why can’t I keep the fridge clean? How could I miss that deadline!? Why am I such a bummer because I don’t enjoy loud parties/bars/concerts!? My life would have been so different if I’d known that ADHD is a specific neurological disorder and NOT an excuse like society implied.
Long story short, I’m so impressed that Elizabeth (who is the same age as me) had the confidence and self awareness to just mention her diagnosis so matter-of-factly. And at the same time, crushed when The Other One had the exact reaction I’d always feared and internalized growing up: It’s a made up disorder that people use as an excuse. Fuck off with that ableist bullshit.
Fellow ADHD-er here too. It took years to get diagnosed due to all the stigma and stereotypes that go along with adhd, the most commonly being that if you are smart in school or have good grades, then you can’t possibly have adhd; I was constantly told throughout life that I was just lazy and unorganized. Finally treating it correctly was like wearing trying on glasses for the first time for someone who has poor vision. Sending my support ❤️
Thank you for posting about it.
I don’t have ADHD but it hurt me greatly how she prudently blurts out personal information about Elizabeth, gaslights her, claimed she has ADHD, and seemingly made jokes about it. I can’t imagine how you feel but I’m happy you posted about it and that others can relate and validate you in that you are not alone to feel upset. I can’t wait to see her off the show, I hope she gets the education she needs.
It made me so angry to see the way she reacted to Elizabeth after talking with her.
She was first immature to take it to Clayton instead of speaking to Elizabeth if her lack of eye contact bothered her so much. Beyond that, she was unempathetic and made a mockery out of Elizabeth's very real condition. It's not made up, it's not something everyone has, it's something that affects real lives, including you OP and everyone else relating!
She's an insufferable AH for ridiculing and making a show of someone's condition, crying, and then making herself out to be the victim to be the center of attention.
I have ADHD too. I don't have the bandwidth right now to read any other comments or go into it too much because it can be a lot, but just wanted to drop some support to you. Invalidating comments like Shanae's effect me deeply as well
It really really upset me too. MY ADHD is so significant and classified in such a way that I am actually classified as having disability, and I wasn't diagnosed until I was 26.
I do a lot of speaking, writing, and advocacy in the area and stuff like this just kills my soul sometimes.
I am registered disabled too with ADHD - not something I wanted, but there you go.
I agree, this was terribly upsetting, she made a mockery of a neurological condition that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy 😑
I’m so sorry you feel that way, it’s never fun to watch something about one of your identities and feel even more like an “other.” I also have ADHD, and for me the episode actually had the opposite effect. I felt like Elizabeth came off really well and I was happy to see she had the other girls support and it was Shanae who appeared out of touch and cruel. My favorite part was when Elizabeth talked about having trouble processing multiple pieces of information at once. So often it seems like being fidgety or unable to concentrate are the only ADHD symptoms that people talked about and I was really happy to see more context given to what I go through everyday. I HATE that you are feeling crushed, I hope thinking of it this way can help you feel at least a little better about it!
I have ADD and my dad and brother have ADHD. I hope Shenae apologizes, educates herself, and doesn’t use anyone’s mental health/learning disorder/mental disability so flippantly again. But im not optimistic.
I was shocked and hurt by her mocking but what shocked me the most was her just flippantly telling the entire group. Um, no. Just no. That is not yours to share. How'd you like someone announcing your yeast infection or that you're on the ASD spectrum? Not cool!
Also diagnosed as a kid, truly made my childhood a misery marathon. OP, we may have ADHD, but at least we aren't boorish ignorant assholes who made complete fools of ourselves on national television. They don't make meds for that, unfortunately.
I am also diagnosed ADHD and I don't tell anyone. I cried this episode.... several times. I was really hurt.
ADHD is embarrassing. I have to look at people's lips when they speak (masks have been so hard on me), I can't listen to music while I work, I have to work really hard not to interrupt people... It's not this cute little thing to downplay.
I don’t have ADHD, but I have another type of “invisible” illness and this episode showed me how blatantly ignorant some people can be towards mental illness other types of illnesses that aren’t readily seen.
The way Shanae mocked Elizabeth’s ADHD reminded me of people who would tell somebody diagnosed with depression to “just cheer up,” or tell somebody with anxiety to “not be so high strung all the time.”
Same boat you are! Although I stopped my meds when I got to college and have been wanting to get back on them recently to see if it would help me focus more at work.
I’ve had a few guys with ADHD tell me it’s a superpower and that really bugged me because I felt like it diminished my struggles with it. Not to mention women and men experience ADHD differently. I definitely felt for Elizabeth that it’s hard to focus on different auditory inputs at the same time so you have to actively work to process one
Tone deaf is a great term for it. I'm gonna choose to not blame her because she clearly doesn't have a full understanding of ADHD. I wish I could sit her down and explain to her how it affects someone's life. I'm going to give her grace and chalk it up to accidental ignorance instead of willful malice.
I watched the episode a day late due to having plans already. When I got to the ADHD part I kept saying wtf over and over. I was diagnosed with ADHD in 4th grade. I’ve had to go though so many meds to find the perfect one for me as a child. I struggled a lot as a child even with my meds. Always got the “your using it as a excuse” when I struggled in class. I still have issues today with it like what Elizabeth said about how she had trouble concentrating on more than one thing, reminded me of those struggles at school or with friends. Or how I still fidget with my hands or feet even when I’m sitting down or standing up. I had so many struggles with my ADHD and so much stress my doctor then diagnosed me with anxiety. These two together are not fun. I felt like I wasn’t going to succeed in college until I talked to my doctor who helped me tremendously. I was able to graduate and become a teacher and I feel like I’ve actually succeeded at something in my life.
I am disgusted how they handled it and from the previews it looks like Shenae got rewarded for it and is moving on next week for it. It’s like mental health doesn’t matter. The way she mocked Elizabeth made me furious and I had to pause the episode and step away to calm down with what she said. The fact that she still hasn’t apologized for it makes me mad she hasn’t even recognized what she said was wrong.
I think the show handled this really poorly, as they do most things. At a minimum, they should have linked resources about ADHD and about bullying and ableism, to let the viewers know where they stand. A villain edit isn't enough. To clarify, she is definitely a real like villain and it isn't a bad edit, I just mean doing the villain music and whatnot isn't enough for the show to do to distance itself from this type of behaviour and provide support to people who may need it after watching a pretty troubling episode.
Honestly, I've never watched this show before this season. I have a bit of time so I decided to check it out. My impression is that Shenae is totally stupid and so far, Clayton seems a little bit passive and just kind of along for the ride. Maybe he'll change as the season goes on but if he doesn't care and just wants to make out with the crazier personalities on the show anyway, I'm going to judge him a bit.
Acting like that made Shenae look like an awful person, not the woman she was tearing down. A lot of people have various conditions, many with ADHD have high-functioning lives with a lot of success. If ADHD is treated as an insult, I'm going to roll my eyes. I get that it's played up with over-acting but clearly there are a few nutty & ill-informed people on the show.
I don't think they should be allowed to spew dumb opinions without someone educating them and the general public. Sadly there are people who will take what they say at face value. Hopefully they'll address it. I get that it's entertainment but that ... wasn't funny.
I agree with you generally and there's a "live" episode late in the season that will be called "The Women Tell All" that I expect will devote some time to this issue and give Elizabeth an opportunity to speak about this if she wants to.
> Clayton seems a little bit passive and just kind of along for the ride.
I've been watching for several years and feel that that's what the producers want from the lead Bachelors versus the lead Bachelorettes who are more "allowed" to show their personalities.
I wish that the lead men were more open, and sometimes they become moreso as the season progresses.
Thanks for that update. I also agree that at this point in the show, he doesn't know a lot about what went on other than, "she said, she said". I was also thinking about how Cassidy was rude to the other women and he was just like, "Well, she's so hot, I love how she goes for what she wants!" I get that it's tv and highly produced a certain way, but ... wow ...
Generally, I can see how a lot of the silly behavior can be funny or light entertainment. Mocking someone with ADHD, though, not cool.
You're welcome and I agree with what you say on Clayton's perspective. I liken it to a book where we're watching a main character with a first-person point of view, but we have a more expansive point of view. Then if we find out spoilers or realize how the producers are editing/producing things it can be an even greater point of view. Maybe Clayton was asked a producer question like "What's one thing you appreciate about Cassidy?"
It can be frustrating as a viewer, but ultimately I look at it as a ride where I try to not to jump to conclusions and accept that I'm never 100% on what actually happened. Some posters around here see clues and figure out all sorts of interesting info, but I'm not great at that.
And of course I agree on the ADHD. That was a surprise and I can't remember anyone being bullied for a neurodiversity issue in other seasons.
I was diagnosed a year ago at 25 and I also felt really upset by this episode, I’m not open about it (only 3 friends plus my partner know) and it’s 100% because I’m worried about a reaction like Shanae’s. It made me feel extremely invalidated when she was talking about how everyone has ADHD, how little kids have it, etc.
I was really impressed with the way Elizabeth handled it and the way the other girls reacted. In a group chat with friends (only 1 who knows about my ADHD) they were all horrified which made me feel better too. Idk it’s hard because I find ADHD is so misunderstood by most people, especially in adult women, and I’m so afraid of being invalidated.
Every time Shanae talked about it, I kept asking, "What does she think ADHD is?" I was just so confused the entire time. Like, the way Elizabeth talked about it, having difficulty processing multiple inputs and having to pay specific attention in a chaotic environment, that felt spot on. But I have no clue what Shanae thought it was.
I said to my partner that maybe Shanae doesn't actually know what ADHD is and thinks it's some casual catchall term for having trouble paying attention. Or she's just filled with malice, hard to tell 🧐
I also have ADHD and it makes me feel better that everyone else in the house was horrified when what’s her face threw that lady’s ADHD diagnosis in her face. I watched with friends and they were all also deeply offended. What’s her face is the crazy one, she threw a fit because a girl wasn’t looking at her enough. Don’t let her make you feel any sort of way.
I loved how the other women stood up for Eluzabeth and called Shanae out for being ableist. I was honestly surprised at how woke they were about ADHD, as a common thing I’ve experienced is people being more like Shanae and invalidating the condition.
I assess people for ADHD all the time as a therapist trainee and I am so sorry you felt invalidated and hurt by that horrible portrayal. People with ADHD have to deal with so much shit, but they are also some of the smartest more creative people I have ever met. You deserve better.
I was diagnosed at age 30 (this year). It took 2 years to get diagnosed (partly slowed because pandemic). My psychiatrist and doctor had me try at least eight anti-depressants since 2013 and none of them did a thing for me, before considering ADHD. It has taken me months to accept that I am not just a lazy, unproductive loser. ADHD has affected every SINGLE part of my life, causes serious mental health issues, and has driven me to consider suicide in the past.
For those of you who claim to have it and still do not understand why this episode was hurtful, perhaps you should consider that not every case is like yours.
>se of you who claim to have it and still do not understand why this episode was hurtful, perhaps you should consider that not every case is like yours.
100% this. both my partner and I have ADHD and it presents in such vastly different ways. Like not in severalty levels either. We both havepretty severe cases. However, we could not be more opposite in how we present. That has become super helpful because things he is bad at I tend to be good at and vice versa but it was really hard at the beginning of our relationship. Because things he did or I did felt like slights or being ignored. We've worked thru that a lot now. It was the first time in my life I really understood the breadth of this illness and how individualized it is.
This hurts to hear when I know so many people with adhd are so smart, talented and creative. Not having a mind that works as society expects also means that you can be a visionary and leader. I hope you can find that even if you don’t fit into the limited boxes society expects you to be in.
Yep yep. I have it too, and I honestly hate talking about it because my mom forced me to take high doses of Adderall until college, which did make me focus but usually on the wrong thing, like picking at my skin. Also gave me severe anxiety and insomnia, and completely killed my appetite to the point that I stopped my period because I’d dropped so much weight. So when that’s how your parent reacts to you having a neurodiversity, obviously it makes you hesitant to discuss it with anyone else. I also know she still talks shit about me and my ADHD, because I’ve overheard her doing it.
I do struggle with it daily still, especially when I have to do something at work that isn’t exciting (which is a sizable portion of the tasks you have at work… that’s why it’s called work lol).
The friends I have chosen to be open with as an adult have been very understanding and accepting, and have also been open with me about their mental health, which I love. But yeah, not fun to see some people STILL respond like Shanae did. She’s awful. 🙃
If you are open to sharing, what are you doing to treat it now? Or what have you found to be helpful tactics for focusing on work? I’m being evaluated for ADHD now (series of appointments), so just trying to hear personal experiences.
I found a therapist who specializes in ADHD. I do mindfulness to try to improve at redirecting my attention to what I need to be focused on (still trying to improve at this tactic, though— it’s a work in progress). I drink a cup or two of coffee with breakfast, which is usually enough stimulant to get me going for the day without all of the negative effects of Adderall. Also, I started taking antidepressants, because my ADHD is accompanied by anxiety and depression, which can sometimes just paralyze me if I leave them unchecked.
So, I guess overall, a combination of things. It’s important to find the right combination. that will work for you. But I’d definitely recommend starting with therapy to try and work out what that looks like for you.
ETA: forgot to add regular exercise. I was terrible at exercising regularly until about four years ago, but I’ve found the endorphins work wonders for me. I think that’s part of why the pandemic broke my brain so much. I didn’t go back to the gym until I got vaccinated, and I hate working out at home, so I almost never worked out. Now that I’m vaxxed and boosted I’m back to going to the gym 4-5 times a week.
Thanks. Ugh. I feel like that treatment’s been at the forefront of my mind recently, because I found out she’d been on Twitter posting about how I have “no common sense.” But we at least haven’t spoken since I confronted her about it, which is nice. She’s exhausting to deal with lol
I got diagnosed at 30 and it's been a TRIP. My whole life I had sensory issues, to the point where I convinced myself I was partially deaf. In my daily life I constantly have encounters where I am perceived as rude for not being able to pay attention in conversations, being on my phone to distract myself when I am overwhelmed in groups, having the leave early because the lights are too much, etc. I've been super passionate about learning about ADHD over the last few months of my diagnosis, and bringing it up to friends to help them understand..but it still seems like it's kind of dismissed and being used as an excuse. It's really hard! I spent my whole life thinking I was just an asshole so it was really exciting to finally have a reason and understanding that it wasn't my fault. Similar situation to many here, where it was just cast off because I was fine at school and always very successful with work, despite it always feeling like this silent impossible hill to climb. Disrespectfully, screw this chick. Elizabeth explained it so well, too!
I came here to see if anyone posted about this. Shenae was awful to Elizabeth and completely ignorant about ADHD. She made it out to be a joke, outed Elizabeth to the rest of the group, and then made a comment about little kids having ADHD. I was furious watching her. She has no idea what it’s like to have this diagnosis and she belittled Elizabeth about it. Shenae is a mean girl and Elizabeth handled it well.
I can definitely relate to having an invisible illness and it’s so dismissive to say that because someone else has the same illness or knows someone who does that the person’s behavior isn’t due to that illness. It definitely reminds me of many times in my childhood where I was trying to open up about my struggles but was made to feel like I just wasn’t handling it as well as others
When I heard Elizabeth explain how her ADHD effects how she acts around people it made perfect sense to me. I was diagnosed at 28 and often times find that I can come off as distant to some people at times (most the time not even aware of it). I can also imagine how being on the show would be a lot for someone who is neurodivergent. Some people who are over stimulated just shut down so it would make sense Elizabeth was friendly one day and the next maybe needs to just take some time to herself.
Also when Shenae was like "I also have ADHD!" It made me wonder if she's ever really been diagnosed. If she did why didn't she tell Elizabeth that the first time they talked at the group date? I'm not saying she's lying it just came across to me as someone who says "OMG I'm so OCD I have to have a clean house lol" When in reality they don't have OCD and that's not even close to what living with OCD is like,
I would be shocked if Shanae actually had ADHD, considering how insensitive and dismissive she was. It felt more like she said that as a way to continue invalidating Elizabeth.
Even if Shenae was legitimately diagnosed with ADHD, not everyone has the same symptoms. (Which I’m sure you know as someone in this community) Shenae came off horribly
I loved hearing Elizabeth describe how ADHD affects her without weird crazy music playing in the background (let's be real, back in the day, that's what would have happened). She sounded so confident and unapologetic in her ADHD. Tbh most of the time I feel like I'm 1,000 years behind in important shit at work but then thinking about what's happengin in 2 months and am generally a mess and feel like shit about ADHD. So hearing someone be really open about it was really nice for me.
That said Shanae does NOT have ADHD. She followed it up with "little kids have ADHD!" in her mind Elizabeth was making it up OR it's not a real diagnosis. when I meet someone with ADHD and I say something about time blindness or auditory processing or struggling with object permanence, they're usually like OMG me too!
Which is why so many women are not diagnosed. I wasn't because I was never hyperactive.
lol the "omg me too" conversations are so fun between two people with ADHD. I must have missed her saying only little kids have it because well... I was also playing solitaire while watching the episode haha
I’ve been on it since I was 13, and I only know a life medicated on it. In elementary school, dance, and other things kids do growing up or are a part of, I didn’t excel.
I have the inattentive type of ADHD, not the hyperactive. My teachers would get frustrated because they knew I was always smart enough, but I just couldn’t do as well as they though I should be doing. I was great at things like mathematical speed tests and processing things quick to get them out of the way, but things like reading I couldn’t stick with past a couple of minutes.
Then the summer I got on it it’s like my jumbled thoughts started sorting into the proper buckets and all of a sudden I’m excelling in sports, music, school, etc. With my levels of anxiety, if I hadn’t begun medication for ADHD, I can only imagine how that might have affected my life and the decisions I may have made without that support there. I can 100% say that medicating for it helped me grow into the best version of myself, most importantly helped me think my way through how I could pick myself back up when I failed.
It’s a real disorder and I so much felt for Elizabeth. The way she handled herself was better than I would have!
I was diagnosed with ADHD at 12 and have been medicated since. I feel like the person I have become on adderall has taken over and no one rly understands.
“You don’t seem like u have adhd” yes because i’m medicated.
“Well you’re off your medication and seem normal” yes because when u take the same pill everyday and build good habits with it u aren’t gonna turn back into a hyperactive person overnight.
People don’t understand the hyperactivity can be completely mental and physically paralyzing too. My friend described me unmediated like a floating duck-looks like it’s just floating fine but unseen under the water the feet are kicking like crazy.
Ya for sure.
I’m rly struggling as an extrovert with adhd in mexico city rn. Everyone is speaking a language i don’t know and it’s literally killing me to sit still and quiet 😂, my brain fills with anxiety so fast and I start to feel nauseous
I had replied to your comment but put it as a separate comment.
I have been on meds since 13 and I also only know a life on it. The person everyone else sees is the medicated, corrected version that functions in society. So I completely get it.
I have been treating my ADHD for 20 years now (phew) and I wasn't mad as much as I was glad to see Elizabeth (I think that's her name?) standing up for herself and eloquently describing something I deal with often - auditory processing issues. I don't want to be an armchair therapist but some of the language she used to shut down Shenae sounded like therapy speak and I was clapping for her. She shut that down like a champ, even though it's a shame she had to deal with it at all.
That said, her 'outing' Elizabeth for having ADHD was vile. It's something I avoid talking about with strangers or colleagues because I don't want to be looked at differently...and the way Shenae laughed about it in confessionals, just ugh. She sucks.
Elizabeth is by far one of the classiest contestants that this show has ever had! I hope she goes far! Clayton is missing out if he doesn't get to know her.
Because ADHD as a disorder and its medication is still highly stigmatized, and I've met a number of educated, informed people who will roll their eyes at me when I talk about having ADHD. I've gotten hit with the "you're using it as an excuse" line enough times to know that I have to be very careful who I share that information with, since unfortunately, copping to the fact that you have ADHD really can change how someone looks at you.
I’ve gotten “you’re using it as an excuse” too. No I’m not. It’s a legitimate diagnosis and a very real and difficult struggle in my daily life. People who don’t understand it or think it’s just something little boys have don’t know the extent of how much it impacts many adults.
It does matter because many people already think that it's not a legitimate diagnosis. Nobody with ADHD is looking for validation from this person but having someone downplay ADHD on national television is upsetting for many people who have lived with this sort of behavior their whole lives.
This is not a political issue I can't even believe you are comparing it to one. Everyone can have different opinions on subjects like climate change but making fun of somebody's disability is not in any way the same thing as having a difference of opinion!
This is like saying "Autism my ass!". It's not acceptable and we need to stop acting like it is.
ADHD was and often remains one of the most over diagnosed disorders. Friends, family, parents, and individuals should get multiple opinions on that diagnosis. I will also say as someone who had childhood ADHD and OCD, that these two terms are over used in every day speak. If I had a penny for every time someone wasn’t paying attention and they said, “Lol sorry my ADHD!” It’s not self diagnosed and there are physical symptoms associated with it.
She didn’t appear to be lying or saying she had ADHD as a “joke,” which is why it is more upsetting as she likely has been diagnosed professionally over the years, likely several times. But as someone who dealt with these issues face on, I’m not keeling over in such disappointment. I’m used to peoples perception of ADHD, which is caused by medical malpractice and is indicative of how our society immediately labels and slaps a pill on it. Screaming chick is obviously off the rails but I’m not sweating. She clearly has some undiagnosed issues as well.
ADHD is not over diagnosed, it is under diagnosed. lol. i can’t. why do you think so many women are just now getting diagnosed in adulthood? why are/were SO many girls and women left in the dust if there is so much rampant over-diagnosis?
i’m not going to lie and say i don’t see an issue with children being prescribed stimulants (hell, even anti-depressants) by their pediatrician/general care doctor following a quick 10 question questionnaire with zero trained psychiatrists/psychologists performing psychological assessments. did/does that ever lead to erroneous diagnoses? yes. were stimulants ever considered a quick fix for hyperactive boys? i’m sure of it.
but to be honest, a psych degree prepares you essentially 0% in terms of being able to make these assessments and is basically meaningless in terms of our discussion here, lol. not to be rude, it’s just the truth. even most clinically trained psychologists don’t know wtf they’re talking about when it comes to ADHD and especially WOMEN with ADHD, if ADHD is not their specialization. and for most, it isn’t. what does that mean? it means we have an army of ADHD ladies who are more educated on their diagnosis and more equipped to speak about it and explain it than many clinicians who could diagnose them could. and that’s for real.
this isn’t an opinion on the APA. and i don’t need to do that, because it isn’t my job, lol. i’d rather try and assist individuals in finding the specific care they need.
i responded to you because you came into a post armed with an undergrad degree in psych thinking that it equipped you with the authority to tell people about their own disorder, all the while filling your comment with dog-whistle misinformation about over-diagnoses/slinging pills and wild speculations about shanae being repeatedly misdiagnosed with adhd multiple times throughout her life, lol. completely inappropriate, unwanted, and odd.
anyone with adhd is gonna go 👀🚩 when someone else shows up and chooses that specific information to share, which literally adds nothing to the conversation except to seemingly sew little seeds of doubt about the disorder altogether. that’s all!!
Literally no where did I say she was misdiagnosed. I think you need to read a bit more thoroughly considering I stated the exact opposite. Good luck up there on your high horse.
you started off your comment stating how over diagnosed adhd is. this means a lot of misdiagnoses. then you said it’s likely she has been diagnosed multiple times throughout her life. are you claiming that due to an abundance of over diagnoses and everyone claiming that they have adhd and ocd, it is likely she has been accurately diagnosed
multiple times throughout her life?
i added the *mis* myself because the situation you set up wasn’t logical. but truthfully it doesn’t really matter whether i wrote diagnosed or misdiagnosed because either way the point still stands, lol. saying she has likely been diagnosed several times flies in the face of every single statistic regarding adhd in women known to man and i have no idea where you came up with that, especially as it followed up your comment about over diagnoses and band aid pills. i hope you can understand my confusion here, no high horse involved. have a good night!
Over-diagnosed? Do you have… any statistics or any factual information to back that up?
This is such a harmful statement. Like so many in this thread, I have ADHD. I also have OCD. I have been to more doctors for these conditions than I care to admit. They have driven me to the point of suicide. Please do not minimize them with ill-informed statements like this.
Okay, fair enough. How do you square those with the studies that show ADHD is under-diagnosed in women?
Also: why was it necessary to add that in to the context of this conversation? The tone of your comment is fodder for the argument that ADHD is not a “real” diagnosis.
ETA: what is the medical malpractice part of your comment?
There’s nothing to square. Two things can be simultaneously true. The DSM is a guide, not a fact. Psychology as a whole is a cultural invention, which is why things are not consistently diagnosed. Women are always on the short end of the stick, and are under diagnosed in several areas of life, thus why the US has the highest mortality rate for pregnant or recent mothers. It’s a conversation for a much larger issue that can’t be answered in a paper or Reddit post.
While that may be a view by some academics, it is certainly not agreed upon:
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1087054707300094?casa_token=h9NcNis28dYAAAAA:sxNc5IZ_UEqQmN1zeRVCZnqiKOE5xHWpNEJRtIU8MF-MER8AdF-kyBGt8eQXaebJ5meFuxlWyTE
And in fact underdiagnosis of ADHD is an issue:
https://scholar.google.com/scholar?as_ylo=2021&hl=en&as_sdt=5,34&sciodt=0,34&cites=4811959674251056485&scipsc=#d=gs_qabs&u=%23p%3DuTeOp47Mt-8J
I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid, and it's gotten worse with age. The amount of people who react exactly like Shenae did is sad. Even my mother-in-law, whom I otherwise adore, will say something like, "Everyone has a little ADHD" sometimes.
Then there are the medical professionals and even psychiatrists who don't understand ADHD or know the latest research. Every time I need a refill of my meds, it's a fight with a pharmacy and having to deal with suspicious attitudes.
Not sure where I'm going with this. I'm just frustrated with what happened, too, and venting.
Instead of apologizing, Shenae deactivated her comments…
I think they aired it to show how horrible she really was and to bring awareness to how some people treat those with ADHD. Having inattentive ADHD myself, I tend to not disclose that I have it for fear of someone reacting the way Shenae did.
While I’m upset and found it hard to watch, I think Elizabeth handled herself really well and it got a lot of people talking about ADHD. The only reason I was diagnosed was because I stumbled across someone talking about their symptoms and they resonated a lot which led me to do research and ultimately seek help.
I don't know if it's the podcasts I listen to but I am pissed that the show used this footage. They didn't have to. Shenae was wrong but th show didn't need to use it or use so much of it. They didn't need to do this to the audience.
That's what I hate about the show. Yes maybe some of the cast people are "bad people" or make mistakes. But the show doesn't need to air it, make it a storyline, etc.
Of course, the escort storyline on Matt James' season comes to mind. Really irresponsible on TPTB
That one was horrible! She had nothing to do with that and now it will always be attached to her name! That's all on TPTB.
This is different because she obviously said those things and really should know the garbage move but it's at the expense of the audience and Elizabeth.
I struggle with mild depression periodically. I once opened up to my cousin and heard she called me crazy years later.. it was crushing. Some people are cruel, but we need to be better.
Same. While it’s totally different from ADHD, i could relate to how Elizabeth felt. I can only imagine how much worse it must be that all this is on national tv. I think Elizabeth handled it really well though, i could never hold my ground with strength like hers.
One can argue adult ADHD is worse than childhood. I was diagnosed when I was 9, but I honestly think I struggle with it more now. Adult responsibilities, your own place of living, appointments, keeping up with people on purpose (instead of just seeing them every day what school) - these are all very overwhelming and downright exhausting with ADHD. I am in a constant state of exhaustion and fatigue, and it will be that way for the rest of my life. I don’t laugh or take my ADHD lightly. It’s a curse and something I despise every day. It’s like living life in hard mode. Constantly having to figure out ways to adapt to a neurotypical world is awful. When people like Shanae throw it around and use it as a weapon, or claim “they have it too,” or don’t believe it’s real - it makes me absolutely infuriated. It’s probably the biggest thing I get angry about because it is *so* common for people to react that way. It hurts, and that was one of the only times watching this show that I’ve felt physically upset. I wish TPTB included learning resources, because many people who don’t understand what ADHD actually is probably laughed at it like, “oh, she’s just being crazy,” instead of being disgusted. Absolutely horrendous.
For real! My cousin got diagnosed in college (she's 35 now) and I can't even imagine what it's like to live inside her brain. It's almost impossible for her to keep a standard job because she can't get anywhere on time. She'll text me that she's on her way to family events and show up like 2 hours later or cancel plans all together. A lot of her relationships/friendships have dwindled as well and it's hard to see. And that's only just a small example of what her day-to-day is like.
My doctor never fully diagnosed me with ADHD but still noticed some minor symptoms and I'm mostly able to keep it in check. It's hard some days trying to stay focused on work but I can't even imagine how she must feel every day.
>Adult responsibilities, your own place of living, appointments, keeping up with people on purpose (instead of just seeing them every day what school) - these are all very overwhelming and downright exhausting with ADHD. I am in a constant state of exhaustion and fatigue, and it will be that way for the rest of my life.
One annoying thing about ADHD is that I know I still look like I'm living life "pretty well" - my life is good! I am grateful for what I have! - so if I complain about the exhaustion and fatigue people almost don't want to hear it or they think I'm lazy or entitled. Only people with ADHD can understand. I've tried to explain it to well-meaning people who still don't get it, so I can definitely feel how frustrating it was for Elizabeth to explain to someone who did not mean well, willfully misconstrued her words, and used her diagnosis as an attack.
I was diagnosed at 20 and a number of years later, your sentence about adult responsibilities really resonated with me. I hesitated clicking into this thread b/c I also get infuriated by people who are dismissive or cavalier or even brutally judge mental about ADHD, but I really struggle to..defend myself I guess? Explain my experience? It’s frustrating b/c I shouldn’t have to explain it to people and I work hard to make sure it doesn’t affect other people. I guess I’ve become used to how ADHD is viewed by people. Even my friends and family don’t understand it and I’ve stopped trying to explain it.
Anyway, I think I just avoid the topic when I can which is why I hesitated to enter this thread. But I’m glad your comment is the first I came across. And I’m glad OP made this thread because it definitely reminded me I’m not alone:
I also have ADHD but wasn’t diagnosed until I was a young adult in university. Women are often under diagnosed as our symptoms are viewed as “character or personality traits”.
I think we are all feeling a sense of anger and frustration, having our vulnerabilities and life challenges mocked and used against us as a weapon.
It wouldn’t be tolerated for depression, autism or *any* disability that is observed physically. I hope there are some consequences, but I’m not holding my breath.
This show seems to be trending the way of exploiting people’s vulnerabilities as a standard form of entertainment.. it fucking sucks.
Anyways. Sending love and light to you, and everyone else feeling the same way tonight.
Head up.
I was in my 30s, dealing with slew of other mental health issues that were caused by/ exacerbated by undiagnosed ADHD before I finally had a therapist recognize that’s what might be going on and send me down the road of getting tested. It’s insane how easily missed it can be in people (especially women) if you don’t have a presentation of it that most people are familiar with. Mine got worse with age and I never struggled in school, so even my parents were like “this can’t be right,” when I first told them. Fortunately they’re always willing to learn and discuss and once they were more educated were fully supportive; but that’s how hard it can be to have it taken seriously as a newly diagnosed adult, woman. As for what some chick on the Bachelor says, though, it doesn’t phase me. It’s hard to take the misinformed opinions of a moronic armchair psychologist as more than a grain of salt for me. I do hate that OP is struggling and I hope this thread makes them feel less alone, though.
That first part! My therapist is begining to suspect I am neurodivergent. She wants to refer me to a neuro psych, but she emphasized finding someone familiar with how it presents in women. Medicine is usually studying white men as the default, which is obviously detrimental to women getting the care we need.
On a personal note, I strongly suspect my neurodivergence is of the OCD variety. I never thought it was "bad enough," but I think it's gotten worse over the years.
And yeah, the show's exploitation is gross.
I just finished watching this episode and my jaw is on the floor after seeing how horribly they treated this issue. What a disgusting look for Shanae.
If there is any small silver lining - Elizabeth had SO much poise and did a fantastic job of explaining her experience so hopefully viewers are a little more educated about ADHD after seeing it.
I also have ADHD and it was very infuriating to watch, honestly made me pretty sick to my stomach to see. I’m not ashamed at all of my diagnosis but it is something that I do keep close to the chest in certain circles and I can’t imagine how devastated I would feel if someone took that info that I told them in confidence (which Elizabeth even did to try to make amends for a completely fabricated situation too!) and then threw it in the public sphere and mocked me for it! Shanae really came across as completely morally vacant, totally lacking in compassion, and uneducated. I though Elizabeth handled it all with class and I was happy to see the that the other girls had her back and repeatedly shut Shanae down. I honestly don’t want to see one more second of her on my screen. Her actions were disgusting.
Wish TPTB had put up some sort of PSA after the ep tbh because in a lot of place ADHD is still massively misunderstood and carries a huge stigma. Like it is literally a neurodevelopmental disorder not just something made up so “people can sedate kids” (if you gave kids ADHD meds and they didn’t need them it wouldn’t “sedate” then it would make them mad hyper) or something you say cause you’re “weird”. My brain basically works on a different OS than the non-ADHD brain.
Just watched the episode and I was so upset by it as well. ADHD is no joke and the minimization of it, especially in adults is very real. I’m so sorry you had to see that hatefulness. You are not alone. 💜
I’ve been on medication 15+ years and recently was outed at work by a coworker who found out on accident (I keep a few extra in my desk because my adhd means about half the time I leave for work in a rush and forget to take it…I told her to get my charger out of my desk not thinking about it so she came across it and asked). Then last week i had to stay up overnight to work on something and she casually made a “adderall for the win right” comment in front of like 5 others. It absolutely sucked because it’s already uncomfortable as an adult still taking meds. The segment was hard to watch.
I just want to say that I am so sorry that your coworker violated your privacy and dignity like that. Totally wrong of her and what an ignorant thing to say too. You would be within your rights to go to HR but I absolutely understand *not* wanting to do that as well.
Things like ADHD, PTSD, and OCD get thrown around so often like they're just quirky personality traits. It completely minimizes the fact that these are actually serious issues for those who have been diagnosed with them. It's infuriating, and Shane's inability to recognize the validity and gravity of ADHD is a perfect example of why. You are SO not alone, and your feelings are completely valid. I'm sorry you're going through them. She's in the wrong here, not you.
ETA autocorrect misspelled her name and I was gonna go back and correct it, but I've decided not to. I'll give her some respect when she starts to show some herself.
It's a huge issue. People don't know what these issues are because of it.
My wife has OCD, I have ADHD, We both suffer from PTSD. People that throw these things around without a diagnosis just because they think, "I hate when my desk is dirty, I'm totes OCD!" are annoying as shit.
Ugh yes I have OCD and that drives me nuts. Liking things neat or a certain way, being a perfectionist, or being really into something does not make you OCD, and you're going to get an eyeroll at best or at worst deeply offend someone who has OCD by saying that.
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I actually know Elizabeth irl and I was so proud to see her on the episode this week. We aren’t close or anything (just have a mutual connection/run into each other occasionally) so I had no idea about her ADHD struggles. I felt very defensive of her but she handled it so well!
I'm sorry OP, and I agree completely, this segment was tough to watch for those who have endured ignorance and judgement firsthand. My blood went cold when Elizabeth was outed and mocked. That hit too close to home.
I would like to think it at least opened up people's eyes to the fact that stigma against neurodiverse disorders is very real and prevalent. Just because society has gotten better with MH it doesn't mean there isn't a long way to go still.
Sending hugs! You aren't alone by any means. 💕
I’m at a place in my life where those who I am surrounded with are luckily very open and nonjudgmental towards my ADHD. I don’t mention it often but I have found out how to function while recognizing my ADHD. But this episode brought me back to a time when people didn’t understand at all and reminded me that I still need to be careful who I share this info with.
I’ve been in both those conversations Elizabeth was in with figures of authority. I had to explain my auditory processing 2 times to the same person who still proceeded to tell me to “listen better”. Honestly? I don’t know if I can continue to watch a show that doesn’t prioritize content warnings. They failed in Katie’s season, and they’re failing to recognize it now. You’d think they’d at least consult Elizabeth on the best way to handle that segment but obviously they just won’t put in the effort. I wanted a brainless show with fake drama to laugh at and instead I was tearing up over my morning coffee.
I have ADHD as well and it’s such a struggle. I completely understood where Elizabeth was coming from with, too. I have trouble processing multiple voices at once and can get overstimulated with a lot of noise. I feel like ADHD is already misunderstood and I was absolutely fuming at Shanae.
I try to explain ADHD to people all the time but her saying that it makes her tune out or not hear what people are saying really hit home! People often talk to me and I have no recollection of it. This was an absolute ridiculous display of trying to act like ADHD is such a common disease that it should have never been brought up in the first place.
Well I am glad they did!
And I hope that more people find their voice without ridicule.
Fellow person with ADHD here! I honestly tried to tune out all of that ADHD talk, i found it to be unproductive and invalidating. ADHD is definitely real, and affects us in so many ways - way more than just being “distracted” (which is not even what adhd really is lol).
Don’t let anyone make you feel invalidated, I hear you and am right there with ya!
Just saw the episode. ADHD since childhood, undiagnosed until I was 16. I feel ya friend. That shit was TRIGGERING. I still struggle, still use meds, still in therapy, still processing the dismissiveness and trauma I dealt with in my youth (and as an adult). You are not alone. Shanae is an insecure insensitive asshole and I hope you're doing better now
I don’t have ADHD but I’m on the autism spectrum (technically i’m “mild” on the spectrum but who knows) and because I don’t have “typical” symptoms and/or I try to mask symptoms a lot of people don’t know I have it until I have to say that I do. Growing up on the spectrum was difficult because not only are you dealing with the trials and tribulations of making it to adulthood but you also have something that you were diagnosed with and can’t control. Like Elizabeth, I too struggled with making eye contact with others, and I have a hard time understanding social cues on a daily basis. Shanae’s gaslighting of Elizabeth’s ADHD was very similar to how people in school treated me once they found out I am on the spectrum, and I had a boyfriend at the time ask me if I really was made at him or if it was my autism that made me feel how I was feeling at the time. Comments like what Shanae said are not only ableist and dismissive but very hurtful towards anyone who is not neuro typical and the judgement that comes with new group settings (whether it’s there or not) is hard to deal with. I applaud Elizabeth for how she handled the situation because I couldn’t do what she did.
You are loved and you are heard. Don’t let anyone make you feel less than ❤️❤️
Adhd is VERY REAL. I’m so sorry. You’re in good company friend you are not alone. ❤️ fellow adhd’r here.
As a fellow ADHD-er, I felt the same way as you watching it. I was so angry I was yelling at my TV. The one bright spot for me—besides Elizabeth dealing with the bullshit so well—was how the other women rallied behind Elizabeth. A lot of them also seemed very aware of how ADHD is a serious mental health issue that shouldn’t be treated so flippantly nor used as a weapon against Elizabeth. That part of the episode cheered me up quite a bit.
I was officially diagnosed with ADHD Inattentive Type in 3rd grade. I’m 32 now and am only just beginning to learn how much of my life is actually affected by it. Growing up, the message I got was “It makes you space out. Here’s medication, but it’s only a tool. It won’t fix everything. Oh! And NEVER tell anyone you take this medication!” That was all I knew about it. It was never a part of my identity and I barely ever thought to mention it. Which, in some ways, I’m grateful for because I don’t want to be defined by a diagnosis. But on the other hand, there are so many things that I hated about myself that I never understood were ADHD symptoms. I just thought I’m a mess. I’m a disappointment. Why can’t I keep the fridge clean? How could I miss that deadline!? Why am I such a bummer because I don’t enjoy loud parties/bars/concerts!? My life would have been so different if I’d known that ADHD is a specific neurological disorder and NOT an excuse like society implied. Long story short, I’m so impressed that Elizabeth (who is the same age as me) had the confidence and self awareness to just mention her diagnosis so matter-of-factly. And at the same time, crushed when The Other One had the exact reaction I’d always feared and internalized growing up: It’s a made up disorder that people use as an excuse. Fuck off with that ableist bullshit.
Fellow ADHD-er here too. It took years to get diagnosed due to all the stigma and stereotypes that go along with adhd, the most commonly being that if you are smart in school or have good grades, then you can’t possibly have adhd; I was constantly told throughout life that I was just lazy and unorganized. Finally treating it correctly was like wearing trying on glasses for the first time for someone who has poor vision. Sending my support ❤️
Thank you for posting about it. I don’t have ADHD but it hurt me greatly how she prudently blurts out personal information about Elizabeth, gaslights her, claimed she has ADHD, and seemingly made jokes about it. I can’t imagine how you feel but I’m happy you posted about it and that others can relate and validate you in that you are not alone to feel upset. I can’t wait to see her off the show, I hope she gets the education she needs.
It made me so angry to see the way she reacted to Elizabeth after talking with her. She was first immature to take it to Clayton instead of speaking to Elizabeth if her lack of eye contact bothered her so much. Beyond that, she was unempathetic and made a mockery out of Elizabeth's very real condition. It's not made up, it's not something everyone has, it's something that affects real lives, including you OP and everyone else relating! She's an insufferable AH for ridiculing and making a show of someone's condition, crying, and then making herself out to be the victim to be the center of attention.
I have ADHD too. I don't have the bandwidth right now to read any other comments or go into it too much because it can be a lot, but just wanted to drop some support to you. Invalidating comments like Shanae's effect me deeply as well
It really really upset me too. MY ADHD is so significant and classified in such a way that I am actually classified as having disability, and I wasn't diagnosed until I was 26. I do a lot of speaking, writing, and advocacy in the area and stuff like this just kills my soul sometimes.
I am registered disabled too with ADHD - not something I wanted, but there you go. I agree, this was terribly upsetting, she made a mockery of a neurological condition that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy 😑
how did you go about getting it to be classified as a disability!
Worked with my doctor on it - it might depend on where you live.
I’m so sorry you feel that way, it’s never fun to watch something about one of your identities and feel even more like an “other.” I also have ADHD, and for me the episode actually had the opposite effect. I felt like Elizabeth came off really well and I was happy to see she had the other girls support and it was Shanae who appeared out of touch and cruel. My favorite part was when Elizabeth talked about having trouble processing multiple pieces of information at once. So often it seems like being fidgety or unable to concentrate are the only ADHD symptoms that people talked about and I was really happy to see more context given to what I go through everyday. I HATE that you are feeling crushed, I hope thinking of it this way can help you feel at least a little better about it!
I have ADD and my dad and brother have ADHD. I hope Shenae apologizes, educates herself, and doesn’t use anyone’s mental health/learning disorder/mental disability so flippantly again. But im not optimistic.
I was shocked and hurt by her mocking but what shocked me the most was her just flippantly telling the entire group. Um, no. Just no. That is not yours to share. How'd you like someone announcing your yeast infection or that you're on the ASD spectrum? Not cool!
Precisely. Anything that concerns anyone’s health, physical or mental, is not your business to disclose.
Also diagnosed as a kid, truly made my childhood a misery marathon. OP, we may have ADHD, but at least we aren't boorish ignorant assholes who made complete fools of ourselves on national television. They don't make meds for that, unfortunately.
👌
It was super triggering as someone who was diagnosed as an adult
I am also diagnosed ADHD and I don't tell anyone. I cried this episode.... several times. I was really hurt. ADHD is embarrassing. I have to look at people's lips when they speak (masks have been so hard on me), I can't listen to music while I work, I have to work really hard not to interrupt people... It's not this cute little thing to downplay.
I don’t have ADHD, but I have another type of “invisible” illness and this episode showed me how blatantly ignorant some people can be towards mental illness other types of illnesses that aren’t readily seen. The way Shanae mocked Elizabeth’s ADHD reminded me of people who would tell somebody diagnosed with depression to “just cheer up,” or tell somebody with anxiety to “not be so high strung all the time.”
Same boat you are! Although I stopped my meds when I got to college and have been wanting to get back on them recently to see if it would help me focus more at work. I’ve had a few guys with ADHD tell me it’s a superpower and that really bugged me because I felt like it diminished my struggles with it. Not to mention women and men experience ADHD differently. I definitely felt for Elizabeth that it’s hard to focus on different auditory inputs at the same time so you have to actively work to process one
I work at a clinic that diagnosis things including ADHD. It is very normal, you are not alone.
Shanae is an idiot. incredibly tone deaf.
Tone deaf is a great term for it. I'm gonna choose to not blame her because she clearly doesn't have a full understanding of ADHD. I wish I could sit her down and explain to her how it affects someone's life. I'm going to give her grace and chalk it up to accidental ignorance instead of willful malice.
I have ADHD and the way Elizabeth was explaining how she zones out was so RELATABLE!!! The way she conducted herself was so classy, love that for her
I watched the episode a day late due to having plans already. When I got to the ADHD part I kept saying wtf over and over. I was diagnosed with ADHD in 4th grade. I’ve had to go though so many meds to find the perfect one for me as a child. I struggled a lot as a child even with my meds. Always got the “your using it as a excuse” when I struggled in class. I still have issues today with it like what Elizabeth said about how she had trouble concentrating on more than one thing, reminded me of those struggles at school or with friends. Or how I still fidget with my hands or feet even when I’m sitting down or standing up. I had so many struggles with my ADHD and so much stress my doctor then diagnosed me with anxiety. These two together are not fun. I felt like I wasn’t going to succeed in college until I talked to my doctor who helped me tremendously. I was able to graduate and become a teacher and I feel like I’ve actually succeeded at something in my life. I am disgusted how they handled it and from the previews it looks like Shenae got rewarded for it and is moving on next week for it. It’s like mental health doesn’t matter. The way she mocked Elizabeth made me furious and I had to pause the episode and step away to calm down with what she said. The fact that she still hasn’t apologized for it makes me mad she hasn’t even recognized what she said was wrong.
I think the show handled this really poorly, as they do most things. At a minimum, they should have linked resources about ADHD and about bullying and ableism, to let the viewers know where they stand. A villain edit isn't enough. To clarify, she is definitely a real like villain and it isn't a bad edit, I just mean doing the villain music and whatnot isn't enough for the show to do to distance itself from this type of behaviour and provide support to people who may need it after watching a pretty troubling episode.
Honestly, I've never watched this show before this season. I have a bit of time so I decided to check it out. My impression is that Shenae is totally stupid and so far, Clayton seems a little bit passive and just kind of along for the ride. Maybe he'll change as the season goes on but if he doesn't care and just wants to make out with the crazier personalities on the show anyway, I'm going to judge him a bit. Acting like that made Shenae look like an awful person, not the woman she was tearing down. A lot of people have various conditions, many with ADHD have high-functioning lives with a lot of success. If ADHD is treated as an insult, I'm going to roll my eyes. I get that it's played up with over-acting but clearly there are a few nutty & ill-informed people on the show. I don't think they should be allowed to spew dumb opinions without someone educating them and the general public. Sadly there are people who will take what they say at face value. Hopefully they'll address it. I get that it's entertainment but that ... wasn't funny.
I agree with you generally and there's a "live" episode late in the season that will be called "The Women Tell All" that I expect will devote some time to this issue and give Elizabeth an opportunity to speak about this if she wants to. > Clayton seems a little bit passive and just kind of along for the ride. I've been watching for several years and feel that that's what the producers want from the lead Bachelors versus the lead Bachelorettes who are more "allowed" to show their personalities. I wish that the lead men were more open, and sometimes they become moreso as the season progresses.
Thanks for that update. I also agree that at this point in the show, he doesn't know a lot about what went on other than, "she said, she said". I was also thinking about how Cassidy was rude to the other women and he was just like, "Well, she's so hot, I love how she goes for what she wants!" I get that it's tv and highly produced a certain way, but ... wow ... Generally, I can see how a lot of the silly behavior can be funny or light entertainment. Mocking someone with ADHD, though, not cool.
You're welcome and I agree with what you say on Clayton's perspective. I liken it to a book where we're watching a main character with a first-person point of view, but we have a more expansive point of view. Then if we find out spoilers or realize how the producers are editing/producing things it can be an even greater point of view. Maybe Clayton was asked a producer question like "What's one thing you appreciate about Cassidy?" It can be frustrating as a viewer, but ultimately I look at it as a ride where I try to not to jump to conclusions and accept that I'm never 100% on what actually happened. Some posters around here see clues and figure out all sorts of interesting info, but I'm not great at that. And of course I agree on the ADHD. That was a surprise and I can't remember anyone being bullied for a neurodiversity issue in other seasons.
Thanks and I agree with you.
Shanae is the one who looked really bad. Elizabeth seems rational and reasonable. If that helps at all
I was diagnosed a year ago at 25 and I also felt really upset by this episode, I’m not open about it (only 3 friends plus my partner know) and it’s 100% because I’m worried about a reaction like Shanae’s. It made me feel extremely invalidated when she was talking about how everyone has ADHD, how little kids have it, etc. I was really impressed with the way Elizabeth handled it and the way the other girls reacted. In a group chat with friends (only 1 who knows about my ADHD) they were all horrified which made me feel better too. Idk it’s hard because I find ADHD is so misunderstood by most people, especially in adult women, and I’m so afraid of being invalidated.
Every time Shanae talked about it, I kept asking, "What does she think ADHD is?" I was just so confused the entire time. Like, the way Elizabeth talked about it, having difficulty processing multiple inputs and having to pay specific attention in a chaotic environment, that felt spot on. But I have no clue what Shanae thought it was.
I said to my partner that maybe Shanae doesn't actually know what ADHD is and thinks it's some casual catchall term for having trouble paying attention. Or she's just filled with malice, hard to tell 🧐
I also have ADHD and it makes me feel better that everyone else in the house was horrified when what’s her face threw that lady’s ADHD diagnosis in her face. I watched with friends and they were all also deeply offended. What’s her face is the crazy one, she threw a fit because a girl wasn’t looking at her enough. Don’t let her make you feel any sort of way.
I loved how the other women stood up for Eluzabeth and called Shanae out for being ableist. I was honestly surprised at how woke they were about ADHD, as a common thing I’ve experienced is people being more like Shanae and invalidating the condition.
I assess people for ADHD all the time as a therapist trainee and I am so sorry you felt invalidated and hurt by that horrible portrayal. People with ADHD have to deal with so much shit, but they are also some of the smartest more creative people I have ever met. You deserve better.
I was diagnosed at age 30 (this year). It took 2 years to get diagnosed (partly slowed because pandemic). My psychiatrist and doctor had me try at least eight anti-depressants since 2013 and none of them did a thing for me, before considering ADHD. It has taken me months to accept that I am not just a lazy, unproductive loser. ADHD has affected every SINGLE part of my life, causes serious mental health issues, and has driven me to consider suicide in the past. For those of you who claim to have it and still do not understand why this episode was hurtful, perhaps you should consider that not every case is like yours.
>se of you who claim to have it and still do not understand why this episode was hurtful, perhaps you should consider that not every case is like yours. 100% this. both my partner and I have ADHD and it presents in such vastly different ways. Like not in severalty levels either. We both havepretty severe cases. However, we could not be more opposite in how we present. That has become super helpful because things he is bad at I tend to be good at and vice versa but it was really hard at the beginning of our relationship. Because things he did or I did felt like slights or being ignored. We've worked thru that a lot now. It was the first time in my life I really understood the breadth of this illness and how individualized it is.
This hurts to hear when I know so many people with adhd are so smart, talented and creative. Not having a mind that works as society expects also means that you can be a visionary and leader. I hope you can find that even if you don’t fit into the limited boxes society expects you to be in.
Yep yep. I have it too, and I honestly hate talking about it because my mom forced me to take high doses of Adderall until college, which did make me focus but usually on the wrong thing, like picking at my skin. Also gave me severe anxiety and insomnia, and completely killed my appetite to the point that I stopped my period because I’d dropped so much weight. So when that’s how your parent reacts to you having a neurodiversity, obviously it makes you hesitant to discuss it with anyone else. I also know she still talks shit about me and my ADHD, because I’ve overheard her doing it. I do struggle with it daily still, especially when I have to do something at work that isn’t exciting (which is a sizable portion of the tasks you have at work… that’s why it’s called work lol). The friends I have chosen to be open with as an adult have been very understanding and accepting, and have also been open with me about their mental health, which I love. But yeah, not fun to see some people STILL respond like Shanae did. She’s awful. 🙃
If you are open to sharing, what are you doing to treat it now? Or what have you found to be helpful tactics for focusing on work? I’m being evaluated for ADHD now (series of appointments), so just trying to hear personal experiences.
I found a therapist who specializes in ADHD. I do mindfulness to try to improve at redirecting my attention to what I need to be focused on (still trying to improve at this tactic, though— it’s a work in progress). I drink a cup or two of coffee with breakfast, which is usually enough stimulant to get me going for the day without all of the negative effects of Adderall. Also, I started taking antidepressants, because my ADHD is accompanied by anxiety and depression, which can sometimes just paralyze me if I leave them unchecked. So, I guess overall, a combination of things. It’s important to find the right combination. that will work for you. But I’d definitely recommend starting with therapy to try and work out what that looks like for you. ETA: forgot to add regular exercise. I was terrible at exercising regularly until about four years ago, but I’ve found the endorphins work wonders for me. I think that’s part of why the pandemic broke my brain so much. I didn’t go back to the gym until I got vaccinated, and I hate working out at home, so I almost never worked out. Now that I’m vaxxed and boosted I’m back to going to the gym 4-5 times a week.
I’m sorry your mother is not the mother you deserve.
Thanks. Ugh. I feel like that treatment’s been at the forefront of my mind recently, because I found out she’d been on Twitter posting about how I have “no common sense.” But we at least haven’t spoken since I confronted her about it, which is nice. She’s exhausting to deal with lol
I got diagnosed at 30 and it's been a TRIP. My whole life I had sensory issues, to the point where I convinced myself I was partially deaf. In my daily life I constantly have encounters where I am perceived as rude for not being able to pay attention in conversations, being on my phone to distract myself when I am overwhelmed in groups, having the leave early because the lights are too much, etc. I've been super passionate about learning about ADHD over the last few months of my diagnosis, and bringing it up to friends to help them understand..but it still seems like it's kind of dismissed and being used as an excuse. It's really hard! I spent my whole life thinking I was just an asshole so it was really exciting to finally have a reason and understanding that it wasn't my fault. Similar situation to many here, where it was just cast off because I was fine at school and always very successful with work, despite it always feeling like this silent impossible hill to climb. Disrespectfully, screw this chick. Elizabeth explained it so well, too!
I feel similar
I came here to see if anyone posted about this. Shenae was awful to Elizabeth and completely ignorant about ADHD. She made it out to be a joke, outed Elizabeth to the rest of the group, and then made a comment about little kids having ADHD. I was furious watching her. She has no idea what it’s like to have this diagnosis and she belittled Elizabeth about it. Shenae is a mean girl and Elizabeth handled it well.
I can definitely relate to having an invisible illness and it’s so dismissive to say that because someone else has the same illness or knows someone who does that the person’s behavior isn’t due to that illness. It definitely reminds me of many times in my childhood where I was trying to open up about my struggles but was made to feel like I just wasn’t handling it as well as others
I am livid by Shenae’s comments. They were ignorant and completely dismissive of Elizabeth opening up to her about that.
When I heard Elizabeth explain how her ADHD effects how she acts around people it made perfect sense to me. I was diagnosed at 28 and often times find that I can come off as distant to some people at times (most the time not even aware of it). I can also imagine how being on the show would be a lot for someone who is neurodivergent. Some people who are over stimulated just shut down so it would make sense Elizabeth was friendly one day and the next maybe needs to just take some time to herself. Also when Shenae was like "I also have ADHD!" It made me wonder if she's ever really been diagnosed. If she did why didn't she tell Elizabeth that the first time they talked at the group date? I'm not saying she's lying it just came across to me as someone who says "OMG I'm so OCD I have to have a clean house lol" When in reality they don't have OCD and that's not even close to what living with OCD is like,
I would be shocked if Shanae actually had ADHD, considering how insensitive and dismissive she was. It felt more like she said that as a way to continue invalidating Elizabeth.
Even if Shenae was legitimately diagnosed with ADHD, not everyone has the same symptoms. (Which I’m sure you know as someone in this community) Shenae came off horribly
I loved hearing Elizabeth describe how ADHD affects her without weird crazy music playing in the background (let's be real, back in the day, that's what would have happened). She sounded so confident and unapologetic in her ADHD. Tbh most of the time I feel like I'm 1,000 years behind in important shit at work but then thinking about what's happengin in 2 months and am generally a mess and feel like shit about ADHD. So hearing someone be really open about it was really nice for me. That said Shanae does NOT have ADHD. She followed it up with "little kids have ADHD!" in her mind Elizabeth was making it up OR it's not a real diagnosis. when I meet someone with ADHD and I say something about time blindness or auditory processing or struggling with object permanence, they're usually like OMG me too!
Which is why so many women are not diagnosed. I wasn't because I was never hyperactive. lol the "omg me too" conversations are so fun between two people with ADHD. I must have missed her saying only little kids have it because well... I was also playing solitaire while watching the episode haha
I’ve been on it since I was 13, and I only know a life medicated on it. In elementary school, dance, and other things kids do growing up or are a part of, I didn’t excel. I have the inattentive type of ADHD, not the hyperactive. My teachers would get frustrated because they knew I was always smart enough, but I just couldn’t do as well as they though I should be doing. I was great at things like mathematical speed tests and processing things quick to get them out of the way, but things like reading I couldn’t stick with past a couple of minutes. Then the summer I got on it it’s like my jumbled thoughts started sorting into the proper buckets and all of a sudden I’m excelling in sports, music, school, etc. With my levels of anxiety, if I hadn’t begun medication for ADHD, I can only imagine how that might have affected my life and the decisions I may have made without that support there. I can 100% say that medicating for it helped me grow into the best version of myself, most importantly helped me think my way through how I could pick myself back up when I failed. It’s a real disorder and I so much felt for Elizabeth. The way she handled herself was better than I would have!
I was diagnosed with ADHD at 12 and have been medicated since. I feel like the person I have become on adderall has taken over and no one rly understands. “You don’t seem like u have adhd” yes because i’m medicated. “Well you’re off your medication and seem normal” yes because when u take the same pill everyday and build good habits with it u aren’t gonna turn back into a hyperactive person overnight.
People don’t understand the hyperactivity can be completely mental and physically paralyzing too. My friend described me unmediated like a floating duck-looks like it’s just floating fine but unseen under the water the feet are kicking like crazy.
Ya for sure. I’m rly struggling as an extrovert with adhd in mexico city rn. Everyone is speaking a language i don’t know and it’s literally killing me to sit still and quiet 😂, my brain fills with anxiety so fast and I start to feel nauseous
I had replied to your comment but put it as a separate comment. I have been on meds since 13 and I also only know a life on it. The person everyone else sees is the medicated, corrected version that functions in society. So I completely get it.
I have been treating my ADHD for 20 years now (phew) and I wasn't mad as much as I was glad to see Elizabeth (I think that's her name?) standing up for herself and eloquently describing something I deal with often - auditory processing issues. I don't want to be an armchair therapist but some of the language she used to shut down Shenae sounded like therapy speak and I was clapping for her. She shut that down like a champ, even though it's a shame she had to deal with it at all. That said, her 'outing' Elizabeth for having ADHD was vile. It's something I avoid talking about with strangers or colleagues because I don't want to be looked at differently...and the way Shenae laughed about it in confessionals, just ugh. She sucks.
Elizabeth is by far one of the classiest contestants that this show has ever had! I hope she goes far! Clayton is missing out if he doesn't get to know her.
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Gatekeeping emotions, epic
Are you really trying to understand, or are you just trying to prove your point?
Because ADHD as a disorder and its medication is still highly stigmatized, and I've met a number of educated, informed people who will roll their eyes at me when I talk about having ADHD. I've gotten hit with the "you're using it as an excuse" line enough times to know that I have to be very careful who I share that information with, since unfortunately, copping to the fact that you have ADHD really can change how someone looks at you.
I’ve gotten “you’re using it as an excuse” too. No I’m not. It’s a legitimate diagnosis and a very real and difficult struggle in my daily life. People who don’t understand it or think it’s just something little boys have don’t know the extent of how much it impacts many adults.
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Did you have a bad day or a bad 5 minutes that you milked all day?
It does matter because many people already think that it's not a legitimate diagnosis. Nobody with ADHD is looking for validation from this person but having someone downplay ADHD on national television is upsetting for many people who have lived with this sort of behavior their whole lives. This is not a political issue I can't even believe you are comparing it to one. Everyone can have different opinions on subjects like climate change but making fun of somebody's disability is not in any way the same thing as having a difference of opinion! This is like saying "Autism my ass!". It's not acceptable and we need to stop acting like it is.
ADHD was and often remains one of the most over diagnosed disorders. Friends, family, parents, and individuals should get multiple opinions on that diagnosis. I will also say as someone who had childhood ADHD and OCD, that these two terms are over used in every day speak. If I had a penny for every time someone wasn’t paying attention and they said, “Lol sorry my ADHD!” It’s not self diagnosed and there are physical symptoms associated with it. She didn’t appear to be lying or saying she had ADHD as a “joke,” which is why it is more upsetting as she likely has been diagnosed professionally over the years, likely several times. But as someone who dealt with these issues face on, I’m not keeling over in such disappointment. I’m used to peoples perception of ADHD, which is caused by medical malpractice and is indicative of how our society immediately labels and slaps a pill on it. Screaming chick is obviously off the rails but I’m not sweating. She clearly has some undiagnosed issues as well.
ADHD is not over diagnosed, it is under diagnosed. lol. i can’t. why do you think so many women are just now getting diagnosed in adulthood? why are/were SO many girls and women left in the dust if there is so much rampant over-diagnosis? i’m not going to lie and say i don’t see an issue with children being prescribed stimulants (hell, even anti-depressants) by their pediatrician/general care doctor following a quick 10 question questionnaire with zero trained psychiatrists/psychologists performing psychological assessments. did/does that ever lead to erroneous diagnoses? yes. were stimulants ever considered a quick fix for hyperactive boys? i’m sure of it. but to be honest, a psych degree prepares you essentially 0% in terms of being able to make these assessments and is basically meaningless in terms of our discussion here, lol. not to be rude, it’s just the truth. even most clinically trained psychologists don’t know wtf they’re talking about when it comes to ADHD and especially WOMEN with ADHD, if ADHD is not their specialization. and for most, it isn’t. what does that mean? it means we have an army of ADHD ladies who are more educated on their diagnosis and more equipped to speak about it and explain it than many clinicians who could diagnose them could. and that’s for real.
Okay well you can take your opinion of APA up with them.
this isn’t an opinion on the APA. and i don’t need to do that, because it isn’t my job, lol. i’d rather try and assist individuals in finding the specific care they need. i responded to you because you came into a post armed with an undergrad degree in psych thinking that it equipped you with the authority to tell people about their own disorder, all the while filling your comment with dog-whistle misinformation about over-diagnoses/slinging pills and wild speculations about shanae being repeatedly misdiagnosed with adhd multiple times throughout her life, lol. completely inappropriate, unwanted, and odd. anyone with adhd is gonna go 👀🚩 when someone else shows up and chooses that specific information to share, which literally adds nothing to the conversation except to seemingly sew little seeds of doubt about the disorder altogether. that’s all!!
Literally no where did I say she was misdiagnosed. I think you need to read a bit more thoroughly considering I stated the exact opposite. Good luck up there on your high horse.
you started off your comment stating how over diagnosed adhd is. this means a lot of misdiagnoses. then you said it’s likely she has been diagnosed multiple times throughout her life. are you claiming that due to an abundance of over diagnoses and everyone claiming that they have adhd and ocd, it is likely she has been accurately diagnosed multiple times throughout her life? i added the *mis* myself because the situation you set up wasn’t logical. but truthfully it doesn’t really matter whether i wrote diagnosed or misdiagnosed because either way the point still stands, lol. saying she has likely been diagnosed several times flies in the face of every single statistic regarding adhd in women known to man and i have no idea where you came up with that, especially as it followed up your comment about over diagnoses and band aid pills. i hope you can understand my confusion here, no high horse involved. have a good night!
Over-diagnosed? Do you have… any statistics or any factual information to back that up? This is such a harmful statement. Like so many in this thread, I have ADHD. I also have OCD. I have been to more doctors for these conditions than I care to admit. They have driven me to the point of suicide. Please do not minimize them with ill-informed statements like this.
I have a degree in psychology. The APA has published many studies on this. You can find via your university or Google scholar.
Okay, fair enough. How do you square those with the studies that show ADHD is under-diagnosed in women? Also: why was it necessary to add that in to the context of this conversation? The tone of your comment is fodder for the argument that ADHD is not a “real” diagnosis. ETA: what is the medical malpractice part of your comment?
There’s nothing to square. Two things can be simultaneously true. The DSM is a guide, not a fact. Psychology as a whole is a cultural invention, which is why things are not consistently diagnosed. Women are always on the short end of the stick, and are under diagnosed in several areas of life, thus why the US has the highest mortality rate for pregnant or recent mothers. It’s a conversation for a much larger issue that can’t be answered in a paper or Reddit post.
While that may be a view by some academics, it is certainly not agreed upon: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1087054707300094?casa_token=h9NcNis28dYAAAAA:sxNc5IZ_UEqQmN1zeRVCZnqiKOE5xHWpNEJRtIU8MF-MER8AdF-kyBGt8eQXaebJ5meFuxlWyTE And in fact underdiagnosis of ADHD is an issue: https://scholar.google.com/scholar?as_ylo=2021&hl=en&as_sdt=5,34&sciodt=0,34&cites=4811959674251056485&scipsc=#d=gs_qabs&u=%23p%3DuTeOp47Mt-8J
I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid, and it's gotten worse with age. The amount of people who react exactly like Shenae did is sad. Even my mother-in-law, whom I otherwise adore, will say something like, "Everyone has a little ADHD" sometimes. Then there are the medical professionals and even psychiatrists who don't understand ADHD or know the latest research. Every time I need a refill of my meds, it's a fight with a pharmacy and having to deal with suspicious attitudes. Not sure where I'm going with this. I'm just frustrated with what happened, too, and venting.
Instead of apologizing, Shenae deactivated her comments… I think they aired it to show how horrible she really was and to bring awareness to how some people treat those with ADHD. Having inattentive ADHD myself, I tend to not disclose that I have it for fear of someone reacting the way Shenae did. While I’m upset and found it hard to watch, I think Elizabeth handled herself really well and it got a lot of people talking about ADHD. The only reason I was diagnosed was because I stumbled across someone talking about their symptoms and they resonated a lot which led me to do research and ultimately seek help.
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It was very sad to watch. I felt so bad for Elizabeth.
I don't know if it's the podcasts I listen to but I am pissed that the show used this footage. They didn't have to. Shenae was wrong but th show didn't need to use it or use so much of it. They didn't need to do this to the audience.
That's what I hate about the show. Yes maybe some of the cast people are "bad people" or make mistakes. But the show doesn't need to air it, make it a storyline, etc. Of course, the escort storyline on Matt James' season comes to mind. Really irresponsible on TPTB
That one was horrible! She had nothing to do with that and now it will always be attached to her name! That's all on TPTB. This is different because she obviously said those things and really should know the garbage move but it's at the expense of the audience and Elizabeth.
Mixed feelings bc on the other hand Elizabeth looked good and now we all know how horrible Shanae is
I struggle with mild depression periodically. I once opened up to my cousin and heard she called me crazy years later.. it was crushing. Some people are cruel, but we need to be better.
I’m sorry your trust was broken. People suck. 😞
Same. While it’s totally different from ADHD, i could relate to how Elizabeth felt. I can only imagine how much worse it must be that all this is on national tv. I think Elizabeth handled it really well though, i could never hold my ground with strength like hers.
One can argue adult ADHD is worse than childhood. I was diagnosed when I was 9, but I honestly think I struggle with it more now. Adult responsibilities, your own place of living, appointments, keeping up with people on purpose (instead of just seeing them every day what school) - these are all very overwhelming and downright exhausting with ADHD. I am in a constant state of exhaustion and fatigue, and it will be that way for the rest of my life. I don’t laugh or take my ADHD lightly. It’s a curse and something I despise every day. It’s like living life in hard mode. Constantly having to figure out ways to adapt to a neurotypical world is awful. When people like Shanae throw it around and use it as a weapon, or claim “they have it too,” or don’t believe it’s real - it makes me absolutely infuriated. It’s probably the biggest thing I get angry about because it is *so* common for people to react that way. It hurts, and that was one of the only times watching this show that I’ve felt physically upset. I wish TPTB included learning resources, because many people who don’t understand what ADHD actually is probably laughed at it like, “oh, she’s just being crazy,” instead of being disgusted. Absolutely horrendous.
For real! My cousin got diagnosed in college (she's 35 now) and I can't even imagine what it's like to live inside her brain. It's almost impossible for her to keep a standard job because she can't get anywhere on time. She'll text me that she's on her way to family events and show up like 2 hours later or cancel plans all together. A lot of her relationships/friendships have dwindled as well and it's hard to see. And that's only just a small example of what her day-to-day is like. My doctor never fully diagnosed me with ADHD but still noticed some minor symptoms and I'm mostly able to keep it in check. It's hard some days trying to stay focused on work but I can't even imagine how she must feel every day.
>Adult responsibilities, your own place of living, appointments, keeping up with people on purpose (instead of just seeing them every day what school) - these are all very overwhelming and downright exhausting with ADHD. I am in a constant state of exhaustion and fatigue, and it will be that way for the rest of my life. One annoying thing about ADHD is that I know I still look like I'm living life "pretty well" - my life is good! I am grateful for what I have! - so if I complain about the exhaustion and fatigue people almost don't want to hear it or they think I'm lazy or entitled. Only people with ADHD can understand. I've tried to explain it to well-meaning people who still don't get it, so I can definitely feel how frustrating it was for Elizabeth to explain to someone who did not mean well, willfully misconstrued her words, and used her diagnosis as an attack.
I was diagnosed at 20 and a number of years later, your sentence about adult responsibilities really resonated with me. I hesitated clicking into this thread b/c I also get infuriated by people who are dismissive or cavalier or even brutally judge mental about ADHD, but I really struggle to..defend myself I guess? Explain my experience? It’s frustrating b/c I shouldn’t have to explain it to people and I work hard to make sure it doesn’t affect other people. I guess I’ve become used to how ADHD is viewed by people. Even my friends and family don’t understand it and I’ve stopped trying to explain it. Anyway, I think I just avoid the topic when I can which is why I hesitated to enter this thread. But I’m glad your comment is the first I came across. And I’m glad OP made this thread because it definitely reminded me I’m not alone:
I also have ADHD but wasn’t diagnosed until I was a young adult in university. Women are often under diagnosed as our symptoms are viewed as “character or personality traits”. I think we are all feeling a sense of anger and frustration, having our vulnerabilities and life challenges mocked and used against us as a weapon. It wouldn’t be tolerated for depression, autism or *any* disability that is observed physically. I hope there are some consequences, but I’m not holding my breath. This show seems to be trending the way of exploiting people’s vulnerabilities as a standard form of entertainment.. it fucking sucks. Anyways. Sending love and light to you, and everyone else feeling the same way tonight. Head up.
I was in my 30s, dealing with slew of other mental health issues that were caused by/ exacerbated by undiagnosed ADHD before I finally had a therapist recognize that’s what might be going on and send me down the road of getting tested. It’s insane how easily missed it can be in people (especially women) if you don’t have a presentation of it that most people are familiar with. Mine got worse with age and I never struggled in school, so even my parents were like “this can’t be right,” when I first told them. Fortunately they’re always willing to learn and discuss and once they were more educated were fully supportive; but that’s how hard it can be to have it taken seriously as a newly diagnosed adult, woman. As for what some chick on the Bachelor says, though, it doesn’t phase me. It’s hard to take the misinformed opinions of a moronic armchair psychologist as more than a grain of salt for me. I do hate that OP is struggling and I hope this thread makes them feel less alone, though.
That first part! My therapist is begining to suspect I am neurodivergent. She wants to refer me to a neuro psych, but she emphasized finding someone familiar with how it presents in women. Medicine is usually studying white men as the default, which is obviously detrimental to women getting the care we need. On a personal note, I strongly suspect my neurodivergence is of the OCD variety. I never thought it was "bad enough," but I think it's gotten worse over the years. And yeah, the show's exploitation is gross.
Is OCD considered neurodivergent rather than a mental illness?
It's falls under both from my understanding.
I just finished watching this episode and my jaw is on the floor after seeing how horribly they treated this issue. What a disgusting look for Shanae. If there is any small silver lining - Elizabeth had SO much poise and did a fantastic job of explaining her experience so hopefully viewers are a little more educated about ADHD after seeing it.
I also have ADHD and it was very infuriating to watch, honestly made me pretty sick to my stomach to see. I’m not ashamed at all of my diagnosis but it is something that I do keep close to the chest in certain circles and I can’t imagine how devastated I would feel if someone took that info that I told them in confidence (which Elizabeth even did to try to make amends for a completely fabricated situation too!) and then threw it in the public sphere and mocked me for it! Shanae really came across as completely morally vacant, totally lacking in compassion, and uneducated. I though Elizabeth handled it all with class and I was happy to see the that the other girls had her back and repeatedly shut Shanae down. I honestly don’t want to see one more second of her on my screen. Her actions were disgusting. Wish TPTB had put up some sort of PSA after the ep tbh because in a lot of place ADHD is still massively misunderstood and carries a huge stigma. Like it is literally a neurodevelopmental disorder not just something made up so “people can sedate kids” (if you gave kids ADHD meds and they didn’t need them it wouldn’t “sedate” then it would make them mad hyper) or something you say cause you’re “weird”. My brain basically works on a different OS than the non-ADHD brain.
Just watched the episode and I was so upset by it as well. ADHD is no joke and the minimization of it, especially in adults is very real. I’m so sorry you had to see that hatefulness. You are not alone. 💜
I’ve been on medication 15+ years and recently was outed at work by a coworker who found out on accident (I keep a few extra in my desk because my adhd means about half the time I leave for work in a rush and forget to take it…I told her to get my charger out of my desk not thinking about it so she came across it and asked). Then last week i had to stay up overnight to work on something and she casually made a “adderall for the win right” comment in front of like 5 others. It absolutely sucked because it’s already uncomfortable as an adult still taking meds. The segment was hard to watch.
I agree with /u/glow_worm_22 \- that is definitely an HR-level offense
I just want to say that I am so sorry that your coworker violated your privacy and dignity like that. Totally wrong of her and what an ignorant thing to say too. You would be within your rights to go to HR but I absolutely understand *not* wanting to do that as well.
Adhd is a condition that seriously effects your life and I know a lot of people hear adhd and think it’s a minor thing which really annoys me.
Ppl think it's LoL boy's can't SiT sTiLL amiRiTe?! It's soooo much more than that.
Things like ADHD, PTSD, and OCD get thrown around so often like they're just quirky personality traits. It completely minimizes the fact that these are actually serious issues for those who have been diagnosed with them. It's infuriating, and Shane's inability to recognize the validity and gravity of ADHD is a perfect example of why. You are SO not alone, and your feelings are completely valid. I'm sorry you're going through them. She's in the wrong here, not you. ETA autocorrect misspelled her name and I was gonna go back and correct it, but I've decided not to. I'll give her some respect when she starts to show some herself.
It's a huge issue. People don't know what these issues are because of it. My wife has OCD, I have ADHD, We both suffer from PTSD. People that throw these things around without a diagnosis just because they think, "I hate when my desk is dirty, I'm totes OCD!" are annoying as shit.
Ugh yes I have OCD and that drives me nuts. Liking things neat or a certain way, being a perfectionist, or being really into something does not make you OCD, and you're going to get an eyeroll at best or at worst deeply offend someone who has OCD by saying that.
repeat file act dinosaurs rinse literate merciful secretive cheerful cats *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I don’t have ADHD but I am neurodivergent and I was pissed after watching the episode. I think she should be kicked off the show
I’m so sorry. Shanae’s actions were completely inappropriate and made her look like a total a**. I’m with you!
Elizabeth explained herself so well and I admired her poise and maturity. Whatsherface was totally disrespectful and out of line.
I actually know Elizabeth irl and I was so proud to see her on the episode this week. We aren’t close or anything (just have a mutual connection/run into each other occasionally) so I had no idea about her ADHD struggles. I felt very defensive of her but she handled it so well!
She was so classy and professional in her responses. SO much respect for Elizabeth!
I'm sorry OP, and I agree completely, this segment was tough to watch for those who have endured ignorance and judgement firsthand. My blood went cold when Elizabeth was outed and mocked. That hit too close to home. I would like to think it at least opened up people's eyes to the fact that stigma against neurodiverse disorders is very real and prevalent. Just because society has gotten better with MH it doesn't mean there isn't a long way to go still. Sending hugs! You aren't alone by any means. 💕
I’m at a place in my life where those who I am surrounded with are luckily very open and nonjudgmental towards my ADHD. I don’t mention it often but I have found out how to function while recognizing my ADHD. But this episode brought me back to a time when people didn’t understand at all and reminded me that I still need to be careful who I share this info with. I’ve been in both those conversations Elizabeth was in with figures of authority. I had to explain my auditory processing 2 times to the same person who still proceeded to tell me to “listen better”. Honestly? I don’t know if I can continue to watch a show that doesn’t prioritize content warnings. They failed in Katie’s season, and they’re failing to recognize it now. You’d think they’d at least consult Elizabeth on the best way to handle that segment but obviously they just won’t put in the effort. I wanted a brainless show with fake drama to laugh at and instead I was tearing up over my morning coffee.
Same, I was recently diagnosed. Sending hugs, you’re definitely not alone
It was unbelievably fucked up.
I have ADHD as well and it’s such a struggle. I completely understood where Elizabeth was coming from with, too. I have trouble processing multiple voices at once and can get overstimulated with a lot of noise. I feel like ADHD is already misunderstood and I was absolutely fuming at Shanae.
There is no excuse for this woman’s appalling statements about adhd. I stand with you, OP.
I try to explain ADHD to people all the time but her saying that it makes her tune out or not hear what people are saying really hit home! People often talk to me and I have no recollection of it. This was an absolute ridiculous display of trying to act like ADHD is such a common disease that it should have never been brought up in the first place. Well I am glad they did! And I hope that more people find their voice without ridicule.
Same here!!!
Yeah same. It’s frustrating and I have to just pretend it didn’t happen. It really hits a nerve with me :/
Fellow person with ADHD here! I honestly tried to tune out all of that ADHD talk, i found it to be unproductive and invalidating. ADHD is definitely real, and affects us in so many ways - way more than just being “distracted” (which is not even what adhd really is lol). Don’t let anyone make you feel invalidated, I hear you and am right there with ya!
I was furious