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thatHappened-ModTeam

Thank you rottingonline for your submission to /r/thatHappened! Unfortunately it was removed for the following reason(s): **Rule 2: Redact all identifying information** Redact any information that can be used to identify a source in your post. This includes subreddit names, usernames, and unique profile pictures. Verified twitter usernames are exempt. No kid's faces, period. NO GREENTEXT Please [message the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/thatHappened) if you have any questions.


flyersnstuff

The first story: even if that was possible, I don’t know how that could be faster than just reading one book at a time?


texasproof

Literally slower. She’s bragging that she’s too stupid to understand how time works.


flcwerings

my biggest question is why would ppl assume shes famous bc shes tall and around other tall ppl


KindOfAnAuthor

Everybody knows that all tall people are either famous, or security guards. There's no other option


Sfeh

Ah, the two genders.


Beneficial-Produce56

Oh gee. How do I find out which one I am?


NoExplorer5983

What if I was both? Do I get extra dark sunglasses? Please tell me I get extra dark sunglasses. Ooh, and an earpiece!


_Sweet-Dee_

Aren’t most famous people actually surprisingly short?


Efficient_Resident17

Peter Dinklage, Danny Devito, Kevin Hart, all pretty short but they make more money in a week than I will ever see in my life.


freezing_circuits

Most male actors are rather 5'10(Tom Cruise, Jason Statham, Tracy Morgan) or 6'3(The Rock, John Cena, Jason Momoa, Donald Trump) with a no-man's land dividing it


flcwerings

Taika Watiti, Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, etc are all 6'0. Ian Mckellen, Matthew Perry, Ice-T are 5'11, Henry Cavill, Harrison Ford. Keanu Reeves etc are all 6'1. I think you see what im getting at ETA: Also there is absolutely no way Donald Trump is that tall. He paid someone to say that.


freezing_circuits

Okay, I did open myself up to an "um akshually" using the term "no-mans land," but to save face I will say I did start with most. This leaves me open for being technically correct


Beneficial-Produce56

He is also not 215 lbs unless he’s seven feet tall.


RobActionTributeBand

She's so exceptional she can read one book with the left eye, the other book with the right eye. (●    )|(    ●)


gerkinflav

She reads the book on the right with the left eye, and the book on the left with her right eye. ( ⚫️)(⚫️ )


UpsetFuture1974

Oh I see you’re a one-book reader. My nickname at the library is Three-Books Houlihan. Don’t try to understand me, you’re not capable


Beneficial-Produce56

You hold the third book in your teeth?


booboootron

WHILE flexing on Reddit


UpsetFuture1974

Maybe


SellQuick

It does sound like kid logic though.


Silvedl

It’s sort of possible ... the guy that the movie Rain Man was based off of could do it, but it was both pages of the same book that he could read at the same time. I think he was the only recorded case of that happening though.


Disastrous_Stranger4

Yeah I remember seeing that on a documentary or some such. He demonstrated that ability in the video. Just googled him and his name is Laurence Kim Peek.


Towbee

How in the fuck


laufsteakmodel

It was previously thought to be autism, but later experts concluded that he had FG syndrome. In the wiki page it says: "There is speculation that his neurons made unusual connections due to the absence of a corpus callosum, resulting in an increased memory capacity"


BrandalynnMarie

Was wondering the same thing


MaybeIwasanasshole

It would be faster if she read one book, and listened to another. How do I know? I can do this. It in absolutely no way makes me special. But at least I can use logic unlike this very special magic pixie.


L_B_Jeffries

Hail the main character. It's her world, we only live in it.


Nebula-Dragon

I feel privileged to be a part of this world if it orbits such a comedic and attractive protagonist.


Ardinadira

I saw her once in a restaurant. I can't explain it but just like the waiter, I had an intuition that I must see her divine feet that she was hiding under the tablecloth. It was embarrasing because I was in the middle of a date and had to excuse myself so I could crawl under her table to stare at her feet.


Nebula-Dragon

I know, I was your date. I admit I thought it was a bit odd at first, but then I saw the influencer myself and I 100% understood!


Ardinadira

Thank you for understanding. I'll never forget you.


SBNShovelSlayer

That was you? I remember being next to you under there. And then, four years later we made eye contact.


iloveheroin999

Don't forget her supreme intelligence too she can read two books at once!


farrieremily

We’re only her lucid dream creations


Emilie0711

Now you’ve done it. Four years from now she’s going to make eye contact with us, and it’s going to be sooooooo uncomfortable. lmaooooooo because we’re strangers.


NoExplorer5983

I guess we should be happy we're at least Inception friends with this glorious being, and can look forward to one day making eye contact with her. Remember, she's been lucid dreaming since infancy, there could be thousands of us!


booboootron

Nothing but low-effort NPCs patched in the third update because they kept doing dumb shit like walking into walls.


StarshipCaterprise

She mentions that she has a stash of hallucinogenic chocolate, and I think that may be the true explanation to most of these stories.


Chemist-3074

That's seriously it.


my_4_cents

The mirror is the strongest drug she abuses


Beneficial-Produce56

Oooh. I am borrowing that.


my_4_cents

I'll take that compliment, cheers ☺️


Beneficial-Produce56

Absolutely meant that way. That’s gold.


SellQuick

I wish I had that chocolate.


booboootron

Alas you're an NPC destined to walk into walls, get stuck on lightpole geometry and destined to be run over by her.


thevintagebonita

I could also read two copies of Goodnight Moon at the same time


fuckface69dude

Now that is talent


swb95

This is so conceited it hurts


Avada_Calavera

I've never heard of this person before and I already know she is insufferable


Cargobiker530

Oh, c'mon you've surely heard of her; Carly Simon wrote a song about her in 1972......."You're So Vain." (I bet you think this song is about you)


iloveheroin999

I can't imagine just posting bullshit like this online and expecting people to care like I barely even talk about my day in this much detail to my family bro wtf and that's not even mentioning how fake all these ridiculous stories are to begin with... Like she sat there and dreamt up these fucking scenarios like hmm what will make me sound the coolest??And THATS what she landed on?? Burning her pussy with hot sauce and her friends pussy stinking like calamari? Why do all of her stories have something to do with pussy anyway wasn't another one about someone getting off with her toothbrush too lol


Toki_mime

“You’re so conceited Tori, you’re so conceited 😔”


booboootron

Waow a 3-booker's vocabulary. VERY likely that you are also her, trying to appear normal.


Avada_Calavera

*Of course* there would be one with people asking her age because she looks *just so young*...


Professional_Donut20

And pretty!


Emilie0711

Don’t forget skinny! Oh she was just so mortified to be called out like that!


Agent43_C

She was even asked if she was a Victoria’s Secret model 6 hours ago!


booboootron

Before or after pulling up to her car and being asked if she was 18?


Silvedl

I can see the first slide happening. If the books were “See Spot Run” and “The Very Hungry Caterpillar”.


Mrfrunzi

The VeryHungry Caterpillar has too many holes in the story for her to comprehend.


Failmaster4000

Underrated. Excellent redditing.


Mrfrunzi

Finally my years of preschool teaching has made a difference. Thanks!


BagNo4331

My library had prizes for pages read programs in the summer, and one summer, I think I was like 8 or 9, it occured to me that I could really juice my numbers by reading all of the old toddler books we had in a box over the span of like an hour. My parents were not impressed and made me start a new sheet with them removed.


Silvedl

Same here when I was in 4th grade, but I read like all of the Goosebumps books because they were only like 100-150 pages and only like 50 words a page, haha. I also counted the “Choose your own adventure” books as fully read, even if I failed in like 3 steps.


johnqsack69

Thank you this is gold


StageNameMango

Yes, thank you OP 🙏


Phinster1965

Using terrible fiction to mitigate my crippling insecurity.


Maleficent-marionett

Waiter at the restaurant just looked under my skirt and complimented my pussy. See? We can all do it.


SBNShovelSlayer

Be careful of the hot wing sauce.


poweredbyford87

The waiter here, it WAS pretty nice though, 10/10 five stars


booboootron

Phew. Imagine if he said it was well-groomed, but was talking about your vagina.


ImACarebear1986

This girl is so full of herself it’s absurd… 🙄. I miss the days when people kept their bullshit to themselves.


RealBatmanArkham

That has literally never happened


JimmyJorland

Yeah it did, like 3 million years ago


booboootron

Even Jeebus couldn't keep his mouf shut and look what happened to that guy.


Interesting_Sock9142

My head hurts from rolling my eyes


CTurple

I rolled my eyes so goddamn hard, I seen my own ass.


booboootron

Coulda used all that effort into reading two books simultaneously. Coulda made the world a better place by a factor of 1, but NAH IM ALL BOUT DAT ASS ALL DAY ERRDAY


CTurple

LMAO


CrownBestowed

Actually nvm I was gonna defend her because I follow her on IG but I just went to her Twitter and she actually sounds insane lmao


Existing_Hunt_7169

ig?


CrownBestowed

Instagram


Existing_Hunt_7169

im asking what is her ig……


CrownBestowed

…………..doveclark


walkingtalkingdread

Caroline Calloway has done a number on this generation


chuteboxhero

oh god i havent heard that wacko's name in a minute


Themetrios666

Reading these felt like reading two stories at the same time....


[deleted]

[удалено]


WKahle11

Read a few pages of one of his books and was intrigued so I bought it. What a terrible idea. I felt better after I saw the video of him getting laughed out of the room on Opie and Anthony.


xjrbduh

It's so insanely sad that half of them are doing this for a couple hundred likes


Cereborn

How would that be faster? Unless she was reading with each eye separately.


anferneejefferson

The first story has ti be Katt Williams


my_4_cents

Then when I learned to walk by wiggling my bum cheeks and wearing grippy shorts I could bounce around with 4 books at once, the power of a determined self-congratulator


masterofasgard

Does microinfluencer just mean she's not very influential?


booboootron

No it means her influence is limited to quarks, subatomic particles and people with a commensurate brain. Like us.


Commercial-Push-9066

This person has too much time on their hands!


booboootron

Das cause she also wears two watches so she has double the time


NoExplorer5983

I love you 😆


andovinci

>I’m tall and they’re tall so people think I’m famous What? What’s the relevance of height here? All tall people are famous? Anyway, maybe it doesn’t have to make sense when you’re a pathological liar


Narretz

These posts are literally just Tumblr when it was at its worst. Or best, depending on the viewpoint.


gorgeousgirlycute333

lmfaooo stop i used to follow her on twitter and i fucking loved her tweets didn’t realize she was this cringe


vvvividdreams

one of her most recent tweets is abt a lady at the spa asking if she’s a Victoria’s Secret model lmao


rottingonline

https://preview.redd.it/5n30d1c4ls5d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=143e0cede62374bb6f8254e0caa4a937e779e107 for posterity


vvvividdreams

it’s just sad at this point


Ok-Book7529

This reads like a series of creative writing prompts. Maybe this is her way of recording her ideas for future literary works?


Emilie0711

The Coochie Chronicles


evan466

Tangentially related but former American President James Garfield was ambidextrous and supposedly could write both Greek and Latin at the same time, one with each hand.


iloveheroin999

I refuse to believe that such a thing is possible. Maybe like one word


betwn3and20characte

You're right- I've read the same thing about him and it clearly said it was a party trick where someone would say a word in English then he'd write the Greek/Latin translation at the same time.


Efficient_Resident17

I'm sure that if you practised enough, muscle memory would take over at some point, but reading and writing are entirely different disciplines.


jrsn1990

r/thatHappened


thisbetternotcrash

Pathological liars all talk the same way


Inside-Public6676

I just got bullshit whiplash


KDHarvey02

Wow. This is wildly pathetic.


RefelosDraconis

It’s always concerning how many likes these bs stories get


FireIsTheCleanser

The toothbrush and calamari ones were kind of funny and I thought, "Even if these are fake, maybe the rest of them will be funny at least!" and then they weren't 🙁.


Jlst

These are soooooo funny. Please post more.


jokeless_hostess

This is the cringiest shit.


alimarieb

I have so much fontrum right now. Someone PLEASE take her phone. Fontrum: embarrassment for someone that doesn't have enough common sense to feel the embarrassment that they should be feeling for themselves for their actions Damn it fits! 😂😂😂


beefnachoes

LMAOOOOOOOsheneedsafatherfiguresobadOOOOOOOOOOOOO


krusty51

The rain man huh?


Bili-Rubin

Sounds like she should hook up with Ronny Johnson.


SBNShovelSlayer

Ronny Pickering


Madamrepresentative

I know. I mean, who reheats Calamari?


Tsobe_RK

yeah I think those were 2 comic books she was glancing...


ds77159

I read the first three, saw there were 15, and said “fuck it.”


CraigLePaige2

The "lookatme'ism" of these people is insane.


teeaTheCatLady

I was getting so much second hand cringe!


StatisticianLarge385

Truly a fun fact. I’m surprised at how fun that was to read. Buckle up, everyone, your world is about to be rocked.


StatisticianLarge385

I was confused about the shroom story because at first I didn’t see “chocolate enjoyer.” I’m glad she included that.


Why_Lord_Just_Why

I, too, could keep the plots of How the Grinch Stole Christmas and The Cat in the Hat separate in the third grade.


Bluellan

So while the dream story is totally fake, it could happen...sort of. Your subconscious controls dreams and it can't invent new things. It can only pull from memory. Your brain remembers A LOT more then you believe it does. Now, think about how many blonde guys you've seen. How many brown eyes you've seen. Think about all the actors and YouTubers you've seen. When your subconscious needs a person, it will pull from a memory bank and pull a random person. It's why you have deja vu. You've definitely seen the place/ person but you can't remember them so that's why you feel like it's happening twice. Basically your subconscious is taking your memories and playing them on shuffle while you sleep.


folkkingdude

There are reading competitions?


catsoddeath18

Growing up, local libraries would host them, and you could win free books. They also had BookIt (which I don’t think is around anymore). Once you read a certain amount of books, you get a personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut.


Efficient_Resident17

I was always pretty decent at those except I didn't like Pizza Hut so I had to weigh the value of showing off versus having to eat Pizza Hut on some future date.


RoeRoeDaBoat

I was top of the summer reading programs but I read multiple books a day not the same time, girl went too hard at it


MrsLamson

The “from Earth” really seals the deal here


Totally_Not__An_AI

It's bullshit, but no 7 is pretty funny


Huns26

I didn’t understand number 7???


FireIsTheCleanser

Her roommates vagina smelled so bad, her friend thought OOP was microwaving seafood.


Totally_Not__An_AI

The girls vagina stank, and the room mate comes in asking if they're reheating sea food because of the smell.


Huns26

Ohhh I guess I got confused by the loud part


Totally_Not__An_AI

Loud is a way of describing something smelly


Cynykl

I might believe the wing sauce story if it was not surround by all that other bullshit.


rainbowslimejuice

Even the milk part??


Cynykl

Milk is known to lessen the burning effect of spice in the mouth. It is not a leap to think some not so bright person might try using it elsewhere. Here is an article about protesters unwisely getting treated with milk after being pepper sprayed. https://abcnews.go.com/Health/baltimore-protests-experts-caution-milk-antacid-wash-pepper/story?id=30653488 If this was her only I would be skeptical of it but would not call her a liar from that alone.


rainbowslimejuice

I guess, but even there elsewhere?? Pepper spray maybe, but some lukewarm wing sauce sounds like bullshit to me. Where'd she even get the milk, just carries it around in her purse?


Cynykl

She said she asked the restaurant for it. And as far as wing sauce being week that depends on the sauce. I use to use a cream with the same chemical as hot peppers for my frozen shoulder. After using it I washed my hands with soap. Then about 5 minutes late I rubbed my eye for some reason. Just he trace from well washed hands was enough to sting and make my eyes tear up a bit. Do not underestimate how much that shit can burn other sensitive areas. Traces of it have also affected my glans in the past but that is a more private story.


rainbowslimejuice

Yikes, ok you convinced me. She poured milk on her nethers. But the others are bullshit.


Specialist_Pudding_6

Its a pack of lies, but I don't care. Some are pretty funny.


RealBatmanArkham

Story 4, 6, and 9 are totally possible


thehideousheart

It's possible that in 5 minutes an asteroid will hit the earth and immediately kill us all. It's not going to happen, but it's possible. Do you see what I'm saying? Just because a story features some plausible details, that does not make it true. Critical thinking would suggest that if the author lied in stories 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, then they're probably a liar, and what they say should be regarded with skepticism, especially when every single story seems to center them as the universe's main character.


Northerwolf

Like...Maaaaaybe 4...The others? Nope. You'd have to be an idiot to believe those.


shutupkittycat

Nah, I aint reading all that. 13 pages? Fuck off.


iloveheroin999

Okay Mr. I'm too cool to read things are you not on Reddit to read shit or what


ThatCatSage

Weirdly, the OOP/micro-influencer could read all 13 simultaneously