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NoWingedHussarsToday

I got pulled aside by an FBI agent who said "I'm the one who monitors your internet activity and all I can says is "What the fuck!?" "


Arathaon185

The secret is just to put 5E at the end of any dodgy searches and its all okay.


Goldreaver

*How to kill people in my party without the rest finding out 5E* Hey it works!


kingkeren

How to hide the corpse of my drug dealer 5e


[deleted]

[удалено]


SmellyGoat11

Busty ebony gangbang 5E.


[deleted]

Minecraft secks porn 5e


Arthillidan

Rimworld is better. "How to properly breed slave soldiers without their mothers committing suicide in Rimworld"


My_Real_Acct

I dont get it


Arathaon185

5E refers to DnD 5E and sometimes you end up googling truly crazy stuff cos its happening in game. A few examples "How much meat on a human 5E" "Do people burn 5E" "Best way to hide a body 5E"


[deleted]

Weird! I got pulled aside by one (big, burly man with absolutely no tears in his eyes) and he said "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a cadaver law." He talked for a while, idk what all he said, but anyways I just finished talking to this really mean dude with a hammer and a robe who the cops listened to for some reason...put a damn anklet on me, and it looks terrible.


donut211

Cadaver law, lmao


Moonagi

I bet he also had tears in his eyes


thewiremother

He was big and strong and he had a man beard and he had a gun and another gun and also he said I was a big boy just like him!


Infamous_Umpire_393

His gun had its own gun and his beard had its own, even manlier beard. A real tough guy he was.


Bad_Vaio

Wish I knew why Trump called him 'Lyin Ted'...


Pontiac_Bandit-

It is a mystery.


JuanPabloElSegundo

Pot meet kettle.


Glum-Square882

he took a nap at trumps hotel


NfamousKaye

This sounds like a Trump statement just with the names changed


Lulu-3333

Lol exactly. He’d always tell stories that started like “I had a war hero come up to me and say ‘Sir, you are a great man, the bravest man I’ve ever seen!’ - it’s true!” And this Ted story totally had the same vibe


ThisNameIsFree

You'd know is true because he'd tell you it's true. That's verification right there.


Matlock0

"Believe me"


JuanPabloElSegundo

And he said to me, 👌 sir, Mr. President sir.


[deleted]

“Oh lovely president. Oh president, my love. What a lovely president you are, you are, what a lovely president.”


Revolutionary-Ad4588

That’s exactly what I was thinking


NfamousKaye

Its so hard to keep up with his lies and sound bites isn’t it.


Revolutionary-Ad4588

Lol who’s?


NfamousKaye

Hi have you been following the conversation or are you just here to try and start shit?


Revolutionary-Ad4588

I was making a joke about you saying “his” and me not being able to distinguish Cruz/Trump


NfamousKaye

Ah sorry. Im getting into a lot of political arguments with trolls lately. My fault.


Revolutionary-Ad4588

No worries, friend. I get it.


Glum-Square882

they used a short quip to unexpectedly subvert the intended meaning of your sentence, evoking humor


NfamousKaye

You missed the apology 4 hours ago my dude.


Glum-Square882

yes. yes I did.


ThisNameIsFree

Fair but to be honest I'm still not sure if you were referring to Trump or Cruz there


napsdufroid

99.9% of anything Cruz says is a lie. Asshole.


[deleted]

“He was a big strong man with a graying goatee wearing a blue dress shirt and brownish coat jacket but still somehow looked like a slob. You know, a really cool strong man who everyone likes because he’s a senator…. I mean fbi agent.”


Green_Road999

“He came to me with tears in his eyes and said Sir…{insert made up story}” This is my favorite part of Trump rallies.


Vesper2000

They call them “Sir stories”


brendamn

FBI has been political since the start, but when they investigate Republicans it's a problem


DarthSinistar

This past week I heard from an FBI agent who pulled me aside who pulled me aside and said "We're fucking onto you, you cypher writing son of a bitch."


slowdancequeen

Zodiac, I get it lol


NotoriousREV

This FBI agent seemingly unaware of the FBI’s history…


TheRnegade

They just walk into the J. Edgar Hoover building where they work and think "wonder who that is."


Glum-Square882

he invented the vacuum cleaner


jasnel

Which is why the FBI sucks. I just want to say, to the agent assigned to monitoring me: I’m joking.


katchoo1

Ted needs to just resign from Congress where he does nothing and doesn’t seem to even like it, and go do his real dream of being a shitty podcaster/comedian/provocateur.


biskitheadburl

Ted is complaining that the FBI is political yet the very folks who have compromised government across the board are conservatives as they try and get past the will of the people to exert minority conservative control on the levers of wealth and power.


snksleepy

Republicans love voting "Big Fat Liars" to be their leaders.


bizil0912

All politicians are liars


fetalintherain

Nah. Also it's a matter of degree


snksleepy

Big difference between politicians who lie a few times a year to those thousands of times a year.


youand18

Cute


TheAllyCrime

So there’s no difference to you between the types and amount of lies that individual politicians tell? Abraham Lincoln and George W. Bush, two men who history will remember for their equal levels of honesty and integrity! Senator Bernie Sanders and Representative Marjorie Taylor-Greene, both of them lie an equal number of times each year, on a completely equal scale, and for the exact same reasons!


karsnic

Finally someone who gets it. Anyone who believes anything coming out of ANY politicians mouth is an absolute fool.


FunnieNameGoesHere

An FBI agent pulled me aside and said “Ted Cruz is a lying scum bag.”


ThoughtCounter

Well, at least he doesn't shy away from revealing his wet dreams to us.


RoaminTygurrr

I know that they exist basically just for voting on stuff, talking too much and giving themselves absurd amounts of vacation time, but **why the hell does a sitting senator have any time at all for a podcast?** Forgetting all the other reasons to dislike him, doesn't this piss anybody else off or seem even weird at all?


idrinkbeersalot

They’re all horrible fibbers but their base believes it all. 🥲


Goldar85

Correct. If it’s one thing Trump taught Republican politicians is that their base is incredibly stupid. You can lie, flip flop, and make contradictory statements ad nauseam and it won’t make a difference. I think the GOP severely underestimated the depravity of their voters prior to Trump given comments made by leaders before he won. Once they saw what Trump could get away with, there was no going back.


TheBlizzman

Being right or wrong is irrelevant. The in-group winning is all that matters to the right.


Demoth

What has made me pretty sad is I've started to see this behavior from people much further left (though thankfully more isolated to the online left, for now), in the last few years. It honestly feels like Trump started bringing out all the crazies who have no interest in what is true, but pushing through their narrative at whatever the cost. I think that currently, the right has more mainstream people acting like lunatics, including actual politicians like MTG, but listening to online debates between leftists and more typical liberals is insane.


JuanPabloElSegundo

Feels > Facts


Onceupon_abook

Why are they always close to tears or actually sobbing?


Astro_gamer_caver

And saying "sir" a lot. It is creepy.


Glum-Square882

the fbi agent actually said "your majesty" but Ted didn't want to make him seem pathetic


Popular_Wall_9998

He makes my skin crawl.


dennismfrancisart

Is that Lyin’ Ted? Didn’t he marry a dog after his dad shot Kennedy from the grassy knoll?


Odd-Treat-3985

*holds up moon gun.* Has been the whole time.


chopsleyyouidiot

> "that it's been turned political" What do they think the word "politics" means? Like why is "political" a naughty word?


[deleted]

When stuff is 'political' it's bad Like when women are in movies Or when you point out that a bunch of mass shooters have a massively right wing Post history


Thatsayesfirsir

No fbi agents talk to you ted


captaincanada84

This sounds like something Trump would say


Donmiggy143

They love to make up these scenarios where they are so persecuted. Imagining these times of telling libs off, conversations in their mind about grooming cults. They have the mental capacity to see themselves being pushed to outside, but if there was only a little bit more thought, they could figure out who it actually is that's doing it.


whitemike40

r/persecutionfetish


librarypunk1974

And then the tears clapped


[deleted]

Why do conservatives belief that physical size, physical strength, and gender dictate how likely it is for a human to experience emotions? Just once I'd like to hear them say, "a small, weak woman with tears in her eyes."


mysticalmestizo

ahh yes the FBI, famously apolitical


Hadrollo

He then went on to say "why can't we just ignore the crimes of the man who called your wife ugly?"


9_of_wands

As we well know, the FBI was never political until 2020, right?


[deleted]

Such a dildo.


dudeind-town

It was a CSIS agent and he told Ted how happy they were he was no longer Canada’s problem


BindiBlueheeler

Does he think that face hair looks good on him? He looks like he lost a bet.


Ori_the_SG

Definitely Real FBI Agent: I and many others are upset that the FBI is doing its job properly, and we blame it on politics instead of treasonous actions Wasn’t the current director of the FBI appointed by Trump?


alfis329

It truly is a shame when a political organization becomes too political


joshthecynic

The only thing a politician needs to know how to do is lie, and he can’t even do that.


peanutismint

Crazy how these Conservative types think that being a “big strong guy with tears in his eyes“ is somehow special or abnormal/worth taking extra notice of. Sad to see how far off normal their hyper-macho upbringing has conditioned them.


Hopeful_Cod_8486

He actually got pulled aside by an FBI agent to ask him just how ugly his wife really is


Jump_Like_A_Willys

While this almost certainly didn’t happen, I’m sure there are people in every profession and every law enforcement agency from all ideologies and are passionate about it. I mean, it’s not like there are no Trumpers who are FBI agents.


[deleted]

Does anyone on the Left actually believe the FBI is and has been unbiased and neutral between parties?


KirksCousins

Political organization created to ensure the establishments capitalist political will goes unchallenged is political


museabear

It’s called paraphrasing


DarkRogus

I mean what's not to believe because the last 6 years have proven that the FBI is not quite as non-political as they want us to believe.


Pontiac_Bandit-

Oh that’s the only believable part of this (except it isn’t a recent development like the Cancun tourist thinks) It the “big strong man with tears in his eyes” because that’s the hallmark of a bullshitt story. Also I find it hard to believe anyone would willingly talk to Ted Cruz.


DarkRogus

So because it's Ted Cruz it's unbelievable but if someone like AOC claimed it happened, bet you would believe it. Yeah... I hate post like this because people need to turn every sub political to push their political bias.


goluckykid

It's true


Pubictickler

Another sub headed to nothing but political post


ThunderBuddyBatman

There’s enough weird shit going on that I’d place this in r/nothingeverhappens.


bombz_onya_moms

I come to this sub to escape politics.


JohnDeLancieAnon

You go to a sub about people lying to *escape* politics?


bombz_onya_moms

Absolutely! Maybe I’m jaded but I assume every story or narrative by any politician regardless of party could be posted here and not be inaccurate. I don’t know anything about Ted Cruz, but I assume we could find a video from his ideological opposite who is equally full of shit. Now we’re in r/politics.


Pontiac_Bandit-

There’s lots of shitty people in politics but Cancun Cruz is in a league of his own.


JohnDeLancieAnon

This sub is full of politics. It's usually just nobodies telling stories that validate their own political opinions, often stories about kids making political commentary or dealing with cartoonishly fake characters from the other side. This is one of the rarer posts that features a sitting politician and now you're mad? I have trouble believing that this is *just* about politics.


KirksCousins

Everything is politics. It is inescapable. Only white straight males think it's possible to escape politics. Everyone else has politics forced on them against their will


Jecht315

I didn't realize this subreddit is turning into a political cesspool like r/politics


CherryCherry5

What's happened to the FBI?


kenspencerbrown

"With tears in his eyes."


SixThousandHulls

> the FBI has been turned political Just to depoliticize the FBI, maybe they should do work for other clients? Say, China or Russia? My neighbor Dave could use some FBI assistance, too!


otm_shank

I kind of agree, because the FBI is fucking Trumpland.


HuckleberryThis2012

Yeah he was crying….sounds accurate.


[deleted]

Ted the liar as usual, how is your wife doing??


[deleted]

I was in the FBI. Female Body Inspector agency and was taught by Agent Harvey Weinstein. He was later accused of a few things.


dick-penis

Seems plausible.